Difference between revisions of "Holes/Session 4"

A fragment of the Garden of Remembering
m (Apheori moved page Holes/Session 04 to Holes/Session 4 without leaving a redirect)
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<pre>
{{holes nav
Mike B.:
|top=true
rolling 1d6
|previous=Holes/Session 3
(
|next=Holes/Session 5
2
}}
)
 
=
<screenplay>
2
EXT. Dry dusty woods - day
Oopsies.
 
Frezak (GM): WHERE IS MY CHICKEN
The car appears to have crashed in a clearing amidst some leafless trees, spilling most of the unconscious party out around it. It's no longer hovering. Things are oddly normal and quiet.
Apheori (GM): You want it back?
 
Frezak (GM): Eh.
Dry leaves and grass cover the dusty ground. Remains of an old campfire are nearby, with some odds and ends lying around it.
It's probably because it's buried.
 
Right?
The loudest thing around is the Gravedigger snoring in the front seat of the car.
Right.
 
Apheori (GM): Right.
Aziraphale wakes up first ''(rolled 21 constitution (natural 20))'' and looks around, then goes to shake the others, waking up everyone but Greibel. Greibel seems to be having a nice dream, mumbling about a tree.
You buried it.
 
Frezak (GM): I died.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
A tree died for my art.
Aw. He's like a little angel. He could probably do with time to recover from the drugs.
Wen: is Mike B. Radek?
 
Mike B.: Nah, I'm Mike B.
AZIRAPHALE
Wen: Oh.
Alright, so here we are. Lost once again. Lovely.
Frezak (GM): Gan is Radek.
 
Mike B.: Yeah, I haven't really put together a character yet.
A slight breeze rustles the dry twiggage and leaves.
Frezak (GM): ANOTHER PERSON?
 
's gonna get fun >.>
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Apheori (GM): He may wind up replacing someone else who has to... do other things.
So... this is.... uh....
Because some people have LIVES for some reason.
 
Bastards.
AZIRAPHALE
Frezak (GM): Bastards!
I hope you've all had a nice nap. ESPECIALLY YOU, GRAVY.
Bear Soup Guy: Sickening
 
Frezak (GM): Revolting.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Wen pleads college life
It was great. I feel so refreshed.
Wen: which means I find something to make myself look busy while getting nothing done
 
Apheori (GM): Oh, so you've got parties and girls everywhere, do you?
Aziraphale kicks Greibel lightly.
Wen: hahahahahahahaha
 
hahahahahahahahahahahhaahhahahahaha
Rhu coughs at the dust and looks around.
Gaurav: Wen: which college?
 
Wen: very funny Apheori.
The Gravedigger goes and picks up Radek, placing him on his feet.
Apheori (GM): Well, that is what people sometimes mean when they say 'college life'.
 
Wen: I'm on exchange at http://uwaterloo.ca/
Radek grumbles loudly. Dirt sticks to his metallic coating, which tries to eat the dirt, so he wipes the rest of the dirt off.
Apheori (GM): OKAY.
 
GAME.
The Gravedigger smacks a tree to see if it's dead. It is, and drops a bunch of dust on him.
I CAN CLOSE OBLIVION AND GAME.
 
GAME.
RHU
Wen: so we're not expecting Gan?
(beaming)
Apheori (GM): GAAAAAME.
Guys. GUYS. Reality seems to be not completely messed up for the moment.
Frezak (GM): Gan should be along >.>
 
Apheori (GM): Make him, will you?
He carefully pokes at the ground.
Nevermind.
 
Frezak (GM): BEHOLD MY DARK POWERS.
RHU
Gaurav hides
GUYS! SOLID GROUND!
Ganelon: Beholding.
 
Frezak (GM): Sooooooo
Apheori (GM): OKAY.
I MADE NOTES.
Frezak (GM): We were going where Radek's madness wanted us to go?
Apheori (GM): I THINK THEY APPLY TO THIS.
Frezak (GM): NOTES?
WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?
Gaurav: Notes?!
Wen: we were in the ship. I think Greibel wants to kill me and vice versa.
We're not at the city yet
that's all I remember.
Apheori (GM): In vehicle. Radek is flying to a city nobody else can see. Greibel and Azir each think the other is trying to kill them. Rhu is behind them, terrified out of his wits, but at least he s not screaming anymore. The Gravedigger was rudely awoken from his nap and isn't terribly happy.
Bear Soup Guy: Oh right, we're all going mad
Wen: positively insane.
Frezak (GM): Oh, we couldn't see this city?
Mike B.: AHYAHYAHBALPLLT
Apheori (GM): Gaurav: You were screaming.
Apheori (GM) points and laughs.
Bear Soup Guy: I pictured we were falling through some sort of void
Rhu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Rhu takes a breath
Rhu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Apheori (GM): Frezak: You weren't sure where he was going and didn't really care.
Rhu: You stopped.
Wen: xD
Apheori (GM): I said WERE.
The Gravedigger: Quiet back there!
Or i'll turn this ship around!
Rhu stops screaming
The Gravedigger: And put you in holes!
Apheori (GM): Snrk.
The Gravedigger: Thank you.
The Gravedigger tries to resume his nap.
Apheori (GM): Yeah, Gravy hit Rhu a few times to get him to shut up.
Are we all on the page now?
Rhu makes sure the escape pods are still around
Wen: more or less I believe
Greibel continues dancing around behind Gravy to have protection from Azi
Apheori (GM): Gaurav: Did you read what happened?
Ganelon: I remember this well enough.
Frezak (GM): We're in a flying convertible, no?
Apheori (GM): Right.
And Radek is flying and he just landed on something invisible.
Well, maybe not on. Above or next to.
Frezak (GM): DAMMIT.
I SHOUD HAVE BROUGHT PAINT.
gallons and gallons.
Apheori (GM): You still have a bucket of something.
Don't you?
Greibel HAD a bucket of paint, but then he upended it on his head.
Wen: when was this?
Frezak (GM): I don't have any buckets.
Apheori (GM): Guess you dropped it.
Ganelon: I have valuable liquid materials best not wasted on stuff like this.
That's about it.
Bear Soup Guy: I have dried paint stuck to my head
Frezak (GM): How can you say that?
We dont know what the stuff IS.
Apheori (GM): Radek can see the place, though. He doesn't need paint.
Frezak (GM): Right now the carshipthing is just hovering.
As far as we know.
Ganelon: I'll land it.
Frezak (GM): "we" being non-Radek peoples.
Wen: is this the city?
that we can't see?
Apheori (GM): Well, landed is hovering with this thing.
Wen: or somewhere else
Apheori (GM): This is it! Probably.
Wen: Okay.
Ganelon: Wait, what?
Apheori (GM): Radek sees a city like the one you left, but smaller and more beat up.
Ganelon: What happens when you turn the vehicle off?
Apheori (GM): But it's SHINY.
You park it in thingies.
But it still floats.
IT STILL FLOATS.
Unless it's down for maintenance.
Bear Soup Guy: Magnets
Apheori (GM): Magic.
Frezak (GM): SMSU.
Bear Soup Guy: Magicnets
Ganelon: Rrrrright then. Radek will step out of it like the grump he is.
Wen: SMSU?
Frezak (GM): Science/Magic/ShutUP.
Wen: Oh.
Apheori (GM): Everyone: Radek is standing on nothing.
The Gravedigger: Oh, come ON.
MOre of this?
Anyone have paint?
Apheori (GM): Azir, Greibel, Rhu: d20
Gaurav: o.0
Aziraphale:
rolling 1d20
(
12
)
=
12
Bear Soup Guy:
rolling 1d20
(
5
)
=
5
Rhu:
rolling 1d20
(
2
)
=
2
Frezak (GM): OH GODS.
JUST JUMP.
FLyyyyyy
Wen: Apheori: fewer sanity checks today please >.>
Apheori (GM): Rhu is still utterly panicked, Greibel and Azir are sane again.
Or as sane as they ever are.
Wen: \o/ do I still think he's trying to kill me?
Apheori (GM): Which in Greibel's case is saying almost nothing.
Nope.
Wen: excellent.
Apheori (GM): And Greibel got distracted by a cloud.
Aziraphale looks at Greibel and suddenly gets an urge to hug him
Greibel: Wheeeeee
Apheori (GM): But Wen, sanity checks are how you see reality!
Frezak (GM): I'm gonna watch Radek.
Wen: uh, so Radek's just standing outside and not telling us anything?
Apheori (GM): Apparently.
Ganelon: Why would he have cause to tell you anything?
Aziraphale: so Radek, did you just go out for a quick smoke in mid air?
Frezak (GM): if I watch him long enough, he'll do something interesting.
Wen: well, all of us aren't doing anything, for one thing
Frezak (GM): You're done squabbling?
Apheori (GM): Rhu: d20
Radek: No, I'm standing on solid ground. And I don't smoke.
Frezak (GM): Let's all stare in silence;
Apheori (GM): And roll well or I'll hurt you.
Aziraphale: What solid ground?
Greibel: You should start, man
It's awesome
Rhu:
rolling 1d20
(
10
)
=
10
Wen: XD
Radek: Undoubtedly.
The Gravedigger: I don't see any ground.
The Gravedigger pokes the 'ground' with a shovel.
Aziraphale: I mean, this is quite impressive and all.
Frezak (GM): My second-best shovel, in case.
Aziraphale: or is this one of the perception issues again?
Apheori (GM): Rhu: You come to your senses, see Radek standing on nothing, and... well...
Aziraphale grumbles
The Gravedigger: Maybe we can find fancy glasses.
Wen: what's the result of the shovel poke
Apheori (GM): Gravy: The shovel clinks on stone.
Frezak (GM): Hmmm.
Aziraphale: augh damn it.
Aziraphale gingerly steps out side
Apheori (GM): You are standing on nothing.
Don't look down.
Greibel: Pala-dude, perception is just the gateway to the soul, man
Aziraphale resolutely looks straight ahead
Frezak (GM): I LEAP ONTO THE NOTHING.
Carefully.
Apheori (GM): You hear a loud crack as you land.
The Gravedigger: That wasn't me.
Radek: I would propose linking our consciousnesses together, except that would likely drive all of us insane for completely unrelated reasons to our present dilemma.
Wen: what's our perceived height?
Apheori (GM): High.
The Gravedigger: I don't want your consciousness. It's sad and grumpy.
Radek: Hmph.
Yours isn't exactly a prize worth fighting for either.
The Gravedigger: It's beyond price.
Aziraphale: This isn't sustainable. Even if we were standing on solid ground, we can't do anything when we can't see what's really around us.
Greibel: You know what I do when I want to see what's really around me?
Aziraphale: No. And I don't really want to know.
Aziraphale grumbles some more.
Greibel: Your loss, dude
Frezak (GM): brb
Greibel smokes some drugs, I think
Apheori (GM): The sky is watching you all like a wretched abyss.
Wen: (likewise. bathroom)
Bear Soup Guy: YOU CAN'T ESCAPE THE SKY IN THE BATHROOM
IT'S WATCHING YOU THERE TOO
Ganelon: I'll refrain from trying to offend it this time.
Apheori (GM): As much as I hate to push you all, have you considered getting the magic guy to do some magic?
Frezak (GM): TO disillude?
I don't think we have.
not right now, at least.
Gaurav: Divine magic? Divine magic I can do.
Apheori (GM): Actually, any magic might tell you more at this point.
Wen: back
Apheori (GM): Like that thing Gravy wanted to do to the invisible room...
Frezak (GM): What, paint?
Or breaking it?
This stone is crackly >.>
Ganelon: Well, I've assumed that messing with dimensions is a bit beyond the magic man on his own.
Wen: wait, which of us have magic abilities?
Frezak (GM): All of us?
Ganelon: Of a sort.
Apheori (GM): It worked before.
Wen: uhh, what's mine?
Ganelon: Radek is the Arcane guy.
Divine.
Frezak (GM): You have divine stuff.
Wen: oh, in that sense, okay.
Gaurav: I can do a decent Religion or Insight check, if anybody thinks that'll help. I can do a very bad Arcana check. Not sure what "divine magic" maps to in D&D terms.
Apheori (GM): You hear creaking noises.
Ganelon: Well, alright. Let's try to stabilize shit here.
WITH MAGIC.
Wen: I can do an insight check I guess?
I have +8
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20+10
(
16
)
+10
=
26
Wen: or +3 perception
Bear Soup Guy: I can check for animals and trees and stuff?
Wen: Apheori: Can I heal Rhu?
Ganelon: IS THE WORLD FIXED?
Apheori (GM): Gan: A couple of buildings fall down.
Ellemerr: Dig out the whole magic invisible floor! Dig as if you could even see what you were doing!
That's my suggestion. xD
Wen: out of combat
Apheori (GM): Everything shimmers.
Ganelon: Oh, uh... not nearby, I hope?
Apheori (GM): Not immediately nearby, no.
Wen: bah, I'll do a perception check
Frezak (GM): Is that a shimmering, or thing that he can see that we can't shimmer?
Aziraphale:
rolling 1d20 + 3
(
1
)
+3
=
4
Wen: >.<
Apheori (GM): Everyone sees the shimmering. And hears the rubbling.
Frezak (GM): Rubbling?
Apheori (GM): Buildings. Turning into rubble.
The Gravedigger: RAdek? Can you do something so we can see what's going on?
Because it sounds like holes.
Radek: I'm trying.
Wen: Apheori: Can I heal Rhu? Or does it have to happen during combat?
Apheori (GM): Azir: You hear a horrible high-pitched whine.
Aziraphale winces
Apheori (GM): Like the very fabric of reality is at odds with... you.
Ganelon: Standard rules say no, out of combat is totally fine. But he can also heal himself out of combat.
Apheori (GM): Wen: Okay, he's healed.
Wen: okay.
Rhu: Thanks!
Aziraphale Does anyone else hear that noise?
Wen: uh, -/me
Apheori (GM): Azir: no.
Aziraphale: Does anyone else hear that noise?
Rhu: Yes, we all hear the rumbling.
Apheori (GM): You all hear the rumbling and creaking, which is getting more insistent...
Also the sky is a massive hole and it wants to eat you.
Aziraphale: There's this... high pitched noise. Real unpleasant. Looks like reality is mucking about.
Apheori (GM): And you're standing on nothing.
Greibel: d20
Greibel: This reminds me of a nursery rhyme.
Ganelon: Well, I tried to make the floor visible.
Greibel: Oh wait, no, it was a movie. Never mind.
The Gravedigger: I think I'm gonna get back in the floating car thing now.
Greibel:
rolling 1d20
(
5
)
=
5
Aziraphale: ye-ah. Might be a good idea.
Apheori (GM): Greibel senses a squirrel he can't see.
Frezak (GM): and brb again >.>
Apheori (GM): Buildings are collapsing.
Greibel: hmmmm
Apheori (GM): The place is rumbling and cracking.
Aziraphale: Guys, let's get back in the ship.
Ganelon: Well, that sounds like a good idea.
I'll do that.
Gaurav: Can we feel the rumbling through the invisible thing we're standing on? Or do we just see/hear it?
Aziraphale reenters the ship
Ganelon: Let's not stick around near the collapsing building.
s*
Wen: I suggest investigating the sky
last time someone said we should just charge towards it >.>
Bear Soup Guy: Words no one has ever said before
Without smelling heavily of wine in an alley
Apheori (GM): The sky seems... lower.
Unless anyone says otherwise, you all get back in the car-thingy.
Rhu reluctantly gets back in the car-thingy
Apheori (GM): The shimmering is also much more intense.
Greibel: I miss my tree, man
Greibel gets back in
Radek: So if you don't want to land on the clearly visible city, which is now admittedly collapsing, by the way, where are we headed?
Aziraphale: Let's check out the sky?
Apheori (GM): Almost as if in answer to the question, reality collapses in on itself, and everything goes knurd.
Frezak (GM): KNURD
Also still not back.
Greibel: Woah
Ellemerr: Knurd :3
Greibel: I haven't seen knurd in ages
Apheori (GM): Azir's and Greibel's word are the last things anyone hears before falling unconscious.
words.
Apheori (GM) grumbles.
Ganelon: Yes, words.
Wen: uh, so game over? >.>
Frezak (GM): REROLL
DIBS ON MONK
Apheori (GM): Nope.
Not over.
Wen: well, considering we're unconscious... nothing we can do, is there?
Apheori (GM): IT'S JUST BEGINNING.
Gaurav: o.0
Apheori (GM): Sorry, I'm panicking.
This part was supposed to be important and I may or may not have planned it out but I can't remember.
So I'm trying to make something up. Give me a moment, will you? >.>
Aziraphale twiddles his thumbs unconsciously
Bear Soup Guy: Moment granted
Apheori (GM): Is there like a check or something to roll to wake up?
Frezak (GM): Not really.
Gaurav: We could roll initiatives to see what order we wake up in.
Frezak (GM): We could Constition checks.
*constitution.
Gaurav: Or just keep rolling d20s until someone rolls high enough to wake up, then wakes everybody else up.
Frezak (GM): With the tougher dudes being better able to recover from being KO'ed.
Apheori (GM): Everyone roll a d20 with your constitution modifier tacked on.
Frezak (GM): Awesome!
rolling 1D20+4
(
6
)
+4
=
10
gaaaaah
Gravy loves naps.
Bear Soup Guy:
rolling 1d20+4
(
1
)
+4
=
5
Frezak (GM): DAMMIT GREIBEL
Gaurav:
rolling 1d20+1
(
17
)
+1
=
18
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Wen: which one is constitution?
Frezak (GM): Con.
Apheori (GM): Yours is 1.
Wen: okay
Aziraphale:
rolling 1d20 + 1
(
20
)
+1
=
21
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20
(
4
)
=
4
Wen: \o/
Frezak (GM): I AM SO SLEEPY.
Apheori (GM): Okay, Azir wakes up and looks around.
Aziraphale looks around
Apheori (GM): You're in the car in a dusty clearing in some treeless. The car-thing is no longer hovering for some reason.
Aziraphale shakes the other people
Frezak (GM): MR CAR NOOOOO
Apheori (GM): The others are in it as well, or around. Rhu is also stilling.
The other people besides Greibel wake up. Greibel seems to be having a nice dream, mumbling about a tree.
Gaurav: stilling?
The Gravedigger: Aw. He's like a little angel.
Apheori (GM): stirring
I CAN TYPE.
Aziraphale: Alright, so here we are. Lost once again. Lovely.
The Gravedigger: He could probably do with time to recover from the drugs.
Apheori (GM): There's a slight breeze.
The Gravedigger: So... this is.... uh....
Aziraphale: I hope you've all had a nice nap.
ESPECIALLY YOU, GRAVY.
The Gravedigger: It was great.
I feel so refreshed.
Aziraphale kicks Greibel (not too hard)
Rhu coughs in the dust
Apheori (GM): You actually do feel refreshed. Better than you've been, at least.
Radek grumbles loudly.
Gaurav: at the dust? because of the dust?
Apheori (GM): At, I think.
Radek: You were in the dirt.
Just so we're clear.
Frezak (GM): I'll go pick up and put Radek on his feet if he isn't.
Ganelon: Am I still metallic?
Apheori (GM): HE HAS REASON TO GRUMBLE.
Yes, and your metalic is dirty.
Ganelon: At least it's still there.
Apheori (GM): It tried to eat the dirt.
Frezak (GM): Stupid magic metal skin.
Rhu checks to see if we're still in a treeless, dusty clearing
Ganelon: Well, I'll do what I can to become clean.
Apheori (GM): I meant leafless trees.
I can't type. o__o
Rhu:
rolling 1d20+11 perception check
(
4
)
+11
=
15
Frezak (GM): Leafless? Dead?
Apheori (GM): Apparently. It's too warm to be winter, and everything is just... dry.
You could check them, though.
Frezak (GM): I'll go smack a tree and see if it's dead.
Apheori (GM): Rhu: Everything seems alarmingly normal, if a bit dead. The sky is a sky, the ground is solid, there are dry leaves and grasses around...
And apparently you landed in an old campsite.
Rhu beams
Rhu: Guys. GUYS. Reality seems to be not completely messed up for the moment.
Rhu carefully pokes at the ground
Apheori (GM): Frezak: The tree drops a bunch of dust on you. It seems to be dead.
Frezak (GM): Hmm.
Apheori (GM): Rhu: It's a ground.
Rhu: GUYS! SOLID GROUND!
Frezak (GM): Campsite? Any.. camping /things/ ? tent, fire....
Radek: Yes, but where are we?
The Gravedigger pats Rhu.
The Gravedigger pats Rhu.
The Gravedigger: yes, that's ground.
 
