View source for Holes/Session 32

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<screenplay>
INT. Dorin town inn - Evening

The inn is a standard fantasy inn with tavern with a really bad bard. Folks throw things at the bard occasionally. The innkeeper is also glaring at the bard, but not doing anything other than that.

The bard is singing horribly. George is in the corner wearing a pair of industrial earmuffs. The sort folks use when jackhammering a sidewalk.

The party enters, the Gravedigger carrying Rhu, Greibel petting the porridge.

The bard starts singing about them. It's kind of insulting. And screechy. And a bit waily. It's a bit racist, but the racism is mitigated by his having no idea what race most of them are. So it's more along the lines of log-man hoisted by a dog-man, big big big dog-man, all about are soggy men, loiging in a bog-man... then it dissolves into a largely unintelligible mess.

RHU
(under his breath)
...what is going on?

The Gravedigger heads up to the bar and beckons over the innkeeper.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Oy. Is the bard over there important somehow? Son of some lord or something? Is there any reason I can't just toss him out?

INNKEEPER
Ugh, no. We don't even know where the guy came from. Bouncer gave up removing him days ago since he just keeps coming back, but if you can get rid of him...
(indicating Rhu)
What's with that stick of a guy? You not intending to use his boniness as a weapon, are you? We have a size limit on allowed weapons, you know, so I'm going to need that answer to be no.

RHU
(under his breath)
What bony elf?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Nah, he's a passenger.

The Gravedigger puts Rhu on a chair and goes after the bard instead, who runs away as soon as the Gravedigger comes near him, singing faster and louder.

Other folks in the inn start to watch with interest.

Rhu realises that he's at a table and leans onto it.

RHU
(to the empty table)
Excuse me, have you seen a bony elf around here somewhere? I think that terrible singer is looking for one.

Greibel walks over to Rhu, confused as to why the avenger is talking to a table with nobody sitting at it.

The Gravedigger shoots the blade of the shovel off at the bard with a loud SPOIIIIING, bonking him in the back of the head and knocking him down. ''(rolled 26 vs AC)''

The bard starts shrieking unintelligibly. It's really high-pitched and rather uncomfortable.

The other folks in the inn look decidedly pained and one guy passes out.

The Gravedigger drags the bard outside and throws him into a hole. He continues to shriek.

Inside the tavern everyone looks a lot happier now that the bard is further away. The passed out guy starts snoring.

George doesn't seem to have noticed any of this past his earmuffs.

The Gravedigger plods back inside and the inkeeper pours him a drink.

Rhu continues conversing to the empty table.

'''''Bear Soup Guy''' (Greibel): Would it be terribly counter-productive if I re-enacted that scene from Cheech And Chong's Up In Smoke where Chong accidentally gives Cheech acid?

'''''Apheori (GM)''': Maybe, but it'd be hilarious.

'''''Gaurav''' (Rhu): Criminey. Can you at least roll to pick the right potion?

'''''Bear Soup Guy''' (Greibel): I'll roll a... something, to rummage through my pack looking for white pills that look a lot like other white pills.

GREIBEL
Hold on Rhu, I've got something that'll mellow your mind, man.

Greibel rummages through his pack and finds some white pills. ''(rolled 14 perception)''

GREIBEL
Here ya go, man. Take these.

RHU
Eh? What? Huh?

Rhu takes the pills, sniffs suspiciously at them, then shrugs and swallows.

Nothing happens.

RHU
That was nice, Greibel, thanks. Vitamins?

GREIBEL
Yeah, Vitamin Q and some supplements. It might enhance your other senses a bit.

RHU
Oh, NICE. I could really use that!

Rhu grins and nods in entirely the wrong direction. He puts a small black stone on his head and starts balancing it absentmindedly.
</screenplay>

<pre>
Meanwhile Radek heads to George's corner. He slides up next to George and takes a seat, but George doesn't immediately notice him, just staring at his drink.

George suddenly notices Radek, almost jumps out of his chair, and pulls off an earmuff.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
How long have you been there?

RADEK
...A few minutes. Don't worry, I appreciate the silence. Any minute now I'm expecting one of the deadbeats to come pestering me about some new problem.

George glances over at the others. Rhu, Greibel and Amadi are chatting. The Gravedigger is gathering up some drinks.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
They seem occupied.

RADEK
Yes, that is how the problems get started. Sometimes they're not responsible. I still have to fix it all, though.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Is that how you wound up here?

RADEK
I think I would go insane trying to understand how I wound up here.



RHU
(in the direction that Greibel had been speaking from earlier)
Where are Dave and Amadi? Are they still with us?

Amadi appears.

AMADI
No. No, we're not.

GREIBEL
Definitive answer from the source.

RHU
(looks towards Greibel, then towards Amadi, then back towards Greibel)
One of you is wrong.

AMADI
I'm never wrong.

RHU
Okay then. Is Dave still around?

AMADI
Depends. Around what?

RHU
Around... here? I dunno. I don't think Hazz' seriously expects me to able to protect you two without... you know (gestures at his face). But I hope she's okay with that crazy guard.

AMADI
Oh, she's fiiine, they're both fiiiine.

Rhu looks at Amadi suspiciously but doesn't say anything.

RHU
Are we in a pub? Do they have sandwiches?

AMADI
Are we in a pub? Why are we in a pub? I have sandwiches.

RHU
Radek and Gravy said something about some guy they liked the look off. Something about the Holes? ...I'm sure they can make me one here. If I just knew who to ask.

AMADI
Oh, yeah. You should probably fix the Holes.

RHU
(pointing towards the restrooms)
That's ''their'' job. I'm just supposed to keep an eye on Dave and you. And that skull that has someone's soul in it, I guess.

