A fragment of the Garden of Remembering
Apheori (GM): Okay, so y'all are outside a farmhouse. Except for Rhu, he's inside. And Dave is probably in a tree, but you can't actually see her anymore. And Amadi isn't accounted for either. What else? I suppose I should put a door on the house. Frezak (GM): We're rested, yes? Apheori (GM): I have no idea. Are you? I think you are. Unless you aren't. Gaurav: I think that depends on whether the sleep we took to get to this place was restive or not. Where are the farming fields? Frezak (GM): Hidden. By Bong haze. Apheori (GM): They don't seem to have any fields. Unless they're behind the trees. Or the trees could be what they're farming. Frezak (GM): YOU were the field all along! They farm FLESH Fleeeeeesh Gaurav: Hee Apheori (GM): Or it could be livestock. In the trees. Eaten by zombies. Frezak (GM): Pigeon farmers? ZOMBIES? Gaurav: We go outside to find goats perched daintily in the branches Apheori (GM): I don't know. I'm just making this up. You guys may find more if you look. Bear Soup Guy: I'd grow a goat tree Gaurav: and the occasional cow Frezak (GM): HawkMoose. Gaurav: Ew yes So were there any dead bodies in the kitchen? I know Rhu was standing next to the dead bodies when we ended last time. Does that mean he's upstairs in the bedroom? Frezak (GM): I thought I was burying bodies. Apheori (GM): The bodies are upstairs in the main bedroom. I think you were digging the graves at this point; the bodies themselves have yet to be moved. Frezak (GM): I'll dig an extra grave in case we need one. Gaurav: Okay, then, Rhu is upstairs, standing over the bodies wishing he had a pipe and a deerstalker hat. Apheori (GM): Radek was apparently sitting in the kitchen (chairs are useful things). Ganelon: Oh, he was? That does sound more like a thing I would have done. Apheori (GM): When did Rhu get attacked by a squirrel? o_O Bear Soup Guy: Last time Ganelon: Recently? Because I feel like that probably happens often. Bear Soup Guy: Greibel made fun of him and his hair was bleeding Apheori (GM): XD Okay. Anyone want to bring the bodies down? They kind of smell. Rhu: Did you find anything examining them, or did you actually examine them yet? I guess you did a heal check. Gaurav: I did a heal check, rolled 24 (12+12) Apheori (GM): Okay, so they were humans, there were... uh... maybe three of them, except the parts don't quite add up quite right, but the volume looks about right for three, and they were stabbed a lot with probably knives and sawed a bit. And they smell bad. Also they look like they'd only have been there for a day or two, tops. Gaurav: "Apheori (GM): Rhu: It's stinky and gross and apparently someone or something broke in and killed everyone throughout the house and then piled the bodies in the main bedroom." Apheori (GM): Right. Frezak (GM): I could go up to the top floor and toss the bodies into the graves through hte window. Ganelon: Sounds respectful. Gaurav: "parts don't add up" -> eight hands, four feet? Apheori (GM): Classy. Frezak (GM): I don't give a flying fuck about the DEAD. I care about the GRAVES. Apheori (GM): Well, there are something like five right hands, two left hands, three feet, one head... How dirty are you willing to get? Would you like to rummage through the pile and find out what all is in it? So far I think you've only rummaged through the top. Rhu is disappointed at not being able to examine the blood splatter patterns in more detail or whatever, but only a crazy person would get between Gravy and his grave-filling duties. Frezak (GM): If only you have some way to... dig through the pile.... Hey, I haven't touched the bodies yet. i'm digging. Ganelon: I, at least, have absolutely no intention of digging through piles of corpse bits without at least a reasonable prospect of reward. Apheori (GM): Does Radek have a sense of smell? Ganelon: Well if he's anything like me, he can shut his off. Apheori (GM): I know Rhu does. Rhu! Roll something to not be overpowered. Gaurav: gah Rhu: rolling d20 ( 5 ) = 5 Ganelon: (It takes a little conscious effort to not smell) Gaurav: It's a pretty normal sense of smell, and I think he'd be avoiding the pile, but if you insist ... What time of day is it? I think it was night when we set off towards this farmhouse -- is it still dark out? Apheori (GM): Radek's fine, then. Rhu is... ill. It's getting lighter. Almost dawn. Rhu looks around for a bathroom Apheori (GM): Still some weird noises from the woods, but Gravy's digging is probably more than enough to scare it off... Gaurav: s/bathroom/restroom/g Apheori (GM): Rhu: No bathroom. Just bedrooms with lots of things stacked on top of each other. A metal tub in a closet. Gaurav: Dude Rhu pukes in the metal tub Apheori (GM): Greibel: What are you doing? Bear Soup Guy: Kind of sitting outside wondering what all the fuss is about Watching Dave maybe Gaurav: Dude. Creepy farmhouse in the morning light. This is definitely my favourite location we've found so far this campaign. Apheori (GM): Greibel: You see Dave pull Amadi up into the tree. You can roll perception to not lose sight of them in the leaves. Frezak (GM): Bitches are having a fucking tea party! Gaurav: It's all they ever do. Bear Soup Guy: rolling 1d20+11 ( 3 ) +11 = 14 Apheori (GM): Dude, they probably are. XD Greibel: You can't tell if they're having a tea party or not. There's not really any motion aside from some random leaf rustling. Bear Soup Guy: I'll follow them up into the tree Apheori (GM): Roll tree climbing. Also move your guy over there if you do. Bear Soup Guy: Should that be a stat or just a d20? Apheori (GM): Use whatever makes the most sense. I don't even remember what the skills that exist are. >.