Holes/Session 30
A fragment of the Garden of Remembering
Ellemerr: *pokes a dead rat* Gaurav: Why a dead rat? Apheori (GM): Do we have Frezak? Ganelon: She's run out of live ones, of course. Gaurav: Ah. That makes sense. Ellemerr: What? No no. I have plenty rats of all states. Dead, live, undead, unliving, redead, half-dead, ghostly, spirits... maybe the occasional god rat, but I think Teleoth ate them. Apheori (GM): Which Teleoth? There are so many. Ellemerr: Possibly more than one. Apheori (GM): Oh. Ellemerr: *nods* Apheori (GM): Is Frezak here? I don't see him, but I also don't trust this interface. Gaurav: Then? Why poke a dead rat when there's so many to choose from? Ellemerr: I think he's actually not, but I have told him that - oh, there he is. Apheori (GM): Oh, okay. HAI FREZAK. Ellemerr: Because the dead ones giggle nicer. Duh. Apheori (GM) waves a dead rat in his face enthusiastically. Frezak (GM): Yoyoyo BACKUP DM IN THE HOUSE WASSSSUUUUUUP Gaurav: Oh! Gaurav nods cautiously Ellemerr stares blankly. Frezak (GM): Let's get this SHIT OOOOON Ellemerr: I'm not sure that is Frezak after all. I sort of hope it isn't. Apheori (GM): He's talking like an uncyclopedian. Frezak (GM): Let's RP THE SHIT OUT OF THIS BITCHES Apheori (GM): Specifically, a really drunk one. Ellemerr: Oh, there he is. Ganelon: He's acting pretty whack today. Ellemerr: He's just channelling Scissors. Frezak (GM): My new PC is Groinslapper Mc Awesome. Apheori (GM): Anyway, y'all are still in front of the farmhouse. The dog has run off. There are body parts all over the ground, as well as some more really stinky ones. bodies, I mean. Frezak (GM): Bard/barabarian. Barbarbarbar Apheori (GM): Where the hell are my notes? Ellemerr: I'm not sure if there were any uncyclopedians at the con. If they're like that, I didn't notice any. Mind you, I stayed away from people in my usual terrified manner. Apheori (GM): Rhu claims to have an eel in his major intestine. Ellemerr: I fell out of a tree. Apheori (GM): We don't really have many uncyclopedians with money. Those with money tend not to be raging drunks. Ellemerr: Or Amadi did. Apheori (GM): Dave has an undead killer bunny in her pocket. Amadi might want to eat it, I dunno. So Rhu... You feel really ill. And you have an eel inside you. How does this make you feel? Ellemerr: There could've happened to be an uncyclopedian in London. That would've made it less horribly expensive. Apheori (GM): Aye. Probably were a few. Especially given the overlap with wikipedia. EHU! RHU Rhu looks around at everybody again Rhu: I ... think ... eel ... in my ... *points* The Gravedigger: I'm going to need more graves. Rhu keels over and starts to groan Gaurav: Ehu is a much better name than Rhu Ellemerr: Sounds like a ghost sneezing. Dave: Hey Gravedigger, you know how you DIDN'T turn into a zombie? Gaurav: Is the eel (and he definitely needs a name) doing anything apart from clogging up my intestines? Is it bitting ripping tearing feasting? The Gravedigger: Always? Greibel moves over to check on Rhu Apheori (GM): It's just clogging. Dave points to Rhu. Dave: Check it out! Gaurav: Okay. While I'm still conscious, I'm going to heal-check myself to see what I can figure out about ... this situation. Amadi picks herself off the ground, checks the tree for fall damage, and looks in Dave's general direction. Greibel: rolling 1d20+11 heal check ( 15 ) +11 = 26 Rhu: rolling 1d20+12 heal check on meself ( 20 ) +12 = 32 Dave sits down on the dead guard's body to watch. Ganelon: I think we've identified the problem, folks. Apheori (GM): MAn. Ellemerr: Man you know yourself in and out. Frezak (GM): Didn't you crit last time you eelechecked? Gaurav: Yes. Apparently Rhu is proficient at eeling. Ellemerr: *giggls* Frezak (GM): Eelage. Gaurav: We could try to lure it out with a fish. Apheori (GM): Greibel: He seems ill. Like, really ill. Possibly about to go into shock. Ellemerr: *runs after a rebellious e and tries to put it back in her word* Apheori (GM): Rhu: You determine something really important and horrible and then pass out. Rhu: Oh. OH. Rhu grins Rhu passes out Frezak (GM): Hmm. Amadi trots over to the others to get a better look at this very interesting eel business. Greibel: I think Rhu just realized how he's going to get that thing out of there... Frezak (GM): I could pinpoint