Holes/Session 22

A fragment of the Garden of Remembering

Ganelon: I am here.
Apheori (GM): Now. Important question.
Where were we?
Gaurav: the Book
in the Library
Ganelon: Oh yeah, that.
Apheori (GM): You're in the library. You tried to read the book. Amadi is asleep, and Dave is hiding from her. Hazz wanted you all to come here and get answers from the mad Dreamers, but so far you've got nothing except possibly a headache.
Gaurav: Is Amadi asleep and still here? I thought she usually vanished when that happened?
Ganelon: I think this is an exception.
Apheori (GM): She usually does. This time she didn't.
Rhu: (to Amadi) Mrs. Teatime? (pokes her)
Dave looks around the book at Amadi, and gets a dirty look from the guard in the process.
Gaurav: I'd health-check Amadi to make sure she's okay, but I wouldn't want to accidentally kill her or anything.
Ganelon: Are you that bad at healing?
Apheori (GM): Why is the world would Rhu expect to kill her?
Ganelon: Not to mention that seems a very severe penalty for checking-up on someone.
Gaurav: No, I just don't think Rhu is over the time he crit-failed in healing Dave and sort of accidentally killed her.
Ganelon: Yeah, but that was to treat, not to just check.
I'm pretty sure Rhu knows not to check someone's pulse with the sharp end of a dagger.
Gaurav: Heh.
Ganelon: Gotta use the hilt.
Frezak (GM): He's super wise.
His dagger pommel is a sponge.
Clearly full of delicious antiseptic.
Gaurav: Be that as it may, Rhu will just keep shaking Amadi to try to wake her up.
Apheori (GM): He's trained in heal, right?
Frezak (GM): Can someone insight that 'dirty look' ?
Apheori (GM): Doesn't he know how much damage shaking people can do?
Especially if there really is something wrong.
Gaurav: Shaking her gently. Plus, I assume she's snoring loudly as she usually does, so it's pretty clear she's fine.
Frezak (GM): Only if they've broken something, Names.
And if that was the case then Radek can just fill her with stolen blood.
Ganelon: Yep.
Gaurav: What would happen if we fill Amadi with normal human blood?
Or _Dave_. Just imagine.
Frezak (GM): You'd have to find a normal human.
We're all elven freaks.
Gaurav: Ha! Truth.
Rhu: (to Dave) You okay?
Dave: Er... what? (she quickly scoots back over to the others) Yes.
Rhu: Did you have a chance to look at the book? It might make it easier to remember things. Or harder, if that's what you're aiming for.
Dave hesitates, then nods.
Radek: Would you describe the information if gave you as "useful"?
Rhu: I'm not sure I'd trust anything the book said, even if it seemed useful. It seemed dangerous and creepy to me.
Dave: Useful for what?
Radek: This whole... hole situation.
Dave: Er...
Radek: Or if that would be too convenient, something to fix you would also help.
Dave gives Amadi a frightened look.
Apheori (GM): Was anyone going to do that insight thing?
Ganelon: I'll do one now.
rolling 1d20+4
Frezak (GM): Only +4? Man, I can try that myself >.
rolling 1D20+3
Or not.
Gaurav: Rhu has +7, but knows better than to try to insight a gosling. That way madness lies.
Bear Soup Guy: Greibel doesn't know any better!
rolling 1d20+11
Frezak (GM): Wow.
Ganelon: I also have dreadful news, which is that I'm being called away to some manner of Mother's Day event.
Frezak (GM): How does the stoner get to be so great at insight?
Bear Soup Guy: Stoner magic
Apheori (GM): Wait, which npc are you insighting?
Ganelon: Well, Dave.
I'm not trying to figure out the character of Amadi's dreams.
Although that does sound like it could be useful.
Gaurav: He can speak to *bees*. Can godlings be so hard?
Apheori (GM): Well, Frezak was asking about the guard at first.
Gaurav: Hey, both the mouseforged and the porridge are still with us, right?
Apheori (GM): Frezak: You think Dave is afraid of Amadi.
Gan: Same, and something about computers.
Greibel: You don't think Dave ever actually looked at the book.
Gaurav: Yes.
Radek nods his head in Amadi's direction.
Radek: I take it you read something about her?
Dave: She's not... she's not real. I mean, she is, but she's not what you... see.
The Kanatan knows. He's smoked... her.
Dave looks at Greibel in confusion.
rolling 1d20+9 religion check to see if I know anything about "The Kanatan"
Greibel: Well...don't look at me, I don't know what a Kanatan is and I don't smoke people
The Gravedigger: UNless they are tiny people made of drugs, presumably.
Apheori (GM): Kanata is the homeworld of the iera kanai elves, Greibel's folks.
That said, nobody ever actually calls them kanatans.
Bear Soup Guy: Greibel must've been away a long time XD
Ganelon: I'll reiterate, though: I really have to leave.
Bear Soup Guy: Also baby success, delivery complete, apparently
Rhu: (turning to Greibel) Hey! Aren't you from Kanata?
Ganelon: But don't let that stop you guys from continuing.
Gaurav: woooooooooooooooooooooooo
Bear Soup Guy: Okay, we should probably end
Ganelon: No, really, I can just get caught up unless something really important to my character is liable to happen.
Which, given how someone just talked about smoking Amadi, is unlikely.
Apheori (GM): Yeah, we'll come back to this.
Bear Soup Guy: Well I've got family stuff so all things considered it works out
Apheori (GM): And then there will be BIG THINGS.
Bear Soup Guy: BIG
Apheori (GM): Meantime we all have mums and stuff.
Gaurav looks at Apheori suspiciously
Apheori (GM): Mums and sisters and cats and orchids.
Gaurav: re: BIG THINGS, not mums
Ganelon: Yeah. Sorry, I should have mentioned this sooner than today.
Gaurav: Cats?!
Ganelon: By which I mean yesterday, when I learned of it.
Apheori (GM): Ach.
Ganelon: I'll say when I get back.
Apheori (GM): No worries. We'll pick up next week.
Maybe after the 23rd we can do a horrible all-out session again and make everyone miserable. (That's when I get off work.)
(Used to be after the 15th, but then it changed.)
Bear Soup Guy: Yay!
Gaurav: (y)
Bear Soup Guy: oh and bye Gan!
Gaurav: with absinthe
bye, Gan!
Apheori (GM): Absinthe.
Is everyone online and is it just lying to me again?
Ganelon: I see four.
Gaurav: I see everybody except Ellemerr.
Frezak (GM): R20 never claims that someone is on when they aren't.
Ganelon: But Gaurav is not typing and he's not one of those four
Frezak (GM): Otherwise it's a filthy decepticon.
Apheori (GM): Okay!
I can't find my notes.
Per last time, you're in the library. You tried to read the book. Amadi is asleep, and Dave was hiding from her, but now seems less nervous with the other asleep. Hazz wanted you all to come here and get answers from the mad Dreamers, but so far you're not even sure if they read it; Dave said she did, but at least one of you probably figured out she was lying, and Amadi... well... Amadi. But you should look into that.
Gaurav: Radek also made a terrible/awesome pun about this "whole... hole" situation.
Ganelon: Yes.
Apheori (GM): Terrible. Simply terrible.
Gaurav: You can't make an omelette &c.
Rhu doesn't see what all the fuss is about -- he believes Dave when she says she looked at the book and doesn't know what to make of her "[Amadi's] not real ..." line.
so he's just going to wander around the room we're in and look around for anything interesting not directly related to the book
rolling 1d20+14 perception check on the room
Apheori (GM): Also Dave just said something about the Kanatan and how he knows something and smoked her. Apparently that meant Greibel, except folks don't generally call them 'kanatans'; it's normally 'kanai' for the race.
You were investigating that when we cut off suddenly.
Bear Soup Guy: ah, right
Gaurav: There was a guy talking about shellfish and 'the exchange' and numbers on the phone, for instance. that could be interesting.
Apheori (GM): No. It couldn't be.
Unless some of you really like arcane financing.
Ganelon: Spare us.
Apheori (GM): I would love to.
Apheori (GM) glares at Gaurav.
Gaurav: what? multi planar fish financing is fascinating.
oh all right
Rhu: (to Dave) ... what do you mean, "smoked" her?
Dave: He... it... that...
Dave sort of hesitantly half-points toward Greibel.
Gaurav: Heh. I sort of imagine everybody turning around to Greibel with a quizzical look.
Ganelon: "Go ooonnnnnn...?"
Frezak (GM): Well.
I wouldn't.
Gravy would be rolling his eyes about now.
Greibel: Listen, Dave
You're very nice but I don't smoke people. No exceptions.
Bear Soup Guy: s/you/Amadi's
Dave: (suddenly looking interested) Why not?
Bear Soup Guy: Well they have skin and bones for one thing...
Greibel: Well they have skin and bones for one thing...
Rhu: Maybe you smoked her by accident?
Ellemerr: Snrk
Rhu: Things got very tricky back in that village when we all got drunk.
Dave: Skin and bones... don't plants have those too?
What if it were a plant person?
