Difference between revisions of "Holes/Session 31"

A fragment of the Garden of Remembering
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<pre>
{{holes nav
Apheori (GM): I'm here.
|top=true
BEGIN SESSION.
|previous=Holes/Session 30
Apheori (GM) becomes Dave and runs away.
|next=Holes/Session 32
Ganelon: Radek continues to be soggy and more than a little relieved that someone kidnapped Dave.
}}
Ellemerr: Meanie.
 
Ganelon: He is cynically confident, however, that Dave will find her way back to him in good time.
<screenplay>
Frezak (GM): Dude, I'm glad Dave is gone too.
EXT. Farmhouse - night
Apheori (GM): Rhu is passed out and can wake up at any point to discover he can't see anything.
 
Frezak (GM): I will share that belief.
Radek continues to be soggy and more than a little relieved that someone kidnapped Dave. He is cynically confident, however, that Dave will find her way back to him in good time.
Gaurav: Rhu is conveniently unconscious so he doesn't have to go running after Dave by himself. Don't split the party and all that.
 
Frezak (GM): And will carry RHu if he doesn't wake up.
The Gravedigger picks up an unconscious Rhu and they head off in the direction the guard indicated.
Apheori (GM): The DM shouldn't propose these things, but it would be totally awesome if Radek did some more digging in Rhu. This time his brain.
 
Gaurav: Huh. That doesn't sound worth getting up for.
At some point on the way, they hear an explosion in the woods in the direction Dawn went.
Ganelon: Most likely because her kidnapper will soon realize that he's effectively stolen the cursed Aztec gold that will make his life an unending nightmare without sensation.
 
Whoa, whoa.
RADEK
Radek is not a brain surgeon.
She's probably fine.
Apheori (GM): So?
 
Doesn't he like to experiment?
Radek pauses to think for a moment, and then adds to ensure absolute clarity:
Frezak (GM): Not with MEATSACKS
 
Ganelon: Less so on oozy flesh things, yeah.
RADEK
Apheori (GM): Pfft, fine.
Also, I don't care.
Ganelon: I mean, he'd DO it...
 
Ellemerr: ... *with a strange glint to her eyes* Amadi could do it...
Ganelon: But not if anyone were to hold him liable for the result.
Apheori (GM): Is anyone attached to Rhu?
Gaurav: judging from the level of technology on this planet, Rhu is as likely to be trepanned as to end up with fanged peas in his eyeballs
if we go see an actual surgeon, I mean
Ganelon: I don't want to hurt his feelings by saying "no".
Frezak (GM): Well he's part of the team.
Apheori (GM): Does Greibel still have some fanged peas?
Frezak (GM): I'm not going to advocate cutting his head to bits for no reason.
Bear Soup Guy: Probably but I think they've gone off by now
Now, alas, they are merely molar peas
Apheori (GM): The better to cannibalise other peas?
Frezak (GM): Now there's only the Alpha Pea left.
Bear Soup Guy: That is an excellent point.
Yes, per Frezak
The lone survivor. Bearded and grizzled.
Gaurav: A bearded pea?
Ellemerr: A bearded fanged pea-
Bear Soup Guy: THE bearded, fanged pea
Gaurav: Yes.
Apheori (GM): It's like Purple Tentacle.
Gaurav: So, leaving Rhu in the pit of we're-not-running-behind-Dave-just-yet, should we head for town?
Frezak (GM): One Pea to rule them all
And in the pocket eat them?
Gaurav: The bearded, fanged, evil-genius pea?
Frezak (GM): Well i'll carry Rhu.
Gaurav: Yay!
Apheori (GM): If you did run after Dave, I would be seriously disappointed.
Rhu dreams of electric sheep
Apheori (GM): Well, letting Rhu do it could be pretty funny.
But the rest of you... you're smarter than that.
Ellemerr: I am? O_o
Apheori (GM): Oddly, yes.
Ganelon: Kidnapping Dave is seriously like stealing cursed Aztec gold.
You're only making things worse on yourself.
It might seem like a great idea at the time, but then you discover that your life has become an unending nightmare without sensation.
Except you can still feel her poking you.
Over. And over. And over.
Gaurav: o.0
Frezak (GM): Is she pokey?
That sounds more like Amadi.
Apheori (GM): They sometimes learn from each other.
Ellemerr: Other times we stop doing things we'd normally do because the other one is doing it and no way am I going to behave like /Dawn/ (and vice versa).
Apheori (GM): XD
Dave might act like you!
But then you'd stop?
Er, anyway.
Everything is nice and peaceful and stinky. Has Gravy burried everything?
Is Rhu in a grave?
Frezak (GM): Aside from the big guy.
I'd have pulled Rhu out before filling that grave.
Apheori (GM): Okay.
You going to bury the big guy?
The Gravedigger: I don't do Ogres.
Apheori (GM): Or are you a wuss?
Wuss.
You'll never progress to houses at this rate.
Frezak (GM): You done?
We allowed to move forwards yet?
Apheori (GM): You may do whatever you please.
Ganelon: The old man is definitely eager to get out of here.
Frezak (GM): Well let's go in the direction indicated by the last guard.
Gaurav: Sounds good to me.
(To Rhu): You should wake up.
Gaurav: Can we get moving please? Hazz' is trying to wake me up. Asshole.
He's going to have to beat a 14 Fort to do it.
Ellemerr: Moving!
Gaurav: Or an 18 Will.
Apheori (GM): Y'all head down the road to town.
It's not very interesting.
I forgot what time of day it is, and so has the world.
Everyone except Rhu roll sanity please.
Gaurav: Yet another advantage to being asleep.
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20
(
12
)
=
12
Bear Soup Guy:
rolling 1d20
(
6
)
=
6
Apheori (GM): Frezak: I need something that isn't a 1 from you, please.
Ellemerr:
rolling 1d20
(
7
)
=
7
Ganelon: But these are the best rolls to get 1s on.
Gaurav: ^
Is there a doctor in the town?
Or a phone booth?
Frezak (GM):
rolling 1D20
(
9
)
=
9
One day I will walk through walls again!
Hey, what happened about me digging back for the All-Shovel?
Apheori (GM): Okay.
There's an explosion in the woods somewhere, possibly in the direction Dawn went.
Do you ignore it?
Please tell me you ignore it.
Radek: She's probably fine.
Radek pauses to think for a moment, and then adds to ensure absolute clarity.
Radek: Also, I don't care.
The Gravedigger shrugs.
The Gravedigger shrugs.
Amadi yells in the direction of the noise,
 
Amadi: Dawn, if I have to puzzle you back together I'll kill you! I don't like that kind of patience games!
AMADI
(yelling in the direction of the noise)
Dawn, if I have to puzzle you back together I'll kill you! I don't like that kind of patience games!
 
Amadi grumbles a bit.
Amadi grumbles a bit.
Apheori (GM): Well, anyway, you get to the town around midmorning.
 
It's a bunch of buildings around a road, with some carraiges by some of them, and a weird docking structure that anyone with any eye for engineering would probably figure out is airshi-related.
 
There's a general store, an inn, a whole lot of random houses and crap scattered around, some sort of pumping station, a bunch of guards arguing over a dead body, and an old lady stuck in a tree.
EXT. Dorgin - morning
Gaurav: Pumping station?
 
We should investigate the old lady in the tree as a possible Dave replacement.
The party arrives in town around midmorning. The Gravedigger is still carrying Rhu. Radek is mostly dried out.
Ganelon: I'll assume the old lady's cat has already called for the authorities to rescue her.
 
Apheori (GM): It has pumps coming out of the ground. And, like, pipes and stuff.
The town is basically just a cluster of buildings around the road, with some carriages by some of them, and a weird docking structure for airship. It looks really new.
You look and see the cat sitting under the tree licking its paws.
 
Ganelon: Cats are treacherous creatures.
There's a general store, an inn, a whole lot of random houses and crap scattered around, some sort of pumping station with pumps coming out of the ground and pipes and stuff, a bunch of guards arguing over a dead body (a teenage girl who looks to have been shot a few times), and an old lady stuck in a tree.
Apheori (GM): Yes.
 
Frezak (GM): Teachery is only when you don't expect it.
There is a cat sitting under the tree licking its paws.
Someoen go see if the body is necrotic.
 
Apheori (GM): Hey, somtimes they cooperate.
Radek goes up to the guards, stroking his beard. The Gravedigger follows him.
Gaurav: I'd like Rhu to remain unconscious until we bed down for the night so he can do the it's-1am-and-I'm-wide-awake thing, but I can wake him up if we need more people running around rolling perception or anything.
 
Ganelon: If Rhu isn't awake, I guess that leaves me to check for evidence of zombification, huh?
GUARD OFFICER
Apheori (GM): ROLL TO WAKE UP.
It's about time. What is it?
Gaurav:
 
rolling d20
The other guards all stop arguing and stare at Radek in anticipation.
(
 
6
Radek looks at the body. ''(rolled 26 heal)''
)
 
=
GUARD TOM NOOT
6
(pointing to Gravy)
Apheori (GM): Hmph.
Um, who's he?
Gaurav: Hooray!
 
Apheori (GM): Radek: All on you.
GUARD BILL STEARNS
Or Greibel.
His assistent, you dumbarse. What do you think he is?
GREIBEL! DO SOMETHING AWESOME.
 
That may or may not have anything to do with any current situation.
The Gravedigger just sort of looks at them gravely.
Ganelon: Uh...
 
What skill is that? Heal?
RADEK
Apheori (GM): Or you could just smell it.
This girl was undead for a time, yes?
Well, yes.
 
Ganelon: Zombies smell different from inanimate corpses?
GUARD OFFICER
rolling 1d20+9
She took sick. How could she become an undead without... well, dying?
(
 
17
RADEK
)
Simple. Her sickness killed her. Really now, is that what you were arguing over?
+9
 
=
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
26
I'm telling you, that's what's happening! It's been spreading out of the...
Gaurav: If you sniff at it and it goes "do you mind", it might be undead.
 
Apheori (GM): I guess 'heal' would be how you know if they smell different or not.
GUARD OFFICER
IT IS...
(cutting him off)
Yes.
What about Gerard, is that what happened to him?
It's an undead girl.
 
Bear Soup Guy: Sorry was away for a second
RADEK
Apheori (GM): Probably a teenager. Looks like she turned, got shot, died.
I have reason to believe this sickness is infectious. You would do well to quarantine the body and those who begin to show symptoms.
Bear Soup Guy: Does the officer investigating the corpse mind that Radek is just prodding at it now?
 
Apheori (GM): Does he prod it?
GUARD TOM NOOT
Bear Soup Guy: Well that's a good question too
You don't mean... Gerald is going to do this?
Ganelon: Nah, he'll just stare and stroke his beard wisely.
 
Frezak (GM): What's the argument about, while he's there?
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Apheori (GM): Actually, the officer takes one look at Radek and says, "It's about time. What is it?"
What have I been trying to tell you people?!
Ganelon: But mostly to get the water out.
 
Apheori (GM): The others all stop arguing and stare at Radek in anticipation.
Frezak (GM): Gravy will sort of generally plod behind Radek unless I say anything different.
Ellemerr: This is awesome.
Apheori (GM): One of the guards asks Radek, pointing to Gravy, "Um, who's he?" Another jokes that it's clearly his assistent, you dumbarse.
Radek: This girl was undead for a time, yes?
Frezak (GM): I'll just look at them gravely.
Apheori (GM): But not like a graveling.
Frezak (GM): (Pensive Minotaur again, Gan!)
Ganelon: On it.
http://www.artofmtg.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Pensive-Minotaur-Art.jpg
Ellemerr: You are a pretty good secretary. I just thought I should let you know.
Ganelon: Thank you.
Apheori (GM): The leader of the guards asks, "She took sick. How could she become an undead without... well, dying?"
Frezak (GM): You can tell he's the leader because his hat is bigger.
Radek: Simple. Her sickness killed her.
Frezak (GM): MINDS BLOWN
BRAINS EVERYWHERE
Radek: Really now, is that what you were arguing over?
Frezak (GM): "Oh, you bumpkins!!"
Ganelon: One of these days, I'm going to roll a skill check to blow someone's mind.
Frezak (GM): I could.... blow air really hard in someone's ear?
That's the best I'd get.
Apheori (GM): Another is like, "I'm telling you, that's what's happening! It's been spreading out of the..." but the leader guy cuts him off to say something important.
Ganelon: Something more important than that?
Apheori (GM): He thinks it is.
It's something like, "What about Gerard, is that what happened to him?"
That minotaur is adorable.
He's looking at the leg like WHAT IS THIS?
Ganelon: Not "what", madame.
"Why" is this.
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Apheori (GM): Why could be part of what.
I mean, the entire universe is a whole lot of whats. The whys fit in and add more whats.
Gaurav: Any updates on the cat/old lady/tree situation?
Apheori (GM): Does Radek say anything, or let the guards play out their whatever it is?
Radek: I have reason to believe this sickness is infectious. You would do well to quarantine the body and those who begin to show symptoms.
Apheori (GM): Greibel: The old woman in the tree is staring at you.
Ganelon: Get a briefing on the situation from her cat.
You can speak cat.
Guard: You don't mean... Gerald is going to do this?
Amadi waves enthusiastically at the old woman.
Another guard: What have I been trying to tell you people?!
Radek almost makes an effort to sound like he cares in the interests of drama, but fails.
Radek almost makes an effort to sound like he cares in the interests of drama, but fails.
Radek: I'm afraid so.
 
Greibel looks up at the old woman
RADEK
Amadi looks down at the cat.
I'm afraid so.
Apheori (GM): The other guard is starting to get very exasperated with the others, but thanks Radek for backing him up since it's about time SOMEONE grasped the blatantly obvious.
 
The leader guard guy tells him he should go home now.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
One of the other guards mentions something about checking on Gerald and scuttles off.
(to Radek)
The one who thanked Radek glares at the leader guy and mutters something about incompetent big city wannabes.
Thank you. It's about time ''someone'' grasped the blatantly obvious.
Gaurav: Poor Gerald.
 
Radek points at the dissenting guard with one hand while using the other to continue stroking his beard.
GUARD OFFICER
Radek: You... seem more sensible than the rest.
(warningly)
Ganelon: Or at least more cynical, which is always a good thing in his books.
Randal, you should really be getting home.
Guard: You mean because I'm not a complete moron?
 
Apheori (GM): The lead guard yells at him that he's dismissed and needs to go home NOW.
GUARD BILL STEARNS
Frezak (GM): I will tun my soulful gaze on the lead guard.
Should probably check on Gerald.
Gaurav: Can we rename him to "Ex-guard" now?
 
The one who was fired, not the one about the face the full wrath of Gravy
Bill scuttles off.
Apheori (GM): The dissenting guard tells him to fuck off, he's not even his boss.
 
The not his boss says something about sending paperwork to the other's superiors.
George glares at the officer and mutters something about incompetent big city wannabes.
There's a remaining other guard and that sone tries to stop all this by pointing out that we kind of have bigger issues right now that paperwork, but get ignored.
 
he gets*
Radek points at George with one hand while using the other to continue stroking his beard.
Radek: An intelligent man surrounded by morons? Oh yes, I understand all too well.
 
Greibel plods over to the tree with the cat and the woman
RADEK
Apheori (GM): You hear shots from one of the buildings.
You... seem more sensible than the rest.
Greibel: Excuse me, do you need help?
 
Radek: The one problem that even *my* genius has never been able to solve.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Amadi meows.
You mean because I'm not a complete moron?
Old lady: Help?
 
Son, what do you take me for, some frivolous little damsel?
GUARD OFFICER
Frezak (GM): Just shots or shots and voices?
(to George)
Greibel: I think you mean "frail" but no, I just meant it looks like you're stuck in a tree.
You're dismissed, guard. You need to go home now!
Apheori (GM): The other guard and the captain or whatever he is run to the building the shots came from. No accompanying voices.
 
Old lady: Oh, well, really I'm stuck in a cat. Be a dear and move it for me, will you?
The Gravedigger turns his soulful gaze on the officer.
Frezak (GM): I'll look at Radek.
 
Apheori (GM): The intelligent guard sighs and doesn't do anything either.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Amadi: The cat says hi.
Ah, fuck off. You're not even my boss.
The Gravedigger: So, do you need this body buried?
 
Amadi does more elaborate meowing.
GUARD OFFICER
Apheori (GM): The cat shrugs and says something about chickens.
I'll be sending paperwork to your superiors. You can count on that.
Frezak (GM): is Amadi trying to say anything in cat or just making meow noises? :p
 
Apheori (GM): The guard asks Radek if that will stop it from spreading.
GUARD TOM NOOT
Greibel: Hmmmph...
(trying to calm them down)
Ganelon: This isn't something Radek actually knows, is it?
Look, don't we kind of have bigger issues right now than paperwork?
Greibel: Hey there kitty...kitty kitty...
 
rolling 1d20+13 nature
The others ignore him.
(
 
9
RADEK
)
An intelligent man surrounded by morons? Oh yes, I understand all too well. The one problem that even ''my'' genius has never been able to solve.
+13
 
=
They hear the sound of gunshots from one of the buildings. Guard Tom turns and runs for the building.
22
 
Gaurav: Vague cats are the worst.
GUARD OFFICER
Apheori (GM): Gan: Nope. You can do a heal check to maybe find out, though. Or possibly arcana? Which would make sense?
(to George)
Ganelon: I'll stick with heal. Arcana does not encompass ALL SCIENCE, after all.
We're not through!
Kitty: Hey.
 
