Holes/Session 31

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Session 31 (raw log) (Overview)

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EXT. Farmhouse - night

Radek continues to be soggy and more than a little relieved that someone kidnapped Dave. He is cynically confident, however, that Dave will find her way back to him in good time.

The Gravedigger picks up an unconscious Rhu and they head off in the direction the guard indicated.

At some point on the way, they hear an explosion in the woods in the direction Dawn went.

RADEK

She's probably fine.

Radek pauses to think for a moment, and then adds to ensure absolute clarity:

RADEK

Also, I don't care.

The Gravedigger shrugs.

AMADI

(yelling in the direction of the noise)

Dawn, if I have to puzzle you back together I'll kill you! I don't like that kind of patience games!

Amadi grumbles a bit.

EXT. Dorgin - morning

The party arrives in town around midmorning. The Gravedigger is still carrying Rhu. Radek is mostly dried out.

The town is basically just a cluster of buildings around the road, with some carriages by some of them, and a weird docking structure for airship. It looks really new.

There's a general store, an inn, a whole lot of random houses and crap scattered around, some sort of pumping station with pumps coming out of the ground and pipes and stuff, a bunch of guards arguing over a dead body (a teenage girl who looks to have been shot a few times), and an old lady stuck in a tree.

There is a cat sitting under the tree licking its paws.

Radek goes up to the guards, stroking his beard. The Gravedigger follows him.

GUARD OFFICER

It's about time. What is it?

The other guards all stop arguing and stare at Radek in anticipation.

Radek looks at the body. (rolled 26 heal)

GUARD TOM NOOT

(pointing to Gravy)

Um, who's he?

GUARD BILL STEARNS

His assistent, you dumbarse. What do you think he is?

The Gravedigger just sort of looks at them gravely.

RADEK

This girl was undead for a time, yes?

GUARD OFFICER

She took sick. How could she become an undead without... well, dying?

RADEK

Simple. Her sickness killed her. Really now, is that what you were arguing over?

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL

I'm telling you, that's what's happening! It's been spreading out of the...

GUARD OFFICER

(cutting him off)

What about Gerard, is that what happened to him?

RADEK

I have reason to believe this sickness is infectious. You would do well to quarantine the body and those who begin to show symptoms.

GUARD TOM NOOT

You don't mean... Gerald is going to do this?

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL

What have I been trying to tell you people?!

Radek almost makes an effort to sound like he cares in the interests of drama, but fails.

RADEK

I'm afraid so.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL

(to Radek)

Thank you. It's about time someone grasped the blatantly obvious.

GUARD OFFICER

(warningly)

Randal, you should really be getting home.

GUARD BILL STEARNS

Should probably check on Gerald.

Bill scuttles off.

George glares at the officer and mutters something about incompetent big city wannabes.

Radek points at George with one hand while using the other to continue stroking his beard.

RADEK

You... seem more sensible than the rest.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL

You mean because I'm not a complete moron?

GUARD OFFICER

(to George)

You're dismissed, guard. You need to go home now!

The Gravedigger turns his soulful gaze on the officer.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL

Ah, fuck off. You're not even my boss.

GUARD OFFICER

I'll be sending paperwork to your superiors. You can count on that.

GUARD TOM NOOT

(trying to calm them down)

Look, don't we kind of have bigger issues right now than paperwork?

The others ignore him.

RADEK

An intelligent man surrounded by morons? Oh yes, I understand all too well. The one problem that even my genius has never been able to solve.

They hear the sound of gunshots from one of the buildings. Guard Tom turns and runs for the building.

GUARD OFFICER

(to George)

We're not through!

George just sighs.

The officer then turns and runs after as well.

The Gravedigger looks at Radek.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

So, do you need this body buried?

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL

(to Radek)

Will that stop it from spreading?

Radek examines the corpse some more. (rolled 25 heal)

RADEK

(glancing back at Gravy)

You're going to like this. The best way to curb this infection... is to bury the dead. Preferably in an area without much vegetation.

The Gravedigger poses.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

This I can do! Direct me to a graveable area and you will witness the ART of the GRAVEDIGGER.

RADEK

Don't make the mistake of burning them, and don't allow the infected to interact with healthy individuals.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

BURN THEM? BURN THEM???? BARBARIAN.

(he clears his throat)

If you would, Mr. Guard?

The Gravedigger twiddles a horn and uses his Gravyvision to detect the graveyard. (rolled 33 perception) Eyes turn into headlights.

