Difference between revisions of "Holes/Session 4"

A fragment of the Garden of Remembering
(Move out the sarathi stuff so it's less confusing to actually find stuff)
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The car appears to have crashed in a clearing amidst some leafless trees, spilling most of the unconscious party out around it. It's no longer hovering. Things are oddly normal and quiet.
The car appears to have crashed in a clearing amidst some leafless trees, spilling most of the unconscious party out around it. It's no longer hovering. Things are oddly normal and quiet.
Dry leaves and grass cover the dusty ground. Remains of an old campfire are nearby, with some odds and ends lying around it.


The loudest thing around is the Gravedigger snoring in the front seat of the car.
The loudest thing around is the Gravedigger snoring in the front seat of the car.
Line 16: Line 17:


THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Aw. He's like a little angel.
Aw. He's like a little angel. He could probably do with time to recover from the drugs.


AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Alright, so here we are. Lost once again. Lovely.
Alright, so here we are. Lost once again. Lovely.


THE GRAVEDIGGER
A slight breeze rustles the dry twiggage and leaves.
He could probably do with time to recover from the drugs.
 
A slight breeze rustles the dry twiggage.


THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Line 37: Line 35:
Aziraphale kicks Greibel lightly.
Aziraphale kicks Greibel lightly.


Rhu coughs at the dust.
Rhu coughs at the dust and looks around.


The Gravedigger goes and picks up Radek, placing him on his feet.
The Gravedigger goes and picks up Radek, placing him on his feet.


Radek grumbles loudly. Dirt is sticking to his metallic coating. It tries to eat the dirt, so he wipes the rest of the dirt off.
Radek grumbles loudly. Dirt sticks to his metallic coating, which tries to eat the dirt, so he wipes the rest of the dirt off.
</screenplay>
 


The Gravedigger smacks a tree to see if it's dead. It is, and drops a bunch of dust on him.


<pre>
Rhu: 15 perception to examine area
Frezak: Leafless? Dead?
Apheori (GM): Apparently. It's too warm to be winter, and everything is just... dry.
You could check them, though.
Frezak: I'll go smack a tree and see if it's dead.
Apheori (GM): Rhu: Everything seems alarmingly normal, if a bit dead. The sky is a sky, the ground is solid, there are dry leaves and grasses around...
And apparently you landed in an old campsite.
Rhu beams
RHU
RHU
(beaming)
Guys. GUYS. Reality seems to be not completely messed up for the moment.
Guys. GUYS. Reality seems to be not completely messed up for the moment.
Rhu carefully pokes at the ground
 
Apheori (GM): Frezak: The tree drops a bunch of dust on you. It seems to be dead.
He carefully pokes at the ground.
Frezak: Hmm.
 
Apheori (GM): Rhu: It's a ground.
RHU
RHU
GUYS! SOLID GROUND!
GUYS! SOLID GROUND!
Frezak: Campsite? Any.. camping /things/ ? tent, fire....
 
RADEK
Yes, but where are we?
The Gravedigger pats Rhu.
The Gravedigger pats Rhu.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
yes, that's ground.
Yes, that's ground. I know ground all right. And that, there, is ground.
I know ground all right.
 
And that, there. Is ground.
RHU
RHU
GROUND.
GROUND.
Rhu lies down on the ground.
Rhu lies down on the ground.
Apheori (GM): Old firepit with some logs, some stakes for a tent, an old journal, some shiny things in the grass...
 
Frezak: SHINY THINGS.
RADEK
EXAMINE SHINY THINGS.
Yes, but where are we?
Wen: (I'm totally still following along)
 
Apheori (GM): Shiny things are some bottles of what might be potions or liqueurs and a bong.
The Gravedigger goes to examine the things around the old campfire. It's got logs, some stakes for a tent, an old journal, some shiny things in the grass. The shiny things turn out to be some bottles of what might be potions or liqueurs and a bong.
Frezak: HMMM.
 
Could I identify the bottle contents with a... nature check?
He checks the bottles and they seem to contain alcohol, though there's something a bit weird about a couple of them. ''(rolled 21 nature)''
that bong better be a +1 bong.
 
Apheori (GM): Try it.
He piles them into his bag.
Bear Soup Guy: XD
 
Frezak:
Aziraphale looks at the sky. The sky is a sky, broad and blue and cloudless.
rolling 1D20+8
 
(
13
)
+8
=
21
brb
AGAIN >.>
Apheori (GM): The primary liquid in them appears to be alcohol. Beyond that you can't really tell what they are.
A couple are empty, but they're dry and don't smell like anything.
Aziraphale looks at the sky
RHU
RHU
(getting off the ground) I think we should check if we can establish radio contact with the ship that brought us to this benighted planet, headquarters, and any living soul again, just in case something changed while we slept.
(getting off the ground)
Apheori (GM): The sky is a sky, broad and blue and cloudless. Standard world, healthy.
I think we should check if we can establish radio contact with the ship that brought us to this benighted planet, headquarters, and any living soul again, just in case something changed while we slept.
It magically fixed itself!
 
RADEK
RADEK
I wouldn't be so quick to assume we're still on Sarathi.
I wouldn't be so quick to assume we're still on Sarathi.
Ganelon: Still, I'll give the computer a shot.
 
Regardless, Radek checks his radio. It reports no connection.
 
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Good point. Any way to check?
Good point. Any way to check? Would be nice if we got teleported out of that hellhole anyway.
Would be nice if we got teleported out of that hellhole anyway.
 
RHU
RHU
Ah. Well, maybe we're somewhere with a better class of reality, then.
Ah. Well, maybe we're somewhere with a better class of reality, then.
Ganelon: Any connection?
(to Radek)
Apheori (GM): No connection.
RHU
Have you tried hitting it?
Have you tried hitting it?
Frezak: I will take all the bottles.
 
RADEK
RADEK
Have you tried getting an education in computer engineering?
Have you tried getting an education in computer engineering? There's no connection.
There's no connection.
 
Ganelon: GRUMPY
Apheori (GM): Snrk.
(To Greibel): Wake up and pick up the bong.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I could hit it for you!
I could hit it for you! I understand all that learning gave you noodley arms. I'll help!
I understand all that learning gave you noodley arms.
 
I'll help!
The Gravedigger readies his shovel.
Greibel starts waking up
 
The Gravedigger readies shovel.
Greibel finally wakes up and stumbles over to the others.
Greibel stumbles into the place w'e're at
 
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Gravy, I don't think that's the best idea.
Gravy, I don't think that's the best idea.
Wen: does whatever radio device I have on me have any reception?
 
Aziraphale checks his phone, just for good measure. It gets no reception beyond finding the others' radios. None of them are identifying as 'sexy' anymore.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Aw.
Aw.
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Hey, what happened dudes?
Hey, what happened dudes?
(he sees the bong)
Oh sweet. Anybody got dibs on the bong?
Oh sweet. Anybody got dibs on the bong?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
magic!
Magic!
 
RHU
RHU
Maybe Greibel can turn into a swarm of birds and check out the area for us?
Maybe Greibel can turn into a swarm of birds and check out the area for us?
Apheori (GM): You've still got reception to the other ones.
 
And none of them are identifying as 'sexy' anymore.
Hearing no complaints, Greibel takes the bong.
Greibel takes the bong
 
Wen: Good.
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
I sort of like this reality.
I sort of like this reality. I second the suggestion that Greibel scout the area.
I second the suggestion that Greibel scout the area.
 
GREIBEL
Okay.
(in a serious super-hero voice)
Hold my bong!
 
Aziraphale reverentially holds it.
 
Greibel unceremoniously poofs into a flock of dirty birds and flies off in every direction.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
This is fine hole-dirt.
This is fine hole-dirt.
GREIBEL
 
Okay
The Gravedigger begins digging.
Apheori (GM): You could dig a hole!
 
Gaurav: Er
Apheori (GM): And bury the car-thing!
Gaurav: Wait
GREIBEL
(in a serious super-hero voice) Hold my bong!
Apheori (GM): I mean...
Rhu picks up the old journal and flips through it
Aziraphale reverentially holds it
Frezak: I will begin digging.
Greibel unceremoniously poofs into a flock of dirty birds
Apheori (GM): Rhu: You don't recognise the script. Which is odd, because you've at least seen quite a few...
RADEK
RADEK
Wait, what are you digging a hole for?
Wait, what are you digging a hole for?
Apheori (GM): It also isn't very good handwriting, though, so that might have something to do with it.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
You never know when you need a good hole.
You never know when you need a good hole.
Rhu picks up the old journal and flips through it. The script looks oddly familiar, but also rather alien, which is unusual, considering just how many worlds their people had already come into contact with... also the handwriting is terrible, which might be the real reason it looks so alien.
RHU
RHU
Hey ... does anybody recognize this script?
Hey... does anybody recognize this script? It looks... familiar.
 
Aziraphale motions for him to hand over the journal and he does.
 
The Gravedigger looms over Aziraphale's shoulder for a glance while he tries going through it, and then goes back to digging.
 
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
I'll read it.
Nope.
Frezak: I'll peek over Azir's shoulder for a glance then get back to digging.
 
Apheori (GM): Azir: It looks... familiar. Like you should know what it is. But you don't.
Rhu takes the journal back and tries looking at it upside down. This somehow makes it even worse. He sighs and pockets it.
Wen: oh damn, I thought I could roll
 
Apheori (GM): Frezak: It looks like really bad handwriting,.
Radek goes to check on the car, and then the Greibel flock flutters down in from of them and turns back into a surprisingly clean elf.
Frezak: And by peek I mean loom.
 
Rhu:
rolling 1d20+2 history check to see if anything about the script recalls any past civilization or culture.
(
2
)
+2
=
4
Apheori (GM): Nope.
Rhu tries looking at the journal upside down
Frezak: SMOKE IT IN THE BONG
Ganelon: I'll check out the car.
Apheori (GM): Wen: You can roll, you just...
Er, wait, no, you could succeed.
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Apheori (GM): DO IT.
AZIRAPHALE
So this looks familiar, but I still can't read it.
Apheori (GM): I keep mixing up the holy people.
Bear Soup Guy: But I'm birds!
Apheori (GM): No, wait, I still mixed them up.
BIRDS!
Wen: also, did the ship turn into a car? or is that just alias car ship
Frezak: Wen is super holy.
Ganelon: I'm calling it a car.
Wen: totes
Apheori (GM): Car-ship.
Frezak: It was always a flying convertible car.
Apheori (GM): Future car.
Convertible thingy.
Frezak: future
Apheori (GM): This wasn't SHIP.
Gaurav: Yeah, but this isn't the ship named SHIP we landed in, right? This we picked up outside the mall?
Wen: indeed
Frezak: This car does not make sandwiches.
Wen: so what does Greibel see?
(To Greibel): As birds, you scout the area. There are a lot of trees, some hills, a village in the distance that looks like some sort of weird hippy commune. Everything is pretty dry.
Apheori (GM): Azir, Rhu: I'm sorry, I mixed you two up. It looked familiar to Rhu, Azir has never seen anything like it. I apologise for this.
Greibel needs to get back and say.
RHU
Huh. This looks ... familiar.
Wen: Hmm.. this is odd. So it's from this planet, but I can't read it and Rhu can.
unless it isn't from this planet! -cue dramatic music-
Apheori (GM): I never said he could read it.
Wen: oh right.
Apheori (GM): Just that it looked familiar.
Wen: where's Rhu from anyway?
Ganelon: Why is the car no longer hovering?
Apheori (GM): Sarathi gets a lot of vacationers.
Good question!
Bear Soup Guy: SORRY I HAD TO DO A THING SUPER QUICK
Rhu puts away the old journal
Greibel turns back to elf
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
There's a village off in that direction. Looks like some kind of commune sort of place. Other than that, lots of trees, birds, hills. Mostly unpopulated by any kinds of people.
There's a village off in that direction. Looks like some kind of commune sort of place. Other than that, lots of trees, birds, hills. Mostly unpopulated by any kinds of people.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
 
What about things that aren't people?
Greibel takes his bong back.
 
GREIBEL
Thanks for holding this, man. Fragile, you know.
 
RADEK
RADEK
Mostly?
Mostly?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Giant lizards?
What about things that aren't people? Giant lizards? Magic bugs?
Magic bugs?
 
(To Greibel): There wasn't much else. Too dry?
(To Greibel): Some caves, though. Might be some there.
RHU
RHU
Greibel: Any bodies of water around?
Any bodies of water around?
(To Greibel): You didn't see any water...
 
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
There were some caves, might be some people or animals in there.
There were some caves, might be some people or animals in there.
(To Greibel): MADNESS.
 
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Not much for non-birds
Not much for non-birds. No water anywhere nearby.
No water anywhere nearby
 
Frezak: So how common is .. teleportation in our future universe?
Apheori (GM): Very common.
Frezak: So being dumped across planets is nothing spectacular?
Apheori (GM): Got devices in every town to jump pedestrians between them, and gateways between many major worlds...
But being dumped without a device? That is odd.
Gaurav: I don't think we're carrying teleporters, though? And walking to that commune is just asking for a random encounter.
Apheori (GM): Wizards might do that sort of thing, but that's wizards.
Ganelon: Never call Radek a wizard, incidentally.
Frezak: Well i'm totes hyped for going to the willage.
Maybe the want some holes dug.
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
I second the motion to go to the village.
Could go to the village.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(from the now rather deep hole)
To the willage!
To the willage!
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Willage!
Willage!
Ganelon: Hold up.
 
Frezak: Comes Gravy's voice from his hole.
RHU
RHU
We should see if we can get the ship named car working first.
We should see if we can get the ship named car working first. That would help us get to the village and more importantly get away when everything goes awful.
Ganelon: Again, what's wrong with the car?
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Oh, all right.
Oh, all right.
Ganelon: Yeah, that.
 