the Eel. Can Radek use Tundering armour on his guts to crush the eel within the organs? Radek sighs and pushes the two guardsmen aside. Radek: Out of the way. Doctor, mechanic, and all-around /genius/ passing through. Ganelon: Uh... I think we don't want a crushed eel so much as one anywhere but in his guys. Guts* Apheori (GM): The guard captain also comes over to look. Frezak (GM): Does anyone have any power to teleport things? Apheori (GM): Gravy: You may notice that he seems to be sweating a lot. Frezak (GM): Can't Greibel magic vine-rip it out? Bear Soup Guy: That would be....interesting Gaurav: I can teleport things. Namely me. Radek: Hmm... Radek looks meaningfully at his eyebot. Frezak (GM): Surgical laser? Ganelon: Yessss Frezak (GM): You'd stilll have eelbits. unless you cut him open and the druid pulled. With minimum collateral. Ganelon: Well, at least half of that lets me blame someone else if he dies, so sure. Frezak (GM): I could pin him down. Amadi moves slowly around the guard, tip-toing behind Radek, and attempts to get next to Dave without her noticing. Amadi probably looks totally silly and obvious while doing this. Frezak (GM): Stop him strugglin' (To Gaurav): The important horrible thing you discovered is that you are also infected with some sort of zombie thing. Frezak (GM): Amadi is muttering 'stealthystealthyquiet' Dave moos at Amadi. Frezak (GM): 'notasoundnotasoundnotasound' Ellemerr: Actually, Frezak, if I did that I would probably turn the volume of the whole world (or at least our nick of the woods) down. (From Gaurav): Oh phew. I thought it might be worse than having an eel in my intestines, but it's only just as bad. Radek: I'm going to cut him open. Ellemerr: Or something equally godly/silly. Gaurav: Any chance Greibel could commune with the eel and convince it to come out by itself? Frezak (GM): Gravy will hand Radek a throwing Trowel. A BattleTrowel if you will. Apheori (GM): Rhu: You can wake up now. Gaurav: Not that I mind being cut open in a field by a blood-covered farmhouse or anything. Frezak (GM): The eel is probably dead, no? Amadi makes spider noises at Dave. Bear Soup Guy: Greibel could certainly try talking to the intestine eel Frezak (GM): We're experts, Rave. Don't worry. Ellemerr: Why would it be dead? Gaurav: Apheori: do I have to? Frezak (GM): Because being in guts is a terrible place. Gaurav: It sounds awfully painful. Ganelon: To the sight of a scowling old man/his beard and an eyebot scanning his midsection? Bear Soup Guy: That entire scene would make an epic as hell painting Gaurav: Haha Lemme roll to stay unconscious rolling d20 ( 9 ) = 9 Ganelon: Well fine, to spare him the undoubtedly horrible pain of what's to come, I actually did come prepared. But tell me how that goes first. Apheori (GM): Fine, you don't wake up. And no, it isn't dead. Ellemerr: Knew it! Gaurav: Yay! Sweet, sweet unconsciousness. Ganelon: Okay. I use the inappropriately named Restorative Infusion. Which restores jack shit, but does give him 20 temp HP. Apheori (GM): And Greibel would know that it should also be moving - digging, eating its way to get out in a frantic struggle. It's not clear why it isn't. Ganelon: Then I'm going to have the eyebot bore into his flesh with a laser. If I may. Bear Soup Guy: Maybe he likes it in there Gaurav: Did my previous THP expire once we got out of encounter? Dave offers Amadi something that looks like popcorn but is probably actually fried exploded crickets or something. Ganelon: I dunno, THP doesn't stack. Bear Soup Guy: After all, if biology dictates that an eel show up in somebody's intestines, maybe it's beneficial to the eel Ganelon: So you're at 20 either way. Frezak (GM): THP lasts until you take a short rest. Apheori (GM): It's not normally beneficial. Roll history. Even though this is really a 'reading random stuff on the internet' check. Ganelon: rolling 1d20+7 ( 8 ) +7 = 15 I don't even know if anyone else trained history. Ellemerr takes the not-popcorn and hands Dave a can of mountain dew. Possibly of the variety you actually find in mountains in the morning. Ellemerr: I do. Want me to roll? Assist? Dave munches on the snacks and watches intently. Ellemerr: Anything? Apheori (GM): Do it. Ellemerr: rolling 1d20 + 6 ( 14 ) +6 = 20 Apheori (GM): Ellemerr: You've heard tell of several eel incidents. It's