AMADI
Yeah, and Squirrel. ...I left her with Dave. They're fiiiine.

Rhu stares at Amadi for a second, suddenly realising he can see her. Then he waves at her.

RHU
Hi?

Amadi waves at Rhu, then turns to the nearest waitress.

AMADI
(sweetly)
Can we have a sandwich? I already have one but my friend doesn't and I'd like to compare; I got this bit of wiggly thing in mine and I'm just not sure they're supposed to be like that?



Rhu stares at Amadi some more, then turns around to see if he can see anything else.
Rhu absentmindedly reaches up to take the stone off his head and puts it on the table.
Amadi reaches out to pick up the stone.
Apheori (GM): The barman asks Gravy if Amadi is with them.


Frezak: Gravy shrugs.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Could be one or t'other.

RHU
Greibel? Are you still here?

GREIBEL
Here as I'll ever be


A waitress hands Amadi a rather tired-looking sandwich.

Apheori (GM): RHU: You can see a sort of glow that might be an outline of Greibel. IT might not be.






GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
So what're you trying to solve?

RADEK
Oh, the whole universe is coming apart at the seams. Holes connecting planes of existence that should never interact with each other opening up everywhere. I've closed ''one''. I'm trying to improve the method.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Fuck.

George downs his drink.

RADEK
Well, don't worry too much. This place seems fine, other than the zombies. If a hole opens up I'm sure we'll head on over to try and fix it. No guarantees something idiotic won't happen and stick us between the fabric of reality, though...

Radek sighs.

RADEK
Again.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
The zombies may be coming out of a... hole.

RADEK
Oh?

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Where reality just gets weird around it. And the closer you get, the more likely... Well, they sent in a unit. They came out zombie.

RADEK
Yes, yes, that sounds like one. Maybe I can fix both of your problems at once, then, George.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
You have some way to make people less stupid?
(he looks at Radek skeptically)
If that were so, you'd look happier.

Radek looks at George for a moment, and laughs. He laughs for a long time.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Which problems did you mean, then?

RADEK
Just the ones threatening your life, I'm afraid.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Oh.

George sighs.

RADEK
I'll remember to find you if I ever find a cure for stupidity. You do the same, alright?

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Oh, I've found A cure. Just not a good one. And generally I wind up arresting those who administer it.

RADEK
Well, I'd be lying if I said ''I'' never tried to build a doomsday device. It's hard to be grateful about the end of all things when it's actually happening, though.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Yeah, no kidding. Nevermind all the idiots that live here, I have to live here too.




RHU
Are you... there? (points at the Greibel-outlining glow)

AMADI
Hmm... Well, there's no sort of wriggle bit, but... I'm still not too sure about this. Here.

Amadi hands the sandwich to Rhu.

Greibel puts his hand on Rhu's shoulder.

GREIBEL
BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

Greibel starts laughing.





Gaurav: DM: Amadi handed Rhu a sandwich. Could I see the sandwich, or just her empty hand? And did I see the Greibel-shaped outline put his hand on my shoulder and then shout in my ear?
Apheori (GM): Just to be clear, the outline did say blaaaaargh.
Gaurav: HUH.
Apheori (GM): You just see a darker smudge where the sandwich it.
is
Rhu pokes at the darker smudge

RHU
Is this a ... sandwich?

AMADI
Oh, for the sake of ice-cream!

Amadi digs in frustration through her pockets and hands Rhu a mask.

Gaurav: Ellemerr: did you perception that rock I took off my head? It might be another one of those rocks-with-shapes-on-'em things we've been correcting!
Apheori (GM): Now I want ice cream.
What did you do with the rock?
(From Amadi): I have no idea what the mask does. In my head it might make him see things like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKpYXkcVJGs
Rhu pokes at the gap between her fingers/the mask, depending on whether I can see it or not.

RHU
What is this?
Ellemerr: Oh, I picked it up. Then I got distracted by sandwiches. I can look at it now while he's distracted by my mask.

AMADI
It might help.
Gaurav: The Distraction Duo.
Rhu feels it/looks at it, realises that it's a mask, and tries putting it on the wrong way around.
Gaurav: If the mask doesn't magically twist itself around to conform to my face, I'll try it the other way around.
Apheori (GM): It doesn't do anything weird. Yet.
Radek pats George on the back. Softly - he couldn't make much of an impact even if he tried.
Apheori (GM): 
AMADI
The rock had the symbol for contagion on it.
Ellemerr: Delightful!
Who had the other rocks?
Apheori (GM): 
RHU
You put the mask on properly, and now you can sort of see. Now everything looks like muppets. And there's mould or something everywhere. Everything is kind of fuzzy/hairy, at any rate.

RHU
HUH.

Rhu takes the mask off, checks to see that he's still blind, then puts the mask back on.

AMADI
So can you eat now?

RHU
Greibel, you have GOT to try this sometime.

Rhu puts on and takes off the mask a couple of times, then leaves it on.

RHU
Thanks, Mrs. Teatime! I like what you've done with your hair. I can see! I CAN SEE! And also eat, I think.

AMADI
No problem. ...This rock is camouflaged as toxic waste. Or something. I think. Or maybe it's the other way around. Do you want it?

RHU
I'm always happy to hold onto stones! I've got two already, I think. Are you going to eat that furry-looking sandwich? I'm famished.

AMADI
I got it for you! I already have one.
Apheori (GM): Entirely unrelatedly, blackberry syrup apparently curdles baileys.

RHU
Oh, thanks a million! That's very nice of you.
Rhu guzzles down the sandwich.

