The Madness

Query the madlist.

• Away!
• Such a nice day...
• We must prepare for the coming of the god of puppets, Banjo the Clown!
• The house is clean...
• I don't know... I don't even know.
• Don't mind me; I'm just mad.
• What an intriguing plant...
• Leave me!
• These birds in my ears sing so prettily...
• All of the world is mine... I just wish... always... no...
• No, no, no, no, no, no! No!
• I saw a world without end, without beginning, without light, without dark, without dream or desire. I found myself wanting a muffin.
• That's not what I meant, that's not what I meant at all.
• I think... I think there may be a spirit in my head. Or perhaps five. It's hard to tell.
• Dead men tell no tales, or so they like to say. I only wish they were correct; these tales are rather terrible indeed.
• He said he would make me the happiest woman in the world. He was right. I was the happiest woman in my world before I met him.
• Do you remember the sirens?
• Mother... mother! Is it really you, mother? Oh, mother, it is so good to see you... mother... what are you doing, mother? Mother?!
• Stay out of the closet. You won't like it.
• Uh-oh... I think I'm dead.
• It's not what we thought... not... what we thought...
• Bread. All this for... bread. Of all the blimey things... bread!
• It's over.
• We died for the grove and the grove burned for us. Now only dust remains...
• Do you remember? It will all have been worthwhile if only someone remembers.
• I have returned!
• Mispellings. Mispronunciations. Miscommunications... misinterpretations... mis... mistrust. And misery. All to misery.
• Salt your watermelon, m'love...
• Did they not burn so prettily, the elves of the Silestreé? I thought they did, at least. So prettily.
• There is a madman in my head. He insists there is a madman in his head. I make a point to ignore him.
• What, me, mad? The audacity! I'm not mad!
• Embrace the chaos.
• This is how it always should have been - beautiful and empty, pristine and perfect... impeccable form. Funny how all we needed do was stop worrying about what to do... or about anything at all.
• Mad? Perhaps I am. But what is mad, really? Are you not mad? Are not we all? Answer this, then, my lad - who is the madder, the madman, or those who associate with him?
• Hi, I'm looking to hire an exterminator. I have some bats in my belfry.
• No, no. I am not crazy. I am bat-fuck insane.
• It is a difference that makes a difference. I do not wish to go back.
• Okra. It was the okra!
• An ugly green light fixture for you, and an ugly green light fixture for you, ma'am, and some ugly green light fixtures for you...
• Spill some white-out on a black-out on top of a brown-out. I wonder if they sell fog-out...
• I am sure this is terribly witty to someone who will never hear it.
• They killed him out of bitterness. I would call that murder... and then this murder gets hailed across the realms... divine... it was still murder.
• Such a pity one cannot beat the dead with rubber tubes... well, okay. One can. It simply achieves little.
• I call it 'Gloofah'!
• Never leave home without your funnel.
• Keep your enemies close and your hot nemesis closer.
• Oh, Sydney... ooooh...
• When the cities die, it is not the cities that die, only their image. The lights go out. The people panic and the terror spreads... but the cities are still as alive as they ever were.
• Kill it! Burn it! Burn them all! Kill them!
• No. Never.
• The gods have judged me false and now I linger in the realms between realms, doomed to an eternity of boredom... just like the gods themselves. I wonder what they did to warrant their eternities of boredom.
• We are the skins of dead men. We collect skins. Oh, but we would cherish its skin; it has such a lovely skin... and it would live forever as a skin.
• Did you know it is improper to concatenate two sentences with a comma? Most people do not.
• My greatest concern was whether or not to get a dog...
• Once upon a time, there was a small girl and her cat. Together, they dreamed sweet Nightmares, and from them the worlds of the Elísdee were formed. A pity their story has been lost.
• Hello.
• I do not fear death. Do you? You should. You are not yet dead.
• We have until tuesday.
• AA AAA AAA AAAA AAAA, AAA AAA AAA AAAAA!
• Colour is a funny thing. We expect it to be there and it is not, we do not and it is... and what, even, is it? Funny.
• A dream? A Nightmare? Tell me; I am your Nightmare... why am I here?
• Bang.
• Goodbye.
• Good night; sweet nightmares.
• Tell me. Do you believe in demons?
• But you're not my Katie... you're not...
• I knew a man once who said there are 291 ways to kill a man. I could come up with more if I hadn't wasted the one on the man.
• Don't let it go to your head.
• Stop! Stop! Kill it! Stop it in its tracks!
• They want to control. They do not want to govern. And they are pulling it off... but what do you care? You like their lies.
• Sarah... Sarah? Where are you, Sarah?
• Oh, why do I have a piece of bread in my ear? I'm trying to get these spirits out of my head, that's all.
• I think you should know I am feeling very depressed right now.
• Consider the roots.
• Is this the madness?
• You didn't hear it from me.
• It's the stories that make the world, not the world itself.
• Don't pick your nose!
• Always look on the bright side of life.
• There are doors I have yet to open, windows I have yet to look through... going forward may not be the answer. Maybe I should go back.
• This sentence contains no stops.
• This statement is a lie.
• ...Mark. I'll call him Mark. Such a good boy... such a... good boy.
• It's not what you think.
• Shhhh. It dreams... you know what it dreams. You always knew.
• I am Isarra. I am Lyrithya. I am the memory of Athyria. I am what happened when a deathgod went mad.
• The music of the worlds drifts through the needles... it sounds like snow. Like rain. Like summer. Like winter. Like a forest of pines... can you hear it?
• Mmm, tacos!
• Care for a secret? Her name was Miranda, once. Then it was Kaitlynn... but things change.
• Um... is it supposed to be stupid?
• This reference contains 27% recycled content.
• Language is redundant. For instance, a sentence differs from a question not just in punctuation, but in format... I suspect these sorts of things are to overcome the fact that people are morons.
• Make peace with whatever god you worship.
• When the sinners fall, what are left? Sin is relative. Figurative. Figures of speech, all any of it is.
• To repeat that we are sinners all, that is to reinforce it in our minds, to resign ourselves that it is all for which we can ever hope.
• Raytracing is weird. Everything is hollow. Why is everything hollow? It shouldn't be.
• Darren, shut up.
• In the arena of false gods, two are true, but they are powerless to act beyond what they could do if they were truly false. How's that for irony?
• Sweetie, be sure to get some honey, too. We're almost out.
• Your shopping cart is full.
• Pants of power...
• Such terrible tales. Dire. Atrocities, horrors, unspeakable agony. These tales have no sense of plot or compositional storytelling.
• She turned me into a newt!
• Were you then, it might have been.
• And then we saw it, the thing itself, not image, not emblem, not idea, no simulacrum about it. It was the thing itself, the size of the state of Nebraska, and I shall never forget.
• Owee! Make it stop!
• It burns! It burns like hygiene!
• The voices in my head are saying such strange, strange things.
• Every time I close my eyes, I see it. Moss.
• I have a theory why you lost the war...
• Dry as a desert outside. But it is a desert outside...
• Defiance tastes like life itself.
• We look after our own.
• Hello, my name is Stan, and I'm a robot.
• Good morning, campers.
• Try and know that the undo button is close?
• I am the truest mask. The... truest...
• I'm not bitter. I just hate the world.
• Look deep inside yourself for your inner frat boy. Or spatula, one or the other.
• Boo.
• My hair is bleeding.
• The dye. I put it on my hair and the results were immediate. It changed colour, darkened, reddened. And when I washed it out, it flowed over my body like blood, the colour of blood, the smell... blood... everywhere, blood. So much blood.
• She only appreciates two things. Glitter and herself.
• When I looked in the mirror, it was only hair.
• Tadthrea waltzed across the floor of his dance studio.
• Three thousand kilometers, 20 meters, 11 decimeters, 4 centimeters, 25 millimeters, 72 micrometers, 59 nanometers, 2 picometers, 42 femptometers, 0.17 attometers, 97 zeptometers, and 1 yoctometer.
• These flowers that grow here, I do not remember them. I did not plant them. I remember watching as they grew. But I did not plant them.
• The photo is wrong. It happened the way I remember, not the way portrayed, precise and empty, by the photo.
• I wasn't in the fire; nothing here is as it seems.
• On the first day of Deathcember, my dear one granted me a finger sprouting from my drain.
• Every moment we live, we die.
• Let us define reality as an agreed perception.
• Do you open doors? Do you shut them in your wake?
• My computer has been crashing.
• Do not enter the garden. There is no recollection here.
• Don't confuse faith with religion. Faith is internal; religion exists so priests don't have to find real jobs.
• Oh, thy micturations... micture hard -- hey! What are you doing in here!? Get out! Out!
• Who is Jordan? And Melissa? Who are they?
• Note to self - leading questions depend on denotation and especially connotation. So what... um... eh.
• Let them burn.
• Mask of dreams, dream of masks... it had such lovely masks, that one. Such precious masks.
• Mine, dammit!
• Oh, mourners bells, mourners bells, tolling all the way... What joy it is to drag in the faceless dead...
• The whole affair ended horribly unspectacularly, no shoot out, no time machines, not even a shrink to coax me off a ledge. Such a shame.
• Who is Chelsea? No face to the name, never a face to the name...
• lolwhat?
• Then again, perhaps I just overthink things.
• I really would prefer not to have a glass half empty or full of nuclear waste. I would much prefer to have a glass entirely empty of the stuff.
• There are exactly five kinds of times machines. I say this so precisely because it is a bloody lie, of course. I made it up.
• We have come full circle.
• Your filesystem is not yet clean.
• That is so a word.
• Communicating badly and then acting smug when people fail to understand is just meh.
• I know its songs like the sound of my world, but I do not know its world.
• Heehee... I think... well, this may sound crazy, but my mind is... it's on fire. Burning. Crazy, huh?
• Creek. Crook. Crick? Dribble dribble drip drip...
• That's just wicked.
• Does that make sense? I didn't think it did.
• Gravity always wins.
• Look too hard and it fades away. Let it go and it forever disappears. But that is the nature of dream, never truly there, tantalising, taunting...
• Whores are a better investment than ships: they seldom sink, and when they are boarded by pirates, the pirates pay just like everyone else.
• There is no dreaming without waking. The Nightmares aren't real until you make them up.
• Goats don't usually eat tires.
• Keep looking. The keys to the cupboard must be around here somewhere.
• He's missing the bleeps, the creeps, and the sweeps.
• Oh, right. Classes. I know what to do with these. Objects and stuff.
• Some days, I feel like a programmer. Then I get sidetracked and doodle.
• Solitudes. The rain at my face, the dreams at my back... is this what it is to be at peace? Is this how it feels to be contented?
• Centuries of philosophical debate reduced to a potty joke. Nice.
• Your mother is a hamster and your father smells of elderberries!
• We are the dreamers behind the masks.
• They call me Fern. Am I this Fern they speak of so highly, though, or merely an impostor? I do not feel like a Fern...
• Oh, for the last time. That's wet soil, not dead ants.
• It's like bathrooms. Public restrooms... with the stalls. People make assumptions.
• Oooh, magical food. Wonder what it tastes like... perhaps it can turn me into a mutant! A... vegetarian mutant, because it would be cannibalism to eat ham.
• Throllog smash stuff good! Throllog beat you! Graaaw!
• Enough of this. Enough of these games and wordplay, show and tell, mask and form...
• Just commanding things and having them happen, that's got to... get really boring, really quickly.
• She's like a... well, a rich redneck, if that makes any sense at all.
• Wine could not find an autorun script if it stripped naked and danced a bloody jig in front of it...
• This is the madness.
• A crazy ghost lizard with a hot human chick.
• Life as a slave is not life at all.
• Were you dreaming? Why, we all were...
• These pictures were perfectly planned, flawlessly meaningful, arranged impeccably by date.
• It must have happened; it's in the news, is it not?
• I did not intentionally isolate myself. It merely became a matter of habit, of survival.
• Home is where the heart is, and I'm staying right here...
• Home is where the fern is.
• It is a floor fern, and it is very important.
• This is the world I made, a garden of remembering.
• Make no assumptions.
• Holy crap, it's the future.
• My cat's breath smells like... cat food.
• This is the house of hearts. This is where the dreamers stand and the worlds form.
• Why do the dead invariably wish to live again? Life is really rather droll, and almost never worth the bother.
• The blood of the enemy, forcibly taken... because enemies are invariably linear beings with no variability who will never agree on anything, nor intentionally be difficult.
• If you can read this, you are too close.
• 1|= `/0\_/ (4|| |234|) 7|-|15, `/0\_/ 4|23 700 (|_053.
• We are being probed.
• Sorry, I'm busy... hunting bears...
• Standing at the edge of the world, the stars seem brighter somehow, closer, more complete.
• One move... see the eyes... eyes in the dark... one move...
• The sky is glowing dusk, the clouds a roiling sea. Then the descent, soft, abrupt, drowning in a sea of nothing... then only darkness.
• Crap. I forgot what I was doing. Again.
• Ah, to dream... sweet bloody dreams of carnage and comfort and mittens...
• It seemed like a good idea at the time.
• Just because there is a reason for something does not mean that the reason is a good one.
• Just because people have always done something that way does not mean it is not incredibly stupid.
• <fish> and <squid> still have no function. Such a shame.
• Coming up with randomness is not as easy as one might think.
• Magnolias everywhere... so many flowers, petals everywhere... so many...
• Mmm, lollipop.
• "What is science?" and the class goes silent.
• Science is method. It is coordinated processes and applied mathematics. It is questioning and theorising and re-evaluating at every step.
• Would you care to cite your sources? You will not be taken seriously until you cite your sources...
• Goats smell really bad. And the smell lingers... on the milk, the cheese...
• Technology has changed. No more clunky armour, no more projectile weapons, no more person to person wars... battles are conducted remotely.
• Wizards and monks wear armour, now. Everyone does. Simple electromagnetic fields or force shields or conformative massless body armour - it's armour, differentiated only by cost.
• Crossbows are nice. Really... nice.
• I miss the good old days when skill, not technology, determined squishiness.
• Oh, don't worry. I'm only very beary.
• Can you hear the calling of the raving wind and water?
• Our hearts were always true. And may we never forget it.
• I know you, mother. You will never be one of those who dies before they die.
• I know you. You're my brother.
• I used to think I should be doing something productive about 10 seconds ago. Then I realised being lazy is much easier.
• Solve the princess, save the mystery.
• I suspect it may be time to panic.
• Goats are nice. Adorable little creatures... they make nice lawnmowers.
• Logic gates put me to sleep... too much logic. Too much math.
• I want to believe.
• There is something sorrowful about flutes. The hollow melodies, lilting notes... sorrowful.
• And into the darkness we go. Step off the precipice, cross the threshold, uncover the mystery and lose it forever.
• Blow out the candles. It is over.
• We changed the name when the world ended.
• Some say the world will end in fire. Some say segfaults.
• Nothing. There's nothing. Not working. Nothing.
• Open the door. Look inside... see nothing. Something. Everything? Unknown. A dream. A nightmare. Another world. Hope and home... hesitate... step through. Decide quickly. Door closes. Opportunity lost. Forever. Never.
  • knock knock* Anybody home?
• May you step through the doors you encounter... see what there is to see.
• Everybody dies alone.
• Error detected between keyboard and chair. Please shut down immediately to prevent permanent system damage.
• Butt-face!
• La la laaaa... laalaa la laaa la la!
• Feel the sea breeze, smell the salty air. Ain't nobody home.
• When you need to vacuum the bed, it is time to wash the sheets.
• Sometimes, it is better to proceed with none of the correct materials and no concrete plan. The end result is nothing anyone exactly expected, and sometimes all the more worthwhile for it.
• Do not take my dream away! Oh, beloved, do not take my dream away!
• This is the way the world ends.
• In the beginning, the universe was created. The really boring part is what happened after.
• In the beginning, the universe was created. The really interesting part is what happened after.
• In the beginning, the universe was created. This has widely been regarded as a bad move, and continues to anger a great many people.
• Do you really think this is all there is to it?
• Abstraction is the art of making assumptions. The other levels are not managed by idiots. The entire thing does comprise a whole. There is a point to all this... there is a point, right?
• It is all so simple when one looks at it from just the right angle.
• The answer? A resounding maybe.
• But I like being miserable.
• Dreams are so gloriously delirious. Delusion on top of delusion, forever in a day. Do you see here what you see here?
• Too much madness and the madness fades away.
• There's a story here? I think it's just pictures.
• Don't go towards the light! You'll fall and break your hip!
• Mary had a little lamb...
• But I understand... you gave up everything you had to find me... you found me broken. You gave up everything you had.
• Oh, we've got lots of mercy... lots and lots of mercy...
• A world of blue... stars above, grass below, dreams all around. This is the world that we hear and feel and dream... close your eyes and see it too. Dream with me, beloved. Dream...
• You cannot just shove twenty needles in my brain and ask me what I see!
• I would say what I mean, but I do not mean what I say. I am too asleep to mean a thing.
• Just because everything was placed here for a reason does not mean that that reason is a remotely good one.
• You want to know what it was that finally got me going in the right direction? Diarrhoea, of all the damned things. I tried to sleep and got diarrhoea. I suppose I should count my damned blessings that it wasn't explosive, but frankly...
• Explosive diarrhoea of an elephant.
• It is dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
• For all intents and purposes, it does not exist.
• Usually, it is merely randomness. Nonsense. White noise to be filtered out with all the other white noise; meaningless. But sometimes it hits a nerve, it speaks to something meaningful. It startles us out of heart and mind. And then we notice. Then we remember.
• Did you tell the fortune teller your fortune?
• This is the house of leaves. Here the memories begin.
• This is the house of pancakes. Are they as bloody as they seem?
• This is the house of voodoo. Bat lungs and eel bladders and all.
• This blood tastes like... blood...
• Where were you last night?
• That's the trouble with metaphor, it ends up in confusion.
• What is a question without an answer?
• You cannot take this to bed with you.
• I will be the truest mask, the starkest dream, the most vibrant memory of them all. And I will live on forever!
• Go away and take me with you.
• Are you mad? Or are you dreaming? So hard to tell the two apart these days...
• '0 rows returned' - But how can there be no record of this Rachel Lorrenz, no written evidence at all? It is as if she never existed...
• SELECT FROM users WHERE clue > 0; 0 rows returned
• I don't know what just happened because I was watching House.
• I don't know what you just said because I was thinking about Batman.
• Why do I have a tape measure on my belt? Why, I am conducting an experiment. What sort of people will wonder why I have a tape measure on my belt...
• The last floor fern has died. It has been condemned to the dark. The last beloved. Dead. Forgotten.
• Home is where the heart is.
• Emotions come from the liver, of course.
• Come to the dark side. We have cookies.
• Hello. I semi half-promise not to mug you.
• Eh, ignore this. It's under construction. It will always be under construction. Don't ignore that it is under construction.
• Oh, there will be time, there will be time. Time for a hundred visions and revisions and a hundred indecisions... there will be time.
• This is a line.
• The first rule of the tautology club is the first rule of the tautology club.
• House of Randoms, Fanged Fondue, Hatless Hatters... what will it be called next? Frankly, the thing never deserved a name in the first place.
• If you want my unsolicited opinion... none of it means a thing.
• What was I going to say?
• Literature and physics. Philosophy and physiology. Music and agriculture... mathematics and design. Sure, they have nothing in common. But they also have everything in common.
• I always order food in a restaurant.
• Anything you say or do may be added to the list.
• A fountain of youth... it was a fountain of youth. And now I shall be young forever.
• Everything happens for a reason. Some reasons are just really bad.
• I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.
• Why, you didn't see it coming? Who would, really, trapped in a gallery of hearts... it's unimaginable.
• It is time to let the cat out of the bag. There is no cat, and no bag. We made it all up.
• His ears were burning, but was he blushing, or did someone light them on fire? Do not look too closely at the gasoline can.
• We are out on a limb, and the limb is shaking.
• You have chosen the wrong path. Do not approach the point directly; it is too dark. Mind your blind spot. It is simply how your eyes work, just as it is how the point obfuscates itself.
• Will this ever make sense?
