View source for Holes/Session 5

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<pre>
Gaurav: When last we left our weary band, Amadi had vanished into thin air.
Apheori (GM): So basically y'all are in this village. There's dust everywhere, everything's really dry and messed up, and there was something about a cataclysm. This weird elf girl appeared and disappeared and chattered weirdly about time. It's nigh time, some of you are still in the car, some out. And y'all are tired.
It's been a long... span of time.
Frezak (GM): And we don't speak the same language as the willagers.
Great.

RHU
I think we should sleep somewhere - here if we can convince the villagers, otherwise set up camp somewhere. I don't like the idea of wandering around after dark.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Go make... gestures, then.


AZIRAPHALE
Can't we sleep in the car? It should offer some protection.


Gaurav: Is it dark enough to see the stars?
Apheori (GM): Yeah, there be stars.
Gaurav: Can somebody with a good History check see if they recognize any constellations or anything? Mine is +2.
Or maybe that's a Nature check?
Ganelon: I should still have a stick.
And I think I'm on the ground rather than in the car, along with Gravy.
Apheori (GM): I think it's probably history.
Ganelon: That sound right to you folks?
Apheori (GM): Yes.
Frezak (GM): OOC
What stick?
Apheori (GM): Gaurav: You can roll to recognise them.
Ganelon: Just a stick.
Which you gave me for communicative purposes, that I will now use as intended.
I wish to draw a picture of a bed in the dirt.
Bear Soup Guy: OKAY
I'M READY
Apheori (GM): The villager is sitting on his porch. Get him to come over.
Rhu sits in the car, looking up at the stars.
Rhu:
rolling 1d20+2 history check to recognize constellations or whatnot
(
15
)
+2
=
17
Apheori (GM): Bear Soup Guy: Great.

RADEK
Hey, uncultured rube!
Radek beckons at the villager.
Wen: Snrk.
Apheori (GM): Rhu sees a bunch of constellations. One of them looks like a large blob.
The villager waves to Radek.
Ganelon: He doesn't respond to beckoning hand-motions?
Wen: Do we recognise the constellations?
I mean, seeing that one looks like a blob isn't very useful
Ganelon: Also, I hope you guys enjoy or are at least indifferent to the grumpiness.
Apheori (GM): You don't recognise them, but you're not really familiar with the angle, necessarily, either.
Azir would be more likely to recognise one, maybe.
Gan: He responded. He just may not have gotten the point.
Ganelon: HMPH!

RADEK
Unbelievable...
Frezak (GM): Poor rubes.
Wen: But we're not on Sarathi..
Ganelon: Okay, I'll approach HIM, then.

RHU
Azir, look at those constellations! That one looks like a blob.
Apheori (GM): Wen: That would be a good reason to not even try.
Aziraphale tries anyway
Aziraphale looks at the sky
Ganelon: And draw another bed in the dirt.
Gaurav: Re: sleeping in the car, I imagine it looks something like this http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-j6yK-6T8H_A/TY-FqtX1LLI/AAAAAAAABIY/Th41SIbF650/s320/Bob%252527s_Car.jpg so I don't think it'd be very comfy
Villager stands as the strange shiny man approaches.
Villager looks at the bed drawing.
Wen: we can pull up the cover thingy

RHU
D'you know what, maybe if we pitch tent in their village square they'll get the message and invite us in. Or at least get us warm food in the morning.

AZIRAPHALE
I think that's sound. Or at the entrance. I'm not fond of the idea of being surrounded by them.
Villager says something and points toward one of the houses down the road.
Radek turns back towards the car.

RADEK
Unless these people are too backwards to understand symbolism, I may have found us sleeping quarters!

RHU
Do you think they'll worry if we brought our weapons in? I agree with Azir, sleeping surrounded by strange villagers sounds like a bad idea.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Nothing is going to make me part with my shovels. And the spades. And the trowel.

AZIRAPHALE
I think we can take our weapons. They aren't likely to recognise them.
Just don't point them at the people.
Frezak (GM): What about your SWORD?

GREIBEL
What about the bong, man?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Of course you can keep the bong.

AZIRAPHALE
I'm taking my sword.

RADEK
I've no intentions of sleeping anyways.

AZIRAPHALE
Sheathed.

RADEK
I have work to do.
Rhu conceals my maul under my cloak as best I can.
Wen: All work and no sleep makes Radek a grumpy bastard. :P
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Frezak (GM): That's natural talent, man.
Ganelon: He's got so much to do.
Wen: so it is.
Frezak (GM): TO THE INDICATED BUILDING
Rhu puts on the parking brake of the car and takes care not to lock himself out as he leaves.
Wen: TO THE BUILDING.
Apheori (GM): Okay.
Wen: is the car strong enough to withstand possible tampering by the villies?
Ganelon: Making a single flask of Alchemist's Fire takes a half-hour.
He really could stay up all night working.
Apheori (GM): Also, I should point out that you all don't necessarily have sleeping patterns like humans (or possibly at all, in Radek's case), but the... events of the past while were a bit... tiresome.
Or something.
Ganelon: WHO NEEDS TO EAT?
OR SLEEP?
OR HAVE MANNERS?
Apheori (GM): Manners?
Ganelon: NOT *THIS* GUY!
Apheori (GM): Right, so you all are outside the building. Do you go in?
Do you send one person in?
Do you panic?
Frezak (GM): GRAVY GOES IN
Apheori (GM): Do you stare at your bong?
Ganelon: Well, I'm going in at least.
Rhu considers panicking, then decides against it.
Ganelon: The two weirdest ones can walk in side-by-side.
Apheori (GM): Gravy: roll perception.
Gaurav: We might want to come up with a standard order to walk around in. For encounter reasons.
Wen: I cautiously stand outside and watch for approaching villagers.
Bear Soup Guy: We might have to fight some bed bugs
Frezak (GM): I HAVE SKILLS SOMEWHERE
Ganelon: That's an easy one, Gaurav.
Frezak (GM): I SWEAR
*rummages*
Apheori (GM): Itś 8.
Ganelon: Gravy in front, then Azir, Rhu, myself, and Greibel.
Frezak (GM):
rolling 1D20+8
(
2
)
+8
=
10
Apheori (GM): Roll.
Frezak (GM): gah
Apheori (GM): Gravy bangs his head on the ceiling, which is too short for him to fully stand.
Frezak (GM): STUPID DOOR
I WILL BURY YOU
Ganelon: We're all fairly tough to kill, but Rhu and I are the easiest by far.
So we take the middle.
Gaurav: Perfect.
Rhu walks in after Gravy.
Apheori (GM): Gravy: You realise you're in some kind of bar or something. Several villagers are around at tables and standing with drinks.
Frezak (GM): I'd take more than a goblin-mounted trebuchet to kill Gravy.
Gaurav: Is everybody standing?
Frezak (GM): Shit.
We don't have money, do we?
Apheori (GM): Some are, some aren't. The barkeep is standing behind the counter.
Ganelon: *That* was certainly not what killed Lhoryn.
Apheori (GM): Probably not.
Ganelon: We don't likely have anything these people would consider money.
We'll need something to offer as trade.
Actually wait.
Bear Soup Guy: WE SHALL PAY WITH ROCKS
Apheori (GM): Azir has a pile of treasure.
Ganelon: I DO have a "small pile of unknown currency".
Apheori (GM): Greibel has a pocket full of fanged peas.
Bear Soup Guy: =D
Frezak (GM): I have booze.
Wen: yeah, I have coins.