RHU
Hang on, I need to try something.
Rhu tries to walk to the bar by using the mask.
Gaurav: Is that an easy enough thing to do or should I roll something?
Apheori (GM): d20
Gaurav: Also: huh. Is the blackberry syrup still pretty fresh?
Rhu:
rolling d20
(
11
)
=
11

RADEK
Can't help you with that, I'm afraid. I'd offer to take you with me, but... you would regret it. I ''can'' fix the hole, though, if you'll point me over that way.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Hah! Well, sure. I'll take you there tomorrow, how's that sound? File the paperwork, send out all the requisitions...

George mumbles incoherently.



Apheori (GM): 
RHU
You walk into the bar and bounce off.
Your depth perception is really... weird.
And bouncy.

RADEK
Apheori (GM): The syrup is very fresh.
Gaurav: Do I bounce gently or rapidly?
Apheori (GM): It feels like... both?


Rhu:
rolling d20+10 acrobatics check to catch myself and try to approach the bar again
(
13
)
+10
=
23
Apheori (GM): 
RHU
You approach the bar again. d20, please.
Gaurav: BSG: do you still have the other stones we found? You might want to take Amadi's stone from her, in case she vanishes.
Rhu:
rolling d20
(
7
)
=
7
Bear Soup Guy: Did I have the stones?
Gaurav: I have two. I thought you had the other ... one? Two?
Bear Soup Guy: I might have
Oy, my memory is as bad as Greibel's
If I had it though then I still have it in my pack
Gaurav: I have rock-with-bird and rock-with-tree.
Apheori (GM): Do you keep an inventory in your journal?
Gaurav: Your inventory says "Two shiny stones"
Bear Soup Guy: Oh, so it does
So I guess I do have two, then
What was your original question? XD
Apheori (GM): 
RHU
This time you go to the counter and it seems like you walk through it partway.

RHU
Um.
Apheori (GM): You can keep walking or stop and/or backup.
BSG: He wants you to take the stone away from Amadi and add it to your pile.

RADEK
That would be great. I could use the time to work on this formula, anyways.



Rhu stops, then quickly walks backward, a little embarrassed to be messing with the laws of physics. He checks to see if Radek is pissed off with him for doing this, but he seems to be pretty involved with his conversation.

GREIBEL
(To Amadi) Mind if I pocket that away with the others?
Ganelon: "Hey, Rhu! Stop violating natural laws!"

RHU
For future reference (i.e. put this in your inventory!), Greibel's two stones have a stylised mask and a dragon on them respectively.
Gaurav: "Sorry Radek! Walking around in a mask while blind is hard!"
Amadi shrugs and takes out her sandwich, eyeing the wiggly bit suspiciously.
Gaurav: err that last was ooc
Bear Soup Guy: Got it
Bear Soup Guy takes the stone, examines it a bit, then stuffs it in the pack with the others
Bear Soup Guy: err IC
Ganelon: Did I have a stone?
I don't think so, but if I'm supposed to, it's not written down.
Apheori (GM): They probably have all of them, then.
Ganelon: Alright then.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Great. I'll be here.
Gaurav: Yeah, I think it was just Greibel and me collecting stones like it ain't even a thing.
Heh. "I'll be here" is such an RPG I'm-out-of-things-to-say line. I assume every time we try to talk to George he'll say something like "Come back tomorrow so I can take you to the Hole nearby."
Rhu tries to catch the barkeep's attention, and tries to buy a beer with the coins we found in the lab.
Bear Soup Guy: Gaur: XD
Radek stands up and glances about the room, surprised to see it still in relatively undamaged condition.
Ganelon: What's Gravy doing?
Frezak: DUnno, I'm just about to leave.
Won't be back 'till an hour or so.
Apheori (GM): The barkeep accepts them, seems surprised, mentions something about Auberdeen, and gives Rhu a beer.
Ellemerr: I sort of have an appointment I should be leaving for, too. But how long are we intending to go on anyway?
Gaurav: I can play for exactly two more hours, and then I gotta go listen to a man about a genome.
Ellemerr: Exactly two hours? So at... ten to half whatever-it-would-be-over there...
Gaurav: Yup! Class starts at half-past. I am consistently late to this class, but since I bothered to get up in time to get to school in time for D&D, I can actually be there five minutes *before* it starts instead of ten minutes after.
Ellemerr: Right. xD
Well... Amadi is likely to disappear at some point. But since this is nothing new...
Apheori (GM): Indeed.
Would Gravy go to bed or something?
Alternately... I dunno.
You guys sort out how you're handinling this.
Ellemerr: He could go on being completely silent.
Doing the thinking thing. Gan has a picture.
Ganelon: Oh yes.
Apheori (GM): He's a good thinker.
Ganelon: http://www.artofmtg.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Pensive-Minotaur-Art.jpg
But in this continuity he's not a minotaur, sadly.
Gaurav: I'm going to be completely missing next week, so we should probably just power on through people's missing times. Otherwise we're going to have to stop a lot.
Oh, and you can keep going after two hours. Rhu can be wandering around behind you all with his new favourite mask.
Apheori (GM): Well, Radek found you all something to do.
Ganelon: Indeed, though we've got a day before we can do it. Or at least the remainder of one.
Radek himself is probably just going to work on the "fix holes without giving myself a nightmarish migraine" problem until then.
Gaurav: We should sleep at some point. Especially Gravy, if he really did use a Daily just then with the bard.
Ganelon: Daily item power. It's not nearly as big of a deal.
Gaurav: We could camp outdoors. Gives us a chance for random encounters and suchlike.
Ganelon: In fact, Radek's an artificer so he can recharge those for people.
Apheori (GM): You hear a bit of a screeching from outside.
Gaurav: Oh, okay!
Apheori (GM): In relation to the bard.
Gaurav: Do we have anything else we need to do in this town? We could just walk around and see if something comes up.
Bear Soup Guy: I'm sure there's something we need information about
Ganelon: The bard!
Wait, is this just his usual screeching or is he a zombie now?
I mean, we should probably shut him up regardless, but it's important to know.
Apheori (GM): Probably the usual.
Gaurav: BSG: I'd still like to know where we are. Actually, I'd still like a beer, so ...
Rhu approaches the bar again
Rhu:
rolling d20
(
2
)
=
2
Apheori (GM): 
RHU
You have a beer. You just need to successfully pick it up.
Also you walk through the bar.
The barkeep backs away.
Rhu apologizes profusely to the barkeep, and accidentally ends up on the wrong side of the bar.

