Holes/Session 7
<screenplay> INT. Village inn - morning
The party congregates back in the main room of the inn downstairs. Four bowls of slightly less congealed porridge than the last time have been left out for them.
Rhu is ever so slightly hungover, the way a delivery truck is ever so slightly heavy. In fact he looks a bit like death. Whereas Radek and the Gravedigger look perfectly normal.
Greibel stumbles groggily down the stairs and joins the others.
GREIBEL Hero time...
RADEK Oh, you're awake.
Greibel stares incredulously at Radek while taking a bong hit.
Amadi just randomly appeared behind Greibel.
AMADI That'll make you live, you know.
GREIBEL Hmmm. Oh hey, it's the time lady.
RHU Time wha?
AMADI (looking around) What? Where?
Greibel points playfully at Amadi
AMADI Do you see that?
GREIBEL You, silly!
RHU Ow. Hi. Sandwich Lady, right? Ow.
Greibel offers Amadi the bong. She reaches out to touch it and then suddenly vanishes as soon as she does.
Greibel turns bemusedly to Radek.
GREIBEL She's been smoking some good stuff, man.
RHU Where did she go?
RADEK I'm almost surprised that you haven't had enough of people disappearing in front of us. ...Almost.
Amadi walks out of a wall and then sits down next to Rhu.
THE GRAVEDIGGER Oh, hello small lady.
AMADI Hi! Are you the mystery?
THE GRAVEDIGGER Doubt it.
RADEK His mind's no grand puzzle, that's for sure. The answer is shovels.
THE GRAVEDIGGER Shovels solve many things. Also spades.
AMADI (to Radek) And you? You don't look anything like a shovel. Unless you do.
THE GRAVEDIGGER No. He isn't a shovel.
AMADI Shovels take many forms. Like spiders.
THE GRAVEDIGGER I have seen many shovels. And I can say with certainty that Radek is not a shovel. Or a trowel.
Amadi steals an unattended porridge and digs in.
GREIBEL He's more like the Silver Surfer.
THE GRAVEDIGGER The what? Are you on drugs again? Still? Nevermind.
Greibel smiles.
AMADI Not hardly. Silver Surfer's silver, for one.
GREIBEL Fair enough.
THE GRAVEDIGGER So what are our plans for today?
RHU Why do you keep vanishing and reappearing, Sandwich Lady? It hurts my head.
THE GRAVEDIGGER MAGIC.
Radek inspects his new eyebot curiously.
RADEK I don't remember as much about how I made this as I'd like.
THE GRAVEDIGGER Can't you... take it apart to see how you did it?
GREIBEL Does it shoot lasers?
RADEK Of course it shoots lasers, and of course I could take it apart.
AMADI Oh, Kerrin, I'm not your head.
Amadi pats Rhu's head.
THE GRAVEDIGGER Hey! The eyebot is the mystery! It's the robot floating eye that fires lasers. That's the mystery.
GREIBEL Sounds like a mystery.
THE GRAVEDIGGER I solved the mystery about what the mystery is! Is there a prize?
Radek sighs heavily.
The Gravedigger pats Radek.
THE GRAVEDIGGER You can solve the next one.
RHU (to Amadi) I don't think we've been introduced. I am Rhu, an Avenger in the service of Hazz'ridan, the creator of dead ends.
AMADI Creator? Dead ends aren't created. This ham tastes like soap.
THE GRAVEDIGGER What ham?
GREIBEL That's porridge, silly lady. That's porridge.
AMADI Looks like ham to me.
RHU Dead ends come from Hazz'ridan and in the end return to him. I read that on the internet.
THE GRAVEDIGGER You got your religion from the Internet? Online Avenger degree? Cool.
RHU The Maze of Hazz'ridan where I was given my implement and training didn't talk about the beginnings of ends. I had to figure that out for myself.
AMADI Wear it. Wear it like you mean it. It's not a maze unless you WEAR IT!
Amadi suddenly stands on her chair and towers over Rhu.
THE GRAVEDIGGER You sound even crazier than Rhu. He says a lot of rubbish.
RHU WOAH! (indicating his holy symbol, which he is indeed wearing) Do you mean this?
THE GRAVEDIGGER No offense, Rhu.
