This/Wayfarers song

INT. GROUP ROOM AT A NICE RESTAURANT

Several folks already seated at a large, questionably shaped table: VARDAMAN, RAHAH, KERRIS, ILYANATA, CORALINE, and SHERANDRIS. Vardaman is nursing a mug of shalott, and Sherandris is perusing an upside down menu.

A few look up and smile as ARSTEN and CORN approach. Arsten picks a seat at random and sits, Corn hesitates before sitting next to him.

Some folks chatter. Arsten tries to unfold his napkin and winds up with a knot in his hands. Corn fidgets uncomfortably. A WAITER materialises behind them.

WAITER

Anything to drink?

ARSTEN

Water.

CORALINE

(indicating Corn)

Root beer for him, pinch of zest.

The waiter nods and disappears.

RAHAH

Who are we still waiting on?

A newcomer, KYRULE, emerges from a shadow and sits.

KYRULE

One more.

Coraline eyes Vardaman for a moment, then flags the waiter over when he appears to bring Corn his root beer.

Corn sniffs the root beer and takes a sip.

ARSTEN

It's alright, you know. At least I think it is.

CORN

What-

A winged woman, MYRR, appears out of nowhere behind the last empty seat and almost falls on the table, interrupting him.

MYRR

I am sorry.

(she seems to be having some trouble balancing herself and trying to fight the chair)

It seems my wing has caught in this chair. A moment, if you please.

Vardaman snorts and downs his shalott.

Corn stares at her dumbfounded. Kyrule moves as if to speak, but Rahah beats him to it.

RAHAH

Perhaps we should all introduce ourselves first.

(she stops to think for a moment)

I am Eapherod, lord of dreams, blah blah blah nobody cares you should all just call me Rahah. Yes.

(she coughs toward her right for the next guy to continue)

KERRIS

I'm Kerris of Attrel. Mercenary for hire.

(he pauses as though thinking carefully)

Hi?

There's a pause before Corn realises he's next.

CORN

(embarassed)

Uh... I'm Corn. I'm but a humble acolyte of Kyrule. I don't...

(he panics and looks around desperately)

Arsten pats him on the shoulder.

ARSTEN

Arsten Dren here, I do stuff, you know. Unless you don't.

RAHAH

He's like Indiana Jones.

CORALINE

What, an archeologist with a gun?

RAHAH

If he ever had one that worked, yes.

ILYANATA

(continuing the introductions)

I am Ilyanata, or Illya. I am the force and reality of dreams, High Priestess of Eapherod, and her will upon the world.

RAHAH

(overly brightly) Hi Ilya!

ILYANATA

(slowly) Hi.

MYRR

I am called Myyr of Souls.

There is a pause.

CORALINE

She's the Falcon of Kyrule. Or was that a falcon? Maybe it was a hawk or something. Or a goose? Geese are terrifying.

VARDAMAN

She's a priest. I'm also a priest, but I generally don't go advertising on that fact on account of embarassment. Other people's. That is. On account of being a far more significant drunk.

(he waves his mug for emphasis, tries to down it, realises it's already empty, and stares at it looking betrayed)

SHERANDRIS

What's your name?

VARDAMAN

Oh. Vardaman.

CORALINE

He's actually a deathdealer. Don't let the shalott fool you. And I'm Coraline Henderson, the Hand of Kyrule and his will upon the world. Supposedly.

RAHAH

Supposedly?

CORALINE

Weeeeell...

KYRULE

Yes.

CORALINE

Right, well, there was just this accident, right?

Vardaman chokes and starts coughing loudly before being miraculously rescued by the appearance of a waiter with a fresh bottle of shalott.

CORN

Uh...

Corn takes this opportunity to decide his root beer is much more fascinating.

RAHAH

That was an accident?

Coraline and Vardaman both look decidedly embarassed as nobody says anything. Finally Kyrule interrupts the silence, making things even more awkward.

