Difference between revisions of "Holes/Session 30"

A fragment of the Garden of Remembering
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<pre>
{{holes nav
Ellemerr: *pokes a dead rat*
|css=true
Gaurav: Why a dead rat?
|previous=Holes/Session 29
Apheori (GM): Do we have Frezak?
|next=Holes/Session 31
Ganelon: She's run out of live ones, of course.
|raw=2688
Gaurav: Ah. That makes sense.
}}
Ellemerr: What? No no. I have plenty rats of all states. Dead, live, undead, unliving, redead, half-dead, ghostly, spirits... maybe the occasional god rat, but I think Teleoth ate them.
 
Apheori (GM): Which Teleoth?
<screenplay>
There are so many.
EXT. Farmhouse - night
Ellemerr: Possibly more than one.
 
Apheori (GM): Oh.
The Gravedigger, Greibel, Radek, Rhu, and Dawn are all in front of the farmhouse. Amadi is sitting under a tree nearby, having recently fallen out. Two remaining guards are also nearby. The dog that was previously present has run off at this point.
Ellemerr: *nods*
 
Apheori (GM): Is Frezak here? I don't see him, but I also don't trust this interface.
There are body parts all over the ground, as well as some more really stinky bodies lying around.
Gaurav: Then? Why poke a dead rat when there's so many to choose from?
 
Ellemerr: I think he's actually not, but I have told him that - oh, there he is.
Rhu seems to have an eel in his major intestine.
Apheori (GM): Oh, okay.
 
HAI FREZAK.
Rhu looks around at everybody imploringly.
Ellemerr: Because the dead ones giggle nicer. Duh.
 
Apheori (GM) waves a dead rat in his face enthusiastically.
Frezak (GM): Yoyoyo BACKUP DM IN THE HOUSE
WASSSSUUUUUUP
Gaurav: Oh!
Gaurav nods cautiously
Ellemerr stares blankly.
Frezak (GM): Let's get this SHIT OOOOON
Ellemerr: I'm not sure that is Frezak after all.
I sort of hope it isn't.
Apheori (GM): He's talking like an uncyclopedian.
Frezak (GM): Let's RP THE SHIT OUT OF THIS
BITCHES
Apheori (GM): Specifically, a really drunk one.
Ellemerr: Oh, there he is.
Ganelon: He's acting pretty whack today.
Ellemerr: He's just channelling Scissors.
Frezak (GM): My new PC is Groinslapper Mc Awesome.
Apheori (GM): Anyway, y'all are still in front of the farmhouse. The dog has run off. There are body parts all over the ground, as well as some more really stinky ones.
bodies, I mean.
Frezak (GM): Bard/barabarian.
Barbarbarbar
Apheori (GM): Where the hell are my notes?
Ellemerr: I'm not sure if there were any uncyclopedians at the con. If they're like that, I didn't notice any.
Mind you, I stayed away from people in my usual terrified manner.
Apheori (GM): Rhu claims to have an eel in his major intestine.
Ellemerr: I fell out of a tree.
Apheori (GM): We don't really have many uncyclopedians with money. Those with money tend not to be raging drunks.
Ellemerr: Or Amadi did.
Apheori (GM): Dave has an undead killer bunny in her pocket. Amadi might want to eat it, I dunno.
So Rhu...
You feel really ill.
And you have an eel inside you.
How does this make you feel?
Ellemerr: There could've happened to be an uncyclopedian in London. That would've made it less horribly expensive.
Apheori (GM): Aye.
Probably were a few.
Especially given the overlap with wikipedia.
EHU!
RHU
RHU
Rhu looks around at everybody again
I... think... eel... in my...
Rhu: I ... think ... eel ... in my ... *points*
 
The Gravedigger: I'm going to need more graves.
He points to his stomach area, then keels over and starts to groan.
Rhu keels over and starts to groan
 
Gaurav: Ehu is a much better name than Rhu
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Ellemerr: Sounds like a ghost sneezing.
I'm going to need more graves.
Dave: Hey Gravedigger, you know how you DIDN'T turn into a zombie?
 
Gaurav: Is the eel (and he definitely needs a name) doing anything apart from clogging up my intestines? Is it bitting ripping tearing feasting?
DAWN
The Gravedigger: Always?
Hey Gravedigger, you know how you ''didn't'' turn into a zombie?
Greibel moves over to check on Rhu
 
Apheori (GM): It's just clogging.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Dave points to Rhu.
Always?
Dave: Check it out!
 
Gaurav: Okay. While I'm still conscious, I'm going to heal-check myself to see what I can figure out about ... this situation.
Dawn points to Rhu.
Amadi picks herself off the ground, checks the tree for fall damage, and looks in Dave's general direction.
 
Greibel:
DAWN
rolling 1d20+11 heal check
Check it out!
(
 
15
Greibel moves over to check on Rhu. ''(rolled 26 heal)'' He seems ill. Like, really ill. Possibly about to go into shock.
)
 
+11
Dawn sits down on the dead guard's body to watch.
=
 
26
Amadi picks herself off the ground, checks the tree for fall damage, and looks in Dawn's general direction.
Rhu:
 
rolling 1d20+12 heal check on meself
RHU
(
Oh. OH.
20
 
)
Rhu grins and then passes out.
+12
 
=
32
Dave sits down on the dead guard's body to watch.
Ganelon: I think we've identified the problem, folks.
Apheori (GM): MAn.
Ellemerr: Man you know yourself in and out.
Frezak (GM): Didn't you crit last time you eelechecked?
Gaurav: Yes.
Apparently Rhu is proficient at eeling.
Ellemerr: *giggls*
Frezak (GM): Eelage.
Gaurav: We could try to lure it out with a fish.
Apheori (GM): Greibel: He seems ill. Like, really ill. Possibly about to go into shock.
Ellemerr: *runs after a rebellious e and tries to put it back in her word*
Apheori (GM): Rhu: You determine something really important and horrible and then pass out.
Rhu: Oh. OH.
Rhu grins
Rhu passes out
Frezak (GM): Hmm.
Amadi trots over to the others to get a better look at this very interesting eel business.
Amadi trots over to the others to get a better look at this very interesting eel business.
Greibel: I think Rhu just realized how he's going to get that thing out of there...
 
Frezak (GM): I could pinpoint the Eel.
GREIBEL
Can Radek use Tundering armour on his guts to crush the eel within the organs?
I think Rhu just realized how he's going to get that thing out of there...
 
Radek sighs and pushes the two guardsmen aside.
Radek sighs and pushes the two guardsmen aside.
Radek: Out of the way. Doctor, mechanic, and all-around /genius/ passing through.
 
Ganelon: Uh...
RADEK
I think we don't want a crushed eel so much as one anywhere but in his guys.
Out of the way. Doctor, mechanic, and all-around ''genius'' passing through.
Guts*
 
Apheori (GM): The guard captain also comes over to look.
The guard captain follows him, mostly for lack of anything better to do. The other guard wanders off to check on the area or something.
Frezak (GM): Does anyone have any power to teleport things?
 
Apheori (GM): Gravy: You may notice that he seems to be sweating a lot.
RADEK
Frezak (GM): Can't Greibel magic vine-rip it out?
Hmm...
Bear Soup Guy: That would be....interesting
 
Gaurav: I can teleport things. Namely me.
Radek: Hmm...
Radek looks meaningfully at his eyebot.
Radek looks meaningfully at his eyebot.
Frezak (GM): Surgical laser?
 
Ganelon: Yessss
Amadi moves slowly around the guard, tip-toeing behind Radek, and attempts to get next to Dawn without her noticing. She probably looks totally silly and obvious while doing this.
Frezak (GM): You'd stilll have eelbits.
 
unless you cut him open and the druid pulled.
Dawn moos at Amadi.
With minimum collateral.
 
Ganelon: Well, at least half of that lets me blame someone else if he dies, so sure.
Amadi makes spider noises at Dawn.
Frezak (GM): I could pin him down.
 
Amadi moves slowly around the guard, tip-toing behind Radek, and attempts to get next to Dave without her noticing.
RADEK
Amadi probably looks totally silly and obvious while doing this.
I'm going to cut him open.
Frezak (GM): Stop him strugglin'
 
(To Gaurav): The important horrible thing you discovered is that you are also infected with some sort of zombie thing.
Radek injects Rhu with the inappropriately-named Restorative Infusion, which restores jack shit, but does give him 20 temporary HP. Then he has the eyebot bore into his flesh with a laser.
Frezak (GM): Amadi is muttering 'stealthystealthyquiet'
 
Dave moos at Amadi.
The Gravedigger holds Rhu down.
Frezak (GM): 'notasoundnotasoundnotasound'
 
Ellemerr: Actually, Frezak, if I did that I would probably turn the volume of the whole world (or at least our nick of the woods) down.
The guard captain watches in horror and then sort of helps hold Rhu down.
(From Gaurav): Oh phew. I thought it might be worse than having an eel in my intestines, but it's only just as bad.
 