Amadi sits gracefully.
AMADI No.
RHU None taken, Gravy. Hazz'ridan the Great showed us great mercy yesterday, and he is with us in our quest. I shall have a chance to learn many, many truths at his feet before I return home, of this I am certain. Where's the salt?
THE GRAVEDIGGER Check behind the bar.
AMADI Try the gravy.
Amadi leans forward and grabs Rhu's implement.
Rhu tries to grab it back
RHU Hey! I need that!
GREIBEL Two enter. Only ONE shall leave!
AMADI No you don't. Your faith is your own. Your items are mine. Always mine. Forever mine. You enter my dreams and you are mine, and aren't you here now? Yes, yes, I think you are. So you're mine. Mine, mine, mine.
Rhu lets go of his implement.
RHU (awestruck) Who are you?
Amadi stares at it and turns it over in her hands.
THE GRAVEDIGGER Yeah, that's crazy and creepy.
GREIBEL I'm with you, brother.
Greibel casually eats the porridge anyway, and tries feeding some to Rasputin.
THE GRAVEDIGGER Isn't that cannibalism?
The porridge declines.
GREIBEL Hmmph. Worth a shot. What does porridge eat, anyway?
Rasputin jiggles a bit in an attempt to answer.
THE GRAVEDIGGER Booze?
RADEK Fanged peas.
GREIBEL Oh, right!
Greibel gives Rasputin a suspiciously still intact fanged pea. The porridge tries to grab it, but the pea jitters away across the floor.
Rasputin gives chase, hitting the floor with a splat before bouncing after it.
GREIBEL Good boy!
THE GRAVEDIGGER Ew.
AMADI That looks painful.
RHU (to Amadi) What did you mean by all that "My items are yours" stuff?
AMADI (leaning toward Rhu) Oh, Kerrin, you're here. You need to ask?
THE GRAVEDIGGER You're not a thief, are you? Because Rhu kind of needs his stuff.
AMADI Thief? THIEF?! Why, yes, actually, I am. But not of things. Never of things. Things are cheap. Things die. Fade. Change. Disappear. Not things. (she holds up the implement) This is wrong. I've never seen it like this before.
RHU Who is Kerrin? And what is your name?
AMADI You're Kerrin, of course! And I'm... oh, I dunno. Dira?
THE GRAVEDIGGER Rhu is Kerrin? Like... a play?
AMADI No, that's not right. She was Dira.
THE GRAVEDIGGER People acting parts?
RHU I'm Rhu.
AMADI I'm someone else.
RADEK What do you know?
AMADI Besides the atomic weight of tofu?
RADEK Specifically, about the rift?
AMADI What rift? Was there a rift? Not Riften, I hope. Or do you men The Rift? Isn't that a county near Wyzima? Saleus Neloth.
RHU I'm not Kerrin. Who is Kerrin? Why did you call me that?
Amadi doesn't answer and just stares off into space, fiddling with the implement.
RADEK Nothing, then. Another victim of its influence, most likely.
RHU (to the others) What's going on here? I'm Rhu.
RADEK Yes, you are.
Radek begins to tinker with his new eyebot.
THE GRAVEDIGGER Well, the little lady is crazy.
The porridge on the floor slowly draws itself back together and then squelch-bounces its way back to Greibel's shoulder.
Greibel pets it.
The porridge purrs.
RHU (to Amadi) So... you're not Dira?
AMADI Who's Dira?
RHU You just said you weren't Dira. "She was Dira", you said.
AMADI Who was?
RHU You weren't clear on that point. It sounds like you're not entirely sure what your name is. I... It feels rude to refer to you as Sandwich Lady all the time. Do you not have any other name I could use?
AMADI Of course I have other names. Don't be ridiculous. Who goes around with only one name? Even waking, it'd be crazy!
RHU What may we call you, then?
AMADI Call me Teatime. Or Dave. Or Amadi. Or whatever!
GREIBEL Hi Dave!
AMADI Hi!
THE GRAVEDIGGER Sure, Crazy lady.
Greibel waves.
Amadi waves back.
RHU Teatime? Like... a time for a drink with jam and bread?
AMADI Not at all. Like the time between liver and spleen. The time between notes when you wonder if you are alive or dead, dreaming or waking. The time between the light, when you do not know whether this is daydream or nightmare, waking or dreaming.
