Difference between revisions of "Holes/Session 8"

A fragment of the Garden of Remembering
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<pre>
{{holes nav
|top=true
|previous=Holes/Session 7
|next=Holes/Session 9
}}
 
<screenplay>
EXT. Car over dry, dusty woods - morning
 
The party, now with an extra Amadi, is headed back to the sinkhole.


Apheori (GM): So what, you all were going to the hole again or something?
Also it should be noted that at least Radek and Gravy probably expect the car to run out of battery at some point. Maybe. You could roll a thingy to try to tell what's powering it, because it could last indefinitely.
Or did you already roll that?
Bear Soup Guy: I don't think we checked that
Although now I remember I was gone most of last session
Or was that the session before?
Ganelon: I'll roll a thingy.
Bear Soup Guy: Hrrrrrm
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20+10
(
3
)
+10
=
13
Mm, yes, these cup-holders are definitely in fine working order.
Apheori (GM): Snrk.
Ganelon: If there was a "satisfaction" gauge on this vehicle, we'd be doing great.
Apheori (GM): So I guess all you know is it's not gravity-based because otherwise it'd have been wrecked. Which only kind of narrows it down since folks'll drop in whatever the hell kind of power source they feel like.
Ganelon: It's probably magic.
Apheori (GM): Oh, they're almost all at least somewhat magic.
Ganelon: Maybe I'll just spare us the trouble of it running out and convert the whole thing into magical dust.
But not right now.
Apheori (GM): Snrk.
Gaurav: How far away is the tree? Is it practicable to walk there from the village if CAR breaks down?
Apheori (GM): Three days, someone said.
Gaurav: Also, if we're running low on battery, or might be, we might want to go follow the river upstream first. Althoguh that could end very, very badly if we do run out of battery there.
eeks
Apheori (GM): Oh, and I figured out the geography!
The river is really long!
I mean... well, it's kind of long.
Gaurav: YAY! do you have maps? can we have maps?
Apheori (GM): It seems long to ME.
I have a blob.
There's a little blob above it.
And some dots. For cities.
And an X for the hole.
Frezak (GM): Hooole
Gaurav: nice! I guess it'd be cheating for us to get a copy? We should probably be drawing our own map or something.
Apheori (GM): Get to a city proper and just buy one or something.
Gaurav: I worry that this campaign is going to end with Gravy ascending to some sort of hole-based goddom
Frezak (GM): Ask the willagers where the big city is!
'descending', surely.
Gaurav: Did I say "worry"? I meant "excited".
Apheori (GM): But seriously, don't buy a map. I can't draw.
Gaurav: So: are we at the hole? Did we bring Amadi?
Apheori (GM): You're in the car and Amadi climbed in uninvited.
Gaurav: So: hole or river?
Or even
Rhu: So: hole or river?
Gaurav: P.S. lunch today is kale and it is delicious.
Ganelon: Juuuust so you know.
Roll20 actually has a thing for this.
Like if we want images of stuff our characters own, such as maps.
Gaurav: Do they have tools for that? Or do you just upload an image?
Ganelon: It's a specific feature of the journal.
Amadi: Oh, can I just draw a blob somewhere?
Apheori (GM): Er, oops.
Gan: Can I draw a blob directly in it?
Ganelon: No, that would be inadvisable anyways since this is almost worse than Microsoft Paint.
Frezak (GM): You mean image handouts, Gan?
Amadi starts drawing something on Greibel's back.
Amadi starts drawing something on Greibel's back.
Ganelon: But you can upload an image to the Handouts thing in the journal.
 
Yarr, that.
Greibel twitches uncomfortably, but doesn't stop her.
Gaurav: Have the pigeons poop us a map.
 
Greibel twitches uncomfortably
RHU
Gaurav: like, on the ground. Not ... never mind.
You can't drink with gills. That's like drinking with alveoli. It doesn't make sense.
Frezak (GM): Draw on the porridge.
 
Gaurav: Can characters upload stuff? Or is it DM only?
haha, you'll tickle it
Apheori (GM): This thing doesn't support vector images. >.>
Well, ANYWAY.
FLYING.
FLY SOMEWHERE.
YOUR DM COMMANDS YOU.
Frezak (GM): Hole, I think.
And push Amadi in.
Rhu: I vote river, but ... okay.
Frezak (GM): Well.
Rhu takes the car up and points it holewards
Frezak (GM): What could we do with the river?
I was given to understand that it was the earth that was the problem.
Apheori (GM): Follow it elsewhere. Get information.
Become very confused.
Frezak (GM): Dammit.
Back in 15 >.>
Apheori (GM): Ghuh.
Rhu: I thought there was a hint of something interesting at the end of it, but perusing the logs I find nothing.
Greibel: You can lead a party of reluctant adventurers to the river
But you can't make us drink
Amadi: But you will drink. You will.
But will you drink with gills?
Gaurav: Plus, Rhu still thinks that something might happen when Amadi and the Hole get to know each other. Plus plus, I don't think we ever got Greibel to poke into the druid magic around the little tree on the big tree.
Greibel looks disappointed "I...I don't have gills." :(
Amadi: Look! An idiot!
Amadi points down toward a zombie.
Apheori (GM): At least it might be a zombie.
Greibel: Exciting.
Rhu: You can't drink with gills. That's like drinking with alveoli. It doesn't make sense.
Woah!
Gaurav: How far from the tree are we?
Amadi pauses, looks confused, and then points toward Rhu instead.
Apheori (GM): Near but not at, I suppose.
Also let's hold up for Frezak to get back.
Radek chuckles quietly to himself.
Radek chuckles quietly to himself.
Gaurav: We'll stay airborne and watch this zombie while we wait. Can you describe him/her for us?
 
Frezak (GM): Eh, you can keep going.
They pass over a zombie and park above it. It's kind of big, rotting, wearing torn clothes, and lurching around aimlessly. It looks like it was probably a villager, and has something of a hole in its head, which is glowing ever so slightly.
Apheori (GM): Okay, the zombie... it's kind of big, appears to be rotting, wearing torn clothes, and lurching around aimlessless.
 
There's something of a hole in its head.
GREIBEL
Rhu mutters to himself: "Holes ... there's something about everything that's going on and holes ..."
Poor guy. It's probably really hard for him to play guitar.
Apheori (GM): Big like the large guy in town, not a flat-out giant.
 
Greibel: Poor guy. It's probably really hard for him to play guitar.
RHU
Rhu: We'll get him a double bass.
We'll get him a double bass.
Amadi: He remembers.
 
Radek: ...What?
AMADI
Amadi: You know, seventeen.
He remembers.
Radek: I don't know any such thing.
 
Greibel: Seventeen must be his favorite double bass song...
RADEK
Apheori (GM): Kyrule likes threes. Optimist. It'll bite him in the arse.
...What?
Amadi: Kyrule likes threes. Optimist. It'll bite him in the arse.
 
Apheori (GM): Ghah.
AMADI
Gaurav: Should I do a religion check to see if I know who Kyrule is? Or is it something obvious that Rhu would know?
Kyrule likes threes. Optimist. It'll bite him in the arse.
Apheori (GM): You don't know.
 
She's rambling.
RHU
Gaurav: Rhu knows that name, though. Hazz'ridan mentioned it earlier, while we were chatting.
(to Amadi)
Apheori (GM): Oh, okay.
Who's Kyrule? Hazz'ridan spoke of him when we... communed yesterday.
Well you still don't know who it is. >.>
 
Rhu: (to Amadi) Who's Kyrule? Hazz'ridan spoke of him when we ... communed yesterday.
Amadi starts giggling.
Amadi starts giggling.
Gaurav: Plus, Rhu is slightly in awe of Amadi and assumes that everything she says must contain a nugget of deep wisdom &c.
 
Apheori (GM): Bahahahah.
AMADI
Sorry.
The Hazz would know! Of course it would. The Hazz knows lots of things, has a thing for knowing, you know, knowing things. Lots of things. But not here. Here it's not so much about that. It's much more subtle. Threads.
I hope don't ruin this too much for Ellemerr...
 
Ganelon: See, it's stuff like this that makes Radek disdainful of the gods.
Amadi: The Hazz would know! Of course it would. The Hazz knows lots of things, has a thing for knowing, you know, knowing things. Lots of things. But not here. Here it's not so much about that. It's much more subtle. Threads.
Ganelon: Everyone's crazy, but divine people are just the *worst* sort of crazy.
Gaurav: Hey, Rhu's god just spoke with him yesterday. He's not at his criticalest. He'll be back.
Amadi: Bean threads, tapioca, and tentacles!
Rhu nods sagely.
Rhu nods sagely.
Apheori (GM): Amadi's crazy ain't divine crazy, though.
 
At least I don't think it is.
But someone could totally start a religion around it nonetheless.
Ganelon: She talks about gods enough for Radek to be convinced they're responsible for her madness.
Greibel: I'd join a religion of secular lunacy
err
Apheori (GM): Heh, he might be onto somethere there.
Bear Soup Guy: OOC
Apheori (GM): Heh.
Bear Soup Guy: Does this game have a "mad god"?
Gaurav: No no, I love the idea of Greibel just thinking and thinking and thinking and then saying something completely random.
Apheori (GM): Just one?
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Apheori (GM): XD
Does it tell you anything that Amadi's sanity bonus is currently down as '10 - (?) + cat'
?
Bear Soup Guy: That tells me wonderful things
Gaurav: only one cat? that's not very insane.
Apheori (GM): She exists as a person most of the time. How insane could she get?
Or was that the cat?
Well, the cat is insane, if that makes things worse.
Amadi hums the Star Wars theme song.
Amadi hums the Star Wars theme song.
Ganelon: Yeah, you can't just ignore the cat's opinion on things.
 
Rhu: Oooh, that's dramatic.
RHU
Greibel pantomimes music conducting
Oooh, that's dramatic.
Gaurav: brb 2 mins
 
Apheori (GM): Are we all here now?
Greibel pantomimes music conducting.
Gaurav: yes!
 
Bear Soup Guy: Beedle
GREIBEL
Apheori (GM): Frezak?
Time travel zombies...
Gaurav: Have we seen any roads while we've been on this planet? Or any vehicles at the village?
 
Apheori (GM): They had carts!
RHU
Roads appeared to be hard dirt.
(yelling down at the zombie)
But there's a lot of hard dirt.
HELLO DOWN THERE!
Gaurav: Did we ever see the carts harnessed to anything?
 
Bear Soup Guy imagines the willagers pulling each other around in carts
The zombie walks into a tree and groans horribly.
Bear Soup Guy: Willy sillagers
 
Ganelon: Frezak's away.
GREIBEL
Mike B.: Damn Republicans cutting funding for infrastructure.
Awww, he likes you!
Ganelon: I'm not sure what for, but it should be a while.
 
Apheori (GM): None of the carts ever moved.
RHU
When you were there.
It's disgusting. I think we should put it out of its misery.
So you don't know what they do wit hthem.
 