Ganelon: Medical science in particular has nothing to do with Arcana.
George just sighs.
rolling 1d20+9
 
(
The officer then turns and runs after as well.
16
 
)
The Gravedigger looks at Radek.
+9
 
=
THE GRAVEDIGGER
25
So, do you need this body buried?
Greibel: Hey. What's the deal with this tree and stuff?
 
Apheori (GM): But zombie science... well, I dunno.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Gan: It might spread into the ground, but it seems the zombieness goes away after awhile once dead dead, so it's probably as good a way to stop it as any.
(to Radek)
Certainly better than BURNING them, since that would just put it in the atmosphere.
Will that stop it from spreading?
Radek glances back at Gravy.
 
Radek: You're going to like this.
Radek examines the corpse some more. ''(rolled 25 heal)''
Bear Soup Guy: brb bathroom
 
Radek: The best way to curb this infection... is to bury the dead. Preferably in an area without much vegetation.
RADEK
Kitty: There seems to be a lady stuck in it. It's quite interesting.
(glancing back at Gravy)
Old lady: Oy, move that cat so I can get down already!
You're going to like this. The best way to curb this infection... is to bury the dead. Preferably in an area without much vegetation.
 
The Gravedigger poses.
The Gravedigger poses.
The Gravedigger: This I can do!
 
Ellemerr: *giggles*
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Radek: Don't make the mistake of burning them, and don't allow the infected to interact with healthy individuals.
This I can do! Direct me to a graveable area and you will witness the ART of the GRAVEDIGGER.
The Gravedigger: Direct me to a greaveable area and you will witness the ART of the GRAVEDIGGER
 
Radek: Maybe I'll work on a cure if I have the time.
RADEK
The Gravedigger: BURN THEM?
Don't make the mistake of burning them, and don't allow the infected to interact with healthy individuals.
BURN THEM????
 
BARBARIAN.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Ahem.
BURN THEM? BURN THEM???? BARBARIAN.
(he clears his throat)
If you would, Mr. Guard?
If you would, Mr. Guard?
Radek: (To the guard) He's all yours. Don't worry, he's the most tolerable moron I know.
 
Frezak (GM): Aw, man.
The Gravedigger twiddles a horn and uses his Gravyvision to detect the graveyard. ''(rolled 33 perception)'' Eyes turn into headlights.
That hurts.
 
Ganelon: Backhanded compliments are the only kind I can deliver.
He detects the graveyard thatwayish.
Frezak (GM): He has 12 Int!
 
he's a genius!
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Ganelon: When you have 20 int, everyone looks like a moron.
Not sure; this isn't my town, but there should be a graveyard over thatwaysish.
Apheori (GM): He has the lowest INT of anyone in the party.
 
Ganelon: ...Really?
George points thatwayish.
Apheori (GM): Since DAve is gone, yes.
 
Ganelon: Rhu certainly acts like he has less than 12.
RADEK
Gaurav: Despit having 14, yes.
Maybe I'll work on a cure if I have the time.
Frezak (GM): It's still higher than the average person.
(to the guard)
Apheori (GM): Amadi has 16, but using it is optional.
He's all yours. Don't worry, he's the most tolerable moron I know.
Average includes lesser races.
 
Gaurav: Does it include fanged peas?
'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Aw, man. That hurts.
Apheori (GM): Anyway, the guard guy says he's not sure since this isn't his town, but there should be a graveyard over thatwaysish.
 
He directs Gravy thatwayish.
'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): Backhanded compliments are the only kind I can deliver.
Which actually is specific when he says it.
 
Frezak (GM): I twiddle a horn and use Gravyvision to detect the graveyard.
'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): He has 12 Int! he's a genius!
rolling 1D20+20
 
(
'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): When you have 20 int, everyone looks like a moron.
13
 
)
THE GRAVEDIGGER
+20
Now! Where are your corpses?
=
 
33
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Eyes turn into headlights.
There's probably another one inside. May be a few more if they go fondling the corpses like they so wanted to with this one. Idiots!
Apheori (GM): The graveyard is thatwayish, and is indeed about what you wanted.
 
The Gravedigger: Now! Where are your corpses?
He directs Gravy to the building the other guards went in.
Guard: There's probably another one inside.
 
Ganelon: "We've only got the one-"
THE GRAVEDIGGER
"There's been a murder!"
On it! GRAAAAAVES.
"...The two?"
 
"Double homicide!"
The Gravedigger charges to the building and then politely knocks on the door. He gets no response, and indeed no noises at all from inside.
"The three."
 
Guard: May be a few more if they go fondling the corpses like they so wanted to with this one.
He knocks powerfully instead, then looks back to Radek. Radek is just sort of watching for lack of anything better to do.
Idiots!
 
Frezak (GM): "All killed by shovels, somehow."
Guard George goes and opens the door and pokes his head inside.
The Gravedigger: On it!
 
GRAAAAAVES
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Frezak (GM): Charges to the building.
(loudly)
Guard directs Gravy to the building the other guards went in. It sounds quiet.
Oy, anyone in there alive?
Apheori (GM): You charge in?
 
Frezak (GM): I charge /to/ and then politely knock on the door.
GUARD OFFICER
Greibel: (To the cat) She seems to think you're keeping her from getting down.
(from inside)
Frezak (GM): I am imaginging him exploding through the door and screaming GRAAAAVES as splinters rain down.
Go away!
But he's not doing that.
 
Apheori (GM): Gravy: You get no response.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
So you can still explode through if you want.
(loudly)
Well, justifiably.
'Scuse me! Just need any bodies you have up there!
Easily justifiably.
 
Maybe.
There's a grumbling from inside.
Depending on who you're justifying it again.
 
Apheori (GM): Well, at, I mean.
GUARD TOM NOOT
Kitty: Who, me? I'm just a concerned citizen.
(from inside)
Just like the whole chicken debacle all over again...
Is this really necessary?
Kitty mutters incoherently.
(after a pause)
Amadi giggles in Kitty. Which might sound sort of like purring with hiccups.
We're by the kitchen.
Old lady: What is that damned rat telling you now?
 
Frezak (GM): I'll knock powerfully.
The Gravedigger heads inside, still carrying Rhu over a shoulder.
Old lady: Move it already!
 
Frezak (GM): And if I still get no response, go look and see who of the party is nearby.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Or at least no busy.
(to Radek)
Which is... Radek?
You should probably follow him and see if you can covertly check if anyone is infected. This could get messy.
Apheori (GM): The guard goes and opens the door, pokes his head inside, and loudly asks if anyone is alive.
 
The voice of the lead guard yells at him to go away.
He follows the Gravedigger, and Radek grumpily follows because this could escalate into a major inconvenience for him if he doesn't fix it all now.
Greibel: (To the cat) Do you mind if I move you? She might starve if she just stubbornly sits up there yelling at the world for too long.
 
Kitty: Yes.
 
Greibel: Yes you mind?
EXT. Dorgin - by the tree
Kitty: Yes.
 
Greibel: Okay then.
Greibel notices the old woman in the tree staring at him.
Amadi: [in Cat] Yes.
 
Greibel: Will you at least keep an eye on her?
Amadi waves enthusiastically at the old woman.
Kitty giggles.
 
Greibel looks at Amadi inquisitively.
Greibel looks up at the old woman and plods over to the tree.
Greibel looks at Amadi and points vaguely up into the tree
 
Kitty: Radek is the closest conscious one.
Amadi follows and looks down at the cat. She meows.
Apheori (GM): Er, ooc.
 
Amadi grins cheshirely.
GREIBEL
Ganelon: Radek looks like he doesn't want to solve any more domestic crimes today.
Excuse me, do you need help?
But he's watching for lack of anything better to do.
 
The Gravedigger: 'scuse me! Just need any bodies you have up there!
OLD LADY
Gaurav: Bring out your dead!
Help? Son, what do you take me for, some frivolous little damsel?
Amadi fades away even more cheshirely, leaving the grin for last, and reappears in the tree some time later.
 
Frezak (GM): "And if you don't give them I will fucking take them and/or make some!"
GREIBEL
Kitty purrs at Griebel.
I think you mean "frail" but no, I just meant it looks like you're stuck in a tree.
Apheori (GM): Gravy: There's a grumbling and someone asking if this is really necessary and then he yells that they're all in the room by the kitchen.
 
Frezak (GM): I will move in to acquire them.
OLD LADY
Apheori (GM): The guard with you suggests that Radek follow him and try to check covertly if anyone is infected, because if so this could get messy, and heads in too.
Oh, well, really I'm stuck in a cat. Be a dear and move it for me, will you?
Gaurav: Is Gravy still carrying Rhu?
 
Frezak (GM): Yes.
CAT
Unless Rhu moved.
Hi.
You're over a shoulder.
 
Greibel looks, slightly distressed, at the tree
Amadi does more elaborate meowing.
Gaurav: Nope. Still as stone. Awesome, thanks!
 
Apheori (GM): Gravy: You and the guard wind up in a room with two dead bodies, a dormant zombie, and three possibly infected guards, including the captain.
The cat shrugs.
Who is incredibly irate at this point.
 
Frezak (GM): Dormant?
CAT
Apheori (GM): It's not moving and looks dead, but you have gravyvision.
Oh, you know. Chickens.
YOU CAN'T BURY IT LIKE THIS.
 
Or maybe you can, I dunno.
GREIBEL
But it also don't have charred holes in it.
Hmmmph...
Unlike the others.
 
Gaurav: I suppose there's no reason to tell them about the other captain we met/fought an ogre with/lost a godling to?
Greibel talks cat as well. ''(rolled 22 nature)''
Ganelon: Radek will grumpily follow because this could escalate into a major inconvenience for him if he doesn't fix it all now.
 
The Gravedigger: 'scuse me.
GREIBEL
Apheori (GM): Radek winds up in the room too.
Hey there kitty... kitty kitty...
The Gravedigger: That one's a zombie.
 
Not a corpse.
CAT
Mind if I...
Hey.
Apheori (GM): The guard leader captain guy yells at Radek to explain what the hell is going on.
 
The Gravedigger: *waves shovel*
GREIBEL
Apheori (GM): Your guard mutters something about how a nice shovel hit could resolve so many problems.
Hey. What's the deal with this tree and stuff?
Old lady yells at Greibel to move that damn cat.
 
Greibel looks back and forth from the lady to Amadi to the cat
CAT
Apheori (GM): The leader guard guy apologises and says it's been a long day. Could you look at these too?
There seems to be a lady stuck in it. It's quite interesting.
Gaurav: Our guard needs a name. Entirely too many guards.
 
Kitty grins at Amadi.
OLD LADY
Radek: Gravy is a qualified professional.
(irritably)
Greibel: I'm sorry. Last time I went against a cat's wishes there was a battle with Gods and spells and fire and then the cat might have cursed everyone.
Oy, move that cat so I can get down already!
He seems to like staying where he is.
 
Ganelon: (Not specifying what he's a professional of)
GREIBEL
Greibel: Why is he keeping you from getting down?
(to the cat)
Radek: He can resolve nearly any issue with a sufficient mortality rate.
She seems to think you're keeping her from getting down.
Old lady: That's... personal!
 
CAT
Who, me? I'm just a concerned citizen. Just like the whole chicken debacle all over again...
 
The cat mutters incoherently.
 
Amadi giggles in Cat. Which might sound sort of like purring with hiccups.
 
OLD LADY
What is that damned rat telling you now? Move it already!
 
GREIBEL
(to the cat)
Do you mind if I move you? She might starve if she just stubbornly sits up there yelling at the world for too long.
 
CAT
Yes.
 
GREIBEL
Yes you mind?
 
CAT
Yes.
 
GREIBEL
Okay then.
 
AMADI
(in Cat)
Yes.
 
Greibel looks at Amadi inquisitively, then points vaguely up into the tree
 
GREIBEL
Will you at least keep an eye on her?
 
The cat giggles.
 
Amadi grins cheshirely. She then fades away even more cheshirely, leaving the grin for last, and reappears in the tree some time later.
 
The cat purrs at Greibel.
 
Greibel looks, slightly distressed, at the tree.
 
OLD LADY
Move that damn cat!
 
Greibel looks back and forth from the lady to Amadi to the cat.
 
The cat grins at Amadi.
 
GREIBEL
I'm sorry. Last time I went against a cat's wishes there was a battle with Gods and spells and fire and then the cat might have cursed everyone.
He seems to like staying where he is. Why is he keeping you from getting down?
 
OLD LADY
(offended)
That's... personal!
 
Amadi purrs and rubs herself against the old lady.
Amadi purrs and rubs herself against the old lady.
The Gravedigger: I'm going to need to smack this one before it stands up.
 
Old lady: Just move him, will you?
OLD LADY
Gaurav: 1. Is there an issue? 2. Kill someone. 3. Go to #1.
Just move him, will you?
Greibel shakes his head
 
Greibel: Amadi, what do you think?
Greibel shakes his head.
Frezak (GM): That's a lovely problem-solving technique that I approve of.
 
Apheori (GM): The guard captain guy says something about not making a mess.
GREIBEL
The guard with you just shoots it instead.
Amadi, what do you think?
It starts to wake up so he shoots it again, this time in the head.
 
And it like stops and stuff.
AMADI
The Gravedigger: That works too.
(to the cat)
I'll just leave this guy outside.
Give me a good reason to not move you.
Frezak (GM): He props Rhu outside.
 
Radek: (To the guards) Are any of you infected?
CAT
Frezak (GM): Since he's not goingt o bundle him with the corpses.
This was the end of a horrible curse. Be bad luck to move, bad luck that might get out and destroy all the lands. Terrible, terrible things locked up in the night.
Amadi tells the kitty to give her a good reason to not move it.
So no, there really isn't a good reason unless you like mildly inconveniencing random people for the hell of it?
Kitty says something about horrible curses and bad luck and no, there really isn't a good reason unless you like mildly inconveniencing random people for the hell of it.
 
Apheori (GM): The guards look at Radek like he's insane.
Amadi laughs in cat.
The guard captain guy says of course they aren't.
 
Amadi laughs.
 
Amadi: (in cat, of course.)
INT. Some room in the guardhouse
Frezak (GM): back in a bit
 
Radek: Let me see your eyes.
The Gravedigger pushes inside and winds up in a room with two dead bodies on the floor, a dormant zombie on a table, and three possibly infected guards standing around. The officer looks incredibly irate.
Apheori (GM): The guard with you mentions that it's not even worth checking, why would anyone bring it up, and then the guard captain is suddenly a lot less resistent to being checked.
 
Radek: The captain's eyes are fine. One of the other guards is fine. The last one isn't.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Or is he?
'scuse me.
Roll.
 
Radek:
Radek and George pile in after the Gravedigger.
rolling 1d20+9
 
(
THE GRAVEDIGGER
2
That one's a zombie. Not a corpse. Mind if I...
)
 
+9
The guard officer ignores the Gravedigger and yells at Radek to explain what the hell is going on.
=
 
11
The Gravedigger waves a shovel.
Ganelon: Uh oooooh
 
Apheori (GM): He's not fine.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Amadi: (to Greibel, still in cat) Do you want me to move the cat? I think it has good enough reasons, and the lady is too loud and obnoxious, but I can move it if you want. I almost promise that I can guarantee no bad things happening to you because of it, too!
(muttering)
A nice shovel hit could resolve so many problems...
 
RADEK
Gravy is a qualified professional. He can resolve nearly any issue with a sufficient mortality rate.
 
GUARD OFFICER
Agh, sorry. It's been a long day.
(to Radek)
Can you look at these too?
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(indicating the zombie on the table)
I'm going to need to smack this one before it stands up.
 
'''''Gaurav''' (Rhu): 1. Is there an issue? 2. Kill someone. 3. Go to #1.
 
'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): That's a lovely problem-solving technique that I approve of.
 
GUARD OFFICER
Won't that make a mess?
 
George raises his gun and shoots the zombie instead. It starts to wake up so he shoots it again, this time in the head. This time it stops and stuff.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
That works too. I'll just leave this guy outside.
 
The Gravedigger goes and props Rhu up against the wall by the door outside the guardhouse.
 
 
EXT. Dorgin - by the tree
 
AMADI
(to Greibel, still in cat)
Do you want me to move the cat? I think it has good enough reasons, and the lady is too loud and obnoxious, but I can move it if you want. I almost promise that I can guarantee no bad things happening to you because of it, too!
 
GREIBEL
Do you think he'll just move on his own eventually? That would be nice for everyone.
 
AMADI
Er...
 
OLD LADY
(in a rather bad attempt at a sweet voice)
Pleaaaase move that cat?
 
AMADI
Aaaw, see, that's sweet!
... Will you reward us? I want a lollipop.
 
GREIBEL
I want a fudge pop!
 
OLD LADY
(impatiently)
Of course! Just move that cat.
 
GREIBEL
(to Amadi)
Well, I think we know what we have to do.
 
Amadi giggles and promptly falls out of the tree, aiming for the cat. She lands next to it, knocking it slightly to the side. ''(rolled 15 acrobatics)''
 
 
INT. Guardhouse
 
RADEK
(To the guards)
Are any of you infected?
 
The guards look at Radek like he's insane.
 
GUARD OFFICER
Of course they aren't.
 
RADEK
Let me see your eyes.
 
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
It's not even worth checking. Why would anyone bring it up?
 
Suddenly the officer is a lot less resistant and allows Radek to check him out.
 
Radek makes a long series of "hmms" and troubled shakes of the head as he inspects the guardsmen.
Radek makes a long series of "hmms" and troubled shakes of the head as he inspects the guardsmen.
Radek: I'm sorry to say that all three of you are idiots who depend on the guidance of strangers to solve problems you should be qualified to handle yourselves.
 