Radek: I'm going to cut him open.
The eel squirms in Rhu's intestines.
Ellemerr: Or something equally godly/silly.
 
Gaurav: Any chance Greibel could commune with the eel and convince it to come out by itself?
Dawn offers Amadi something that looks like popcorn but is probably actually fried exploded crickets or something.
Frezak (GM): Gravy will hand Radek a throwing Trowel.
 
A BattleTrowel if you will.
Amadi takes the not-popcorn and hands Dawn a can of mountain dew. Possibly of the variety you actually find in mountains in the morning.
Apheori (GM): Rhu: You can wake up now.
 
Gaurav: Not that I mind being cut open in a field by a blood-covered farmhouse or anything.
Both watch Rhu intently.
Frezak (GM): The eel is probably dead, no?
 
Amadi makes spider noises at Dave.
The eyebot's laser cuts Rhu open ''(rolled 14 heal)'', somehow also partially guided by Greibel ''(rolled 31 heal (natural 20))''. There is little blood, but a bunch of slimy slippery organs are revealed, bulging and pulsing in all manner of funny organ-colours.
Bear Soup Guy: Greibel could certainly try talking to the intestine eel
 
Frezak (GM): We're experts, Rave.
In one of the intestines, there is an eel-shaped lump.
Don't worry.
 
Ellemerr: Why would it be dead?
Radek redirects the eyebot to then cut that open. ''(rolled 21 heal)'' Greibel nods, not intervening this time.
Gaurav: Apheori: do I have to?
 
Frezak (GM): Because being in guts is a terrible place.
Dawn and Amadi lean closer.
Gaurav: It sounds awfully painful.
 
Ganelon: To the sight of a scowling old man/his beard and an eyebot scanning his midsection?
The intestine comes open with a little seepage, revealing the eel, no longer moving. Just sitting there.
Bear Soup Guy: That entire scene would make an epic as hell painting
 
Gaurav: Haha
RADEK
Lemme roll to stay unconscious
Well, I'll be. That really is an eel.
rolling d20
 
(
GREIBEL
9
It sure is.
)
 
=
Greibel has a go at talking to the eel ''(rolled 28 nature)'', but it fails to respond. Instead, he gets a sense of utter panic and the feeling that there's something horribly wrong with the Rhu it's surrounded by and the eel doesn't even want to touch it, let alone eat it.
9
 
Ganelon: Well fine, to spare him the undoubtedly horrible pain of what's to come, I actually did come prepared.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
But tell me how that goes first.
He's a Hazz cultist, he should know about slimy tentacly things.
Apheori (GM): Fine, you don't wake up.
 
And no, it isn't dead.
DAWN
Ellemerr: Knew it!
(to Amadi)
Gaurav: Yay! Sweet, sweet unconsciousness.
He pissed someone off, didn't he?
Ganelon: Okay. I use the inappropriately named Restorative Infusion.
 
Which restores jack shit, but does give him 20 temp HP.
RADEK
Apheori (GM): And Greibel would know that it should also be moving - digging, eating its way to get out in a frantic struggle.
Could we get a tank of water over here?
It's not clear why it isn't.
 
Ganelon: Then I'm going to have the eyebot bore into his flesh with a laser.
If I may.
Bear Soup Guy: Maybe he likes it in there
Gaurav: Did my previous THP expire once we got out of encounter?
Dave offers Amadi something that looks like popcorn but is probably actually fried exploded crickets or something.
Ganelon: I dunno, THP doesn't stack.
Bear Soup Guy: After all, if biology dictates that an eel show up in somebody's intestines, maybe it's beneficial to the eel
Ganelon: So you're at 20 either way.
Frezak (GM): THP lasts until you take a short rest.
Apheori (GM): It's not normally beneficial.
Roll history.
Even though this is really a 'reading random stuff on the internet' check.
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20+7
(
8
)
+7
=
15
I don't even know if anyone else trained history.
Ellemerr takes the not-popcorn and hands Dave a can of mountain dew. Possibly of the variety you actually find in mountains in the morning.
Ellemerr: I do. Want me to roll? Assist?
Dave munches on the snacks and watches intently.
Ellemerr: Anything?
Apheori (GM): Do it.
Ellemerr:
rolling 1d20 + 6
(
14
)
+6
=
20
Apheori (GM): Ellemerr: You've heard tell of several eel incidents. It's not good for the eel. It's also not good for the host. In fact it's basically horrible all around.
Something something animal abuse.
Frezak (GM): GOSH REALLY
Apheori (GM): Radek: Feel free to laser at will.
Gaurav: OH NO
PETA
Ganelon: LASERING.
Frezak (GM): I'll hold Rhu down.
Ganelon: If there's a margin for error here, do tell me.
Frezak (GM): With my Gravy Grip
Apheori (GM): Roll aim. Or something.
Ganelon: Not so that I'll stop, just for rolling purposes.
My aim?
Apheori (GM): The guard captain helps you hold him down.
Gaurav: What does the guard captain make of all this?
Frezak (GM): You want assist on that, Gan?
Ganelon: Suuuure.
Apheori (GM): Like, uh, roll some sort of medicine.
Surgery.
Stuff.
Frezak (GM): Heal check?
Apheori (GM): Okay.
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20+9 "Heal"
(
5
)
+9
=
14
Frezak (GM): Assiting
Ganelon: Uh ooooh!
Frezak (GM): Wait, no
I suck at that.
NEVERMIND
Bybye rhu
Ganelon: Well this is why we give our patients THP before we start.
Bear Soup Guy:
rolling 1d20+11 assist?
(
20
)
+11
=
31
Apheori (GM): RHU: ROLL TO WAKE UP.
Bear Soup Guy: Ah yeah bitches, that has to count now
Gaurav:
rolling d20
(
9
)
=
9
Frezak (GM): if Rhu wakes up I'll nut him until he goes unconcious again.
Apheori (GM): Radek: With the annoying assistence of Greibel, you cut him open.
Frezak (GM): Greibel who clearly is the one that know the difference between a liver and a pancreas.
Ganelon: Do I see an eel?
Frezak (GM): "I dunno, it's all organs to me!"
Apheori (GM): Without any real blood or what have you, just going around a bunch of slimy slippery organs.
Frezak (GM): "Stupid meatbags!"
Ganelon: Hey, maybe Radek was looking for Rhu's combustion manifold.
Apheori (GM): There's an eel-shaped lump in the intestine itself. Do you open the intestine?
Ganelon: Certainly.
Frezak (GM): TALK TO THE EEL
Nature check to talk to eels?
Ganelon: Well it'd be rude to not talk to its face.
Apheori (GM): Another one for intestine itself!
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20+9
(
12
)
+9
=
21
Apheori (GM): Because, like, intestines are really messy.
Ganelon: They really are.
Radek isn't very fond of doctoring.
Apheori (GM): That's why he's using a remote laser instead of his hands.
Right?
Ganelon: Yes.
Apheori (GM): Rhu is still asleep.
The intestine comes open with a little seepage.
Ganelon: Also because he made an eyebot and damnit, he's going to make the most of it.
Apheori (GM): There's an eel. It's still not moving.
Just sitting there.
Gaurav: This is the most important sleep Rhu has ever had
Frezak (GM): You find the God Eel
Nature check to talk to eels?
Radek: Well, I'll be.
That really is an eel.
Greibel: It sure is.
rolling 1d20+13 Eel Talk
(
15
)
+13
=
28
The Gravedigger: He's a Hazz cultist, he should know about slimy tentacly things.
Dave: (to Amadi) He pissed someone off, didn't he?
Radek: Could we get a tank of water over here?
Gaurav: "Eel Talk"
Apheori (GM): Greibel: You talk to the eel.
Radek looks expectantly at the godlings.
Radek looks expectantly at the godlings.
The Gravedigger: Guard! Get a bucket of water!
 
THis eel needs our help!
Amadi shrugs.
Amadi shrugs.
Amadi: I wasn't paying attention.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Guard! Get a bucket of water! This eel needs our help!
 
