View source for Holes/Session 5

{{holes nav
|top=true
|previous=Holes/Session 4
|next=Holes/Session 6
}}

<screenplay>
EXT. Village - night

The stars are out now. Radek, Aziraphale, and Rhu are all in or around the car. A few villagers are nearby chatting and watching, and others are going about their business.

RHU
I think we should sleep somewhere - here if we can convince the villagers, otherwise set up camp somewhere. I don't like the idea of wandering around after dark.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Go make... gestures, then.

AZIRAPHALE
Can't we sleep in the car? It should offer some protection.

Rhu stares up at the stars and tries to see if he recognises them. ''(rolled 17 history)'' One of the constellations looks like a large blob.

RHU
Azir, look at those constellations! That one looks like a blob.

Aziraphale looks.

RHU
D'you know what, maybe if we pitch tent in their village square they'll get the message and invite us in. Or at least get us warm food in the morning.

AZIRAPHALE
I think that's sound. Or at the entrance. I'm not fond of the idea of being surrounded by them.

Radek draws a bed in the dirt.

RADEK
Hey, uncultured rube!

Radek beckons to one of the villagers from before, starlight glinting off his chrome.

The villager waves to Radek.

RADEK
Unbelievable...

Radek takes his stick and approaches the villager directly, drawing another bed in the dirt in front of him.

The villager looks at the bed drawing.

VILLAGER
(pointing toward one of the buildings down the road)
''Ahn. Aneri kanao tira.

Radek turns back towards the car.

RADEK
Unless these people are too backwards to understand symbolism, I may have found us sleeping quarters!

The Gravedigger and Greibel rejoin the others, now with drug plants.

RHU
Do you think they'll worry if we brought our weapons in? I agree with Azir, sleeping surrounded by strange villagers sounds like a bad idea.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Nothing is going to make me part with my shovels. And the spades. And the trowel.

AZIRAPHALE
I think we can take our weapons. They aren't likely to recognise them. Just don't point them at the people.

GREIBEL
What about the bong, man?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Of course you can keep the bong.

RADEK
I've no intentions of sleeping anyways. I have work to do.

Rhu conceals his maul under his cloak as best he can.


INT. Village inn - night

The inn is a rather rustic combination tavern and rooms, full of villagers with drinks, around tables and standing. Everything is dirty. Lanterns are everywhere.

The innkeeper is standing behind a counter.

The Gravedigger and Radek enter first, with Rhu and Greibel following.

Gravy bangs his horns into the ceiling, which is too short for him to fully stand. ''(rolled 10 perception)'' He puts a sizable dent in it.

The villagers turn to stare at him as he hunches over slightly.

The Gravedigger waves.

GREIBEL
Don't get uptight man, they're just jealous cause they're short.

After a long pause, one of the villagers waves back. There's quiet chatter as they continue to watch the newcomers.

The innkeeper, meanwhile, crosses her arms and looks on in irritation.

RADEK
Not a lot of uneca in these parts, I take it.

RHU
(to the closest villager)
Excuse me, do you speak Iera?

VILLAGER
''Vokri sos.

One of the fanged peas gets out of Greibel's pocket and bounces across the floor.

GREIBEL
Woah little dude.

Greibel clumsily tries to chase down the fanged pea. ''(rolled 13 dexterity)'' It bounces onto a villager's lap.

Greibel tries to act innocent.

The villager holds out the pea to give it back, and he picks it up and eyes it uncertainly.

It chitters at him.

GREIBEL
Thanks, village guy.
(to the pea)
You be good, little guy. You're a long way from home.

He puts the fanged pea back in his pocket.

Rhu wanders around the room asking everybody who isn't scary, "Excuse me, but do you speak Iera?" This yields nothing.

A rather large guy at one of the other tables stands up and bangs his head on the ceiling. A pained look spreads across his face, and hepromptly sits down again.

Everyone else starts laughing.

RADEK
Ah, we have another giant. Go communicate with him by flexing, Gravedigger.

The Gravedigger goes to the innkeeper instead and tries to barter. He drops a bunch of coins on the counter and makes sleeping gestures.

INNKEEPER
''Dena, se?

She points to the group, then stops and holds up four fingers.

The Gravedigger holds up five and gestures vaguely at the door.