The Gravedigger resumes throwing out shovelfuls of dirt.
 
Radek gives the car a proper look. It's just sitting there, which is bad.
 
The car seems to be turned off. ''(rolled 15 arcana)'' He turns it on, but only the front lifts. The back remains resolutely down to earth.
 
RHU
RHU
That would help us get to the village and more importantly get away when everything goes awful.
Oh! Maybe something's wrong with the rear... disk?
Apheori (GM): It's just sitting there.
 
The Gravedigger resumes holecrafting.
Apheori (GM): I take it Radek investigates?
Ganelon: Yes.
Apheori (GM): Roll an investigate!
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20+10
(
5
)
+10
=
15
Apheori (GM): Apparently it's off.
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Wen: hee
Ganelon: ...I turn it on.
Apheori (GM): It turns on, but only partly lifts.
Like only the front.
Frezak: It's a giant Tenser's disk.
Wen: o_O
Frezak: Oh.
RHU
Oh!
Maybe something's wrong with the rear ... disk?
Radek climbs out of the vehicle.
Radek climbs out of the vehicle.
Bear Soup Guy takes his bong back
 
Bear Soup Guy: Thanks for holding this, man
Fragile, you know
RADEK
RADEK
Turn this thing over on its side so I can take a look.
Turn this thing over on its side so I can take a look.
Frezak: CAN DO.
 
Strength check to flip the car.
The Gravedigger bounds out of his hole and gives a go at flipping the car. ''(rolled 5 strength (natural 1))'' This completely fails, and instead he pulls a muscle.
rolling 1D20+4
 
(
He then jumps back down and hides in his hole.
1
 
)
+4
=
5
Rhu:
rolling 1d20+6 Nature check to see if I can guess what kind of monsters might live in this area.
(
2
)
+6
=
8
Frezak: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
MY POWERRRRRR
Faaadinnnnnngggg...
Gaurav: In Soviet Russia, car flips you.
Wen: uhh, should I give it a go?
Frezak: I pulled a muscle >.>
Or several.
Aaaag my lats
Apheori (GM): That.
RADEK
RADEK
Hmph.
Hmph.
Apheori (GM): Rhu: You suspect birds.
 
Ganelon: I'll try it!
For good measure, Radek also gives the car flipping a try with his fantastic old-man strength. ''(rolled 6 strength)'' This doesn't work either, but at least the failure isn't as spectacular.
Frezak: I'm gonna hide in my hole.
 
Ganelon: With my fantastic old-man strength!
Aziraphale frowns and tries as well, but this also fails. ''(rolled 5 strength (natural 1))'' He breaks a nail.
rolling 1d20-1
 
(
7
)
-1
=
6
YEAH
Frezak: You can sit in my hole if you want.
Aziraphale:
rolling 1d20 + 4
(
1
)
+4
=
5
..
Guys, I don't think we're going to be able to do this.
Apheori (GM): You, you all failed, and Azir broke a nail.
AZIRAPHALE
ow.
Frezak: What the hells.
AZIRAPHALE
Let's try the village first, maybe?
Frezak: Maybe... turn the engine off and THEN flip it?
Bear Soup Guy: Should Greibel still SMOKE THE SCRIPT
AZIRAPHALE
NO.
Frezak: SMOKE THAT SHIT MAN
Bear Soup Guy: Damn :(
Frezak: INGEST THE WORDS
INHALE TRUTH
AZIRAPHALE
Uhh
Aziraphale eyes Gravy
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Frezak: Gravy is sad.
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Ow.
(he eyes Gravy in his hole)
Guys, I think he's going insane.
Guys, I think he's going insane.
Frezak: His one talent is that he's strong. And he failed at that.
 
RADEK
RADEK
No. No, no, no, no. We are not talking about sanity again.
No. No, no, no, no. We are not talking about sanity again.
RHU
RHU
Maybe there's a panel at the back of CAR that opens? Don't mechanical things usually have panels?
Maybe there's a panel at the back of CAR that opens? Don't mechanical things usually have panels?
RADEK
RADEK
Let's go to the village.
Let's go to the village.
Apheori (GM): You could... try again.
 
Ganelon: Another roll?
The Gravedigger gets out and tries flipping the car again and fails again. ''(rolled 5 strength (natural 1))''
Frezak: I'd love to try again.
 
Gaurav: I could try. Is it just 1d20 + STR?
Rhu tries. ''(rolled 13 strength)'' Doesn't work, but he does notice a likely panel mostly buried in dust.
Wen: yeah.
 
Bear Soup Guy: Strength modifier I believe
Wen: what are we going to do if we fix it though? We'd still go to the village.
Frezak: But we could go to the willage in STYLE.
Gaurav: hmm, my strength is zero, so I should probably go last. Greibel: can you change into any animal big enough to carry the car?
Frezak: I can try again, GM?
Math gives me chances of not FUCKING IT UP
Gaurav: And we aren't leaving the only thing from Sarathi we still have at a campsite where we might not be able to find it again.
Apheori (GM): You can always try again unless things break.
Ganelon: My strength is -1.
Frezak:
rolling 1D20+4
(
1
)
+4
=
5
GODDAM IT
FUCK THIS GAME
Bear Soup Guy: That's a good question Guar
Frezak: GRAAAAAH
Ganelon: Pfffaaahahahah
Bear Soup Guy: What are the rules on that?
Frezak: FUCKING NEUTRONIUM CAR
Gaurav: Well, that and this light fixture I picked up.
Bear Soup Guy: My strength is balls but I can turn into like a bear or a dragon or something
Rhu tries
Rhu:
rolling 1d20+0
(
13
)
+0
=
13
Frezak: It doesn't change your stats, BSG.
Apheori (GM): You feel like you almost can and are sad.
Bear Soup Guy: Okie-dokie
Apheori (GM): Rhu: Also you saw a panel.
RHU
RHU
A PANEL!
A PANEL!
Rhu points at the panel hoping someone who understands technology can do the technology thing
 
Aziraphale pokes Radek
Rhu digs out the panel and points, hoping someone who understands technology can do the technology thing.
Ganelon: Panel science?
 
Frezak: I'm sobbing in my hole.
Aziraphale pokes Radek.
Ganelon:
 
rolling 1d20+10
The Gravedigger sobs in his hole.
(
 
12
)
+10
=
22
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Hey man, don't be bummed.
(from the top of the hole)
It's a pretty big car thing, y'know?
Hey man, don't be bummed. It's a pretty big car thing, y'know?
Apheori (GM): Gan: You get the panel off, find the controls all look fine, and realise the back thing is just full of dirt.
 
Gaurav: In my head, I see Gravy as being twice as tall as the car is long.
Radek goes and pulls the panel off and pokes around inside trying to sort out if this'll give any indication what's wrong. ''(rolled 22 arcana)'' It looks like the back is mostly just full of dirt.
 
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Looks like a job for Gravy.
Looks like a job for Gravy.
Gaurav: well, not twice
 
but just absurdly too big for this car
Frezak: Gravy is about... seven feets of tallness?
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Like Shaq in a Miata
RADEK
RADEK
Gravy, come get this dirt out of here.
Gravy, come get this dirt out of here. Dirt and violence are your two specialities, aren't they?
Frezak: HOW.
 
Bear Soup Guy: Also brb starting some noodles
Frezak: WITH MY GIANT HANDS?
Apheori (GM): Well, he could stick his hand in it. But that would probably be a terrible idea if the car is on.
Frezak: Also that.
RADEK
Dirt and violence are your two specialties, aren't they?
Apheori (GM): Of course Gravy might not realise that second bit...
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
If you want that car to work, these giant hamhocks won't help.
If you want that car to work, these giant hamhocks won't help. Will my shovel fit in that hole? I don't think so.
Will my shove fit in that hole? i don't think so.
 
Apheori (GM): Also I want noodles too.
RADEK
RADEK
Useless!
Useless!
Apheori (GM): MAgic.
 
Frezak: I don't deal in precision stuff.
I MAKE HOLES
I DO NOT FIX CARS.
The Gravedigger sobs in his hole some more.
The Gravedigger sobs in his hole some more.
Ganelon: I'll do it myself, then.
 
With the car off.
Radek turns off the car and does it himself. Then he turns the car back on and it just works.
While grumbling about unreliable urban vehicle designs.
 
Apheori (GM): You get the dirt out and turn it back on and it just works.
RHU
RHU
YAY!
YAY!
Frezak: I want to check my backpack to check that everything is how I last left it.
 
If dirt got teleported into the car bits, who know what else has moved.
Greibel smokes some random plants from the clearing.
Apheori (GM): As a side note, Greibel tries smoking some plants he found. This has no real bearing on anything, but that's what he's doing while this is going on. And while the noodles are preparing.
 
Wen: so do we take the car-ship to the village?
The Gravedigger, in his sorrow, decides to check his bags and see if anything there is amiss. All his things seem to be accounted for, but he finds an extra package of fertiliser among them as well for some reason, labelled 'all-purpose plant food'. He has no idea where it came from.
Frezak: Can i roll Nature to identify psychotropic plants?
 
Ganelon: That's the plan.
Frezak: ANd make sure to steer him away from them?
If I roll enough things I won't get a 1.
Apheori (GM): Your stuff all seems to be there, although you're not sure where the package of fertiliser came from...
Frezak: A package?
Future or old times package?
Apheori (GM): You've got a tub of fertiliser. Like... normal technical chemical fertiliser.
Frezak: Any distinctive writing on it?
Apheori (GM): It's labelled 'all-purpose plant food'
Frezak: Hmmm.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
hey, check your stuff, guys.
Hey, check your stuff, guys.
Aziraphale examines his inventory
 
Ganelon: Anything out of place?
The others do. The dragon parts Radek had collected have broken down into sludge. Greibel's pockets are full of fanged peas.
Apheori (GM): The dragon parts you collected don't seem to be dragon parts anymore.
 
They seem to have broken down.
Wen: You get a pack of fertilizers. You get a pack of fertilizers. EVERYONE gets a pack of fertilizers.
Apheori (GM): Still probably useful, though.
Greibel has a pocket full of fanged peas.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
GAH
GAH. PEAS.
PEAS
 
Gaurav: Unless I missed something, the only thing Rhu picked up recently is the half digested light fixture and the old journal. Are they still fine?
Wen: I thought we were out of the crazy reality? :/
Apheori (GM): Gaurav: Aye.
Greibel found the peas by reaching into a pocket and pulling out a hand covered in them. Not attacking, just... sticking and chittering.
Frezak: PLANT PLAN.
Save them peas, man.
Save them for dire times.
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Right on
(holding a handful of chittering fanged peas)
Greibel puts the peas back in his pocket
Right on.
 
Greibel puts the peas back in his pocket. The peas come off without complaint.
 
GREIBEL
Shhhh, your time will come, little ones.
 
RHU
RHU
Those are some cool peas.
Those are some cool peas.
GREIBEL
 
Shhhh, your time will come little ones
Apheori (GM): The peas come off without complaint.
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
I'm more bothered by the fact that everything seemed sane for a moment, and then bam, fanged peas.
I'm more bothered by the fact that everything seemed sane for a moment, and then bam, fanged peas. Nothing against the peas themselves, just...
Nothing against the peas themselves, just..
 
Rhu checks the box of fertilizer to see if it has any ammonium nitrate in it
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
i'm sure everything will sort itself out.
I'm sure everything will sort itself out.
Gaurav: Are fanged peas a savory snack on the planet Rhu is from?
 
Oh, I meant: Rhu looks at the text on the box, not performs some sort of on the fly chemical analysis
Apheori (GM): Urea nitrogen.
12% nitrogen, but not that.
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
I think we should head to the village.
I think we should head to the village.
Apheori (GM): The one you mentioned.
 
Frezak: TO THE WILLAGE
Everyone basically agrees and they pile into the car. Somehow Rhu winds up in the driver's seat.
Apheori (GM): Fanged peas ain't a snack anywhere... civilised.
 
Ganelon: Willage?
Gaurav: Before we head to the village, we should double-check that we're all healed up and fighting-ready.
Frezak: WILLAGE
Wen: I think we are.
Frezak: I haven't taken any damage.
Wen: Rhu was the only one that ever got hit by the chicken, and he's healed.
Apheori (GM): Someone broke a nail at some point.
Gaurav: Sweet. Sounds like we're ready to go!
Wen: yes, me, but I didn't realise that hurt HP
so uh, I heal myself?
(To Frezak): How do I throw a pack of starved wolves at you?
RHU
RHU
(darkly) I don't like communes. Or villages. Or _people_.
(darkly)
Rhu gets back into the car
I don't like communes. Or villages. Or ''people''.
(From Frezak): You say... "You come across a pack of starved wolves." ? O.o
 
Gaurav: BTW: Wikipedia says that urea + nitric acid = explosive, so keep your eyes peeled for nitric acid I guess.
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
I LOVE communes
I LOVE communes. And people are alright, but I prefer animals.
And people are alright, but I prefer animals
 
Bear Soup Guy: :O
(To Frezak): Yeah, but the encounter... thing...
Wen: uh, we float over to the village?
(To Frezak): Then again if you're flying that's not an issue.
(From Frezak): Um. I'll find some wolf tokens and some wolf monster sheets? Then slide the party to another map - oh, right.
Gaurav: Who's driving?
Frezak: Who has best perception?
Apheori (GM): How do you get Gravy out of his hole?
Wen: can't he dig himself out?
Frezak: I'll just climb out, sulkily.
Apheori (GM): Aw.
Ganelon: Aw, I was going to suggest flooding it with fertilizer.
RHU
RHU
Animals are alright, I guess. Cats are pretty cool, even when they're not gods.
Animals are alright, I guess. Cats are pretty cool, even when they're not gods.
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
cat gods are terrible
Cat gods are terrible.
Gaurav: Rhu has +11 perception, and anybody within five squares of me gets a +1 to their perception.
 
anybody -> allies
Bear Soup Guy: sexy
Frezak: Well that puts me at... 9.
SO YOU CAN DRIVE
RADEK
RADEK
Gods, animals, people... I'll stick with my machines.
Gods, animals, people... I'll stick with my machines.
RHU
 
Everybody in?
Rhu squints at the ground and flies the car off toward the village.
AZIRAPHALE
 
Gravy?
Rhu squints at the road and drives in whatever direction Greibel said the village was.
Frezak: yeah, i'll get in back.
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Road trip!
Road trip!
Ganelon: Wait, there's a road?
 
