View source for Holes/Session 31

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<screenplay>
Radek continues to be soggy and more than a little relieved that someone kidnapped Dave. He is cynically confident, however, that Dave will find her way back to him in good time.

The Gravedigger picks up an unconscious Rhu and they head off in the direction the guard indicated.

At some point on the way, they hear an explosion in the woods in the direction Dawn went.

RADEK
She's probably fine.

Radek pauses to think for a moment, and then adds to ensure absolute clarity:

RADEK
Also, I don't care.

The Gravedigger shrugs.

AMADI
(yelling in the direction of the noise)
Dawn, if I have to puzzle you back together I'll kill you! I don't like that kind of patience games!

Amadi grumbles a bit.


EXT. Dorgin - morning

The party arrives in town around midmorning. The Gravedigger is still carrying Rhu. Radek is mostly dried out.

The town is basically just a cluster of buildings around the road, with some carriages by some of them, and a weird docking structure for airship. It looks really new.

There's a general store, an inn, a whole lot of random houses and crap scattered around, some sort of pumping station with pumps coming out of the ground and pipes and stuff, a bunch of guards arguing over a dead body (a teenage girl who looks to have been shot a few times), and an old lady stuck in a tree.

There is a cat sitting under the tree licking its paws.

Radek goes up to the guards, stroking his beard. The Gravedigger follows him.

GUARD OFFICER
It's about time. What is it?

The other guards all stop arguing and stare at Radek in anticipation.

Radek looks at the body. ''(rolled 26 heal)''

GUARD TOM NOOT
(pointing to Gravy)
Um, who's he?

GUARD BILL STEARNS
His assistent, you dumbarse. What do you think he is?

The Gravedigger just sort of looks at them gravely.

RADEK
This girl was undead for a time, yes?

GUARD OFFICER
She took sick. How could she become an undead without... well, dying?

RADEK
Simple. Her sickness killed her. Really now, is that what you were arguing over?

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
I'm telling you, that's what's happening! It's been spreading out of the...

GUARD OFFICER
(cutting him off)
What about Gerard, is that what happened to him?

RADEK
I have reason to believe this sickness is infectious. You would do well to quarantine the body and those who begin to show symptoms.

GUARD TOM NOOT
You don't mean... Gerald is going to do this?

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
What have I been trying to tell you people?!

Radek almost makes an effort to sound like he cares in the interests of drama, but fails.

RADEK
I'm afraid so.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
(to Radek)
Thank you. It's about time ''someone'' grasped the blatantly obvious.

GUARD OFFICER
Randal, you should really be getting home.

GUARD BILL STEARNS
(warningly)
Should probably check on Gerald.

Bill scuttles off.

George glares at the officer and mutters something about incompetent big city wannabes.

Radek points at George with one hand while using the other to continue stroking his beard.

RADEK
You... seem more sensible than the rest.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
You mean because I'm not a complete moron?

GUARD OFFICER
(to George)
You're dismissed, guard. You need to go home now!

The Gravedigger turns his soulful gaze on the officer.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Ah, fuck off. You're not even my boss.

GUARD OFFICER
I'll be sending paperwork to your superiors. You can count on that.

GUARD TOM NOOT
(trying to calm them down)
Look, don't we kind of have bigger issues right now than paperwork?

The others ignore him.

RADEK
An intelligent man surrounded by morons? Oh yes, I understand all too well. The one problem that even ''my'' genius has never been able to solve.

They hear the sound of gunshots from one of the buildings. Guard Tom turns and runs for the building.

GUARD OFFICER
(to George)
We're not through!

George just sighs.

The officer then turns and runs after as well.

The Gravedigger looks at Radek.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
So, do you need this body buried?

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
(to Radek)
Will that stop it from spreading?

Radek examines the corpse some more. ''(rolled 25 heal)''

RADEK
(glancing back at Gravy)
You're going to like this. The best way to curb this infection... is to bury the dead. Preferably in an area without much vegetation.

The Gravedigger poses.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
This I can do! Direct me to a graveable area and you will witness the ART of the GRAVEDIGGER.

RADEK
Don't make the mistake of burning them, and don't allow the infected to interact with healthy individuals.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
BURN THEM? BURN THEM???? BARBARIAN.
(he clears his throat)
If you would, Mr. Guard?