I know ground all right.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
And that, there. Is ground.
Yes, that's ground. I know ground all right. And that, there, is ground.
Rhu: GROUND.
 
RHU
GROUND.
 
Rhu lies down on the ground.
Rhu lies down on the ground.
Apheori (GM): Old firepit with some logs, some stakes for a tent, an old journal, some shiny things in the grass...
 
Frezak (GM): SHINY THINGS.
RADEK
EXAMINE SHINY THINGS.
Yes, but where are we?
Wen: (I'm totally still following along)
 
Apheori (GM): Shiny things are some bottles of what might be potions or liqueurs and a bong.
The Gravedigger goes to examine the things around the old campfire. It's got logs, some stakes for a tent, an old journal, some shiny things in the grass. The shiny things turn out to be some bottles of what might be potions or liqueurs and a bong.
Frezak (GM): HMMM.
 
Could I identify the bottle contents with a... nature check?
He checks the bottles and they seem to contain alcohol, though there's something a bit weird about a couple of them. ''(rolled 21 nature)''
that bong better be a +1 bong.
 
Apheori (GM): Try it.
He piles them into his bag.
Bear Soup Guy: XD
 
Frezak (GM):
Aziraphale looks at the sky. The sky is a sky, broad and blue and cloudless.
rolling 1D20+8
 
(
RHU
13
(getting off the ground)
)
I think we should check if we can establish radio contact with the ship that brought us to this benighted planet, headquarters, and any living soul again, just in case something changed while we slept.
+8
 
=
RADEK
21
I wouldn't be so quick to assume we're still on Sarathi.
brb
 
AGAIN >.>
Regardless, Radek checks his radio. It reports no connection.
Apheori (GM): The primary liquid in them appears to be alcohol. Beyond that you can't really tell what they are.
 
A couple are empty, but they're dry and don't smell like anything.
AZIRAPHALE
Aziraphale looks at the sky
Good point. Any way to check? Would be nice if we got teleported out of that hellhole anyway.
Rhu: (getting off the ground) I think we should check if we can establish radio contact with the ship that brought us to this benighted planet, headquarters, and any living soul again, just in case something changed while we slept.
 
Apheori (GM): The sky is a sky, broad and blue and cloudless. Standard world, healthy.
RHU
It magically fixed itself!
Ah. Well, maybe we're somewhere with a better class of reality, then.
Radek: I wouldn't be so quick to assume we're still on Sarathi.
(to Radek)
Ganelon: Still, I'll give the computer a shot.
Have you tried hitting it?
Aziraphale: Good point. Any way to check?
 
Would be nice if we got teleported out of that hellhole anyway.
RADEK
Rhu: Ah. Well, maybe we're somewhere with a better class of reality, then.
Have you tried getting an education in computer engineering? There's no connection.
Ganelon: Any connection?
 
Apheori (GM): No connection.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Rhu: Have you tried hitting it?
I could hit it for you! I understand all that learning gave you noodley arms. I'll help!
Frezak (GM): I will take all the bottles.
 
Radek: Have you tried getting an education in computer engineering?
The Gravedigger readies his shovel.
There's no connection.
 
Ganelon: GRUMPY
Greibel finally wakes up and stumbles over to the others.
Apheori (GM): Snrk.
 
(To Greibel): Wake up and pick up the bong.
AZIRAPHALE
The Gravedigger: I could hit it for you!
Gravy, I don't think that's the best idea.
I understand all that learning gave you noodley arms.
 
I'll help!
Aziraphale checks his phone, just for good measure. It gets no reception beyond finding the others' radios. None of them are identifying as 'sexy' anymore.
Greibel starts waking up
 
The Gravedigger readies shovel.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Greibel stumbles into the place w'e're at
Aw.
Aziraphale: Gravy, I don't think that's the best idea.
 
Wen: does whatever radio device I have on me have any reception?
GREIBEL
The Gravedigger: Aw.
Hey, what happened dudes?
Greibel: Hey, what happened dudes?
(he sees the bong)
Oh sweet. Anybody got dibs on the bong?
Oh sweet. Anybody got dibs on the bong?
The Gravedigger: magic!
 
Rhu: Maybe Greibel can turn into a swarm of birds and check out the area for us?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Apheori (GM): You've still got reception to the other ones.
Magic!
And none of them are identifying as 'sexy' anymore.
 
Greibel takes the bong
RHU
Wen: Good.
Maybe Greibel can turn into a swarm of birds and check out the area for us?
Aziraphale: I sort of like this reality.
 
I second the suggestion that Greibel scout the area.
Hearing no complaints, Greibel takes the bong.
The Gravedigger: This is fine hole-dirt.
 
Greibel: Okay
AZIRAPHALE
Apheori (GM): You could dig a hole!
I sort of like this reality. I second the suggestion that Greibel scout the area.
Gaurav: Er
 
Apheori (GM): And bury the car-thing!
GREIBEL
Gaurav: Wait
Okay.
Greibel: (in a serious super-hero voice) Hold my bong!
(in a serious super-hero voice)
Apheori (GM): I mean...
Hold my bong!
Rhu picks up the old journal and flips through it
 
Aziraphale reverentially holds it
Aziraphale reverentially holds it.
Frezak (GM): I will begin digging.
 
Greibel unceremoniously poofs into a flock of dirty birds
Greibel unceremoniously poofs into a flock of dirty birds and flies off in every direction.
Apheori (GM): Rhu: You don't recognise the script. Which is odd, because you've at least seen quite a few...
 
Radek: Wait, what are you digging a hole for?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Apheori (GM): It also isn't very good handwriting, though, so that might have something to do with it.
This is fine hole-dirt.
The Gravedigger: You never know when you need a good hole.
 
Rhu: Hey ... does anybody recognize this script?
The Gravedigger begins digging.
Aziraphale: I'll read it.
 
Frezak (GM): I'll peek over Azir's shoulder for a glance then get back to digging.
RADEK
Apheori (GM): Azir: It looks... familiar. Like you should know what it is. But you don't.
Wait, what are you digging a hole for?
Wen: oh damn, I thought I could roll
 
Apheori (GM): Frezak: It looks like really bad handwriting,.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak (GM): And by peek I mean loom.
You never know when you need a good hole.
Rhu:
 
rolling 1d20+2 history check to see if anything about the script recalls any past civilization or culture.
Rhu picks up the old journal and flips through it. The script looks oddly familiar, but also rather alien, which is unusual, considering just how many worlds their people had already come into contact with... also the handwriting is terrible, which might be the real reason it looks so alien.
(
 
2
RHU
)
Hey... does anybody recognize this script? It looks... familiar.
+2
 
=
Aziraphale motions for him to hand over the journal and he does.
4
 
Apheori (GM): Nope.
The Gravedigger looms over Aziraphale's shoulder for a glance while he tries going through it, and then goes back to digging.
Rhu tries looking at the journal upside down
 
Frezak (GM): SMOKE IT IN THE BONG
AZIRAPHALE
Ganelon: I'll check out the car.
Nope.
Apheori (GM): Wen: You can roll, you just...
 
Er, wait, no, you could succeed.
Rhu takes the journal back and tries looking at it upside down. This somehow makes it even worse. He sighs and pockets it.
Bear Soup Guy: XD
 
Apheori (GM): DO IT.
Radek goes to check on the car, and then the Greibel flock flutters down in from of them and turns back into a surprisingly clean elf.
Aziraphale: So this looks familiar, but I still can't read it.
 
Apheori (GM): I keep mixing up the holy people.
GREIBEL
Bear Soup Guy: But I'm birds!
There's a village off in that direction. Looks like some kind of commune sort of place. Other than that, lots of trees, birds, hills. Mostly unpopulated by any kinds of people.
Apheori (GM): No, wait, I still mixed them up.
 
BIRDS!
Greibel takes his bong back.
Wen: also, did the ship turn into a car? or is that just alias car ship
 
Frezak (GM): Wen is super holy.
GREIBEL
Ganelon: I'm calling it a car.
Thanks for holding this, man. Fragile, you know.
Wen: totes
 
Apheori (GM): Car-ship.
RADEK
Frezak (GM): It was always a flying convertible car.
Mostly?
Apheori (GM): Future car.
 
Convertible thingy.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak (GM): future
What about things that aren't people? Giant lizards? Magic bugs?
Apheori (GM): This wasn't SHIP.
 
Gaurav: Yeah, but this isn't the ship named SHIP we landed in, right? This we picked up outside the mall?
RHU
Wen: indeed
Any bodies of water around?
Frezak (GM): This car does not make sandwiches.
 
Wen: so what does Greibel see?
GREIBEL
(To Greibel): As birds, you scout the area. There are a lot of trees, some hills, a village in the distance that looks like some sort of weird hippy commune. Everything is pretty dry.
There were some caves, might be some people or animals in there.
Apheori (GM): Azir, Rhu: I'm sorry, I mixed you two up. It looked familiar to Rhu, Azir has never seen anything like it. I apologise for this.
 
Greibel needs to get back and say.
GREIBEL
Rhu: Huh. This looks ... familiar.
Not much for non-birds. No water anywhere nearby.
Wen: Hmm.. this is odd. So it's from this planet, but I can't read it and Rhu can.
 
unless it isn't from this planet! -cue dramatic music-
AZIRAPHALE
Apheori (GM): I never said he could read it.
Could go to the village.
Wen: oh right.
 
Apheori (GM): Just that it looked familiar.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Wen: where's Rhu from anyway?
(from the now rather deep hole)
Ganelon: Why is the car no longer hovering?
To the willage!
Apheori (GM): Sarathi gets a lot of vacationers.
 
Good question!
GREIBEL
Bear Soup Guy: SORRY I HAD TO DO A THING SUPER QUICK
Willage!
Rhu puts away the old journal
 
Greibel turns back to elf
RHU
Greibel: There's a village off in that direction. Looks like some kind of commune sort of place. Other than that, lots of trees, birds, hills. Mostly unpopulated by any kinds of people.
We should see if we can get the ship named car working first. That would help us get to the village and more importantly get away when everything goes awful.
The Gravedigger: What about things that aren't people?
 
Radek: Mostly?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
The Gravedigger: Giant lizards?
Oh, all right.
Magic bugs?
 
(To Greibel): There wasn't much else. Too dry?
The Gravedigger resumes throwing out shovelfuls of dirt.
(To Greibel): Some caves, though. Might be some there.
 
Rhu: Greibel: Any bodies of water around?
Radek gives the car a proper look. It's just sitting there, which is bad.  
(To Greibel): You didn't see any water...
 
Greibel: There were some caves, might be some people or animals in there.
The car seems to be turned off. ''(rolled 15 arcana)'' He turns it on, but only the front lifts. The back remains resolutely down to earth.
(To Greibel): MADNESS.
 
Greibel: Not much for non-birds
RHU
No water anywhere nearby
Oh! Maybe something's wrong with the rear... disk?
Frezak (GM): So how common is .. teleportation in our future universe?
 
Apheori (GM): Very common.
Frezak (GM): So being dumped across planets is nothing spectacular?
Apheori (GM): Got devices in every town to jump pedestrians between them, and gateways between many major worlds...
But being dumped without a device? That is odd.
Gaurav: I don't think we're carrying teleporters, though? And walking to that commune is just asking for a random encounter.
Apheori (GM): Wizards might do that sort of thing, but that's wizards.
Ganelon: Never call Radek a wizard, incidentally.
Frezak (GM): Well i'm totes hyped for going to the willage.
Maybe the want some holes dug.
Aziraphale: I second the motion to go to the village.
The Gravedigger: To the willage!
Greibel: Willage!
Ganelon: Hold up.
Frezak (GM): Comes Gravy's voice from his hole.
Rhu: We should see if we can get the ship named car working first.
Ganelon: Again, what's wrong with the car?
The Gravedigger: Oh, all right.
Ganelon: Yeah, that.
Rhu: That would help us get to the village and more importantly get away when everything goes awful.
Apheori (GM): It's just sitting there.
The Gravedigger resumes holecrafting.
Apheori (GM): I take it Radek investigates?
Ganelon: Yes.
Apheori (GM): Roll an investigate!
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20+10
(
5
)
+10
=
15
Apheori (GM): Apparently it's off.
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Wen: hee
Ganelon: ...I turn it on.
Apheori (GM): It turns on, but only partly lifts.
Like only the front.
Frezak (GM): It's a giant Tenser's disk.
Wen: o_O
Frezak (GM): Oh.
Rhu: Oh!
Maybe something's wrong with the rear ... disk?
Radek climbs out of the vehicle.
Radek climbs out of the vehicle.
Bear Soup Guy takes his bong back
 
Bear Soup Guy: Thanks for holding this, man
RADEK
Fragile, you know
Turn this thing over on its side so I can take a look.
Radek: Turn this thing over on its side so I can take a look.
 