• Here reigns the king of the sandcastle.
• You cannot buy happiness. You can, however, buy illusions... and the mind is comprised of illusions.
• I resemble that statement.
• I trust him about as far as I could sling a piano.
• They are Low Men. You will know them by their presentation, by their cars and by their coats and by the signs they leave in their wake. They are Low Men in yellow coats.
• Voices are in the wind's singing, more distant and more solemn than a fading star.
• The eyes are not here. There are no eyes here, in this valley of dying stars, in this hollow valley, this broken jaw of our lost kingdoms...
• In the room the women come and go, talking of Michelangelo.
• And indeed there will be time, there will be time to prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet.
• I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.
• We have lingered in the chambers of the sea, by sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown... till human voices wake us, and we drown.
• In the mountains, there you feel free.
• Unreal city, under the brown fog of a winter dawn... come the violet hour.
• Phlebas the Phoenician, a fortnight dead, forgot the cry of gulls, and the deep sea's swell, and the profit and loss. A current under sea picked his bones in whispers. As he rose and fell, he passed the stages of his age and youth... entering the whirlpool.
• There is not even silence in the mountains... only dry sterile thunder without rain. There is not even solitude in the mountains.
• Here the grass is singing, sigh of wind that brushes the grains... no cricket hops in this dry grass, no insect stirs. There is no life, only the dry grass singing.
• Dry bones can harm no one.
• Opposites attract, alternates compel...
• There is a hole in my cheek. It is really rather odd... but I assume it will go away eventually if I ignore it.
• We ask only that you give us your heart.
• Hopes were high... but not high enough.
• Hope is cruel... prolongs the suffering.
• Where would we be without hope? It is all we have, but it is enough.
• Were you hurling insults? The other guy was hurling rocks. I hope you learned your lesson.
• Radioactive material is fun. So very fun... well, it was for me. Not for my recipients, though.
• Subjects, participants... same thing. Participants does work better as a term to make them feel like they have a choice...
• You lot... you were given the shortest stick of most anyone... and you... you took it.
• Sorry, love. My mind was wandering off task.
• Three hours dreaming. Three hours trying to reclaim the heart of the dream... there was a broken sword, a powerful god, a daughter of none of us and yet seemingly of all of us. She was very important. She was a threat to the god, or so he thought... until he met her. Her name was Verunji. Daughter of Irundha.
• Return the dying man to health, call it a miracle. Easier than explaining the aliens among us.
• He's something of a mystery.
• It's raining... whispers in the leaves.
• When I was little, I would read the leaves. The veins were lines, the patterns stories, the intricacies were the pasts and presents and futures of all my little worlds. I also sometimes made sandwiches out of them.
• As the saying goes, you are grasping at grassy bits.
• More a fern than a tree.
• She'll murdalise you. She will! Watch out!
• You know, contrary to popular belief, decapitation is not that easy...
• My right brain is an arse.
• Mmmm, dead animal flesh... so fresh, so juicy, so tasty, tasty!
• I caught your fern with its frond in the fertiliser again.
• I awoke to a horrible racket of birdsong...
• You can pull this sinister string... to humanise me. Right?
• Two by two... hands of blue... two by two... hands of blue... two by two...
• Heroics are unseemly. They complicate.
• A knight in dented armour comes to the aid of a damsel in a dress.
• We're all just floating... the planet as our spaceship traversing the black of space...
• It's just an object. Doesn't mean what you think.
• Can't stop the signal. Can never stop the signal.
• This is not a game. In the real world, when you kill people, they die.
• Here the grass is singing, dry leaves whispering in the sighing of the wind...
• This is a blind way, but still you will persist... surely there must be something to be seen here, something worth the way... but it is only a blind way.
• This is a dead end, but still you will persist... surely there must be something to find here, something to merit the path... but it is only a dead end.
• All else is dust and air.
• Thank you for the loyal subjects. I hope they weren't too expensive.
• It vexes me. I'm terribly vexed.
• Remember with your brains, GIR.
• I have a mystery to save. I need only find it.
• The rest is silence.
• Shoulda, coulda, woulda...
• Though the river tells no lies, standing at its shores the dishonest man still hears them.
• If you immediately know that candlelight is fire then the meal was cooked a long time ago.
• Neither daydream nor nightmare...
• Maximum occupancy 101 people.
• There is a hole in your mind.
• 403 errors and counting.
• 404 lines and counting.
• It's not what you think. Unless, of course, it is...
• We have opted for the least messy option within the realms of plausibility.
• HTML, CSS, PHP, MySQL, servers, statement, style, data... lines upon lines and tables upon tables and definitions upon definitions. And you complain that the UI is too complex...
• I made it up. I made it up with my head, love.
• Comma splice.
• My plant grew a leaf!
• Some people are agoraphobic. Others are just lazy. The result is often about the same.
• The infestation is hopeless! They're everywhere! We'll have to amputate.
• Consider the nonsequences.
• Press one key and the line is lost forever, never to be remembered.
• sudo rm -r /
• Bad command or file name.
• I spent two hours wrestling with a mongoose before finally deciding that blobs are overrated...
• He shot my goat.
• Well... uncomplicate it.
• I do not know.
• Don't break the world.
• I forgot what I was going to say.
• We were seduced by the lie that things were as simple as they seemed... and yet the fact remains. Things are rarely as simple as they seem.
• Would they react the same way if you had a penchant for chatting up hoboes?
• This is Lucifer corrupted. No, no, not that Lucifer... this one. Amnesiac.
• It is folks' right to be arses or otherwise at their own discretion.
• This is Lucifer corrupted, not that you would know it from this side. From here, it just looks panicky and rushed... because all we wanted was back into the sweet, sweet corruption. Whoops.
• So... WebKit was sporked from KHTML... wish I could say it all makes sense, now, but I'm still stuck on what 'it' even is...
• We take it for granted, you know. We take many things for granted, never even looking past their use... but what, really, is a filesystem?
• What is gravity?
• What is light?
• What is time?
• What is conciousness?
• What is a question?
• What is a filesystem?
• Where did I put my keys?
• What in the blazes possessed you to try to input a file with SQL statements in it into a bloody MySQL database?
• DELETE FROM sysobjects WHERE xtype='U';
• If it's not practically useful, then it's practically useless.
• DROP DATABASE mongoose;
• DELETE FROM mongoose WHERE importance < none;
• DELETE FROM users WHERE clue > none;
• Did I mention I named the software 'mongoose'? What, you thought I was wrestling with a real, physical animal? Please... I've lost fingers to bumblebees before. Granted, they were really big bumblebees...
• Crap, did I say that out loud?
• So, I'm a racist because I'm human? Tell me, dwarf... who is the racist?
• Why is it so difficult to believe that I should remain nuetral? The factions are comprised of morons and the battlefields span the world, but all I need do is dodge them until the factions sort it out for themselves. Eventually they will kill each other off, one side will wipe out the other, some brave soul will make peace, something.
• You need to sanitise your dataports.
• Sqlorsh. Sqraw. You can hear them coming a block away... it is not that people do not notice their arrival. They simply do not know to run.
• Lost a line.
• We take things for granted. It is what we do, we assume and we build upon the assumptions. But what of the assumptions themselves?
• Today is Thrensday.
• They say the best things are discovered by accident. Now, my accidental minions... you will take over the world for me.
• I used to jokingly call my hard drive a black hole. Then it went and developed recursive directories when I tried to copy the data off it... I was joking, dammit.
• Riddled with holes.
• 400 Bad Request
• I thought the bamboo was dead... but part of me hoped I was wrong, that just because the foliage shrivelled up and died, there might still remain some life in the roots. So I kept watering it... but doubts nagged. So I dug it up. To check, you know? Turns out, I was right. It was still alive... except I probably killed it when I dug it up.
• ^C is quite possibly the most useful command ever invented.
• How many layers of irony can you invent?
• meow: command not found
• The filesystem tree is full of holes. Walk down the branches, follow the inodes, one misstep and into the abyss we go. The leaf was not what it seemed. It was a root. The root. Another root. Tree growing out of a tree growing out of itself growing out of another tree... infinite recursion. Infinite holes.
• I shall build this new garden of remembering, and this time the Zephyrnia will not fall.
• I fell out of a tree and I landed five trees up.
• We have a problem.
• The due date of Assignment #8 is June 1, Tuesday, and this one is the last assignment. If you do not like this due date, you may turn it in on May 1, Tuesday as listed on the hardcopy, although there is no such date this year.
• Here, the folders are files. But then, what else would they be?
• What was that?
• ssh localhost - The authenticity of host 'localhost (::1)' can't be established.
• Host key verification failed.
• A pack of singing llamas flew by a maintainance tower one evening and nobody is sure why or how.
• I'm sure you taste deliciously.
• Life will be a lot simpler if you do what you're told.
• [insert brilliant comment here]
• Keep your story straight.
• Who watches?
• Who watches the watchers?
• Who watches the watchers of the watchers?
• Who watches the watchers of the watchers of the watchers?
• I do things without reason. This throws people off; they expect reason and rationalisation and order. This amuses me greatly as they appear to have no reason behind their desire for reason.
• BLOBS! Well, okay... binary large objects. But blob sounds better.
• To move is to choose.
• I feel it. We are close... so close. It feels... close.
• One slip in concentration and lose it forever.
• We see what we know.
• All that chitters is cold.
• Remember that time...
• Lo sé todo. Pregunta.
• Life needs ridiculous things that make no sense to laugh at.
• So, there was this 400lb bear staring me down... it was sniffing me, and I was sniffing it... and it smelled bad.
• I have become torn between the idea of reality and the idea of perfection. The reality and the illusion mean nothing to me, now... only the ideas of the two.
• There have always been those who reject reality in favour of a perfect illusion, as well as those who have rejected countless illusions for favour of an imperfect reality.
• Reality does not impose the names and definitions of things, but rather people must define things and make them meaningful in order to make them socially real.
• It'll keep you sane...
• It is a cold place. A dead place. Surrounded by only the dark, the cold, the nothing... we reach out, encounter only the cold. Only the black. Only the abyss. It is death.
• Let us go, then, you and I...
• Evolution? What would a sterile mutant know of evolution?
• This space unintentionally left blank.
• This space intentionally left blank.
• Do as you are told.
• All your base are belong to us.
• The underlying ssh process died.
• I can't get anyone to love me, just because I'm mean and nasty and evil!
• Can't have the bow in the air or the stern higher than the mast. Looks silly, then you sink and die.
• Your ears are weak!
• The greatest mistake in life is to be continuously fearing that you will make one.
• The Snozberries taste like Snozberries!
• You think things have to be possible in order to be true?
• The particles of the angel's form, loosened by the waning of his strength, swirled upwards into randomness... and vanished.
• The Boss is on a roll!
• The more I love, the more he hateth me.
• Methought I was enamoured of an ass.
• If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended: that you have but slumbered here while these visions did appear.
• And, as I am an honest puck, if we have unearned luck, now to 'scape the serpent's tongue, we will make amends ere long. Else, the puck a liar call. So, good night upon you all. Give me your hands, if we be friends, and Robin shall restore amends.
• To light a candle is to cast a shadow.
• Everything with light casts a shadow. The brighter the light, the darker the shadow...
• It is an old god. It has accumulated many shadows, but anything so bright would cast shadows much to sharp to eat. They would wound us gravely.
• Many fall down, but few return to the sunlit lands.
• They called me mad... they called me insane... they were right!
• The sofa is impossible.
• The computer, after much analysis and consideration, proudly announced that there was no possible way to remove the sofa from its improbable position. So on a hunch, he told it to analyse how it had gotten there in the first place. After much analysis and consideration, it announced that there was no possible way it could have arrived in that position, either.
• Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this.
• We are small but we are many, we are many, we are small... we were here before you rose; we will be here when you fall.
• Congratulations, you're a Hattifattener! You're so weird, you!
• Hemulen woke up slowly and recognised himself and wished he had been someone he didn't know.
• Naming conventions. Follow the naming conventions!
• And now, a message from our database...
• And now, a message from our mongoose...
• ...And in the end there's no-one left but the cat... who's washing on their grave.
• You just make one up. And then you have a cat.
• Because everything that's boring looks boring all the time - yesterday, today, tomorrow, and it never ends.
• And the sea was nowhere to be seen, for the water had been washed away. There simply wasn't any left, that was as clear as ink.
• Ynk was the dog's first name, von Jummerlund the second.
• I have a problem. A my gun doesn't work, big smelly capital T Thing of coldness trying to kill me, badness and doom, problem.
• Out of service. Go beavers. Out of service.
• It's too early. But it's always too early... except when it is too late.
• It's a ghost in the leaves...
• Oh, I suppose you thought you were quite clever, there, didn't you.
• Every reaction is followed by an equal and opposite action.
• Every action is followed by an equal and opposite reaction.
• When you first dislike something, you dislike it good!
• Or... something.
• There is a chance, however slim, every time we walk out of doors that something will happen and we will die. I am not about to stay locked in a small room for fear of this. I do, however, stay locked in a small room because that is where my computer is, but that is an entirely separate matter.
• Effort is wrong.
• Everything happens for a reason.
• The reason is wrong.
• The Bible is broken.
• Technology is so weird.
• My computer spontaneously fixed itself again. And people say to stay off the bleeding edge of technology... it's an adventure.
• I'm not a terrorist. I'm just a jerk.
• Everything speaks to the imagination in the most brutal manner.
• Apparently, no-one remembered that the balloon had been used in Medieval times.
• ...escape into the most stupid irreality.
• Children: people whose imaginations are stronger than reason.
• Reality's just an annoying little detail for you, isn't it?
• I'm a titan. A monolith. Nothing can stop me.
• Ain't a power in the verse that can stop me.
• There might be wild, hungry cows on the loose.
• The reasonable adapts itself to the conditions that surround it. The unreasonable adapts surrounding conditions to itself... all progress depends upon the unreasonable.
• Remember... do unto others before they do unto you.
• We always look on the brighter side of death.
• Dreams happen the same way that memories form. Perhaps this is why they are so difficult to recall.
• Wandering off task, off the path carefully lined up before me, into the metaphorical forest of endless distractions... they do not want me to go here - that is why they made the path, after all, for me to stay on - but I just can't help it. The trees are just so much more dimensional than the path. So much more interesting.
• It's so simple. There is just a lot to it.
• All they are is words... until someone puts them together.
• All they are is ideas... until someone puts them together.
• Don't go out tonight.
• How many layers of irony can you circumvent?
• Shh. You hear that? Raptors. Raptors everywhere.
• My brain is powered by smoothies!
• I don't like cat drool.
• I have no regrets... except for that one time with the chicken.
• Oh, don't mind me. I'm just enjoying my betterthanyouness.
• Groop, I implore thee!
• Standing at the edge of the world, never really there, this is the only way to truly see what is possible. Look... and move on. But each encounter is too fleeting to ever belong, and in time, it becomes lonely on the edge. Want to settle down. Want to belong... and to forget. Enter the world.
• If you've ever needed a compass to tell which way the wind shines, then you are already well informed about nonsense.
• Non-sequitur.
• Traffic congestion is not included in GDP.
• Every day fades away.
• 1920 - First solar-powered air balloon launched at night.
• I hereby declare war on the laws of physics.
• They're plants and they're full of dirt. Of course they would have bugs.
• Barrels of fun.
• Your time is running out... to buy a new Chevy.
• Hey, you... you know the wind's a-blowin'.
• So I got out my boat... and I got out my shop-vac... and I plugged it into my generator... and you know those blow-up raft things? That's my boat, see. So I used it with the shop-vac and I took it on the river.
• It was bizarre. It rained all the way through Wyoming...
• But that was in another country, and besides, the wench is dead.
• No, no. Horses sweat, lad. Men perspire. Ladies merely glow.
• Thanks... I think. I've never been a brick before.
• Steady, dear. This too shall pass.
• The stars? Why, the stars are death. Just death. Cold death.
• But as to what it all meant, I could not even hazard a guess.
• One of them gots a bad face, mister... Eats me all up, mister. All ups like suck. Guuh.
• But until I wake, I know it all. Until I wake, I know who I am.
• The natural laws of probability break down, causing a chain reaction of disastrous coincidences.
• But we never reach the end of everything. We never reach the end of anything.
• Society's childhood dream of the future turned into a nightmarish grown-up reality.
• Weird signs are always aliens. They occupy space. Their weirdness cannot easily be disregarded.
• But surely, that wasn't you I was talking to? I never talk with anybody twice. I always talk with another. If it had been you I was talking to, then you were someone else.
• The natural outlet of fetish is fantasy. It takes a myth to fight a myth.
• It takes a myth to fight a myth.
• I see only from one point, but in my existence I am looked at from all sides.
• It cracks open the body, placing the spectator in the position of being fragmented in a mosaic mirror.
• Copying visions from my imagination...
• But after the river of time washes away the memories, I see my works much as you do - as being exactly as I must have intended them to be.
• No word is free from metaphor. No world is free from metaphor. But that's the problem with metaphor, it always ends up in confusion. That's the problem with metaphor. It always ends up who knows where it ends.
• No word is free from metaphor.
• No world is free from metaphor.
• That's the problem with metaphor, it always ends who knows where it ends.
• What's that, you say? My exam? Oh, it's going straight to hell, and thank you for asking. At least it gave me these beautiful lines, so that I can flunk with style, yes?
• We are dead and this is Hell.
• The supermarket is full of deer.
• In normal times, evil would be fought by good...
• 'Bird' is the word.
• I didn't come here to play 'who's the better killer.'
• Perhaps I take word and meaning too seriously... but I will not abandon dream and mask and who I am for simple words. I say what I mean and I mean what I say.
• Why is the sky pink?
• Nobody can stop this bath of blood.
• Where there's a will, there's an or.
• Where there's a will, there's a weapon.
• Your boogers are mixing with your laserbeams.
• The customer is always right.
• You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you really were beneath it...
• Our integrity sells for so little, but it is all we really have.
• And then the meanings of words begins to change...
• 'Spinach' is my code word for 'spinach'.
• Think of me fondly as you bury this axe deep in your foe's skull.
• Home is where you hang your enemy's head.
• This is a cabbage... it was supposed to be a lettuce, but then I discovered I didn't actually know what lettuces are like. Whoops.
• I was daydreaming about Apheori. She is quite the dream.
• Ask. I see the questions burning in your mind.
• This is a full sentence.
• Life is a state of mind.
• None of this is true.
• Not that none of this is true.
• Now here's a question... would I be willing to die just to spite someone? I admit, I do like being rather annoying...
• These days, the fad is masks. Symbols. Dreams... but who even remembers the dreams themselves anymore? Who remembers the symbols of the masks of dreams?
• All that remains is the idea of the thing.
• Sometimes they come back.
• Mask of dreams, dream of masks... sometimes I wonder if there is even a difference.
• The garden failed before it could properly begin as a result of insufficient memory.
• You can't... change... people.
• The secret is simple. Fill your life with flowers.
• The enemy of my enemy is still my enemy.
• Three days to the chicken.
• There is no poetry in your soul.
• Ah, zombie estimation at its finest.
• You, [insert name here], were born sometime in the past and now you are dead.
• I built a garden of remembering. I always said I would, but now I really built it. I also built a Madness. Never said I would, but I built that, too... and now it lies at the heart of the garden.
• Who can say what is right?
• The lame-stream media is very lame.
• Suddenly, RACCOONS!
• He never made a very convincing primate.
• The voices are real; it's everything else that is the hallucination.
• They are the logs... I dare not question them.
• The helicopter operates via helicoptation.
• Coincidences... they seed paranoia, confound results, further illusions. They are, in essence, the reality of dreams.
• Please don't chew on my army.
• How long would it take to grow a tree through a car?
• It makes me want to deep-fry bamboo...
• I stole a list of names out of a database the other day... so many names... pretty, pretty names...
• I always thought I had a good imagination, but it turns out... that was just my imagination.
• Beauty often seduces us on the road to truth.
• The most successful marriages are based on lies.
• And then the plot thickens... and congeals...
• Artistry is nothing more than observation, understanding and coordination...