The Gravedigger: PLants don't have bones.
Dave: Why not? They should.
Shouldn't they?
Greibel: I.....haven't given that much thought.
The Gravedigger: They're not ambulatory, don't need that sort of internal structure, no need to resist that sort of stress.
Rhu: (to Dave) So are you saying he's the Kanatan? (to Greibel) Are you the Kanatan? What's a Kanatan?
Dave: Are you sure? How do you know all the trees in the 'verse ain't ambulatory? Have you seen all of them?
The Gravedigger: If Greibel is the secret heir to some forgotten kingdom, I'm out.
No offense, Greibel.
Dave: Kanatan. From Kanata. You know.
You don't call them that?
Radek: ...No, we don't.
Greibel: (to Rhu) fancy word for Kanai, old language or something
Apheori (GM): I guess it's like calling someone an Earthan.
Bear Soup Guy: Okay so maybe it's not so fancy XD
Rhu: Oh! So I guess you are the Kanatan. Or a Kanatan, anyway. Except that you claim not to have smoked Amadi.
Frezak (GM): What, so it's just poor grammar?
Apheori (GM): Maybe. Maybe not.
Apheori (GM) starts giggling in her corner.
Greibel: It'd be wise not take that statement literally
Frezak (GM): You said it was like calling someone an earthan. Calling someone an earthan is just shit grammar.
Greibel: The mad gods have a tendency to speak in metaphor at their most sane moments
Radek: I don't think they ever trend towards sanity.
Gaurav: ... unless Earthan used to mean something else. Like, "Roman" could mean "citizen of the city of Rome", but it could also mean "citizen of the empire of Rome" and "citizen of Romania" at various times. We might be looking for an arcane meaning that ... means something different.
Radek: Clarity, perhaps a little.
Frezak (GM): But it's not a word in our language (that is English).
Apheori (GM): But what makes good grammar good?
It's what's accepted and used, is it not?
Frezak (GM): No, it is not 'what is used', it's 'what it should be as established by the rules of the language".
Colloquailisms are not good grammar even if they are widely used.
Apheori (GM): The rules of the language are inherently defined as what is used. That is what makes language language. Use.
Gaurav: I'ma do a history check to see if "Kanatan" ever meant anything different.
Apheori (GM): If colloquialisms are used enough, over time, they become the language.
rolling 1d20+4 history check
Frezak (GM): Over time.
Apheori (GM): Evolution, man.
Frezak (GM): But the word is not part of the grammar of the current age of people.
Apheori (GM): Gaurav: Witness if you will. Squat.
Frezak (GM): So it's not part of the language at that point since we don't recognise it.
Insofar as our characters are concerned she's making up words.
(To Ellemerr): Of course the reality in this case is just that she called him that because 'kanatan' really is the term in the universe where you and Dave are from; the one these folks are from is just slightly... different.
(From Ellemerr): ... Right.
(To Greibel): It used to be a more common term. Like... a few thousand years ago. This may or may not occur to you, at your discretion.
Greibel: Don't suppose you'd be kind enough to explain things sans obliqueness, eh Dave?
(From Greibel): Oh good, I sort of said the right thing then :P
The Gravedigger: That would be out of character.
Greibel: Always worth a shot
(To Greibel): Sorry, I could be more on top of things. >.<
Gaurav: I could pray to Hazz'ridan for guidance if that might help any.
Dave: That way lies segfaults.
(From Bear Soup Guy): Heh, you could be? I haven't taken any notes the whole time we've played this campaign :D
Rhu does, especially about that smoking-of-Amadi stuff that Rhu finds very creepy
(To Greibel): Ah, but for your character, that makes sense.
Gaurav: Hmm. Segfaults can be avoided with mushrooms.
We could give her some and, er, see what happens.
(To Greibel): Oops.
(From Bear Soup Guy): That's how I've been justifying it, anyway
Radek: As much as I would be willing to believe that Greibel has smoked a person in some embarrassing moment of weakness, we all only met Amadi recently.
Bear Soup Guy: Remember the last time we gave her mushrooms?
Then again, we haven't had a battle in a while...
Dave: I can't make it clearer. I wish I could, I wish I could tell you all the things I'm supposed to know, but I don't even know them myself.
Greibel: (in response to Radek) I'll accept that.
Dave: All I have a re snippets, fragments, bits and pieces that float in and out from time to time, and trying to put it together, it hurts.
Is it supposed to hurt? When you lose your memory, it's supposed to come back, right? Not like this.
Rhu lets out a long sigh, closes his eyes, and counts to three.
Greibel: ...We'll find you some help, Dave. You and Amadi, whatever you are. There must be someone who fix this.
(grumbling) Sure wouldn't be that old bugger Hazz, though, looks like.
Rhu: (to Dave) Right. You're ... special, aren't you. It's going to take longer, but I'm sure it'll be worth it, and you will feel better.
Bear Soup Guy: s/who/who can
Rhu: (to Greibel) He doesn't have all the answers. All he has are endings.
Radek: (grumbling) I've half a mind to try fixing them myself.
Greibel: An ending would be serviceable in this situation.
Rhu: So we've all had a look in the Book, right? -- hey, what about the mouse forged and the porridge? Although I don't suppose they can read.
Greibel: Unless the end of this mission isn't a pleasurable one.
One way to find out
Greibel takes the porridge over to the book and holds it out in front with both arms like a child that just wet itself
(To Greibel): I LOVE YOU.
Dave backs away from Radek.
Apheori (GM): The mouseforged is standing somewhat off to the side looking very vacant. If that's even possible for a giant robot thing.
Greibel: The porridge wiggles.
(From Greibel): I have that effect on dungeon masters =D
Apheori (GM): Then it wiggles more.
The Gravedigger: Is spending our time on these crazy people actually helping us with the job we're supposed to do?
Apheori (GM): Then it stops wiggling, reaches out a large tendril onto the book, gets a hold, and gloops onto the page.
Frezak (GM): Oh dear.
Ellemerr: This should be good.
Apheori (GM): The guard guy looks exasperatedly at Greibel, the porridge, and the book, then says something about how if you wanted to reserve the place, you should have just said so, and then shoos everyone else out.
Radek: That depends, Gravy.
Do you want to trust the word of gods?
The Gravedigger: Gosh, no.
Gaurav: Out from in front of the book, or out of the library entirely?
Apheori (GM): Out of the library. Your party is now alone with the book. And the guard guy. Watching you.
Greibel: Super service...
Gaurav: Ooo, nice.
Rhu: (to guard) We ... did not realise that was an option. Thank you!
Rhu has another look at the book
Apheori (GM): He grunts and bows slightly.
Rhu: d20
Radek: Well, if this continues to be so unproductive, I might have a plan or two.
rolling d20
We shouldn't waste the chance to peruse the Book at leisure, I think. Who knows when we'll be back?
Do you guys want another look, too?
Radek: Why not.
Apheori (GM): Rhu: It says, "The happy badger exudes confidence. Or so they say, at any rate. I don't think you want to keep trying this."
Rhu stares at the book for a while, then wanders away, muttering, "... I don't think I like this book"
Ellemerr: *giggles*
Rhu: (to Dave) The Book didn't tell you anything about this Kanatan or Amadi smoking, did it?
More than you already know, I mean.
Dave: It... didn't.
Greibel: (as an uninterested side remark, still holding the porridge) She didn't read the book.
Radek: ...Excuse me?
Rhu looks at Greibel, then back at Dave
Greibel: Just look at her, it's written all over her face.
Apheori (GM): Oh, the porridge glooped back onto Greibel's head after it was done defacing the book. So yeah. You don't know if you even want to know what it got out of it, but it does look slightly... different.
Also there seem to be two of them.
One in his hands, one on his shoulder... wait, no, three, because there's another as a hat.
Greibel starts staring more intently at the porridge as if trying to suck some information out of its tiny, potentially-non-existent brain
Greibel: Oh...oh dear.
I saw a Star Trek episode like this once...
Apheori (GM): The porridge in Greibel's hands wiggles happily, then tells Greibel something about fluid dynamics.
Gaurav: "tiny, potentially-non-existent brain" -- hee hee
Rhu: (to Dave) Well, go on then! Time's a wastin'. (motions towards the Book)
Dave sighs.
Dave: It's... dangerous.
Dave goes and has a look regardless.
Greibel: Don't let them pressure you into it Dave. Who knows what that book could tell you, you should only do it if you really want to.
There's enchantments or something like that with magic stuff, aren't there?
"You must be pure of intention" or some such.
Ganelon: This isn't magical but divine, right?
Dave: (to the book) Hello?
Bear Soup Guy: Divine magic?
Rhu: (to Greibel) What would an impure intention be?
Amadi snores loudly.
Ganelon: Hence why it's being guarded by an angel, and why a god told us to do this, and why we're here to have gods read it?
Greibel: (to Rhu) I imagine something like "I don't want to look at this book and I'm afraid of it."
Radek: Whatever the gods decide they don't like.
Dave: (to the book) I know, I know, it's just...
(to the book) Who are you? You're not another...