Rhu: Mysterious.
RADEK
Bear Soup Guy: Clearly some sort of arcane cart ritual
I never did understand why some wizards prefer to animate organic bodies. It's simply lazy, it is. Sure, they might be able to move if their muscles are intact, but for how long, and how well?
Gaurav: Maybe that's what the giant was trying to tell us
 
Bear Soup Guy: "Watch out for those magic carts"
RHU
Gaurav: Maybe he has to pull them around
We should kill it.
Amadi: Vanishing carts.
 
They fit in your pocket, but they really weigh you down.
GREIBEL
Apheori (GM): Okay, so do something, then.
Well that would just be redundant.
Although this would all go a lot better if we could ever have a session with everyone entirely here.
 
Ganelon: It really would.
RHU
Bear Soup Guy: Considering our time zone discrepancies and immense potential for distraction, we still do pretty well
We should kill it ''again''. Kill it further.
Ganelon: So there's a zombie underneath us?
 
Gaurav: BSG: Truth!
RADEK
Apheori (GM): Yes.
Certainly.
And yes.
 
Gaurav: Does the zombie look male? Or is it not obvious given decomposition?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Ganelon: Would this be a magical zombie?
Burn it. Ashes don't have muscles. Anyone have a flamethrower?
Or one of those disease-based ones the kids are all talking about these days?
Or... let's drop it into the rift. I can use Mr. Grapples.
Apheori (GM): Er... what's the difference?
 
Judging by the size and general proportions it appears it was male. Now it's mostly a grey heap of ambling grossness.
RHU
Well, okay, slight overstatement perhaps, but it looks like a zombie.
EW! Bring that THING on board? It SMELLS.
Rhu: Ew.
 
Ganelon: Well, there could be quite a few differences, but the two I'm primarily concerned with are:
THE GRAVEDIGGER
- Is it infectious?
No, have it dangle.
- Did someone animate this corpse intentionally (with magic)?
 
Apheori (GM): Hmm.
GREIBEL
Rhu:
Pfff. You can't smell it from here.
rolling 1d20+12 perception check to see if I can determine anything about the creature
 
(
THE GRAVEDIGGER
9
This way we don't bet bitten or clawed or gooked.
)
 
+12
RHU
=
21
Apheori (GM): Good questions!
Gaurav: ... bearing in mind that Avengers have an attack that only works against the undead, so I guess we had to take ... zombie classes in school
Ganelon: Technically it could also be a magic zombie if... residual magics played a part in its creation.
Apheori (GM): Rhu discerns that it was probably animated with magic.
He also notices that the hole in its head is glowing slightly.
Gaurav: Same sort of glow as the tree and the pool?
Rhu suddenly has a sinking feeling in his stomach.
Apheori (GM): ...yes.
Rhu: You ... you don't suppose that's Azir, do you?
Radek: Eh?
Greibel: No silly, that's a zombie
Rhu: Well, he vanished in the glowing pool. Maybe he came back ... not entirely alive. And glowing.
Ganelon: Well if he's bringing it up, what would you like me to roll to see if it resembles Azir?
Apheori (GM): Unless you suddenly forgot how big Azir is, I don't think you need to roll. >.>
Unless he got bigger.
Bear Soup Guy: The bloating occuring with corpsification could get somebody bigger :P
Apheori (GM): Hmm.
What should you roll?
For that.
Bear Soup Guy: Then again they probably lose a lot of moisture too
Apheori (GM): Naw, it doesn't look like Azir.
Doesn't look like anyone in particular.
Also looks to have been dead for awhile.
And the hole makes it harder to tell much...
Bear Soup Guy: Time travel zombies
Actually, I like that one
Greibel: Time travel zombies...
Amadi: No, I don't think you want to eat that. It's testicles, you know.
Greibel: Huh....good to know.
Amadi: Hmm?
Greibel: The testicles thing
Amadi: Oh, I didn't order it.
Greibel: Oh, that's quite alright then
Rhu, did you order testicles?
Rhu shakes his head
Rhu: (to the zombie) "HELLO DOWN THERE"
Apheori (GM): The zombie walks into a tree and groans horribly.
Greibel: Awww, he likes you!
Rhu quivers
Rhu: It's disgusting. I think we should put it out of its misery.
Radek: I never did understand why some wizards prefer to animate organic bodies. It's simply lazy, it is.
Frezak (GM): Wassup?
Wassgoinoooon?
Gaurav: Hullo!
Bear Soup Guy: We're looking at a zombie
Gaurav: There's a zombie.
Like he said.
Frezak (GM): Whazzit doin' ?
Radek: Sure, they might be able to move if their muscles are intact, but for how long, and how well?
Frezak (GM): ZOMBIE?
WHY ARE WE NOT BURYING IT?
Rhu: We should kill it.
Greibel: Well that would just be redundant
Rhu: We should kill it _again_.
Kill it further.
Radek: Certainly.
Mike B.: I've met people in D&D games with absolutely no life, but this is ridiculous.
The Gravedigger: Burn it.
Ashes don't have muscles.
Anyone have a flamethrower?
Bear Soup Guy: Thanks, Mike!
Ganelon: I think he's making a zombie joke.
Bear Soup Guy: Oh, I just got that
Hah!
Ganelon: Rather than just being incredibly rude.
Apheori (GM): Oooh.
Mike B.: My jokes usually have that effect.
Gaurav: Rhu's antipathy for zombies aside, we should probably just leave it and move on. It might be important later. Or something.
Frezak (GM): Aside from the the fact that the 'people' you meet 'in' D&D games are NPCs and therefore of course not alive what with being figments of a collective imagination.
Apheori (GM): Gaurav: Don't say things like that. Play the character, screw things up!
Frezak (GM): Where is this zomble, then?
Apheori (GM): Or not.
Under you. Not directly, but... well, you know.
Frezak (GM): Where are /we/ ?
Apheori (GM): You're like hovering above it. You were on the way to the tree/hole. Kind of near it but not at.
Frezak (GM): We could throw it into the hole.
Gaurav: Ooooh. I like that idea.
Mike B.: I say we make it a slave.
Frezak (GM): I have this grappling hook, right....
Bear Soup Guy: He and Rasputin would probably get along splendidly
Gaurav: Are you saying this in character?
The Gravedigger: Let's drop it into the rift.
I can use Mr. Grapples.
Rhu: EW! Bring that THING on board? It SMELLS.
The Gravedigger: Now, have it dangle.
Greibel: Pfff. You can't smell it from here
The Gravedigger: This way we don't bet bitten or clawed or gooked.
Rhu: ...
What if it climbs up the rope?
What if it climbs up the rope?
The Gravedigger: It's going to have a grappling hook going through it's body.
 
I doubt it's going to be agile enough to ninja it's way up.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Rhu: ...
It's going to have a grappling hook going through it's body. I doubt it's going to be agile enough to ninja it's way up.
Okay
 
Greibel: But just think
RHU
"Zombie Ninjas"....
...Okay.
Radek: We could also just cut the rope at any point.
But if it does anything funny, I'm landing the car on top of its head. And then I'm doing that again
Rhu: But if it does anything funny, I'm landing the CAR on top of its head
 
And then I'm doing that again
GREIBEL
Yeah, that's true.
But just think. "Zombie Ninjas"...
Okay.
 
Radek: You're not crashing this vehicle into anything while I'm aboard.
RADEK
Rhu: It might be useful to see what the pool is up to today vis-a-vis elven bodies before jumping in.
We could also just cut the rope at any point.
The Gravedigger: All righty.
 
Time to snatch up some dead meat.
RHU
Rhu: Not crashing, landing. You won't feel a thing. Well, maybe a squishy sort of thump.
Yeah, that's true. Okay.
The Gravedigger: Sure.
 
This guy will keep.
RADEK
A squelch.
You're not crashing this vehicle into anything while I'm aboard.
 
RHU
It might be useful to see what the pool is up to today vis-a-vis bodies before jumping in.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
All righty. Time to snatch up some dead meat.
 
RHU
Not crashing, landing. You won't feel a thing. Well, maybe a squishy sort of thump.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Sure. This guy will keep. A squelch.
 
Greibel sings cattily "We're gonna catch a zoooombie. We're gonna catch a zooooooombie!"
Greibel sings cattily "We're gonna catch a zoooombie. We're gonna catch a zooooooombie!"
Rhu: That's the one.
 
Frezak (GM): IT'S GRAPPLE TIME
RHU
Mr Grapples! FLYYYY
That's the one.
rolling 1D20+5
 
(
The Gravedigger throws his grappling hook at the zombie, but misses. ''(rolled 8 vs AC)''
3
 
)
Radek shoots a look of disappointment at Gravy, though it may be a bit hard to read through all the chrome.
+5
 
=
The Gravedigger tries again, and this time hooks the thing. ''(rolled 17 vs AC)'' It winds up with a bit of a large tear through it, but doesn't fall apart.
8
 
noooo
RHU
Mr. Grapples!
Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew.
You betray me!
 
Apheori (GM): Dude, you missed. You missed a zombie trying to walk through a tree.
They raise the vehicle enough to pick up the zombie by a metre or so and carry it toward the hole. It dangles and makes funny noises. Waves its arms a bit. Tries to grab a passing tree.
HOW?
 
Bear Soup Guy: XD
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak (GM): BECAUSE I AM NOT PROFICIENT WITH GRAPPLING HOOKS AS A WEAPON.
HELLO DOWN THERE MISTER ZOMBIE.
TURNS OUT GRAVEDIGGERS DONT DO THAT MUCH.
 
Radek shoots a look of disappointment at Gravy.
GREIBEL
Frezak (GM): Can I try again, kind DM?
It's so nice that we can have pets like this.
Ganelon: It may be hard to read through all the chrome.
 
Mike B.: If anything, the zombie is probably pissed off that we tried to take him to school.
Greibel strokes Rasputin.
Frezak (GM): That look hurts.
 
Because it meant that he had hope in Gravy.
The zombie doesn't appear to notice. It grabs a tree and clings.
Oh, and did we roll perception on him?
 
Gaurav: Maybe we could dangle something in front of it and lure it along?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Apheori (GM): You didn't wreck the hook.
Radek? Take off it's arm.
You can always try again if things are still... well, there and stuff. And not wrecked or what have you.
 