The Gravedigger twiddles a horn and uses his Gravyvision to detect the graveyard. ''(rolled 33 perception)'' Eyes turn into headlights.

He detects the graveyard thatwayish.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Not sure; this isn't my town, but there should be a graveyard over thatwaysish.

George points thatwayish.

RADEK
Maybe I'll work on a cure if I have the time.
(to the guard)
He's all yours. Don't worry, he's the most tolerable moron I know.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Aw, man. That hurts.

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): Backhanded compliments are the only kind I can deliver.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): He has 12 Int! he's a genius!

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): When you have 20 int, everyone looks like a moron.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Now! Where are your corpses?

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
There's probably another one inside. May be a few more if they go fondling the corpses like they so wanted to with this one. Idiots!

He directs Gravy to the building the other guards went in.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
On it! GRAAAAAVES.

The Gravedigger charges to the building and then politely knocks on the door. He gets no response, and indeed no noises at all from inside.

He knocks powerfully instead, then looks back to Radek. Radek is just sort of watching for lack of anything better to do.

Guard George goes and opens the door and pokes his head inside.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
(loudly)
Oy, anyone in there alive?

GUARD OFFICER
(from inside)
Go away!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
(loudly)
'Scuse me! Just need any bodies you have up there!

There's a grumbling from inside.

GUARD TOM NOOT
(from inside)
Is this really necessary?
(after a pause)
We're by the kitchen.

The Gravedigger heads inside, still carrying Rhu over a shoulder.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
(to Radek)
You should probably follow him and see if you can covertly check if anyone is infected. This could get messy.

He follows the Gravedigger, and Radek grumpily follows because this could escalate into a major inconvenience for him if he doesn't fix it all now.


EXT. Dorgin - by the tree

Greibel notices the old woman in the tree staring at him.

Amadi waves enthusiastically at the old woman.

Greibel looks up at the old woman and plods over to the tree.

Amadi follows and looks down at the cat. She meows.

GREIBEL
Excuse me, do you need help?

OLD LADY
Help? Son, what do you take me for, some frivolous little damsel?

GREIBEL
I think you mean "frail" but no, I just meant it looks like you're stuck in a tree.

OLD LADY
Oh, well, really I'm stuck in a cat. Be a dear and move it for me, will you?

CAT
Hi.

Amadi does more elaborate meowing.

The cat shrugs.

CAT
Oh, you know. Chickens.

GREIBEL
Hmmmph...

Greibel talks cat as well. ''(rolled 22 nature)''

GREIBEL
Hey there kitty... kitty kitty...

CAT
Hey.

GREIBEL
Hey. What's the deal with this tree and stuff?

CAT
There seems to be a lady stuck in it. It's quite interesting.

OLD LADY
(irritably)
Oy, move that cat so I can get down already!

GREIBEL
(to the cat)
She seems to think you're keeping her from getting down.

CAT
Who, me? I'm just a concerned citizen. Just like the whole chicken debacle all over again...

The cat mutters incoherently.

Amadi giggles in Cat. Which might sound sort of like purring with hiccups.

OLD LADY
What is that damned rat telling you now? Move it already!

GREIBEL
(to the cat)
Do you mind if I move you? She might starve if she just stubbornly sits up there yelling at the world for too long.

CAT
Yes.

GREIBEL
Yes you mind?

CAT
Yes.

GREIBEL
Okay then.

AMADI
(in Cat)
Yes.

Greibel looks at Amadi inquisitively, then points vaguely up into the tree

GREIBEL
Will you at least keep an eye on her?

The cat giggles.

Amadi grins cheshirely. She then fades away even more cheshirely, leaving the grin for last, and reappears in the tree some time later.

The cat purrs at Greibel.

Greibel looks, slightly distressed, at the tree.

OLD LADY
Move that damn cat!

Greibel looks back and forth from the lady to Amadi to the cat.

The cat grins at Amadi.

GREIBEL
I'm sorry. Last time I went against a cat's wishes there was a battle with Gods and spells and fire and then the cat might have cursed everyone.
He seems to like staying where he is. Why is he keeping you from getting down?

OLD LADY
(offended)
That's... personal!

Amadi purrs and rubs herself against the old lady.

OLD LADY
Just move him, will you?

Greibel shakes his head

GREIBEL
Amadi, what do you think?

AMADI
(to the cat)
Give me a good reason to not move you.

