Difference between revisions of "Holes/Session 47"

A fragment of the Garden of Remembering
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<pre>
<screenplay>
Apheori (GM): So Radek was talking to the wizardly adventurer, Rhu was being whatever you call it at Dawn, Gravy and Amadi were eating, and Greibel probably buggered off into some corner to smoke.
INT. Dorgin inn - day
Rhu: (to Dawn) Some kind of success ... maybe. I don't know. How do you even measure "success" when the fates of entire universes are at stake?
 
The Gravedigger: Four kinds!
The Gravedigger and Rhu are at the bar with breakfasts, with Dawn and Amadi between them.
Rhu: That's why you *need* a god, someone who can see broader than you and make sure that you're not just making one piece better by making another much, much worse.
 
Dawn: You eat it. You take it all up, you set it on fire, and you eat it.
RHU
Hah!
(to Dawn)
Ganelon: Better not be in the "No Toking" section of the bar or he's gonna get dragged off and I'm not defending him to the authorities.
Some kind of success... maybe. I don't know. How do you even measure "success" when the fates of entire universes are at stake?
Frezak (GM): Booo
 
Gravy would!
DAWN
Dawn: You don't need gods at all. It's the gods that need you, useless leeches that they are.
You eat it. You take it all up, you set it on fire, and you eat it.
Ganelon: Show me a prison that could hold Greibel and I might start to care.
 
Dawn: They'll lie, trick, and fabricate anything to get you to serve them, and what do you get back?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Four kinds!
 
RHU
That's why you ''need'' a god, someone who can see broader than you and make sure that you're not just making one piece better by making another much, much worse.
 
DAWN
Hah! You don't need gods at all. It's the gods that need you, useless leeches that they are. They'll lie, trick, and fabricate anything to get you to serve them, and what do you get back?
 
RHU
EXACTLY!
 
DAWN
(hesitantly, as though trying to think of something herself)
Sushi?
Sushi?
Amadi: Sushi!
 
Frezak (GM): It's the principle of the thing!
AMADI
Rhu: EXACTLY!
Sushi!
 
Amadi produces sushi.
Amadi produces sushi.
Apheori (GM): How many corrosive substances do you think he needs?
 
Er, has.
RHU
Not needs.
(to Dawn)
Ganelon: He can become pigeons.
Right. So. No more gods. Just us. Let's do this thing. Let's save the universe. -Es.
Apheori (GM): ...then again, perhaps he IS a corrosive substance.
 
Bear Soup Guy: Most of his substances probably serve multiple purposes
DAWN
Apheori (GM): And there's that.
Exactly!
Rhu: (to Dawn) Right. So. No more gods. Just us. Let's do this thing. Let's save the universe. -Es.
 
Dawn: Exactly!
Dawn snags and eats some sushi.
Dawn eats some sushi.
 
Frezak (GM): I once had a character specialised so that he could identify anything by taste.
AMADI
What meat are the sausages?
Don't eat moose.
If it's human...
 
NOT EVEN CANNIBALISM
 
Apheori (GM): Cerrissian moose, pigeon, chicken, pig.
Meanwhile Greibel has cornered an unsuspecting patron elsewhere in the inn, trapping the guy in a conversation about Greibel's plans to make scotch eggs.
Where cerrissian moose are like a cross between goats and bears. Except moosey.
 
And the bird one is both birds.
GREIBEL
And you've got two seasonings for the pig ones.
They seem pretty easy to make, and they sound utterly delicious. I do need to come up with a better coating, of course, something full of herbs, or some kind of ground up mushy tofu with seasonings, or... hmm...
Bear Soup Guy: that sounds delicious
 
Apheori (GM): ...I want sausage. >.<
UNSUSPECTING PATRON
Gaurav: I have sausage! And also germs.
(nodding)
Bear Soup Guy: I want Cerrisian moose soup
Yes.
Gaurav: Those pig sausages sound amazing.
 
Apheori (GM): YES.
GREIBEL
Bear Soup Guy: I need to buy sausage meat this week to make scotch eggs
(also nodding)
Apheori (GM): GOAT-BEAR-MOOSE SOUP.
That sounds lovely. Or... I haven't tried falafel but I imagine I'd enjoy it. Hmmm.
Bear Soup Guy: mmmmmm
This is my mission for the week.
Gaurav: Ooo, scotch eggs sound exciting. I must try that sometime.
 
Amadi: Don't eat moose.
The patron nods some more, looking a little disturbed.
Bear Soup Guy: they seem to be pretty easy to make
 
and they sound utterly delicious
GREIBEL
Apheori (GM): They do.
(suddenly becoming resolute)
If only I had any of the ingredients...
YOU CAN COAT THE EGG IN FALAFEL. IT'S GENIUS.
Bear Soup Guy: Just add everything I just said about scotch eggs to a conversation Greibel is having with an unsuspecting bar patron who is probably a bit trapped in the conversation
 
Except Greibel probably uses something besides meat for the coating
UNSUSPECTING PATRON
I wonder what you'd use for a vegetarian scotch egg
(very, very hesitantly)
some kind of ground up mushy tofu with seasonings?
And what... is falafel?
Apheori (GM): Curried tofu.
 
CURRIED TOFU.
GREIBEL
BRIGHT YELLOW TURMERICKY CURRIED TOFU.
CHICKPEAS!
Bear Soup Guy: that sounds lovely
 
Gaurav: If you like falafel, you could mince that up and maybe that'd work.
Greibel procures a handful of slightly lint-covered chickpeas from his pocket and hoists them at the patron.
Rhu -- having had his lack of faith in gods restored -- finishes his beer and wanders over to Radek and Gravy to see what they're up to.
 
Bear Soup Guy: I haven't tried falafel but I imagine I'd enjoy it
A couple of the chickpeas sprout fangs and giggle. The porridge leans over, almost like it's eyeing them. Hungrily.
Hmmm
 
Ganelon: You'll see in just a moment what Radek is up to.
GREIBEL
Apheori (GM): Um, should Rhu's lack of faith have any, erm, mechanical implications?
Eh? Eeeeeeeh?
Greibel: The guy looks disgusted.
 
Ganelon: 4E doesn't have rules for losing divine powers.
At this point the no longer very unsuspecting at all patron flees.
Apheori (GM): Huh.
 
Ganelon: So... your call.
The Gravedigger waves at Greibel.
Frezak (GM): Gravy is enthusiastically eating pancakes and sausages.
 
Bear Soup Guy: My god, it exists http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/falafel-scotch-eggs
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak (GM): Presumably a huge portion.
FOUR KINDS.
Bear Soup Guy: This is my mission for the week
 
Greibel: (to the guy) YOU CAN COAT THE EGG IN FALAFEL
Greibel waves back and walks over and offers the Gravedigger some fanged chickpeas.
IT'S GENIUS
 
Gaurav: Also, he's lost *faith* in the gods. He still believes that Hazz' exists and provides him powers and laughs at him when things suck and stuff.
The Gravedigger hands them to the nearest midget, who turns out to be Amadi.
If his being grumpy with Hazz' over the last week of in-game time hasn't caused his powers to stop working, I don't think his new-found certainty that gods are a waste of space is going to make things _worse_.
 
Dawn: (nodding) Gods are a waste of space.
DAWN
Drugs, on the other hand...
(to Gravy)
Innkeeper: NO. NO DRUGS.
You should get some for the road.
Innkeeper glares at Rhu.
 
Apheori (GM): Greibel: The guy very, very hesitantly asks you what falafel is.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Greibel: CHICKPEAS!
Inkeep! Sausages for the road!
Greibel procures a handful of slightly lint-covered chickpeas from his pocket and hoists them at the the guy
 
Rhu: (to Innkeeper) ... what?
Greibel: Eh? Eeeeeeeh?
Gaurav: Do we still have any fanged peas?
Bear Soup Guy: Greibel may have a couple mingling in his pockets still
Frezak (GM): I scan the room for Fanged Eggs.
The Weasel's Bane.
Apheori (GM): Griebel: A couple of the chickpeas sprout fangs and giggle. The porridge leans over, almost like it's eyeing them. Hungrily.
At this point the guy flees.
No fanged eggs. YET.
Frezak (GM): Gravy waves at Greibel.
Gaurav: I should confess that I genuinely forgot why the Innkeeper is glaring at Rhu until just now.
The Gravedigger: FOUR KINDS
Frezak (GM): Rhu was probably just being Rhu.
Probably told him his eyes were hairy or something.
Innkeeper: You mean to tell me you spent all night bouncing off walls mumbling nonsense and you don't even remember?
Dawn: (to Gravy) You should get some for the road.
Rhu looks around to see who the Innkeeper is talking to.
Rhu: ... me? I just got here. We slept at the guardhouse.
Greibel waves at Gravy and walks over to him
Greibel offers Gravy some fanged chickpeas
The Gravedigger: Inkeep! Sausages for the road!
The Gravedigger bangs his fist authoritatively on the table.
The Gravedigger bangs his fist authoritatively on the table.
Innkeeper: When you were here a few days back. You took those pills and then you just... lost it. You really don't remember.
 