The guard captain looks around in confusion.
 
GUARD CAPTAIN
Um...
 
He wanders off looking for a bucket.
 
AMADI
I wasn't paying attention.
 
Amadi starts pulling a pool out of her pocket.
Amadi starts pulling a pool out of her pocket.
Dave: Huh?
 
Frezak (GM): TO one of the surviving guardlings.
DAWN
Dave: Oh.
Huh? Oh.
Gaurav: Hazz' cultists don't usually talk about slimy tentacular things: we worship him as a point in space or as the Great Ending. And He is not slimy.
 
Frezak (GM): And now we all drown.
GOOD JOB RADEK
Apheori (GM): The guard looks around in confusion.
Frezak (GM): He was totes tentacular.
Guard: Um...
Ganelon: This is probably the strangest thing that has ever happened to him.
Guard wanders off looking for a bucket.
Amadi keeps pulling at the pool. It's a kiddy garden pool. Very pretty patterns and cheerful colours.
Amadi keeps pulling at the pool. It's a kiddy garden pool. Very pretty patterns and cheerful colours.
Bear Soup Guy: That is amazing
 
Dave looks impatient, then drops a tank of water on Radek's head.
Dawn looks impatient, then drops a tank of water on Radek's head. The tank disappears immediately after, leaving Radek drenched.
Bear Soup Guy: There's no situation where pulling big things out of pockets isn't awesome
 
Dave: Er... that didn't work either.
DAWN
Ganelon: I HOPE YOU MEAN JUST THE WATER
Er... that didn't work either.
AND NOT THE WHOLE TANK
 
Apheori (GM): Nope, whole tank.
Words cannot accurately describe the look Radek gives Dawn for this.
Amadi looks disappointed at Dave and the tank of water and starts putting the pool back in her pocket.
 
Dave hides behind Amadi.
Amadi looks disappointedly at Dawn and the wasted water.
Ganelon: I'm pretty sure that would *kill* him.
 
Gaurav: So that's ... five graves we're up to now?
Dawn hides behind Amadi.
Apheori (GM): In this case let's just say the entire thing was upside down, so he mostly just got drenched and then got a bit of a bonk on the head.
 
The tank disappears immediately after.
Ganelon: Words cannot accurately describe the look he would give her for this.
Ellemerr: What? No more tank?
Aaaw.
Apheori (GM): Sorry.
Ellemerr: I was totally using that tank.
I guess I'll go back to my kiddy pool.
Apheori (GM): Because Dave is now hiding behind Amadi, Amadi may get the brunt of the look.
Ganelon: Oh no, this look is armor-piercing.
Apheori (GM): Also the other guard comes back when nobody's looking.
Frezak (GM): And he is a wyvern.
Amadi very quickly gets the last bits of pool out of her pocket and tries (and fails) to look innocent.
Amadi very quickly gets the last bits of pool out of her pocket and tries (and fails) to look innocent.
Apheori (GM): He shakes his head when nobody's looking and then just sort of stands there hoping nobody will notice him.
 
Rhu: Roll to wake up.
At some point the other guard wanders up and then just decides to stay out of all of this.
Ellemerr: I'm slowly figuring out I've forgotten most everything I once knew about playing the flute.
 
Gaurav:
Rhu wakes up and starts screaming.
rolling d20
 
(
The Gravedigger nuts him with his mighty skull, knocking him out again.
14
 
)
THE GRAVEDIGGER
=
Sorry, Rhu.
14
 
Frezak (GM): I think you have to make igh notes that make people scream and fall over.
Radek grabs the eel and pulls it out. As soon as he does, the eel calms down a fair bit and starts actually struggling.  
Apheori (GM): Rhu wakes up and starts screaming.
 
Ganelon: Still being held down?
Radek tosses it in the pool, then stabs Rhu with two of his healing syringes and walks off to wring water out of his beard.
Ellemerr: Quick, dump him in the pool!
 
Apheori (GM): Still held down, unless Gravy wants to let him go.
Frezak (GM): I nut him.
Ganelon: Radek will attempt to grab the eel and pull it out.
Frezak (GM): With my mighty skull
Rhu gasps for breath, then continues screaming
Apheori (GM): Nut him?
Frezak (GM): Headbutt.
Bear Soup Guy: Does anyone have a sleep spell?
Gaurav: My AC is 18 and my fort is 14. Which one would that be against?
Ganelon: Nope, that's a wizard thing.
Frezak (GM): Uh, AC.
Rhu has now started including profanity in the screaming
Frezak (GM):
rolling 1D20+11+2
(
19
)
+11+2
=
32
Vs Rhu AC
I believe that hits.
Apheori (GM): Did Greibel ever actually talk to the eel?
Rhu: 18 AC, so yes!
Gaurav: ooc
The Gravedigger: Sorry, Rhu.
Bear Soup Guy: I think at the moment talking to the eel would kind of get in the way
Apheori (GM): Radek: You grab the eel and pull it out.
Rhu is knocked out.
Ganelon: Lovely.
Bear Soup Guy: But I did do the roll so if the eel is feeling very distressed at the moment I'd probably know that
Frezak (GM): Greibel rolled eeltalk.
Apheori (GM): Also there may be brain damage.
Rhu 's screams go up a register, and then he blacks out again
Gaurav: ... for the eel, right?
Apheori (GM): Greibel: The eel is completely panicked, and there's something horribly wrong with Rhu and it doesn't want to touch it, let alone eat it.
Frezak (GM): Even the EEL doesn't like cultists!
Apheori (GM): But as soon as Radek pulls it out it calms down a lot and then starts actually struggling.
Frezak (GM): I Mark the Eel.
Ganelon: He'll toss it into the pool, then stab Rhu with two of his healing syringes (I'm pretty sure these can reconstitute flesh, anyways!), and walk off to wring water out of his beard.
Ellemerr: Put it in the pool.
Frezak (GM): In case it gets bitey.
Amadi makes eel noises.
Amadi makes eel noises.
Gaurav: Eel: "ew ew he's religious get him away get him away"
 
Apheori (GM): The eel flies into the pool and swims around a bit.
The eel flies into the pool and swims around a bit.
The syringes...
 
Don't work.
Unfortunately, despite their intended effect, the syringes don't actually do anything. The hole in Rhu remains a hole in Rhu.
Gaurav: ... don't work?
 
Apheori (GM): Don't work.
'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): This has ceased to be Radek's problem. As far as he's concerned.
Frezak (GM): Not good.
 
Ganelon: This has ceased to be Radek's problem.
Greibel examines Rhu and realises Rhu might be turning into a zombie, hence the syringes not actually working. ''(rolled 32 heal)''
Frezak (GM): Hah
 
Ganelon: As far as he's concerned.
Greibel panics a bit.
Apheori (GM): XD
 
Frezak (GM): More healchecks please!
Gaurav: I still have 20 THP, so any damage -- including Gravy's headbutt -- should be coming off them first. Apart from brain damage, I guess.
Bear Soup Guy:
rolling 1d20+13 on Rhu HEALING THINGS
(
19
)
+13
=
32
Frezak (GM): Jeebus.
rolling 1D6+5
(
3
)
+5
=
8
Well the attack would only be
Apheori (GM): Greibel: So, um, Rhu might be turning into a zombie.
Frezak (GM): Oh great.
Just.
Great.
INTO THE HOLE YOU GO
Gaurav: Huh
Frezak (GM): We'll find a new Striker.
Gaurav: 12 THP
You can keep me around for experiments and stuff
Bear Soup Guy: Hmmm
Gaurav: Throw me through a portal and see what happens
Amadi attempts talking with the eel.
Amadi attempts talking with the eel.
(From Amadi): "You really didn't like Rhu, did you? Is the pool okay? It was the only one I had on me. I think."
 
Bear Soup Guy: Zombies would be...religion check?
AMADI
Ganelon: Zombie knowledge is normally religion.
(in eel)
Amadi looks at Rhu and sighs.
''You really didn't like Rhu, did you? Is the pool okay? It was the only one I had on me. I think.
(To Amadi): The eel is terrified. It tells you it can feel itself changing, dying, like the horrible place it was, and it's helpless, utterly helpless...
 
