Difference between revisions of "This/Wayfarers song"

A fragment of the Garden of Remembering
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It was a large table, questionably shaped with too many sides. Somehow it was just large enough, probably. Already most of the seats were filled; as Arsten and Corn approached a few looked up and smiled.
Group room in a nice restaurant. Large questionably shaped table. Several folks already seated - VARDAMAN, RAHAH, KERRIS, ILYANATA, CORALINE, and SHERANDRIS. Vardaman is nursing a mug of shalott, and Sherandris is perusing an upside down menu.


Arsten chose a random chair - namely the closest one to where he was standing - and sat down. Corn lingered, remaining standing for a bit, then for lack of any better ideas sat next to Arsten. This was, all in all, not something he was sure he should be at. Arsten didn't seem at all bothered, but he had history before him, and thus all the right in the world to be here. And what did Corn have? Nothing. Corn was but a humble acolyte, a priest in training, a young man who had been bored and in the right place at the right time to randomly follow another, in this case Arsten Dren, out of the temple.
A few look up and smile as ARSTEN and CORN approach. Arsten picks a seat at random and sits, Corn hesitates before sitting next to him.


So Corn was thoroughly convinced that he shouldn't be here, but also, in light of the mostly full table of very competent looking people at which he was also seated, entirely too embarrassed to leave.
Some folks chatter. Arsten tries to unfold his napkin and winds up with a knot in his hands. Corn fidgets uncomfortably. A WAITER materialises behind them.


The problem was, Arsten had pretty much invited him to come. When Corn had gotten too close and looked quizzical, Arsten said, "Huh, got a note from an old fried... you want to see something interesting? Dunno what it is, but if you want to come..." and he'd come. Here he was. It didn't seem right, but he had been interested, and so here he was.
Waiter
Anything to drink?


The rest of the table was a bunch of folks he didn't recognise. Arsten had waved across to the short elf woman with the white hair when they'd arrived and she'd been the one who'd told them to have a seat, probably the old friend from the note, but the rest were just... well, far as Corn could tell, random people. There was the guy dressed in leather and furs like some sort of barbarian hero, and there was a women who wore black like a cloak of midnight and didn't seem to move with the same reality as the rest of the table, and a guy over there who seemed very determined to get completely and thoroughly drunk as quickly as possible. Already the waiter had come by twice refilling his mug of shalott and he was looking decidedly wobbly, but apparently not nearly as wobbly as he'd like to be, since here came the waiter again... and there was also a man next to the white-haired woman with a rather long beard, dressed in grey, and, from the looks of things, not exactly on the best of terms with her.  
Arsten
Water.


And there was also a vampire. Oh dear.
Coraline
(indicating Corn) Root beer for him, pinch of zest.
 
The waiter nods and disappears.
 
Rahah
Who are we still waiting on?
 
A newcomer, KYRULE, emerges from a shadow and sits.
 
Kyrule
One more.
 
Coraline eyes Vardaman, then the waiter appears and gives Corn his root beer, and she flags himover for some shalott.
 
Corn sniffs the root beer and takes a sip.
 
Arsten
It's alright, you know. At least I think it is.
 
Corn
What-
 
A winged woman, MYRR, appears out of nowhere behind the last empty seat and almost falls on the table, interrupting him.
 
Myrr
I am sorry.
(she seems to be having some trouble balancing herself and trying to fight the chair)
It seems my wing has caught in this chair. A moment, if you please.
 
Vardaman snorts and downs his shalott.
 
Corn stares at her dumbfounded. Kyrule moves as if to speak, but Rahah beats him to it.
 
Rahah
Perhaps we should all introduce ourselves first.
(she stops to think for a moment)
I am Eapherod, lord of dreams, blah blah blah nobody cares you should all just call me Rahah. Yes.
(she coughs toward her right for the next guy to continue)
 
Kerris
I'm Kerris of Attrel. Mercenary for hire.
(he pauses as though thinking carefully)
Hi?
 
There's a pause before Corn realises he's next.
 
Corn
(embarassed) Uh... I'm Corn. I'm but a humble acolyte of Kyrule. I don't... (he panics and looks around desperately)
 
Arsten pats him on the shoulder.
 
Arsten
Arsten Dren here, I do stuff, you know. Unless you don't.
 
Rahah
He's like Indiana Jones.
 
Coraline
What, an archeologist with a gun?
 