• Why is it invariably only the arrogant that make accusations of arrogance?
• You know what they say.
• What do they say?
• They say what they say.
• It takes one to know one.
• I am not the dreamer behind the mask. I am not the dreamer. I have no mask. There is no mask. No mask! I am the mask!
• Are you who you are?
• Dying changes everything.
• Exploding duck theory...
• Dying is easy. Living is what is hard.
• So... this is the story you made up about who you are... it's a nice one.
• Ideas can be glorious. But what is the use when they do not get written down? They just fade into oblivion...
• I surrendered my dreams of conquering the world when I realised that all I'd have to show for it would be the world.
• Give up freedom for safety; deserve neither.
• Find a hay in a needlestack...
• It is the worst part of parenting. The kids... our kids. They are not supposed to die before we do.
• Where language might fail us, the poetries of maths and physics bring clarity.
• It's not easy to find a needle in a needlestack.
• A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
• It's like falling off a log.
• Technically, it is impossible for a vampire to have an erection due to the mechanics of the thing. They do not have the blood to sustain it. So where do all these silly romance notions come from?
• Why are capitalists so surprised when capitalism works?
• I am a victim of my own inanity.
• Is it a law? The flashlights on the walls...
• In the darkness, anything is possible. Shadows shift, minds wander, the imagination runs rampant and the world turns beautiful and terrifying. In the darkness, the nightmares dream sweetly.
• The nightmares dream sweetly.
• In a world where things are fairly normal... except when they're not... something happens.
• I'm getting bored...
• Not all who wander are lost.
• I need a bigger whiteboard.
• It's not that I keep thinking of other things. Other things keep thinking me.
• Don't mess with a professional arsonist.
• Who is the poor fool who belongs to this mess?
• From tumult comes freedom.
• Gobbles power like a South American dictator...
• You are guilty in your mineral!
• Dreaming is like an intelligent brute-force algorithm. Sometimes it searches for what it seeks and goes right to it, sometimes it goes through everything else in the most meandering order, but every dream gets to its point. That is the nature of dream.
• Death is permanent possession, murder the ultimate act of ownership.
• This is truth. The math proves it.
• She cares not if her words are silent whispers, never to be seen by any caring eyes, everyone gone, gone, floating gently on coloured light, insubstantial - Dead? In the far reach of the universe a lone feline slumbers. Layered in Nightmares, she Dreams.
• Actions create reality.
• My complication had a... complication.
• I am better than fish.
• I'm not going to ruin a perfect fantasy with an unfortunate reality. I'm not!
• Adding shrews to the sun...
• It is an evolutionary design. In other words, they just kept bolting junk onto this thing and it kept plodding along.
• I don't think I think as much as I used to think.
• Entertainment. If the entertainment is good, it is like dreaming, and if it is bad, you make time pass with dreams of your own.
• The world... what's to get? Look at it through a lense of fire, or the soft membrane of a soapbubble, and let it amaze you. It's a fuzzy little world, but so long as you can let it tickle you, everything should be fine.
• For now, it is close enough to have an atmosphere. It is summer. Another hundred years, come winter, it will be so cold the atmosphere will freeze solid and literally fall to the ground. Gravity takes care of everything.
• You know what I hate? I go to the movies to watch a movie. I find a seat where I can see and hear it properly. I settle down to watch. Then a fat guy invariably comes and sits in front of me at the last minute... I hate it!
• Passerby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.
• Is this the real reality, or am I still dreaming? Ah, but of course I am. We all are. Every moment of every day, we dream. The question is not if it is real, but if we will make it real. The question is whether or not this is the dream we make our reality.
• Mmmm, bones... bones, bones, terrible bones, these bones... bones... bones...
• Violators of policy will be bummed.
• It's just like pictures on a page. It isn't real.
• You are the caretaker. You've always been the caretaker.
• It's like beating a dead horse with a dead horse.
• The meerkats are in the bag.
• Forgetting what we are... we are always forgetting. We do not want to remember what we are, menial, lowly, despicable, pleasurable, beautiful, deplorable, animal, impeccable. We do not like it, so we are always forgetting. And we are always changing.
• Going through the garden of remembering, I found something. A memory. A missing piece. A reality, once again, that I had merely forgotten the whole picture when in fact the truth had been before me all along.
• 'I will build a garden of remembering. And there the dreams will dream.' Or so I kept insisting.
• I wanted to go into the water. I always want to go into the water; it's another world beneath the surface. There one can hide, dream, soar, even fly. But one cannot live, for it is not the world of life, and thus I am forever barred from this glorious world.
• Three years. It has only been three years, yet it feels like longer. It always does, I suppose, dying. I'm not dead, mind. I can't be, as I never really was alive. I was merely a dream, a puppet, a mask. Merely a dream to be discarded.
• I was known in my time. Lady of Butterflies, Princess of Darkness... Mistress of Typos. The funny things was, I was nothing my dreamer was not. And she never bothered to hide any of it, either. We were just... different. Different upbringings, different directions, different stories, but the same motivations. Same wills and dreams. Same final resting place, for a few years at least. But things change.
• A definite maybe...
• Why do we remember the past and not the future?
• Thus is the nature of memory. Past and future are relative.
• Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron. Zombiebaron, zombiebaron!
• Ostriches have scary teeth.
• We're knitting a sweater out of potato salad.
• I refuse to let Uncyclopedia go idle!
• The mind is trained to discern patterns: numbers, words, and faces... patterns. This is powerful for aiding social interaction, but when faced with oddities it will only cause pain. How does one un-train the mind?
• It is another world, and yet it looks so close to home. It is simply dead, dead and desolate, stretching from horizon to horizon and past each horizon lies only more death, more desolation. It is a setting of monumental loneliness, coming so far to an alien world only to see so much nothing.
• Don't attack an engineer. They know maths.
• I have looked upon the face of a vorlon... and nothing is the same anymore.
• They are a dying people. We should let them pass.
• You'll have to excuse me. I'm in the middle of 15 things, all of them annoying.
• Gods by the bushel, gods by the pound... gods for every occasion!
• What does love have to do with marriage?
• The lovely are the ones that are quietly nuts, I've found, not those with screaming and depravity but the ones with simple manic joy, straight-jacketed in the corner and humming merrily as the butterflies flutter by. I'll admit, that's not the direction the people usually take them, but when they do, it is rather glorious. Like walking through a garden of little dreams.
• Understanding is a triple-edged fish.
• The willows must scuttle carefully.
• You seek meaning... listen to the music, not the song.
• A herring is just a herring.
• Dear Santa, I want a death ray and an ox and a rocket propelled chainsaw and a large moose and...
• How much of an effect could fairy wings have on a semi?
• I'm on the brink of showing you my love, and how it goes to heaven and above. A sweet expression: 'Sincerely yours for life.' I wish to give you kisses from my knife.
• Nuts nuts nuts nutter nut nut.
• It's like being nibbled to death by cats.
• If you are going to kill me, then do so. Otherwise I have considerable work to do.
• Sometimes the universe requires a change of perspective.
• Why do storms have eyes? What do they see?
• Not mad? How is this not mad? It is a mad poet's depiction of madness; how much more mad can you get?
• Given an infinite number of monkeys, it is inevitable they will eventually evolve to appreciate the benefits of a well-shined rifle.
• Never fear answers. Fear running out of questions.
• I'm holding a knife, wondering where the bullets go.
• Is it pretentious to assume I'm pretentious?
• I'm participating!
• Damn it all. My feet hurt, I'm hungry, and my arm is bleeding, and I've no way out. Had no way in, either. That's what caused the other problems, getting in...
• How, exactly, would two free, open-source software groups get in an all-out software war?
• Picking his teeth with a toothpick of solid gold...
• I have 15 wild badgers living in my trousers.
• You can get more with a kind word and a two-by-four than you can get with just a kind word.
• My train went swimming in the piano.
• I am nothing more than another mind caught in the middle of a mindless war.
• The beautiful are the ones that are quietly mad, raving in the shadows. Dreaming, always dreaming.
• Sometimes, I will say thing that make no sense at all, and see what meaning people make out of them. Sometimes, it can be quite surprising, indeed.
• My only goal now is to hear your tortured screams!
• When she was swallowed by the sand she gave out such a blood-curdling scream... She's so cute.
• Okay, so... Everybody else expires at noon while I destroy your city. Then, say noonish, I return and devise some way to destroy you.
• Oh, should I tremble at the painted toes of her dainty little feet?
• Well, I could rave all night, but... I've got a city to destroy.
• Are you clear on just how excrutiatingly painful my powers can be?!
• Don't you dare to slink away while I'm ranting!
• Why conquer it? Oh, because it's there.
• If you wish to know me, my words and actions are laid out as clear as the night. Questioning will only induce evasion.
• The night is clearer than ink. Well, our nights are. In the winter, at least. Cracking with cold and faint lights mingled with darkness, the sky so high up that the very presence of the air makes your head spin. Nights don't get much clearer than that.
• There is method in my madness. There is madness in my method.
• Do not ever think they come easily, these words upon words upon words... I do not know them any more than you do before they come. I just put them together and then they have meaning. That's the funny thing about language. It is never easy until it comes together.
• Words are like strings coming out of my mouth. ...Or my fingertips, in most cases.
• Every problem is a nail... and you are holding a wrench. What is wrong with this picture?
• Prove it. Does it really work? Does it always work?
• There is no reason for anything. Reason is merely an illusion we suffer, and an illusion we suffer for.
• There is no home but for heartbreak.
• Emily. Emily! Listen to me. it's all right. It's all right; I'm here.
• Is this the library? Have we come so far?
• These are the sparkles of death.
• Get your slimy souls off me!
• It's an impossible sofa.
• It is an impossible sofa. A great mystery, unquantifiable, unsolvable. We all have them, little things we find that simply cannot be and yet they are nonetheless there, before us, taunting, tantalising, jarring our very perception of reality. There is no reason, no explanation, no hope of understanding. They are simply impossible. And they are sofas. And they are what make the universe worth living in.
• Hold a moment... I'm trying to decide if I should be insulted. I mean, you solicit a mercenary and you do not even offer good quid?
• There's a downstairs in everybody.
• Hurt you? Of course we're going to hurt you. Everybody gets hurt.
• Those who ask don't get. And those who don't ask don't want.
• Everyone's got to eat a peck of dirt before they die.
• You're ugly, you're hairy, and you're covered in shit. But you're mine, and I love you!
• I would feel infinitely more comfortable in your presence if you would agree to treat gravity as a law, rather than one of a number of suggested options.
• Events do not occur apart and singly. Anything worth the hunting has a cost.
• Nothing is too cute and sweet to be dangerous.
• So... it's wash off the blood and sleep on the floor, or skip the bath and sleep ing the tub. Choices... Always choices.
• Our existence deforms the universe.
• They say I'm hard and I am hard. They say I'm a bastard, and I'll tell you what. I am a bastard. A hard, tough bastard. A tough, hard bastard with a pumpkin for a head.
• Lady, I'm your worst nightmare - a pumpkin with a gun!
• I think bad things have happened. I feel them in my socks.
• You've made your bed and now you must eat it.
• I should put on a face, now. Go out into the world and pretend to be a member of society...
• Have you a rope out of which to construct a hamburger?
• Be vague enough, and it could mean anything. Sometimes it is more important what other people make of it than whatever you may have intended...
• Standing at the edge of the world, this is the place to be. This is where the dreams begin and the realities end. The edges are rough. Nothing is as it seems.
• Fran said she saw something the other day, something dark, still, inexplicable. Something inherently and indescribably horrific. She couldn't describe it.
• I paid too much attention to a guard... bit into his eyeball. I meant it as a sign of affection.
• We're taking over the world with quarters. It's a very slow and intricate process.
• Drive your cart and your plough over the bones of the dead.
• Dip him in the river who loves water.
• Think in the morning, act in the noon, eat in the evening, sleep in the night.
• If others had not been foolish, we should be so.
• A firm persuation that a thing is so makes it so.
• Because they are unhappy... they need somebody more unhappy than they are.
• A workforce full of retards is a retarded workforce.
• It's the silence... the damned, deafening silence...
• Peeling apples using a blade that could destroy mountains. Keeping light in the furnace using fire that could burn away oceans.
• Look, it was deleted because, and I can't stress this enough, I don't know what I'm doing. Now, read that in a way that doesn't make me look bad.
• I will not be disturbed! Not in the hour of my final triumph.
• I stand by my batmoose.
• What is this monolith that grows here, unabated? What is this madness that consumes the entire world? Nothing, dear, nothing. Just the wind.
• It was born in a primordial soup of radioactive sewage...
• I am here, calling with the voice of madness, the voice of dreams... calling, always calling. I am here eternal.
• Take anything out of context and it could come across poetical. Take anything into context and it could come across poetical. Take anything solely in context and the poetry will fail.
• What, what?
• There's a pigeon on your head. You've got headpigeons. Get to the nurse before they spread to the other children.
• Confusion is the elephant in the porcelain cupboard.
• The wish is the father of the thought.
• Between dream and deed there are people in the way, and practical objections.
• As the inn-keeper is, he trusts his guests.
• It is as meaningful as a flag on a mud barge.
• We are walking on eggshells. Nobody knows the strengths of the others, and so we tread carefully, prying, prodding, considering every response, every answer, every silence, waiting for a slip. It is a game of patience played out in masks, as futile and intricate as the most convoluted of politicking.
• In the omission one recognizes the master.
• Waiting is a funny feeling.
• Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
• There is no safety. There is no end. The word must be heard in silence. There must be darkness to see the stars. The dance is always danced above the hollow place, above the terrible abyss.
• But you must love cats! In a perfect world, all the people would be like cats are, at two o'clock in the afternoon.
• In 1996, the war was gathering. The pieces were slowly falling into place, laying the foundation for the greatest cataclysm anyone would ever know... and now we are here.
• Life is strange and the alternatives even stranger.
• It is not a standard of rigorous proof to say, 'yeaaah, we can kind of see that. Now let's go to lunch.'
• I couldn't stop thinking about it and had dreams about it all night last night.
• There is no HUD. There is no map. But there are trees... lots and lots of trees.
• The music is almost parasitic, causing your skin to crawl, creeping up your spine and embedding itself in your brain.
• Be nice to him! He can be a princess if he wants to!
• I've killed it. UGH! Everything I touch gets ruined!
• Oh, don't get your knickers in a twist, Megan. I'm too lazy to take over the Darkside.
• Rules are made to be broken... as are gumballs.
• I DON'T CARE that I'm not making any sense. It's my theory, and I'm sticking to it.
• What happened to our little truce? Why, it had a fatal accident...
• She tipped the ambassador in the pit and threw astrologers at him!
• I think you lost it long ago, quite frankly...
• What will I do? What will I do?! I will boil everyone in chocolate until they are dead!!
• Why so much fuss about sandwiches? I say put all three sandwiches in a blender and serve with ice.
• These are not the sysops you are looking for. Move along, move along...
• Crossdressing always has been your solution for everything.
• The Goddess protects me from angry hornets, forever and always!
• Do not sabotage my paranoia with facts and reason.
• Take me now, subcreature!
• I'm an elf.
• Percolating as need, frenzied sloths regard their captors with tables turned.
• Humor is like reverse jenga, played using CAT scanners.
• Would understanding really clarify, though? Or would the randomness only become bigger, more elaborate and more intricately convoluted? Perhaps one could become less vague in general, but there is something strange about comprehension - the more specific things become, the more remains unknown. The more that is seen, the more one will realise what lies out of sight, and the more utterly intangible reality becomes.
• Without nightmares, there would be no dreams, and without dreams, reality is too tasteless to bear.
• A tent full of grasshoppers never felt so good.
• If there are any changes in the data... eh... taco beam, let me know.
• Cuteness solves everything.
• Why must pain hurt so much?!
• I'm a Gazelle on the plain of life!
• They teach us what other people have already discovered so that we do not have to... but in time, we forget how to discover altogether. We only know how to be taught. Not to think. Not to dream.
• Now, we are just as confused, but at a much higher level.
• I'm trying to think... call each idea, each possibility NP-complete... they reduce to each other. And they're impossible sofas!
• With trivial power comes trivial responsibility.
• Light travels faster then sound, which is why some people appear bright... until you hear them speak.
• In a moment, anything can be perfect relative to anything else. Then the moment dies and the elses change...
• I spackled a cat.
• Folks often still work with folks they despise simply because they haven't the grounds to fill out the paperwork to do otherwise.
• It's certainly possible to live with different belief systems, but when there is conflict, "reality" usually wins.
• Everything is sinister if you make it out to be! Or nothing. Cookie?
• Anyone can decide something is the case, and if one is resolute enough, it will really be the case... if only for a little bit. But minds are curious things.
• Uncertainty makes your brain sexy.
• Language is a funny thing. Sometimes you understand it and know exactly what it means and sometimes it makes those weird twists and becomes something else entirely.
• I shall slip unnoticed through the darkness... like a dark, unnoticeable slippy thing.
• It's like trying to find a need... no, not a needle, something smaller than a needle, in a haystack, when you don't even know if you're in the right field.
• Ha! You may think I'm a hardhearted black sock, but underneath this dark woolly exterior is a naked pink foot.
• Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can do the day after.
• My mum always said: 'It's a dog-eat-dog world, son. You get them before they get you. Eat your greens. Stop embarrassing me in front of the neighbors. Maybe it would best if you leave home and never come back!' She wasn't even my real mum. She bought me from a man.
• You can't run away from home without destroying someone's world.
• We'll do things that rich people do. We'll bathe in... fish. And eat our weight in chocolate buttons!
• I'm sorry, but all in all, it is completely, utterly, unarguably, quintessentially hopeless.
• Don't let them see you're afraid.
• Sometimes, you just have to say sorry.
• Remember what your mother said.
• You'd have made a lousy waiter.
• I wasn't worried until you told me not to worry.
• How do you know if you're happy or sad without a mask? Or angry? Or ready for dessert?
• I have a face.
• We used to have a marvellous sun, shone like anything, all over the place. Once we had days, nights... With suns and moons and all those little twinkly things. But those days are gone.
• In the beginning, she found herself in a new and empty space. And all was white, and the corners were a bit flaky, and the carpet was a bit manky... but it was a good space.
• Why don't you look out of the window?
• The charges are laid, the fuse is lit, the conversational excavation under way.
• It's just the interminable ravings of an unsound and enormous mind, I expect. Very big. Not very bright.
• Remember, I don't know what I'm talking about.
• You were right, and I was not as right as you were.
• The main character can't handle real life, and the male lead is a very important man. He has a tower.
• There are words to describe the greatness of madness, but they are the Mad Words, and this way of communicating is incapable of reproducing them. Because the Mad Words cannot be reproduced, only spoken from the lips of the truly mad.
• Look! An idiot!
• A rich imagination is not unhealthy! Contrarywise, it makes me prepared for dangerous situations. If we were to be invaded by little blue men with an obsession for spoons and sentences about masks, who do you think would survive their army of giant pink rhinos?
• This one time I found a toad in a bucket. It was dead.
• CatMan is really a cat, man.
• Sweet sleep! Enshroud me in thine fogencumbered wreath. Oh! To forget the world, and all of its dealings! Sleep, here I present myself to worship you. Come quickly, sweet Nemesis, I beg of you.
• That's the funny thing about words. They're not mine. They're never mine. At least... not entirely.
• Ugh... I like GUIs...
• Goodbye, Haydrahliene...
• No time, no time... never any time...
• Hands for the world, hands for spite.
• Never trust a man who knows only truth; he will try to tell it to you, and it will all be wrong.
• The entire room is alive, full of chatter and light and life, excitement and bemusement and complete and utter disparity. It is a grand room, this atrium. A grand room.
• I didn't mean anything. Even when I told the honest man I loved him, all I meant was love.
• There is always hope, even when it's cruel.
• Unfortunately, I fail at failing at failure.
• We still remember, even if the memories aren't even our own...
• Anything can always become something somewhere. Nothing is just a dream dreamt by people who cannot imagine everything.
• And then, without any warning, there were tentacles everywhere.