Bear Soup Guy:
Amadi gets a sense of terror from the eel. It tells her it can feel itself changing, dying, like the horrible place it was, and it's helpless, utterly helpless...
rolling 1d20+8 is Rhu definitely turning into a zombie
 
(
Amadi looks at Rhu and sighs. Then she leans into the pool and tries to help/fix the eel. ''(rolled 12 reality)'' The eel swims around her hands.
7
 
)
+8
=
15
Ganelon: Or perhaps I should say, normal zombie knowledge is religion?
I'm sure I could make a science zombie and you'd be totally clueless about that, for instance.
Bear Soup Guy: I assume either that or the heal check will cover it
Apheori (GM): Greibel: This isn't a normal zombie. In fact you're not quite sure what this is.
Frezak (GM): It's... A CULTIST ZOMBIE
Werezombie!
Bear Soup Guy: Science Zombies, sounds like a conservative radio talking point
Amadi leans into the pool and tries to help/fix the eel.
Bear Soup Guy: Is there anything Greibel can do to stop the zombifying, fix Rhu's open wounds, or make him less dead?
Gaurav:
rolling d20 to wake up
(
12
)
=
12
Apheori (GM): The eel swims around Amadi.
Frezak (GM): Look, I know what to do with dead guys.
I'M AN EXPERT
I GOT THIS
Apheori (GM): BSG: Not that you know of.
Rhu wakes up again.
Rhu wakes up again.
Gaurav: How is he feeling pain-wise?
 
Bear Soup Guy: Well he's still cut open, right?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(From Ellemerr): Should I... roll any eel helpage? I even have healing things. Like, actual spells and stuff. Though maybe I should rather use that on Rhu. xD
All good, eel's out!
Gaurav: But also possibly undead
 
Bear Soup Guy: Good point
GREIBEL
Greibel panics a bit
Rhu? How you feeling, buddy? Sorry about the, uh... open chest cavity.
Frezak (GM): I'll... release the zombie.
 
Bear Soup Guy: Well Greibel hasn't told anyone else that he's maybe a zombie
Rhu blinks.
The Gravedigger: All good, eel's out!
 
Bear Soup Guy: Unless someone else checked that
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak (GM): Gravy wouldn't know.
Sorry about the skull thing, too.
Bear Soup Guy: Right-o
 
I think he'll keep it secret until he can find out WTF is happening
Greibel: Rhu? How you feeling, buddy? Sorry about the, uh....open chest cavity.
Rhu blinks
The Gravedigger: Sorry about the skull thing, too.
Amadi looks up from her eel for a moment.
Amadi looks up from her eel for a moment.
Amadi: Oh, yeah, um, Rhu, dear, you're probably contagious in some way or other. But it might only count if someone gets stuck in your guts.
 
The Gravedigger: I was improvising.
AMADI
Contagious?
Oh, yeah, um, Rhu, dear, you're probably contagious in some way or other. But it might only count if someone gets stuck in your guts.
What, MORE EELS?
 
Amadi goes back to her eel.
Amadi goes back to her eel.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I was improvising. Contagious? What, MORE EELS?
The Gravedigger hides behind Amadi.
The Gravedigger hides behind Amadi.
Gaurav: me blinks
 
Gaurav blinks
AMADI
Gaurav: That's quite the image.
(without looking up this time)
Amadi: (without looking up this time) Oh, I hope not. Poor eels.
Oh, I hope not. Poor eels.
The Gravedigger: Oh, okay.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Oh, okay.
 
The Gravedigger ceases hiding.
The Gravedigger ceases hiding.
The Gravedigger: Well, what then?
 
Gaurav: Apheori: is Rhu feeling his own abdomen cut open? How bad is the brain damage?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Ganelon: THP *should* help with the not-feeling.
Well, what then?
Apheori (GM): Amadi: d20 to fix the eel.
 
Amadi: Just the general horribleness, you know. Death and undead and stuff. Zombies. Possibly Krasue or killer squash, but I don't think so.
AMADI
rolling 1d20
Just the general horribleness, you know. Death and undead and stuff. Zombies. Possibly Krasue or killer squash, but I don't think so.
(
 
12
The eel swims around sadly.
)
 
=
The Gravedigger tries to hand Rhu some booze.
12
 
Ellemerr: I'm a horrible eel-fixer.
Rhu closes his eyes and just sort of lies there in sickness and pain.
And I really thought telling it "Well, good, now get better" would help, too!
 
Apheori (GM): Gaurav: Rhu feels really sick, his gut is cut open and that hurts a lot too.
The Gravedigger pokes Rhu with the bottle.
Mostly just sick, though.
 
Frezak (GM): I hand him some booze.
Rhu ignores the poking.
Apheori (GM): The eel swims around sadly.
 
Rhu closes his eyes and leans back
RHU
Frezak (GM): I'll poke him with the bottle.
Did you get it out?
Rhu: Did you get it out?
 
Dave goes and tries to fix the eel too.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
The Gravedigger: Yep.
Yep.
Dave:
 
rolling 1d20
Dawn goes and tries to fix the eel too. ''(rolled 10 reality)'' The eel dies.
(
 
10
Amadi looks very sad, and says eely death-prayers in eel.
)
 
=
RHU
10
So... I guess I'm infected with some sort of zombie thing.
Rhu ignores the poking
 
Apheori (GM): The eel dies.
Rhu finally accepts the bottle and tries to drink some without turning over too much, wincing as he does.
Gaurav: *Six* graves
 
Amadi looks very sad.
AMADI
Rhu: So ... I guess I'm infected with some sort of zombie thing.
It's a bad sort of zombie thing.
Amadi says eely death-prayers in eel.
 
Rhu accepts the bottle and tries to drink some without turning over too much, wincing as he does.
Amadi points to the dead eel as case in point.
Amadi: It's a bad sort of zombie thing.
 
RHU
(he nods)
Is there any other kind?
 
AMADI
There's the kind that gets better when I tell it to? And there's that one kind that dances polka! I love that kind.
 
The Gravedigger gets to digging.
The Gravedigger gets to digging.
Amadi points to the dead eel as case in point.
 
Greibel: Guys, is there any reason I shouldn't mend this gaping hole in Rhu's body?
GREIBEL
Rhu nodes
Guys, is there any reason I shouldn't mend this gaping hole in Rhu's body?
Rhu nods
 
Rhu: Is there any other kind?
Rhu tries to stand up, but Greibel holds him down.
Rhu tries to stand up
 
Amadi: There's the kind that gets better when I tell it to?
Dawn runs to push Rhu back down as well.
And there's that one kind that dances polka! I love that kind.
 
Dave: Woah, woah, woah, careful!
DAWN
Dave runs to help Rhu not stand up.
Woah, woah, woah, careful!
Rhu looks down and notices that his abdomen is still crudely sliced open
 
Rhu: Oh, right
Rhu looks down and notices that his abdomen is still very precisely sliced open.
Frezak (GM): CRUDELY?!
 
YES.
RHU
Radek is a terrible medic
Oh, right.
Gaurav: Can I feel the zombieness kicking in? Would that take the pain away?
 
Apheori (GM): Not crudely. Very precisely.
Rhu lies back and prays to Hazz' for strength and guidance and so on. ''(rolled 20 religion)''
It just makes you ill.
 
Gaurav: Oh right, sorry. Laser beams.
'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Guidance, strenth, blah blah blah, you know the drill, Lord.
Rhu lies back and prays to Hazz' for strength and guidance and so on
 
Rhu:
'''''Gaurav''' (Rhu): More like "srsly dude eels and zombification? in one day? I hope you thought this through."
rolling 1d20+9 religion check
 
(
Rhu suddenly finds he can't move and then passes out again. To the others, he looks almost like he's glowing.
11
 
)
AMADI
+9
(with some contempt)
=
Oh, god...
20
 
Frezak (GM): Guidance, strenth, blah blah blah, you know the drill, Lord.
Suddenly the guard captain grabs Dawn and holds a gun to her head.
Gaurav: More like "srsly dude eels and zombification? in one day? i hope you thought this through."
 
Apheori (GM): Rhu: You suddenly can't move and then pass out again.
GUARD CAPTAIN
Everyone else: Rhu goes really stiff and passes out. He also looks like he's glowing.
Everyone stop! Just stop!
Ganelon: I don't do surgery crudely! Just irresponsibly!
 
Amadi says with some contempt, "Oh, god..."
Apheori (GM): And this is when the guard captain grabs Dave and holds a gun to her head.
Guard Captain: Everyone stop! Just stop!
Gaurav: Maybe it just looked crude because Rhu was looking down at it? It's an odd angle to look at.
How rude. I hope Rhu rebelliously keeps on glowing.
Amadi rises her eyebrows in a "Well, he's lost it" manner.
Amadi rises her eyebrows in a "Well, he's lost it" manner.
The Gravedigger glances at the captain then resumes digging.
The Gravedigger glances at the captain then resumes digging.
The Gravedigger: That's a terrible idea.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
That's a terrible idea.
 