Frezak (GM): Gravy takes the chickpeas graciously and just hands them to the nearest midget.
INNKEEPER
Innkeeper: (to Rhu)
(yelling toward the kitchen)
(yelling toward the kitchen) Joeh, bundle up some sausages for a guy, will you?
Joeh, bundle up some sausages for a guy, will you?
Apheori (GM): There's some sort of muffled confirmation from the kitchen, and something clangs.
 
Amadi, I think you're the nearest midget.
There's a sort of muffled confirmation from the kitchen, and something clangs.
Radek babbles on at his newfound colleague.
 
Radek: You see, something fundamental has been missing from each of these environments, as I have observed from its absence, which destabilizes their underlying transdimensional arcane lattices in such a way as to seem almost undetectable... until certain conditions are met. When a spell is cast in such an environment and its current is misapplied during the seventh alignment - obviously those designs which ignore the seventh are unaffected, though other failed configurations may cause problems depending on the severity of the destabilization - holes in /reality itself/ are opened by the escaping energy, connecting the affected dimensions in undesirable and often destructive ways. Now, I have managed to synthesize a functional equivalent to this "reality" which, applied correctly, can undo the damage, but so far this is scarcely more than treating the symptoms rather than the disease, as it were. If a solution cannot be found, I have reason to believe these destabilizations will only worsen, potentially until even spellcraft performed safely and /correctly/ will risk causing damage of this nature.
DAWN
Ganelon: There you go, guys.
(nodding to herself)
Apheori (GM): Oooo.
Gods are a waste of space. Drugs, on the other hand...
Gaurav: o.0
 
Apheori (GM): Roll arcana so I have an idea what his DC should be, please.
The innkeeper spins around.
Radek:
 
rolling 1d20+16 Arcana
INNKEEPER
(
(looking pointedly at Rhu)
19
NO. NO DRUGS.
)
 
+16
RHU
=
(to the innkeeper)
35
...what?
...What do you think?
 
Ganelon: HA HA HA HA HA
INNKEEPER
Apheori (GM): Oooo.
You mean to tell me you spent all night bouncing off walls mumbling nonsense and you don't even remember?
27... he understands. You well-explainy-person.
 
Lessee...
RHU
Bear Soup Guy: Groovy
(after looking around to see who the innkeeper is talking to)
Apheori (GM): ...now do I understand?
...me? I just got here. We slept at the guardhouse.
Ganelon: Let me make it simple for you.
 
Go look at my journal page.
INNKEEPER
"Regarding Gravy talking about planar dissonance"
When you were here a few days back. You took those pills and then you just... lost it.
Apheori (GM): Naw, I just need to add paragraphing somewhere with a better font. >.>
(skeptically)
I have text block issues, probably a defense mechanism developed due to dealing with wikipedians.
You really don't remember.
Amadi stuffs some of the chickpeas into her pockets and sticks the remaining two onto her index fingers and have a puppet theatre with them.
 
Rhu is rambling something about George and the Wizard's Tower and the cave and blindness, but you can see in his eyes that he's piecing things together.
 
Apheori (GM): Rhu: Could you actually ramble it, by any chance?
At the adventures' table, Radek babbles on at his newfound colleague. ''(rolled 35 arcana)''
Frezak (GM): All I can see in Rhu's eyes are vengeful bees.
 
Ganelon: Yes, ramble it.
RADEK
Just like me.
You see, something fundamental has been missing from each of these environments, as I have observed from its absence, which destabilizes their underlying transdimensional arcane lattices in such a way as to seem almost undetectable... until certain conditions are met. When a spell is cast in such an environment and its current is misapplied during the seventh alignment - obviously those designs which ignore the seventh are unaffected, though other failed configurations may cause problems depending on the severity of the destabilization - holes in ''reality itself'' are opened by the escaping energy, connecting the affected dimensions in undesirable and often destructive ways.  
Wizardly adventurer: Missing...
Now, I have managed to synthesize a functional equivalent to this "reality" which, applied correctly, can undo the damage, but so far this is scarcely more than treating the symptoms rather than the disease, as it were.  
Gaurav rolls eyes.
If a solution cannot be found, I have reason to believe these destabilizations will only worsen, potentially until even spellcraft performed safely and ''correctly'' will risk causing damage of this nature.
Ganelon: Also, is he rambling it at us wizardly folk?
 
Gaurav: Nope, just at the innkeeper.
The wizardly adventurer's brow furrows. ''(rolled 27 arcana)''
Ganelon: Ah, okay.
 
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
Missing...
(he frowns, considering)
Planar environements can't support that. Either they are there or there not; trying to patch them with either external or internal measures would result in a corruption in the magic same as the underlying destabilisation itself. If what you're saying is true, the entire thing could fall apart at any moment...?
 
The wizardly adventurer starts to look worried, like something is dawning on him.
 
RADEK
Oh, I expect the process will be quite gradual. A slow acceleration towards complete anarchy, at worst, of which we are presently in the early stages of.
Your statement about planar environments, however, is demonstrably untrue. Try to find one of these "holes", if you can convince your minions to follow you there, and see for yourself. The environments of which you speak have... thinned out, I suppose you could say.
 
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
According to distrophy theory, that should be normal, but we wouldn't even feel the effects. What you're describing are real, physical manifestations of a far more advanced degredation, where entire planes would be blinking out of existence.
How can you know that isn't happening? If the entire world is gone, how do you measure the change?
 
Next to him, the elven adventurer nudges him in amusement.
 
ELVEN ADVENTURER
Minions, eh?
(to Radek)
You talking about the rifts?
 
RADEK
Well, depending on the scope of this phenomenon-
 
Radek pauses for a moment at the mention of "rifts" and looks over at the other adventurer. It's evident from his face alone that he doesn't believe he's addressing an intellectual equal.
 
RADEK
...Yes, we are.
 
The elven adventurer doesn't exactly look pleased at how Radek addressed her, but decides to ignore it for now.
 
ELVEN ADVENTURER
(to the wizardly adventurer)
What do you say? Wanna check that out? Throw in the impudent?
 
'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): Man, did I just become a questgiver to a bunch of NPC adventurers?
 
ORCAN ADVENTURER
(still petting the flaming kitten)
Throw.
 
RADEK
(he smirks at her)
Threaten me all you like. I've traversed these 'rifts' unscathed.
 
The elven adventurer gives Radek a rather condescending look of her own, and then just sort of completely loses interest in him.
 
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
(to Radek)
Thinned, is it? And where the lattice is just gone, that is a rift?
 
RADEK
In so many words, yes.
 
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
So what's to stop it from continuing to unravel? If that's so, why... are we even still here?
 
RADEK
An answer I am still contemplating, I'm afraid.
 
 
The Gravedigger nods sagely.
The Gravedigger nods sagely.
The Gravedigger: Four kinds.
 
Frezak (GM): Oh, you know Leomund's Chest?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Ganelon: I do now.
Four kinds.
Frezak (GM): Hmm.
 
Ganelon: It was a recent addition.
RHU
Rhu: Nah, you've got me confused with someone else. Definitely. We haven't been here since before I -- there was the blindness thing, and that ... so ... but before that ... George, right, and ... but that was ... back then ...
(to the innkeeper)
... that was just sandwiches.
Nah, you've got me confused with someone else. Definitely. We haven't been here since before I - there was the blindness thing, and that... so... but before that... George, right, and... but that was... back then...
The Gravedigger: We need to find whoever made the magic here.
...that was just sandwiches.
Rhu narrows his eyes at the innkeeper.
(he narrows his eyes at the innkeeper)
The Gravedigger: Midgets?
When ''exactly'' was this?
Rhu: When EXACTLY was this?
 
The Gravedigger: Who makes magic?
INNKEEPER
Wizardly adventurer: Planar environements can't support that. Either they are there or there not; trying to patch them with either external or internal measures would result in a corruption in the magic same as the underlying destabilisation itself. If what you're saying is true, the entire thing could fall apart at any moment...?
Five nights ago. You had a real trip, too.
Apheori (GM): I need to go count up exactly when it was.
 
Dawn: What magic?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
The Gravedigger: The magic that makes holes.
We need to find whoever made the magic here.
These are magic holes.
Midgets? Who makes magic?
made with magic.
 
So we find whoever makes magic.
DAWN
And get them to withdraw their clearly defective product.
What magic?
Amadi wiggles a pea at Gravy and says in a squeaky pea-voice,
 
Amadi: It wasn't me, I swear! I'm innocent! I'm innocent! Please don't eeeeeat meeeee!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Innkeeper: Five nights ago. You had a real trip, too.
The magic that makes holes. These are magic holes. Made with magic. So we find whoever makes magic. And get them to withdraw their clearly defective product.
Ganelon: If Radek were paying attention to Gravy, he'd be scowling so hard right now.
 
