View source for Holes/Session 4

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<screenplay>
EXT. Dry dusty woods - day

The car appears to have crashed in a clearing amidst some leafless trees, spilling most of the unconscious party out around it. It's no longer hovering. Things are oddly normal and quiet.

Dry leaves and grass cover the dusty ground. Remains of an old campfire are nearby, with some odds and ends lying around it.

The loudest thing around is the Gravedigger snoring in the front seat of the car.

Aziraphale wakes up first ''(rolled 21 constitution (natural 20))'' and looks around, then goes to shake the others, waking up everyone but Greibel. Greibel seems to be having a nice dream, mumbling about a tree.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Aw. He's like a little angel. He could probably do with time to recover from the drugs.

AZIRAPHALE
Alright, so here we are. Lost once again. Lovely.

A slight breeze rustles the dry twiggage and leaves.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
So... this is.... uh....

AZIRAPHALE
I hope you've all had a nice nap. ESPECIALLY YOU, GRAVY.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
It was great. I feel so refreshed.

Aziraphale kicks Greibel lightly.

Rhu coughs at the dust and looks around.

The Gravedigger goes and picks up Radek, placing him on his feet.

Radek grumbles loudly. Dirt sticks to his metallic coating, which tries to eat the dirt, so he wipes the rest of the dirt off.

The Gravedigger smacks a tree to see if it's dead. It is, and drops a bunch of dust on him.

RHU
(beaming)
Guys. GUYS. Reality seems to be not completely messed up for the moment.

He carefully pokes at the ground.

RHU
GUYS! SOLID GROUND!

The Gravedigger pats Rhu.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Yes, that's ground. I know ground all right. And that, there, is ground.

RHU
GROUND.

Rhu lies down on the ground.

RADEK
Yes, but where are we?

The Gravedigger goes to examine the things around the old campfire. It's got logs, some stakes for a tent, an old journal, some shiny things in the grass. The shiny things turn out to be some bottles of what might be potions or liqueurs and a bong.

He checks the bottles and they seem to contain alcohol, though there's something a bit weird about a couple of them. ''(rolled 21 nature)''

He piles them into his bag.

Aziraphale looks at the sky. The sky is a sky, broad and blue and cloudless.

RHU
(getting off the ground)
I think we should check if we can establish radio contact with the ship that brought us to this benighted planet, headquarters, and any living soul again, just in case something changed while we slept.

RADEK
I wouldn't be so quick to assume we're still on Sarathi.

Regardless, Radek checks his radio. It reports no connection.

AZIRAPHALE
Good point. Any way to check? Would be nice if we got teleported out of that hellhole anyway.

RHU
Ah. Well, maybe we're somewhere with a better class of reality, then.
(to Radek)
Have you tried hitting it?

RADEK
Have you tried getting an education in computer engineering? There's no connection.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I could hit it for you! I understand all that learning gave you noodley arms. I'll help!

The Gravedigger readies his shovel.

Greibel finally wakes up and stumbles over to the others.

AZIRAPHALE
Gravy, I don't think that's the best idea.

Aziraphale checks his phone, just for good measure. It gets no reception beyond finding the others' radios. None of them are identifying as 'sexy' anymore.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Aw.

GREIBEL
Hey, what happened dudes?
(he sees the bong)
Oh sweet. Anybody got dibs on the bong?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Magic!

RHU
Maybe Greibel can turn into a swarm of birds and check out the area for us?

Hearing no complaints, Greibel takes the bong.

AZIRAPHALE
I sort of like this reality. I second the suggestion that Greibel scout the area.

GREIBEL
Okay.
(in a serious super-hero voice)
Hold my bong!

Aziraphale reverentially holds it.

Greibel unceremoniously poofs into a flock of dirty birds and flies off in every direction.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
This is fine hole-dirt.

The Gravedigger begins digging.

RADEK
Wait, what are you digging a hole for?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
You never know when you need a good hole.

Rhu picks up the old journal and flips through it. The script looks oddly familiar, but also rather alien, which is unusual, considering just how many worlds their people had already come into contact with... also the handwriting is terrible, which might be the real reason it looks so alien.

RHU
Hey... does anybody recognize this script? It looks... familiar.

Aziraphale motions for him to hand over the journal and he does.

The Gravedigger looms over Aziraphale's shoulder for a glance while he tries going through it, and then goes back to digging.

AZIRAPHALE
Nope.

Rhu takes the journal back and tries looking at it upside down. This somehow makes it even worse. He sighs and pockets it.