Radek doesn't stop, but he's washed his hands of this mess already so it's probably not relevant to him anyways.
Radek doesn't stop, but he's washed his hands of this mess already so it's probably not relevant to him anyways.
Ganelon: Figuratively, of course.
 
Ellemerr: Washed it in beard water.
GUARD CAPTAIN
Guard Captain: Stop! Stop!
Stop! Stop!
Ganelon: Rhu's blood is not actually on his hands.
 
Dave: Oy.
DAWN
Ganelon: Well, maybe a little.
Oy.
Amadi: Stop what, exactly?
 
Ganelon: He did grab the eel.
AMADI
The Gravedigger: These graves won't dig themselves.
Stop what, exactly?
Trust me.
 
I'm a expert.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Guard Captain: You won't take me! You can't!
These graves won't dig themselves. Trust me. I'm a expert.
Guard Captain starts pulling Dave backwards.
 
The Gravedigger: Seriously.
GUARD CAPTAIN
Terrible idea.
You won't take me! You can't!
That is the worst hostage ever.
 
Amadi: Hey!
The guard captain starts backing away, pulling Dawn with him.
Amadi looks offended.
 
Amadi: I could be a much worse hostage!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Seriously. Terrible idea. That is the worst hostage ever.
 
AMADI
(looking offended)
Hey! I could be a much worse hostage!
 
The Gravedigger peers out the grave.
The Gravedigger peers out the grave.
The Gravedigger: Okay, then.
 
Dave: Oh, you are on!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
The Gravedigger: Switch and see.
Okay, then.
Actually.
 
The Gravedigger leaps out the grave.
DAWN
The Gravedigger grabs Amadi.
(still being dragged away)
Dave elbows the guard captain in the gut.
Oh, you are on!
The Gravedigger: Nobody move or the midget gets it!
 
Short person?
Dawn elbows the guard captain in the gut. He doesn't seem to notice.
Whatever you are.
 
Gnome?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Guard Captain: Stop! Stay back!
Switch and see. Actually.
The Gravedigger: Dwarf?
 
Guard Captain: Shut up!
The Gravedigger leaps out the grave and grabs Amadi.
The Gravedigger: You're supposed to make demands I think.
 
Amadi: YOU shut up! We're having a very important experiment here!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
The Gravedigger: Silent, hostage!
Nobody move or the midget gets it! Short person? Whatever you are. Gnome?
 
GUARD CAPTAIN
(uncertainly)
Stop! Stay back!
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Dwarf?
 
GUARD CAPTAIN
Shut up!
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
You're supposed to make demands I think.
 
AMADI
YOU shut up! We're having a very important experiment here!
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Silent, hostage!
 
Amadi giggles. Loudly.
Amadi giggles. Loudly.
The Gravedigger hold Amadi up and wobbles her about a bit.
The Gravedigger hold Amadi up and wobbles her about a bit.
Greibel looks back and forth and slowly realizes that everyone has lost their minds
 
Amadi looks like she might be made of jelly for a bit. Very wobbly.
Amadi looks like she might be made of jelly for a bit. Very wobbly.
Frezak (GM): SUPPLE BODY?
 
Ellemerr: YES
Greibel looks back and forth and slowly realizes that everyone has lost their minds.
Frezak (GM): WHEEEEE
 
Ellemerr: I feel sorry for the guard captain.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
The Gravedigger: I demand... uh....
I demand... uh....
Amadi: COOKIES!
 
The Gravedigger: Yeah!
AMADI
Biscuits!
COOKIES!
Amadi: Cake!
 
The Gravedigger: Pastries!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Amadi: Weird pastries with cream in them!
Yeah! Biscuits!
The Gravedigger: And icing!
 
Amadi: And blueberry candy!
AMADI
The Gravedigger: Now, there's no need to be greedy.
Cake!
let's be reasonable, here.
 
Gaurav: I wish I wasn't dead so I could gape at everybody in confusion.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak (GM): Well, your torso is gaping.
Pastries!
That's a start.
 
Bear Soup Guy: zing
AMADI
Amadi: ... Reasonable?
Weird pastries with cream in them!
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
And icing!
 
AMADI
And blueberry candy!
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Now, there's no need to be greedy. Let's be reasonable, here.
 
AMADI
...Reasonable?
 
Amadi sounds confused.
Amadi sounds confused.
The Gravedigger: Your turn, Mr Captain.
 
Guard Captain picks up Dave complete and turns around and runs into the woods.
'''''Gaurav''' (Rhu): I wish I wasn't dead so I could gape at everybody in confusion.
The Gravedigger: Let's see some demands!
 
hey!
'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Well, your torso is gaping. That's a start.
Amadi: Hey!
 
The Gravedigger flings Amadi at the Captain
THE GRAVEDIGGER
The Gravedigger: CATCH
Your turn, Mr Captain. Let's see some demands!
Ganelon: "You forgot the other one!"
 
Ellemerr: ... Oh my.
Instead of responding, the guard captain picks up Dawn completely and turns around and runs into the woods.
Frezak (GM): Like a javelin.
 
SO she can stick her arms out like superman.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Ellemerr: I think we might need DM input on how that goes.
Hey!
Guard Captain: Roll improvised weapon: midget attack.
 
Gaurav: Incoming godling!
AMADI
Apheori (GM): Er, ooc.
Hey!
Frezak (GM): Or not, I don't care as long as she soars.
 
Ellemerr: Can I roll assist: being an improvised weapon? Or am I untrained in that?
The Gravedigger flings Amadi at the guard captain like a javelin.
Frezak (GM): Acrobatics to steer yourself?
 
Apheori (GM): Sure.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Ellemerr: Sounds good to me!
CATCH.
rolling 1d20 + 9
 
(
'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): "You forgot the other one!"
15
 
)
'''''Apheori (GM)''': Roll improvised weapon: midget attack.
+9
 
=
'''''Ellemerr''' (Amadi): Can I roll assist: being an improvised weapon? Or am I untrained in that?
24
 
Frezak (GM):
Amadi sails through the air and misses the guard captain completely, instead doing a faceplant into one of the graves. ''(rolled 11 attack, 24 assist)''
rolling 1D20+7+2
 
(
THE GRAVEDIGGER
2
Woops. Uh. Sorry about that!
)
 
+7+2
The remaining guard starts to run after and then just stops.
=
 
11
GUARD
Whoops
Um.
Ellemerr: ...
 
I am SO disappointed in you.
AMADI
Frezak (GM): I forget to let go.
...Ow.
I WAS EXCITED
 
I was caught up in the rush!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Apheori (GM): Amadi sails through the air and misses the guard captain completely, instead doing a faceplant into one of the graves.
Um. Sorry, it was the sugar.
The Gravedigger: Woops
 
Ellemerr: I could inspire competence but I doubt the +2 would be enough. >.>
AMADI
The Gravedigger: Uh
He's taking Dawn.
Apheori (GM): One of the guards runs after him as he disappears into the woods. The other says, "Um."
 
The Gravedigger: Sorry about that!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Amadi: ... Ow.
Is that a problem? For us, specifically? I mean, I can see it being bad for him.
The Gravedigger: Um.
 
Sorry, it was the sugar.
Amadi: He's taking Dave.
Dawn*
The Gravedigger: Is that a problem?
Ellemerr: Since Amadi calls her Dawn. Yes. I remember how my character works.
The Gravedigger: For us, specifically?
Radek looks at the last remaining guard.
Radek looks at the last remaining guard.
Radek: Run away, you fool. You're doomed if you stay and you're doomed twice over if you follow your comrades and... /Dave/.
 
The Gravedigger: I mean, I can see it being bad for him.
RADEK
Guard: Right, then.
Run away, you fool. You're doomed if you stay and you're doomed twice over if you follow your comrades and... ''Dave''.
The Gravedigger: If you could tell us where the nearest town is before you run that would be great.
 
Guard: I'm going home.
GUARD
Radek: ...I wish I could go home.
Right, then. I'm going home.
The Gravedigger: Don't worry about the corpses!
 
Amadi: Dawn doesn't have a Key. And we might need her later. And damnit NOW HOW ARE WE GOING TO DECIDE WHO'S THE WORST HOSTAGE?
RADEK
...I wish I could go home.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
If you could tell us where the nearest town is before you run that would be great. Don't worry about the corpses!
 