CAT
It was an end a horrible curse. Bad luck to move, back luck that might get out, terrible, terrible things locked up in the night. 
So no, there really isn't a good reason unless you like mildly inconveniencing random people for the hell of it?

Amadi laughs in cat.


INT. Some room in the guardhouse

The Gravedigger pushes inside and winds up in a room with two dead bodies on the floor, a dormant zombie on a table, and three possibly infected guards standing around. The officer looks incredibly irate.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
'scuse me.

Radek and George pile in after the Gravedigger.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
That one's a zombie. Not a corpse. Mind if I...

The guard officer ignores the Gravedigger and yells at Radek to explain what the hell is going on.

The Gravedigger waves a shovel.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
(muttering)
A nice shovel hit could resolve so many problems...

RADEK
Gravy is a qualified professional. He can resolve nearly any issue with a sufficient mortality rate.

GUARD OFFICER
Agh, sorry. It's been a long day.
(to Radek)
Can you look at these too?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
(indicating the zombie on the table)
I'm going to need to smack this one before it stands up.

'''''Gaurav''' (Rhu): 1. Is there an issue? 2. Kill someone. 3. Go to #1.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): That's a lovely problem-solving technique that I approve of.

GUARD OFFICER
Won't that make a mess?

George raises his gun and shoots the zombie instead. It starts to wake up so he shoots it again, this time in the head. This time it stops and stuff.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
That works too. I'll just leave this guy outside.

The Gravedigger goes and props Rhu up against the wall by the door outside the guardhouse.


EXT. Dorgin - by the tree

AMADI
(to Greibel, still in cat)
Do you want me to move the cat? I think it has good enough reasons, and the lady is too loud and obnoxious, but I can move it if you want. I almost promise that I can guarantee no bad things happening to you because of it, too!

GREIBEL
Do you think he'll just move on his own eventually? That would be nice for everyone.

AMADI
Er...

OLD LADY
(in a rather bad attempt at a sweet voice)
Pleaaaase move that cat?

AMADI
Aaaw, see, that's sweet!
... Will you reward us? I want a lollipop.

GREIBEL
I want a fudge pop!

OLD LADY
(impatiently)
Of course! Just move that cat.

GREIBEL
(to Amadi)
Well, I think we know what we have to do.

Amadi giggles and promptly falls out of the tree, aiming for the cat. She lands next to it, knocking it slightly to the side. ''(rolled 15 acrobatics)''


INT. Guardhouse

RADEK
(To the guards)
Are any of you infected?

The guards look at Radek like he's insane.

GUARD OFFICER
Of course they aren't.

RADEK
Let me see your eyes.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
It's not even worth checking. Why would anyone bring it up?

Suddenly the officer is a lot less resistant and allows Radek to check him out.

Radek makes a long series of "hmms" and troubled shakes of the head as he inspects the guardsmen.

The Gravedigger comes back and stands there looking imposing.

RADEK
(he finishes and stands back)
I'm sorry to say...

The guards tense.

RADEK
...that all three of you are idiots who depend on the guidance of strangers to solve problems you should be qualified to handle yourselves.

'''''Bear Soup Guy''' (Greibel): You tell 'em, Radek!

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): yeah!

The guards relax a bit, and then look a little confused.

GUARD BILL STEARNS
Strangers? Aren't you the forensics guy?

Radek points at guard Tom.

RADEK
Also, ''you'' are going to turn into a zombie and you need to be quarantined.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
(sagely)
Hmm.

Tom freaks out and tries to run away.

RADEK
Gravy, after that moron!

The Gravedigger charges after Tom and hits him in the back with a shovel, knocking him over and landing on top of him. ''(rolled 25 vs AC)''

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): Okay, let's do a bluff. I'm not skilled at those but maybe I'll get lucky. (rolled 10 bluff)

RADEK
Yes, I am the "forensics guy".

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): I think Radek's only skill at bluffing is the use of sarcasm.

The guards seem to buy Radek's claim, though the officer eyes him suspiciously.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Doesn't...

He is cut off by the sound of a large explosion outside.


EXT. Dorgin - by the tree

Amadi causes the cat to move slightly. Then there is a horrible explosion as the old lady is freed from the tree, rocking the whole town. The sky goes dark, and they hear a horrible laughter fading into the distance.

Then the old lady is gone.

