View source for Holes/Session 8

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Apheori (GM): You're in the car and Amadi climbed in uninvited.

Amadi starts drawing something on Greibel's back.

Greibel twitches uncomfortably

Frezak (GM): Hole, I think.
And push Amadi in.
Frezak (GM): Well.
Apheori (GM): Follow it elsewhere. Get information.
Become very confused.
Frezak (GM): Dammit.
Back in 15 >.>
Apheori (GM): Ghuh.


Amadi points down toward a zombie.
Apheori (GM): At least it might be a zombie.

GREIBEL
Exciting.

RHU
You can't drink with gills. That's like drinking with alveoli. It doesn't make sense.
Woah!
Gaurav: How far from the tree are we?
Amadi pauses, looks confused, and then points toward Rhu instead.
Apheori (GM): Near but not at, I suppose.
Also let's hold up for Frezak to get back.
Radek chuckles quietly to himself.
Gaurav: We'll stay airborne and watch this zombie while we wait. Can you describe him/her for us?
Frezak (GM): Eh, you can keep going.
Apheori (GM): Okay, the zombie... it's kind of big, appears to be rotting, wearing torn clothes, and lurching around aimlessless.
There's something of a hole in its head.
Rhu mutters to himself: "Holes ... there's something about everything that's going on and holes ..."
Apheori (GM): Big like the large guy in town, not a flat-out giant.

GREIBEL
Poor guy. It's probably really hard for him to play guitar.

RHU
We'll get him a double bass.

AMADI
He remembers.

RADEK
...What?

AMADI
You know, seventeen.

RADEK
I don't know any such thing.

GREIBEL
Seventeen must be his favorite double bass song...
Apheori (GM): Kyrule likes threes. Optimist. It'll bite him in the arse.

AMADI
Kyrule likes threes. Optimist. It'll bite him in the arse.
Apheori (GM): Ghah.
Gaurav: Should I do a religion check to see if I know who Kyrule is? Or is it something obvious that Rhu would know?
Apheori (GM): You don't know.
She's rambling.
Gaurav: Rhu knows that name, though. Hazz'ridan mentioned it earlier, while we were chatting.
Apheori (GM): Oh, okay.
Well you still don't know who it is. >.>

RHU
(to Amadi) Who's Kyrule? Hazz'ridan spoke of him when we ... communed yesterday.
Amadi starts giggling.
Gaurav: Plus, Rhu is slightly in awe of Amadi and assumes that everything she says must contain a nugget of deep wisdom &c.
Apheori (GM): Bahahahah.
Sorry.
I hope don't ruin this too much for Ellemerr...
Ganelon: See, it's stuff like this that makes Radek disdainful of the gods.

AMADI
The Hazz would know! Of course it would. The Hazz knows lots of things, has a thing for knowing, you know, knowing things. Lots of things. But not here. Here it's not so much about that. It's much more subtle. Threads.
Ganelon: Everyone's crazy, but divine people are just the *worst* sort of crazy.
Gaurav: Hey, Rhu's god just spoke with him yesterday. He's not at his criticalest. He'll be back.

AMADI
Bean threads, tapioca, and tentacles!
Rhu nods sagely.
Apheori (GM): Amadi's crazy ain't divine crazy, though.
At least I don't think it is.
But someone could totally start a religion around it nonetheless.
Ganelon: She talks about gods enough for Radek to be convinced they're responsible for her madness.

GREIBEL
I'd join a religion of secular lunacy
err
Apheori (GM): Heh, he might be onto somethere there.
Bear Soup Guy: OOC
Apheori (GM): Heh.
Bear Soup Guy: Does this game have a "mad god"?
Gaurav: No no, I love the idea of Greibel just thinking and thinking and thinking and then saying something completely random.
Apheori (GM): Just one?
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Apheori (GM): XD
Does it tell you anything that Amadi's sanity bonus is currently down as '10 - (?) + cat'
?
Bear Soup Guy: That tells me wonderful things
Gaurav: only one cat? that's not very insane.
Apheori (GM): She exists as a person most of the time. How insane could she get?
Or was that the cat?
Well, the cat is insane, if that makes things worse.
Amadi hums the Star Wars theme song.
Ganelon: Yeah, you can't just ignore the cat's opinion on things.

RHU
Oooh, that's dramatic.
Greibel pantomimes music conducting
Gaurav: brb 2 mins
Apheori (GM): Are we all here now?
Gaurav: yes!
Bear Soup Guy: Beedle
Apheori (GM): Frezak?
Gaurav: Have we seen any roads while we've been on this planet? Or any vehicles at the village?
Apheori (GM): They had carts!
Roads appeared to be hard dirt.
But there's a lot of hard dirt.
Gaurav: Did we ever see the carts harnessed to anything?
Bear Soup Guy imagines the willagers pulling each other around in carts
Bear Soup Guy: Willy sillagers
Ganelon: Frezak's away.
Mike B.: Damn Republicans cutting funding for infrastructure.
Ganelon: I'm not sure what for, but it should be a while.
Apheori (GM): None of the carts ever moved.
When you were there.
So you don't know what they do wit hthem.

RHU
Mysterious.
Bear Soup Guy: Clearly some sort of arcane cart ritual
Gaurav: Maybe that's what the giant was trying to tell us
Bear Soup Guy: "Watch out for those magic carts"
Gaurav: Maybe he has to pull them around

AMADI
Vanishing carts.
They fit in your pocket, but they really weigh you down.
Apheori (GM): Okay, so do something, then.
Although this would all go a lot better if we could ever have a session with everyone entirely here.
Ganelon: It really would.
Bear Soup Guy: Considering our time zone discrepancies and immense potential for distraction, we still do pretty well
Ganelon: So there's a zombie underneath us?
Gaurav: BSG: Truth!
Apheori (GM): Yes.
And yes.
Gaurav: Does the zombie look male? Or is it not obvious given decomposition?
Ganelon: Would this be a magical zombie?
Or one of those disease-based ones the kids are all talking about these days?
Apheori (GM): Er... what's the difference?
Judging by the size and general proportions it appears it was male. Now it's mostly a grey heap of ambling grossness.
Well, okay, slight overstatement perhaps, but it looks like a zombie.

