Difference between revisions of "Holes/Session 5"

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<screenplay>
<screenplay>
EXT. Village - night
EXT. Village of Hughenden - night


The stars are out now. Radek, Aziraphale, and Rhu are all in or around the car. A few villagers are nearby chatting and watching, and others are going about their business.
The stars are out now. Radek, Aziraphale, and Rhu are all in or around the car. A few villagers are nearby chatting and watching, and others are going about their business.
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INT. Village inn - night
INT. Hughenden inn - night


The inn is a rather rustic combination tavern and rooms, full of villagers with drinks, around tables and standing. Everything is dirty. Lanterns are everywhere.
The innkeeper is standing behind a counter.


<pre>
The Gravedigger and Radek enter first, with Rhu and Greibel following.
The Gravedigger and Radek enter first, with Rhu and Greibel following.


Gravy bangs his horns into the ceiling, which is too short for him to fully stand. ''(rolled 10 perception)''
Gravy bangs his horns into the ceiling, which is too short for him to fully stand. ''(rolled 10 perception)'' He puts a sizable dent in it.


The villagers turn to stare at him as he hunches over slightly.


The Gravedigger waves.


Wen: I cautiously stand outside and watch for approaching villagers.
GREIBEL
Don't get uptight man, they're just jealous cause they're short.


Apheori (GM): Gravy: You realise you're in some kind of bar or something. Several villagers are around at tables and standing with drinks.
After a long pause, one of the villagers waves back. There's quiet chatter as they continue to watch the newcomers.
Gaurav: Is everybody standing?
Apheori (GM): Some are, some aren't. The barkeep is standing behind the counter.
Ganelon: We don't likely have anything these people would consider money.
We'll need something to offer as trade.
Actually wait.
Bear Soup Guy: WE SHALL PAY WITH ROCKS
Apheori (GM): Azir has a pile of treasure.
Ganelon: I DO have a "small pile of unknown currency".
Apheori (GM): Greibel has a pocket full of fanged peas.
Bear Soup Guy: =D
Frezak (GM): I have booze.
Wen: yeah, I have coins.


Frezak (GM): Not yet.
The innkeeper, meanwhile, crosses her arms and looks on in irritation.
Azir has treasure?
I veaguely remember something about that.
Apheori (GM): Well, everyone's watching you as you hunch over slightly.
Apparently you dented the ceiling with your horn.
Wen: I have coins.
Frezak (GM): I'll wave.
Wen: But do we want to get drunk?
I don't think that's the best idea. >_>
 
GREIBEL
Don't get uptight man, they're just jealous cause they're short
 
Apheori (GM): One of them waves back.
Frezak (GM): MAN WITH MONEY
Apheori (GM): They chatter a bit amongst themselves.
Frezak (GM): GO FORTH
Wen: There's also the possibility that as strange, potentially dangerous people, they'd want to be nice to us.
Frezak (GM): AND SPEND
Apheori (GM): The barkeep crosses her arms and looks at you two irritatedly.
How many of you entered?
Frezak (GM): Only a total bastard would be mean to Gravy.
So, Radek.


RADEK
RADEK
Not a lot of uneca in these parts, I take it.
Not a lot of uneca in these parts, I take it.


RHU
(to the closest villager)
Excuse me, do you speak Iera?


Wen: I'm not in it yet
VILLAGER
Gaurav: I wonder if we could charge people to have their photo taken with Gravy or something.
''Vokri sos.
Ganelon: I'm mean to everyone.
Gaurav: Rhu is inside.
Ganelon: My age entitles me to it.
Apheori (GM): Heh.
Bear Soup Guy: I guess Greibel's in now
Apheori (GM): Okay.
So Azir is standing guard outside. Don't forget him, guys.
Ganelon: Az-who?
Gaurav: What's the lingua franca of this universe again? Is it English? Common?
Frezak (GM): So hes treasure, then?
*he has?
Apheori (GM): iera
Ganelon: If there are multiple languages I'm pretty sure we haven't discussed them at length.
Frezak (GM): From... somwehre that I don't remember?
WHO HAS MONEY
Apheori (GM): That's the common variant.
Wen: I have money. But do you want to spend it here?
Frezak (GM): Well, we're not getting free beds.
Wen: (mmm, an irritable hoarder)
Gaurav: Wait, aren't they a commune? Would _they_ have money? Or maybe the bar is, like, for visitors only?
Ganelon: We found coins on Sarathi.
We don't even know if they're valuable here.
Wen: I give Gravy 10 coins.


RHU
One of the fanged peas gets out of Greibel's pocket and bounces across the floor.
(to the closest villager to us) Excuse me, do you speak Iera?
Apheori (GM): One of the fanged peas gets out of Greibel's pocket and bounces across the floor.
Ganelon: Then again, these guys don't know that they aren't valuable to US.


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Woah little dude
Woah little dude.
Greibel clumsily tries to chase down the fanged pea
 
Apheori (GM): Roll something with dexterity.
Greibel clumsily tries to chase down the fanged pea. ''(rolled 13 dexterity)'' It bounces onto a villager's lap.


RHU
Greibel tries to act innocent.
The villager says 'Vokri sos."
Greibel:
rolling 1d20+0
(
13
)
+0
=
13
Apheori (GM): Oh.
You fail to grab the pea before it bounces into a villager's lap.
He picks it up and eyes it uncertainly.
Rhu wanders around the room asking everybody who isn't scary, "Excuse me, but do you speak Iera?"
Apheori (GM): It chitters at him.
Greibel tries to act innocent
Apheori (GM): The villager holds out the pea to give it back.


RHU
The villager holds out the pea to give it back, and he picks it up and eyes it uncertainly.
People look at you blankly, say some things, etc.
Ganelon: Helpful folks, these willagers.


GREIBEL
It chitters at him.
Thanks, village guy
Greibel takes back the fanged pea and puts it in his pocket
Apheori (GM): Then a rather large guy you didn't approach stands up and bangs his head on the ceiling.
Frezak (GM): I'll take the money from Azir and head up to the barladywomanperson


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Thanks, village guy.
(to the pea)
You be good, little guy. You're a long way from home.
You be good, little guy. You're a long way from home.
Gaurav: Greibel: maybe let him have it as a gift? Unless we're short on peas.
 
He puts the fanged pea back in his pocket.
 
Rhu wanders around the room asking everybody who isn't scary, "Excuse me, but do you speak Iera?" This yields nothing.
 
A rather large guy at one of the other tables stands up and bangs his head on the ceiling. A pained look spreads across his face, and hepromptly sits down again.
 
Everyone else starts laughing.


RADEK
RADEK
Ah, we have another giant. Go communicate with him by flexing, Gravedigger.
Ah, we have another giant. Go communicate with him by flexing, Gravedigger.
Apheori (GM): The large villager promptly sits down again and everyone else starts laughing.
 
Bear Soup Guy: Oh, surely
The Gravedigger goes to the innkeeper instead and tries to barter. He drops a bunch of coins on the counter and makes sleeping gestures.
Apheori (GM): The barlady person eyes Gravy.
 
Greibel holds the fanged pea out to the villager in a show of good faith
INNKEEPER
Frezak (GM): I'm gonna put the coins on the counter and make... sleeping gestures?
''Dena, se?
Apheori (GM): "Dena, se?" She says, and points to the group.
 
Then she holds up four fingers.
She points to the group, then stops and holds up four fingers.
Frezak (GM): I'm gonna hold up five.
 
Since Azir is outside.
The Gravedigger holds up five and gestures vaguely at the door.
And gesture vaguely at the door.
 
Apheori (GM): She nods, plucks a coin out of your hand, and points to the stairs.
The innkeeper nods and plucks a coin out of the pile and points to the stairs.
Frezak (GM): Awesome.
 
I'll give her a bright smile.
The Gravedigger gives her a bright smile and gathers up the rest.
Gaurav: Just one coin? That's an honest person.
Wen: I go inside on seeing the exchange


THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
hey, guys! Go get Azir.
Hey, guys! Go get Azir. I got us beds. Or something.
I got us beds. Or something.
 
Apheori (GM): She looks started and takes an involuntary step backwards.
The Innkeeper startles at the smile and takes an involuntary step backwards.
Ganelon: HAPPY DEMON.
 
Frezak (GM): Startled at the smile?
'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Bah. This makes him sad.
Apheori (GM): Yes.
Frezak (GM): Bah.
This makes him sad.
Apheori (GM): You're huge and you have huge teeth. >.>
Wen: GM: it takes 1 out of the 100 coins I took, out of the 500 we found, for beds for five people?
That's... affordable.
Apheori (GM): Apparently.
Frezak (GM): I have huge teeth?
Well typically a room in 4E is about two silver.
Apheori (GM): Maybe not huge for you, but your entire head is huge.
Frezak (GM): One gold for five beds is fair.


RHU
RHU
Gravy: I think that tall guy there might have been trying to say something to us. You should talk to him, giant to giant.
(to Gravy)
Frezak (GM): Is said tall guy looking at us?
I think that tall guy there might have been trying to say something to us. You should talk to him, giant to giant.
Apheori (GM): He's glowering at his mug.
 
Rhu looks the tall guy up and down to see if I can figure out anything about him.
The large guy is currently glowering at his mug.
Rhu:
 
rolling 1d20+11 perception check
The Gravedigger ignores the large man and heads upstairs instead. The man has no shovel.
(
 
13
)
+11
=
24
Apheori (GM): He's large.
He's muscular.
He's not very happy.
He doesn't look very smart, either.
He might have giant blood in him.
If giants are a thing here.
Frezak (GM): Eh.
Apheori (GM): But you get the idea they might be.
Ganelon: Is it the emptiness in his mug or the emptiness in his soul which is causing him unhappiness?
Frezak (GM): I'm not gonna care about him.
He has no shovel.
Wen: hahaha
Frezak (GM): I'm gonna go upstairs.
Gaurav: He might have one at home?
Apheori (GM): Upstairs!
There are three rooms.
Ganelon: Works for me!
Apheori (GM): They each have a bed which should be large enough for two people.
Except for gravy.
Bear Soup Guy: Convenient
Frezak (GM): DAMMIT


AZIRAPHALE
INT. Hughenden inn upstairs - night
So Gravy takes a room and I bunk with.. someone.
 
There are three rooms, each with a bed that should be large enough for two people, with the exception of the Gravedigger, whose legs would likely hang off the end. Each also comes with a chair and enough empty space for an old man to do science.


RADEK
RADEK
Are any of you particularly sensitive to acidic fu- no, never mind. Pointless question.
Are any of you particularly sensitive to acidic fu- no, never mind. Pointless question.
Apheori (GM): Gravy can take one and have his legs hang off the end.
 
Frezak (GM): Dammit.
The Gravedigger takes the first room and uses the chair and his bedroll to make the bed longer.


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
(pulling Rhu toward the next room)
I bunk with Rhu.
I bunk with Rhu.


RADEK
RADEK
Greibel can have a bed to himself if I can use the same room.
Greibel can have a bed to himself if I can use the same room.
Frezak (GM): I'll put my legs in my bedroll.


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Yeah, no problem here
Yeah, no problem here.
Ganelon: Time to get out MY TOOLS.
 
Rhu lies down and is asleep before he closes his eyes. His eyes remain oddly open for a few minutes before closing of their own accord.
Rhu lies down and is asleep before he closes his eyes. His eyes remain oddly open for a few minutes before closing of their own accord.
Greibel gets out his smoking tool before bed
 
Aziraphale sleeps fitfully
Aziraphale sleeps fitfully.
Ganelon: There is, at least, space aside from a bed in these rooms?
 
Apheori (GM): Yes.
The Gravedigger checks over his shovels and gear, cleaning it off as best he can, and then goes to bed as well.
Frezak (GM): I will check over my shovels and gear before going to bed.
 