Frezak (GM): I'll try another hooking.
RHU
rolling 1D20+5
(
12
)
+5
=
17
Apheori (GM): And I dunno, did anyone roll perception?
Gaurav: Yep. I rolled 9+12=21 perception.
Frezak (GM): BAH.
That's my minimum.
I gan get 21 on a crit fail.
Apheori (GM): Roll for damage.
Gaurav: We noticed that "it was probably animated with magic.
He also notices that the hole in its head is glowing slightly. "
Frezak (GM):
rolling 1D8+4
(
3
)
+4
=
7
Apheori (GM): Okay, it didn't fall apart.
Frezak (GM): Brill.
Gaurav: YAY!
Frezak (GM): LIFT OFF
Ganelon: Hooks are a 1d8? Yikes.
Frezak (GM): It's a heavy Improvised.
Gaurav: Say what you will, this zombie is going to get one sweet burial at some point.
Apheori (GM): How quickly do you lift off?
Frezak (GM): Fuck yeah.
Rhu: Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew.
Frezak (GM): Not TOO quickly.
We don't want to rip it apart.
Rhu: We're in the air, so we're not lifting -- just traveling horizontally. I think.
Unless there are many trees in the way.
Apheori (GM): You need to pick it up.. Hence lift.
Frezak (GM): We don't want to smash it against things.
Apheori (GM): Unless Rhu wants to drag it along the ground.
Did he forget to lift?
Gaurav: We could walk it like a dog on a leash. Hmm, smashing it versus it falling apart bceause of gravity, tough call.
Let's say he does the sensible thing ...
Apheori (GM): Which one is sensible?
Frezak (GM): Dragging it will tear it to bits.
Rhu lifts it a foot off the ground and heads towards the hole
Gaurav: ... and see what happens?
Apheori (GM): It dangles and makes funny noises.
Waves its arms a bit.
Tries to grab a passing tree.
Frezak (GM): Thats... interesting.
Gaurav: Aw, poor thing.
Frezak (GM): Has anyone tried talking to it?
Amadi: More fish.
Please.
The Gravedigger: HELLO DOWN THERE MISTER ZOMBIE.
Greibel: It's so nice that we can have pets like this.
Greibel strokes Rasputin
Apheori (GM): The zombie doesn't appear to notice. It grabs a tree.
Frezak (GM): Huh.
Apheori (GM): It clings to the tree.
Gaurav: Crap.
Rhu stops CAR
Apheori (GM): It falls off the tree.
The Gravedigger: Radek?
Take off it's arm.
Apheori (GM): its
Ganelon: I'll try this.
Rhu: I think it let go of the tree?
I can't see from up here! What's going on?
I can't see from up here! What's going on?
Apheori (GM): It looks like its arm already fell off.
 
Rhu: ...
A moment later it falls off the tree, losing an arm in the process.
Frezak (GM): Too slow >.>
 
Huh.
RHU
Poor zomble.
is it holding onto anything?
Rhu: is it holding on to anything?
 
Frezak (GM): ONWARDS
AMADI
TO GLORY
Never.
Rhu continues driving slowly towards the pool
 
Apheori (GM): The arm fell on the ground.
 
Heh.
EXT. Hole at Vermai - day
You reach the hole!
 
Gaurav: YAY!
The hole is as it was, a sinkhole partially full of water, a dead tree overlooking it with a smaller tree grafted on, rocky and dusty land and trees all around.
Apheori (GM): It looks like before, full and kind of... alluring.
 
Frezak (GM): HOLE.
They feel the allure of the hole as soon as they see it, but then the feeling passes.
Peer down to look for a paladin.
 
Rhu: ... is it just me, or is that pool kind of ... alluring?
There is no sign of Aziraphale.
I'm not sure I've ever been allured by a pool before.
 
The Gravedigger: NOPE.
RHU
NOT A LITTLE.
...is it just me, or is that pool kind of... alluring? I'm not sure I've ever been allured by a pool before.
Apheori (GM): And Gravy's right - as soon as you notice the feeling passes.
 
Rhu: That was odd.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Apheori (GM): It's just a hole, not calling to you, not making you lose your mind.
NOPE. NOT A LITTLE.
Unless...
 
Gaurav: Can we see the hole from up here? I guess it's back underwater now? But maybe it's shiny?
RHU
Apheori (GM): Radek, Greibel: d20s
That was odd.
It's just a water-filled sinkhole.
 
A bit shimmery.
They park the car over the centre of the pool. The zombie, hanging below with the Gravedigger still holding the other end of the rope, struggles, seeming to be trying to get away from the water.
 
Amadi leans out and peers into the hole.
Amadi leans out and peers into the hole.
Amadi: Interesting. I can almost see my house.
 
Greibel:
AMADI
rolling 1d20
Interesting. I can almost see my house.
(
 
4
RHU
)
(to Greibel and/or Radek)
=
Ekka the Guardian told us that the little glowy tree up there was magicked by "Genri Hodgeson's boys". Could you check to see if you can figure out what kind of magic it is?
4
 
Apheori (GM): Greibel: You want to go in there.
GREIBEL
Bear Soup Guy: Of course I do
Anyone for a swim?
Greibel: Anyone for a swim?
 
Rhu: Greibel, Radek: Ekka the Guardian told us that the little glowy tree up there was magicked by "Genri Hodgeson's boys". Could you check to see if you can figure out what kind of magic it is?
Greibel dons a previously unseen pair of swim trunks.
Radek:
 
rolling 1d20
Radek momentarily becomes Greibel. ''(rolled 20 reality)''
(
 
20
GREIBEL
)
Weird. I don't remember taking any acid today.
=
Well... I'm keeping the swim trunks.
20
 
Gaurav: WOAH
Radek sits Greibel's stoner ass right back down and then begins to examine the tree through stoner eyes, but then the moment passes and they're both back to normal.
Frezak (GM): Someone smack Greibel, please.
 
Gaurav: YAY
Ganelon: WHOOOO
Greibel dons a previously unseen pair of swim trunks
Apheori (GM): Radek: You are now Greibel.
Ganelon: I will gladly smack him, though I can't promise it will introduce sense to his brain.
Frezak (GM): SOMEONE BEAT THE DRUID PLEASE.
Bear Soup Guy: O_o
Ganelon: NNOOOOOOOO
Frezak (GM): I'm busy holding this zomble.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
Radek went beyond sanity.
And out the other side.
Ganelon: So where is Greibel?
Is he me?
Apheori (GM): Also Greibel.
Frezak (GM): What.
Greibel: Weird. I don't remember taking any acid today.
Gaurav: o.0
Apheori (GM): But right now you're more Greibel than he is.
Frezak (GM): My Ghast is flabbered.
Apheori (GM): And now it's back to normal.
You both are, rather.
Greibel: Well...I'm keeping the swim trunks
Ganelon: Well then.
I'm gonna sit my stoner ass right back down in my seat and go check out that tree.
Frezak (GM): Maaan.
SHit just got real.
Gaurav: That was a very nice roll.
Amadi: Okay, Radek is no longer Greibel, but Greibel now wants to check out the tree.
Apheori (GM): Er, sorry.
Okay, Radek is no longer Greibel, but Greibel now wants to check out the tree.
Greibel: Oh yeah, so what's the story on this tree, guys?
Should I check it out?
Frezak (GM): We wanna drop the Zomble first?
Or after?
I'm sure he can hang around for a bit.
Rhu drives the car until the zombie is about a foot above the center of the pool
Rhu: either/or. I figure once we drop him in we'll land, so Radek and Greibel might have a better view of the tree from up here.
Apheori (GM): The zombie struggles as it gets closer.
Rhu: Huh.
Radek rubs his temple.
Radek rubs his temple.
Radek: It's... it's a wonder he can even talk like that.
 
Ganelon: Under the influence.
RADEK
Amadi: Talking is easy. Words come cheap.
It's... it's a wonder he can even talk like that.
Now sense and meaning and production, those are more expensive. Words with power.
 
I had to pay a whole three euros.
AMADI
And then the waiter took it away before I finished.
Talking is easy. Words come cheap. I had to pay a whole three euros. And then the waiter took it away before I finished.
Greibel stares blankly
 
Rhu: That's awful.
Greibel stares blankly.
What is a "euro"?
 
Amadi: Very shiny, like death.
RHU
That's awful. What is a 'euro'?
 
AMADI
Very shiny, like death.
 
The porridge purrs.
The porridge purrs.
Rhu looks at Amadi askance, then back at the group
 
Amadi: Rasputin knows.
Rhu looks at Amadi askance.
Rhu: So: drop the zombie first?
 
Then we can examine the tree and then land. Or maybe the zombie will explode everything and we'll all die. Either way.
AMADI
Radek: Drop it now before it has the chance to struggle free.
Rasputin knows.
Amadi: Dip him in the river who loves water.
 
Frezak (GM): Yarr.
RADEK
Rhu: Oh-kay ...
(to Gravy)
Amadi: Urinating dog, urinating dog?
Drop it now before it has the chance to struggle free.
Rhu lowers the car slowly so that the zombie enters the pool feet first
 
Amadi: I don't feel right.
They lower the zombie into the water slowly. It writhes and thrashes and spashes a lot, trying to get away. And then it explodes, zombie bits flying everywhere.
Frezak (GM): I'll need a new grapple >.>
 
Apheori (GM): The zombie writhes.
The Gravedigger takes a splat to the face and wipes it off with a spare cloak.
And thrashes.
 
And spashes a lot.
Then he pulls up the rope to check out anything that might still be atached. There turn out to be a few zombie bits still attached.
Gaurav: Aw, poor thing.
 
Apheori (GM): And explodes.
RHU
Greibel pats Amadi reassuringly. "There, there. All dogs do that." *whispers* "They can't use toilets."
So, I guess we're staying out of the pool today.
Frezak (GM): Crumbs.
 
I pull up the rope.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
What's at the end of it?
Radek, you want one of these bits? For science?
Rhu: So, I guess we're staying out of the pool today.
 
Apheori (GM): Is there a roll to dodge the splatter or something?
AMADI
Frezak (GM): We are in a car above the hole.
No! Don't! Bad! Lettuce.
Anything up to 50 feet away.
 
Apheori (GM): Right, but presumably at least one of you was... well, watching.
RADEK
Ganelon: Now if only I were still Greibel.
Oh yes, definitely.
Frezak (GM): I was.
 
Ganelon: Typical rules would make it an attack against reflex.
AMADI
Frezak (GM): Makes sense.
Don't touch it. Don't. Just don't. Wrong wrong like a wrong in a wrong wrong wrong.
Apheori (GM): Okay.
 
Ganelon: As in, roll a d20 + attack modifiers and then compare to each relevant character's reflex defense.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Apheori (GM): Then Gravy got a splat in the face.
Here. Take your pick.
Ganelon: Otherwise, you could call it a dexterity roll.
 