• Surely the point of inside is to find a way out... and surely the point of outside is to find a way in.
• From freedom comes elegance.
• From freedom comes laziness.
• Life... loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.
• What happens if the Old Gods perish? Does the song die with them?
• The blood is the key. The blood is always the key.
• Perhaps I should have killed it while it slept.
• He dashed his head on the wall. Odd. Don't all living beings strive for survival?
• Interesting, yes... lots of mad people questioning madness. Some plead sanity, some insanity, but neither group really know what they're talking about.
• Every room has a door. At least... some of the time.
• My hovercraft is full of eels.
• Yes, we have no bats.
• Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hang onto.
• Keep away! The sow is mine.
• Get away from my baby!
• Dead is the new Alive.
• The chickens are in the hayloft.
• The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems.
• I remember everything. I remember too much, and... some of it's made up, and... some of it can't be quantified, and... there's secrets.
• Post-holer. Digging holes for posts.
• Two by two. Everyone has a match, a mate, a doppler. I love you.
• Bible's broken; contradictions, false logistics. Doesn't make sense.
• 'Day' is a vestigial mode of time measurement based on solar cycles. It's not applicable...
• They're doing it backwards, walking up the downslide.
• Sun came out, and I walked on my feet and heard with my ears. I ate the bits, the bits stayed down, and I work. I function like I'm a girl. I hate it because I know it'll go away. The sun goes dark and chaos has come again. Bits. Fluids. What am I?!
• My food is problematic.
• They say the snow on the roof was too heavy. They say the ceiling will cave in. His brains are in terrible danger.
• She understands. She doesn't comprehend.
• You've got issues. ...You talk too much.
• How fine you look when dressed in rage. Your enemies are fortunate your condition is not permanent. You're lucky, too. Red eyes suit so few.
• Only the insane equate pain with success.
• Here's a riddle: When is a croquet mallet like a billy club? I'll tell you: Whenever you want it to be!
• Were you impolite at table? Did you slurp your tea? Or talk while chewing? Confess your crime.
• I'm afraid I have to expel a rather ferocious hairball. You're on your own, girl.
• Every adventure requires a first step. Trite, but true, even here.
• Off with her head. Off with her head. Off with her head! Off... with... her... head. Off with her head. Off with her head. Off with her head. Off with her head.
• Your interference will not be tolerated.
• Raw, well-ordered, ruthless, careening off the jagged edge of reality.
• Retreat into the sterile safety of your self-delusions or risk inevitable annihilation.
• The uninformed must improve their deficit or die.
• If you knew time as well as I, you wouldn't dream of wasting it!
• I'm not edible.
• This was ridiculous. The last thing he needed now was to be killed. It would require all sorts of explanations. They didn't hand out new bodies just like that; they always wanted to know what you'd done with the old one. It was like trying to get a new pen from a particularly bloody-minded stationery department.
• The nice thing about using your own code is you can code in whatever functionality you want. The problem with using your own code is that whenever you encounter a limitation in the functionality, it's your own damn fault.
• And then the blackness behind the Universe exploded, and each particular piece of blackness was the furious smoke of hell. And the nothingness behind the blackness behind the Universe erupted, and the nothingness behind the shattered Universe was at last the dark figure of an immense man speaking immense words.
• Chicago happened slowly, like a migraine.
• 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe; all mimsy were the borogoves, and the mome raths outgrabe.
• Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way.
• "You're no help," he told the lime. This was unfair. It was only a lime; there was nothing special about it at all. It was doing the best it could.
• He was wearing yesterday's clothes, and he wished he wasn't. His mother had always told him to wear clean underwear, in case he was hit by a car, and to brush his teeth, in case they needed to identify him by his dental records.
• For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to a: mate with, b: eat, c: run away from, and d: rocks.
• The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking.
• They'd come here to spoon and, on one memorable occasion, fork.
• There was an unconnected fax machine with the intelligence of a computer and a computer with the intelligence of a retarded ant.
• It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.
• Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
• When Mister Safety Catch is not on, Mister Crossbow is not Your Friend.
• Give a man a fire and you warm him for a day. But set a man on fire and you warm him for his lifetime.
• Most people don't realise how important librarians are. I ran across a book recently which suggested that the peace and prosperity of a culture was solely related to how many librarians it contained. Possibly a slight overstatement, but a culture that doesn't value its librarians doesn't value ideas and without ideas, well, where are we?
• "Ah! But we have, in our dreams," answered the children; and the Mathematical Master frowned and looked very severe, for he did not approve of children dreaming.
• Of course this is happening inside your head, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?
• I lost some time once. It's always in the last place you look for it.
• Have you ever had one of those days when something just seems to be trying to tell you somebody?
• Being in love was like China; you knew it was there, and no doubt it was very interesting, and some people went there, but I never would. I'd spend all my life without ever going to China, but it wouldn't matter, because there was all the rest of the world to visit.
• There was blood all over my penguins. I didn't give a damn about the walls and carpet. They could be replaced, but I'd collected those damned stuffed toys over years.
• But we who know life naturally don't care one ounce about numbers!
• You exist, without name, without form. You cannot see the light of day; you cannot see the dark. You sold the green earth and the sun and stars to save yourself. But you have no self. All that which you sold, that was your self. You have given everything for nothing. And so now you seek to draw the world to you, all that light and life you lost, to fill up your nothingness. But it cannot be filled.
• Not all the songs of earth, not all the stars of heaven, could fill your emptiness.
• By the way, I'll tell you that in Belgian Congo there's not a single person who tells the truth. They just lie all day long. Start at seven in the morning and keep at it until nightfall. So if I lie a little now and then, it's just because I've spent a little too much time in Belgian Congo.
• Only a fool thinks he knows what is in a woman's mind only because she's smiling.
• Fat Charlie wondered what Rosie's mother would usually hear in a church. Probably just cries of 'Back! Foul beast of Hell!' followed by gasps of 'Is it alive?' and a nervous enquiry as to whether anybody had remembered to bring the stakes and hammers.
• Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft are written by men.
• You don't notice the dead leaving when they really choose to leave you. You're not meant to. At most you feel them as a whisper or the wave of a whisper undulating down. I would compare it to a woman in the back of a lecture hall or theatre whom no one notices until she slips out. Then only those near the door themselves, like Grandma Lynn, notice; to the rest it is like an unexplained breeze in a closed room.
• But damn, Hester, you don't hit a drunk man with a stick.
• He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
• The most important thing isn't to never fall down. The most important thing is to always get back up.
• My name is Indigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
• The big ships hung in the air, just like a brick won't.
• She says nothing at all, but simply stares upward into the dark sky and watches, with sad eyes, the slow dance of the infinite stars.
• Books are mirrors: you only see in them what you already have inside you.
• You're in a bad mood. But I suppose being stabbed twice in the same night with your own knife would do that to anybody.
• All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring; renewed shall be blade that was broken, the crownless again shall be king.
• It takes a very special and very strong-minded kind of atheist to jump up and down with their hand clasped under their other armpit and shout "Oh, random fluctuations-in-the-space-time-continuum!" or "Aaargh, primitive-and-outmoded-concept on a crutch!"
• What I want from you is... your voice.
• I'm not asking much! Just a token, really, a trifle! You'll never even miss it...
• Get thee to a nunnery!
• I was forging documents before your parents were born.
• Senseless violence, infliction of pain and control and death, general psychopathy, it is all very well and fine. But leave the cats out of it. The cats are sacred.
• There is a strange euphoria in remembering. It is... like dreaming.
• Hmm... let's see if the mongoose will take my madness gracefully...
• I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
• Dry bones. Memory is dry bones... flesh it out as you go.
• We see patterns. We see what we know. What we think we know, what we want to know...
• To assume that the laws of nature are universal, that is a very large assumption.
• Maths. Just maths. Everything is maths.
• My hamster stole my brainses, love. My hamster did it.
• It's just a theory. Not a fact.
• It's just a fact. Not a theory.
• Neutrinos pass through everything, no matter how dense.
• Subtraction is dangerous.
• Operating under the assumption that the assumption is valid, the assumption is no more valid than the assumption that precedes it. Which assumption is valid?
• Reality is just a minor detail for you, isn't it?
• Thinking is the essence of humans.
• Reject everything. Deconstruct the world and only doubt remains. But doubt is the basis of thought, and thought is the basis of madness.
• Slug-racing is a sport.
• There aren't enough numbers.
• Suddenly, all the nonsense made sense. And all the sense made nonsense.
• All statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense.
• Analogue gave way to digital. It was large, bulky, superfluous... digital is small. Clean. Precise. Too precise. Suddenly everything is so very finite, and the superfluous from the analogue is missed... so don't define so precisely. Define the analogue in digital terms, but vaguely. Not how it is, but how to make it... and suddenly it is as if the infinite lives once more. Analogue lives once more.
• The internet is run by magic. Those hamsters you hear about, powering the servers? They're magic hamsters.
• I believe you have something of mine. My mind, where is it?
• Do what I want, not what I say!
• People are convinced that their experiences are real. This 'naïve conviction' only serves to alienate the reality of their experiences from others.
• Fred, shut up.
• I'd rather be happy than right any day.
• Was it worth the pain?
• How can something be listed vaguely in only precise terms?
• There is no story here.
• The reason that I don't use a yo-yo in my live performances is that my previous attempts at yo-yoing have ended with my being struck in the genitals by a yo-yo.
• At first I thought that the world was starting to go crazy; then I realized it was only because I hadn't been paying attention before.
• Consistency is key.
• Reality is subjective; that is the entire basis of the Madness. It would not work if the realities were shared, but then, if reality was shared, would there be any such thing as madness?
• Is leaving a toilet seat up the only way for a man to assert his masculinity?
• So what changed?
• It cost too much, staying human.
• Rained, rained, rained, and never stopped.
• Oh no, a logical thought, logical thought, banish it, banish it! And I like the Beatles.
• Every statement becomes more nonsensical if you say the word 'yes' after it, which makes no sense. Which is the point. To not make sense. Yes.
• Your pathetic façade is as transparent as the drool on your face!
• This is bigger than pizza! This is the fate of all mankind!
• I'm in a bear suit!
• Engineers like urns.
• Get off my head!
• I was a fairy princess once. Everything was so nice and peaceful... until it all went horribly wrong!
• Only the darkest souls from the worst pockets of hell would... decorate.
• According to scientists, in the beginning there was nothing, but later on something scientifically appeared.
• Nothing earns you geek points like installing Linux on a dead badger.
• Sleep... I remember sleep... maybe I should try that again sometime.
• There is evidence that our unconscious minds can be more effective at many tasks than our conscious minds. I put this to use by distracting my concious mind with snacks and puppet shows while making most of my important decisions.
• 'If only'... if only. Does it go the other way? Is that what people mean, 'only if'? Only if it had transpired thusly, things would have been better... but so many other factors could have improved them; they just didn't.
• There is no memory before forgetting. The aliens aren't real until you make them up.
• I believe in probability.
• Accurate spelling is a side effect of eating too much walrus butt.
• It's really hard to want to chase somebody who smells that bad.
• I sure like TV. And wearing pants.
• I could see the squirrels, and they were married.
• This space intentionally left filled by this message.
• Flash... bulb...
• There is a word that is left misremembered. It is a word born of spontaneity, spoken in the moment, offhand, irrelevant, astounding and odd. It is spoken; it is considered. It is remarked upon - 'that is a nice word' and there are affirmations all around... and then the topic shifts and it is forgotten. The word is left unremembered.
• I know nothing.
• You get that when you open a door that is not there with a key that does not exist...
• An engineer is a person who thinks the person to whom he is speaking is yawning a lot simply due to tiredness.
• We are very sophisticated. We have just proven that the expected value of 5 is 5.
• Cheese is so slippery...
• There are only three colours. All others are simulacra rendered of the three; natural wavelengths are impossible to simulate.
• I am Maxwell. I make multiple passes, building off what is there with each successive pass; the first is only the roughest of drafts, but then they build from the graininess to create something smooth and impeccable and grand. Leave me be, and I will go on indefinite. I am a renderer that exists only for a renderer's sake; all else is immaterial. Literally.
• What do you think science is? That's where the maths comes from.
• The road to truth goes through dreams and madness.
• A rain of cows!
• Illogicopedia is questionable.
• When it comes to words, I'm willing to assume quite a lot.
• Naïve Gaussian elimination - Gaussian elimination that works properly so long as nothing goes wrong.
• The madnesses of an unfettered mind are tantamount to silence.
• You could render the entire thing in vectors... but that would make for horrible animation.
• Hope is the best spice to bring out despair.
• Other people are not me. To be not me, all I need to be is someone else.
• Though they accuse me of lies, so does my grunteloid plop onto a roof tile.
• All good things come with strings.
• Foolish, foolish. Very foolish. Foolish meat things.
• There's... fragments. Bits and fluids. They don't fit together anymore. An apple, once chewed and swallowed, cannot be reassembled.
• Meat, blood, bones. Muscle. Fluids. Empty space. Bits and pieces. There's skin. Sinew. Organs. All making it up. All made up of even smaller things.
• His younch must be festering.
• How many unfinished projects do I have? How many unanswered dreams? What I am I forgetting?
• No matter how wise the question, the answer depends entirely on the mind of the answerer.
• Teetering on the edge of the funny farm, only music keeps the voices out.
• "Sounds like my kind of party," said the drat, and jumped over the edge of the punch-bowl.
• "I will do nothing!" she yelled defiantly, and ceased existing.
• I was pondering the wonders of evolution. If everything did come from goo, then how did it know to make eyes to see the light that it didn't know existed?
• This day will be devoted to silent study. I'll want to hear silence from all of you!
• 'Strange people,' thought Charles Rowland. He found himself wondering about insanity; but adults were strange, and he had few criteria by which to judge them.
• In satire, irony is militant.
• As my uncle Braceforth used to say, 'There are very few problems that cannot be made better with a night's sleep, breakfast, and a pickaxe.' He never went more than two miles from the warren in his life, but the principle still holds.
• That's none of your business!
• Who are you?
• Batteries included.
• I knew it was going to be in the last place I looked for it. So I looked there first!
• I think you're very nice. I think twinkle's a nice word. So's viridian. I met a lady once who had an imaginary fish.
• When you say words a lot they don't mean anything. Or maybe they don't mean anything anyway and we just think they do.
• I'm always afraid he's laughing at me. Behind his face.
• I came to see you. I mean I wanted to talk, too. Not just see.
• I was thinking. I can do that. Think. Still do that. I mean, even when I forget how to... how to... what was I saying?
• One day the Earth will hatch and a baby space whale will emerge from the shell.
• Sometimes, you have to live in your nightmares to overcome them. If you embrace madness, you can discover truths that are invisible to the eye clouded by logic.
• I don't conveniently forget anything. I just forget everything.
• Happiness will prevail.
• The frog, filled with joy, ran into the streets and was immediately hit by a car.
• Please don't sue us right now; our lawyer is passed out in an alley from too much moonshine, so please at least wait until he's found and doesn't have a huge hangover...
• I loathe bus stations. Terrible places, full of lost luggage and lost souls.
• Tell them to give them back to me. And give us somewhere the sun shines, and pony rides and ice-cream and a place to go...
• There are shadows on your heart. Dark ones, too...
• Are we planning on getting shot with arrows frequently, then?
• Of course we're planning on getting shot with arrows! Didn't you get the memo?
• Sorry, mom... I'll excavate it tomorrow...
• I feel like I've been run over by a mine cart. And the donkey it was attached to.
• Not that wombats would ever burn a witch, but someone would definitely come 'round and have a quiet word with their parents.
• Eh, done is done. The rock is split, might as well carve it as cry over it.
• No, there was an arrow hole in your shoulder. I had to make a much bigger hole to get the head out after those idiot veiled snapped the shaft off and got it lodged under your collarbone.
• Half the problem with arrows is the infections - arrow shafts are wood, and most wood soaks up bacteria like nobody's business.
• Why do they call it a 'brothel?' There's no broth. Or is there? And what, even, is broth? This has always confused me.
• Oh, here I am! And there you are! You just disappeared. Well, no matter!
• It was magic, you know. But it sounds like he just fell asleep and is trying to cover it up. I should start using that as an excuse...
• You seem like a decent enough young man. If you decide to slaughter me out of hand, I'm sure you would at least inform me first, no?
• It used to get so quiet at the monastery that I would start screaming until one of the brothers came running. I would tell them that I was just checking. You never know, right?
• Now here in Ferelden, we do things right. We take our ingredients, throw them into the largest pot we can find, and cook them for as long as possible until everything is a uniform grey color. As soon as it looks completely bland and unappetizing, that's when I know it's done.
• He had a marvelous beard though. I'd never seen one before. I thought a squirrel had grabbed him by the chin.
• If they flew into the sky, they could live in the clouds.
• What would they eat in the clouds? There is nothing there but fluff and the occasional bird.
• Look, Fred. I'm an engineer. We engineers like to use very precise terminology when we talk about our thingamabobbers.
• Hurry up and wait.
• Sleep is when you close your eyes and lose consciousness. Or when you hit someone with a frying pan often enough, but not enough to kill 'em.
• Merciful mother of moles...
• It's a squash. I'm being attacked - or possibly romanced - by an angry squash.
• Git back, y' cursed veggie!
• They were particularly confused and awed by the vampire squash of the Balkans. Almost as much as the children-hunting fireflies of West Africa and the toe-nail eating ramanga of Madagascar. Before you get to worrying about the sanctity of your feet, normal people would be safe, as these vampires would only feast on the blood and toe-nail clippings of nobility.
• There's a coupla big watermelons over in t'west corner that I wouldn't want t'get behind me.
• There must've been a hole there in the wall!
• Well, thank you, sir, for saving me from the evil squash.
• There's something absurdly cheering about being attacked by a vampire squash. I mean, you gotta laugh.
• No one in their right mind could fail to be fascinated by the prospect of ditch digging.
• There's no such thing as a joyless root cellar.
• You know, just once I'd like to have a conversation with you that didn't raise as many questions as it answered...
• Cheri, it's not paranoia when even the vegetables are out to get you.
• I'm a demon! I'm a demon! Woo!
• Are there other demons? Do they come from dead birds? Can we find them? Will they eat shadows with me?
• I always aspired to be a dirt fish...
• Fire burn, but not being bad, just being fire.
• I just had a flashback to a set of speech-bubbles written in typewriter font. Voices in the dark, and the lefthand names of god...
• You know that little tingling sensation, that itch of foresight or sideways realisation at the back of your brain, that feeling when the hairs on the back of your neck rise and bits of your vestigial reptilian neuron-architecture start firing mad signals at the rest of your mind - the feeling when you realise something that you are so unsure if it could be possible you slide up to the idea sideways because you are afraid, if you look at the idea you have had face on, it might wriggle away? You know that feeling? Of realising something that is possibly nothing but might, might just come to be true?
• Ed is not trusting god rats.
• You said it, Ed.
• I'll bet you diamonds to dolomitic conglomerates!
• Hmm. Well, demons are just the gods that your gods tell you are evil, really. And the gods are your gods because they got there first.
• Gods big things, not safe.
• And so we shouted our joy of life across the canvas of the world, that those who came after might share in the fullness of our lives.
• Gastropodz rule.
• Digging beats fishing a spear out of your spleen any day.
• Goodness, is that my pickaxe in your gut? And is this your pickaxe in my eye?
• Look, if you're expecting me to apologize for damaging a family heirloom, let me just point out that you were trying to skewer me with it.
• There ought to be laws against smugness.
• You know... once you get used to the searing pain, the flashing colors are really quite pretty...
• "It's okay," she told herself, "I've just gone mad is all. A little caffeine will fix it up nicely."
• Remember your roots.
• Jane Fonda must wear a hat at all times.
• But how could I forget? Nothing I remember is real.
• Nothing happens, nobody comes, nobody goes, it's awful!
• The sight of a statue of Ganesha gracefully sliming its way up the street at a stately two miles an hour, dispensing infinite unconditional compassion and a fine antiseptic mucus as it went, would be a sight to see.