Radek does SCIENCE!
Greibel gets out his smoking tool and takes it to bed, getting really stoned before finally also going to sleep.
Apheori (GM): Each has a bed, a chair, and enough empty space for an old man to do science.
 
Ganelon: Marvelous.
Unaffected by Greibel's fumes ''(rolled 19 constitution)'', Radek gets out his science tools and does science. Using computer parts and some fertilizer, he creates five bombs. Using bits of an exploded dragon and some other questionable substances, he also constructs two vials of Alchemist's Fire and a Woundpatch. Somehow.
Apheori (GM): Also didn't you mention something about a possible ritual to understand people?
 
Bear Soup Guy: Convenient!
Then he begins the testing, trying to figure out what the chrome he's coated in actually is. He finds he can push it around a bit - get it to get thinner or thicker - and it's definitely magical. It also appears to not, technically, strictly speaking, actually be there, and to have properties related to time and non-existence, but as for what it actually is, he has no idea. ''(rolled 20 arcana)''
Ganelon: I did!
 
Apheori (GM): Frezak: Your shovels are birlliant.
He tries to take a sample, but it just disappears with a 'fwip' when he detaches it.
Ganelon: But I can do that in the morning. It doesn't take long to cast and lasts 24 hours.
 
Apheori (GM): Your gear is dirty.
 
Frezak (GM): I'll try and clean my stuff as much as I can before sleeping.
INT. Hughenden inn upstairs - morning
Ganelon: My only concern is that it requires magic stuffs, of which I have a currently small supply.
 
Apheori (GM): Gravy uses the fork to scrape the fertiliser off everything else.
Gan: You might be able to use fertiliser.
Bear Soup Guy: Good for explosives and SCIENCE!
Ganelon: Oh, I intend to.
Gaurav: Is that our fertilizer from the car? Or is this fertilizer that was already in the room? Like, complimentary fertilizer?
Ganelon: With these computer parts and some fertilizer, I shall create five bombs.
Apheori (GM): That was the fertilser Gravy picked up at some point and wound up in the car, I think.
Bahahah, excellent.
Ganelon: They are somewhat unstable time bombs that rattle across the floor and sometimes detonate prematurely.
(I love Artificers)
Apheori (GM): Can they detonate in your bag?
Aziraphale is still sleeping fitfully
Ganelon: No, they have to be set to explode first. The issue is with the timer.
Apheori (GM): Ah.
Ganelon: Not that I would recommend tossing them around. That might cause them to become active.
Apheori (GM): Greibel, Gravy: Do either of you do anything else, or just sleep?
Gaurav: ... what are the computer parts for?
Bear Soup Guy: I get really stoned and then I go to sleep
Gaurav: How long does it take Griebel to get really stoned?
Frezak (GM): Nah, I'll sleep.
Greibel is always stoned.
Bear Soup Guy: ten or fifteen minutes probably
Ganelon: If I were a good enough artificer to make time bombs out of nothing but fertilizer, I'd have built us a new ship to leave this planet already.
Bear Soup Guy: =D
Ganelon: Anyways, I'll also make something out of this dragon gunk.
Apheori (GM): Radek: Roll to see if the fumes from Greibel's getting stoned affect you.
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20
(
19
)
=
19
Apheori (GM): Yeah, you're fine.
Ganelon: Phew.
Bear Soup Guy: bummer
Ganelon: I'll also make two vials of Alchemist's Fire and a Woundpatch (it's like a band-aid).
Apheori (GM): Now do the fumes from Radek's stuff affect Greibel?
Ganelon: From dragon... substances.
Apheori (GM): We may never know.
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Ganelon: Oh, right.
And I want to do tests on this stuff I'm covered in now that we have the time.
That will be all, though.
Apheori (GM): What sorts of tests?
Ganelon: Hm...
Well, I don't want it to go away.
So tests to see if it can be replicated or... maintained.
Apheori (GM): Well, you find you can push it around a bit - get it to get thinner or thicker... how would you try to replicate it?
Or should you just roll a SCIENCE for that?
Ganelon: I haven't the foggiest idea.
I don't even know what this stuff is. Maybe that would be a good start.
Since it came from... me going a little crazy and walking through a wall.
Bear Soup Guy: Spell of spectral analysis
Gaurav: You could do a perception check and see if any of its properties remind you of anything else.
Ganelon: Well, I'll give you a roll for that.
Gaurav: (I say that because you get a +1 on perception if you're within 5 squares of me)
Apheori (GM): It goes through walls? Even when you're asleep?
Bear Soup Guy: He's VERY vigilant
Ganelon: My science is better anyways.
Science:
rolling 1d20+10
(
10
)
+10
=
20
Apheori (GM): It's definitely magical. It appears to have properties related to time and non-existence, but as for what it actually is, you have no idea.
It also appears to not, technically, strictly speaking, actually be there.
But it's more than enough there to... be there.
Ganelon: I'll keep studying it at later opportunities.
For now I'll just take a sample which is not sticking to my person, if possible.
Apheori (GM): The sample disappears when you detach it.
Gaurav: Huh.
Ganelon: Interesting.
Apheori (GM): AND NOW IT'S MORNING.
Ganelon: Yes, that was all I needed to do.
Gaurav: Did you get any of that stuff somewhere that you can remove, like a glove or weapon?
Apheori (GM): Well, everyone but Azir is probably still asleep.
And no, it's just on him - and attached to him.
Rhu opens an eye, groans, then closes it again.
Rhu opens an eye, groans, then closes it again.
Apheori (GM): On his clothes and stuff.
 
You could try taking a bit off, though.
Aziraphale nudges Rhu.
Wen: wait, what happened to me o_O
 
Apheori (GM): You just woke up. You're fine.
But awake.
Wen: Oh.
Aziraphale nudges Rhu
Apheori (GM): Unless... you're NOT FINE?!
Ganelon gasps.
Apheori (GM): I kid.
Ganelon: He's gone coarse!
Rhu groans and gets up.
Rhu groans and gets up.
Wen: Good. A sanity roll would be a terrible way to start the day. >_>
 
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Aziraphale goes and knocks on Gravy's door. Loud, rumbling snores are emanating outward.
Apheori (GM): Oh, wen, rob, d20s.
 
Bear Soup Guy:
Radek opens his door and floods the entire hallway with toxic and/or intoxicating fumes.
rolling 1d20
 
(
RADEK
7
I made some bombs.
)
=
7
Wen: /me groans
Aziraphale:
rolling 1d20
(
5
)
=
5
Apheori (GM): Rob: You want waffles.
Azir: You want pancakes.
Wen: Stroopwafels!


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Waffle time!
Waffle time!
Ganelon: I actually know what those are!
 
Wen: NO I OVERRIDE THIS EVERYONE WANTS STROOPWAFFELS
Radek shoves Greibel out and then shuts the door again and starts performing an arcane ritual to comprehend language.
Ganelon: But they'd make a pretty poor breakfast, no?
 
Wen: >_>
'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): You can probably hear the ritual happening. Since it involves magic words and all that hogwash.
Apheori (GM): Probably.
 
Wen: Why? A stroopwaffel on a mug of tea...
The Gravedigger is still snoring.
Sounds pretty brilliant to me. But I want pancakes.
Apheori (GM): EVERYONE BUT GRAVY: You're awake and you can hear gravy's snores.
Bear Soup Guy: now I want an IRL cup of tea
Wen: (Seriously. They're _much_ better melted than if you just tried to eat it)
Aziraphale goes knock on Gravy's door
Gaurav: Oh great, now I want stroopwaffels :(
Ganelon: I suppose I'll just open the door and flood the entire hallway in toxic and/or intoxicating fumes.
Bear Soup Guy: Good idea


RHU
RHU
Maybe we can ring him on these earpiece things? /me points at his ear
Maybe we can ring him on these earpiece things?


RADEK
Rhu points at his ear.
I made some bombs.
Apheori (GM): Radek: Also your ritual.
Apheori (GM) is getting mighty tired of this lack of comprehension.
Ganelon: Sorry.
Comprehend Language takes 10 minutes to perform.
Apheori (GM): A bloody dead end, is what it is.
Ganelon: So I suppose I could just shove Greibel out of the room and start doing that.
Apheori (GM): Okay.
Are you... strong enough?
To do that.
Bear Soup Guy: Greibel is groggy enough
Ganelon: 8 strength? Oh, most certainly not if he's resisting.
Apheori (GM): Okay.
Bear Soup Guy: Greibel's a pacifist. Except when fighting mutant chickens and other oddities.
Apheori (GM): Greibel, Rhu, Azir: So you're all in the hall outside Gravy's room...


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
I knocked.
I knocked.
Ganelon: You can probably hear the ritual happening.
Since it involves magic words and all that hogwash.
Apheori (GM): Knocking did nothing.


AZIRAPHALE
Aziraphale opens the door and steps inside cautiously. He finds a sleeping Gravedigger on the floor hugging his shovels.
I open the door and step inside cautiously
 
Apheori (GM): You see a sleeping Gravedigger on the floor hugging his shovels.
Rhu shakes his head.
Rhu shakes his head.
AZIRAPHALE
I kick him lightly.


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Awwwww
Awwwww.
Frezak (GM): How lightly?


AZIRAPHALE
Aziraphale kicks the Gravedigger lightly.
Enough to displace the body part I kicked by about 5cm, not enough to hurt, or at least significantly.


THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Fzzgl?
Fzzgl? Wstfgl! Gnuuur.
Wstfgl!
Gnuuur.
Oh. Hey.
Oh. Hey.
Wen: do any of us have toothnbrushes? >_>
 
Apheori (GM): Whether you do or not is up to you.
Aziraphale wanders off to find the washroom in order to brush his teeth and all that.
The others probably do in their... kit thingies.
 
Frezak (GM): I totes have all the adventurer things.
'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): I don't know if I even have real teeth. I feel like Radek would have replaced his teeth with rotating sawblades if he still ate things.
Wen: Okay, so I try to find the washroom.
 
Apheori (GM): There's a pitcher at the end of the hall.
Greibel goes through the morning drug ritual. It involves a lot of drugs.
Ganelon: I don't know if I even have real teeth.
 
Wen: I splash some water on my face, brush my teeth, and drink a cup of water.
The Gravedigger checks his shovels and goes downstairs in search of food.
presentability += 100!
 
Greibel goes through the morning drug ritual
 
Ganelon: I feel like Radek would have replaced his teeth with rotating sawblades if he still ate things.
INT. Hughenden inn - day
Frezak (GM): I will check my shovels and go see whether there is food downstairs.
 
Gaurav: Rhu does the morning stuff also.
Downstairs the place is empty now, but there's a note on a table in alien script as well as a loaf of bread and five bowls of congealed porridge.
Apheori (GM): Your shovels are fine. Downstairs the place is empty, but there's a note you can't read and a loaf of bread and five bowls of congealed porridge at a table.
 