not good for the eel. It's also not good for the host. In fact it's basically horrible all around. Something something animal abuse. Frezak (GM): GOSH REALLY Apheori (GM): Radek: Feel free to laser at will. Gaurav: OH NO PETA Ganelon: LASERING. Frezak (GM): I'll hold Rhu down. Ganelon: If there's a margin for error here, do tell me. Frezak (GM): With my Gravy Grip Apheori (GM): Roll aim. Or something. Ganelon: Not so that I'll stop, just for rolling purposes. My aim? Apheori (GM): The guard captain helps you hold him down. Gaurav: What does the guard captain make of all this? Frezak (GM): You want assist on that, Gan? Ganelon: Suuuure. Apheori (GM): Like, uh, roll some sort of medicine. Surgery. Stuff. Frezak (GM): Heal check? Apheori (GM): Okay. Ganelon: rolling 1d20+9 "Heal" ( 5 ) +9 = 14 Frezak (GM): Assiting Ganelon: Uh ooooh! Frezak (GM): Wait, no I suck at that. NEVERMIND Bybye rhu Ganelon: Well this is why we give our patients THP before we start. Bear Soup Guy: rolling 1d20+11 assist? ( 20 ) +11 = 31 Apheori (GM): RHU: ROLL TO WAKE UP. Bear Soup Guy: Ah yeah bitches, that has to count now Gaurav: rolling d20 ( 9 ) = 9 Frezak (GM): if Rhu wakes up I'll nut him until he goes unconcious again. Apheori (GM): Radek: With the annoying assistence of Greibel, you cut him open. Frezak (GM): Greibel who clearly is the one that know the difference between a liver and a pancreas. Ganelon: Do I see an eel? Frezak (GM): "I dunno, it's all organs to me!" Apheori (GM): Without any real blood or what have you, just going around a bunch of slimy slippery organs. Frezak (GM): "Stupid meatbags!" Ganelon: Hey, maybe Radek was looking for Rhu's combustion manifold. Apheori (GM): There's an eel-shaped lump in the intestine itself. Do you open the intestine? Ganelon: Certainly. Frezak (GM): TALK TO THE EEL Nature check to talk to eels? Ganelon: Well it'd be rude to not talk to its face. Apheori (GM): Another one for intestine itself! Ganelon: rolling 1d20+9 ( 12 ) +9 = 21 Apheori (GM): Because, like, intestines are really messy. Ganelon: They really are. Radek isn't very fond of doctoring. Apheori (GM): That's why he's using a remote laser instead of his hands. Right? Ganelon: Yes. Apheori (GM): Rhu is still asleep. The intestine comes open with a little seepage. Ganelon: Also because he made an eyebot and damnit, he's going to make the most of it. Apheori (GM): There's an eel. It's still not moving. Just sitting there. Gaurav: This is the most important sleep Rhu has ever had Frezak (GM): You find the God Eel Nature check to talk to eels? Radek: Well, I'll be. That really is an eel. Greibel: It sure is. rolling 1d20+13 Eel Talk ( 15 ) +13 = 28 The Gravedigger: He's a Hazz cultist, he should know about slimy tentacly things. Dave: (to Amadi) He pissed someone off, didn't he? Radek: Could we get a tank of water over here? Gaurav: "Eel Talk" Apheori (GM): Greibel: You talk to the eel. Radek looks expectantly at the godlings. The Gravedigger: Guard! Get a bucket of water! THis eel needs our help! Amadi shrugs. Amadi: I wasn't paying attention. Amadi starts pulling a pool out of her pocket. Dave: Huh? Frezak (GM): TO one of the surviving guardlings. Dave: Oh. Gaurav: Hazz' cultists don't usually talk about slimy tentacular things: we worship him as a point in space or as the Great Ending. And He is not slimy. Frezak (GM): And now we all drown. GOOD JOB RADEK Apheori (GM): The guard looks around in confusion. Frezak (GM): He was totes tentacular. Guard: Um... Ganelon: This is probably the strangest thing that has ever happened to him. Guard wanders off looking for a bucket. Amadi keeps pulling at the pool. It's a kiddy garden pool. Very pretty patterns and cheerful colours. Bear Soup Guy: That is amazing Dave looks impatient, then drops a tank of water on Radek's head. Bear Soup Guy: There's no situation where pulling big things out of pockets isn't awesome Dave: Er... that didn't work either. Ganelon: I HOPE YOU MEAN JUST THE WATER AND NOT THE WHOLE TANK Apheori (GM): Nope, whole tank. Amadi looks disappointed at Dave and the tank of water and starts putting the pool back in her pocket. Dave hides behind Amadi. Ganelon: I'm pretty sure that would *kill* him. Gaurav: So that's ... five graves we're up to now? Apheori (GM): In this case let's just say the entire thing was upside down, so he mostly