RHU
... we do have a package of fertilizer in the car.
Frezak (GM): I could just pop a flare in here and go crayzay.
Wen: I don't recommend it
Gaurav: ...
Apheori (GM): Snrk.
Gaurav: Pop it. POP IT.
Frezak (GM): WOOOOO I'M A DEEEEMOOOOON
Apheori (GM): Is that what you do?
Frezak (GM): Not yet.
Azir has treasure?
I veaguely remember something about that.
Apheori (GM): Well, everyone's watching you as you hunch over slightly.
Apparently you dented the ceiling with your horn.
Wen: I have coins.
Frezak (GM): I'll wave.
Wen: But do we want to get drunk?
I don't think that's the best idea. >_>

GREIBEL
Don't get uptight man, they're just jealous cause they're short
Apheori (GM): One of them waves back.
Frezak (GM): MAN WITH MONEY
Apheori (GM): They chatter a bit amongst themselves.
Frezak (GM): GO FORTH
Wen: There's also the possibility that as strange, potentially dangerous people, they'd want to be nice to us.
Frezak (GM): AND SPEND
Apheori (GM): The barkeep crosses her arms and looks at you two irritatedly.
How many of you entered?
Frezak (GM): Only a total bastard would be mean to Gravy.
So, Radek.

RADEK
Not a lot of uneca in these parts, I take it.
Wen: I'm not in it yet
Gaurav: I wonder if we could charge people to have their photo taken with Gravy or something.
Ganelon: I'm mean to everyone.
Gaurav: Rhu is inside.
Ganelon: My age entitles me to it.
Apheori (GM): Heh.
Bear Soup Guy: I guess Greibel's in now
Apheori (GM): Okay.
So Azir is standing guard outside. Don't forget him, guys.
Ganelon: Az-who?
Gaurav: What's the lingua franca of this universe again? Is it English? Common?
Frezak (GM): So hes treasure, then?
*he has?
Apheori (GM): iera
Ganelon: If there are multiple languages I'm pretty sure we haven't discussed them at length.
Frezak (GM): From... somwehre that I don't remember?
WHO HAS MONEY
Apheori (GM): That's the common variant.
Wen: I have money. But do you want to spend it here?
Frezak (GM): Well, we're not getting free beds.
Wen: (mmm, an irritable hoarder)
Gaurav: Wait, aren't they a commune? Would _they_ have money? Or maybe the bar is, like, for visitors only?
Ganelon: We found coins on Sarathi.
We don't even know if they're valuable here.
Wen: I give Gravy 10 coins.

RHU
(to the closest villager to us) Excuse me, do you speak Iera?
Apheori (GM): One of the fanged peas gets out of Greibel's pocket and bounces across the floor.
Ganelon: Then again, these guys don't know that they aren't valuable to US.

GREIBEL
Woah little dude
Greibel clumsily tries to chase down the fanged pea
Apheori (GM): Roll something with dexterity.

RHU
The villager says 'Vokri sos."
Greibel:
rolling 1d20+0
(
13
)
+0
=
13
Apheori (GM): Oh.
You fail to grab the pea before it bounces into a villager's lap.
He picks it up and eyes it uncertainly.
Rhu wanders around the room asking everybody who isn't scary, "Excuse me, but do you speak Iera?"
Apheori (GM): It chitters at him.
Greibel tries to act innocent
Apheori (GM): The villager holds out the pea to give it back.

RHU
People look at you blankly, say some things, etc.
Ganelon: Helpful folks, these willagers.

GREIBEL
Thanks, village guy
Greibel takes back the fanged pea and puts it in his pocket
Apheori (GM): Then a rather large guy you didn't approach stands up and bangs his head on the ceiling.
Frezak (GM): I'll take the money from Azir and head up to the barladywomanperson

GREIBEL
You be good, little guy. You're a long way from home.
Gaurav: Greibel: maybe let him have it as a gift? Unless we're short on peas.

RADEK
Ah, we have another giant. Go communicate with him by flexing, Gravedigger.
Apheori (GM): The large villager promptly sits down again and everyone else starts laughing.
Bear Soup Guy: Oh, surely
Apheori (GM): The barlady person eyes Gravy.
Greibel holds the fanged pea out to the villager in a show of good faith
Frezak (GM): I'm gonna put the coins on the counter and make... sleeping gestures?
Apheori (GM): "Dena, se?" She says, and points to the group.
Then she holds up four fingers.
Frezak (GM): I'm gonna hold up five.
Since Azir is outside.
And gesture vaguely at the door.
Apheori (GM): She nods, plucks a coin out of your hand, and points to the stairs.
Frezak (GM): Awesome.
I'll give her a bright smile.
Gaurav: Just one coin? That's an honest person.
Wen: I go inside on seeing the exchange

THE GRAVEDIGGER
hey, guys! Go get Azir.
I got us beds. Or something.
Apheori (GM): She looks started and takes an involuntary step backwards.
Ganelon: HAPPY DEMON.
Frezak (GM): Startled at the smile?
Apheori (GM): Yes.
Frezak (GM): Bah.
This makes him sad.
Apheori (GM): You're huge and you have huge teeth. >.>
Wen: GM: it takes 1 out of the 100 coins I took, out of the 500 we found, for beds for five people?
That's... affordable.
Apheori (GM): Apparently.
Frezak (GM): I have huge teeth?
Well typically a room in 4E is about two silver.
Apheori (GM): Maybe not huge for you, but your entire head is huge.
Frezak (GM): One gold for five beds is fair.

RHU
Gravy: I think that tall guy there might have been trying to say something to us. You should talk to him, giant to giant.
Frezak (GM): Is said tall guy looking at us?
Apheori (GM): He's glowering at his mug.
Rhu looks the tall guy up and down to see if I can figure out anything about him.
Rhu:
rolling 1d20+11 perception check
(
13
)
+11
=
24
Apheori (GM): He's large.
He's muscular.
He's not very happy.
He doesn't look very smart, either.
He might have giant blood in him.
If giants are a thing here.
Frezak (GM): Eh.
Apheori (GM): But you get the idea they might be.
Ganelon: Is it the emptiness in his mug or the emptiness in his soul which is causing him unhappiness?
Frezak (GM): I'm not gonna care about him.
He has no shovel.
Wen: hahaha
Frezak (GM): I'm gonna go upstairs.
Gaurav: He might have one at home?
Apheori (GM): Upstairs!
There are three rooms.
Ganelon: Works for me!
Apheori (GM): They each have a bed which should be large enough for two people.
Except for gravy.
Bear Soup Guy: Convenient
Frezak (GM): DAMMIT

AZIRAPHALE
So Gravy takes a room and I bunk with.. someone.