Gaurav: Aww!
The Gravedigger takes a bowl and gets eating.
Frezak (GM): PORRIDGE
 
Wen: I eat my share of the food.
Aziraphale comes back and does the same, taking a bowl and some bread and then finding another table to actually eat it at. He fiddles with his phone.
Frezak (GM): I EAT THE PORRIDGE/
Wen: WITHOUT TALKING.
Apheori (GM): All of it?
Ganelon: Shall we say the ritual is done now?
Wen: (but still trying to get my communicator to work)
Apheori (GM): Yeah, it's done.
Rhu heads downstairs also. He is impressed by the food, but surprised by the lack of people. He walks around and checks if maybe somebody is in the kitchen or somewhere.
Ganelon: Alright. These come with rolls (but cannot fail - it usually determines degrees of success), so here goes.
Apheori (GM): Wen: Remind me, what was wrong with it? >.<
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20+10
(
19
)
+10
=
29
Well!
Gaurav: Woo!
Apheori (GM): Is that on the note?
Wen: There's no signal?
Apheori (GM): Rhu: You find the barkeep asleep in the kitchen.
Wen: Unless there is.
Apheori (GM): Wen: Ah.
Yes,
No signal other than the others.
Ganelon: So I can definitely understand this language. Can I speak it?
Wen: I was just kind of parodying my real life eating ritual. Not talking since I eat alone, but reading stuff on my phone. :P
Apheori (GM): Uh... sure, why not.
Rhu tiptoes back out and sits down to eat some porridge.
Wen: Whoo!
Ganelon: Then I'll pack up my things and head downstairs as well.
Greibel comes down to eat, very hungry


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Is there a bottle of hot sauce around here anywhere?
Is there a bottle of hot sauce around here anywhere?
Greibel looks around for hot sauce. He finds some rather suspicious bottles behind the bar, but they probably aren't hot sauce either.
Greibel sniffs them. ''(rolled 17 reality)'' The smell that comes out doesn't quite knock him on the floor, but it still gives it a very good try. The fumes are... very strong.
Rhu comes down and looks around in surprise at the lack of people. He checks the kitchen and finds the innkeeper asleep on a cot.
He tiptoes out and has some porridge.
Having finished his ritual ''(rolled 29 arcana)'', Radek comes down as well.


RADEK
RADEK
...What is this? They left food for us?
...What is this? They left food for us?
Apheori (GM): There seem to be some rather suspicious bottles behind the bar, but they probably aren't hot sauce.


RHU
RHU
So it seems. They left a note.
So it seems. They left a note.
GREIBEL
Eh, I'll smell 'em
Wen: Is it wow-wow sauce? >_>
Apheori (GM): Greibel: Roll a d20.
Frezak (GM): If it's Wow-wow I'm drinking that shit.
Greibel:
rolling 1d20
(
17
)
=
17


RADEK
RADEK
Let me see that.
Let me see that.
Ganelon: I will look at the note.
(he takes the note and reads it aloud)
Apheori (GM): Radek: The note says 'Thanks for your business. Here's breakfast. And yes, I know you probably can't read this. -J'
''"Thanks for your business. Here's breakfast. And yes, I know you probably can't read this. -J"''
Ganelon: I'll read it out aloud to the party because Radek loves showing off.
Apheori (GM): Do you read it aloud translated, or in the original language?
Ganelon: Translated.
Apheori (GM): Greibel: When you take off the cap and smell the bottle, it does not knock you on the floor, but it still gives it a very good try. The fumes are... very strong.


RHU
Greibel brings a bottle over to the others.
Does the script look similar to that in the old journal we found at the campsite?
Apheori (GM): Ít may or may not be the same script. The handwriting, however, is a lot neater.


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Hey Rhu, smell this
Hey Rhu, smell this.
Apheori (GM): Rhu: d20
Rhu:
rolling d20 against fumes
(
20
)
=
20
Apheori (GM): Ooo, you got lucky.
Ganelon: We've been rolling really damn well to resist fumes.
Also, that ought to be an Endurance roll, says I.
Apheori (GM): It doesn't do anything to Rhu except smell bad.
Bear Soup Guy: We have poor noses
Apheori (GM): I think it was.


AZIRAPHALE
Rhu does. Nothing horrible happens, though it smells bad. ''(rolled 20 reality)''
Hey, Radek, can you try reading the journal thing?
Apheori (GM): What's an endurance roll?


RADEK
Greibel shrugs and looks at the bottle.
Certainly. This only lasts for a day, so I recommend we make use of it as best we can.
Gaurav: It's a skill check based on Constitution.
Ganelon: Endurance is just another skill.
Apheori (GM): Oh, endurance is a thing!
Ganelon: Yarr.
Rhu hands Radek the old journal.
Apheori (GM): Yeah, I was just basing that on constitution. Well, anyhoo.
Ganelon: Without training, they're basically the same thing anyways.
Apheori (GM): Yesh.
Greibel shrugs and looks at the bottle


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Good enough
Good enough.
Greibel liberally applies the bottle's contents to his porridge and prepares to eat
 
Greibel liberally applies the bottle's contents to his porridge and prepares to eat.


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Err, Greibel
Err, Greibel. Have some of this bread instead, will you? I don't want to have to drag your pooping arse around for the whole day.
Have some of this bread instead, will you?
I don't want to have to drag your pooping arse around for the whole day.
Ganelon: If the bowl doesn't melt, I'll check out the journal.


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
hmmph
Hmmph.
Greibel reluctantly takes the bread
 
Apheori (GM): It doesn't melt, but the porridge does seem to have a chemical reaction with the liquid.
Greibel reluctantly takes the bread.
It's kind of fizzing and smoking.
 
Gan: The journal!
Meanwhile the porridge seems to be having some sort of chemical reaction with the liquid. It fizzes and smokes.
Does the ritual account for bad handwriting?
 
Because it is really bad handwriting.
Ganelon: Eh, I rolled a 19.
Rhu picks up his bowl and steps away from the bubbling porridge.
Rhu picks up his bowl and steps away from the bubbling porridge.
Ganelon: It's probably no worse to me than anyone else's bad handwriting.
 
So... quite bad, still.
AZIRAPHALE
Frezak (GM): Handwriting is probably alien to you coming from a future time.
Hey, Radek, can you try reading the journal thing?
Ganelon: Nah, man, the journal was just printed in a really shitty font.
 
Bear Soup Guy: Comic sans :>
RADEK
Apheori (GM): Well, okay, so you open the journal and realise it's not the same language, or even script, as the note.
Certainly. This only lasts for a day, so I recommend we make use of it as best we can.
Ganelon: Oh my.
 
Apheori (GM): The page you're on appears to be a fair bit of ranting about ferns.
Rhu hands Radek the old journal.
Wen: Comic Sans is actually pretty readable. Just ugly.
 
Ganelon: In that case I actually can't read it unless you want to bend rules.
Radek opens it, but he finds it isn't the same language, or even script, as the note, and as a result he can't read it even with the ritual's effects.
Apheori (GM): Pfft.
Ganelon: Comprehend Language works on one language as specified.
Apheori (GM): I guess we're bending rules.
Because that makes no sense.
Ganelon: But if this helps you move plot stuff along and doesn't force me to recast it? Yeah, I'm not complaining.
Apheori (GM): How do you know what the language is when you're doing the ritual?
Ganelon: You have to have heard or read it.
But it clearly insists that you pick one, too.
Gaurav: I think you're supposed to do the ritual with a piece of writing in the language you need to understand. Or with someone shouting words from it at you, I guess.
Apheori (GM): How does that apply to related languages?
Ganelon shrugs.
Ganelon: It's not that specific.
Gaurav: I wonder how it works with language families: if you "pick" French, can you understand some words from Spanish? I'd guess yes, since so much of the vocabulary overlaps.
Apheori (GM): And what good is it based on the spoken language if you want the written? Each piece is arbitrary and separate.
Ganelon: You just choose a language you've heard or a piece of writing you've seen within the past 24 hours and... *know* it for the next 24.
Apheori (GM): But that's two languages.
Written and spoken are very different forms.
Frezak (GM): I see it as more of a Babelfish than dumping the full lingual ability in your head.
Ganelon: So it's up to you.
Frezak (GM): You do'nt LEARN anything.
Ganelon: This is correct.
Frezak (GM): But for a time /a/ language is translated.
Apheori (GM): Okay.
Frezak (GM): But without you knowing HOW the language is built.
Apheori (GM): So you don't know that it's a rant about ferns.
Sorry.
Ganelon: As for the differences between spoken and written, they are kept separate.
As in, you can use the ritual and translate both, but only if you have access to both. One does not let you understand the other.
Apheori (GM): Ah.
Okay.


RADEK
RADEK
This is still gibberish. Whatever language it happens to be, it's not what these people have been speaking.
This is still gibberish. Whatever language it happens to be, it's not what these people have been speaking.
I can perform the ritual again tomorrow if you really consider it important, but my supply of residuum is not infinite.
I can perform the ritual again tomorrow if you really consider it important, but my supply of residuum is not infinite.
Rhu puts the journal away until then
 
Rhu shakes his head and puts the journal away.


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Ley
Let's go check around the village, then. Now that you can hopefully talk to the people.
Let's go back to the village then.
Now that you can hopefully talk to the people.
Apheori (GM): Greibel: Are you sure you don't want that porrige?
It looks so... interesting...
Wen: I'm sure he doesn't want it
Ganelon: Someone else is welcome to have my porridge.
Greibel covertly dips some bread in the porridge
Frezak (GM): The bread screams.
Aziraphale takes the bread away from Greibel


GREIBEL
Greibel's porridge is twisting and roiling in the bowl. Greibel covertly dips some bread in it. ''(rolled 10 stealth)''
:(
 
Apheori (GM): Azir: Roll a spot first.
Aziraphale notices anyway and takes the bread away from Greibel. ''(rolled 18 perception)''
Ganelon: Perception and/or stealth!
Wen: spot?
Apheori (GM): Greibel: And you roll a... covert.
Perception.


GREIBEL
Greibel looks sad.
okie
Aziraphale:
rolling 1d20 + 3
(
15
)
+3
=
18
Greibel:
rolling 1d20+1
(
9
)
+1
=
10


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Good.
I suggest we go to the village.
Apheori (GM): Now roll a grab.
Wen: whaaat
Too many hoops.
Ganelon: That's a strength mod vs. reflex.
Bear Soup Guy: Bread is serious business
Aziraphale:
rolling 1d20 + 4
(
15
)
+4
=
19
Ganelon: Lhoryn the gnoll grabs stuff all the time. I know grabs like Gravy knows holes.
Wen: wasting my good rolls -_-
Bear Soup Guy: What's a reflex?
Ganelon: It's a defense.
Apheori (GM): He got it away from you. >.<
Bear Soup Guy: Right then
Apheori (GM): Jerk.
Ganelon: AC, Fortitude, Reflex, and Will.
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Apheori (GM): ...actually that might have been a very good thing.
Wen: IT'S FOR HIS OWN GOOD
Apheori (GM): Heh.
Bear Soup Guy: Oh, /that's/ what "Ref" is
Ganelon: Yeah.
Apheori (GM): So. What now?


AZIRAPHALE
I suggest we go to the village
Ganelon: Let's go babble at people.
I'm sure using the grouchy old guy as a translator won't cause problems.
The porridge calls to Greibel.
The porridge calls to Greibel.


GREIBEL
Greibel startles, not sure where that actually came from.
O_O


RHU
RHU
The village sounds like a good idea. Amadi said she was going to "Midnight". Maybe that's a city nearby? We could get back in touch with headquarters, and ... I don't know. Get back home or something.
The village sounds like a good idea. Amadi said she was going to "Midnight". Maybe that's a city nearby? We could get back in touch with headquarters, and... I don't know. Get back home or something.


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
I think midnight is a time.
I think midnight is a time.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I don't think she meant a place. At least not as we know it.


RADEK
RADEK
I admit to being somewhat curious as to where the other residents of this building have gone.
I admit to being somewhat curious as to where the other residents of this building have gone.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I don't think she meant a place.
At least not as we know it.


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Home, probably?
Home, probably?
It's the morning, after all. It's not like people stay at bars all day.


RHU
RHU
The barkeep is in the back, asleep.
The barkeep is in the back, asleep.
AZIRAPHALE
It's the morning, after all.
it's not like people stay at bars all day.


RADEK
RADEK
Line 782: Line 372:
People that use their hands for a living get up as soon as light does.
People that use their hands for a living get up as soon as light does.
Let's go find a king!
Let's go find a king!
Ganelon: Says the only guy who slept in.
 
The porridge flops onto the table.
The porridge flops onto the table.
Frezak (GM): AS if /I/ had any decision in that.