He detects the graveyard thatwayish.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL

Not sure; this isn't my town, but there should be a graveyard over thatwaysish.

George points thatwayish.

RADEK

Maybe I'll work on a cure if I have the time.

(to the guard)

He's all yours. Don't worry, he's the most tolerable moron I know.

Frezak (Gravy): Aw, man. That hurts.

Ganelon (Radek): Backhanded compliments are the only kind I can deliver.

Frezak (Gravy): He has 12 Int! he's a genius!

Ganelon (Radek): When you have 20 int, everyone looks like a moron.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

Now! Where are your corpses?

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL

There's probably another one inside. May be a few more if they go fondling the corpses like they so wanted to with this one. Idiots!

He directs Gravy to the building the other guards went in.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

On it! GRAAAAAVES.

The Gravedigger charges to the building and then politely knocks on the door. He gets no response, and indeed no noises at all from inside.

He knocks powerfully instead, then looks back to Radek. Radek is just sort of watching for lack of anything better to do.

Guard George goes and opens the door and pokes his head inside.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL

(loudly)

Oy, anyone in there alive?

GUARD OFFICER

(from inside)

Go away!

THE GRAVEDIGGER

(loudly)

'Scuse me! Just need any bodies you have up there!

There's a grumbling from inside.

GUARD TOM NOOT

(from inside)

Is this really necessary?

(after a pause)

We're by the kitchen.

The Gravedigger heads inside, still carrying Rhu over a shoulder.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL

(to Radek)

You should probably follow him and see if you can covertly check if anyone is infected. This could get messy.

He follows the Gravedigger, and Radek grumpily follows because this could escalate into a major inconvenience for him if he doesn't fix it all now.

EXT. Dorgin - by the tree

Greibel notices the old woman in the tree staring at him.

Amadi waves enthusiastically at the old woman.

Greibel looks up at the old woman and plods over to the tree.

Amadi follows and looks down at the cat. She meows.

GREIBEL

Excuse me, do you need help?

OLD LADY

Help? Son, what do you take me for, some frivolous little damsel?

GREIBEL

I think you mean "frail" but no, I just meant it looks like you're stuck in a tree.

OLD LADY

Oh, well, really I'm stuck in a cat. Be a dear and move it for me, will you?

CAT

Hi.

Amadi does more elaborate meowing.

The cat shrugs.

CAT

Oh, you know. Chickens.

GREIBEL

Hmmmph...

Greibel talks cat as well. (rolled 22 nature)

GREIBEL

Hey there kitty... kitty kitty...

CAT

Hey.

GREIBEL

Hey. What's the deal with this tree and stuff?

CAT

There seems to be a lady stuck in it. It's quite interesting.

OLD LADY

(irritably)

Oy, move that cat so I can get down already!

GREIBEL

(to the cat)

She seems to think you're keeping her from getting down.

CAT

Who, me? I'm just a concerned citizen. Just like the whole chicken debacle all over again...

The cat mutters incoherently.

Amadi giggles in Cat. Which might sound sort of like purring with hiccups.

OLD LADY

What is that damned rat telling you now? Move it already!

GREIBEL

(to the cat)

Do you mind if I move you? She might starve if she just stubbornly sits up there yelling at the world for too long.

CAT

Yes.

GREIBEL

Yes you mind?

CAT

Yes.

GREIBEL

Okay then.

AMADI

(in Cat)

Yes.

Greibel looks at Amadi inquisitively, then points vaguely up into the tree

GREIBEL

Will you at least keep an eye on her?

The cat giggles.

Amadi grins cheshirely. She then fades away even more cheshirely, leaving the grin for last, and reappears in the tree some time later.

The cat purrs at Greibel.

Greibel looks, slightly distressed, at the tree.

OLD LADY

Move that damn cat!

Greibel looks back and forth from the lady to Amadi to the cat.

The cat grins at Amadi.

GREIBEL

I'm sorry. Last time I went against a cat's wishes there was a battle with Gods and spells and fire and then the cat might have cursed everyone.

He seems to like staying where he is. Why is he keeping you from getting down?

OLD LADY

(offended)

That's... personal!

Amadi purrs and rubs herself against the old lady.

OLD LADY

Just move him, will you?

Greibel shakes his head.

GREIBEL

Amadi, what do you think?

AMADI

(to the cat)

Give me a good reason to not move you.