GUARD
You probably want Dorgin. It's down the road to the west.
 
He waits to see if there are going to be any other questions, then gets his leave on.
 
AMADI
Dawn doesn't have a Key. And we might need her later. And damnit NOW HOW ARE WE GOING TO DECIDE WHO'S THE WORST HOSTAGE?
 
Amadi kicks the grave angrily.
Amadi kicks the grave angrily.
The Gravedigger: I think I'm the worst hostage-take if that's any help.
 
Guard: You probably want Dorgin. It's down the road to the west.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Guard gets his leave on.
I think I'm the worst hostage-taker if that's any help.
Frezak (GM): I'll carefully reach in to see if I can help her out.
 
As in if she'll let me >.>
The Gravedigger carefully reaches into the grave to see if he can help Amadi out.
Apparently I /don't/ inspire competence.
 
Amadi tries ignoring Gravy and climb out herself, find out that she's much too short, and grudgingly accepts anyway.
Amadi tries ignoring Gravy and climbing out herself, finds out that she's much too short, and grudgingly accepts anyway.
(To Rhu): So Rhu... you could be doing better.
 
Frezak (GM): I'lll... uh.... get back to digging >.>
The Gravedigger goes back to digging graves for all the other corpses.
Gaurav: Is Rhu still unconscious?
 
Amadi approaches Rhu and Greibel.
Amadi approaches Rhu and Greibel.
Apheori (GM): Guarav: Yes and no.
 
Amadi: So, this is a mess.
AMADI
Apheori (GM): He's not conscious exactly, but he hears Hazz and he can speak if he wants to.
So, this is a mess.
(From Rhu): (I can't seem to whisper at Hazz, but this will do) ... *nods*
 
Greibel: Yeah...
GREIBEL
Do you have a thread and needle in your universe pockets, per chance?
Yeah... Do you have a thread and needle in your universe pockets, per chance?
(From Rhu): It looks worse than it is, really.
 
(From Rhu): Is this my end?
AMADI
Amadi: But what about cleaning up all of... that?
But what about cleaning up all of... that?
 
Amadi waves a hand over Rhu in general and his insides in particular and makes a disgusted face.
Amadi waves a hand over Rhu in general and his insides in particular and makes a disgusted face.
Greibel: Eh, the inside of the body is pretty disgusting in general
 
But right now we really need to sew him up so he doesn't die of exposure and stuff
GREIBEL
Frezak (GM): Stuff!
Eh, the inside of the body is pretty disgusting in general. But right now we really need to sew him up so he doesn't die of exposure and stuff.
Gaurav: Seeing as how everybody has run away, maybe the best move would be to stuff Rhu into the pocket universe and head for the city
 
(From Ellemerr): Does he seem to be more undeady horrible on the inside? Any reason for the eel to feel particularly bad about it?
HAZZ'RIDAN
Gaurav: They'll have doctors and stuff there, although I don't suppose they'd know anything about this zombie sitch
(such that only Rhu can hear him)
(To Rhu): Not today.
''So Rhu... you could be doing better.
(From Ellemerr): Particularly, does there seem to be any sort of "origin spot"?
 
Bear Soup Guy: The zombie thing will be more difficult to deal with yeah
RHU
But if I can just remind everyone, Rhu is literally cut open
(to Hazz, somewhere in his own mind)
His organs are visible
''It looks worse than it is, really. Is this my end?
Frezak (GM): Well we close his torso before we move him.
 
(To Ellemerr): He just got splashed. It's all it takes anymore, and in time, it won't even take that.
HAZZ'RIDAN
Bear Soup Guy: ^
''Not today.
Frezak (GM): Somehow.
 
(From Gaurav): Huh.
RHU
Hazz'ridan fixes Rhu.
''Huh. That's probably going to hurt like the dickens, then.
(From Rhu): That's probably going to hurt like the dickens, then.
 
Frezak (GM): I could wrap him up with rope.
Hazz'ridan fixes Rhu. Mostly. The gaping hole in his guts closes, and the zombiness fades away.
Oh.
 
great.
HAZZ'RIDAN
gods.
''Don't get infected. Avoid the darkness, if you can, but it will know you now.
Ganelon: How fixed, exactly?
''So '''keep it off.'''
Amadi: (in her most sarcastic voice) Lovely.
 
(To Rhu): Don't get infected. Avoid the darkness, if you can, but it will know you now. So keep it off.
AMADI
Apheori (GM): Wound closed, zombieness going away.
(in her most sarcastic voice)
Frezak (GM): Huh.
Lovely.
Well that's... that.
 
COuldn't do the eel, huh.
Rhu opens his eyes.
It's a God isalamari.
 
Apheori (GM): He can also wake up properly if he wants.
RHU
Rhu opens his eyes
The darkness will know me now. Er. Hi.
Rhu: The darkness will know me now.
 
Er.
AMADI
Hi.
Yes. Really, just... lovely.
Amadi: Yes. Really, just... lovely.
 
Greibel: I...well, okay. Sure.
GREIBEL
Rhu:
I... well, okay. Sure.
rolling 1d20+12 heal check on himself as he pats himself down
 
(
Rhu tries to stand up and zones out and gets a bit euphoric as a result. ''(rolled 5 reality)'' The he stands up properly and looks this way, then that. He looks up at the sky, then down at the ground. A small smile, shining with the joy of a life restored, fills his face, then explodes into a wide, wild, all-encompassing beam.
11
 
)
+12
=
23
Apheori (GM): You seem fine.
Rhu tries to stand up
Apheori (GM): Roll sanity.
Rhu:
rolling d20
(
5
)
=
5
Apheori (GM): Rhu zones out and gets a bit euphoric.
Ellemerr: brb
Frezak (GM): GODS.
Apheori (GM): Gods are the worst.
Rhu stands up and looks this way, then that. He looks up at the sky, then down at the ground. A small smile, shining with the joy of a life restores fills his face, then explodes into a wide, wild, all-encompassing beam.
Rhu steps towards the trees, falls into a grave and is knocked unconscious.
Rhu steps towards the trees, falls into a grave and is knocked unconscious.
Gaurav: And I'd strongly recommend you keep him that way, otherwise he's going to insist on going after Dave.
 
Apheori (GM): Quick! Bury him!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Ganelon: Yes!
Hey, that's for dead people! Outta my grave, darnit!
Gaurav: It's the only way.
</screenplay>
Well, that or the rope. Or the bottomless bag of doom.
 