GREIBEL
I knew it! I knew something bad would happen!

CAT
Well, the world is probably doomed now. I wonder where I might find some fish around here...

The sky fades back to normal after a little bit.

AMADI
(yelling after the laughter)
HEY! WHAT ABOUT MY LOLLIPOP!

Amadi looks angry in a scary way.

Greibel shakes a fist at the sky.

GREIBEL
You'll pay for not delivering that lollipop!


EXT. Guardhouse door

Rhu, who had been propped up by the door, falls over.


INT. Guardhouse

The Gravedigger's ears twitch. IS THERE JUSTICE TO BE DISPENSED?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
(to Tom, who he's still on top of)
Is that normal?

Guard Tom struggles, but doesn't actually answer.

GUARD OFFICER
The hell was that?

The officer and Bill run outside.

George sighs.


EXT. Dorgin - by the tree

CAT
She lied, what.

AMADI
I! DEMAND! MY LOLLIPOP!

Amadi tries accessing whatever scary powers she has to get her lollipop from the "old lady". Nothing really happens, but she gets a sense of where went. ''(rolled 4 sanity)''

Amadi gives Greibel a calculating look.

Greibel gives Amadi a look that doesn't know what's happening.

Amadi grabs Greibel's hand, and with eyes craving revenge, sets after the old lady. (revenge - and, mostly, lollipops. Someone should've told her she has one in her pocket.)

They vanish as the guard officer and Bill run outside.


EXT. Ridiculously tall tower somewhere else - night

Amadi and Greibel find themselves at the top of a tall tower, at the apex massive evil fortress. Monstrous guard beasts patrol far below.

Amadi looks around for the old lady. There's no old lady, but she suddenly find Dawn right next to her.

DAWN
Hi. Where did the target go?

GREIBEL
Hi Dave!

AMADI
Dawn! I'm here on Lokshmi business! Have you seen someone who owes me a lollipop?

Dawn looks confused and shakes her head, and then suddenly there's another Dawn/Amadi clone with brilliantly red hair behind them. Except this one is just staring over the edge of the tower in amazement, and not really saying anything.

This one is a really short attention span, and generally responds to 'squirrel'.

AMADI
Squirrel!

Squirrel turns around.

SQUIRREL
Squirrel!

AMADI
Lollipop?

SQUIRREL
Lollipop!

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): Greibel is a source of limitless entertainment. You can't get bored hanging around him.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Because of the Drug Haze.

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): Unless he's taking some depressants, I suppose. But then, he'd probably offer you. Offer some to you, rather.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): "He'd offer you to the Drug Gods"

'''''Bear Soup Guy''' (Greibel): The Drug Gods are super chill, man. And they have an infinite bag of Doritos.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): That's pretty sweet. Should go dethrone them and take it.

'''''Bear Soup Guy''' (Greibel): That would be easy to do seeing as they're stoned all the time and don't really care much about worldly possessions. But the infinite bag is infinitely heavy!

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): That's a terrible bag!

'''''Bear Soup Guy''' (Greibel): Actually I guess that makes it a black hole.

DAWN
She's.. here. Somewhere.

AMADI
Great! You're hired! Lokshmi bless us all!
(shouting at nobody in particular)
STAY OUT OF MY HEAD, THOUGH!

SQUIRREL
Head.

AMADI
She is. We'll find her. And then... then!

Amadi rubs her hands and cackles.

DAWN
Yes.

GREIBEL
Your hair is lovely, Squirrel.
(quietly)
Mmmm... spaghetti...

Squirrel beams and bounces happily.

Amadi takes Greibel's hand again and suddenly they're somewhere else else.


INT. Guardhouse

The Gravedigger is still on top of Tom.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
You promise to not run again if I get up?

Tom freaks out and tries to get away again, which achieves absolutely nothing because the Gravedigger is still sitting on him.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
If you wriggle someone is going to decide it's less effort to shoot you.

Tom stops struggling. Well, trying to struggle, that is.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Raaaadeeeek! What do I do with this guy?

RADEK
(to George)
Where do you detain people in this town? I assume you have nothing as sophisticated as a chair with restraints.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
They probably have some cells in the basement.

George points to the stairs.

The Gravedigger picks Tom up, and carries him down the stairs.