Rahah
If he ever had one that worked, yes.
 
Ilyanata
(continuing the introductions) I am Ilyanata, or Illya. I am the force and reality of dreams, High Priestess of Eapherod, and her will upon the world.
 
Rahah
(overly brightly) Hi Ilya!
 
Ilyanata
(slowly) Hi.
 
Myrr
I am called Myyr of Souls.
 
There is a pause.
 
Coraline
She's the Falcon of Kyrule. Or was that a falcon? Maybe it was a hawk or something. Or a goose? Geese are terrifying.


The thing was, in Corn's religion, the undead were regarded as very bad. Corn was an acolyte of Kyrule - the god of death, as generally regarded on Abearanoth. And since Corn didn't know of any worlds besides Abearanoth, that made Kyrule ''The'' god of death to him, though to an acolyte that might well be how it goes even if they are aware of other worlds with other gods.
Vardaman
She's a priest. I'm also a priest, but I generally don't go advertising on that fact on account of embarassment. Other people's. That is. On account of being a far more significant drunk.
(he waves his mug for emphasis, tries to down it, realises it's already empty, and stares at it looking betrayed)


Point is, Kyrule hated the undead. The doomguides and the deathdealers, his greatest priests and warriors, were renowned for their skills in dealing with the undead and other unfortunate foes of the Lord. The undead were the main foes, however, with vampires at the top of the list. And Corn was sitting at the same table as one.
Sherandris
What's your name?


Uh.
Vardaman
Oh. Vardaman.


Okay.
Coraline
He's actually a deathdealer. Don't let the shalott fool you. And I'm Coraline Henderson, the Hand of Kyrule and his will upon the world. Supposedly.


This is awkward.
Rahah
Supposedly?


Corn fidgetted. A waiter came by and asked him if he wanted anything. He shrugged, and then the vampire looked and him and said, "Root beer for him, pinch of zest."
Coraline
Weeeeell...


The waiter nodded and went to get it.
Kyrule
Yes.


Okay.
Coraline
Right, well, there was just this accident, right?


The vampire, a rather lovely, and very pale, blood-eyed and blonde-haired lady, smiled at him.
Vardaman chokes and starts coughing loudly before being miraculously rescued by the appearance of a waiter with a fresh bottle of shalott.


Very awkward.
Corn
Uh...


The white-haired elf, who actually looked quite young, chose that moment to say, "Who are we still waiting on?"
Corn takes this opportunity to decide his root beer is much more fascinating.


"One more," said a newcomer as he emerged from the gloom of the rest of the inn. He was a middle-aged man with a nice haircut. He took a seat next to the bearded guy, and indeed, there was exactly one seat left empty after him.
Rahah
That was an accident?


While Corn, because of his religion, didn't like the undead, he did, because he was Corn, rather take an interest in hair. Everyone had different hair. Even haircuts that should be exactly the same were different, and different people with hair that was basically the same always had different haircuts. It was one of the great mysteries of the universe, and one, if he ever got around to it, he intended to solve. Maybe. If it was worth it.
Coraline and Vardaman both look decidedly embarassed as nobody says anything.


Corn noticed the vampire eyeing the drunk. She flagged the waiter over after he gave Corn his root beer, and he poured her a shalott. Interesting, Corn thought. He'd never known vampires could drink anything but blood.
Kyrule
(continuing as the next) I am Kyrule.


And she did have nice hair.
Sherandris
(stretching melodramatically) Heh, gods.


Corn sniffed the root beer. It smelled nice. He took a sip. Tasted nice too.
Rahah
Har.


Huh.
Sherandris
Rar. Sherandris here. I just like food. Mmm, food. I am completely ordinary. Totally. And food.


"It's alright, you know," Arsten said next to him. "Bit of an odd crowd, but alright."
Coraline
Whackjob ordinary.


"Odd?" Corn started, then a marvelous winged woman appeared out of nowhere by the last empty seat and almost fell on the table before he could continue.  
Sherandris
Exactly. I am as ordinary as an everyday whackjob. On account of being one.


"I am sorry," she said, balancing herself and trying to fight the chair. "It seems my wing has caught in this chair. A moment, if you please."


The drunk man snorted and downed his current shalott, whichever it was.