just got drenched and then got a bit of a bonk on the head. The tank disappears immediately after. Ganelon: Words cannot accurately describe the look he would give her for this. Ellemerr: What? No more tank? Aaaw. Apheori (GM): Sorry. Ellemerr: I was totally using that tank. I guess I'll go back to my kiddy pool. Apheori (GM): Because Dave is now hiding behind Amadi, Amadi may get the brunt of the look. Ganelon: Oh no, this look is armor-piercing. Apheori (GM): Also the other guard comes back when nobody's looking. Frezak (GM): And he is a wyvern. Amadi very quickly gets the last bits of pool out of her pocket and tries (and fails) to look innocent. Apheori (GM): He shakes his head when nobody's looking and then just sort of stands there hoping nobody will notice him. Rhu: Roll to wake up. Ellemerr: I'm slowly figuring out I've forgotten most everything I once knew about playing the flute. Gaurav: rolling d20 ( 14 ) = 14 Frezak (GM): I think you have to make igh notes that make people scream and fall over. Apheori (GM): Rhu wakes up and starts screaming. Ganelon: Still being held down? Ellemerr: Quick, dump him in the pool! Apheori (GM): Still held down, unless Gravy wants to let him go. Frezak (GM): I nut him. Ganelon: Radek will attempt to grab the eel and pull it out. Frezak (GM): With my mighty skull Rhu gasps for breath, then continues screaming Apheori (GM): Nut him? Frezak (GM): Headbutt. Bear Soup Guy: Does anyone have a sleep spell? Gaurav: My AC is 18 and my fort is 14. Which one would that be against? Ganelon: Nope, that's a wizard thing. Frezak (GM): Uh, AC. Rhu has now started including profanity in the screaming Frezak (GM): rolling 1D20+11+2 ( 19 ) +11+2 = 32 Vs Rhu AC I believe that hits. Apheori (GM): Did Greibel ever actually talk to the eel? Rhu: 18 AC, so yes! Gaurav: ooc The Gravedigger: Sorry, Rhu. Bear Soup Guy: I think at the moment talking to the eel would kind of get in the way Apheori (GM): Radek: You grab the eel and pull it out. Rhu is knocked out. Ganelon: Lovely. Bear Soup Guy: But I did do the roll so if the eel is feeling very distressed at the moment I'd probably know that Frezak (GM): Greibel rolled eeltalk. Apheori (GM): Also there may be brain damage. Rhu 's screams go up a register, and then he blacks out again Gaurav: ... for the eel, right? Apheori (GM): Greibel: The eel is completely panicked, and there's something horribly wrong with Rhu and it doesn't want to touch it, let alone eat it. Frezak (GM): Even the EEL doesn't like cultists! Apheori (GM): But as soon as Radek pulls it out it calms down a lot and then starts actually struggling. Frezak (GM): I Mark the Eel. Ganelon: He'll toss it into the pool, then stab Rhu with two of his healing syringes (I'm pretty sure these can reconstitute flesh, anyways!), and walk off to wring water out of his beard. Ellemerr: Put it in the pool. Frezak (GM): In case it gets bitey. Amadi makes eel noises. Gaurav: Eel: "ew ew he's religious get him away get him away" Apheori (GM): The eel flies into the pool and swims around a bit. The syringes... Don't work. Gaurav: ... don't work? Apheori (GM): Don't work. Frezak (GM): Not good. Ganelon: This has ceased to be Radek's problem. Frezak (GM): Hah Ganelon: As far as he's concerned. Apheori (GM): XD Frezak (GM): More healchecks please! Gaurav: I still have 20 THP, so any damage -- including Gravy's headbutt -- should be coming off them first. Apart from brain damage, I guess. Bear Soup Guy: rolling 1d20+13 on Rhu HEALING THINGS ( 19 ) +13 = 32 Frezak (GM): Jeebus. rolling 1D6+5 ( 3 ) +5 = 8 Well the attack would only be Apheori (GM): Greibel: So, um, Rhu might be turning into a zombie. Frezak (GM): Oh great. Just. Great. INTO THE HOLE YOU GO Gaurav: Huh Frezak (GM): We'll find a new Striker. Gaurav: 12 THP You can keep me around for experiments and stuff Bear Soup Guy: Hmmm Gaurav: Throw me through a portal and see what happens Amadi attempts talking with the eel. (From Amadi): "You really didn't like Rhu, did you? Is the pool okay? It was the only one I had on me. I think." Bear Soup Guy: Zombies would be...religion check? Ganelon: Zombie knowledge is normally religion. Amadi looks at Rhu and sighs. (To Amadi): The eel is terrified. It tells you it can feel itself changing, dying, like the horrible place it was, and it's helpless, utterly helpless... Bear