< Gaurav: Acrobatics or athletics, I guess. Ganelon: Athletics is normally used to climb, and that's a strength skill. I would consider you trained. Bear Soup Guy: Right Gaurav: Maybe you can speak to the tree and ask it to bend over? Apheori (GM): Also, Radek, Rhu comes running down and pukes in a tub nearby. Do you react? Bear Soup Guy: Watch my skillful athletics roll Ganelon: Because honestly, you could turn into a monkey. Bear Soup Guy: rolling 1d20+-0 ( 20 ) +-0 = 20 Gaurav gasps Apheori (GM): Greibel climbs into the tree and disappears as well. Frezak (GM): Greibel becomes the tree. Bear Soup Guy: Greibel climbs all the way to the sky (To Greibel): They ARE having a tea party! Radek: Having fun, Rhu? Frezak (GM): Greibel pulls out this sack of beans.... (To Greibel): Dave invites you to join them. Amadi looks really grumpy, and keeps throwing grumpy looks at Dave. Rhu looks up and gives Radek half a dirty look before having to puke to some more. Greibel: I'd like to join your tea party I know a lot about tea. It's what I drink when I'm out of drugs. Dave passes Greibel a cup of something that is almost, but not entirely, unlike tea. Ganelon: Perish the thought! Dave: This IS drugs! Frezak (GM): Greibel wouldn't be Greibel if he did not have endless drugs. Greibel: Best of both worlds! Greibel kindly takes the cup and has a few cautious sips Frezak (GM): THe cup screams. Apheori (GM): Gravy: You hear some strange whistling coming out of the tree. Also it sounds like someone hitting someone. Frezak (GM): Is it interfering with my grave-digging ability? (To Greibel): Nobody hit anyone. It just sounded like that when Amadi made herself comfortable. Or something. Apheori (GM): Nope. Frezak (GM): Then fuck the tree. I'm doing something important. Rhu heads outside into the morning gloam, drinks some water from his canteen and rinsing his mouth out Apheori (GM): Greibel: The tea gives you a nice relaxing high, and also kills your sense of smell. Completely. Greibel 's face twitches Greibel: My nose is blind! Greibel chuckles Gaurav: I think we have a volunteer for digging through the organ pile! Frezak (GM): DIGGING, YOU SAY? Apheori (GM): Nobody can hear Greibel say that. Greibel: Dave and Amadi chat. You can join in or not. I don't have anything for them to chat about, so they're just chatting. Nobody else can hear them chatting, either. Bear Soup Guy: I'll listen and observe quietly Gaurav: While Rhu's outside, he's going to look around for any blood stains or signs of fighting outside the farmhouse. Rhu: rolling 1d20+14 perception check ( 5 ) +14 = 19 Ganelon: This seems like a good time to unravel the mysteries of the universe, so that's probably what Radek is concerning himself with. The mysteries at a much larger scale than, you know, this murder mystery. Apheori (GM): Of course. Ganelon: If he were dealing with this, he'd be antagonizing Rhu some more. Apheori (GM): Radek unravels, and ignores the candle he found. Ganelon: I had actually forgotten, but it's true. He would do that. Apheori (GM): Rhu: There's not a whole lot outside. It looks like none of the struggle ever made it outside. Despite all the mes inside. mess Gaurav: In looking outside the farmhouse, Rhu walks all the way around it, glancing up at the tea-party tree as he does. He then goes back upstairs and then looks gloomily at the body-pile. Apheori (GM): Perception on the tree. Gaurav: rolling 1d20+14 perception on the tree ( 4 ) +14 = 18 Apheori (GM): Behind the farmhouse there's a path leading to the woods. There's also an area where it looks like there should be livestock, but it's all been cut/opened and it's empty. Gaurav: Look how cunningly I'm saving up all rolls > 5 for later in the game. Apheori (GM): Rhu: you can't make out anything interesting in the tree, other than that there's apparently something up there because it's rustling a bit. You also can't hear any chatter. Ganelon: Indeed, but you don't know when you'll exhaust your supply of sub-5 rolls. Rhu: (shouts up at the tree) Hey, you okay up there? Gaurav: (he saw Dave fly out the window into it, so he knows she's up there, but I don't suppose he knows that Greibel and Amadi are as well) Frezak (GM): Awright, I'm probably done with the graves. I'll go check with the guys that they're done with the bodybits. Ganelon: The guy outside or