Greibel: Do you think he'll just move on his own eventually? That would be nice for everyone.
The Gravedigger comes back and stands there looking imposing.
Radek points and the last guard.
 
Radek: Also, /you/ are going to turn into a zombie and you need to be quarantined.
RADEK
Bear Soup Guy: You tell 'em, Radek!
(he finishes and stands back)
Frezak (GM): yeah!
I'm sorry to say...
Gravy will look imposing.
 
And go 'hmmm' sagely.
The guards tense.
Guard: Strangers? Aren't you the forensics guy?
 
Amadi: Er...
RADEK
Gaurav: God, Radek is awesome.
...that all three of you are idiots who depend on the guidance of strangers to solve problems you should be qualified to handle yourselves.
Ganelon: Aw shit, do I not have sunglasses to put on?
 
I can't be a CSI without sunglasses.
'''''Bear Soup Guy''' (Greibel): You tell 'em, Radek!
Apheori (GM): The guard you pointed at tries to run away.
 
Old lady: Pleaaaase move that cat?
'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): yeah!
Gaurav: Maybe we can get the old lady out of the tree some other way.
 
Amadi: Aaaw, see, that's sweet!
The guards relax a bit, and then look a little confused.
... Will you reward us? I want a lollipop.
 
Greibel: I want a fudge pop!
GUARD BILL STEARNS
Old lady: Of course!
Strangers? Aren't you the forensics guy?
Just moe that cat.
 
Radek: Gravy, after that moron!
Radek points at guard Tom.
Greibel: (To Amadi) Well, I think we know what we have to do.
 
Ganelon: Okay, let's do a bluff.
RADEK
I'm not skilled at those but maybe I'll get lucky.
Also, ''you'' are going to turn into a zombie and you need to be quarantined.
Amadi giggles, and promptly falls out of the tree, aiming for the cat.
 
Frezak (GM): GRAVY TACKLE
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I charge him.
(sagely)
Apheori (GM): Roll to use yourself to move the cat.
Hmm.
Roll to grab the fleeing guard.
 
Frezak (GM): I'm not grabbing;
Tom freaks out and tries to run away.
I'm just knocking him down.
 
rolling 1D20+12
RADEK
(
Gravy, after that moron!
13
 
)
The Gravedigger charges after Tom and hits him in the back with a shovel, knocking him over and landing on top of him. ''(rolled 25 vs AC)''
+12
 
=
'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): Okay, let's do a bluff. I'm not skilled at those but maybe I'll get lucky. (rolled 10 bluff)
25
 
Vs Guard AC
RADEK
Radek:
rolling 1d20+2 Bluff
(
8
)
+2
=
10
Yes, I am the "forensics guy".
Yes, I am the "forensics guy".
Ganelon: I think Radek's only skill at bluffing is the use of sarcasm.
 
Amadi:
'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): I think Radek's only skill at bluffing is the use of sarcasm.
rolling 1d20
 
(
The guards seem to buy Radek's claim, though the officer eyes him suspiciously.
6
 
)
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
=
Doesn't...
6
 
Ellemerr: (Dunno what to put on that.)
He is cut off by the sound of a large explosion outside.
(I do have 9 acrobatics.)
 
Apheori (GM): Okay, Gravy knocks the fleeing guard down, Amadi flops next to the cat knocking it slightly to the side, the guards inside seem to buy Radek's claim or at least don't argue, and one starts to say something else, and then there is a horrible explosion as the old lady is freed from the tree.
 
It rocks the whole town, the sky goes dark, and you hear a horrible laughter fading into the distance.
EXT. Dorgin - by the tree
 
Amadi causes the cat to move slightly. Then there is a horrible explosion as the old lady is freed from the tree, rocking the whole town. The sky goes dark, and they hear a horrible laughter fading into the distance.
 
Then the old lady is gone.
Then the old lady is gone.
Greibel: I knew it!
 
The Gravedigger: Is that normal?
GREIBEL
Greibel: I knew something bad would happen!
I knew it! I knew something bad would happen!
Frezak (GM): To the guard under him.
 
Apheori (GM): The cat says something about how the world is doomed, and wonders where it might find some fish.
CAT
The guard struggles but doesn't actually answer.
Well, the world is probably doomed now. I wonder where I might find some fish around here...
 
The sky fades back to normal after a little bit.
The sky fades back to normal after a little bit.
The guard leader guy asks what the hell that was.
 
The guard with you guys, whose name is George, sighs.
AMADI
The Gravedigger: You promise to not run again if I get up?
(yelling after the laughter)
Amadi: HEY! WHAT ABOUT MY LOLLIPOP!
HEY! WHAT ABOUT MY LOLLIPOP!
 
Amadi looks angry in a scary way.
Amadi looks angry in a scary way.
Greibel shakes a fist at the sky
 
Greibel: You'll pay for not delivering that lollipop!
Greibel shakes a fist at the sky.
The Gravedigger 's ears twitch. IS THERE JUSTICE TO BE DISPENSED?
 
Gaurav: yay George!
GREIBEL
Apheori (GM): The guard Gravy is on freaks out and tries to get away again.
You'll pay for not delivering that lollipop!
Kitty: She lied, what.
 
Ganelon: Can I uh...
 
Try to understand this phenomenon?
EXT. Guardhouse door
Is it magical?
 
Amadi: I! DEMAND! MY LOLLIPOP!
Rhu, who had been propped up by the door, falls over.
Frezak (GM): I remain where I am, then.
 
The Gravedigger: If you wriggle someone is going to decide it's less effort to shoot you.
 
Amadi tries accessing whatever scary powers she has to get her lollipop from the "old lady".
INT. Guardhouse
Apheori (GM): Gan: There was a flash of magic, yes.
 
(From Amadi): Just to be clear, I don't know the old lady, do I?
The Gravedigger's ears twitch. IS THERE JUSTICE TO BE DISPENSED?
(To Amadi): She doesn't seem to be anyone in particular, no. Just some random hag who's gone off the deep end and wants to destroy the world.
 
Apheori (GM): Amadi: D20.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Amadi:
(to Tom, who he's still on top of)
rolling 1d20
Is that normal?
(
 
4
Guard Tom struggles, but doesn't actually answer.
)
 
=
GUARD OFFICER
4
The hell was that?
Apheori (GM): Gravy: He stops trying to struggle.
 
Amadi: Nothing really happens. You get a sense of where she is, though. You could go there, if you could just... go there.
The officer and Bill run outside.
Maybe you could take Greibel.
 
George sighs.
 
 
EXT. Dorgin - by the tree
 
CAT
She lied, what.
 
AMADI
I! DEMAND! MY LOLLIPOP!
 
Amadi tries accessing whatever scary powers she has to get her lollipop from the "old lady". Nothing really happens, but she gets a sense of where the old lady went. ''(rolled 4 reality)''
 
Amadi gives Greibel a calculating look.
Amadi gives Greibel a calculating look.
The Gravedigger: Raaaadeeeek!
 
What do I do with this guy?
Greibel gives Amadi a look that doesn't know what's happening.
Greibel gives Amadi a look that doesn't know what's happening
 
Apheori (GM): The guard leader guy and his other guard go back outside.
Amadi grabs Greibel's hand, and with eyes craving revenge, sets after the old lady. (revenge - and, mostly, lollipops. Someone should've told her she has one in her pocket.)
Amadi grabs Greibel's hand, and with eyes craving revenge, sets after the old lady.
 
Radek: Where do you detain people in this town?
They vanish as the guard officer and Bill run outside.
Amadi: (revenge - and, mostly, lollipops. Someone should've told her she has one in her pocket.)
 
Radek: I assume you have nothing as sophisticated as a chair with restraints.
 
Greibel tags along dutifully
EXT. Ridiculously tall tower somewhere else - night
Apheori (GM): George says they probably have some cells in the basement and points to some stairs.
 
Greibel and Amadi: Suddenly you are somewhere else.
Amadi and Greibel find themselves at the top of a tall tower, at the apex of a massive evil fortress. Monstrous guard beasts patrol far below.
Amadi looks around for the old lady.
 
Apheori (GM): You don't find the old lady. You do, however, find Dave.
Amadi looks around for the old lady. There's no old lady, but she suddenly finds Dawn right next to her.
Greibel: Hi Dave!
 
Frezak (GM): Crud!
DAWN
Run!
Hi. Where did the target go?
Apheori (GM): You're at the top of a tall tower, at the apex massive evil fortress. Monstrous guard beasts patrol far below.
 
Dave says hi and asks where the target went.
GREIBEL
Amadi: Dawn! I'm here on Lokshmi business! Have you seen someone who owes me a lollipop?
Hi Dave!
Ganelon: Well then.
 
Frezak (GM): HAH
AMADI
That's pretty serious business.
Dawn! I'm here on Lokshmi business! Have you seen someone who owes me a lollipop?
Apheori (GM): Dawn looks confused and shakes her head, and then you realise there's another fragment behind her. Except this one is just staring over the edge of the tower in amazement, and not really saying anything.
 
Ellemerr: Another FRAGMENT fragment?
Dawn looks confused and shakes her head, and then suddenly there's another Dawn/Amadi clone with brilliantly red hair behind them. Except this one is just staring over the edge of the tower in amazement, and not really saying anything.
Do I recognize her?
 
Apheori (GM): Aye. This one is a really short attention span, and generally responds to 'squirrel'.
This one is a really short attention span, and generally responds to 'squirrel'.
Ellemerr: Oh dear.
 
Amadi: Squirrel!
AMADI
(From Amadi): Why can I control George? xD Should I be doing anything with that?
Squirrel!
(To Ellemerr): Oh, oops.
 
Ganelon: Shorter than these two?
Ellemerr: Hey, I've managed to follow Greibel ALL THIS TIME.
(To Ellemerr): do you want Squirrel?
Ellemerr: I think I'm pretty good.
(From Ellemerr): That is really up to you. I probably could. :P
(From Ellemerr): At least if it's only temporary.
(To Ellemerr): Eh, she'll be available. Even if we both do her at the same time it should be fine.
Squirrel turns around.
Squirrel turns around.
Squirrel: Squirrel!
 
Ganelon: Greibel is a source of limitless entertainment.
SQUIRREL
You can't get bored hanging around him.
Squirrel!
Ellemerr: True. :3
 
Frezak (GM): Because of the Drug Haze.
AMADI
Amadi: Lollipop?
Lollipop?
Ganelon: Unless he's taking some depressants, I suppose. But then, he'd probably offer you.
 
Offer some to you, rather.
SQUIRREL
Frezak (GM): "He'd offer you to the Drug Gods"
Lollipop!
Bear Soup Guy: The Drug Gods are super chill, man
 
And they have an infinite bag of Doritos
'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): Greibel is a source of limitless entertainment. You can't get bored hanging around him.
Frezak (GM): That's pretty sweet.
 
Should go dethrone them and take it.
'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Because of the Drug Haze.
Bear Soup Guy: That would be easy to do seeing as they're stoned all the time and don't really care much about worldly possessions
 
Squirrel: Lollipop!
'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): Unless he's taking some depressants, I suppose. But then, he'd probably offer you. Offer some to you, rather.
Bear Soup Guy: But the infinite bag is infinitely heavy!
 
Frezak (GM): That's a terrible bag!
'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): "He'd offer you to the Drug Gods"
Bear Soup Guy: Actually I guess that makes it a black hole
 
Dave: She's.. here. Somewhere.
'''''Bear Soup Guy''' (Greibel): The Drug Gods are super chill, man. And they have an infinite bag of Doritos.
Amadi: Great! You're hired! Lokshmi bless us all! STAY OUT OF MY HEAD, THOUGH!
 
(The latter shouted at nobody in particular.)
'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): That's pretty sweet. Should go dethrone them and take it.
Squirrel: Head.
 
Amadi: She is. We'll find her. And then... then!
'''''Bear Soup Guy''' (Greibel): That would be easy to do seeing as they're stoned all the time and don't really care much about worldly possessions. But the infinite bag is infinitely heavy!
 
'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): That's a terrible bag!
 
'''''Bear Soup Guy''' (Greibel): Actually I guess that makes it a black hole.
 
DAWN
She's.. here. Somewhere.
 
AMADI
Great! You're hired! Lokshmi bless us all!
(shouting at nobody in particular)
STAY OUT OF MY HEAD, THOUGH!
 
SQUIRREL
Head.
 
AMADI
She is. We'll find her. And then... then!
 
Amadi rubs her hands and cackles.
Amadi rubs her hands and cackles.
Dave: Yes.
 
Greibel: Your hair is lovely, Squirrel
DAWN
Yes.
 
GREIBEL
Your hair is lovely, Squirrel.
(quietly)
Mmmm... spaghetti...
 
Squirrel beams and bounces happily.
Squirrel beams and bounces happily.
Frezak (GM): "I'm sure it tastes delicious"
 
Greibel: (quietly) mmmm.....spaghetti.....
Amadi takes Greibel's hand again and suddenly they're somewhere else else.
Amadi goes in pursuit of her VENGEANCE! Somehow.
 
Apheori (GM): Amadi takes Greibel and suddenly you're somewhere else.
 
Ŕoll a d20.
INT. Guardhouse
Bear Soup Guy: Who rolls?
 
Apheori (GM): Amadi, sorry.
The Gravedigger is still on top of Tom.
Bear Soup Guy: s'alright
 
Amadi:
THE GRAVEDIGGER
rolling 1d20
You promise to not run again if I get up?
(
 
8
Tom freaks out and tries to get away again, which achieves absolutely nothing because the Gravedigger is still sitting on him.
)
 
=
THE GRAVEDIGGER
8
If you wriggle someone is going to decide it's less effort to shoot you.
Ellemerr: >.>
 
Apheori (GM): Greibel: d20.
Tom stops struggling. Well, trying to struggle, that is.
Frezak, Gan: You waiting for these guys to sort their thing out before continuing?
 
Bear Soup Guy:
THE GRAVEDIGGER
rolling 1d20
Raaaadeeeek! What do I do with this guy?
(
 
10
RADEK
)
(to George)
=
Where do you detain people in this town? I assume you have nothing as sophisticated as a chair with restraints.
10
 
Apheori (GM): Amadi and Greibel: You find yourselves in a bedroom. It's a rather fancy bedroom with a messy bed in the middle. There's some strange black stuff on the walls, though.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
A moment later Dawn and Squirrel appear and Dawn seems to be trying to restrain Squirrel.
They probably have some cells in the basement.
Squirrel is trying to braid Dave's hair.
 
Dave pushes Squirrel onto the bed.
George points to the stairs.
Dave: Not here. Further in. In her place of power...
 
The Gravedigger picks Tom up, and carries him down the stairs.
 
 
INT. Rather fancy bedroom - night
 
Amadi and Greibel find themselves in a bedroom. It's all rather fancy, with a messy bed in the middle. There's some strange black stuff on the walls.
 
A moment later Dawn and Squirrel appear next to them and Dawn seems to be trying to restrain Squirrel.
 
Squirrel is trying to braid Dawn's hair.
 
Dawn pushes Squirrel onto the bed.
 
Squirrel sprawls on the bed and then burrows into the covers.
Squirrel sprawls on the bed and then burrows into the covers.
Amadi: Well, YOU get us there, if you know it so well!
 
Bear Soup Guy: You guys must be quite the character when you're not fragmented...
DAWN
Amadi seems frustrated. And still very angry.
Not here. Further in. In her place of power...
Ellemerr: Oh, quite.
 
Ganelon: Frezak, Gan: You waiting for these guys to sort their thing out before continuing?
AMADI
Yeah, basically.
(frustrated, and still very angry)
Other things are also distracting me.
Well, YOU get us there, if you know it so well!
For which I apologize.
 
Squirrel: They should be done soon.
SQUIRREL
Ellemerr: I... should stop soon, though. For which I'm very sorry. But when I do, you can go on with the other group! (Sorry BSG.)
(vacantly)
Squirrel: Wheeeeeheheheheeee.
They should be done soon. Wheeeeeheheheheeee!
Bear Soup Guy: No worries!
 
Squirrel draws squiggly things on the ceiling by pointing at it and causing burn marks to appear.
Squirrel draws squiggly things on the ceiling by pointing at it and causing burn marks to appear.
Dave grabs Greibel and Amadi and takes them all somewhere else.
 
Amadi: All done! Impaled! Burnt so sweet, so sweet!
AMADI
Dave:
All done! Impaled! Burnt so sweet, so sweet!
rolling 1d20
 
(
Dawn grabs Greibel and Amadi and takes them all somewhere else. ''(rolled 13 reality)'' Amadi attempts to grab Squirrel in the last second, but misses.
13
 
)
 
=
INT. Throne room of sorts
13
 
Amadi attempts grabbing Squirrel in the last second.
Greibel, Amadi, and Dawn suddenly appear in the old lady's throne room, surrounded by twisted monster guard things everywhere. In front of them, on the throne, is the old lady, looking very prim and proper and a bit upset at the fuss.
Apheori (GM): Greibel, Amadi, and Dave are now in a throne room of sorts. You are surrounded by guard things everywhere. They all point weapons at you.
 
In front of you, on the throne, is the old lady, looking very prim and proper and a bit upset at the fuss.
The guard things all point weapons at them.
(You missed grabbing squirrel.)
 