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Hmmm...
Hmmm...
Ganelon: OH GOD
 
Frezak (GM): It's the sauce of life.
Radek readies his rifle.
Ganelon: Rifle at the ready.
 
The porridge purrs at Greibel.
The porridge purrs at Greibel.
Ganelon: Can we administer the spice of death to it?


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Huh...
Huh...
Frezak (GM): POUR BOOZE ON IT
Greibel pulls out a fanged pea
The porridge: Spice of death?
Greibel set it down next to the porridge
The porridge: Ack, OOC


RHU
Greibel pulls out a fanged pea and sets it down next to the porridge. The porridge itself doesn't entirely seem to be porridge anymore.
Isn't booze in porridge how this started?
Apheori (GM): Sorry.
Ganelon: A play on words, dear porridge.
Frezak (GM): I will step away from this.


AZIRAPHALE
The pea rolls away from the porridge, chittering.
Talking porridge?
Apheori (GM): That was an accident.
It hasn't talked. >.<
The porridge: YES I DID
THE GM IS TRYING TO SILENCE MEEEEE
Ganelon: Many things are described as the spice of life.
The porridge: HELLLLP MEEEEE
THE GM IS PLOTTING AGAINST YOU
Apheori (GM): ...
 
GREIBEL
=O
Apheori (GM): Please don't do that.
Ganelon: Well duh, that's her job.
Frezak (GM): That porridge speaks sense.
So, is the porridge really moving?
Or is that embroidery?
Rhu:
rolling 1d20+11 perception check to see why the porridge purred.
(
13
)
+11
=
24
Or just if there's something weird about the porridge.
Apheori (GM): The porridge managed to get out of its bowl and has been making some odd noises, mostly at Greibel.


THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I hope it's not going to do that in my stomach.
I hope it's not going to do that in my stomach.
Bear Soup Guy: And I presented it with a fanged pea


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
It was the sauce
It was the sauce. Your stomach is probably safe.
your stomach is probably safe.
Apheori (GM): The porridge itself doesn't seem to be porridge anymore. Whatever Greibel poured on it seems to have had a very odd effect, though it seems normal enough by itself...
Fanged pea rolls away from the porridge.
Gaurav: Phew.


RHU
RHU
... what was in that bottle?!
...what was in that bottle?!


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
It smelled delicious :(
(disappointedly)
The porridge leaps and devours the pea, which lets out a horrible little shriek before being enveloped.
It smelled delicious.


AZIRAPHALE
The porridge leaps and devours the pea, which lets out a horrible little shriek before being enveloped in gloopy porridge.
o_O


GREIBEL
Aziraphale stares.
O_o


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Can we just go yap at people now?
Can we just go yap at people now?


RHU
Greibel stares.
0.0
 
Rhu stares.


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Yeah...I think the porridge can take care of itself.
Yeah... I think the porridge can take care of itself.


RHU
RHU
We should keep the bottle. It might come in handy.
We should keep the bottle. It might come in handy.
Ganelon: I'm going to be a little more responsible.


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
and Greibel use your eyes and not your hands, please.
And Greibel, use your eyes and not your hands, please.
Ganelon: And freeze the porridge.
 
Apheori (GM): Is this magic?
Radek shoots the porridge with some magic in an attempt to freeze it, but the porridge just absorbs the magic.
Ganelon: It is magic.
Apheori (GM): The porridge eats it.
Ganelon: I have not yet learned to make liquid nitrogen with alchemy.


RADEK
RADEK
Line 886: Line 428:


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
I saw this in a movie once
I saw this in a movie once. Want to know the ending?
Want to know the ending?


THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Are going to try and kill this?
Are going to try and kill this? Or just... leave it here?
Or just... leave it here?
 
The porridge jiggles.
The porridge jiggles.


RHU
RHU
The bottle was in this inn. They probably know how to deal with ... this.
The bottle was in this inn. They probably know how to deal with... this.


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Line 911: Line 452:
RADEK
RADEK
Don't care.
Don't care.
AZIRAPHALE
Do you go in a sushi place and then take the bottle of soy sauce?


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Line 916: Line 460:


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Do you go in a sushi place and then take the bottle of soy sauce?
You'd be seriously in debt, Greibel. Now be quiet.
You'd be seriously in debt, Greibel.
Now be quiet.


RADEK
RADEK
Line 925: Line 467:
RHU
RHU
We could wake the barkeep and ask.
We could wake the barkeep and ask.
Bear Soup Guy: Oops


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
If one of you has a jar I suppose we could take a sample.
If one of you has a jar I suppose we could take a sample.
Bear Soup Guy: I think I just destroyed a cooking pot
I just want to trap it so it can't get away. Nothing fancy. No battles.
Wen: ><
Ganelon: Uh oh.
Bear Soup Guy: I totally forgot I was putting on some water for tea, like......an hour ago >_<
Apheori (GM): The pot should be fine, no?
Bear Soup Guy: The bottom is black
But it appears to still be in tact
Apheori (GM): Meh, that's fine.
Frezak (GM): Just wash it.
Apheori (GM): What about the porridge?
Wen: can we trap it?
Gaurav: BSG: oof :(
Apheori (GM): You can try.
Bear Soup Guy: Yeah okay, looks like it'll be alright


AZIRAPHALE
I just want to trap it so it can't get away. Nothing fancy. No battles.
The porridge bounces toward Greibel and purrs at the edge of the table.
The porridge bounces toward Greibel and purrs at the edge of the table.
Greibel cautiously puts out a hand to pet it
 
Greibel cautiously puts out a hand to pet it.
 
The porridge rises to meet the hand and wiggles in response.
 
When he tries to draw his hand away, he finds the porridge has stuck to it.


RHU
RHU
Line 953: Line 484:


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Ehh, I just don't want it to destroy the place when we go
Ehh, I just don't want it to destroy the place when we go. If you guys don't think it'll do that we can just leave it be.
If you guys don't think it'll do that we can just leave it be.
The porridge rises to meet the hand and wiggles in response.
Wen: Apheori: This seriously reminds me of the slime in AMD 1 xD
Apheori (GM): I have no idea what that is.


RHU
RHU
We could ... dig a hole and bury it.
We could... dig a hole and bury it.


RADEK
RADEK
We certainly have the tools for that.
We certainly have the tools for that..
Apheori (GM): Greibel: When you try to draw your hand away, you realise the porridge is stuck to it.


RHU
RHU
I say we wake the barkeep. Odds are, he'll know how to deal with his drinks accidently animating breakfast meals.
I say we wake the barkeep. Odds are, she'll know how to deal with her drinks accidently animating breakfast meals.
(he notices Greibel's hand)
Uh oh.
Uh oh.


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Huh
Huh. Odd.
Odd
 
Greibel holds the porridge up to Rhu's face
Greibel picks up the entire porridge and holds it up to Rhu's face. His hand looks a bit black where the porridge is touching it.


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Line 979: Line 506:


RHU
RHU
Greibel ... ? Are you okay?
Greibel...? Are you okay?
Apheori (GM): His hands appear to have turned black.
Frezak (GM): Sounds okay for a hippie druid druggue.
Wen: Apheori: http://www.squidi.net/comic/amd/view.php?series=amd&ep=1&id=82
Apheori (GM): Not with gangrene or whatever, but just... coated like Radek. Except in black.
 
AZIRAPHALE
Urgh.
Is it spreading?
Is his hand withering?


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Try to make a joke and people start questioning your sanity
Try to make a joke and people start questioning your sanity.
Also ouch


RHU
RHU
Does it hurt?
Does it hurt?
Apheori (GM): Not spreading or withering. Doesn't hurt. Feels a bit cold.
Gaurav: Sorry about that, BSG: I missed your action, so I thought you'd suddenly been possessed by the porridge. My bad.
RHU
If it's cold, maybe warm will attract or repel it.
Bear Soup Guy: s'alright


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Magic me some warm, Guru man
Magic me some warm, Guru man.
Ganelon: Uh.


RADEK
RADEK
That would be unsafe to say the least.
That would be unsafe to say the least.
Apheori (GM): Greibel: The porridge seems to be afraid.
 
The porridge seems to be afraid and shrinks away.
 
GREIBEL
Aw, poor guy. He just wants to eat fanged peas and look all goopy.


RHU
RHU
You could step outside and see if the sun has any effect on it.
You could step outside and see if the sun has any effect on it.
Gaurav: Aww.
Bear Soup Guy: Aw, poor guy
er


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Or we could wake the barkeep up
Or we could wake the barkeep up.
 
GREIBEL
Aw, poor guy
He just wants to eat fanged peas and look all goopy


RADEK
RADEK
I can apply incendiary chemicals, but to your hands? Not... recommended.
I can apply incendiary chemicals, but to your hands? Not... recommended.
Bear Soup Guy: Can I NATURE it?
Apheori (GM): Yes.
What does naturing it do?
Greibel:
rolling 1d20+11 nature stuff
(
10
)
+11
=
21
I have no idea
Apheori (GM): Someone who knows things! Help!
Bear Soup Guy: Probably makes me more in tune with its consciousness, if it has one, since it's now attached to me
Ganelon: One sec.
Gaurav: Try to understand what it's doing? What it might be?


AZIRAPHALE
Greibel has a go at talking to the porridge directly. ''(rolled 21 nature)''
I'll go and wake the barkeep up
Apheori (GM): Can a druid use that to communicate with things?
Ganelon: If we treat this as an animal, nature would be used to either interact with it (taming, calming down, etc.) or identify it.
Apheori (GM): Okay, which were you trying to do, Greibel?
Gaurav: Azir++
Apheori (GM): It's totally an animal.
Ganelon: I doubt the latter has much chance of success since this is no normal thing.
Wen: This reminds me of 20Q
Bear Soup Guy: Yeah I wanted to talk to it
Ganelon: But that's not up to me.
Apheori (GM): Okay. You talk to the porridge.
Bear Soup Guy: We've identified it, it's mutant porridge, obvs :P
Wen: What happened to the barkeep?


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Hey little porridge, what's your name, buddy?
Hey little porridge, what's your name, buddy?
Apheori (GM): It's not intelligent enough for words, but it likes eating and it likes you because you're its mum, but it doesn't like being stuck, but it's not completely freaking out because it's you that it's stuck to and you're okay because you're its mum, but it doesn
't want to be stuck.


GREIBEL
The porridge isn't currently intelligent enough for words, but it likes eating and it likes Greibel because he's its mum, but it doesn't like being stuck, but it's not completely freaking out because it's him that it's stuck to and he's okay because he'a its mum, but it doesn't want to be stuck.
=O
 
Apheori (GM): Wen: You wake the barkeep. She says something you don't understand.
AZIRAPHALE
Gaurav: AWW
I'll go and wake the barkeep up.
Wen: I wave Radek over
 
Greibel snuggles the porridge
Aziraphale heads to the kitchen.
Ganelon: Coming over.
 
Apheori (GM): The porridge relaxes a bit, but still doesn't want to be stuck.
Greibel snuggles the porridge. It relaxes a bit.


RHU
RHU
I think you need to give it a name.


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
I think you need to give it a name.
I shall call him... Rasputin.
Apheori (GM): The innkeeper looks at Azir and Radek enquiringly.
 
Rhu gingerly tries to touch Rasputin the Porridge, but it shrinks away from his finger.
 
Greibel cautiously holds out the porridge and sends signals of calming nature to it, and it calms.
 
RHU
Aw. Poor thing.


GREIBEL
Aziraphale brings the rather groggy-looking innkeeper out to the others and positions her in front of Radek.
I shall call him....Rasputin.


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Radek, can you get the barkeep to look at this thing?
Radek, can you get the barkeep to look at this thing?
Ganelon: I'll... denote alternate languages somehow.