RHU
Er, I'll just ...
Bear Soup Guy: "I think you've had enough"

RADEK
Rhu, what...
Gaurav: BSG: XD
Rhu is looking very embarrassed now.

RADEK
No, never mind. You can actually cause less damage this way.
Carry on.
Ganelon: I have a strong suspicion that he'll prove Radek wrong.
Rhu tries to poke at the bar with one finger, then turns to grin sheepishly at the barkeep before trying to walk out through the bar again.
Apheori (GM): Quite likely.
Rhu:
rolling d20
(
1
)
=
1
Gaurav: oh YEAH
Apheori (GM): 
RHU
This time you fall through the floor.
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Gaurav: May I wave my arms frantically as I disappear through the floor?
Apheori (GM): Yes.

RHU
He--
Rhu vanishes through the floor, arms flailing wildly.
Ellemerr: Spilling beer everywhere?
Apheori (GM): 
RHU
You're in some sort of basement. It's kind of nightmarish. There are weird vials and tanks and stuff. Grotesque things poke out of walls.
He spills beer everywhere.

RHU
No wait
rolling d20+10 acrobatics check to catch all the beer in my glass as I fall
(
15
)
+10
=
25
Apheori (GM): Meanwhile the barkeep says, "Um..."
Rhu:
rolling d20+10 acrobatics check to land on my feet
(
11
)
+10
=
21
Apheori (GM): 
RHU
You catch some of the beer, except then you realise you're no longer holding the glass.
So it's all in your hand.
You land on your feet. They're very hairy.
Hairy muppet feet.

RHU
Um.
Um.
Okay.
Rhu ignores the feet for now, and stares about the basement he's in.
Rhu:
rolling d20+14 perception check
(
17
)
+14
=
31
Apheori (GM): The rest of you: The barkeep asks y'all if Rhu is perhaps a bit... touched?
Gaurav: When you say it's all in my hand ...
Apheori (GM): I mean you're holding a glass of beer except there's no glass.
Bear Soup Guy: He's got the whoooooooole beer, in his hands
Gaurav: BSG: HA!

GREIBEL
(to Barkeep) Touched...By An Angel?
Apheori (GM): The basement is really hairy. And weird. And full of strange experiments. It's like a neightmare.

AMADI
(to barkeep) Yeah. Tentacles. Hazz - I mean, [says this world's name for him].
Apheori (GM): The barkeep asks where angels usually touch people.
(Vitoi)

RADEK
In the brain, clearly.
Gaurav: He pulls out a doll from behind the counter.
Ellemerr: I totally knew that. *shifty eyes*
Apheori (GM): The barkeep looks concerned and asks if he needs to expect any more of this.

RADEK
...For as long as we're here, yes.
Gaurav: That ingrate. We cleared his bar of bards, didn't we? What's a little walking-through-walls between friends?

RADEK
Well, I say "we".
Apheori (GM): He says, "Oh dear."
Rhu quietly looks around for staircases or any means of possibly getting back upstairs from this basement.
Apheori (GM): 
RHU
You see a strange kind of chute you might be able to climb up.
Gaurav: Any doors?
Ganelon: Beware the chute.
Apheori (GM): None recognisable as doors.
Ganelon: It may be waste disposal.
Apheori (GM): Some... strange membranes.
Gaurav: "chute" is a really rude word in Hindi
ooo, membranes
Apheori (GM): A sort of mesh screen looking out on utter lackness.
blackness*
A bowl of noodles sitting in the middle of the floor.
Rhu takes his mask on and off to see if that helps him see things better/brighter/less.
Apheori (GM): You notice something snake out of the floor and grab a noodle.

