This/Wayfarers song
A fragment of the Garden of Remembering
== Arah ==
INT. GROUP ROOM AT SOME RESTAURANT
Several folks already seated at a large, questionably shaped table: VARDAMAN, RAHAH, KERRIS, ILYANATA, CORALINE, and SHERANDRIS. Vardaman is nursing a mug of shalott, and Sherandris is perusing an upside down menu.
A few look up and smile as ARSTEN and CORN approach. Arsten picks a seat at random and sits, Corn hesitates before sitting next to him.
Some folks chatter. Arsten tries to unfold his napkin and winds up with a knot in his hands. Corn fidgets uncomfortably. A WAITER materialises behind them.
WAITER
Anything to drink?
ARSTEN
Water.
CORALINE
(indicating Corn)
Root beer for him, pinch of zest.
The waiter nods and disappears.
RAHAH
Who are we still waiting on?
A newcomer, KYRULE, emerges from a shadow and sits.
KYRULE
One more.
Coraline eyes Vardaman for a moment, then flags the waiter over when he appears to bring Corn his root beer.
Corn sniffs the root beer and takes a sip.
ARSTEN
It's alright, you know. At least I think it is.
CORN
What-
A winged woman, MYRR, appears out of nowhere behind the last empty seat and almost falls on the table, interrupting him.
MYRR
I am sorry.
(she seems to be having some trouble balancing herself and trying to fight the chair)
It seems my wing has caught in this chair. A moment, if you please.
Vardaman snorts and downs his shalott.
Corn stares at her dumbfounded. Kyrule moves as if to speak, but Rahah beats him to it.
RAHAH
Perhaps we should all introduce ourselves first.
(she stops to think for a moment)
I am Eapherod, lord of dreams, blah blah blah nobody cares you should all just call me Rahah. Yes.
She coughs toward her right for the next guy to continue.
KERRIS
I'm Kerris of Attrel. Mercenary for hire.
(he pauses as though thinking carefully)
Hi?
There's a pause before Corn realises he's next.
CORN
(embarassed)
Uh... I'm Corn. I'm but a humble acolyte of Kyrule. I don't...
(he panics and looks around desperately)
Arsten pats him on the shoulder.
ARSTEN
Arsten Dren here, I do stuff, you know. Unless you don't.
RAHAH
He's like Indiana Jones.
CORALINE
What, an archaeologist with a gun?
RAHAH
If he ever had one that worked, yes.
ILYANATA
(continuing the introductions)
I am Ilyanata, or Illya. I am the force and reality of dreams, High Priestess of Eapherod, and her will upon the world.
RAHAH
(overly brightly)
Hi Ilya!
ILYANATA
(slowly)
Hi.
MYRR
I am called Myyr of Souls.
There is a pause.
CORALINE
She's the Falcon of Kyrule. Or was that a falcon? Maybe it was a hawk or something. Or a goose? Geese are terrifying.
VARDAMAN
She's a priest. I'm also a priest, but I generally don't go advertising on that fact on account of embarassment. Other people's. That is. On account of being a far more significant drunk.
(he waves his mug for emphasis, tries to down it, realises it's already empty, and stares at it looking betrayed)
SHERANDRIS
What's your name?
VARDAMAN
Oh. Vardaman.
CORALINE
He's actually a deathdealer. Don't let the shalott fool you. And I'm Coraline Henderson, the Hand of Kyrule and his will upon the world. Supposedly.
RAHAH
Supposedly?
CORALINE
Weeeeell...
KYRULE
Yes.
CORALINE
Right, well, there was just this accident, right?
Vardaman chokes and starts coughing loudly before being miraculously rescued by the appearance of a waiter with a fresh bottle of shalott.
CORN
Uh...
Corn takes this opportunity to decide his root beer is much more fascinating.
RAHAH
That was an accident?
Coraline and Vardaman both look decidedly embarassed as nobody says anything. Finally Kyrule interrupts the silence, making things even more awkward.
KYRULE
(continuing as the next)
I am Kyrule.
SHERANDRIS
(stretching melodramatically)
Heh, gods.
RAHAH
Har.
SHERANDRIS
Rar. Sherandris here. I just like food. Mmm, food. I am completely ordinary. Totally. And food.
CORALINE
Whackjob ordinary.
SHERANDRIS
Exactly. I am as ordinary as an everyday whackjob. On account of being one.
----
SHERANDRIS
How do we get there?
RAHAH
Morand.
KYRULE
That world has been dead for thousands of years.
RAHAH
Aye. Its orbit passes through a patch of bad space - takes the whole world into the deadlands for part of the cycle, but the laws of physics at least partially hold, since it always comes back after. This gives us a way in. And potentially a way out.
KERRIS
In six months?
RAHAH
Assuming time holds on the other side, yes.
CORALINE
Why would it do that?
RAHAH
(she sighs)
It probably won't.
----
RAHAH
No horses.
KERRIS
What, you want us to walk?
KYRULE
Technology will not work in the dead lands.
RAHAH
Sure it will. Just need the right kind.