INNKEEPER
INNKEEPER
So...
(in deslau)
Rhu gingerly tries to touch Rasputin the Porridge.
''So...''


RADEK
RADEK
(in deslau)
''I can talk to you for the remainder of today.''
''I can talk to you for the remainder of today.''


INNKEEPER
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''Oh, sure, and you couldn't do that last night?''
''Oh, sure, and you couldn't do that last night?''
Greibel cautiously holds out Rasputin and sends signals of calming nature to it
INNKEEPER
''What is it?''
''What is it?''
Apheori (GM): The porridge shrinks away from Rhu's finger?
.
But it calms.


RADEK
RADEK
''I could not. My... "friend" over here appears to have done something idiotic and might need your help.''
(in deslau)
''I could not. My... 'friend' over here appears to have done something idiotic and might need your help.''
(he indicates Greibel)
''There is animate porridge stuck to his hands.''


RHU
INNKEEPER
Aw. Poor thing.
(in deslau)
''Idiot... oh, he did NOT get into the...''


RADEK
Greibel continues to try to get the porridge to warm up to Rhu.
''There is animate porridge stuck to his hands.''


INNKEEPER
Aziraphale nods emphatically.
''Idio... oh, he did NOT get into the...''
Greibel continues to try to get the porridge to warm up to Rhu
Aziraphale nodds emphatically
Radek moves out of the woman's way.
Innkeeper bustles over to the common room, and then just sort of stops.


AZIRAPHALE
The innkeeper looks Greibel over properly.
-d


INNKEEPER
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''What.''
''What.''


Line 1,128: Line 603:


INNKEEPER
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''YOU!''
''YOU!''
Innkeeper points at Greibel.
(she points at Greibel)
 
INNKEEPER
''WHAT DID YOU DO?''
''WHAT DID YOU DO?''


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Help! Scary man's yelling gibberish at me!
Help! Scary woman's yelling gibberish at me!
Apheori (GM): Woman.
It's a woman.


GREIBEL
Rhu steps back from Griebel.
Woman!
Rhu steps back from Griebel


RADEK
RADEK
''He poured the contents of that bottle into his porridge.''
(in deslau)
''I don't suppose you could explain what caused the reaction, could you?''
''He poured the contents of that bottle into his porridge. I don't suppose you could explain what caused the reaction, could you?''
Innkeeper stares for a moment, then turns back into the kitchen and bursts out laughing.
 
She picks up and examines the bottle, then bursts out laughing.


RHU
RHU
Huh.
Huh.
Radek shrugs at Rhu and the others.
Radek shrugs at Rhu and the others.


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
....So...this is okay then.
So... this is okay then.
Translate that laugh. What does it mean?
Translate that laugh. What does it mean?


Line 1,161: Line 633:
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Oh, how exotic!
Oh, how exotic!
Aziraphale grumbles.
Aziraphale grumbles.


INNKEEPER
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''You don't have shalott where you're from, do you?''
''You don't have shalott where you're from, do you?''
Frezak (GM): Shalott? HAH.
 
Gaurav: How did Rasputin respond to the laugh? Or the innkeeper? If at all?
The porridge jiggles calmly on Greibel's hand. Greibel plays with it like a kitty.
Ganelon: I know nothing of shalott.
Apheori (GM): Rasputin is calm.


RADEK
RADEK
(in deslau)
''I do not.''
''I do not.''


INNKEEPER
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''That bottle was one of the reagents, though... well, it might have been going a little off.''
''That bottle was one of the reagents, though... well, it might have been going a little off.''
''Shalott is a very strong drink. It's what you drink when you don't want to have to drink anything else.''
''Shalott is a very strong drink. It's what you drink when you don't want to have to drink anything else. Though I'll admit it's not supposed to do that.''
''Though I'll admit it's not supposed to do that.''
Greibel meanwhile plays with it like a kitty
Apheori (GM): The effectiveness of the playing is limited by its still being stuck to your hand.


RADEK
RADEK
She says it's a strong drink.
She says it's a strong drink. Nothing about it animating porridge. I theorize that Greibel is responsible for that.
Apheori (GM): Did Rhu ever actually poke it?
(in deslau)
Gaurav: I'm going to say no, if the porridge shrunk away Rhu wouldn't have tried to touch it.
Apheori (GM): Okay.
Gaurav: Give animated porridge their space, I always say.
 
RADEK
Nothing about it animating porridge. I theorize that Greibel is responsible for that.
''Do you know of a place called Midnight, miss?''
''Do you know of a place called Midnight, miss?''


INNKEEPER
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''Oh, you're a charmer!''
''Oh, you're a charmer!''
Ganelon: ...
''Afraid not. There's Aierseth, and Wayside. Unless you mean one of the ruins of the Gaher? They had odd names like that.''
Sure.


RHU
RHU
Greibel, or any of us? Maybe we picked up something from Sarathi that ... has an effect on porridge? Or shalott? Or both?
Greibel, or any of us? Maybe we picked up something from Sarathi that... has an effect on porridge? Or shalott? Or both?
 
INNKEEPER
''Afraid not. There's Aierseth, and Wayside.''


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
What an oddly specific thing to pick up
What an oddly specific thing to pick up.


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
It might not be specific.
It might not be specific. Porridge may just be one of the things that react with it. And Shallott.


INNKEEPER
RHU
''Unless you mean one of the ruins of the Gaher? They had odd names like that.''
Maybe it affects all fluids...


AZIRAPHALE
Rhu shrugs, clearly not really convinced himself.
Porridge may just be one of the things that react with it.
and Shallott.


RHU
GREIBEL
Maybe it affects all fluids ... (Rhu shrugs, clearly not really convinced himself)
Porridge is hardly a fluid.


GREIBEL
Greibel scoffs disdainfully.
Porridge is hardly a fluid
Greibel scoffs disdainfully


RADEK
RADEK
Hmph. ''I'm not sure. Ideally, we would like to visit a... more advanced place than this.''
Hmph.
Aziraphale mutters, not particularly caring how this happened, utterly convinced that if Greibel had kept his greasy fingers to himself..
(in deslau)
''I'm not sure. Ideally, we would like to visit a... more advanced place than this. Somewhere with a communications array, at least.''


RADEK
Aziraphale mutters, not particularly caring how this happened, utterly convinced that if Greibel had kept his greasy fingers to himself...
''Somewhere with a communications array, at least.''


INNKEEPER
INNKEEPER
''Advanced? You mean older?''
''Advanced? You mean older?''
Bear Soup Guy: brb


RADEK
RADEK
''No, my dear. /Newer./''
''No, my dear. '''Newer'''. Places with technology.''
''Places with technology.''


INNKEEPER
INNKEEPER
''Well, if you want wizards, you're on the wrong side of the world, I think. Magic here has... moved on."
''Well, if you want wizards, you're on the wrong side of the world, I think. Magic here has... moved on. Unless the whole world's moved on by now. Used to be we had all manner of wonders. Now it's just gone save for the oldest places.''
''
''Unless the whole world's moved on by now. Used to be we had all manner of wonders. Now it's just gone save for the oldest places.''


RADEK
RADEK
''That's upsetting news... other side of the world, you say? How long is the circumference of this planet?''
''That's upsetting news... other side of the world, you say? How long is the circumference of this planet?''
Ganelon: What do you mean you don't know science, foolish barkeep?
 
Innkeeper shakes her head tiredly.
The innkeeper shakes her head tiredly.


INNKEEPER
INNKEEPER
''More. You're more of them, aren't you.''
(in deslau)
''And I thought you were just old tales, told to scare the kids.''
''More. You really are more of them, aren't you. And I thought you were just old tales, told to scare the kids.''


RADEK
RADEK
(in deslau)
''Excuse me?''
''Excuse me?''
Bear Soup Guy: back
INNKEEPER
''You should visit the Hole at Vermai. It is where the Cataclysm began.''
Gaurav: oooh
INNKEEPER
''Go. Take your sorrows and see your doom for yourselves.''
Innkeeper smiles.


INNKEEPER
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''You should visit the Hole at Vermai. It is where the Cataclysm began. Go. Take your sorrows and see your doom for yourselves.''
(she smiles)
''When you return, you will understand the purpose of shalott.''
''When you return, you will understand the purpose of shalott.''
Ganelon: Well that's ominous.
Apheori (GM): She wants to get you drunk.
BE AFRAID.
Ganelon: And I'M the charmer
Bear Soup Guy: XD


RHU
RADEK
>.>
(in deslau)
Apheori (GM): You called her miss. She's a bit on in years... though compared to Radek certainly she is a miss. XD
''I will no doubt mourn the loss of my ability to metabolize alcohol soon, then. Where is this Hole?''


RHU
RHU
(to Greibel)
How do you suppose Rasputin is holding on? Is he sticky at all?


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
how do you suppose Rasputin is holding on? Is he sticky at all?
Sticky... well... yes. He seems to be alright though.
 
GREIBEL
Sticky...well...yes.
He seems to be alright though.
 
RADEK
''I will no doubt mourn the loss of my ability to metabolize alcohol soon, then.''
''Where is this Hole?''
Ganelon: Well, "at Vermai", of course, but I don't know where that is.


INNKEEPER
INNKEEPER
''Easterly and south. You will find things get more dead as you approach.''
''Easterly and south. You will find things get more dead as you approach.''
Apheori (GM): That's the direction the sinkhole you saw was in.


AZIRAPHALE
The same direction as the sinkhole they'd seen on the way in.
Well, let's thank the innkeeper and move on.


RADEK
RADEK
I have our destination, it seems.
I have our destination, it seems.


RHU
AZIRAPHALE
Hey, if Radek wants to have a drink with her or anything, I'm sure I could find something to do ..
Well, let's thank the innkeeper and move on.


RADEK
RADEK
(in deslau)
''The others wish to convey their thanks.''
''The others wish to convey their thanks.''
Ganelon: Nonsense, Rhy.
Rhu*


INNKEEPER
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''You can tell your friend he can keep the rest of that bottle if he wants. I wouldn't use it anyway after what it's done to the porridge.''
''You can tell your friend he can keep the rest of that bottle if he wants. I wouldn't use it anyway after what it's done to the porridge.''
Aziraphale looks at Radek inquiringly
 
Aziraphale looks at Radek inquiringly.


RADEK
RADEK
The sinkhole we saw earlier.
The sinkhole we saw earlier.
The porridge pulls itself free of Greibel's black hand and bounces up his arm, resting on his shoulder.
I'm afraid we may be here for quite a while longer. There are no cities, nor ships or communications arrays.


RADEK
AZIRAPHALE
I'm afraid we may be here for quite a while longer.
This is depressing.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
What a surprise.
 
The porridge pulls itself free of Greibel's black hand and bounces up his arm, resting on his shoulder. A bunch of porridge is still stuck to his hand, but that just seems dead now.


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
=D
(grinning)
Shoulder porridge!
Shoulder porridge!
Wen: I meant the bottle bit. We can keep it.
Greibel strikes an adventurous pose
RADEK
There are no cities, nor ships or communications arrays.
AZIRAPHALE
This is depressing


THE GRAVEDIGGER
Greibel strikes an adventurous pose.
What a surprise.


RHU
RHU
Line 1,340: Line 772:


RHU
RHU
What about distress beacons? Maybe there's one in CAR?
What about distress beacons? Maybe there's one in the car?
Apheori (GM): A bunch of the porridge is still stuck to Greibel's hand.
But it seems to be a dead bunch now.


RADEK
RADEK
Come on. And take the bottle with you.
Come on. And take the bottle with you.
Greibel wipes it off
 
Gaurav: Shall we head to car? Or do we want to talk some other villagers while Radek can?
Greibel wipes the dead porridge stuff off his hand and the blackness goes away.
Ganelon: Up to you.
Gaurav: I think we should at least say hi and see if anybody knows anything else about the catastrophe. If this planet really is as bereft of life as all that, we might not see other sentient beings for a while.