RADEK
Are any of you particularly sensitive to acidic fu- no, never mind. Pointless question.
Apheori (GM): Gravy can take one and have his legs hang off the end.
Frezak (GM): Dammit.

AZIRAPHALE
I bunk with Rhu.

RADEK
Greibel can have a bed to himself if I can use the same room.
Frezak (GM): I'll put my legs in my bedroll.

GREIBEL
Yeah, no problem here
Ganelon: Time to get out MY TOOLS.
Rhu lies down and is asleep before he closes his eyes. His eyes remain oddly open for a few minutes before closing of their own accord.
Greibel gets out his smoking tool before bed
Aziraphale sleeps fitfully
Ganelon: There is, at least, space aside from a bed in these rooms?
Apheori (GM): Yes.
Frezak (GM): I will check over my shovels and gear before going to bed.
Radek does SCIENCE!
Apheori (GM): Each has a bed, a chair, and enough empty space for an old man to do science.
Ganelon: Marvelous.
Apheori (GM): Also didn't you mention something about a possible ritual to understand people?
Bear Soup Guy: Convenient!
Ganelon: I did!
Apheori (GM): Frezak: Your shovels are birlliant.
Ganelon: But I can do that in the morning. It doesn't take long to cast and lasts 24 hours.
Apheori (GM): Your gear is dirty.
Frezak (GM): I'll try and clean my stuff as much as I can before sleeping.
Ganelon: My only concern is that it requires magic stuffs, of which I have a currently small supply.
Apheori (GM): Gravy uses the fork to scrape the fertiliser off everything else.
Gan: You might be able to use fertiliser.
Bear Soup Guy: Good for explosives and SCIENCE!
Ganelon: Oh, I intend to.
Gaurav: Is that our fertilizer from the car? Or is this fertilizer that was already in the room? Like, complimentary fertilizer?
Ganelon: With these computer parts and some fertilizer, I shall create five bombs.
Apheori (GM): That was the fertilser Gravy picked up at some point and wound up in the car, I think.
Bahahah, excellent.
Ganelon: They are somewhat unstable time bombs that rattle across the floor and sometimes detonate prematurely.
(I love Artificers)
Apheori (GM): Can they detonate in your bag?
Aziraphale is still sleeping fitfully
Ganelon: No, they have to be set to explode first. The issue is with the timer.
Apheori (GM): Ah.
Ganelon: Not that I would recommend tossing them around. That might cause them to become active.
Apheori (GM): Greibel, Gravy: Do either of you do anything else, or just sleep?
Gaurav: ... what are the computer parts for?
Bear Soup Guy: I get really stoned and then I go to sleep
Gaurav: How long does it take Griebel to get really stoned?
Frezak (GM): Nah, I'll sleep.
Greibel is always stoned.
Bear Soup Guy: ten or fifteen minutes probably
Ganelon: If I were a good enough artificer to make time bombs out of nothing but fertilizer, I'd have built us a new ship to leave this planet already.
Bear Soup Guy: =D
Ganelon: Anyways, I'll also make something out of this dragon gunk.
Apheori (GM): Radek: Roll to see if the fumes from Greibel's getting stoned affect you.
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20
(
19
)
=
19
Apheori (GM): Yeah, you're fine.
Ganelon: Phew.
Bear Soup Guy: bummer
Ganelon: I'll also make two vials of Alchemist's Fire and a Woundpatch (it's like a band-aid).
Apheori (GM): Now do the fumes from Radek's stuff affect Greibel?
Ganelon: From dragon... substances.
Apheori (GM): We may never know.
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Ganelon: Oh, right.
And I want to do tests on this stuff I'm covered in now that we have the time.
That will be all, though.
Apheori (GM): What sorts of tests?
Ganelon: Hm...
Well, I don't want it to go away.
So tests to see if it can be replicated or... maintained.
Apheori (GM): Well, you find you can push it around a bit - get it to get thinner or thicker... how would you try to replicate it?
Or should you just roll a SCIENCE for that?
Ganelon: I haven't the foggiest idea.
I don't even know what this stuff is. Maybe that would be a good start.
Since it came from... me going a little crazy and walking through a wall.
Bear Soup Guy: Spell of spectral analysis
Gaurav: You could do a perception check and see if any of its properties remind you of anything else.
Ganelon: Well, I'll give you a roll for that.
Gaurav: (I say that because you get a +1 on perception if you're within 5 squares of me)
Apheori (GM): It goes through walls? Even when you're asleep?
Bear Soup Guy: He's VERY vigilant
Ganelon: My science is better anyways.
Science:
rolling 1d20+10
(
10
)
+10
=
20
Apheori (GM): It's definitely magical. It appears to have properties related to time and non-existence, but as for what it actually is, you have no idea.
It also appears to not, technically, strictly speaking, actually be there.
But it's more than enough there to... be there.
Ganelon: I'll keep studying it at later opportunities.
For now I'll just take a sample which is not sticking to my person, if possible.
Apheori (GM): The sample disappears when you detach it.
Gaurav: Huh.
Ganelon: Interesting.
Apheori (GM): AND NOW IT'S MORNING.
Ganelon: Yes, that was all I needed to do.
Gaurav: Did you get any of that stuff somewhere that you can remove, like a glove or weapon?
Apheori (GM): Well, everyone but Azir is probably still asleep.
And no, it's just on him - and attached to him.
Rhu opens an eye, groans, then closes it again.
Apheori (GM): On his clothes and stuff.
You could try taking a bit off, though.
Wen: wait, what happened to me o_O
Apheori (GM): You just woke up. You're fine.
But awake.
Wen: Oh.
Aziraphale nudges Rhu
Apheori (GM): Unless... you're NOT FINE?!
Ganelon gasps.
Apheori (GM): I kid.
Ganelon: He's gone coarse!
Rhu groans and gets up.
Wen: Good. A sanity roll would be a terrible way to start the day. >_>
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Apheori (GM): Oh, wen, rob, d20s.
Bear Soup Guy:
rolling 1d20
(
7
)
=
7
Wen: /me groans
Aziraphale:
rolling 1d20
(
5
)
=
5
Apheori (GM): Rob: You want waffles.
Azir: You want pancakes.
Wen: Stroopwafels!