the guy inside? Frezak (GM): Welll... Rhu. Since I'll see him first. Ganelon: Certainly not because he's liable to be less grumpy. Frezak (GM): And he might actually want the bodies. Since he's a cultist. Gaurav: I guess Rhu gives up on the tree responding eventually. The Gravedigger: You need the body bits for anything? And what's with the tree? Rhu: Dave's in it. And no, although I don't think we should bury them just yet. The police might need them ... if they've discovered policemen here yet. The Gravedigger: Awww But I dug the graves and everything! Frezak (GM): He tromps back to the graves and leaves business cards. Bear Soup Guy: XD Gaurav: "Today you were buried by GRAVY" Ganelon: Just leave a note. "Dear cops, please use the graves provided once your investigation is complete. P.S. We didn't do it. - Gravy" Frezak (GM): YES Gaurav: Hee There weren't any phones or anything in the house, so I don't know how we're going to call the police though. Maybe nobody will mind if we bury 'em. Frezak (GM): I could bury them and leave inventory lists next to each grave. Rhu: Which grave gets the head? There's only one head. Frezak (GM): rolling 1D3 ( 2 ) = 2 Middle grave. Ganelon: Excellent selection process. Frezak (GM): Gravy flips his three-sided coin. Apheori (GM): Are you digging through the pile yet? Frezak (GM): I was just going to scoop the bits and carry them out. With my shovel. No, my spade. Better shape. Rhu trails behind Frezak, muttering something about evidence and having a bad feeling about this house, but not doing anything to stop him. The Gravedigger: Wooo-eeeee these are RIPE. Apheori (GM): Gravy: Roll a thingy to handle the smell. Frezak (GM): Do they smell like ordinary rotting corpses? Apheori (GM): Roll a thingy on that too. Radek: You two don't need an epitaph, right? Frezak (GM): constitution! rolling 1D20+6 ( 17 ) +6 = 23 Rhu follows Gravy in The Gravedigger: Not really. Rhu: rolling 1d20+3 constitution check against smelly corpses ( 17 ) +3 = 20 The Gravedigger: Other than 'bits of people here) Rhu: If they smell that bad, they're probably fresh. Whatever did this might still be in the neighbourhood. Frezak (GM): I tihnk it must have been a 'who'. Apheori (GM): Yeah, Gravy is fine. Frezak (GM): Animals don't make piles of bodybits. Apheori (GM): Rhu's better now too. Ganelon: Should I do a roll for determining the actual results of my puzzling? Lately it's all been about the hole-closing executable. And what's missing that results in dreadful headaches. Apheori (GM): Sure. Ganelon: Arcana, or just Intelligence? Gaurav: Any way we can investigate the Hunger thing that chased us out of Midnight? Apheori (GM): Arcana. Ganelon: Investigate it? Apheori (GM): So Gravy's shovelling corpse bits? Ganelon: rolling 1d20+12 Arcana ( 11 ) +12 = 23 I would probably start by asking a god. Given how Midnight was evidently their turf. Frezak (GM): Yep. Rhu mutters a silent prayer over the body parts pile Ganelon: Consign them to a frustrating and futile end, Rhu. (It's a wonder they even let followers of Hazz say prayers for other people) ("They" in this context, I suppose, meaning the rest of us.) Gaurav: The same end waits for us all, rich or poor, strong or weak. I pray only that they may find it swiftly. And don't come back as zombies so we have to kill them again or anything. Maybe they were zombies? Breaking them into piles might stop respawnage. Apheori (GM): Do you shovel the parts out the window, or what? Also: Updated count: five heads, two torsos, one ribcage, five feet, nine hands. And a couple of thighs. Ganelon: I would suspect gnolls, but the building isn't on fire. Frezak (GM): Sure, i'll scoop them out the window. Gaurav: That is gross and disgusting and awesome. I love this farmhouse so much. Apheori (GM): Would gnolls make a single nice pile in the upstairs bedroom when they're done? Ganelon: Well, they usually don't leave even skeletons behind 'cause they eat the meat and bones off their victims, but it's not like a small number couldn't get too full to finish. Stacking the leftovers into a pile is strange behaviour, though, I'll give you that. Gaurav: Maybe they've gone to fetch a cart? Rhu wanders outside again and looks for that path in the woods Ganelon: Oh, right. I still need to know what that 23 on Arcana led to. Apheori (GM): So Gravy shovels everything out the window, Rhu wanders behind the place, Radek makes some vague connections that he might be able to work with later, and Greibel is up a tree. And that's when the guards show up. Gaurav: o.0 Which direction do they come from? Apheori (GM): Over... uh... I'll try to find some icons. Frezak (GM): TADAAAAA 1 guard captain and 3 guardlings Gaurav: Pfft guardlings I'm imagining pseudo dragons with little badges stapled to their ears Ganelon: Uh oh. We now have two groups of guards. Apheori (GM): Dammit, Gravy. Um, Frezak. I mean. Okay, yours are better. Gaurav: oof, what noses Rhu can't see them from where he is, so he'll just continue examining the path Apheori (GM): They don't even notice the tree and go right past it. They do, however, notice the body parts flying out the window. Gaurav: rolling 1d20+14 perception check on the path ( 16 ) +14 = 30 Ganelon: These guards better watch out. Apheori (GM): It's a well-travelled path, probably leading to something important to the farmhouse. There's a broken cart by it. Guards approach with guns drawn. Frezak (GM): Pfffft, guns. Ganelon: This building's entrance is protected by an old man with a rifle in a chair. Apheori (GM): Is the door open? Ganelon: The ultimate form of security. Frezak (GM): Musing about metaphysics. Ganelon: (He's not actually got the rifle drawn) Apheori (GM): Actually, there's probably a back door too, which Rhu would have gone out... Frezak (GM): Presumably I don't see them because I'm busy shovelling. Ganelon: Well, are you taking any considerations with regards to your aim? Frezak (GM): I'm aiming for the graves. Ganelon: Then you probably have to look at them, unless you're performing trick-shots. And if you're shooting blind, odds are you're going to hit one of these guys as they approach below. Apheori (GM): Yeah, you'll see them. Frezak (GM): I'll wave. Apheori (GM): Frezak: can you attach those icons to characters so they can speak? I don't know how. Ganelon: You mean put images on 'em so they show up with those images in the chatbox? Apheori (GM): Yeah. The images that are in the... space. Board. Thingy. Guard Captain: I AM A GUARD Frezak (GM): Like that? Ganelon: Dead simple, if so. You go to the character in the journal and it should have an empty space for images. Apheori (GM): Righht, but is there any way to get the image off the board and into the space? Ganelon: Oh. Not that I know of. Apheori (GM): Frezak: could you make one for the generic guards too? Frezak (GM): Do they need it? Apheori (GM): Just one. IT may or may not be needed, but it could be useful. Depends on what happens. Frezak (GM): Done. Though we know who they are, they don't need avatars. Apheori (GM): Good point. Well, anyway, thank you. So the guard captain yells at you. And points his rifle at you. Guard Captain: Stop! Apheori (GM): He's creative. The Gravedigger: Two more shovelsfull and I'll be right down. Guard Captain: He gestures to the other guards and two of them move toward the back of the house. Apheori (GM): Put your shovel down and come out! Frezak (GM): *gasp* THE GRUMP Apheori (GM): Ghah! I got that backwards. Guard Captain: Put your shovel down and come out! The Gravedigger: Fiiiiiine Frezak (GM): I'll clomp down the stairs, shovel on my shoulder. Radek: What's the commotion about? Rhu: rolling 1d20+14 perception check to hear the guards coming ( 4 ) +14 = 18 The Gravedigger: Some shouty guy outside. Apheori (GM): Rhu: You notice them, then they notice you and point weapons at you. Guard: (to Rhu) Don't move! Radek gives Gravy a *very* sarcastic "Oh no, really?" look. The Gravedigger: I swear. Rhu: (to Guard) ... err, hi? Apheori (GM): Is Rhu holding anything? Ganelon: I'm sorry, Frezak, but "some shouty guy outside" is possibly the most redundant answer you could give. To someone aware of the commotion. Frezak (GM): Yes. I know. Gaurav: He'll be holding his maul, just cause there isn't anywhere convenient to put it. Ganelon: "Oh, no, the bodies weren't SMASHED..." Guard: (to Rhu) Put the weapon down. Ganelon: "I just carry this for self-defense." Apheori (GM): The other guard with the caption goes to examine the parts Gravy shoveled out the window. Rhu puts down the maul Rhu ... well, leans it against the house. Ganelon: If this turns into a fight, I'm going to challenge myself not to stand up from this chair throughout the whole thing. Frezak (GM): You need a pipe. Ganelon: I will use nothing but my robot minions, who incidentally now have names. Apheori (GM): Greibel has a pipe. Gaurav: Gan: that would be awesome. Do you still have your safari hat from the sphinx fight? Ganelon: Did it just appear on my head? Because if so, I think I might need to play the part again for it to reappear. I've kinda been through a lot since then. Apheori (GM): Is the front door open? Can the guards see inside? Rhu: (to Guards, with hands raised) Hi. This might be a silly question, but what planet is this? Apheori (GM): Also, I'll be right back. Ganelon: I made no effort to close any doors. Guard: (to Rhu) This is Cerris. What are you doing here? Guard Captain: (pointing a rifle at Gravy) Put the shovel down and step outside! The Gravedigger: This, sir, is a spade. Guard: Um, Captain, this isn't right. Guard Captain: Put it down! Rhu: rolling 1d20+4 history check to see if I know anything about "Cerris" ( 20 ) +4 = 24 (to Guard) We don't really know. We sort of just appeared. You'd have to ask the godlings. The Gravedigger: Look, I don't know who you are, and you turn up, point a gun at me and tell me to drop my work-tools? For all I know you killed these people and decided to clean up after yourselves. Like hell I'm disarming in front of a angry violent