RADEK
RADEK
(in deslau)
''Thank you for your patronage, miss.''
''Thank you for your patronage, miss.''
Innkeeper bows slightly.
 
Gaurav heads outside.
The innkeeper bows slightly and then shuffles back toward the kitchen.
Gaurav: oops
 
Rhu heads outside.
 
Ganelon: I'll follow suit.
EXT. Village of Hughenden - day
Apheori (GM): It's sunny out!
 
Aziraphale follows
It's bright and sunny out, and dry. Some folks are hanging around, generally in the shade of the various buildings.
Frezak (GM): Sun!
Apheori (GM): And some folks are lounging around.


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Let's go, Raspy. What a nice day!
Let's go, Raspy. What a nice day!
The porridge shrinks slightly in the sunlight but otherwise seems happy at the new experience, jiggling.
RHU
Mm, warm!
GREIBEL
Nice to have a sun in the sky for once. That doesn't want to eat us.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
No fish so far.
RHU
Shh, don't give the weather ideas.
Radek corners some loiterers, and old guy and an even older guy, though both look like regular normal-aged folks next to Radek.


RADEK
RADEK
(in deslau)
''Ho there! Loiterers!''
''Ho there! Loiterers!''


VILLAGER
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Hail, grampa!''
''Hail, grampa!''
The porridge shrinks slightly in the sunlight.


RHU
OLDER VILLAGER
Mm, warm!
(in deslau)
Gaurav: BTW worth warning people that I have to leave for class in another 20 mins or so :-/
''You speak in words, now?''
 
VILLAGER
''You speak in words, no?''
 
GREIBEL
Nice to have a sun in the sky for once. That doesn't want to eat us.


RADEK
RADEK
(in deslau)
''For today.''
''For today.''


VILLAGER
OLDER VILLAGER
now*
(in deslau)
''By the grace of the saints, then? Today is a good day.''
''By the grace of the saints, then? Today is a good day.''
THE GRAVEDIGGER
No fish so far.


VILLAGER
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Don't be daft, Chuck. They's wizards. It's wizarding.''
''Don't be daft, Chuck. They's wizards. It's wizarding.''
RHU
Shh, don't give the weather ideas.


RADEK
RADEK
''By the grace of my skill at magic, more like. Your friend is correct.''
''By the grace of my skill at magic, more like. Your friend is correct.''


VILLAGER
OLDER VILLAGER
''Oh, daft, whatsit? Where do you think the wizards magic comes from?''
(in deslau)
Gaurav: These villagers are straight out of Asterix and Obelix, in the best possible way :-D
''Oh, daft, whatsit? Where do you think the wizards' magic comes from?''


VILLAGER
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Sod off.''
''Sod off.''


RADEK
RADEK
(in deslau)
''I'm sure an undeveloped culture like yours has a very quaint idea of where magic comes from, but I've no time to hear it.''
''I'm sure an undeveloped culture like yours has a very quaint idea of where magic comes from, but I've no time to hear it.''
''What do you lot know about a Cataclysm?''
''What do you lot know about a Cataclysm?''


VILLAGER
OLDER VILLAGER
''Oh, you're a grumpy one, ain't ye?''
(in deslau)
''Cataclysm for a token.''
''Oh, you're a grumpy one, ain't ye? Cataclysm for a token.''
Ganelon: Wait, is he asking for money?


VILLAGER
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''A token? They're outsiders, you idiot.''
''A token? They're outsiders, you idiot.''
Villager smacks the other one.
 
Villager smacks back.
The younger villager smacks the older one.
Gaurav: I sincerely hope he's asking for money. I've been waiting for one of us to do an intimidate check.
 
The older one smacks him right back.


GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Heh, they must have the Three Stooges on this planet
Heh, they must have the Three Stooges on this planet.


VILLAGER
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''The idiot means a story. When you from?''
''The idiot means a story. When you from?''
Ganelon: When *am* I from?
Wen: I am from Sarathi
Apheori (GM): When.
AZIRAPHALE
I don't know about the rest of you lot.
Wen: Oh.
Ganelon: I should know a date, shouldn't I?
Wen: This is the second time NPCs have conflated time and place. This might be important.
Apheori (GM): Date is a vestigial value from a time when a single planet was involved. It's arbitrary and inapplicable.
Frezak (GM): Time?
TIME?
WE ARE FROM BEYOND TIME.
WE STEPPED OFF THE HANDS.
Ganelon: Fair enough!
Apheori (GM): That said you need to denote time somehow, so it was the 14th span of the 843rd ending.
Whatever that means.
Gaurav: Maybe we can just tell them our age? "We are from 29 Earth years ago"


RADEK
RADEK
''The 14th span of the 843rd ending, and I should sincerely hope, not the past.''
(in deslau)
 
''The 14th span of the 843rd ending, and, I should sincerely hope, not the past.''
GREIBEL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYDCiLdkneY


VILLAGER
VILLAGER
Er.
(in deslau)
''Well, you got me.''
''Well, you got me.''
Gaurav: Greibel: thanks!
 
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Of course he got you. You don't even know what day it is!''


VILLAGER
VILLAGER
''Of course he got you. You don't even know what day it is!''
(in deslau)
''Shut up.''


RADEK
RADEK
(in deslau)
''It doesn't mean anything to us either, don't worry. We abandoned the concept of a singular timeline eons ago.''
''It doesn't mean anything to us either, don't worry. We abandoned the concept of a singular timeline eons ago.''


VILLAGER
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''What day is it?''
''What day is it?''
''Shut up.''
Bear Soup Guy: Youtube-brain


VILLAGER
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''You're used to holes?''
''You're used to holes?''


RADEK
RADEK
''Of what sort?''
(in deslau)
''Of what sort? I travel with a brute who enjoys '''digging''' holes...''


VILLAGER
VILLAGER
''Holes.''
(in deslau)
''You know. Stuff comes out. Goes in. Gets shredded.''
''Holes. You know. Stuff comes out. Goes in. Gets shredded.''


RADEK
The older one gives him an annoyed look.
''I travel with a brute who enjoys *digging* holes...''
Frezak (GM): Brute?
Ganelon: Yes.


VILLAGER
OLDER VILLAGER
''Oy, you don't know that! There just happens to be a hole, and folks from the wrong times appear sometimes, but it's just as easily a coincidence.''
(in deslau)
Frezak (GM): I have 12 int!
''Oy, you don't know that! There just happens to be a hole, and folks from the wrong times appear sometimes, but it's just as easily a coincidence.
(eyeing the Gravedigger)
''Does he dig through time? Because this hole, what, it goes through TIIIIIME.''


VILLAGER
VILLAGER
''Does he dig through time?''
(in deslau)
Ganelon: Your strength is not 8.
''No it doesn't. You don't know that. Stop making up stories.''
Frezak (GM): Pfff.
Noddle-armed grump.
Nozzle-armed?


VILLAGER
The younger villager smacks the older villager again.
''Because this hole, what, it goes through TIIIIIME.''
''No it doesn't. You don't know that. Stop making up stories.''


RADEK
RADEK
(in deslau)
''Oh, marvelous!''
''Oh, marvelous!''
Villager smacks the other villager again.


VILLAGER
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Seriously, don't listen to him. He's addled, he is.''
''Seriously, don't listen to him. He's addled, he is.''
OLDER VILLAGER
''Yeah, you just say that because you're addled and feel lonely.''


RADEK
RADEK
(in deslau)
''Then presumably, the other side may house a time more agreeable than this one.''
''Then presumably, the other side may house a time more agreeable than this one.''


VILLAGER
VILLAGER
''Yeah, you just say that because you're addled and feel lonely.''
(in deslau)
''Oh, no. there's no other side. Everything just gets shredded that gets near.''
''Oh, no. there's no other side. Everything just gets shredded that gets near.''
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Yeah, he tried it. Dropped a big ol' boulder in there. You know what happened? It exploded is what happened!''
''Yeah, he tried it. Dropped a big ol' boulder in there. You know what happened? It exploded is what happened!''


RADEK
RADEK
(in deslau)
''Have you considered using it for waste disposal?''
''Have you considered using it for waste disposal?''
''Well, no matter, I should very much like to investigate any matter of spatial or temporal anomaly for myself.''
''Well, no matter, I should very much like to investigate any matter of spatial or temporal anomaly for myself.''


VILLAGER
OLDER VILLAGER
''Why would we need a waste disposal?''
(in deslau)
Gaurav: I'm going to have to leave in another five minutes or so. Are we meeting again on Saturday at the same time as today (11am MT)?
''Why would we need a waste disposal? Too far away anyway. Three days just to dump compost? Eck.''
 
VILLAGER
''Too far away anyway. Three days just to dump compost? Eck.''
Ganelon: I'll be there.
 
VILLAGER
Yes.
Oops.
Apheori (GM): Yes.
Bear Soup Guy: Works for me
Ganelon: I wish this ritual worked for more than just me.
You guys must be getting bored.
Gaurav: sweet! keep going, i have ''5 mins.
naah, it's fine. I (Gaurav) am well entertained by these amazing villagers. Rhu is sitting on the grass enjoying the sun.


RADEK
RADEK
They appear to be talking about some hole that shreds matter in its vicinity
They appear to be talking about some hole that shreds matter in its vicinity.
Frezak (GM): 's cool.


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Line 1,545: Line 957:


VILLAGER
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''And it killed everything. You should see the wildlife!''
''And it killed everything. You should see the wildlife!''
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Kids love it, of course.''
''Kids love it, of course.''
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Back when we had kids.''
''Back when we had kids.''
OLDER VILLAGER
(looking surprised; in deslau)
''Do you have kids?''
''Do you have kids?''


Wen: Not that I know of. /me runs
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Bob had a kid. Died.''


VILLAGER
OLDER VILLAGER
''Chuck had a kid. Died.''
(in deslau)
''All died.''
''All died.''


RADEK
RADEK
(in deslau)
''Machines are much less irritating.''
''Machines are much less irritating.''


VILLAGER
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Oh, they'll wreck too.''
''Oh, they'll wreck too.''
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Even turn on you sometimes.''
''Even turn on you sometimes.''
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''I'd rather have a kid turn on me than a hulk, that's for damn sure.''
''I'd rather have a kid turn on me than a hulk, that's for damn sure.''
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Back when we had hulks, you mean? They went out before the kids did.''
''Back when we had hulks, you mean? They went out before the kids did.''


Villagers blather at each other for awhile.
The two villagers blather at each other for awhile.


RADEK
RADEK
Hmph.
Hmph.


Ganelon: Yes, at some point next time I'll have to bring up the making of stuff.
</screenplay>
"Hey, anyone want a bomb?"
Ganelon: "I got like, five of 'em."
"Bombs for everyone."
"They're a real blast."
</pre>


{{holes nav
{{holes nav

Latest revision as of 16:50, 9 April 2015

≪ PreviousNext ≫
Session 5 (raw log) (Overview)
EXT. Village of Hughenden - night
The stars are out now. Radek, Aziraphale, and Rhu are all in or around the car. A few villagers are nearby chatting and watching, and others are going about their business.
RHU
I think we should sleep somewhere - here if we can convince the villagers, otherwise set up camp somewhere. I don't like the idea of wandering around after dark.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Go make... gestures, then.
AZIRAPHALE
Can't we sleep in the car? It should offer some protection.
Rhu stares up at the stars and tries to see if he recognises them. (rolled 17 history) One of the constellations looks like a large blob.
RHU
Azir, look at those constellations! That one looks like a blob.
Aziraphale looks.
RHU
D'you know what, maybe if we pitch tent in their village square they'll get the message and invite us in. Or at least get us warm food in the morning.
AZIRAPHALE
I think that's sound. Or at the entrance. I'm not fond of the idea of being surrounded by them.
Radek draws a bed in the dirt.
RADEK
Hey, uncultured rube!
Radek beckons to one of the villagers from before, starlight glinting off his chrome.
The villager waves to Radek.
RADEK
Unbelievable...
Radek takes his stick and approaches the villager directly, drawing another bed in the dirt in front of him.
The villager looks at the bed drawing.
VILLAGER
(pointing toward one of the buildings down the road)
Ahn. Aneri kanao tira.
Radek turns back towards the car.
RADEK
Unless these people are too backwards to understand symbolism, I may have found us sleeping quarters!
The Gravedigger and Greibel rejoin the others, now with drug plants.
RHU
Do you think they'll worry if we brought our weapons in? I agree with Azir, sleeping surrounded by strange villagers sounds like a bad idea.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Nothing is going to make me part with my shovels. And the spades. And the trowel.
AZIRAPHALE
I think we can take our weapons. They aren't likely to recognise them. Just don't point them at the people.
GREIBEL
What about the bong, man?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Of course you can keep the bong.
RADEK
I've no intentions of sleeping anyways. I have work to do.
Rhu conceals his maul under his cloak as best he can.