GREIBEL
Waffle time!
Ganelon: I actually know what those are!
Wen: NO I OVERRIDE THIS EVERYONE WANTS STROOPWAFFELS
Ganelon: But they'd make a pretty poor breakfast, no?
Wen: >_>
Apheori (GM): Probably.
Wen: Why? A stroopwaffel on a mug of tea...
Sounds pretty brilliant to me. But I want pancakes.
Apheori (GM): EVERYONE BUT GRAVY: You're awake and you can hear gravy's snores.
Bear Soup Guy: now I want an IRL cup of tea
Wen: (Seriously. They're _much_ better melted than if you just tried to eat it)
Aziraphale goes knock on Gravy's door
Gaurav: Oh great, now I want stroopwaffels :(
Ganelon: I suppose I'll just open the door and flood the entire hallway in toxic and/or intoxicating fumes.
Bear Soup Guy: Good idea

RHU
Maybe we can ring him on these earpiece things? /me points at his ear

RADEK
I made some bombs.
Apheori (GM): Radek: Also your ritual.
Apheori (GM) is getting mighty tired of this lack of comprehension.
Ganelon: Sorry.
Comprehend Language takes 10 minutes to perform.
Apheori (GM): A bloody dead end, is what it is.
Ganelon: So I suppose I could just shove Greibel out of the room and start doing that.
Apheori (GM): Okay.
Are you... strong enough?
To do that.
Bear Soup Guy: Greibel is groggy enough
Ganelon: 8 strength? Oh, most certainly not if he's resisting.
Apheori (GM): Okay.
Bear Soup Guy: Greibel's a pacifist. Except when fighting mutant chickens and other oddities.
Apheori (GM): Greibel, Rhu, Azir: So you're all in the hall outside Gravy's room...

AZIRAPHALE
I knocked.
Ganelon: You can probably hear the ritual happening.
Since it involves magic words and all that hogwash.
Apheori (GM): Knocking did nothing.

AZIRAPHALE
I open the door and step inside cautiously
Apheori (GM): You see a sleeping Gravedigger on the floor hugging his shovels.
Rhu shakes his head.

AZIRAPHALE
I kick him lightly.

GREIBEL
Awwwww
Frezak (GM): How lightly?

AZIRAPHALE
Enough to displace the body part I kicked by about 5cm, not enough to hurt, or at least significantly.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Fzzgl?
Wstfgl!
Gnuuur.
Oh. Hey.
Wen: do any of us have toothnbrushes? >_>
Apheori (GM): Whether you do or not is up to you.
The others probably do in their... kit thingies.
Frezak (GM): I totes have all the adventurer things.
Wen: Okay, so I try to find the washroom.
Apheori (GM): There's a pitcher at the end of the hall.
Ganelon: I don't know if I even have real teeth.
Wen: I splash some water on my face, brush my teeth, and drink a cup of water.
presentability += 100!
Greibel goes through the morning drug ritual
Ganelon: I feel like Radek would have replaced his teeth with rotating sawblades if he still ate things.
Frezak (GM): I will check my shovels and go see whether there is food downstairs.
Gaurav: Rhu does the morning stuff also.
Apheori (GM): Your shovels are fine. Downstairs the place is empty, but there's a note you can't read and a loaf of bread and five bowls of congealed porridge at a table.
Gaurav: Aww!
Frezak (GM): PORRIDGE
Wen: I eat my share of the food.
Frezak (GM): I EAT THE PORRIDGE/
Wen: WITHOUT TALKING.
Apheori (GM): All of it?
Ganelon: Shall we say the ritual is done now?
Wen: (but still trying to get my communicator to work)
Apheori (GM): Yeah, it's done.
Rhu heads downstairs also. He is impressed by the food, but surprised by the lack of people. He walks around and checks if maybe somebody is in the kitchen or somewhere.
Ganelon: Alright. These come with rolls (but cannot fail - it usually determines degrees of success), so here goes.
Apheori (GM): Wen: Remind me, what was wrong with it? >.<
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20+10
(
19
)
+10
=
29
Well!
Gaurav: Woo!
Apheori (GM): Is that on the note?
Wen: There's no signal?
Apheori (GM): Rhu: You find the barkeep asleep in the kitchen.
Wen: Unless there is.
Apheori (GM): Wen: Ah.
Yes,
No signal other than the others.
Ganelon: So I can definitely understand this language. Can I speak it?
Wen: I was just kind of parodying my real life eating ritual. Not talking since I eat alone, but reading stuff on my phone. :P
Apheori (GM): Uh... sure, why not.
Rhu tiptoes back out and sits down to eat some porridge.
Wen: Whoo!
Ganelon: Then I'll pack up my things and head downstairs as well.
Greibel comes down to eat, very hungry

GREIBEL
Is there a bottle of hot sauce around here anywhere?

RADEK
...What is this? They left food for us?
Apheori (GM): There seem to be some rather suspicious bottles behind the bar, but they probably aren't hot sauce.

RHU
So it seems. They left a note.

GREIBEL
Eh, I'll smell 'em
Wen: Is it wow-wow sauce? >_>
Apheori (GM): Greibel: Roll a d20.
Frezak (GM): If it's Wow-wow I'm drinking that shit.
Greibel:
rolling 1d20
(
17
)
=
17

RADEK
Let me see that.
Ganelon: I will look at the note.
Apheori (GM): Radek: The note says 'Thanks for your business. Here's breakfast. And yes, I know you probably can't read this. -J'
Ganelon: I'll read it out aloud to the party because Radek loves showing off.
Apheori (GM): Do you read it aloud translated, or in the original language?
Ganelon: Translated.
Apheori (GM): Greibel: When you take off the cap and smell the bottle, it does not knock you on the floor, but it still gives it a very good try. The fumes are... very strong.

RHU
Does the script look similar to that in the old journal we found at the campsite?
Apheori (GM): Ít may or may not be the same script. The handwriting, however, is a lot neater.

GREIBEL
Hey Rhu, smell this
Apheori (GM): Rhu: d20
Rhu:
rolling d20 against fumes
(
20
)
=
20
Apheori (GM): Ooo, you got lucky.
Ganelon: We've been rolling really damn well to resist fumes.
Also, that ought to be an Endurance roll, says I.
Apheori (GM): It doesn't do anything to Rhu except smell bad.
Bear Soup Guy: We have poor noses
Apheori (GM): I think it was.

AZIRAPHALE
Hey, Radek, can you try reading the journal thing?
Apheori (GM): What's an endurance roll?

RADEK
Certainly. This only lasts for a day, so I recommend we make use of it as best we can.
Gaurav: It's a skill check based on Constitution.
Ganelon: Endurance is just another skill.
Apheori (GM): Oh, endurance is a thing!
Ganelon: Yarr.
Rhu hands Radek the old journal.
Apheori (GM): Yeah, I was just basing that on constitution. Well, anyhoo.
Ganelon: Without training, they're basically the same thing anyways.
Apheori (GM): Yesh.
Greibel shrugs and looks at the bottle

GREIBEL
Good enough
Greibel liberally applies the bottle's contents to his porridge and prepares to eat

AZIRAPHALE
Err, Greibel
Have some of this bread instead, will you?
I don't want to have to drag your pooping arse around for the whole day.
Ganelon: If the bowl doesn't melt, I'll check out the journal.