Greibel eyes the guards and begins conjuring smalls vines in his hands should a conflict erupt
Greibel eyes the guards and begins conjuring smalls vines in his hands should a conflict erupt.
Apheori (GM): Have we lost Ellemerr?\
 
Ellemerr: Not quite yet.
I'm juggling. Not geese, this time.
Apheori (GM): What does Amadi do?
Amadi sets her incredibly angry eyes in the old lady, trying to look as much like Dave as possible. (Yes, Dave, not Dawn. Though this probably does include Dawn, too.)
Amadi sets her incredibly angry eyes in the old lady, trying to look as much like Dave as possible. (Yes, Dave, not Dawn. Though this probably does include Dawn, too.)
Amadi: You! How DARE you! You USED me! ME!
 
Old lady laughs.
AMADI
Old lady: Why not? You think you can defy me?
You! How DARE you! You USED me! ME!
 
The old lady laughs.
 
OLD LADY
Why not? You think you can defy me?
 
AMADI
Well, I know one of us is going to end up with a lollipop and - hah! BEHOLD!
 
Squirrel suddenly appears and starts bouncing through the guards, cackling shrilly and doing random things to them and blowing them up and taking her own arm off and beating a bunch of them up with it.
Squirrel suddenly appears and starts bouncing through the guards, cackling shrilly and doing random things to them and blowing them up and taking her own arm off and beating a bunch of them up with it.
Gaurav: Ooo-kay
 
Amadi: Well, I know one of us is going to end up with a lollipop and - hah! BEHOLD!
AMADI
The wrath of Lokshmi is upon you!
The wrath of Lokshmi is upon you!
Squirrel: LOOOOKSHMIIIIII!
 
Amadi: ... Or my wrath. Or HERS. It doesn't really matter that much.
SQUIRREL
Squirrel: LOOOKY LOOKY SHMEEEE.
LOOOOKSHMIIIIII!
Greibel stops conjuring vines to watch curiously
 
AMADI
...Or my wrath. Or HERS. It doesn't really matter that much.
 
SQUIRREL
(still beating up guards)
LOOOKY LOOKY SHMEEEE.
 
Greibel stops conjuring vines to watch curiously.
 
Dawn walks up to the old lady. Some guards try to stop her and they fall over dead.
Dawn walks up to the old lady. Some guards try to stop her and they fall over dead.
Dawn: You. You have whatever the worded against us. You will whatever the word is.
 
Um.
DAWN
You. You have whatever the worded against us. You will whatever the word is. Um.
 
Dawn looks back at Amadi, then focuses a horrible glare at the woman.
Dawn looks back at Amadi, then focuses a horrible glare at the woman.
Dawn: Yes.
 
Amadi: LOLLIPOP!
DAWN
Dawn: Lollipop.
Yes.
Greibel: And a fudgsicle if it's not too much trouble!
 
Old lady starts to look a bit concerned and then starts to do some magic and suddenly falls asleep instead.
AMADI
Apheori (GM): All the weird guard things collapse.
LOLLIPOP!
 
DAWN
Lollipop.
 
GREIBEL
And a fudgsicle if it's not too much trouble!
 
The old lady starts to look a bit concerned and then starts to do some magic and suddenly falls asleep instead. At the same time, all of the remaining weird guard things collapse.
 
Amadi grins maliciously.
Amadi grins maliciously.
Amadi: Sweet... nightmares.
 
Dawn: Yeah, um, that's what we meant to do.
AMADI
Amadi starts rummaging through the lady's pockets for sweets.
Sweet... nightmares.
Dawn gestures vaguely, looks really confused, and then picks up Squirrel and hands her to Greibel.
 
Ganelon: Remind me to never inconvenience this one when I become a villainous mastermind.
Amadi runs up and starts rummaging through the lady's pockets for sweets.
Greibel: Oh, hello.
 
Squirrel makes airplane noises.
 
Ellemerr: Well, she's pretty easy to pacify if you have lollipops.
INT. Guardhouse dungeon
Gaurav: o.0
 
Dawn gives Amadi a lollipop, and Greibel a fudgsicle, and then looks curiously around.
There are some empty cells and stuff.
Dawn: How'd we wind up here?
 
Amadi jumps up and down and hugs Dawn and says "thank you!" and everything.
The Gravedigger trudges in and locks Tom in a cell. Radek and George follow behind for good measure.
Greibel unwraps the fudgsicle excitedly
 
Greibel: Teleportation!
GUARD TOM NOOT
Magic!
Please, I'm not infected. You know I'm not!
Dawn: It's just that... I was somewhere else.
 
Apheori (GM): Greibel, Amadi: Can you getback to the others now?
RADEK
Amadi: Oh, so were we.
Well then, you won't have much to worry about when you fail to show advancing symptoms over the next few days, will you? You know, it's selfish behavior which leads us to this sort of pandemic.
How did the kidnapping go?
 
Dawn: He exploded.
GUARD TOM NOOT
Greibel: Hah!
But... you... You can't lock me in here!
Amadi: Had it coming.
 
Dawn: I ate a bear.
Radek laughs.
Bear Soup Guy: Apheori: Can we? You're the DM :P
 
Amadi: Was it good?
RADEK
Greibel: Did you cook it?
Well, I have to disagree with you there.
In a soup, perhaps?
 
Amadi: Mmmm, bear soup.
 
Apheori (GM): Well, yes, but you know. Party.
INT. Throne room of sorts
Dawn: How did you know?
 
The old lady is asleep. All the guards are dead and piled up around the floor, with random limbs and stuff lying around. Amadi, Greibel, and Dawn are just sort of standing around.
 
Squirrel is lying on the floor smacking it with her detached arm.
 
DAWN
Yeah, um, that's what we meant to do.
 
Dawn gestures vaguely, looks really confused, and then goes and picks up Squirrel and hands her to Greibel.
 
Squirrel swings the arm around and makes airplane noises.
 
'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): Remind me to never inconvenience this one when I become a villainous mastermind.
 
'''''Ellemerr''' (Amadi): Well, she's pretty easy to pacify if you have lollipops.
 
GREIBEL
Oh, hello.
 
Dawn then gives Amadi a lollipop, and Greibel a fudgsicle, and then looks curiously around.
 
Greibel unwraps the fudgsicle excitedly.
 
Amadi jumps up and down and hugs Dawn.
 
AMADI
Thank you! Thank you!
 
DAWN
How'd we wind up here?
 
GREIBEL
Teleportation! Magic!
 
DAWN
It's just that... I was somewhere else.
 
AMADI
Oh, so were we. How did the kidnapping go?
 
DAWN
He exploded.
 
GREIBEL
Hah!
 
AMADI
Had it coming.
 
DAWN
I ate a bear.
 
AMADI
Was it good?
 
GREIBEL
Did you cook it? In a soup, perhaps?
 
AMADI
Mmmm, bear soup.
 
DAWN
How did you know?
 
GREIBEL
I feel like I have experience with bear soup. Hmmm. Odd, that. Maybe a past life leaking through this messed up time and space.
 
Amadi shrugs.
 
Squirrel curls around Greibel's feet and starts sinking into the floor.
Squirrel curls around Greibel's feet and starts sinking into the floor.
Greibel: I feel like I have experience with bear soup. Hmmm. Odd, that. Maybe a past life leaking through this messed up time and space.
 
Amadi shrugs.
GREIBEL
Greibel: Oop!
OOP!
Greibel looks down
 
Amadi: Stranger things happen. Pretty much daily.
Greibel looks down.
Greibel: Your friend is cute.
 
Amadi: I know! That hair. I'm almost jealous.
AMADI
Amadi licks her lollipop happily.
Stranger things happen. Pretty much daily.
Amadi: Well - should we go back? See how badly the others have messed up?
 
I mean, without us around to keep things sorted...
GREIBEL
Your friend is cute.
 
AMADI
I know! That hair. I'm almost jealous.
(she licks her lollipop happily)
Well - should we go back? See how badly the others have messed up? I mean, without us around to keep things sorted...
 
Amadi grins. Her tongue is coloured candy blue.
Amadi grins. Her tongue is coloured candy blue.
Ellemerr: And that's sort of it from me.
 
Greibel: That's a good idea.
GREIBEL
Ellemerr: But please find out what the others have done meanwhile, and feel free to go on further, too.
That's a good idea.
Bear Soup Guy: Take care, Merr! It was lovely causing mischief with you today.
 
Squirrel bounces up and embraces Amadi and they suddenly both disappear.
Squirrel bounces up out of the floor and embraces Amadi and they suddenly both disappear.
Apheori (GM): Okay, back to Dorgin.
 
Radek, Gravy: You have a quiet, no longer struggling apparently infected guy, the cells are downstairs, and stuff.
 
What do you do?
EXT. Guardhouse door - afternoon
Frezak (GM): I suppose I'm taking my guy to the cells?
 
Ganelon: Yeah, gotta lock this guy up before he becomes a zombie.
The Gravedigger pokes his head out to check on Rhu, who has apparently fallen over. The guard officer and Bill are under the tree arguing again.
Apheori (GM): You lock him in a cell. There's nobody else down here.
 
Frezak (GM): Awright.
He notes this and then goes back in and drags out all the bodies.
I'll check that Rhu is alive.
 
Apheori (GM): He pleads with you that he's not infected.
Rhu wakes up and starts screaming. ''(rolled 17 reality)'' It turns out there's a bug in his nose and he digs and shakes it out in a bit of a panic. He abruptly stops screaming, tries to look around, and realises he can't see anything.
The guy in the cell, I mean.
 
Frezak (GM): And then go bury these corpses.
RHU
Radek: Well then, you won't have much to worry about when you fail to show advancing symptoms over the next few days, will you?
... huh.
You know, it's selfish behavior which leads us to this sort of pandemic.
 
Guard: But... you...
Guard Bill suddenly takes a bite out of the officer, who screams.
You can't lock me in here!
 
Apheori (GM): Rhu: WAKE UP ALREADY.
RHU
Radek laughs.
HULLO? Is someone here?
Radek: Well, I have to disagree with you there.
 
Gaurav:
The Gravedigger drops his heap of bodies and charges at Bill, bodyslamming him Gravystyle.
rolling d20
 
(
THE GRAVEDIGGER
17
(shouting)
)
GRAAAAAAAAVES!
=
 
17
The officer is sent flying, and the Gravedigger proceeds to beat the shit out of Bill with a shovel, punctuating the shovel blongs with a lot of grave-related shouting. Bill bites at him (rolled 22 vs reflex (natural 20)) and puts a very small hole in the Gravedigger's arm.
Frezak (GM): Radek is such a terrible person.
 
THumbs up, gan!
'''''Apheori (GM)''': It does a whopping 4 damage.
Apheori (GM): Rhu wakes up and starts screaming.
 
Rhu: He's the best for speeches, though.
'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Amazing. I only have 59 HP left! WHAT WILL I DO?
Gaurav: err ooc
 
Rhu starts screaming.
Rhu rolls away from the commotion, feeling around, and then realises he's against a wall. He stands up using the wall as a guide.
Frezak (GM): No, Rhu is talking in his sleep
 
Oh.
The Gravedigger shovels Bill to death.
He could do that too.
 
Gaurav: Why am I screaming?
The officer backs away, trying to cover his neck, which is bleeding profusely.
Frezak (GM): Must be bad if even you don't know.
 
Apheori (GM): Gravy's got all the bodies outside. The guard and the leader guard are under the tree arguing again.
Radek and George come out of the guardhouse, and Radek approaches the NEW crime scene, grumbling and cursing the whole way over.
You have a bug in your nose.
 
Roll to get the bug out of your nose
RHU
.
Radek?
Gaurav continues screaming
 
Gaurav:
RADEK
rolling d20
Every bloody time I get something done...
(
 
14
George shoots the officer in the head, killing him, and grumbles as well.
)
 
=
THE GRAVEDIGGER
14
Also I have a hole. I hope my shots will deal with it.
Er ic
 
Apheori (GM): Rhu gets the bug out of his nose and realises he can't see.
RADEK
Rhu abrupts stops screaming
Good job, George.
Rhu: ... huh.
 
Rhu blinks furiously
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Apheori (GM): The guard with the leader guard takes a bite out of the leader guard.
I think it's just about wrapped up.
Frezak (GM): I charge.
 
Rhu:
THE GRAVEDIGGER
rolling d20+12 heal check to figure out what's wrong ... I suppose I start with the basics (can I hear? Is there something in front of my eyes?) and see how far my knowledge of medicine gets me.
How do you know that other people aren't infected?
(
 
14
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
)
They actually did get the civilians to stay inside, so... yeah! Maybe they can get some ''real'' guards here now!
+12
(darkly)
=
Wouldn't count on it, though.
26
 
Apheori (GM): At whom?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak (GM): The biter.
Real guards? They were a militia or something?
Apheori (GM): Or what?
 
Okay.
RHU
What do you do with him?
Guys?
Rhu: HULLO? Is someone here? I hear chewing!
 
Frezak (GM): I just bodyslam him gravystyle.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Apheori (GM): Rhu: You seem to be blind. You hear a Gravy charge.
No, they just sucked.
Frezak (GM): In order to deter future biting.
 
Of course every time he charges he shouts.
George grumbles and heads to the inn.
Gaurav: No biting! Bad guard!
 
The Gravedigger: GRAAAAAAAAAVES
Radek goes and checks the Gravedigger's arm for signs of imminent zombification. ''(rolled 16 heal)''
Apheori (GM): The leader guard screams and is sent flying. The biter seems to be turning into a zombie.
 
Rhu rolls out of the way at the shout
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Frezak (GM): I begin to beat the shit out of the biter.
Hey, Rhu! Zombies!
Rhu feels around for anything: a tree, a post, a wall
 
Apheori (GM): The biter bites at you.
RHU
Ganelon: Would Radek hear this commotion?
Er. Yes. Well. See. The thing is. I've gone blind.
Because he has to fix every bloody problem and this is clearly the start of a new one.
 
Apheori (GM): Rhu: You're by a wall. It feels rough but painted. There's a breeze and you feel warmth, probably sunlight.
Rhu waves vaguely at his face.
Gaurav: I don't suppose Rhu's maul was left anywhere near him?
 
Rhu stands up and leans against the wall, listening to see if he can figure out what the consequences of the Gravycharge was
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Apheori (GM): Unless Radek stayed with the guy in the cell, you and George probably came up too.
Oh. Is this some god thing? Dead End Eyeballs?
Rhu: You hear biting and punches.
 
Frezak (GM): Punches?
RHU
He should hear
What?! No! Why would Hazz'ridan All-Merciful take away my eyesight?
Rhu stays very, very quiet
 
Frezak (GM): "rawr"
THE GRAVEDIGGER
"Blonnnng"
Fucked if I know.
Apheori (GM): Shovel punches.
 
Frezak (GM): Also a lot of grave-related shouting.
RHU
Bear Soup Guy: "Shovel punch" should really be an official D&D move
It must be... what happened back at the farmhouse. And where are we now?
Gaurav: That's reassuring, as it suggests that Gravy is winning. But Rhu is stay quiet in case there's other baddies around.
 
Apheori (GM):
RADEK
rolling 1d20 + 2 vs gravy reflex
(to Gravy)
(
You're fine.
20
 
)
Radek goes to check on Rhu. ''(rolled 18 heal)''
+2
 
=
RADEK
22
You're ''also'' fine, on the outside. Probably brain damage.
Does it get you?
 
Frezak (GM): Yes.
'''''Apheori (GM)''': GREIBEL: YOU ARE A FUNDAMENTAL ASS SATELLITE OF SPACE.
Apheori (GM): Buggrit.
 
Frezak (GM): It'd get anyone.
'''''Bear Soup Guy''' (Greibel): XD XD XD XD XD
Apheori (GM): Okay, the turning guard zombie takes a bite out of you, though you shovel it to death.
 
Gaurav: That is a damn fine roll.
Rhu doesn't respond. Only after a good 15 seconds of silence does he realise that Radek might have been talking to him.
Apheori (GM): It does a whopping 4 damage.
 
And hurts like something took a bite out of you.
RHU
Frezak (GM): Amazing.
Oh! Well. I hope it isn't...
Apheori (GM): I know, right?
 
Frezak (GM): I only have 59 HP left!
Greibel suddenly hurtles out of the sky at impossible speed and crashes into the ground in front of Radek, creating a large crater.
WHAT WILL I DO?
 
Apheori (GM): Panic.
Rhu falls over with the impact of a landing Greibel. Radek jumps back, clutching his beard protectively.
I dunno.
 
Leader guard guy is backing away trying to cover a massively bleeding neck.
Greibel lifts his head up. Aside from being slightly on fire, he seems fine.
Radek, where are you?
 
Frezak (GM): You know what.
GREIBEL
We should just leave;
Well... I'm here now, bitches!
Take smart guard with us.
 
And go request an Exterminatus.
Greibel coughs out some dirt. The Gravedigger puts out the flames by hitting him with a shovel a few times.
Apheori (GM): What's that?
 
Frezak (GM): W40K reference.
RADEK
Orbital planet-razing.
You lunatics are ''inescapable''.
Apheori (GM): Ah.
 
Amadi might have something stored away for that.
The Gravedigger goes back to dragging off the now slightly bigger pile of bodies over to the town graveyard, where he loots and buries them.
Frezak (GM): Otherwise, might as well just leave.
 
Unless we want to take on a zombie epidemic.
RHU
Gaurav: ^
Is that Greibel?
Radek approaches the NEW crime scene, grumbling and cursing the whole way over.
 
Rhu: Radek?
GREIBEL
Radek: Every bloody time I get something done...
It sure is, buddy! Don't worry, Dave's fine. I saw her on a tower and she kicked some ass.
The Gravedigger: Also I have a hole.
 
I hope my shots will deal with it.
RHU
George suddenly shoots the leader guard.
Oh. Nice.
Radek: Good job, George.
I'm blind now. I think it's temporary? Um.
George: I think it's just about wrapped up.
 