Frezak (GM): Delightful.
Radek takes some samples, and the Gravedigger shakes off the rest and puts away the grappling hook.
Rhu: All our reflexes are +1 because we're level 2 now btw
 
Gaurav: OOC sorry
AMADI
Frezak (GM): I'll wipe my face clean with my shitty lasercloak
Went right through the rubber, right through the glass, right through the brain, through the wall through the sun through the world and it all ended with the shards everywhere the trees were shards broken shards shattered shards amidst the black with no glow, no shine, no gleaming amidst the black, only black and cold and no silence.
Gaurav: Rhu should roll too; he would have been looking over the edge so lowered the car at the right rate
 
my reflex is 14
Frezak (GM): Same as me!
Reflex buddies!
Gaurav high-fives Frezak
Apheori (GM): It misses Rhu.
Frezak (GM): What?
Ganelon: Mine is actually huge because intelligence makes it higher.
Frezak (GM): How does it miss him?
Apheori (GM): Different glob?
Or do all globs use the same roll?
Because that just seems really weird.
Frezak (GM): hrmph.
Gaurav: Rhu chose that exact moment to look ahead instead of over the edge?
Frezak (GM): Well I'll wipe myself and see if Mr. Grapples is intact.
Apheori (GM): Tell me the norm.
TELL ME.
Frezak (GM): I'd have just made a single +4 vs Ref against any onlookers.
Ganelon: But the norm is area attacks being rolled separately for each target and then damage being rolled for all the ones who are hit.
Gaurav: BUT I LIKE YOUR WAY BETTER DM
Frezak (GM): SHH YOU
Ganelon: THIS IS IMPORTANT
SHE MUST LEARN
Apheori (GM): Thank you, Gan.
You are correct. I need to learn.
Ganelon: Even if it costs Gravy some dignity in the process.
Frezak (GM): What dignity?
Apheori (GM): How do diseases work?
Frezak (GM): They're... uh.
Apheori (GM): Oh, nevermind.
Gaurav: There's a section on them in the back of the Player's Handbook somewhere if you have the PDF
Ganelon: I could explain.
Gaurav: brb 2-5 mins and no longer
Frezak (GM): It's in the Dungeon Master's Guide.
Every day you make an... endurance check to see whether a disease progresses, stays stable, or regresses.
Apheori (GM): What's your fortitude?
Frezak (GM): Fort is... 16.
Ganelon: Probably huge.
Apheori (GM): Okay.
Ganelon: If not Gnoll Huge.
Apheori (GM): Weird.
Anyway, moving on...
Frezak (GM): Gravy is as tough as you get without eating carrion for a living.
Gaurav: back
so what was on the end of the rope when Gravy pulled it up?
Apheori (GM): Oh.
Frezak (GM): Dunno yet.
Apheori (GM): The hook and some zombie bits.
Frezak (GM): MYSTERIES
Apheori (GM): I'M PAYING ATTENTION.
Frezak (GM): Sure.
So what IS at the end of the rope?
Rhu mutters "ew", while keeping a wary eye to make sure the zombie bits don't start writhing or anything.
Apheori (GM): THE HOOK AND SOME ZOMBIE BITS.
Rhu or walking
Mike B.: http://youtu.be/t0EqnoaPNLI
Rhu: I think we should examine the little tree, then land.
The Gravedigger: Radek, you want one of these bits?
For science?
Gaurav: ooh, good point
Amadi: No!
Don't!
Bad!
Lettuce.
Radek: Oh yes, definitely
Amadi: Don't touch it.
The Gravedigger: Here. Take your pick.
Amadi: Don't. Just don't.
Frezak (GM): I'm assuming we all wear gloves.
Of some form.
Amadi: Wrong wrong like a wrong in a wrong wrong wrong.
Ganelon: I'm just putting it in a bottle.
Frezak (GM): Given that we are equipped for a hostile environment and potential combat zone.
Ganelon: No touching necessary.
Frezak (GM): Also I have gloves because I use a shovel a lot.
Amadi: Went right through the rubber, right through the glass, right through the brain, through the wall through the sun through the world and it all ended with the shards everywhere the trees were shards broken shards shattered shards amidst the black with no glow, no shine, no gleaming amidst the black, only black and cold and no silence.
Amadi clutches her head and starts whimpering.
Amadi clutches her head and starts whimpering.
Frezak (GM): I'll shake off the other bits.
 
And put the hook away.
RADEK
TO THE TREE
Would this be a horrible blackness, perchance?
Greibeltime!
 
Radek: Would this be a horrible blackness, perchance?
Amadi sits up slowly and stares at Radek
Gaurav: It's _always_ Greibeltime.
 
Frezak (GM): YEAAAAAHHH
AMADI
Rhu drives us towards the little tree, but at a safe distance
IT IS ALL BLACKNESS!
Amadi sits up slowly and stares at Radek, before yelling, "IT IS ALL BLACKNESS!"
 
Amadi: Is. Was. Looked to the future. Weren't none.
She starts mumbling inchoherently.
Amadi mumbles.
 
Greibel cracks his knuckles theatrically
Radek doesn't respond to that.
Ganelon: I'll make a point of him not responding to that.
 
Rhu: (to Radek) What happened? Is she okay?
RHU
Radek: Am I the expert on crazy people now?
(to Radek)
The Gravedigger: Is the crazy babbling senseless girl okay?
What happened? Is she okay?
SHe's breathing. That's about our diagnostic limits really.
 
Rhu: You were talking to her right before she ... you know ... (makes a sign indicating hysteria)
RADEK
Am I the expert on crazy people now?
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Is the crazy babbling senseless girl okay? She's breathing. That's about our diagnostic limits really.
 
RHU
You were talking to her right before she... you know...
(he gestures something about craziness)
And you are the expert on most things.
And you are the expert on most things.
The Gravedigger: That's true.
 
Amadi: It didn't happen. The world ended and we couldn't stop it, so we broke it all, we broke it, and we said it would be okay, it would work out different this time, but we didn't mention the sacrifice, that it would take a sacrifice to work and even then it wouldn't work, and he would be the sacrifice because we loved him and we knew him and it'd work, except it wouldn't work because we lost the dreamer and the madness and the cat. Catman is really a cat, man.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
There are no cats.
That's true.
I don't want to go back.
 
AMADI
(shaking)
It didn't happen. The world ended and we couldn't stop it, so we broke it all, we broke it, and we said it would be okay, it would work out different this time, but we didn't mention the sacrifice, that it would take a sacrifice to work and even then it wouldn't work, and he would be the sacrifice because we loved him and we knew him and it'd work, except it wouldn't work because we lost the dreamer and the madness and the cat. Catman is really a cat, man.
There are no cats. I don't want to go back.
YOU CAN'T MAKE ME.
YOU CAN'T MAKE ME.
Greibel: Woah woah woah
 
Gaurav: Catman would be a quality superhero.
GREIBEL
Greibel: You need to center yourself, let out the bad energy
Woah woah woah. You need to center yourself, let out the bad energy.
Rhu: ... what sort of sacrifice?
 
Amadi stops and looks around, confused.
RHU
Amadi: I'm sorry, did someone say something?
...what sort of sacrifice?
Rhu sighs
 
Radek: One might infer that she knows something, but if so, it would be next to impossible to distinguish it from everything else she says.
Amadi very suddenly stops and looks around, confused.
Apheori (GM): (to Rhu) And who are you? You're rather cute, now aren't you!
 
Amadi: (to Rhu) And who are you? You're rather cute, now aren't you!
AMADI
Apheori (GM): Ghah.
I'm sorry, did someone say something?
She knows many things.
 
But are any of them even relvant?
Rhu sighs.
The Gravedigger: Let us just get to that tree, eh?
 
Ganelon: Exactly.
RADEK
Apheori (GM): Mysteries!
One might infer that she knows something, but if so, it would be next to impossible to distinguish it from everything else she says.
Radek: Yes. Now magic, there's something I can make sense of.
 
Amadi: Oh, how interesting!
AMADI
Rhu: She is very deep. But sometimes she is very shallow. There's a truth in there somewhere, though, I can feel it.
(to Rhu)
The Gravedigger: I dig holes in dirt, not in words.
And who are you? You're rather cute, now aren't you!
Rhu drives us over to the tree
 
Apheori (GM): So tree. The tree is before you, glowing slightly and growing happily out of the other tree.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Amadi: Looks almost like magic, that.
Let us just get to that tree, eh?
Radek: Yes... but what kind, I wonder?
 
Ganelon: Arcana roll?
Greibel cracks his knuckles theatrically.
Frezak (GM): NATURE?
 
Ganelon: Which should actually be +11 because I forgot we were level 2?
They park by the tree. The large tree is very much dead. The small tree seems happy enough, glowing slightly, and growing sideways out of the dead tree.
Frezak (GM): I have... 2 arcana >.>
 
Apheori (GM): Roll whatever!
RADEK
Frezak (GM): I'll make some nature goodness.
Yes. Now magic, there's something I can make sense of.
rolling 1D20+9
 
(
RHU
14
She is very deep. But sometimes she is very shallow. There's a truth in there somewhere, though, I can feel it.
)
 
+9
THE GRAVEDIGGER
=
I dig holes in dirt, not in words.
23
 
Ganelon:
AMADI
rolling 1d20+11
Oh, how interesting! Looks almost like magic, that.
(
 
10
RADEK
)
(poking at it)
+11
Yes... but what kind, I wonder?
=
 
21
THE GRAVEDIGGER
MAGIC MEN
That's not like any tree I know. It's not naturally sustained.
ROLLIN' GOOD.
 
Actually mine's strictly average.
GREIBEL
Greibel:
HELLO TREE! DO NOT FEAR US! WE COME IN PEACE! EXCEPT... WELL, WE WANT TO EXPERIMENT ON YOU!
rolling 1d20 + 12 NATURE
 
(
THE GRAVEDIGGER
14
EXPERIMENT PEACEFULLY THOUGH.
)
 
+12
The tree doesn't really move or do anything in response, but Greibel gets the impression that it did indeed hear him.
=
 
26
RADEK
Rhu: I'll just stare at it and see if I notice anything.
This is a mutation of... something. Er, a magical mutation, that is. Whatever it once was is obfuscated by what it's become now.
Apheori (GM): Gravy, Greibel: It's not natural. The tree is growing off nothing, feeding itself purely on... well, probably magic. The bark is weird, the leaves are weird, and it's generally shaped weirdly.
 
Greibel: You get this urge to try talking to it.
GREIBEL
Rhu: No, hang on, I'll check it for religious significance.
Hey man, don't call it a 'mutation', man. That's offensive!
rolling 1d20+8 religion check
(
10
)
+8
=
18
The Gravedigger: That's not like any tree I know. It's not naturally sustained.
Greibel: HELLO TREE! DO NOT FEAR US! WE COME IN PEACE! EXCEPT...WELL, WE WANT TO EXPERIMENT ON YOU!
The Gravedigger: EXPERIMENT PEACEFULLY THOUGH
Apheori (GM): Gan: The tree is more magical than natural, but you're not sure what kind of magic it is, if it's even anything you've ever seen. It's not like the hole/rift magic, and it's also not like what a tree graft should be. It's like whatever magic was originally used was later changed into something else, probably by the rift below.
Greibel: The tree doesn't really move or do anything in response, but you also get the impression that it did indeed hear you.
Radek: This is a mutation of... something.
Apheori (GM): Rhu: It seems like something that could be cultish, but fortunately no cults have found it.
Radek: Er, a magical mutation, that is. Whatever it once was is obfuscated but what it's become now.
Rhu: Why does it glow?
Apheori (GM): As in they could form a cult around it, I mean.
Ganelon: obfuscated *by*, rather.
Greibel: Hey man, don't call it a "mutation", man. That's offensive!
HE DIDN'T MEAN IT, WEIRD TREE!
HE DIDN'T MEAN IT, WEIRD TREE!
Apheori (GM): Radek: The glow isn't a direct effect of the magic. It
 
's like there are no direct effects, only side effects?
RHU
It's weird.
Why does it glow?
Radek: It's not purposeful, I can tell you that much.
 