Radek goes to check on the car, and then the Greibel flock flutters down in from of them and turns back into a surprisingly clean elf.

GREIBEL
There's a village off in that direction. Looks like some kind of commune sort of place. Other than that, lots of trees, birds, hills. Mostly unpopulated by any kinds of people.

Greibel takes his bong back.

GREIBEL
Thanks for holding this, man. Fragile, you know.

RADEK
Mostly?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
What about things that aren't people? Giant lizards? Magic bugs?

RHU
Any bodies of water around?

GREIBEL
There were some caves, might be some people or animals in there.

GREIBEL
Not much for non-birds. No water anywhere nearby.

AZIRAPHALE
Could go to the village.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
(from the now rather deep hole)
To the willage!

GREIBEL
Willage!

RHU
We should see if we can get the ship named car working first. That would help us get to the village and more importantly get away when everything goes awful.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Oh, all right.

The Gravedigger resumes throwing out shovelfuls of dirt.

Radek gives the car a proper look. It's just sitting there, which is bad. 

The car seems to be turned off. ''(rolled 15 arcana)'' He turns it on, but only the front lifts. The back remains resolutely down to earth.

RHU
Oh! Maybe something's wrong with the rear... disk?

Radek climbs out of the vehicle.

RADEK
Turn this thing over on its side so I can take a look.

The Gravedigger bounds out of his hole and gives a go at flipping the car. ''(rolled 5 strength (natural 1))'' This completely fails, and instead he pulls a muscle.

He then jumps back down and hides in his hole.

RADEK
Hmph.

For good measure, Radek also gives the car flipping a try with his fantastic old-man strength. ''(rolled 6 strength)'' This doesn't work either, but at least the failure isn't as spectacular.

Aziraphale frowns and tries as well, but this also fails. ''(rolled 5 strength (natural 1))'' He breaks a nail.

AZIRAPHALE
Ow.
(he eyes Gravy in his hole)
Guys, I think he's going insane.

RADEK
No. No, no, no, no. We are not talking about sanity again.

RHU
Maybe there's a panel at the back of CAR that opens? Don't mechanical things usually have panels?

RADEK
Let's go to the village.

The Gravedigger gets out and tries flipping the car again and fails again. ''(rolled 5 strength (natural 1))''

Rhu tries. ''(rolled 13 strength)'' Doesn't work, but he does notice a likely panel mostly buried in dust.

RHU
A PANEL!

Rhu digs out the panel and points, hoping someone who understands technology can do the technology thing.

Aziraphale pokes Radek.

The Gravedigger sobs in his hole.

GREIBEL
(from the top of the hole)
Hey man, don't be bummed. It's a pretty big car thing, y'know?

Radek goes and pulls the panel off and pokes around inside trying to sort out if this'll give any indication what's wrong. ''(rolled 22 arcana)'' It looks like the back is mostly just full of dirt.

AZIRAPHALE
Looks like a job for Gravy.

RADEK
Gravy, come get this dirt out of here. Dirt and violence are your two specialities, aren't they?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
If you want that car to work, these giant hamhocks won't help. Will my shovel fit in that hole? I don't think so.

RADEK
Useless!

The Gravedigger sobs in his hole some more.

Radek turns off the car and does it himself. Then he turns the car back on and it just works.

RHU
YAY!

Greibel smokes some random plants from the clearing.

The Gravedigger, in his sorrow, decides to check his bags and see if anything there is amiss. All his things seem to be accounted for, but he finds an extra package of fertiliser among them as well for some reason, labelled 'all-purpose plant food'. He has no idea where it came from.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hey, check your stuff, guys.

The others do. The dragon parts Radek had collected have broken down into sludge. Greibel's pockets are full of fanged peas.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
GAH. PEAS.

GREIBEL
(holding a handful of chittering fanged peas)
Right on.

Greibel puts the peas back in his pocket. The peas come off without complaint.

GREIBEL
Shhhh, your time will come, little ones.

RHU
Those are some cool peas.

AZIRAPHALE
I'm more bothered by the fact that everything seemed sane for a moment, and then bam, fanged peas. Nothing against the peas themselves, just...

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'm sure everything will sort itself out.

AZIRAPHALE
I think we should head to the village.

Everyone basically agrees and they pile into the car. Somehow Rhu winds up in the driver's seat.

RHU
(darkly)
I don't like communes. Or villages. Or ''people''.

GREIBEL
I LOVE communes. And people are alright, but I prefer animals.

RHU
Animals are alright, I guess. Cats are pretty cool, even when they're not gods.