RHU
Well fuck.
(under his breath)
Apheori (GM): With the mask off, everything is just a horrible white.
Gaurav: White?!
Apheori (GM): White.
Gaurav: That might actually be preferable, given things snaking through the floor and all.
rolling d20+9 nature check to see if I can identify the snakelike thing
(
16
)
+9
=
25
rolling d20+5 stealth on over to the chute
(
13
)
+5
=
18
Apheori (GM): It appears to have been a piece of floor.
MAsk on or off?
Gaurav: Mask on.
Apheori (GM): The floor seems to move away as you walk (as a texture, it stays level), and you get to the chute.
It's like ripples in a hairy carpet.
Snakey ripples.
Hairy snakey ripples.
Gaurav: I take it Baileys and blueberry syrup is really something, huh?
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Apheori (GM): Doesn't go very well together.
Baileys is better with baileys, frankly.
Gaurav: Creamy, beige. What's not to like?
Rhu:
rolling d20+10 acrobatics to climb up the chute
(
9
)
+10
=
19
Apheori (GM): The syrup is better with mountain dew.
Rhu:
rolling d20+5 stealth to do it stealthily
(
18
)
+5
=
23
Apheori (GM): Rhu gets partway up, falls partway down, and makes a muffled clatter.
Rhu sits quietly until he's sure there's no response to the clatter, then tries again.
Rhu:
rolling d20+10 acrobatics up
(
4
)
+10
=
14
Gaurav: oh ffs
Apheori (GM): You don't get very far.
Rhu looks up to see if there's any light at the top of the chute. "Hello?", he whispers, "Is someone up there?"
Apheori (GM): Do the rest of you want to do anything?
Ganelon: Er...
Apheori (GM): 
RHU
Silence. Then, in a long low whisper, "Rhuuuu..."
Bear Soup Guy: Do we hear him calling?
Apheori (GM): Nope.
Bear Soup Guy: I assume we're all just thinking "Oh, Rhu's in trouble again. He'll show up in a couple hours."
Apheori (GM): XD
Gaurav rolls eyes
Gaurav: This is what comes from accepting masks from godlings. Let that be a lesson to you, kids.
Rhu will NOT respond to the voice, but will try to determine which direction it's coming from.
Ganelon: Radek will stay in the tavern so long as it's a relatively orderly place to sit down and think about complex theorems.
Rhu:
rolling d20+14 perception check on the voice
(
20
)
+14
=
34
Gaurav: yay!
Ganelon: It's as good a place as any, especially if he's waiting on Rhu to come back.
Ellemerr: ... You sure that's a good thing to roll high on? :P
Apheori (GM): The voice is being projected from above the shoot, but it's not actually coming from there. You don't know where it's coming from.
You feel a strong urge to remove the mask.
Gaurav: I'm kinda hoping that Rhu can go all "hmm, that slightly thick edge to an otherwise normal Thoraci accent tells me that you are male, elf, 23-25 years old, with brown hair and carrying two weapons, injured in the knee in Afghanistan ..."
RESIST URGE
Apheori (GM): Gan: The tavern is orderly and fairly quiet. it's like folks are just basking in the quiet.
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Gaurav: Gravy is wandering around taking people's measurements "just in case".
Apheori (GM): Oh, details about the voice itself, eh? It's low and sweet, like a fungus that eats flies. That's what it reminds you of. Except these flies are horrible and huge, and the fungus is actually something else entirely.
I like that. Since Frezak had to go, let's say Gravy really is doing that.
Gaurav: Like treacle.
Apheori (GM): Folks in tavern: Sometimes you hear an odd screetch from the bard outside.

AMADI
It sounds oddly familiar.
Ellemerr: What, the bard?
Ganelon: This tavern is just waiting to explode into conflict.
Apheori (GM): Yeah.
Ellemerr: Okay, I can check on the bard.
Ganelon: But I will savor the momentary peace and sit down to think.
Fist-on-chin hardcore PONDERING.
Apheori (GM): 
AMADI
You need to take Greibel with you.
Ganelon: Well, more like fist-inside-beard.
Apheori (GM): PONDERING.
Do you ponder anything in particular today?
Gaurav: Some day we will know the quiet peace of a pipe and a pleasant conversation in a sun-lit bar by a mountain, but today is not that day.
Apheori (GM): 
RHU
What do you do?
Gaurav: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Amadi takes Greibel's hand and attempts to walk him outside without giving any explenation for her actions.
Gaurav: omigosh there is a list: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Pinky_and_the_Brain#Are_You_Pondering_What_I.27m_Pondering.3F
Greibel tags along exasperatedly
Apheori (GM): Amadi and 
GREIBEL
You go to the bard. He's standing in a deep grave screetching like a harpy. There's supposed to be a tune there.
Rhu sits quietly in the chute, his eyes flicking first upwards and then quickly around the room, waiting to see what happens next.
Apheori (GM): 
AMADI
Do you sing the song the tune would go to? 
GREIBEL
Do you recognise it too?
Greibel, 
AMADI
Either of you, feel free to make up what it is.
Gaurav: This is what comes of racist music making, racist music man.
brb
Apheori (GM): 
RHU
Nothing happens.
Ellemerr juggles bananas.
Apheori (GM): A wall oozes a bit.
Ellemerr: Sorry. *shifty eyes*
Apheori (GM): BANANAS.
You know what you get when you juggle bananas?
Ellemerr: I do.
Amadi juggles bananas.
Ellemerr: I mean...
"No, what do you get when you juggle bananas?"
Greibel sings: "My name is Lon Chaney / I was in some movies / You probably remember me for my hideous face..."
Apheori (GM): Greibel suddenly turns into a gorilla.

GREIBEL
RAAAAAAAAR
Ganelon: "Do you ponder anything in particular today?"
Sorry, missed this.
Apheori (GM): This messes up the singing slightly.
Ganelon: Yes, Radek ponders what he's been pondering for the last few days. How to close a hole.
Apheori (GM): Roll arcana.
Ganelon: Something about three pieces and a lock, as I recall.
rolling 1d20+12
(
6
)
+12
=
18
Amadi also sings the whole circus music bit that's supposed to go with this.