The innkeeper nods and plucks a coin out of the pile and points to the stairs.

The Gravedigger gives her a bright smile and gathers up the rest.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hey, guys! Go get Azir. I got us beds. Or something.

The Innkeeper startles at the smile and takes an involuntary step backwards.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Bah. This makes him sad.

RHU
(to Gravy)
I think that tall guy there might have been trying to say something to us. You should talk to him, giant to giant.

The large guy is currently glowering at his mug.

The Gravedigger ignores the large man and heads upstairs instead. The man has no shovel.


INT. Village inn upstairs - night

There are three rooms, each with a bed that should be large enough for two people, with the exception of the Gravedigger, whose legs would likely hang off the end. Each also comes with a chair and enough empty space for an old man to do science.

RADEK
Are any of you particularly sensitive to acidic fu- no, never mind. Pointless question.

The Gravedigger takes the first room and uses the chair and his bedroll to make the bed longer.

AZIRAPHALE
(pulling Rhu toward the next room)
I bunk with Rhu.

RADEK
Greibel can have a bed to himself if I can use the same room.

GREIBEL
Yeah, no problem here.

Rhu lies down and is asleep before he closes his eyes. His eyes remain oddly open for a few minutes before closing of their own accord.

Aziraphale sleeps fitfully.

The Gravedigger checks over his shovels and gear, cleaning it off as best he can, and then goes to bed as well.

Greibel gets out his smoking tool and takes it to bed, getting really stoned before finally also going to sleep.

Unaffected by Greibel's fumes ''(rolled 19 constitution)'', Radek gets out his science tools and does science. Using computer parts and some fertilizer, he creates five bombs. Using bits of an exploded dragon and some other questionable substances, he also constructs two vials of Alchemist's Fire and a Woundpatch. Somehow.

Then he begins the testing, trying to figure out what the chrome he's coated in actually is. He finds he can push it around a bit - get it to get thinner or thicker - and it's definitely magical. It also appears to not, technically, strictly speaking, actually be there, and to have properties related to time and non-existence, but as for what it actually is, he has no idea. ''(rolled 20 arcana)''

He tries to take a sample, but it just disappears with a 'fwip' when he detaches it.


INT. Village inn upstairs - morning

Rhu opens an eye, groans, then closes it again.

Aziraphale nudges Rhu.

Rhu groans and gets up.

Aziraphale goes and knocks on Gravy's door. Loud, rumbling snores are emanating outward.

Radek opens his door and floods the entire hallway with toxic and/or intoxicating fumes.

RADEK
I made some bombs.

GREIBEL
Waffle time!

Radek shoves Greibel out and then shuts the door again and starts performing an arcane ritual to comprehend language.

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): You can probably hear the ritual happening. Since it involves magic words and all that hogwash.

The Gravedigger is still snoring.

RHU
Maybe we can ring him on these earpiece things?

Rhu points at his ear.

AZIRAPHALE
I knocked.

Aziraphale opens the door and steps inside cautiously. He finds a sleeping Gravedigger on the floor hugging his shovels.

Rhu shakes his head.

GREIBEL
Awwwww.

Aziraphale kicks the Gravedigger lightly.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Fzzgl? Wstfgl! Gnuuur.
Oh. Hey.

Aziraphale wanders off to find the washroom in order to brush his teeth and all that.

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): I don't know if I even have real teeth. I feel like Radek would have replaced his teeth with rotating sawblades if he still ate things.

Greibel goes through the morning drug ritual. It involves a lot of drugs.

The Gravedigger checks his shovels and goes downstairs in search of food.


INT. Village inn - day

Downstairs the place is empty now, but there's a note on a table in alien script as well as a loaf of bread and five bowls of congealed porridge.

The Gravedigger takes a bowl and gets eating.

Aziraphale comes back and does the same, taking a bowl and some bread and then finding another table to actually eat it at. He fiddles with his phone.

GREIBEL
Is there a bottle of hot sauce around here anywhere?

Greibel looks around for hot sauce. He finds some rather suspicious bottles behind the bar, but they probably aren't hot sauce either.

Greibel sniffs them. ''(rolled 17 reality)'' The smell that comes out doesn't quite knock him on the floor, but it still gives it a very good try. The fumes are... very strong.