RHU
Ew.
Ganelon: Well, there could be quite a few differences, but the two I'm primarily concerned with are:
- Is it infectious?
- Did someone animate this corpse intentionally (with magic)?
Apheori (GM): Hmm.
Rhu:
rolling 1d20+12 perception check to see if I can determine anything about the creature
(
9
)
+12
=
21
Apheori (GM): Good questions!
Gaurav: ... bearing in mind that Avengers have an attack that only works against the undead, so I guess we had to take ... zombie classes in school
Ganelon: Technically it could also be a magic zombie if... residual magics played a part in its creation.
Apheori (GM): Rhu discerns that it was probably animated with magic.
He also notices that the hole in its head is glowing slightly.
Gaurav: Same sort of glow as the tree and the pool?
Rhu suddenly has a sinking feeling in his stomach.
Apheori (GM): ...yes.

RHU
You ... you don't suppose that's Azir, do you?

RADEK
Eh?

GREIBEL
No silly, that's a zombie

RHU
Well, he vanished in the glowing pool. Maybe he came back ... not entirely alive. And glowing.
Ganelon: Well if he's bringing it up, what would you like me to roll to see if it resembles Azir?
Apheori (GM): Unless you suddenly forgot how big Azir is, I don't think you need to roll. >.>
Unless he got bigger.
Bear Soup Guy: The bloating occuring with corpsification could get somebody bigger :P
Apheori (GM): Hmm.
What should you roll?
For that.
Bear Soup Guy: Then again they probably lose a lot of moisture too
Apheori (GM): Naw, it doesn't look like Azir.
Doesn't look like anyone in particular.
Also looks to have been dead for awhile.
And the hole makes it harder to tell much...
Bear Soup Guy: Time travel zombies
Actually, I like that one

GREIBEL
Time travel zombies...

AMADI
No, I don't think you want to eat that. It's testicles, you know.

GREIBEL
Huh....good to know.

AMADI
Hmm?

GREIBEL
The testicles thing

AMADI
Oh, I didn't order it.

GREIBEL
Oh, that's quite alright then
Rhu, did you order testicles?
Rhu shakes his head

RHU
(to the zombie) "HELLO DOWN THERE"
Apheori (GM): The zombie walks into a tree and groans horribly.

GREIBEL
Awww, he likes you!
Rhu quivers

RHU
It's disgusting. I think we should put it out of its misery.

RADEK
I never did understand why some wizards prefer to animate organic bodies. It's simply lazy, it is.
Frezak (GM): Wassup?
Wassgoinoooon?
Gaurav: Hullo!
Bear Soup Guy: We're looking at a zombie
Gaurav: There's a zombie.
Like he said.
Frezak (GM): Whazzit doin' ?

RADEK
Sure, they might be able to move if their muscles are intact, but for how long, and how well?
Frezak (GM): ZOMBIE?
WHY ARE WE NOT BURYING IT?

RHU
We should kill it.

GREIBEL
Well that would just be redundant

RHU
We should kill it _again_.
Kill it further.

RADEK
Certainly.
Mike B.: I've met people in D&D games with absolutely no life, but this is ridiculous.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Burn it.
Ashes don't have muscles.
Anyone have a flamethrower?
Bear Soup Guy: Thanks, Mike!
Ganelon: I think he's making a zombie joke.
Bear Soup Guy: Oh, I just got that
Hah!
Ganelon: Rather than just being incredibly rude.
Apheori (GM): Oooh.
Mike B.: My jokes usually have that effect.
Gaurav: Rhu's antipathy for zombies aside, we should probably just leave it and move on. It might be important later. Or something.
Frezak (GM): Aside from the the fact that the 'people' you meet 'in' D&D games are NPCs and therefore of course not alive what with being figments of a collective imagination.
Apheori (GM): Gaurav: Don't say things like that. Play the character, screw things up!
Frezak (GM): Where is this zomble, then?
Apheori (GM): Or not.
Under you. Not directly, but... well, you know.
Frezak (GM): Where are /we/ ?
Apheori (GM): You're like hovering above it. You were on the way to the tree/hole. Kind of near it but not at.
Frezak (GM): We could throw it into the hole.
Gaurav: Ooooh. I like that idea.
Mike B.: I say we make it a slave.
Frezak (GM): I have this grappling hook, right....
Bear Soup Guy: He and Rasputin would probably get along splendidly
Gaurav: Are you saying this in character?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Let's drop it into the rift.
I can use Mr. Grapples.

RHU
EW! Bring that THING on board? It SMELLS.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Now, have it dangle.

GREIBEL
Pfff. You can't smell it from here

THE GRAVEDIGGER
This way we don't bet bitten or clawed or gooked.

RHU
...
What if it climbs up the rope?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
It's going to have a grappling hook going through it's body.
I doubt it's going to be agile enough to ninja it's way up.

RHU
...
Okay

GREIBEL
But just think
"Zombie Ninjas"....

RADEK
We could also just cut the rope at any point.

RHU
But if it does anything funny, I'm landing the CAR on top of its head
And then I'm doing that again
Yeah, that's true.
Okay.

RADEK
You're not crashing this vehicle into anything while I'm aboard.

RHU
It might be useful to see what the pool is up to today vis-a-vis elven bodies before jumping in.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
All righty.
Time to snatch up some dead meat.

RHU
Not crashing, landing. You won't feel a thing. Well, maybe a squishy sort of thump.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Sure.
This guy will keep.
A squelch.
Greibel sings cattily "We're gonna catch a zoooombie. We're gonna catch a zooooooombie!"