Dumbfounded, Corn stared at her as she disentangled herself and then sat down. Was she an angel, a celestial of lore? Or what? What was this gathering?
----


The middle aged man moved as if to speak, but then the white-haired elf interrupted him before he could begin. "Perhaps," she said, as though reading Corn's mind, "we should all introduce ourselves first.


"I am Eapherod, lord of dreams, blah blah blah," she said. "But you can all call me Rahah. And, um... I like questionably caffeinated drinks. Possibly a little too much. You can ask Sherandris about that." The man next to her smiled as she coughed vaguely and looked to her right, to the barbarian-looking fellow, prompting him to continue.


Eepherod? The God of Dreams? Legend had said she had been imprisoned by Kyrule for thousands of years, and yet she...
Sherandris
How do we get there?


His train of thought was interrupted as the guy introduced himself: "I'm Kerris of Attrel. Mercenary for hire." He paused, as though thinking carefully. "Hi?"
Rahah
Morand.


Corn suddenly realised Kerris was to his left and he was probably next. Then he realised everyone was looking at him and turned bright red. "Uh... I'm Corn. I'm but a humble acolyte of Kyrule. I don't..." In a panic, he looked around desperately.  
Kyrule
That world has been dead for thousands of years.


Arsten patted him on his shoulder and continued, saving him from his pain as the attention moved on.
Rahah
Aye. Its orbit passes through a patch of bad space - takes the whole world into the deadlands for part of the cycle, but the laws of physics at least partially hold, since it always comes back after. This gives us a way in. And potentially a way out.


"Arsten Dren here, historian of sorts, you know. Kind that has a gun and such." He smiled secretively like this was some kind of grand joke.
Kerris
In six months?


"What, like Indiana Jones?" the vampire asked.
Rahah
Assuming time holds on the other side, yes.


"Exactly like Indiana Jones," the elf, Eapherod... Rahah... said. Corn had no idea who Indiana Jones was, and from the look of it neither did Arsten, but apparently it didn't matter much, as the introductions were moving on.
Coraline
Why would it do that?


"I am Ilyanata, or Illya. I am the force and reality of dreams, High Priestess of Eapherod, and her will upon the world." That was the woman in black. Her hair was... okay, but not great.
Rahah
(she sighs) It probably won't.


"I am called Myyr of Souls," the angel said. Her hair appeared to be a mass of feathers rather like her wings. "I suffer for the will of Athan, and act in his name."


"In other words she's a priest," said the guy next to her, the drunk. "I'm also a priest, but I probably shouldn't advertise that on account of being a far more significant drunk." He waved his mug for emphasis, tried to down it, realised it was already empty, and stared at it looking betrayed.


"What's your name?" the man with the significant beard prompted after a bit of a pause. Corn suddenly realised he was also an elf, but much taller.
----


"Oh, Vardaman. Sorry."


Vardaman. Corn knew that name. Nobody in Kyrule's worship didn't; Vardaman was heralded as the greatest deathdealer of lore, a priest so devout he had given up everything he was in the name of his faith. This... couldn't be him... could it? And next to a vampire?


"I am Coraline Henderson, the Hand of Kyrule and his will upon the world" the vampire said. "And yes, I am a vampire." She looked right at Corn. "Sometimes there are accidents."
Coraline
So who's our party leader?


Vardaman choked and started coughing and was miraculously rescued by a waiter with a fresh bottle of shalott.
Rahah
Kyrule! Be our leader.


"Uh," Corn said, and wisely decided now would be a good time to drink the rest of his root beer. The thing was, it actually wasn't entirely unbelievable. She ''looked'' like Coraline was described to look, just... deader? Because she also definitely looked like a vampire. And he couldn't see any of the scars that would mark her as her on account of the long sleeves... a small part of him wondered if he'd failed some sort of significant test here.
He gives her a suspicious look.


Arsten glanced at Vardaman. "Yeah..." he said. "That's one way to put it."
Rahah
...Unless you ''want'' Sherandris to take over an turn us all into an insane clown posse?


"And I am Kyrule," said the seemingly ordinary man sitting next to Coraline. "Accident is, indeed, one way to put it. There are... others."
Coraline
I could go for that.


"Which we probably shouldn't go into," Eapherod said.
Corn
What...?


Kyrule gave her a pointed look. She raised an eyebrow.
Kyrule
This is your party.


The bearded man between them stretched melodramatically, leaning over to one side than the other, and then said, "Heh, gods."
Rahah
No it isn't.