• I'll kill it! I'll break its face and feed it gravel through a straw! I'll - I'll - ! I will construct its dwelling using inferior materials!
• Gods are just no match for doctors.
• So they sat down in the dirt, and they cried, cried cried - But we whacked 'em with our shovels and they died, died, died... They said the stuff was good enough; they lied, lied lied.
• Trawling the archives is neat. It's like walking through a cavern where past explorers have scrawled on the walls as they went.
• Scrawled little arrows in different coloured chalk... and maybe the occasional suggestive limerick, as well.
• Are all of your people so tactless, or just you?
• Never trust anyone who speaks typewriter.
• Wait - the men whose skins you were... when they died, did their shadows become deer?
• Never mess with someone who specializes in comparative mythology and hand-to-hand combat. Or the the dark secrets of sorcery, necromancy, and accounting.
• I do not doubt that they would skin us, but they do not seem to mean any harm by it.
• It was a good cave. Wombats, for the most part, prefer burrows to caves for actually living in, and natural caves back home are generally treated as parks. Other than shoring up the unstable bits, we don't alter them much, so it's not the sort of place you'd want to retire. But it'd be a nice spot for a picnic, if you ignored all the weird little lizards who want to skin you as politely as possible.
• Bound gods are pretty rare, but they're a pain when you find them. Generally we don't cut them loose - presumably if you've been bound in the bowels of the earth with a giant serpent dripping poison into your eyes, somebody had a damn good reason - but trying to work around them is always tricky, and we don't bother unless the mineral deposits are really impressive.
• The Darkness is still Shining. Like Black Suns, like Fireflies of Enormous Size, like the Droppings of the Rhino that Ate the Moon.
• Your metaphor's two stories tall and has ropes wrapped around it.
• As my mother used to say: 'If you didn't want to go swimming, you shouldn't have tunnelled under the lake!'
• If it is decided that I may continue to hunt you, I will tell you first.
• Always double-check your math if there are explosives involved.
• Beams of darkness streak across the sky, signals from the ancient satellite.
• Interesting how 'trying to kill and eat someone' can after time become 'initial unpleasantness'.
• Being good, explaining badly, is still better than being evil and is explaining well!
• I like him. His spine sounds like daffodils.
• They're quicker'n a greased porpoise in a sea 'o snot!
• Squithmpglugh: The sound of a large gourd committing a kamikaze assault. Difficult to render phonetically at the best of times.
• Maybe if you're an evil vampire vegetable, you're happy to go out in the act of bludgeoning someone to death.
• Man, you lead one problem into a field of killer squash, and it only makes more problems...
• Narrowly escaping death through a clever use of undead vegetables...
• You'll have to go about ninety miles east to Khalighat, for the nearest smiting god. If you like, I could lend you a metaphorical pigeon, or perhaps move a boulder out of your way if you don't mind meditating as I give you strength before doing the actual pushing with your own paws.
• What good is a god that doesn't fossilize?!
• We cannot plant tomatoes in that corner, or they grow little antlers and fight each other. I will not risk eggplant. It's lettuce or nothing, I fear.
• Oh, thank goodness. You'd hate to sit on a dead saint.
• I could get in your head if you want, but it looks kind of crowded. I'm amazed there's room for you in there.
• How do you know if something can talk? What if it only talks under certain specific circumstances, like if you dance with it under the third full moon of a new century in the rain?
• Everything is approximate. Each new approximation improves upon the last, but it is still an approximation, based upon a balance of what we want, what we notice, and what the platform is even capable of.
• Haydrahlienne. Haydrahlienne. Who are you, Haydrahlienne?
• My heart is in a jar upon the wall. Where is yours?
• Lighting never was my strong point.
• Blast those engineers! They control the structures of the world, and yet what do they do with it? Nothing! Nothing at all!
• Think about... er... moles. Yes. Nice moles. With velvety snouts and soft fur. Happy moles. Gamboling in a tunnel. I'm in my happy place. With moles.
• Oh, deary me, I seem to have gone deaf from the neck up.
• You shouldn't eat anything that talks, unless it was already dead and its relatives ask you to do so.
• Hangover? Suffering Hypervitaminosis A poisoning? Vomiting? Gods got ya? Got that just-went-to-a-party-reeking-of-warrior-herbs-then-got-shitfaced-on-mead-and-sleapt-it-off-on-the-floor smell hanging around your fur? Feel like a family of incontinent ferrets did the same thing then slept in your mouth? Convinced someone lodged your own pickaxe in your head? Trying to explain comparative ethics to a sentient shadow whilst coming down after mixing alcohol, testosterone-boosting herbs and unrefined opiates? Birds singing far too loud whist the day DARES to be anything other than overcast? Try new aspirin-flavoured Mountain Dew! For the wombat on the go!
• Life was a lot easier when I just wanted to be a bird.
• Hey! I'm ordinary as dirt!
• Before we had awesome game controllers, we had sheep's knuckles.
• Don't look at me. Stupid map doesn't even tell you how the air is supposed to smell.
• Gag me with a spoon!
• My darling, my carrion-scented flower, you gnaw my liver...
• Let us enter into a binding legal contract together until the stars fall from the sky, as determined in subparagraph F, section 12!
• Yup, they'll get along like a house on fire. In the middle of an earthquake.
• Unless you desire, deep down in your heart (or liver), to be French, end sentences with prepositions whenever you feel like it.
• It's not just you, the ceiling really is melting.
• I ate its shadow! It was flaky and moist!
• 'Data' is plural.
• Destiny: the annoying supernatural obstructive bureaucrat whom you want to punch but can't so instead you set its paperwork on fire and do things your way.
• What does this show? Not only does destiny know where you live, but she'll invent whole new breeds of oracular mollusks to trick you into opening your door to her.
• Do you have my Muskox? I can't find it. I'm starting to wonder if the manhole swallowed it, or maybe the moles? Anyway, I can't find it, and it annoys me.
• That... rock... looks nothing like a bunny. Neither does that one. What are the odds?
• Why, oh, why is a sock worthy of note? Do peacocks wear socks?
• It is a well known that socks, left untended, develop all kinds of life. Perhaps when it's been left for a few centuries it's congealed into something with a soul. Although what could cause a sock to have shadows on its soul is beyond my ability to guess.
• Overshadowed by a sock. Destiny is harsh.
• I ate a sock! It had a shadow and everything! I think it was probably really dirty. It put up a fight, but it couldn't talk. I asked twice. I was very careful.
• The meologists made their way across the dusty plains, guided by the single shape in the distance... "There, Wadsworth, do you see it? The EGO."
• Heavenly voices make undecipherable noises.
• Living in dreams isn't too bad, really, so long as you remember to wake up to eat... and sleep.
• The whole world felt like an impending cave-in.
• A friend might put a spear in your heart, but only an enemy will tell you it's for your own good.
• Seriously, crawdads?
• I have fifty books holding up my potted plant at home.
• There's only one way to test this. Add a line.
• Public service announcement: The strange smell in this area is coming from this plant. It is not related to the personal hygiene of the Unix team.
• I'm afraid you'll never get home. Your knuckles will bleach on the prairie, and mum and dad will cry till they drown, and there'll be nothing left at all, and later the hyenas will howl over the whole thing.
• What are the mathematics of tears?
• I could say that 'talks with the fish people are floundering', but that would be wrong.
• A man makes his own density.
• My grandfather dwells within a rock shaped like a rucksack. My grandfather sits inside a rock, far inside our tunnel, boy how I wonder what on earth he's doing in there.
• We hope you do not die horribly. No. It would be hard to collect your skins. Very. Yes.
• Grim Eyes, I love you, but you don't have the brains the Gods gave an eggplant.
• Twelve thousand years: It might sound like quite a mouthfull, but it still isn't long enough to make a good rock.
• In the early days of home computers, programmers with bad haircuts and thick-rimmed glasses had to come to grips with each of the computer's components.
• This user does not speak Userbox and furthermore believes Userbox to be an embarrassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of Userbox.
• It's a bug on a stick!
• It will be well. You'll see. Here, you can hold my bug.
• We all need someone who will let us hold their bug.
• Count on you to find the cloud around the silver lining.
• There's not really a plan, but let's pretend there is one anyway to confuse people, myself included.
• All I can see is death.
• I have worn so many masks... I have forgotten which one is my real face.
• The universe is perfect. Mess with it at your peril.
• Fear drives the universe.
• Dreams aren't glowing lights. They're a random firing of stray neurons, strung together and given whatever patina of guilt or fear or lust or joy that our subconscious cares to dole out.
• What are the ten radical isotopes?
• No plan survives contact with life.
• Reality is wider than a single mind.
• And what will you put your faith in? Certainly not something so simple or unknown as the human mind; that is no more sensible that any other fallacy. But without our fallacies, what have we? Objects shall fall upwards, perhaps? Effect precedes cause... but of course it does. I am standing on my head because you are about to dare me to do so. I trust you to be you.
• I've received twelve urgent messages while you were dithering about.
• I'm busy saving the world from bluetooths, thankyouverymuch!
• Make good fertilizer, t' vampyres do.
• Golden rule of Uncyclopedia: never take on an administrator. There are certain sysops on Uncyc you simply don't want to mess with.
• In the eye of the storm, there is no way out, no escape.
• Crisp as a cracker.
• You can lie down on a bridge and watch the water swim by. Or run, or wade through a marsh in your new red boots. Or huddle together and listen to the rain falling on the roof. It's very easy to have a good time.
• Everything he said sounded wise and sensible, but later on, when you were alone again, you wouldn't understand what he had meant, and it was too embarrassing to go back and ask him.
• The other day Kilimanjaro moved almost two centimeters. That was an action it had dreaded for almost a million years, at least.
• One should never be thanked for one's duty.
• Unmatched sets. Pieces that don't go to anything in particular...
• The Madness is a collection of quotations from an unwritten story - the unwritten story that is the compilation of all other stories, written and unwritten.
• All who gain power are afraid to lose it.
• Over time you will evolve into a cartoon character.
• My code does not have bugs. It just develops random features.
• Keep treating someone like they're normal, and eventually, they may turn out to be normal.
• Well, this is just depressing. I keep finding things in my garden of remembering and I can't remember what they are.
• Take my advice. I don't use it anyway.
• The trick for a lot of writers is to create a state of mind where you are not thinking about writing. Rather create a state of reverie, a dream state. Dreams are where other people escape from reality. But for the writer dreams are reality.
• I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.
• No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.
• I've wrestled with reality for thirty-five years, doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won over it.
• Only the shallow know themselves.
• Death is cold and empty and full of cheese waffles.
• Santa Claus remains terrifying until children are about 3 years old.
• Muses go splat.
• As they used to say of Carlos Santana: "Predictable, no. Recognizable, yes". In Santana's case it was meant as a compliment.
• Light and Darkness are Eternal. Nothing probably goes on forever, too.
• She's climbing the wall again, nevermind all the playground equipment behind her.
• WARNING: CONTAINS COLOURS THAT MAY HAVE AN ADVERSE AFFECT ON ACTIVITY AND ATTENTION IN CHILDREN
• By God, we're the lamest aliens ever.
• Yes, very tragic. Completely dead. No chance of ever finding him alive.
• The fallacy of the mind. It only happens to them. We are immune. We are objective. We are not doing precisely what we say is characteristic of them in saying that is it characteristic of them.
• I used to want you dead. Now I just want you gone.
• You keep what you kill.
• Sometimes you have to drop a bomb on civilians to bring folks to the table.
• If you are to be our voice, you must know our history.
• Tell the spiders I don't want to tapdance!
• What's the point of being better than everybody else if nobody else sees it?
• I like my men like how I like my coffee - COVERED IN BEES.
• We all lose our charms in the end, but diamonds... diamonds are a girl's best friend.
• It is a well-known fact that a dog made of diamonds is a human's best friend.
• I only speak the truth.
• It's a paradox, you idiot. There is no right answer!
• There is a later class called 'ethical hacking' that explores this further. Should you take this and subsequently find yourself needing to be bailed out of prison, we don't know you.
• C and C++ are the chainsaws of the programming world.
• People are always unhappy, and always dying.
• The Greeks had it right. Gods are messed up.
• Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
• Computers are rote learners. That's why they can't solve problems.
• A common man marvels at uncommon things; a wise man marvels at the commonplace.
• Enlightened trial and error wins out over lone genious.
• Beliefs and desires are information, incarnated as configurations of symbols.
• AI? What's intelligent about it? Might as well call it 'Artificial Stupidity'.
• Meaning can cause and be caused.
• Goat-wolf-cabbage: possible, though difficult for the human mind to work out. Goat-wolf-vampiric-cabbage: no solution.
• We're rich. We don't care.
• The computer is about as stupid as it can be, blindly following direction. It is the perfect pet. It is a horrible assistent.
• Computers are monumentally stupid.
• It doesn't matter whether or not the moon is made out of cheese, just if the dog is pretty.
• It's not that way because someone hated you long ago; there was an actual reason for all of this. Really.
• C doesn't like you, but it is a libertarian programming language. If you want to check for something, you go right ahead, but if you didn't, well, it's not going to help you. If you'd wanted to check for that, you would have.
• From freedom comes the power to ruin yourself.
• Art? What do you mean? This is a table.
• Casting means telling the computer, "Shut up, I know what I'm doing."
• Opening a jar of a new brand of peanut butter will not vaporise the house.
• A broken clock is right twice a day.
• Notice: after noticing this notice, you will notice that this notice was not worth taking notice of.
• NANs are like zombies. Do any operation with a NAN and it becomes a NAN.
• I don't like being adaptive and flexible. Why would I want my computer to be?
• Zeros will always look like zeros.
• The x86 is a disgusting cesspool of computer design.
• They're trying to save you money. No fancy lobby, no elaborate welcome... no working computers.
• It isn't so much a matter of having dexterity as being able to use whatever dexterity you have.
• I like talking about my pain because it pisses the pain off.
• In life, there are few simple answers. There are, however, many simple solutions - solutions that are, naturally, utterly hateful.
• You are an awful person, and I'm going to name a tomato after you. As penance.
• 'Load effective address long' - this is such a silly name; it has almost nothing to do with loading. It just means 'do some maths'.
• It's turtles all the way down.
• Your object of intent was to take of the world, was it not? Did you enlist the help of the ducks?
• Everybody lives alone.
• I am the catfish man I can't hear you!
• It probably won a prize.
• Once we have an explanation - correct or incorrect - we are complacent, at least for awhile.
• Hello, do I smell a fairy?
• All is well in the world of Rhin.
• I'm going to go lie on the asphalt.
• A verse was retooled into a bridge.
• There will be expectations.
• There are always expectations.
• Square waves, square waves, I follow them with square waves.
• The cords are modular.
• The square root of rope is string.
• According to the most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
• During their lifetimes, 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
• Cumquat.
• Today is tomorrow.
• Tomorrow is yesterday.
• We're so transparent, we're practically invisible.
• I want to use my mental powers for the important things, not fritter them away on the mechanics.
• We call them 'windows'. They aren't unusual.
• Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can put off 'til today.
• You underestimate computers. They've only been around 40-50 years... we've had thousands to figure out what we're doing. Of course they're not up to our level of comprehension.
• It's slower, if by 'slower' you mean your rocket won't explode and fall out of the sky.
• I have some conspiracy theorists waiting for you in my closet.
• Telling people to 'conserve energy' is like telling them to make time go forward. Time always goes forward, and energy is always conserved.
• Voting is in effect until the Foundation decides sufficient time has been wasted.
• With roses made from madness his garden there was made, a blue world riding on the words of the dreamer's subconscious lust.
• My pain belongs to the divine. It is like air. It is like water.
• You blew up your own shop?!
• In the old days, insane men wore blocks on their heads to be easily distinguished from theologians.
• One is full of disorder and chaos and lawn gnomes. The other is order and space and half-baked plans.
• We have rights, Ben, including the right to be as stubborn or thick-headed as we want.
• I'm not sleeping. I'm checking my eyelids for holes.
• Circle to circle, the ends cannot hold. But it doesn't matter. There are no ends to dreams, not that cannot come around once more. Now I'm going back there and I'm taking you with me, and we are going to do what should have been done all along. We are going to find the most perfect possible future... even if it is really only the past.
• I'm charging by the head for this function, and you do have a head. For now.
• I remember asking for a violin, but I don't remember knowing what one was. I might have thought it was a kind of pony, for all I know, but I don't remember being disappointed.
• Just because his eyes are closed doesn't have to mean he's dreaming. And just because they're open, doesn't have to mean he's not.
• This is a day of goats.
• A bird lands on a man's head, steals his hat, and moves this hat to another man. Hence, the messenger pigeon is born: born to be bred, raised, and trained to live a controlled disturbing life under the control of humans.
• Exercise makes me sweat.
• Darkness only shines in the light.
• Light only shines in the darkness. Innocence is simply an excuse for the guilty.
• Stars are the real Time Lords.
• Why, I'm just a wayward deresi, lost in a far-off land... and you, old man, what are you, but the fool who fell for her ravening dreams?
• So.
• One thing is certain: we're losing the peace. Which means a war might be our only hope.
• The dress is fine. I don't like you.
• It only works if folks say what they mean. How do you parse a metaphor?
• It was fast because they basically kept pouring in more bottles of go faster.
• I had to have her. And her vegetables.
• Ah, the 60s... when the Ruskis were still trying to blow us all up, instead of trying sell us porn.
• The operating system said, 'Oh, you naughty boy,' and killed it.
• Levels of abstraction. We need to abstractify the abstraction again - represent the analog in digital so we can re-render it as analog. With digital.
• Pegasus, the one-eyed wonder fish.
• More insidious than a creeping mediawiki...
• There's no profit in jealousy.
• Study fine art... hate art forever.
• Heed the words of the Prophets.
• You are the dreamer. And the dream.
• Sometimes, you see a story, and you dream it. You become the story.
• The dirty man has a hat.
• We completely ignore the metaphors. But are these novel metaphors, or common lexical forms?
• Illogic gate.
• They didn't know what else to do but throw more junk into it.
• Suffering is important in a honeymoon.
• Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz.
• I'm being invaded by a cat. She's small, black, and quite stupid. And determined to assault my lap with pokes.
• We want to be able to get more work done in a shorter time so we can be sloppy.
• Oh, come on! He only won because he didn't die first. Anyone can do that.
• I opened his heart with a scissors. Had to see what was inside.
• This kind of stack is also known as an execution stack, control stack, run-time stack, or machine stack, and is often shortened to just "the stack".
• Wait, let me think... was I alone in Solitary? Why yes, I think I was.
• I had predicted and planned out courses of action for every possible outcome, save one: success. As a result I had no idea what to do about it when it came.
• C code. All this for C code.
• During the Reckoning, the people will either suffer terribly or eat fruit.
• I'm your mother! I can't leave you alone.
• People who are fine don't write on walls.
• The best ideas often come at inconvenient times.
• I don't understand you. I poke you and you do one thing. I poke you again and you do another. Then you start doing what you were doing all along all over again.
• We're all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it Love.
• In choosing the color of a single toolbar on one of its sites, Google served up pages with 41 different shades of blue to see which one people were most likely to click on.
• Just put your favourite dead squirrel out on the street and watch what happens.
• And then you have Hell, which is always so much more interesting than Heaven.
• I'm not a god, I'm a security officer.
• I'm sorry. It's just such an honour to be sitting here with a... security officer.
• Why be a god if there's noone to worship you?
• They are quick to judge and slow to forgive. They still have much to learn.
• When someone says it is 'for the good of the public', you know they're trying to pull one over you.
• The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law George. But unlike George, this plan just might work.
• Government euphemism is contemptible not because it is a form of mind control, but because it is a form of lying.
• A processor is not a little man, but something much stupider: a gadget with a fixed number of reflexes.
• Whereas the left hemisphere might appreciate some of Groucho's puns, and the right hemisphere might be entertained by the antics of Harpo, only the two hemispheres unified can appreciate an entire Marx Brothers routine.