A dream?
Rhu: ... so that seems to be going well. Or at least, not dangerously.
Radek: At the very least, she isn't screaming.
Greibel: O
Rhu: Truth.
Greibel: I've always wanted to be the dream of a mad God
The Gravedigger: At least when she's screaming we KNOW something is wrong. Well. More wrong than usual.
Radek: You trust her to only scream when something goes wrong?
Dave: Eapherod.
What do I have to do?
Rhu: Eapherod?
rolling 1d20+9 religion check to see if I know about Eapherod
Amadi suddenly stirs, and says sluringly, "Oh, not yet, let me dream a little longer..."
Dave: (still talking to the book, seeing lines that nobody else can see) I can hear it from Arah.
Dave suddenly turns back and looks at Amadi worriedly.
Greibel: (To Amadi, sarcastically) Sleep is the cousin of death...
Amadi grunts, and curls up tigther. "Don't like family gatherings..."
Ellemerr: Remind me where I even am. Carried by Gravy?
Dave: (to Amadi) We need to find her. Elia.
...I think.
The Gravedigger: So, has anyone gotten anything useful out of this book?
Radek: No.
Greibel: I got a confirmation of my irrational fear of returning home. That's useful, right?
Greibel shrugs
Rhu: I don't like this Book.
Dave suddenly turns back to the book, slaps her hands on it, and yells, "WHO ARE YOU?"
Greibel: (whispering as if to avoid the book's judgment) I'm still not going back
The Gravedigger: So, shall we go out and try and find any goddam information on these portals?
Dave: What?
Greibel: (To Dave) That's a book, dear. See the pages?
Rhu: Let's wait for Dave to finish?
The Gravedigger: Oh, yeah, I'm sure that'll help us.
Dave: Er... right.
Dave turns back to the others.
The Gravedigger: Let the crazy shardperson scream at a book.
Greibel: (To Rhu) Am I being terribly snarky today? I feel terribly snarky today.
Radek: If I say no, will you continue being so?
Greibel: Perhaps
Dave: Guys, I know you're getting anxious, but it... it's okay. I think I've got something.
What you want, and what I need to do, they overlap, and should provide the means for both should we... overlap them.
Gaurav: Ellemerr: Rhu tried to shake Amadi awake earlier, so I think she's on the ground or floating in mid-air or something.
Apheori (GM): I thought Gravy was holding her?
Frezak (GM): I thought I still had her over my.. no, I'd put her down at her insistence last time.
She's the one that made me look at the book.
Apheori (GM): Ah.
Rhu: (to Dave) Who -- or what -- is Elia? Or Eapherod?
Dave: She's another one. Elia is, I mean. We need to find her.
She's a key. Well, part of a key.
Rhu: Another ... crazy person?
Oh! Another one of ... you lot.
Dave: Or... something along those lines.
Oh, I hope not... but probably?
Amadi closes her eyes tightly and rolls over on her other side. "Yes, mum, I'm coming, just... give me a little longer."
Bear Soup Guy: ^ me when my alarm went off this morning
Rhu: (to Dave) So why are you so nervous around her? (indicates Amadi)
Dave: Have you ever taken the beating heart of another and held it in your hands?
The Gravedigger: No.
I don't muck about with the living.
Rhu: (to Dave) No. Have you?
The Gravedigger: Really? I thought that's what you cultist people did, Rhu.
Rhu: Nooo. We meet thrice a week for sermons and divine practice, and once again for Sunday prayer.
Radek: They tend not to be beating.
Rhu: Mrs. Awami brings tea and cookies.
The Gravedigger: Huh.
DO you sear things with radiant energy during these meetings?
Maybe for heating scones?
Rhu: We've never thought about that. I don't know if you ... but maybe if you focus it just right ... hmm.
Dave throws a marshmallow at Amadi.
Rhu: (to Dave) You don't seem so scared of her now. Are you feeling better at all?
Frezak (GM): I'll go talk to the guardangel
The Gravedigger: Hey, do you do you who might be able to tell us about these portals?
Amadi catches the marshmallow and puts it in her mouth. Then she yawns and sits up.
Dave: Well...
Amadi: 'S okay. I'm okay; I'm back. I'm... mmmm.... marshmallow.
Guard angel: What portals?
The Gravedigger: Sort of magic holes everywhere that take you from one place to another. Or sometimes turn you into bits. This city is full of them.
Amadi: Did someone need me? I heard my name...
Guard angel: Oh, yeah, they're just there. Always been there. Open up to everywhere that is, if you can find the right ones.
Rhu: (to Amadi) I don't think so?
Dave: (to Amadi) Are you... you?
The Gravedigger: 'just there' ?
Were they always around?
And does anyone know about them, possibly from a scientific or magical standpoint?
Amadi blinks sleepily and smiles at Dave. "Yeah?"
Guard angel looks surprised.
Ellemerr: Why is my food taking so long and smelling so good while it's taking so long... D:
Guard angel: Why would anyone... well, really, I suppose someone might. Some folks'll study anything, and they do often come her. Got a guy looking for insight into the nature of clouds the other day, if you can believe that.
Dave: (to Amadi) So you're not... damaged?
Rhu: You do have very pretty clouds around these parts.
Apheori (GM): I need tea. I'll be right back.
The Gravedigger: But you don't know of anyone.
Amadi closes her eyes again, her smile growing wider and sillier.
Amadi: I feel fine. Shiiiny...
(From Ellemerr): You'll have to tell me if I'm doing anything wrong. I think she dreamt that she was Eapherod. Which, considering, could mean a whole lot. But, since it wasn't a dream like her usual disappearing dreams... er, well. I'm not sure. *shifty eyes*
Apheori (GM): Back.
(To Ellemerr): I don't even know what wrong would be at this point.
(To Ellemerr): So it works for me.
(From Ellemerr): Cluelessness all around. Awesome.
Rhu: (to Dave and Amadi) So you've both read the Book, right? Do you want to take another look at it while we're here?
Amadi proclaims happily, "I've made a Library." Satisfied with that answer, she lays back down.
Dave: I know what we need to do.
It involves taking her (pointing to Amadi) and doing... stuff.
And things.
Radek: That sounds difficult.
Dave: ...yes.
Rhu: It's a start! Starts are good. Who wants to go find a pub?
Radek does not speak up. He perhaps glares a little.
Dave smiles nervously.
Amadi starts snoring again.
Ellemerr: I have to pay more attention to my dinner for a bit.
Dave: Can we maybe just stuff her in a bag or something?
Ellemerr: I'll be back eventually. Treat Amadi as you like, meanwhile.
Apheori (GM): Always do.
Ellemerr: (Though not waking her might be a good thought.)
Ganelon: What a dangerous thing to say.
Apheori (GM): And eat well.
Ellemerr: Not eating. I can do that here. Cooking.
Apheori (GM): Ah, right.
Radek: Someone pick her up and let's find a way out of here.
The Gravedigger: That, at least, I can do.
Dave: (to the guard guy) Hey Dellis, we're done.
Guard angel puts on a forced smile and forced-smiles at y'all.
Frezak (GM): Can someone Insight him?
Rhu: (whispered, to Greibel) Should we tip him?
Apheori (GM): Three porridges jiggle on Greibel, then merge back into one, which perches on his shoulder looking supreme.
Frezak (GM): Does it have a tiny porridge crown?
Or a maternity dress?
Apheori (GM): It may have a porridge equivalent.
Gaurav: It's good to be the (porridge) king!
Rhu sniffs the air to check for any smell of fish, then follows whoever is leading the way out
Apheori (GM): No fish.
Ganelon: The peasants have no bread? Let them eat porridge.
Frezak (GM): Or possibly be eaten by porridge.
Or inhabited.
Bear Soup Guy: Sorry, went away for a bit, back now!
Ganelon: That would also solve most of their problems, I suppose.
So should we just pick a portal through random selection and enter it?
Ellemerr: I think I might not actually be very good at cooking. >.>
Frezak (GM): I don't see how that would help us, gan.
Frankly, I have no fukken idea how the hell to progress.
Apheori (GM): Don't cook the porridge.
Dave wants to lead you somewhere.
She may or may not have explained it very well, and you may or may not have listened on account of her being crazy.
Frezak (GM): And that allways works out great.
Gaurav: The last plan we had was (1) see if we can find a specialist who understands portals and quiz them about the breakdown of all reality, and (2) barring that, go back to the portal in the tree and let Radek science the heck out of it.
who understands portals in Arah, I mean, given that they have so many of 'em
Frezak (GM): I'm getting teh impression that no-one does.
Ganelon: Yeah, but 2 would be all the way back on... wherever.
Frezak (GM): At least the angel thinks it's unlikely, and when i asked before we got directed here.
Gaurav: if there's been a breakdown in portal based reality, so much so that wizards in some obscure town have noticed, someone here must have.
ah, good point
Ganelon: That's what I thought, too.
Frezak (GM): I don't think the people here give a fuck about the portals.
They're about as interesting as clouds.
Less so, probably, since clouds are important for agriculture.