stranger. Apheori (GM): Rhu: Cerris isn't a planet you know. You're very certain of this. It also might not be a planet, though - there is a city named that, for instance... Gaurav: Would Rhu know anything about that city? Guard: (to Rhu) When? Did you not do this? Apheori (GM): Let's say it involved a lot of kelp. Guard Captain: We've been tracking this case for the past four months, and now, the closest we've come to getting ahead of it, we find you at the scene, shovelling parts. How do you think that looks? Rhu: Do ... what? We just got here. Radek grumbles. Radek: It looks bloody inconvenient. Keep it down over there. Ganelon: For dramatic effect I'm going to say he's seated facing away from the door. The Gravedigger: I'm burying abunch of dismembered dead people I found and a guy turns up pointing a gun at me. If you're a guard, then you could start be telling people that. Ganelon: Perhaps one hand is visible, like Dr. Claw. Frezak (GM): You need a hat tilted down. Ganelon: Well, I still don't know if that safari hat was real or imagined. Guard: (to Rhu) We're investigating a series of murders. If you had nothing to do with it, you should come with us. Tell us what you do know. Guard Captain: Um... Rhu: (to Guard) Happy to help. And if you could help .. me find our way to the closest city, I'd really appreciate that. Guard Captain: What else would I be? The Gravedigger: What do YOU call a stranger pointing a gun at you? Guard Captain: If you're intending to bury the bodies, why are you throwing pieces out the window? Radek: How about noisy? The Gravedigger: Because the graves are down there. Guard Captain: Argh. So you're saying you didn't do this. The Gravedigger: Gods no. We just found bits. Guard Captain: You just happen to show up immediately after and decide to clean up something that has nothing to do with you? The Gravedigger: Immediately? Can't you smell 'em? They are ripe. Any longer and they would be all mooshy. Greibel climbs down from the tree obliviously Greibel: You guys are interrupting tea time! Guard Captain: What? Guard: He's right, captain. It's too old. Frezak (GM): "don't min him, he's on drugs" Guard Captain: But the... it should have happened yesterday. The Gravedigger: Go smell 'em. Guard points a gun at Greibel. The Gravedigger: Seriously, stop it with the gods-damned guns. Greibel: Woah, hey now Apheori (GM): The guards in back escort Rhu toward the front. Unless he resists. Does he? Rhu: rolling 1d20+5 stealth check to look for an opportunity to run into the trees when the guard's guard is down, but he's not going to take it unless he's sure (or rolls a 1, I guess) ( 18 ) +5 = 23 Apheori (GM): Well, he has an opportunity. I dunno if it's good or not. Ganelon: I won't try to stop you, but uh... what are you doing? Rhu: (to Guards) Did you guys see the cart? There's a broken cart in that path over there. It might be a clue. Gaurav: I don't trust these guys, and they have guns, which is a bad sign. If they turn out to be the killers, I'd rather be free so I can attack them unexpectedly. Or something. Guard: It looks like a cart. Guard Captain: Okay, yes, we're guards. Could everyone just come outside so we can discuss this? Or... down. Guard Captain eyes Greibel. Guard Captain: How many of you are there? Ganelon: I'd like to do an Insight on him before I cooperate, just to see if I think he's lying about being a guard. I doubt it, but why not be safe? Bear Soup Guy: ooo, good idea Ganelon: ...Oh. That's why. My Insight is atrocious. rolling 1d20+4 ( 14 ) +4 = 18 Well, whatever! Apheori (GM): You get the feeling he may have left something out. Gaurav: Does the guard going to check out the cart separate the two, or do they stick close to each other? Apheori (GM): They don't even go to it. One just makes a stupid comment. That's basically it. Ganelon: Alright then. Gaurav: Sigh. So much for my cunning plan. I'll go quietly along with them, but keep an eye out for any opportunity to distract them. Ganelon: Radek will stand up crankily. *Very* crankily. I'm tempted to call it an intimidate attempt. Gaurav: Do it! Apheori (GM): The guards lead Rhu around to the front of the house. On the way, Dave falls out of the tree and lands on one of them. One of them probably picked up your mace, so it might as well have been that one. They kind of freak out, and try to grab her, and one of them shoots the tree on accident. Gaurav: Poor tree. Ganelon: rolling 1d20+2 Being frighteningly cranky. ( 10 ) +2 = 12 Frezak (GM): I'll assist! rolling 1D20+6 ( 5 ) +6 = 11 Rhu shoots Greibel a "I think we can take these guys" look Frezak (GM): Gan gets a +2. Ganelon: With any luck they'll be like "Oh shit, we really shouldn't annoy the old guy." Greibel shoots Rhu a "what are you, crazy?" look Apheori (GM): Dave is yelling something, but you can't actually hear anything. The guard manages to pin her arms or something, restraining her. Rhu sighs Apheori (GM): The Guard with line of sight on the old guy takes a step back, trips over a body part, and