Apheori (GM): Not really.
RHU
RHU
Plain trip!
Plain trip!
Frezak: Dirt!
 
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
DIRT!
DIRT!
Apheori (GM): A bit of a path, but not wide enough to fit the car, and it doesn't really go anywhere.
 
So you, like, fly over the trees or something.
Frezak: HAHA, SUCK IT, TREES
RHU
RHU
Huh. This is a cool car.
Huh. This is a cool car.
Apheori (GM): Roll your thingies.
 
Perceptions.
 
Things.
EXT. Car over dry, dusty woods - day
Frezak:
 
rolling 1D20+8+1
The car cruises along at a stately some speed or other. Everyone looks out for anything interesting. They see trees. And dirt. And rocks. And a sinkhole over there. And more rocks. And some strange shiny things with a deformed bird on them. And more dirt. And trees. And rocks.
(
 
6
All the trees are dead.
)
 
+8+1
=
15
Wen: +8+1?
GREIBEL
r 1d20+9+1
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20+7+1
(
10
)
+7+1
=
18
Frezak: +1 from Rhu?
Rhu:
rolling 1d20+11 perception
(
2
)
+11
=
13
Wen: oh
Aziraphale:
rolling 1d20 + 3 + 1
(
11
)
+3+1
=
15
RHU
RHU
There are some trees over here. I think.
There are some trees over here. I think.
Frezak: We need a new driver.
 
Apheori (GM): Y'all see trees. And dirt. And rocks.
'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): We need a new driver.
And a sinkhole over there.
 
And more rocks.
They drive by the bird for a better look. It is very large, missing a bunch of feathers, and has too many limbs. To Greibel and Gravy, it looks like the result of some sort of bad radiation event. ''(rolled 29, 25 nature)'' Mutated, perhaps second or third generation after the event.
And some strange shiny things with a deformed bird on them.
 
And more dirt. And trees. And rocks.
It looks to be guarding its shiny things carefully.
All the trees are dead.
 
RHU
Should we investigate the sinkhole?
Or the deformed bird?
Frezak: Deformed bird?
Also shiny things.
Apheori (GM): It's very large, missing a bunch of feathers, and has too many limbs.
Frezak: Ew.
Wen: any shimmering or other signs of deformed reality?
Apheori (GM): Not that you see.
Wen: Good.
RHU
Phew.
AZIRAPHALE
Greibel: can you see what's up with the bird?
Frezak: Nature checks on the bird?
Apheori (GM): ..sure.
Bear Soup Guy: NATURE CHECKS
Frezak:
rolling 1D20+8
(
17
)
+8
=
25
Ganelon: I know nothing about mutants.
Bear Soup Guy:
rolling 1d20+11
(
18
)
+11
=
29
Apheori (GM): Radek should do a science check.
Gaurav: Woah, nice rolls.
Frezak: DAMMIT BSG
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS UPSTAGE ME
Ganelon: ...Do I still need to?
Apheori (GM): I guess not.
Bear Soup Guy: =D
Frezak: Between us, we know all nature.
Gaurav: BSG is more nature than man.
Er, elf.
Bear Soup Guy: Together we could conquer the dirt world!
Apheori (GM): It's a mutated bird, like a second or third generation after a bad radiationing thing.
...words are hard.
Frezak: Hmmm.
Does it seem agressive?
Apheori (GM): You're not close enough. You could get closer.
Frezak: Likely to be a problem if we examined the shiny stuffs?
Bear Soup Guy: NATURE EYES
Apheori (GM): It seems like it could be guarding the stuff.
Frezak: Hmmm.
Have radek fire a warning shot?
Ganelon: Just to make noise?
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
I suggest we go to the village first. I mean, even if we do all our observations, we can't really understand any of what happened without more information.
I suggest we go to the village first. I mean, even if we do all our observations, we can't really understand any of what happened without more information.
Frezak: AND LEAVE THE SHINIES?
 
...
Fine.
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
(indicating the bird)
Looks like he isn't going anywhere, I guess
Looks like he isn't going anywhere, I guess
RHU
RHU
I agree with Azi, although it might be fun to have Greibel turn into a flock of angry birds and try to distract the mutant bird for us.
I agree with Azi, although it might be fun to have Greibel turn into a flock of angry birds and try to distract the mutant bird for us.
Greibel slicks his hair.
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
It'd achieve nothing.
It'd achieve nothing.
RHU
 
...
Rhu looks grumpy.
Frezak: A flock of sexy mutant birds.
 
Apheori (GM): XD
Greibel slicks his hair
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
If the mutant birds attack, we could do that.
If the mutant birds attack, we could do that.
RHU
RHU
We could also just drive this car into the bird. It belongs in a museum!
We could also just drive this car into the bird. It belongs in a museum!
Frezak: Well, at least in a jar.
 
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
You're like the British and the pyramids way back when people still lived on earth.
You're like the Nissai and the colossus. "This belongs in a museum!"
"This belongs in a museum!"
 
a jar. Even worse.
Gaurav: I work in a museum. We have many jars.
Wen: do they have interesting stuff in them? :P
Apheori (GM): Octopi.
Squids.
Slugs.
More slugs.
Wen: My character is like, uptight and grumpy and not very likeable. Of course it's going to be a dick about it.
Apheori (GM): But anyhow.
Wen: damn slugs.
Apheori (GM): Your character is awesome.
Wen: so let's continue to the village?
Apheori (GM): So what'll you do?
DRIVER. DO SOMETHING.
Wen: I vote village.
RHU
I vote village.
(but wait to see what the others say before actually driving us there)
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
I vote village but that bird is so cute
I vote village, but that bird is so cute.
Frezak: sure
 
Ganelon: Works for me.
Rhu sighs and heads for the village.
Rhu drives us to the village
 
Apheori (GM): It's evening. There are some folks standing around listlessly, but then one spots you approach and points. They stare up in shock and wonder.
 
EXT. Village of Hughenden - evening
 
The village is a rough cluster of dusty buildings around an unpaved road. The technology level looks questionable, for uncertain reasons. Some folks are standing around listlessly, but then one spots the car as it approaches and points. They stare up in shock and wonder.
 
The car comes to a stop, hovering some 20 feet in the air above them.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
HELLO PEOPLE.
(booming down)
WE COME TO DIG HOLES.
HELLO PEOPLE. WE COME TO DIG HOLES.
 
The people startle at the sound of the Gravedigger's voice and cower in fear.
 
RADEK
RADEK
No we don't!
No we don't!
Rhu keeps the car hovering 20 feet above the shocked people.
 
Apheori (GM): The people startle at Gravy, and especially his voice, and cower in fear.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'm trying to reassure them.
I'm trying to reassure them. Everyone likes holes.
Everyone likes holes.
 
The Gravedigger waves
The Gravedigger waves at the people. This has no visible effect.
 
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
(over the side of the car)
Hallo.
Hallo.
Bear Soup Guy: Shall we roll for their trust or...something?
They'll probably like me, being the outdoorsman
The villagers back away in fear.
Frezak: Just rain drugs on them.
Apheori (GM): You're hovering 20ft up.
AZIRAPHALE
Hello, people, do you have food? I'm hungry.
Hello, people, do you have food? I'm hungry.
Apheori (GM): Of course that might be a little intimidating.
 
RHU
It occurs to Aziraphale that the village isn't a commune at all, but instead a general agrarian society. They don't look very well off. They look all afraid and hungry and hopeless. They look like they don't understand a word they're saying. ''(rolled 20 insight)''
Who's the most charismatic person here?
 
Ganelon: Someone insight these people.
Most of them run away into various buildings.
I'm terrible at it.
 
Aziraphale:
Two villagers remain, just watching.
rolling 1d20 + 8
 
(
12
)
+8
=
20
Gaurav: Rhu's CHA is -1 so he's keeping his big mouth shut.
Bear Soup Guy:
rolling 1d20+9
(
4
)
+9
=
13
Frezak: So's mine >.>
Bear Soup Guy: Yeah we all suck at people
Gaurav: DM: did you just create a character named "The villagers"? Or can you make actions with arbitrary subjects?
Frezak: It's a Journal entry.
Apheori (GM): It's not a commune, or hippies. It's a village of what appears to be an agrarian society, except they don't look very well off. They look all afraid and hungry and hopeless.
Frezak: So.... both >.>
Apheori (GM): Yup.
Wen: do they understand us?
Apheori (GM): They don't seem to.
And now most of them have run away inside.
Wen: can I have a babelfish?
Frezak: Most?
Apheori (GM): I don't think Radek knows how to make those.
Two villagers remain.
But they don't seem inclined to actually do anything with y'all way up there. They're just watching.
Frezak: Drop down.
I have an icebreaker.
RADEK
RADEK
What are they so afraid of?
What are they so afraid of?
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Us, I think.
Us, I think.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Maybe they've never seen such a beard.
Maybe they've never seen such a beard. It might be scary for them.
It might be scary for them.
 
RADEK
RADEK
Fear isn't exactly the first emotion I would experience, looking at this group as an outsider.
Fear isn't exactly the first emotion I would experience, looking at this group as an outsider.
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
if you were an agrarian society with no experience of space-age technology, wouldn't you be afraid of a hovercraft?
if you were an agrarian society with no experience of space-age technology, wouldn't you be afraid of a hovercraft?
RADEK
RADEK
Maybe pity.
Maybe pity.
RHU
RHU
An agrarian society? Do you suppose they'd be interested in fertilizer?
An agrarian society? Do you suppose they'd be interested in fertilizer?
Wen: I should know if agrarian society exists (and if so, where) on Srathi, shouldn't I?
 
Apheori (GM): Yes.
Wen: so?
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
I don't think they wouldn't know what to do with it
I think they wouldn't know what to do with it.
Apheori (GM): There was a proposed hippy commune at one point, but it never actually happened.
Guys, this is.. odd. I don't think places like this exist anymore on Sarathi.
Frezak: But these are wood huts, right?
 
Apheori (GM): The huts are wood and stone.
AZIRAPHALE
-don't
Apheori (GM): But roofed with thatch.
Wen: So there aren't supposed to be agrarian societies on Sarathi?
Apheori (GM): Right.
AZIRAPHALE
Guys, this is.. odd.
Frezak: Surely handmade structure are strange to us?
Apheori (GM): And Sarathi is usually pretty lush, too.
Yes.
AZIRAPHALE
I don't think places like this exist anymore on Sarathi.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Those houses were made by hand.
Those houses were made by hand. Ya don't see those anymore.
Apheori (GM): They are.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Ya don't see those anymore.
Apheori (GM): Some people do it, like you and your shovels, but it's odd.
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
...so we're either somewhere no one has ever been, on another planet, or in another dimension.
...so we're either somewhere no one has ever been, on another planet, or in another dimension. This does not please me.
Ellemerr: "Aw, this is so quaint!"
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Is this a Ren fair?
Is this a Ren fair?
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
This does not please me.
Or we travelled back in time.
RHU
 
One of us needs to speak with them. Does anybody have a Charisma over zero?
Apheori (GM): You forgot time travel.
Frezak: I'm at -1.
But I have a trick.
AZIRAPHALE
Oh, or we travelled back in time.
Frezak: Lemme down!
AZIRAPHALE
Thanks voice-from-nowehere.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I have an idea, guys.
I have an idea, guys. Lower us down slowly.
Apheori (GM): Azir: I'm the voice in the back of your mind because you're crazy.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Rhu does so, parking the car an easy distance off the ground. The two watching villagers continue to watch. They're both human, an older-looking man and a woman so wizened she looks like she could be his mother.
Lower us down slowly.
 
Rhu lowers us down slowly
The Gravedigger gets out, making exaggerated, slow moves, and clearly puts his shovel and shield into the car. Then he pulls out one of the booze bottles from his pack, uncorks it, and takes a swig.
Frezak: I'll get out, making exaggerated, slow moves.
 
And clearly put my shovel and shield into the car.
Then he advances toward the dudes with a bottle in hand.
And pull out one of the booze bottles from my pack.
 
Uncork it, take a swig.
Apheori (GM): One of the ones from the campsite?
Frezak: And then advance to one of the dudes with a bottle in hand.
yes, those.
You said they were booze, right?
Apheori (GM): Alcohol, yes.
It makes you feel funny. Lighter.
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
That's a great idea!
That's a great idea! Poor people love booze!
Poor people love booze!
 
Apheori (GM): One of the villagers eyes you suspiciously, but also approaches.
The villagers eye the Gravedigger suspiciously, but then the man also approaches him.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Radek, you're smart. Come with me.
Radek, you're smart. Come with me. And try to not look too grumpy.
And try to not look too grumpy.
 
'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): You know that I still look like a chrome statue, right?
 
'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Shit. Well I'm a horned giant.
 
RADEK
RADEK
If this doesn't work I'm breaking out the science.
If this doesn't work I'm breaking out the science.
Frezak: I'm gonna offer him the bottle.
 