Gaurav: eh, "follow dave" works for me for the mo'. But we should keep our eyes open for, I dunno, a truck with a portal maintenance logo on it or whatever.
the clouds here are golden and stuff, aren't they?
Apheori (GM): Yes.
Ganelon: Yes, but that could mean nothing.
Apheori (GM): So y'all follow Dave out of the library?
Ganelon: Well, to us.
Gaurav: Rhu is moving here once we're done with this adventure.
Ganelon: Following her is slightly more likely to produce useful results than random selection.
At worst she'll get lost or forget where she's going, and we'll be back to the latter.
Dave: Yes!
Frezak (GM): Eh, whatever.
Let's just /do/ something.
Apheori (GM): You follow her! Blah blah blah.
She seems to know where she's going, but she could just be faking it.
Rhu hangs back far enough to keep an eye on both Dave and Amadi as we trudge through the streets
Apheori (GM): Then a woman runs up to you asking if you're mercenaries, you have the look, please, can you help? She can pay well in whatever fashion you take.
Frezak (GM): WHo IS our frontman?
Apheori (GM): Dave is in front, and she responds by tripping over a rock.
Radek: Explain the problem. Quickly, please.
Distraught woman: There's a... well, it's not actually me, but there's a...
There's a thing in my gran's basement.
Frezak (GM): is it rats?
Distraught woman: Can you get rid of it?
It's really big and it tried to eat me when I went to check, but she won't even admit it's there.
And you've... got guns...
Distraught woman looks to Radek.
Frezak (GM): Well, 'a' gun.
Dave picks herself up and watches blankly.
Frezak (GM): One guy has... a bong.
Ganelon: He's no altruist.
Greibel: We've taken on big eaty monsters before.
Apheori (GM): But he has a gun!
Rhu: Big eaty monsters with creepy smiles.
Greibel: (to the woman) I don't know if this helps, but I can conjure birds made of fire. Pleased to make your acquaintance
Frezak (GM): "Hey, I can summon fire. Want som drugs?"
Ganelon: Well.
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Ganelon: I won't turn down a fight, but I'm having some trouble justifying it in-character.
Ellemerr: I was wrong. Either that, or I'm really hungry. Either way, this is delicious. And I'm back.
Bear Soup Guy: She wants to pay us
Hi Elle!
Ganelon: But what good is money?
Oh, I know.
Apheori (GM): Please, I can pay you with...
Gaurav: More like "light your spliff? *flamebird*"
Distraught woman: Please, I can pay you with...
Anything, anything you need.
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Rhu: Do you know anybody who fixes portals?
Distraught woman: Diamonds, drugs, cakes...
Ganelon: Don't you dare add "sexual favors".
Greibel: I'm sold.
Distraught woman: (suddenly looking much more certain) Information.
Apheori (GM): You know she would.
Radek ponders for a moment.
Radek: Do you own anything magical?
Ganelon: Literally anything. He's not picky.
Gaurav: Ellemerr: what did you make?
Ganelon: Because dussssst
Distraught woman: Yes... and I can get you any sort if you need it.
Ellemerr: Er... Ytrefilet med rødvinssaus og fløtegratinerte poteter.
I don't know food in English! :P
Apheori (GM): The question, of course, it what she isn't telling you...
Apheori (GM) grins.
Bear Soup Guy: Sounds delicious
Distraught woman: Heeee, funny Os.
Bear Soup Guy: Yeah, I was about to say though
Apheori (GM): Dammit, ooc
Radek: Doubtful, but very well.
Gaurav: Google Translate says: "Sirloin with red wine sauce and creamed potatoes." Which sounds awesome.
Bear Soup Guy: I'm not going to point at that if she can supposedly get us anything we want, why can't she find a way to dispense this creature?
Because Greibel heard diamonds and drugs and cakes
Ellemerr: I'm sure that's right. Google would never lie to us.
Gaurav: Right. She could literally fill her basement with cake and squish the monster to death.
Gravy: could you please Gravyvision this lady and see if you see anything?
Ganelon: That's perception, not insight.
Gaurav: oh, right
Ganelon: Of course, we have high-wisdom people in abundance.
Apheori (GM): Man, you're fancy. And you say not a good cook?
rolling 1d20+7 insight check on distraught woman
Ellemerr: Lady, I put a pre-mix in a form and that into the oven, and plopped some pieces of meat in a frying pan and hoped for the best.
I was pretty sure I'd ruined it at one point.
Apheori (GM): Rhu: She's leaving something out. Either she's lying about the resources she can offer, or there's something more about what she wants you to do than just a simple monster removal. There's no reason she'd be so desperate otherwise.
Frezak (GM):
rolling 1D20+10+10+2
Apheori (GM): Ellemerr: How would you get that wrong?
Ellemerr: By being a really bad cook.
Rhu explains all that to the group
Apheori (GM): Gravy notices she's got splotches of stuff on her clothes, and a few old bloodstains that have been through the wash a few times. Whatever it is, it ain't new. Also she smells funny.
Rhu: I say we see what's up and then decide if we want any part of it, but I'm also happy pointing her to the nearest police station (or to that town with all the town guards in it) and following Dave.
Gaurav: sorry, ooc
Frezak (GM): I think she's a murderer and wants to sacrifice us to a thing in the well.
I say we go, and then throw her into the well and leave.
Ellemerr: She has a well in her granny's basement?
Apheori (GM): She could!
Frezak (GM): I thought someone said well.
Also why not.
Bear Soup Guy: "A well in the basement?! That would be ABSURD. Now come on, let's get back to this world full of time-space portals and split shards of deities and sentient porridge."
Ellemerr: *giggles*
Apheori (GM): Heh.
Frezak (GM): Well.
I say we go, tuen on her, and take her stuff.
Ganelon: Next you're going to suggest that someone would wear socks and sandals.
Frezak (GM): Then go get a reward from the local law enforcement.
Gaurav: Greibel: hahaha
Bear Soup Guy: Something useful might happen and we're totally definitely not incompetent mercenaries. Let's check it out.
Gaurav: I'm fine either ways.
Greibel: I just have one question for you, Miss Woman In Distress. Now this is important.
What kind of cakes?
Distraught woman: Er... well... tea cakes, mostly.
Greibel: I could really go for some Jaffas
Gaurav: I had to look "tea cakes" up, and realise that they're defined differently in England, the US, Sweden and (India and Australia).
The Wikipedia article helpfully adds, "Tea refers to the popular beverage which these baked goods are an accompaniment to."
Ganelon: ...Wow, really?
I had no idea.
Gaurav: Jaffa cakes!!! YES
if we're going, let's go
Bear Soup Guy: Some day I'll get to try some Jaffa Cakes :(
And yes, let's
Gaurav: they're not as good as Tim-Tams though.
Distraught woman: So you'll come?
Gaurav: BSG: the Beeb has a recipe: http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/homemadejaffacakes_91480
Bear Soup Guy: :O
this is totally doable
I don't have any of the ingredients but I will get them
Radek: Yes. Hurry up.
Greibel: Off we go to Scary Town!
Frezak (GM): Ask for up-front payment
Since she intends for us to get killed.
That or we just go take her to the police.
Are there guards in this town?
Distraught woman: Follow me. Hurry.
Apheori (GM): She leads you down some dark alleys. There aren't any that are readily distinguishable as guards, but that may or may not mean anything.
Gaurav: A secret police?
Apheori (GM) shrugs.
Apheori (GM): The house is a house. It looks like something out of a bad painting, with really bad tiling on all the surfaces.
Frezak (GM): Someone detect magic
and brb
Ganelon: Sure thing.
rolling 1d20+12 Arcana
Apheori (GM): The woman knocks, gets no response, and then unlocks the door herself. It takes a few tries.
Gaurav: Are there neighbouring houses? Or is it off by itself?
Ellemerr: Does she have a key?
Apheori (GM): You discern that the tiling is a really bad illusion.
She has a key, but it may not be the right one, hence the tries. Except ti does wind up working after a bit.
Radek: Keep an eye on her, Gravy.
Rhu stands well back from the house
Radek: She might try to run.
Gaurav: Any idea what the tiling is hiding? Is it on the walls of the house? Can we try touching it?
Apheori (GM): It's on the walls, windowframes, walkway, roof, etc.
You can totally touch it.
So she unlocks the door. Then she turns back and suggests that you leave the robot outside.
Radek: Why, is it liable to be eaten?
Distraught woman: It might wreck the floors.
Have it look after your sleeping friend.
Ganelon: If only the Mouseforged were so reliable.
Apheori (GM): Heh.
Ganelon: I'll touch the shingles, though.
What's up with them?
Apheori (GM): Bad decor, apparently. They feel a bit slimy, probably applied in a hurry and for cheap.
Frezak (GM): Gan, I should get the Mark Of Finding.
Gaurav: Ha, that's a fun idea: buy a crappy house, illusion up a decent facade, sell it to someone with poor detect magic.
Apheori (GM): No.
Ganelon: Well, it would probably get on my hands if so.
Radek: Is this house even yours?
Ellemerr: Her gran's, she said.