INT. Rather fancy bedroom - night

Amadi and Greibel find themselves in a bedroom. It's all rather fancy, with a messy bed in the middle. There's some strange black stuff on the walls.

A moment later Dawn and Squirrel appear next to them and Dawn seems to be trying to restrain Squirrel.

Squirrel is trying to braid Dawn's hair.

Dawn pushes Squirrel onto the bed.

Squirrel sprawls on the bed and then burrows into the covers.

DAWN
Not here. Further in. In her place of power...

AMADI
(frustrated, and still very angry)
Well, YOU get us there, if you know it so well!

SQUIRREL
(vacantly)
They should be done soon. Wheeeeeheheheheeee!

Squirrel draws squiggly things on the ceiling by pointing at it and causing burn marks to appear.

AMADI
All done! Impaled! Burnt so sweet, so sweet!

Dawn grabs Greibel and Amadi and takes them all somewhere else. ''(rolled 13 sanity)'' Amadi attempts to grab Squirrel in the last second, but misses.


INT. Throne room of sorts

Greibel, Amadi, and Dawn suddenly appear in the old lady's throne room, surrounded by twisted monster guard things everywhere. In front of them, on the throne, is the old lady, looking very prim and proper and a bit upset at the fuss.

The guard things all point weapons at them.

Greibel eyes the guards and begins conjuring smalls vines in his hands should a conflict erupt.

Amadi sets her incredibly angry eyes in the old lady, trying to look as much like Dave as possible. (Yes, Dave, not Dawn. Though this probably does include Dawn, too.)

AMADI
You! How DARE you! You USED me! ME!

The old lady laughs.

OLD LADY
Why not? You think you can defy me?

AMADI
Well, I know one of us is going to end up with a lollipop and - hah! BEHOLD!

Squirrel suddenly appears and starts bouncing through the guards, cackling shrilly and doing random things to them and blowing them up and taking her own arm off and beating a bunch of them up with it.

AMADI
The wrath of Lokshmi is upon you!

SQUIRREL
LOOOOKSHMIIIIII!

AMADI
...Or my wrath. Or HERS. It doesn't really matter that much.

SQUIRREL
(still beating up guards)
LOOOKY LOOKY SHMEEEE.

Greibel stops conjuring vines to watch curiously.

Dawn walks up to the old lady. Some guards try to stop her and they fall over dead.

DAWN
You. You have whatever the worded against us. You will whatever the word is. Um.

Dawn looks back at Amadi, then focuses a horrible glare at the woman.

DAWN
Yes.

AMADI
LOLLIPOP!

DAWN
Lollipop.

GREIBEL
And a fudgsicle if it's not too much trouble!

The old lady starts to look a bit concerned and then starts to do some magic and suddenly falls asleep instead. At the same time, all of the remaining weird guard things collapse.

Amadi grins maliciously.

AMADI
Sweet... nightmares.

Amadi runs up and starts rummaging through the lady's pockets for sweets.


INT. Guardhouse dungeon

There are some empty cells and stuff.

The Gravedigger trudges in and locks Tom in a cell. Radek and George follow behind for good measure.

GUARD TOM NOOT
Please, I'm not infected. You know I'm not!

RADEK
Well then, you won't have much to worry about when you fail to show advancing symptoms over the next few days, will you? You know, it's selfish behavior which leads us to this sort of pandemic.

GUARD TOM NOOT
But... you... You can't lock me in here!

Radek laughs.

RADEK
Well, I have to disagree with you there.


INT. Throne room of sorts

The old lady is asleep. All the guards are dead and piled up around the floor, with random limps and stuff lying around. Amadi, Greibel, and Dawn are just sort of standing around.

Squirrel is lying on the floor smacking it with her detached arm.

DAWN
Yeah, um, that's what we meant to do.

Dawn gestures vaguely, looks really confused, and then goes and picks up Squirrel and hands her to Greibel.

Squirrel swings the arm around and makes airplane noises.

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): Remind me to never inconvenience this one when I become a villainous mastermind.

'''''Ellemerr''' (Amadi): Well, she's pretty easy to pacify if you have lollipops.

GREIBEL
Oh, hello.

Dawn then gives Amadi a lollipop, and Greibel a fudgsicle, and then looks curiously around.

Greibel unwraps the fudgsicle excitedly.

Amadi jumps up and down and hugs Dawn.

AMADI
Thank you! Thank you!

DAWN
How'd we wind up here?