INT. Hughenden inn - night
The inn is a rather rustic combination tavern and rooms, full of villagers with drinks, around tables and standing. Everything is dirty. Lanterns are everywhere.
The innkeeper is standing behind a counter.
The Gravedigger and Radek enter first, with Rhu and Greibel following.
Gravy bangs his horns into the ceiling, which is too short for him to fully stand. (rolled 10 perception) He puts a sizable dent in it.
The villagers turn to stare at him as he hunches over slightly.
The Gravedigger waves.
GREIBEL
Don't get uptight man, they're just jealous cause they're short.
After a long pause, one of the villagers waves back. There's quiet chatter as they continue to watch the newcomers.
The innkeeper, meanwhile, crosses her arms and looks on in irritation.
RADEK
Not a lot of uneca in these parts, I take it.
RHU
(to the closest villager)
Excuse me, do you speak Iera?
VILLAGER
Vokri sos.
One of the fanged peas gets out of Greibel's pocket and bounces across the floor.
GREIBEL
Woah little dude.
Greibel clumsily tries to chase down the fanged pea. (rolled 13 dexterity) It bounces onto a villager's lap.
Greibel tries to act innocent.
The villager holds out the pea to give it back, and he picks it up and eyes it uncertainly.
It chitters at him.
GREIBEL
Thanks, village guy.
(to the pea)
You be good, little guy. You're a long way from home.
He puts the fanged pea back in his pocket.
Rhu wanders around the room asking everybody who isn't scary, "Excuse me, but do you speak Iera?" This yields nothing.
A rather large guy at one of the other tables stands up and bangs his head on the ceiling. A pained look spreads across his face, and hepromptly sits down again.
Everyone else starts laughing.
RADEK
Ah, we have another giant. Go communicate with him by flexing, Gravedigger.
The Gravedigger goes to the innkeeper instead and tries to barter. He drops a bunch of coins on the counter and makes sleeping gestures.
INNKEEPER
Dena, se?
She points to the group, then stops and holds up four fingers.
The Gravedigger holds up five and gestures vaguely at the door.
The innkeeper nods and plucks a coin out of the pile and points to the stairs.
The Gravedigger gives her a bright smile and gathers up the rest.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hey, guys! Go get Azir. I got us beds. Or something.
The Innkeeper startles at the smile and takes an involuntary step backwards.
Frezak (Gravy): Bah. This makes him sad.
RHU
(to Gravy)
I think that tall guy there might have been trying to say something to us. You should talk to him, giant to giant.
The large guy is currently glowering at his mug.
The Gravedigger ignores the large man and heads upstairs instead. The man has no shovel.


INT. Hughenden inn upstairs - night
There are three rooms, each with a bed that should be large enough for two people, with the exception of the Gravedigger, whose legs would likely hang off the end. Each also comes with a chair and enough empty space for an old man to do science.
RADEK
Are any of you particularly sensitive to acidic fu- no, never mind. Pointless question.
The Gravedigger takes the first room and uses the chair and his bedroll to make the bed longer.
AZIRAPHALE
(pulling Rhu toward the next room)
I bunk with Rhu.
RADEK
Greibel can have a bed to himself if I can use the same room.
GREIBEL
Yeah, no problem here.
Rhu lies down and is asleep before he closes his eyes. His eyes remain oddly open for a few minutes before closing of their own accord.
Aziraphale sleeps fitfully.
The Gravedigger checks over his shovels and gear, cleaning it off as best he can, and then goes to bed as well.
Greibel gets out his smoking tool and takes it to bed, getting really stoned before finally also going to sleep.
Unaffected by Greibel's fumes (rolled 19 constitution), Radek gets out his science tools and does science. Using computer parts and some fertilizer, he creates five bombs. Using bits of an exploded dragon and some other questionable substances, he also constructs two vials of Alchemist's Fire and a Woundpatch. Somehow.
Then he begins the testing, trying to figure out what the chrome he's coated in actually is. He finds he can push it around a bit - get it to get thinner or thicker - and it's definitely magical. It also appears to not, technically, strictly speaking, actually be there, and to have properties related to time and non-existence, but as for what it actually is, he has no idea. (rolled 20 arcana)
He tries to take a sample, but it just disappears with a 'fwip' when he detaches it.


INT. Hughenden inn upstairs - morning
Rhu opens an eye, groans, then closes it again.
Aziraphale nudges Rhu.
Rhu groans and gets up.
Aziraphale goes and knocks on Gravy's door. Loud, rumbling snores are emanating outward.
Radek opens his door and floods the entire hallway with toxic and/or intoxicating fumes.
RADEK
I made some bombs.
GREIBEL
Waffle time!
Radek shoves Greibel out and then shuts the door again and starts performing an arcane ritual to comprehend language.
Ganelon (Radek): You can probably hear the ritual happening. Since it involves magic words and all that hogwash.
The Gravedigger is still snoring.
RHU
Maybe we can ring him on these earpiece things?
Rhu points at his ear.
AZIRAPHALE
I knocked.
Aziraphale opens the door and steps inside cautiously. He finds a sleeping Gravedigger on the floor hugging his shovels.
Rhu shakes his head.
GREIBEL
Awwwww.
Aziraphale kicks the Gravedigger lightly.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Fzzgl? Wstfgl! Gnuuur.
Oh. Hey.
Aziraphale wanders off to find the washroom in order to brush his teeth and all that.
Ganelon (Radek): I don't know if I even have real teeth. I feel like Radek would have replaced his teeth with rotating sawblades if he still ate things.
Greibel goes through the morning drug ritual. It involves a lot of drugs.
The Gravedigger checks his shovels and goes downstairs in search of food.