KYRULE

(continuing as the next)

I am Kyrule.

SHERANDRIS

(stretching melodramatically)

Heh, gods.

RAHAH

Har.

SHERANDRIS

Rar. Sherandris here. I just like food. Mmm, food. I am completely ordinary. Totally. And food.

CORALINE

Whackjob ordinary.

SHERANDRIS

Exactly. I am as ordinary as an everyday whackjob. On account of being one.

---

SHERANDRIS

How do we get there?

RAHAH

Morand.

KYRULE

That world has been dead for thousands of years.

RAHAH

Aye. Its orbit passes through a patch of bad space - takes the whole world into the deadlands for part of the cycle, but the laws of physics at least partially hold, since it always comes back after. This gives us a way in. And potentially a way out.

KERRIS

In six months?

RAHAH

Assuming time holds on the other side, yes.

CORALINE

Why would it do that?

RAHAH

(she sighs)

It probably won't.

---

CORALINE

So who's our party leader?

RAHAH

Kyrule! Be our leader.

He gives her a suspicious look.

RAHAH

...Unless you want Sherandris to take over an turn us all into an insane clown posse?

CORALINE

I could go for that.

CORN

What...?

KYRULE

This is your party.

RAHAH

No it isn't.

KYRULE

Yes. It is.

CORALINE

Okay, party leader is the idiot who started this mess. Excellent, it's official.

RAHAH

Hey!

---

ARSTEN

(picking at his teeth)

Does anyone have a toothpick?

Myrr catches Vardaman as he nearly falls out of his seat.

VARDAMAN

If you do that again, I swear, I will... I will... why, I'll... what was I saying?

CORALINE

What do you mean, I can't be a necromancer? I've even had basic training. It's like the only wizarding I know, but I do know it.

ILYANATA

That would make sense. Vampire necromancer. It fits.

RAHAH

No, Sherandris, you can't be a clown. Be a wizard. You'd be a sexy wizard.

SHERANDRIS

But I'm not a wizard.

RAHAH

Learn.

SHERANDRIS

Bu-

Rahah glares at him.

SHERANDRIS

(starting to grin)

Yes, dear.

KERRIS

Do we have a cleric?

RAHAH

No. No, we definitely do not have a cleric.

KERRIS

Oh, well, we probably do want a-

RAHAH

You've never heard of sarcasm, have you?

CORN

Why is there an eyeball in my drink?

KERRIS

Um, what is a cleric, then? It says here 'Alle braive adventeurers should take withe them wone clerick, to tende to the illsome and deathley.'

CORALINE

Clerics is priests and healers. We've got plenty. Coming out of our ears, as me mum might say.

KERRIS

Oh. I knew that.

CORN

Anyone want an eyeball?

CORALINE

Is anyone Sheogorath?

CORN

Who?

RAHAH

What?

CORALINE

I think I'm going to be a necromancer.

CORN

I'm going to be a hairdresser.

ARSTEN

Excellent. Could always use one of those on a trip.

RAHAH

You're a mesmer, Coraline. Mesmers can't be necromancers.

CORALINE

Who says? Ascended mesmers are perfectly capable of taking on a secondary profession same as everyone else!

RAHAH

But you're not ascended.

CORALINE

I'm dead. 'Sclose enough, isn't it?

RAHAH

You could die in Pre.

CORALINE

So? This isn't Ascalon.

VARDAMAN

Buggrit, you damn bird, stop that!

MYRR

Please stop falling over, then. I will not hit you with my wing if you do not fall on it.

SHERANDRIS

You also don't need to be ascended to take a secondary profession - that's just to change it.

RAHAH

Will you stay out of this? You've never even played the game!

SHERANDRIS

Just saying.

CORALINE

Oh, right. Great. I hereby declare myself a necromancer. Just as soon as I figure out how to allot my traits to death magic, vast armies shall be mine!

ARSTEN

Traits?