RHU Right. Miss... Missus? Teatime, then. Would you like to come with us and see a rift?
AMADI Is it pretty?
RADEK No, it's quite horrible.
RHU It's got a dead tree on it.
AMADI Is it HER dead tree?
THE GRAVEDIGGER And some water.
AMADI The dead tree behind the statue, perhaps?
RHU But that tree has a light tree growing on it, which we were hoping Greibel could have a poke at, since it might be druid magic. The water's quite pretty, actually.
RADEK I have some of it.
RHU We should head out to the rift. Who knows when Mrs. Teatime will vanish again, and she might know something about it that eludes us.
THE GRAVEDIGGER If she does, how would we know?
RADEK Asking her seems out of the question.
Greibel stands up abruptly and screams for a few seconds.
Then he sits back down and acts as if it didn't happen.
Amadi taps her nose and points at Greibel, then likewise acts as though nothing had happened.
AMADI The question is the question. Ask, or you will never know. Porridge knows, but nobody ever asks...
THE GRAVEDIGGER Yeah, that. I don't think she's gonna be any use. Just spouting endless Zens at us.
RHU She's the only thing on this planet that appears and disappears mysteriously on this planet, if you don't count the falling anvils. She's a link to the weirdness of Sarathi. Possibly. Unless she's just weird of her own accord, which seems... likely.
THE GRAVEDIGGER But we can't get anything useful out of her.
GREIBEL Dave, will I ever find true love?
Amadi stops and looks at Greibel.
AMADI No. I'm sorry, but no.
Greibel sulks.
AMADI It's for the best, really. The lovers hurt more than the rest.
GREIBEL Are the lovers armed?
AMADI They can be armed.
RHU Hang on. (to Amadi) What do you mean, Porridge knows? And it's not "Porridge", it's "Rasputin". It has a name. (to Gravy) The rift might interact with her in interesting ways. Or vice versa. Anywho, we have a seat spare.
AMADI The Gravedigger won't be.
THE GRAVEDIGGER What?
AMADI With your love. He wanted love. (indicating Greibel) Blame him. Asking answers. He should be asking questions!
THE GRAVEDIGGER Nooo, I think i'll blame the crazy person that never makes sense.
GREIBEL Hummm...
AMADI Which one? Sense can be made out of anything. You just need a knife. Or a shovel.
GREIBEL (whispering to Amadi) He's really a nice guy when you get to know him.
THE GRAVEDIGGER So, Radek. What are we doing today? Other than spectating.
RADEK We need to gather information.
RHU We could poke around the village and look for someone who knows more about the trees and the rift and the pool. We thought yesterday that druid magic might be involved; someone might know the druid what done it.
RADEK If you think Greibel can be of use, it's only a short drive to the tree.
GREIBEL (continuing) But Radek isn't. He really is that bad.
AMADI (to Greibel) And will you say that about me someday too?
GREIBEL That depends. Do you like lava lamps?
AMADI (counting off on her fingers) Six lava lamps, four screens, two potted trees, and a big old yucca.
RADEK Nobody asked for your opinion, Greibel.
THE GRAVEDIGGER Might as well poke about here while we can, then. Though these willagers don't seem to be very useful.
RHU Well, we can talk to them now. And they're probably all superimpressed by Radek after his intravenous drinking last night.
THE GRAVEDIGGER I'm not sure they understand the perils of intravenous drinking. They probably don't understand what livers do.
The innkeeper walks in and sees the group.
INNKEEPER Oh, good morning.
THE GRAVEDIGGER Hello Miss Innkeep.
The Gravedigger waves.
RHU They seemed impressed, especially the inn... oh, hello!
RADEK You would think my technical skills would be more impressive, but no. All it takes to make this lot cheer is the capacity to endure alcohol.
The innkeeper waves vaguely and heads into another room.
RADEK Hmph.
RHU Wait! Do you know any druids around here?
The innkeeper looks back.
INNKEEPER Druids? If you mean the Guardians, we've only Ekka. (indicating the direction) She lives down the way if you need a consult. The innkeeper ducks out of the common room.
RHU To Ekka's! (to Amadi) Are you coming?