Ganelon: I could make a great dictator.
RADEK
The Gravedigger: How do you know that other people aren't infected?
Not for the faithful, it isn't.
George: They actually did get the civilians to stay inside, so... yeah! Maybe they can get som real guards here now! Wouldn't cound on it, though.
 
The Gravedigger: Real guards?
Rhu ignores that and petitions Hazz'ridan to help with the blindness. ''(rolled 23 religion)''
They were a militia or something?
 
Rhu: Guys?
Greibel directs Rhu into the guardhouse, finds a room, and tries some aromatherapy on Rhu. Which is to say drugs. Rhu allows it for lack of any better idea.
Apheori (GM): Greibel: Would you like to do anything while you're in that place, or should Dave try to transport you back to the others?
 
George: No, they just sucked.
Rhu proceeds to spend his time in meditation, prayer and whinging about being blind.
Frezak (GM): Didn't Rhu hear the fighting outside?
 
Ganelon: I'd like to check Gravy.
Greibel silently sits on the floor and watches Rhu's meditation.
Gaurav: Rhu is outside. He's standing against the wall. I assume he's close enough to listen to you, although maybe he's on another side of the building or something.
 
Ganelon: For signs of imminent zombification.
RHU
Frezak (GM): Oh, right, sorry.
(mumbling)
The Gravedigger: Hey, Rhu!
A... gift? Hmm.
Zombies!
 
Apheori (GM): Heal on Gravy?
Then the drugs kick in...
Gaurav: Er. Yes. Well. See. The thing is. I've gone blind.
 
Rhu: Er. Yes. Well. See. The thing is. I've gone blind.
 
The Gravedigger: Oh.
EXT. Darkness with tentacles everywhere
Is this some god thing?
 
Rhu waves vaguely at his face
Rhu finds himself in a vague dark space, surrounded by tentacles everywhere. (rolled 1 reality) Greibel follows him. (rolled 19 reality) They're just sort of floating amidst the tentacles.
The Gravedigger: Dead End Eyeballs?
 
Apheori (GM): "We don't need you anymore. *SHOVEL*"
Rhu blinks, then blinks again.
Rhu: What?! No! Why would Hazz'ridan All-Merciful take away my eyesight?
 
Ganelon: Heal on Gravy.
RHU
rolling 1d20+9
...well, I can see again. That's nice.
(
 
7
To Greibel, the tentacles look intensely colourful, but also as though they're trying to cover something up.
)
 
+9
GREIBEL
=
Hmmm.
16
 
The Gravedigger: Fucked if I know.
Greibel examines the tentacles more closely. ''(rolled 24 nature)'' They look oddly smokable, but they're also not, strictly speaking, really there. But then neither are they. It's all basically a projection.
Bear Soup Guy: Apheori: Your call. I need to bandage a cat leg soon soon so I might go MIA for a bit.
 
Apheori (GM): Radek: Gravy seems fine.
Rhu closes his eyes and realises that he can still see the tentacles. He closes and opens his eyes a couple of times.
Rhu: It must be ... what happened back at the farmhouse
 
And where are we now?
RHU
Radek: You're fine.
Huh. Greibel? Is that you?
Ganelon: Heal on Rhu.
I feel... tentacles. I think we're in the realm of Hazz'ridan again. It's somewhere near the City of the Dead. This is where I found the sphinx.
Frezak (GM): I have great Endurance.
 
Ganelon:
rolling 1d20+9
(
10
)
+9
=
19
Bear Soup Guy: "He wants you to walk into dead ends"
Frezak (GM): HAH
Gaurav: BSG: XD
BSG: Why bandage a cat leg?
Apheori (GM): Rhu doesn't seem to have anything actually wrong with him. The eyes do what eyes do. Just don't see.
Bear Soup Guy: My cat has a bleeding tumor thing :(
Apheori (GM): Eek.
Gaurav: oh no :( sorry to hear that
Bear Soup Guy: Yeah.
Apheori (GM): Well, until then...
Bear Soup Guy: He doesn't seem to care about it, but it does make a mess so we bandage it up.
Radek: You're /also/ fine, on the outside.
Probably brain damage.
Apheori (GM): GREIBEL: YOU ARE A FUNDAMENTAL ASS SATELLITE OF SPACE.
Bear Soup Guy: XD XD XD XD XD
Apheori (GM): Also you come flying out of the sky at an impossible speed and impact he ground in front of Radek.
Rhu doesn't respond. Only after a good 15 minutes of silence does he realise that Radek might have been talking to him.
Apheori (GM): You're fine. You can get up in whatever fashion you like.
Rhu: 15 seconds*
Apheori (GM): But you are on fire.
Frezak (GM): brb
Greibel crashes
Rhu: Oh! Well. I hope it isn't ---
Rhu falls over with the impact of a landing Greibel
Greibel lifts his head up
Radek jumps back, clutching his beard protectively.
Greibel: Well....
I'm here now, bitches!
Greibel coughs out some dirt
Radek: You lunatics are /inescapable/.
Rhu: Is that Greibel?
Apheori (GM): Poor Radek.
Greibel: It sure is, buddy!
Don
't worry, Dave's fine. I saw her on a tower and she kicked some ass.
Rhu: Oh. Nice.
I'm blind now.
I think it's temporary?
Um.
Radek: Not for the faithful, it isn't.
Ganelon: Yes, that was a RELIGION BURN.
Rhu ignores that
Bear Soup Guy: Roll for sick burn
Gaurav laughs
Apheori (GM): I don't get it.
Gaurav: Well, so, we're all here
And Rhu is blind, but that shouldn't stop us
What next?
Rhu:
rolling d20+9 religion check to ask Hazz' to help with this blindness thing
(
14
)
+9
=
23
Ganelon: He's saying that people with faith are always blind (to, presumably, the truth of objective reality).
Bear Soup Guy: This would be a good time for me to go AFK, if that's alright
I should only be about ten or fifteen minutes
Actually probably less.
Apheori (GM): Aiight.
Bear Soup Guy: Okay, see you guys in a bit!
Apheori (GM): Radek is way sarter than I am.
m
Rhu: BSG: ciao! Hope you're cat's tumor is better!
Gaurav: er ooc
When last we had a plan, we wanted to go find a Hole and experiment on it with our Hole-in-a-box
or something
Ganelon: No, we totally fixed the hole-in-a-box.
And I lost my poor pocket dimension.
Gaurav: We lost it?! How?
Ganelon: I don't properly remember.
Apheori (GM): Not that you guys should do anything specfic no, but you guys should check out George's theories too.
Ganelon: On what, this infection?
Apheori (GM): Mhm.
Gaurav: There is an airship port thing in the town. We could try to get a ride back to civilisation.
Apheori (GM): I think I need a nap. I'm falling asleep.
Sorry.
Ganelon: That's fine.
I won't likely forget George. He seems like a younger Radek in an age of less technological advancement.
He certainly seems to have the bitterness down, which is very important.
Gaurav: With 1.5 Radeks in our team, we can't lose!
Ganelon: No, but he still can.
For being trapped in the company of inescapable buffoons.
Your capacity for tomfoolery is staggering.
Gaurav: Hey, we're not all inescapable buffoons! Some of us are mad gods too.
Ganelon: That's an inclusive property.
Some of you are both inescapable buffoons AND mad gods.
Gaurav: Hmm. True.
Frezak (GM): I'm pretty escapable.
Ganelon: The guards would testify otherwise.
Frezak (GM): They didn't try hard enough!
Ganelon: Be honest.
Frezak (GM): My charge is only +12 vs AC.
+14 if I'm in Ram Form.
Ganelon: If Radek ran away and left you with the buffoons, how long would it take before you dug your way to him through the stuff of spacetime itself?
Frezak (GM): Also +2 speed in Ram form.
"remember the fun times we had"
"when we ran through walls"
Bear Soup Guy: Hi guys, I'm back!
Frezak (GM): SO YOU SAY
Bear Soup Guy: O_O
Apheori (GM): I'm awake.
No I'm not, butdo stuff.
Frezak (GM): Gravy is actually cool with setting up somewhere backwater and going back to digging.
Radek is the one that'll /want/ to go home.
Or at least somewhere sciencey.
Ganelon: He has a universe to fix.
Frezak (GM): Does he?
Why is it up to /him/ ?
Ganelon: Because everyone else is too bloody stupid, insane, or irresponsible to bother.
Frezak (GM): THANKS.
I'll just go and dig holes and stop bothering you!
GO try and help Codrichun with his problem.
Ganelon: You can't fill these holes with dirt!
Frezak (GM): WELL THEN
Ganelon: And you never explained how you fixed that one you actually did close!
Frezak (GM): YOU CLEARLY DONT NEED ME THEN
AT great cost, that's how.
Also the godshards told me to not do it again.
Ganelon: Well.
Radek does appreciate Gravy's help, he just doesn't think Gravy is capable of solving the problem on his own.
Frezak (GM): Gods no.
Ganelon: But of course, he DOES think that HE is capable of solving it, because he's a genius.
Frezak (GM): How?
TELL US HOW TO SOLVE THIS
Ganelon: He's still got to figure it out.
Frezak (GM): Good job Mr.Genius!
Ganelon: He has partial answers that need testing and theorizing and all that sciencey nonsense nobody actually wants to see happen in real-time.
Frezak (GM): Well if we don't it real-time then it's not going to happen.
So sit down and do science!
Greibel can try aromatherapy to cure Rhu.
And by aromaptherapy I mean drugs.
Ganelon: He will gladly do that.
Apheori (GM): There's an inn.
George is headed there.
Gaurav: I reluctantly acquiesce to this course of treatment.
Frezak (GM): He's ditching us?
Bastard!
Ganelon: You were just about to do the same thing!
Gaurav: You can't trust mini-Radeks. Only the real one.
Frezak (GM): Well yeah but only because I was leaving first and got interrupted by zombieings.
Gaurav: Radek needs a doing-science montage.
Apheori (GM): You guys were talking amongst yourselves. As far as he's concerned the situation is basically done.
Frezak (GM): Speaking of which, I get with the burying.
Just hope I don't find someone sleeping on the ground.
Apheori (GM): You find Dave sleeping on the ground.
Just kidding.
Frezak (GM): Well I'm not touching /that/
So Gravy goes and does what Gravy does best.
Ganelon: Science montage?
Frezak (GM): Drug montage?
Apheori (GM): What, out here?
Ganelon: Radek surrounded in papers, complaining about the fact that he has to use papers?
Nah, he'll get a room.
Even if he has to walk into someone's house and just demand they give him space to work.
Apheori (GM): The guardhouse is empty.
Gaurav: 0_0
Ganelon: Perfect.
Gaurav: Aw.
I was hoping to watch Radek kick someone out of their house.
Well, listen intently to.
Ganelon: "Sleep in the guardhouse! It's empty!"
Frezak (GM): I also loot the people I bury.
If they have anything interesting.
Ganelon: "But why aren't you-"
"SHUT UP WHILE I'M WORKING"
Rhu finds a room and spends him time in meditation, prayer and whinging about being blind.
Frezak (GM): You still have your divine magics, right?
Apheori (GM): You find some random bits of string, guns, a pretty necklace, wallets.
Frezak (GM): I assume radek has a gun fire and has no interest in 'em.
Unless.... are they magical?
Or science?
*has a seen a gun fire
Apheori (GM): They shoot energy. They're a bit magical.
Frezak (GM): I'll stack their armour and weapons and take 'em to the guardhouse later.
Ganelon: Keep 'em.
If it's magic.
It will be dussssssst.
Apheori (GM): Rhu: You realise this is Hazz' doing. It's either a gift or perhaps a price.
Frezak (GM): Also the wallets.
Apheori (GM): For... something.
YAY WALLETS/
.
You find 302 gold.
Frezak (GM): Dow e have any need for that?
Rhu: (says out loud) A ... gift?
Hmm.
Frezak (GM): Does anyone HAVE money?
Apheori (GM): Money is important.
Gaurav: I have a gift. It is that I can't see anything any more.
Greibel silently sits on the floor and watches Rhu's meditation
Frezak (GM): Greibel sees a completely different meditation montage.
Apheori (GM): You can't see the others' faces anymore.
Frezak (GM): With fishes.
Apheori (GM): Important gift.
Ganelon: I have something that might be money.
Frezak (GM): Well that's just rude.
Ganelon: But not local currency.
Apheori (GM): Greibel, Rhu: d20s.
Gaurav:
rolling d20
(
1
)
=
1
Frezak (GM): I suppose I'll take the gold
YAAAAY
Gaurav: oooooooo
Greibel:
rolling 1d20
(
19
)
=
19
Apheori (GM): Hmm.
Rhu: You find yourself in the darkness surrounded by tentacles everywhere.
Greibel: You follow him.
Gaurav blinks, then blinks again. There are tentacles everywhere.
Rhu blinks, then blinks again. There are tentacles everywhere.
Rhu: ... well, I can see again. That's nice.
Apheori (GM): Rhu: You can't see the tentacles. But you feel like you can. Closing or opening your eyes doesn't change anything. Though you may not notice.
Greibel: You can see them. They're really colourful.
Also seem to be covering something up.
Greibel: Hmmm
rolling 1d20+13 nature to try to learn about the tentacles
(
11
)
+13
=
24
Rhu closes his eyes and realises that he can still see them.
Rhu closes and opens his eyes a couple of times.
Rhu: Huh.
Apheori (GM): Should Radek walk in on them for any reason they'll both just look passed out.
Gaurav: Are you nature-checking my God?
Frezak (GM): That's really rude, man.
Apheori (GM): Greibel: The tentacles appear to be smokable.
Also they're not, strictly speaking, really there. But then neither are you.
It's all basically a projection.
Gaurav: Please don't smoke my God.
On the other hand, if you smoke him, you might *become* him, and that'd be interesting.
Apheori (GM): Oh, so it's only fine when it's someone else's god?
Frezak (GM): "Is THIS your God?"
Gaurav: It's less awkward?
Ganelon: It's definitely less awkward.
Bear Soup Guy: Greibel didn't know it was Hazz D:
Ganelon: As for Radek, if he walked in on them, he'd just call them a bunch of deadbeat slackers and carry on with his business.
Apheori (GM): Greibel still doesn't know it's Hazz, unless Rhu tells him.
Gaurav: Can Rhu see Griebel?
Apheori (GM):
Gaurav: I thought he was just sensing the tentacles.
Apheori (GM): Rhu can see him if he Looks.
Gaurav: Naah, he's happy with the tentacles.
Oh, wait, Greibel said "hmm" earlier.
Rhu: Greibel? Is that you?
Apheori (GM): I want to see Greibel smoke tentacles.
I mean...
Rhu: I feel ... tentacles. I think we're in the realm of Hazz'ridan again.
Apheori (GM): Nevermind.
Rhu: It's somewhere near the City of the Dead.
This is where I found the sphinx.
Rhu goes quiet.
Rhu goes quiet.
Greibel: Oh....well then, my first question would be "How do we get out? Right now. Please. Oh God, please."
 
Hazz'ridan: Welcome.
GREIBEL
Rhu: My Lord. *bows*
Oh... well then, my first question would be "How do we get out? Right now. Please. Oh God, please."
Greibel: Howdy
 
Greibel waves
HAZZ'RIDAN
Welcome.
 
RHU
My Lord.
 
Rhu tries to bow, though it's a little awkward because he's not actually standing on anything.
 
GREIBEL
Howdy.
 
Greibel waves.
 
Hazz'ridan waves a tentacle.
Hazz'ridan waves a tentacle.
Rhu follows where the tentacle is waving and looks for Greibel
 
Apheori (GM): Greibel: Rhu tries to run into you.
Rhu follows where the tentacle is waving and looks for Greibel, nearly running into him in the process. Greibel drifts out of the way and manages to grab Rhu by the scruff of his shirt before he runs off into nothing.
Greibel steps out of the way but tries to grab him by the scruff of his shirt before he runs off into nothing
 
Hazz'ridan: What brings you to My domain?
HAZZ'RIDAN
Rhu: My Lord, I ... I am blind.
What brings you to my domain?
Bear Soup Guy: "A roll of 1"
 
Frezak (GM): "terrible RNG, lord."
'''''Bear Soup Guy''' (Greibel): "A roll of 1"
Hazz'ridan: Yes.
 
Gaurav: Heeee
RHU
Rhu: I feel that this comes from you somehow. A gift. A price.
My Lord, I... I am blind.
Hazz'ridan: Yes.
 
Rhu: What gift, my lord? What price?
HAZZ'RIDAN
Frezak (GM): "Was it the milk?"
Yes.
Hazz'ridan: It is the world. I am your gift. Your price to see.
 
RHU
I feel that this comes from you somehow. A gift. A price.
 
HAZZ'RIDAN
Yes.
 
RHU
What gift, my lord? What price?
 
HAZZ'RIDAN
It is the world. I am your gift. Your price to see.
 
Rhu bows before him, hiding his confusion as best he can.
Rhu bows before him, hiding his confusion as best he can.
Apheori (GM): Greibel: A tentacle tries to get into your ear.
 
Greibel swats it away
A tentacle tries to snake its way into Greibel's ear and he swats it away.
Greibel: Listen, you seem like a nice dude, but I'm not gonna have any brain parasites messing me up, thank you very much.
 
Rhu: Brain parasites?
GREIBEL
Greibel: He was touching my ear, Rhu.
Listen, you seem like a nice dude, but I'm not gonna have any brain parasites messing me up, thank you very much.
That's just rude. Even for a God.
 
