View source for Holes/Session 44

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INT. Wizard's tower second floor - day

A dead dragon and bits of zombie are all over the floor, and something Dawn maaaay have puked up. It's pretty gross. There also seems to be some sort of nest under the dragon.

Gold and gems are stuck to the floor all around. Literally stuck. It's all a bit sticky.

RADEK
Gravy, ''where'' did you just come from?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Dunno.

RHU
Didn't he come up the stairs behind you?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I think I accidentally stepped behind the wrong atom and got sidelined in spacetime.
Greibel. I have a very important question for you.

GREIBEL
I have a lovely bunch of coconuts.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'll take that as an assent of readiness.

Dawn walks over to the Gravedigger and headbutts his leg and then falls over as a result.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Can you smoke dragon?

Greibel doesn't respond.

Radek grumbles and stomps over to Rhu to administer medical attention, giving him a pair of syringes.

Rhu looks grateful, accepts the syringes, and uses them.

Radek pries some gems out of the sticky floor. He tries to clean them off a bit before doing anything with them, but it looks like they may require industrial-strength solvents to fully do so. He winds up with a ruby and a couple saphires and a whole pile of garnets.

8000gp worth of sticky, gross, something-encrusted gems. They might even be toxic.

Radek stores them in a container.

Rhu searches his cloak for something that might help him pick up the gold, and finds the string of beads left for us on the driving seat of the car instead.

'''''Apheori (GM)''': You should put the gold in Amadi's pockets.

'''''Ellemerr''': And when you ask for it back later, it'll have turned into mica. All of it. Except one coin. That's a crow. A tiiiiny crow. Made out of silver.

'''''Ellemerr''': On a half-related note, in Norway the name for mica is literally "crowsilver".

Dawn gets up and asks to borrow a shovel. The Gravedigger gives her his least favourite shovel.

DAWN
...thanks. I think?

Dawn tries to use Gravy's least favourite shovel, fails miserably, and then starts to hand it back.

RHU
Wait, let me try!

Rhu does so.

RADEK
You're all going to look like fools when we end up on a planet which doesn't accept coins as currency.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Not if we offload 'em before that.

Rhu shovels the gold off the floor, ''(rolled 23 strength)'' then offers the gold to anyone who wants it, leaving the rest in a bag in the middle of the floor. It's about 3000gp worth total.

Dawn takes two pieces and puts them on her eyes. They stick like weird goggles.

Amadi touches a piece and it turns to mica.

At some point they head upstairs.


INT. Wizard's tower top floor - day

The party piles up the stairs. The upstairs is full of magical treasure, some sort of office/magical workspace, from the look of it, complete with a magical desk and chair set, cabinets, and bookshelves. The shelves contain a bunch of ritual books, among other, stranger books.

Some magical weapons and a pickaxe are lying around, and there is also a stand covered in tacky costume jewelry. A shiny blue orb is with the jewelry.

GREIBEL
Oooo.

Greibel rushes to sit in the chair and recline, putting his feet up on the desk. It's nice and comfy.

Rhu opens a cabinet and finds a heap of zombie parts.

RADEK
...Anything you can identify as magical but useless to us, gather up in a pile somewhere.

Dawn goes to the books and starts going through them, collecting all the non-ritual ones. They seem to be a lot of tacky
novellas. Amadi fights her for some of them.

Dawn fights back.

Radek hurries over to the books to make sure he's not missing anything good, but the two midget godlings and blocking most of it, hissy-slapping each other and grabbing books out of each other's hands.

Radek tries to pick them up, one hand for each of them, but with them fighting like this it doesn't entirely work. The Gravedigger, however, has no trouple at all picking them up and putting them down elsewhere. In a corner.

As Radek sorts through the books, he tosses the ones he's not interested in towards them.

''Tenser's Flaming Trousers'' bounces off Amadi's head.

Radek winds up with a pile of ritual books: ''Silence'', ''Water Walk'', ''Magic Mouth'', 2 ''Secret Page''s, ''Tenser's Floating Disk'', ''Hand of Fate'', ''Sending'', ''Knock'', ''Leomund's Secret Chest'', ''Raise Dead'', and ''Forbiddance''.

Radek throws the second ''Secret Page'' at the godlings as well, then surreptitiously begins to stuff ritual books into his bag.

The Gravedigger walks up behind Radek and looms helpfully.

Radek looks up as the shadow appears from behind and finds Gravy. Smiling helpfully.

RADEK
...What? Did you need something?

Radek lifts another book off the shelf.

RADEK
I'm busy.