AMADI Are you going?
RHU I am.
AMADI Well, go on then.
RHU (nodding) We'll see you later.
RADEK Much later, I should hope.
GREIBEL Have fun, Dave!
Greibel waves.
Amadi follows anyway, still fiddling with Rhu's implement, holding it up to the light, turning it over, trying to figure it out.
Rhu knocks on the door. Greibel sings "You keep-a knockin' but you caaaaan't come in!" Rhu knocks again. Frezak (GM): I CHARGE THE DO- knock again. RHU ...something tells me that before we just walk into a house belonging to somebody called a Guardian, it might be wise to check for boobytraps. GREIBEL Hey now. I'm a Guardian and I've never trapped anyone's boobies. THE GRAVEDIGGER HEEELOOOOOO? GUARDIAN PERSON? Amadi pushes past, taps the implement to the door, and then opens it and goes in. There's a clunk from somewhere inside. Then a startled yell. Amadi (from inside) Hello, Guardian person, good morning, good day, good morrow, can we borrow your wisdom please? Greibel pats Gravy GREIBEL It was a good try THE GRAVEDIGGER Thanks, Greibel. Apheori (GM): You find Amadi standing over someone who appears to have half-fallen out of bed. It's the magic woman from when you first arrived. Frezak (GM): magic woman? Apheori (GM): The woman who did some magic. She has magic. MAGIC. Frezak (GM): What magic? Bear Soup Guy: From the first time we met Amadi She did a spell thing when we were in CAR Frezak (GM): What spell? Ganelon: It made Amadi appear. Maybe. That may have been a coincidence. Gaurav: Search for "The woman starts gesturing and chanting, casting a spell you don't recognise." in the log if you want to go over that bit again. Frezak (GM): Yeah, I thought Amadi just popped in by being Amadi. Gaurav: She kind of got upstaged by Amadi unfortunately. I don't think we even spoke to her after Amadi showed up, and once she vanished, we just went into the inn without even saying goodbye. She must think we're rude. Apheori (GM): And now she must think you're really rude. Bear Soup Guy: XD RHU We apologize for Mrs. Teatime there, Guardian Ekka. She's... enthusiastic. EKKA What... Teatime? Ekka picks herself up and glares down at Amadi. EKKA What are you doing in my house? RHU No, it's morning. Breakfasttime. But that is Mrs. Teatime. (gestures) AMADI Asking answers. Do you have them? They think you have them. I don't think they do. EKKA Right. What do you need? Well, no. First, let me get dressed. Out, all of you. Frezak (GM): I'll slink out. RHU ... did any of us bother to take a photograph of the rift? Maybe Radek has something from the camera on his eye-robot thing? Frezak (GM): As much as I can. Ganelon: I doubt it would come equipped with the ability to take photos. Maybe this new one. Then again, it may just spit out confetti or serve as an emergency disco ball. Gaurav: ... I am going to be so disappointed if we don't need to use an emergency disco ball sometime in this campaign. Frezak (GM): CONFETTI EKKA With Greibel involved, that may only be the beginning of strangeness. Frezak (GM): When someone scores a crit. Gaurav: Emergency disco balls in a field of marijuana. The villain is dispatched in a cloud of blood and guts as sparkling confetti rains from the sky. Ganelon: Even if it's not designed to do that, all it would take is a well-cut prism and the laser could make a... considerably more dangerous disco ball in a pinch. Bear Soup Guy: Timothy Leary just twitched in his grave Pleasure twitch Gaurav: I don't know who you are, or where you come from, but you've done me a power of good. Ganelon: So just find me some nice transparent solid like class and I'll get right on that. Glass, even. Frezak (GM): I have bottles. Ganelon: I'd probably need them to be glass all the way through Gaurav: Is Ekka done getting dressed yet? Apheori (GM): Ekka comes out onto the porch, followed by Amadi, who you realise didn't actually leave before. EKKA Okay, what? Gaurav: Who wants to make with the explaining? Frezak (GM): Rhu or Radek. Maybe Rhu. He's not mad or rude. Gaurav: Hahaha, okay. Feel free to interrupt. RHU Guardian Ekka: we come from Sarathi, through paths unclear. We have been investigating the rift that lurks under the large dead tree near here. On the tree, we spied a small tree alight with light which appeared to be guarding the rift. Or against it. Do any of these things make sense to you? Because we are fair flummoxed. We also sent a robot