GREIBEL
hmmph
Greibel reluctantly takes the bread
Apheori (GM): It doesn't melt, but the porridge does seem to have a chemical reaction with the liquid.
It's kind of fizzing and smoking.
Gan: The journal!
Does the ritual account for bad handwriting?
Because it is really bad handwriting.
Ganelon: Eh, I rolled a 19.
Rhu picks up his bowl and steps away from the bubbling porridge.
Ganelon: It's probably no worse to me than anyone else's bad handwriting.
So... quite bad, still.
Frezak (GM): Handwriting is probably alien to you coming from a future time.
Ganelon: Nah, man, the journal was just printed in a really shitty font.
Bear Soup Guy: Comic sans :>
Apheori (GM): Well, okay, so you open the journal and realise it's not the same language, or even script, as the note.
Ganelon: Oh my.
Apheori (GM): The page you're on appears to be a fair bit of ranting about ferns.
Wen: Comic Sans is actually pretty readable. Just ugly.
Ganelon: In that case I actually can't read it unless you want to bend rules.
Apheori (GM): Pfft.
Ganelon: Comprehend Language works on one language as specified.
Apheori (GM): I guess we're bending rules.
Because that makes no sense.
Ganelon: But if this helps you move plot stuff along and doesn't force me to recast it? Yeah, I'm not complaining.
Apheori (GM): How do you know what the language is when you're doing the ritual?
Ganelon: You have to have heard or read it.
But it clearly insists that you pick one, too.
Gaurav: I think you're supposed to do the ritual with a piece of writing in the language you need to understand. Or with someone shouting words from it at you, I guess.
Apheori (GM): How does that apply to related languages?
Ganelon shrugs.
Ganelon: It's not that specific.
Gaurav: I wonder how it works with language families: if you "pick" French, can you understand some words from Spanish? I'd guess yes, since so much of the vocabulary overlaps.
Apheori (GM): And what good is it based on the spoken language if you want the written? Each piece is arbitrary and separate.
Ganelon: You just choose a language you've heard or a piece of writing you've seen within the past 24 hours and... *know* it for the next 24.
Apheori (GM): But that's two languages.
Written and spoken are very different forms.
Frezak (GM): I see it as more of a Babelfish than dumping the full lingual ability in your head.
Ganelon: So it's up to you.
Frezak (GM): You do'nt LEARN anything.
Ganelon: This is correct.
Frezak (GM): But for a time /a/ language is translated.
Apheori (GM): Okay.
Frezak (GM): But without you knowing HOW the language is built.
Apheori (GM): So you don't know that it's a rant about ferns.
Sorry.
Ganelon: As for the differences between spoken and written, they are kept separate.
As in, you can use the ritual and translate both, but only if you have access to both. One does not let you understand the other.
Apheori (GM): Ah.
Okay.

RADEK
This is still gibberish. Whatever language it happens to be, it's not what these people have been speaking.
I can perform the ritual again tomorrow if you really consider it important, but my supply of residuum is not infinite.
Rhu puts the journal away until then

AZIRAPHALE
Ley
Let's go back to the village then.
Now that you can hopefully talk to the people.
Apheori (GM): Greibel: Are you sure you don't want that porrige?
It looks so... interesting...
Wen: I'm sure he doesn't want it
Ganelon: Someone else is welcome to have my porridge.
Greibel covertly dips some bread in the porridge
Frezak (GM): The bread screams.
Aziraphale takes the bread away from Greibel

GREIBEL
:(
Apheori (GM): Azir: Roll a spot first.
Ganelon: Perception and/or stealth!
Wen: spot?
Apheori (GM): Greibel: And you roll a... covert.
Perception.

GREIBEL
okie
Aziraphale:
rolling 1d20 + 3
(
15
)
+3
=
18
Greibel:
rolling 1d20+1
(
9
)
+1
=
10

AZIRAPHALE
Good.
Apheori (GM): Now roll a grab.
Wen: whaaat
Too many hoops.
Ganelon: That's a strength mod vs. reflex.
Bear Soup Guy: Bread is serious business
Aziraphale:
rolling 1d20 + 4
(
15
)
+4
=
19
Ganelon: Lhoryn the gnoll grabs stuff all the time. I know grabs like Gravy knows holes.
Wen: wasting my good rolls -_-
Bear Soup Guy: What's a reflex?
Ganelon: It's a defense.
Apheori (GM): He got it away from you. >.<
Bear Soup Guy: Right then
Apheori (GM): Jerk.
Ganelon: AC, Fortitude, Reflex, and Will.
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Apheori (GM): ...actually that might have been a very good thing.
Wen: IT'S FOR HIS OWN GOOD
Apheori (GM): Heh.
Bear Soup Guy: Oh, /that's/ what "Ref" is
Ganelon: Yeah.
Apheori (GM): So. What now?

AZIRAPHALE
I suggest we go to the village
Ganelon: Let's go babble at people.
I'm sure using the grouchy old guy as a translator won't cause problems.
The porridge calls to Greibel.

GREIBEL
O_O

RHU
The village sounds like a good idea. Amadi said she was going to "Midnight". Maybe that's a city nearby? We could get back in touch with headquarters, and ... I don't know. Get back home or something.

AZIRAPHALE
I think midnight is a time.

RADEK
I admit to being somewhat curious as to where the other residents of this building have gone.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I don't think she meant a place.
At least not as we know it.

AZIRAPHALE
Home, probably?

RHU
The barkeep is in the back, asleep.

AZIRAPHALE
It's the morning, after all.
it's not like people stay at bars all day.

RADEK
Well, let's go get directions.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
People that use their hands for a living get up as soon as light does.
Let's go find a king!
Ganelon: Says the only guy who slept in.
The porridge flops onto the table.
Frezak (GM): AS if /I/ had any decision in that.

GREIBEL
Hmmm...
Ganelon: OH GOD
Frezak (GM): It's the sauce of life.
Ganelon: Rifle at the ready.
The porridge purrs at Greibel.
Ganelon: Can we administer the spice of death to it?

GREIBEL
Huh...
Frezak (GM): POUR BOOZE ON IT
Greibel pulls out a fanged pea
The porridge: Spice of death?
Greibel set it down next to the porridge
The porridge: Ack, OOC

RHU
Isn't booze in porridge how this started?
Apheori (GM): Sorry.
Ganelon: A play on words, dear porridge.
Frezak (GM): I will step away from this.

AZIRAPHALE
Talking porridge?
Apheori (GM): That was an accident.
It hasn't talked. >.<
The porridge: YES I DID
THE GM IS TRYING TO SILENCE MEEEEE
Ganelon: Many things are described as the spice of life.
The porridge: HELLLLP MEEEEE
THE GM IS PLOTTING AGAINST YOU
Apheori (GM): ...

GREIBEL
=O
Apheori (GM): Please don't do that.
Ganelon: Well duh, that's her job.
Frezak (GM): That porridge speaks sense.
So, is the porridge really moving?
Or is that embroidery?
Rhu:
rolling 1d20+11 perception check to see why the porridge purred.
(
13
)
+11
=
24
Or just if there's something weird about the porridge.
Apheori (GM): The porridge managed to get out of its bowl and has been making some odd noises, mostly at Greibel.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I hope it's not going to do that in my stomach.
Bear Soup Guy: And I presented it with a fanged pea

AZIRAPHALE
It was the sauce
your stomach is probably safe.
Apheori (GM): The porridge itself doesn't seem to be porridge anymore. Whatever Greibel poured on it seems to have had a very odd effect, though it seems normal enough by itself...
Fanged pea rolls away from the porridge.
Gaurav: Phew.