RHU
That's the one.
Frezak (GM): IT'S GRAPPLE TIME
Mr Grapples! FLYYYY
rolling 1D20+5
(
3
)
+5
=
8
noooo
Mr. Grapples!
You betray me!
Apheori (GM): Dude, you missed. You missed a zombie trying to walk through a tree.
HOW?
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Frezak (GM): BECAUSE I AM NOT PROFICIENT WITH GRAPPLING HOOKS AS A WEAPON.
TURNS OUT GRAVEDIGGERS DONT DO THAT MUCH.
Radek shoots a look of disappointment at Gravy.
Frezak (GM): Can I try again, kind DM?
Ganelon: It may be hard to read through all the chrome.
Mike B.: If anything, the zombie is probably pissed off that we tried to take him to school.
Frezak (GM): That look hurts.
Because it meant that he had hope in Gravy.
Oh, and did we roll perception on him?
Gaurav: Maybe we could dangle something in front of it and lure it along?
Apheori (GM): You didn't wreck the hook.
You can always try again if things are still... well, there and stuff. And not wrecked or what have you.
Frezak (GM): I'll try another hooking.
rolling 1D20+5
(
12
)
+5
=
17
Apheori (GM): And I dunno, did anyone roll perception?
Gaurav: Yep. I rolled 9+12=21 perception.
Frezak (GM): BAH.
That's my minimum.
I gan get 21 on a crit fail.
Apheori (GM): Roll for damage.
Gaurav: We noticed that "it was probably animated with magic.
He also notices that the hole in its head is glowing slightly. "
Frezak (GM):
rolling 1D8+4
(
3
)
+4
=
7
Apheori (GM): Okay, it didn't fall apart.
Frezak (GM): Brill.
Gaurav: YAY!
Frezak (GM): LIFT OFF
Ganelon: Hooks are a 1d8? Yikes.
Frezak (GM): It's a heavy Improvised.
Gaurav: Say what you will, this zombie is going to get one sweet burial at some point.
Apheori (GM): How quickly do you lift off?
Frezak (GM): Fuck yeah.

RHU
Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew.
Frezak (GM): Not TOO quickly.
We don't want to rip it apart.

RHU
We're in the air, so we're not lifting -- just traveling horizontally. I think.
Unless there are many trees in the way.
Apheori (GM): You need to pick it up.. Hence lift.
Frezak (GM): We don't want to smash it against things.
Apheori (GM): Unless Rhu wants to drag it along the ground.
Did he forget to lift?
Gaurav: We could walk it like a dog on a leash. Hmm, smashing it versus it falling apart bceause of gravity, tough call.
Let's say he does the sensible thing ...
Apheori (GM): Which one is sensible?
Frezak (GM): Dragging it will tear it to bits.
Rhu lifts it a foot off the ground and heads towards the hole
Gaurav: ... and see what happens?
Apheori (GM): It dangles and makes funny noises.
Waves its arms a bit.
Tries to grab a passing tree.
Frezak (GM): Thats... interesting.
Gaurav: Aw, poor thing.
Frezak (GM): Has anyone tried talking to it?

AMADI
More fish.
Please.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
HELLO DOWN THERE MISTER ZOMBIE.

GREIBEL
It's so nice that we can have pets like this.
Greibel strokes Rasputin
Apheori (GM): The zombie doesn't appear to notice. It grabs a tree.
Frezak (GM): Huh.
Apheori (GM): It clings to the tree.
Gaurav: Crap.
Rhu stops CAR
Apheori (GM): It falls off the tree.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Radek?
Take off it's arm.
Apheori (GM): its
Ganelon: I'll try this.

RHU
I think it let go of the tree?
I can't see from up here! What's going on?
Apheori (GM): It looks like its arm already fell off.

RHU
...
Frezak (GM): Too slow >.>
Huh.
Poor zomble.

RHU
is it holding on to anything?
Frezak (GM): ONWARDS
TO GLORY
Rhu continues driving slowly towards the pool
Apheori (GM): The arm fell on the ground.
Heh.
You reach the hole!
Gaurav: YAY!
Apheori (GM): It looks like before, full and kind of... alluring.
Frezak (GM): HOLE.
Peer down to look for a paladin.

RHU
... is it just me, or is that pool kind of ... alluring?
I'm not sure I've ever been allured by a pool before.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
NOPE.
NOT A LITTLE.
Apheori (GM): And Gravy's right - as soon as you notice the feeling passes.

RHU
That was odd.
Apheori (GM): It's just a hole, not calling to you, not making you lose your mind.
Unless...
Gaurav: Can we see the hole from up here? I guess it's back underwater now? But maybe it's shiny?
Apheori (GM): Radek, Greibel: d20s
It's just a water-filled sinkhole.
A bit shimmery.
Amadi leans out and peers into the hole.

AMADI
Interesting. I can almost see my house.
Greibel:
rolling 1d20
(
4
)
=
4
Apheori (GM): Greibel: You want to go in there.
Bear Soup Guy: Of course I do

GREIBEL
Anyone for a swim?

RHU
Greibel, Radek: Ekka the Guardian told us that the little glowy tree up there was magicked by "Genri Hodgeson's boys". Could you check to see if you can figure out what kind of magic it is?
Radek:
rolling 1d20
(
20
)
=
20
Gaurav: WOAH
Frezak (GM): Someone smack Greibel, please.
Gaurav: YAY
Ganelon: WHOOOO
Greibel dons a previously unseen pair of swim trunks
Apheori (GM): Radek: You are now Greibel.
Ganelon: I will gladly smack him, though I can't promise it will introduce sense to his brain.
Frezak (GM): SOMEONE BEAT THE DRUID PLEASE.
Bear Soup Guy: O_o
Ganelon: NNOOOOOOOO
Frezak (GM): I'm busy holding this zomble.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
Radek went beyond sanity.
And out the other side.
Ganelon: So where is Greibel?
Is he me?
Apheori (GM): Also Greibel.
Frezak (GM): What.