AMADI
(It includes a lot of trumpets and stuff.)
Greibel twirls hula hoops as a gorilla while singing
Apheori (GM): The shrieking bard shrinks into the hole and becoms horribly silent.
Ellemerr: Your wearing a pink tutu, too. I mean, the gorilla is.
Apheori (GM): Gan: Aiight, thanks.
Bear Soup Guy: Of course
Ganelon: Sorry, I have like three people talking to me on Skype while this is going on.
Apheori (GM): Ach. >.<
Ellemerr: And I need to brb.
Apheori (GM): 
GREIBEL
d20, please.
Bear Soup Guy: Sorry, I had to go clean up cat puke as well
rolling 1d20
(
7
)
=
7
Apheori (GM): Eww.
Okay.
Apheori (GM) curls up in bed with a bottle of baileys.
Ellemerr: Right. I'm back. Probably. Sort of.
Gaurav: Me too! Except more so.
Apheori (GM): Would you like to do anything else with the bard?
Ellemerr: I have no idea. Sorry.
Gaurav quietly, stealthily, Rhu tries to climb up the chute again.
Apheori (GM): 
AMADI
Eat his brain, give him a sense of music, ignore him, take his story, have him dance with the gorrilla?
Gaurav: Give him a sense of music++
Apheori (GM): 
RHU
acrobatics
Rhu:
rolling d20+10 acrobatics check to climb the chute
(
6
)
+10
=
16
Apheori (GM): 
RHU
It's getting cloooser.
Rhu:
rolling d20+5 stealth to do it quietly
(
4
)
+5
=
9
Gaurav: Ooo.
Apheori (GM): Your climbingattempts fail, and whatever it is hears you. You feel it.
Rhu freezes.
Apheori (GM): In your KIDNEYS.
Rhu pauses mid-freeze, looking confused.
Apheori (GM): Yes, alien elves have kidneys.
Gaurav: Then why haven't we had to go to the toilet for the last three weeks?
Apheori (GM): Because you have good kidneys.
Ellemerr: Snrk.
Gaurav: Oh.
Apheori (GM): Also because it's just gotten left out of the story when you did usually.
Amadi throws the bananas at the bard.
Apheori (GM): 
GREIBEL
You finish the song and can stop being a gorilla if you want.
Up to you.
Gaurav: We went in to cover our feet from time to time.
Apheori (GM): The bard is hit by bananas and flinches away horribly.
Greibel goes back to normal, accompanied by a popping sound
Ganelon: Bananas! Hsssss~!
Gaurav: Did Rhu's last climbing attempt help him make any progress, or is he still at the bottom of the chute?
Apheori (GM): He's partway up.
Gaurav: And the voice appears to be coming DOWN the chute towards me?
Apheori (GM): Yup.
Gaurav: Can I see any sort of opening yet?
Apheori (GM): Nope.
Gaurav: Okay. Then Rhu climbs back down and steps quietly out of the chute.
rolling d20+10 acrobatics
(
13
)
+10
=
23
rolling d20+5 stealth
(
14
)
+5
=
19
I gotta leave in about an hour btw.
Apheori (GM): Rhu finally manages to climb up the chute.
Gaurav: Er.
Apheori (GM): And comes out in another room shaped like the tavern, but which is definitely not the tavern he left.
Gaurav: He was trying to climb down that last time.
But I guess he might have changed his mind?
Apheori (GM): Oh, you idn't need to roll for that.
Sorry, you're back in the basement.
Everythng is hairy.
Gaurav: "Everythng is hairy." should be the official motto of this game. And it looks like Frezak is back?
Is there anything in the basement I can hide behind if a sinister being comes down the chute after me?
Apheori (GM): Frezak is hairy.
Some desks, a strange... thing...
Frezak: Not really, I shaved.
Gaurav: describe thing
Apheori (GM): Shaved EVERYTHING?
Gaurav: Or just the yak?
Frezak: As far as you know.
Apheori (GM): Thing is vaguely cylindrical with some angles and a prism shape at the top. There are some glowing bits.
IT looks a bit organic.
Gaurav: Hmm.
I'm going to go hide behind the desk and see what happens.
Apheori (GM): And it's hairy.
Rhu hides behind the hairy desk.
The hairy desk blinks at Rhu and looks vaguely surprised.

RHU
(to the desk) Shh. (puts one finger to his lips)
Gaurav: How does a desk blink?
Apheori (GM): The desk opens a few more eyes and those blink at his finger as well.
Frezak: A GORILLA?
Ellemerr: Yeah. Sue me.
Ganelon: This whole situation has turned quite hairy.
Apheori (GM): >.<
Ganelon: We're going to need a rugged hero to pull through on this one.
Gaurav crouches behind the desk on the side away from the chute and waits, listening intently.
Rhu:
rolling d20+14 perception
(
9
)
+14
=
23
Apheori (GM): d20
Gaurav: That's all Rhu is going to do for the next 10-15m, so if you guys want to go do something else ...
Rhu:
rolling d20
(
7
)
=
7
Gaurav: Um.
Apheori (GM): Okay.
Rhu hears whispers. Some are saying his name. Others... other things. It sounds like they've found something. Lost other things. Having lunch. Very sinister.
Left-handed.
Frezak: WHere's Gravy?
Ganelon gasps in horror.
Apheori (GM): Gravy is in the tavern with Radek.
Ganelon: You and I are still- yeah.
Radek is doing some fist-to-chin hardcore pondering about holes.
We did witness Rhu start passing through solid objects, and then the floor.
This might have been Amadi's fault, but then, that isn't saying a lot.
Apheori (GM): She did give him a mask.
Gaurav: Are the voices coming from the chute as well?
Apheori (GM): It's messing with his depth-perception. In perhaps a few too many dimensions.
The voices are mostly coming from the black beyond the mesh latice, and from behind some walls/membranes.