Apheori (GM): They're human. These two are an older man and a woman who looks like she could be his mother.
Ganelon: You know that I still look like a chrome statue, right?
Frezak: Shit.
Well I'm a horned giant.
Rhu watches Gravy's attempt to communicate with the communists and is clearly impressed.
Apheori (GM): The man accepts the bottle, eyes it with slight confusion, but also takes a swig.
Frezak: We'll work.
Ganelon: Fine, fine.
Radek steps out of the car and follows Gravy.
Radek steps out of the car and follows Gravy.
Apheori (GM): The man says something, but you don't understand it.
 
It seems like a question.
The Gravedigger offers the man the bottle.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
 
Now that we have his attention, Radek. Do some smart gesture figuring out stuff;
The man accepts the bottle, eyes it with slight confusion, but also takes a swig.
Apheori (GM): The woman watches Radek.
 
The woman is watching Radek.
 
Rhu and Greibel watch from the car. Rhu is clearly impressed. Greibel is clearly stoned. Aziraphale is actually watching the rest of the village.
 
VILLAGER MAN
''Tatee kanao hanosca?
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'll get you a stick so you can draw things in the dirt.
Now that we have his attention, Radek. Do some smart gesture figuring out stuff. I'll get you a stick so you can draw things in the dirt.
Keep an eye out for trouble, guys?
Keep an eye out for trouble, guys?
Frezak: DO SOME SMART THINGS NOW
 
Apheori (GM): Guys in car: You realise the rest of the village is watching out the windows.
Aziraphale keeps an eye out.
Frezak: Because I did not think this through.
 
Aziraphale keeps an eye out
VILLAGER WOMAN
Ganelon: What do you want me to do, draw pictograms?
''Ahtaano hafflas.
Rhu:
 
rolling 1d20+11 perception check to see if I can spot any potential danger, paying particular attention to the side of the village opposite that where Gravy and Radek are.
The man looks back, worried.
(
 
1
The woman shrugs.
)
 
+11
Radek just stands there like a statue as the Gravedigger watches him expectantly.
=
 
12
Frezak: That sounds about right.
GORRAM 1's !!!
Apheori (GM): The woman says something as well, and the man looks back, worried. She shrugs.
RHU
You have absolutely no idea whatsoever.
Wen: Can we get Greibel to turn into something that understands them?
Ganelon: Why would you rely on me to communicate with simpletons?!
Frezak: Because intelligence.
To find ways to conery concepts.
Via shitty mediums such as gesturing.
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Guys, if we went back in time, or to another planet, or to another dimension, this might well be a "normal" world as far as these folks are concerned.
Guys, if we went back in time, or to another planet, or to another dimension, this might well be a "normal" world as far as these folks are concerned. Including the deformed bird.
including the deformed bird
 
RHU
RHU
Ask them if they know the way to the nearest city?
Ask them if they know the way to the nearest city?
Apheori (GM): The man tries another greeting.
 
VILLAGER MAN
(trying again)
''Enry?
 
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
just different stages of evolution.
just different stages of evolution.
Villager: Enry?
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Sorry, I'm not familiar with your words, Mr farmer.
Sorry, I'm not familiar with your words, Mr farmer.
Villager: Vosals. Acandorai tir.
 
Villager gestures around to the village.
VILLAGER MAN
(he gestures around to the village)
''Vosals. Acandorai tira.
 
RADEK
RADEK
What do we want from them? We aren't going to get any kind of complex information like this.
What do we want from them? We aren't going to get any kind of complex information like this. Certainly not with a stick.
Certainly not with a stick.
 
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Ask them where the city is
Ask them where the city is. Gesture tall buildings. Shrug. Point places. That should do it.
RHU
 
Greibel: can you do a nature check to look for any effects of radiation on the villages?
AZIRAPHALE
gesture tall buildings
shrug
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
A stick can be more telling than you might think, man
A stick can be more telling than you might think, man.
AZIRAPHALE
 
point places
Greibel smokes from the bong a little
Greibel smokes from the bong a little
AZIRAPHALE
 
that should do it
RHU
RHU
Show them the tablet computers I hope we still have?
Show them the tablet computers?
GREIBEL
 
Radiation is nature?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well you come here and do gesturings!
Well you come here and do gesturings!
Aziraphale exits the car and goes forth
 
Aziraphale gestures as described
Aziraphale exits the car and joins the Gravedigger and Radek, then gestures as described.
 
This doesn't achieve much. The woman glares at them for a moment.
 
VILLAGER WOMAN
Kanao tira.
 
She starts gesturing and chanting, casting some spell.
 
The man smiles helpfully at them.
 
Aziraphale makes a gesture for keeping evil away.
 
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Okay, well
(to Rhu)
Check for radiation!
Hey, man, the radiation's mostly normal now. Meh. Probably bananas.
rolling 1d20+11
 
(
19
)
+11
=
30
Apheori (GM): The woman glares at Azir.
Frezak: You have Geiger eyeballs.
Apheori (GM): Greibel: Sure, you detect some low levels of something or other.
Like it's faded and almost gone, never really was a whole lot.
Greibel tells that to Rhu
GREIBEL
Meh
Wen: could it have been just not thing out of the ordinary?
GREIBEL
Probably bananas
Apheori (GM): The woman starts gesturing and chanting, casting a spell you don't recognise.
Wen: places _do_ have background radiation, even on roundworld
Frezak: MAGIC?
RHU
RHU
Hmm. I wonder why the birds seem so much worse affected than the people?
Hmm. I wonder why the birds seem so much worse affected than the people?
Aziraphale makes a gesture for keeping evil away
 
Apheori (GM): MAgic.
A soft light explodes slowly around the woman and permeates the area, and as it does, a much smaller, much younger-looking woman, Amadi, appears in the car next to Greibel.
Gaurav: WOAH. Who has the best arcana? Can you figure out what she did?
 
Mine's a measly +2
AZIRAPHALE
I can shield us with my divine thingy right?
if it's bad
Apheori (GM): A soft light explodes around her and permeates the area, and as it does, a small woman appears next to Greibel.
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Jinkies!
Jinkies!
Ganelon: That would be me.
 
Apheori (GM): The villager woman looks surprised.
Rhu jumps in his seat.
Gaurav: Is Greibel still in the car?
 
Amadi: What time is it?!
The villager woman also looks surprised. This was clearly not her intended effect.
Ganelon: Not the woman.
 
The person with the best Arcana.
AMADI
Apheori (GM): Amadi is the woman next to Greibel in the car.
What time is it?!
You can try to figure out what happened, yes.
 
Gaurav: Rhu is also in the car.
Rhu jumps in his seat
RHU
RHU
(looking at Amadi, surprised) Who's that?
(looking at Amadi, surprised)
Who's that?
 
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
I think you should try to talk to her. This one at least appears to understand gobblygook
I think you should try to talk to her. This one at least appears to understand gobblygook.
Amadi: Who's who? Who're YOU?
 
AMADI
Who's who? Who're YOU?
 
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Who made you?
Who made you?
Amadi: I did!
 
Did I?
AMADI
Maybe?
I did! Did I? Maybe? What time is it!
What time is it!
 
Frezak: I'm gonna stalk over to her and pick her up.
Aziraphale goes back to the car
AZIRAPHALE
do you know these people?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
DO YOU LIKE HOLES?
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Are you friendly or unfriendly?
Are you friendly or unfriendly?
Apheori (GM): The villagers back away.
 
Wen: Gravy, don't try to impress ladies. 'tis not the time.
Meanwhile the villager man goes back to the other villager and they confer in hushed voices.
>.>
 
Frezak: Shh.
The Gravedigger stalks back to the car and picks up Amadi, holding her up to his face.
I have the biggest holes.
 
Ellemerr: ... Did Gravy just pick up Amadi.
Frezak: Yes.
Apheori (GM): Apparently.
Frezak: Not brutally, but so that they're face to face.
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Ah man, come on...
Ah man, come on...
Amadi: Do I like holes? Do I like holes... hm. Did I fall through a hole? I think I'm friendly until proven otherwise. The holes are neutral.
 
Frezak: I'll put her down.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
DO YOU LIKE HOLES?
 
Aziraphale follows him back to the car as well.
 
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Do you know the people outside?
(slightly more politely)
Do you know these people?
 
AMADI
Do I like holes? Do I like holes... hm. Did I fall through a hole? I think I'm friendly until proven otherwise. The holes are neutral.
 
The Gravedigger puts her down.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hmmm.
Hmmm. I have my eye on you.
I have my eye on you.
 
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Do you recognise a ship-car-thing?
Do you know the people here? Do you recognise a ship-car-thing?
 
RHU
(to Amadi)
I am Rhu, an avenger serving the great god Hazz'ridan. Where do you come from?
 
Amadi stumbles a little at being put down and takes some uncertain steps. Then she looks around, trying to take in the whole... rather messy scene.
Amadi stumbles a little at being put down and takes some uncertain steps. Then she looks around, trying to take in the whole... rather messy scene.
Villager hails to Amadi, something in his own tongue, but she recognises it.
 
RHU
VILLAGER MAN
(to Amadi) I am Rhu, an avenger serving the great god Hazz'ridan. Where do you come from?
(still speaking deslau; to Amadi)
''Hail, who speaks our tongue, are you with those demons?
 
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
What did he just say to you?
What did he just say to you?
(To Amadi): Something like "Hail, who speaks our tongue, are you with these demons?"
 
Amadi ignores the party of lunatics and goes over to the villager, looking up at him. She's not the biggest of ladies.
Amadi ignores the party of lunatics and goes over to the villager, looking up at him. She's not the biggest of ladies.
(To Amadi): And you definitely know the name Hazz'ridan.
 
Amadi: What time is it?
AMADI
Frezak: What lunatics?
What time is it?
Ellemerr: Do you have to ask?
 
Aziraphale stares at Amadi, quite offended
Aziraphale stares after Amadi, quite offended.
Frezak: I'll look up into the sky.
 
What times DOES it look like?
VILLAGER MAN
Villager responds something short but polite, and nods to her.
(in deslau)
Wen: "there are two suns, one of them appears to be setting and the other is rotating around a point"
''Evening, but I'm afraid I can't say more specific.
...knowing Names >.>
 
(To Amadi): "Evening, but I'm afraid I can't say more specific.
The Gravedigger looks up at the sky. The evening is getting thinner now. Some wisps of high clouds are curling about.
Gaurav: hah
 
Apheori (GM): Normal sky, evening, some wisps of high clouds.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Amadi: Oh. Really?
Evening time! Teatime! or dinner! Do we have sandwiches left?
 
The Gravedigger checks his pack for sandwiches. He finds some sandwiches and snacks.
 
AMADI
Oh. Really?
 
Amadi looks at the sky.
Amadi looks at the sky.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
 
Evening time!
VILLAGER MAN
Villager: En.
(in deslau)
Amadi: Well. Okay!
''Yes.
(To Amadi): "Yes."
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
AMADI
Teatime! or dinner!
Well. Okay!
Depends if you're British or American.
I don't think I know these demons. Are they demons? One of them knows Hazz!
Amadi: I don't think I know these demons. Are they demons? One of them know Hazz!
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
DInner!
DO we have sandwiches left?
The Gravedigger checks his pack for sandwiches.
Villager: Hazz?
Amadi turns away from the villager and looks at Rhu.
Apheori (GM): You have sandwiches and some snacks.
Amadi: Hazz'ridan. You don't know him. Don't worry about it.
RADEK
RADEK
I'm not a demon.
I'm not a demon.
VILLAGER MAN
''Hazz?
Amadi turns away from the villager and looks at Rhu.
AMADI
Hazz'ridan. You don't know him. Don't worry about it.
RHU
RHU
Do you mean Hazz'ridan, the great God of Dead Ends? I worship him.
Do you mean Hazz'ridan, the great God of Dead Ends? I worship him.
Amadi: I don't think you know him. Do you know him?
 
Wen: brb
AMADI
Villager: Azrai tocoma. Ira san?
I don't think you know him. Do you know him?
 
VILLAGER MAN
(in deslau)
''Names differ. Should we?
 
RHU
RHU
he is my guide and my protector.
He is my guide and my protector.
(To Amadi): "Names differ. Should we?"
 
(From Amadi): You tell me >.>
AMADI
Amadi: Guide. Hah. Hah... Good one.
Guide. Hah. Hah... Good one.
(To Amadi): They know him as Vitoi.
 
The two villagers confer.
 
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
If you count getting people miserably lost as protection...
If you count getting people miserably lost as protection...
THE GRAVEDIGGER
He's not the most hope-filled fellow, that's for sure.
RHU
RHU
It is in becoming lost that we find ourselves.
It is in becoming lost that we find ourselves.
Rhu holds his implement worshipfully.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
He's not the most hope-filled fellow, that's for sure.
Yeah, that sort of gibberish. Stick to holes, I say. Very simple things. None of these Zen things.
Yeah, that sort of gibberish.
 
The villagers confer.
The villager woman seems to recognise the implement, and nods.
Rhu holds his amulet/implement worshipfully.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Amadi turns back to the villagers.
Stick to holes, I say.
 
Very simple things.
AMADI
None of these Zen things.
(pondering)
Apheori (GM): The villager woman seems to recognise the implement.
Vitoi, maybe? I mean, if it's evening... it might be?
Amadi turns back to the villager, pondering. "Vitoi, maybe? I mean, if it's evening... it might be?"
 
Villager: En, Vitoi. Asa cae.
VILLAGER WOMAN
(in deslau)
''That one.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Anyone want a sandwich?
Anyone want a sandwich?
I have a few more bottles of hooch?
 
(To Amadi): That one.
AMADI
(To Amadi): I like how he didn't realise those were potions.
I want a sandwich!
Apheori (GM): Alcohol-based, granted.
 
Oops.
VILLAGER WOMAN
Amadi: I want a sandwitch!
(in deslau)
Apheori (GM): Wrong chat.
''Sandwich?
Amadi runs over to Gravy.
 