AZIRAPHALE
Cat gods are terrible.

RADEK
Gods, animals, people... I'll stick with my machines.

Rhu squints at the ground and flies the car off toward the village.

GREIBEL
Road trip!

RHU
Plain trip!

GREIBEL
DIRT!

RHU
Huh. This is a cool car.


EXT. Car over dry, dusty woods - day

The car cruises along at a stately some speed or other. Everyone looks out for anything interesting. They see trees. And dirt. And rocks. And a sinkhole over there. And more rocks. And some strange shiny things with a deformed bird on them. And more dirt. And trees. And rocks.

All the trees are dead.

RHU
There are some trees over here. I think.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): We need a new driver.

They drive by the bird for a better look. It is very large, missing a bunch of feathers, and has too many limbs. To Greibel and Gravy, it looks like the result of some sort of bad radiation event. ''(rolled 29, 25 nature)'' Mutated, perhaps second or third generation after the event.

It looks to be guarding its shiny things carefully.

AZIRAPHALE
I suggest we go to the village first. I mean, even if we do all our observations, we can't really understand any of what happened without more information.

GREIBEL
(indicating the bird)
Looks like he isn't going anywhere, I guess

RHU
I agree with Azi, although it might be fun to have Greibel turn into a flock of angry birds and try to distract the mutant bird for us.

Greibel slicks his hair.

AZIRAPHALE
It'd achieve nothing.

Rhu looks grumpy.

AZIRAPHALE
If the mutant birds attack, we could do that.

RHU
We could also just drive this car into the bird. It belongs in a museum!

AZIRAPHALE
You're like the Nissai and the colossus. "This belongs in a museum!"

GREIBEL
I vote village, but that bird is so cute.

Rhu sighs and heads for the village.


EXT. Village - evening

The village is a rough cluster of dusty buildings around an unpaved road. The technology level looks questionable, for uncertain reasons. Some folks are standing around listlessly, but then one spots the car as it approaches and points. They stare up in shock and wonder.

The car comes to a stop, hovering some 20 feet in the air above them.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
(booming down)
HELLO PEOPLE. WE COME TO DIG HOLES.

The people startle at the sound of the Gravedigger's voice and cower in fear.

RADEK
No we don't!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'm trying to reassure them. Everyone likes holes.

The Gravedigger waves at the people. This has no visible effect.

AZIRAPHALE
(over the side of the car)
Hallo.
Hello, people, do you have food? I'm hungry.

It occurs to Aziraphale that the village isn't a commune at all, but instead a general agrarian society. They don't look very well off. They look all afraid and hungry and hopeless. They look like they don't understand a word they're saying. ''(rolled 20 insight)''

Most of them run away into various buildings.

Two villagers remain, just watching.

RADEK
What are they so afraid of?

AZIRAPHALE
Us, I think.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Maybe they've never seen such a beard. It might be scary for them.

RADEK
Fear isn't exactly the first emotion I would experience, looking at this group as an outsider.

AZIRAPHALE
if you were an agrarian society with no experience of space-age technology, wouldn't you be afraid of a hovercraft?

RADEK
Maybe pity.

RHU
An agrarian society? Do you suppose they'd be interested in fertilizer?

AZIRAPHALE
I think they wouldn't know what to do with it.
Guys, this is.. odd. I don't think places like this exist anymore on Sarathi.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Those houses were made by hand. Ya don't see those anymore.

AZIRAPHALE
...so we're either somewhere no one has ever been, on another planet, or in another dimension. This does not please me.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Is this a Ren fair?

AZIRAPHALE
Or we travelled back in time.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I have an idea, guys. Lower us down slowly.

Rhu does so, parking the car an easy distance off the ground. The two watching villagers continue to watch. They're both human, an older-looking man and a woman so wizened she looks like she could be his mother.

The Gravedigger gets out, making exaggerated, slow moves, and clearly puts his shovel and shield into the car. Then he pulls out one of the booze bottles from his pack, uncorks it, and takes a swig.

Then he advances toward the dudes with a bottle in hand.

GREIBEL
That's a great idea! Poor people love booze!

The villagers eye the Gravedigger suspiciously, but then the man also approaches him.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Radek, you're smart. Come with me. And try to not look too grumpy.

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): You know that I still look like a chrome statue, right?

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Shit. Well I'm a horned giant.

RADEK
If this doesn't work I'm breaking out the science.

Radek steps out of the car and follows Gravy.

The Gravedigger offers the man the bottle.