CAT

This was the end of a horrible curse. Be bad luck to move, bad luck that might get out and destroy all the lands. Terrible, terrible things locked up in the night.

So no, there really isn't a good reason unless you like mildly inconveniencing random people for the hell of it?

Amadi laughs in cat.

INT. Some room in the guardhouse

The Gravedigger pushes inside and winds up in a room with two dead bodies on the floor, a dormant zombie on a table, and three possibly infected guards standing around. The officer looks incredibly irate.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

'scuse me.

Radek and George pile in after the Gravedigger.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

That one's a zombie. Not a corpse. Mind if I...

The guard officer ignores the Gravedigger and yells at Radek to explain what the hell is going on.

The Gravedigger waves a shovel.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL

(muttering)

A nice shovel hit could resolve so many problems...

RADEK

Gravy is a qualified professional. He can resolve nearly any issue with a sufficient mortality rate.

GUARD OFFICER

Agh, sorry. It's been a long day.

(to Radek)

Can you look at these too?

THE GRAVEDIGGER

(indicating the zombie on the table)

I'm going to need to smack this one before it stands up.

Gaurav (Rhu): 1. Is there an issue? 2. Kill someone. 3. Go to #1.

Frezak (Gravy): That's a lovely problem-solving technique that I approve of.

GUARD OFFICER

Won't that make a mess?

George raises his gun and shoots the zombie instead. It starts to wake up so he shoots it again, this time in the head. This time it stops and stuff.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

That works too. I'll just leave this guy outside.

The Gravedigger goes and props Rhu up against the wall by the door outside the guardhouse.

EXT. Dorgin - by the tree

AMADI

(to Greibel, still in cat)

Do you want me to move the cat? I think it has good enough reasons, and the lady is too loud and obnoxious, but I can move it if you want. I almost promise that I can guarantee no bad things happening to you because of it, too!

GREIBEL

Do you think he'll just move on his own eventually? That would be nice for everyone.

AMADI

Er...

OLD LADY

(in a rather bad attempt at a sweet voice)

Pleaaaase move that cat?

AMADI

Aaaw, see, that's sweet!

... Will you reward us? I want a lollipop.

GREIBEL

I want a fudge pop!

OLD LADY

(impatiently)

Of course! Just move that cat.

GREIBEL

(to Amadi)

Well, I think we know what we have to do.

Amadi giggles and promptly falls out of the tree, aiming for the cat. She lands next to it, knocking it slightly to the side. (rolled 15 acrobatics)

INT. Guardhouse

RADEK

(To the guards)

Are any of you infected?

The guards look at Radek like he's insane.

GUARD OFFICER

Of course they aren't.

RADEK

Let me see your eyes.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL

It's not even worth checking. Why would anyone bring it up?

Suddenly the officer is a lot less resistant and allows Radek to check him out.

Radek makes a long series of "hmms" and troubled shakes of the head as he inspects the guardsmen.

The Gravedigger comes back and stands there looking imposing.

RADEK

(he finishes and stands back)

I'm sorry to say...

The guards tense.

RADEK

...that all three of you are idiots who depend on the guidance of strangers to solve problems you should be qualified to handle yourselves.

Bear Soup Guy (Greibel): You tell 'em, Radek!

Frezak (Gravy): yeah!

The guards relax a bit, and then look a little confused.

GUARD BILL STEARNS

Strangers? Aren't you the forensics guy?

Radek points at guard Tom.

RADEK

Also, you are going to turn into a zombie and you need to be quarantined.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

(sagely)

Hmm.

Tom freaks out and tries to run away.

RADEK

Gravy, after that moron!

The Gravedigger charges after Tom and hits him in the back with a shovel, knocking him over and landing on top of him. (rolled 25 vs AC)

Ganelon (Radek): Okay, let's do a bluff. I'm not skilled at those but maybe I'll get lucky. (rolled 10 bluff)

RADEK

Yes, I am the "forensics guy".

Ganelon (Radek): I think Radek's only skill at bluffing is the use of sarcasm.

The guards seem to buy Radek's claim, though the officer eyes him suspiciously.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL

Doesn't...

He is cut off by the sound of a large explosion outside.

EXT. Dorgin - by the tree

Amadi causes the cat to move slightly. Then there is a horrible explosion as the old lady is freed from the tree, rocking the whole town. The sky goes dark, and they hear a horrible laughter fading into the distance.