Frezak (GM): Put the grave in the bag!
{{holes nav
The Gravedigger: Hey, that's for dead people!
|previous=Holes/Session 29
Outta my grave, darnit!
|next=Holes/Session 31
Ellemerr: Well, Amadi might insist on that on some point anyway. And she's harder to knock out.
}}
Frezak (GM): Well maybe if you ASK FIRST
Goddamed cultists.
Gaurav: Yeah, so, what's next? Don't make me wake Rhu up. You won't like him when he's awake.
Ganelon: I'm clueless.
Frezak (GM): CULTIST
Go to town?
Ganelon: Sure.
Gaurav: I like this plan, even if Rhu doesn't. I assume the guard will have to go back to the guardhouse eventually, and in the town they might know where that is.
Are we all, ah, covered in blood or something?
Frezak (GM): I shouldn't be.
Ellemerr: I'm not.
Frezak (GM): I mostly pounded on prone things.
Ellemerr: Dirt, maybe. I've done a lot of falling.
If that counts for "or something".
Bear Soup Guy: I probably have some of Rhu's blood and ick on me
Ellemerr: I think I should be more or less safe from eel ick considering it was in a pool.
Gaurav: Cool. To the town?
Ganelon: I'm as presentable as a murderously spiteful old man with a wet beard can get.
Ellemerr: Sure. Amadi will do some why-aren't-we-trying-to-get-Dave complaining, but not too heartfelt, and she'll follow Greibel nicely.
Frezak (GM): To the town!
Gravy will sing songs of his own devising.
Ganelon: They had better be good.
Frezak (GM): They won't be.
Ellemerr: "But we wacked them with our shovels and they died, died, died"?
Frezak (GM): They said the stuff was good and the lied, lied, lied!
But I already quoted that one.
Ellemerr: Oh.
It's the best one.
Apheori (GM): I've run out of material.
Should I just go back to making up random crap on the spot?
Frezak (GM): I thought that's what you always did?
Gaurav: Do it!
Apheori (GM): Only sometimes.
Most times.
>.>
Ellemerr: *shrugs* This is the problem you get when you actually run your game. I wish I had it.
Apheori (GM): What do you mean?
Frezak (GM): DONT LOOK AT ME
I WOULD ALSO LIKE THAT PROBLEM
YOU HAG
Ellemerr: I mean I haven't run my game for half a year and am getting more and more material that I'd like to spend, and it just... sits there. Waiting.
I WASN'T LOOKING AT YOU
EGOCENTRIC HOBO
Frezak (GM): brb
hag
Apheori (GM): >.<
Frezak (GM): ADVENTURE?
Gaurav: Adventure!
Ganelon: Adventure?
Seems unlikely.
Frezak (GM): I've given up on progress,at least let me have adventure.
Apheori (GM): Adventures are hard.
You know what?
Next week. Next week maybe I'll have something.
Right now I got nothing.
Ellemerr: I'm gone during the weekend again.
Apheori (GM): Oh, right.
Ellemerr: Last one for a while. Probably. Maybe.
Gaurav: I can't make next Monday or Tuesday. What about next Wednesday?
Bear Soup Guy: Tuesday again?
Ah
Gaurav: Hee
Sorry
Ellemerr: *shrug* Anything but friday-saturday-sunday.
Bear Soup Guy: I should be able to do Wednesday as far as I know
Frezak (GM): We're..... stopping now O.o
Ellemerr topples over.
Ellemerr: Sorry. >.<
Apheori (GM): I'm sorry.
Can I do wednesday?
Gaurav: Yes!
Apheori (GM): Can anyone not do wednesday?
Frezak (GM): This wednesday?
Or the one newt week?
Bear Soup Guy: Newt Week
Even better than Shark Week
Frezak (GM): It's far less dangerous.
FOr training purposes.
Bear Soup Guy: Some newts are poisonous!
Gaurav: I see you've never met a newt by moonlight
Frezak (GM): It's not Newt Licking Week!
Bear Soup Guy: Fair point
Apheori (GM): But not an ill met newt by noonlight either.
Gaurav: Well said.
Frezak (GM): I... think I can do next wednesday but I can't be sure.
Until the actual newty week.
Bear Soup Guy: Newts bring with them a certain clarity
Gaurav: Truth.
Until next week, then?
Frezak (GM): APPARENTLY
Apheori (GM): We'll see the newt, then.
And raise a newt?
Gaurav: NOT in my intestines this time I hope.
Bear Soup Guy: ^
Apheori (GM): Oh, good idea.
Gaurav: Have fun, everybody, and thanks for bringing me back from the dead and stuff.
Apheori (GM): You never actually died, man.
Gaurav: It felt like dying. There was a bright light and everything. But that was my own body.
Bear Soup Guy: "I don't want to go."
Okay bye everyone! See you next week!
Frezak (GM): >.>
Gaurav: Bbye BSG!
Frezak (GM): Goodbye you heroes.
Ellemerr is passed out somewhere.
Apheori (GM) passes out on top of Ellemerr.
Gaurav vanishes in a flurry of eels
</pre>