RAHAH

It's a videogame.

ARSTEN

A what?

RAHAH

Something that hasn't been invented yet.

CORALINE

What, still? At this rate I'm going to die before they are!

KYRULE

Technically you already have.

CORALINE

Shut up.

---

CORALINE

I'm thinking Kralkatoric.

RAHAH

Zhaitan was cute.

CORALINE

Ey, don't tell me that. I'm not there yet. I shouldn't be getting spoilers!

RAHAH

How is it a spoiler that Zhaitan dies in the end? It was practically written on the box. Hells, it might have been written on the box for all I know.

CORALINE

Wasn't. I bought the box.

RAHAH

Oh. Well, they mentioned it in a press release or some such.

CORALINE

Probably on Facebook.

RAHAH

But I knew about it. How'd I have known if they'd said it there?

CORALINE

You fought him. Of course you knew.

RAHAH

Of course I fought him. It's a damn dungeon, isn't it?

CORALINE

And I'm not there yet.

RAHAH

Well... what about Jormag?

CORALINE

What's he look like?

RAHAH

I dunno, icey?

CORALINE

Never even seen him, have you?

RAHAH

What, and you've seen Kralkatoric?

CORALINE

Saw the Shatterer.

RAHAH

Well I saw Jormag's Claw. Thing even landed on my gal once.

CORN

(glaring up at them from a bedroll)

Will you two shut up already? Some of us are trying to sleep!

Coraline and Rahah glare at him. He glares back, then rolls over and tries to get bak to sleep.

RAHAH

Alright, fine.

(whispering)

But can we please not turn this into a videogame?

CORALINE

(whispering as well)

Why not? The Elder Dragons are about the right size, and it's definitely going to be a dragon. Too late for that.

RAHAH

Because this isn't a videogame? Also that's like copyright violation or something.

CORALINE

So?

---

Kerris and Rahah return from somewhere, proably scouting or something.

RAHAH

Good news, everyone! It's a dragon.

SHERANDRIS

Excellent. Let's celebrate!

Sherandris pulls a giant tub of cheese puffs from his massive robe.

ILYA

Gross.

CORALINE

(reaching toward the tub)

Gimme!

Sherandris removes the lid and holds it out to her while she grabs a handful.

ILYA

(musing)

Now that's not a phrase I'd have expected before all this... a dragon as good news.

RAHAH

You need to get out more.

ARSTEN

But we're already so far out there isn't anything left to be out. To go. Out?

(he stops, confused)

You know what I mean.

RAHAH

Well, you know what they say.

CORALINE

Life is strange, and the alternatives are even stranger?

RAHAH

What, is this an alternative?

CORALINE

You're the dead girl.

RAHAH

You're more dead.

CORALINE

You died first.

RAHAH

You died longer.

CORALINE

No you.

RAHAH

No you.

CORALINE

You.

RAHAH

Your mom.

CORALINE

Your face.

VARDAMAN

I'm glad to see we're all grown-ups here.

---

CORN

Do you ever miss your home? The world where you're from?

CORALINE

Aye.

CORN

What do you miss the most about it?

CORALINE

Probably deodorant.

---

"What just happened?" Corn asked.

"Vardaman tried to turn her," Kyrule said. "A rather unexpected move."

Eapherod had appeared beside him. "Did you see that?"

"Darkness."

"Yes," she said. It had flickered about Coraline's form like smoke, visible only to those who knew what it was. And Kyrule was learning quickly.

---

The gods gathered in the darkness, in the unnatural glow, in anticipation of the apocalypse.

Alyr there, the lady of temptation, goddess of cats, with spear at the ready...

Kyrule there, lord of death, keeper of souls, waiting, always waiting...

Nausica there, lord of the depths...

Eapherod saw them, and others, and smiled. Almost there. The plan, Coraline's plan, would soon come to pass.

Darkness swirled in the depths of the abyss in which they stood.