Rhu comes down and looks around in surprise at the lack of people. He checks the kitchen and finds the innkeeper asleep on a cot.

He tiptoes out and has some porridge.

Having finished his ritual ''(rolled 29 arcana)'', Radek comes down as well.

RADEK
...What is this? They left food for us?

RHU
So it seems. They left a note.

RADEK
Let me see that.
(he takes the note and reads it aloud)
''"Thanks for your business. Here's breakfast. And yes, I know you probably can't read this. -J"''

Greibel brings a bottle over to the others.

GREIBEL
Hey Rhu, smell this.

Rhu does. Nothing horrible happens, though it smells bad. ''(rolled 20 reality)''

Greibel shrugs and looks at the bottle.

GREIBEL
Good enough.

Greibel liberally applies the bottle's contents to his porridge and prepares to eat.

AZIRAPHALE
Err, Greibel. Have some of this bread instead, will you? I don't want to have to drag your pooping arse around for the whole day.

GREIBEL
Hmmph.

Greibel reluctantly takes the bread.

Meanwhile the porridge seems to be having some sort of chemical reaction with the liquid. It fizzes and smokes.

Rhu picks up his bowl and steps away from the bubbling porridge.

AZIRAPHALE
Hey, Radek, can you try reading the journal thing?

RADEK
Certainly. This only lasts for a day, so I recommend we make use of it as best we can.

Rhu hands Radek the old journal.

Radek opens it, but he finds it isn't the same language, or even script, as the note, and as a result he can't read it even with the ritual's effects.

RADEK
This is still gibberish. Whatever language it happens to be, it's not what these people have been speaking.
I can perform the ritual again tomorrow if you really consider it important, but my supply of residuum is not infinite.

Rhu shakes his head and puts the journal away.

AZIRAPHALE
Let's go check around the village, then. Now that you can hopefully talk to the people.

Greibel's porridge is twisting and roiling in the bowl. Greibel covertly dips some bread in it. ''(rolled 10 stealth)''

Aziraphale notices anyway and takes the bread away from Greibel. ''(rolled 18 perception)''

Greibel looks sad.

AZIRAPHALE
I suggest we go to the village.

The porridge calls to Greibel.

Greibel startles, not sure where that actually came from.

RHU
The village sounds like a good idea. Amadi said she was going to "Midnight". Maybe that's a city nearby? We could get back in touch with headquarters, and... I don't know. Get back home or something.

AZIRAPHALE
I think midnight is a time.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I don't think she meant a place. At least not as we know it.

RADEK
I admit to being somewhat curious as to where the other residents of this building have gone.

AZIRAPHALE
Home, probably?
It's the morning, after all. It's not like people stay at bars all day.

RHU
The barkeep is in the back, asleep.

RADEK
Well, let's go get directions.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
People that use their hands for a living get up as soon as light does.
Let's go find a king!

The porridge flops onto the table.

GREIBEL
Hmmm...

Radek readies his rifle.

The porridge purrs at Greibel.

GREIBEL
Huh...

Greibel pulls out a fanged pea and sets it down next to the porridge. The porridge itself doesn't entirely seem to be porridge anymore.

The pea rolls away from the porridge, chittering.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I hope it's not going to do that in my stomach.

AZIRAPHALE
It was the sauce. Your stomach is probably safe.

RHU
...what was in that bottle?!

GREIBEL
(disappointedly)
It smelled delicious.

The porridge leaps and devours the pea, which lets out a horrible little shriek before being enveloped in gloopy porridge.

Aziraphale stares.

AZIRAPHALE
Can we just go yap at people now?

Greibel stares.

Rhu stares.

GREIBEL
Yeah... I think the porridge can take care of itself.

RHU
We should keep the bottle. It might come in handy.

AZIRAPHALE
And Greibel, use your eyes and not your hands, please.

Radek shoots the porridge with some magic in an attempt to freeze it, but the porridge just absorbs the magic.

RADEK
Well, that's troublesome.

GREIBEL
I saw this in a movie once. Want to know the ending?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Are going to try and kill this? Or just... leave it here?

The porridge jiggles.

RHU
The bottle was in this inn. They probably know how to deal with... this.