through the rift. It saw a beach and Sarathi and what looks like a huge rift 'twixt universes. I don't know what we can do about that, but my lord Hazz'ridan the Wonderful demands that we close it, on this planet at least, so that is what we aim to do. EKKA You mean the hole? With the really big tree over it. THE GRAVEDIGGER Very flummoxed. AMADI Wonderful! RHU That's the one. AMADI Oh, he is wonderful. Wonderful like you wouldn't believe. Really, I do want to see if you believe it. See it with eyes. Never seen it with eyes. RHU He gave us our sanity yesterday right before we were destroyed by the forces of darkness that lurked in the pool of water that the rift is immersed in. EKKA What do you want me to do, explain the world to you? RHU He is truly Wonderful. ... Yes. THE GRAVEDIGGER That would be great. RADEK Yes, I would appreciate that. Ekka sighs tiredly. EKKA I don't know where you lot are from, but around these parts things don't exactly work that way. I'll spell this out for you. We... don't... know. THE GRAVEDIGGER Well that's no fun. EKKA The hole appeared. The land died. RHU When was that? EKKA Well, died more than usual. Summers always kill it. But it didn't come back this time. Three years past. Salt's kept the town going since, but the water's toxic. Nothing grows, except what grows wrong. And strangers come through from time to time. Mostly harmless, some mad, some confused, but they don't hunger for the land here, at least. Ganelon: Which direction did we follow that river? North? EKKA Sure, why not. North and east. Dammit. Apheori (GM): OOC. Gaurav: What direction is the rift from the village? Apheori (GM): More south, probably. Unless I specified. RADEK We found safe water far to the northeast. Or, apparently safe. These three seem healthy enough. EKKA Aye, the effect is fortunately relatively localised. For now, at least. If Sanessee is any indication, this may not remain the case. RHU Why are there no children in this town? Sanessee? EKKA The children... are gone. They were the most susceptible, and before we realised what was happening... Sanessee has another such hole, though different. Opened up some 200 years ago, and slowly grew ever since. Broke the land. And spreading. Rhu: rolling 1d20+3 history check to see if "Sanessee" rings any bells in my head ( 12 ) +3 = 15 Apheori (GM): Nope. RADEK Would it happen to have opened up near a beach? Apheori (GM): Sanessee is a valley in the Darian highlands. EKKA Sanessee is a valley in the Darian highlands. Apheori (GM): Ghuh. Rhu writes all this down EKKA So no. RADEK We're looking for a way to close these holes... or vacate the planet, if you know of one. EKKA Close them? You might as well look for a way to move an ocean. AMADI You can move oceans. Hide mountains. Close black holes. These holes don't seem black. Unless they are. RADEK Consider yourself fortunate that they are not. AMADI Anything's possible. RADEK We would all be obliterated. RHU I think they're kind of... shimmery. EKKA Well, if you find a way, that'd be something. Don't expect anyone to hold their breath. AMADI I made a shimmery once. It looked a little like this. Amadi holds up Rhu's implement. AMADI Wrong. Gaurav: I should warn everybody that I should leave for class in, like, 45-50 mins or so. Sorry for always being the first one out >.< Bear Soup Guy: No worries We were planning about a four hour or so session anyway, weren't we? Apheori (GM): Right. RHU Thank you for this information, Guardian Ekka. Alas, our departure seems indefinitely postponed due to my God's insistence that we find a way to close this hole. With his help, we shall surely move an ocean. Gaurav: I don't think we're going to get much more information from the villagers. Should we go take another look at the rift, or head straight to the end of the dry river bank? Frezak (GM): Well she seems to think it's not the river that's the problem but the earth itself. And I don't know what we could get from the rift. Unless Radek has some new science idea. Oh, ask her about the tree(s) Ganelon: I have no science ideas. RHU Was the tree dead before the hole appeared? When did the litte tree start growing on the big one? EKKA The Ancient? Frezak (GM): We'd need to find out what is powering the rift. EKKA Which tree? RHU Tell us about both trees. EKKA What trees? Gaurav: We could try hitting the rift with energy and see what happens. EKKA The Ancient is a legend, said to die with the passing of the world. But you're asking about a real tree, aren't you? RHU The large tree growing on the rift, and the little tree growing on the large tree. Frezak (GM): Not sure about firing a laser at the rift >.