"Har," Eapherod said.
Kyrule
Yes. It is.


"Rar," he said. "Sherandris here. None of you will have heard of me because I just like food. Mmm, food. I am completely ordinary. Totally. And food."
Coraline
Okay, party leader is the idiot who started this mess. Excellent, it's official.


"Whackjob ordinary," the vampire Coraline said.


"Exactly," he said, "I am as ordinary as an everyday whackjob. On account of being one."


"He used to be the god of the dead somewhere else, but now he's on holiday," Eapherod explained, though it really didn't explain anything.
----


Corn was, by this point, utterly bewildered. He just stared at Sherandris and Kyrule, if that even was Kyrule, although he felt this strange certainty that it was, then looked at Arsten, his only real attachment to what he'd previously considered to be reality.


Arsten shrugged.


Arsten
Agh, does anyone have a toothpick?


Vardaman
If you do that again, I swear, I will... I will... why, I'll... what was I saying?


Coraline
What do you mean, I can't be a necromancer? I've even had basic training. It's like the only wizarding I know, but I do know it.


"Agh, does anyone have a toothpick?"
Ilyanata
That would make sense. Vampire necromancer. It fits.


"If you do that again, I swear, I will... I will... why, I'll... what was I saying?"
Rahah
No, Sherandris, you can't be a clown. Be a wizard. You'd be a sexy wizard.


"What do you mean, I can't be a necromancer? I've even had basic training. It's like the only wizarding I know, but I do know it."
Sherandris
But I'm not a wizard.


"Actually, that would make sense. Vampire necromancer. It fits."
Rahah
Learn.


"No, Sherandris, you can't be a clown. Be a wizard. You'd be a sexy wizard."
Sherandris
But- Yes, dear.


"But I'm not a wizard."
Kerris
Do we have a cleric?


"Learn."
Rahah
No. No, we definitely do not have a cleric.


"But- Yes, dear."
Kerris
Oh, well, we probably do want a-


"Do we have a cleric?"
Rahah
You've never heard of sarcasm, have you?


"No. No, we definitely do not have a cleric."
Corn
Why is there an eyeball in my drink?


"Oh, well, we probably do want a-"
Kerris
Um, what is a cleric, then? It says here 'Alle braive adventeurers should take withe them wone clerick, to tende to the illsome and deathley.'


"You've never heard of sarcasm, have you?"
Coraline
Clerics is priests and healers. We've got plenty. Coming out of our ears, as me mum might say.


"Why is there an eyeball in my drink?"
Kerris
Oh. I knew that.


"Um, what is a cleric, then? It says here 'Alle braive adventeurers should take withe them wone clerick, to tende to the illsome and deathley.'"
Corn
Anyone want an eyeball?


"Clerics is priests and healers. We've got plenty. Coming out of our ears, as me mum might say."
Coraline
Is anyone Sheogorath?


"Oh. I knew that."
Corn
Who?


"Anyone want an eyeball?"
Rahah
What?


"Is anyone Sheogorath?"
Coraline
I think I'm going to be a necromancer.


"Who?"
Corn
I'm going to be a hairdresser.


"What?"
Arsten
Excellent. Could always use one of those on a trip.


"I think I'm going to be a necromancer."
Rahah
You're a mesmer, Coraline. Mesmers can't be necromancers.


"I'm going to be a hairdresser."
Coraline
Who says? Ascended mesmers are perfectly capable of taking on a secondary profession same as everyone else!


"Excellent. Could always use one of those on a trip."
Rahah
But you're not ascended.


"You're a mesmer, Coraline. Mesmers can't be necromancers."
Coraline
I'm dead. 'Sclose enough, isn't it?


"Who says? Ascended mesmers are perfectly capable of taking on a secondary profession same as everyone else!"
Rahah
You could die in Pre.


"But you're not ascended."
Coraline
So? This isn't Ascalon.


"I'm dead. 'Sclose enough, isn't it?"
Vardaman
Buggrit, you damn bird, stop that!


"You could die in Pre."
Myrr
Please stop falling over, then. I will not hit you with my wing if you do not fall on it.


"So? This isn't Ascalon."
Sherandris
You also don't need to be ascended to take a secondary profession - that's just to change it.


"Buggrit, you damn bird, stop that!"
Rahah
Will you stay out of this? You've never even played the game!