Soup Guy: rolling 1d20+8 is Rhu definitely turning into a zombie ( 7 ) +8 = 15 Ganelon: Or perhaps I should say, normal zombie knowledge is religion? I'm sure I could make a science zombie and you'd be totally clueless about that, for instance. Bear Soup Guy: I assume either that or the heal check will cover it Apheori (GM): Greibel: This isn't a normal zombie. In fact you're not quite sure what this is. Frezak (GM): It's... A CULTIST ZOMBIE Werezombie! Bear Soup Guy: Science Zombies, sounds like a conservative radio talking point Amadi leans into the pool and tries to help/fix the eel. Bear Soup Guy: Is there anything Greibel can do to stop the zombifying, fix Rhu's open wounds, or make him less dead? Gaurav: rolling d20 to wake up ( 12 ) = 12 Apheori (GM): The eel swims around Amadi. Frezak (GM): Look, I know what to do with dead guys. I'M AN EXPERT I GOT THIS Apheori (GM): BSG: Not that you know of. Rhu wakes up again. Gaurav: How is he feeling pain-wise? Bear Soup Guy: Well he's still cut open, right? (From Ellemerr): Should I... roll any eel helpage? I even have healing things. Like, actual spells and stuff. Though maybe I should rather use that on Rhu. xD Gaurav: But also possibly undead Bear Soup Guy: Good point Greibel panics a bit Frezak (GM): I'll... release the zombie. Bear Soup Guy: Well Greibel hasn't told anyone else that he's maybe a zombie The Gravedigger: All good, eel's out! Bear Soup Guy: Unless someone else checked that Frezak (GM): Gravy wouldn't know. Bear Soup Guy: Right-o I think he'll keep it secret until he can find out WTF is happening Greibel: Rhu? How you feeling, buddy? Sorry about the, uh....open chest cavity. Rhu blinks The Gravedigger: Sorry about the skull thing, too. Amadi looks up from her eel for a moment. Amadi: Oh, yeah, um, Rhu, dear, you're probably contagious in some way or other. But it might only count if someone gets stuck in your guts. The Gravedigger: I was improvising. Contagious? What, MORE EELS? Amadi goes back to her eel. The Gravedigger hides behind Amadi. Gaurav: me blinks Gaurav blinks Gaurav: That's quite the image. Amadi: (without looking up this time) Oh, I hope not. Poor eels. The Gravedigger: Oh, okay. The Gravedigger ceases hiding. The Gravedigger: Well, what then? Gaurav: Apheori: is Rhu feeling his own abdomen cut open? How bad is the brain damage? Ganelon: THP *should* help with the not-feeling. Apheori (GM): Amadi: d20 to fix the eel. Amadi: Just the general horribleness, you know. Death and undead and stuff. Zombies. Possibly Krasue or killer squash, but I don't think so. rolling 1d20 ( 12 ) = 12 Ellemerr: I'm a horrible eel-fixer. And I really thought telling it "Well, good, now get better" would help, too! Apheori (GM): Gaurav: Rhu feels really sick, his gut is cut open and that hurts a lot too. Mostly just sick, though. Frezak (GM): I hand him some booze. Apheori (GM): The eel swims around sadly. Rhu closes his eyes and leans back Frezak (GM): I'll poke him with the bottle. Rhu: Did you get it out? Dave goes and tries to fix the eel too. The Gravedigger: Yep. Dave: rolling 1d20 ( 10 ) = 10 Rhu ignores the poking Apheori (GM): The eel dies. Gaurav: *Six* graves Amadi looks very sad. Rhu: So ... I guess I'm infected with some sort of zombie thing. Amadi says eely death-prayers in eel. Rhu accepts the bottle and tries to drink some without turning over too much, wincing as he does. Amadi: It's a bad sort of zombie thing. The Gravedigger gets to digging. Amadi points to the dead eel as case in point. Greibel: Guys, is there any reason I shouldn't mend this gaping hole in Rhu's body? Rhu nodes Rhu nods Rhu: Is there any other kind? Rhu tries to stand up Amadi: There's the kind that gets better when I tell it to? And there's that one kind that dances polka! I love that kind. Dave: Woah, woah, woah, careful! Dave runs to help Rhu not stand up. Rhu looks down and notices that his abdomen is still crudely sliced open Rhu: Oh, right Frezak (GM): CRUDELY?! YES. Radek is a terrible medic Gaurav: Can I feel the zombieness kicking in? Would that take the pain away? Apheori (GM): Not crudely. Very precisely. It just makes you ill. Gaurav: Oh right, sorry. Laser beams. Rhu lies back and prays to Hazz' for strength and guidance and so on Rhu: rolling 1d20+9 religion check ( 11 ) +9 = 20 Frezak (GM): Guidance, strenth, blah