GREIBEL
Weird. I don't remember taking any acid today.
Gaurav: o.0
Apheori (GM): But right now you're more Greibel than he is.
Frezak (GM): My Ghast is flabbered.
Apheori (GM): And now it's back to normal.
You both are, rather.

GREIBEL
Well...I'm keeping the swim trunks
Ganelon: Well then.
I'm gonna sit my stoner ass right back down in my seat and go check out that tree.
Frezak (GM): Maaan.
SHit just got real.
Gaurav: That was a very nice roll.

AMADI
Okay, Radek is no longer Greibel, but Greibel now wants to check out the tree.
Apheori (GM): Er, sorry.
Okay, Radek is no longer Greibel, but Greibel now wants to check out the tree.

GREIBEL
Oh yeah, so what's the story on this tree, guys?
Should I check it out?
Frezak (GM): We wanna drop the Zomble first?
Or after?
I'm sure he can hang around for a bit.
Rhu drives the car until the zombie is about a foot above the center of the pool

RHU
either/or. I figure once we drop him in we'll land, so Radek and Greibel might have a better view of the tree from up here.
Apheori (GM): The zombie struggles as it gets closer.

RHU
Huh.
Radek rubs his temple.

RADEK
It's... it's a wonder he can even talk like that.
Ganelon: Under the influence.

AMADI
Talking is easy. Words come cheap.
Now sense and meaning and production, those are more expensive. Words with power.
I had to pay a whole three euros.
And then the waiter took it away before I finished.
Greibel stares blankly

RHU
That's awful.
What is a "euro"?

AMADI
Very shiny, like death.
The porridge purrs.
Rhu looks at Amadi askance, then back at the group

AMADI
Rasputin knows.

RHU
So: drop the zombie first?
Then we can examine the tree and then land. Or maybe the zombie will explode everything and we'll all die. Either way.

RADEK
Drop it now before it has the chance to struggle free.

AMADI
Dip him in the river who loves water.
Frezak (GM): Yarr.

RHU
Oh-kay ...

AMADI
Urinating dog, urinating dog?
Rhu lowers the car slowly so that the zombie enters the pool feet first

AMADI
I don't feel right.
Frezak (GM): I'll need a new grapple >.>
Apheori (GM): The zombie writhes.
And thrashes.
And spashes a lot.
Gaurav: Aw, poor thing.
Apheori (GM): And explodes.
Greibel pats Amadi reassuringly. "There, there. All dogs do that." *whispers* "They can't use toilets."
Frezak (GM): Crumbs.
I pull up the rope.
What's at the end of it?

RHU
So, I guess we're staying out of the pool today.
Apheori (GM): Is there a roll to dodge the splatter or something?
Frezak (GM): We are in a car above the hole.
Anything up to 50 feet away.
Apheori (GM): Right, but presumably at least one of you was... well, watching.
Ganelon: Now if only I were still Greibel.
Frezak (GM): I was.
Ganelon: Typical rules would make it an attack against reflex.
Frezak (GM): Makes sense.
Apheori (GM): Okay.
Ganelon: As in, roll a d20 + attack modifiers and then compare to each relevant character's reflex defense.
Apheori (GM): Then Gravy got a splat in the face.
Ganelon: Otherwise, you could call it a dexterity roll.
Frezak (GM): Delightful.

RHU
All our reflexes are +1 because we're level 2 now btw
Gaurav: OOC sorry
Frezak (GM): I'll wipe my face clean with my shitty lasercloak
Gaurav: Rhu should roll too; he would have been looking over the edge so lowered the car at the right rate
my reflex is 14
Frezak (GM): Same as me!
Reflex buddies!
Gaurav high-fives Frezak
Apheori (GM): It misses Rhu.
Frezak (GM): What?
Ganelon: Mine is actually huge because intelligence makes it higher.
Frezak (GM): How does it miss him?
Apheori (GM): Different glob?
Or do all globs use the same roll?
Because that just seems really weird.
Frezak (GM): hrmph.
Gaurav: Rhu chose that exact moment to look ahead instead of over the edge?
Frezak (GM): Well I'll wipe myself and see if Mr. Grapples is intact.
Apheori (GM): Tell me the norm.
TELL ME.
Frezak (GM): I'd have just made a single +4 vs Ref against any onlookers.
Ganelon: But the norm is area attacks being rolled separately for each target and then damage being rolled for all the ones who are hit.
Gaurav: BUT I LIKE YOUR WAY BETTER DM
Frezak (GM): SHH YOU
Ganelon: THIS IS IMPORTANT
SHE MUST LEARN
Apheori (GM): Thank you, Gan.
You are correct. I need to learn.
Ganelon: Even if it costs Gravy some dignity in the process.
Frezak (GM): What dignity?
Apheori (GM): How do diseases work?
Frezak (GM): They're... uh.
Apheori (GM): Oh, nevermind.
Gaurav: There's a section on them in the back of the Player's Handbook somewhere if you have the PDF
Ganelon: I could explain.
Gaurav: brb 2-5 mins and no longer
Frezak (GM): It's in the Dungeon Master's Guide.
Every day you make an... endurance check to see whether a disease progresses, stays stable, or regresses.
Apheori (GM): What's your fortitude?
Frezak (GM): Fort is... 16.
Ganelon: Probably huge.
Apheori (GM): Okay.
Ganelon: If not Gnoll Huge.
Apheori (GM): Weird.
Anyway, moving on...
Frezak (GM): Gravy is as tough as you get without eating carrion for a living.
Gaurav: back
so what was on the end of the rope when Gravy pulled it up?
Apheori (GM): Oh.
Frezak (GM): Dunno yet.
Apheori (GM): The hook and some zombie bits.
Frezak (GM): MYSTERIES
Apheori (GM): I'M PAYING ATTENTION.
Frezak (GM): Sure.
So what IS at the end of the rope?
Rhu mutters "ew", while keeping a wary eye to make sure the zombie bits don't start writhing or anything.
Apheori (GM): THE HOOK AND SOME ZOMBIE BITS.
Rhu or walking
Mike B.: http://youtu.be/t0EqnoaPNLI

RHU
I think we should examine the little tree, then land.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Radek, you want one of these bits?
For science?
Gaurav: ooh, good point

AMADI
No!
Don't!
Bad!
Lettuce.