"Please stop falling over, then. I will not hit you with my wing if you do not fall on it."
Sherandris
Just saying.


"You also don't need to be ascended to take a secondary profession - that's just to change it."
Coraline
Oh, right. Great. I hereby declare myself a necromancer. Just as soon as I figure out how to allot my traits to death magic, vast armies shall be mine!


"Will you stay out of this? You've never even played the game!"
Arsten
Traits?


"Just saying."
Rahah
It's a videogame.


"Oh, right. Great. I hereby declare myself a necromancer. Just as soon as I figure out how to allot my traits to death magic, vast armies shall be mine!"
Arsten
A what?


"Traits?"
Rahah
Something that hasn't been invented yet.


"It's a videogame."
Coraline
What, still? At this rate I'm going to die before they are!


"A what?"
Kyrule
Technically you already have.


"Something that hasn't been invented yet."
Coraline
Shut up.


"What, still? At this rate I'm going to die before they are!"


"Technically you already have."


"Shut up."
----






Coraline
I'm thinking Kralkatoric.


"What just happened?" Corn asked.
Rahah
Zhaitan was cute.  
 
Coraline
Ey, don't tell me that. I'm not there yet. I shouldn't be getting spoilers!


"Vardaman tried to turn her," Kyrule said. "A rather unexpected move."
Rahah
How is it a spoiler that Zhaitan dies in the end? It was practically written on the box. Hells, it might have been written on the box for all I know.  


Eapherod had appeared beside him. "Did you see that?"
Coraline
Wasn't. I bought the box.  


"Darkness."
Rahah
Oh. Well, they mentioned it in a press release or some such.  


"Yes," she said. It had flickered about Coraline's form like smoke, visible only to those who knew what it was. And Kyrule was learning quickly.
Coraline
Probably on Facebook.  


Rahah
But I knew about it. How'd I have known if they'd said it there?


Coraline
You fought him. Of course you knew.


Rahah
Of course I fought him. It's a damn dungeon, isn't it?


"I'm thinking Kralkatoric."
Coraline
And I'm not there yet.  


"Zhaitan was cute."
Rahah
Well... what about Jormag?


"Ey, don't tell me that. I'm not there yet. I shouldn't be getting spoilers!"
Coraline
What's he look like?


"How is it a spoiler that Zhaitan dies in the end? It was practically written on the box. Hells, it might have been written on the box for all I know."
Rahah
I dunno, icey?  


"Wasn't. I bought the box."
Coraline
Never even seen him, have you?


"Oh. Well, they mentioned it in a press release or some such."
Rahah
What, and you've seen Kralkatoric?


"Probably on Facebook."
Coraline
Saw the Shatterer.  


"But I knew about it. How'd I have known if they'd said it there?"
Rahah
Well I saw Jormag's Claw. Thing even landed on my gal once.  


"You fought him. Of course you knew."
Corn
(glaring up at them from a bedroll)
Will you two shut up already? Some of us are trying to sleep!


"Of course I fought him. It's a damn dungeon, isn't it?"
Coraline and Rahah glare at him. He glares back, then rolls over and tries to get bak to sleep.


"And I'm not there yet."
Rahah
Alright, fine.
(whispering) But can we please not turn this into a videogame?


"Well... what about Jormag?"
Coraline
(whispering) Why not? The Elder Dragons are about the right size, and it's definitely going to be a dragon. Too late for that.


"What's he look like?"
Rahah
Because this isn't a videogame? Also that's like copyright violation or something.


"I dunno, icey?"
Coraline
So?


"Never even seen him, have you?"


"What, and you've seen Kralkatoric?"


"Saw the Shatterer."
----


"Well I saw Jormag's Claw. Thing even landed on my gal once."


"Will you two shut up already? Some of us are trying to sleep!"


As one, Coraline and Eapherod turned to glare at Corn. He met their glares with the sheer force of disgruntlement only the sleep-deprived can manage.
Kerris and Rahah return.


"Alright, fine," Eapherod whispered, and turned back to Coraline. "But can we please not turn this into a videogame?"
Rahah
Good news, everyone! It's a dragon.


"Why not?" Coraline whispered. "The Elder Dragons are about the right size, and it's definitely going to be a dragon. Too late for that."
Sherandris
Excellent. Let's celebrate! (he pulls out a giant tub of cheese puffs)


"Because this isn't a videogame? Also that's like copyright violation or something."
Ilya
Gross.