Frezak (GM): Totes.
RHU
Punish him!
Brain parasites?
RELEASE THE EAGLE
 
Rhu: Ah. Er. Well. Hm.
GREIBEL
Greibel looks in the direction of Hazz's voice as he says the last line
He was touching my ear, Rhu. That's just rude.
Apheori (GM): Greibel: You hear laughter fading away.
(he looks in the direction of Hazz' voice)
And not like Amadi laughter, either.
Even for a God.
Gaurav: He's got a real sense of humour, that one.
 
Oh?
RHU
Greibel looks around suspiciously
Ah. Er. Well. Hm.
Greibel: I painted a place kind of like this once.
 
Admittedly it wasn't a very good painting.
The sound of laughter surrounds them, then fades away.
And I didn't use real paint.
 
It was during my avant-garde phase.
Greibel looks around suspiciously.
Rhu: When was that?
 
Greibel shrugs
GREIBEL
Greibel remembers Rhu can't see
I painted a place kind of like this once. Admittedly it wasn't a very good painting. And I didn't use real paint. It was during my avant-garde phase.
Greibel: Oh, I just shrugged. The was a shrugging silence.
 
Bear Soup Guy: that*
RHU
Frezak (GM): "I shru" GODS DAMN YOU BSG
When was that?
Rhu: Oh! Right.
 
Gaurav: Do the tentacles still surround us? Is there ... any way out?
Greibel shrugs. Then he remembers Rhu can't see.
Bear Soup Guy: :D
 
Apheori (GM): Tentacles wrap around you.
GREIBEL
Huge, massive, and to Greibel, very, very colourful tentacles.
Oh, I just shrugged. That was a shrugging silence.
Frezak (GM): Joy piled upon joy.
 
Apheori (GM): They squeeze.
RHU
Rhu: ... Lord?
Oh! Right.
Apheori (GM): You are crushed by tentacles! And then you're back in the room meditating.
 
Rhu gasps for breath
Tentacles wrap around them. Huge, massive, and to Greibel, very, very colourful tentacles. They squeeze.
Apheori (GM) throws some joy at Frezak.
 
Rhu: They're gone ...
RHU
Greibel: Humph
...Lord?
Worst astral projection ever.
 
Rhu: Hey!
The tentacles get tighter, crushing, and then suddenly the vision is gone.
I could see.
 
Well, I could see His tentacles.
 
I couldn't see you.
INT. Guardhouse room
I could see ... Him.
 
Still blind, though.
Greibel and Rhu suddenly find themselves back in the room where they were meditating and/or drugging out.
Rhu: How can this be a gift?
 
Greibel: It's a mad God's idea of a gift
Rhu gasps for breath.
He probably forgot the meaning of the word
 
Rhu: Huh.
RHU
Maybe.
They're gone...
Bear Soup Guy:
 
rolling 1d20+11 (Heal) Greibel goes to inspect Rhu's eyes to see if there are physical signs of what's going on
GREIBEL
(
Humph. Worst astral projection ever.
18
 
)
RHU
+11
Hey! I could see. Well, I could see His tentacles. I couldn't see you. I could see... Him. Still blind, though.
=
How can this be a gift?
29
 
Frezak (GM): They're filled with woooorms
GREIBEL
Bear Soup Guy: AH GOD WORM EYES
It's a mad God's idea of a gift. He probably forgot the meaning of the word.
Apheori (GM): Tentacles?
 
Gaurav: Those are tentacles! Idiots.
RHU
Apheori (GM): HIS EYES ARE FULL OF TENTACLES?!
Huh. Maybe.
Frezak (GM): I'm not a cultist!
 
Ganelon: I already checked, but maybe you'll see something different.
Greibel goes to inspect Rhu's eyes to see if there are physical signs of what's going on. ''(rolled 29 heal)'' He determines something odd about Rhu now being directly tied to Hazz'ridan, and only able to see Hazz'ridan.
Frezak (GM): I don't know the lingo!
 
Apheori (GM): Naw, they look normal.
'''''Ganelon''': That almost sounds inconvenient. But Hazz would never inconvenience someone. That's ridiculous.
Bear Soup Guy: Aw, damn
 
Apheori (GM): But Greibel's heal check goes further than mere looks.
 
Frezak (GM): "normal" because they're usually filled with wrigglies
INT. Another guardhouse room
Bear Soup Guy: Yay heal check!
 
Apheori (GM): And he discovers...
Radek sets up his computer and stuff at the table in another room and does science, surrounded by papers. It's epic and sciencey and punctuated by complaints about the fact that he has to use papers.
...um...
 
He discovers...
He tries to figure out what's missing from the formula that fixes holes, and makes some progress. ''(rolled 28, 23, 23 arcana)'' Some sort of idea that needs proper investigation. Takes three pieces to make a lock... ''(rolled 10 reality)''
Frezak (GM): GOLD
 
AND MAGIC DUST
At some point the Gravedigger plods in and drops a pile of dead guards' gear on the table.
Gaurav: YES!
 
Frezak (GM): AND SHOVELS
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Bear Soup Guy: "A coin! Behind your ear!"
Can you use any of this?
Apheori (GM): What's english for vinculo?
 
Frezak (GM): "An eye! Behind your ear- ewwww"
RADEK
NO IDEA.
You brought their guns?
Gaurav: I was wondering why I was looking over my own shoulder.
 
Frezak (GM): Mystery solved!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Bear Soup Guy: ZING
Yup.
Frezak (GM): "I'd have gotten away for it if wasn't for that drug-dusted druid who was also a dog at times"
 
*away with it
RADEK
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Good, set them down over... there. Any of that other junk seem magical to you?
Apheori (GM): Greibel: He can't see not because of anything wrong with him physially - it's an issue with his soul. Somehow he's tied to Hazz now, and he can
 
t see, and all that he can see is HAzz as a result.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Gaurav: DO NOTHING ABOUT IT
Uh.  
Hazz' can only see Hazz'? What a self-centred guy.
 
Apheori (GM): Hazz can see everything.
RADEK
Gaurav: But I, tied to Hazz', can't?
You'd feel it.
Apheori (GM): Nope.
 
Ganelon: That almost sounds inconvenient.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
But Hazz would never inconvenience someone.
That's ridiculous.
Gaurav: Amen.
Eh, anyway.
Rhu is blind and belongs to Hazz'. Whatevs.
How goes the sciencing?
Ganelon: Good question.
Miss DM?
Apheori (GM): What allwere you doing?
Frezak (GM): Doing the Gravy Thing.
And then returning with the guard's gear in case Radek can do anything with any of it.
Apheori (GM): I mean the sciencing.
Ganelon: Still working on the Hole Solution.
Apheori (GM): IsGravy helping with te science now?
Ganelon: I think he's keeping the infection controlled.
Frezak (GM): I don't think I can really contribute to science.
Ganelon: He's trying to figure out what's missing from the formula that fixes holes.
Apheori (GM): Anyone can contribute. Anyone.
Frezak (GM): (it's probably shovels)
Apheori (GM): I'll take three arcana rolls and a sanity check.
Are you using any particular artifacts or computing devices?
Ganelon: I have a computer.
I don't think the shield thing would help much.
Possibly the stuff of TIME and NONEXISTENCE might.
Apheori (GM): Gimme the rolls, then.
Gaurav: We should pour it over random things and see what happens.
Ganelon: Oh, and I did take samples of water that was touching the first hole.
Apheori (GM): Before I fall asleep.
Ganelon: But maybe it's just water now.
rolling 1d20+12
(
16
)
+12
=
28
rolling 1d20+12
(
11
)
+12
=
23
rolling 1d20+12
(
11
)
+12
=
23
rolling 1d20 CRAZY
(
10
)
=
10
Hm. Not bad.
Frezak (GM): decent.
Apheori (GM): You make progress. Some sort of idea that needs proper investigation. You need three pieces to make a lock?
That doesn't make sense.
Gaurav: Doesn't it?
We have three crazy characters. And we used to have a skull.
Did we ever try opening a door with Dave?
Apheori (GM): What happened to the skull?
Frezak (GM): At some point of the evening i'll walk in with a pile of guardstuffs.
And ask Radek if he can use any of it.
Gaurav: Rhu still has the skull, but he thinks it's the non-magical one from Midnight, but it might have turned back into a magic skull when we left there.
Radek: You brought their guns?
The Gravedigger: Yup.
Radek: Good, set them down over... there.
Any of that other junk seem magical to you?
Frezak (GM): I don't think I have much a magic detection ability.
Unless the guardzombie I beat up seemed to have armour that was more resilient than I expected.
Apheori (GM): nOPE.
The Gravedigger: Uh.
No?
No?
Apheori (GM): All fairlynorml.
 
Radek: You'd feel it. Do whatever you like with it. Make a fort for the two deadbeats, maybe.
RADEK
Frezak (GM): I'll just leave 'em in the guardhouse.
(he waves him away)
Ganelon: He'll take a break to turn the magical components of them guns into DUST.
Do whatever you like with it. Make a fort for the two deadbeats, maybe.
Frezak (GM): I'll go check up on the other deadbeats.
 
The Gravedigger: Hello, fellow deadbeats.
The Gravedigger just leaves it all on the table.
Rhu: Hey!
 
Greibel: Howdy
Radek breaks the magical components of the guns down into DUST.
Apheori (GM):
 
rolling 8d100
 
(
INT. Guardhouse room
39
 
+
The Gravedigger pokes his head in on Greibel and Rhu.
57
 
+
THE GRAVEDIGGER
15
Hello, fellow deadbeats.
+
 
57
RHU
+
Hey!
14
 
+
GREIBEL
44
Howdy.
+
 
35
THE GRAVEDIGGER
+
Anything fun happen?
78
 
)
=
339
You getthat much dust.
Ganelon: Awesome.
The Gravedigger: Anything fun happen?
The Gravedigger flexes gleaming muscles.
The Gravedigger flexes gleaming muscles.
Ganelon: ...
 
Is he trying to insinuate something?
GREIBEL
Greibel: We went to tentacle world for a bit
We went to tentacle world for a bit.
Rhu nods
 
Frezak (GM): Just that he's been busy doing things.
Rhu nods.
The Gravedigger: Huh.
 
Hazz give you eyeballs, Rhu?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Huh. Hazz give you eyeballs, Rhu?
 
The Gravedigger waves a hand in front of Rhu.
The Gravedigger waves a hand in front of Rhu.
Rhu: No. He said it was a gift.
 
It doesn't make sense. What sort of gift is blindness?
RHU
The Gravedigger: Damn.
No. He said it was a gift. It doesn't make sense. What sort of gift is blindness?
THink Radek can rig you up with an artifical eye?
 
Rhu: Hey. Hey!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
That is an idea.
Damn. Think Radek can rig you up with an artifical eye?
Greibel: An idea that probably won't work, unfortunately.
 
There's nothing wrong with his vision. The problem is likely right in the visual cortex.
RHU
His mind is linked with Hazz for as long as the sociopath decides it's useful to him.
Hey. Hey! That is an idea.
Apheori (GM): XD
 
Greibel: No offense, Rhu
GREIBEL
Rhu sighs
An idea that probably won't work, unfortunately. There's nothing wrong with his vision. The problem is likely right in the visual cortex. His mind is linked with Hazz for as long as the sociopath decides it's useful to him. No offense, Rhu.
The Gravedigger: Then maybe we should go kick a god in the voolnerables?
 
Rhu: I'm sure there's ... a reason for this. I just wish I knew what it was.
Rhu sighs.
Amadi falls slowly out of the sky, like a dandelion seed.
 
Rhu: In my present state, I wouldn't even be able to see where his voolnerables were.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
The Gravedigger: Your god's a dick?
Then maybe we should go kick a god in the voolnerables?
No offense;
 
RHU
I'm sure there's... a reason for this. I just wish I knew what it was.
 
Amadi falls slowly out of the sky like a dandelion seed and drifts dreamily down through the ceiling.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Your god's a dick? No offense.
 
AMADI
I concur.
 
Greibel nods knowingly at Amadi.
 
RHU
In my present state, I wouldn't even be able to see where his voolnerables were.
 
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well I could find them and hold you in front of them?
Well I could find them and hold you in front of them?
Amadi: I concur.
 
Greibel nods knowingly at Amadi
Rhu grins.
 
Amadi bounces off the ground and starts rising again.
Amadi bounces off the ground and starts rising again.
The Gravedigger: Hey sandwich kid.
 
Rhu grins
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Ganelon: "HEY RADEK WE NEED YOU TO MAKE AN EYE"
Hey sandwich kid.
"DID YOU FUCKING BREAK MY EYEBOT AGAIN!?"
 
Rhu: He might not have any. He's all tentacles.
RHU
Frezak (GM): "Radek! Fix Mr whizzy! He's bro-ho-ho-keeeeen" *sobs*
He might not have any. He's all tentacles.
The Gravedigger: I'm sure Amadi could find some.
 
Or make some;
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Amadi yells from however high she's gotten;
I'm sure Amadi could find some. Or make some.
Amadi: You'd be better off with cats!
 
The Gravedigger: I hate cats!
Amadi drifts back up through the ceiling.
Amadi drifts away into the clouds.
 
Gaurav: We're ... indoors?
AMADI
Is she jumping around right outside the window?
You'd be better off with cats!
Ellemerr: You think she cares?
 
Gaurav: She's jumping through the ceiling?
Then she's gone, back out of the guardhouse, drifting away into the clouds.
Damn. I wish Rhu could see that.
 
Apheori (GM): Drifted right through the roof, man.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Ellemerr: At some point he'll realize he's got the wrong god, man.
I hate cats!
Apheori (GM): Rhu d20
 
Ellemerr: Anyway.
HAZZ'RIDAN
Ellemerr goes to bed.
(such that only Rhu can hear him)
Rhu:
Patience, Rhu. Remember your task.
rolling d20
 
(
Rhu tries to pull himself together. He stands slowly, takes a deep breath, and - with his hands in front of him - finds the door.
12
 
)
Rhu then trips over the doorstop and falls over, but the Gravedigger catches him.
=
 
12
RHU
Gaurav: Anyway
Thanks.
let's go somewhere
 
or call it a day
Greibel goes back to doing drugs. One of the drugs turns out to be porridge. Rasputin returned.
not that Rhu isn't having a great time hanging out in a room feeling sorry for himself, but
 
Frezak (GM): Welp.
Greibel coughs heavily.
Did Radek make progress?
 
Ganelon: What he needs is a new brain.
Rasputin drops a bunch of truffles in Greibel's lap.
Yes.
 
Some sort of progress.
Greibel pets Rasputin. It jiggles.
Gaurav: What about miniRadek?
 
Might be useful to bounce ideas off of, at least.
RADEK
Hazz'ridan: Patience, Rhu. Remember your task.
(walking past)
Er, that was whispered.
Now, where did that guardsman run off to? The competent one.
Hazz'ridan hurls tentacles any anyone who dares to argue.
 
Gaurav: Didn't someone say something about miniRadek (George?) having a plan to stop the zombies?
The Gravedigger takes the hint, picks up Rhu again, and follows Radek out. Greibel gathers up his porridge and follows as well.
Rhu tries to pull himself together. He stands slowly, takes a deep breath, and -- with his hands in front of him -- finds the door.
 
Rhu then trips over the doorstop and falls over
They head toward the inn.
Apheori (GM): What's Greibel doing?
 
Bear Soup Guy: Probably drugs
HAZZ'RIDAN
Frezak (GM): I catch the Avenger!
(whispering in Rhu's mind)
Apheori (GM): Is he?
Just remember - no matter what you do, I will always be in your mind.
Bear Soup Guy: He is
</screenplay>
Gaurav: Yay!
 
Bear Soup Guy: Calming down after tentacle molestation
{{holes nav
Rhu: Thanks.
|previous=Holes/Session 30
Apheori (GM): One of the drugs turns out to be the porridge.
|next=Holes/Session 32
Greibel coughs heavily
}}
Apheori (GM): It drops a bunch of truffles in your lap.
Gaurav: Yay! Porridge is back!
Greibel pets Rasputin
The porridge jiggles.
Ganelon: I agree with visiting George.
Frezak (GM): Let's roll up, hero-style;
GUNS BLAZING
Or not.
Gaurav: I'll hobble behind y'all
Frezak (GM): I can fukken carry you.
Gaurav: ... that works!
Frezak (GM): or you can ride a druid
If he turns into something mounteable.
The porridge: Such options.
Oops, ooc
Frezak (GM): SHut up, porridge.
Bear Soup Guy: XD
Radek: Now, where did that guardsman run off to? The competent one.
Gaurav: Either option is fine, as long as we keep moving.
Apheori (GM): Yay moving.
Y'ALL HEAD OUTSIDE AND HOPEFULLY ONE OF YOU REMEMBERS WHERE GEORGE WENT.
Ganelon: You said the inn last time
Apheori (GM): Good, you remembered.
Gaurav wants to call it a day.
Bear Soup Guy: We've had a good long session, might not be a bad idea
Gaurav: Apheori doesn't, so it's really up to y'all! I don't mind as long as we keep moving. Rhu is unhappy, no reason to also be bored sitting in a room.
Bear Soup Guy: I'll have to do some recording later on but for now I don't mind continuing
Frezak (GM): I'm cool with stopping around now, actually.
Apheori (GM): Okay.
Ganelon: Yeah.
This is a decent time.
Apheori (GM): When shall the next be?
Can everyone do sunday?
Frezak (GM): I can't.
Apheori (GM): THIS TIME?
Pfft.
When can you?
Frezak (GM): I.... don't know.
Probably not until wednesday, MAYBE Tuesday.
Apheori (GM): I can't do tuesday.
Wednesday, then?
Frezak (GM): Probably, not certainly.
Gaurav: Wednesday and Thursday I'm going to be on a train.
What about next Sunday? August 31?
Apheori (GM): I have no idea where I will be or what I'll be doing after the 28th.
How about the following sunday? >.<
We can all just come back to it then.
Assuming I'm back from holiday by then. Dunno why I wouldn't be.
Gaurav: Sunday, September 7? Works for me.
Frezak (GM): That's too far for me to say.
Apheori (GM): We'll come back to the figuring out when next week, then.
Bear Soup Guy: Generally I'm always available Sundays so that should be good for me
Gaurav: My classes start next week, so scheduling becomes a little tricky for me then. Hooray for school!
Bear Soup Guy: But yeah, we can confer on it in the time in between
Frezak (GM): SChoooool
Gaurav: Saturdays, Sundays and Wednesdays should be okay for me. The rest remain to be seen.
Cool. See you guys next week to plan something!
Ganelon: See ya.
Bear Soup Guy: Adios!
Apheori (GM) cackles and hugs y'all.
(To Rhu): Whether you get pissed off or not, just remember - I will always be in your mind.
</pre>

Latest revision as of 04:50, 1 March 2015

≪ PreviousNext ≫
Session 31 (raw log) (Overview)
EXT. Farmhouse - night
Radek continues to be soggy and more than a little relieved that someone kidnapped Dave. He is cynically confident, however, that Dave will find her way back to him in good time.
The Gravedigger picks up an unconscious Rhu and they head off in the direction the guard indicated.
At some point on the way, they hear an explosion in the woods in the direction Dawn went.
RADEK
She's probably fine.
Radek pauses to think for a moment, and then adds to ensure absolute clarity:
RADEK
Also, I don't care.
The Gravedigger shrugs.
AMADI
(yelling in the direction of the noise)
Dawn, if I have to puzzle you back together I'll kill you! I don't like that kind of patience games!
Amadi grumbles a bit.