RHU
... what was in that bottle?!

GREIBEL
It smelled delicious :(
The porridge leaps and devours the pea, which lets out a horrible little shriek before being enveloped.

AZIRAPHALE
o_O

GREIBEL
O_o

AZIRAPHALE
Can we just go yap at people now?

RHU
0.0

GREIBEL
Yeah...I think the porridge can take care of itself.

RHU
We should keep the bottle. It might come in handy.
Ganelon: I'm going to be a little more responsible.

AZIRAPHALE
and Greibel use your eyes and not your hands, please.
Ganelon: And freeze the porridge.
Apheori (GM): Is this magic?
Ganelon: It is magic.
Apheori (GM): The porridge eats it.
Ganelon: I have not yet learned to make liquid nitrogen with alchemy.

RADEK
Well, that's troublesome.

GREIBEL
I saw this in a movie once
Want to know the ending?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Are going to try and kill this?
Or just... leave it here?
The porridge jiggles.

RHU
The bottle was in this inn. They probably know how to deal with ... this.

AZIRAPHALE
If we can't trap it in a container, we should probably just leave it be.

RHU
I think we should take the bottle though. It might be useful to be able to animate porridge in the future.

RADEK
Agreed.

AZIRAPHALE
That'd be theft.

RADEK
Don't care.

GREIBEL
If I had a nickel for every time I needed some animated porridge...

AZIRAPHALE
Do you go in a sushi place and then take the bottle of soy sauce?
You'd be seriously in debt, Greibel.
Now be quiet.

RADEK
Soy sauce is much less fascinating.

RHU
We could wake the barkeep and ask.
Bear Soup Guy: Oops

AZIRAPHALE
If one of you has a jar I suppose we could take a sample.
Bear Soup Guy: I think I just destroyed a cooking pot
Wen: ><
Ganelon: Uh oh.
Bear Soup Guy: I totally forgot I was putting on some water for tea, like......an hour ago >_<
Apheori (GM): The pot should be fine, no?
Bear Soup Guy: The bottom is black
But it appears to still be in tact
Apheori (GM): Meh, that's fine.
Frezak (GM): Just wash it.
Apheori (GM): What about the porridge?
Wen: can we trap it?
Gaurav: BSG: oof :(
Apheori (GM): You can try.
Bear Soup Guy: Yeah okay, looks like it'll be alright

AZIRAPHALE
I just want to trap it so it can't get away. Nothing fancy. No battles.
The porridge bounces toward Greibel and purrs at the edge of the table.
Greibel cautiously puts out a hand to pet it

RHU
Maybe we could catch it in a cloak?

AZIRAPHALE
Ehh, I just don't want it to destroy the place when we go
If you guys don't think it'll do that we can just leave it be.
The porridge rises to meet the hand and wiggles in response.
Wen: Apheori: This seriously reminds me of the slime in AMD 1 xD
Apheori (GM): I have no idea what that is.

RHU
We could ... dig a hole and bury it.

RADEK
We certainly have the tools for that.
Apheori (GM): Greibel: When you try to draw your hand away, you realise the porridge is stuck to it.

RHU
I say we wake the barkeep. Odds are, he'll know how to deal with his drinks accidently animating breakfast meals.
Uh oh.

GREIBEL
Huh
Odd
Greibel holds the porridge up to Rhu's face

GREIBEL
WOOOOOOO! I'M THE HAAAAAUUUUUNTED PORRIIIIIIIIDGE!

RHU
Greibel ... ? Are you okay?
Apheori (GM): His hands appear to have turned black.
Frezak (GM): Sounds okay for a hippie druid druggue.
Wen: Apheori: http://www.squidi.net/comic/amd/view.php?series=amd&ep=1&id=82
Apheori (GM): Not with gangrene or whatever, but just... coated like Radek. Except in black.

AZIRAPHALE
Urgh.
Is it spreading?
Is his hand withering?

GREIBEL
Try to make a joke and people start questioning your sanity
Also ouch

RHU
Does it hurt?
Apheori (GM): Not spreading or withering. Doesn't hurt. Feels a bit cold.
Gaurav: Sorry about that, BSG: I missed your action, so I thought you'd suddenly been possessed by the porridge. My bad.

RHU
If it's cold, maybe warm will attract or repel it.
Bear Soup Guy: s'alright

GREIBEL
Magic me some warm, Guru man
Ganelon: Uh.

RADEK
That would be unsafe to say the least.
Apheori (GM): Greibel: The porridge seems to be afraid.

RHU
You could step outside and see if the sun has any effect on it.
Gaurav: Aww.
Bear Soup Guy: Aw, poor guy
er

AZIRAPHALE
Or we could wake the barkeep up

GREIBEL
Aw, poor guy
He just wants to eat fanged peas and look all goopy

RADEK
I can apply incendiary chemicals, but to your hands? Not... recommended.
Bear Soup Guy: Can I NATURE it?
Apheori (GM): Yes.
What does naturing it do?
Greibel:
rolling 1d20+11 nature stuff
(
10
)
+11
=
21
I have no idea
Apheori (GM): Someone who knows things! Help!
Bear Soup Guy: Probably makes me more in tune with its consciousness, if it has one, since it's now attached to me
Ganelon: One sec.
Gaurav: Try to understand what it's doing? What it might be?

AZIRAPHALE
I'll go and wake the barkeep up
Apheori (GM): Can a druid use that to communicate with things?
Ganelon: If we treat this as an animal, nature would be used to either interact with it (taming, calming down, etc.) or identify it.
Apheori (GM): Okay, which were you trying to do, Greibel?
Gaurav: Azir++
Apheori (GM): It's totally an animal.
Ganelon: I doubt the latter has much chance of success since this is no normal thing.
Wen: This reminds me of 20Q
Bear Soup Guy: Yeah I wanted to talk to it
Ganelon: But that's not up to me.
Apheori (GM): Okay. You talk to the porridge.
Bear Soup Guy: We've identified it, it's mutant porridge, obvs :P
Wen: What happened to the barkeep?

GREIBEL
Hey little porridge, what's your name, buddy?
Apheori (GM): It's not intelligent enough for words, but it likes eating and it likes you because you're its mum, but it doesn't like being stuck, but it's not completely freaking out because it's you that it's stuck to and you're okay because you're its mum, but it doesn
't want to be stuck.

GREIBEL
=O
Apheori (GM): Wen: You wake the barkeep. She says something you don't understand.
Gaurav: AWW
Wen: I wave Radek over
Greibel snuggles the porridge
Ganelon: Coming over.
Apheori (GM): The porridge relaxes a bit, but still doesn't want to be stuck.