Frezak (GM): CAN DO.
The Gravedigger bounds out of his hole and gives a go at flipping the car. ''(rolled 5 strength (natural 1))'' This completely fails, and instead he pulls a muscle.
Strength check to flip the car.
 
rolling 1D20+4
He then jumps back down and hides in his hole.
(
 
1
RADEK
)
Hmph.
+4
 
=
For good measure, Radek also gives the car flipping a try with his fantastic old-man strength. ''(rolled 6 strength)'' This doesn't work either, but at least the failure isn't as spectacular.
5
 
Rhu:
Aziraphale frowns and tries as well, but this also fails. ''(rolled 5 strength (natural 1))'' He breaks a nail.
rolling 1d20+6 Nature check to see if I can guess what kind of monsters might live in this area.
 
(
AZIRAPHALE
2
Ow.
)
(he eyes Gravy in his hole)
+6
Guys, I think he's going insane.
=
 
8
RADEK
Frezak (GM): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
No. No, no, no, no. We are not talking about sanity again.
MY POWERRRRRR
 
Faaadinnnnnngggg...
RHU
Gaurav: In Soviet Russia, car flips you.
Maybe there's a panel at the back of CAR that opens? Don't mechanical things usually have panels?
Wen: uhh, should I give it a go?
 
Frezak (GM): I pulled a muscle >.>
RADEK
Or several.
Let's go to the village.
Aaaag my lats
 
Apheori (GM): That.
The Gravedigger gets out and tries flipping the car again and fails again. ''(rolled 5 strength (natural 1))''
Radek: Hmph.
 
Apheori (GM): Rhu: You suspect birds.
Rhu tries. ''(rolled 13 strength)'' Doesn't work, but he does notice a likely panel mostly buried in dust.
Ganelon: I'll try it!
 
Frezak (GM): I'm gonna hide in my hole.
RHU
Ganelon: With my fantastic old-man strength!
A PANEL!
rolling 1d20-1
 
(
Rhu digs out the panel and points, hoping someone who understands technology can do the technology thing.
7
 
)
Aziraphale pokes Radek.
-1
 
=
The Gravedigger sobs in his hole.
6
 
YEAH
GREIBEL
Frezak (GM): You can sit in my hole if you want.
(from the top of the hole)
Aziraphale:
Hey man, don't be bummed. It's a pretty big car thing, y'know?
rolling 1d20 + 4
 
(
Radek goes and pulls the panel off and pokes around inside trying to sort out if this'll give any indication what's wrong. ''(rolled 22 arcana)'' It looks like the back is mostly just full of dirt.
1
 
)
AZIRAPHALE
+4
Looks like a job for Gravy.
=
 
5
RADEK
..
Gravy, come get this dirt out of here. Dirt and violence are your two specialities, aren't they?
Guys, I don't think we're going to be able to do this.
 
Apheori (GM): You, you all failed, and Azir broke a nail.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Aziraphale: ow.
If you want that car to work, these giant hamhocks won't help. Will my shovel fit in that hole? I don't think so.
Frezak (GM): What the hells.
 
Aziraphale: Let's try the village first, maybe?
RADEK
Frezak (GM): Maybe... turn the engine off and THEN flip it?
Useless!
Bear Soup Guy: Should Greibel still SMOKE THE SCRIPT
 
Aziraphale: NO.
Frezak (GM): SMOKE THAT SHIT MAN
Bear Soup Guy: Damn :(
Frezak (GM): INGEST THE WORDS
INHALE TRUTH
Aziraphale: Uhh
Aziraphale eyes Gravy
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Frezak (GM): Gravy is sad.
Aziraphale: Guys, I think he's going insane.
Frezak (GM): His one talent is that he's strong. And he failed at that.
Radek: No. No, no, no, no. We are not talking about sanity again.
Rhu: Maybe there's a panel at the back of CAR that opens? Don't mechanical things usually have panels?
Radek: Let's go to the village.
Apheori (GM): You could... try again.
Ganelon: Another roll?
Frezak (GM): I'd love to try again.
Gaurav: I could try. Is it just 1d20 + STR?
Wen: yeah.
Bear Soup Guy: Strength modifier I believe
Wen: what are we going to do if we fix it though? We'd still go to the village.
Frezak (GM): But we could go to the willage in STYLE.
Gaurav: hmm, my strength is zero, so I should probably go last. Greibel: can you change into any animal big enough to carry the car?
Frezak (GM): I can try again, GM?
Math gives me chances of not FUCKING IT UP
Gaurav: And we aren't leaving the only thing from Sarathi we still have at a campsite where we might not be able to find it again.
Apheori (GM): You can always try again unless things break.
Ganelon: My strength is -1.
Frezak (GM):
rolling 1D20+4
(
1
)
+4
=
5
GODDAM IT
FUCK THIS GAME
Bear Soup Guy: That's a good question Guar
Frezak (GM): GRAAAAAH
Ganelon: Pfffaaahahahah
Bear Soup Guy: What are the rules on that?
Frezak (GM): FUCKING NEUTRONIUM CAR
Gaurav: Well, that and this light fixture I picked up.
Bear Soup Guy: My strength is balls but I can turn into like a bear or a dragon or something
Rhu tries
Rhu:
rolling 1d20+0
(
13
)
+0
=
13
Frezak (GM): It doesn't change your stats, BSG.
Apheori (GM): You feel like you almost can and are sad.
Bear Soup Guy: Okie-dokie
Apheori (GM): Rhu: Also you saw a panel.
Rhu: A PANEL!
Rhu points at the panel hoping someone who understands technology can do the technology thing
Aziraphale pokes Radek
Ganelon: Panel science?
Frezak (GM): I'm sobbing in my hole.
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20+10
(
12
)
+10
=
22
Greibel: Hey man, don't be bummed.
It's a pretty big car thing, y'know?
Apheori (GM): Gan: You get the panel off, find the controls all look fine, and realise the back thing is just full of dirt.
Gaurav: In my head, I see Gravy as being twice as tall as the car is long.
Aziraphale: Looks like a job for Gravy.
Gaurav: well, not twice
but just absurdly too big for this car
Frezak (GM): Gravy is about... seven feets of tallness?
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Like Shaq in a Miata
Radek: Gravy, come get this dirt out of here.
Frezak (GM): HOW.
Bear Soup Guy: Also brb starting some noodles
Frezak (GM): WITH MY GIANT HANDS?
Apheori (GM): Well, he could stick his hand in it. But that would probably be a terrible idea if the car is on.
Frezak (GM): Also that.
Radek: Dirt and violence are your two specialties, aren't they?
Apheori (GM): Of course Gravy might not realise that second bit...
The Gravedigger: If you want that car to work, these giant hamhocks won't help.
Will my shove fit in that hole? i don't think so.
Apheori (GM): Also I want noodles too.
Radek: Useless!
Apheori (GM): MAgic.
Frezak (GM): I don't deal in precision stuff.
I MAKE HOLES
I DO NOT FIX CARS.
The Gravedigger sobs in his hole some more.
The Gravedigger sobs in his hole some more.
Ganelon: I'll do it myself, then.
 
With the car off.
Radek turns off the car and does it himself. Then he turns the car back on and it just works.
While grumbling about unreliable urban vehicle designs.
 
Apheori (GM): You get the dirt out and turn it back on and it just works.
RHU
Rhu: YAY!
YAY!
Frezak (GM): I want to check my backpack to check that everything is how I last left it.
 
If dirt got teleported into the car bits, who know what else has moved.
Greibel smokes some random plants from the clearing.
Apheori (GM): As a side note, Greibel tries smoking some plants he found. This has no real bearing on anything, but that's what he's doing while this is going on. And while the noodles are preparing.
 
Wen: so do we take the car-ship to the village?
The Gravedigger, in his sorrow, decides to check his bags and see if anything there is amiss. All his things seem to be accounted for, but he finds an extra package of fertiliser among them as well for some reason, labelled 'all-purpose plant food'. He has no idea where it came from.
Frezak (GM): Can i roll Nature to identify psychotropic plants?
 
Ganelon: That's the plan.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak (GM): ANd make sure to steer him away from them?
Hey, check your stuff, guys.
If I roll enough things I won't get a 1.
 
Apheori (GM): Your stuff all seems to be there, although you're not sure where the package of fertiliser came from...
The others do. The dragon parts Radek had collected have broken down into sludge. Greibel's pockets are full of fanged peas.
Frezak (GM): A package?
 
Future or old times package?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Apheori (GM): You've got a tub of fertiliser. Like... normal technical chemical fertiliser.
GAH. PEAS.
Frezak (GM): Any distinctive writing on it?
 
Apheori (GM): It's labelled 'all-purpose plant food'
GREIBEL
Frezak (GM): Hmmm.
(holding a handful of chittering fanged peas)
The Gravedigger: hey, check your stuff, guys.
Right on.
Aziraphale examines his inventory
 
Ganelon: Anything out of place?
Greibel puts the peas back in his pocket. The peas come off without complaint.
Apheori (GM): The dragon parts you collected don't seem to be dragon parts anymore.
 
They seem to have broken down.
GREIBEL
Wen: You get a pack of fertilizers. You get a pack of fertilizers. EVERYONE gets a pack of fertilizers.
Shhhh, your time will come, little ones.
Apheori (GM): Still probably useful, though.
 
Greibel has a pocket full of fanged peas.
RHU
The Gravedigger: GAH
Those are some cool peas.
PEAS
 
Gaurav: Unless I missed something, the only thing Rhu picked up recently is the half digested light fixture and the old journal. Are they still fine?
AZIRAPHALE
Wen: I thought we were out of the crazy reality? :/
I'm more bothered by the fact that everything seemed sane for a moment, and then bam, fanged peas. Nothing against the peas themselves, just...
Apheori (GM): Gaurav: Aye.
 
Greibel found the peas by reaching into a pocket and pulling out a hand covered in them. Not attacking, just... sticking and chittering.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak (GM): PLANT PLAN.
I'm sure everything will sort itself out.
Save them peas, man.
 
Save them for dire times.
AZIRAPHALE
Greibel: Right on
I think we should head to the village.
Greibel puts the peas back in his pocket
 
Rhu: Those are some cool peas.
Everyone basically agrees and they pile into the car. Somehow Rhu winds up in the driver's seat.
Greibel: Shhhh, your time will come little ones
 
Apheori (GM): The peas come off without complaint.
RHU
Aziraphale: I'm more bothered by the fact that everything seemed sane for a moment, and then bam, fanged peas.
(darkly)
Nothing against the peas themselves, just..
I don't like communes. Or villages. Or ''people''.
Rhu checks the box of fertilizer to see if it has any ammonium nitrate in it
 
The Gravedigger: i'm sure everything will sort itself out.
GREIBEL
Gaurav: Are fanged peas a savory snack on the planet Rhu is from?
I LOVE communes. And people are alright, but I prefer animals.
Oh, I meant: Rhu looks at the text on the box, not performs some sort of on the fly chemical analysis
 
Apheori (GM): Urea nitrogen.
RHU
12% nitrogen, but not that.
Animals are alright, I guess. Cats are pretty cool, even when they're not gods.
Aziraphale: I think we should head to the village.
 
Apheori (GM): The one you mentioned.
AZIRAPHALE
Frezak (GM): TO THE WILLAGE
Cat gods are terrible.
Apheori (GM): Fanged peas ain't a snack anywhere... civilised.
 
Ganelon: Willage?
RADEK
Gaurav: Before we head to the village, we should double-check that we're all healed up and fighting-ready.
Gods, animals, people... I'll stick with my machines.
Frezak (GM): WILLAGE
 
Wen: I think we are.
Rhu squints at the ground and flies the car off toward the village.
Frezak (GM): I haven't taken any damage.
 
Wen: Rhu was the only one that ever got hit by the chicken, and he's healed.
GREIBEL
Apheori (GM): Someone broke a nail at some point.
Road trip!
Gaurav: Sweet. Sounds like we're ready to go!
 
Wen: yes, me, but I didn't realise that hurt HP
RHU
so uh, I heal myself?
Plain trip!
(To Frezak): How do I throw a pack of starved wolves at you?
 
Rhu: (darkly) I don't like communes. Or villages. Or _people_.
GREIBEL
Rhu gets back into the car
DIRT!
(From Frezak (GM)): You say... "You come across a pack of starved wolves." ? O.o
 
Gaurav: BTW: Wikipedia says that urea + nitric acid = explosive, so keep your eyes peeled for nitric acid I guess.
RHU
Greibel: I LOVE communes
Huh. This is a cool car.
And people are alright, but I prefer animals
 
Bear Soup Guy: :O
 
(To Frezak): Yeah, but the encounter... thing...
EXT. Car over dry, dusty woods - day
Wen: uh, we float over to the village?
 
(To Frezak): Then again if you're flying that's not an issue.
The car cruises along at a stately some speed or other. Everyone looks out for anything interesting. They see trees. And dirt. And rocks. And a sinkhole over there. And more rocks. And some strange shiny things with a deformed bird on them. And more dirt. And trees. And rocks.
(From Frezak (GM)): Um. I'll find some wolf tokens and some wolf monster sheets? Then slide the party to another map - oh, right.
 
Gaurav: Who's driving?
Frezak (GM): Who has best perception?
Apheori (GM): How do you get Gravy out of his hole?
Wen: can't he dig himself out?
Frezak (GM): I'll just climb out, sulkily.
Apheori (GM): Aw.
Ganelon: Aw, I was going to suggest flooding it with fertilizer.
Rhu: Animals are alright, I guess. Cats are pretty cool, even when they're not gods.
Aziraphale: cat gods are terrible
Gaurav: Rhu has +11 perception, and anybody within five squares of me gets a +1 to their perception.
anybody -> allies
Bear Soup Guy: sexy
Frezak (GM): Well that puts me at... 9.
SO YOU CAN DRIVE
Radek: Gods, animals, people... I'll stick with my machines.
Rhu: Everybody in?
Aziraphale: Gravy?
Rhu squints at the road and drives in whatever direction Greibel said the village was.
Frezak (GM): yeah, i'll get in back.
Greibel: Road trip!
Ganelon: Wait, there's a road?
Apheori (GM): Not really.
Rhu: Plain trip!
Frezak (GM): Dirt!
Greibel: DIRT!
Apheori (GM): A bit of a path, but not wide enough to fit the car, and it doesn't really go anywhere.
So you, like, fly over the trees or something.
Frezak (GM): HAHA, SUCK IT, TREES
Rhu: Huh. This is a cool car.
Apheori (GM): Roll your thingies.
Perceptions.
Things.
Frezak (GM):
rolling 1D20+8+1
(
6
)
+8+1
=
15
Wen: +8+1?
Greibel: r 1d20+9+1
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20+7+1
(
10
)
+7+1
=
18
Frezak (GM): +1 from Rhu?
Rhu:
rolling 1d20+11 perception
(
2
)
+11
=
13
Wen: oh
Aziraphale:
rolling 1d20 + 3 + 1
(
11
)
+3+1
=
15
Rhu: There are some trees over here. I think.
Frezak (GM): We need a new driver.
Apheori (GM): Y'all see trees. And dirt. And rocks.
And a sinkhole over there.
And more rocks.
And some strange shiny things with a deformed bird on them.
And more dirt. And trees. And rocks.
All the trees are dead.
All the trees are dead.
Rhu: Should we investigate the sinkhole?
 
Or the deformed bird?
RHU
Frezak (GM): Deformed bird?
There are some trees over here. I think.
Also shiny things.
 
Apheori (GM): It's very large, missing a bunch of feathers, and has too many limbs.
'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): We need a new driver.
Frezak (GM): Ew.
 
Wen: any shimmering or other signs of deformed reality?
They drive by the bird for a better look. It is very large, missing a bunch of feathers, and has too many limbs. To Greibel and Gravy, it looks like the result of some sort of bad radiation event. ''(rolled 29, 25 nature)'' Mutated, perhaps second or third generation after the event.
Apheori (GM): Not that you see.
 