AZIRAPHALE
If we can't trap it in a container, we should probably just leave it be.

RHU
I think we should take the bottle though. It might be useful to be able to animate porridge in the future.

RADEK
Agreed.

AZIRAPHALE
That'd be theft.

RADEK
Don't care.

AZIRAPHALE
Do you go in a sushi place and then take the bottle of soy sauce?

GREIBEL
If I had a nickel for every time I needed some animated porridge...

AZIRAPHALE
You'd be seriously in debt, Greibel. Now be quiet.

RADEK
Soy sauce is much less fascinating.

RHU
We could wake the barkeep and ask.

AZIRAPHALE
If one of you has a jar I suppose we could take a sample.
I just want to trap it so it can't get away. Nothing fancy. No battles.

The porridge bounces toward Greibel and purrs at the edge of the table.

Greibel cautiously puts out a hand to pet it.

The porridge rises to meet the hand and wiggles in response.

When he tries to draw his hand away, he finds the porridge has stuck to it.

RHU
Maybe we could catch it in a cloak?

AZIRAPHALE
Ehh, I just don't want it to destroy the place when we go. If you guys don't think it'll do that we can just leave it be.

RHU
We could... dig a hole and bury it.

RADEK
We certainly have the tools for that..

RHU
I say we wake the barkeep. Odds are, she'll know how to deal with her drinks accidently animating breakfast meals.
(he notices Greibel's hand)
Uh oh.

GREIBEL
Huh. Odd.

Greibel picks up the entire porridge and holds it up to Rhu's face. His hand looks a bit black where the porridge is touching it.

GREIBEL
WOOOOOOO! I'M THE HAAAAAUUUUUNTED PORRIIIIIIIIDGE!

RHU
Greibel...? Are you okay?

GREIBEL
Try to make a joke and people start questioning your sanity.

RHU
Does it hurt?

GREIBEL
Magic me some warm, Guru man.

RADEK
That would be unsafe to say the least.

The porridge seems to be afraid and shrinks away.

GREIBEL
Aw, poor guy. He just wants to eat fanged peas and look all goopy.

RHU
You could step outside and see if the sun has any effect on it.

AZIRAPHALE
Or we could wake the barkeep up.

RADEK
I can apply incendiary chemicals, but to your hands? Not... recommended.

Greibel has a go at talking to the porridge directly. ''(rolled 21 nature)''

GREIBEL
Hey little porridge, what's your name, buddy?

The porridge isn't currently intelligent enough for words, but it likes eating and it likes Greibel because he's its mum, but it doesn't like being stuck, but it's not completely freaking out because it's him that it's stuck to and he's okay because he'a its mum, but it doesn't want to be stuck.

AZIRAPHALE
I'll go and wake the barkeep up.

Aziraphale heads to the kitchen.

Greibel snuggles the porridge. It relaxes a bit.

RHU
I think you need to give it a name.

GREIBEL
I shall call him... Rasputin.

Rhu gingerly tries to touch Rasputin the Porridge, but it shrinks away from his finger.

Greibel cautiously holds out the porridge and sends signals of calming nature to it, and it calms.

RHU
Aw. Poor thing.

Aziraphale brings the rather groggy-looking innkeeper out to the others and positions her in front of Radek.

AZIRAPHALE
Radek, can you get the barkeep to look at this thing?

INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''So...''

RADEK
(in deslau)
''I can talk to you for the remainder of today.''

INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''Oh, sure, and you couldn't do that last night?''
''What is it?''

RADEK
(in deslau)
''I could not. My... 'friend' over here appears to have done something idiotic and might need your help.''
(he indicates Greibel)
''There is animate porridge stuck to his hands.''

INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''Idiot... oh, he did NOT get into the...''

Greibel continues to try to get the porridge to warm up to Rhu.

Aziraphale nods emphatically.

The innkeeper looks Greibel over properly.

INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''What.''

GREIBEL
...What?

INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''YOU!''
(she points at Greibel)
''WHAT DID YOU DO?''

GREIBEL
Help! Scary woman's yelling gibberish at me!

Rhu steps back from Griebel.

RADEK
(in deslau)
''He poured the contents of that bottle into his porridge. I don't suppose you could explain what caused the reaction, could you?''