Dawn: (to Amadi) Are you sure? Are you really, absolutely sure?
Amadi wiggles a pea at Gravy.
 
AMADI
(in a squeaky pea-voice)
It wasn't me, I swear! I'm innocent! I'm innocent! Please don't eeeeeat meeeee!
 
DAWN
(to Amadi)
Are you sure? Are you really, absolutely sure?
 
Dawn waggles her fingers menacingly.
Dawn waggles her fingers menacingly.
Rhu looks confusedly at the innkeeper, then at Amadi, then back at the innkeeper.
Rhu looks confusedly at the innkeeper, then at Amadi, then back at the innkeeper.
Rhu: (to Amadi) You remember this, right? You rescued me from ... somewhere?
 
You grinned a lot and dragged me back here.
RHU
(To Ellemerr): I love nightmares. So... maleable.
(to Amadi)
Ganelon: So to clarify what this wizard said...
You remember this, right? You rescued me from... somewhere? You grinned a lot and dragged me back here.
Amadi waggles her other pea and booms in a deep, maniacal pea-voice,
 
Amadi: It was I! I did it, and I am proud that I did it! And I would do it again! You all had it coming, and you deserve every bit of it! Muahahahaha!
Amadi waggles her other pea and booms:
Ganelon: 1. Planar environments can't support what?
 
2. Radek's bandaid fix of "make more reality" is just that?
AMADI
The Gravedigger: Aha!
(in a deep, maniacal pea-voice)
Problem solved!
It was I! I did it, and I am proud that I did it! And I would do it again! You all had it coming, and you deserve every bit of it! Muahahahaha!
Help us, Mr. Pea.
 
The Gravedigger kneels in front of Amadi's chickpea fingerpuppet
THE GRAVEDIGGER
The Gravedigger: Save us!
Aha! Problem solved! Help us, Mr. Pea.
(to dave) isn't it usuall a god that does magic for a place?
 
Apheori (GM): He seems to be getting at something in the nature of the planes where they can't support the sort of... thinness behind the holes. They're either there or not. Though you've found that to not be the case at least here, so he might be referring to other planes, or not know what he's talking about, or something else entirely.
The Gravedigger kneels in front of Amadi's chickpea fingerpuppet.
And yeah, he seems to think that.
 
He also looks pretty worried, like something is dawning on him.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Rhu opts to ignore Amadi for the moment.
Save us!
Rhu: (to Innkeeper) So ... it looked like I was having an acid trip in here? After I ate some pills?
(to Dawn)
I don't remember eating any pills. I ate a sandwich, and I think I tried to get a beer. But a mask was involved, so ...
Isn't it usually a god that does magic for a place?
 
Amadi looks a little worried at Gravy and says in her normal voice,
Amadi looks a little worried at Gravy and says in her normal voice,
Amadi: I'm not sure she can. I think that's what you're for.
 
Dawn: Well, it can be. Really depends on the god. And the magic.
AMADI
And the place.
I'm not sure she can. I think that's what you're for.
I mean, what are gods? Is the universe, if it develops sentience, a god?
 
Radek: Oh, I expect the process will be quite gradual. A slow acceleration towards complete anarchy, at worst, of which we are presently in the early stages of.
DAWN
Well, it can be. Really depends on the god. And the magic. And the place. I mean, what are gods? Is the universe, if it develops sentience, a god?
 
Dawn suddenly looks terrified for a moment and glances at Amadi.
Dawn suddenly looks terrified for a moment and glances at Amadi.
Dawn: Meep.
 
Innkeeper: I don't know about acid, but you were definitely tripping something.
DAWN
Meep.
 
Amadi is oblivious to this look, as she has decided to eat the two peas and is happily playing out their "Please don't eat me"s and "I shall have my vengeance, fool!"s with great glee.
Amadi is oblivious to this look, as she has decided to eat the two peas and is happily playing out their "Please don't eat me"s and "I shall have my vengeance, fool!"s with great glee.
Innkeeper: Whatever he gave you.
 
Innkeeper indicates Greibel.
Dawn sort of hides behind Amadi, clinging to her sleeve a little.
Rhu looks at Greibel.
 
Bear Soup Guy: Throw in a little "Curse you sudden but inevitable betrayal"
Rhu opts to ignore Amadi for the moment.
Dawn: You're for.
 
Ellemerr: Of course! :D
RHU
Dawn: ?
(to the innkeeper)
Ellemerr: Who is Dawn saying that at?
So... it looked like I was having an acid trip in here? After I ate some pills?
Apheori (GM): Um...
I don't remember eating any pills. I ate a sandwich, and I think I tried to get a beer. But a mask was involved, so...
Gravy!
 
While trying to hide behind Amadi.
INNKEEPER
Clinging to her sleeve a little.
I don't know about acid, but you were definitely tripping something.
Rhu: (to Greibel) Did you give me something? That night, when ... with George? Before the cave?
(he indicates Greibel)
Radek: Your statement about planar environments, however, is demonstrably untrue. Try to find one of these "holes", if you can convince your minions to follow you there, and see for yourself. The environments of which you speak have... thinned out, I suppose you could say.
Whatever he gave you.
Greibel shrugs
 
Greibel: You guys are always asking me for drugs. You take a pill, I take a pill, I forget, we have cake.
RHU
Wizardly adventurer: According to distrophy theory that should be normal, but we wouldn't even feel the effects. What you're describing are real, physical manifestations of a far more advanced degredation, where entire planes would be blinking out of existence.
(to Greibel)
How can you know that isn't happening? If the entire world is gone, how do measure the change?
Did you give me something? That night, when... with George? Before the cave?
Rhu: (to Greibel) What sort of pill was it? Could it have made me feel ... like I was crawling through an elf-sized intestine?
 
Adventurer: Minions, eh?
GREIBEL
You talking about the rifts?
(he shrugs)
Greibel: Heh, heh.
You guys are always asking me for drugs. You take a pill, I take a pill, I forget, we have cake.
The Gravedigger: Hmmmm.
 
RHU
What sort of pill was it? Could it have made me feel... like I was crawling through an elf-sized intestine?
 
DAWN
(around Amadi, to Gravy)
You're for?
 
GREIBEL
Heh, heh.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hmmmm.
 
The porridge jiggles and eats chickpeas.
The porridge jiggles and eats chickpeas.
Greibel: Yeah, that's a definite possibility.
 
Oh man, good times.
GREIBEL
Rhu: Huh.
Yeah, that's a definite possibility. Oh man, good times.
Radek: Well, depending on the scope of this phenomenon-
 
Radek pauses for a moment at the mention of "rifts" and looks over at the other adventurer. It's evident from his face alone that he doesn't believe he's addressing an intellectual equal.
RHU
Radek: ...Yes, we are.
Huh.
Ganelon: Sorry, nameless adventurer. Gotta be cantankerous whenever the opportunity arises.
(to the innkeeper)
Rhu: (to Innkeeper) So I was tripping ... here? In this inn?
So I was tripping... here? In this inn? I'm really sorry, if I had any idea that's what the pill would do... I was blind at the time, and seeing everything hairy, and there was this mask ...
I'm really sorry, if I had any idea that's what the pill would do ... I was blind at the time, and seeing everything hairy, and there was this mask ...
 
Innkeeper: Until we finally just threw you out, yes.
INNKEEPER
Adventurer: (nudging the wizardly one) What do you say? Wanna check that out?
Until we finally just threw you out, yes.
Rhu: Oh. Um. Did I break anything?
 
Frezak (GM): Gravy scoff at the nothing.
RHU
Puny Avenger arms!
Oh. Um. Did I break anything?
Ganelon: Man, did I just become a questgiver to a bunch of NPC adventurers?
 
Adventurer: Throw in the impudent?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak (GM): THe only thing you could break is a sweat!
Wait, am I supposed to be a god?
Adventurer doesn't look particularly pleased at Radek's addressment.
(he waggles his hands over Amadi)
Orcan adventurer: Throw.
Graves, graves, graves, blessed! Howzzat? Feel tingly?
Wizardly adventurer is still petting the Kitten.
 
Orcan adventurer: (this guy, I mean)
AMADI
Orcan adventurer is still petting the Kitten.
Always.
Ellemerr: Kitten is still on fire and probably purring like a... fire. Yeah.
 
Radek smirks.
DAWN
Radek: Threaten me all you like. I've traversed these "rifts" unscathed.
Never.
Wizardly adventurer: (to Radek) Thinned, is it? And where the lattice is just gone, that is a rift?
 