EXT. Dorgin - morning
The party arrives in town around midmorning. The Gravedigger is still carrying Rhu. Radek is mostly dried out.
The town is basically just a cluster of buildings around the road, with some carriages by some of them, and a weird docking structure for airship. It looks really new.
There's a general store, an inn, a whole lot of random houses and crap scattered around, some sort of pumping station with pumps coming out of the ground and pipes and stuff, a bunch of guards arguing over a dead body (a teenage girl who looks to have been shot a few times), and an old lady stuck in a tree.
There is a cat sitting under the tree licking its paws.
Radek goes up to the guards, stroking his beard. The Gravedigger follows him.
GUARD OFFICER
It's about time. What is it?
The other guards all stop arguing and stare at Radek in anticipation.
Radek looks at the body. (rolled 26 heal)
GUARD TOM NOOT
(pointing to Gravy)
Um, who's he?
GUARD BILL STEARNS
His assistent, you dumbarse. What do you think he is?
The Gravedigger just sort of looks at them gravely.
RADEK
This girl was undead for a time, yes?
GUARD OFFICER
She took sick. How could she become an undead without... well, dying?
RADEK
Simple. Her sickness killed her. Really now, is that what you were arguing over?
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
I'm telling you, that's what's happening! It's been spreading out of the...
GUARD OFFICER
(cutting him off)
What about Gerard, is that what happened to him?
RADEK
I have reason to believe this sickness is infectious. You would do well to quarantine the body and those who begin to show symptoms.
GUARD TOM NOOT
You don't mean... Gerald is going to do this?
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
What have I been trying to tell you people?!
Radek almost makes an effort to sound like he cares in the interests of drama, but fails.
RADEK
I'm afraid so.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
(to Radek)
Thank you. It's about time someone grasped the blatantly obvious.
GUARD OFFICER
(warningly)
Randal, you should really be getting home.
GUARD BILL STEARNS
Should probably check on Gerald.
Bill scuttles off.
George glares at the officer and mutters something about incompetent big city wannabes.
Radek points at George with one hand while using the other to continue stroking his beard.
RADEK
You... seem more sensible than the rest.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
You mean because I'm not a complete moron?
GUARD OFFICER
(to George)
You're dismissed, guard. You need to go home now!
The Gravedigger turns his soulful gaze on the officer.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Ah, fuck off. You're not even my boss.
GUARD OFFICER
I'll be sending paperwork to your superiors. You can count on that.
GUARD TOM NOOT
(trying to calm them down)
Look, don't we kind of have bigger issues right now than paperwork?
The others ignore him.
RADEK
An intelligent man surrounded by morons? Oh yes, I understand all too well. The one problem that even my genius has never been able to solve.
They hear the sound of gunshots from one of the buildings. Guard Tom turns and runs for the building.
GUARD OFFICER
(to George)
We're not through!
George just sighs.
The officer then turns and runs after as well.
The Gravedigger looks at Radek.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
So, do you need this body buried?
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
(to Radek)
Will that stop it from spreading?
Radek examines the corpse some more. (rolled 25 heal)
RADEK
(glancing back at Gravy)
You're going to like this. The best way to curb this infection... is to bury the dead. Preferably in an area without much vegetation.
The Gravedigger poses.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
This I can do! Direct me to a graveable area and you will witness the ART of the GRAVEDIGGER.
RADEK
Don't make the mistake of burning them, and don't allow the infected to interact with healthy individuals.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
BURN THEM? BURN THEM???? BARBARIAN.
(he clears his throat)
If you would, Mr. Guard?
The Gravedigger twiddles a horn and uses his Gravyvision to detect the graveyard. (rolled 33 perception) Eyes turn into headlights.
He detects the graveyard thatwayish.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Not sure; this isn't my town, but there should be a graveyard over thatwaysish.
George points thatwayish.
RADEK
Maybe I'll work on a cure if I have the time.
(to the guard)
He's all yours. Don't worry, he's the most tolerable moron I know.
Frezak (Gravy): Aw, man. That hurts.
Ganelon (Radek): Backhanded compliments are the only kind I can deliver.
Frezak (Gravy): He has 12 Int! he's a genius!
Ganelon (Radek): When you have 20 int, everyone looks like a moron.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Now! Where are your corpses?
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
There's probably another one inside. May be a few more if they go fondling the corpses like they so wanted to with this one. Idiots!
He directs Gravy to the building the other guards went in.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
On it! GRAAAAAVES.
The Gravedigger charges to the building and then politely knocks on the door. He gets no response, and indeed no noises at all from inside.
He knocks powerfully instead, then looks back to Radek. Radek is just sort of watching for lack of anything better to do.
Guard George goes and opens the door and pokes his head inside.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
(loudly)
Oy, anyone in there alive?
GUARD OFFICER
(from inside)
Go away!
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(loudly)
'Scuse me! Just need any bodies you have up there!
There's a grumbling from inside.
GUARD TOM NOOT
(from inside)
Is this really necessary?
(after a pause)
We're by the kitchen.
The Gravedigger heads inside, still carrying Rhu over a shoulder.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
(to Radek)
You should probably follow him and see if you can covertly check if anyone is infected. This could get messy.
He follows the Gravedigger, and Radek grumpily follows because this could escalate into a major inconvenience for him if he doesn't fix it all now.


EXT. Dorgin - by the tree
Greibel notices the old woman in the tree staring at him.
Amadi waves enthusiastically at the old woman.
Greibel looks up at the old woman and plods over to the tree.
Amadi follows and looks down at the cat. She meows.
GREIBEL
Excuse me, do you need help?
OLD LADY
Help? Son, what do you take me for, some frivolous little damsel?
GREIBEL
I think you mean "frail" but no, I just meant it looks like you're stuck in a tree.
OLD LADY
Oh, well, really I'm stuck in a cat. Be a dear and move it for me, will you?
CAT
Hi.
Amadi does more elaborate meowing.
The cat shrugs.
CAT
Oh, you know. Chickens.
GREIBEL
Hmmmph...
Greibel talks cat as well. (rolled 22 nature)
GREIBEL
Hey there kitty... kitty kitty...
CAT
Hey.
GREIBEL
Hey. What's the deal with this tree and stuff?
CAT
There seems to be a lady stuck in it. It's quite interesting.
OLD LADY
(irritably)
Oy, move that cat so I can get down already!
GREIBEL
(to the cat)
She seems to think you're keeping her from getting down.
CAT
Who, me? I'm just a concerned citizen. Just like the whole chicken debacle all over again...
The cat mutters incoherently.
Amadi giggles in Cat. Which might sound sort of like purring with hiccups.
OLD LADY
What is that damned rat telling you now? Move it already!
GREIBEL
(to the cat)
Do you mind if I move you? She might starve if she just stubbornly sits up there yelling at the world for too long.
CAT
Yes.
GREIBEL
Yes you mind?
CAT
Yes.
GREIBEL
Okay then.
AMADI
(in Cat)
Yes.
Greibel looks at Amadi inquisitively, then points vaguely up into the tree
GREIBEL
Will you at least keep an eye on her?
The cat giggles.
Amadi grins cheshirely. She then fades away even more cheshirely, leaving the grin for last, and reappears in the tree some time later.
The cat purrs at Greibel.
Greibel looks, slightly distressed, at the tree.
OLD LADY
Move that damn cat!
Greibel looks back and forth from the lady to Amadi to the cat.
The cat grins at Amadi.
GREIBEL
I'm sorry. Last time I went against a cat's wishes there was a battle with Gods and spells and fire and then the cat might have cursed everyone.
He seems to like staying where he is. Why is he keeping you from getting down?
OLD LADY
(offended)
That's... personal!
Amadi purrs and rubs herself against the old lady.
OLD LADY
Just move him, will you?
Greibel shakes his head.
GREIBEL
Amadi, what do you think?
AMADI
(to the cat)
Give me a good reason to not move you.
CAT
This was the end of a horrible curse. Be bad luck to move, bad luck that might get out and destroy all the lands. Terrible, terrible things locked up in the night.
So no, there really isn't a good reason unless you like mildly inconveniencing random people for the hell of it?
Amadi laughs in cat.


INT. Some room in the guardhouse
The Gravedigger pushes inside and winds up in a room with two dead bodies on the floor, a dormant zombie on a table, and three possibly infected guards standing around. The officer looks incredibly irate.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
'scuse me.
Radek and George pile in after the Gravedigger.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
That one's a zombie. Not a corpse. Mind if I...
The guard officer ignores the Gravedigger and yells at Radek to explain what the hell is going on.
The Gravedigger waves a shovel.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
(muttering)
A nice shovel hit could resolve so many problems...
RADEK
Gravy is a qualified professional. He can resolve nearly any issue with a sufficient mortality rate.
GUARD OFFICER
Agh, sorry. It's been a long day.
(to Radek)
Can you look at these too?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(indicating the zombie on the table)
I'm going to need to smack this one before it stands up.
Gaurav (Rhu): 1. Is there an issue? 2. Kill someone. 3. Go to #1.
Frezak (Gravy): That's a lovely problem-solving technique that I approve of.
GUARD OFFICER
Won't that make a mess?
George raises his gun and shoots the zombie instead. It starts to wake up so he shoots it again, this time in the head. This time it stops and stuff.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
That works too. I'll just leave this guy outside.
The Gravedigger goes and props Rhu up against the wall by the door outside the guardhouse.


EXT. Dorgin - by the tree
AMADI
(to Greibel, still in cat)
Do you want me to move the cat? I think it has good enough reasons, and the lady is too loud and obnoxious, but I can move it if you want. I almost promise that I can guarantee no bad things happening to you because of it, too!
GREIBEL
Do you think he'll just move on his own eventually? That would be nice for everyone.
AMADI
Er...
OLD LADY
(in a rather bad attempt at a sweet voice)
Pleaaaase move that cat?
AMADI
Aaaw, see, that's sweet!
... Will you reward us? I want a lollipop.
GREIBEL
I want a fudge pop!
OLD LADY
(impatiently)
Of course! Just move that cat.
GREIBEL
(to Amadi)
Well, I think we know what we have to do.
Amadi giggles and promptly falls out of the tree, aiming for the cat. She lands next to it, knocking it slightly to the side. (rolled 15 acrobatics)


INT. Guardhouse
RADEK
(To the guards)
Are any of you infected?
The guards look at Radek like he's insane.
GUARD OFFICER
Of course they aren't.
RADEK
Let me see your eyes.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
It's not even worth checking. Why would anyone bring it up?
Suddenly the officer is a lot less resistant and allows Radek to check him out.
Radek makes a long series of "hmms" and troubled shakes of the head as he inspects the guardsmen.
The Gravedigger comes back and stands there looking imposing.
RADEK
(he finishes and stands back)
I'm sorry to say...
The guards tense.
RADEK
...that all three of you are idiots who depend on the guidance of strangers to solve problems you should be qualified to handle yourselves.
Bear Soup Guy (Greibel): You tell 'em, Radek!
Frezak (Gravy): yeah!
The guards relax a bit, and then look a little confused.
GUARD BILL STEARNS
Strangers? Aren't you the forensics guy?
Radek points at guard Tom.
RADEK
Also, you are going to turn into a zombie and you need to be quarantined.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(sagely)
Hmm.
Tom freaks out and tries to run away.
RADEK
Gravy, after that moron!
The Gravedigger charges after Tom and hits him in the back with a shovel, knocking him over and landing on top of him. (rolled 25 vs AC)
Ganelon (Radek): Okay, let's do a bluff. I'm not skilled at those but maybe I'll get lucky. (rolled 10 bluff)
RADEK
Yes, I am the "forensics guy".
Ganelon (Radek): I think Radek's only skill at bluffing is the use of sarcasm.
The guards seem to buy Radek's claim, though the officer eyes him suspiciously.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
Doesn't...
He is cut off by the sound of a large explosion outside.


EXT. Dorgin - by the tree
Amadi causes the cat to move slightly. Then there is a horrible explosion as the old lady is freed from the tree, rocking the whole town. The sky goes dark, and they hear a horrible laughter fading into the distance.
Then the old lady is gone.
GREIBEL
I knew it! I knew something bad would happen!
CAT
Well, the world is probably doomed now. I wonder where I might find some fish around here...
The sky fades back to normal after a little bit.
AMADI
(yelling after the laughter)
HEY! WHAT ABOUT MY LOLLIPOP!
Amadi looks angry in a scary way.
Greibel shakes a fist at the sky.
GREIBEL
You'll pay for not delivering that lollipop!


EXT. Guardhouse door
Rhu, who had been propped up by the door, falls over.


INT. Guardhouse
The Gravedigger's ears twitch. IS THERE JUSTICE TO BE DISPENSED?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(to Tom, who he's still on top of)
Is that normal?
Guard Tom struggles, but doesn't actually answer.
GUARD OFFICER
The hell was that?
The officer and Bill run outside.
George sighs.


EXT. Dorgin - by the tree
CAT
She lied, what.
AMADI
I! DEMAND! MY LOLLIPOP!
Amadi tries accessing whatever scary powers she has to get her lollipop from the "old lady". Nothing really happens, but she gets a sense of where the old lady went. (rolled 4 reality)
Amadi gives Greibel a calculating look.
Greibel gives Amadi a look that doesn't know what's happening.
Amadi grabs Greibel's hand, and with eyes craving revenge, sets after the old lady. (revenge - and, mostly, lollipops. Someone should've told her she has one in her pocket.)
They vanish as the guard officer and Bill run outside.


EXT. Ridiculously tall tower somewhere else - night
Amadi and Greibel find themselves at the top of a tall tower, at the apex of a massive evil fortress. Monstrous guard beasts patrol far below.
Amadi looks around for the old lady. There's no old lady, but she suddenly finds Dawn right next to her.
DAWN
Hi. Where did the target go?
GREIBEL
Hi Dave!
AMADI
Dawn! I'm here on Lokshmi business! Have you seen someone who owes me a lollipop?
Dawn looks confused and shakes her head, and then suddenly there's another Dawn/Amadi clone with brilliantly red hair behind them. Except this one is just staring over the edge of the tower in amazement, and not really saying anything.
This one is a really short attention span, and generally responds to 'squirrel'.
AMADI
Squirrel!
Squirrel turns around.
SQUIRREL
Squirrel!
AMADI
Lollipop?
SQUIRREL
Lollipop!
Ganelon (Radek): Greibel is a source of limitless entertainment. You can't get bored hanging around him.
Frezak (Gravy): Because of the Drug Haze.
Ganelon (Radek): Unless he's taking some depressants, I suppose. But then, he'd probably offer you. Offer some to you, rather.
Frezak (Gravy): "He'd offer you to the Drug Gods"
Bear Soup Guy (Greibel): The Drug Gods are super chill, man. And they have an infinite bag of Doritos.
Frezak (Gravy): That's pretty sweet. Should go dethrone them and take it.
Bear Soup Guy (Greibel): That would be easy to do seeing as they're stoned all the time and don't really care much about worldly possessions. But the infinite bag is infinitely heavy!
Frezak (Gravy): That's a terrible bag!
Bear Soup Guy (Greibel): Actually I guess that makes it a black hole.
DAWN
She's.. here. Somewhere.
AMADI
Great! You're hired! Lokshmi bless us all!
(shouting at nobody in particular)
STAY OUT OF MY HEAD, THOUGH!
SQUIRREL
Head.
AMADI
She is. We'll find her. And then... then!
Amadi rubs her hands and cackles.
DAWN
Yes.
GREIBEL
Your hair is lovely, Squirrel.
(quietly)
Mmmm... spaghetti...
Squirrel beams and bounces happily.
Amadi takes Greibel's hand again and suddenly they're somewhere else else.