She picks up and examines the bottle, then bursts out laughing.

RHU
Huh.

Radek shrugs at Rhu and the others.

GREIBEL
So... this is okay then.
Translate that laugh. What does it mean?

RADEK
It means she laughed at you.

GREIBEL
Oh, how exotic!

Aziraphale grumbles.

INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''You don't have shalott where you're from, do you?''

The porridge jiggles calmly on Greibel's hand. Greibel plays with it like a kitty.

RADEK
(in deslau)
''I do not.''

INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''That bottle was one of the reagents, though... well, it might have been going a little off.''
''Shalott is a very strong drink. It's what you drink when you don't want to have to drink anything else. Though I'll admit it's not supposed to do that.''

RADEK
She says it's a strong drink. Nothing about it animating porridge. I theorize that Greibel is responsible for that.
(in deslau)
''Do you know of a place called Midnight, miss?''

INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''Oh, you're a charmer!''
''Afraid not. There's Aierseth, and Wayside. Unless you mean one of the ruins of the Gaher? They had odd names like that.''

RHU
Greibel, or any of us? Maybe we picked up something from Sarathi that... has an effect on porridge? Or shalott? Or both?

GREIBEL
What an oddly specific thing to pick up.

AZIRAPHALE
It might not be specific. Porridge may just be one of the things that react with it. And Shallott.

RHU
Maybe it affects all fluids...

Rhu shrugs, clearly not really convinced himself.

GREIBEL
Porridge is hardly a fluid.

Greibel scoffs disdainfully.

RADEK
Hmph.
(in deslau)
''I'm not sure. Ideally, we would like to visit a... more advanced place than this. Somewhere with a communications array, at least.''

Aziraphale mutters, not particularly caring how this happened, utterly convinced that if Greibel had kept his greasy fingers to himself...

INNKEEPER
''Advanced? You mean older?''

RADEK
''No, my dear. '''Newer'''. Places with technology.''

INNKEEPER
''Well, if you want wizards, you're on the wrong side of the world, I think. Magic here has... moved on. Unless the whole world's moved on by now. Used to be we had all manner of wonders. Now it's just gone save for the oldest places.''

RADEK
''That's upsetting news... other side of the world, you say? How long is the circumference of this planet?''

The innkeeper shakes her head tiredly.

INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''More. You really are more of them, aren't you. And I thought you were just old tales, told to scare the kids.''

RADEK
(in deslau)
''Excuse me?''

INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''You should visit the Hole at Vermai. It is where the Cataclysm began. Go. Take your sorrows and see your doom for yourselves.''
(she smiles)
''When you return, you will understand the purpose of shalott.''

RADEK
(in deslau)
''I will no doubt mourn the loss of my ability to metabolize alcohol soon, then. Where is this Hole?''

RHU
(to Greibel)
How do you suppose Rasputin is holding on? Is he sticky at all?

GREIBEL
Sticky... well... yes. He seems to be alright though.

INNKEEPER
''Easterly and south. You will find things get more dead as you approach.''

The same direction as the sinkhole they'd seen on the way in.

RADEK
I have our destination, it seems.

AZIRAPHALE
Well, let's thank the innkeeper and move on.

RADEK
(in deslau)
''The others wish to convey their thanks.''

INNKEEPER
(in deslau)
''You can tell your friend he can keep the rest of that bottle if he wants. I wouldn't use it anyway after what it's done to the porridge.''

Aziraphale looks at Radek inquiringly.

RADEK
The sinkhole we saw earlier.
I'm afraid we may be here for quite a while longer. There are no cities, nor ships or communications arrays.

AZIRAPHALE
This is depressing.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
What a surprise.

The porridge pulls itself free of Greibel's black hand and bounces up his arm, resting on his shoulder. A bunch of porridge is still stuck to his hand, but that just seems dead now.

GREIBEL
(grinning)
Shoulder porridge!

Greibel strikes an adventurous pose.

RHU
Pirate Rasputin!

RADEK
We may still be able to leave through magical means.

RHU
What about distress beacons? Maybe there's one in the car?

RADEK
Come on. And take the bottle with you.

Greibel wipes the dead porridge stuff off his hand and the blackness goes away.