Frezak (GM): Incidentally, this is how Gravy carries Amadi when I say 'equip'
THE GRAVEDIGGER
http://hw1.pa-cdn.com/camp/assets/img/katie/comics/140_stage_direction2.jpg
So on average...
Ganelon: DM, is that accurate?
Apheori (GM): Heheh.
Ganelon: I don't entirely know what my own character is talking about.
Apheori (GM): Uh...
Gaurav: Hee.
Apheori (GM): Sort of.
I mean, you got from Sarathi fine.
Mostly.
Ganelon: UNSCATHED
AS FAR AS /THEY/ KNOW.
Apheori (GM): And that time you made a hole in subspace and nearly destroyed everything... well, sure, I don't suppose you took any physical damage, at least.
...sure?
Frezak (GM): No-one we know died!
Ganelon: Hey, I fixed it from the inside!
Frezak (GM): Or was horribly mutilated!
Apheori (GM): Except the giant.
Radek: (To the wizard) In so many words, yes.
Frezak (GM): I don't remember any giants!
Gaurav: The one the arch fell on.
Frezak (GM): Nope.
No-one we know!
Wizardly adventurer: So what's to stop it from continuing to unravel? Why... are we even still here?
Frezak (GM): We're heroes!
The Gravedigger: Wait, am I supposed to be a god?
The Gravedigger waggles hands over Amadi
The Gravedigger: Graves, graves, graves, blessed!
Howzzat? Feel tingly?
Ganelon: Do... I even have an answer to that question?
Amadi: Always.
Apheori (GM): Uh...
Frezak (GM): Radek always has an answer!
Apheori (GM): Nope!
Dawn: Never.
The Gravedigger: So on average...
Doing good!
Doing good!
The Gravedigger practises blessing things.
 
Radek: An answer I am still contemplating, I'm afraid.
The Gravedigger practises blessing things. He waggles hands over Greibel's bong and mutters grave measurements under his breath.
Apheori (GM): XD
 
Radek: Tell me, have you heard of Sarathi?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Wizardly adventurer: Was that that...
I pronounce this Bong to be Friend Of Graves. Take drugs with my blessing.
The Gravedigger waggles hands over Greibel's bong and mutters grave measurements under his breath.
 
The Gravedigger: I pronounce this Bong to be Friend Of Graves.
The bong glows.
Adventurer: That was Serida.
 
The Gravedigger: Take drugs with my blessing.
A moment later, Amadi glows too.
Wizardly adventurer: Oh.
 
No.
Greibel raises an eyebrow.
Apheori (GM): The bong glows.
 
...a moment later, Amadi glows too.
AMADI
Frezak (GM): Gravy is unsurprised because that is what blessings do.
Shiny!
He'll roll up his sleeves and look for converts.
 
Greibel raises an eyebrow
The cook comes over and hands the Gravedigger a package of sausages.
Wizardly adventurer: Can't say I have.
 
Amadi: Shiny!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak (GM): Go to some random peasant and tell them about the wonderful religion that involves burying people.
(to Amadi)
Disciples!
Pay them for me.
The Gravedigger: -and always have a trowel. now, to measure someone by eye-
 
Radek: Sarathi may no longer exist. When my...
The Gravedigger rolls up his sleeves and goes to look for converts.
Radek glances at his own party.
 
Radek: .../Research team/, arrived, the destabilizing effects of the rifts were no longer localized.
Amadi pays the innkeep in dancing, golden fleas.
Wizardly adventurer: GravyL You have two locals, the innkeeper, some adventurers, and a very groggy cook giving you a package of sausages to choose from.
 
ooc
INNKEEPER
Frezak (GM): Gravy turns his head 180° degrees when Radek glances back and waves.
Um. Do you have any... more standard currency?
Apheori (GM): Gravy:
 
Ganelon: He can do that?
AMADI
Frezak (GM): Yeah.
Yes, but you don't want them.
Apheori (GM): Heee, research team.
 
Frezak (GM): As part of my eagle Eye power I can rotate my head like an owl.
INNKEEPER
Gaurav: You must be very popular at parties.
I'm reasonably sure I do. Even if you are glowing and possibly...
Frezak (GM): I'll take the most delicious sausages and tell Amadi to pay the inkeep while I go convert the locals.
 
Radek: Unfortunately, incompetence and the planar phenomena occurring in the area stymied my efforts. The discoveries I have made since have only been in more controlled environments.
The innkeeper suddenly stops, staring at her, and just takes the fleas and backs away.
Amadi pays the inkeep in dancing, golden fleas.
 
The Gravedigger: -never ask anyone about their health because they'll think you're drumming for business-
 
Wizardly adventurer: Discrete rifts may account for a lack of anomalies on this side, but it may also be a matter of which planes...
RADEK
Apheori (GM): Gravy: So you're talking to the villager that Greibel didn't corner before. The one he did takes one look at you and leaves.
(to the wizardly adventurer)
Innkeeper: (to Amadi) Um.
Tell me, have you heard of Sarathi?
Do you have any... more standard currency?
 
Frezak (GM): I imagine Amadi beaming like a small child as she hands the guy this handful of gilded bugs.
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
Amadi: Yes, but you don't want them.
Was that that...
Innkeeper: I'm reasonably sure I do.
 
Even if you are glowing and possibly...
ELVEN ADVENTURER
Innkeeper suddenly stop and just takes the fleas and backs away.
(she rolls her eyes)
Innkeeper: stops*
That was Serida.
Apheori (GM): Gravy: As you talk to the guy about graves and stuff, he nods, staring at you intently. He seems a bit frightened, but you know, in your liver, that he is yoooours.
 
Ganelon: Trust your liver, Gravy.
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
The Gravedigger: -and always trust your liver-
Oh.
Radek: Hrrm...
(to Radek)
Radek takes out his tablet and begins to record the other wizard's speculations.
No. Can't say I have.
Radek: ...I don't suppose you have one of these, do you?
 
Wizardly adventurer: (he frowns) I have notes.
RADEK
Wizardly adventurer pulls out a disturbingly ornate notebook.
Sarathi may no longer exist. When my...
Apheori (GM): Complete with gold and silver inlays and a skull.
(he glances at his own party)
Ganelon: Fancy.
...''Research team'' arrived, the destabilizing effects of the rifts were no longer localized.
But ANTIQUATED.
 
Apheori (GM): He flips to a page in the middle. It starts out blank, but words form on it as he traces a finger over it.
The Gravedigger turns his head 180° degrees when Radek glances back, and waves.
Radek: Here.
 
RADEK
Unfortunately, incompetence and the planar phenomena occurring in the area stymied my efforts. The discoveries I have made since have only been in more controlled environments.
 
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
Discrete rifts may account for a lack of anomalies on this side, but it may also be a matter of which planes...
 
 
The Gravedigger corners another unsuspecting patron and tells him about the wonderful religion that involves burying people.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
...and always have a trowel. now, to measure someone by eye...
 
ANOTHER UNSUSPECTING PATRON
By eye?
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
...never ask anyone about their health because they'll think you're drumming for business...
 
As the Gravedigger continues, the unsuspecting patron nods, staring at him intently. He seems a bit frightened, but the Gravedigger knows, in his liver, that the patron is hiiiis.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
...and always trust your liver...
 
 
RADEK
Hrrm...
 
Radek takes out his tablet and begins to record the wizardly adventurer's speculations.
 
RADEK
...I don't suppose you have one of these, do you?
 
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
(he nods)
I have notes.
 
The wizardly adventurer pulls out a disturbingly ornate notebook, complete with gold and silver inlays and a skull. He flips to a page in the middle. It starts out blank, but words form on it as he traces a finger over it.
 
RADEK
Here.
 
Radek turns his tablet around and brings up the start of a lengthy display on his hole-related findings.
Radek turns his tablet around and brings up the start of a lengthy display on his hole-related findings.
Ganelon: Good thing I took all this down!
 
In-character.
The wizardly adventurer taps it and adds everything to his journal, exactly as displayed. Then he starts actually reading it.
OOC I have... fragments.
 
There's probably stuff in there about how he opened a hole inside an extradimensional space and then repaired it from the inside.
GREIBEL
Apheori (GM): He taps it and adds everything to his journal, exactly as displayed.
(from the bar)
Then he starts actually reading it.
Ooo-hooo, wizard fight!
Greibel: Ooo-hooo, wizard fight!
 
Ganelon: They're not playing chess, Greibel!
As he reads, the wizard's face goes through a variety of expressions - first normal, then confusion, then disbelief, more confusion, horror, incredulity, then disgust. ''(rolled 12 arcana)''
Gaurav: "Dear Diary, today I almost destroyed the universe! It all started with a brilliant plan to create a Hole inside a pocket universe temporarily filled with dragons ..."
 
Ganelon: ...I could see someone intruding upon two old men playing chess in the park and shouting "Wizard fight!", though.
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
I guess the real deal is more impressive.
Oh, clever. You almost had me, but this is just ridiculous.
Apheori (GM): The wizard's face goes through a whole variety of expressions - first normal, then confusion, then disbelief, more confusion, horror, incredulity, then disgust.
 