INT. Guardhouse
The Gravedigger is still on top of Tom.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
You promise to not run again if I get up?
Tom freaks out and tries to get away again, which achieves absolutely nothing because the Gravedigger is still sitting on him.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
If you wriggle someone is going to decide it's less effort to shoot you.
Tom stops struggling. Well, trying to struggle, that is.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Raaaadeeeek! What do I do with this guy?
RADEK
(to George)
Where do you detain people in this town? I assume you have nothing as sophisticated as a chair with restraints.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
They probably have some cells in the basement.
George points to the stairs.
The Gravedigger picks Tom up, and carries him down the stairs.


INT. Rather fancy bedroom - night
Amadi and Greibel find themselves in a bedroom. It's all rather fancy, with a messy bed in the middle. There's some strange black stuff on the walls.
A moment later Dawn and Squirrel appear next to them and Dawn seems to be trying to restrain Squirrel.
Squirrel is trying to braid Dawn's hair.
Dawn pushes Squirrel onto the bed.
Squirrel sprawls on the bed and then burrows into the covers.
DAWN
Not here. Further in. In her place of power...
AMADI
(frustrated, and still very angry)
Well, YOU get us there, if you know it so well!
SQUIRREL
(vacantly)
They should be done soon. Wheeeeeheheheheeee!
Squirrel draws squiggly things on the ceiling by pointing at it and causing burn marks to appear.
AMADI
All done! Impaled! Burnt so sweet, so sweet!
Dawn grabs Greibel and Amadi and takes them all somewhere else. (rolled 13 reality) Amadi attempts to grab Squirrel in the last second, but misses.


INT. Throne room of sorts
Greibel, Amadi, and Dawn suddenly appear in the old lady's throne room, surrounded by twisted monster guard things everywhere. In front of them, on the throne, is the old lady, looking very prim and proper and a bit upset at the fuss.
The guard things all point weapons at them.
Greibel eyes the guards and begins conjuring smalls vines in his hands should a conflict erupt.
Amadi sets her incredibly angry eyes in the old lady, trying to look as much like Dave as possible. (Yes, Dave, not Dawn. Though this probably does include Dawn, too.)
AMADI
You! How DARE you! You USED me! ME!
The old lady laughs.
OLD LADY
Why not? You think you can defy me?
AMADI
Well, I know one of us is going to end up with a lollipop and - hah! BEHOLD!
Squirrel suddenly appears and starts bouncing through the guards, cackling shrilly and doing random things to them and blowing them up and taking her own arm off and beating a bunch of them up with it.
AMADI
The wrath of Lokshmi is upon you!
SQUIRREL
LOOOOKSHMIIIIII!
AMADI
...Or my wrath. Or HERS. It doesn't really matter that much.
SQUIRREL
(still beating up guards)
LOOOKY LOOKY SHMEEEE.
Greibel stops conjuring vines to watch curiously.
Dawn walks up to the old lady. Some guards try to stop her and they fall over dead.
DAWN
You. You have whatever the worded against us. You will whatever the word is. Um.
Dawn looks back at Amadi, then focuses a horrible glare at the woman.
DAWN
Yes.
AMADI
LOLLIPOP!
DAWN
Lollipop.
GREIBEL
And a fudgsicle if it's not too much trouble!
The old lady starts to look a bit concerned and then starts to do some magic and suddenly falls asleep instead. At the same time, all of the remaining weird guard things collapse.
Amadi grins maliciously.
AMADI
Sweet... nightmares.
Amadi runs up and starts rummaging through the lady's pockets for sweets.


INT. Guardhouse dungeon
There are some empty cells and stuff.
The Gravedigger trudges in and locks Tom in a cell. Radek and George follow behind for good measure.
GUARD TOM NOOT
Please, I'm not infected. You know I'm not!
RADEK
Well then, you won't have much to worry about when you fail to show advancing symptoms over the next few days, will you? You know, it's selfish behavior which leads us to this sort of pandemic.
GUARD TOM NOOT
But... you... You can't lock me in here!
Radek laughs.
RADEK
Well, I have to disagree with you there.


INT. Throne room of sorts
The old lady is asleep. All the guards are dead and piled up around the floor, with random limbs and stuff lying around. Amadi, Greibel, and Dawn are just sort of standing around.
Squirrel is lying on the floor smacking it with her detached arm.
DAWN
Yeah, um, that's what we meant to do.
Dawn gestures vaguely, looks really confused, and then goes and picks up Squirrel and hands her to Greibel.
Squirrel swings the arm around and makes airplane noises.
Ganelon (Radek): Remind me to never inconvenience this one when I become a villainous mastermind.
Ellemerr (Amadi): Well, she's pretty easy to pacify if you have lollipops.
GREIBEL
Oh, hello.
Dawn then gives Amadi a lollipop, and Greibel a fudgsicle, and then looks curiously around.
Greibel unwraps the fudgsicle excitedly.
Amadi jumps up and down and hugs Dawn.
AMADI
Thank you! Thank you!
DAWN
How'd we wind up here?
GREIBEL
Teleportation! Magic!
DAWN
It's just that... I was somewhere else.
AMADI
Oh, so were we. How did the kidnapping go?
DAWN
He exploded.
GREIBEL
Hah!
AMADI
Had it coming.
DAWN
I ate a bear.
AMADI
Was it good?
GREIBEL
Did you cook it? In a soup, perhaps?
AMADI
Mmmm, bear soup.
DAWN
How did you know?
GREIBEL
I feel like I have experience with bear soup. Hmmm. Odd, that. Maybe a past life leaking through this messed up time and space.
Amadi shrugs.
Squirrel curls around Greibel's feet and starts sinking into the floor.
GREIBEL
OOP!
Greibel looks down.
AMADI
Stranger things happen. Pretty much daily.
GREIBEL
Your friend is cute.
AMADI
I know! That hair. I'm almost jealous.
(she licks her lollipop happily)
Well - should we go back? See how badly the others have messed up? I mean, without us around to keep things sorted...
Amadi grins. Her tongue is coloured candy blue.
GREIBEL
That's a good idea.
Squirrel bounces up out of the floor and embraces Amadi and they suddenly both disappear.


EXT. Guardhouse door - afternoon
The Gravedigger pokes his head out to check on Rhu, who has apparently fallen over. The guard officer and Bill are under the tree arguing again.
He notes this and then goes back in and drags out all the bodies.
Rhu wakes up and starts screaming. (rolled 17 reality) It turns out there's a bug in his nose and he digs and shakes it out in a bit of a panic. He abruptly stops screaming, tries to look around, and realises he can't see anything.
RHU
... huh.
Guard Bill suddenly takes a bite out of the officer, who screams.
RHU
HULLO? Is someone here?
The Gravedigger drops his heap of bodies and charges at Bill, bodyslamming him Gravystyle.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
(shouting)
GRAAAAAAAAVES!
The officer is sent flying, and the Gravedigger proceeds to beat the shit out of Bill with a shovel, punctuating the shovel blongs with a lot of grave-related shouting. Bill bites at him (rolled 22 vs reflex (natural 20)) and puts a very small hole in the Gravedigger's arm.
Apheori (GM): It does a whopping 4 damage.
Frezak (Gravy): Amazing. I only have 59 HP left! WHAT WILL I DO?
Rhu rolls away from the commotion, feeling around, and then realises he's against a wall. He stands up using the wall as a guide.
The Gravedigger shovels Bill to death.
The officer backs away, trying to cover his neck, which is bleeding profusely.
Radek and George come out of the guardhouse, and Radek approaches the NEW crime scene, grumbling and cursing the whole way over.
RHU
Radek?
RADEK
Every bloody time I get something done...
George shoots the officer in the head, killing him, and grumbles as well.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Also I have a hole. I hope my shots will deal with it.
RADEK
Good job, George.
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
I think it's just about wrapped up.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
How do you know that other people aren't infected?
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
They actually did get the civilians to stay inside, so... yeah! Maybe they can get some real guards here now!
(darkly)
Wouldn't count on it, though.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Real guards? They were a militia or something?
RHU
Guys?
GUARD GEORGE RANDAL
No, they just sucked.
George grumbles and heads to the inn.
Radek goes and checks the Gravedigger's arm for signs of imminent zombification. (rolled 16 heal)
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hey, Rhu! Zombies!
RHU
Er. Yes. Well. See. The thing is. I've gone blind.
Rhu waves vaguely at his face.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Oh. Is this some god thing? Dead End Eyeballs?
RHU
What?! No! Why would Hazz'ridan All-Merciful take away my eyesight?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Fucked if I know.
RHU
It must be... what happened back at the farmhouse. And where are we now?
RADEK
(to Gravy)
You're fine.
Radek goes to check on Rhu. (rolled 18 heal)
RADEK
You're also fine, on the outside. Probably brain damage.
Apheori (GM): GREIBEL: YOU ARE A FUNDAMENTAL ASS SATELLITE OF SPACE.
Bear Soup Guy (Greibel): XD XD XD XD XD
Rhu doesn't respond. Only after a good 15 seconds of silence does he realise that Radek might have been talking to him.
RHU
Oh! Well. I hope it isn't...
Greibel suddenly hurtles out of the sky at impossible speed and crashes into the ground in front of Radek, creating a large crater.
Rhu falls over with the impact of a landing Greibel. Radek jumps back, clutching his beard protectively.
Greibel lifts his head up. Aside from being slightly on fire, he seems fine.
GREIBEL
Well... I'm here now, bitches!
Greibel coughs out some dirt. The Gravedigger puts out the flames by hitting him with a shovel a few times.
RADEK
You lunatics are inescapable.
The Gravedigger goes back to dragging off the now slightly bigger pile of bodies over to the town graveyard, where he loots and buries them.
RHU
Is that Greibel?
GREIBEL
It sure is, buddy! Don't worry, Dave's fine. I saw her on a tower and she kicked some ass.
RHU
Oh. Nice.
I'm blind now. I think it's temporary? Um.
RADEK
Not for the faithful, it isn't.
Rhu ignores that and petitions Hazz'ridan to help with the blindness. (rolled 23 religion)
Greibel directs Rhu into the guardhouse, finds a room, and tries some aromatherapy on Rhu. Which is to say drugs. Rhu allows it for lack of any better idea.
Rhu proceeds to spend his time in meditation, prayer and whinging about being blind.
Greibel silently sits on the floor and watches Rhu's meditation.
RHU
(mumbling)
A... gift? Hmm.
Then the drugs kick in...


EXT. Darkness with tentacles everywhere
Rhu finds himself in a vague dark space, surrounded by tentacles everywhere. (rolled 1 reality) Greibel follows him. (rolled 19 reality) They're just sort of floating amidst the tentacles.
Rhu blinks, then blinks again.
RHU
...well, I can see again. That's nice.
To Greibel, the tentacles look intensely colourful, but also as though they're trying to cover something up.
GREIBEL
Hmmm.
Greibel examines the tentacles more closely. (rolled 24 nature) They look oddly smokable, but they're also not, strictly speaking, really there. But then neither are they. It's all basically a projection.
Rhu closes his eyes and realises that he can still see the tentacles. He closes and opens his eyes a couple of times.
RHU
Huh. Greibel? Is that you?
I feel... tentacles. I think we're in the realm of Hazz'ridan again. It's somewhere near the City of the Dead. This is where I found the sphinx.
Rhu goes quiet.
GREIBEL
Oh... well then, my first question would be "How do we get out? Right now. Please. Oh God, please."
HAZZ'RIDAN
Welcome.
RHU
My Lord.
Rhu tries to bow, though it's a little awkward because he's not actually standing on anything.
GREIBEL
Howdy.
Greibel waves.
Hazz'ridan waves a tentacle.
Rhu follows where the tentacle is waving and looks for Greibel, nearly running into him in the process. Greibel drifts out of the way and manages to grab Rhu by the scruff of his shirt before he runs off into nothing.
HAZZ'RIDAN
What brings you to my domain?
Bear Soup Guy (Greibel): "A roll of 1"
RHU
My Lord, I... I am blind.
HAZZ'RIDAN
Yes.
RHU
I feel that this comes from you somehow. A gift. A price.
HAZZ'RIDAN
Yes.
RHU
What gift, my lord? What price?
HAZZ'RIDAN
It is the world. I am your gift. Your price to see.
Rhu bows before him, hiding his confusion as best he can.
A tentacle tries to snake its way into Greibel's ear and he swats it away.
GREIBEL
Listen, you seem like a nice dude, but I'm not gonna have any brain parasites messing me up, thank you very much.
RHU
Brain parasites?
GREIBEL
He was touching my ear, Rhu. That's just rude.
(he looks in the direction of Hazz' voice)
Even for a God.
RHU
Ah. Er. Well. Hm.
The sound of laughter surrounds them, then fades away.
Greibel looks around suspiciously.
GREIBEL
I painted a place kind of like this once. Admittedly it wasn't a very good painting. And I didn't use real paint. It was during my avant-garde phase.
RHU
When was that?
Greibel shrugs. Then he remembers Rhu can't see.
GREIBEL
Oh, I just shrugged. That was a shrugging silence.
RHU
Oh! Right.
Tentacles wrap around them. Huge, massive, and to Greibel, very, very colourful tentacles. They squeeze.
RHU
...Lord?
The tentacles get tighter, crushing, and then suddenly the vision is gone.


INT. Guardhouse room
Greibel and Rhu suddenly find themselves back in the room where they were meditating and/or drugging out.
Rhu gasps for breath.
RHU
They're gone...
GREIBEL
Humph. Worst astral projection ever.
RHU
Hey! I could see. Well, I could see His tentacles. I couldn't see you. I could see... Him. Still blind, though.
How can this be a gift?
GREIBEL
It's a mad God's idea of a gift. He probably forgot the meaning of the word.
RHU
Huh. Maybe.
Greibel goes to inspect Rhu's eyes to see if there are physical signs of what's going on. (rolled 29 heal) He determines something odd about Rhu now being directly tied to Hazz'ridan, and only able to see Hazz'ridan.
Ganelon: That almost sounds inconvenient. But Hazz would never inconvenience someone. That's ridiculous.


INT. Another guardhouse room
Radek sets up his computer and stuff at the table in another room and does science, surrounded by papers. It's epic and sciencey and punctuated by complaints about the fact that he has to use papers.
He tries to figure out what's missing from the formula that fixes holes, and makes some progress. (rolled 28, 23, 23 arcana) Some sort of idea that needs proper investigation. Takes three pieces to make a lock... (rolled 10 reality)
At some point the Gravedigger plods in and drops a pile of dead guards' gear on the table.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Can you use any of this?
RADEK
You brought their guns?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Yup.
RADEK
Good, set them down over... there. Any of that other junk seem magical to you?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Uh.
RADEK
You'd feel it.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
No?
RADEK
(he waves him away)
Do whatever you like with it. Make a fort for the two deadbeats, maybe.
The Gravedigger just leaves it all on the table.
Radek breaks the magical components of the guns down into DUST.


INT. Guardhouse room
The Gravedigger pokes his head in on Greibel and Rhu.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hello, fellow deadbeats.
RHU
Hey!
GREIBEL
Howdy.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Anything fun happen?
The Gravedigger flexes gleaming muscles.
GREIBEL
We went to tentacle world for a bit.
Rhu nods.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Huh. Hazz give you eyeballs, Rhu?
The Gravedigger waves a hand in front of Rhu.
RHU
No. He said it was a gift. It doesn't make sense. What sort of gift is blindness?
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Damn. Think Radek can rig you up with an artifical eye?
RHU
Hey. Hey! That is an idea.
GREIBEL
An idea that probably won't work, unfortunately. There's nothing wrong with his vision. The problem is likely right in the visual cortex. His mind is linked with Hazz for as long as the sociopath decides it's useful to him. No offense, Rhu.
Rhu sighs.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Then maybe we should go kick a god in the voolnerables?
RHU
I'm sure there's... a reason for this. I just wish I knew what it was.
Amadi falls slowly out of the sky like a dandelion seed and drifts dreamily down through the ceiling.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Your god's a dick? No offense.
AMADI
I concur.
Greibel nods knowingly at Amadi.
RHU
In my present state, I wouldn't even be able to see where his voolnerables were.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well I could find them and hold you in front of them?
Rhu grins.
Amadi bounces off the ground and starts rising again.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hey sandwich kid.
RHU
He might not have any. He's all tentacles.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'm sure Amadi could find some. Or make some.
Amadi drifts back up through the ceiling.
AMADI
You'd be better off with cats!
Then she's gone, back out of the guardhouse, drifting away into the clouds.
THE GRAVEDIGGER
I hate cats!
HAZZ'RIDAN
(such that only Rhu can hear him)
Patience, Rhu. Remember your task.
Rhu tries to pull himself together. He stands slowly, takes a deep breath, and - with his hands in front of him - finds the door.
Rhu then trips over the doorstop and falls over, but the Gravedigger catches him.
RHU
Thanks.
Greibel goes back to doing drugs. One of the drugs turns out to be porridge. Rasputin returned.
Greibel coughs heavily.
Rasputin drops a bunch of truffles in Greibel's lap.
Greibel pets Rasputin. It jiggles.
RADEK
(walking past)
Now, where did that guardsman run off to? The competent one.
The Gravedigger takes the hint, picks up Rhu again, and follows Radek out. Greibel gathers up his porridge and follows as well.
They head toward the inn.
HAZZ'RIDAN
(whispering in Rhu's mind)
Just remember - no matter what you do, I will always be in your mind.


≪ PreviousNext ≫
Session 31 (Overview)
Retrieved from ‘https://wiki.zaori.org/w/index.php?title=Holes/Session_31&oldid=2936’

A good writer understands what it is to be human. The hangups. The hiccups. It is sobering.