Distraught woman: It's my gran's. She's probably in bed. Come on, please.
Gaurav: Can we send the eyebot in to investigate? Or would that be rude?
Ganelon: Would Radek *care*?
Frezak (GM): If you send it out now, will it still be around to fight?
Ganelon: Five minutes would be what the rules say.
Apheori (GM): You totally can, but you may need to explain what you're doing.
Radek: Not so fast.
I'm sending a camera in, first.
Frezak (GM): I'm ready to grab/tackle her if she runs.
Apheori (GM): She looks confused, but nods.
Ganelon: Then I'll power up the eyebot.
Distraught woman: Basement. Not the upstairs.
Radek: I can give it directions from here.
Gaurav: We could save it up. Send Greibel in as a fly or something.
Ganelon: But then he's in danger.
Distraught woman: Would Radek care?
Ganelon: Touche.
Apheori (GM): Dammit, ooc.
Ganelon: Still, this is a nice chance to show off.
Bear Soup Guy: And Greibel would care o_o
Apheori (GM): Yay, Greibel!
Good. >.>
So you power it up and send it in and everyone else is really bored?
Gaurav: Can't we watch the screen over Gan's shoulder? Unless there isn't a screen.
Ganelon: He's got a computer.
Apheori (GM): Okay, you all crane over his shoulder and annoy the hell out of him?
Frezak (GM): nope, i got my eyes on the woman.
Rhu -- still keeping well away from the house -- does a religion check to see if all this rings any sort of religious bell
Ganelon: Let's hear about the interior, then.
rolling 1d20+9 religion check
Apheori (GM): Rhu: Nope.
Gan: I'll get back to you on that in a moment, sorry.
Ganelon: Sure thing.
Gaurav: Mysterious women luring travellers to houses with slimy walls, I mean. Like, if this house had chicken legs, we'd all know where we were.
Frezak (GM): I'm fully expecting her to be a hag.
Gaurav: She might have a hag-king in the basement.
Ellemerr: Hags don't have kings.
Frezak (GM): It's a bunch of hags with their tales tied together.
Bear Soup Guy: Like a Portugese Man O' War
You could call it a Hag O' War
Apheori (GM): Sag'o'war.
Or something.
The inside of the house is housey. Sending the eyebot in, you see an entryway that has a bit of mud on the floor, too many coats on the rack, and some old shoes.
From there, there's a kitchen which looks pretty standard.
Frezak (GM): Many?
Apheori (GM): There are some halls leading out, and stairs up and down.
Ganelon: Well, no sense in checking the upstairs first.
Gaurav: How far away is the closest neighbour's house? It might be worth asking about the habits of people living here.
Apheori (GM): The buildings are right up next to each other, but it looks like the ones next to it aren't even houses.
Ganelon: For the moment, I'd rather just see if the woman looks uncomfortable about us sending a 'bot in.
Apheori (GM): She mostly just looks worried.
And... yes, a bit uncomfortable, now that you mention it.
Frezak (GM): That her monstrous child is not yet sated.
Gaurav: Does she look ... hungry?
Frezak (GM): We could just pin her and extract info.
Apheori (GM): Not that you can tell.
Gaurav: Maybe after we've eyebotted the house?
Ganelon: You people ask some weird questions.
Apheori (GM): You send the eyebot down the stairs... can it open doors/
Ganelon: No, but it does have a laser.
Radek: I can repair any damage caused in as little as ten minutes.
Apheori (GM): The door at the bottom is shut.
Do you laser it open?
Ganelon: Yes.
Distraught woman: Hey! what are you doing?
Apheori (GM): She was apparently looking over your shoulder.
Radek: What did I just tell you?
Distraught woman subsides, but looks at Radek suspiciously.
Rhu: What is your name, distraught woman?
Apheori (GM): Through the door you come to basement. It's fairly unfinished, lots of stone and stuff, and full of random junk and boxes.
You navigate through the maze of boxes...
Distraught woman: Telrin.
Apheori (GM): So you navigate the maze of boxes and junk, getting deeper and deeper into the morass of basement.
I assume the eyebot can emit light, or pick up other frequencies?
Ganelon: Can or can't?
Because it can definitely emit light.
It shoots a bloody laser.
Apheori (GM): Good point.
Ganelon: Other features are largely up to you, actually.
Since you're the DM.
Apheori (GM): It's very dark. There are splots of stuff on the ground - the same stuff Gravy noticed on the woman - and becoming more frequent the further you go, until everything is covered in it...
Ganelon: How unsanitary.
Apheori (GM): Then it turns another corner and you see it, the monster itself.
"That's it," the woman says, pointing.
It looks like a small raccoon covered in black oil.
Ganelon: ...Oh gods, is it the filth?
Apheori (GM): No, there's a small raccoon in the filth!
Gaurav: does it have creepy raccoon hands?
Apheori (GM): Sure, why not. I dunno.
Ganelon: Frezak knows what filth I'm talking about.
I could also mention glistening oil, but that's something else.
As it turns out, black oily substances in fiction tend to be really bad news.
Ellemerr: If it was the filth... that'd be bad.
Gaurav: We have a black shiny dagger ...
Frezak (GM): If it's the Filth, we should just leave.
Gaurav: maybe they'll be friends
Radek: Looks like a raccoon.
Covered in... something. I don't suppose you know what?
Rhu: If it is a small wild animal, Greibel might be able to try to converse with it. He can talk to bees.
Telrin: It's a monster. It ate the pest control. It ate my uncle. It ate a sphinx.
Whatever it is, it's horrible.
Can you kill it? Please.
Radek: Well, let's see.
Frezak (GM): ... nature?
Ganelon: If anyone watching wants to, I'll wait.
Frezak (GM): Miss GM?
Telrin: What do you mean?
Apheori (GM): Dammit.
I hate this interface.
What do you mean, nature?
Frezak (GM): Can I roll Nature to try and determine what the raccoonoid thing is?
Apheori (GM): Of course.
Frezak (GM): And/or the gloop.
rolling 1D20+10
Apheori (GM): You can roll whatever you want for whatever. Doesn't mean it'll work, but that's another matter.
It ain't a proper raccoon. Some sort of magic or deformity.
Also the black oily stuff there looks like... oil.
Rhu: Is there anything or anyone else down there in the basement?
Gaurav: None of this explains Telrin hiding something from us.
Ganelon: Well, one surefire way to tell if it's oil.
Telrin: Just... old things. Nothing important.
Frezak (GM): Oh gods.
Ganelon: Heh heh heh.
I shoot the monster with the laser.
Frezak (GM): I wish I was playing a tiefling.
Ganelon: (It does like 5 damage)
Apheori (GM): Whyso?
Ganelon: Oh, they have fire resistance.
Apheori (GM): It all catches fire.
Ganelon: Naturally.
The eyebot is destroyed.
Ganelon: It caused an explosion?
Apheori (GM): Telrin freaks out and runs inside.
It caused fire. Lots of fire.
Radek: Are you really sure you should be running *towards* the fire?
Ganelon: I'm kind of a jerk, aren't I?
Gaurav: we could grab her to stop her going in, but her grandma's probably in there
you're a mad scientist. this is what you do.
Radek: ...
We should probably head in, too.
Gaurav: im not certain there is still an "in" to go into
Apheori (GM): The basement is on fire; the rest is still fine.
For now.
Gaurav: I guess we're about to find out if this city has a town guard.
Ganelon: Radek actually does have a limited ability to put out fires.
Apheori (GM): Smoke is starting to come out.
Ganelon: I doubt it's enough for this, but he can do... cold stuff.
Gaurav: what are the Dreamers doing?
Apheori (GM): Amadi is still asleep (for now), and Dave is hoping someone else will do something.
Gaurav: ooh, good idea
Gaurav mutters "ye gods ..." and utters a prayer to Hazz'ridan.
Amadi snuggles up on Gravy (as well as can be done, depending on how she's being carried) and mutters something about beef.
Rhu mutters "ye gods ..." and utters a prayer to Hazz'ridan.
Gaurav: that should do it
Greibel: This...could gave gone smoother
Radek: Well, once the fires go out, anything magical inside should likely still be intact... if buried.
I could break them down and use the base components to reconstruct the building.
Or we could flee and hope she cannot describe us well to any authorities.
Dave: Can't you... maybe put out the fire?
Radek shrugs.
Radek: I could try.
Apheori (GM): Does D&D have any rules for fire putting outing?
Ganelon: Not to my knowledge.
Rhu: we're adventurers, not firefighters
Radek: If the heat concerns you, don't worry.
I have something for that. Enough for two of us.
Dave: Great.
Dave tries to push Radek in ahead of her.
Rhu looks around, sighs, and says, "I'll go".
Radek: Wonderful. Here.
Radek tosses Rhu a syringe.
Dave: Okay.
Ganelon: My infusions can do one of two things.
Rhu syringes himself.
Dave grabs Rhu instead and drags him in.
Ganelon: One is heal people.
Rhu: Wha---
Ganelon: The other is make them resistant to an element of my choosing (with some restrictions, but fire is on the list).