"So?"
Coraline
(reaching toward the tub) Gimme!


Sherandris removes the lid and holds it out to her while she grabs a handful.


Arsten
(musing) Now that's not a phrase I'd have expected before all this... a dragon as good news.


Rahah
Well, you know what they say.


"They are my dreams. They are the best of me. They are better than I could ever be."
Coraline
Life is strange, and the alternatives are even stranger?
 
Rahah
What, is this an alternative?
 
Coraline
You're the dead girl.
 
Rahah
You're more dead.
 
Coraline
You died first.


Rahah
You died longer.


Coraline
No you.


Rahah
No you.


The gods gathered in the darkness, in the unnatural glow, in anticipation of the apocalypse.
Coraline
You.


Alyr there, the lady of temptation, goddess of cats, with spear at the ready...
Rahah
Your mom.


Kyrule there, lord of death, keeper of souls, waiting, always waiting...
Coraline
Your face.


Nausica there, lord of the depths...
Ilyanata
Ah, such inspiration this is.


Eapherod saw them, and others, and smiled. Almost there. The plan, Coraline's plan, would soon come to pass.
Vardaman
I'm glad to see we're all grown-ups here.


Darkness swirled in the depths of the abyss in which they stood.




----




Line 297: Line 503:


Corn
Corn
What do you miss the most?
What do you miss the most about it?


Coraline
Coraline
Line 304: Line 510:




How do we get there?
----
 
 
 
"What just happened?" Corn asked.
 
"Vardaman tried to turn her," Kyrule said. "A rather unexpected move."
 
Eapherod had appeared beside him. "Did you see that?"
 
"Darkness."
 
"Yes," she said. It had flickered about Coraline's form like smoke, visible only to those who knew what it was. And Kyrule was learning quickly.
 
 
 
----
 
 
 
The gods gathered in the darkness, in the unnatural glow, in anticipation of the apocalypse.
 
Alyr there, the lady of temptation, goddess of cats, with spear at the ready...
 
Kyrule there, lord of death, keeper of souls, waiting, always waiting...


Morand.
Nausica there, lord of the depths...


That world has been dead for thousands of years.
Eapherod saw them, and others, and smiled. Almost there. The plan, Coraline's plan, would soon come to pass.


Aye. Its orbit passes through a patch of bad space - takes the whole world into the deadlands for part of the cycle, but the laws of physics at least partially hold, since it always comes back after. It's our way in. And potentially our way out.
Darkness swirled in the depths of the abyss in which they stood.

Revision as of 22:59, 13 March 2014

Group room in a nice restaurant. Large questionably shaped table. Several folks already seated - VARDAMAN, RAHAH, KERRIS, ILYANATA, CORALINE, and SHERANDRIS. Vardaman is nursing a mug of shalott, and Sherandris is perusing an upside down menu.

A few look up and smile as ARSTEN and CORN approach. Arsten picks a seat at random and sits, Corn hesitates before sitting next to him.

Some folks chatter. Arsten tries to unfold his napkin and winds up with a knot in his hands. Corn fidgets uncomfortably. A WAITER materialises behind them.

Waiter Anything to drink?

Arsten Water.

Coraline (indicating Corn) Root beer for him, pinch of zest.

The waiter nods and disappears.

Rahah Who are we still waiting on?

A newcomer, KYRULE, emerges from a shadow and sits.

Kyrule One more.

Coraline eyes Vardaman, then the waiter appears and gives Corn his root beer, and she flags himover for some shalott.

Corn sniffs the root beer and takes a sip.

Arsten It's alright, you know. At least I think it is.

Corn What-

A winged woman, MYRR, appears out of nowhere behind the last empty seat and almost falls on the table, interrupting him.

Myrr I am sorry. (she seems to be having some trouble balancing herself and trying to fight the chair) It seems my wing has caught in this chair. A moment, if you please.

Vardaman snorts and downs his shalott.

Corn stares at her dumbfounded. Kyrule moves as if to speak, but Rahah beats him to it.

Rahah Perhaps we should all introduce ourselves first. (she stops to think for a moment) I am Eapherod, lord of dreams, blah blah blah nobody cares you should all just call me Rahah. Yes. (she coughs toward her right for the next guy to continue)

Kerris I'm Kerris of Attrel. Mercenary for hire. (he pauses as though thinking carefully) Hi?