In fact, I can't even begin to guess what purpose this tree was supposed to have.
RADEK
Rhu: Weird.
It's not purposeful, I can tell you that much. In fact, I can't even begin to guess what purpose this tree was supposed to have.
Amadi: It's pretty. Think they sell them?
 
The Gravedigger: From what we heard in the village, I don't seem to recall it having ANY purpose.
RHU
Rhu: We could try to find "Genri Hodgeson's boys" and ask them, I guess. But they were apparently drunk at the time.
Weird.
The Gravedigger: A prank, I think the innkeep said.
 
Do we think this tree is relevant to anything?
AMADI
Rhu shrugs
It's pretty. Think they sell them?
Rhu: it went all shiny and glowy when we drained the pool yesterday
 
I think
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Greibel: This tree means something! This is important!
From what we heard in the village, I don't seem to recall it having ANY purpose.
Rhu: and there was that weird graffiti that suggested it might "guard" or be a "guard" or whatever
 
Frezak (GM): You rely on the scribbling of these villagers?
RHU
They don't seem to be the most sound people.
We could try to find "Genri Hodgeson's boys" and ask them, I guess. But they were apparently drunk at the time.
Radek: All I can say is that it isn't doing anything it was made to, if it was made to do something at all.
 
The Gravedigger: You rely on the scribbling of these villagers?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
They don't seem to be the most sound people.
A prank, I think the innkeep said. Do we think this tree is relevant to anything?
Amadi: Excuse me, I don't think I caught your names? Are you scientists, perhaps?
 
The Gravedigger: Is it currently related to the rift at all?
RHU
Radek: I am, among other things.
(he shrugs)
The others are goons working under my employer.
It went all shiny and glowy when we drained the pool yesterday. I think.
Greibel: Hey!
And there was that weird graffiti that suggested it might 'guard' or be a 'guard' or whatever.
Goon /Druid/, thank you very much
 
Rhu: I think it might be related to the pool, not the rift. Last night when we came back here, the pool and the tree were glowing strongly.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Amadi: Oh, fascinating! You must be researching something very dangerous to need so much muscle.
You rely on the scribbling of these villagers? They don't seem to be the most sound people.
The Gravedigger: Maybe we should remove the tree?
 
Or pop it into the rift?
GREIBEL
Amadi taps Gravy appreciatively.
This tree means something! This is important!
Amadi: Very sexy.
 
The Gravedigger: Maybe ask the villagers which came first.
RADEK
All I can say is that it isn't doing anything it was made to, if it was made to do something at all.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Is it currently related to the rift at all?
 
AMADI
Excuse me, I don't think I caught your names? Are you scientists, perhaps?
 
RADEK
I am, among other things. The others are goons working under my employer.
 
GREIBEL
Hey! Goon ''Druid'', thank you very much.
 
RHU
I think it might be related to the pool, not the rift. Last night when we came back here, the pool and the tree were glowing strongly.
 
AMADI
Oh, fascinating! You must be researching something very dangerous to need so much muscle.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Maybe we should remove the tree? Or pop it into the rift?
Maybe ask the villagers which came first.
 
Amadi taps the Gravedigger's arm appreciatively.
 
AMADI
Very sexy.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Thank you, small lady.
Thank you, small lady.
Amadi beams.
Amadi beams.
Frezak (GM): Unless someone knows which came first.
 
Ganelon: I *think* it was the rift but I don't recall specifically asking.
RHU
It would explain why the tree is there and not somewhere else, though.
The tree came first. They said the rift only showed up three years ago. Shreds things, explodes zombies.
Frezak (GM): What, that they thought it would be cool to pop it above the rift?
And it's more of a... big warning sign, basically?
Amadi: Warning? For what?
Rhu: The tree came first; "It's been dead as long as anyone remembers. ". The rift only showed up three years ago. Look for "Hodgesons" in the chat logs to get the story.
Frezak (GM): That there's a big hole that shreds things?
I mean the MAGIC tree.
Amadi: Where is nobody?
Frezak (GM): It takes me 15 minutes to load up the backlog >.>
Apheori (GM): Rhu? Did you really say that?
Gaurav: Except for the last sentence about the chat logs, yes.
Apheori (GM): Okay.
Rhu: Shreds things, explodes zombies.
We should have checked if the zombie was combustible before it went in.
We should have checked if the zombie was combustible before it went in.
Amadi: Oh, it's not. Zombies are strictly... not combustible.
 
It's a zombie thing, I'm sure.
AMADI
Rhu: The zombie didn't cause the pool to drain out like Azir did. I wonder if that was 'cos it wasn't alive? Or if Azir was just more magical?
Oh, it's not. Zombies are strictly... not combustible. It's a zombie thing, I'm sure.
The Gravedigger: He looked a bit soggy to burn well.
 
Rhu: ...
RHU
I think I'm going to have a little pray to Hazz'ridan and see if he has any ideas.
The zombie didn't cause the pool to drain out like Azir did. I wonder if that was 'cos it wasn't alive? Or if Azir was just more magical?
Rhu does this.
 
The Gravedigger: Maybe the pool drains based on something other than what goes into the rift.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Amadi snuggles Rhu.
He looked a bit soggy to burn well.
Rhu: (to Amadi) Shh, praying.
Maybe the pool drains based on something other than what goes into the rift.
Apheori (GM): Nothing in particular comes of it.
 
Greibel: Maybe it only drains the first time you throw stuff in it
GREIBEL
Frezak (GM): Well, we might as well check out the river, then?
Maybe it only drains the first time you throw stuff in it.
Rhu: I think we should poke around with the pool a bit more. It seems a bit of a waste to come all this way just to dump an exploding zombie into the pool.
 
RHU
I think we should poke around with the pool a bit more. It seems a bit of a waste to come all this way just to dump an exploding zombie into the pool.
Darned if I know how, though.
Darned if I know how, though.
Radek: We hardly know enough to conduct proper experiments on it. Its nature could have changed since yesterday and we would be clueless.
 
Greibel: I dispute that. Any chance to explode a zombie is by definition the opposite of a waste.
RADEK
Amadi: Ahah, so this is the science!
We hardly know enough to conduct proper experiments on it. Its nature could have changed since yesterday and we would be clueless.
The Gravedigger: We'd need a stack of zombies and drop one in every day to see if results match?
 
Radek: If that's all you want to do, I *have* prepared a bomb or... five.
GREIBEL
The Gravedigger: TO guess what sort of stability it's effects have?
I dispute that. Any chance to explode a zombie is by definition the opposite of a waste.
Apheori (GM): its
 
Radek: Certainly. If we can prove that its effects are reliable, that's progress.
AMADI
Though I admit to being less than optimistic in that regard.
Ahah, so this is the science!
Rhu: Yes, but I'm not a scientist. I'm an adventurer. We can make with the balanced factorial analyses once we run out of other options; I say we go follow the river and see where that gets us.
 
Ganelon: Radek has a lot of fun when the discussions turn towards science.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Radek: I agree, on the basis that there are no more zombies in sight.
We'd need a stack of zombies and drop one in every day to see if results match?
The Gravedigger: Sounds fair.
 
Let's go find some water, then.
RADEK
Rhu: Okay!
If that's all you want to do, I '''have''' prepared a bomb or... five.
Rhu drives us towards the river, and then we follow it.
 
Rhu: I guess we have enough food in our adventurer's kit? We might be away from the village for a while, this is a long river.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Apheori (GM): To be fair, this car goes really fast.
To guess what sort of stability its effects have?
Gaurav: Yes! I hadn't realized quite how fast it went until today!
 
Apheori (GM): It has this fancible mechanism that displaces the air around you invisibly, no matter how fast you're going, and only lets in a pleasant breeze.
RADEK
FUTURE CONVERTIBLES.
Certainly. If we can prove that its effects are reliable, that's progress. Though I admit to being less than optimistic in that regard.
Gaurav: :D
 
Rhu: (to Amadi, as we drive, if we have the time) So: you said you knew Hazz'ridan the Great?
RHU
Amadi: Oh, of course. Why do you ask?
Yes, but I'm not a scientist. I'm an adventurer. We can make with the balanced factorial analyses once we run out of other options; I say we go follow the river and see where that gets us.
Apheori (GM): There's time, and not much to see, unless you like dry safari crap.
 
You're mostly heading toward the mountains to the southeast, but you can't even see them yet.
RADEK
Ganelon: I'll just busy myself with this incredibly "wrong" zombie bit.
I agree, on the basis that there are no more zombies in sight.
Apheori (GM): (The drive is probably a couple of hours.)
 
Ganelon: If I learn something, cool. If not, it's still fascinating.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Rhu: If not, you could blow the whole car up.
Sounds fair. Let's go find some water, then.
Apheori (GM): You learn that it really likes falling apart.
 
Rhu: (to Amadi) Hazz'ridan spoke to me yesterday. He wants me to close that hole, but he doesn't know how. Him! The Great Hazz'ridan!
 
Ganelon: Ah well.
EXT. Car over open wilderness - day
Amadi: Oh, don't worry yourself, dear. Even gods can't know everything. I should know.
 
I don't think I know anything.
They head out over the open wilderness, back in the direction of the river's passage, seeing what's around.
 
While they drive, Radek examines and studies the zombie samples.
 
RHU
(to Amadi)
So you said you knew Hazz'ridan the Great?
 
AMADI
Oh, of course. Why do you ask?
 
RHU
Hazz'ridan spoke to me yesterday. He wants me to close that hole, but he doesn't know how. Him! The Great Hazz'ridan!
 
AMADI
Oh, don't worry yourself, dear. Even gods can't know everything. I should know. I don't think I know anything.
Isn't that strange?
Isn't that strange?
Rhu: How would you know? Are you a priest? A scholar?
 
Amadi: Hah! Not hardly!
RHU
I mean... I don't know! Oh, what a mystery this is.
How would you know? Are you a priest? A scholar?
Rhu: Hmm. Indeed.
 
Rhu goes back to driving
AMADI
Apheori (GM): Heh.
Hah! Not hardly! I mean... I don't know! Oh, what a mystery this is.
Gravy: You see a dragon.
 
Ganelon: LET'S KILL IT.
RHU
Apheori (GM): Radek: You find that the cell structure in the zombie flesh is kind of... gone.
Hmm. Indeed.
The Gravedigger: DRAGON, GUYS.
 
Apheori (GM): Greibel: Rasputin tries to crawl into your ear.
Rasputin tries to crawl into Greibel's ear, and he scratches it absentmindedly.
Frezak (GM): How far?
 
Apheori (GM): Pretty far off, but in sight. You're also over some of the mountains now.
Rhu: Woah! A dragon!
Frezak (GM): Do we think it's hostile at all?
has it seen us?
Apheori (GM): It hasn't seen you, and it may or may not be hostile.
Radek: Amadi, how do people treat dragons on this planet?
Apheori (GM): It's just sort of soaring around.
Amadi: This planet? Which planet is this?
Frezak (GM): Just... uh... don't steer closer, okay? >.>
Radek: I don't know.
Greibel scratches at his ear
Amadi: Oh! Well, that doesn't sound good.
The porridge falls back onto Greibel's shoulder.
The porridge falls back onto Greibel's shoulder.
Rhu: I'll keep following the river unless that leads us dragonwards.
 