blah blah, you know the drill, Lord. Gaurav: More like "srsly dude eels and zombification? in one day? i hope you thought this through." Apheori (GM): Rhu: You suddenly can't move and then pass out again. Everyone else: Rhu goes really stiff and passes out. He also looks like he's glowing. Ganelon: I don't do surgery crudely! Just irresponsibly! Amadi says with some contempt, "Oh, god..." Apheori (GM): And this is when the guard captain grabs Dave and holds a gun to her head. Guard Captain: Everyone stop! Just stop! Gaurav: Maybe it just looked crude because Rhu was looking down at it? It's an odd angle to look at. How rude. I hope Rhu rebelliously keeps on glowing. Amadi rises her eyebrows in a "Well, he's lost it" manner. The Gravedigger glances at the captain then resumes digging. The Gravedigger: That's a terrible idea. Radek doesn't stop, but he's washed his hands of this mess already so it's probably not relevant to him anyways. Ganelon: Figuratively, of course. Ellemerr: Washed it in beard water. Guard Captain: Stop! Stop! Ganelon: Rhu's blood is not actually on his hands. Dave: Oy. Ganelon: Well, maybe a little. Amadi: Stop what, exactly? Ganelon: He did grab the eel. The Gravedigger: These graves won't dig themselves. Trust me. I'm a expert. Guard Captain: You won't take me! You can't! Guard Captain starts pulling Dave backwards. The Gravedigger: Seriously. Terrible idea. That is the worst hostage ever. Amadi: Hey! Amadi looks offended. Amadi: I could be a much worse hostage! The Gravedigger peers out the grave. The Gravedigger: Okay, then. Dave: Oh, you are on! The Gravedigger: Switch and see. Actually. The Gravedigger leaps out the grave. The Gravedigger grabs Amadi. Dave elbows the guard captain in the gut. The Gravedigger: Nobody move or the midget gets it! Short person? Whatever you are. Gnome? Guard Captain: Stop! Stay back! The Gravedigger: Dwarf? Guard Captain: Shut up! The Gravedigger: You're supposed to make demands I think. Amadi: YOU shut up! We're having a very important experiment here! The Gravedigger: Silent, hostage! Amadi giggles. Loudly. The Gravedigger hold Amadi up and wobbles her about a bit. Greibel looks back and forth and slowly realizes that everyone has lost their minds Amadi looks like she might be made of jelly for a bit. Very wobbly. Frezak (GM): SUPPLE BODY? Ellemerr: YES Frezak (GM): WHEEEEE Ellemerr: I feel sorry for the guard captain. The Gravedigger: I demand... uh.... Amadi: COOKIES! The Gravedigger: Yeah! Biscuits! Amadi: Cake! The Gravedigger: Pastries! Amadi: Weird pastries with cream in them! The Gravedigger: And icing! Amadi: And blueberry candy! The Gravedigger: Now, there's no need to be greedy. let's be reasonable, here. Gaurav: I wish I wasn't dead so I could gape at everybody in confusion. Frezak (GM): Well, your torso is gaping. That's a start. Bear Soup Guy: zing Amadi: ... Reasonable? Amadi sounds confused. The Gravedigger: Your turn, Mr Captain. Guard Captain picks up Dave complete and turns around and runs into the woods. The Gravedigger: Let's see some demands! hey! Amadi: Hey! The Gravedigger flings Amadi at the Captain The Gravedigger: CATCH Ganelon: "You forgot the other one!" Ellemerr: ... Oh my. Frezak (GM): Like a javelin. SO she can stick her arms out like superman. Ellemerr: I think we might need DM input on how that goes. Guard Captain: Roll improvised weapon: midget attack. Gaurav: Incoming godling! Apheori (GM): Er, ooc. Frezak (GM): Or not, I don't care as long as she soars. Ellemerr: Can I roll assist: being an improvised weapon? Or am I untrained in that? Frezak (GM): Acrobatics to steer yourself? Apheori (GM): Sure. Ellemerr: Sounds good to me! rolling 1d20 + 9 ( 15 ) +9 = 24 Frezak (GM): rolling 1D20+7+2 ( 2 ) +7+2 = 11 Whoops Ellemerr: ... I am SO disappointed in you. Frezak (GM): I forget to let go. I WAS EXCITED I was caught up in the rush! Apheori (GM): Amadi sails through the air and misses the guard captain completely, instead doing a faceplant into one of the graves. The Gravedigger: Woops Ellemerr: I could inspire competence but I doubt the +2 would be enough. >.