The Gravedigger hands Amadi a sandwich.
AMADI
(to the villager)
Yes, a sandwich. This guy has... he calls them sandwiches.
 
Amadi runs over to the Gravedigger, and he hands her a sandwich.
 
The woman follows her, but the man hangs back.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Anyone else?
Anyone else? I think I have... little... cake packet things.
I think I have ... little... cake packet things.
 
RHU
RHU
(to Amadi) Do you also study the ways of the maze?
(to Amadi)
Ellemerr: What are the sandwitches like?
Do you also study the ways of the maze?
Villager: A gona?
 
Frezak: Probably home-made sandwiches. Since I never packed any SHIP sandwiches.
Wen: Who are these people? Where are we?
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
err
(to Amadi)
Who are these people and where are we?
So who are these people and where are we?
Amadi: Yes, a sandwich. This guy has... he calls them sandwiches.
 
Frezak: In this future, probably the only sandwiches ever.
A few villagers step outside their homes. They're still not sure what's going on, but they seem reassured at least somewhat that the newcomers aren't hostile.
Apheori (GM): A few villagers step outside their homes. They're still not sure what's going on, but they seem reassured at least somewhat.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I don't have enough sandwiches for everyone.
I don't have enough sandwiches for everyone.
Villager: Nana gona vos sacai. Eren iri?
 
Frezak: In these days when people eat nutrient pastes and pellets and crap.
Amadi takes a big bite of the food-stuff and turns to Rhu, shaking her head.
Amadi takes a big bite of the food-stuff and turn to Rhu, shaking her head. "Ah 'now 'im. 'E's fun."
 
(To Amadi): They do not call them gona. What are they?
AMADI
Ah 'now 'im. 'E's fun.
 
RHU
RHU
Fun ... yes, I suppose he is. (beat) I suppose that depends on what you find fun, though.
Fun... yes, I suppose he is.
Wen: is Amadi ignoring my questions on purpose? >.>
(he pauses)
Frezak: MOST LIKELY.
I suppose that depends on what you find fun, though.
Wen: dammit. Rhu, you ask her.
 
what with your common god and crap.
VILLAGER WOMAN
Amadi chews and swallows and answers the villager, "They speak sorta funny, I guess. They're sandwichy enough. Mmmm..." She takes another bite, bigger this time.
(in deslau)
Gaurav: Btw, it being 2:40am here, and me having to be up in five hours to check in to my flight out of India, I'm going to have to start making I-should-leave-soon noises. But I'll stay til 3am at least.
''They do not call them sandwiches. What are they?
Frezak: Gah!
 
TIMES >.>
Amadi chews and swallows and turns back to the villager.
Apheori (GM): Bah.
 
Wen: timezones suck.
AMADI
Apheori (GM): EVERYONE KEEP GOING.
They speak sorta funny, I guess. They're sandwichy enough. Mmmm...
Wen: no one knows that more than I do.
 
Frezak: I CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH WITH SANDWICHES.
The woman frowns and goes back to talk to a growing swarm of other villages.
Apheori (GM): Amadi: Do something crazy!
 
Ellemerr: Amadi is not ignoring anyone on purpose... right now. But sandwiches might be more interesting. >.>
Amadi takes another bite, bigger this time.
 
RHU
RHU
Sandwich lady: do you know where we are? My party and I appeared on this planet not an hour ago and we don't know where we are.
(to Amadi)
Do you know where we are? My party and I appeared on this planet not an hour ago and we don't know where we are.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
We were eaten by a hole.
We were eaten by a hole. It was the sky.
(From Ellemerr): Do I know where we are? xD
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
AMADI
It was the sky.
...I think there might have been a hole... at some point...
Amadi: ... I think there might have been a hole... at some point...
 
(To Ellemerr): Sort of? I mean, you know the name of the world, and the name of the universe. But you may not know that it's this at the moment, or...
(From Amadi): So in other words, not yet, at the very least.
RHU
RHU
We were on Sarathi, and quite frankly a single hole would have been an improvement.
We were on Sarathi, and quite frankly a single hole would have been an improvement.
(From Amadi): I'm totally giving Frezak half a convo, ain't I.
 
Ganelon: Hold on.
AMADI
How old does Amadi appear to be?
Sarathi! Yes, there would be holes...
(To Ellemerr): You could proudly announce that this is Arling Tor, where Kyrule reigns king.
 
(To Ellemerr): You do know the name Sarathi. It shows up everywhere. A planet of holes.
Frezak: Sounds like a kid so far.
Amadi: Sarathi! Yes, there would be holes...
Apheori (GM): She looks adult, but not any particular age.
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
You mean this isn't Sarathi?
You mean this isn't Sarathi?
Gaurav: She referred to Hazz'ridan in a way that suggests that she is pally with gods. She might be one herself.
 
Amadi: This isn't Sarathi! Less holes.
AMADI
This isn't Sarathi! Less holes.
 
RHU
A hole less present is one I am grateful for, except for the carefully engineered holes that my friend The Gravedigger here constructs for us.
 
RADEK
RADEK
Oh, marvelous.
Oh, marvellous.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
And the sky isn't giving us looks, either.
And the sky isn't giving us looks, either. And no fish. You noticed that, guys? No fish! Just a... mutant bird thing.
RADEK
 
Where is this, then?
Amadi: This, is... uh...
THE GRAVEDIGGER
And no fish.
you noticed that, guys? No fish!
Just a ... mutant bird thing.
RHU
RHU
A hole less present is one I am grateful for, except for the carefully engineered holes that my friend The Gravedigger here constructs for us.
Oh man, yes! Zero fish is the right number of fish.
Oh man, yes! Zero fish is the right number of fish.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Thanks, Rhu.
Thanks, Rhu. I take it back. You're okay.
I take it back.
(suddenly realising)
You're okay.
DAMMIT. I should have buried the fish. Sorry, giant fish.
DAMMIT.
 
I should have buried the fish.
RADEK
Sorry, giant fish.
Where is this, then?
Amadi looks everything over again, looks hesitant for a bit, then shrugs and announces proudly that "This, my friends - or demons - or whatevers - is Arling Tor!"
 
Gaurav: Didn't the giant fish vanish of its own accord? Or were there other giant fish I missed?
AMADI
Frezak: It vanished?
This, is... uh...
Well if it did then he forgot >.>
 
Bear Soup Guy: I think we were all just too insane at the time to know whether it was there or not
Amadi looks everything over again, looks hesitant for a bit, then shrugs and announces proudly:
Apheori (GM): Maybe.
 
Gaurav: Oh, no, my bad -- from the logs: ""The fish you saw before is now completely rotted, as though it had been sitting out for days, perhaps weeks. There is a horrible, partly dry puddle around it."
AMADI
Ganelon: Anyone here know what that is?
This, my friends - or demons - or whatevers - is Arling Tor!
Gaurav: alas, poor fish.
 
rolling 1d20+2 history check to see if I know anything about Arling Tor
(
16
)
+2
=
18
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Arling Tor!
Arling Tor!
Apheori (GM): Arling Tor? Nope.
(to Amadi)
Gaurav: It's probably one of the lesser Tors.
So you guys don't know stuff about space travel and other planets and stuff per chance, do you?
Frezak: It's a Torlet.
 
Gaurav: Anybody else want to have a go at remembering what Arling Tor is, or should I ask Amadi?
AMADI
Planets? Space? Uh. It's... out there, mostly? I'm sorry, there was a hole, I... I think it maybe got stuck in here.
 
Amadi gestures first at the sky and then bonks her head. Then she looks back at the villagers.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
A hole in your head? As a hole expert, that does not sound great.
 
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
(to Amadi) So you guys don't know stuff about space travel and other planets and stuff per chance, do you?
Maybe holes work different here.
Frezak: I wouldn't bother.
 
We've been told our history is pointless.
Greibel shrugs.
Amadi looks at the villager guy and mutters, "I sort of doubt they're demons. They don't smell very demonic to me. More... dirty."
 
AMADI
(calling out to the villagers in a quiet half-yell)
I sort of doubt they're demons. They don't smell very demonic to me. More... dirty.
 
Greibel poses proudly at the mention of dirtiness.
 
SOME VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''So what are they?
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
It's the price to pay for hole science.
It's the price to pay for hole science.
Greibel poses proudly at the mention of dirtiness
 
Frezak: HAH
Villager asks Amadi what they are.
RHU
RHU
We have had encounters with fish, my lady.
We have had encounters with fish, my lady. It was old fish.
It was old fish.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Except when it wasn't.
Except when it wasn't.
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Older afterwards
Older afterwards.
Amadi: Planets? Space? Uh. It's... out there, mostly? I'm sorry, there was a hole, I... I think it maybe got stuck in here.
 
Amadi gestures first at the sky and then bonks her head.
Ganelon: Here's something I should have asked almost immediately. What race(s) are these people?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
A hole in your head?
As a hole expert, that does not sound great.
Villager: They're human, Amadi is an elf, and you look really weird to them.
Frezak: I assumed 'human'.
Villager: Oops.
GREIBEL
Maybe holes work different here
Greibel shrugs
Apheori (GM): THAT.
Frezak: Thanks, villager!
Apheori (GM): SORRY.
Ganelon: Well, I imagine Radek and Gravy would look weird to anyone right now.
Gaurav: hahaha
RADEK
RADEK
Hold on.
Hold on. You don't know anything about space-faring technology. Does ''anyone''?
Apheori (GM): Yup.
 
Frezak: Well, Gravy doesn't look weird to you guys.
AMADI
RADEK
(sticking her lip out in a pout)
You don't know anything about space-faring technology. Does *anyone*?
I didn't say I didn't know things, I said it might be stuck in a hole! I totally know space-travel and technology and stuff.
Apheori (GM): Well, they know what he is.
 
(To Amadi): You know quite a bit, though what you share is up to you. If you even realise you know it.
(To Amadi): Sorry, I'll stop throwing stuff at you now.
Amadi sticks her lip out in a pout. "I didn't say I didn't know things, I said it might be stuck in a hole! I totally know space-travel and technology and stuff."
Apheori (GM): Priestly people! You could try praying for help, you know.
RHU
RHU
Sandwich lady: I'm afraid none of us have ever heard of Arling Tor. Can you tell us more? Where is this planet?
(to Amadi)
(From Amadi): Having stuff thrown is good.
I'm afraid none of us have ever heard of Arling Tor. Can you tell us more? Where is this planet?
(To Amadi): Okay.
 
Ganelon: I mean, I look like a 1950's interpretation of space-faring life. Sleek, metallic, and devoid of a realistic propulsion system.
AMADI
(To Amadi): The planet is in arling tor.
Arling Tor is in Arling Tor. Duh,
Frezak: Sleek?
 
Aziraphale says a prayer to Carriya
Exasperatedly, Aziraphale tries praying to Carriya for some direction on what to do next. No signs miraculously appear.
Frezak: I picture withered old man.
 
Apheori (GM): Gan: XD
Amadi: Arling Tor is in Arling Tor. Duh,
Gaurav: I don't know that I can pray for help, apart from doing a Religion Check, which is more fore information on a particular god I think. Plus, I fear Hazz'ridan would disapprove of people asking for help. He seems the walk-the-path-of-lifeuntil-you-reach-the-dead-end-alone kind of guy.
Ganelon: Now spray-paint that man chrome, Frezak.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
How do you know these people's languages?
How do you know these people's languages? Don't suppose it's in a book or something?
Ganelon: Now it's from the '50s. And space.
 
Apheori (GM): You can pray for whatever you want.
AMADI
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(she shrugs)
Don't suppose it's in a book or something?
I like words.
Apheori (GM): But... yeah, whether the god will answer is another matter.
 
Ellemerr: You might have noticed that you understand her as well as they do. She's not actually speaking their language. I think. As far as you can hear.
Amadi shrugs. "I like words."
Frezak: I'm still asking :p
Huh.
Ganelon: http://rookery9.aviary.com.s3.amazonaws.com/12635000/12635454_fd5f_1024x2000.jpg
Like this.
This is what your science person is covered in.
Along with dirt, blood, and maybe some glass shards.
Gaurav: Rhu is also going to hold off on praying since the last three things he wanted -- a spacecraft that worked, a planet that didn't keep vanishing, and fewer fish -- have been given to him, and he doesn't want to push it.
Ellemerr: Fancy
Frezak: HAH
Gaurav: Ellemerr: damn! we should have noticed that
Bear Soup Guy: Radek isn't half as attractive though :P
Ganelon: I don't know what you're talking about. Ladies love the beard.
Ellemerr: Especially since the villagers actually spoke a language and everything... yes you should xD
RHU
RHU
Sandwich lady: you ... wouldn't know the way to the nearest city, would you?
You... wouldn't know the way to the nearest city, would you?
Amadi: I would!
 
AMADI
I would!
 
RHU
RHU
Where are you headed? Can we give you a ride?
Where are you headed? Can we give you a ride?
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Ooo, is it Sandwich City?
Ooo, is it Sandwich City?
Wen: I pray to Carriya for some direction on what to do next.
 
Gaurav imagines a "New York, New York" type musical number for Sandwich City
AMADI
Wen: that's what religion is for? isn't it? so you don't have to be personally responsible for your decision >.>
I am headed to... Midnight, maybe. Or tea-time. I wouldn't mind a ride, I guess. Or company. I've missed company.
(okay I'm just being a dick, ignore me)
 
(To Amadi): Deralon is to the east. Large trading hub, but hit hard by the cataclysm.
Apheori (GM): Wen: Yes.
Ganelon: Religion is mostly to know about religions and perform godly rituals.
Gaurav: In my last D&D game, we got a scroll which conveniently pointed us in the right direction when we got lost. Handy!
Amadi: I am headed to... Midnight, maybe. Or tea-time. I wouldn't mind a ride, I guess. Or company. I've missed company.
Ganelon: Prayer counts as the latter, though it doesn't necessarily do anything.
Apheori (GM): Wen: You get nothing.
Wen: that was snarking about how some christians practice their religion (or buddhists or whatever)
Just as I expected.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Where have you been?
Where have you been?
RHU
RHU
Is Midnight a city on this planet? I don't think our car is capable of space travel, but maybe you could get a ship to Midnight when we get to the nearest city?
Is Midnight a city on this planet? I don't think our car is capable of space travel, but maybe you could get a ship to Midnight when we get to the nearest city?
(To Amadi): Heeee.
 