Then the old lady is gone.

GREIBEL

I knew it! I knew something bad would happen!

CAT

Well, the world is probably doomed now. I wonder where I might find some fish around here...

The sky fades back to normal after a little bit.

AMADI

(yelling after the laughter)

HEY! WHAT ABOUT MY LOLLIPOP!

Amadi looks angry in a scary way.

Greibel shakes a fist at the sky.

GREIBEL

You'll pay for not delivering that lollipop!

EXT. Guardhouse door

Rhu, who had been propped up by the door, falls over.

INT. Guardhouse

The Gravedigger's ears twitch. IS THERE JUSTICE TO BE DISPENSED?

THE GRAVEDIGGER

(to Tom, who he's still on top of)

Is that normal?

Guard Tom struggles, but doesn't actually answer.

GUARD OFFICER

The hell was that?

The officer and Bill run outside.

George sighs.

EXT. Dorgin - by the tree

CAT

She lied, what.

AMADI

I! DEMAND! MY LOLLIPOP!

Amadi tries accessing whatever scary powers she has to get her lollipop from the "old lady". Nothing really happens, but she gets a sense of where the old lady went. (rolled 4 reality)

Amadi gives Greibel a calculating look.

Greibel gives Amadi a look that doesn't know what's happening.

Amadi grabs Greibel's hand, and with eyes craving revenge, sets after the old lady. (revenge - and, mostly, lollipops. Someone should've told her she has one in her pocket.)

They vanish as the guard officer and Bill run outside.

EXT. Ridiculously tall tower somewhere else - night

Amadi and Greibel find themselves at the top of a tall tower, at the apex of a massive evil fortress. Monstrous guard beasts patrol far below.

Amadi looks around for the old lady. There's no old lady, but she suddenly finds Dawn right next to her.

DAWN

Hi. Where did the target go?

GREIBEL

Hi Dave!

AMADI

Dawn! I'm here on Lokshmi business! Have you seen someone who owes me a lollipop?

Dawn looks confused and shakes her head, and then suddenly there's another Dawn/Amadi clone with brilliantly red hair behind them. Except this one is just staring over the edge of the tower in amazement, and not really saying anything.

This one is a really short attention span, and generally responds to 'squirrel'.

AMADI

Squirrel!

Squirrel turns around.

SQUIRREL

Squirrel!

AMADI

Lollipop?

SQUIRREL

Lollipop!

Ganelon (Radek): Greibel is a source of limitless entertainment. You can't get bored hanging around him.

Frezak (Gravy): Because of the Drug Haze.

Ganelon (Radek): Unless he's taking some depressants, I suppose. But then, he'd probably offer you. Offer some to you, rather.

Frezak (Gravy): "He'd offer you to the Drug Gods"

Bear Soup Guy (Greibel): The Drug Gods are super chill, man. And they have an infinite bag of Doritos.

Frezak (Gravy): That's pretty sweet. Should go dethrone them and take it.

Bear Soup Guy (Greibel): That would be easy to do seeing as they're stoned all the time and don't really care much about worldly possessions. But the infinite bag is infinitely heavy!

Frezak (Gravy): That's a terrible bag!

Bear Soup Guy (Greibel): Actually I guess that makes it a black hole.

DAWN

She's.. here. Somewhere.

AMADI

Great! You're hired! Lokshmi bless us all!

(shouting at nobody in particular)

STAY OUT OF MY HEAD, THOUGH!

SQUIRREL

Head.

AMADI

She is. We'll find her. And then... then!

Amadi rubs her hands and cackles.

DAWN

Yes.

GREIBEL

Your hair is lovely, Squirrel.

(quietly)

Mmmm... spaghetti...

Squirrel beams and bounces happily.

Amadi takes Greibel's hand again and suddenly they're somewhere else else.

INT. Guardhouse

The Gravedigger is still on top of Tom.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

You promise to not run again if I get up?

Tom freaks out and tries to get away again, which achieves absolutely nothing because the Gravedigger is still sitting on him.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

If you wriggle someone is going to decide it's less effort to shoot you.

Tom stops struggling. Well, trying to struggle, that is.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

Raaaadeeeek! What do I do with this guy?

RADEK

(to George)

Where do you detain people in this town? I assume you have nothing as sophisticated as a chair with restraints.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL

They probably have some cells in the basement.

George points to the stairs.