KYRULE
Any right kind will not remain the right kind indefinitely.
RAHAH
So we make it use an adaptive design. Don't worry, I'm like a god. I can totally make something work.
KYRULE
You are a god.
RAHAH
(looking surprised)
Well, isn't that convenient!
----
CORALINE
So who's our party leader?
RAHAH
Kyrule! Be our leader.
He gives her a suspicious look.
RAHAH
...Unless you want Sherandris to take over an turn us all into an insane clown posse?
CORALINE
I could go for that.
CORN
What...?
KYRULE
This is your party.
RAHAH
No it isn't.
KYRULE
Yes. It is.
CORALINE
Okay, party leader is the idiot who started this mess. Excellent, it's official.
RAHAH
Hey!
----
ARSTEN
(picking at his teeth)
Does anyone have a toothpick?
Myrr catches Vardaman as he nearly falls out of his seat.
VARDAMAN
If you do that again, I swear, I will... I will... why, I'll... what was I saying?
CORALINE
What do you mean, I can't be a necromancer? I've even had basic training. It's like the only wizarding I know, but I do know it.
ILYANATA
That would make sense. Vampire necromancer. It fits.
RAHAH
No, Sherandris, you can't be a clown. Be a wizard. You'd be a sexy wizard.
SHERANDRIS
But I'm not a wizard.
RAHAH
Learn.
SHERANDRIS
Bu-
Rahah glares at him.
SHERANDRIS
(starting to grin)
Yes, dear.
KERRIS
Do we have a cleric?
RAHAH
No. No, we definitely do not have a cleric.
KERRIS
Oh, well, we probably do want a-
RAHAH
You've never heard of sarcasm, have you?
CORN
Why is there an eyeball in my drink?
KERRIS
Um, what is a cleric, then? It says here 'Alle braive adventeurers should take withe them wone clerick, to tende to the illsome and deathley.'
CORALINE
Clerics is priests and healers. We've got plenty. Coming out of our ears, as me mum might say.
KERRIS
Oh. I knew that.
CORN
Anyone want an eyeball?
CORALINE
Is anyone Sheogorath?
CORN
Who?
RAHAH
What?
CORALINE
I think I'm going to be a necromancer.
CORN
I'm going to be a hairdresser.
ARSTEN
Excellent. Could always use one of those on a trip.
RAHAH
You're a mesmer, Coraline. Mesmers can't be necromancers.
CORALINE
Who says? Ascended mesmers are perfectly capable of taking on a secondary profession same as everyone else!
RAHAH
But you're not ascended.
CORALINE
I'm dead. 'Sclose enough, isn't it?
RAHAH
You could die in Pre.
CORALINE
So? This isn't Ascalon.
VARDAMAN
Buggrit, you damn bird, stop that!
MYRR
Please stop falling over, then. I will not hit you with my wing if you do not fall on it.
SHERANDRIS
You also don't need to be ascended to take a secondary profession - that's just to change it.
RAHAH
Will you stay out of this? You've never even played the game!
SHERANDRIS
Just saying.
CORALINE
Oh, right. Great. I hereby declare myself a necromancer. Just as soon as I figure out how to allot my traits to death magic, vast armies shall be mine!
ARSTEN
Traits?
RAHAH
It's a videogame.
ARSTEN
A what?
RAHAH
Something that hasn't been invented yet.
CORALINE
What, still? At this rate I'm going to die before they are!
KYRULE
Technically you already have.
CORALINE
Shut up.
== Deadlands ==
EXT. Boat deck; Deadlands
RAHAH
Hey guys! One of the probes hit a positive. Looks like a town.
VARDAMAN
A town?
KYRULE
Living?
RAHAH
Yeah, actually. Wanna check it out?
VARDAMAN
(standing up suddenly)
Yeeeeees!
(he composes himself)
I mean, yes. Let's.
Kyrule nods. A badger slides off a generator.
CORALINE
I'd certainly like to see life again.
RAHAH
Aiight.
(pointing into the black)
Thataway!
The boat turns accordingly in the direction she's pointing.
LATER:
They come to the place thing. Gliding along through some outlier abandoned buildings, air and stuff much lighter, and possibly breathable, though the shield is still up.
VARDAMAN
Hold on, quick question before we go any further.
(he looks toward the cabin, then back to the others)
Do we trust the badgers?
CORALINE
To do what?
VARDAMAN
Exactly.
Something about who will stay with the badgers...
----
EXT. Somewhere in town
Stuff. They're looking for somewhere non-broken for the folks to move.
RAHAH
(monotone voice)
Working...
Working...
VARDAMAN
Er...
He pokes her.
RAHAH
I'm doing a computer impersonation, here. Sod off!
KYRULE
All the resources of the Realms at your disposal, and you're still working?
RAHAH
You ever actually tried being a processor? Only so many instructions per second, young man.
Ah, got something. An Aureless world, generally uninhabited, got some holes, should be patchable.
(to Sinnec)
You'll have to do the bulk of that, I'm afriad.
SINNEC
What will be needed?
RAHAH
You're a creator, right? Create stuff, shove it in.