RHU
(whispers, to the desk) Do you hear that too?
Bear Soup Guy: XD
I love this game
Apheori (GM): The desk rumbles and opens a few more eyes.
It's somewhat covered in eyes now.
Gaurav: A small drawer slides open, revealing pencils, erasers, two paper clips, three eyes and a pair of lips.
Apheori (GM): Rhu's still hiding?
Rhu gives the desk a knowing glance in whichever eye is closest to him and does the "shh" hand gesture again. He goes back to listening quietly.
Apheori (GM): The eyes all follow the movement of the gesture intently.
Gaurav: When you say "hairy" ...
Apheori (GM): Everything is covered in hair.
Including the eyes.
Gaurav: Do you mean furry, short human hair, or long(er) human hair?
Gaurav screams
Apheori (GM): It's like fur, but all at exact right angles to the surface, unless it collides with other bits.
Gaurav: Or like bacterial cilia?
Heh cool
Is it coloured?
Apheori (GM): It's the same colour as whatever it's coming off.
Gaurav: Is it undulating? Is there a wind?
Apheori (GM): It normally stays still.
Sometimes bits pass through the floor, and it all moves like wind is pushing it...
Sometimes those bits eat noodles out of the bowl.
Gaurav: Ooo, nice.
Yeah, Rhu goes back to listening and waiting.
Apheori (GM): Gravy: Do you care that everyone besides Radek is missing?
You know Greibel and Amadi just went outside.
Ganelon: "Roll Charisma to care. +2 alignment bonus."
Gaurav: What time of day is it, btw?
Apheori (GM): I guess evening.
Gaurav: I'm imagining afternoon, but I might be wrong.
Ah thanks.
Apheori (GM): Early evening, then.
Gaurav: Somebody do something, or Rhu is going to get back to hogging all the attention.
go*
Frezak: Not really.
Gravy has come to terms that all kinds of shit happens regardless of his desires or actions.
Might as well have a shirt that says 'Fukkit"
Ganelon: I don't mind Rhu hogging the attention, especially since I'm quite busy elsewhere.
And it does make sense that Radek is trying to puzzle out holes.
He just promised to fix one tomorrow.
Apheori (GM): 
RADEK
Gimme another arcana.
Amadi, 
GREIBEL
Now what?
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20+12
(
19
)
+12
=
31
Haha!
Ellemerr: Dancing?
Ganelon: Or perhaps I should say "Eureka!"
Bear Soup Guy: Dancing!
Ellemerr: Dancing, then.
Apheori (GM): 
RADEK
So the question, perhaps, is pieces of what? What does it take to close a hole, really? And for that matter, what does it take to open one? The question to one should be the answer to the other...
Of course, if you could just make a lack of hole, something with no hole at all, well, wouldn't that be great?
Or something.
Ganelon: I'm not about to discount the possibility.
Gaurav: Can we learn anything from Gravy's monster that fought with the thing that came from the Hole?
Ganelon: "Behold! I have created... stuff!"
Apheori (GM): Point is, it's progress!
Stuff!
Ganelon: "It is the opposite of a hole in every conceivable way!"
Apheori (GM): "It looks like... normal stuff."
Amadi, 
GREIBEL
The porridge dances with you.
Gaurav: Is it just me, or have the Holes always appeared near trees?
Ganelon: *Scoffs*
"This 'normal stuff' is exactly what we need to eliminate the holes on a conceptual level."
"They will cease to be holes. They will cease to be anything, unless I apply an excess of stuff."
Apheori (GM): "And then they'll be stuff!"
"Right?"
Gravy: Can they learn anything from you... you mean the codrichun thing, right, Gaurav?
Ganelon: "No, don't be ridiculous. Then we'll end up with a gravitational singularity that will atomize this entire planet."
Apheori (GM): "I want it by tuesday."
Gaurav: I do! The Codrichun thing.
Apheori (GM): 
RHU
As you sit there listening, another desk and a chair also open several eyes and watch you.
Gaurav: A planet is a small price to pay for stability.
Apheori (GM): Hairy eyes.
Frezak: I don't understand what I'm being asked.
Gaurav: Is the chair comfortable?
I mean, does it look comfortable.
Apheori (GM): It's a hairy chair full of eyeballs.
Frezak: I think they want to know if it discovered anything, or can tell you.
Frezak: Gods no.
Gaurav: Okay, I'm going to say 15 minutes have elapsed since I hit behind the desk. I guess there haven't been any left-handed voices from the chute?
Apheori (GM): That voice hasn't come back, no.
Gaurav: Maybe the monster was some kind of super zombie?
Frezak: I can't talk to Codrichun, and all it does is just endlessly try to crawl out the Abyss.
It doesn't go around doing things.
Ganelon: Codrichun, I think, isn't related to the holes beyond a shared appetite for... everything.
Frezak: Or conversing or communicating to anything.
Rhu gets out from behind the desk and walks around the room, looking closely for doors or any other way out of here.
Frezak: EH, he doesn't have appetite.
Apheori (GM): Aiight.
Rhu:
rolling d20+14 perception
(
8
)
+14
=
22
Ganelon: But you're summoning his hunger!
Apheori (GM): Rhu notices nothing new, but the membranes might be openable... or cutable.
Gaurav: Does this mean that the monster was definitely "something", and not, say, the Hole manifesting itself in some way.
Unless the Hole is also "something".
Frezak: No, not hunger.
I'm summoning an aspect of something that wants destruction.
Apheori (GM): Which monster?
I thought we were talking about codrichun.
Gaurav: The thing Codrichun fought with.
Apheori (GM): That was... something else.
Ganelon: We were in the realm of the gods.
Could have been a lot of things
Rhu tries to separate the membranes with my fingers to see if it responds to touch, and to see what's underneath them.
Gaurav: How much light is there in this basement with the mask on?
Apheori (GM): There's light everywhere, but it's not a whole lot.
On the other hand, everything kind oflooks the same with the mask on.
In terms of lighting.