...he rolled a 2. He doesn't believe you.
RADEK
Ganelon: Disgust? At /moi/?
(deadly serious)
Frezak (GM): He just shouts "FOUR KINDS??!!"
...Excuse me?
Apheori (GM): He thinks you're making this up.
 
Wizardly adventurer: Oh, clever. You almost had me, but this is just ridiculous.
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
Radek: ...Excuse me?
What you describe is impossible. That can't have happened, and the laws of magic do not allow for this.
Radek is deadly serious.
Wizardly adventurer: What you describe is impossible. That can't have happened, and the laws of magic do not allow for this.
This... fabrication.
This... fabrication.
The Gravedigger: The LAW? The law is a.. human institution.
 
Frezak (GM): Because O'Brother references.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(from across the room)
The LAW? The law is a.. human institution.
 
Radek sputters.
Radek sputters.
Radek: F-fabrication!?
 
Apheori (GM): The adventurer next to him raises an eyebrow, suddenly looking much more interested.
RADEK
Wizardly adventurer: This.
F-fabrication!?
Wizardly adventurer pushes Radek's tablet back toward Radek.
 
Amadi comes over, sitting down on the adventurers' table and looking intently at the Wizardly one.
The elven adventurer next to him raises an eyebrow, suddenly looking much more interested.
Rhu caves and orders a plate of sausages.
 
Amadi comes over, sitting down on the adventurers' table and looking intently at the wizardly one.
 
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
This.
 
The wizardly adventurer pushes the tablet back toward Radek.
 
Radek rises to his knobbly old man feet and swipes the tablet back into his arms.
Radek rises to his knobbly old man feet and swipes the tablet back into his arms.
Radek: How dare you suggest I would simply /invent/ such a thing for... what, my own amusement?
 
RADEK
How dare you suggest I would simply ''invent'' such a thing for... what, my own amusement?
This is no childish prank, fool!
This is no childish prank, fool!
Ganelon: Names, if I may ask a rather important question...
 
How easy would it be to create a Hole?
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
Not /here/, necessarily, but you know. Somewhere.
Even if you're serious, it just doesn't add up. Revisit your conclusions, and you'll see.
Wizardly adventurer: I'm sorry, even if you're serious, it just doesn't add up. Revisit your conclusions, and you'll see.
 
Apheori (GM): Uh...
 
The Gravedigger: -and help the weak! Incidentally, I have to go support my grump. You may observe."
Meanwhile, at the bar, Rhu caves and orders a plate of sausages.
Apheori (GM): You probably could repeat it.
 
What you did in the pocket dimension.
 
Frezak (GM) plods over to stand behind Radek.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(to the unsuspecting patron)
...and help the weak! Incidentally, I have to go support my grump. You may observe.
 
The Gravedigger plods over to stand behind Radek.
The Gravedigger plods over to stand behind Radek.
The Gravedigger: Hello!
 
COuldn't help but overhear you disbeleivin' Grumps here.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'll have you know he's a very smart man.
(beaming helpfully)
Wizardly adventurer tries to lean away, but he's a bit surrounded at this point.
Hello! COuldn't help but overhear you disbeleivin' Grumps here. I'll have you know he's a very smart man.
Apheori (GM): A couple of the other adventurers get up.
 
Another falls over and yawns hugely.
The wizardly adventurer tries to lean away from the Gravedigger, but he's a bit surrounded at this point.
Frezak (GM): Gravy is beaming helpfully.
 
Radek: ...No.
A couple of the other adventurers get up, though the one in the loincloth falls over and yawns hugely.
I will /show/ you.
 
Apheori (GM): Oh gods.
RADEK
The Gravedigger: No you won't!
...No. I will ''show'' you.
The Gravedigger picks up Radek
 
Dawn: Um, that that that... please don't do that.
DAWN
The Gravedigger marches off with Radek.
(getting up and pointing frantically)
The Gravedigger: PLeasure meeting you!
Um, that that that... please don't do that!
Frezak (GM): We can roll off if you want, gan.
 
Dawn: (to the adventurers) You guys just check it out, okay?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak (GM): PVP and all that.
No you won't!
Dawn runs after Gravy.
 
Radek: Put me down, you oaf! This... this /upstart/ thinks he can insult my research and you're taking HIS SIDE!?
The Gravedigger picks up Radek and marches off with him.
Apheori (GM): The adventurer who fell over and gets up looking around, wondering what he missed.
 
Wizardly adventurer: Um, yes, er, we'll do that...
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Wizardly adventurer hastily gets up and backs away.
(over his shoulder to the adventurers)
The Gravedigger: I'm ensuring a peaceful dialogue that does not result in tearing apart spacetime!
Pleasure meeting you!
Radek: I can repair the damage! I've done it twice before!
 
Frezak (GM): I want to... bore him to sleep.
RADEK
With technical grave-talk.
Put me down, you oaf! This... this ''upstart'' thinks he can insult my research and you're taking HIS SIDE!?
Ganelon: "Sleep"?
 
GOOD LUCK.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak (GM): I'm a god, I can do whatever I want.
I'm ensuring a peaceful dialogue that does not result in tearing apart spacetime!
Otherwise I'm dumping you in a pocket universe until you cool down.
 
Amadi looks over the Wizardly guy's shoulder at his notebook. Then she points out a line to him.
RADEK
Amadi: See there? That's where you're right. It doesn't make sense.
I can repair the damage! I've done it twice before!
But that doesn't mean Radek is wrong. He's not. If you believe he is... Well. You're in a spot of danger, eh.
(shouting as he's carried off)
You'll see! When your reality is reduced to nothing but scattered threads, the man who repairs it all will be Radek J. Fulvius! Cling to your so-called "laws" and see how well they protect you when the time finally comes, fool!
 
'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): I want to... bore him to sleep. With technical grave-talk.
 
'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): "Sleep"? GOOD LUCK.
 
'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): I'm a god, I can do whatever I want.
 
The Gravedigger carries Radek outside.
 
DAWN
(to the adventurers)
You guys just check it out, okay?
 
Dawn runs after the Gravedigger and Radek.
 
Rhu shoves the last of the sausage into his mouth, leaves some money to pay for his meal, and heads outside after them as well.
 
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
Um, yes, er, we'll do that...
 
Amadi looks over the wizardly guy's shoulder at his notebook. Then she points out a line to him.
 
AMADI
See there? That's where you're right. It doesn't make sense. But that doesn't mean Radek is wrong. He's not. If you believe he is... Well. You're in a spot of danger, eh.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Amadi jumps off the table, grins at the adventurers, and finds Greibel.
 
Wizardly adventurer: Eh?
Amadi jumps off the table, grins at the adventurers, and goes back to find Greibel.
Wizardly adventurer looks at the spot, which is a completely different spot than he'd even noticed before, and then stares after Amadi.
 
Ellemerr: I'm not even sure where Greibel is right now. Sorry.
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
Apheori (GM): Neither am I.
Eh?
Just drag him from the bar.
 
Rhu's eating sausages there too.
He looks at the spot, which is a completely different spot than he'd even noticed before, and then stares after Amadi.
Gaurav: They are delicious.
 
Apheori (GM): Where are Gravy and Radek?
The adventurer who fell over gets up, looking around, wondering what he missed.
And would you like to roll... boredomeness?
 
Frezak (GM): I'm just outside.
 
Apheori (GM): With something... applicable, whatever that would be.
EXT. Dorgin street - day
Frezak (GM): I'm going to say...
 
Int skill, proficiency, Vs Will?
Radek stops shouting when they get outside.
Bear Soup Guy: Greibel's just been wandering around within the close vicinity of everybody else
 
Radek shouts as he's carried off.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Radek: You'll see! When your reality is reduced to nothing but scattered threads, the man who repairs it all will be Radek J. Fulvius! Cling to your so-called "laws" and see how well they protect you when the time finally comes, fool!
(his tone turns deadly serious)
Frezak (GM):
Okay, now calm down or I'll ask one of the godshards to calm you down, understand?
rolling 1D20+4+5
 
(
RADEK
17
If that ignorant child requires a demonstration, it is well within my capabilities to provide one.
)
 
+4+5
THE GRAVEDIGGER
=
Zip it. We're here to fix this problem, not just replicated it because of your damn ego.
26
You talk about disrupting reality like that over such a petty matter and you're going into a hole, comprende?
Bear Soup Guy: As Amadi approaches he starts screaming about falafel scotch eggs
 
Frezak (GM): Vs Will
RADEK
Rhu shoves the last of the sausage into his mouth, leaves some money from the wizard tower to pay for his meal, and then heads outside to where Gravy and Radek are.
Good!
Ganelon: Well his Will is 19.
 