falls on some more body parts with a horrible squelching sound and an even worse smell. Rhu: (to Guard) She's with us. She's ... troubled. Ganelon: Yessss Dave shouts something. Dave: (silently) Rhu taks a step back from the corner Greibel: I don't think it's wise for you guards to be messing around with Dave... Guard Captain: Hey! Apheori (GM): Someone do something. You've thrown the guards off guard very effectively. Bear Soup Guy: If Rhu wants to try stealthing again I can cast my big stealth vines thingy around him Ganelon: I'm being cranky towards them, not uncooperative. It might be incidentally serving Rhu's purposes, but I really am just doing it for its own sake. Gaurav: There's still a lot of guns around, and Rhu doesn't want to escalate the situation. He's just getting into position to defend Dave if that becomes necessary. Apheori (GM): Well, there's a guard holding her, but neither of them are actually really doing anything. Gaurav: and trying to put the building between him and as many guns as possible yeah, that's why Rhu isn't doing anything either. Ganelon: This captain wants us together, right? Apheori (GM): Yes. Rhu: (to Guard) So how did you guys get here? Ganelon: Then I'll hobble over to here. Apheori (GM): The guard that fell over gets up stinkily and freaked out and nearly falls over again. Radek gives that guard the evil eye. Apheori (GM): The guard with Dave pushes her over as well. The evil-eyed guard stares at Radek and starts to back away again, then thinks better of it. Rhu keeps close to the guard pushing Dave Ganelon: Yeah, this guy knows what's up. If he doesn't behave, he's going to face Radek's geriatric fury. Rhu: Gan: I bet you can't scare him into the grave. Gaurav: (ooc, sorry) Ganelon: Hmm... Guard Captain: Could you just...? Guard Captain motions to Gravy to join the others. Frezak (GM): I'll give them a Gravy eye. Guard Captain: So you all had nothing to do with this? The Gravedigger: I dug those graves. Quality worksmanship, that. Guard Captain: Do you know what happened before that? Rhu: We just got here. At dawn. We haven't been here more than an hour, tops. Guard Captain: And why did you come here? Radek chuckles as if he's just heard the punchline of some great, unseen joke. Frezak (GM): Because REASONS Apheori (GM): Heh. Ganelon: He neglects to actually answer the captain, however. Rhu: Have you heard of the great God Hazz'ridan? Ganelon: "This is the work of one of his great machinations. By which I mean obstructions." Guard Captain: No. Frezak (GM): Well, are you in for a TREAT, my friend! Ganelon: "Here, lemme just summon him for you right now. He loves wasting time on stuff like this, trust me." Gaurav: <.< Ganelon: The latter is *probably* sarcasm. (To Greibel): You hear Amadi yell out of the tree, "He means Vitoi, you idiot!" Rhu: Never mind then. We were escaping from somewhere, and ... we ended up here. We landed on a hill close by (points in the direction of the hill) Ganelon: I don't think Hazz actually has shown up personally except to deal with matters of actual significance. You just made us sound like prison escapees, Gaurav. Greibel looks up Greibel: She says Vitol. Greibel points at the tree Frezak (GM): About time we got air support! Guard Captain: What, like a prison? You don't... Ganelon: Pfft. Guard Captain looks at the tree in confusion. Ganelon: If you want air support, I could just activate Kepler-4. Gaurav: Hey, I earned my -1 charisma the hard way. Guard Captain: So you just wound up here. Rhu: No, we were escaping from a beast! It attacked us. And then we just wound up here, yes. Trust me, we're as confused as you are. Guard Captain: The beast was here? Rhu: ... what do you know about portals? Radek: There is a clear metaphysical explanation to your inquiries, but unfortunately, you would neither fully comprehend nor believe it. Rhu looks around to see if anybody can explain this better than he can Ganelon: "To answer your inquiries" rather. Rhu: ... or Arah? Radek: Shall I explain anyways? Guard Captain: Fine. Why were you shovelling bodies? Frezak (GM): Gravy nods sagely. The Gravedigger: To bury them. Rhu: Do you have wizards here? Ganelon: Haha, yessss. Really though, if he wants to know where we came from, I'm rolling for jargon. Gaurav: We could just point out that Ajirahd and Irundha of Akrikdirin Vak reign king of the sandcastle. That always confuses me. Apheori (GM): I just got attacked by a pollonado. Holy crap. Aaaanyway. Guard Captain: You just bury random bodies you find? Why? Ganelon: Ah, but saying confusing things isn't the same as speaking in confusing terms. The latter not only baffles people, it also makes you look like you know what you're talking about. Radek: Because he's the Gravedigger. Frezak (GM): brb Gaurav: What's pollonado? Ganelon: I fully expect to be backed up by a "Because I'm the Gravedigger." It strikes me as that sort of automatic response everyone would say at the same time. and think nothing of it afterwards. Apheori (GM): Tornado of chickens. The Gravedigger: Because I'm the Gravedigger. Apheori (GM): It clucks and everything. Ganelon: Thanks, Frezak. Oh, she's playing Guild Wars. Gaurav: Huh. Frezak (GM): What, the DM is playing a game at the same that she should be DMing? Wow, that's professional; Apheori (GM): I was just standing there. And then this thing showed up. It was scary. Guard Captain stares at Gravy and Radek blankly. Apheori (GM): GRAVY! Frezak (GM): Gravy stares blankly back. Apheori (GM): You hear something charging out of the woods. The Gravedigger: I hear something charging out the woods! Apheori (GM): Except there's nothing there. The Gravedigger: But there's nothing there! Apheori (GM): >.