RADEK
RADEK
Right now, a way to re-establish communications would be ideal.
Right now, a way to re-establish communications would be ideal.
Amadi: .... Noooo, midnight is not a city. It's a time. You know time, right? And I've been here and there. Not for a while, though. I think. There was a hole. I remember morning, but it wasn't anything to write home about.
 
The Gravedigger is confuddled.
AMADI
Apheori (GM): In the meantime, the villagers seem to have decided you all don't mean harm. Some are still watching, and others go about their business... watching.
.... Noooo, midnight is not a city. It's a time. You know time, right? And I've been here and there. Not for a while, though. I think. There was a hole. I remember morning, but it wasn't anything to write home about.
Frezak: ALWAYS WATCHING
 
Some of the gathered villagers are still just watching, and others going about their business... watching.
 
The Gravedigger is confuddled, then goes over to the two villagers they'd been trying to talk to before.
 
The Gravedigger gives the man the rest of the bottle and pats him on the back, who gasps for breath as a result of the pat, but takes the bottle happily enough. Then the man goes back to his porch.
 
The woman buggers off in another direction.
 
RHU
RHU
I fear our morning has been nothing if not memorable.
I fear our morning has been nothing if not memorable.
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
in a bad way.
In a bad way.
Apheori (GM): The man who'd tried to greet you goes back to his porch as well.
(he mutters darkly)
Aziraphale mutters darkly
The last city we tried to land at didn't go well.
Amadi: Oh, can we trade?
 
Frezak: I'll give him the rest of the bottle and pat him on the back.
AMADI
Gaurav: Do we have anything else we want to do in this village, or should we jet out for the nearest city? I want to get back into radio contact with headquarters and figure out if we're still getting paid given that we're no longer in the planet we were sent to investigate.
Oh, can we trade?
 
RADEK
RADEK
Trade what?
Trade what?
Apheori (GM): He gasps for breath as a result of the pat, but takes the bottle.
 
Amadi: Mornings!
AMADI
Gaurav: We still have a box of fertilizer to trade with them if anybody's interested in, I dunno, village handicrafts or something.
Mornings!
AZIRAPHALE
 
The last city we tried to land at didn't get well
RADEK
RADEK
I'm afraid our morning could be considered damaged goods.
I'm afraid our morning could be considered damaged goods. As in, dimensionally damaged.
As in, dimensionally damaged.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
It had fish in it.
It had fish in it. And undead chickens.
GREIBEL
 
Speak for yourselves, dudes
I found a perfectly good bong
THE GRAVEDIGGER
And undead chickens.
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Fair point.
Fair point.
GREIBEL
Speak for yourselves, dudes. I found a perfectly good bong.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
But it's evening now, Greibel.
But it's evening now, Greibel.
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Oh, right
Oh, right.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
That's an Evening Bong.
That's an Evening Bong.
Greibel smiles widely
 
Greibel smiles widely.
 
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
It sure is!
It sure is!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
You had paint this morning.
You had paint this morning.
AZIRAPHALE
 
Oh, say, Amadi, do you know why we saw deformed birds and shiny things and sinkholes some way away from here?
GREIBEL
At least the paint was a cool color. Same as the bong, really.
 
RHU
RHU
It is indeed evening, and I'd like to be somewhere with decent food, a clean bed and possibly television before nightfall, hopefully with some news on whether I still get paid or not.
It is indeed evening, and I'd like to be somewhere with decent food, a clean bed and possibly television before nightfall, hopefully with some news on whether I still get paid or not.
GREIBEL
 
At least the paint was a cool color
AMADI
Same as the bong, really
Oh, hah. You really are funny, mister. I see why Hazz would like you.
Amadi: Oh, hah. You really are funny, mister. I see why Hazz would like you.
 
Frezak: I'll take this time to get my shield and shovel back from the car.
RHU
RHU
(to Greibel) The cat goddess -- Lokshmi? -- was pretty cool, too. (to Amadi) Do you know of Lokshmi?
(to Greibel)
(From Amadi): I need info to answer Azir! *flail* Unless you want me to talk gibberish at him, because that's always an option.
The cat goddess - Lokshmi? - was pretty cool, too.
(to Amadi)
Do you know of Lokshmi?
 
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Oh yeah, Lokshmi, groovy chick
Oh yeah, Lokshmi, groovy chick.
Amadi: Oh, sure.
 
AMADI
Oh, sure.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Uh, gods.
Uh, gods. Come, Greibel. Let us search for drugs.
Come, Greibel.
 
Let us search for drugs.
(To Amadi): There was a cataclysm. Bad things. New. Shouldn't be happening, except it has always been happening, but it only started with the blue-eyed gal. Rhi. Sarathi. The world's end, but it already ended and it didn't yet and that is why there are now cats.
(To Amadi): You can use any of that.
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Oh right on!
Oh right on!
Greibel tags along
 
Frezak: THE HUNT FOR DRUG PLANTS BEGINS.
Greibel and the Gravedigger wander off in search for drug plants.
 
GREIBEL
GREIBEL
Hi-ho, hi-ho
(singing)
(To Amadi): Lokshmi is a demonic kitty.
Hi-ho, hi-ho. It's off to drugs we go.
GREIBEL
 
It's off to drugs we go
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak: I'm an enabler and I don't care.
(singing)
Gaurav whistles along
And all the boys come to my drug yard.
 
Radek sighs deeply.
Radek sighs deeply.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
 
~~And all the boys come to my drug yard.~~
AZIRAPHALE
Wen mutters
(to Amadi)
Apheori (GM): o_O
Oh, say, do you know why we saw deformed birds and shiny things and sinkholes some way away from here?
Gaurav: Should we maybe set up camp here, and, I don't know, chat with Amadi late into the night mayhaps?
 
Amadi chews her lip and turns to Azir. "Well, uh... that would probably be the cataclysm. It keeps happening although it shouldn't and is completely new and it was that gal with the blue eyes who started it all and now there are cats.
AMADI
Aziraphale mutters too
(she chews her lip and turns to Azir)
Bear Soup Guy: XD XD
Well, uh... that would probably be the cataclysm. It keeps happening although it shouldn't and is completely new and it was that gal with the blue eyes who started it all and now there are cats.
 
Aziraphale mutters.
 
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
Gal with blue eyes?
Gal with blue eyes? Cats? Lokshmi? She's behind this?
cats?
 
Lokshimi?
AMADI
she's behind this?
Yes. Uhm, no. I dunno. Cataclysm. 'S real bad.
Wen: lokshmi? lokshimi?
 
Amadi: Yes. Uhm, no. I dunno. Cataclysm. 'S real bad.
Frezak: Lokshimi sounds like a fish dish.
(To Ellemerr): Ahahahahah they think Lokshmi is behind it...
Wen: Lokshmi sounds like a malicious goddess
(From Amadi): Does Lokshmi even have blue eyes? O_o
(To Amadi): The blue-eyed gal was Rhi. She's... something else. Keeps appearing out of Sarathis and destroying universes.
(To Amadi): Lokshmi has green eyes, apparently.
RHU
All cats are malicious, wonderfully so.
(From Amadi): I gathered as much, it was more, does they have the faintest reason to suggest Lokshmi. I'm not going to correct them because funs.
(To Amadi): Shiny.
AZIRAPHALE
AZIRAPHALE
I'm not a fan, regardless. If she's behind this, look what position she put us in.
I'm not a fan, regardless. If she's behind this, look what position she put us in.
Wen: if Guarav needs to go, maybe we should stop? or just have him tag along again?
 
Gaurav: 3:15am guys. I should go, but next week I should be back in the US, weather and immigration allowing, so I might be able to stay for longer.
AMADI
DM: I guess now that we have another divine character in the party, I am less immediately important?
Honestly, if you were on Sarathi you can't really blame anyone.
Amadi: Honestly, if you were on Sarathi you can't really blame anyone.
 
Gaurav: Wen: heh, nice timing on that reminder.
Apheori (GM): Gaurav: No, you're both important now.
RADEK
RADEK
Does that mean you know what happened to the planet?
Does that mean you know what happened to the planet?
Gaurav: Gulp.
 
Amadi: Besides, Lokshmi's eyes -
AMADI
Amadi falls suddenly and unexplainably asleep.
Besides, Lokshmi's eyes-
Amadi snores loudly, once, and then disappears as though she were never there.
 
AZIRAPHALE
Amadi falls suddenly and unexplainably asleep. She snores loudly, once, and then disappears as though she were never there.
O_O
 
Frezak: Great.
Aziraphale stares at the spot where Amadi had been in surprise.
WAIT FOR MIDNIGHT.
 
Wen: uhhh, so, do we stop? or keep going?
Rhu looks around slightly panickily to make sure that nothing else is vanishing. For now, nobody is.
(From Amadi): Because I should sleep. :P
 
(To Amadi): Heh.
Radek just looks grumpy.
Rhu looks around slightly panickily to make sure that nothing else is vanishing
</screenplay>
Wen: ooh clever. yes. When's midnight?
Frezak: Later?
(From Amadi): And the game should stop to let others sleep.
Frezak: >.>
(To Amadi): Quite.
Wen: /me pokes the DM
Ganelon: ARE we going to stop, or what?
Apheori (GM): We probably should.
RHU
Has the sun moved at all since we got to Arling Tor?
Apheori (GM): This way we're all here to figure out a time.
Gaurav: Yes that is wise
Apheori (GM): Rhu: It went down.
It's now night.
Ellemerr: Well that was fun. Except there are way too many of you people. You're just everywhere. So many.
Ganelon: I am hoping to be busy tomorrow.
So that would be an unsuitable time for me.
Apheori (GM): Gaurave: When next can you?
Wen: I have class before I can do after 4PM UTC on Tue / Thur, after 6:30PM UTC on MWF and pretty much any sane time on weekends.
AZIRAPHALE
err, - "I have class before"
Wen: dammit
Gaurav: I'm going to be flying through to Wednesday evening, but I might be able to do Thursday before evening CT (jet lag allowing) and I can probably do Friday before evening CT.
Saturday through Monday are tricky for me this week, since I have a lot of work to catch up on after the holidays, but once that's over I can commit to a weekly time slot.
sorry. my time slots are always the weirdest.
Bear Soup Guy: I don't have anything planned for this week at the moment, although I'm probably gonna try to do some things around the house and some other odds and ends most of the weekdays
Gaurav: How does this time (1800 GMT) Friday work for everybody?
Frezak: I think Gan is busy on fridays?
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE TOO MANY PEOPLE
Apheori (GM): Wen's classes are problematic, but we could kill off his character in a blaze of horror.
Frezak: I WARNED YOUUUU
Wen: :D
I mean
>.>
Apheori (GM): See?
We could!
Wen: if you're going to do it, find a convenient point
Apheori (GM): Pity, though. I like his character.
Frezak: THE ORACULAR SLUG SPOKE
AND YOU DID NOT LISTEN.
Wen: I can still keep up for a week or two, I think.
Bear Soup Guy: A God brought him to us, maybe a God brings him back later
Ellemerr: This is why I have a poof-in-poof-out character. Who is obsessed with time. It just... fits.
I'll be gone till the month ends, as you know.
Bear Soup Guy: Ah, clever
Wen: or you could just kill me off in the way characters die in H2G2
i.e. cheerful irreverence. Guy died in a mysterious blender accident. It was quite tragic and took two weeks to clean up.
Gaurav: what if it was a self-cleaning blender?
Wen: that might just have been it.
Frezak: SCIENCE
Apheori (GM): So Gan can't do fridays?
Frezak: I'm not sure.
Bear Soup Guy: This Friday is most likely bad for me too
Gaurav: What about Saturday? Not this Saturday, because I'm flying again, but I can make myself free most Saturdays I think.
Wen: the wind. oh man the wind.
Gaurav: most Saturdays -> this month/semester, I mean
Bear Soup Guy: Saturdays if we start sometime around the time we've been starting, I can do
Usually I'm busy during the later hours
Frezak: I can do saturdays.
Wen: likewise, minus some trips to the laundry room.
Apheori (GM): Saturdays work for me.
Frezak: At least this month.
Wen: so saturday next week seems to be fine for everyone? anything before then?
Apheori (GM): Don't suppose we could all do next monday in the meantime...
Bear Soup Guy: Next monday looks fine for me at the moment
Ganelon: Sorry, I stepped out.
Fridays and Sundays, I'm busy with other D&D stuff.
Any other day or time is pretty much okay.
Wen: I could. But starting at 20 or 30 past would make it easier for me to get lunch. Or you could just start playing and I'll tag along and show up when I do.
the latter's probably easier really. Less pressure for me too >.>
so next monday at the same time...?
Apheori (GM): So monday next week, and after that we can try to do saturdays as a regular thing?
Wen: sounds fine to me for now.
Ganelon: Sure.
Bear Soup Guy: Sounds good to me
Gaurav: Any chance we can do Monday after working hours? I feel like it'd be a bad idea to show up late for work on my first working day back in school :-/
Wen: what's working hours for you?
Gaurav: after 5pm MT? I usually keep working after that, but nobody else is in lab so I can slack off for a bit possibly.
Also: how does Tuesday 1800 GMT work for people? Because that's right between two classes for me.
Otherwise, forget it, I'll write down Monday 1800 GMT in my calendar and try my darndest to be there
Wen: I can do that.
Ganelon: If it's tomorrow? Nah.
Frezak: sure
Wen: tuesday 1800 that is
Ganelon: Otherwise, probably.
Gaurav: next week Tuesday
instead of next week Monday
Bear Soup Guy: Yeah I can do that
Gaurav: oooh
Wen: okay, so that?
Gaurav: DM?
Apheori (GM): Works for me.
Wen: well, that, then.
Gaurav: Yay!
Wen: sweet dreams Gaurav.
sorry for keeping you up
Gaurav: So Tuesday 14th January 1800 GMT and then Saturday 18 January recurring
awesome
no no this is fun! this is a good reason to be up late.
and I can sleep on the plane the day after tomorrow
bye everybody! see you next Tuesday!
Bear Soup Guy: Adios!
Ganelon: See ya.
Apheori (GM): Whoo!
Ellemerr: Sweet nightmares, y'all. I really need that sleep too...
Frezak: Hrmph.
</pre>