INT. Hughenden inn - day
Downstairs the place is empty now, but there's a note on a table in alien script as well as a loaf of bread and five bowls of congealed porridge.
The Gravedigger takes a bowl and gets eating.
Aziraphale comes back and does the same, taking a bowl and some bread and then finding another table to actually eat it at. He fiddles with his phone.
GREIBEL
Is there a bottle of hot sauce around here anywhere?
Greibel looks around for hot sauce. He finds some rather suspicious bottles behind the bar, but they probably aren't hot sauce either.
Greibel sniffs them. (rolled 17 reality) The smell that comes out doesn't quite knock him on the floor, but it still gives it a very good try. The fumes are... very strong.
Rhu comes down and looks around in surprise at the lack of people. He checks the kitchen and finds the innkeeper asleep on a cot.
He tiptoes out and has some porridge.
Having finished his ritual (rolled 29 arcana), Radek comes down as well.
RADEK
...What is this? They left food for us?
RHU
So it seems. They left a note.
RADEK
Let me see that.
(he takes the note and reads it aloud)
"Thanks for your business. Here's breakfast. And yes, I know you probably can't read this. -J"
Greibel brings a bottle over to the others.
GREIBEL
Hey Rhu, smell this.
Rhu does. Nothing horrible happens, though it smells bad. (rolled 20 reality)
Greibel shrugs and looks at the bottle.
GREIBEL
Good enough.
Greibel liberally applies the bottle's contents to his porridge and prepares to eat.
AZIRAPHALE
Err, Greibel. Have some of this bread instead, will you? I don't want to have to drag your pooping arse around for the whole day.
GREIBEL
Hmmph.
Greibel reluctantly takes the bread.
Meanwhile the porridge seems to be having some sort of chemical reaction with the liquid. It fizzes and smokes.
Rhu picks up his bowl and steps away from the bubbling porridge.
AZIRAPHALE
Hey, Radek, can you try reading the journal thing?
RADEK
Certainly. This only lasts for a day, so I recommend we make use of it as best we can.
Rhu hands Radek the old journal.
Radek opens it, but he finds it isn't the same language, or even script, as the note, and as a result he can't read it even with the ritual's effects.
RADEK
This is still gibberish. Whatever language it happens to be, it's not what these people have been speaking.
I can perform the ritual again tomorrow if you really consider it important, but my supply of residuum is not infinite.
Rhu shakes his head and puts the journal away.
AZIRAPHALE
Let's go check around the village, then. Now that you can hopefully talk to the people.
Greibel's porridge is twisting and roiling in the bowl. Greibel covertly dips some bread in it. (rolled 10 stealth)
Aziraphale notices anyway and takes the bread away from Greibel. (rolled 18 perception)
Greibel looks sad.
AZIRAPHALE
I suggest we go to the village.
The porridge calls to Greibel.
Greibel startles, not sure where that actually came from.
RHU
The village sounds like a good idea. Amadi said she was going to "Midnight". Maybe that's a city nearby? We could get back in touch with headquarters, and... I don't know. Get back home or something.
AZIRAPHALE
I think midnight is a time.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I don't think she meant a place. At least not as we know it.
RADEK
I admit to being somewhat curious as to where the other residents of this building have gone.
AZIRAPHALE
Home, probably?
It's the morning, after all. It's not like people stay at bars all day.
RHU
The barkeep is in the back, asleep.
RADEK
Well, let's go get directions.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
People that use their hands for a living get up as soon as light does.
Let's go find a king!
The porridge flops onto the table.
GREIBEL
Hmmm...
Radek readies his rifle.
The porridge purrs at Greibel.
GREIBEL
Huh...
Greibel pulls out a fanged pea and sets it down next to the porridge. The porridge itself doesn't entirely seem to be porridge anymore.
The pea rolls away from the porridge, chittering.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I hope it's not going to do that in my stomach.
AZIRAPHALE
It was the sauce. Your stomach is probably safe.
RHU
...what was in that bottle?!
GREIBEL
(disappointedly)
It smelled delicious.
The porridge leaps and devours the pea, which lets out a horrible little shriek before being enveloped in gloopy porridge.
Aziraphale stares.
AZIRAPHALE
Can we just go yap at people now?
Greibel stares.
Rhu stares.
GREIBEL
Yeah... I think the porridge can take care of itself.
RHU
We should keep the bottle. It might come in handy.
AZIRAPHALE
And Greibel, use your eyes and not your hands, please.
Radek shoots the porridge with some magic in an attempt to freeze it, but the porridge just absorbs the magic.
RADEK
Well, that's troublesome.
GREIBEL
I saw this in a movie once. Want to know the ending?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Are going to try and kill this? Or just... leave it here?
The porridge jiggles.
RHU
The bottle was in this inn. They probably know how to deal with... this.
AZIRAPHALE
If we can't trap it in a container, we should probably just leave it be.
RHU
I think we should take the bottle though. It might be useful to be able to animate porridge in the future.
RADEK
Agreed.
AZIRAPHALE
That'd be theft.
RADEK
Don't care.
AZIRAPHALE
Do you go in a sushi place and then take the bottle of soy sauce?
GREIBEL
If I had a nickel for every time I needed some animated porridge...
AZIRAPHALE
You'd be seriously in debt, Greibel. Now be quiet.
RADEK
Soy sauce is much less fascinating.
RHU
We could wake the barkeep and ask.
AZIRAPHALE
If one of you has a jar I suppose we could take a sample.
I just want to trap it so it can't get away. Nothing fancy. No battles.
The porridge bounces toward Greibel and purrs at the edge of the table.
Greibel cautiously puts out a hand to pet it.
The porridge rises to meet the hand and wiggles in response.
When he tries to draw his hand away, he finds the porridge has stuck to it.
RHU
Maybe we could catch it in a cloak?
AZIRAPHALE
Ehh, I just don't want it to destroy the place when we go. If you guys don't think it'll do that we can just leave it be.
RHU
We could... dig a hole and bury it.
RADEK
We certainly have the tools for that..
RHU
I say we wake the barkeep. Odds are, she'll know how to deal with her drinks accidently animating breakfast meals.
(he notices Greibel's hand)
Uh oh.
GREIBEL
Huh. Odd.
Greibel picks up the entire porridge and holds it up to Rhu's face. His hand looks a bit black where the porridge is touching it.
GREIBEL
WOOOOOOO! I'M THE HAAAAAUUUUUNTED PORRIIIIIIIIDGE!
RHU
Greibel...? Are you okay?
GREIBEL
Try to make a joke and people start questioning your sanity.
RHU
Does it hurt?
GREIBEL
Magic me some warm, Guru man.
RADEK
That would be unsafe to say the least.
The porridge seems to be afraid and shrinks away.
GREIBEL
Aw, poor guy. He just wants to eat fanged peas and look all goopy.
RHU
You could step outside and see if the sun has any effect on it.
AZIRAPHALE
Or we could wake the barkeep up.
RADEK
I can apply incendiary chemicals, but to your hands? Not... recommended.
Greibel has a go at talking to the porridge directly. (rolled 21 nature)
GREIBEL
Hey little porridge, what's your name, buddy?
The porridge isn't currently intelligent enough for words, but it likes eating and it likes Greibel because he's its mum, but it doesn't like being stuck, but it's not completely freaking out because it's him that it's stuck to and he's okay because he'a its mum, but it doesn't want to be stuck.
AZIRAPHALE
I'll go and wake the barkeep up.
Aziraphale heads to the kitchen.
Greibel snuggles the porridge. It relaxes a bit.
RHU
I think you need to give it a name.
GREIBEL
I shall call him... Rasputin.
Rhu gingerly tries to touch Rasputin the Porridge, but it shrinks away from his finger.
Greibel cautiously holds out the porridge and sends signals of calming nature to it, and it calms.
RHU
Aw. Poor thing.
Aziraphale brings the rather groggy-looking innkeeper out to the others and positions her in front of Radek.
AZIRAPHALE
Radek, can you get the barkeep to look at this thing?
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
So...
RADEK
(in deslau)
I can talk to you for the remainder of today.
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
Oh, sure, and you couldn't do that last night?
What is it?
RADEK
(in deslau)
I could not. My... 'friend' over here appears to have done something idiotic and might need your help.
(he indicates Greibel)
There is animate porridge stuck to his hands.
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
Idiot... oh, he did NOT get into the...
Greibel continues to try to get the porridge to warm up to Rhu.
Aziraphale nods emphatically.
The innkeeper looks Greibel over properly.
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
What.
GREIBEL
...What?
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
YOU!
(she points at Greibel)
WHAT DID YOU DO?
GREIBEL
Help! Scary woman's yelling gibberish at me!
Rhu steps back from Griebel.
RADEK
(in deslau)
He poured the contents of that bottle into his porridge. I don't suppose you could explain what caused the reaction, could you?
She picks up and examines the bottle, then bursts out laughing.
RHU
Huh.
Radek shrugs at Rhu and the others.
GREIBEL
So... this is okay then.
Translate that laugh. What does it mean?
RADEK
It means she laughed at you.
GREIBEL
Oh, how exotic!
Aziraphale grumbles.
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
You don't have shalott where you're from, do you?
The porridge jiggles calmly on Greibel's hand. Greibel plays with it like a kitty.
RADEK
(in deslau)
I do not.
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
That bottle was one of the reagents, though... well, it might have been going a little off.
Shalott is a very strong drink. It's what you drink when you don't want to have to drink anything else. Though I'll admit it's not supposed to do that.
RADEK
She says it's a strong drink. Nothing about it animating porridge. I theorize that Greibel is responsible for that.
(in deslau)
Do you know of a place called Midnight, miss?
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
Oh, you're a charmer!
Afraid not. There's Aierseth, and Wayside. Unless you mean one of the ruins of the Gaher? They had odd names like that.
RHU
Greibel, or any of us? Maybe we picked up something from Sarathi that... has an effect on porridge? Or shalott? Or both?
GREIBEL
What an oddly specific thing to pick up.
AZIRAPHALE
It might not be specific. Porridge may just be one of the things that react with it. And Shallott.
RHU
Maybe it affects all fluids...
Rhu shrugs, clearly not really convinced himself.
GREIBEL
Porridge is hardly a fluid.
Greibel scoffs disdainfully.
RADEK
Hmph.
(in deslau)
I'm not sure. Ideally, we would like to visit a... more advanced place than this. Somewhere with a communications array, at least.
Aziraphale mutters, not particularly caring how this happened, utterly convinced that if Greibel had kept his greasy fingers to himself...
INNKEEPER
Advanced? You mean older?
RADEK
No, my dear. Newer. Places with technology.
INNKEEPER
Well, if you want wizards, you're on the wrong side of the world, I think. Magic here has... moved on. Unless the whole world's moved on by now. Used to be we had all manner of wonders. Now it's just gone save for the oldest places.
RADEK
That's upsetting news... other side of the world, you say? How long is the circumference of this planet?
The innkeeper shakes her head tiredly.
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
More. You really are more of them, aren't you. And I thought you were just old tales, told to scare the kids.
RADEK
(in deslau)
Excuse me?
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
You should visit the Hole at Vermai. It is where the Cataclysm began. Go. Take your sorrows and see your doom for yourselves.
(she smiles)
When you return, you will understand the purpose of shalott.
RADEK
(in deslau)
I will no doubt mourn the loss of my ability to metabolize alcohol soon, then. Where is this Hole?
RHU
(to Greibel)
How do you suppose Rasputin is holding on? Is he sticky at all?
GREIBEL
Sticky... well... yes. He seems to be alright though.
INNKEEPER
Easterly and south. You will find things get more dead as you approach.
The same direction as the sinkhole they'd seen on the way in.
RADEK
I have our destination, it seems.
AZIRAPHALE
Well, let's thank the innkeeper and move on.
RADEK
(in deslau)
The others wish to convey their thanks.
INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
You can tell your friend he can keep the rest of that bottle if he wants. I wouldn't use it anyway after what it's done to the porridge.
Aziraphale looks at Radek inquiringly.
RADEK
The sinkhole we saw earlier.
I'm afraid we may be here for quite a while longer. There are no cities, nor ships or communications arrays.
AZIRAPHALE
This is depressing.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
What a surprise.
The porridge pulls itself free of Greibel's black hand and bounces up his arm, resting on his shoulder. A bunch of porridge is still stuck to his hand, but that just seems dead now.
GREIBEL
(grinning)
Shoulder porridge!
Greibel strikes an adventurous pose.
RHU
Pirate Rasputin!
RADEK
We may still be able to leave through magical means.
RHU
What about distress beacons? Maybe there's one in the car?
RADEK
Come on. And take the bottle with you.
Greibel wipes the dead porridge stuff off his hand and the blackness goes away.
RADEK
(in deslau)
Thank you for your patronage, miss.
The innkeeper bows slightly and then shuffles back toward the kitchen.


EXT. Village of Hughenden - day
It's bright and sunny out, and dry. Some folks are hanging around, generally in the shade of the various buildings.
GREIBEL
Let's go, Raspy. What a nice day!
The porridge shrinks slightly in the sunlight but otherwise seems happy at the new experience, jiggling.
RHU
Mm, warm!
GREIBEL
Nice to have a sun in the sky for once. That doesn't want to eat us.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
No fish so far.
RHU
Shh, don't give the weather ideas.
Radek corners some loiterers, and old guy and an even older guy, though both look like regular normal-aged folks next to Radek.
RADEK
(in deslau)
Ho there! Loiterers!
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Hail, grampa!
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
You speak in words, now?
RADEK
(in deslau)
For today.
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
By the grace of the saints, then? Today is a good day.
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Don't be daft, Chuck. They's wizards. It's wizarding.
RADEK
By the grace of my skill at magic, more like. Your friend is correct.
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Oh, daft, whatsit? Where do you think the wizards' magic comes from?
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Sod off.
RADEK
(in deslau)
I'm sure an undeveloped culture like yours has a very quaint idea of where magic comes from, but I've no time to hear it.
What do you lot know about a Cataclysm?
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Oh, you're a grumpy one, ain't ye? Cataclysm for a token.
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
A token? They're outsiders, you idiot.
The younger villager smacks the older one.
The older one smacks him right back.
GREIBEL
Heh, they must have the Three Stooges on this planet.
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
The idiot means a story. When you from?
RADEK
(in deslau)
The 14th span of the 843rd ending, and, I should sincerely hope, not the past.
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Well, you got me.
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Of course he got you. You don't even know what day it is!
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Shut up.
RADEK
(in deslau)
It doesn't mean anything to us either, don't worry. We abandoned the concept of a singular timeline eons ago.
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
What day is it?
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
You're used to holes?
RADEK
(in deslau)
Of what sort? I travel with a brute who enjoys digging holes...
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Holes. You know. Stuff comes out. Goes in. Gets shredded.
The older one gives him an annoyed look.
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Oy, you don't know that! There just happens to be a hole, and folks from the wrong times appear sometimes, but it's just as easily a coincidence.
(eyeing the Gravedigger)
Does he dig through time? Because this hole, what, it goes through TIIIIIME.
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
No it doesn't. You don't know that. Stop making up stories.
The younger villager smacks the older villager again.
RADEK
(in deslau)
Oh, marvelous!
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Seriously, don't listen to him. He's addled, he is.
OLDER VILLAGER
Yeah, you just say that because you're addled and feel lonely.
RADEK
(in deslau)
Then presumably, the other side may house a time more agreeable than this one.
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Oh, no. there's no other side. Everything just gets shredded that gets near.
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Yeah, he tried it. Dropped a big ol' boulder in there. You know what happened? It exploded is what happened!
RADEK
(in deslau)
Have you considered using it for waste disposal?
Well, no matter, I should very much like to investigate any matter of spatial or temporal anomaly for myself.
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Why would we need a waste disposal? Too far away anyway. Three days just to dump compost? Eck.
RADEK
They appear to be talking about some hole that shreds matter in its vicinity.
AZIRAPHALE
Marvelous.
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
And it killed everything. You should see the wildlife!
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Kids love it, of course.
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Back when we had kids.
OLDER VILLAGER
(looking surprised; in deslau)
Do you have kids?
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Bob had a kid. Died.
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
All died.
RADEK
(in deslau)
Machines are much less irritating.
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Oh, they'll wreck too.
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Even turn on you sometimes.
VILLAGER
(in deslau)
I'd rather have a kid turn on me than a hulk, that's for damn sure.
OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
Back when we had hulks, you mean? They went out before the kids did.
The two villagers blather at each other for awhile.
RADEK
Hmph.


≪ PreviousNext ≫
Session 5 (Overview)
Retrieved from ‘https://wiki.zaori.org/w/index.php?title=Holes/Session_5&oldid=3123’

You brought the stars with you, didn't you? It's the first time night has fallen on this world.