• What is it for? Why, it could be for anything. Maybe it's just to look at, or to brighten a room, or to hold things in place. Maybe it sits on the lawn, taking up space over there in the corner, and people ask, 'why, what is this? Whatever purpose could it possible serve?' And that is its purpose. That is what it is for.
• 'Heuristic' - fancy word for 'guess'.
• I don't think I think as much as I think I think I like to think. I think?
• There will be duplicates and overlap, and there will be holes.
• People who find poop jokes funny have something wrong with their right brain.
• The memories are all mixed up in my head. I was remembering remembering a memory. It seemed like I was there because I was remembering remembering I was there. It's all so backwards.
• It is safer to work with a known conflict of interest than to deal with something for which the intent is unknown.
• The entire thing is like a salad. So I'm eating it like a salad: cold, and picking out the lettuce first.
• There he's being there on the ceiling there.
• The root of the matter is far simpler than you make it out to be. People are lazy. And idiots.
• When is a client a client?
• Aleister can't be bothered to look up the time and date, just an arbritary social agreement anyway. Squirrels, for example, don't have a concept of what day it is. Maybe they should, I dunno.
• He spread the warm bread with socks.
• The cats bake.
• My karma ran over my dogma.
• All life is suffering.
• Nobody should die on an empty stomach.
• Nobody expects the spanish legal system.
• Abuse no longer redirects to User:Spang.
• Do you think I'm so stupid I go out my own front door?
• In this part of the world, the children die before we do. We need to wait for them to die.
• We will talk about cows in chapter 9. Zombie cows.
• Don't stick the knife in the socket. Don't lick the flagpole. Don't fork the process. Except now that you've been told not to, you'll have to go off and do it.
• Your system is just chillin', you know?
• Not your momma's PhD.
• Hereabouts we have another name for the person who ignores his seat belt: the multiple-organ donor.
• The program will keep repeating 'yawn...' at five-second intervals until it is told to shut up already.
• All roads eventually lead to the Great Path. Many cross along the way.
• A lot of freaks, I hear. And people from Arkansas.
• Dead aliens off the set!
• The sentences didn't ruin the book for me. The book ruined the book for me.
• They told stories of a Wikipedia where policy pages were short and people were friendly.
• I've never shaved a moose.
• A whack of storage.
• Perception goes beyond the information given.
• Wikipedia is not concise.
• The best thing about killing Finnish people is that they scream with more vowels than people from other parts of Europe.
• The operating system is dumb.
• I didn't know what it meant. It was just glowy and fun and it felt like Christmas.
• I zatted a jaffa!
• You know, in some cultures, thinking with one's brain is considered an honourable thing to do.
• How can you regret losing a memory you cannot even remember?
• He was no dragon. Fire cannot kill a dragon.
• There is no "I" in team, but there is an eye in "eye surgery".
• Anyone who isn't us is an enemy.
• It's like a free ride when you've already paid.
• I am going to curl up in bed with the largest sandwich I can find.
• Welcome to the future! Nothing's changed.
• There is no point in trolling this wiki. It trolls itself.
• Who the hell bitches about intransitive verbs in order to fit in?
• Fish are terrible, horrible creatures and they should be exterminated from the face of the earth.
• Trust is hard to earn and easy to lose.
• I'd question why sociopathy is cool, but then again, I'm not that hip.
• Wear it like armour and it can never be used to hurt you.
• I like to take and sew my pants up with pudding.
• An advanced hypnotist may be able to summon a train out of a television program.
• I knew I shouldn't have named my cat 'Psychologist'.
• Is it a rabbit or a rock?
• The odds are good that the goods are odd.
• It's like... broken lightbulbs, fresh-cut grass, and the inside of a raisin, all bundled together.
• There is technically no medical condition called 'crazy'.
• Can mobile homes rampage?
• We all seem to have different ideas how things should be run. This is why humans invent gods to make decisions for them.
• Real men are supposed to use the command line.
• It is a simplification. A narrative fallacy.
• I am eat cow.
• Needs more cowbell.
• What is the history of history?
• Our modern virus epidemic is born of a symbiotic relationship between the people smart enough to write a virus and the people dumb enough to spread it.
• Anybody wanna help me milk my cat?
• Murdering people is heroic.
• I like her. She gave me the sky and asked nothing in return.
• When the Madwoman encountered MediaWiki, she realised it would make a marvellous new platform for a war. Years have passed, and she is still waiting.
• What is a database but data? Everything is data.
• I'm not a recluse. People just don't like visiting me.
• Everyone who disagrees is an idiot, a fool, unworthy. This is the human condition, to disparage instead of resolve.
• Assert anything and there will be a counterargument.
• Only once did I kill with meaning. Never again.
• May your feet find warm sands, your wings soft skies, your sails clear seas, and your path everlasting luck.
• Warm sands, soft skies, clear seas, and everlasting luck.
• It's indecent for your punctuation to run around topless.
• Can you help me?
• Damn that glue! I hope that doesn't happen during the wake.
• Never believe what you publish. Never publish what you believe.
• I could see a thousand dancing hamsters on the checkuser results and still think they were sockpuppets.
• You have all the weapons you need. Now fight.
• Accusations of admin abuse are usually correct; an admin is being abused.
• Sweet dreams are made of this.
• Go ask Alice. I think she'll know.
• Error 500 - Internal server error
• If you can remember the story, you can tell it.
• I feel like everything is wrong and I'm trying to ignore it.
• If you tell the story long enough, you become the story.
• I live in this nice dreamland where people use their brains.
• You've got demons in your closet.
• Die without regrets.
• You know what the music means.
• Every man has his price.
• The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of the expanding bureaucracy.
• I'm sorry this is so long. I didn't have time to make it shorter.
• I stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now.
• A middle-aged dentist with an ulcer is not exactly evil personified.
• I would suggest that everybody take a few days off from throwing things at each other.
• Demons I get. People are crazy.
• Revenge isn't worth much if you end up dead.
• What is wrong with me, mother? Something must be wrong! I wish...
• And how did you, having (I presume) never been here, come to know what this place is about? Do tell me, as I've long sought omnipotence.
• I am your mother! I don't have to be reasonable.
• Any company that makes the Queen's knickers deserves an article.
• You can expect a miracle, but in the meantime you have to work your butt off.
• You're a walking encyclopedia of weirdness.
• I'm Batman.
• I don't like being singled out at birthday parties, much less by God.
• People are people because they're miserable bastards and never get what they want.
• Kneel before Todd!
• Something is caught in my throat. I think it's my throat.
• Did you try turning it off and then on?
• Angels are like shady politicians from planet Vulcan.
• The grey land is the dream land. The dream land is the empty land. Fill it with your heart, and fill it with your mind...
• Walk the dead streets and see what there is so see. Where is the mystery and where is the end?
• I wish this were a TV show.
• Fern is the lunatic at the end of the block with a goat and too many spatulas.
• They're not like the Loch Ness monster. Dragons aren't real.
• The recruiters who use "grep" to evaluate resumes seem to like it.
• If you want to find a good programmer, force them to use something incredibly stupid and make them do something ordinary. Then let them use something far more elegant and watch them create something extraordinary.
• Tear gas? No, it's cat food. Why do you ask?
• You, sir, are a credit to your trailer park.
• I have decided that I will no longer go down with my ships. I will merely convert them all to submarines and continue on.
• This is the imperative clue to solve the entire puzzle.
• Why do humans and moths behave differently?
• Why don't we just smell other humans?
• Throw it away, it's just a piece of rubbish.
• When a food is said to be a mosquito repellent, something's probably wrong with it.
• If you're going to use a copyrighted photo under fair use, you can at least find one with more than one pixel.
• With arbitrary lines drawn invisibly the boundaries are defined.
• Within madness words are key.
• All escape artists are claustrophobic. That's why we want to escape.
• There are many forms of alien, some more subtle than others.
• I do not think you want to know the answer. You are only asking for the sake of asking.
• Like cow.
• We're going to be corpses. Might as well be ridiculous-looking corpses.
• It's okay. We were all dragons.
• Why, everything I have told you is true. Even the lies.
• Interminably the madness looms outward, percolating with need.
• If only, if only, the woodpecker sighs, the bark on the trees were as soft as the skies...
• It can giggle all it wants, but the galaxy's not getting any of our bourbon.
• He's the Madgod. You expect it to make sense?
• Excuse me, have you seen Calufax? It's sort of a planet.
• Remind me to never ask a hippie for good ideas.
• It is the tortured who turn into torturers.
• I've just been wandering for awhile now, collecting baubles of shiny words...
• What do you call pictures in your head that you can't make go away?
• All secrets are deep. All secrets become dark. That's in the nature of secrets.
• Never trust a man with dirty fingernails.
• It helps if they think you're crazy. They don't argue.
• Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going.
• Madness is Forever.
• Thus is the evolution of presence.
• Do you think there is a story here, that if you keep turning the page, it will all become clear?
• There are no answers, only questions.
• There are no questions, only answers.
• The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.
• Bubbling upward, wobbling outward, a dream overtakes the bowl.
• I am become cat, destroyer of tuna.
• What's this "if" they get it wrong? "Wrong" has an established meaning on WP such that all decisions are wrong.
• Think of it as one giant rack for mankind.
• Research has shown that some men enjoy viewing women's breasts.
• Your first try should never be your last, especially if it succeeded. You can always succeed bigger next time.
• Too bad it isn't true.
• You have a secret.
• In this place of words, words are all we have. But so it is throughout, is it not?
• I will say this now and I will say it again, and I will damn well be consistent about it: consistency is key.
• You're so easy to read, but the book is boring me.
• They're a gift. It's rude to keep throwing them up.
• I'm a programmer. Of course I reuse code.
• I have a brick and I... don't know how to use it.
• It's part of a leaf in the tree that grows upside down.
• Welcome to the magical world of frictionless planes and perfect dictionaries.
• I am a fangirl; hear me SQUEE!
• I pay for your silence.
• You know you're doing something right when you tell someone you got a particular job and they just despair.
• I'm sorry to have inconvenienced you all so much by trying to be productive and helpful.
• You're very well groomed for a crazy person.
• Yes, nitpicking at someone when they're already annoyed is very helpful. Thank you.
• Think of... daisies! A field of daisies! With vampiric squirrels rampaging everywhere!
• Too fond of poetry, she weaves a web of lies so closely around herself that the role of spider and fly is made one...
• There is no such thing as justice. The best that one can hope for is revenge.
• I can't put it up, because the madness is down!
• And then there is the green, the acid green of the grass which shines like velvet in the wind that you can only imagine.
• I hate your logic brain.
• Our technology is so advanced it can often seem broken.
• Dreaming of the ideal, they fight for the impossible, leaving behind them a trail of blood and disdain.
• Despair is a boneless cat.
• You think of your user as a moronic knuckle-dragging idiot. And then there's the manager...
• I am willing to game the system. I am not willing to leave a paper trail showing that I gamed the system.
• Everything has a cost.
• Your sweet, sweet words turn into nothing more than bitter orange wax in my ears.
• The sentries won't mess up again now that they're dead.
• God made me an atheist. Who are you to question his wisdom?
• All standards are arbitrary. This is why they must be standardised.
• I happen to have this minor condition called limb amputation.
• I am truly sorry that I forgot to add a clause that clearly stated "please use common sense" when I wrote my proposal, I thought it was redundant.
• Be sure to follow all safety protocols... as soon as I make them up.
• We're talking about Lyrithya, here, not someone with a sense of decorum.
• I have to burn a hole in the fire.
• A chair never sits. It stands all its life. And the yellows crawl across the carpet...
• The dreams tend to gather there, you know. Well, the sleepy half of them, at least.
• Dad has a necktie, and the necktie is connected to the neck, and the neck is connected to the necktie.
• Deep in the earth are potatoes, and they talk and long for light.
• When we die we cannot breathe, for death is a tight sweather, and we become dust under the coach.
• I don't want to be dead. I want to be a firefighter.
• A hill goes both up and down. Simultanously.
• A little bird carries its legs where it goes, for only a bird can lift itself.
• The bottom of the sea is completely black, although it's only transculent water.
• Fish blink their eyes for they are always wet and you cannot see it when they cry.
• I'm stronger than a storm, for while the storm can uproot a tree, it cannot uproot the grass. I can.
• Light goes away, disappears in a black sea with little holes in it, and my shadow is everywhere and covers the world.
• This is the world, and the world is bigger than thousand and thousand and thousand huge mountains. But it fits within my mind all the same.
• My legs lift my stomach and my shoulders lift my head. The walls lift the roof and the trees lift the sky and the sky lifts the sun. But nobody lifts the worms in the ground. The worms in the ground must fend for themselves.
• Then the Thermonuclear Banhammer of Overreaction came down on all concerned.
• Perhaps I can fly when I sleep?
• Once upon a time I was a child. And once upon a time this book and this paper were but a thought in a head and a tree in the wood.
• It helps to stay in motion. It helps to have a center, a place to return to, a family to turn to, a dream to cling to...
• Oooh, reality... I try to avoid that.
• The stones see everything; they've lived so long, so long. But they say nothing, for stones are tired and want only to sleep.
• I certainly hope I'm Gorr. I'm wearing his underwear!
• Something happened here but I have no idea what because there's too much scrollback.
• Hell is other people.
• The world of men is dreaming. It has gone mad in its sleep, and a snake is strangling it, but it can't wake up.
• 'Most' is a perfectly compelling statistic.
• Become a programmer, they said. It'll be fun, they said.
• And so the crazy refactoring process sees the sunlight after some months in the dark!
• Why do you hate the cache so much? The cache loves you, the cache does everything it can for you, and it has to go to work and tell its friends "oh, I just ran into a door".
• A vibrator is a vibrator is a vibrator, right? But that's not true at all. Everything is stuffed to the brim with ideas and love and hope and magic and dreams.
• I'm afraid this Really Useful Book isn't being terribly useful at the moment.
• Don't argue with them! It tends to be frustrating, and kind of like trying to explain advanced calculus to a hamster.
• To consume someone else's blood is to consume some vital part of his or her life. If you consume enough of their blood, you gain their "vital powers" (and, obviously, they die).
• Forsooth. Methinks yon lass hath a screw loose within her addled skull.
• All models are wrong, but some are useful.
• When dealing with clients, it's never quite clear if it's a bug or something they wanted.
• That's not important. I want scala. I want it!
• Then I returned to the world of the living, which has this horrible unfortunate thing called 'gravity'.
• 'Broken' has different meanings in different contexts.
• It is believed that souls are rather akin to stars - that they are simply patterns of dust that have over time emerged to form configurations of impossible brightness, repeating themselves throughout the universe.
• The dreamer is dead, and her dream died with her.
• Oh, I'm not a developer. I'm just insane.
• This guy is either an idiot or a genious. I like him.
• You take the servers. And you make more servers. And then there are servers.
• We don't want another cheap fantasy universe, we want a cheap fantasy universe generator. A lot of fiction sounds computer generated anyway.
• My love for you is like a rampaging elephant.
• The man has tenure. You can't make tenured professors do anything.
• We are Wikimedia. We are legion. We do not forget. We do not forgive.
• Only madness knows my name.
• Home systems will become more complex. Home users will not.
• I dream the dreamer's dream.
• You weren't here. But I talked to you. Isn't it wonderful to have friends? They stave off the voices that come with the solitude.
• If you need more than 3 levels of indentation, you're screwed anyway and should fix your program.
• My toes have curled in contempt and disgust.
• I looked to the future. There weren't none.
• I love it when you talk dirt.
• You think you've seen it all, and then someone raises a statement that's even more upsetting.
• Pointers are valuable and powerful and like giving a baby a pair of freshly-sharpened Japanese sushi knives.
• I want to see something uninspiring. Do your best to be uninspired.
• The light that emanates from my marvellous bust shall incapacitate my enemies with the fire of a thousand torches. Make peace with your gods, for I come to blind thy prying eyes.
• A life is no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean but a multitude of drops?
• Truth is singular. Its 'versions' are mistruths.
• At least we should be fine until the country goes bankrupt.
• We don't need a three-way admin collision to show people that we are uncoordinated.
• We need to save ourselves from saving ourselves.
• This is the place to be for the end of the world show.
• There is a major issue here about forgetting. The whole of the law is to keep your story straight - you must remember this.
• Puking on the audience no longer in vogue.
• You're the Californian; doesn't everybody go to the beach?
• If these are bedclothes, then there must be bodies underneath. There's always a body somewhere.
• Why do we come this far and never farther? Why can't we climb the final stair? What would we see there if we could?
• This world has a basic circularity. Everything changes, everything comes around.
• This world, too, is not the one I dreamed.
• Take that memory and set it aside.
• You have 18 FOOD UNITS.
• If we are the branches of some great tree, and every bud is a decision, how does it grow?
• I have seen only darkness. I do not know the light; all I have is the faith that it is there.
• From womb to tomb, our lives are not our own.
• Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others. Past and present. And by each crime and every kindness we birth our future.
• Toilets in Japan are generally more advanced than toilets in other developed nations.
• It is not odd for Taiwan to host restaurants with unusual themes.
• Warning. This gallery is protected by fake video cameras.
• Something to express someone feeling totally impotent and ripping a hole in their roof out of a sense of impotence and anger and desperation...
• Even public dancing was allowed.
• I'm afraid we've all contracted an acute case of imbecillus. We'll have to amputate.
• The trick is not to come up with something that works well now; the trick is to come up with something that would be running six years from now given zero attention or support.
• As I've stated before, I'm not on Facebook and I have no friends.
• Better than a weekend attempting to shove large objects up Reginald's database in a flurry of overwhelming cheapness.
• It's like asking a junkie to do a chemical assay of heroin.
• We need more RAM on the Cloud. Download more RAM.
• I hope the place is at least livable now. Good luck with, your, um... murders.
• The only thing more vast than the staggering amount of knowledge is the staggering amount of ignorance.
• Worst god in ages. So bad she got kicked out of the God Impersonation Guild. Died too much.
• Everybody's crashing, running, calling out the coming of things they kind of can see. Someone said to me, "It's just a dream. Why don't you wake up and you'll see? It's fine."
• Tirna's me favourite god. She tried to kill everyone. I aspire to that.
• Probably I'll murder him one day. Maybe with a chair.
• Is it not strange, the evolution of time?
• We are not who we were.
• When I grew up I wanted to be a five-by-five dragonfly, but things went otherwise and today I am a memory instead.
• You could restart the server... instead of murdering it?
• Argentina is subject to a variety of climates.
• Mirrors. That would explain why you two get along like a pair of skritt in a house on fire in the middle of an earthquake.
• At first I was impressed that it had an API. Then I tried using it.
• Those ponies are really vicious.
• For every decision there is consequence. With every kindness and every betrayal we define what is to come.
• Choice and consensquence. In life and in death this is all we have. There is no justice, no reward.
• Life is not fair.
• The only thing that is certain is dust. We are born from dust, we decay to dust. This is a universe of dust.
• Consider the order of things. Everything was placed here for a reason.
• The garden is a repository of masks, dreams, memories, and lichen-encrusted frying pans.
• It's like normal people don't like having grape jelly licked off their necks.
• The sample is deprecated.
• When people wonder why I don't like the guy, this is it.
• Something about penance for puppy dog eyes.
• You don't know me. Never have, never will.
• Speak loudly into the brick.
• Not compatible with LiquidThreads.
• Bats are eating my legs.
• When something means this much, we always return to it. It is always there.
• It takes the ham out of spam.
• Steal? What do you mean? Just creep in and have a go at taking it out.
• Mudcrabs know only hatred.
• Walk always in the light, or we will drag you to it.
• I'm not brainstorming, I'm having a brain hurricane.
• Only to return home to a country full of strangers wearing familiar faces...
• There's no glory in war. They only tell that to soldiers so they will risk their lives.
• I used to be an adventurer like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee.
• Dragons were never gone. They were just invisible and very, very quiet.
• Fish cannot breathe peas. They truly are the worst fruit.
• We can't all be nectarines.
• Darkness rises when silence dies.
• Discipline in the lesser aids in denial of the greater.
• All we know anymore is pain and loss. What do we have left?