GREIBEL
Teleportation! Magic!

DAWN
It's just that... I was somewhere else.

AMADI
Oh, so were we. How did the kidnapping go?

DAWN
He exploded.

GREIBEL
Hah!

AMADI
Had it coming.

DAWN
I ate a bear.

AMADI
Was it good?

GREIBEL
Did you cook it? In a soup, perhaps?

AMADI
Mmmm, bear soup.

DAWN
How did you know?

GREIBEL
I feel like I have experience with bear soup. Hmmm. Odd, that. Maybe a past life leaking through this messed up time and space.

Amadi shrugs.

Squirrel curls around Greibel's feet and starts sinking into the floor.

GREIBEL
OOP!

Greibel looks down.

AMADI
Stranger things happen. Pretty much daily.

GREIBEL
Your friend is cute.

AMADI
I know! That hair. I'm almost jealous.
(she licks her lollipop happily)
Well - should we go back? See how badly the others have messed up? I mean, without us around to keep things sorted...

Amadi grins. Her tongue is coloured candy blue.

GREIBEL
That's a good idea.

Squirrel bounces up out of the floor and embraces Amadi and they suddenly both disappear.


EXT. Guardhouse door - afternoon

The Gravedigger pokes his head out to check on Rhu, who has apparently fallen over. The guard officer and Bill are under the tree arguing again.

He notes this and then goes back in and drags out all the bodies.

Rhu wakes up and starts screaming. ''(rolled 17 sanity)'' It turns out there's a bug in his nose and he digs and shakes it out in a bit of a panic. He abruptly stops screaming, tries to look around, and realises he can't see anything.

RHU
... huh.

Guard Bill suddenly takes a bite out of the officer, who screams.

RHU
HULLO? Is someone here?

The Gravedigger drops his heap of bodies and charges at Bill, bodyslamming him Gravystyle.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
(shouting)
GRAAAAAAAAVES!

The officer is sent flying, and the Gravedigger proceeds to beat the shit out of Bill with a shovel, punctuating the shovel blongs with a lot of grave-related shouting. Bill bites at him (rolled 22 vs reflex (natural 20)) and puts a very small hole in the Gravedigger's arm.

'''''Apheori (GM)''': It does a whopping 4 damage.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Amazing. I only have 59 HP left! WHAT WILL I DO?

Rhu rolls away from the commotion, feeling around, and then realises he's against a wall. He stands up using the wall as a guide.

The Gravedigger shovels Bill to death.

The officer backs away, trying to cover his neck, which is bleeding profusely.

Radek and George come out of the guardhouse, and Radek approaches the NEW crime scene, grumbling and cursing the whole way over.

RHU
Radek?

RADEK
Every bloody time I get something done...

George shoots the officer in the head, killing him, and grumbles as well.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Also I have a hole. I hope my shots will deal with it.

RADEK
Good job, George.

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
I think it's just about wrapped up.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
How do you know that other people aren't infected?

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
They actually did get the civilians to stay inside, so... yeah! Maybe they can get some ''real'' guards here now!
(darkly)
Wouldn't count on it, though.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Real guards? They were a militia or something?

RHU
Guys?

GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
No, they just sucked.

George grumbles and heads to the inn.

Radek goes and checks the Gravedigger's arm for signs of imminent zombification. ''(rolled 16 heal)''

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hey, Rhu! Zombies!

RHU
Er. Yes. Well. See. The thing is. I've gone blind.

Rhu waves vaguely at his face.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Oh. Is this some god thing? Dead End Eyeballs?

RHU
What?! No! Why would Hazz'ridan All-Merciful take away my eyesight?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Fucked if I know.

RHU
It must be... what happened back at the farmhouse. And where are we now?

RADEK
(to Gravy)
You're fine.

Radek goes to check on Rhu. ''(rolled 18 heal)''

RADEK
You're ''also'' fine, on the outside. Probably brain damage.

'''''Apheori (GM)''': GREIBEL: YOU ARE A FUNDAMENTAL ASS SATELLITE OF SPACE.

'''''Bear Soup Guy''' (Greibel): XD XD XD XD XD

Rhu doesn't respond. Only after a good 15 seconds of silence does he realise that Radek might have been talking to him.

RHU
Oh! Well. I hope it isn't...