Wen: Good.
It looks to be guarding its shiny things carefully.
Rhu: Phew.
 
Aziraphale: Greibel: can you see what's up with the bird?
AZIRAPHALE
Frezak (GM): Nature checks on the bird?
I suggest we go to the village first. I mean, even if we do all our observations, we can't really understand any of what happened without more information.
Apheori (GM): ..sure.
 
Bear Soup Guy: NATURE CHECKS
GREIBEL
Frezak (GM):
(indicating the bird)
rolling 1D20+8
Looks like he isn't going anywhere, I guess
(
 
17
RHU
)
I agree with Azi, although it might be fun to have Greibel turn into a flock of angry birds and try to distract the mutant bird for us.
+8
 
=
Greibel slicks his hair.
25
 
Ganelon: I know nothing about mutants.
AZIRAPHALE
Bear Soup Guy:
It'd achieve nothing.
rolling 1d20+11
 
(
Rhu looks grumpy.
18
 
)
AZIRAPHALE
+11
If the mutant birds attack, we could do that.
=
 
29
RHU
Apheori (GM): Radek should do a science check.
We could also just drive this car into the bird. It belongs in a museum!
Gaurav: Woah, nice rolls.
 
Frezak (GM): DAMMIT BSG
AZIRAPHALE
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS UPSTAGE ME
You're like the Nissai and the colossus. "This belongs in a museum!"
Ganelon: ...Do I still need to?
 
Apheori (GM): I guess not.
GREIBEL
Bear Soup Guy: =D
I vote village, but that bird is so cute.
Frezak (GM): Between us, we know all nature.
 
Gaurav: BSG is more nature than man.
Rhu sighs and heads for the village.
Er, elf.
 
Bear Soup Guy: Together we could conquer the dirt world!
 
Apheori (GM): It's a mutated bird, like a second or third generation after a bad radiationing thing.
EXT. Village of Hughenden - evening
...words are hard.
 
Frezak (GM): Hmmm.
The village is a rough cluster of dusty buildings around an unpaved road. The technology level looks questionable, for uncertain reasons. Some folks are standing around listlessly, but then one spots the car as it approaches and points. They stare up in shock and wonder.
Does it seem agressive?
 
Apheori (GM): You're not close enough. You could get closer.
The car comes to a stop, hovering some 20 feet in the air above them.
Frezak (GM): Likely to be a problem if we examined the shiny stuffs?
 
Bear Soup Guy: NATURE EYES
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Apheori (GM): It seems like it could be guarding the stuff.
(booming down)
Frezak (GM): Hmmm.
HELLO PEOPLE. WE COME TO DIG HOLES.
Have radek fire a warning shot?
 
Ganelon: Just to make noise?
The people startle at the sound of the Gravedigger's voice and cower in fear.
Aziraphale: I suggest we go to the village first. I mean, even if we do all our observations, we can't really understand any of what happened without more information.
 
Frezak (GM): AND LEAVE THE SHINIES?
RADEK
...
No we don't!
Fine.
 
Greibel: Looks like he isn't going anywhere, I guess
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Rhu: I agree with Azi, although it might be fun to have Greibel turn into a flock of angry birds and try to distract the mutant bird for us.
I'm trying to reassure them. Everyone likes holes.
Aziraphale: It'd achieve nothing.
 
Rhu: ...
The Gravedigger waves at the people. This has no visible effect.
Frezak (GM): A flock of sexy mutant birds.
 
Apheori (GM): XD
AZIRAPHALE
Greibel slicks his hair
(over the side of the car)
Aziraphale: If the mutant birds attack, we could do that.
Hallo.
Rhu: We could also just drive this car into the bird. It belongs in a museum!
Hello, people, do you have food? I'm hungry.
Frezak (GM): Well, at least in a jar.
 
Aziraphale: You're like the British and the pyramids way back when people still lived on earth.
It occurs to Aziraphale that the village isn't a commune at all, but instead a general agrarian society. They don't look very well off. They look all afraid and hungry and hopeless. They look like they don't understand a word they're saying. ''(rolled 20 insight)''
"This belongs in a museum!"
 
a jar. Even worse.
Most of them run away into various buildings.
Gaurav: I work in a museum. We have many jars.
 
Wen: do they have interesting stuff in them? :P
Two villagers remain, just watching.
Apheori (GM): Octopi.
 
Squids.
RADEK
Slugs.
What are they so afraid of?
More slugs.
 
Wen: My character is like, uptight and grumpy and not very likeable. Of course it's going to be a dick about it.
AZIRAPHALE
Apheori (GM): But anyhow.
Us, I think.
Wen: damn slugs.
 
Apheori (GM): Your character is awesome.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Wen: so let's continue to the village?
Maybe they've never seen such a beard. It might be scary for them.
Apheori (GM): So what'll you do?
 
DRIVER. DO SOMETHING.
RADEK
Wen: I vote village.
Fear isn't exactly the first emotion I would experience, looking at this group as an outsider.
Rhu: I vote village.
 
(but wait to see what the others say before actually driving us there)
AZIRAPHALE
Greibel: I vote village but that bird is so cute
if you were an agrarian society with no experience of space-age technology, wouldn't you be afraid of a hovercraft?
Frezak (GM): sure
 
Ganelon: Works for me.
RADEK
Rhu drives us to the village
Maybe pity.
Apheori (GM): It's evening. There are some folks standing around listlessly, but then one spots you approach and points. They stare up in shock and wonder.
 
The Gravedigger: HELLO PEOPLE.
RHU
WE COME TO DIG HOLES.
An agrarian society? Do you suppose they'd be interested in fertilizer?
Radek: No we don't!
 
Rhu keeps the car hovering 20 feet above the shocked people.
AZIRAPHALE
Apheori (GM): The people startle at Gravy, and especially his voice, and cower in fear.
I think they wouldn't know what to do with it.
The Gravedigger: I'm trying to reassure them.
Guys, this is.. odd. I don't think places like this exist anymore on Sarathi.
Everyone likes holes.
 
The Gravedigger waves
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Aziraphale: Hallo.
Those houses were made by hand. Ya don't see those anymore.
Bear Soup Guy: Shall we roll for their trust or...something?
 
They'll probably like me, being the outdoorsman
AZIRAPHALE
The villagers back away in fear.
...so we're either somewhere no one has ever been, on another planet, or in another dimension. This does not please me.
Frezak (GM): Just rain drugs on them.
 
Apheori (GM): You're hovering 20ft up.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Aziraphale: Hello, people, do you have food? I'm hungry.
Is this a Ren fair?
Apheori (GM): Of course that might be a little intimidating.
 
Rhu: Who's the most charismatic person here?
AZIRAPHALE
Ganelon: Someone insight these people.
Or we travelled back in time.
I'm terrible at it.
 
Aziraphale:
THE GRAVEDIGGER
rolling 1d20 + 8
I have an idea, guys. Lower us down slowly.
(
 
12
Rhu does so, parking the car an easy distance off the ground. The two watching villagers continue to watch. They're both human, an older-looking man and a woman so wizened she looks like she could be his mother.
)
 
+8
The Gravedigger gets out, making exaggerated, slow moves, and clearly puts his shovel and shield into the car. Then he pulls out one of the booze bottles from his pack, uncorks it, and takes a swig.
=
 
20
Then he advances toward the dudes with a bottle in hand.
Gaurav: Rhu's CHA is -1 so he's keeping his big mouth shut.
 
Bear Soup Guy:
GREIBEL
rolling 1d20+9
That's a great idea! Poor people love booze!
(
 
4
The villagers eye the Gravedigger suspiciously, but then the man also approaches him.
)
 
+9
THE GRAVEDIGGER
=
Radek, you're smart. Come with me. And try to not look too grumpy.
13
 
Frezak (GM): So's mine >.>
'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): You know that I still look like a chrome statue, right?
Bear Soup Guy: Yeah we all suck at people
 
Gaurav: DM: did you just create a character named "The villagers"? Or can you make actions with arbitrary subjects?
'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Shit. Well I'm a horned giant.
Frezak (GM): It's a Journal entry.
 
Apheori (GM): It's not a commune, or hippies. It's a village of what appears to be an agrarian society, except they don't look very well off. They look all afraid and hungry and hopeless.
RADEK
Frezak (GM): So.... both >.>
If this doesn't work I'm breaking out the science.
Apheori (GM): Yup.
 
Wen: do they understand us?
Apheori (GM): They don't seem to.
And now most of them have run away inside.
Wen: can I have a babelfish?
Frezak (GM): Most?
Apheori (GM): I don't think Radek knows how to make those.
Two villagers remain.
But they don't seem inclined to actually do anything with y'all way up there. They're just watching.
Frezak (GM): Drop down.
I have an icebreaker.
Radek: What are they so afraid of?
Aziraphale: Us, I think.
The Gravedigger: Maybe they've never seen such a beard.
It might be scary for them.
Radek: Fear isn't exactly the first emotion I would experience, looking at this group as an outsider.
Aziraphale: if you were an agrarian society with no experience of space-age technology, wouldn't you be afraid of a hovercraft?
Radek: Maybe pity.
Rhu: An agrarian society? Do you suppose they'd be interested in fertilizer?
Wen: I should know if agrarian society exists (and if so, where) on Srathi, shouldn't I?
Apheori (GM): Yes.
Wen: so?
Aziraphale: I don't think they wouldn't know what to do with it
Apheori (GM): There was a proposed hippy commune at one point, but it never actually happened.
Frezak (GM): But these are wood huts, right?
Apheori (GM): The huts are wood and stone.
Aziraphale: -don't
Apheori (GM): But roofed with thatch.
Wen: So there aren't supposed to be agrarian societies on Sarathi?
Apheori (GM): Right.
Aziraphale: Guys, this is.. odd.
Frezak (GM): Surely handmade structure are strange to us?
Apheori (GM): And Sarathi is usually pretty lush, too.
Yes.
Aziraphale: I don't think places like this exist anymore on Sarathi.
The Gravedigger: Those houses were made by hand.
Apheori (GM): They are.
The Gravedigger: Ya don't see those anymore.
Apheori (GM): Some people do it, like you and your shovels, but it's odd.
Aziraphale: ...so we're either somewhere no one has ever been, on another planet, or in another dimension.
Ellemerr: "Aw, this is so quaint!"
The Gravedigger: Is this a Ren fair?
Aziraphale: This does not please me.
Rhu: One of us needs to speak with them. Does anybody have a Charisma over zero?
Apheori (GM): You forgot time travel.
Frezak (GM): I'm at -1.
But I have a trick.
Aziraphale: Oh, or we travelled back in time.
Frezak (GM): Lemme down!
Aziraphale: Thanks voice-from-nowehere.
The Gravedigger: I have an idea, guys.
Apheori (GM): Azir: I'm the voice in the back of your mind because you're crazy.
The Gravedigger: Lower us down slowly.
Rhu lowers us down slowly
Frezak (GM): I'll get out, making exaggerated, slow moves.
And clearly put my shovel and shield into the car.
And pull out one of the booze bottles from my pack.
Uncork it, take a swig.
Apheori (GM): One of the ones from the campsite?
Frezak (GM): And then advance to one of the dudes with a bottle in hand.
yes, those.
You said they were booze, right?
Apheori (GM): Alcohol, yes.
It makes you feel funny. Lighter.
Greibel: That's a great idea!
Poor people love booze!
Apheori (GM): One of the villagers eyes you suspiciously, but also approaches.
The Gravedigger: Radek, you're smart. Come with me.
And try to not look too grumpy.
Radek: If this doesn't work I'm breaking out the science.
Frezak (GM): I'm gonna offer him the bottle.
Apheori (GM): They're human. These two are an older man and a woman who looks like she could be his mother.
Ganelon: You know that I still look like a chrome statue, right?
Frezak (GM): Shit.
Well I'm a horned giant.
Rhu watches Gravy's attempt to communicate with the communists and is clearly impressed.
Apheori (GM): The man accepts the bottle, eyes it with slight confusion, but also takes a swig.
Frezak (GM): We'll work.
Ganelon: Fine, fine.
Radek steps out of the car and follows Gravy.
Radek steps out of the car and follows Gravy.
Apheori (GM): The man says something, but you don't understand it.
 
It seems like a question.
The Gravedigger offers the man the bottle.
The Gravedigger: Now that we have his attention, Radek. Do some smart gesture figuring out stuff;
 
Apheori (GM): The woman watches Radek.
The man accepts the bottle, eyes it with slight confusion, but also takes a swig.
The Gravedigger: I'll get you a stick so you can draw things in the dirt.
 
The woman is watching Radek.
 
Rhu and Greibel watch from the car. Rhu is clearly impressed. Greibel is clearly stoned. Aziraphale is actually watching the rest of the village.
 
VILLAGER MAN
''Tatee kanao hanosca?
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Now that we have his attention, Radek. Do some smart gesture figuring out stuff. I'll get you a stick so you can draw things in the dirt.
Keep an eye out for trouble, guys?
Keep an eye out for trouble, guys?
Frezak (GM): DO SOME SMART THINGS NOW
 
Apheori (GM): Guys in car: You realise the rest of the village is watching out the windows.
Aziraphale keeps an eye out.
Frezak (GM): Because I did not think this through.
 
Aziraphale keeps an eye out
VILLAGER WOMAN
Ganelon: What do you want me to do, draw pictograms?
''Ahtaano hafflas.
Rhu:
 
rolling 1d20+11 perception check to see if I can spot any potential danger, paying particular attention to the side of the village opposite that where Gravy and Radek are.
The man looks back, worried.
(
 
1
The woman shrugs.
)
 
+11
Radek just stands there like a statue as the Gravedigger watches him expectantly.
=
 
12
AZIRAPHALE
Frezak (GM): That sounds about right.
Guys, if we went back in time, or to another planet, or to another dimension, this might well be a "normal" world as far as these folks are concerned. Including the deformed bird.
GORRAM 1's !!!
 
Apheori (GM): The woman says something as well, and the man looks back, worried. She shrugs.
RHU
Rhu: You have absolutely no idea whatsoever.
Ask them if they know the way to the nearest city?
Wen: Can we get Greibel to turn into something that understands them?
 
Ganelon: Why would you rely on me to communicate with simpletons?!
VILLAGER MAN
Frezak (GM): Because intelligence.
(trying again)
To find ways to conery concepts.
''Enry?
Via shitty mediums such as gesturing.
 
Aziraphale: Guys, if we went back in time, or to another planet, or to another dimension, this might well be a "normal" world as far as these folks are concerned.
AZIRAPHALE
including the deformed bird
just different stages of evolution.
Rhu: Ask them if they know the way to the nearest city?
 
Apheori (GM): The man tries another greeting.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Aziraphale: just different stages of evolution.
Sorry, I'm not familiar with your words, Mr farmer.
Villager: Enry?
 
The Gravedigger: Sorry, I'm not familiar with your words, Mr farmer.
VILLAGER MAN
Villager: Vosals. Acandorai tir.
(he gestures around to the village)
Villager gestures around to the village.
''Vosals. Acandorai tira.
Radek: What do we want from them? We aren't going to get any kind of complex information like this.
 
Certainly not with a stick.
RADEK
Aziraphale: Ask them where the city is
What do we want from them? We aren't going to get any kind of complex information like this. Certainly not with a stick.
Rhu: Greibel: can you do a nature check to look for any effects of radiation on the villages?
 
Aziraphale: gesture tall buildings
AZIRAPHALE
shrug
Ask them where the city is. Gesture tall buildings. Shrug. Point places. That should do it.
Greibel: A stick can be more telling than you might think, man
 
Aziraphale: point places
GREIBEL
A stick can be more telling than you might think, man.
 
Greibel smokes from the bong a little
Greibel smokes from the bong a little
Aziraphale: that should do it
 
Rhu: Show them the tablet computers I hope we still have?
RHU
Greibel: Radiation is nature?
Show them the tablet computers?
The Gravedigger: Well you come here and do gesturings!
 
Aziraphale exits the car and goes forth
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Aziraphale gestures as described
Well you come here and do gesturings!
Greibel: Okay, well
 
Check for radiation!
Aziraphale exits the car and joins the Gravedigger and Radek, then gestures as described.
rolling 1d20+11
 
(
This doesn't achieve much. The woman glares at them for a moment.
19
 
)
VILLAGER WOMAN
+11
Kanao tira.
=
 
30
She starts gesturing and chanting, casting some spell.
Apheori (GM): The woman glares at Azir.
 
Frezak (GM): You have Geiger eyeballs.
The man smiles helpfully at them.
Apheori (GM): Greibel: Sure, you detect some low levels of something or other.
 