There's a pause before Corn realises he's next.

Corn (embarassed) Uh... I'm Corn. I'm but a humble acolyte of Kyrule. I don't... (he panics and looks around desperately)

Arsten pats him on the shoulder.

Arsten Arsten Dren here, I do stuff, you know. Unless you don't.

Rahah He's like Indiana Jones.

Coraline What, an archeologist with a gun?

Rahah If he ever had one that worked, yes.

Ilyanata (continuing the introductions) I am Ilyanata, or Illya. I am the force and reality of dreams, High Priestess of Eapherod, and her will upon the world.

Rahah (overly brightly) Hi Ilya!

Ilyanata (slowly) Hi.

Myrr I am called Myyr of Souls.

There is a pause.

Coraline She's the Falcon of Kyrule. Or was that a falcon? Maybe it was a hawk or something. Or a goose? Geese are terrifying.

Vardaman She's a priest. I'm also a priest, but I generally don't go advertising on that fact on account of embarassment. Other people's. That is. On account of being a far more significant drunk. (he waves his mug for emphasis, tries to down it, realises it's already empty, and stares at it looking betrayed)

Sherandris What's your name?

Vardaman Oh. Vardaman.

Coraline He's actually a deathdealer. Don't let the shalott fool you. And I'm Coraline Henderson, the Hand of Kyrule and his will upon the world. Supposedly.

Rahah Supposedly?

Coraline Weeeeell...

Kyrule Yes.

Coraline Right, well, there was just this accident, right?

Vardaman chokes and starts coughing loudly before being miraculously rescued by the appearance of a waiter with a fresh bottle of shalott.

Corn Uh...

Corn takes this opportunity to decide his root beer is much more fascinating.

Rahah That was an accident?

Coraline and Vardaman both look decidedly embarassed as nobody says anything.

Kyrule (continuing as the next) I am Kyrule.

Sherandris (stretching melodramatically) Heh, gods.

Rahah Har.

Sherandris Rar. Sherandris here. I just like food. Mmm, food. I am completely ordinary. Totally. And food.

Coraline Whackjob ordinary.

Sherandris Exactly. I am as ordinary as an everyday whackjob. On account of being one.



Sherandris How do we get there?

Rahah Morand.

Kyrule That world has been dead for thousands of years.

Rahah Aye. Its orbit passes through a patch of bad space - takes the whole world into the deadlands for part of the cycle, but the laws of physics at least partially hold, since it always comes back after. This gives us a way in. And potentially a way out.

Kerris In six months?

Rahah Assuming time holds on the other side, yes.

Coraline Why would it do that?

Rahah (she sighs) It probably won't.



Coraline So who's our party leader?

Rahah Kyrule! Be our leader.

He gives her a suspicious look.

Rahah ...Unless you want Sherandris to take over an turn us all into an insane clown posse?

Coraline I could go for that.

Corn What...?

Kyrule This is your party.

Rahah No it isn't.

Kyrule Yes. It is.

Coraline Okay, party leader is the idiot who started this mess. Excellent, it's official.



Arsten Agh, does anyone have a toothpick?

Vardaman If you do that again, I swear, I will... I will... why, I'll... what was I saying?

Coraline What do you mean, I can't be a necromancer? I've even had basic training. It's like the only wizarding I know, but I do know it.

Ilyanata That would make sense. Vampire necromancer. It fits.

Rahah No, Sherandris, you can't be a clown. Be a wizard. You'd be a sexy wizard.

Sherandris But I'm not a wizard.

Rahah Learn.

Sherandris But- Yes, dear.

Kerris Do we have a cleric?

Rahah No. No, we definitely do not have a cleric.

Kerris Oh, well, we probably do want a-

Rahah You've never heard of sarcasm, have you?

Corn Why is there an eyeball in my drink?

Kerris Um, what is a cleric, then? It says here 'Alle braive adventeurers should take withe them wone clerick, to tende to the illsome and deathley.'

Coraline Clerics is priests and healers. We've got plenty. Coming out of our ears, as me mum might say.

Kerris Oh. I knew that.

Corn Anyone want an eyeball?

Coraline Is anyone Sheogorath?

Corn Who?

Rahah What?

Coraline I think I'm going to be a necromancer.

Corn I'm going to be a hairdresser.

Arsten Excellent. Could always use one of those on a trip.