Greibel suddenly hurtles out of the sky at impossible speed and crashes into the ground in front of Radek, creating a large crater.

Rhu falls over with the impact of a landing Greibel. Radek jumps back, clutching his beard protectively.

Greibel lifts his head up. Aside from being slightly on fire, he seems fine.

GREIBEL
Well... I'm here now, bitches!

Greibel coughs out some dirt. The Gravedigger puts out the flames by hitting him with a shovel a few times.

RADEK
You lunatics are ''inescapable''.

The Gravedigger goes back to dragging off the now slightly bigger pile of bodies over to the town graveyard, where he loots and buries them.

RHU
Is that Greibel?

GREIBEL
It sure is, buddy! Don't worry, Dave's fine. I saw her on a tower and she kicked some ass.

RHU
Oh. Nice.
I'm blind now. I think it's temporary? Um.

RADEK
Not for the faithful, it isn't.

Rhu ignores that and petitions Hazz'ridan to help with the blindness. ''(rolled 23 religion)''

Greibel directs Rhu into the guardhouse, finds a room, and tries some aromatherapy on Rhu. Which is to say drugs. Rhu allows it for lack of any better idea.

Rhuspends him time in meditation, prayer and whinging about being blind.

Greibel silently sits on the floor and watches Rhu's meditation.

RHU
(mumbling)
A... gift? Hmm.

Then the drugs kick in...


EXT. Darkness with tentacles everywhere

Rhu finds himself in a vague dark space, surrounded by tentacles everywhere. (rolled 1 sanity) Greibel follows him. (rolled 19 sanity) They're just sort of floating amidst the tentacles.

Rhu blinks, then blinks again.

RHU
...well, I can see again. That's nice.

To Greibel, the tentacles look intensely colourful, but also as though they're trying to cover something up.

GREIBEL
Hmmm.

Greibel examines the tentacles more closely. ''(rolled 24 nature)'' They look oddly smokable, but they're also not, strictly speaking, really there. But then neither are they. It's all basically a projection.

Rhu closes his eyes and realises that he can still see the tentacles. He closes and opens his eyes a couple of times.

RHU
Huh. Greibel? Is that you?
I feel ... tentacles. I think we're in the realm of Hazz'ridan again. It's somewhere near the City of the Dead. This is where I found the sphinx.

Rhu goes quiet.

GREIBEL
Oh....well then, my first question would be "How do we get out? Right now. Please. Oh God, please."

HAZZ'RIDAN
Welcome.

RHU
My Lord.

Rhu tries to bow, though it's a little awkward because he's not actually standing on anything.

GREIBEL
Howdy.

Greibel waves.

Hazz'ridan waves a tentacle.

Rhu follows where the tentacle is waving and looks for Greibel, nearly running into him in the process. Greibel drifts out of the way and manages to grab him by the scruff of his shirt before he runs off into nothing.

HAZZ'RIDAN
What brings you to my domain?

'''''Bear Soup Guy''' (Greibel): "A roll of 1"

RHU
My Lord, I ... I am blind.

HAZZ'RIDAN
Yes.

RHU
I feel that this comes from you somehow. A gift. A price.

HAZZ'RIDAN
Yes.

RHU
What gift, my lord? What price?

HAZZ'RIDAN
It is the world. I am your gift. Your price to see.

Rhu bows before him, hiding his confusion as best he can.

A tentacle tries to snake its way into Greibel's ear and he swats it away.

GREIBEL
Listen, you seem like a nice dude, but I'm not gonna have any brain parasites messing me up, thank you very much.

RHU
Brain parasites?

GREIBEL
He was touching my ear, Rhu. That's just rude.
(he looks in the direction of Hazz' voice)
Even for a God.

RHU
Ah. Er. Well. Hm.

The sound of laughter surrounds them, then fades away.

Greibel looks around suspiciously.

GREIBEL
I painted a place kind of like this once. Admittedly it wasn't a very good painting. And I didn't use real paint. It was during my avant-garde phase.

RHU
When was that?

Greibel shrugs. Then he remembers Rhu can't see.

GREIBEL
Oh, I just shrugged. The was a shrugging silence.

RHU
Oh! Right.

Tentacles wrap around them. Huge, massive, and to Greibel, very, very colourful tentacles. They squeeze.

RHU
...Lord?

The tentacles get tighter, crushing, and then suddenly the vision is gone.