RADEK
Oh yes, definitely

AMADI
Don't touch it.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Here. Take your pick.

AMADI
Don't. Just don't.
Frezak (GM): I'm assuming we all wear gloves.
Of some form.

AMADI
Wrong wrong like a wrong in a wrong wrong wrong.
Ganelon: I'm just putting it in a bottle.
Frezak (GM): Given that we are equipped for a hostile environment and potential combat zone.
Ganelon: No touching necessary.
Frezak (GM): Also I have gloves because I use a shovel a lot.

AMADI
Went right through the rubber, right through the glass, right through the brain, through the wall through the sun through the world and it all ended with the shards everywhere the trees were shards broken shards shattered shards amidst the black with no glow, no shine, no gleaming amidst the black, only black and cold and no silence.
Amadi clutches her head and starts whimpering.
Frezak (GM): I'll shake off the other bits.
And put the hook away.
TO THE TREE
Greibeltime!

RADEK
Would this be a horrible blackness, perchance?
Gaurav: It's _always_ Greibeltime.
Frezak (GM): YEAAAAAHHH
Rhu drives us towards the little tree, but at a safe distance
Amadi sits up slowly and stares at Radek, before yelling, "IT IS ALL BLACKNESS!"

AMADI
Is. Was. Looked to the future. Weren't none.
Amadi mumbles.
Greibel cracks his knuckles theatrically
Ganelon: I'll make a point of him not responding to that.

RHU
(to Radek) What happened? Is she okay?

RADEK
Am I the expert on crazy people now?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Is the crazy babbling senseless girl okay?
SHe's breathing. That's about our diagnostic limits really.

RHU
You were talking to her right before she ... you know ... (makes a sign indicating hysteria)
And you are the expert on most things.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
That's true.

AMADI
It didn't happen. The world ended and we couldn't stop it, so we broke it all, we broke it, and we said it would be okay, it would work out different this time, but we didn't mention the sacrifice, that it would take a sacrifice to work and even then it wouldn't work, and he would be the sacrifice because we loved him and we knew him and it'd work, except it wouldn't work because we lost the dreamer and the madness and the cat. Catman is really a cat, man.
There are no cats.
I don't want to go back.
YOU CAN'T MAKE ME.

GREIBEL
Woah woah woah
Gaurav: Catman would be a quality superhero.

GREIBEL
You need to center yourself, let out the bad energy

RHU
... what sort of sacrifice?
Amadi stops and looks around, confused.

AMADI
I'm sorry, did someone say something?
Rhu sighs

RADEK
One might infer that she knows something, but if so, it would be next to impossible to distinguish it from everything else she says.
Apheori (GM): (to Rhu) And who are you? You're rather cute, now aren't you!

AMADI
(to Rhu) And who are you? You're rather cute, now aren't you!
Apheori (GM): Ghah.
She knows many things.
But are any of them even relvant?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Let us just get to that tree, eh?
Ganelon: Exactly.
Apheori (GM): Mysteries!

RADEK
Yes. Now magic, there's something I can make sense of.

AMADI
Oh, how interesting!

RHU
She is very deep. But sometimes she is very shallow. There's a truth in there somewhere, though, I can feel it.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I dig holes in dirt, not in words.
Rhu drives us over to the tree
Apheori (GM): So tree. The tree is before you, glowing slightly and growing happily out of the other tree.

AMADI
Looks almost like magic, that.

RADEK
Yes... but what kind, I wonder?
Ganelon: Arcana roll?
Frezak (GM): NATURE?
Ganelon: Which should actually be +11 because I forgot we were level 2?
Frezak (GM): I have... 2 arcana >.>
Apheori (GM): Roll whatever!
Frezak (GM): I'll make some nature goodness.
rolling 1D20+9
(
14
)
+9
=
23
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20+11
(
10
)
+11
=
21
MAGIC MEN
ROLLIN' GOOD.
Actually mine's strictly average.
Greibel:
rolling 1d20 + 12 NATURE
(
14
)
+12
=
26

RHU
I'll just stare at it and see if I notice anything.
Apheori (GM): Gravy, Greibel: It's not natural. The tree is growing off nothing, feeding itself purely on... well, probably magic. The bark is weird, the leaves are weird, and it's generally shaped weirdly.

GREIBEL
You get this urge to try talking to it.

RHU
No, hang on, I'll check it for religious significance.
rolling 1d20+8 religion check
(
10
)
+8
=
18

THE GRAVEDIGGER
That's not like any tree I know. It's not naturally sustained.

GREIBEL
HELLO TREE! DO NOT FEAR US! WE COME IN PEACE! EXCEPT...WELL, WE WANT TO EXPERIMENT ON YOU!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
EXPERIMENT PEACEFULLY THOUGH
Apheori (GM): Gan: The tree is more magical than natural, but you're not sure what kind of magic it is, if it's even anything you've ever seen. It's not like the hole/rift magic, and it's also not like what a tree graft should be. It's like whatever magic was originally used was later changed into something else, probably by the rift below.

GREIBEL
The tree doesn't really move or do anything in response, but you also get the impression that it did indeed hear you.

RADEK
This is a mutation of... something.
Apheori (GM): Rhu: It seems like something that could be cultish, but fortunately no cults have found it.

RADEK
Er, a magical mutation, that is. Whatever it once was is obfuscated but what it's become now.