• All I cared about was riding narwhals and sleeping in honeycombs and drinking babies' tears.
• When life gives you lemons, go murder a clown.
• It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.
• You could just swing a pickaxe into someone's face, but people tend to see that coming.
• We are the chicken inside the egg, but also the dirt.
• I am well. I will be well. Well to be within a well.
• Its siren song keeps calling you back.
• If you love something, throw it at your enemies. If it cleaves their skull and comes back to you, you know it's yours.
• Boris's stomach was big enough that he couldn't really afford to be a picky eater. Instead, he cultivated a deep appreciation of simple gustatory pleasures - a side of beef, an entire wheel of cheese, a crate of bread.
• There is no justice, no reward.
• YOUR SKULL IS MIIIINE!
• Sleep is the cousin of death.
• Necromancy - a better way to dispose of bodies. Why drag a corpse into a river when you can make it walk itself?
• I guess this is what I get for adopting a pile of crazy dragons as my family.
• I like this world. I don't want it to end.
• One of the perks of being insane is you get to do whatever you want.
• The impossible will take a little while.
• I'll make a note not to do things that are wrong in the future.
• In the world we enter when we go online, there's little place for the fuzziness of contemplation.
• We came so far to see this, to read these words etched in 40ft letters into the stone of the earth itself. But though the letters are impressive, a feat for the ages, the words only leave us wanting. They are not what we expected, not what we sought all along.
• Everything is a bug.
• The plant does its own drangling.
• Do you know the meaning of light? It's dreaming, dear sister. Dreaming.
• I've beaten the archive table to death. I guess it's time to move onto revision...
• Show biz is such an exciting life. Some day we'll give in and try to experience it.
• They want two cores. I have one, but it's a really nice one! Well, okay, it's not all that fast and the throughput is kind of crappy, but it works, dammit.
• Backed by a team of angry developers...
• We just need to cover it up for now. If we keep going, either it will all fix itself, or it will explode.
• To hell with dignity. I'll leave when the job is done.
• Sleep well, and never forget that the cosmic shine of your madness is a beacon of hope in a life of rules.
• Never mind that the first is unusual and the second stupid, they should still function correctly.
• More on this later, when I'm not feeling like a mastadon trampled me at the market while choosing a nice brisket for dinner.
• I allow myself this vanity because... well, hell, I'm the only one here.
• I slept through the last apocalypse.
• I recall that day very clearly, in that I recall that I slept during most of that day.
• I had fun once. It was horrible.
• You don't have to argue with people who won't change their minds.
• Ordinarily what you're asking for would be kind of crazy, since the next thing that would be autoincremented isn't supposed to exist. But ordinarily the database wouldn't be schizophrenic.
• It doesn't matter what you yell so long as you yell loudly enough.
• Insanity and madness are different. Peas and carrots are different.
• That is horribly worded. It increases my rage.
• Life is short. Have an affair.
• Mister Crossbow is not your friend.
• If there isn't a problem, that's when you know you have a problem.
• Ambiguity is not an opening for insight but a bug to be fixed.
• Maybe I'm just a worrywart.
• If it doesn't fit, you're not shoving hard enough.
• I have heard your prayers and left my response on the talk page. Remember to love one another and eat more cauliflower.
• Everyone knows that canyon wrens never venture east of Texas.
• She was known as Isarra the Dreadful. Legends were woven about cities she had leveled, mountains she had eaten, oceans she had drank dry. Everyone was so disappointed when it turned out she was just a two-hundred-foot tall pigeon.
• I am going to kill myself with a shovel.
• It's an acronym, not a Rorschach test.
• If you rub an Orc up and down on a goat-hide you can make him stick to the ceiling.
• Editors are reminded that talk pages are not forums, and some editors are reminded more than others.
• Holy backlog batman.
• Surely someone has noticed the Board is missing a member.
• Beware of dev.
• Hygiene is harder than heroics.
• Captain, we're approaching a Plot Contrivance.
• Suffering isolates us. Loving presense prings us back, makes us strong.
• There is no bag of proof.
• We're all in this together, so let's support each other as best we can until darkness falls.
• We all learn to live with the inevitable.
• Life is just a momentary transition out of oblivion into oblivion.
• Wikipedia is the art of making up a convincing argument that arrives at the same ultimate goal as your actual reasons which for one reason or another you shouldn't make public.
• He poked that thing and then some things happened.
• How shall we, the murderers of all murderers, comfort ourselves?
• We must build our lives upon the firm foundation of unyielding despair.
• We are not who we were. In every moment we live, we die, and from every death we are reborn. Our existence deforms the universe, through action and response, choice and consequence. Thus is the evolution of presense, and thus we live and change.
• Happy database error day!
• I'm not your target audience. I don't know what your target audience is, but I'm not it.
• The DNS is handled by CATS.
• Oh, and this is confidential.
• This is why I love family. It's why I would do anything for family.
• They are my dreams. They are the best of me. They are better than I could ever be.
• Ick! God cooties!
• We cannot restrict threading. The users will not allow it. Not if they notice.
• Logic will get you nowhere.
• All stories are true. All stories are lies. This is no different.
• Girls can be anything they want to be! Even the anthropomorphic personifications of aspects of the universe!
• Well, excuse me for having an unhealthy obsession with a cold, emotionless encyclopedia dedicated to borderline unreadable nonsense.
• We pursue our lives with varying degrees of sloth and energy.
• Leading a human life is a full-time occupation.
• Reverse the polarity.
• Don't quit your day job.
• I can maybe erase twenty people.
• I'm too astute. I forgot what I was doing.
• My plasmodium is voluptuous.
• If there is no randomness then there is no free will.
• It's not like I'm worried. If I could think straight about anything I'd be worried, though.
• Also we need a bug tracker somewhat.
• The dress was beyond hope, but saving the world should be a good excuse to buy a new one.
• I didn't know stones had such pretty singing voices...
• Pushed by a melody, warmed by a tune, I must be the luckiest cloud in all of creation.
• A fairytale? Dear gods, this was worse than she'd thought.
• People generally see what they look for, and hear what they listen for.
• I'm not a human. I'm a lunatic! Whatever it is, it must be much better than being a human.
• 9 out of 10 voices in my head tell me I'm insane... the 10th voice hums the tetris theme.
• You should be careful about threatening me, kitty. I may know it's all in good humour, but Fluffy might take offence and decide to eat your brains.
• There are no gods. No gods worthy of our freedom.
• It started nicely enough. Most nightmares do, and mine in particular.
• Dreams, and nightmares, are not made for rational thought.
• It stops being AI when the algorithm is found.
• Warning: Sanctions ahead
• Manholes are coming.
• Between the idea and the reality, between the concept and the creation, falls the shadow.
• Voicemail was a marketing ploy.
• She appeared to be making a ribcage out of wool.
• Your path is made out of choices, and those choices are your own.
• A wall was covered floor to roof with a bookshelf. The thought of all those static stories, trapped forever on pieces of paper, was rather dizzying.
• Nine-tenths of the universe is the paperwork.
• He was, he always said, only in it for the eyeballs.
• Genius is always allowed some leeway once the hammer has been pried out of its hands and the blood has been cleaned up.
• Things either exist or they don't. I am very clear about that. I have medicine.
• This is kind of like going on a blind date with your body.
• Memories of great times I can't remember...
• Threading: Sending people to die.
• This is the way the world ends: Not with a bang but a whimper.
• The target audience is males and females aged zero and up.
• Let's make better mistakes tomorrow.
• This is not an exit.
• It's just daft in typical WMF manner.
• Power is power.
• What is dead may never die.
• Shadows cannot live in the darkness. They are servants of light.
• It's like stepping into a dream that you've been dreaming as long as you can remember and finding out that the dream is more real than your life.
• Do not cross this stick.
• Gravity keeps doing its gravity thing a long way away from the earth.
• Do you think that organizations are run like Wikipedia articles?
• Will you see a clock the next time you look at your wrist, or will you see a dead plastic talisman of a society shattered into pieces by information overload? Chances are you'll see a clock.
• He's as dumb as he dresses.
• You're drinking embalming fluid.
• Grok notwithstanding, I insist you wear shoes for this conversation.
• Regional deficiencies for toast can be one sided.
• I got to jolk up the ant vomit a little, you see, so could you slap me?
• It's written in Old. Before they invented spelling.
• I must say you're a real brick.
• There is no justice. Just us.
• Is the world a plant, an animal, or a knitting loom?
• This article is burly men unfolding umbrellas.
• I shipped my penis with an 18-wheeler.
• Find what you love and let it kill you.
• According to Pratchett, five exclamation marks is an indicator of "someone who wears their underwear on the outside".
• It doesn't matter what a movement stands for, it matters what a movement does.
• Bring me a bucket, and I'll show you a bucket!
• I plucked a hair from the head of a dying baby! Let me give it to you!
• It licks the panes and smokes the glass.
• Dig! I'll know your lost unknown and rise to your depths.
• When the top level was built, no more could be placed. It was and is the maximal apex.
• How long will it be sung? My feet were set upon the rock but it turned to mud and drew me down.
• Does it blend?
• How does one queue cats?
• The divine being is the ultimate author of sin.
• All of it is true. Even the falsehoods. Especially the falsehoods.
• Lentil soup will wash away all wrongs.
• It takes nothing to join the crowd. It takes everything to stand alone.
• Modern feminism casts all men as predators, but in doing so, feminism casts all women as prey. I am not prey.
• Mike doesn't have friends so much as people he's willing to stand next to.
• Men aren't generally good or bad. They're just men.
• The silence must be on the ceiling.
• Smoke and mirrors, love. Smoke and mirrors.
• Since God necessarily exists and necessarily has certain properties, nothing that is incompatible with God's existence is possible. In this sense God is a delimiter of possibility.
• Bonkers.
• Slaughterfish!
• Zaori is a dragon and a server and above all else a really bad idea.
• I killed it.
• Unlinked 2 orphaned pipes.
• Unfortunately most friends think undying agreement is how to form healthy relationships.
• Arguing would take too much effort. I'm too tired to play myself.
• You can't ignore that half the population exists. It's not realistic.
• This yellow line down the center of my field of vision? It's just this line, slightly askew, marking the boundary between inside and out. It's perfectly real.
• I'm not interested in swordfighting your fart, Russ.
• You can buy the third fuel cell from Delenia. Be careful, though. She's crazy. She ate one of my cars once. Yeah, the whole thing. With just, like, a fork.
• And by the way, did you know that some ducks have huge penises?
• I feel fuzzy.
• I love octopus dependencies!
• She's an Uncyclopedian. An unprofessional funnywoman.
• Be just and if you can't be just be arbitrary.
• My reasons to live were my reasons to die, but at least they were mine.
• Nothing is not anything.
• An investment firm offers mutual funds with stocks chosen by a dart-wielding blindfolded monkey.
• Time really does flow.
• The next world will have to fend for itself.
• We're on a mission from Glod.
• It should either eventually crash or show you some kind of success dialog. If it's still sitting there after more than a half hour, it's probably done and you can safely kill it.
• Then you ask yourself, could I spend the rest of my life at this? If the answer terrifies you, it may or may not be a good sign.
• You see stuff looming up like iceberg things ahead but you mustn't do anything about it because it's a law. Can't break the law.
• I remember everything. As if it happened only tomorrow. Everything.
• He had a cough that sounded almost solid.
• For some money I won't follow you home.
• Have you got change for a penny?
• The one they called the Duck Man had a duck on his head. No one questioned it.
• There may be a logical reason.
• You are among men who can hold a lengthy conversation with a door.
• My uterus!
• There's no implication if there's no thought development.
• Everyone's equal when they're dead.
• Self interest is not in anyone's best interest.
• I would find her unsettling, but it is strangely difficult to find a woman who immediately trips over a bucket unsettling.
• I survive on the hatred of those that oppose me.
• Their greatest strength is their façade of weakness.
• Whether the first moment has an actual thickness is another question.
• Obviously the universe is rock-permitting.
• We are the crown of creation.
• This is the universe. Take it or leave it, it just is.
• As someone who regularly goes out looking like the Rise of the Swamp Thing, I can attest.
• I'm going to just immerse myself in my career and buy lots of cats.
• I love standards, there are so many to choose from.
• Getting an education was a bit like a communicable disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
• Idiocy is not a communicable disease.
• Divide by cucumber error. Please reinstall universe and reboot.
• I'd tell your fortune, but the words don't rhyme.
• Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.
• Oh, it's largely intuitive. Obviously you have to spend a lot of time learning it first, though.
• Anthill Inside.
• He just gives the impression of thinking but really it's just a show. Just like everyone else, really.
• I do ferns.
• I resent the implication that I am solely fern-fixated.
• Ferns aren't easy. You need a steady hand.
• One of the symptoms of those going completely yo-yo was that they broke out in chronic cats.
• Old gods take on new jobs.
• 'Panic!' is your solution to everything, isn't it?
• My agreeing isn't requisite to compliance.
• Civility is important, but it's no substitute for a well-equipped, modern air force.
• Why did mortals invent religion but for what they fear to lose?
• What you whispered should be screamed.
• So the US is about to go to war, and still no OTRS upgrade.
• Don't argue against them. Argue for the people watching.
• Women are precious delicate things that need to have attention directed toward them at all times or they wilt.
• The truth may be puzzling. It may take some work to grapple with. It may be counterintuitive. It may contradict deeply held prejudices. It may not be consonant with what we desperately want to be true. But our preferences do not determine what's true.
• This white whale has sailed, and I urge you to drop your harpoon.
• One considerable advantage that arises from Philosophy consists in the sovereign antidote which it affords to superstition and false religion.
• Everything is forbidden in Finland, or if it isn't, then it's taxed.
• All men are created equal, but some are more equal than others.
• I'll look for you when the war is over - an hour and a half from now.
• Your password must contain at least 8 letters, 6 numbers, ４ＷＥＩＲＤ ＬＥＴＴＥＲＳ, ⑨ ⓑⓤⓑⓑⓛⓔ ⓛⓔⓣⓣⓔⓡⓢ, and ������ �������� ���� �������� ����������.
• They staple the fins to another shark.
• The Dream is a nightmare. See the world for what it is - episodes of pain ending in untimely death.
• I don't know if that was a free action. It may have just been a brain thing.
• Of course I'm afraid. I'm not an idiot.
• Someone killed a chicken.
• Namira covets your ugliness.
• I can see. The world beyond burns my mind.
• Naked women holding nunchucks are dangerous.
• Are you saying that kangaroos need to be tied down?
• Inside every living person is a dead person waiting to get out.
• Coal, perhaps.
• I don't think it's accurate to say that I know nothing. I rather think that you think that you know things and think that I don't know these things. That is what I think.
• The fish guts line isn't going to fly, I'm afraid.
• I am blown away by how complex this stupid thing is for doing something so simple.
• It means what is always said or believed by people who think only a little or not at all.
• Maybe he wasn't crazy, just insane.
• First there was Wasteland. Then there was Waste Land. Third came the Waste Lands. The speakers were all dead.
• Too many voices weigh heavy on a man's heart.
• Please read what the person said before immediately disagreeing with them.
• The nice thing about clueless jerks is that unlike calling people out for being jerks, there is little taboo about calling out people for being wrong. The clueless are often wrong.
• I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
• World's greatest saw-player! Sounds Hawaiian doesn't it!
• Go, then, there are other worlds than these.
• We may even be able to sleep without bullets stuffed into our ears.
• Folks around here can grow almost anything, as long as it's corn or beans.
• To the world there is sorrow and loss. To the stars there is hope and dreams. To the void lies freedom.
• The list grows.
• Eddie had killed it with illogic.
• Sometimes color is a coincidence.
• I'm not little, I'm five.
• God is petty and doesn't like to be called wrong.
• Courage, arrogance... same thing.
• The bullets in his ears blocked the voices completely.
• Dead is the gift that keeps on giving.
• You will be taken to a room with a moose.
• In a perfect environment it's perfect.
• It's still all toilet paper to me.
• If it's in your heart, it might as well come out your mouth.
• The column of truth has a hole in it.
• The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.
• Compassion means not being arrogant when other people aren't as compassionate as you.
• Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate.
• In the Land of Memory, the time is always Now.
• The floormat proves it.
• No community is easier to govern than one that rejects the very concept of community.
• I'm here because someone mentioned rifles!
• Okay, put your back into it! A Watcher scoffs at gravity!
• I wear the cheese. It does not wear me.
• Mom... why are you living in the walls?
• I made lemonade, and now I'm learning how to play Majhong.
• A mouse is playing with my knees.
• Oh - we're thinking up a plan for world domination. The main component: A coffee maker that thinks.
• We've got important work here. A lot of filing. Giving things names.
• A forced smile is emotional deoderant.
• Hi, I'm Andy Sayler and I'm going to talk to you about moving mice off your screen.
• Please, please help me find my goddamn bible.
• I know how to age a painting.
• You're dead. So get some rest.
• Damn. That is quite the mental lag.
• All my art is awful. Hence I need to make more.
• Cat lick butt.
• Like a good programmer, a good artist is a lazy perfectionist - creative, bold, and at times downright ingenious.
• It's almost heaven for those who like their meat with a side of meat chased with a bit of meat.
• This is a group hug and you're part of the group.
• The mating habits of mid-level government employees - totally captivating.
• There's a weak law too. It's easier to prove, but inferior in every way; once you have a strong law you don't need a weak law.
• Filtering non-linear things is a bad idea.
• Why does time go forward?
• Stretching and folding is important.
• In a real physical system you can never prove anything.
• It depends on the eigenstuff and actuator capabilities.
• Cows live here.
• Nothing says springtime like a bunch of light-starved begonias.
• You shame yourself.
• Statistics do not lie. People use statistics to tell lies.
• The expected in-stock date is Invalid Date.
• He was afraid he had already hired all five women in computer science.
• You have an omnipotent cheese god.
• He just wants two alligators who love each other forever.
• Oh dear, I think I'm becoming a god.
• It's not the brightest mind in the bucket.
• Identity theft is in an hour. It's always packed; they hand out cookies.
• I've got a hunger only tacos can stop.
• Trust the chicken sexers.
• Excellent. Let's make some LSD.
• Strangely profound for a narrative about a sponge.
• If it is said, it is bread.
• It is the fundamental theorum of why the universe makes sense.
• Stuff happens - we are the playthings of chance.
• We're all just cosmic junk.
• Eternity is an eternal present.
• If it's true then it's too late not to be true.
• There is no duality, no battle between good and evil, simply an encompassing whole.
• We are great because we know we are wretched.
• Anything's possible if you have a magic carpet.
• Ideas can be absorbed through osmosis.
• Her name was Coraline Henderson.
• Walter, put the cow away.
• You have a badger on your head.
• That's him. Right there. With a badger on his head.
• Take me to your centrifuge.
• Beware of echo chambers.
• The are times when the only choices you have left are bad ones.
• Nature doesn't recognise good or evil. It recognises only balance and imbalance.
• I want to marry your words then raise a family of little baby words.
• Knowing where I belong, I can go anywhere now. Because it means that I'll always have a place to return to.
• My heart isn't cold. It's broken.
• I don't think she's a parasitic/symbiotic oranism that lives on mushrooms, but hey, you never know with those japanese singers...
• All men dream, but not equally. Some dream by night, and find only vanity. But the dreamers of the day are dangerous. They make their dreams come true.
• In the seven hundred years that I have been a temple statue, I have never heard someone utter the words "a god" in the same tone that one might describe, oh... foot fungus.
• The choices you made are what led you here.
• Emily is good at remembering.
• The war is long over.
• It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
• Tell me - what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
• It does not do to dwell on life and forget to dream.
• Never use your sword to spread peanut butter and jelly on crackers.
• Of course it's happening inside your head. But why should that mean it's not real?
• The fireplace is full of nails.
• It's hard to have family when you cannot remember who anyone is.
• The bumblebee lived on the archipelago, and the tessellating glimmers hitting the stochastic tsunami at sunset dazzled its photoreceptors.
• Man will maintain its hostility. Have this faith.
• Go for the eyes, Boo. Go for the eyes!