The Gravedigger picks Tom up, and carries him down the stairs.

INT. Rather fancy bedroom - night

Amadi and Greibel find themselves in a bedroom. It's all rather fancy, with a messy bed in the middle. There's some strange black stuff on the walls.

A moment later Dawn and Squirrel appear next to them and Dawn seems to be trying to restrain Squirrel.

Squirrel is trying to braid Dawn's hair.

Dawn pushes Squirrel onto the bed.

Squirrel sprawls on the bed and then burrows into the covers.

DAWN

Not here. Further in. In her place of power...

AMADI

(frustrated, and still very angry)

Well, YOU get us there, if you know it so well!

SQUIRREL

(vacantly)

They should be done soon. Wheeeeeheheheheeee!

Squirrel draws squiggly things on the ceiling by pointing at it and causing burn marks to appear.

AMADI

All done! Impaled! Burnt so sweet, so sweet!

Dawn grabs Greibel and Amadi and takes them all somewhere else. (rolled 13 reality) Amadi attempts to grab Squirrel in the last second, but misses.

INT. Throne room of sorts

Greibel, Amadi, and Dawn suddenly appear in the old lady's throne room, surrounded by twisted monster guard things everywhere. In front of them, on the throne, is the old lady, looking very prim and proper and a bit upset at the fuss.

The guard things all point weapons at them.

Greibel eyes the guards and begins conjuring smalls vines in his hands should a conflict erupt.

Amadi sets her incredibly angry eyes in the old lady, trying to look as much like Dave as possible. (Yes, Dave, not Dawn. Though this probably does include Dawn, too.)

AMADI

You! How DARE you! You USED me! ME!

The old lady laughs.

OLD LADY

Why not? You think you can defy me?

AMADI

Well, I know one of us is going to end up with a lollipop and - hah! BEHOLD!

Squirrel suddenly appears and starts bouncing through the guards, cackling shrilly and doing random things to them and blowing them up and taking her own arm off and beating a bunch of them up with it.

AMADI

The wrath of Lokshmi is upon you!

SQUIRREL

LOOOOKSHMIIIIII!

AMADI

...Or my wrath. Or HERS. It doesn't really matter that much.

SQUIRREL

(still beating up guards)

LOOOKY LOOKY SHMEEEE.

Greibel stops conjuring vines to watch curiously.

Dawn walks up to the old lady. Some guards try to stop her and they fall over dead.

DAWN

You. You have whatever the worded against us. You will whatever the word is. Um.

Dawn looks back at Amadi, then focuses a horrible glare at the woman.

DAWN

Yes.

AMADI

LOLLIPOP!

DAWN

Lollipop.

GREIBEL

And a fudgsicle if it's not too much trouble!

The old lady starts to look a bit concerned and then starts to do some magic and suddenly falls asleep instead. At the same time, all of the remaining weird guard things collapse.

Amadi grins maliciously.

AMADI

Sweet... nightmares.

Amadi runs up and starts rummaging through the lady's pockets for sweets.

INT. Guardhouse dungeon

There are some empty cells and stuff.

The Gravedigger trudges in and locks Tom in a cell. Radek and George follow behind for good measure.

GUARD TOM NOOT

Please, I'm not infected. You know I'm not!

RADEK

Well then, you won't have much to worry about when you fail to show advancing symptoms over the next few days, will you? You know, it's selfish behavior which leads us to this sort of pandemic.

GUARD TOM NOOT

But... you... You can't lock me in here!

Radek laughs.

RADEK

Well, I have to disagree with you there.

INT. Throne room of sorts

The old lady is asleep. All the guards are dead and piled up around the floor, with random limbs and stuff lying around. Amadi, Greibel, and Dawn are just sort of standing around.

Squirrel is lying on the floor smacking it with her detached arm.

DAWN

Yeah, um, that's what we meant to do.

Dawn gestures vaguely, looks really confused, and then goes and picks up Squirrel and hands her to Greibel.

Squirrel swings the arm around and makes airplane noises.

Ganelon (Radek): Remind me to never inconvenience this one when I become a villainous mastermind.

Ellemerr (Amadi): Well, she's pretty easy to pacify if you have lollipops.

GREIBEL

Oh, hello.

Dawn then gives Amadi a lollipop, and Greibel a fudgsicle, and then looks curiously around.

Greibel unwraps the fudgsicle excitedly.

Amadi jumps up and down and hugs Dawn.