The Gravedigger looks sad and hurt.

Rhu piles up the weapons and other magic items (the orb and a random necklace that happened to be amidst the rest) on the desk by Greibel's feet.

GREIBEL
Some day. Some day I'll get some stuff done...

Greibel stares glassily at the walls while smoking a tobacco pipe. Not filled with tobacco, mind you.

Amadi is fighting very passionately over "Fifty Shades of Blurple".

Dawn tears out some pages on accident trying to get it away from Amadi. Amadi doesn't even notice, like the pages don't exist at all. ''(rolled 10 perception)''

Dawn, however, does notice and gets distracted by the wad of pages she suddenly realises she's holding. ''(rolled 24 perception)''

Amadi grabs the book and stuffs it in her pocket. She stuffs all the books in her pockets!

Dawn stuffs the ending in her own pocket and goes back to fighting Amadi for the remaining books.

Finished with the books, Radek heads over to the magic pile.

RADEK
Alright, what do we have? Anything you all want to keep?

The Gravedigger picks up the necklace, which turns out to be a Medallion Of Death Deferred.

In the background, Dawn seems to have a bag on her head. She slooks slightly headless. She's still trying to fight Amadi, but it's not working very well since she can't see or hear what she's doing.

To Amadi, she looks ''really'' headless. Like the bag just ate her entire head and collapsed on her shoulders.

Radek prods Greibel in the shoulder.

RADEK
Out of the magical chair. Unless you have a way to take it with you, I'm unravelling it.

GREIBEL
Someday my chair prince will come.

Greibel sulks off.

Before he does anything else, Radek examines the desk and chair. ''(rolled 29 arcana)'' He finds that they seemed to be designed to make an ideal workspace - comfortable, bonuses to focussing, and something about an old, failing mind.

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): Aw man. Now I wish we could take it with us.

Dawn finally stops fighting Amadi with a few books left, and just falls over and stops moving for some reason.

AMADI
HAH! Mine! ALL MINE!

Amadi strikes various victory poses.

Rhu walks over and shakes Dawn.

RHU
You okay?

AMADI
Oh, she's just a sore loser.

AMADI
Because she lost. And I didn't.

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): I have a solution to this problem. We draw a face on the bag.

Rhu tries to touch her head through the bag, except the bag doesn't seem to have anything in it.

RHU
...um, Radek? This seems more like a magic problem than a medic problem.

Radek is hovering over the chair, frowning.

RADEK
...What?

RHU
Dave's lost her head.

RADEK
Only just now?
(he glances over)
Ah, you meant literally.

Rhu nods.

AMADI
Hey, why's she getting all the attention? I'm the one who won! 
...Dawn, you are such a drama queen.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Is this our problem?

RHU
(examining Dawn)
She seems to be dead, though for a godling that might not be saying much.

RADEK
Hmph.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
It's fix itself.

RHU
What's going on? Where did the bag come from? Is it some kind of security system or something?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Unless, of course, she is fixed now that she has no head. Maybe she's what she should be now. Who cares!

RHU
She's dead! Dead's not fixed. Even for a godling.

AMADI
Ugh, you people!

Amadi drags the bag off of Dawn with an annoyed look on her face.

As soon as Amadi pulls the bag off, Dawn's head comes out and is perfectly normal again. She resumes breathing.

Rhu checks all her vital signs again.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Oh, it's one of those.

RHU
Is that a bag of holding or something? Or just a bag of killing-people-by-deleting-things?

RADEK
...In the future, do not bother me about raising either of those two from the dead until three weeks have passed since they "died".

Radek turns the chair around to face the pile of magic items, sitting down, and begins to disenchant them.

Rhu picks up a rather ugly stuffed rhinoceros off the shelf and experimentally sticks it into the bag. It disappears from the outside, leaving no external impression of its bulk, and weighing nothing outside, and comes out again like normal.

RHU
Guys! I think this is a bag of holding!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Uh-huh.

Rhu puts the rhinoceros into his backpack and shows the bag to Radek.

RADEK
Ah, another one of these?
(he takes the bag)
Thank you. I'll try not to destroy this one during experimentation.

Radek hesitates for a moment, then adds:

RADEK
...Unless I need to.

With a sigh, Radek gets up and disenchants the table and chair, too.

Amadi wakes Dawn. This involves a certain amount of slapping and complaining about Dawn being a terrible loser.

They head back down. The Gravedigger grabs the dragon corpse on the way and drags it outside the tower.

Before they head out entirely, the Gravedigger buries the dragon.
</screenplay>

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