> The Gravedigger: Uh Apheori (GM): One of the guards runs after him as he disappears into the woods. The other says, "Um." The Gravedigger: Sorry about that! Amadi: ... Ow. The Gravedigger: Um. Sorry, it was the sugar. Amadi: He's taking Dave. Dawn* The Gravedigger: Is that a problem? Ellemerr: Since Amadi calls her Dawn. Yes. I remember how my character works. The Gravedigger: For us, specifically? Radek looks at the last remaining guard. Radek: Run away, you fool. You're doomed if you stay and you're doomed twice over if you follow your comrades and... /Dave/. The Gravedigger: I mean, I can see it being bad for him. Guard: Right, then. The Gravedigger: If you could tell us where the nearest town is before you run that would be great. Guard: I'm going home. Radek: ...I wish I could go home. The Gravedigger: Don't worry about the corpses! Amadi: Dawn doesn't have a Key. And we might need her later. And damnit NOW HOW ARE WE GOING TO DECIDE WHO'S THE WORST HOSTAGE? Amadi kicks the grave angrily. The Gravedigger: I think I'm the worst hostage-take if that's any help. Guard: You probably want Dorgin. It's down the road to the west. Guard gets his leave on. Frezak (GM): I'll carefully reach in to see if I can help her out. As in if she'll let me >.> Apparently I /don't/ inspire competence. Amadi tries ignoring Gravy and climb out herself, find out that she's much too short, and grudgingly accepts anyway. (To Rhu): So Rhu... you could be doing better. Frezak (GM): I'lll... uh.... get back to digging >.> Gaurav: Is Rhu still unconscious? Amadi approaches Rhu and Greibel. Apheori (GM): Guarav: Yes and no. Amadi: So, this is a mess. Apheori (GM): He's not conscious exactly, but he hears Hazz and he can speak if he wants to. (From Rhu): (I can't seem to whisper at Hazz, but this will do) ... *nods* Greibel: Yeah... Do you have a thread and needle in your universe pockets, per chance? (From Rhu): It looks worse than it is, really. (From Rhu): Is this my end? Amadi: But what about cleaning up all of... that? Amadi waves a hand over Rhu in general and his insides in particular and makes a disgusted face. Greibel: Eh, the inside of the body is pretty disgusting in general But right now we really need to sew him up so he doesn't die of exposure and stuff Frezak (GM): Stuff! Gaurav: Seeing as how everybody has run away, maybe the best move would be to stuff Rhu into the pocket universe and head for the city (From Ellemerr): Does he seem to be more undeady horrible on the inside? Any reason for the eel to feel particularly bad about it? Gaurav: They'll have doctors and stuff there, although I don't suppose they'd know anything about this zombie sitch (To Rhu): Not today. (From Ellemerr): Particularly, does there seem to be any sort of "origin spot"? Bear Soup Guy: The zombie thing will be more difficult to deal with yeah But if I can just remind everyone, Rhu is literally cut open His organs are visible Frezak (GM): Well we close his torso before we move him. (To Ellemerr): He just got splashed. It's all it takes anymore, and in time, it won't even take that. Bear Soup Guy: ^ Frezak (GM): Somehow. (From Gaurav): Huh. Hazz'ridan fixes Rhu. (From Rhu): That's probably going to hurt like the dickens, then. Frezak (GM): I could wrap him up with rope. Oh. great. gods. Ganelon: How fixed, exactly? Amadi: (in her most sarcastic voice) Lovely. (To Rhu): Don't get infected. Avoid the darkness, if you can, but it will know you now. So keep it off. Apheori (GM): Wound closed, zombieness going away. Frezak (GM): Huh. Well that's... that. COuldn't do the eel, huh. It's a God isalamari. Apheori (GM): He can also wake up properly if he wants. Rhu opens his eyes Rhu: The darkness will know me now. Er. Hi. Amadi: Yes. Really, just... lovely. Greibel: I...well, okay. Sure. Rhu: rolling 1d20+12 heal check on himself as he pats himself down ( 11 ) +12 = 23 Apheori (GM): You seem fine. Rhu tries to stand up Apheori (GM): Roll sanity. Rhu: rolling d20 ( 5 ) = 5 Apheori (GM): Rhu zones out and gets a bit euphoric. Ellemerr: brb Frezak (GM): GODS. Apheori (GM): Gods are the worst. Rhu stands up and looks this way, then that. He looks up at the sky, then down at the ground. A small smile, shining with the joy of a life restores fills his face, then explodes into a wide, wild, all-encompassing beam. Rhu steps towards the trees, falls into a grave and is knocked unconscious. Gaurav: And I'd strongly recommend you keep him that way, otherwise he's going to insist on going after Dave. Apheori (GM): Quick! Bury him! Ganelon: Yes! Gaurav: It's the only way. Well, that or the rope. Or the bottomless bag of doom. Frezak (GM): Put the grave in the bag! The Gravedigger: Hey, that's for dead people! Outta my grave, darnit! Ellemerr: Well, Amadi might insist on that on some point anyway. And she's harder to knock out. Frezak (GM): Well maybe if you ASK FIRST Goddamed cultists. Gaurav: Yeah, so, what's next? Don't make me wake Rhu up. You won't like him when he's awake. Ganelon: I'm clueless. Frezak (GM): CULTIST Go to town? Ganelon: Sure. Gaurav: I like this plan, even if Rhu doesn't. I assume the guard will have to go back to the guardhouse eventually, and in the town they might know where that is. Are we all, ah, covered in blood or something? Frezak (GM): I shouldn't be. Ellemerr: I'm not. Frezak (GM): I mostly pounded on prone things. Ellemerr: Dirt, maybe. I've done a lot of falling. If that counts for "or something". Bear Soup Guy: I probably have some of Rhu's blood and ick on me Ellemerr: I think I should be more or less safe from eel ick considering it was in a pool. Gaurav: Cool. To the town? Ganelon: I'm as presentable as a murderously spiteful old man with a wet beard can get. Ellemerr: Sure. Amadi will do some why-aren't-we-trying-to-get-Dave complaining, but not too heartfelt, and she'll follow Greibel nicely. Frezak (GM): To the town! Gravy will sing songs of his own devising. Ganelon: They had better be good. Frezak (GM): They won't be. Ellemerr: "But we wacked them with our shovels and they died, died, died"? Frezak (GM): They said the stuff was good and the lied, lied, lied! But I already quoted that one. Ellemerr: Oh. It's the best one. Apheori (GM): I've run out of material. Should I just go back to making up random crap on the spot? Frezak (GM): I thought that's what you always did? Gaurav: Do it! Apheori (GM): Only sometimes. Most times. >.> Ellemerr: *shrugs* This is the problem you get when you actually run your game. I wish I had it. Apheori (GM): What do you mean? Frezak (GM): DONT LOOK AT ME I WOULD ALSO LIKE THAT PROBLEM YOU HAG Ellemerr: I mean I haven't run my game for half a year and am getting more and more material that I'd like to spend, and it just... sits there. Waiting. I WASN'T LOOKING AT YOU EGOCENTRIC HOBO Frezak (GM): brb hag Apheori (GM): >.< Frezak (GM): ADVENTURE? Gaurav: Adventure! Ganelon: Adventure? Seems unlikely. Frezak (GM): I've given up on progress,at least let me have adventure. Apheori (GM): Adventures are hard. You know what? Next week. Next week maybe I'll have something. Right now I got nothing. Ellemerr: I'm gone during the weekend again. Apheori (GM): Oh, right. Ellemerr: Last one for a while. Probably. Maybe. Gaurav: I can't make next Monday or Tuesday. What about next Wednesday? Bear Soup Guy: Tuesday again? Ah Gaurav: Hee Sorry Ellemerr: *shrug* Anything but friday-saturday-sunday. Bear Soup Guy: I should be able to do Wednesday as far as I know Frezak (GM): We're..... stopping now O.o Ellemerr topples over. Ellemerr: Sorry. >.< Apheori (GM): I'm sorry. Can I do wednesday? Gaurav: Yes! Apheori (GM): Can anyone not do wednesday? Frezak (GM): This wednesday? Or the one newt week? Bear Soup Guy: Newt Week Even better than Shark Week Frezak (GM): It's far less dangerous. FOr training purposes. Bear Soup Guy: Some newts are poisonous! Gaurav: I see you've never met a newt by moonlight Frezak (GM): It's not Newt Licking Week! Bear Soup Guy: Fair point Apheori (GM): But not an ill met newt by noonlight either. Gaurav: Well said. Frezak (GM): I... think I can do next wednesday but I can't be sure. Until the actual newty week. Bear Soup Guy: Newts bring with them a certain clarity Gaurav: Truth. Until next week, then? Frezak (GM): APPARENTLY Apheori (GM): We'll see the newt, then. And raise a newt? Gaurav: NOT in my intestines this time I hope. Bear Soup Guy: ^ Apheori (GM): Oh, good idea. Gaurav: Have fun, everybody, and thanks for bringing me back from the dead and stuff. Apheori (GM): You never actually died, man. Gaurav: It felt like dying. There was a bright light and everything. But that was my own body. Bear Soup Guy: "I don't want to go." Okay bye everyone! See you next week! Frezak (GM): >.> Gaurav: Bbye BSG! Frezak (GM): Goodbye you heroes. Ellemerr is passed out somewhere. Apheori (GM) passes out on top of Ellemerr. Gaurav vanishes in a flurry of eels