Like it's faded and almost gone, never really was a whole lot.
Aziraphale makes a gesture for keeping evil away.
Greibel tells that to Rhu
 
Greibel: Meh
GREIBEL
Wen: could it have been just not thing out of the ordinary?
(to Rhu)
Greibel: Probably bananas
Hey, man, the radiation's mostly normal now. Meh. Probably bananas.
Apheori (GM): The woman starts gesturing and chanting, casting a spell you don't recognise.
 
Wen: places _do_ have background radiation, even on roundworld
RHU
Frezak (GM): MAGIC?
Hmm. I wonder why the birds seem so much worse affected than the people?
Rhu: Hmm. I wonder why the birds seem so much worse affected than the people?
 
Aziraphale makes a gesture for keeping evil away
A soft light explodes slowly around the woman and permeates the area, and as it does, a much smaller, much younger-looking woman, Amadi, appears in the car next to Greibel.
Apheori (GM): MAgic.
 
Gaurav: WOAH. Who has the best arcana? Can you figure out what she did?
GREIBEL
Mine's a measly +2
Jinkies!
Aziraphale: I can shield us with my divine thingy right?
 
if it's bad
Rhu jumps in his seat.
Apheori (GM): A soft light explodes around her and permeates the area, and as it does, a small woman appears next to Greibel.
 
Greibel: Jinkies!
The villager woman also looks surprised. This was clearly not her intended effect.
Ganelon: That would be me.
 
Apheori (GM): The villager woman looks surprised.
AMADI
Gaurav: Is Greibel still in the car?
What time is it?!
Amadi: What time is it?!
 
Ganelon: Not the woman.
RHU
The person with the best Arcana.
(looking at Amadi, surprised)
Apheori (GM): Amadi is the woman next to Greibel in the car.
Who's that?
You can try to figure out what happened, yes.
 
Gaurav: Rhu is also in the car.
AZIRAPHALE
Rhu jumps in his seat
I think you should try to talk to her. This one at least appears to understand gobblygook.
Rhu: (looking at Amadi, surprised) Who's that?
 
Aziraphale: I think you should try to talk to her. This one at least appears to understand gobblygook
AMADI
Amadi: Who's who? Who're YOU?
Who's who? Who're YOU?
Greibel: Who made you?
 
Amadi: I did!
GREIBEL
Did I?
Who made you?
Maybe?
 
What time is it!
AMADI
Frezak (GM): I'm gonna stalk over to her and pick her up.
I did! Did I? Maybe? What time is it!
Aziraphale goes back to the car
 
Aziraphale: do you know these people?
GREIBEL
The Gravedigger: DO YOU LIKE HOLES?
Are you friendly or unfriendly?
Greibel: Are you friendly or unfriendly?
 
Apheori (GM): The villagers back away.
Meanwhile the villager man goes back to the other villager and they confer in hushed voices.
Wen: Gravy, don't try to impress ladies. 'tis not the time.
 
>.>
The Gravedigger stalks back to the car and picks up Amadi, holding her up to his face.
Frezak (GM): Shh.
 
I have the biggest holes.
GREIBEL
Ellemerr: ... Did Gravy just pick up Amadi.
Ah man, come on...
Frezak (GM): Yes.
 
Apheori (GM): Apparently.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak (GM): Not brutally, but so that they're face to face.
DO YOU LIKE HOLES?
Greibel: Ah man, come on...
 
Amadi: Do I like holes? Do I like holes... hm. Did I fall through a hole? I think I'm friendly until proven otherwise. The holes are neutral.
Aziraphale follows him back to the car as well.
Frezak (GM): I'll put her down.
 
Aziraphale: Do you know the people outside?
AZIRAPHALE
The Gravedigger: Hmmm.
(slightly more politely)
I have my eye on you.
Do you know these people?
Aziraphale: Do you recognise a ship-car-thing?
 
AMADI
Do I like holes? Do I like holes... hm. Did I fall through a hole? I think I'm friendly until proven otherwise. The holes are neutral.
 
The Gravedigger puts her down.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hmmm. I have my eye on you.
 
AZIRAPHALE
Do you know the people here? Do you recognise a ship-car-thing?
 
RHU
(to Amadi)
I am Rhu, an avenger serving the great god Hazz'ridan. Where do you come from?
 
Amadi stumbles a little at being put down and takes some uncertain steps. Then she looks around, trying to take in the whole... rather messy scene.
Amadi stumbles a little at being put down and takes some uncertain steps. Then she looks around, trying to take in the whole... rather messy scene.
Villager hails to Amadi, something in his own tongue, but she recognises it.
 
Rhu: (to Amadi) I am Rhu, an avenger serving the great god Hazz'ridan. Where do you come from?
VILLAGER MAN
Aziraphale: What did he just say to you?
(still speaking deslau; to Amadi)
(To Amadi): Something like "Hail, who speaks our tongue, are you with these demons?"
''Hail, who speaks our tongue, are you with those demons?
 
AZIRAPHALE
What did he just say to you?
 
Amadi ignores the party of lunatics and goes over to the villager, looking up at him. She's not the biggest of ladies.
Amadi ignores the party of lunatics and goes over to the villager, looking up at him. She's not the biggest of ladies.
(To Amadi): And you definitely know the name Hazz'ridan.
 
Amadi: What time is it?
AMADI
Frezak (GM): What lunatics?
What time is it?
Ellemerr: Do you have to ask?
 
Aziraphale stares at Amadi, quite offended
Aziraphale stares after Amadi, quite offended.
Frezak (GM): I'll look up into the sky.
 
What times DOES it look like?
VILLAGER MAN
Villager responds something short but polite, and nods to her.
(in deslau)
Wen: "there are two suns, one of them appears to be setting and the other is rotating around a point"
''Evening, but I'm afraid I can't say more specific.
...knowing Names >.>
 
(To Amadi): "Evening, but I'm afraid I can't say more specific.
The Gravedigger looks up at the sky. The evening is getting thinner now. Some wisps of high clouds are curling about.
Gaurav: hah
 
Apheori (GM): Normal sky, evening, some wisps of high clouds.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Amadi: Oh. Really?
Evening time! Teatime! or dinner! Do we have sandwiches left?
 
The Gravedigger checks his pack for sandwiches. He finds some sandwiches and snacks.
 
AMADI
Oh. Really?
 
Amadi looks at the sky.
Amadi looks at the sky.
The Gravedigger: Evening time!
 
Villager: En.
VILLAGER MAN
Amadi: Well. Okay!
(in deslau)
(To Amadi): "Yes."
''Yes.
The Gravedigger: Teatime! or dinner!
 
Depends if you're British or American.
AMADI
Amadi: I don't think I know these demons. Are they demons? One of them know Hazz!
Well. Okay!
The Gravedigger: DInner!
I don't think I know these demons. Are they demons? One of them knows Hazz!
DO we have sandwiches left?
 
The Gravedigger checks his pack for sandwiches.
RADEK
Villager: Hazz?
I'm not a demon.
 
VILLAGER MAN
''Hazz?
 
Amadi turns away from the villager and looks at Rhu.
Amadi turns away from the villager and looks at Rhu.
Apheori (GM): You have sandwiches and some snacks.
 
Amadi: Hazz'ridan. You don't know him. Don't worry about it.
AMADI
Radek: I'm not a demon.
Hazz'ridan. You don't know him. Don't worry about it.
Rhu: Do you mean Hazz'ridan, the great God of Dead Ends? I worship him.
 
Amadi: I don't think you know him. Do you know him?
RHU
Wen: brb
Do you mean Hazz'ridan, the great God of Dead Ends? I worship him.
Villager: Azrai tocoma. Ira san?
 
Rhu: he is my guide and my protector.
AMADI
(To Amadi): "Names differ. Should we?"
I don't think you know him. Do you know him?
(From Amadi): You tell me >.>
 
Amadi: Guide. Hah. Hah... Good one.
VILLAGER MAN
(To Amadi): They know him as Vitoi.
(in deslau)
Greibel: If you count getting people miserably lost as protection...
''Names differ. Should we?
Rhu: It is in becoming lost that we find ourselves.
 
The Gravedigger: He's not the most hope-filled fellow, that's for sure.
RHU
Yeah, that sort of gibberish.
He is my guide and my protector.
The villagers confer.
 
Rhu holds his amulet/implement worshipfully.
AMADI
The Gravedigger: Stick to holes, I say.
Guide. Hah. Hah... Good one.
Very simple things.
 
None of these Zen things.
The two villagers confer.
Apheori (GM): The villager woman seems to recognise the implement.
 
Amadi turns back to the villager, pondering. "Vitoi, maybe? I mean, if it's evening... it might be?"
GREIBEL
Villager: En, Vitoi. Asa cae.
If you count getting people miserably lost as protection...
The Gravedigger: Anyone want a sandwich?
 
I have a few more bottles of hooch?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(To Amadi): That one.
He's not the most hope-filled fellow, that's for sure.
(To Amadi): I like how he didn't realise those were potions.
 
Apheori (GM): Alcohol-based, granted.
RHU
Oops.
It is in becoming lost that we find ourselves.
Amadi: I want a sandwitch!
 
Apheori (GM): Wrong chat.
Rhu holds his implement worshipfully.
Amadi runs over to Gravy.
 
The Gravedigger hands Amadi a sandwich.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
The Gravedigger: Anyone else?
Yeah, that sort of gibberish. Stick to holes, I say. Very simple things. None of these Zen things.
I think I have ... little... cake packet things.
 
Rhu: (to Amadi) Do you also study the ways of the maze?
The villager woman seems to recognise the implement, and nods.
Ellemerr: What are the sandwitches like?
 
Villager: A gona?
Amadi turns back to the villagers.
Frezak (GM): Probably home-made sandwiches. Since I never packed any SHIP sandwiches.
 
Wen: Who are these people? Where are we?
AMADI
Aziraphale: err
(pondering)
Who are these people and where are we?
Vitoi, maybe? I mean, if it's evening... it might be?
Amadi: Yes, a sandwich. This guy has... he calls them sandwiches.
 
Frezak (GM): In this future, probably the only sandwiches ever.
VILLAGER WOMAN
Apheori (GM): A few villagers step outside their homes. They're still not sure what's going on, but they seem reassured at least somewhat.
(in deslau)
The Gravedigger: I don't have enough sandwiches for everyone.
''That one.
Villager: Nana gona vos sacai. Eren iri?
 
Frezak (GM): In these days when people eat nutrient pastes and pellets and crap.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Amadi takes a big bite of the food-stuff and turn to Rhu, shaking her head. "Ah 'now 'im. 'E's fun."
Anyone want a sandwich?
(To Amadi): They do not call them gona. What are they?
 
Rhu: Fun ... yes, I suppose he is. (beat) I suppose that depends on what you find fun, though.
AMADI
Wen: is Amadi ignoring my questions on purpose? >.>
I want a sandwich!
Frezak (GM): MOST LIKELY.
 
Wen: dammit. Rhu, you ask her.
VILLAGER WOMAN
what with your common god and crap.
(in deslau)
Amadi chews and swallows and answers the villager, "They speak sorta funny, I guess. They're sandwichy enough. Mmmm..." She takes another bite, bigger this time.
''Sandwich?
Gaurav: Btw, it being 2:40am here, and me having to be up in five hours to check in to my flight out of India, I'm going to have to start making I-should-leave-soon noises. But I'll stay til 3am at least.
 
Frezak (GM): Gah!
AMADI
TIMES >.>
(to the villager)
Apheori (GM): Bah.
Yes, a sandwich. This guy has... he calls them sandwiches.
Wen: timezones suck.
 
Apheori (GM): EVERYONE KEEP GOING.
Amadi runs over to the Gravedigger, and he hands her a sandwich.
Wen: no one knows that more than I do.
 
Frezak (GM): I CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH WITH SANDWICHES.
The woman follows her, but the man hangs back.
Apheori (GM): Amadi: Do something crazy!
 
Ellemerr: Amadi is not ignoring anyone on purpose... right now. But sandwiches might be more interesting. >.>
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Rhu: Sandwich lady: do you know where we are? My party and I appeared on this planet not an hour ago and we don't know where we are.
Anyone else? I think I have... little... cake packet things.
The Gravedigger: We were eaten by a hole.
 
(From Ellemerr): Do I know where we are? xD
RHU
The Gravedigger: It was the sky.
(to Amadi)
Amadi: ... I think there might have been a hole... at some point...
Do you also study the ways of the maze?
(To Ellemerr): Sort of? I mean, you know the name of the world, and the name of the universe. But you may not know that it's this at the moment, or...
 
(From Amadi): So in other words, not yet, at the very least.
AZIRAPHALE
Rhu: We were on Sarathi, and quite frankly a single hole would have been an improvement.
(to Amadi)
(From Amadi): I'm totally giving Frezak half a convo, ain't I.
So who are these people and where are we?
Ganelon: Hold on.
 
How old does Amadi appear to be?
A few villagers step outside their homes. They're still not sure what's going on, but they seem reassured at least somewhat that the newcomers aren't hostile.
(To Ellemerr): You could proudly announce that this is Arling Tor, where Kyrule reigns king.
 
(To Ellemerr): You do know the name Sarathi. It shows up everywhere. A planet of holes.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak (GM): Sounds like a kid so far.
I don't have enough sandwiches for everyone.
Amadi: Sarathi! Yes, there would be holes...
 
Apheori (GM): She looks adult, but not any particular age.
Amadi takes a big bite of the food-stuff and turns to Rhu, shaking her head.
Aziraphale: You mean this isn't Sarathi?
 
Gaurav: She referred to Hazz'ridan in a way that suggests that she is pally with gods. She might be one herself.
AMADI
Amadi: This isn't Sarathi! Less holes.
Ah 'now 'im. 'E's fun.
Radek: Oh, marvelous.
 
The Gravedigger: And the sky isn't giving us looks, either.
RHU
Radek: Where is this, then?
Fun... yes, I suppose he is.
Amadi: This, is... uh...
(he pauses)
The Gravedigger: And no fish.
I suppose that depends on what you find fun, though.
you noticed that, guys? No fish!
 
Just a ... mutant bird thing.
VILLAGER WOMAN
Rhu: A hole less present is one I am grateful for, except for the carefully engineered holes that my friend The Gravedigger here constructs for us.
(in deslau)
''They do not call them sandwiches. What are they?
 
Amadi chews and swallows and turns back to the villager.
 
AMADI
They speak sorta funny, I guess. They're sandwichy enough. Mmmm...
 
The woman frowns and goes back to talk to a growing swarm of other villages.
 
Amadi takes another bite, bigger this time.
 
RHU
(to Amadi)
Do you know where we are? My party and I appeared on this planet not an hour ago and we don't know where we are.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
We were eaten by a hole. It was the sky.
 
AMADI
...I think there might have been a hole... at some point...
 
RHU
We were on Sarathi, and quite frankly a single hole would have been an improvement.
 
AMADI
Sarathi! Yes, there would be holes...
 
AZIRAPHALE
You mean this isn't Sarathi?
 
AMADI
This isn't Sarathi! Less holes.
 
RHU
A hole less present is one I am grateful for, except for the carefully engineered holes that my friend The Gravedigger here constructs for us.
 
RADEK
Oh, marvellous.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
And the sky isn't giving us looks, either. And no fish. You noticed that, guys? No fish! Just a... mutant bird thing.
 
RHU
Oh man, yes! Zero fish is the right number of fish.
Oh man, yes! Zero fish is the right number of fish.
The Gravedigger: Thanks, Rhu.
 
I take it back.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
You're okay.
Thanks, Rhu. I take it back. You're okay.
DAMMIT.
(suddenly realising)
I should have buried the fish.
DAMMIT. I should have buried the fish. Sorry, giant fish.
Sorry, giant fish.
 
Amadi looks everything over again, looks hesitant for a bit, then shrugs and announces proudly that "This, my friends - or demons - or whatevers - is Arling Tor!"
RADEK
Gaurav: Didn't the giant fish vanish of its own accord? Or were there other giant fish I missed?
Where is this, then?
Frezak (GM): It vanished?
 
Well if it did then he forgot >.>
AMADI
Bear Soup Guy: I think we were all just too insane at the time to know whether it was there or not
This, is... uh...
Apheori (GM): Maybe.
 