Amadi joins in the screaming.
At this point Dawn and Rhu come out as well.
Frezak (GM): It's basically using intimidation rules on a different stat set.
 
I just want radek to sleep or at least just zone out blankly.
RADEK
Ganelon: Except there's no rules for intimidating PCs.
I needed a new testing environment, anyways!
Greibel: Listen, I know those TARDIS pockets of yours are always turning up useful things. Do you happen to have a frying pan, oil, and the ingredients for such a dish?
 
Ganelon: Anyway, carry him far enough away and he'll at least stop shouting.
 
The Gravedigger 's tone turns deadly serious.
INT. Dorgin inn - day
The Gravedigger: Okay, now calm down or i'll ask one of the godshards to calm you down, understand?
 
Frezak (GM): Presumably it's just Gravy and Radek right now.
As Amadi approaches, Greibel starts screaming about falafel scotch eggs.
Apheori (GM): They're outside now, Dawn ran after.
 
Rhu'll catch up in a moment too.
Amadi joins in the screaming before they finally both just stop.
Amadi and Greibel are... uh... doing stuff inside.
 
Amadi: Er... I have...
GREIBEL
Amadi drags up a really tiny frying pan, some swedish meat balls, a faberge egg, and scotch whiskey in a fancy hip flask.
Listen, I know those TARDIS pockets of yours are always turning up useful things. Do you happen to have a frying pan, oil, and the ingredients for such a dish?
Radek: If that ignorant child requires a demonstration, it is well within my capabilities to provide one.
 
Ganelon: Names, if I might ask, how ironclad are these "laws" of magic?
AMADI
The Gravedigger: Zip it. We're here to fix this problem, not just replicated it because of your damn ego.
Er... I have...
Apheori (GM): A good chunk of it was the guy not knowing what he was talking about.
 
Ganelon: Radek is certainly nuts enough to disregard them, but it would help if he were aware that his theories are the equivalent of, say, disproving gravity.
Amadi reaches into her pockets and drags up a really tiny frying pan, some swedish meat balls, a fabergé egg, and scotch whiskey in a fancy hip flask. She holds them out.
Apheori (GM): But what laws there are are pretty important normally.
 
The Gravedigger: You talk about disrupting reality like that over such a petty matter and you're going into a hole, comprende?
Greibel takes them and looks them over carefully, assessing their suitability. After a moment, he seems satisfied, and then he mushes everything together with his hands like a barbarian.
Apheori (GM): Just think physics or something.
 
Radek: Good!
He winds up with a fabergé meatball full of scotch. ''(rolled 4 reality)''
Apheori (GM): So things like gravity, strong and weak forces...
 
Something something.
GREIBEL
I have no idea.
(he shrugs)
Ganelon: No, that's totally fine.
Close enough.
Apheori (GM): "Good!"
 
Heh.
Greibel feeds the meatball to Rasputin. The porridge devours it and dribbles bits of hardboiled egg down Greibel's shirt.
Radek: I needed a new testing environment, anyways!
 
Gaurav: Relevant XKCD: http://xkcd.com/1489/
Greibel grins widely.
I hope scotch faberge eggs becomes this inn's new speciality.
</screenplay>
Ganelon: It's just that if this is a law of physics as consistent and widely accepted as gravity, it makes a lot of sense that he would be shunned for suggesting circumstances under which it doesn't apply.
Or rather, a law of magics.
Apheori (GM): Oh, aye, it might be.
I don't know what the laws THEY THINK are.
Because those are probably even weirder than the real things.
Ganelon: Regarding magic? Oh, who even knows.
Magic is a total mess.
Apheori (GM): Even without holes tearing it up. >.>
Ganelon: I don't believe in sane wizards.
Anyone who wields the power of magic without requiring an intricate understanding of it is welcome to be a socially well-adjusted and mentally healthy individual.
A wizard, though? Nope.
Apheori (GM): So what does Greibel do with Amadi's accoutrements?
Bear Soup Guy: He takes them holds them out carefully, assessing their suitability
He seems satisfied
And then he mushes everything together with his hands like a barbarian
Apheori (GM): Greibel: d20
Bear Soup Guy:
rolling 1d20
(
4
)
=
4
Apheori (GM): You wind up with a faberge meatball full of scotch.
Greibel shrugs
Greibel: Close enough
Greibel feeds it to Rasputin
Rasputin devours it and dribbles bits of egg down Greibel's shirt.
Apheori (GM): Hardboiled egg, at that. Somehow.
So what now?
Bear Soup Guy: Greibel grins widely
Ganelon: I dunno. We've got a half hour before we lose the Merr.
Gaurav: Did Gravy manage to stop Radek from destroying the universe again?
Ellemerr: Lost and gone.
Ganelon: Radek didn't destroy the universe!
He destroyed a pocked dimension and everything else was totally fine.
Pocket, even.
Gaurav: Only because Hazz' stepping in, saved the day, and got bonked on the nose!
Frezak (GM): Poor Hazz.
Apheori (GM): Hazz only helpef. Technically it was Radek and Amadi who actually fixed it.
Frezak (GM): Nobody appreaciates him.
Gaurav: Oh, okay. Well, Rhu thinks it was all Hazz'. Last decent thing he did, really.
Ganelon: I remember Amadi saving Radek.
I don't remember what either of them actually did to fix things.
Ellemerr: I don't. O_o
Apheori (GM): They rolled a lot of arcana.
Session 24. I just finished it the other day.
Ganelon: Oh, neat.
Ellemerr: Sooo... What now? xD
If we don't know, I guess I could go sleep early.
Apheori (GM): Next week y'all want to head out for the airship? Take a stop at the tree?
Check that out.
On the way.
There's also farms and treants and stuff.
Gaurav: Rhu needs to walk the sausages off.
I think the airship sounds most interesting, followed by tree, followed distantly by treats.
treants*
Apheori (GM): Well, in terms of proximity, that's exactly backwards.
Frezak (GM): Yeah, I wanted to check out the airship.
Apheori (GM): Tree
's on the way to the airship.
Treeants are off to the side, so you'd have to actually go out of your way for those. But if you did, it'd be before the tree.
Gaurav: Inn -> Tree -> Airship, then? Unless anyone really wants to go see those treats?
Ugh autocorrect
Apheori (GM): Greibel can talk to the tree and then you can actually maybe get out of there?
Ganelon: Sure.
Apheori (GM): WITHOUT ZOMBIES?
Frezak (GM): Eh, trees.
Apheori (GM): I know, digging through roots is awful.
Next wednesday?
Frezak (GM): Looks like it.
Apheori (GM): Hmm, maybe it should be zombies.
De-zombie the airship...
Bear Soup Guy: Yes
Please
That's all I want
Apheori (GM): Zombies?
Bear Soup Guy: Is undead on an airship
Undead or ghosts
Apheori (GM): Excellent!
Okay see you all then get good sleep don't go outside in the snow if you're sick la la la this'll end in tears.
Gaurav: *Ghosts*! That sounds like fun. Zombies will be fine too.
See you all next Wednesday!
Ellemerr: Right. Thanks. Sweet daydreams and nightmares, one and all.
Frezak (GM): And remember, kids.
FOUR KINDS
Apheori (GM): Radek gets the airship off the ground and ghosts come out of the walls. I like this idea.
...you open the package and find SIX KINDS.
Gaurav gasps.
Apheori (GM): Sweet nightmares, merrrrs.
Bear Soup Guy: :O
Adios!
Ganelon: ...Is there a kind of draug suited to flying airships?
Ellemerr: If you cut the airship in half, sure.
Apheori (GM): Draug?
Ellemerr: Norwegian "undead/ghost" of the sea, the souls of drowned sailors who bring deadly storms and bad luck.
Frezak (GM): Also salmon.
Apheori (GM): Oh, probably.
Ganelon: If I remember right, they're well-known for sailing wrecked, formerly-sunken ships that honestly are no longer seaworthy.
Apheori (GM): On the other hand, maybe that was why it crashed. Because they do go differently in the air...
Ellemerr: They sail in ruined (not sail-worthy) ships, often against the ship (like the Dutchman). Very often, their ship will be cut in half.
Ganelon: You mean against the wind?
Ellemerr: against the wind*
Yes.
Ganelon: Yeah. Only other thing I remember them is that aesthetically they /look/ like drowned corpses.
Ellemerr: Though usually not as extreme as TSW's.
They don't look long-dead.
Ganelon: Well no, I don't imagine many of them use bellies full of eels as a means of locomotion.
Ellemerr: Just... dead. And drowned. And full of sea-weeds.
Apheori (GM): EELS/
.
Frezak (GM): EELWHORES
YES
Ellemerr: But now: sleep.
Apheori (GM): Yes.
</pre>


{{holes nav
{{holes nav

Latest revision as of 06:21, 9 March 2015

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Session 47 (raw log) (Overview)
INT. Dorgin inn - day
The Gravedigger and Rhu are at the bar with breakfasts, with Dawn and Amadi between them.
RHU
(to Dawn)
Some kind of success... maybe. I don't know. How do you even measure "success" when the fates of entire universes are at stake?
DAWN
You eat it. You take it all up, you set it on fire, and you eat it.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Four kinds!
RHU
That's why you need a god, someone who can see broader than you and make sure that you're not just making one piece better by making another much, much worse.
DAWN
Hah! You don't need gods at all. It's the gods that need you, useless leeches that they are. They'll lie, trick, and fabricate anything to get you to serve them, and what do you get back?
RHU
EXACTLY!
DAWN
(hesitantly, as though trying to think of something herself)
Sushi?
AMADI
Sushi!
Amadi produces sushi.
RHU
(to Dawn)
Right. So. No more gods. Just us. Let's do this thing. Let's save the universe. -Es.
DAWN
Exactly!
Dawn snags and eats some sushi.
AMADI
Don't eat moose.