RHU
Why does it glow?
Apheori (GM): As in they could form a cult around it, I mean.
Ganelon: obfuscated *by*, rather.

GREIBEL
Hey man, don't call it a "mutation", man. That's offensive!
HE DIDN'T MEAN IT, WEIRD TREE!
Apheori (GM): Radek: The glow isn't a direct effect of the magic. It
's like there are no direct effects, only side effects?
It's weird.

RADEK
It's not purposeful, I can tell you that much.
In fact, I can't even begin to guess what purpose this tree was supposed to have.

RHU
Weird.

AMADI
It's pretty. Think they sell them?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
From what we heard in the village, I don't seem to recall it having ANY purpose.

RHU
We could try to find "Genri Hodgeson's boys" and ask them, I guess. But they were apparently drunk at the time.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
A prank, I think the innkeep said.
Do we think this tree is relevant to anything?
Rhu shrugs

RHU
it went all shiny and glowy when we drained the pool yesterday
I think

GREIBEL
This tree means something! This is important!

RHU
and there was that weird graffiti that suggested it might "guard" or be a "guard" or whatever
Frezak (GM): You rely on the scribbling of these villagers?
They don't seem to be the most sound people.

RADEK
All I can say is that it isn't doing anything it was made to, if it was made to do something at all.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
You rely on the scribbling of these villagers?
They don't seem to be the most sound people.

AMADI
Excuse me, I don't think I caught your names? Are you scientists, perhaps?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Is it currently related to the rift at all?

RADEK
I am, among other things.
The others are goons working under my employer.

GREIBEL
Hey!
Goon /Druid/, thank you very much

RHU
I think it might be related to the pool, not the rift. Last night when we came back here, the pool and the tree were glowing strongly.

AMADI
Oh, fascinating! You must be researching something very dangerous to need so much muscle.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Maybe we should remove the tree?
Or pop it into the rift?
Amadi taps Gravy appreciatively.

AMADI
Very sexy.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Maybe ask the villagers which came first.
Thank you, small lady.
Amadi beams.
Frezak (GM): Unless someone knows which came first.
Ganelon: I *think* it was the rift but I don't recall specifically asking.
It would explain why the tree is there and not somewhere else, though.
Frezak (GM): What, that they thought it would be cool to pop it above the rift?
And it's more of a... big warning sign, basically?

AMADI
Warning? For what?

RHU
The tree came first; "It's been dead as long as anyone remembers. ". The rift only showed up three years ago. Look for "Hodgesons" in the chat logs to get the story.
Frezak (GM): That there's a big hole that shreds things?
I mean the MAGIC tree.

AMADI
Where is nobody?
Frezak (GM): It takes me 15 minutes to load up the backlog >.>
Apheori (GM): Rhu? Did you really say that?
Gaurav: Except for the last sentence about the chat logs, yes.
Apheori (GM): Okay.

RHU
Shreds things, explodes zombies.
We should have checked if the zombie was combustible before it went in.

AMADI
Oh, it's not. Zombies are strictly... not combustible.
It's a zombie thing, I'm sure.

RHU
The zombie didn't cause the pool to drain out like Azir did. I wonder if that was 'cos it wasn't alive? Or if Azir was just more magical?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
He looked a bit soggy to burn well.

RHU
...
I think I'm going to have a little pray to Hazz'ridan and see if he has any ideas.
Rhu does this.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Maybe the pool drains based on something other than what goes into the rift.
Amadi snuggles Rhu.

RHU
(to Amadi) Shh, praying.
Apheori (GM): Nothing in particular comes of it.

GREIBEL
Maybe it only drains the first time you throw stuff in it
Frezak (GM): Well, we might as well check out the river, then?

RHU
I think we should poke around with the pool a bit more. It seems a bit of a waste to come all this way just to dump an exploding zombie into the pool.
Darned if I know how, though.

RADEK
We hardly know enough to conduct proper experiments on it. Its nature could have changed since yesterday and we would be clueless.

GREIBEL
I dispute that. Any chance to explode a zombie is by definition the opposite of a waste.

AMADI
Ahah, so this is the science!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
We'd need a stack of zombies and drop one in every day to see if results match?

RADEK
If that's all you want to do, I *have* prepared a bomb or... five.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
TO guess what sort of stability it's effects have?
Apheori (GM): its

RADEK
Certainly. If we can prove that its effects are reliable, that's progress.
Though I admit to being less than optimistic in that regard.

RHU
Yes, but I'm not a scientist. I'm an adventurer. We can make with the balanced factorial analyses once we run out of other options; I say we go follow the river and see where that gets us.
Ganelon: Radek has a lot of fun when the discussions turn towards science.

RADEK
I agree, on the basis that there are no more zombies in sight.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Sounds fair.
Let's go find some water, then.

RHU
Okay!
Rhu drives us towards the river, and then we follow it.

RHU
I guess we have enough food in our adventurer's kit? We might be away from the village for a while, this is a long river.
Apheori (GM): To be fair, this car goes really fast.
Gaurav: Yes! I hadn't realized quite how fast it went until today!
Apheori (GM): It has this fancible mechanism that displaces the air around you invisibly, no matter how fast you're going, and only lets in a pleasant breeze.
FUTURE CONVERTIBLES.
Gaurav: :D

RHU
(to Amadi, as we drive, if we have the time) So: you said you knew Hazz'ridan the Great?

AMADI
Oh, of course. Why do you ask?
Apheori (GM): There's time, and not much to see, unless you like dry safari crap.
You're mostly heading toward the mountains to the southeast, but you can't even see them yet.
Ganelon: I'll just busy myself with this incredibly "wrong" zombie bit.
Apheori (GM): (The drive is probably a couple of hours.)
Ganelon: If I learn something, cool. If not, it's still fascinating.

RHU
If not, you could blow the whole car up.
Apheori (GM): You learn that it really likes falling apart.