Apheori (GM): Naw, dragon's off to the right.
There's a dragon flying in the distance.
You head over some mountains! They're actually starting to get pretty luch.
 
lush
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak (GM): Nice.
DRAGON, GUYS.
Any mutant animals about?
 
Amadi: Why don't you know what planet you're on? Is this an expedition?
RHU
Radek: No indeed. I'd enjoy knowing where we are nearly as much as I would being somewhere I know.
Woah! A dragon!
Amadi: Oh. I'm sorry.
 
Radek: We arrived under dubious circumstances and the civilization here seems rather... under-developed.
RADEK
I suspect they haven't even tamed dragons yet.
Amadi, how do people treat dragons on this planet?
Amadi: So is there civilisation here, then? I don't feel anything.
 
Shouldn't I feel something? I feel like I should feel something.
AMADI
Apheori (GM): No obvious muties, but there are some things that are definitely alien on the rocks.
This planet? Which planet is this?
They might be goats. Or bears.
 
Frezak (GM): Just foreign, not modified? Hokay.
RADEK
Apheori (GM): Probably.
I don't know.
Gaurav: I should warn everybody that I need to leave for class in about half an hour.
 
Apheori (GM): Okay.
AMADI
So you sail along and ahead you see ocean.
Oh! Well, that doesn't sound good.
Gaurav: YAY!
Why don't you know what planet you're on? Is this an expedition?
Rhu: Woah!
 
Apheori (GM): And a city. It's kind of biggish.
RADEK
Gaurav: EVEN BETTER
No indeed. I'd enjoy knowing where we are nearly as much as I would being somewhere I know.
Apheori (GM): ...And disappointingly short.
 
Frezak (GM): A short city?
AMADI
What, like for midgets.
Oh. I'm sorry.
*?
 
Apheori (GM): The buildings are weirdly short.
RADEK
Like... not tall!
We arrived under dubious circumstances and the civilization here seems rather... under-developed. I suspect they haven't even tamed dragons yet.
Frezak (GM): DWARVES
 
Apheori (GM): Ńote that you're all used to really tall towers.
AMADI
Basically it's oldfangled.
So is there civilisation here, then? I don't feel anything. Shouldn't I feel something? I feel like I should feel something.
But they have a lot of light fixtures!
 
Frezak (GM): I'm used to oldfangled.
They continue on down the river.
That was Gravy's shitck.
 
Rhu: Shall we go see if anybody's home?
 
Frezak (GM): *shtick
EXT. Coffle environs - afternoon
The Gravedigger: Let's go be friendly.
 
Greibel resists the urge to sing "You Keep A Knockin But You Can't Come In" again
After a few hours, the party comes to the ocean, and, nestled at the river's mouth, a city of sorts. It's fairly small, haphazardly walled, and really low to the ground. All in all, it's rather primitive-looking.
Rhu drives us to the city
 
Apheori (GM): Do you drive through the gate or over it?
RHU
The Gravedigger: KNOCK KNOCK KNOCKING ON DWARVE'S DOORS
Woah!
Apheori (GM): There isn't really a wall, but the gate is still the main point of entry.
 
Frezak (GM): Yeah, lets be polite?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Apheori (GM): There are quite a few people about, some on horses, some with carriages...
Let's go be friendly.
Ganelon: Sure, we can pretend that we're normal and go through the gate.
 
Apheori (GM): Normal.
Greibel resists the urge to sing "You Keep A Knockin But You Can't Come In" again.
Rhu: Yes. We should park our car outside and walk in. Anybody see a secure place to leave CAR?
 
Ganelon: Don't mind us, guys, just a chrome geezer and gigantic demon-man in the back seat of our flying steel wagon.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Gaurav: Gan: hahaha
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCKING ON DWARVES' DOORS.
Frezak (GM): You want me to stay back with CAR and Radek?
 
Amadi looks around curiously.
Amadi looks around curiously.
Amadi: Is this it, then?
 
Ganelon: Yeah, if you actually want to give an impression of normality, we could stay behind.
AMADI
Apheori (GM): There are some trees and rocks and crap you could park behind.
Is this it, then?
Frezak (GM): We don't know if someone might go and do... things to the car.
 
Graffity.
They look for somewhere to land and find an abandoned roofless farmhouse not too far away from the city's gates.
Steal.
 
Break.
As they move to land inside, they find it has a ghost sitting in the middle of the floor. He appears to be an old man, and doesn't look up.
Apheori (GM): And an abandoned roofless farmhouse you could park IN.
 
Frezak (GM): Piss on.
They hover overhead.
Ganelon: That last one sounds like a pretty great camouflage.
 
Frezak (GM): Does the CAR have a thief alarm?
RADEK
Apheori (GM): Considering you already stole it once, probably not.
Hello there, spectral entity!
Gaurav: Heh. I think the abandoned farmhouse is probably fine.
 
If we get stuck here, we get stuck here.
The ghost looks around trying to find where the voice came from.
Frezak (GM): I'm just worried that it might get messed with when we're gone.
 
Rhu: (to Amadi) what was that you were saying about vanishing carts earlier? You wouldn't happen to have one on you, do you?
RADEK
Ganelon: I'd trap it, but...
Above you, my good former-man!
Frezak (GM): MAYBE NO BOMBS.
 
Ganelon: Well, the best I could do would either explode the entire farmhouse or burn it to the ground.
The ghost looks up and says something, but no words are audible.
Frezak (GM): Amadi will prolly give you a piece of cheese or summat.
 
Ganelon: Alchemist's Fire balanced precariously over a mostly-closed door must be a really popular trick in Alchemist School.
RADEK
Amadi checks her pockets.
Hm. That could be a problem.
Amadi: I'm afraid I seem to be all out.
 
Rhu: Thanks for checking, Mrs. Teatime.
RHU
Frezak (GM): Eh, let's leave it.
SPEAK UP.
If only Radek knew Magic Mouth.
 
Rhu: We could try to hide it, particularly if this abandoned farmhouse has any hay.
AMADI
... but why would it
(calling down)
Amadi: You find it has a ghost sitting in the middle of the floor. You can land on it, or do something else.
Why do you say that?
Agh, dammit.
 
Apheori (GM): You find it has a ghost sitting in the middle of the floor. You can land on it, or do something else.
RHU
Frezak (GM): Ghost of what?
(to Amadi)
COW GHOST?
You can hear him?
Apheori (GM): Old man.
 
Frezak (GM): GHOST OF BEEF PAST?
AMADI
Ganelon: Stand back, guys.
What? Of course! Can't you?
I got this one.
 
Frezak (GM): OPEN FIRE.
The ghost perks up slightly and says something else.
Radek: Hello there, spectral entity!
 
Rhu: Is it the ghost of the zombie? Because that would be awkward.
AMADI
Apheori (GM): The ghost looks around trying to find where the voice came from.
Well whyever not?
You've probably stopped a few feet overhead.
 
Radek: Above you, my good former-man!
RADEK
Frezak (GM): Wow.
Could you repeat what he's saying, for us?
Radek is... sort of polite.
 
Ganelon: It's an old man.
AMADI
Apheori (GM): The ghost looks up and says something, but you hear no words.
Ah, well, it seems he thinks we should leave. Nobody ever hears him anyway, but he tries to warn them. It's quite peculiar, don't you think?
Ganelon: His people.
 
Apheori (GM): He waves and shrugs.
RADEK
Radek: Hm. That could be a problem.
Quite. What are these people being warned about? Arthritis?
Rhu: SPEAK UP
Frezak (GM): Hmm.
We must kill Radek.
It's the only way.
Ganelon: I like your way of thinking, sir.
Amadi: (calling down) Why do you say that?
Rhu: (to Amadi) You can hear him?
Amadi: What? Of course!
Can't you?
Frezak (GM): Radek, bend over.
I will see you on the other side.
Apheori (GM): The ghost perks up slightly and says something else.
Ganelon: No you won't, you'll see me back on this side where I don't belong.
Apheori (GM): ...bend over?
Frezak (GM): For decapitation you pervert.
You're just like the Merr.
Apheori (GM): Ooooh, of course.
Frezak (GM): OH GODS THE MERR
Frezak (GM) sobs
Gaurav: ... the Merr?
Apheori (GM): What?
Ganelon: Look at what you've done now, Apheori.
Apheori (GM): Did something happen?
TELL ME.
Ganelon: Reminding him of his lost love.
Apheori (GM): Oh, good idea.
Frezak (GM): She's not my love.
She's some whore.
Apheori (GM): I can totally use this.
Ganelon: She went to Japan and he misses her.
Frezak (GM): SHUT UP YOU.
Amadi: Well whyever not?
Radek: Could you repeat what he's saying, for us?
Amadi: Ah, well, it seems he thinks we should leave. Nobody ever hears him anyway, but he tries to warn them. It's quite peculiar, don't you think?
Radek: Quite. What are these people being warned about?
Arthritis?
Gods know I could have used that one.
Gods know I could have used that one.
Apheori (GM): The ghost says another silent something.
 
The Gravedigger: Warn them? Of what?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
That sounds a bit iffy.
That sounds a bit iffy.
Amadi: Oh, nothing, it seems. He just wants to leave. Stuck here. Everyone thinks its haunted so they stay away. Nobody can hear him, so he just tells them to leave. Easier that wasy.
 
Like they really are listening.
AMADI
Apheori (GM): The ghost says something else and sighs.
(to the ghost)
Amadi: Right?
What are you warning them about, then?
Radek: I don't suppose you would know anything about exorcism, would you Rhu?
 
Gaurav: Not exorcisms, no. I could do a religion check.
The ghost says another silent something.
Amadi: It's not an exorcism he needs.
 
He says it's...
AMADI
Gaurav: I can abjure undead, but I don't think that'd be helpful.
Oh, nothing, it seems. He just wants to leave. Stuck here. Everyone thinks its haunted so they stay away. Nobody can hear him, so he just tells them to leave. Easier that wasy. Like they really are listening.
Amadi: He needs us to remove the mark on the door.
 
Greibel: Time-travelling maintenance men. Excellent.
The ghost says something else and sighs.
Amadi: Can a mark really do that, keep someone outside?
 
Frezak (GM): COuld be a Circle of Holding:undead.
AMADI
Gaurav: Huh!
(to the ghost)
Right?
 
RADEK
I don't suppose you would know anything about exorcism, would you Rhu?
 
AMADI
It's not an exorcism he needs. He says it's...
He needs us to remove the mark on the door.
 
GREIBEL
Time-travelling maintenance men. Excellent.
 
AMADI
Can a mark really do that, keep someone outside?
 