The man accepts the bottle, eyes it with slight confusion, but also takes a swig.

The woman is watching Radek.

Rhu and Greibel watch from the car. Rhu is clearly impressed. Greibel is clearly stoned. Aziraphale is actually watching the rest of the village.

VILLAGER MAN
''Tatee kanao hanosca?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Now that we have his attention, Radek. Do some smart gesture figuring out stuff. I'll get you a stick so you can draw things in the dirt.
Keep an eye out for trouble, guys?

Aziraphale keeps an eye out.

VILLAGER WOMAN
''Ahtaano hafflas.

The man looks back, worried.

The woman shrugs.

Radek just stands there like a statue as the Gravedigger watches him expectantly.

AZIRAPHALE
Guys, if we went back in time, or to another planet, or to another dimension, this might well be a "normal" world as far as these folks are concerned. Including the deformed bird.

RHU
Ask them if they know the way to the nearest city?

VILLAGER MAN
(trying again)
''Enry?

AZIRAPHALE
just different stages of evolution.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Sorry, I'm not familiar with your words, Mr farmer.

VILLAGER MAN
(he gestures around to the village)
''Vosals. Acandorai tira.

RADEK
What do we want from them? We aren't going to get any kind of complex information like this. Certainly not with a stick.

AZIRAPHALE
Ask them where the city is. Gesture tall buildings. Shrug. Point places. That should do it.

GREIBEL
A stick can be more telling than you might think, man.

Greibel smokes from the bong a little

RHU
Show them the tablet computers?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well you come here and do gesturings!

Aziraphale exits the car and joins the Gravedigger and Radek, then gestures as described.

This doesn't achieve much. The woman glares at them for a moment.

VILLAGER WOMAN
Kanao tira.

She starts gesturing and chanting, casting some spell.

The man smiles helpfully at them.

Aziraphale makes a gesture for keeping evil away.

GREIBEL
(to Rhu)
Hey, man, the radiation's mostly normal now. Meh. Probably bananas.

RHU
Hmm. I wonder why the birds seem so much worse affected than the people?

A soft light explodes slowly around the woman and permeates the area, and as it does, a much smaller, much younger-looking woman, Amadi, appears in the car next to Greibel.

GREIBEL
Jinkies!

Rhu jumps in his seat.

The villager woman also looks surprised. This was clearly not her intended effect.

AMADI
What time is it?!

RHU
(looking at Amadi, surprised)
Who's that?

AZIRAPHALE
I think you should try to talk to her. This one at least appears to understand gobblygook.

AMADI
Who's who? Who're YOU?

GREIBEL
Who made you?

AMADI
I did! Did I? Maybe? What time is it!

GREIBEL
Are you friendly or unfriendly?

Meanwhile the villager man goes back to the other villager and they confer in hushed voices.

The Gravedigger stalks back to the car and picks up Amadi, holding her up to his face.

GREIBEL
Ah man, come on...

THE GRAVEDIGGER
DO YOU LIKE HOLES?

Aziraphale follows him back to the car as well.

AZIRAPHALE
(slightly more politely)
Do you know these people?

AMADI
Do I like holes? Do I like holes... hm. Did I fall through a hole? I think I'm friendly until proven otherwise. The holes are neutral.

The Gravedigger puts her down.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hmmm. I have my eye on you.

AZIRAPHALE
Do you know the people here? Do you recognise a ship-car-thing?

RHU
(to Amadi)
I am Rhu, an avenger serving the great god Hazz'ridan. Where do you come from?

Amadi stumbles a little at being put down and takes some uncertain steps. Then she looks around, trying to take in the whole... rather messy scene.

VILLAGER MAN
(still speaking deslau; to Amadi)
''Hail, who speaks our tongue, are you with those demons?

AZIRAPHALE
What did he just say to you?

Amadi ignores the party of lunatics and goes over to the villager, looking up at him. She's not the biggest of ladies.

AMADI
What time is it?

Aziraphale stares after Amadi, quite offended.

VILLAGER MAN
(in deslau)
''Evening, but I'm afraid I can't say more specific.

The Gravedigger looks up at the sky. The evening is getting thinner now. Some wisps of high clouds are curling about.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Evening time! Teatime! or dinner! Do we have sandwiches left?

The Gravedigger checks his pack for sandwiches. He finds some sandwiches and snacks.

AMADI
Oh. Really?

Amadi looks at the sky.

VILLAGER MAN
(in deslau)
''Yes.

AMADI
Well. Okay! 
I don't think I know these demons. Are they demons? One of them knows Hazz!