Revision as of 23:58, 9 February 2015

≪ PreviousNext ≫
Session 30 (Overview)
EXT. Farmhouse - night
The Gravedigger, Greibel, Radek, Rhu, and Dawn are all in front of the farmhouse. Amadi is sitting under a tree nearby, having recently fallen out. Two remaining guards are also nearby. The dog that was previously present has run off at this point.
There are body parts all over the ground, as well as some more really stinky bodies lying around.
Rhu seems to have an eel in his major intestine.
Rhu looks around at everybody imploringly.
RHU
I... think... eel... in my...
He points to his stomach area, then keels over and starts to groan.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'm going to need more graves.
DAWN
Hey Gravedigger, you know how you didn't turn into a zombie?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Always?
Dawn points to Rhu.
DAWN
Check it out!
Greibel moves over to check on Rhu. (rolled 26 heal) He seems ill. Like, really ill. Possibly about to go into shock.
Dawn sits down on the dead guard's body to watch.
Amadi picks herself off the ground, checks the tree for fall damage, and looks in Dawn's general direction.
RHU
Oh. OH.
Rhu grins and then passes out.
Amadi trots over to the others to get a better look at this very interesting eel business.
GREIBEL
I think Rhu just realized how he's going to get that thing out of there...
Radek sighs and pushes the two guardsmen aside.
RADEK
Out of the way. Doctor, mechanic, and all-around genius passing through.
The guard captain follows him, mostly for lack of anything better to do. The other guard wanders off to check on the area or something.
RADEK
Hmm...
Radek looks meaningfully at his eyebot.
Amadi moves slowly around the guard, tip-toeing behind Radek, and attempts to get next to Dawn without her noticing. She probably looks totally silly and obvious while doing this.
Dawn moos at Amadi.
Amadi makes spider noises at Dawn.
RADEK
I'm going to cut him open.
Radek injects Rhu with the inappropriately-named Restorative Infusion, which restores jack shit, but does give him 20 temporary HP. Then he has the eyebot bore into his flesh with a laser.
The Gravedigger holds Rhu down.
The guard captain watches in horror and then sort of helps hold Rhu down.
The eel squirms in Rhu's intestines.
Dawn offers Amadi something that looks like popcorn but is probably actually fried exploded crickets or something.
Amadi takes the not-popcorn and hands Dawn a can of mountain dew. Possibly of the variety you actually find in mountains in the morning.
Both watch Rhu intently.
The eyebot's laser cuts Rhu open (rolled 14 heal), somehow also partially guided by Greibel (rolled 31 heal (natural 20)). There is little blood, but a bunch of slimy slippery organs are revealed, bulging and pulsing in all manner of funny organ-colours.
In one of the intestines, there is an eel-shaped lump.
Radek redirects the eyebot to then cut that open. (rolled 21 heal) Greibel nods, not intervening this time.
Dawn and Amadi lean closer.
The intestine comes open with a little seepage, revealing the eel, no longer moving. Just sitting there.
RADEK
Well, I'll be. That really is an eel.
GREIBEL
It sure is.
Greibel has a go at talking to the eel (rolled 28 nature), but it fails to respond. Instead, he gets a sense of utter panic and the feeling that there's something horribly wrong with the Rhu it's surrounded by and the eel doesn't even want to touch it, let alone eat it.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
He's a Hazz cultist, he should know about slimy tentacly things.
DAWN
(to Amadi)
He pissed someone off, didn't he?
RADEK
Could we get a tank of water over here?
Radek looks expectantly at the godlings.
Amadi shrugs.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Guard! Get a bucket of water! This eel needs our help!
The guard captain looks around in confusion.
GUARD CAPTAIN
Um...
He wanders off looking for a bucket.
AMADI
I wasn't paying attention.
Amadi starts pulling a pool out of her pocket.
DAWN
Huh? Oh.
Amadi keeps pulling at the pool. It's a kiddy garden pool. Very pretty patterns and cheerful colours.
Dawn looks impatient, then drops a tank of water on Radek's head. The tank disappears immediately after, leaving Radek drenched.
DAWN
Er... that didn't work either.
Words cannot accurately describe the look Radek gives Dawn for this.
Amadi looks disappointedly at Dawn and the wasted water.
Dawn hides behind Amadi.
Amadi very quickly gets the last bits of pool out of her pocket and tries (and fails) to look innocent.
At some point the other guard wanders up and then just decides to stay out of all of this.
Rhu wakes up and starts screaming.
The Gravedigger nuts him with his mighty skull, knocking him out again.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Sorry, Rhu.
Radek grabs the eel and pulls it out. As soon as he does, the eel calms down a fair bit and starts actually struggling.
Radek tosses it in the pool, then stabs Rhu with two of his healing syringes and walks off to wring water out of his beard.
Amadi makes eel noises.
The eel flies into the pool and swims around a bit.
Unfortunately, despite their intended effect, the syringes don't actually do anything. The hole in Rhu remains a hole in Rhu.
Ganelon (Radek): This has ceased to be Radek's problem. As far as he's concerned.
Greibel examines Rhu and realises Rhu might be turning into a zombie, hence the syringes not actually working. (rolled 32 heal)
Greibel panics a bit.
Amadi attempts talking with the eel.
AMADI
(in eel)
You really didn't like Rhu, did you? Is the pool okay? It was the only one I had on me. I think.
Amadi gets a sense of terror from the eel. It tells her it can feel itself changing, dying, like the horrible place it was, and it's helpless, utterly helpless...
Amadi looks at Rhu and sighs. Then she leans into the pool and tries to help/fix the eel. (rolled 12 reality) The eel swims around her hands.
Rhu wakes up again.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
All good, eel's out!
GREIBEL
Rhu? How you feeling, buddy? Sorry about the, uh... open chest cavity.
Rhu blinks.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Sorry about the skull thing, too.
Amadi looks up from her eel for a moment.
AMADI
Oh, yeah, um, Rhu, dear, you're probably contagious in some way or other. But it might only count if someone gets stuck in your guts.
Amadi goes back to her eel.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I was improvising. Contagious? What, MORE EELS?
The Gravedigger hides behind Amadi.
AMADI
(without looking up this time)
Oh, I hope not. Poor eels.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Oh, okay.
The Gravedigger ceases hiding.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well, what then?
AMADI
Just the general horribleness, you know. Death and undead and stuff. Zombies. Possibly Krasue or killer squash, but I don't think so.
The eel swims around sadly.
The Gravedigger tries to hand Rhu some booze.
Rhu closes his eyes and just sort of lies there in sickness and pain.
The Gravedigger pokes Rhu with the bottle.
Rhu ignores the poking.
RHU
Did you get it out?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Yep.
Dawn goes and tries to fix the eel too. (rolled 10 reality) The eel dies.
Amadi looks very sad, and says eely death-prayers in eel.
RHU
So... I guess I'm infected with some sort of zombie thing.
Rhu finally accepts the bottle and tries to drink some without turning over too much, wincing as he does.
AMADI
It's a bad sort of zombie thing.
Amadi points to the dead eel as case in point.
RHU
(he nods)
Is there any other kind?
AMADI
There's the kind that gets better when I tell it to? And there's that one kind that dances polka! I love that kind.
The Gravedigger gets to digging.
GREIBEL
Guys, is there any reason I shouldn't mend this gaping hole in Rhu's body?
Rhu tries to stand up, but Greibel holds him down.
Dawn runs to push Rhu back down as well.
DAWN
Woah, woah, woah, careful!
Rhu looks down and notices that his abdomen is still very precisely sliced open.
RHU
Oh, right.
Rhu lies back and prays to Hazz' for strength and guidance and so on. (rolled 20 religion)
Frezak (Gravy): Guidance, strenth, blah blah blah, you know the drill, Lord.
Gaurav (Rhu): More like "srsly dude eels and zombification? in one day? I hope you thought this through."
Rhu suddenly finds he can't move and then passes out again. To the others, he looks almost like he's glowing.
AMADI
(with some contempt)
Oh, god...
Suddenly the guard captain grabs Dawn and holds a gun to her head.
GUARD CAPTAIN
Everyone stop! Just stop!
Amadi rises her eyebrows in a "Well, he's lost it" manner.
The Gravedigger glances at the captain then resumes digging.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
That's a terrible idea.
Radek doesn't stop, but he's washed his hands of this mess already so it's probably not relevant to him anyways.
GUARD CAPTAIN
Stop! Stop!
DAWN
Oy.
AMADI
Stop what, exactly?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
These graves won't dig themselves. Trust me. I'm a expert.
GUARD CAPTAIN
You won't take me! You can't!
The guard captain starts backing away, pulling Dawn with him.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Seriously. Terrible idea. That is the worst hostage ever.
AMADI
(looking offended)
Hey! I could be a much worse hostage!
The Gravedigger peers out the grave.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Okay, then.
DAWN
(still being dragged away)
Oh, you are on!
Dawn elbows the guard captain in the gut. He doesn't seem to notice.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Switch and see. Actually.
The Gravedigger leaps out the grave and grabs Amadi.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Nobody move or the midget gets it! Short person? Whatever you are. Gnome?
GUARD CAPTAIN
(uncertainly)
Stop! Stay back!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Dwarf?
GUARD CAPTAIN
Shut up!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
You're supposed to make demands I think.
AMADI
YOU shut up! We're having a very important experiment here!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Silent, hostage!
Amadi giggles. Loudly.
The Gravedigger hold Amadi up and wobbles her about a bit.
Amadi looks like she might be made of jelly for a bit. Very wobbly.
Greibel looks back and forth and slowly realizes that everyone has lost their minds.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I demand... uh....
AMADI
COOKIES!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Yeah! Biscuits!
AMADI
Cake!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Pastries!
AMADI
Weird pastries with cream in them!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
And icing!
AMADI
And blueberry candy!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Now, there's no need to be greedy. Let's be reasonable, here.
AMADI
...Reasonable?
Amadi sounds confused.
Gaurav (Rhu): I wish I wasn't dead so I could gape at everybody in confusion.
Frezak (Gravy): Well, your torso is gaping. That's a start.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Your turn, Mr Captain. Let's see some demands!
Instead of responding, the guard captain picks up Dawn completely and turns around and runs into the woods.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hey!
AMADI
Hey!
The Gravedigger flings Amadi at the guard captain like a javelin.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
CATCH.
Ganelon (Radek): "You forgot the other one!"
Apheori (GM): Roll improvised weapon: midget attack.
Ellemerr (Amadi): Can I roll assist: being an improvised weapon? Or am I untrained in that?
Amadi sails through the air and misses the guard captain completely, instead doing a faceplant into one of the graves. (rolled 11 attack, 24 assist)
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Woops. Uh. Sorry about that!
The remaining guard starts to run after and then just stops.
GUARD
Um.
AMADI
...Ow.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Um. Sorry, it was the sugar.
AMADI
He's taking Dawn.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Is that a problem? For us, specifically? I mean, I can see it being bad for him.
Radek looks at the last remaining guard.
RADEK
Run away, you fool. You're doomed if you stay and you're doomed twice over if you follow your comrades and... Dave.
GUARD
Right, then. I'm going home.
RADEK
...I wish I could go home.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
If you could tell us where the nearest town is before you run that would be great. Don't worry about the corpses!
GUARD
You probably want Dorgin. It's down the road to the west.
He waits to see if there are going to be any other questions, then gets his leave on.
AMADI
Dawn doesn't have a Key. And we might need her later. And damnit NOW HOW ARE WE GOING TO DECIDE WHO'S THE WORST HOSTAGE?
Amadi kicks the grave angrily.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I think I'm the worst hostage-taker if that's any help.
The Gravedigger carefully reaches into the grave to see if he can help Amadi out.
Amadi tries ignoring Gravy and climbing out herself, finds out that she's much too short, and grudgingly accepts anyway.
The Gravedigger goes back to digging graves for all the other corpses.
Amadi approaches Rhu and Greibel.
AMADI
So, this is a mess.
GREIBEL
Yeah... Do you have a thread and needle in your universe pockets, per chance?
AMADI
But what about cleaning up all of... that?
Amadi waves a hand over Rhu in general and his insides in particular and makes a disgusted face.
GREIBEL
Eh, the inside of the body is pretty disgusting in general. But right now we really need to sew him up so he doesn't die of exposure and stuff.
HAZZ'RIDAN
(such that only Rhu can hear him)
So Rhu... you could be doing better.
RHU
(to Hazz, somewhere in his own mind)
It looks worse than it is, really. Is this my end?
HAZZ'RIDAN
Not today.
RHU
Huh. That's probably going to hurt like the dickens, then.
Hazz'ridan fixes Rhu. Mostly. The gaping hole in his guts closes, and the zombiness fades away.
HAZZ'RIDAN
Don't get infected. Avoid the darkness, if you can, but it will know you now.
So keep it off.
AMADI
(in her most sarcastic voice)
Lovely.
Rhu opens his eyes.
RHU
The darkness will know me now. Er. Hi.
AMADI
Yes. Really, just... lovely.
GREIBEL
I... well, okay. Sure.
Rhu tries to stand up and zones out and gets a bit euphoric as a result. (rolled 5 reality) The he stands up properly and looks this way, then that. He looks up at the sky, then down at the ground. A small smile, shining with the joy of a life restored, fills his face, then explodes into a wide, wild, all-encompassing beam.
Rhu steps towards the trees, falls into a grave and is knocked unconscious.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hey, that's for dead people! Outta my grave, darnit!


≪ PreviousNext ≫
Session 30 (Overview)
Retrieved from ‘https://wiki.zaori.org/w/index.php?title=Holes/Session_30&oldid=2756’

Most bar fights I've seen end up with maybe one or two decently thrown punches, before they just fall over and start grabbing and flailing around like idiots.