RHU
(to Amadi) Hazz'ridan spoke to me yesterday. He wants me to close that hole, but he doesn't know how. Him! The Great Hazz'ridan!
Ganelon: Ah well.

AMADI
Oh, don't worry yourself, dear. Even gods can't know everything. I should know.
I don't think I know anything.
Isn't that strange?

RHU
How would you know? Are you a priest? A scholar?

AMADI
Hah! Not hardly!
I mean... I don't know! Oh, what a mystery this is.

RHU
Hmm. Indeed.
Rhu goes back to driving
Apheori (GM): Heh.
Gravy: You see a dragon.
Ganelon: LET'S KILL IT.
Apheori (GM): Radek: You find that the cell structure in the zombie flesh is kind of... gone.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
DRAGON, GUYS.
Apheori (GM): Greibel: Rasputin tries to crawl into your ear.
Frezak (GM): How far?
Apheori (GM): Pretty far off, but in sight. You're also over some of the mountains now.

RHU
Woah! A dragon!
Frezak (GM): Do we think it's hostile at all?
has it seen us?
Apheori (GM): It hasn't seen you, and it may or may not be hostile.

RADEK
Amadi, how do people treat dragons on this planet?
Apheori (GM): It's just sort of soaring around.

AMADI
This planet? Which planet is this?
Frezak (GM): Just... uh... don't steer closer, okay? >.>

RADEK
I don't know.
Greibel scratches at his ear

AMADI
Oh! Well, that doesn't sound good.
The porridge falls back onto Greibel's shoulder.

RHU
I'll keep following the river unless that leads us dragonwards.
Apheori (GM): Naw, dragon's off to the right.
You head over some mountains! They're actually starting to get pretty luch.
lush
Frezak (GM): Nice.
Any mutant animals about?

AMADI
Why don't you know what planet you're on? Is this an expedition?

RADEK
No indeed. I'd enjoy knowing where we are nearly as much as I would being somewhere I know.

AMADI
Oh. I'm sorry.

RADEK
We arrived under dubious circumstances and the civilization here seems rather... under-developed.
I suspect they haven't even tamed dragons yet.

AMADI
So is there civilisation here, then? I don't feel anything.
Shouldn't I feel something? I feel like I should feel something.
Apheori (GM): No obvious muties, but there are some things that are definitely alien on the rocks.
They might be goats. Or bears.
Frezak (GM): Just foreign, not modified? Hokay.
Apheori (GM): Probably.
Gaurav: I should warn everybody that I need to leave for class in about half an hour.
Apheori (GM): Okay.
So you sail along and ahead you see ocean.
Gaurav: YAY!

RHU
Woah!
Apheori (GM): And a city. It's kind of biggish.
Gaurav: EVEN BETTER
Apheori (GM): ...And disappointingly short.
Frezak (GM): A short city?
What, like for midgets.
*?
Apheori (GM): The buildings are weirdly short.
Like... not tall!
Frezak (GM): DWARVES
Apheori (GM): Ńote that you're all used to really tall towers.
Basically it's oldfangled.
But they have a lot of light fixtures!
Frezak (GM): I'm used to oldfangled.
That was Gravy's shitck.

RHU
Shall we go see if anybody's home?
Frezak (GM): *shtick

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Let's go be friendly.
Greibel resists the urge to sing "You Keep A Knockin But You Can't Come In" again
Rhu drives us to the city
Apheori (GM): Do you drive through the gate or over it?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCKING ON DWARVE'S DOORS
Apheori (GM): There isn't really a wall, but the gate is still the main point of entry.
Frezak (GM): Yeah, lets be polite?
Apheori (GM): There are quite a few people about, some on horses, some with carriages...
Ganelon: Sure, we can pretend that we're normal and go through the gate.
Apheori (GM): Normal.

RHU
Yes. We should park our car outside and walk in. Anybody see a secure place to leave CAR?
Ganelon: Don't mind us, guys, just a chrome geezer and gigantic demon-man in the back seat of our flying steel wagon.
Gaurav: Gan: hahaha
Frezak (GM): You want me to stay back with CAR and Radek?
Amadi looks around curiously.

AMADI
Is this it, then?
Ganelon: Yeah, if you actually want to give an impression of normality, we could stay behind.
Apheori (GM): There are some trees and rocks and crap you could park behind.
Frezak (GM): We don't know if someone might go and do... things to the car.
Graffity.
Steal.
Break.
Apheori (GM): And an abandoned roofless farmhouse you could park IN.
Frezak (GM): Piss on.
Ganelon: That last one sounds like a pretty great camouflage.
Frezak (GM): Does the CAR have a thief alarm?
Apheori (GM): Considering you already stole it once, probably not.
Gaurav: Heh. I think the abandoned farmhouse is probably fine.
If we get stuck here, we get stuck here.
Frezak (GM): I'm just worried that it might get messed with when we're gone.

RHU
(to Amadi) what was that you were saying about vanishing carts earlier? You wouldn't happen to have one on you, do you?
Ganelon: I'd trap it, but...
Frezak (GM): MAYBE NO BOMBS.
Ganelon: Well, the best I could do would either explode the entire farmhouse or burn it to the ground.
Frezak (GM): Amadi will prolly give you a piece of cheese or summat.
Ganelon: Alchemist's Fire balanced precariously over a mostly-closed door must be a really popular trick in Alchemist School.
Amadi checks her pockets.

AMADI
I'm afraid I seem to be all out.

RHU
Thanks for checking, Mrs. Teatime.
Frezak (GM): Eh, let's leave it.
If only Radek knew Magic Mouth.