RADEK
I'm not a demon.

VILLAGER MAN
''Hazz?

Amadi turns away from the villager and looks at Rhu.

AMADI
Hazz'ridan. You don't know him. Don't worry about it.

RHU
Do you mean Hazz'ridan, the great God of Dead Ends? I worship him.

AMADI
I don't think you know him. Do you know him?

VILLAGER MAN
(in deslau)
''Names differ. Should we?

RHU
He is my guide and my protector.

AMADI
Guide. Hah. Hah... Good one.

The two villagers confer.

GREIBEL
If you count getting people miserably lost as protection...

THE GRAVEDIGGER
He's not the most hope-filled fellow, that's for sure.

RHU
It is in becoming lost that we find ourselves.

Rhu holds his implement worshipfully.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Yeah, that sort of gibberish. Stick to holes, I say. Very simple things. None of these Zen things.

The villager woman seems to recognise the implement, and nods.

Amadi turns back to the villagers.

AMADI
(pondering)
Vitoi, maybe? I mean, if it's evening... it might be?

VILLAGER WOMAN
(in deslau)
''That one.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Anyone want a sandwich?

AMADI
I want a sandwich!

VILLAGER WOMAN
(in deslau)
''Sandwich?

AMADI
(to the villager)
Yes, a sandwich. This guy has... he calls them sandwiches.

Amadi runs over to the Gravedigger, and he hands her a sandwich.

The woman follows her, but the man hangs back.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Anyone else? I think I have... little... cake packet things.

RHU
(to Amadi)
Do you also study the ways of the maze?

AZIRAPHALE
(to Amadi)
So who are these people and where are we?

A few villagers step outside their homes. They're still not sure what's going on, but they seem reassured at least somewhat that the newcomers aren't hostile.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I don't have enough sandwiches for everyone.

Amadi takes a big bite of the food-stuff and turns to Rhu, shaking her head.

AMADI
Ah 'now 'im. 'E's fun.

RHU
Fun... yes, I suppose he is.
(he pauses)
I suppose that depends on what you find fun, though.

VILLAGER WOMAN
(in deslau)
''They do not call them sandwiches. What are they?

Amadi chews and swallows and turns back to the villager.

AMADI
They speak sorta funny, I guess. They're sandwichy enough. Mmmm...

The woman frowns and goes back to talk to a growing swarm of other villages.

Amadi takes another bite, bigger this time.

RHU
(to Amadi)
Do you know where we are? My party and I appeared on this planet not an hour ago and we don't know where we are.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
We were eaten by a hole. It was the sky.

AMADI
...I think there might have been a hole... at some point...

RHU
We were on Sarathi, and quite frankly a single hole would have been an improvement.

AMADI
Sarathi! Yes, there would be holes...

AZIRAPHALE
You mean this isn't Sarathi?

AMADI
This isn't Sarathi! Less holes.

RHU
A hole less present is one I am grateful for, except for the carefully engineered holes that my friend The Gravedigger here constructs for us. 

RADEK
Oh, marvellous.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
And the sky isn't giving us looks, either. And no fish. You noticed that, guys? No fish! Just a... mutant bird thing.

RHU
Oh man, yes! Zero fish is the right number of fish.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Thanks, Rhu. I take it back. You're okay.
(suddenly realising)
DAMMIT. I should have buried the fish. Sorry, giant fish.

RADEK
Where is this, then?

AMADI
This, is... uh...

Amadi looks everything over again, looks hesitant for a bit, then shrugs and announces proudly:

AMADI
This, my friends - or demons - or whatevers - is Arling Tor!

GREIBEL
Arling Tor!
(to Amadi)
So you guys don't know stuff about space travel and other planets and stuff per chance, do you?

AMADI
Planets? Space? Uh. It's... out there, mostly? I'm sorry, there was a hole, I... I think it maybe got stuck in here.

Amadi gestures first at the sky and then bonks her head. Then she looks back at the villagers.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
A hole in your head? As a hole expert, that does not sound great.

GREIBEL
Maybe holes work different here.

Greibel shrugs.

AMADI
(calling out to the villagers in a quiet half-yell)
I sort of doubt they're demons. They don't smell very demonic to me. More... dirty.

Greibel poses proudly at the mention of dirtiness.

SOME VILLAGER
(in deslau)
''So what are they?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
It's the price to pay for hole science.

RHU
We have had encounters with fish, my lady. It was old fish.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Except when it wasn't.

GREIBEL
Older afterwards.