INT. Guardhouse room

Greibel and Rhu suddenly find themselves back in the room where they were meditating and/or drugging out.

Rhu gasps for breath.

RHU
They're gone...

GREIBEL
Humph. Worst astral projection ever.

RHU
Hey! I could see. Well, I could see His tentacles. I couldn't see you. I could see... Him. Still blind, though.
How can this be a gift?

GREIBEL
It's a mad God's idea of a gift. He probably forgot the meaning of the word.

RHU
Huh. Maybe.

Greibel goes to inspect Rhu's eyes to see if there are physical signs of what's going on. ''(rolled 29 heal)'' He determines something odd about Rhu now being directly tied to Hazz'ridan, and only able to see Hazz'ridan.

'''''Ganelon''': That almost sounds inconvenient. But Hazz would never inconvenience someone. That's ridiculous.


INT. Another guardhouse room

Radek sets up his computer and stuff at the table in another room and does science, surrounded by papers. It's epic and sciencey and punctuated by complaints about the fact that he has to use papers.

He tries to figure out what's missing from the formula that fixes holes, and makes some progress. ''(rolled 28, 23, 23 arcana)'' Some sort of idea that needs proper investigation. Takes three pieces to make a lock... ''(rolled 10 sanity)''

At some point the Gravedigger plods in and drops a pile of dead guards' gear on the table.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Can you use any of this?

RADEK
You brought their guns?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Yup.

RADEK
Good, set them down over... there. Any of that other junk seem magical to you?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Uh. No?

RADEK
You'd feel it.
(he waves him away)
Do whatever you like with it. Make a fort for the two deadbeats, maybe.

The Gravedigger just leaves it all on the table.

Radek breaks the magical components of the guns down into DUST.


INT. Guardhouse room

The Gravedigger pokes his head in on Greibel and Rhu.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hello, fellow deadbeats.

RHU
Hey!

GREIBEL
Howdy

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Anything fun happen?

The Gravedigger flexes gleaming muscles.

GREIBEL
We went to tentacle world for a bit.

Rhu nods.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Huh. Hazz give you eyeballs, Rhu?

The Gravedigger waves a hand in front of Rhu.

RHU
No. He said it was a gift. It doesn't make sense. What sort of gift is blindness?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Damn. Think Radek can rig you up with an artifical eye?

RHU
Hey. Hey! That is an idea.

GREIBEL
An idea that probably won't work, unfortunately. There's nothing wrong with his vision. The problem is likely right in the visual cortex. His mind is linked with Hazz for as long as the sociopath decides it's useful to him. No offense, Rhu.

Rhu sighs.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Then maybe we should go kick a god in the voolnerables?

RHU
I'm sure there's... a reason for this. I just wish I knew what it was.

Amadi falls slowly out of the sky like a dandelion seed and drifts dreamily down through the ceiling.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Your god's a dick? No offense.

AMADI
I concur.

Greibel nods knowingly at Amadi.

RHU
In my present state, I wouldn't even be able to see where his voolnerables were.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well I could find them and hold you in front of them?

Rhu grins.

Amadi bounces off the ground and starts rising again.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hey sandwich kid.

RHU
He might not have any. He's all tentacles.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'm sure Amadi could find some. Or make some.

Amadi drifts back up through the ceiling.

AMADI
You'd be better off with cats!

Then she's gone, back out of the guardhouse, drifting away into the clouds.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I hate cats!

HAZZ'RIDAN
(such that only Rhu can hear him)
Patience, Rhu. Remember your task.

Rhu tries to pull himself together. He stands slowly, takes a deep breath, and - with his hands in front of him - finds the door.

Rhu then trips over the doorstop and falls over, but the Gravedigger catches him.

RHU
Thanks.

Greibel goes back to doing drugs. One of the drugs turns out to be porridge. Rasputin returned.

Greibel coughs heavily.

Rasputin drops a bunch of truffles in Greibel's lap.

Greibel pets Rasputin. It jiggles.

RADEK
(walking past)
Now, where did that guardsman run off to? The competent one.

The Gravedigger takes the hint, picks up Rhu again, and follows Radek out. Greibel gathers up his porridge and follows as well.

They head toward the inn.

HAZZ'RIDAN
(whispering in Rhu's mind)
Just remember - no matter what you do, I will always be in your mind.
</screenplay>
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