AMADI

Thank you! Thank you!

DAWN

How'd we wind up here?

GREIBEL

Teleportation! Magic!

DAWN

It's just that... I was somewhere else.

AMADI

Oh, so were we. How did the kidnapping go?

DAWN

He exploded.

GREIBEL

Hah!

AMADI

Had it coming.

DAWN

I ate a bear.

AMADI

Was it good?

GREIBEL

Did you cook it? In a soup, perhaps?

AMADI

Mmmm, bear soup.

DAWN

How did you know?

GREIBEL

I feel like I have experience with bear soup. Hmmm. Odd, that. Maybe a past life leaking through this messed up time and space.

Amadi shrugs.

Squirrel curls around Greibel's feet and starts sinking into the floor.

GREIBEL

OOP!

Greibel looks down.

AMADI

Stranger things happen. Pretty much daily.

GREIBEL

Your friend is cute.

AMADI

I know! That hair. I'm almost jealous.

(she licks her lollipop happily)

Well - should we go back? See how badly the others have messed up? I mean, without us around to keep things sorted...

Amadi grins. Her tongue is coloured candy blue.

GREIBEL

That's a good idea.

Squirrel bounces up out of the floor and embraces Amadi and they suddenly both disappear.

EXT. Guardhouse door - afternoon

The Gravedigger pokes his head out to check on Rhu, who has apparently fallen over. The guard officer and Bill are under the tree arguing again.

He notes this and then goes back in and drags out all the bodies.

Rhu wakes up and starts screaming. (rolled 17 reality) It turns out there's a bug in his nose and he digs and shakes it out in a bit of a panic. He abruptly stops screaming, tries to look around, and realises he can't see anything.

RHU

... huh.

Guard Bill suddenly takes a bite out of the officer, who screams.

RHU

HULLO? Is someone here?

The Gravedigger drops his heap of bodies and charges at Bill, bodyslamming him Gravystyle.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

(shouting)

GRAAAAAAAAVES!

The officer is sent flying, and the Gravedigger proceeds to beat the shit out of Bill with a shovel, punctuating the shovel blongs with a lot of grave-related shouting. Bill bites at him (rolled 22 vs reflex (natural 20)) and puts a very small hole in the Gravedigger's arm.

Apheori (GM): It does a whopping 4 damage.

Frezak (Gravy): Amazing. I only have 59 HP left! WHAT WILL I DO?

Rhu rolls away from the commotion, feeling around, and then realises he's against a wall. He stands up using the wall as a guide.

The Gravedigger shovels Bill to death.

The officer backs away, trying to cover his neck, which is bleeding profusely.

Radek and George come out of the guardhouse, and Radek approaches the NEW crime scene, grumbling and cursing the whole way over.

RHU

Radek?

RADEK

Every bloody time I get something done...

George shoots the officer in the head, killing him, and grumbles as well.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

Also I have a hole. I hope my shots will deal with it.

RADEK

Good job, George.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL

I think it's just about wrapped up.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

How do you know that other people aren't infected?

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL

They actually did get the civilians to stay inside, so... yeah! Maybe they can get some real guards here now!

(darkly)

Wouldn't count on it, though.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

Real guards? They were a militia or something?

RHU

Guys?

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL

No, they just sucked.

George grumbles and heads to the inn.

Radek goes and checks the Gravedigger's arm for signs of imminent zombification. (rolled 16 heal)

THE GRAVEDIGGER

Hey, Rhu! Zombies!

RHU

Er. Yes. Well. See. The thing is. I've gone blind.

Rhu waves vaguely at his face.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

Oh. Is this some god thing? Dead End Eyeballs?

RHU

What?! No! Why would Hazz'ridan All-Merciful take away my eyesight?

THE GRAVEDIGGER

Fucked if I know.

RHU

It must be... what happened back at the farmhouse. And where are we now?

RADEK

(to Gravy)

You're fine.

Radek goes to check on Rhu. (rolled 18 heal)

RADEK

You're also fine, on the outside. Probably brain damage.

Apheori (GM): GREIBEL: YOU ARE A FUNDAMENTAL ASS SATELLITE OF SPACE.

Bear Soup Guy (Greibel): XD XD XD XD XD

Rhu doesn't respond. Only after a good 15 seconds of silence does he realise that Radek might have been talking to him.

RHU

Oh! Well. I hope it isn't...