RHU
We could try to hide it, particularly if this abandoned farmhouse has any hay.
... but why would it

AMADI
You find it has a ghost sitting in the middle of the floor. You can land on it, or do something else.
Agh, dammit.
Apheori (GM): You find it has a ghost sitting in the middle of the floor. You can land on it, or do something else.
Frezak (GM): Ghost of what?
COW GHOST?
Apheori (GM): Old man.
Frezak (GM): GHOST OF BEEF PAST?
Ganelon: Stand back, guys.
I got this one.
Frezak (GM): OPEN FIRE.

RADEK
Hello there, spectral entity!

RHU
Is it the ghost of the zombie? Because that would be awkward.
Apheori (GM): The ghost looks around trying to find where the voice came from.
You've probably stopped a few feet overhead.

RADEK
Above you, my good former-man!
Frezak (GM): Wow.
Radek is... sort of polite.
Ganelon: It's an old man.
Apheori (GM): The ghost looks up and says something, but you hear no words.
Ganelon: His people.
Apheori (GM): He waves and shrugs.

RADEK
Hm. That could be a problem.

RHU
SPEAK UP
Frezak (GM): Hmm.
We must kill Radek.
It's the only way.
Ganelon: I like your way of thinking, sir.

AMADI
(calling down) Why do you say that?

RHU
(to Amadi) You can hear him?

AMADI
What? Of course!
Can't you?
Frezak (GM): Radek, bend over.
I will see you on the other side.
Apheori (GM): The ghost perks up slightly and says something else.
Ganelon: No you won't, you'll see me back on this side where I don't belong.
Apheori (GM): ...bend over?
Frezak (GM): For decapitation you pervert.
You're just like the Merr.
Apheori (GM): Ooooh, of course.
Frezak (GM): OH GODS THE MERR
Frezak (GM) sobs
Gaurav: ... the Merr?
Apheori (GM): What?
Ganelon: Look at what you've done now, Apheori.
Apheori (GM): Did something happen?
TELL ME.
Ganelon: Reminding him of his lost love.
Apheori (GM): Oh, good idea.
Frezak (GM): She's not my love.
She's some whore.
Apheori (GM): I can totally use this.
Ganelon: She went to Japan and he misses her.
Frezak (GM): SHUT UP YOU.

AMADI
Well whyever not?

RADEK
Could you repeat what he's saying, for us?

AMADI
Ah, well, it seems he thinks we should leave. Nobody ever hears him anyway, but he tries to warn them. It's quite peculiar, don't you think?

RADEK
Quite. What are these people being warned about?
Arthritis?
Gods know I could have used that one.
Apheori (GM): The ghost says another silent something.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Warn them? Of what?
That sounds a bit iffy.

AMADI
Oh, nothing, it seems. He just wants to leave. Stuck here. Everyone thinks its haunted so they stay away. Nobody can hear him, so he just tells them to leave. Easier that wasy.
Like they really are listening.
Apheori (GM): The ghost says something else and sighs.

AMADI
Right?

RADEK
I don't suppose you would know anything about exorcism, would you Rhu?
Gaurav: Not exorcisms, no. I could do a religion check.

AMADI
It's not an exorcism he needs.
He says it's...
Gaurav: I can abjure undead, but I don't think that'd be helpful.

AMADI
He needs us to remove the mark on the door.

GREIBEL
Time-travelling maintenance men. Excellent.

AMADI
Can a mark really do that, keep someone outside?
Frezak (GM): COuld be a Circle of Holding:undead.
Gaurav: Huh!
Amadi jumps down out of the car and goes to the door and tries to rub it off.

RADEK
I'll follow suit.
Ganelon: Bah. OOC.

AMADI
That didn't work.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
WHy don't we just remove the door?
Apheori (GM): Amadi looks back to the ghost, who rolls his eyes and says something.

AMADI
Shiny, can you unmagic this?
Amadi backs away from Gravy.

RADEK
It's Radek.

AMADI
Oh! I'm sorry. Good to meet you, Radek.
Greibel pats Radek on the back while walking by

GREIBEL
Cheer up, shiny!
Gaurav: I like the idea of removing the door.

RADEK
Radek J. Fulvius, and the only things I cannot do are those not worth doing. I'm a genius, you know.
Ganelon: Watch me roll a 1.
rolling 1d20+11
(
13
)
+11
=
24
Amadi nods.

AMADI
That must be wonderful for you.
Apheori (GM): You demagicking it?
Frezak (GM): Better than 9!
Ganelon: As requested.
Apheori (GM): Okay, it demagicks.
Ganelon: Yes.
Apheori (GM): The ghost guy looks really blissful and fades away.
Gaurav: That's a lousy one, but a lovely roll.
YAY!

RHU
Take care, ghost guy.
Greibel salutes vaguely

AMADI
So this is what you people do?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well we could have kept him around to scare people off, but his memory should be enough.
Well, /I/ dig holes.

AMADI
Oh.

GREIBEL
And I dig drugs!

AMADI
What... kind of holes?
I... that... interesting.

RADEK
In truth, I mostly build things.
Tinkering with machines and magic are my twin passions, though in an official capacity we're all here as investigators.
I'm... not sure that has much meaning any more, however.

AMADI
Ooo, the intrigue!
Ganelon: The crazy girl is being a lot more coherent now, huh?
I say that if she starts being crazy again, we take her back to the hole so it can suck all of her madness out again.
Frezak (GM): HAH

THE GRAVEDIGGER
HOles in the dirt.
To put dead people in.
Gaurav: And: BOOM! It's time for me to run.
Ganelon: Surely this will have no consequences.
Gaurav: Holes, holes, everywhere.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
No-one else does it where I come from.
It's all fire and pulping.

AMADI
Fascinating.
Frezak (GM): RAAAAVE NOOOOO
Gaurav: :(
Sorry
Apheori (GM): Okay.
Saturday?
Gaurav: but community ecology insists
Ganelon: Works for me.
Gaurav: Saturday!
Bear Soup Guy: Saturday!
Gaurav: BYEEEEEEE
Ganelon: See ya!
Bear Soup Guy: Adios
</pre>

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