> Also Greibel is standing strangely close to you. Frezak (GM): eh, it's Greibel. Nothing he does is strange. Guard Captain: Okaaaay. Did you notice anything in particular? Frezak (GM): Did I? Apheori (GM): You noticed an odd composition of body parts. Any of you may have noticed the mess inside. Radek noticed the candel. candle The Gravedigger: Well, I don't have enough bits to make three whole bodies. Gaurav: Did anybody but Gravy hear the charging noise? We should nature-check it. Apheori (GM): Greibel might have. I guess he probably did. Frezak (GM): I think Rhu is pretty perceptive. Actually I think Rhu's base perception is better than mine. Apheori (GM): Rhu isn't Greibel. Gaurav: 'tis sad but 'tis true :( Rhu's base perception is +14. Isn't Gravy's insanely high? Ganelon: His passive perception isn't affected by that ridiculous skill. Because the skill is temporary. Guard Captain: And how many bodies did the bits come from? Frezak (GM): Do we know the answer to that? Ganelon: Not me. Apheori (GM): No, but you can guess. All you really know is it's more than how many the number itself would add up to. Ganelon: Minimum five, right? Apheori (GM): Oh, aye. From the hands... The Gravedigger: Uh. Lots. Gaurav: Five heads, so yeah. Frezak (GM): I thought it was only one head. Apheori (GM): One on top, a couple more buried. Gaurav: BSG: could you nature-check the noise Greibel and Gravy heard coming from the woods? Frezak (GM): Hell, could /I/ ? I have solid nature skills. Bear Soup Guy: Either Apheori (GM): Yes. Bear Soup Guy: I don't think Greibel was paying attention Frezak (GM): rolling 1D20+10 ( 18 ) +10 = 28 HOW MANY HAIRS DID IT HAVE? Apheori (GM): It sounded like a humanoid. A thuddy one. Not very smart. Gaurav: "A thuddy one" Apheori (GM): Chaaarging. Guard Captain says something about needing to take you all in to get your official statements, verify who you are, and work out the paperwork, but he's reasonably sure you're telling the truth about not having done this. Guard mutters something about having to start all over again. Guard wants coffee. Frezak (GM): Like he can verify who we are. Apheori (GM): He doesn't know that. Frezak (GM): So what do we do? Go to town? With these...... fellows? Apheori (GM): Oh, I forgot to mention - nobody can hear Greibel when he talks for some reason. Frezak (GM): Yeah, maybe you should have mentioned that. Apheori (GM): I meant to mention it when he said something, but then he didn't say anything for awhile and I forgot. Gaurav: This is what comes from having tea with godlings. Frezak (GM): Well I'll ask him is he's okay and see if he nods or shakes his head. Gaurav: I'm happy going to town with these fellows, unless there's something left to be learned at this farmhouse. Speaking of which, why aren't the policemen investigating the farmhouse? I guess maybe they haven't invented CSI yet? Frezak (GM): I think it's because they're rubbish. Ganelon: They need a professional who wears sunglasses so he can take them off and deliver a dramatic title-card line. Apheori (GM): They're keeping an eye on you. But yes, Frezak is probably right. Frezak (GM): I generally am. Apheori (GM): You are. Except when you're not. Frezak (GM): How does Greibel respond? Ganelon: With a bout of narcolepsy, it seems. Bear Soup Guy: Oh, to the question Greibel: Uh...yeah... Frezak (GM): Onwards! Apheori (GM): Okay, you all get arrested. They want to take away your weapons. Frezak (GM): FUCK EM Ganelon: Oh, I know what to do. Apheori (GM): A whistling noise comes out of the tree again. Frezak (GM): The godshard tree? Apheori (GM): Mhm. Radek looks pleadingly at the guard captain. Radek: Would you deprive an old man of his... "walking stick"? Apheori (GM): What does the walking stick look like? Ganelon: A very intricate rifle. Gaurav: o.0 Guard Captain sighs. Guard Captain: Just put it away. The Gravedigger: Are we being arrested or helping you with your enquiries? Guard Captain: Nevermind. Ganelon: That would kind of defeat the purpose of it serving as a walking stick, but I'll comply. Is he just giving up? Gaurav: If we're separated from our weapons, we'll really be in trouble, especially if that's an encounter thudding towards us. Double-especially if it's Amadi and we all end up in prison. Apheori (GM): Why would you all end up in prison. ? He seems