Gaurav: Oh, no, my bad -- from the logs: ""The fish you saw before is now completely rotted, as though it had been sitting out for days, perhaps weeks. There is a horrible, partly dry puddle around it."
Amadi looks everything over again, looks hesitant for a bit, then shrugs and announces proudly:
Ganelon: Anyone here know what that is?
 
Gaurav: alas, poor fish.
AMADI
rolling 1d20+2 history check to see if I know anything about Arling Tor
This, my friends - or demons - or whatevers - is Arling Tor!
(
 
16
GREIBEL
)
Arling Tor!
+2
(to Amadi)
=
So you guys don't know stuff about space travel and other planets and stuff per chance, do you?
18
 
Greibel: Arling Tor!
AMADI
Apheori (GM): Arling Tor? Nope.
Planets? Space? Uh. It's... out there, mostly? I'm sorry, there was a hole, I... I think it maybe got stuck in here.
Gaurav: It's probably one of the lesser Tors.
 
Frezak (GM): It's a Torlet.
Amadi gestures first at the sky and then bonks her head. Then she looks back at the villagers.
Gaurav: Anybody else want to have a go at remembering what Arling Tor is, or should I ask Amadi?
 
Greibel: (to Amadi) So you guys don't know stuff about space travel and other planets and stuff per chance, do you?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak (GM): I wouldn't bother.
A hole in your head? As a hole expert, that does not sound great.
We've been told our history is pointless.
 
Amadi looks at the villager guy and mutters, "I sort of doubt they're demons. They don't smell very demonic to me. More... dirty."
GREIBEL
The Gravedigger: It's the price to pay for hole science.
Maybe holes work different here.
Greibel poses proudly at the mention of dirtiness
 
Frezak (GM): HAH
Greibel shrugs.
Villager asks Amadi what they are.
 
Rhu: We have had encounters with fish, my lady.
AMADI
It was old fish.
(calling out to the villagers in a quiet half-yell)
The Gravedigger: Except when it wasn't.
I sort of doubt they're demons. They don't smell very demonic to me. More... dirty.
Greibel: Older afterwards
 
Amadi: Planets? Space? Uh. It's... out there, mostly? I'm sorry, there was a hole, I... I think it maybe got stuck in here.
Greibel poses proudly at the mention of dirtiness.
Amadi gestures first at the sky and then bonks her head.
 
Ganelon: Here's something I should have asked almost immediately. What race(s) are these people?
SOME VILLAGER
The Gravedigger: A hole in your head?
(in deslau)
As a hole expert, that does not sound great.
''So what are they?
Villager: They're human, Amadi is an elf, and you look really weird to them.
 
Frezak (GM): I assumed 'human'.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Villager: Oops.
It's the price to pay for hole science.
Greibel: Maybe holes work different here
 
Greibel shrugs
RHU
Apheori (GM): THAT.
We have had encounters with fish, my lady. It was old fish.
Frezak (GM): Thanks, villager!
 
Apheori (GM): SORRY.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Ganelon: Well, I imagine Radek and Gravy would look weird to anyone right now.
Except when it wasn't.
Gaurav: hahaha
 
Radek: Hold on.
GREIBEL
Apheori (GM): Yup.
Older afterwards.
Frezak (GM): Well, Gravy doesn't look weird to you guys.
 
Radek: You don't know anything about space-faring technology. Does *anyone*?
RADEK
Apheori (GM): Well, they know what he is.
Hold on. You don't know anything about space-faring technology. Does  ''anyone''?
(To Amadi): You know quite a bit, though what you share is up to you. If you even realise you know it.
 
(To Amadi): Sorry, I'll stop throwing stuff at you now.
AMADI
Amadi sticks her lip out in a pout. "I didn't say I didn't know things, I said it might be stuck in a hole! I totally know space-travel and technology and stuff."
(sticking her lip out in a pout)
Apheori (GM): Priestly people! You could try praying for help, you know.
I didn't say I didn't know things, I said it might be stuck in a hole! I totally know space-travel and technology and stuff.
Rhu: Sandwich lady: I'm afraid none of us have ever heard of Arling Tor. Can you tell us more? Where is this planet?
 
(From Amadi): Having stuff thrown is good.
RHU
(To Amadi): Okay.
(to Amadi)
Ganelon: I mean, I look like a 1950's interpretation of space-faring life. Sleek, metallic, and devoid of a realistic propulsion system.
I'm afraid none of us have ever heard of Arling Tor. Can you tell us more? Where is this planet?
(To Amadi): The planet is in arling tor.
 
Frezak (GM): Sleek?
AMADI
Aziraphale says a prayer to Carriya
Arling Tor is in Arling Tor. Duh,
Frezak (GM): I picture withered old man.
 
Apheori (GM): Gan: XD
Exasperatedly, Aziraphale tries praying to Carriya for some direction on what to do next. No signs miraculously appear.
Amadi: Arling Tor is in Arling Tor. Duh,
 
Gaurav: I don't know that I can pray for help, apart from doing a Religion Check, which is more fore information on a particular god I think. Plus, I fear Hazz'ridan would disapprove of people asking for help. He seems the walk-the-path-of-lifeuntil-you-reach-the-dead-end-alone kind of guy.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Ganelon: Now spray-paint that man chrome, Frezak.
How do you know these people's languages? Don't suppose it's in a book or something?
The Gravedigger: How do you know these people's languages?
 
Ganelon: Now it's from the '50s. And space.
AMADI
Apheori (GM): You can pray for whatever you want.
(she shrugs)
The Gravedigger: Don't suppose it's in a book or something?
I like words.
Apheori (GM): But... yeah, whether the god will answer is another matter.
 
Ellemerr: You might have noticed that you understand her as well as they do. She's not actually speaking their language. I think. As far as you can hear.
RHU
Amadi shrugs. "I like words."
You... wouldn't know the way to the nearest city, would you?
Frezak (GM): I'm still asking :p
 
Huh.
AMADI
Ganelon: http://rookery9.aviary.com.s3.amazonaws.com/12635000/12635454_fd5f_1024x2000.jpg
I would!
Like this.
 
This is what your science person is covered in.
RHU
Along with dirt, blood, and maybe some glass shards.
Where are you headed? Can we give you a ride?
Gaurav: Rhu is also going to hold off on praying since the last three things he wanted -- a spacecraft that worked, a planet that didn't keep vanishing, and fewer fish -- have been given to him, and he doesn't want to push it.
 
Ellemerr: Fancy
GREIBEL
Frezak (GM): HAH
Ooo, is it Sandwich City?
Gaurav: Ellemerr: damn! we should have noticed that
 
Bear Soup Guy: Radek isn't half as attractive though :P
AMADI
Ganelon: I don't know what you're talking about. Ladies love the beard.
I am headed to... Midnight, maybe. Or tea-time. I wouldn't mind a ride, I guess. Or company. I've missed company.
Ellemerr: Especially since the villagers actually spoke a language and everything... yes you should xD
 
Rhu: Sandwich lady: you ... wouldn't know the way to the nearest city, would you?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Amadi: I would!
Where have you been?
Rhu: Where are you headed? Can we give you a ride?
 
Greibel: Ooo, is it Sandwich City?
RHU
Wen: I pray to Carriya for some direction on what to do next.
Is Midnight a city on this planet? I don't think our car is capable of space travel, but maybe you could get a ship to Midnight when we get to the nearest city?
Gaurav imagines a "New York, New York" type musical number for Sandwich City
 
Wen: that's what religion is for? isn't it? so you don't have to be personally responsible for your decision >.>
RADEK
(okay I'm just being a dick, ignore me)
Right now, a way to re-establish communications would be ideal.
(To Amadi): Deralon is to the east. Large trading hub, but hit hard by the cataclysm.
 
Apheori (GM): Wen: Yes.
AMADI
Ganelon: Religion is mostly to know about religions and perform godly rituals.
.... Noooo, midnight is not a city. It's a time. You know time, right? And I've been here and there. Not for a while, though. I think. There was a hole. I remember morning, but it wasn't anything to write home about.
Gaurav: In my last D&D game, we got a scroll which conveniently pointed us in the right direction when we got lost. Handy!
 
Amadi: I am headed to... Midnight, maybe. Or tea-time. I wouldn't mind a ride, I guess. Or company. I've missed company.
Some of the gathered villagers are still just watching, and others going about their business... watching.
Ganelon: Prayer counts as the latter, though it doesn't necessarily do anything.
 
Apheori (GM): Wen: You get nothing.
The Gravedigger is confuddled, then goes over to the two villagers they'd been trying to talk to before.
Wen: that was snarking about how some christians practice their religion (or buddhists or whatever)
 
Just as I expected.
The Gravedigger gives the man the rest of the bottle and pats him on the back, who gasps for breath as a result of the pat, but takes the bottle happily enough. Then the man goes back to his porch.  
The Gravedigger: Where have you been?
 
Rhu: Is Midnight a city on this planet? I don't think our car is capable of space travel, but maybe you could get a ship to Midnight when we get to the nearest city?
The woman buggers off in another direction.
(To Amadi): Heeee.
 
Radek: Right now, a way to re-establish communications would be ideal.
RHU
Amadi: .... Noooo, midnight is not a city. It's a time. You know time, right? And I've been here and there. Not for a while, though. I think. There was a hole. I remember morning, but it wasn't anything to write home about.
I fear our morning has been nothing if not memorable.
The Gravedigger is confuddled.
 
Apheori (GM): In the meantime, the villagers seem to have decided you all don't mean harm. Some are still watching, and others go about their business... watching.
AZIRAPHALE
Frezak (GM): ALWAYS WATCHING
In a bad way.
Rhu: I fear our morning has been nothing if not memorable.
(he mutters darkly)
Aziraphale: in a bad way.
The last city we tried to land at didn't go well.
Apheori (GM): The man who'd tried to greet you goes back to his porch as well.
 
Aziraphale mutters darkly
AMADI
Amadi: Oh, can we trade?
Oh, can we trade?
Frezak (GM): I'll give him the rest of the bottle and pat him on the back.
 
Gaurav: Do we have anything else we want to do in this village, or should we jet out for the nearest city? I want to get back into radio contact with headquarters and figure out if we're still getting paid given that we're no longer in the planet we were sent to investigate.
RADEK
Radek: Trade what?
Trade what?
Apheori (GM): He gasps for breath as a result of the pat, but takes the bottle.
 
Amadi: Mornings!
AMADI
Gaurav: We still have a box of fertilizer to trade with them if anybody's interested in, I dunno, village handicrafts or something.
Mornings!
Aziraphale: The last city we tried to land at didn't get well
 
Radek: I'm afraid our morning could be considered damaged goods.
RADEK
As in, dimensionally damaged.
I'm afraid our morning could be considered damaged goods. As in, dimensionally damaged.
The Gravedigger: It had fish in it.
 
Greibel: Speak for yourselves, dudes
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I found a perfectly good bong
It had fish in it. And undead chickens.
The Gravedigger: And undead chickens.
 
Aziraphale: Fair point.
AZIRAPHALE
The Gravedigger: But it's evening now, Greibel.
Fair point.
Greibel: Oh, right
 
The Gravedigger: That's an Evening Bong.
GREIBEL
Greibel smiles widely
Speak for yourselves, dudes. I found a perfectly good bong.
Greibel: It sure is!
 
The Gravedigger: You had paint this morning.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Aziraphale: Oh, say, Amadi, do you know why we saw deformed birds and shiny things and sinkholes some way away from here?
But it's evening now, Greibel.
Rhu: It is indeed evening, and I'd like to be somewhere with decent food, a clean bed and possibly television before nightfall, hopefully with some news on whether I still get paid or not.
 
Greibel: At least the paint was a cool color
GREIBEL
Same as the bong, really
Oh, right.
Amadi: Oh, hah. You really are funny, mister. I see why Hazz would like you.
 
Frezak (GM): I'll take this time to get my shield and shovel back from the car.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Rhu: (to Greibel) The cat goddess -- Lokshmi? -- was pretty cool, too. (to Amadi) Do you know of Lokshmi?
That's an Evening Bong.
(From Amadi): I need info to answer Azir! *flail* Unless you want me to talk gibberish at him, because that's always an option.
 
Greibel: Oh yeah, Lokshmi, groovy chick
Greibel smiles widely.
Amadi: Oh, sure.
 
The Gravedigger: Uh, gods.
GREIBEL
Come, Greibel.
It sure is!
Let us search for drugs.
 
(To Amadi): There was a cataclysm. Bad things. New. Shouldn't be happening, except it has always been happening, but it only started with the blue-eyed gal. Rhi. Sarathi. The world's end, but it already ended and it didn't yet and that is why there are now cats.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(To Amadi): You can use any of that.
You had paint this morning.
Greibel: Oh right on!
 
Greibel tags along
GREIBEL
Frezak (GM): THE HUNT FOR DRUG PLANTS BEGINS.
At least the paint was a cool color. Same as the bong, really.
Greibel: Hi-ho, hi-ho
 
(To Amadi): Lokshmi is a demonic kitty.
RHU
Greibel: It's off to drugs we go
It is indeed evening, and I'd like to be somewhere with decent food, a clean bed and possibly television before nightfall, hopefully with some news on whether I still get paid or not.
Frezak (GM): I'm an enabler and I don't care.
 
Gaurav whistles along
AMADI
Oh, hah. You really are funny, mister. I see why Hazz would like you.
 
RHU
(to Greibel)
The cat goddess - Lokshmi? - was pretty cool, too.
(to Amadi)
Do you know of Lokshmi?
 
GREIBEL
Oh yeah, Lokshmi, groovy chick.
 
AMADI
Oh, sure.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Uh, gods. Come, Greibel. Let us search for drugs.
 
GREIBEL
Oh right on!
 
Greibel and the Gravedigger wander off in search for drug plants.
 
GREIBEL
(singing)
Hi-ho, hi-ho. It's off to drugs we go.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(singing)
And all the boys come to my drug yard.
 
Radek sighs deeply.
Radek sighs deeply.
The Gravedigger: ~~And all the boys come to my drug yard.~~
 
Wen mutters
AZIRAPHALE
Apheori (GM): o_O
(to Amadi)
Gaurav: Should we maybe set up camp here, and, I don't know, chat with Amadi late into the night mayhaps?
Oh, say, do you know why we saw deformed birds and shiny things and sinkholes some way away from here?
Amadi chews her lip and turns to Azir. "Well, uh... that would probably be the cataclysm. It keeps happening although it shouldn't and is completely new and it was that gal with the blue eyes who started it all and now there are cats.
 
Aziraphale mutters too
AMADI
Bear Soup Guy: XD XD
(she chews her lip and turns to Azir)
Aziraphale: Gal with blue eyes?
Well, uh... that would probably be the cataclysm. It keeps happening although it shouldn't and is completely new and it was that gal with the blue eyes who started it all and now there are cats.
cats?
 
Lokshimi?
Aziraphale mutters.
she's behind this?
 
Wen: lokshmi? lokshimi?
AZIRAPHALE
Amadi: Yes. Uhm, no. I dunno. Cataclysm. 'S real bad.
Gal with blue eyes? Cats? Lokshmi? She's behind this?
Frezak (GM): Lokshimi sounds like a fish dish.
 
(To Ellemerr): Ahahahahah they think Lokshmi is behind it...
AMADI
Wen: Lokshmi sounds like a malicious goddess
Yes. Uhm, no. I dunno. Cataclysm. 'S real bad.
(From Amadi): Does Lokshmi even have blue eyes? O_o
 
(To Amadi): The blue-eyed gal was Rhi. She's... something else. Keeps appearing out of Sarathis and destroying universes.
AZIRAPHALE
(To Amadi): Lokshmi has green eyes, apparently.
I'm not a fan, regardless. If she's behind this, look what position she put us in.
Rhu: All cats are malicious, wonderfully so.
 
(From Amadi): I gathered as much, it was more, does they have the faintest reason to suggest Lokshmi. I'm not going to correct them because funs.
AMADI
(To Amadi): Shiny.
Honestly, if you were on Sarathi you can't really blame anyone.
Aziraphale: I'm not a fan, regardless. If she's behind this, look what position she put us in.
 
Wen: if Guarav needs to go, maybe we should stop? or just have him tag along again?
RADEK
Gaurav: 3:15am guys. I should go, but next week I should be back in the US, weather and immigration allowing, so I might be able to stay for longer.
Does that mean you know what happened to the planet?
DM: I guess now that we have another divine character in the party, I am less immediately important?
 
Amadi: Honestly, if you were on Sarathi you can't really blame anyone.
AMADI
Gaurav: Wen: heh, nice timing on that reminder.
Besides, Lokshmi's eyes-
Apheori (GM): Gaurav: No, you're both important now.
 