RHU

GREIBEL
I think you need to give it a name.
Apheori (GM): The innkeeper looks at Azir and Radek enquiringly.

GREIBEL
I shall call him....Rasputin.

AZIRAPHALE
Radek, can you get the barkeep to look at this thing?
Ganelon: I'll... denote alternate languages somehow.

INNKEEPER
So...
Rhu gingerly tries to touch Rasputin the Porridge.

RADEK
~I can talk to you for the remainder of today.~

INNKEEPER
~Oh, sure, and you couldn't do that last night?~
Greibel cautiously holds out Rasputin and sends signals of calming nature to it

INNKEEPER
~What is it?~
Apheori (GM): The porridge shrinks away from Rhu's finger?
.
But it calms.

RADEK
~I could not. My... "friend" over here appears to have done something idiotic and might need your help.~

RHU
Aw. Poor thing.

RADEK
~There is animate porridge stuck to his hands.~

INNKEEPER
~Idio... oh, he did NOT get into the...~
Greibel continues to try to get the porridge to warm up to Rhu
Aziraphale nodds emphatically
Radek moves out of the woman's way.
Innkeeper bustles over to the common room, and then just sort of stops.

AZIRAPHALE
-d

INNKEEPER
~What.~

GREIBEL
...What?

INNKEEPER
~YOU!~
Innkeeper points at Greibel.

INNKEEPER
~WHAT DID YOU DO?~

GREIBEL
Help! Scary man's yelling gibberish at me!
Apheori (GM): Woman.
It's a woman.

GREIBEL
Woman!
Rhu steps back from Griebel

RADEK
~He poured the contents of that bottle into his porridge.~
~I don't suppose you could explain what caused the reaction, could you?~
Innkeeper stares for a moment, then turns back into the kitchen and bursts out laughing.

RHU
Huh.
Radek shrugs at Rhu and the others.

GREIBEL
....So...this is okay then.
Translate that laugh. What does it mean?

RADEK
It means she laughed at you.

GREIBEL
Oh, how exotic!
Aziraphale grumbles.

INNKEEPER
~You don't have shalott where you're from, do you?~
Frezak (GM): Shalott? HAH.
Gaurav: How did Rasputin respond to the laugh? Or the innkeeper? If at all?
Ganelon: I know nothing of shalott.
Apheori (GM): Rasputin is calm.

RADEK
~I do not.~

INNKEEPER
~That bottle was one of the reagents, though... well, it might have been going a little off.~
~Shalott is a very strong drink. It's what you drink when you don't want to have to drink anything else.~
~Though I'll admit it's not supposed to do that.~
Greibel meanwhile plays with it like a kitty
Apheori (GM): The effectiveness of the playing is limited by its still being stuck to your hand.

RADEK
She says it's a strong drink.
Apheori (GM): Did Rhu ever actually poke it?
Gaurav: I'm going to say no, if the porridge shrunk away Rhu wouldn't have tried to touch it.
Apheori (GM): Okay.
Gaurav: Give animated porridge their space, I always say.

RADEK
Nothing about it animating porridge. I theorize that Greibel is responsible for that.
~Do you know of a place called Midnight, miss?~

INNKEEPER
~Oh, you're a charmer!~
Ganelon: ...
Sure.

RHU
Greibel, or any of us? Maybe we picked up something from Sarathi that ... has an effect on porridge? Or shalott? Or both?

INNKEEPER
~Afraid not. There's Aierseth, and Wayside.~

GREIBEL
What an oddly specific thing to pick up

AZIRAPHALE
It might not be specific.

INNKEEPER
~Unless you mean one of the ruins of the Gaher? They had odd names like that.~

AZIRAPHALE
Porridge may just be one of the things that react with it.
and Shallott.

RHU
Maybe it affects all fluids ... (Rhu shrugs, clearly not really convinced himself)

GREIBEL
Porridge is hardly a fluid
Greibel scoffs disdainfully

RADEK
Hmph. ~I'm not sure. Ideally, we would like to visit a... more advanced place than this.~
Aziraphale mutters, not particularly caring how this happened, utterly convinced that if Greibel had kept his greasy fingers to himself..

RADEK
~Somewhere with a communications array, at least.~

INNKEEPER
~Advanced? You mean older?~
Bear Soup Guy: brb

RADEK
~No, my dear. /Newer./~
~Places with technology.~

INNKEEPER
~Well, if you want wizards, you're on the wrong side of the world, I think. Magic here has... moved on."
~
~Unless the whole world's moved on by now. Used to be we had all manner of wonders. Now it's just gone save for the oldest places.~

RADEK
~That's upsetting news... other side of the world, you say? How long is the circumference of this planet?~
Ganelon: What do you mean you don't know science, foolish barkeep?
Innkeeper shakes her head tiredly.

INNKEEPER
~More. You're more of them, aren't you.~
~And I thought you were just old tales, told to scare the kids.~

RADEK
~Excuse me?~
Bear Soup Guy: back

INNKEEPER
~You should visit the Hole at Vermai. It is where the Cataclysm began.~
Gaurav: oooh

INNKEEPER
~Go. Take your sorrows and see your doom for yourselves.~
Innkeeper smiles.

INNKEEPER
~When you return, you will understand the purpose of shalott.~
Ganelon: Well that's ominous.
Apheori (GM): She wants to get you drunk.
BE AFRAID.
Ganelon: And I'M the charmer
Bear Soup Guy: XD

RHU
>.>
Apheori (GM): You called her miss. She's a bit on in years... though compared to Radek certainly she is a miss. XD

RHU

GREIBEL
how do you suppose Rasputin is holding on? Is he sticky at all?

GREIBEL
Sticky...well...yes.
He seems to be alright though.

RADEK
~I will no doubt mourn the loss of my ability to metabolize alcohol soon, then.~
~Where is this Hole?~
Ganelon: Well, "at Vermai", of course, but I don't know where that is.

INNKEEPER
~Easterly and south. You will find things get more dead as you approach.~
Apheori (GM): That's the direction the sinkhole you saw was in.

AZIRAPHALE
Well, let's thank the innkeeper and move on.

RADEK
I have our destination, it seems.

RHU
Hey, if Radek wants to have a drink with her or anything, I'm sure I could find something to do ..

RADEK
~The others wish to convey their thanks.~
Ganelon: Nonsense, Rhy.
Rhu*

INNKEEPER
~You can tell your friend he can keep the rest of that bottle if he wants. I wouldn't use it anyway after what it's done to the porridge.~
Aziraphale looks at Radek inquiringly

RADEK
The sinkhole we saw earlier.
The porridge pulls itself free of Greibel's black hand and bounces up his arm, resting on his shoulder.

RADEK
I'm afraid we may be here for quite a while longer.

GREIBEL
=D
Shoulder porridge!
Wen: I meant the bottle bit. We can keep it.
Greibel strikes an adventurous pose

RADEK
There are no cities, nor ships or communications arrays.

AZIRAPHALE
This is depressing

THE GRAVEDIGGER
What a surprise.