KYRULE
Really?
RAHAH
Yeah, since we'll be shoving this in the other way first, it should balance out and work.
I think.
SINNEC
You think.
RAHAH
Reasonably sure. Not entirely. Can't be with this. But there's guts and there's bongs and sometimes they align in a good feeling that says, yes, yes, this is the cabbage. Go east along the purple scent.
She gestures vaguely, then shrugs when the others give her weird looks.
SINNEC
(he starts laughing)
Out here, that sounds about right.
----
RAHAH
We've got to keep going.
VARDAMAN
Where are we going?
RAHAH
Forward and on! Until we find out!
VARDAMAN
That's inspiring. Really. I'm so inspired right now, why, I don't know what to do with myself.
Kyrule looks at him askance before deciding to ignore it.
KYRULE
Is there no method to our search?
RAHAH
No, not really. But given the nature of reality here - or the lack thereof - any plan would probably equate to random squiggles anyway.
VARDAMAN
So we just skipped right to the squiggles.
RAHAH
Precisely.
CORN
Inspiring.
----
EXT. Boat deck; deadlands
Rahah is alone standing watch and steering; the rest are below. Not a whole lot happens for a bit, then she looks around and frowns.
RAHAH
(consideringly)
Hovercraft.
With a gesture, she fills the hovercraft with eels, and happily looks over her her handiwork.
RAHAH
Wait, no, that... argh!
With another gesture, she hastily disposes of the eels, looking decidedly embarrassed.
Later someone finds an eel in their cereal.
----
CORALINE
I'm thinking Kralkatoric.
RAHAH
Zhaitan was cute.
CORALINE
Ey, don't tell me that. I'm not there yet. I shouldn't be getting spoilers!
RAHAH
How is it a spoiler that Zhaitan dies in the end? It was practically written on the box. Hells, it might have been written on the box for all I know.
CORALINE
Wasn't. I bought the box.
RAHAH
Oh. Well, they mentioned it in a press release or some such.
CORALINE
Probably on Facebook.
RAHAH
But I knew about it. How'd I have known if they'd said it there?
CORALINE
You fought him. Of course you knew.
RAHAH
Of course I fought him. It's a damn dungeon, isn't it?
CORALINE
And I'm not there yet.
RAHAH
Well... what about Jormag?
CORALINE
What's he look like?
RAHAH
I dunno, icey?
CORALINE
Never even seen him, have you?
RAHAH
What, and you've seen Kralkatoric?
CORALINE
Saw the Shatterer.
RAHAH
Well I saw Jormag's Claw. Thing even landed on my gal once.
A badger falls off the obelisk between them and they stop and stare at it for a bit.
RAHAH
Er... right.
Can we please not turn this into a videogame?
CORALINE
Why not? The Elder Dragons are about the right size, and it's definitely going to be a dragon. Too late for that.
RAHAH
Because this isn't a videogame? Also that's like copyright violation or something.
CORALINE
So?
-----
VARDAMAN
Why did it have to be a dragon? Why couldn't it be a bunny or something? A nice, cute little harmless bunny.
CORALINE
Have you ever fought a legendary bunny?
VARDAMAN
A what?
CORALINE
It would be just as tough and dangerous regardless of the mask we give it. This way there's no disconnect between what is seen and what is experienced.
Or something.
RAHAH
This way we avoid any resulting cognitive dissonance.
CORALINE
Sure.
----
Kerris and Rahah return from somewhere scouting.
RAHAH
Good news, everyone! It's a dragon.
SHERANDRIS
Excellent. Let's celebrate!
Sherandris pulls a giant tub of cheese puffs from his massive robe.
KERRIS
Gross.
CORALINE
(reaching toward the tub)
Gimme!
Sherandris removes the lid and holds it out to her while she grabs a handful.
VARDAMAN
(musing)
Now that's not a phrase I'd have expected before all this... a dragon as good news.
RAHAH
You need to get out more.
CORN
But we're already so far out there isn't anything left to be out.
RAHAH
Well, you know what they say.
CORALINE
Life is strange, and the alternatives are even stranger?
RAHAH
What, is this an alternative?
CORALINE
You're the dead girl.
RAHAH
You're more dead.
CORALINE
You died first.
RAHAH
You died longer.
CORALINE
No you.
RAHAH
No you.
CORALINE
You.
RAHAH
Your mom.
CORALINE
Your face.
VARDAMAN
I'm glad to see we're all grown-ups here.
----
CORN
Do you ever miss your home? The world where you're from?
CORALINE
Aye.
CORN
What do you miss the most about it?
CORALINE
Probably deodorant.
The gods gathered in the darkness, in the unnatural glow, in anticipation of the apocalypse.
Alyr there, the lady of temptation, goddess of cats, with spear at the ready...
Kyrule there, lord of death, keeper of souls, waiting, always waiting...
Nausica there, lord of the depths...
Eapherod saw them, and others, and smiled. Almost there. The plan, Coraline's plan, would soon come to pass.
Darkness swirled in the depths of the abyss in which they stood.