RADEK
Hold on. You don't know anything about space-faring technology. Does  ''anyone''?

AMADI
(sticking her lip out in a pout)
I didn't say I didn't know things, I said it might be stuck in a hole! I totally know space-travel and technology and stuff.

RHU
(to Amadi)
I'm afraid none of us have ever heard of Arling Tor. Can you tell us more? Where is this planet?

AMADI
Arling Tor is in Arling Tor. Duh,

Exasperatedly, Aziraphale tries praying to Carriya for some direction on what to do next. No signs miraculously appear.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
How do you know these people's languages? Don't suppose it's in a book or something?

AMADI
(she shrugs)
I like words.

RHU
You... wouldn't know the way to the nearest city, would you?

AMADI
I would!

RHU
Where are you headed? Can we give you a ride?

GREIBEL
Ooo, is it Sandwich City?

AMADI
I am headed to... Midnight, maybe. Or tea-time. I wouldn't mind a ride, I guess. Or company. I've missed company.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Where have you been?

RHU
Is Midnight a city on this planet? I don't think our car is capable of space travel, but maybe you could get a ship to Midnight when we get to the nearest city?

RADEK
Right now, a way to re-establish communications would be ideal.

AMADI
.... Noooo, midnight is not a city. It's a time. You know time, right? And I've been here and there. Not for a while, though. I think. There was a hole. I remember morning, but it wasn't anything to write home about.

Some of the gathered villagers are still just watching, and others going about their business... watching.

The Gravedigger is confuddled, then goes over to the two villagers they'd been trying to talk to before.

The Gravedigger gives the man the rest of the bottle and pats him on the back, who gasps for breath as a result of the pat, but takes the bottle happily enough. Then the man goes back to his porch. 

The woman buggers off in another direction.

RHU
I fear our morning has been nothing if not memorable.

AZIRAPHALE
In a bad way.
(he mutters darkly)
The last city we tried to land at didn't go well.

AMADI
Oh, can we trade?

RADEK
Trade what?

AMADI
Mornings!

RADEK
I'm afraid our morning could be considered damaged goods. As in, dimensionally damaged.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
It had fish in it. And undead chickens.

AZIRAPHALE
Fair point.

GREIBEL
Speak for yourselves, dudes. I found a perfectly good bong.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
But it's evening now, Greibel.

GREIBEL
Oh, right.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
That's an Evening Bong.

Greibel smiles widely.

GREIBEL
It sure is!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
You had paint this morning.

GREIBEL
At least the paint was a cool color. Same as the bong, really.

RHU
It is indeed evening, and I'd like to be somewhere with decent food, a clean bed and possibly television before nightfall, hopefully with some news on whether I still get paid or not.

AMADI
Oh, hah. You really are funny, mister. I see why Hazz would like you.

RHU
(to Greibel)
The cat goddess - Lokshmi? - was pretty cool, too.
(to Amadi)
Do you know of Lokshmi?

GREIBEL
Oh yeah, Lokshmi, groovy chick.

AMADI
Oh, sure.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Uh, gods. Come, Greibel. Let us search for drugs.

GREIBEL
Oh right on!

Greibel and the Gravedigger wander off in search for drug plants.

GREIBEL
(singing)
Hi-ho, hi-ho. It's off to drugs we go.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
(singing)
And all the boys come to my drug yard.

Radek sighs deeply.

AZIRAPHALE
(to Amadi)
Oh, say, do you know why we saw deformed birds and shiny things and sinkholes some way away from here?

AMADI
(she chews her lip and turns to Azir)
Well, uh... that would probably be the cataclysm. It keeps happening although it shouldn't and is completely new and it was that gal with the blue eyes who started it all and now there are cats.

Aziraphale mutters.

AZIRAPHALE
Gal with blue eyes? Cats? Lokshmi? She's behind this?

AMADI
Yes. Uhm, no. I dunno. Cataclysm. 'S real bad.

AZIRAPHALE
I'm not a fan, regardless. If she's behind this, look what position she put us in.

AMADI
Honestly, if you were on Sarathi you can't really blame anyone.

RADEK
Does that mean you know what happened to the planet?

AMADI
Besides, Lokshmi's eyes-

Amadi falls suddenly and unexplainably asleep. She snores loudly, once, and then disappears as though she were never there.

Aziraphale stares at the spot where Amadi had been in surprise.

Rhu looks around slightly panickily to make sure that nothing else is vanishing. For now, nobody is.

Radek just looks grumpy.
</screenplay>

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