RADEK
(in deslau)
''Thank you for your patronage, miss.''

The innkeeper bows slightly and then shuffles back toward the kitchen.


EXT. Village - day

It's bright and sunny out, and dry. Some folks are hanging around, generally in the shade of the various buildings.

GREIBEL
Let's go, Raspy. What a nice day!

The porridge shrinks slightly in the sunlight but otherwise seems happy at the new experience, jiggling.

RHU
Mm, warm!

GREIBEL
Nice to have a sun in the sky for once. That doesn't want to eat us.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
No fish so far.

RHU
Shh, don't give the weather ideas.

Radek corners some loiterers, and old guy and an even older guy, though both look like regular normal-aged folks next to Radek.

RADEK
(in deslau)
''Ho there! Loiterers!''

VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Hail, grampa!''

OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''You speak in words, now?''

RADEK
(in deslau)
''For today.''

OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''By the grace of the saints, then? Today is a good day.''

VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Don't be daft, Chuck. They's wizards. It's wizarding.''

RADEK
''By the grace of my skill at magic, more like. Your friend is correct.''

OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Oh, daft, whatsit? Where do you think the wizards' magic comes from?''

VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Sod off.''

RADEK
(in deslau)
''I'm sure an undeveloped culture like yours has a very quaint idea of where magic comes from, but I've no time to hear it.''
''What do you lot know about a Cataclysm?''

OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Oh, you're a grumpy one, ain't ye? Cataclysm for a token.''

VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''A token? They're outsiders, you idiot.''

The younger villager smacks the older one.

The older one smacks him right back.

GREIBEL
Heh, they must have the Three Stooges on this planet.

VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''The idiot means a story. When you from?''

RADEK
(in deslau)
''The 14th span of the 843rd ending, and, I should sincerely hope, not the past.''

VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Well, you got me.''

OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Of course he got you. You don't even know what day it is!''

VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Shut up.''

RADEK
(in deslau)
''It doesn't mean anything to us either, don't worry. We abandoned the concept of a singular timeline eons ago.''

VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''What day is it?''

OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''You're used to holes?''

RADEK
(in deslau)
''Of what sort? I travel with a brute who enjoys '''digging''' holes...''

VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Holes. You know. Stuff comes out. Goes in. Gets shredded.''

The older one gives him an annoyed look.

OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Oy, you don't know that! There just happens to be a hole, and folks from the wrong times appear sometimes, but it's just as easily a coincidence.
(eyeing the Gravedigger)
''Does he dig through time? Because this hole, what, it goes through TIIIIIME.''

VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''No it doesn't. You don't know that. Stop making up stories.''

The younger villager smacks the older villager again.

RADEK
(in deslau)
''Oh, marvelous!''

VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Seriously, don't listen to him. He's addled, he is.''

OLDER VILLAGER
''Yeah, you just say that because you're addled and feel lonely.''

RADEK
(in deslau)
''Then presumably, the other side may house a time more agreeable than this one.''

VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Oh, no. there's no other side. Everything just gets shredded that gets near.''

OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Yeah, he tried it. Dropped a big ol' boulder in there. You know what happened? It exploded is what happened!''

RADEK
(in deslau)
''Have you considered using it for waste disposal?''
''Well, no matter, I should very much like to investigate any matter of spatial or temporal anomaly for myself.''

OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Why would we need a waste disposal? Too far away anyway. Three days just to dump compost? Eck.''

RADEK
They appear to be talking about some hole that shreds matter in its vicinity.

AZIRAPHALE
Marvelous.

VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''And it killed everything. You should see the wildlife!''

OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Kids love it, of course.''

VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Back when we had kids.''

OLDER VILLAGER
(looking surprised; in deslau)
''Do you have kids?''

VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Bob had a kid. Died.''

OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''All died.''

RADEK
(in deslau)
''Machines are much less irritating.''

VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Oh, they'll wreck too.''

OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Even turn on you sometimes.''

VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''I'd rather have a kid turn on me than a hulk, that's for damn sure.''

OLDER VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''Back when we had hulks, you mean? They went out before the kids did.''

The two villagers blather at each other for awhile.

RADEK
Hmph.

</screenplay>

{{holes nav
|previous=Holes/Session 4
|next=Holes/Session 6
}}