RHU
The membrane peels away under your nails or something and you poke a finger through.
Gaurav: Ooo. What's under the membrane?
Ganelon: Typically? Bad stuff.
Frezak: "realm" suggests organisation.
Apheori (GM): You don't feel anything under it, just empty space. Do you make the hole bigger and look through?
Gaurav: Yes!
Apheori (GM): YOU MAKE A HOLE AND LOOK INTO...
Another room very much like the one you're in.
A wall eyes you.
Gaurav: As long as Rhu doesn't eye me.
I stick two fingers into the hole and try to make it bigger.
Ganelon: Oh, oh, there's a scene for this.
Even if these are probably awful fleshy membranes rather than what I'm thinking.
Gaurav: http://content.time.com/time/covers/0,16641,20040920,00.html is what I'm thinking of. But with fingers.
Ganelon: I suppose you haven't likely watched Titan A.E., have you?
Apheori (GM): Roll strength to rip huge hole.
Gaurav: I might have? I'm not sure.
eeks
Rhu:
rolling d20+2 strength
(
13
)
+2
=
15
Gaurav: I'm going to be gentle though.
I don't want to hurt the membranes.
Especially if I'm *inside* whoever these membranes belong to.
Apheori (GM): You ripe a medium-sized hole which you might be able to fit through if you tried.
More eyes in the wall watch you curiously.
Something licks your food.
foot*
Gaurav:
rolling d20+10 acrobatics to squeeze through the hole
(
17
)
+10
=
27
I ignore the footlicking.
Apheori (GM): You squeeze through the hole.
The room grins at you with teeth.
Grins opening up in rows of teeth spiraling up into the ceiling.

RHU
Um.
Apheori (GM): 
RHU
D20
Rhu tries to squeeze back through the hole into the room I came from.
Rhu:
rolling d20
(
5
)
=
5
Apheori (GM): Acrobatics to squeeze.
Rhu:
rolling d20+10 acrobatics to squeeze
(
17
)
+10
=
27
+1 terror
Apheori (GM): Everything feels kind of weird and you wind up going too far and trip over a desk.
The floor licks you.
Gaurav: Was .. was the room I just entered hairy as well?
Hairy teeth?
Apheori (GM): EVERYTHING is hairy.
Teeth.
Gaurav: Okay phew.
Apheori (GM): Eyeballs.
Your own feet.
Gaurav: My hands?
Apheori (GM): Yes.
Gaurav: Okay. Also phew.
Fine. So. Teeth in the next room. Okay.
I'll try the stretching-the-membranes thing on another wall.
rolling d20+2 strength attack
(
1
)
+2
=
3
Apheori (GM): The one seems to have something behind it. You can't get through.
Whispers ask for lettuce.

RHU
(to the nearest eye) What's behind here?
I'll try to get through again if I may.
Apheori (GM): The eye blinks at you.
Gaurav:
rolling d20+2 strength check
(
18
)
+2
=
20
"The eye winks leeringly"
I've gotta go in about 10 mins
but this has been AWESOME
Apheori (GM): You clear away the membrane and are faced with an enormous eye.
Gaurav: How enormous?
Rhu waves at the eye
Apheori (GM): Kind of enormous
.
The eye stares at you.
Gaurav: A little uncertainly

RHU
Hi. Were you the one asking me for lettuce just now?
Apheori (GM): The eye continues to stare at you.
Rhu checks for eyelids
Gaurav: What colour is the iris? Does it look like an elf or human or animal eye?
Ganelon: I'm going to take two guesses.
1. Cat
2. Goat
Apheori (GM): It's red, but like a toad.
And hairy.
Ganelon: That's a good kind of eye too.
Very groovy.
Gaurav: The definitive guide to animal eye shapes: http://www.koryoswrites.com/nonfiction/the-functions-of-different-pupil-shapes/
If I step away from the membranes, will they close?
Can I shove the chair in between to keep them open?
Apheori (GM): You ripped holes in them. They sort of dangle sadly.
Gaurav: Okay. Um.
Are you guys going to keep on playing? If so, Rhu could go to sleep or keep futilely getting out of this membrane basement room place thing.
Ganelon: Good question.
Ellemerr: I'm, er, dancing.
Gaurav: I gotta run, so I'll let you all decide. If Rhu falls asleep, he'll sit beside the hole, wait for the sinister voice to reappear, but fall asleep in the waiting. If he keeps trying things ... then yeah, he does that, and Apheori and I can work them out before next time.
I'm out of town from Sunday through Friday next week, so I can join in on Saturday or not at all.
Thanks for a REALLY FUN game today everybody, and see you all in a couple of weeks!
Bear Soup Guy: Bye Gaur!
Apheori (GM): Aiight, I'ma go stare off into space.
Unless someone particularly wants me to do something else.
Bear Soup Guy: I'm okay with ending, it's been a good session
Ganelon: Yeah.
I got a nice chat in with George and that's all I was really expecting.
It was nice to set up a future goal too.
Bear Soup Guy: Should we try to do a session sometime while Gaur is away or try Saturday?
Apheori (GM): Can everyone do saturday?
Ganelon: Same start time?
As long as it isn't a particularly drawn out session, yeah. Not because I have plans in the evening but because I'll be getting really tired.
Bear Soup Guy: Yeah I'll likely be able to do a morning session
Gaurav: Is that this Saturday or next Saturday?
I'd rather not this Saturday, but if everybody else wants to ... I can definitely do next Saturday.
Bear Soup Guy: Next Saturday then?
Or just next Sunday I guess
Gaurav: oh right. that's fine too.
Apheori (GM): SATURDAY OR SUNDAY?
Gaurav: Sunday Sunday Sunday!
This is September 21, right?
Bear Soup Guy: Yep!
Gaurav: Yay! I will see you all then.
Bear Soup Guy: Right, bye all!
</pre>