{{holes nav
{{holes nav

Latest revision as of 16:48, 9 April 2015

≪ PreviousNext ≫
Session 4 (raw log) (Overview)
EXT. Dry dusty woods - day
The car appears to have crashed in a clearing amidst some leafless trees, spilling most of the unconscious party out around it. It's no longer hovering. Things are oddly normal and quiet.
Dry leaves and grass cover the dusty ground. Remains of an old campfire are nearby, with some odds and ends lying around it.
The loudest thing around is the Gravedigger snoring in the front seat of the car.
Aziraphale wakes up first (rolled 21 constitution (natural 20)) and looks around, then goes to shake the others, waking up everyone but Greibel. Greibel seems to be having a nice dream, mumbling about a tree.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Aw. He's like a little angel. He could probably do with time to recover from the drugs.
AZIRAPHALE
Alright, so here we are. Lost once again. Lovely.
A slight breeze rustles the dry twiggage and leaves.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
So... this is.... uh....
AZIRAPHALE
I hope you've all had a nice nap. ESPECIALLY YOU, GRAVY.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
It was great. I feel so refreshed.
Aziraphale kicks Greibel lightly.
Rhu coughs at the dust and looks around.
The Gravedigger goes and picks up Radek, placing him on his feet.
Radek grumbles loudly. Dirt sticks to his metallic coating, which tries to eat the dirt, so he wipes the rest of the dirt off.
The Gravedigger smacks a tree to see if it's dead. It is, and drops a bunch of dust on him.
RHU
(beaming)
Guys. GUYS. Reality seems to be not completely messed up for the moment.
He carefully pokes at the ground.
RHU
GUYS! SOLID GROUND!
The Gravedigger pats Rhu.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Yes, that's ground. I know ground all right. And that, there, is ground.
RHU
GROUND.
Rhu lies down on the ground.
RADEK
Yes, but where are we?
The Gravedigger goes to examine the things around the old campfire. It's got logs, some stakes for a tent, an old journal, some shiny things in the grass. The shiny things turn out to be some bottles of what might be potions or liqueurs and a bong.
He checks the bottles and they seem to contain alcohol, though there's something a bit weird about a couple of them. (rolled 21 nature)
He piles them into his bag.
Aziraphale looks at the sky. The sky is a sky, broad and blue and cloudless.
RHU
(getting off the ground)
I think we should check if we can establish radio contact with the ship that brought us to this benighted planet, headquarters, and any living soul again, just in case something changed while we slept.
RADEK
I wouldn't be so quick to assume we're still on Sarathi.
Regardless, Radek checks his radio. It reports no connection.
AZIRAPHALE
Good point. Any way to check? Would be nice if we got teleported out of that hellhole anyway.
RHU
Ah. Well, maybe we're somewhere with a better class of reality, then.
(to Radek)
Have you tried hitting it?
RADEK
Have you tried getting an education in computer engineering? There's no connection.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I could hit it for you! I understand all that learning gave you noodley arms. I'll help!
The Gravedigger readies his shovel.
Greibel finally wakes up and stumbles over to the others.
AZIRAPHALE
Gravy, I don't think that's the best idea.
Aziraphale checks his phone, just for good measure. It gets no reception beyond finding the others' radios. None of them are identifying as 'sexy' anymore.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Aw.
GREIBEL
Hey, what happened dudes?
(he sees the bong)
Oh sweet. Anybody got dibs on the bong?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Magic!
RHU
Maybe Greibel can turn into a swarm of birds and check out the area for us?
Hearing no complaints, Greibel takes the bong.
AZIRAPHALE
I sort of like this reality. I second the suggestion that Greibel scout the area.
GREIBEL
Okay.
(in a serious super-hero voice)
Hold my bong!
Aziraphale reverentially holds it.
Greibel unceremoniously poofs into a flock of dirty birds and flies off in every direction.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
This is fine hole-dirt.
The Gravedigger begins digging.
RADEK
Wait, what are you digging a hole for?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
You never know when you need a good hole.
Rhu picks up the old journal and flips through it. The script looks oddly familiar, but also rather alien, which is unusual, considering just how many worlds their people had already come into contact with... also the handwriting is terrible, which might be the real reason it looks so alien.
RHU
Hey... does anybody recognize this script? It looks... familiar.
Aziraphale motions for him to hand over the journal and he does.
The Gravedigger looms over Aziraphale's shoulder for a glance while he tries going through it, and then goes back to digging.
AZIRAPHALE
Nope.
Rhu takes the journal back and tries looking at it upside down. This somehow makes it even worse. He sighs and pockets it.
Radek goes to check on the car, and then the Greibel flock flutters down in from of them and turns back into a surprisingly clean elf.
GREIBEL
There's a village off in that direction. Looks like some kind of commune sort of place. Other than that, lots of trees, birds, hills. Mostly unpopulated by any kinds of people.
Greibel takes his bong back.
GREIBEL
Thanks for holding this, man. Fragile, you know.
RADEK
Mostly?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
What about things that aren't people? Giant lizards? Magic bugs?
RHU
Any bodies of water around?
GREIBEL
There were some caves, might be some people or animals in there.
GREIBEL
Not much for non-birds. No water anywhere nearby.
AZIRAPHALE
Could go to the village.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(from the now rather deep hole)
To the willage!
GREIBEL
Willage!
RHU
We should see if we can get the ship named car working first. That would help us get to the village and more importantly get away when everything goes awful.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Oh, all right.
The Gravedigger resumes throwing out shovelfuls of dirt.
Radek gives the car a proper look. It's just sitting there, which is bad.
The car seems to be turned off. (rolled 15 arcana) He turns it on, but only the front lifts. The back remains resolutely down to earth.
RHU
Oh! Maybe something's wrong with the rear... disk?
Radek climbs out of the vehicle.
RADEK
Turn this thing over on its side so I can take a look.
The Gravedigger bounds out of his hole and gives a go at flipping the car. (rolled 5 strength (natural 1)) This completely fails, and instead he pulls a muscle.
He then jumps back down and hides in his hole.
RADEK
Hmph.
For good measure, Radek also gives the car flipping a try with his fantastic old-man strength. (rolled 6 strength) This doesn't work either, but at least the failure isn't as spectacular.
Aziraphale frowns and tries as well, but this also fails. (rolled 5 strength (natural 1)) He breaks a nail.
AZIRAPHALE
Ow.
(he eyes Gravy in his hole)
Guys, I think he's going insane.
RADEK
No. No, no, no, no. We are not talking about sanity again.
RHU
Maybe there's a panel at the back of CAR that opens? Don't mechanical things usually have panels?
RADEK
Let's go to the village.
The Gravedigger gets out and tries flipping the car again and fails again. (rolled 5 strength (natural 1))
Rhu tries. (rolled 13 strength) Doesn't work, but he does notice a likely panel mostly buried in dust.
RHU
A PANEL!
Rhu digs out the panel and points, hoping someone who understands technology can do the technology thing.
Aziraphale pokes Radek.
The Gravedigger sobs in his hole.
GREIBEL
(from the top of the hole)
Hey man, don't be bummed. It's a pretty big car thing, y'know?
Radek goes and pulls the panel off and pokes around inside trying to sort out if this'll give any indication what's wrong. (rolled 22 arcana) It looks like the back is mostly just full of dirt.
AZIRAPHALE
Looks like a job for Gravy.
RADEK
Gravy, come get this dirt out of here. Dirt and violence are your two specialities, aren't they?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
If you want that car to work, these giant hamhocks won't help. Will my shovel fit in that hole? I don't think so.
RADEK
Useless!
The Gravedigger sobs in his hole some more.
Radek turns off the car and does it himself. Then he turns the car back on and it just works.
RHU
YAY!
Greibel smokes some random plants from the clearing.
The Gravedigger, in his sorrow, decides to check his bags and see if anything there is amiss. All his things seem to be accounted for, but he finds an extra package of fertiliser among them as well for some reason, labelled 'all-purpose plant food'. He has no idea where it came from.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hey, check your stuff, guys.
The others do. The dragon parts Radek had collected have broken down into sludge. Greibel's pockets are full of fanged peas.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
GAH. PEAS.
GREIBEL
(holding a handful of chittering fanged peas)
Right on.
Greibel puts the peas back in his pocket. The peas come off without complaint.
GREIBEL
Shhhh, your time will come, little ones.
RHU
Those are some cool peas.
AZIRAPHALE
I'm more bothered by the fact that everything seemed sane for a moment, and then bam, fanged peas. Nothing against the peas themselves, just...
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'm sure everything will sort itself out.
AZIRAPHALE
I think we should head to the village.
Everyone basically agrees and they pile into the car. Somehow Rhu winds up in the driver's seat.
RHU
(darkly)
I don't like communes. Or villages. Or people.
GREIBEL
I LOVE communes. And people are alright, but I prefer animals.
RHU
Animals are alright, I guess. Cats are pretty cool, even when they're not gods.
AZIRAPHALE
Cat gods are terrible.
RADEK
Gods, animals, people... I'll stick with my machines.
Rhu squints at the ground and flies the car off toward the village.
GREIBEL
Road trip!
RHU
Plain trip!
GREIBEL
DIRT!
RHU
Huh. This is a cool car.


EXT. Car over dry, dusty woods - day
The car cruises along at a stately some speed or other. Everyone looks out for anything interesting. They see trees. And dirt. And rocks. And a sinkhole over there. And more rocks. And some strange shiny things with a deformed bird on them. And more dirt. And trees. And rocks.
All the trees are dead.
RHU
There are some trees over here. I think.
Frezak (Gravy): We need a new driver.
They drive by the bird for a better look. It is very large, missing a bunch of feathers, and has too many limbs. To Greibel and Gravy, it looks like the result of some sort of bad radiation event. (rolled 29, 25 nature) Mutated, perhaps second or third generation after the event.
It looks to be guarding its shiny things carefully.
AZIRAPHALE
I suggest we go to the village first. I mean, even if we do all our observations, we can't really understand any of what happened without more information.
GREIBEL
(indicating the bird)
Looks like he isn't going anywhere, I guess
RHU
I agree with Azi, although it might be fun to have Greibel turn into a flock of angry birds and try to distract the mutant bird for us.
Greibel slicks his hair.
AZIRAPHALE
It'd achieve nothing.
Rhu looks grumpy.
AZIRAPHALE
If the mutant birds attack, we could do that.
RHU
We could also just drive this car into the bird. It belongs in a museum!
AZIRAPHALE
You're like the Nissai and the colossus. "This belongs in a museum!"
GREIBEL
I vote village, but that bird is so cute.
Rhu sighs and heads for the village.