Rahah You're a mesmer, Coraline. Mesmers can't be necromancers.

Coraline Who says? Ascended mesmers are perfectly capable of taking on a secondary profession same as everyone else!

Rahah But you're not ascended.

Coraline I'm dead. 'Sclose enough, isn't it?

Rahah You could die in Pre.

Coraline So? This isn't Ascalon.

Vardaman Buggrit, you damn bird, stop that!

Myrr Please stop falling over, then. I will not hit you with my wing if you do not fall on it.

Sherandris You also don't need to be ascended to take a secondary profession - that's just to change it.

Rahah Will you stay out of this? You've never even played the game!

Sherandris Just saying.

Coraline Oh, right. Great. I hereby declare myself a necromancer. Just as soon as I figure out how to allot my traits to death magic, vast armies shall be mine!

Arsten Traits?

Rahah It's a videogame.

Arsten A what?

Rahah Something that hasn't been invented yet.

Coraline What, still? At this rate I'm going to die before they are!

Kyrule Technically you already have.

Coraline Shut up.



Coraline I'm thinking Kralkatoric.

Rahah Zhaitan was cute.

Coraline Ey, don't tell me that. I'm not there yet. I shouldn't be getting spoilers!

Rahah How is it a spoiler that Zhaitan dies in the end? It was practically written on the box. Hells, it might have been written on the box for all I know.

Coraline Wasn't. I bought the box.

Rahah Oh. Well, they mentioned it in a press release or some such.

Coraline Probably on Facebook.

Rahah But I knew about it. How'd I have known if they'd said it there?

Coraline You fought him. Of course you knew.

Rahah Of course I fought him. It's a damn dungeon, isn't it?

Coraline And I'm not there yet.

Rahah Well... what about Jormag?

Coraline What's he look like?

Rahah I dunno, icey?

Coraline Never even seen him, have you?

Rahah What, and you've seen Kralkatoric?

Coraline Saw the Shatterer.

Rahah Well I saw Jormag's Claw. Thing even landed on my gal once.

Corn (glaring up at them from a bedroll) Will you two shut up already? Some of us are trying to sleep!

Coraline and Rahah glare at him. He glares back, then rolls over and tries to get bak to sleep.

Rahah Alright, fine. (whispering) But can we please not turn this into a videogame?

Coraline (whispering) Why not? The Elder Dragons are about the right size, and it's definitely going to be a dragon. Too late for that.

Rahah Because this isn't a videogame? Also that's like copyright violation or something.

Coraline So?



Kerris and Rahah return.

Rahah Good news, everyone! It's a dragon.

Sherandris Excellent. Let's celebrate! (he pulls out a giant tub of cheese puffs)

Ilya Gross.

Coraline (reaching toward the tub) Gimme!

Sherandris removes the lid and holds it out to her while she grabs a handful.

Arsten (musing) Now that's not a phrase I'd have expected before all this... a dragon as good news.

Rahah Well, you know what they say.

Coraline Life is strange, and the alternatives are even stranger?

Rahah What, is this an alternative?

Coraline You're the dead girl.

Rahah You're more dead.

Coraline You died first.

Rahah You died longer.

Coraline No you.

Rahah No you.

Coraline You.

Rahah Your mom.

Coraline Your face.

Ilyanata Ah, such inspiration this is.

Vardaman I'm glad to see we're all grown-ups here.



Corn Do you ever miss your home? The world where you're from?

Coraline Aye.

Corn What do you miss the most about it?

Coraline Probably deodorant.



"What just happened?" Corn asked.

"Vardaman tried to turn her," Kyrule said. "A rather unexpected move."

Eapherod had appeared beside him. "Did you see that?"

"Darkness."

"Yes," she said. It had flickered about Coraline's form like smoke, visible only to those who knew what it was. And Kyrule was learning quickly.



The gods gathered in the darkness, in the unnatural glow, in anticipation of the apocalypse.

Alyr there, the lady of temptation, goddess of cats, with spear at the ready...

Kyrule there, lord of death, keeper of souls, waiting, always waiting...

Nausica there, lord of the depths...

Eapherod saw them, and others, and smiled. Almost there. The plan, Coraline's plan, would soon come to pass.

Darkness swirled in the depths of the abyss in which they stood.

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We were born in the black hearts of stars. Mortal rules are nothing to us.