Meanwhile Greibel has cornered an unsuspecting patron elsewhere in the inn, trapping the guy in a conversation about Greibel's plans to make scotch eggs.
GREIBEL
They seem pretty easy to make, and they sound utterly delicious. I do need to come up with a better coating, of course, something full of herbs, or some kind of ground up mushy tofu with seasonings, or... hmm...
UNSUSPECTING PATRON
(nodding)
Yes.
GREIBEL
(also nodding)
That sounds lovely. Or... I haven't tried falafel but I imagine I'd enjoy it. Hmmm.
This is my mission for the week.
The patron nods some more, looking a little disturbed.
GREIBEL
(suddenly becoming resolute)
YOU CAN COAT THE EGG IN FALAFEL. IT'S GENIUS.
UNSUSPECTING PATRON
(very, very hesitantly)
And what... is falafel?
GREIBEL
CHICKPEAS!
Greibel procures a handful of slightly lint-covered chickpeas from his pocket and hoists them at the patron.
A couple of the chickpeas sprout fangs and giggle. The porridge leans over, almost like it's eyeing them. Hungrily.
GREIBEL
Eh? Eeeeeeeh?
At this point the no longer very unsuspecting at all patron flees.
The Gravedigger waves at Greibel.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
FOUR KINDS.
Greibel waves back and walks over and offers the Gravedigger some fanged chickpeas.
The Gravedigger hands them to the nearest midget, who turns out to be Amadi.
DAWN
(to Gravy)
You should get some for the road.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Inkeep! Sausages for the road!
The Gravedigger bangs his fist authoritatively on the table.
INNKEEPER
(yelling toward the kitchen)
Joeh, bundle up some sausages for a guy, will you?
There's a sort of muffled confirmation from the kitchen, and something clangs.
DAWN
(nodding to herself)
Gods are a waste of space. Drugs, on the other hand...
The innkeeper spins around.
INNKEEPER
(looking pointedly at Rhu)
NO. NO DRUGS.
RHU
(to the innkeeper)
...what?
INNKEEPER
You mean to tell me you spent all night bouncing off walls mumbling nonsense and you don't even remember?
RHU
(after looking around to see who the innkeeper is talking to)
...me? I just got here. We slept at the guardhouse.
INNKEEPER
When you were here a few days back. You took those pills and then you just... lost it.
(skeptically)
You really don't remember.


At the adventures' table, Radek babbles on at his newfound colleague. (rolled 35 arcana)
RADEK
You see, something fundamental has been missing from each of these environments, as I have observed from its absence, which destabilizes their underlying transdimensional arcane lattices in such a way as to seem almost undetectable... until certain conditions are met. When a spell is cast in such an environment and its current is misapplied during the seventh alignment - obviously those designs which ignore the seventh are unaffected, though other failed configurations may cause problems depending on the severity of the destabilization - holes in reality itself are opened by the escaping energy, connecting the affected dimensions in undesirable and often destructive ways.
Now, I have managed to synthesize a functional equivalent to this "reality" which, applied correctly, can undo the damage, but so far this is scarcely more than treating the symptoms rather than the disease, as it were.
If a solution cannot be found, I have reason to believe these destabilizations will only worsen, potentially until even spellcraft performed safely and correctly will risk causing damage of this nature.
The wizardly adventurer's brow furrows. (rolled 27 arcana)
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
Missing...
(he frowns, considering)
Planar environements can't support that. Either they are there or there not; trying to patch them with either external or internal measures would result in a corruption in the magic same as the underlying destabilisation itself. If what you're saying is true, the entire thing could fall apart at any moment...?
The wizardly adventurer starts to look worried, like something is dawning on him.
RADEK
Oh, I expect the process will be quite gradual. A slow acceleration towards complete anarchy, at worst, of which we are presently in the early stages of.
Your statement about planar environments, however, is demonstrably untrue. Try to find one of these "holes", if you can convince your minions to follow you there, and see for yourself. The environments of which you speak have... thinned out, I suppose you could say.
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
According to distrophy theory, that should be normal, but we wouldn't even feel the effects. What you're describing are real, physical manifestations of a far more advanced degredation, where entire planes would be blinking out of existence.
How can you know that isn't happening? If the entire world is gone, how do you measure the change?
Next to him, the elven adventurer nudges him in amusement.
ELVEN ADVENTURER
Minions, eh?
(to Radek)
You talking about the rifts?
RADEK
Well, depending on the scope of this phenomenon-
Radek pauses for a moment at the mention of "rifts" and looks over at the other adventurer. It's evident from his face alone that he doesn't believe he's addressing an intellectual equal.
RADEK
...Yes, we are.
The elven adventurer doesn't exactly look pleased at how Radek addressed her, but decides to ignore it for now.
ELVEN ADVENTURER
(to the wizardly adventurer)
What do you say? Wanna check that out? Throw in the impudent?
Ganelon (Radek): Man, did I just become a questgiver to a bunch of NPC adventurers?
ORCAN ADVENTURER
(still petting the flaming kitten)
Throw.
RADEK
(he smirks at her)
Threaten me all you like. I've traversed these 'rifts' unscathed.
The elven adventurer gives Radek a rather condescending look of her own, and then just sort of completely loses interest in him.
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
(to Radek)
Thinned, is it? And where the lattice is just gone, that is a rift?
RADEK
In so many words, yes.
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
So what's to stop it from continuing to unravel? If that's so, why... are we even still here?
RADEK
An answer I am still contemplating, I'm afraid.


The Gravedigger nods sagely.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Four kinds.
RHU
(to the innkeeper)
Nah, you've got me confused with someone else. Definitely. We haven't been here since before I - there was the blindness thing, and that... so... but before that... George, right, and... but that was... back then...
...that was just sandwiches.
(he narrows his eyes at the innkeeper)
When exactly was this?
INNKEEPER
Five nights ago. You had a real trip, too.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
We need to find whoever made the magic here.
Midgets? Who makes magic?
DAWN
What magic?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
The magic that makes holes. These are magic holes. Made with magic. So we find whoever makes magic. And get them to withdraw their clearly defective product.
Amadi wiggles a pea at Gravy.
AMADI
(in a squeaky pea-voice)
It wasn't me, I swear! I'm innocent! I'm innocent! Please don't eeeeeat meeeee!
DAWN
(to Amadi)
Are you sure? Are you really, absolutely sure?
Dawn waggles her fingers menacingly.
Rhu looks confusedly at the innkeeper, then at Amadi, then back at the innkeeper.
RHU
(to Amadi)
You remember this, right? You rescued me from... somewhere? You grinned a lot and dragged me back here.
Amadi waggles her other pea and booms:
AMADI
(in a deep, maniacal pea-voice)
It was I! I did it, and I am proud that I did it! And I would do it again! You all had it coming, and you deserve every bit of it! Muahahahaha!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Aha! Problem solved! Help us, Mr. Pea.
The Gravedigger kneels in front of Amadi's chickpea fingerpuppet.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Save us!
(to Dawn)
Isn't it usually a god that does magic for a place?
Amadi looks a little worried at Gravy and says in her normal voice,
AMADI
I'm not sure she can. I think that's what you're for.
DAWN
Well, it can be. Really depends on the god. And the magic. And the place. I mean, what are gods? Is the universe, if it develops sentience, a god?
Dawn suddenly looks terrified for a moment and glances at Amadi.
DAWN
Meep.
Amadi is oblivious to this look, as she has decided to eat the two peas and is happily playing out their "Please don't eat me"s and "I shall have my vengeance, fool!"s with great glee.
Dawn sort of hides behind Amadi, clinging to her sleeve a little.
Rhu opts to ignore Amadi for the moment.
RHU
(to the innkeeper)
So... it looked like I was having an acid trip in here? After I ate some pills?
I don't remember eating any pills. I ate a sandwich, and I think I tried to get a beer. But a mask was involved, so...
INNKEEPER
I don't know about acid, but you were definitely tripping something.
(he indicates Greibel)
Whatever he gave you.
RHU
(to Greibel)
Did you give me something? That night, when... with George? Before the cave?
GREIBEL
(he shrugs)
You guys are always asking me for drugs. You take a pill, I take a pill, I forget, we have cake.
RHU
What sort of pill was it? Could it have made me feel... like I was crawling through an elf-sized intestine?
DAWN
(around Amadi, to Gravy)
You're for?
GREIBEL
Heh, heh.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hmmmm.
The porridge jiggles and eats chickpeas.
GREIBEL
Yeah, that's a definite possibility. Oh man, good times.
RHU
Huh.
(to the innkeeper)
So I was tripping... here? In this inn? I'm really sorry, if I had any idea that's what the pill would do... I was blind at the time, and seeing everything hairy, and there was this mask ...
INNKEEPER
Until we finally just threw you out, yes.
RHU
Oh. Um. Did I break anything?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Wait, am I supposed to be a god?
(he waggles his hands over Amadi)
Graves, graves, graves, blessed! Howzzat? Feel tingly?
AMADI
Always.
DAWN
Never.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
So on average...
Doing good!
The Gravedigger practises blessing things. He waggles hands over Greibel's bong and mutters grave measurements under his breath.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I pronounce this Bong to be Friend Of Graves. Take drugs with my blessing.
The bong glows.
A moment later, Amadi glows too.
Greibel raises an eyebrow.
AMADI
Shiny!
The cook comes over and hands the Gravedigger a package of sausages.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(to Amadi)
Pay them for me.
The Gravedigger rolls up his sleeves and goes to look for converts.
Amadi pays the innkeep in dancing, golden fleas.
INNKEEPER
Um. Do you have any... more standard currency?
AMADI
Yes, but you don't want them.
INNKEEPER
I'm reasonably sure I do. Even if you are glowing and possibly...
The innkeeper suddenly stops, staring at her, and just takes the fleas and backs away.