Radek: Does that mean you know what happened to the planet?
Amadi falls suddenly and unexplainably asleep. She snores loudly, once, and then disappears as though she were never there.
Gaurav: Gulp.
 
Amadi: Besides, Lokshmi's eyes -
Aziraphale stares at the spot where Amadi had been in surprise.
Amadi falls suddenly and unexplainably asleep.
 
Amadi snores loudly, once, and then disappears as though she were never there.
Rhu looks around slightly panickily to make sure that nothing else is vanishing. For now, nobody is.
Aziraphale: O_O
 
Frezak (GM): Great.
Radek just looks grumpy.
WAIT FOR MIDNIGHT.
</screenplay>
Wen: uhhh, so, do we stop? or keep going?
 
(From Amadi): Because I should sleep. :P
{{holes nav
(To Amadi): Heh.
|previous=Holes/Session 3
Rhu looks around slightly panickily to make sure that nothing else is vanishing
|next=Holes/Session 5
Wen: ooh clever. yes. When's midnight?
}}
Frezak (GM): Later?
(From Amadi): And the game should stop to let others sleep.
Frezak (GM): >.>
(To Amadi): Quite.
Wen: /me pokes the DM
Ganelon: ARE we going to stop, or what?
Apheori (GM): We probably should.
Rhu: Has the sun moved at all since we got to Arling Tor?
Apheori (GM): This way we're all here to figure out a time.
Gaurav: Yes that is wise
Apheori (GM): Rhu: It went down.
It's now night.
Ellemerr: Well that was fun. Except there are way too many of you people. You're just everywhere. So many.
Ganelon: I am hoping to be busy tomorrow.
So that would be an unsuitable time for me.
Apheori (GM): Gaurave: When next can you?
Wen: I have class before I can do after 4PM UTC on Tue / Thur, after 6:30PM UTC on MWF and pretty much any sane time on weekends.
Aziraphale: err, - "I have class before"
Wen: dammit
Gaurav: I'm going to be flying through to Wednesday evening, but I might be able to do Thursday before evening CT (jet lag allowing) and I can probably do Friday before evening CT.
Saturday through Monday are tricky for me this week, since I have a lot of work to catch up on after the holidays, but once that's over I can commit to a weekly time slot.
sorry. my time slots are always the weirdest.
Bear Soup Guy: I don't have anything planned for this week at the moment, although I'm probably gonna try to do some things around the house and some other odds and ends most of the weekdays
Gaurav: How does this time (1800 GMT) Friday work for everybody?
Frezak (GM): I think Gan is busy on fridays?
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE TOO MANY PEOPLE
Apheori (GM): Wen's classes are problematic, but we could kill off his character in a blaze of horror.
Frezak (GM): I WARNED YOUUUU
Wen: :D
I mean
>.>
Apheori (GM): See?
We could!
Wen: if you're going to do it, find a convenient point
Apheori (GM): Pity, though. I like his character.
Frezak (GM): THE ORACULAR SLUG SPOKE
AND YOU DID NOT LISTEN.
Wen: I can still keep up for a week or two, I think.
Bear Soup Guy: A God brought him to us, maybe a God brings him back later
Ellemerr: This is why I have a poof-in-poof-out character. Who is obsessed with time. It just... fits.
I'll be gone till the month ends, as you know.
Bear Soup Guy: Ah, clever
Wen: or you could just kill me off in the way characters die in H2G2
i.e. cheerful irreverence. Guy died in a mysterious blender accident. It was quite tragic and took two weeks to clean up.
Gaurav: what if it was a self-cleaning blender?
Wen: that might just have been it.
Frezak (GM): SCIENCE
Apheori (GM): So Gan can't do fridays?
Frezak (GM): I'm not sure.
Bear Soup Guy: This Friday is most likely bad for me too
Gaurav: What about Saturday? Not this Saturday, because I'm flying again, but I can make myself free most Saturdays I think.
Wen: the wind. oh man the wind.
Gaurav: most Saturdays -> this month/semester, I mean
Bear Soup Guy: Saturdays if we start sometime around the time we've been starting, I can do
Usually I'm busy during the later hours
Frezak (GM): I can do saturdays.
Wen: likewise, minus some trips to the laundry room.
Apheori (GM): Saturdays work for me.
Frezak (GM): At least this month.
Wen: so saturday next week seems to be fine for everyone? anything before then?
Apheori (GM): Don't suppose we could all do next monday in the meantime...
Bear Soup Guy: Next monday looks fine for me at the moment
Ganelon: Sorry, I stepped out.
Fridays and Sundays, I'm busy with other D&D stuff.
Any other day or time is pretty much okay.
Wen: I could. But starting at 20 or 30 past would make it easier for me to get lunch. Or you could just start playing and I'll tag along and show up when I do.
the latter's probably easier really. Less pressure for me too >.>
so next monday at the same time...?
Apheori (GM): So monday next week, and after that we can try to do saturdays as a regular thing?
Wen: sounds fine to me for now.
Ganelon: Sure.
Bear Soup Guy: Sounds good to me
Gaurav: Any chance we can do Monday after working hours? I feel like it'd be a bad idea to show up late for work on my first working day back in school :-/
Wen: what's working hours for you?
Gaurav: after 5pm MT? I usually keep working after that, but nobody else is in lab so I can slack off for a bit possibly.
Also: how does Tuesday 1800 GMT work for people? Because that's right between two classes for me.
Otherwise, forget it, I'll write down Monday 1800 GMT in my calendar and try my darndest to be there
Wen: I can do that.
Ganelon: If it's tomorrow? Nah.
Frezak (GM): sure
Wen: tuesday 1800 that is
Ganelon: Otherwise, probably.
Gaurav: next week Tuesday
instead of next week Monday
Bear Soup Guy: Yeah I can do that
Gaurav: oooh
Wen: okay, so that?
Gaurav: DM?
Apheori (GM): Works for me.
Wen: well, that, then.
Gaurav: Yay!
Wen: sweet dreams Gaurav.
sorry for keeping you up
Gaurav: So Tuesday 14th January 1800 GMT and then Saturday 18 January recurring
awesome
no no this is fun! this is a good reason to be up late.
and I can sleep on the plane the day after tomorrow
bye everybody! see you next Tuesday!
Bear Soup Guy: Adios!
Ganelon: See ya.
Apheori (GM): Whoo!
Ellemerr: Sweet nightmares, y'all. I really need that sleep too...
Frezak (GM): Hrmph.
</pre>

Latest revision as of 16:48, 9 April 2015

≪ PreviousNext ≫
Session 4 (raw log) (Overview)
EXT. Dry dusty woods - day
The car appears to have crashed in a clearing amidst some leafless trees, spilling most of the unconscious party out around it. It's no longer hovering. Things are oddly normal and quiet.
Dry leaves and grass cover the dusty ground. Remains of an old campfire are nearby, with some odds and ends lying around it.
The loudest thing around is the Gravedigger snoring in the front seat of the car.
Aziraphale wakes up first (rolled 21 constitution (natural 20)) and looks around, then goes to shake the others, waking up everyone but Greibel. Greibel seems to be having a nice dream, mumbling about a tree.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Aw. He's like a little angel. He could probably do with time to recover from the drugs.
AZIRAPHALE
Alright, so here we are. Lost once again. Lovely.
A slight breeze rustles the dry twiggage and leaves.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
So... this is.... uh....
AZIRAPHALE
I hope you've all had a nice nap. ESPECIALLY YOU, GRAVY.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
It was great. I feel so refreshed.
Aziraphale kicks Greibel lightly.
Rhu coughs at the dust and looks around.
The Gravedigger goes and picks up Radek, placing him on his feet.
Radek grumbles loudly. Dirt sticks to his metallic coating, which tries to eat the dirt, so he wipes the rest of the dirt off.
The Gravedigger smacks a tree to see if it's dead. It is, and drops a bunch of dust on him.
RHU
(beaming)
Guys. GUYS. Reality seems to be not completely messed up for the moment.
He carefully pokes at the ground.
RHU
GUYS! SOLID GROUND!
The Gravedigger pats Rhu.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Yes, that's ground. I know ground all right. And that, there, is ground.
RHU
GROUND.
Rhu lies down on the ground.
RADEK
Yes, but where are we?
The Gravedigger goes to examine the things around the old campfire. It's got logs, some stakes for a tent, an old journal, some shiny things in the grass. The shiny things turn out to be some bottles of what might be potions or liqueurs and a bong.
He checks the bottles and they seem to contain alcohol, though there's something a bit weird about a couple of them. (rolled 21 nature)
He piles them into his bag.
Aziraphale looks at the sky. The sky is a sky, broad and blue and cloudless.
RHU
(getting off the ground)
I think we should check if we can establish radio contact with the ship that brought us to this benighted planet, headquarters, and any living soul again, just in case something changed while we slept.
RADEK
I wouldn't be so quick to assume we're still on Sarathi.
Regardless, Radek checks his radio. It reports no connection.
AZIRAPHALE
Good point. Any way to check? Would be nice if we got teleported out of that hellhole anyway.
RHU
Ah. Well, maybe we're somewhere with a better class of reality, then.
(to Radek)
Have you tried hitting it?
RADEK
Have you tried getting an education in computer engineering? There's no connection.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I could hit it for you! I understand all that learning gave you noodley arms. I'll help!
The Gravedigger readies his shovel.
Greibel finally wakes up and stumbles over to the others.
AZIRAPHALE
Gravy, I don't think that's the best idea.
Aziraphale checks his phone, just for good measure. It gets no reception beyond finding the others' radios. None of them are identifying as 'sexy' anymore.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Aw.
GREIBEL
Hey, what happened dudes?
(he sees the bong)
Oh sweet. Anybody got dibs on the bong?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Magic!
RHU
Maybe Greibel can turn into a swarm of birds and check out the area for us?
Hearing no complaints, Greibel takes the bong.
AZIRAPHALE
I sort of like this reality. I second the suggestion that Greibel scout the area.
GREIBEL
Okay.
(in a serious super-hero voice)
Hold my bong!
Aziraphale reverentially holds it.
Greibel unceremoniously poofs into a flock of dirty birds and flies off in every direction.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
This is fine hole-dirt.
The Gravedigger begins digging.
RADEK
Wait, what are you digging a hole for?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
You never know when you need a good hole.
Rhu picks up the old journal and flips through it. The script looks oddly familiar, but also rather alien, which is unusual, considering just how many worlds their people had already come into contact with... also the handwriting is terrible, which might be the real reason it looks so alien.
RHU
Hey... does anybody recognize this script? It looks... familiar.
Aziraphale motions for him to hand over the journal and he does.
The Gravedigger looms over Aziraphale's shoulder for a glance while he tries going through it, and then goes back to digging.
AZIRAPHALE
Nope.
Rhu takes the journal back and tries looking at it upside down. This somehow makes it even worse. He sighs and pockets it.
Radek goes to check on the car, and then the Greibel flock flutters down in from of them and turns back into a surprisingly clean elf.
GREIBEL
There's a village off in that direction. Looks like some kind of commune sort of place. Other than that, lots of trees, birds, hills. Mostly unpopulated by any kinds of people.
Greibel takes his bong back.
GREIBEL
Thanks for holding this, man. Fragile, you know.
RADEK
Mostly?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
What about things that aren't people? Giant lizards? Magic bugs?
RHU
Any bodies of water around?
GREIBEL
There were some caves, might be some people or animals in there.
GREIBEL
Not much for non-birds. No water anywhere nearby.
AZIRAPHALE
Could go to the village.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(from the now rather deep hole)
To the willage!
GREIBEL
Willage!
RHU
We should see if we can get the ship named car working first. That would help us get to the village and more importantly get away when everything goes awful.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Oh, all right.
The Gravedigger resumes throwing out shovelfuls of dirt.
Radek gives the car a proper look. It's just sitting there, which is bad.
The car seems to be turned off. (rolled 15 arcana) He turns it on, but only the front lifts. The back remains resolutely down to earth.
RHU
Oh! Maybe something's wrong with the rear... disk?
Radek climbs out of the vehicle.
RADEK
Turn this thing over on its side so I can take a look.
The Gravedigger bounds out of his hole and gives a go at flipping the car. (rolled 5 strength (natural 1)) This completely fails, and instead he pulls a muscle.
He then jumps back down and hides in his hole.
RADEK
Hmph.
For good measure, Radek also gives the car flipping a try with his fantastic old-man strength. (rolled 6 strength) This doesn't work either, but at least the failure isn't as spectacular.
Aziraphale frowns and tries as well, but this also fails. (rolled 5 strength (natural 1)) He breaks a nail.
AZIRAPHALE
Ow.
(he eyes Gravy in his hole)
Guys, I think he's going insane.
RADEK
No. No, no, no, no. We are not talking about sanity again.
RHU
Maybe there's a panel at the back of CAR that opens? Don't mechanical things usually have panels?
RADEK
Let's go to the village.
The Gravedigger gets out and tries flipping the car again and fails again. (rolled 5 strength (natural 1))
Rhu tries. (rolled 13 strength) Doesn't work, but he does notice a likely panel mostly buried in dust.
RHU
A PANEL!
Rhu digs out the panel and points, hoping someone who understands technology can do the technology thing.
Aziraphale pokes Radek.
The Gravedigger sobs in his hole.
GREIBEL
(from the top of the hole)
Hey man, don't be bummed. It's a pretty big car thing, y'know?
Radek goes and pulls the panel off and pokes around inside trying to sort out if this'll give any indication what's wrong. (rolled 22 arcana) It looks like the back is mostly just full of dirt.
AZIRAPHALE
Looks like a job for Gravy.
RADEK
Gravy, come get this dirt out of here. Dirt and violence are your two specialities, aren't they?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
If you want that car to work, these giant hamhocks won't help. Will my shovel fit in that hole? I don't think so.
RADEK
Useless!
The Gravedigger sobs in his hole some more.
Radek turns off the car and does it himself. Then he turns the car back on and it just works.
RHU
YAY!
Greibel smokes some random plants from the clearing.
The Gravedigger, in his sorrow, decides to check his bags and see if anything there is amiss. All his things seem to be accounted for, but he finds an extra package of fertiliser among them as well for some reason, labelled 'all-purpose plant food'. He has no idea where it came from.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hey, check your stuff, guys.
The others do. The dragon parts Radek had collected have broken down into sludge. Greibel's pockets are full of fanged peas.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
GAH. PEAS.
GREIBEL
(holding a handful of chittering fanged peas)
Right on.
Greibel puts the peas back in his pocket. The peas come off without complaint.
GREIBEL
Shhhh, your time will come, little ones.
RHU
Those are some cool peas.
AZIRAPHALE
I'm more bothered by the fact that everything seemed sane for a moment, and then bam, fanged peas. Nothing against the peas themselves, just...
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'm sure everything will sort itself out.
AZIRAPHALE
I think we should head to the village.
Everyone basically agrees and they pile into the car. Somehow Rhu winds up in the driver's seat.
RHU
(darkly)
I don't like communes. Or villages. Or people.
GREIBEL
I LOVE communes. And people are alright, but I prefer animals.
RHU
Animals are alright, I guess. Cats are pretty cool, even when they're not gods.
AZIRAPHALE
Cat gods are terrible.
RADEK
Gods, animals, people... I'll stick with my machines.
Rhu squints at the ground and flies the car off toward the village.
GREIBEL
Road trip!
RHU
Plain trip!
GREIBEL
DIRT!
RHU
Huh. This is a cool car.


EXT. Car over dry, dusty woods - day
The car cruises along at a stately some speed or other. Everyone looks out for anything interesting. They see trees. And dirt. And rocks. And a sinkhole over there. And more rocks. And some strange shiny things with a deformed bird on them. And more dirt. And trees. And rocks.
All the trees are dead.
RHU
There are some trees over here. I think.
Frezak (Gravy): We need a new driver.
They drive by the bird for a better look. It is very large, missing a bunch of feathers, and has too many limbs. To Greibel and Gravy, it looks like the result of some sort of bad radiation event. (rolled 29, 25 nature) Mutated, perhaps second or third generation after the event.
It looks to be guarding its shiny things carefully.
AZIRAPHALE
I suggest we go to the village first. I mean, even if we do all our observations, we can't really understand any of what happened without more information.
GREIBEL
(indicating the bird)
Looks like he isn't going anywhere, I guess
RHU
I agree with Azi, although it might be fun to have Greibel turn into a flock of angry birds and try to distract the mutant bird for us.
Greibel slicks his hair.
AZIRAPHALE
It'd achieve nothing.
Rhu looks grumpy.
AZIRAPHALE
If the mutant birds attack, we could do that.
RHU
We could also just drive this car into the bird. It belongs in a museum!
AZIRAPHALE
You're like the Nissai and the colossus. "This belongs in a museum!"
GREIBEL
I vote village, but that bird is so cute.
Rhu sighs and heads for the village.