> Maybe from really far. RHU We could try physically blocking it with something... no, it'd just get disintegrated, wouldn't it. Hm. RADEK Would you like us to simply take you there? It would hardly require much time. We have a vehicle capable of flight. Frezak (GM): Well, if the rift just relocates stuff rather than.. disintegrated it, I would just collapse the sinkhole. EKKA Oh, that tree... It's been dead as long as anyone remembers. Rest were fine before this, but now they all look the same. RHU Hmm, I wonder if the rift chose it, then. And why ... EKKA The silly graft Hodgesons put there is still alive? RHU Ah! That sounds like the little tree I was talking about. What's that all about? Gaurav: DO all the trees look the same? Like, do they all look dead or do they all look *identically* dead? EKKA Shalott. What else? Apheori (GM): They just all look dead. Dried out. Bleached. RHU Shalott? EKKA You haven't tried it? Our gal makes... well, I wouldn't say it's the best, but it's certainly strong. She came back from the big city and really made a place for herself, that one. Probably half the reason most of the folks are still here. Too drunk to leave. RHU Ah. I know that feeling. So why did Hodgesons put a graft on the big tree? And who is he? Or she? EKKA Genri Hodgeson's boys. They were drunk, thought it'd be funny. Nobody expected it to survive, of course, but they had a bit of magic what made it work. RADEK What is it supposed to do? EKKA Do? It was a prank! At least I think it was a prank. Probably a prank. RHU It seems to be... interacting with the rift somehow. Do you know where the pool of water that the rift is immersed in comes from? EKKA You mean besides groundwater? Rain was sparse even before, but the land has its own water. RHU It... vanished of its own accord yesterday. And then reappeared. And the rift seemed to be scared of it. If rifts can know fear. EKKA Which, conveniently, all got poisoned. Vanished, eh? Did you magic it somehow? RHU Nope. Well. The paladin fell in. He was maybe a bit magical. EKKA Fell in? That's dangerous magic. Dark. AMADI He's not dead, you know. Not here, but not dead. RHU Yay! AMADI Or does dead just mean 'not here'? Are you dead? Are you here? Fuzzy little world. THE GRAVEDIGGER In my experience dead is lying at the bottom of the hole. And not getting out. Ever. AMADI How strange for you. Ekka snorts. RADEK Looks like we're going back to investigate. RHU Would you like to come with us to the rift? Perhaps you can tell us something about the dark magic of the mysterious pool. THE GRAVEDIGGER Let's throw random things at it and see what happens. RHU That is a most excellent plan. EKKA Argh, really? You barge into my house, you interrogate me, and now you want to kidnap me too? Is there no end? THE GRAVEDIGGER Who talked about kidnapping? Is everyone in this place insane? Come on, guys. I don't see us finding anything useful here. Everyone is just mental. EKKA I'm kidding. Dunno what good it'll do you. AMADI It's a different Hazz. That's what's wrong. This one's a different one. I mean, it's all Hazz, but there's different heads. Like a spider. But what's wrong about it? The oranges? RHU Oranges? AMADI Purple ones. The Gravedigger sighs. THE GRAVEDIGGER Let's just go fire lasers at the rift or something. Standing here talking to the mad midget isn't gonna help us solve this. RADEK Agreed. RHU Completely agree with heading to the rift. I think we should bring these two along, though I'm willing to be overruled. THE GRAVEDIGGER What for? Drop the midget in and see what happens? She has some form of teleportation or space-bending power. RADEK I've heard worse ideas. THE GRAVEDIGGER Come on, little lady. Let's go do some hole science. AMADI I've done hole science. Wound up sinking the city. RHU Thank you for your help, Guardian Ekka and Mrs. Teatime. We shall head to the rift ourselves, see what we can learn, and report back to you when we can. Thank you for your help! Rhu shakes everybody's hand and heads out. EKKA Uh-huh. The Gravedigger just clomps out. Radek does similar, no farewells, just grumbling, and Amadi follows.