Greibel suddenly hurtles out of the sky at impossible speed and crashes into the ground in front of Radek, creating a large crater.

Rhu falls over with the impact of a landing Greibel. Radek jumps back, clutching his beard protectively.

Greibel lifts his head up. Aside from being slightly on fire, he seems fine.

GREIBEL

Well... I'm here now, bitches!

Greibel coughs out some dirt. The Gravedigger puts out the flames by hitting him with a shovel a few times.

RADEK

You lunatics are inescapable.

The Gravedigger goes back to dragging off the now slightly bigger pile of bodies over to the town graveyard, where he loots and buries them.

RHU

Is that Greibel?

GREIBEL

It sure is, buddy! Don't worry, Dave's fine. I saw her on a tower and she kicked some ass.

RHU

Oh. Nice.

I'm blind now. I think it's temporary? Um.

RADEK

Not for the faithful, it isn't.

Rhu ignores that and petitions Hazz'ridan to help with the blindness. (rolled 23 religion)

Greibel directs Rhu into the guardhouse, finds a room, and tries some aromatherapy on Rhu. Which is to say drugs. Rhu allows it for lack of any better idea.

Rhu proceeds to spend his time in meditation, prayer and whinging about being blind.

Greibel silently sits on the floor and watches Rhu's meditation.

RHU

(mumbling)

A... gift? Hmm.

Then the drugs kick in...

EXT. Darkness with tentacles everywhere

Rhu finds himself in a vague dark space, surrounded by tentacles everywhere. (rolled 1 reality) Greibel follows him. (rolled 19 reality) They're just sort of floating amidst the tentacles.

Rhu blinks, then blinks again.

RHU

...well, I can see again. That's nice.

To Greibel, the tentacles look intensely colourful, but also as though they're trying to cover something up.

GREIBEL

Hmmm.

Greibel examines the tentacles more closely. (rolled 24 nature) They look oddly smokable, but they're also not, strictly speaking, really there. But then neither are they. It's all basically a projection.

Rhu closes his eyes and realises that he can still see the tentacles. He closes and opens his eyes a couple of times.

RHU

Huh. Greibel? Is that you?

I feel... tentacles. I think we're in the realm of Hazz'ridan again. It's somewhere near the City of the Dead. This is where I found the sphinx.

Rhu goes quiet.

GREIBEL

Oh... well then, my first question would be "How do we get out? Right now. Please. Oh God, please."

HAZZ'RIDAN

Welcome.

RHU

My Lord.

Rhu tries to bow, though it's a little awkward because he's not actually standing on anything.

GREIBEL

Howdy.

Greibel waves.

Hazz'ridan waves a tentacle.

Rhu follows where the tentacle is waving and looks for Greibel, nearly running into him in the process. Greibel drifts out of the way and manages to grab Rhu by the scruff of his shirt before he runs off into nothing.

HAZZ'RIDAN

What brings you to my domain?

Bear Soup Guy (Greibel): "A roll of 1"

RHU

My Lord, I... I am blind.

HAZZ'RIDAN

Yes.

RHU

I feel that this comes from you somehow. A gift. A price.

HAZZ'RIDAN

Yes.

RHU

What gift, my lord? What price?

HAZZ'RIDAN

It is the world. I am your gift. Your price to see.

Rhu bows before him, hiding his confusion as best he can.

A tentacle tries to snake its way into Greibel's ear and he swats it away.

GREIBEL

Listen, you seem like a nice dude, but I'm not gonna have any brain parasites messing me up, thank you very much.

RHU

Brain parasites?

GREIBEL

He was touching my ear, Rhu. That's just rude.

(he looks in the direction of Hazz' voice)

Even for a God.

RHU

Ah. Er. Well. Hm.

The sound of laughter surrounds them, then fades away.

Greibel looks around suspiciously.

GREIBEL

I painted a place kind of like this once. Admittedly it wasn't a very good painting. And I didn't use real paint. It was during my avant-garde phase.

RHU

When was that?

Greibel shrugs. Then he remembers Rhu can't see.

GREIBEL

Oh, I just shrugged. That was a shrugging silence.

RHU

Oh! Right.

Tentacles wrap around them. Huge, massive, and to Greibel, very, very colourful tentacles. They squeeze.

RHU

...Lord?

The tentacles get tighter, crushing, and then suddenly the vision is gone.

INT. Guardhouse room

Greibel and Rhu suddenly find themselves back in the room where they were meditating and/or drugging out.