So you have resist 5 fire for this endeavor.
And you can end that effect to gain fire immunity for a turn (6 seconds).
Gaurav: nice!
Apheori (GM): What about smoke inhalation?
Radek: Try not to suffocate!
Apheori (GM): Does it do anything to keep him... yeah.
Ganelon: I can't be expected to have a solution to EVERY problem, can I?
Gaurav: can Greibel turn into anything fire resistant?
who wants the other syringe thing?
Ganelon: You know who would really help here?
The Mouseforged.
I can't give it a pep-talk, though.
Apheori (GM): Well, Dave has now dragged Rhu into the kitchen, unless he was significantly resisting.
Gaurav: he was too confused to resist
Rhu: Huh
Frezak (GM): All heroes can hold their breath for at least 3 minutes.
Apheori (GM): Lots of smoke is coming up the stairs, it's getting warm, and there is an infernal glow down there.
Rhu coughs in the smoke
Rhu: Yeah, no. Let's check this floor quickly, then head up.
Apheori (GM): Dave runs down the stairs and drags Rhu with her unless he resists.
He resists?
Rhu watches Dave run downstairs, sighs, and follows
Frezak (GM): So do you want help making a new character when Rhu is turned to ash?
Apheori (GM) cackles.
Gaurav: nah it's cool
ill adventure in the infernal planes for a bit and reapear as a ghost
Apheori (GM): No, really, it's quite warm. Very much so. Even with the infusion it's horribly uncomfortable, you can hardly see, and you feel very light-headed.
Frezak (GM): Melllltinnnng
Apheori (GM): Are the rest of you going to get the mouseforged to... do stuff?
Rhu tugs at Dave and points up the stairs
Frezak (GM): I wouldn't know how.
Apheori (GM): You have a Greibel.
Ganelon: I'll try, but I mean... it doesn't speak Radek.
Radek: Mouseforged! It is time to face your fears.
Specifically your fear of fire, which has been rendered irrational by your new body.
Apheori (GM): Dave swats Rhu off and runs into the flames, then runs back, grabs Rhu, and then starts pulling him again.
Frezak (GM): His new body has no more fire resistance than you.
Apheori (GM): Rhu: It feels less hot now, though.
Ganelon: It doesn't breathe.
I can give it an infusion.
Apheori (GM): Rhu does need to breathe and is probably going to pass out very soon.
Frezak (GM): Warforged have fluids.
Gaurav: Rhu lets himself be pulled along by Dave. His head -- or at least the bits that don't hurt -- is just one continuous prayer to Hazz' now.
Frezak (GM): I could collapse the building on itself.
Well, bits of it.
Gaurav: I have three minutes. My speed is 7 squares, which is how fast I can travel in six seconds (one round in an encounter). So I should be moving pretty quickly.
Apheori (GM): So Dave pulls Rhu to the raccoon, yells, "LOOK! BADGER!", and then he passes out.
He can un-pass out if he rolls well.
Frezak (GM): How big IS this house?
Gaurav: C'mon, +3 constitution, this is your chance to shine
Apheori (GM): The house? Normal. The basement? A lot bigger than it should be.
Frezak (GM): Well... if you're unconcious...
There's not much you can do.
Ganelon: Not that I can see, but..
Apheori (GM): Just roll.
Ganelon: Is the raccoon really alive?
Gaurav: I haven't spent any action points at all so far. Can I use any of them for a second wind or something?
rolling d20
Apheori (GM): It's on fire.
Gaurav: +1 constitution +2 half level if any of that applies.
Apheori (GM): Rhu wakes up!
Gaurav: I'm pretty sure "set everything on fire" would be the first thing the exterminator would have tried when s/he was the racoon, and we know they lost to it
Apheori (GM): Dave has a raccoon in her arms. It's on fire. Everything is on fire except you and Dave.
Rhu opens his eyes wide, gasping desperately for breath.
Apheori (GM): Well, no, that's not right. You and Dave are on fire too. It just doesn't seem to be hurting either of you.
Ganelon: Well I dunno what Dave's excuse is.
Rhu grabs Dave's arm and tries pulling her upstairs.
Ganelon: But I guess the Mouseforged isn't looking too motivated, right?
Rhu: 5 resistance means I should be getting -5 less damage than the fire would otherwise do, right? or does it affect the ... attack roll, if such things apply?
Gaurav: ack, ooc
Ganelon: No, it's purely damage.
Gaurav: I need ice cream.
Ganelon: So heat of a given intensity is just... negated.
Apheori (GM): I need ice cream.
Ganelon: And everything else is brought down as well.
Amadi mutters in her sleep, "I need ice cream."
Ganelon: This infusion wouldn't protect you much if someone set off thermite on your chest, for instance.
Dave suddenly starts screaming, FIRE! FIRE! AAAGH FIRE!
Gaurav: ... I now have ice cream. o.0
Apheori (GM): The mouseforged looks vaguely interested, but is mostly watching greibel.
Gaurav: oh god, please don't give the DM ideas
one of these boxes probably contain thermite
Apheori (GM): Shush, you.
Gaurav: How do I yank Dave up the stairs?
Apheori (GM): By grabbing her.
rolling 1d20+2 (+0 STR +2 half level) vs reflex to grab Dave
Apheori (GM): You fail to grab her, but at least manage to get her attention.
Rhu urgently points upwards
Dave: What? Rhu? What are you...
Dave looks at the ceiling.
Dave looks at the fire.
Rhu shakes his head
Dave looks at Rhu.
Rhu points up the stairs vehemently
Dave: There is... something I should be doing here, isn't there?
Rhu: ... run ...
Dave: No, no, not that.
Ganelon: I wonder if Rhu's starting to regret certain decisions that may have led him to this point.
Gaurav: Is Rhu strong enough to try another grab? Im' sort of imagining him on the floor gasping at this point.
he can leave
he could crawl upstairs
but he can't
god's orders
Apheori (GM): He's pretty weak. Let's say can't really stand.
Ganelon: Becoming an Avenger may be one such decision.
Gaurav: haha truth
Frezak (GM): There's an item that's literally a bag of fresh air.
Apheori (GM): If he falls over, that could be a nice dramatic thing to do.
Ganelon: Magic item?
Frezak (GM): Delvers Pouch, I think.
Rhu points up the stairs, then falls over
Rhu mutters "... go ..."
Frezak (GM): Deefarer's Pouch.
Oh, it's uncommon.
I don't think you can make those.
Ganelon: I can't?
(To Ellemerr): so it occurs to me that there's this skill/ability of Dave/Amadi's real race that involves being basically immune to the effects of heat/cold and being able to control temperature and such... but I'm not sure how likely it is that Dave figures that out and just puts out the fire and absorbs all its energy.
Ganelon: It just says "turn it into a magic item".
No mention of rarity.
(From Amadi): Do you want me in there?
(To Ellemerr): Also I think some people would be very cross with me as DM.
Gaurav: Not that I'm not enjoying dying dramatically, but doesn't Radek have one more fire resistance syringe?
(To Ellemerr): Or would they be?
(To Amadi): You could totally go in, but I have no idea how that would... well... it could certainly be interesting.
Ganelon: Yes.
(To Ellemerr): Actually, that might go over better anyway.
(To Ellemerr): If Amadi does it.
Ganelon: So if Dave leaves you to die, we can still jump in to help.
(To Ellemerr): I can see it now: "I ate the fire. It was nice and smoky."
Amadi opens one of her eyes and looks around. She doesn't seem entirely pleased by this.
Amadi: When are we? Why are we now? And... where's Dawn?
Dave just stands there looking confused for a moment, then does some magickiness on Rhu to fix the symptoms of having no air. It doesn't actually solve the problem, though, and they come back almost immediately.
Dave: Agh, crap.
Gaurav: Is Rhu unconscious yet?
Apheori (GM): Nope. And he just got better. And then got worse again, but he's still slightly clearer than he was.
I imagine there's choking involved.
Frezak (GM): And we're just... sitting outside.
Gaurav tries to crawl towards the staircase
Frezak (GM): So it's been more than three minutes?
Ganelon: Well, if anyone wants to volunteer.
Amadi opens her other eye.
Amadi: Is there fire?
Rhu tries to crawl towards the staircase.
Frezak (GM): I'll point Amadi at the flaaaames
Apheori (GM): Flames are now coming out the door.
Amadi: ... Huh.
Apheori (GM): Well, doorway. The door is still open.
Amadi: Will you put me down, please?
Apheori (GM): Then Telrin runs out holding a dessicated corpse, curses you all vehemently, and wishes painful things upon your intestines.
Frezak (GM): I will carefully lower the midget.
Apheori (GM): She runs off down the street.
Frezak (GM): Huh.
Do we want me to oppie her?
Apheori (GM): Some passerby are also running up to watch the burning building because neat! Fire!
Amadi looks after the corpse-bearing woman for a moment, then shrugs and walks into the house.
Ganelon: Well.
Bear Soup Guy: Can I turn into a yeti or something and just go down and yank them up?