RADEK
(to the wizardly adventurer)
Tell me, have you heard of Sarathi?
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
Was that that...
ELVEN ADVENTURER
(she rolls her eyes)
That was Serida.
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
Oh.
(to Radek)
No. Can't say I have.
RADEK
Sarathi may no longer exist. When my...
(he glances at his own party)
...Research team arrived, the destabilizing effects of the rifts were no longer localized.
The Gravedigger turns his head 180° degrees when Radek glances back, and waves.
RADEK
Unfortunately, incompetence and the planar phenomena occurring in the area stymied my efforts. The discoveries I have made since have only been in more controlled environments.
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
Discrete rifts may account for a lack of anomalies on this side, but it may also be a matter of which planes...


The Gravedigger corners another unsuspecting patron and tells him about the wonderful religion that involves burying people.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
...and always have a trowel. now, to measure someone by eye...
ANOTHER UNSUSPECTING PATRON
By eye?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
...never ask anyone about their health because they'll think you're drumming for business...
As the Gravedigger continues, the unsuspecting patron nods, staring at him intently. He seems a bit frightened, but the Gravedigger knows, in his liver, that the patron is hiiiis.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
...and always trust your liver...


RADEK
Hrrm...
Radek takes out his tablet and begins to record the wizardly adventurer's speculations.
RADEK
...I don't suppose you have one of these, do you?
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
(he nods)
I have notes.
The wizardly adventurer pulls out a disturbingly ornate notebook, complete with gold and silver inlays and a skull. He flips to a page in the middle. It starts out blank, but words form on it as he traces a finger over it.
RADEK
Here.
Radek turns his tablet around and brings up the start of a lengthy display on his hole-related findings.
The wizardly adventurer taps it and adds everything to his journal, exactly as displayed. Then he starts actually reading it.
GREIBEL
(from the bar)
Ooo-hooo, wizard fight!
As he reads, the wizard's face goes through a variety of expressions - first normal, then confusion, then disbelief, more confusion, horror, incredulity, then disgust. (rolled 12 arcana)
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
Oh, clever. You almost had me, but this is just ridiculous.
RADEK
(deadly serious)
...Excuse me?
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
What you describe is impossible. That can't have happened, and the laws of magic do not allow for this.
This... fabrication.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(from across the room)
The LAW? The law is a.. human institution.
Radek sputters.
RADEK
F-fabrication!?
The elven adventurer next to him raises an eyebrow, suddenly looking much more interested.
Amadi comes over, sitting down on the adventurers' table and looking intently at the wizardly one.
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
This.
The wizardly adventurer pushes the tablet back toward Radek.
Radek rises to his knobbly old man feet and swipes the tablet back into his arms.
RADEK
How dare you suggest I would simply invent such a thing for... what, my own amusement?
This is no childish prank, fool!
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
Even if you're serious, it just doesn't add up. Revisit your conclusions, and you'll see.


Meanwhile, at the bar, Rhu caves and orders a plate of sausages.


THE GRAVEDIGGER
(to the unsuspecting patron)
...and help the weak! Incidentally, I have to go support my grump. You may observe.
The Gravedigger plods over to stand behind Radek.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(beaming helpfully)
Hello! COuldn't help but overhear you disbeleivin' Grumps here. I'll have you know he's a very smart man.
The wizardly adventurer tries to lean away from the Gravedigger, but he's a bit surrounded at this point.
A couple of the other adventurers get up, though the one in the loincloth falls over and yawns hugely.
RADEK
...No. I will show you.
DAWN
(getting up and pointing frantically)
Um, that that that... please don't do that!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
No you won't!
The Gravedigger picks up Radek and marches off with him.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(over his shoulder to the adventurers)
Pleasure meeting you!
RADEK
Put me down, you oaf! This... this upstart thinks he can insult my research and you're taking HIS SIDE!?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'm ensuring a peaceful dialogue that does not result in tearing apart spacetime!
RADEK
I can repair the damage! I've done it twice before!
(shouting as he's carried off)
You'll see! When your reality is reduced to nothing but scattered threads, the man who repairs it all will be Radek J. Fulvius! Cling to your so-called "laws" and see how well they protect you when the time finally comes, fool!
Frezak (Gravy): I want to... bore him to sleep. With technical grave-talk.
Ganelon (Radek): "Sleep"? GOOD LUCK.
Frezak (Gravy): I'm a god, I can do whatever I want.
The Gravedigger carries Radek outside.
DAWN
(to the adventurers)
You guys just check it out, okay?
Dawn runs after the Gravedigger and Radek.
Rhu shoves the last of the sausage into his mouth, leaves some money to pay for his meal, and heads outside after them as well.
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
Um, yes, er, we'll do that...
Amadi looks over the wizardly guy's shoulder at his notebook. Then she points out a line to him.
AMADI
See there? That's where you're right. It doesn't make sense. But that doesn't mean Radek is wrong. He's not. If you believe he is... Well. You're in a spot of danger, eh.
Good luck.
Amadi jumps off the table, grins at the adventurers, and goes back to find Greibel.
WIZARDLY ADVENTURER
Eh?
He looks at the spot, which is a completely different spot than he'd even noticed before, and then stares after Amadi.
The adventurer who fell over gets up, looking around, wondering what he missed.


EXT. Dorgin street - day
Radek stops shouting when they get outside.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(his tone turns deadly serious)
Okay, now calm down or I'll ask one of the godshards to calm you down, understand?
RADEK
If that ignorant child requires a demonstration, it is well within my capabilities to provide one.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Zip it. We're here to fix this problem, not just replicated it because of your damn ego.
You talk about disrupting reality like that over such a petty matter and you're going into a hole, comprende?
RADEK
Good!
At this point Dawn and Rhu come out as well.
RADEK
I needed a new testing environment, anyways!


INT. Dorgin inn - day
As Amadi approaches, Greibel starts screaming about falafel scotch eggs.
Amadi joins in the screaming before they finally both just stop.
GREIBEL
Listen, I know those TARDIS pockets of yours are always turning up useful things. Do you happen to have a frying pan, oil, and the ingredients for such a dish?
AMADI
Er... I have...
Amadi reaches into her pockets and drags up a really tiny frying pan, some swedish meat balls, a fabergé egg, and scotch whiskey in a fancy hip flask. She holds them out.
Greibel takes them and looks them over carefully, assessing their suitability. After a moment, he seems satisfied, and then he mushes everything together with his hands like a barbarian.
He winds up with a fabergé meatball full of scotch. (rolled 4 reality)
GREIBEL
(he shrugs)
Close enough.
Greibel feeds the meatball to Rasputin. The porridge devours it and dribbles bits of hardboiled egg down Greibel's shirt.
Greibel grins widely.


≪ PreviousNext ≫
Session 47 (Overview)
Retrieved from ‘https://wiki.zaori.org/w/index.php?title=Holes/Session_47&oldid=3019’

What are we if not swear words in this swirling vortex of life?