Rhu gasps for breath.

RHU

They're gone...

GREIBEL

Humph. Worst astral projection ever.

RHU

Hey! I could see. Well, I could see His tentacles. I couldn't see you. I could see... Him. Still blind, though.

How can this be a gift?

GREIBEL

It's a mad God's idea of a gift. He probably forgot the meaning of the word.

RHU

Huh. Maybe.

Greibel goes to inspect Rhu's eyes to see if there are physical signs of what's going on. (rolled 29 heal) He determines something odd about Rhu now being directly tied to Hazz'ridan, and only able to see Hazz'ridan.

Ganelon: That almost sounds inconvenient. But Hazz would never inconvenience someone. That's ridiculous.

INT. Another guardhouse room

Radek sets up his computer and stuff at the table in another room and does science, surrounded by papers. It's epic and sciencey and punctuated by complaints about the fact that he has to use papers.

He tries to figure out what's missing from the formula that fixes holes, and makes some progress. (rolled 28, 23, 23 arcana) Some sort of idea that needs proper investigation. Takes three pieces to make a lock... (rolled 10 reality)

At some point the Gravedigger plods in and drops a pile of dead guards' gear on the table.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

Can you use any of this?

RADEK

You brought their guns?

THE GRAVEDIGGER

Yup.

RADEK

Good, set them down over... there. Any of that other junk seem magical to you?

THE GRAVEDIGGER

Uh.

RADEK

You'd feel it.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

No?

RADEK

(he waves him away)

Do whatever you like with it. Make a fort for the two deadbeats, maybe.

The Gravedigger just leaves it all on the table.

Radek breaks the magical components of the guns down into DUST.

INT. Guardhouse room

The Gravedigger pokes his head in on Greibel and Rhu.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

Hello, fellow deadbeats.

RHU

Hey!

GREIBEL

Howdy.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

Anything fun happen?

The Gravedigger flexes gleaming muscles.

GREIBEL

We went to tentacle world for a bit.

Rhu nods.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

Huh. Hazz give you eyeballs, Rhu?

The Gravedigger waves a hand in front of Rhu.

RHU

No. He said it was a gift. It doesn't make sense. What sort of gift is blindness?

THE GRAVEDIGGER

Damn. Think Radek can rig you up with an artifical eye?

RHU

Hey. Hey! That is an idea.

GREIBEL

An idea that probably won't work, unfortunately. There's nothing wrong with his vision. The problem is likely right in the visual cortex. His mind is linked with Hazz for as long as the sociopath decides it's useful to him. No offense, Rhu.

Rhu sighs.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

Then maybe we should go kick a god in the voolnerables?

RHU

I'm sure there's... a reason for this. I just wish I knew what it was.

Amadi falls slowly out of the sky like a dandelion seed and drifts dreamily down through the ceiling.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

Your god's a dick? No offense.

AMADI

I concur.

Greibel nods knowingly at Amadi.

RHU

In my present state, I wouldn't even be able to see where his voolnerables were.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

Well I could find them and hold you in front of them?

Rhu grins.

Amadi bounces off the ground and starts rising again.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

Hey sandwich kid.

RHU

He might not have any. He's all tentacles.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

I'm sure Amadi could find some. Or make some.

Amadi drifts back up through the ceiling.

AMADI

You'd be better off with cats!

Then she's gone, back out of the guardhouse, drifting away into the clouds.

THE GRAVEDIGGER

I hate cats!

HAZZ'RIDAN

(such that only Rhu can hear him)

Patience, Rhu. Remember your task.

Rhu tries to pull himself together. He stands slowly, takes a deep breath, and - with his hands in front of him - finds the door.

Rhu then trips over the doorstop and falls over, but the Gravedigger catches him.

RHU

Thanks.

Greibel goes back to doing drugs. One of the drugs turns out to be porridge. Rasputin returned.

Greibel coughs heavily.

Rasputin drops a bunch of truffles in Greibel's lap.

Greibel pets Rasputin. It jiggles.

RADEK

(walking past)

Now, where did that guardsman run off to? The competent one.

The Gravedigger takes the hint, picks up Rhu again, and follows Radek out. Greibel gathers up his porridge and follows as well.

They head toward the inn.

HAZZ'RIDAN

(whispering in Rhu's mind)

Just remember - no matter what you do, I will always be in your mind.

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Session 31 (Overview)

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