EXT. Village of Hughenden - evening
The village is a rough cluster of dusty buildings around an unpaved road. The technology level looks questionable, for uncertain reasons. Some folks are standing around listlessly, but then one spots the car as it approaches and points. They stare up in shock and wonder.
The car comes to a stop, hovering some 20 feet in the air above them.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(booming down)
HELLO PEOPLE. WE COME TO DIG HOLES.
The people startle at the sound of the Gravedigger's voice and cower in fear.
RADEK
No we don't!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'm trying to reassure them. Everyone likes holes.
The Gravedigger waves at the people. This has no visible effect.
AZIRAPHALE
(over the side of the car)
Hallo.
Hello, people, do you have food? I'm hungry.
It occurs to Aziraphale that the village isn't a commune at all, but instead a general agrarian society. They don't look very well off. They look all afraid and hungry and hopeless. They look like they don't understand a word they're saying. (rolled 20 insight)
Most of them run away into various buildings.
Two villagers remain, just watching.
RADEK
What are they so afraid of?
AZIRAPHALE
Us, I think.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Maybe they've never seen such a beard. It might be scary for them.
RADEK
Fear isn't exactly the first emotion I would experience, looking at this group as an outsider.
AZIRAPHALE
if you were an agrarian society with no experience of space-age technology, wouldn't you be afraid of a hovercraft?
RADEK
Maybe pity.
RHU
An agrarian society? Do you suppose they'd be interested in fertilizer?
AZIRAPHALE
I think they wouldn't know what to do with it.
Guys, this is.. odd. I don't think places like this exist anymore on Sarathi.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Those houses were made by hand. Ya don't see those anymore.
AZIRAPHALE
...so we're either somewhere no one has ever been, on another planet, or in another dimension. This does not please me.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Is this a Ren fair?
AZIRAPHALE
Or we travelled back in time.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I have an idea, guys. Lower us down slowly.
Rhu does so, parking the car an easy distance off the ground. The two watching villagers continue to watch. They're both human, an older-looking man and a woman so wizened she looks like she could be his mother.
The Gravedigger gets out, making exaggerated, slow moves, and clearly puts his shovel and shield into the car. Then he pulls out one of the booze bottles from his pack, uncorks it, and takes a swig.
Then he advances toward the dudes with a bottle in hand.
GREIBEL
That's a great idea! Poor people love booze!
The villagers eye the Gravedigger suspiciously, but then the man also approaches him.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Radek, you're smart. Come with me. And try to not look too grumpy.
Ganelon (Radek): You know that I still look like a chrome statue, right?
Frezak (Gravy): Shit. Well I'm a horned giant.
RADEK
If this doesn't work I'm breaking out the science.
Radek steps out of the car and follows Gravy.
The Gravedigger offers the man the bottle.
The man accepts the bottle, eyes it with slight confusion, but also takes a swig.
The woman is watching Radek.
Rhu and Greibel watch from the car. Rhu is clearly impressed. Greibel is clearly stoned. Aziraphale is actually watching the rest of the village.
VILLAGER MAN
Tatee kanao hanosca?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Now that we have his attention, Radek. Do some smart gesture figuring out stuff. I'll get you a stick so you can draw things in the dirt.
Keep an eye out for trouble, guys?
Aziraphale keeps an eye out.
VILLAGER WOMAN
Ahtaano hafflas.
The man looks back, worried.
The woman shrugs.
Radek just stands there like a statue as the Gravedigger watches him expectantly.
AZIRAPHALE
Guys, if we went back in time, or to another planet, or to another dimension, this might well be a "normal" world as far as these folks are concerned. Including the deformed bird.
RHU
Ask them if they know the way to the nearest city?
VILLAGER MAN
(trying again)
Enry?
AZIRAPHALE
just different stages of evolution.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Sorry, I'm not familiar with your words, Mr farmer.
VILLAGER MAN
(he gestures around to the village)
Vosals. Acandorai tira.
RADEK
What do we want from them? We aren't going to get any kind of complex information like this. Certainly not with a stick.
AZIRAPHALE
Ask them where the city is. Gesture tall buildings. Shrug. Point places. That should do it.
GREIBEL
A stick can be more telling than you might think, man.
Greibel smokes from the bong a little
RHU
Show them the tablet computers?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well you come here and do gesturings!
Aziraphale exits the car and joins the Gravedigger and Radek, then gestures as described.
This doesn't achieve much. The woman glares at them for a moment.
VILLAGER WOMAN
Kanao tira.
She starts gesturing and chanting, casting some spell.
The man smiles helpfully at them.
Aziraphale makes a gesture for keeping evil away.
GREIBEL
(to Rhu)
Hey, man, the radiation's mostly normal now. Meh. Probably bananas.
RHU
Hmm. I wonder why the birds seem so much worse affected than the people?
A soft light explodes slowly around the woman and permeates the area, and as it does, a much smaller, much younger-looking woman, Amadi, appears in the car next to Greibel.
GREIBEL
Jinkies!
Rhu jumps in his seat.
The villager woman also looks surprised. This was clearly not her intended effect.
AMADI
What time is it?!
RHU
(looking at Amadi, surprised)
Who's that?
AZIRAPHALE
I think you should try to talk to her. This one at least appears to understand gobblygook.
AMADI
Who's who? Who're YOU?
GREIBEL
Who made you?
AMADI
I did! Did I? Maybe? What time is it!
GREIBEL
Are you friendly or unfriendly?
Meanwhile the villager man goes back to the other villager and they confer in hushed voices.
The Gravedigger stalks back to the car and picks up Amadi, holding her up to his face.
GREIBEL
Ah man, come on...
THE GRAVEDIGGER
DO YOU LIKE HOLES?
Aziraphale follows him back to the car as well.
AZIRAPHALE
(slightly more politely)
Do you know these people?
AMADI
Do I like holes? Do I like holes... hm. Did I fall through a hole? I think I'm friendly until proven otherwise. The holes are neutral.
The Gravedigger puts her down.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hmmm. I have my eye on you.
AZIRAPHALE
Do you know the people here? Do you recognise a ship-car-thing?
RHU
(to Amadi)
I am Rhu, an avenger serving the great god Hazz'ridan. Where do you come from?
Amadi stumbles a little at being put down and takes some uncertain steps. Then she looks around, trying to take in the whole... rather messy scene.
VILLAGER MAN
(still speaking deslau; to Amadi)
Hail, who speaks our tongue, are you with those demons?
AZIRAPHALE
What did he just say to you?
Amadi ignores the party of lunatics and goes over to the villager, looking up at him. She's not the biggest of ladies.
AMADI
What time is it?
Aziraphale stares after Amadi, quite offended.
VILLAGER MAN
(in deslau)
Evening, but I'm afraid I can't say more specific.
The Gravedigger looks up at the sky. The evening is getting thinner now. Some wisps of high clouds are curling about.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Evening time! Teatime! or dinner! Do we have sandwiches left?
The Gravedigger checks his pack for sandwiches. He finds some sandwiches and snacks.
AMADI
Oh. Really?
Amadi looks at the sky.
VILLAGER MAN
(in deslau)
Yes.
AMADI
Well. Okay!
I don't think I know these demons. Are they demons? One of them knows Hazz!
RADEK
I'm not a demon.
VILLAGER MAN
Hazz?
Amadi turns away from the villager and looks at Rhu.
AMADI
Hazz'ridan. You don't know him. Don't worry about it.
RHU
Do you mean Hazz'ridan, the great God of Dead Ends? I worship him.
AMADI
I don't think you know him. Do you know him?
VILLAGER MAN
(in deslau)
Names differ. Should we?
RHU
He is my guide and my protector.
AMADI
Guide. Hah. Hah... Good one.
The two villagers confer.
GREIBEL
If you count getting people miserably lost as protection...
THE GRAVEDIGGER
He's not the most hope-filled fellow, that's for sure.
RHU
It is in becoming lost that we find ourselves.
Rhu holds his implement worshipfully.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Yeah, that sort of gibberish. Stick to holes, I say. Very simple things. None of these Zen things.
The villager woman seems to recognise the implement, and nods.
Amadi turns back to the villagers.
AMADI
(pondering)
Vitoi, maybe? I mean, if it's evening... it might be?
VILLAGER WOMAN
(in deslau)
That one.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Anyone want a sandwich?
AMADI
I want a sandwich!
VILLAGER WOMAN
(in deslau)
Sandwich?
AMADI
(to the villager)
Yes, a sandwich. This guy has... he calls them sandwiches.
Amadi runs over to the Gravedigger, and he hands her a sandwich.
The woman follows her, but the man hangs back.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Anyone else? I think I have... little... cake packet things.
RHU
(to Amadi)
Do you also study the ways of the maze?
AZIRAPHALE
(to Amadi)
So who are these people and where are we?
A few villagers step outside their homes. They're still not sure what's going on, but they seem reassured at least somewhat that the newcomers aren't hostile.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I don't have enough sandwiches for everyone.
Amadi takes a big bite of the food-stuff and turns to Rhu, shaking her head.
AMADI
Ah 'now 'im. 'E's fun.
RHU
Fun... yes, I suppose he is.
(he pauses)
I suppose that depends on what you find fun, though.
VILLAGER WOMAN
(in deslau)
They do not call them sandwiches. What are they?
Amadi chews and swallows and turns back to the villager.
AMADI
They speak sorta funny, I guess. They're sandwichy enough. Mmmm...
The woman frowns and goes back to talk to a growing swarm of other villages.
Amadi takes another bite, bigger this time.
RHU
(to Amadi)
Do you know where we are? My party and I appeared on this planet not an hour ago and we don't know where we are.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
We were eaten by a hole. It was the sky.
AMADI
...I think there might have been a hole... at some point...
RHU
We were on Sarathi, and quite frankly a single hole would have been an improvement.
AMADI
Sarathi! Yes, there would be holes...
AZIRAPHALE
You mean this isn't Sarathi?
AMADI
This isn't Sarathi! Less holes.
RHU
A hole less present is one I am grateful for, except for the carefully engineered holes that my friend The Gravedigger here constructs for us.
RADEK
Oh, marvellous.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
And the sky isn't giving us looks, either. And no fish. You noticed that, guys? No fish! Just a... mutant bird thing.
RHU
Oh man, yes! Zero fish is the right number of fish.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Thanks, Rhu. I take it back. You're okay.
(suddenly realising)
DAMMIT. I should have buried the fish. Sorry, giant fish.
RADEK
Where is this, then?
AMADI
This, is... uh...
Amadi looks everything over again, looks hesitant for a bit, then shrugs and announces proudly:
AMADI
This, my friends - or demons - or whatevers - is Arling Tor!
GREIBEL
Arling Tor!
(to Amadi)
So you guys don't know stuff about space travel and other planets and stuff per chance, do you?
AMADI
Planets? Space? Uh. It's... out there, mostly? I'm sorry, there was a hole, I... I think it maybe got stuck in here.
Amadi gestures first at the sky and then bonks her head. Then she looks back at the villagers.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
A hole in your head? As a hole expert, that does not sound great.
GREIBEL
Maybe holes work different here.
Greibel shrugs.
AMADI
(calling out to the villagers in a quiet half-yell)
I sort of doubt they're demons. They don't smell very demonic to me. More... dirty.
Greibel poses proudly at the mention of dirtiness.
SOME VILLAGER
(in deslau)
So what are they?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
It's the price to pay for hole science.
RHU
We have had encounters with fish, my lady. It was old fish.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Except when it wasn't.
GREIBEL
Older afterwards.
RADEK
Hold on. You don't know anything about space-faring technology. Does anyone?
AMADI
(sticking her lip out in a pout)
I didn't say I didn't know things, I said it might be stuck in a hole! I totally know space-travel and technology and stuff.
RHU
(to Amadi)
I'm afraid none of us have ever heard of Arling Tor. Can you tell us more? Where is this planet?
AMADI
Arling Tor is in Arling Tor. Duh,
Exasperatedly, Aziraphale tries praying to Carriya for some direction on what to do next. No signs miraculously appear.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
How do you know these people's languages? Don't suppose it's in a book or something?
AMADI
(she shrugs)
I like words.
RHU
You... wouldn't know the way to the nearest city, would you?
AMADI
I would!
RHU
Where are you headed? Can we give you a ride?
GREIBEL
Ooo, is it Sandwich City?
AMADI
I am headed to... Midnight, maybe. Or tea-time. I wouldn't mind a ride, I guess. Or company. I've missed company.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Where have you been?
RHU
Is Midnight a city on this planet? I don't think our car is capable of space travel, but maybe you could get a ship to Midnight when we get to the nearest city?
RADEK
Right now, a way to re-establish communications would be ideal.
AMADI
.... Noooo, midnight is not a city. It's a time. You know time, right? And I've been here and there. Not for a while, though. I think. There was a hole. I remember morning, but it wasn't anything to write home about.
Some of the gathered villagers are still just watching, and others going about their business... watching.
The Gravedigger is confuddled, then goes over to the two villagers they'd been trying to talk to before.
The Gravedigger gives the man the rest of the bottle and pats him on the back, who gasps for breath as a result of the pat, but takes the bottle happily enough. Then the man goes back to his porch.
The woman buggers off in another direction.
RHU
I fear our morning has been nothing if not memorable.
AZIRAPHALE
In a bad way.
(he mutters darkly)
The last city we tried to land at didn't go well.
AMADI
Oh, can we trade?
RADEK
Trade what?
AMADI
Mornings!
RADEK
I'm afraid our morning could be considered damaged goods. As in, dimensionally damaged.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
It had fish in it. And undead chickens.
AZIRAPHALE
Fair point.
GREIBEL
Speak for yourselves, dudes. I found a perfectly good bong.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
But it's evening now, Greibel.
GREIBEL
Oh, right.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
That's an Evening Bong.
Greibel smiles widely.
GREIBEL
It sure is!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
You had paint this morning.
GREIBEL
At least the paint was a cool color. Same as the bong, really.
RHU
It is indeed evening, and I'd like to be somewhere with decent food, a clean bed and possibly television before nightfall, hopefully with some news on whether I still get paid or not.
AMADI
Oh, hah. You really are funny, mister. I see why Hazz would like you.
RHU
(to Greibel)
The cat goddess - Lokshmi? - was pretty cool, too.
(to Amadi)
Do you know of Lokshmi?
GREIBEL
Oh yeah, Lokshmi, groovy chick.
AMADI
Oh, sure.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Uh, gods. Come, Greibel. Let us search for drugs.
GREIBEL
Oh right on!
Greibel and the Gravedigger wander off in search for drug plants.
GREIBEL
(singing)
Hi-ho, hi-ho. It's off to drugs we go.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(singing)
And all the boys come to my drug yard.
Radek sighs deeply.
AZIRAPHALE
(to Amadi)
Oh, say, do you know why we saw deformed birds and shiny things and sinkholes some way away from here?
AMADI
(she chews her lip and turns to Azir)
Well, uh... that would probably be the cataclysm. It keeps happening although it shouldn't and is completely new and it was that gal with the blue eyes who started it all and now there are cats.
Aziraphale mutters.
AZIRAPHALE
Gal with blue eyes? Cats? Lokshmi? She's behind this?
AMADI
Yes. Uhm, no. I dunno. Cataclysm. 'S real bad.
AZIRAPHALE
I'm not a fan, regardless. If she's behind this, look what position she put us in.
AMADI
Honestly, if you were on Sarathi you can't really blame anyone.
RADEK
Does that mean you know what happened to the planet?
AMADI
Besides, Lokshmi's eyes-
Amadi falls suddenly and unexplainably asleep. She snores loudly, once, and then disappears as though she were never there.
Aziraphale stares at the spot where Amadi had been in surprise.
Rhu looks around slightly panickily to make sure that nothing else is vanishing. For now, nobody is.
Radek just looks grumpy.


≪ PreviousNext ≫
Session 4 (Overview)
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As the inn-keeper is, he trusts his guests.