Ganelon: That doesn't sound like it's our fault.
The fire, sure.
Gaurav: Ah, I thought Amadi ran down the street. This is better.
Ganelon: But we didn't kill no-one's granny.
Frezak (GM): You probably don't want to turn into a thing covered in fur, BSG
Gaurav: could wet the fur
Rhu tries to stand up
Bear Soup Guy: kinky
Apheori (GM): Amadi: Where do you go, inside?
rolling 1d20+2 strength check
Amadi yells for Dawn while wandering randomly forwards.
Apheori (GM): Rhu falls over.
Frezak (GM): I still have some booze.
Radek: She's downstairs!
Amadi looks for a downstairs.
Dave: Oh gods, you need to breathe, don't you? Living people need to breathe and you can't breathe, you can't breathe, you can't...
Frezak (GM): Do our anti-laser cloaks protect us from fire?
Dave pulls a mask out of her pocket and stuffs it onto Rhu.
Ganelon: What kind of mask?
Ellemerr: I hope it's italian.
Frezak (GM): It's the mask from that cowardly dog thing.
Apheori (GM): The black one from before. Or the same model.
Frezak (GM): Big tribal thingie
Apheori (GM): Since I think Amadi actually still has that.
It does that weird black thing and Rhu goes all black-covered and he can breathe again.
Frezak (GM): Oh.
Is Rhu undead?
Rhu lies there, taking deep breaths.
Apheori (GM): Not yet.
Frezak (GM): great
Apheori (GM): Amadi: You run downstairs into a horrible inferno of flame and smoke. It feels quite lovely, but threatens to ruin your dress unless you pay careful attention.
Gaurav: Can avengers be undeaded? You'd think they'd have talismans or curses to stop that from happening, what with their no-undead obsessions.
Frezak (GM): Well.
3.5 Doombringers have a power to ensure that they rise as undead.
Ganelon: Revenant Avengers of the Raven Queen sound like they'd almost be the norm.
Ellemerr: I shall be very careful with my dress. Do I see the others?
Apheori (GM): You enter the maze of burning boxes. You also see some shiny things in them, which you may or may not pocket.
Rhu tries to stand up, which probably should be easy now that I can breathe again?
Ganelon: Pocket them!
Ellemerr: Shiny things!
Ganelon: Pocket them like a magpie!
Apheori (GM): It takes a bit to stand up. You're still pretty weak.
Dave helps you, though.
Gaurav: Magpies don't have pockets.
Amadi is distracted by shiny things. She pockets as many as she can, while still calling out for Dawn.
Dave hears her and calls back.
Ganelon: Magpies almost definitely wish they had pockets.
Rhu looks around, confused. Then he notices Dave, and begins to tug on her and point up the stairs again.
Frezak (GM): Amadi stumbles about, smearing chocolate coins all over her face :p
Dave also goes to pocket some things, realises her dress and the thing she thinks is a badger are on fire, and puts them out.
Amadi: (still yelling and stuffing her pockets) Dawn, are you here for a reason?
Apheori (GM): Amadi: You reach Dave and Rhu. Dave's dress is a bit singed, and she's holding a somewhat odd-looking raccoon. Rhu looks frantic.
Dave: Er... yes!
Gaurav: Rhu would make a great Revenant Avengers of the Raven Queen
Dave: Fire!
I'm just not sure what to do with it.
Amadi gives Rhu a "I did not think I'd find you here because it's a really stupid place for you to be" look.
Rhu sees Amadi and gives her a "what-the-FUCK-are-YOU-doing-here" look.
Gaurav: I swear I typed that out before I saw your message.
Clearly Rhu's keep-these-two-alive duties are harder than even he imagined.
Amadi: Dawn, did you bring the holy man?
Dave: Er... I might have?
Dave looks slightly embarrassed.
Frezak (GM): HOLY?
Kill Rhu, and the holes are fixed!
Dave: I remembered the mask, though!
Frezak (GM): BURN HIM
Amadi gives Dave a look like she's really stupid.
Frezak (GM) chants
Amadi: Well, that's good. Masks are good.
Let's get him out of here, now.
Radek: So, if I may make an observation?
The Gravedigger: Yup?
Dave gives Amadi a look like she knows, and is sorry.
Dave: We can do that later. Fire first.
Radek: The woman who hired us may have been speaking to her grandmother's corpse.
The Gravedigger: Yep.
Radek: Which would explain why an animal was attempting to eat it.
The Gravedigger: Yep.
Gaurav: Kill the 'venger, kill the 'venger, kill the 'venger, kill the 'venger, yo ho ho
Radek: Do you think she had anything she promised us?
Gaurav: Wait, didn't Amadi have the mask last?
Not that I'm complaining
The Gravedigger: Nope.
Apheori (GM): Gaurav: Yes.
Amadi: Fire first? Are you sure? I mean... he is really bad with fire. And I'm not sure he deals well with cold, either, and I'm not sure how this will even work, now that...
Amadi shrugs.
Dave: He's fine. The mask will protect him.
It's what we made them for. Isn't it?
When dragging along the priests of other gods. Always give them a mask.
It's rule number cake.
Or possibly cheese.
I feel funny.
Gaurav: The cake is a lie.
Amadi: Oh.
You're right.
Fire, then.
Radek: I'll run a scan on the place before we leave, just to be sure.
Rhu stands around and watches Amadi and Dave converse. Something about their calmness -- and his apparently unlimited supply of air -- is calming him down, and besides, he doesn't think he could grab and pull them *both* outside
Radek: But, ah... sorry.
The Gravedigger: You could do it now, while we wait for the crazier people to get back.
Radek: I will admit this was not the wisest decision I've ever made.
Amadi wades into the flames, being very, very careful with her dress. Then she opens her mouth wide.
The Gravedigger: Eh.
I'm not really surprised.
Apheori (GM): The flames suddenly pull off of everything else and pour inter her mouth in a river of molten air. The place goes cold. And then it goes colder.
The Gravedigger: Oh, hey.
Summat's 'appenin'.
Apheori (GM): Then it's all just black and charred stuff. No fire. No excess heat. A fair bit of smoke, now drifting out.
The Gravedigger: Quick, scan now!
Ganelon: Yep.
The Gravedigger: I'll go look for Rhu and the midgets.
Ganelon: I will do a detect magic again.
Dave: I meant to do that.
I did. Really.
Ganelon: For the presence of magical doodads.
Amadi burps, and giggles embarrassed.
rolling 1d20+12
Frezak (GM): I'll go clomp down in search of crazy people.
Rhu touches one of the boxes to make sure the fire is really out
Rhu: How ... did you do ... that?
Amadi starts looking around for more shiny stuff.
Amadi: Hm? It was tasty.
Dave: Gan! You find that... there is some stuff, especially in the basement! Also there's some other things. Magic people. In the basement. Yes. Magic.
Apheori (GM): Er, ooc.
Dave: She took the heat.
For her own.
I think.
Dave starts going through some of the boxes too, still holding the raccoon.
Rhu: Is that safe?
Is *that* safe? (points at the raccoon)
The Gravedigger: HELLOOOOOO?
Ganelon: Alright!
I rush down there, too.
Amadi: Safe? Of course not. But neither is chocolate.
Dave: What?
Rhu tries to take his mask off
Gaurav: Can he feel the blackness from the mask all over his body, or does he think it's a breathing apparatus type thing?
The Gravedigger clomps down the stairs.
The Gravedigger: Hey guys. Everyone all right? Comparatively?
Uh. Rhu.
Not be racist, here.
Gaurav: YES! Mrs. Teatime ate the flames, and Dave has the raccoon-monster.
Apheori (GM): He can probably feel it, but it is mostly just acting as breathing. Now it's not really doing anything, so yeah.
Anyway, it comes off on demand.
The Gravedigger: You look a little.... darker than earlier.
Is that soot?
Amadi runs over to Gravy, dancing around him like a christmas tree. "I ate the fire! It was smokey and warm!"
Apheori (GM): And all the blackness goes away, aside from the soot, which is considerably.
Rhu takes the mask off and hands it back to Dave
Apheori (GM): Amadi:
Rhu: (to Dave) You saved my life. Thank you.
The Gravedigger pats Amadi.
The Gravedigger: Good job, kid.
Dave stuffs the mask into her pocket with some other odds and ends.
Amadi looks incredibly pleased with herself, practically beaming at the praise.
The Gravedigger: Is that raccoonthingbeast dead?
Dave then stares at Rhu like he's out of his mind for a moment, then tries toput on a normal expression, botches it, and goes back to goingthrough boxes.
Dave checks the raccoon.
Dave: Badger's fine.
Radek: Well, if it was a normal raccoon, it definitely should be.
The Gravedigger: Hey Radek.
Dave: I mean, it was dead, but... it's fine now.
The Gravedigger: Why is not dead?
Dave: I fixed it!
The Gravedigger: Oh dear.
Is it alive now? Or undead?
Dave: Also look! I found a magic spatula! Teleoth would be so proud.
Dave hands it to Gravy.
The Gravedigger: You sure you shouldn't keep it?