RHU
Pirate Rasputin!

RADEK
We may still be able to leave through magical means.

RHU
What about distress beacons? Maybe there's one in CAR?
Apheori (GM): A bunch of the porridge is still stuck to Greibel's hand.
But it seems to be a dead bunch now.

RADEK
Come on. And take the bottle with you.
Greibel wipes it off
Gaurav: Shall we head to car? Or do we want to talk some other villagers while Radek can?
Ganelon: Up to you.
Gaurav: I think we should at least say hi and see if anybody knows anything else about the catastrophe. If this planet really is as bereft of life as all that, we might not see other sentient beings for a while.

RADEK
~Thank you for your patronage, miss.~
Innkeeper bows slightly.
Gaurav heads outside.
Gaurav: oops
Rhu heads outside.
Ganelon: I'll follow suit.
Apheori (GM): It's sunny out!
Aziraphale follows
Frezak (GM): Sun!
Apheori (GM): And some folks are lounging around.

GREIBEL
Let's go, Raspy. What a nice day!

RADEK
~Ho there! Loiterers!~

VILLAGER
~Hail, grampa!~
The porridge shrinks slightly in the sunlight.

RHU
Mm, warm!
Gaurav: BTW worth warning people that I have to leave for class in another 20 mins or so :-/

VILLAGER
~You speak in words, no?~

GREIBEL
Nice to have a sun in the sky for once. That doesn't want to eat us.

RADEK
~For today.~

VILLAGER
now*
~By the grace of the saints, then? Today is a good day.~

THE GRAVEDIGGER
No fish so far.

VILLAGER
~Don't be daft, Chuck. They's wizards. It's wizarding.~

RHU
Shh, don't give the weather ideas.

RADEK
~By the grace of my skill at magic, more like. Your friend is correct.~

VILLAGER
~Oh, daft, whatsit? Where do you think the wizards magic comes from?~
Gaurav: These villagers are straight out of Asterix and Obelix, in the best possible way :-D

VILLAGER
~Sod off.~

RADEK
~I'm sure an undeveloped culture like yours has a very quaint idea of where magic comes from, but I've no time to hear it.~
~What do you lot know about a Cataclysm?~

VILLAGER
~Oh, you're a grumpy one, ain't ye?~
~Cataclysm for a token.~
Ganelon: Wait, is he asking for money?

VILLAGER
~A token? They're outsiders, you idiot.~
Villager smacks the other one.
Villager smacks back.
Gaurav: I sincerely hope he's asking for money. I've been waiting for one of us to do an intimidate check.

GREIBEL
Heh, they must have the Three Stooges on this planet

VILLAGER
~The idiot means a story. When you from?~
Ganelon: When *am* I from?
Wen: I am from Sarathi
Apheori (GM): When.

AZIRAPHALE
I don't know about the rest of you lot.
Wen: Oh.
Ganelon: I should know a date, shouldn't I?
Wen: This is the second time NPCs have conflated time and place. This might be important.
Apheori (GM): Date is a vestigial value from a time when a single planet was involved. It's arbitrary and inapplicable.
Frezak (GM): Time?
TIME?
WE ARE FROM BEYOND TIME.
WE STEPPED OFF THE HANDS.
Ganelon: Fair enough!
Apheori (GM): That said you need to denote time somehow, so it was the 14th span of the 843rd ending.
Whatever that means.
Gaurav: Maybe we can just tell them our age? "We are from 29 Earth years ago"

RADEK
~The 14th span of the 843rd ending, and I should sincerely hope, not the past.~

GREIBEL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYDCiLdkneY

VILLAGER
Er.
~Well, you got me.~
Gaurav: Greibel: thanks!

VILLAGER
~Of course he got you. You don't even know what day it is!~

RADEK
~It doesn't mean anything to us either, don't worry. We abandoned the concept of a singular timeline eons ago.~

VILLAGER
~What day is it?~
~Shut up.~
Bear Soup Guy: Youtube-brain

VILLAGER
~You're used to holes?~

RADEK
~Of what sort?~

VILLAGER
~Holes.~
~You know. Stuff comes out. Goes in. Gets shredded.~

RADEK
~I travel with a brute who enjoys *digging* holes...~
Frezak (GM): Brute?
Ganelon: Yes.

VILLAGER
~Oy, you don't know that! There just happens to be a hole, and folks from the wrong times appear sometimes, but it's just as easily a coincidence.~
Frezak (GM): I have 12 int!

VILLAGER
~Does he dig through time?~
Ganelon: Your strength is not 8.
Frezak (GM): Pfff.
Noddle-armed grump.
Nozzle-armed?

VILLAGER
~Because this hole, what, it goes through TIIIIIME.~
~No it doesn't. You don't know that. Stop making up stories.~

RADEK
~Oh, marvelous!~
Villager smacks the other villager again.

VILLAGER
~Seriously, don't listen to him. He's addled, he is.~

RADEK
~Then presumably, the other side may house a time more agreeable than this one.~

VILLAGER
~Yeah, you just say that because you're addled and feel lonely.~
~Oh, no. there's no other side. Everything just gets shredded that gets near.~
~Yeah, he tried it. Dropped a big ol' boulder in there. You know what happened? It exploded is what happened!~

RADEK
~Have you considered using it for waste disposal?~
~Well, no matter, I should very much like to investigate any matter of spatial or temporal anomaly for myself.~

VILLAGER
~Why would we need a waste disposal?~
Gaurav: I'm going to have to leave in another five minutes or so. Are we meeting again on Saturday at the same time as today (11am MT)?

VILLAGER
~Too far away anyway. Three days just to dump compost? Eck.~
Ganelon: I'll be there.

VILLAGER
Yes.
Oops.
Apheori (GM): Yes.
Bear Soup Guy: Works for me
Ganelon: I wish this ritual worked for more than just me.
You guys must be getting bored.
Gaurav: sweet! keep going, i have ~5 mins.
naah, it's fine. I (Gaurav) am well entertained by these amazing villagers. Rhu is sitting on the grass enjoying the sun.

RADEK
They appear to be talking about some hole that shreds matter in its vicinity
Frezak (GM): 's cool.

AZIRAPHALE
Marvelous.

VILLAGER
~And it killed everything. You should see the wildlife!~
~Kids love it, of course.~
~Back when we had kids.~
~Do you have kids?~

Wen: Not that I know of. /me runs

VILLAGER
~Chuck had a kid. Died.~
~All died.~

RADEK
~Machines are much less irritating.~

VILLAGER
~Oh, they'll wreck too.~
~Even turn on you sometimes.~
~I'd rather have a kid turn on me than a hulk, that's for damn sure.~
~Back when we had hulks, you mean? They went out before the kids did.~

Villagers blather at each other for awhile.

RADEK
Hmph.

Ganelon: Yes, at some point next time I'll have to bring up the making of stuff.
"Hey, anyone want a bomb?"
Ganelon: "I got like, five of 'em."
"Bombs for everyone."
"They're a real blast."
</pre>

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