to be giving up. You'll need to convince him to. Gaurav: oh, I thought we were being arrested. Bear Soup Guy: I should be leaving in about a half an hour, just so everyone knows Apheori (GM): You were. Something changed. For instance maybe it just ocurred to him that there actually IS a checkbox on the form for when extra-planar creatures show up and mess things up. Gaurav: Hee Apheori (GM): And he's been out all night in the woods and he's tired and wants to go to bed. Guard trips and falls in a grave. Rhu: How did you guys know to come out here, anyway? We tried to find a phone, but there wasn't one. Gaurav: Hey, what happened to the dog? Ganelon: Oh yeeeeah. We should have Griebel question the witness. Apheori (GM): The dog is sitting on Greibel's feet. Guard Captain: It was a guess based on the pattern so far. They'd strike in the area. This was the third place we checked. Are you from the planes, by any chance? Gaurav: holy crap, YES. Question the dog! The Gravedigger: Most recently.... sort of? I think we've been in between planes a bit lately. Radek: Quite a bit. Greibel: rolling 1d20+13 nature the dog I guess? ( 4 ) +13 = 17 Guard Captain stares at Gravy, then brightens up. Guard Captain: That's great news! The Gravedigger: really? Guard: Captain? Apheori (GM): The dog wags its tail and barks at Greibel happily. Frezak (GM): AND EXPLODES INTO SLIME Bear Soup Guy: eeeww, dog slime Apheori (GM): No, that's what the guard does. But not for a bit. Ganelon: Whoa, spoilers. Frezak (GM): That's some allergy. Bear Soup Guy: dinner spoilers Guard Captain: Yes, in fact it simplifies this entire thing. Frezak (GM): "Now we keeeeel youuuuu" Guard Captain: I'll just need you to show me something impossible, and we can write off this entire incident. Apheori (GM): Gravy: You hear him mumble, "And then go to bed." Frezak (GM): I could.... summon Codrichun. Apheori (GM): Greibel: What do you do with the dog? Frezak (GM): Because that solves every problem. Bear Soup Guy: well I don't think I can interrogate him about a murder on that roll so... Play fetch? Radek: Impossible, you say? The Gravedigger: Oh dear. Apheori (GM): Okay, Greibel plays fetch with the dog and the Guard captain sighs and shakes his head. Guard Captain: That's a dog, not... yes, impossible. Gaurav: What about the orb of protection thing? That's pretty impossible. Radek withdraws a jar of silvery liquid from his collection of weird shit. Radek: How about the soul of an inactive Warforged in liquid form? Ganelon: Thank you, Journal. Guard: What is it? Radek: Did you not just hear me? The Gravedigger: The soul of an inactive Warforged in liquid form! Ganelon: Is it... jargon time? Guard: Cool! What is it? Ganelon: Okay, yes. The Gravedigger: The soul of an inactive Warforged in liquid form! Guard: What is it? Radek: rolling 1d20+12 JARGON ( 14 ) +12 = 26 Rhu looks at the guards oddly Rhu: You guys okay? Guard Captain nods. Guard Captain: Okay, that works for me. Let's... Apheori (GM): And that's when he gets smashed by an ogre charging in. That sounds exactly the same as what Gravy and Greibel heard before. Gaurav: Huh. The Gravedigger: Oh, so that's what it was. Apheori (GM): Since Rob needs to go, I think that's probably as far as we should go for now. Sorry about all of this. You guys are a lot weirder than I realised. I don't know how to deal with that properly. >.< Bear Soup Guy: And then next time OGRE BATTLE Ganelon: Weirder than you realised? Gaurav: We are pretty weird, yes. Ganelon: Well, yes. Gaurav looks at our team admiringly. Gaurav: I may not be able to make it next Sunday. But I will try, at least for the first couple of hours. Depends on how early my nephew and niece get up. Ganelon: This is the only campaign where I get to roll intimidate to be cranky and arcana to spit jargon. Apheori (GM): Okay, well, everyone show up if you can, and if you can't, I'm sure it won't be terribly interesting anyway. Just a horde of zombies spawned by the hunger of destroyed worlds. Or something. Gaurav: 0.0 well crap Frezak (GM): Streums! Apheori (GM): Whazzat? Frezak (GM): Creatures born from the anguish/hate/whatever of destroyed worlds, possibly. Gaurav: Rhu's character sheet is at https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/19429772/dnd-skype/Rhu.pdf and I'm totally happy with any of you playing him if necessary. Apheori (GM): Cool! Gaurav: You are good people. Apheori (GM): Totally. Or something. Apheori (GM) runs away. Gaurav: Hey, Rhu made it all the way through this session without any eels anywhere. Apheori (GM): AGH! I forgot the eels! Gaurav: That was unexpected and cool. Ha! Their time will come. Frezak (GM): It was.... The Time Of The Eels Gaurav: With any luck, we'll fix the universe before then. So Rhu can get back home and settle back into a comfortable life of devout worshippery and minor undead turning, back to his friends and life and -- AAAGH! EELS! Frezak (GM): If only they were undead eels Gaurav: I'm sure they will be mere death will not stop them &c.