Maybe it's a sign or something.
Dave: I have other things.
Including a sign.
The Gravedigger: Um.
Rhu: (to Dave) What's your sign?
Radek: Let me see that. And...
Dave pulls a streetsign out of her pocket with a small grin.
Ellemerr: Magic spatula? :o Did I find anything nifty?
Ganelon: Alright, where's the magic stuff!?
Gaurav: Which street?
(To Ellemerr): Whatever you feel like.
Frezak (GM): Yeah, I automatically pass it to Radek.
Ganelon: I'll dig through ashes for it!
Ganelon: But probably not Amadi's pockets.
Apheori (GM): Gan: Apparently Amadi and Dave pocketed most of it already. There's also some left in other boxes and soot. Do I need to come up with specifics?
Amadi starts taking the things out of her pockets. It turns out to be mostly spoons, with the occasional spork. Some of them are singing.
Ganelon: Nope.
Because unless it's useful to us as adventurers, it's becoming DUSSSST
Gaurav: Are they singing the same song or different songs?
Ellemerr: They're harmonizing, of course.
Radek: Singing cutlery?
Dave hands Radek a heap of random junk, about half of which is magic. Some of the more interesting ones include an enchanted trowel, a bunch of string that seems to be tying itself into knots entirely on its own, a pair of busted headphones, a large chunk of solid uranium, and a giant ornamental key.
Ganelon: ...Solid uranium!
Gaurav: Key!
Radek: Hah! The crazy woman was good on her word, after all.
Here, watch this.
Apheori (GM): She also tries to hand you the raccoon before realising it's not one of the objects, at which point she changes her mind.
Amadi: Singing cutlery! I have other things, too. I think.
Ganelon: With but a touch of the finger (and ten minutes of ritual preparation), they are reduced!
Well, unless Gravy wants the trowel.
But I could just make one of his own shovels magical.
Gaurav: We should keep the key. It might open a door.
Ganelon: I don't think it's magical.
Nor the uranium.
Apheori (GM): Those ain't, indeed.
Well, the uranium might be, depending on your definiton of magical.
...you might want to do something with it to avoid radiation poisoning.
Isn't that radioactive?
Amadi keeps digging through her pockets, and produces a full tea set, filled with something that is probably not tea, a tiny teddy-bear, a couple of really horribly coloured towels, a toy mouse, and a piece of cake, which she decides not to hand over and starts eating.
Ganelon: It is.
Apheori (GM): Yeah.
Frezak (GM): Depends on what kind of uranium.
Apheori (GM): Okay, this one is!
Also it's really heavy.
Frezak (GM): I don't need the trowel.
Ganelon: Alright then.
Give me a numerical value for how much magic dust all this junk gets me.
Noting that...
Gaurav: Has somebody added "giant ornamental key" to their inventory?
Frezak (GM): Not yet.
you want it?
Ganelon: A level 4 magic item costs 840 and I currently possess 399.
Apheori (GM): The junk Amadi and Dave gave you nets to be worth about 2301g +/- the resulting stains in your clothes.
Gaurav: I don't want it, but I'll keep it so we don't lose it.
Ganelon: Fantastic.
Frezak (GM): Nice. We can at least get some +1 base gear.
Ganelon: Totes.
I don't think I have anything on-hand to protect us from radiation poisoning.
Maybe we could just give it to Amadi?
Apheori (GM): Dave will try to give the uranium to Amadi.
Frezak (GM): We don't have a Bag Of HOlding, do we?
Apheori (GM): Weeeell...
Amadi: What do I-?
Amadi takes the uranium, looking very puzzled.
Dave hands Gan a box of holding.
Dave: *Radek
Radek: ...Oh.
Dave: Careful. It's full of lizards.
Radek: Oh my.
Frezak (GM): Actually, depending on how our anti-laser cloaks are made, they might be able to contain the waves.
Dave: A lot of lizards.
Very unhappy lizards.
Radek peers inside the box.
Apheori (GM): A dragon snout tries to come out and gets jammed in the opening for a bit.
Frezak (GM): So if we're in a tight spot, open the box and run.
Apheori (GM): It snorts a small amount of fire, then manages to pull back inside.
Radek: ...One of you two should hold onto the uranium until I find a way to deal with these.
Unless we want it to kill the lizards...?
Gaurav: Party pets: sentient porridge, sphinx, mouseforged, bag of holding holding dragons.
Frezak (GM): Would the lasercloaks help?
Ganelon: Good question.
Apheori (GM): Yeah, they should block that radiation.
I think it's similar enough, anyway.
Ganelon: Eh, it's the future.
Frezak (GM): You want me to hold onto that?
Apheori (GM): Gaurav: Dave also has a raccoon she brought back to life and is convinced is a badger.
Ganelon: Lasers come in different frequencies. Usually gamma or X-rays.
And uranium emits gamma radiation, if unfocused... I think.
Frezak (GM): gamma radiation is blocked by paper.
Ganelon: So sure, wrap it in some lasercloak.
Gaurav: I dub it Badger the Raccoon
Apheori (GM): Future lasers are stronger.
Frezak (GM): it's the alpha and beta radiation that fucks you up.
Apheori (GM): Or something.
Ganelon: It's been a while.
But yeah, you take that.
And Rhu is welcome to have the huge key if he wants it.
Rhu takes the ornamental key and happily puts it into his backpack
Frezak (GM): Maybe Radek will be able to make a small reactor to power Car, if we can ever get back there.
Ganelon: If it even needs power.
Another bomb is also possible, of course.
Apheori (GM): Heh heh.
Frezak (GM): I thought it did, but we didn't know how much.
Ganelon: Well, that's what I mean.
Frezak (GM): But, right now, if we hall all the stuff, we should leave.
Ganelon: Obviously it's powered, but does it need power right now? Who knows.
Yeah, let's escape and not get arrested.
Frezak (GM): Both those things sound great.
Rhu: Did we ever figure out what the oily substance was?
Frezak (GM): Oil!
Radek: It was flammable, and therefore likely oil.
(To Ellemerr): The fun thing here is they don't even know if the items we gave them were found in the basement or not. We could have given them DIFFERENT ones.
(From Amadi): These pockets are great pockets.
Radek: Let's get out of here before we get accused of anything.
(To Amadi): Pockets of holding, methinks.
Rhu: Sure.
Dave: We were going somewhere, weren't we?
Let's go there.
Amadi runs back up to Gravy and asks for a ride.
Frezak (GM): I will add an Amadi to my invetory.
Rhu follows Dave
Ellemerr: She will squee and make other girly sounds.
Ganelon: This was a good day for Radek.
Apheori (GM): Dave marches out. I assume y'all follow.
Outside is a worried crowd; Dave assures them that everything is handled and under control and they can now go back about their business. She sounds very official.
Ganelon: He got "paid" for solving someone's pest problem way better than he expected to be.
Apheori (GM): A guy in a fire suit asks if she's sure, there was a really bad fire here, and she says, "Yes. Go home, Todd."
Ellemerr: Possibly recite nursery rhymes. Like
"How many miles to Babylon?
Three score and ten.
Can I get there on Gravy-back?
Yes, and back again.
If you stay steady and keep to the track,
Ellemerr: You may get there on Gravy-back."
Frezak (GM): PLease don't set fire to my horns.
Ellemerr: ... That's a great idea!
Apheori (GM): She has a lot of fire in her now. Be careful.
Anyway, let's call it, then.
Ganelon: She's all fired up.
Frezak (GM): Really?
Apheori (GM) sprays everyone with fungicide.
Gaurav coughs
Ellemerr: What? I don't even have to sleep yet!
Frezak (GM): I knew it! Rave is a fungus.
Ganelon: As they stroll off into the sunset, Radek poses the question:
"So, who wants to hear a story about the last time this happened to me?"
Apheori (GM): I need lunch! Food! Time to write stuff!
...I need to do all the things I didn't do last week. >.<
Gaurav: Gan: Shh, not too loud! The sphinxes will hear you.
Ellemerr: Oh.
That sounds vaguely familiar.
Ganelon 's eyes go wide in fear.
Frezak (GM): HMMMMM
You liar, Gan.
You don't know fear.
Ganelon: Well...
Gaurav: Were you seriously asking? Can you tell us before you go? Or at the start of the next session?
Ganelon: Me?
Gaurav: Yes.
Apheori: when do your holidays start?
Apheori (GM): This coming weekend.
Ganelon: Ah, I don't actually have a story planned out for the last time Radek started a fire in someone's basement and then looted it.
And I am not the best at improv.
Frezak (GM): Boooo
Apheori (GM): Maybe you can tell the story next week.
Gaurav: oh, sorry! I thought that you was you, and you were going to regale us with tales of dungeons past.
Ganelon: No, though if you do want D&D stories, I have a couple.
Gaurav: so we can shift back to weekdays next week
Apheori (GM): Maybe. We'll see.
Weee will seeeee.
Apheori (GM) dives out the window.
Ellemerr: See you!
Gaurav: bye, everybody!
thanks for a fun morning!