EXT. Village of Hughenden - evening
The village is a rough cluster of dusty buildings around an unpaved road. The technology level looks questionable, for uncertain reasons. Some folks are standing around listlessly, but then one spots the car as it approaches and points. They stare up in shock and wonder.
The car comes to a stop, hovering some 20 feet in the air above them.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(booming down)
HELLO PEOPLE. WE COME TO DIG HOLES.
The people startle at the sound of the Gravedigger's voice and cower in fear.
RADEK
No we don't!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'm trying to reassure them. Everyone likes holes.
The Gravedigger waves at the people. This has no visible effect.
AZIRAPHALE
(over the side of the car)
Hallo.
Hello, people, do you have food? I'm hungry.
It occurs to Aziraphale that the village isn't a commune at all, but instead a general agrarian society. They don't look very well off. They look all afraid and hungry and hopeless. They look like they don't understand a word they're saying. (rolled 20 insight)
Most of them run away into various buildings.
Two villagers remain, just watching.
RADEK
What are they so afraid of?
AZIRAPHALE
Us, I think.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Maybe they've never seen such a beard. It might be scary for them.
RADEK
Fear isn't exactly the first emotion I would experience, looking at this group as an outsider.
AZIRAPHALE
if you were an agrarian society with no experience of space-age technology, wouldn't you be afraid of a hovercraft?
RADEK
Maybe pity.
RHU
An agrarian society? Do you suppose they'd be interested in fertilizer?
AZIRAPHALE
I think they wouldn't know what to do with it.
Guys, this is.. odd. I don't think places like this exist anymore on Sarathi.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Those houses were made by hand. Ya don't see those anymore.
AZIRAPHALE
...so we're either somewhere no one has ever been, on another planet, or in another dimension. This does not please me.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Is this a Ren fair?
AZIRAPHALE
Or we travelled back in time.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I have an idea, guys. Lower us down slowly.
Rhu does so, parking the car an easy distance off the ground. The two watching villagers continue to watch. They're both human, an older-looking man and a woman so wizened she looks like she could be his mother.
The Gravedigger gets out, making exaggerated, slow moves, and clearly puts his shovel and shield into the car. Then he pulls out one of the booze bottles from his pack, uncorks it, and takes a swig.
Then he advances toward the dudes with a bottle in hand.
GREIBEL
That's a great idea! Poor people love booze!
The villagers eye the Gravedigger suspiciously, but then the man also approaches him.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Radek, you're smart. Come with me. And try to not look too grumpy.
Ganelon (Radek): You know that I still look like a chrome statue, right?
Frezak (Gravy): Shit. Well I'm a horned giant.
RADEK
If this doesn't work I'm breaking out the science.
Radek steps out of the car and follows Gravy.
The Gravedigger offers the man the bottle.
The man accepts the bottle, eyes it with slight confusion, but also takes a swig.
The woman is watching Radek.
Rhu and Greibel watch from the car. Rhu is clearly impressed. Greibel is clearly stoned. Aziraphale is actually watching the rest of the village.
VILLAGER MAN
Tatee kanao hanosca?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Now that we have his attention, Radek. Do some smart gesture figuring out stuff. I'll get you a stick so you can draw things in the dirt.
Keep an eye out for trouble, guys?
Aziraphale keeps an eye out.
VILLAGER WOMAN
Ahtaano hafflas.
The man looks back, worried.
The woman shrugs.
Radek just stands there like a statue as the Gravedigger watches him expectantly.
AZIRAPHALE
Guys, if we went back in time, or to another planet, or to another dimension, this might well be a "normal" world as far as these folks are concerned. Including the deformed bird.
RHU
Ask them if they know the way to the nearest city?
VILLAGER MAN
(trying again)
Enry?
AZIRAPHALE
just different stages of evolution.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Sorry, I'm not familiar with your words, Mr farmer.
VILLAGER MAN
(he gestures around to the village)
Vosals. Acandorai tira.
RADEK
What do we want from them? We aren't going to get any kind of complex information like this. Certainly not with a stick.
AZIRAPHALE
Ask them where the city is. Gesture tall buildings. Shrug. Point places. That should do it.
GREIBEL
A stick can be more telling than you might think, man.
Greibel smokes from the bong a little
RHU
Show them the tablet computers?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well you come here and do gesturings!
Aziraphale exits the car and joins the Gravedigger and Radek, then gestures as described.
This doesn't achieve much. The woman glares at them for a moment.
VILLAGER WOMAN
Kanao tira.
She starts gesturing and chanting, casting some spell.
The man smiles helpfully at them.
Aziraphale makes a gesture for keeping evil away.
GREIBEL
(to Rhu)
Hey, man, the radiation's mostly normal now. Meh. Probably bananas.
RHU
Hmm. I wonder why the birds seem so much worse affected than the people?
A soft light explodes slowly around the woman and permeates the area, and as it does, a much smaller, much younger-looking woman, Amadi, appears in the car next to Greibel.
GREIBEL
Jinkies!
Rhu jumps in his seat.
The villager woman also looks surprised. This was clearly not her intended effect.
AMADI
What time is it?!
RHU
(looking at Amadi, surprised)
Who's that?
AZIRAPHALE
I think you should try to talk to her. This one at least appears to understand gobblygook.
AMADI
Who's who? Who're YOU?
GREIBEL
Who made you?
AMADI
I did! Did I? Maybe? What time is it!
GREIBEL
Are you friendly or unfriendly?
Meanwhile the villager man goes back to the other villager and they confer in hushed voices.
The Gravedigger stalks back to the car and picks up Amadi, holding her up to his face.
GREIBEL
Ah man, come on...
THE GRAVEDIGGER
DO YOU LIKE HOLES?
Aziraphale follows him back to the car as well.
AZIRAPHALE
(slightly more politely)
Do you know these people?
AMADI
Do I like holes? Do I like holes... hm. Did I fall through a hole? I think I'm friendly until proven otherwise. The holes are neutral.
The Gravedigger puts her down.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hmmm. I have my eye on you.
AZIRAPHALE
Do you know the people here? Do you recognise a ship-car-thing?
RHU
(to Amadi)
I am Rhu, an avenger serving the great god Hazz'ridan. Where do you come from?
Amadi stumbles a little at being put down and takes some uncertain steps. Then she looks around, trying to take in the whole... rather messy scene.
VILLAGER MAN
(still speaking deslau; to Amadi)
Hail, who speaks our tongue, are you with those demons?
AZIRAPHALE
What did he just say to you?
Amadi ignores the party of lunatics and goes over to the villager, looking up at him. She's not the biggest of ladies.
AMADI
What time is it?
Aziraphale stares after Amadi, quite offended.
VILLAGER MAN
(in deslau)
Evening, but I'm afraid I can't say more specific.
The Gravedigger looks up at the sky. The evening is getting thinner now. Some wisps of high clouds are curling about.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Evening time! Teatime! or dinner! Do we have sandwiches left?
The Gravedigger checks his pack for sandwiches. He finds some sandwiches and snacks.
AMADI
Oh. Really?
Amadi looks at the sky.
VILLAGER MAN
(in deslau)
Yes.
AMADI
Well. Okay!
I don't think I know these demons. Are they demons? One of them knows Hazz!
RADEK
I'm not a demon.
VILLAGER MAN
Hazz?
Amadi turns away from the villager and looks at Rhu.
AMADI
Hazz'ridan. You don't know him. Don't worry about it.
RHU
Do you mean Hazz'ridan, the great God of Dead Ends? I worship him.
AMADI
I don't think you know him. Do you know him?
VILLAGER MAN
(in deslau)
Names differ. Should we?
RHU
He is my guide and my protector.
AMADI
Guide. Hah. Hah... Good one.
The two villagers confer.
GREIBEL
If you count getting people miserably lost as protection...
THE GRAVEDIGGER
He's not the most hope-filled fellow, that's for sure.
RHU
It is in becoming lost that we find ourselves.
Rhu holds his implement worshipfully.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Yeah, that sort of gibberish. Stick to holes, I say. Very simple things. None of these Zen things.
The villager woman seems to recognise the implement, and nods.
Amadi turns back to the villagers.
AMADI
(pondering)
Vitoi, maybe? I mean, if it's evening... it might be?
VILLAGER WOMAN
(in deslau)
That one.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Anyone want a sandwich?
AMADI
I want a sandwich!
VILLAGER WOMAN
(in deslau)
Sandwich?
AMADI
(to the villager)
Yes, a sandwich. This guy has... he calls them sandwiches.
Amadi runs over to the Gravedigger, and he hands her a sandwich.
The woman follows her, but the man hangs back.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Anyone else? I think I have... little... cake packet things.
RHU
(to Amadi)
Do you also study the ways of the maze?
AZIRAPHALE
(to Amadi)
So who are these people and where are we?
A few villagers step outside their homes. They're still not sure what's going on, but they seem reassured at least somewhat that the newcomers aren't hostile.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I don't have enough sandwiches for everyone.
Amadi takes a big bite of the food-stuff and turns to Rhu, shaking her head.
AMADI
Ah 'now 'im. 'E's fun.
RHU
Fun... yes, I suppose he is.
(he pauses)
I suppose that depends on what you find fun, though.
VILLAGER WOMAN
(in deslau)
They do not call them sandwiches. What are they?
Amadi chews and swallows and turns back to the villager.
AMADI
They speak sorta funny, I guess. They're sandwichy enough. Mmmm...
The woman frowns and goes back to talk to a growing swarm of other villages.
Amadi takes another bite, bigger this time.
RHU
(to Amadi)
Do you know where we are? My party and I appeared on this planet not an hour ago and we don't know where we are.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
We were eaten by a hole. It was the sky.
AMADI
...I think there might have been a hole... at some point...
RHU
We were on Sarathi, and quite frankly a single hole would have been an improvement.
AMADI
Sarathi! Yes, there would be holes...
AZIRAPHALE
You mean this isn't Sarathi?
AMADI
This isn't Sarathi! Less holes.
RHU
A hole less present is one I am grateful for, except for the carefully engineered holes that my friend The Gravedigger here constructs for us.
RADEK
Oh, marvellous.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
And the sky isn't giving us looks, either. And no fish. You noticed that, guys? No fish! Just a... mutant bird thing.
RHU
Oh man, yes! Zero fish is the right number of fish.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Thanks, Rhu. I take it back. You're okay.
(suddenly realising)
DAMMIT. I should have buried the fish. Sorry, giant fish.
RADEK
Where is this, then?
AMADI
This, is... uh...
Amadi looks everything over again, looks hesitant for a bit, then shrugs and announces proudly:
AMADI
This, my friends - or demons - or whatevers - is Arling Tor!
GREIBEL
Arling Tor!
(to Amadi)
So you guys don't know stuff about space travel and other planets and stuff per chance, do you?
AMADI
Planets? Space? Uh. It's... out there, mostly? I'm sorry, there was a hole, I... I think it maybe got stuck in here.
Amadi gestures first at the sky and then bonks her head. Then she looks back at the villagers.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
A hole in your head? As a hole expert, that does not sound great.
GREIBEL
Maybe holes work different here.
Greibel shrugs.
AMADI
(calling out to the villagers in a quiet half-yell)
I sort of doubt they're demons. They don't smell very demonic to me. More... dirty.
Greibel poses proudly at the mention of dirtiness.
SOME VILLAGER
(in deslau)
So what are they?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
It's the price to pay for hole science.
RHU
We have had encounters with fish, my lady. It was old fish.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Except when it wasn't.
GREIBEL
Older afterwards.
RADEK
Hold on. You don't know anything about space-faring technology. Does anyone?
AMADI
(sticking her lip out in a pout)
I didn't say I didn't know things, I said it might be stuck in a hole! I totally know space-travel and technology and stuff.
RHU
(to Amadi)
I'm afraid none of us have ever heard of Arling Tor. Can you tell us more? Where is this planet?
AMADI
Arling Tor is in Arling Tor. Duh,
Exasperatedly, Aziraphale tries praying to Carriya for some direction on what to do next. No signs miraculously appear.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
How do you know these people's languages? Don't suppose it's in a book or something?
AMADI
(she shrugs)
I like words.
RHU
You... wouldn't know the way to the nearest city, would you?
AMADI
I would!
RHU
Where are you headed? Can we give you a ride?
GREIBEL
Ooo, is it Sandwich City?
AMADI
I am headed to... Midnight, maybe. Or tea-time. I wouldn't mind a ride, I guess. Or company. I've missed company.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Where have you been?
RHU
Is Midnight a city on this planet? I don't think our car is capable of space travel, but maybe you could get a ship to Midnight when we get to the nearest city?
RADEK
Right now, a way to re-establish communications would be ideal.
AMADI
.... Noooo, midnight is not a city. It's a time. You know time, right? And I've been here and there. Not for a while, though. I think. There was a hole. I remember morning, but it wasn't anything to write home about.
Some of the gathered villagers are still just watching, and others going about their business... watching.
The Gravedigger is confuddled, then goes over to the two villagers they'd been trying to talk to before.
The Gravedigger gives the man the rest of the bottle and pats him on the back, who gasps for breath as a result of the pat, but takes the bottle happily enough. Then the man goes back to his porch.
The woman buggers off in another direction.
RHU
I fear our morning has been nothing if not memorable.
AZIRAPHALE
In a bad way.
(he mutters darkly)
The last city we tried to land at didn't go well.
AMADI
Oh, can we trade?
RADEK
Trade what?
AMADI
Mornings!
RADEK
I'm afraid our morning could be considered damaged goods. As in, dimensionally damaged.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
It had fish in it. And undead chickens.
AZIRAPHALE
Fair point.
GREIBEL
Speak for yourselves, dudes. I found a perfectly good bong.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
But it's evening now, Greibel.
GREIBEL
Oh, right.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
That's an Evening Bong.
Greibel smiles widely.
GREIBEL
It sure is!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
You had paint this morning.
GREIBEL
At least the paint was a cool color. Same as the bong, really.
RHU
It is indeed evening, and I'd like to be somewhere with decent food, a clean bed and possibly television before nightfall, hopefully with some news on whether I still get paid or not.
AMADI
Oh, hah. You really are funny, mister. I see why Hazz would like you.
RHU
(to Greibel)
The cat goddess - Lokshmi? - was pretty cool, too.
(to Amadi)
Do you know of Lokshmi?
GREIBEL
Oh yeah, Lokshmi, groovy chick.
AMADI
Oh, sure.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Uh, gods. Come, Greibel. Let us search for drugs.
GREIBEL
Oh right on!
Greibel and the Gravedigger wander off in search for drug plants.
GREIBEL
(singing)
Hi-ho, hi-ho. It's off to drugs we go.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(singing)
And all the boys come to my drug yard.
Radek sighs deeply.
AZIRAPHALE
(to Amadi)
Oh, say, do you know why we saw deformed birds and shiny things and sinkholes some way away from here?
AMADI
(she chews her lip and turns to Azir)
Well, uh... that would probably be the cataclysm. It keeps happening although it shouldn't and is completely new and it was that gal with the blue eyes who started it all and now there are cats.
Aziraphale mutters.
AZIRAPHALE
Gal with blue eyes? Cats? Lokshmi? She's behind this?
AMADI
Yes. Uhm, no. I dunno. Cataclysm. 'S real bad.
AZIRAPHALE
I'm not a fan, regardless. If she's behind this, look what position she put us in.
AMADI
Honestly, if you were on Sarathi you can't really blame anyone.
RADEK
Does that mean you know what happened to the planet?
AMADI
Besides, Lokshmi's eyes-
Amadi falls suddenly and unexplainably asleep. She snores loudly, once, and then disappears as though she were never there.
Aziraphale stares at the spot where Amadi had been in surprise.
Rhu looks around slightly panickily to make sure that nothing else is vanishing. For now, nobody is.
Radek just looks grumpy.


≪ PreviousNext ≫
Session 4 (Overview)
Retrieved from ‘https://wiki.zaori.org/w/index.php?title=Holes/Session_4&oldid=3122’

They're meth labs. They explode.