Amadi jumps down out of the car and goes to the door and tries to rub it off.
Amadi jumps down out of the car and goes to the door and tries to rub it off.
Radek: I'll follow suit.
 
Ganelon: Bah. OOC.
Radek follows suit.
Amadi: That didn't work.
 
The Gravedigger: WHy don't we just remove the door?
Amadi's attempts to rub it off don't really do anything.
Apheori (GM): Amadi looks back to the ghost, who rolls his eyes and says something.
 
Amadi: Shiny, can you unmagic this?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Amadi backs away from Gravy.
Why don't we just remove the door?
Radek: It's Radek.
 
Amadi: Oh! I'm sorry. Good to meet you, Radek.
Amadi looks back to the ghost, who rolls his eyes and says something.
Greibel pats Radek on the back while walking by
 
Greibel: Cheer up, shiny!
AMADI
Gaurav: I like the idea of removing the door.
(to Radek)
Radek: Radek J. Fulvius, and the only things I cannot do are those not worth doing. I'm a genius, you know.
Shiny, can you unmagic this?
Ganelon: Watch me roll a 1.
 
rolling 1d20+11
RADEK
(
It's Radek.
13
 
)
AMADI
+11
Oh! I'm sorry. Good to meet you, Radek.
=
 
24
Greibel drops out too and pats Radek on the back while walking by
Amadi nods.
 
Amadi: That must be wonderful for you.
GREIBEL
Apheori (GM): You demagicking it?
Cheer up, shiny!
Frezak (GM): Better than 9!
 
Ganelon: As requested.
RADEK
Apheori (GM): Okay, it demagicks.
Radek J. Fulvius, and the only things I cannot do are those not worth doing. I'm a genius, you know.
Ganelon: Yes.
 
Apheori (GM): The ghost guy looks really blissful and fades away.
AMADI
Gaurav: That's a lousy one, but a lovely roll.
(nodding)
YAY!
That must be wonderful for you.
Rhu: Take care, ghost guy.
 
Greibel salutes vaguely
Radek has a go at demagicking the door, and the mark fades. ''(rolled 24 arcana)''
Amadi: So this is what you people do?
 
The Gravedigger: Well we could have kept him around to scare people off, but his memory should be enough.
The ghost guy looks really blissful and fades away.
Well, /I/ dig holes.
 
Amadi: Oh.
RHU
Greibel: And I dig drugs!
Take care, ghost guy.
Amadi: What... kind of holes?
 
I... that... interesting.
Greibel salutes vaguely.
Radek: In truth, I mostly build things.
 
Tinkering with machines and magic are my twin passions, though in an official capacity we're all here as investigators.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'm... not sure that has much meaning any more, however.
Well we could have kept him around to scare people off, but his memory should be enough.
Amadi: Ooo, the intrigue!
 
Ganelon: The crazy girl is being a lot more coherent now, huh?
AMADI
I say that if she starts being crazy again, we take her back to the hole so it can suck all of her madness out again.
So this is what you people do?
Frezak (GM): HAH
 
The Gravedigger: HOles in the dirt.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
To put dead people in.
Well, ''I'' dig holes.
Gaurav: And: BOOM! It's time for me to run.
 
Ganelon: Surely this will have no consequences.
AMADI
Gaurav: Holes, holes, everywhere.
Oh.
The Gravedigger: No-one else does it where I come from.
 
It's all fire and pulping.
GREIBEL
Amadi: Fascinating.
And I dig drugs!
Frezak (GM): RAAAAVE NOOOOO
 
Gaurav: :(
AMADI
Sorry
What... kind of holes?
Apheori (GM): Okay.
 
Saturday?
RADEK
Gaurav: but community ecology insists
In truth, I mostly build things.
Ganelon: Works for me.
Tinkering with machines and magic are my twin passions, though in an official capacity we're all here as investigators. I'm... not sure that has much meaning anymore, however.
Gaurav: Saturday!
 
Bear Soup Guy: Saturday!
AMADI
Gaurav: BYEEEEEEE
Ooo, the intrigue!
Ganelon: See ya!
 
Bear Soup Guy: Adios
THE GRAVEDIGGER
</pre>
Holes in the dirt. To put dead people in. No-one else does it where I come from. It's all fire and pulping.
 
AMADI
Fascinating.
 
Ghost and such cleared, they park the car and head out.
</screenplay>
 
{{holes nav
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|next=Holes/Session 9
}}

Latest revision as of 18:27, 9 April 2015

≪ PreviousNext ≫
Session 8 (raw log) (Overview)
EXT. Car over dry, dusty woods - morning
The party, now with an extra Amadi, is headed back to the sinkhole.
Amadi starts drawing something on Greibel's back.
Greibel twitches uncomfortably, but doesn't stop her.
RHU
You can't drink with gills. That's like drinking with alveoli. It doesn't make sense.
Radek chuckles quietly to himself.
They pass over a zombie and park above it. It's kind of big, rotting, wearing torn clothes, and lurching around aimlessly. It looks like it was probably a villager, and has something of a hole in its head, which is glowing ever so slightly.
GREIBEL
Poor guy. It's probably really hard for him to play guitar.
RHU
We'll get him a double bass.
AMADI
He remembers.
RADEK
...What?
AMADI
Kyrule likes threes. Optimist. It'll bite him in the arse.
RHU
(to Amadi)
Who's Kyrule? Hazz'ridan spoke of him when we... communed yesterday.
Amadi starts giggling.
AMADI
The Hazz would know! Of course it would. The Hazz knows lots of things, has a thing for knowing, you know, knowing things. Lots of things. But not here. Here it's not so much about that. It's much more subtle. Threads.
Rhu nods sagely.
Amadi hums the Star Wars theme song.
RHU
Oooh, that's dramatic.
Greibel pantomimes music conducting.
GREIBEL
Time travel zombies...
RHU
(yelling down at the zombie)
HELLO DOWN THERE!
The zombie walks into a tree and groans horribly.
GREIBEL
Awww, he likes you!
RHU
It's disgusting. I think we should put it out of its misery.
RADEK
I never did understand why some wizards prefer to animate organic bodies. It's simply lazy, it is. Sure, they might be able to move if their muscles are intact, but for how long, and how well?
RHU
We should kill it.
GREIBEL
Well that would just be redundant.
RHU
We should kill it again. Kill it further.
RADEK
Certainly.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Burn it. Ashes don't have muscles. Anyone have a flamethrower?
Or... let's drop it into the rift. I can use Mr. Grapples.
RHU
EW! Bring that THING on board? It SMELLS.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
No, have it dangle.
GREIBEL
Pfff. You can't smell it from here.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
This way we don't bet bitten or clawed or gooked.
RHU
What if it climbs up the rope?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
It's going to have a grappling hook going through it's body. I doubt it's going to be agile enough to ninja it's way up.
RHU
...Okay.
But if it does anything funny, I'm landing the car on top of its head. And then I'm doing that again
GREIBEL
But just think. "Zombie Ninjas"...
RADEK
We could also just cut the rope at any point.
RHU
Yeah, that's true. Okay.
RADEK
You're not crashing this vehicle into anything while I'm aboard.
RHU
It might be useful to see what the pool is up to today vis-a-vis bodies before jumping in.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
All righty. Time to snatch up some dead meat.
RHU
Not crashing, landing. You won't feel a thing. Well, maybe a squishy sort of thump.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Sure. This guy will keep. A squelch.
Greibel sings cattily "We're gonna catch a zoooombie. We're gonna catch a zooooooombie!"
RHU
That's the one.
The Gravedigger throws his grappling hook at the zombie, but misses. (rolled 8 vs AC)
Radek shoots a look of disappointment at Gravy, though it may be a bit hard to read through all the chrome.
The Gravedigger tries again, and this time hooks the thing. (rolled 17 vs AC) It winds up with a bit of a large tear through it, but doesn't fall apart.
RHU
Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew.
They raise the vehicle enough to pick up the zombie by a metre or so and carry it toward the hole. It dangles and makes funny noises. Waves its arms a bit. Tries to grab a passing tree.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
HELLO DOWN THERE MISTER ZOMBIE.
GREIBEL
It's so nice that we can have pets like this.
Greibel strokes Rasputin.
The zombie doesn't appear to notice. It grabs a tree and clings.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Radek? Take off it's arm.
RHU
I can't see from up here! What's going on?
A moment later it falls off the tree, losing an arm in the process.
RHU
is it holding onto anything?
AMADI
Never.


EXT. Hole at Vermai - day
The hole is as it was, a sinkhole partially full of water, a dead tree overlooking it with a smaller tree grafted on, rocky and dusty land and trees all around.
They feel the allure of the hole as soon as they see it, but then the feeling passes.
There is no sign of Aziraphale.
RHU
...is it just me, or is that pool kind of... alluring? I'm not sure I've ever been allured by a pool before.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
NOPE. NOT A LITTLE.
RHU
That was odd.
They park the car over the centre of the pool. The zombie, hanging below with the Gravedigger still holding the other end of the rope, struggles, seeming to be trying to get away from the water.
Amadi leans out and peers into the hole.
AMADI
Interesting. I can almost see my house.
RHU
(to Greibel and/or Radek)
Ekka the Guardian told us that the little glowy tree up there was magicked by "Genri Hodgeson's boys". Could you check to see if you can figure out what kind of magic it is?
GREIBEL
Anyone for a swim?
Greibel dons a previously unseen pair of swim trunks.
Radek momentarily becomes Greibel. (rolled 20 reality)
GREIBEL
Weird. I don't remember taking any acid today.
Well... I'm keeping the swim trunks.
Radek sits Greibel's stoner ass right back down and then begins to examine the tree through stoner eyes, but then the moment passes and they're both back to normal.
Radek rubs his temple.
RADEK
It's... it's a wonder he can even talk like that.
AMADI
Talking is easy. Words come cheap. I had to pay a whole three euros. And then the waiter took it away before I finished.
Greibel stares blankly.
RHU
That's awful. What is a 'euro'?
AMADI
Very shiny, like death.
The porridge purrs.
Rhu looks at Amadi askance.
AMADI
Rasputin knows.
RADEK
(to Gravy)
Drop it now before it has the chance to struggle free.
They lower the zombie into the water slowly. It writhes and thrashes and spashes a lot, trying to get away. And then it explodes, zombie bits flying everywhere.
The Gravedigger takes a splat to the face and wipes it off with a spare cloak.
Then he pulls up the rope to check out anything that might still be atached. There turn out to be a few zombie bits still attached.
RHU
So, I guess we're staying out of the pool today.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Radek, you want one of these bits? For science?
AMADI
No! Don't! Bad! Lettuce.
RADEK
Oh yes, definitely.
AMADI
Don't touch it. Don't. Just don't. Wrong wrong like a wrong in a wrong wrong wrong.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Here. Take your pick.
Radek takes some samples, and the Gravedigger shakes off the rest and puts away the grappling hook.
AMADI
Went right through the rubber, right through the glass, right through the brain, through the wall through the sun through the world and it all ended with the shards everywhere the trees were shards broken shards shattered shards amidst the black with no glow, no shine, no gleaming amidst the black, only black and cold and no silence.
Amadi clutches her head and starts whimpering.
RADEK
Would this be a horrible blackness, perchance?
Amadi sits up slowly and stares at Radek
AMADI
IT IS ALL BLACKNESS!
She starts mumbling inchoherently.
Radek doesn't respond to that.
RHU
(to Radek)
What happened? Is she okay?
RADEK
Am I the expert on crazy people now?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Is the crazy babbling senseless girl okay? She's breathing. That's about our diagnostic limits really.
RHU
You were talking to her right before she... you know...
(he gestures something about craziness)
And you are the expert on most things.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
That's true.
AMADI
(shaking)
It didn't happen. The world ended and we couldn't stop it, so we broke it all, we broke it, and we said it would be okay, it would work out different this time, but we didn't mention the sacrifice, that it would take a sacrifice to work and even then it wouldn't work, and he would be the sacrifice because we loved him and we knew him and it'd work, except it wouldn't work because we lost the dreamer and the madness and the cat. Catman is really a cat, man.
There are no cats. I don't want to go back.
YOU CAN'T MAKE ME.
GREIBEL
Woah woah woah. You need to center yourself, let out the bad energy.
RHU
...what sort of sacrifice?
Amadi very suddenly stops and looks around, confused.
AMADI
I'm sorry, did someone say something?
Rhu sighs.
RADEK
One might infer that she knows something, but if so, it would be next to impossible to distinguish it from everything else she says.
AMADI
(to Rhu)
And who are you? You're rather cute, now aren't you!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Let us just get to that tree, eh?
Greibel cracks his knuckles theatrically.
They park by the tree. The large tree is very much dead. The small tree seems happy enough, glowing slightly, and growing sideways out of the dead tree.
RADEK
Yes. Now magic, there's something I can make sense of.
RHU
She is very deep. But sometimes she is very shallow. There's a truth in there somewhere, though, I can feel it.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I dig holes in dirt, not in words.
AMADI
Oh, how interesting! Looks almost like magic, that.
RADEK
(poking at it)
Yes... but what kind, I wonder?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
That's not like any tree I know. It's not naturally sustained.
GREIBEL
HELLO TREE! DO NOT FEAR US! WE COME IN PEACE! EXCEPT... WELL, WE WANT TO EXPERIMENT ON YOU!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
EXPERIMENT PEACEFULLY THOUGH.
The tree doesn't really move or do anything in response, but Greibel gets the impression that it did indeed hear him.
RADEK
This is a mutation of... something. Er, a magical mutation, that is. Whatever it once was is obfuscated by what it's become now.
GREIBEL
Hey man, don't call it a 'mutation', man. That's offensive!
HE DIDN'T MEAN IT, WEIRD TREE!
RHU
Why does it glow?
RADEK
It's not purposeful, I can tell you that much. In fact, I can't even begin to guess what purpose this tree was supposed to have.
RHU
Weird.
AMADI
It's pretty. Think they sell them?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
From what we heard in the village, I don't seem to recall it having ANY purpose.
RHU
We could try to find "Genri Hodgeson's boys" and ask them, I guess. But they were apparently drunk at the time.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
A prank, I think the innkeep said. Do we think this tree is relevant to anything?
RHU
(he shrugs)
It went all shiny and glowy when we drained the pool yesterday. I think.
And there was that weird graffiti that suggested it might 'guard' or be a 'guard' or whatever.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
You rely on the scribbling of these villagers? They don't seem to be the most sound people.
GREIBEL
This tree means something! This is important!
RADEK
All I can say is that it isn't doing anything it was made to, if it was made to do something at all.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Is it currently related to the rift at all?
AMADI
Excuse me, I don't think I caught your names? Are you scientists, perhaps?
RADEK
I am, among other things. The others are goons working under my employer.
GREIBEL
Hey! Goon Druid, thank you very much.
RHU
I think it might be related to the pool, not the rift. Last night when we came back here, the pool and the tree were glowing strongly.
AMADI
Oh, fascinating! You must be researching something very dangerous to need so much muscle.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Maybe we should remove the tree? Or pop it into the rift?
Maybe ask the villagers which came first.
Amadi taps the Gravedigger's arm appreciatively.
AMADI
Very sexy.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Thank you, small lady.
Amadi beams.
RHU
The tree came first. They said the rift only showed up three years ago. Shreds things, explodes zombies.
We should have checked if the zombie was combustible before it went in.
AMADI
Oh, it's not. Zombies are strictly... not combustible. It's a zombie thing, I'm sure.
RHU
The zombie didn't cause the pool to drain out like Azir did. I wonder if that was 'cos it wasn't alive? Or if Azir was just more magical?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
He looked a bit soggy to burn well.
Maybe the pool drains based on something other than what goes into the rift.
GREIBEL
Maybe it only drains the first time you throw stuff in it.
RHU
I think we should poke around with the pool a bit more. It seems a bit of a waste to come all this way just to dump an exploding zombie into the pool.
Darned if I know how, though.
RADEK
We hardly know enough to conduct proper experiments on it. Its nature could have changed since yesterday and we would be clueless.
GREIBEL
I dispute that. Any chance to explode a zombie is by definition the opposite of a waste.
AMADI
Ahah, so this is the science!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
We'd need a stack of zombies and drop one in every day to see if results match?
RADEK
If that's all you want to do, I have prepared a bomb or... five.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
To guess what sort of stability its effects have?
RADEK
Certainly. If we can prove that its effects are reliable, that's progress. Though I admit to being less than optimistic in that regard.
RHU
Yes, but I'm not a scientist. I'm an adventurer. We can make with the balanced factorial analyses once we run out of other options; I say we go follow the river and see where that gets us.
RADEK
I agree, on the basis that there are no more zombies in sight.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Sounds fair. Let's go find some water, then.


EXT. Car over open wilderness - day
They head out over the open wilderness, back in the direction of the river's passage, seeing what's around.
While they drive, Radek examines and studies the zombie samples.
RHU
(to Amadi)
So you said you knew Hazz'ridan the Great?
AMADI
Oh, of course. Why do you ask?
RHU
Hazz'ridan spoke to me yesterday. He wants me to close that hole, but he doesn't know how. Him! The Great Hazz'ridan!
AMADI
Oh, don't worry yourself, dear. Even gods can't know everything. I should know. I don't think I know anything.
Isn't that strange?
RHU
How would you know? Are you a priest? A scholar?
AMADI
Hah! Not hardly! I mean... I don't know! Oh, what a mystery this is.
RHU
Hmm. Indeed.
Rasputin tries to crawl into Greibel's ear, and he scratches it absentmindedly.
The porridge falls back onto Greibel's shoulder.
There's a dragon flying in the distance.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
DRAGON, GUYS.
RHU
Woah! A dragon!
RADEK
Amadi, how do people treat dragons on this planet?
AMADI
This planet? Which planet is this?
RADEK
I don't know.
AMADI
Oh! Well, that doesn't sound good.
Why don't you know what planet you're on? Is this an expedition?
RADEK
No indeed. I'd enjoy knowing where we are nearly as much as I would being somewhere I know.
AMADI
Oh. I'm sorry.
RADEK
We arrived under dubious circumstances and the civilization here seems rather... under-developed. I suspect they haven't even tamed dragons yet.
AMADI
So is there civilisation here, then? I don't feel anything. Shouldn't I feel something? I feel like I should feel something.
They continue on down the river.


EXT. Coffle environs - afternoon
After a few hours, the party comes to the ocean, and, nestled at the river's mouth, a city of sorts. It's fairly small, haphazardly walled, and really low to the ground. All in all, it's rather primitive-looking.
RHU
Woah!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Let's go be friendly.
Greibel resists the urge to sing "You Keep A Knockin But You Can't Come In" again.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCKING ON DWARVES' DOORS.
Amadi looks around curiously.
AMADI
Is this it, then?
They look for somewhere to land and find an abandoned roofless farmhouse not too far away from the city's gates.
As they move to land inside, they find it has a ghost sitting in the middle of the floor. He appears to be an old man, and doesn't look up.
They hover overhead.
RADEK
Hello there, spectral entity!
The ghost looks around trying to find where the voice came from.
RADEK
Above you, my good former-man!
The ghost looks up and says something, but no words are audible.
RADEK
Hm. That could be a problem.
RHU
SPEAK UP.
AMADI
(calling down)
Why do you say that?
RHU
(to Amadi)
You can hear him?
AMADI
What? Of course! Can't you?
The ghost perks up slightly and says something else.
AMADI
Well whyever not?
RADEK
Could you repeat what he's saying, for us?
AMADI
Ah, well, it seems he thinks we should leave. Nobody ever hears him anyway, but he tries to warn them. It's quite peculiar, don't you think?
RADEK
Quite. What are these people being warned about? Arthritis?
Gods know I could have used that one.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
That sounds a bit iffy.
AMADI
(to the ghost)
What are you warning them about, then?
The ghost says another silent something.
AMADI
Oh, nothing, it seems. He just wants to leave. Stuck here. Everyone thinks its haunted so they stay away. Nobody can hear him, so he just tells them to leave. Easier that wasy. Like they really are listening.
The ghost says something else and sighs.
AMADI
(to the ghost)
Right?
RADEK
I don't suppose you would know anything about exorcism, would you Rhu?
AMADI
It's not an exorcism he needs. He says it's...
He needs us to remove the mark on the door.
GREIBEL
Time-travelling maintenance men. Excellent.
AMADI
Can a mark really do that, keep someone outside?
Amadi jumps down out of the car and goes to the door and tries to rub it off.
Radek follows suit.
Amadi's attempts to rub it off don't really do anything.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Why don't we just remove the door?
Amadi looks back to the ghost, who rolls his eyes and says something.
AMADI
(to Radek)
Shiny, can you unmagic this?
RADEK
It's Radek.
AMADI
Oh! I'm sorry. Good to meet you, Radek.
Greibel drops out too and pats Radek on the back while walking by
GREIBEL
Cheer up, shiny!
RADEK
Radek J. Fulvius, and the only things I cannot do are those not worth doing. I'm a genius, you know.
AMADI
(nodding)
That must be wonderful for you.
Radek has a go at demagicking the door, and the mark fades. (rolled 24 arcana)
The ghost guy looks really blissful and fades away.
RHU
Take care, ghost guy.
Greibel salutes vaguely.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well we could have kept him around to scare people off, but his memory should be enough.
AMADI
So this is what you people do?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well, I dig holes.
AMADI
Oh.
GREIBEL
And I dig drugs!
AMADI
What... kind of holes?
RADEK
In truth, I mostly build things.
Tinkering with machines and magic are my twin passions, though in an official capacity we're all here as investigators. I'm... not sure that has much meaning anymore, however.
AMADI
Ooo, the intrigue!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Holes in the dirt. To put dead people in. No-one else does it where I come from. It's all fire and pulping.
AMADI
Fascinating.
Ghost and such cleared, they park the car and head out.


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Session 8 (Overview)
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I try to be a considerate sociopath.