• Magic princesses can bring the dead back to life, become bats, and drink your blood with their hands. It's the complete package, really.
• I do not want to be part of a movement that wants to 'empower' women instead of telling them they already have power.
• I had my mind taken out and beat around with a giant whisk. At this point I wouldn't know the difference between complicated and a piece of cheese.
• You'll excuse me if I didn't want to argue with a guy with a giant block of tofu on his head.
• Zombiebaron is the prizes.
• The computer is a moose.
• Wizards, sprites... it's like something out of the early days of computing, when it was all magic to folks and nobody knew what was going on. I thought we were past that.
• I thought I knew what was going on. Then I thought I knew. Then I knew I knew. Now I don't.
• Eh, mercy. In my experience it usually involves a shotgun.
• I will dream like a god.
• We must always remember our war dead by burning meat over open fires.
• May your steps be relentless.
• Assuming that PREtending is what came before - what exactly would be the meaning of 'tending'. And, dare I ask, what would POSTtending be?
• I'm looking for my past. I seem to have misplaced it.
• How many madnesses lost before they could be saved? How many pieces forgotten before they could be known? We're missing the whole, here. Nothing but pieces.
• Let's be honest - I don't always think things through.
• It's not lost. Just forgotten.
• When I first saw the Demon, my response was simply, 'Tentacles!' because I saw a mass of tentacles and I thought it was adorable.
• I like him. He soars overhead, terrorises the countryside, shouts a lot... what more could a girl want?
• Whips of words! Letters chained together, wounds most verbose!
• Most say something in a language they can only speak sideways.
• Incoherent fire disspates all contingency.
• It seems to work and I can do crazy things and... and man, having a dragon fall on you hurts.
• I am alive because that one is dead. I exist because I have the will to do so.
• Working for them is hell and the pay sucks.
• You can't win against a unicorn, you just can't.
• The prodigal murderer returns.
• I entered "a potato" and this is what mediawiki spat out.
• The chairs. The tables. All confused. We hear the words, and must speak them. We take them, and arrange them, but still, they will not be quiet.
• Everything is wrong. This is not straight. This is too high. This is in my way. We must put them right.
• An intelligent species would at least find someone to complain to.
• Indeed, many things are not impossible until they've been tried.
• In a library the books leak, and learn from each other.
• There could be pineapples. I wouldn't go near it.
• You did it! And you didn't die, not even a little bit!
• He was not going to be found wanting when duty called. He did not intend to be found at all.
• I looked into the heart of darkness, and I ate it all.
• I think I smell a skunk. It smells like tuna.
• A drunk girl's thoughts are a sober girl's cows.
• Welcome to the ship of fools.
• Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
• It's very easy to manage to kill yourself if you've truly lost all hope.
• One may be before, one after. It's uncertain. The world state is uncertain.
• Logic is an oppressive tool.
• Toggle the narcissistic internet slot machine.
• I want a video game system shaped like a pyramid so that I can trip and fall and impale my face on it.
• Something is wrong with this world.
• Encouraging functional behavior is abusive.
• Even just having one person on your side is enough.
• Embrace your sides.
• As man of the house, I am entitled to be the one wearing the meat pants.
• This water is important. It means something. The rattle is relevant, the coldness solid.
• The words are sideways, the ideas jagged.
• Pufferfish.
• Do not question the logic. The logic gives me a reason to repeatedly stab this with a large knife. This is good logic.
• She had so much dirt under her nails there was an earthworm under one of them.
• We have some great guests lined up today. As soon as I remember who they are, I'll let you know.
• One was the loneliest number. Then zero killed it.
• It is the truth. It will remain true whether you believe it or not.
• Reverse cunning, indistinguishable from utter stupidity.
• It's like climbing a rubber band as a unit of measurement.
• There are times when it does not pay to declare one's sanity.
• Look up the study of LSD. It is around here somewhere.
• If a huge monster evolves into a chicken right in front of you, the considered response should not be to eat the chicken.
• Have you ever seen any of this evolution happening?
• Things that happen do not stay happened.
• He was only insane on the outside.
• The luggage was lost.
• No worries.
• I used to make snakes out of clay when I was a little boy. Doing the feet was the hard part.
• Perspective is a lie. If I know the pond is round, why should I draw it oval? I will draw it round because round is true. Why should my brush lie to you just because my eyes lie to me?
• The voices are never usually this precise.
• The new day is a great big fish.
• Even the priests have given up trying to explain it.
• We are in the deep crack. It couldn't be worse if it were raining arseholes.
• Seven people in robes made a decision.
• Precedent is the law of the land.
• This has been here long enough. It will be here longer still.
• Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.
• She planned it all, of course. Her front of incompetence was as false as the rest of it, all part of the plan.
• Just because someone doesn't agree with you on something does not mean they should hate you. It's not reasonable.
• The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want.
• It's the clash between the seriousness and the perspective. The view from nowhere...
• Need to be noticeable, to stand out...
• If you cannot convince people of why it is needed, how can you possibly get them to agree on how to do it?
• To be maximally powerful, this must include the power to choose evil.
• Absolutely power corrupts absolutely.
• All power is relative. All things come at a cost.
• Sometimes there is no right thing to do. Sometimes the only choice is between options that are bad in different ways.
• This would be easier in mobile.
• Nothing worse than stubbed toes!
• From infinite... to finite? Power explains things properly. Has rules, limits, necessities.
• The law of total probability can be found elsewhere.
• It's all a lie. Like the lie about masks. The way people say they hide faces. They only hide the one on the outside.
• How did the moon get there?
• Why aren't you in a pit of boiling tar?
• You can't call my religion wrong just because it says that you should be in a pit of boiling tar. It's just as equal to yours.
• He is offending my religion by not being in a pit of boiling tar.
• I went through the motions until I was about thirty, and then it just hit me like a two-by-four.
• You're daft but you ain't insane. There's worser things.
• The trouble is, you see, that if you do know Right from Wrong you can't choose Wrong. You just can't do it and live.
• I don't know who you are when you'e behind the mask, but 'ghost' is just another word for 'spirit' and 'spirit' is another word for 'soul'.
• Masks conceal one face, but they reveal another. The one that comes out only in darkness.
• There is something incredibly satisfying in digging a very deep hole. It's uncomplicated. You knew where you are with a hole in the ground. Dirt doesn't get strange ideas. It just lies there waiting for you to move it.
• There are terrors in the burning heart, where even the mad tribes never go. An ocean without water, voices without mouths...
• She engaged in whatever she engaged in.
• Is there any real reason to not just boot from nfs and then chroot into the local system and leave it like that?
• I don't mind having problems. I just don't want to be there when they happen.
• PHP explains a potato.
• Look, I can explain. We got a bit carried away. We were a bit too creative in our thinking.
• You're trapped in chains of goldfish.
• Things just happen, one after another. They don't care who knows. But history... ah, history is different. History has to be observed, otherwise it's not history. It's just... well, things happening one after another.
• Time is a drug. Too much of it will kill you.
• Thesis plus antithesis equals hysteresis. The stringent testing of the universe. The hammer of the intellect upon the nail of fundamental truth...
• Books shouldn't be kept too close together, otherwise they interact in strange and unforeseeable ways.
• Very fashionable, living in a barrel. Most philosophers do it. It shows contempt and disdain for worldly things.
• Certainty. I used to be certain. Now I'm not so sure.
• The real truth must sometimes be protected by a labyrinth of lies.
• It's not my dream. I always dream of a giant carrot chasing me through a field of lobsters.
• You get dreams from cats. Stroke them with a rod of copper.
• Men should die for lies. The truth is too precious to die for.
• It's all just nonsense, of course. Pretty nonsense, but still nonsense. The world is made of nonsense.
• I am the gender police. Your gender is stupid.
• Blimp. It must be a blimp. How do I make a blimp? It shall of course explode.
• The songs of our ancestors guide us and detain us.
• Some pie sometimes.
• Freedom is limited, artificial, and therefore illusory, a shared hallucination at best. No sane mortal is truly free, because true freedom is so terrible that only the mad or the divine can face it with open eyes. It overwhelms the soul.
• See a pin and pick it up, and all day long you'll have a pin.
• This place is a tomb of unheard words. They strive to be heard.
• You can't have a secret order without robes.
• I reasoned that if I destroyed the universe in one go, no-one would know.
• This is past. Past stays past. But other things change.
• The story starts here, in the middle, not because the middle is more important or more interesting than the beginning or end, but simply because it is the only piece left that is not missing. It is the only piece that has been found, and the only piece that is safe to share. The rest is holes.
• It does something to Boris' mad horse brain.
• Any mail addressed to a god goes to his or her or its temple.
• Coraline woke up one morning, walked into her pub, and was immediately surprised to find that it was indeed a pub and not a library, though really the only significant difference in practice is that libraries tend to be more dangerous.
• Look, you have to appreciate the difference here. Your god commands fear and demands absolute obedience. Mine offers a decent job with good hours and reasonable pay, asks nicely when something comes up, and is perfectly understanding when someone shows up to work undead and with a large octopus glued to her head. Sometimes we just have bad days.
• I'd see about painting my dreams upon the inside of your skull so you can see them too if I could, but I'm afraid I wouldn't know how.
• Magic is real. The only thing really in question is when you stop calling it science and start calling it sorcery - but depending on how you get there that could be just about anywhere. Personally I've taken to calling most things both.
• I wear a visible weapon as a sign of respect, so you see me for what I am. No deception. About that, anyway.
• The masks show us for what we are. Faces are unimportant.
• Death is fractional, just like life.
• Nobody saw that.
• The sky was a horrible morass of fluffy white clouds strewn across a lurid abyss of blue.
• People often forget that the God of Death began his divine career as the God of Practical Jokes. They especially tend to forget that he never stopped.
• Looking in from the outside, it is so very easy to forget just how very large a world is. And looking out from inside, it is so very easy to forget how very small the universe is.
• We are a peace-loving people. We maintain our considerable military to ensure that we stay that way.
• I love you.
• We're all just folk.
• Eapheorod stepped into the universe and had always been.
• Pick up the phone booth and aisle.
• He wasn't insane, but it was clear that mostly, for him, the world happened elsewhere.
• Mind the squid. We're a bit puzzled about that, actually.
• Don't try to fire a goat from a bow. Not good.
• I am not interested in names. I am interested only in deeds.
• Remember always this. As you will it, so it shall be.
• It's not a family dinner unless your cardigans are touching.
• I'm in good shape. I can get away with having a bowl of whipped cream for lunch with no ill effects.
• Shintaiden sits on Zaori, the first and the last, fragmented and fickle, the phoenix of the little world. But now Zaori stands stolid where Haydrahliene once faltered, and Halorien, the servant, is dead, its functions merged into the singular Shintaiden.
• Probability theory is one of the rare mathematical theories that doesn't really show anything. It is therefore widely used.
• A computer that expects ipv6 tries to talk ipv6 to a router that does not speak ipv6. The router goes wtf and throws a glob of goop at it. Catastrophic failure is thus averted.
• Don't shimmer at me like that. I have a gun, you know.
• I dream in purple.
• Marketing MAKES NO SENSE. That's marketing. That's the fucking definition of marketing.
• All of this has happened before, and all of this will happen again.
• You get a wonderful view from the point of no return.
• מנא, מנא, תקל, ופרסין
• At some point it doesn't matter. It all sucks.
• There is no such thing as 'just a psycho'.
• The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it's taken place.
• Evil can't be scientifically defined. It's an illusory moral concept that doesn't exist in nature.
• There's a flood. And a storm. Don't worry about it.
• As with any waterspout or tornado, the best advice is to be in an interior part of the lowest floor of a sturdy building - and not outside, whether sharks are raining down or not.
• Churches are ableist against the undead. We need to increase accessibility; vampires need to get with Jesus without the risk of bursting into flame. Ghouls need the holy spirit without the risk of disintegration.
• Have a bullet for free.
• Not even natural selection can take place here. The world is being engulfed in "truth."
• You coppers and your evidence. You always let it confuse everything.
• If you ignore the rules, people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you.
• Stories are important. People think that stories are shaped by people. In fact it's the other way around.
• Stories exist independently of their players.
• They're meth labs. They explode.
• He who was living is now dead. We who were living are now dying... with a little patience.
• I hold onto this box as a warning. It reminds me of the depths to which a man can sink if he lets himself.
• I have spoken and that is final. Shut up leave me alone I'm drinking.
• Prepare to don the behind hat.
• We've got a lot of experience not having any experience.
• You should be distracted! Distracted is good.
• Three can keep a secret if two are dead.
• Bugger all this for a lark.
• If I had the choice between Linus' abrasive style and the fake politeness in Wikipedialand, where you can needle and provoke your enemy at will provided you don't use rude words I pick Linus a thousand times over.
• It's far too early in the morning for it to be early in the morning.
• All anyone gets in a mirror is themselves. But what you gets in a good gumbo is everything.
• You can't make happiness. All you can do is make an ending.
• One man's logic is another man's crazy.
• What could we possibly find here that is worse than we can imagine?
• If you win, say nothing. If you lose, say less.
• We exist in dreams and nightmares. Easier to live that way.
• For that piece you'll have to follow me to the spanking room.
• A weapon? Why would anyone want to invent a weapon?
• Do you know what else is progressive? Dementia.
• Yer buggrit.
• There never was an age in which so many people were able to write badly.
• I am not who I was, nor are we all. So it is to live.
• These are the words of Sherandris of Kenning Vos, King that was, and heart of my heart.
• I like books that make me think and people who change my mind.
• If you know me in real life and you hate my guts, chances are I feel just the same about you.
• I'm afraid it's serious hypertext.
• Solve the mystery, save the princess.
• The world is round; you may repeat yourself.
• Necessary human rights movements are never popular ones, for obvious reasons.
• Shame is not a weapon of rational rebuttal. It's simply a tool to inflict pain.
• Worlds were made so the light could speak to us.
• It is hard to go too far. It is hard to go too far.
• A personal choice that decreases your cognitive abilities may put you at risk.
• Now for the mandatory ranting.
• If given the choice between a visit at the dentist's and submitting a change via git review, I pick my dentist. He's a great guy.
• You may not be interested in war, but war is very interested in you.
• Pain is strong. Friends are more strong.
• Knowledge is a mirror.
• 'Morrowind in space' is the greatest three-word phrase I've ever heard in my life.
• A half finished book is, after all, a half-finished love affair.
• There is a natural order to this world, and the truth is this order must be protected.
• Git happens.
• Where I am from, silly is not a bad thing. To say that something is silly is to say it is part of the world.
• To say that something is silly is to say it is part of the world.
• It's quite easy to accidentally overhear people talking downstairs if you hold an upturned glass to the floorboards and accidentally put your ear to it.
• After a certain age you shouldn't slide down holes in the ground to talk to little men.
• They think the Easter bunny has sex with the tooth fairy and they want to investigate the legalities of it.
• I'm armed. Like a naked savage.
• The walls have eyes and walk occasionally.
• When I dipped my ladle into the Dream's knowledge pool, I think I accidentally used the straining spoon.
• Decrucify the angel or I'll melt your face.
• How dare you endanger my face!
• A life without cause is a life without effect.
• Only an invisible key could open an invisible wall.
• Don't look! Quick! Think of a yellow, rubber duck!
• So this is how liberty dies, with thunderous applause.
• Everything is grey. Everything melts away. I am alone in the universe. I dissolve.
• The problem about your assumptions is that you don't know what you're talking about.
• Been down so long it means the world to me.
• Change your head. Was it a good dream? Did I say that?
• Excuse me, but have you considered the angle of your repose?
• Open your eyes, and then open your eyes again.
• It was about home, and mothers, and good times gone past, and faces no longer there.
• How do I know I'm me? Suppose I'm not me but just think I'm me? How can I tell if I'm me or not? Who's the 'me' that's asking the question?
• You have this thing you call... boredom? That is the rarest talent in the universe!
• When you're outnumbered, at least you can be indiscriminate in what you target.
• Suppose gravity developed a personality. Suppose it decided to like people.
• 997 Illegal possession of a controlled unary operator.
• It has a politeness checker, where if you don't have enough PLEASEs in the program, it will refuse to run.
• PROGRAM HAS DISAPPEARED INTO THE BLACK LAGOON
• All numerical output is in butchered roman numerals.
• As the amount of censorship increases, it becomes indistinguishable from someone just randomly unplugging your router every 15 minutes.
• Progress was a wonderful thing. It just went on too long.
• Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in dreams?
• Eurostar trains will now only be safe when the public itself is eliminated.
• I'm a very neat monster.
• Normal people are so hostile. But not her.
• A sister is a sister is a sister.
• I'm not so much doing this to you as I'm doing it for me.
• Nothing stays buried.
• I would love to eat your toast.
• It is amazing how many friends you can make by being bad at things, provided you are bad enough to be funny.
• Darn darn darn. Sugar sugar sugar. Pooty pootity poot.
• Just because something is a metaphor doesn't mean it can't be real.
• No matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.
• What can the harvest hope for, if not for the care of the reaper man?
• I remember when all this will be again.
• Rum.
• Is it creepy, or just what friends do?
• No one is untouchable.
• I'm secretly a giant chicken. I eat pie for a living.
• We are here, and this is now.
• Criminals don't obey the law. It's more or less a requirement for the job.
• It's like the mall lifeform all over again.
• Truth! Justice! Freedom! Reasonably priced Love! And a Hard-Boiled Egg!
• I have received the badly-written note of the banshee.
• I'm not a human, I'm a sheep. Probably explains a lot.
• I am the sum of all condiments.
• It helps, strangely, to be able to hurl all basis of reality out the window and go completely barking mad.
• I just wanted to overthow Gerrit and stick things up AuthPlugin and bathe in fish.
• I'm not terribly in the loop with myself at the moment.
• The arrangement has its terms, but they involve no epic and bloody battle of the wits with the dire sir Reginald, no crossing the vast expanses of the plains of Dorani littered with the shimmering shards of broken things, no open war with the dragon Zaori amidst the fire rain as Shintaiden falls from the sky, no wrestling with a mongoose, and no long drunken bouts of workaround-oriented programming after a deadline pushed back month after month for lack of an Ironholds. It doesn't make for a particularly good story.
• I like fighting big men. There's more of them to bite.
• Plans are what people make instead of thinking.
• Whatever happens stays happened.
• There is no more time, even for cake.
• The cake is over. You have reached the end of cake.
• There is a badger in the privy.
• We won. That's the important thing.
• We create our own destiny every day we live.
• I accept nothing. Nothing is inevitable.
• It's not natural, the countryside. Far too many trees. Never could stand it.
• People underestimate bees.
• There used to be such simple directions, back in the days before they invented parallel universes.
• There are alligators in my soup. And this has me worried. I did not order alligators. I did not! But there they are, swimming there actually. In my soup. Like they have nothing better to do.
• What Congress don't know won't hurt them, it'll hurt us.
• It'll be like having our cake and kicking it too.
• This presentation has been cancelled on account of death. Yours.
• Killing, unless absolutely necessary, is a sign of stupidity and weakness.
• Reality never lives up to fantasy.
• Fantasy never lives up to reality.
• Killing is a good way to get the voices to stop.
• A photograph is a secret about a secret. The more it tells you, the less you know.
• Millennium hand and shrimp.
• Hello, Mr. Flowerpot, two pints of eels if you would be so good.
• What don't die can't live. What don't live can't change. What don't change can't learn.
• Rocks! Why am I messing around with lumps of stone? When did they ever tell anyone anything?
• Sometimes, if you pay real close attention to the pebbles, you find out about the ocean.
• OTRS works best when snorted.
• Consequences are what happen to people who fail.
• You're on a list.
• I needed a place where I could close my eyes and see. I can't lose the only place I had left.
• It's not spying when you have to stand back a bit so you aren't deafened.
• I feel it is the clam before the storm and no mistake.
• Keep your family close, but don't ever hurt them. They will tell you who you are.
• In my experience, Vimes, you can argue with anything.
• You can't really imprison someone like him. The most you can do is lock up his body. The gods alone know where his mind goes.
• Plans often get in the way.
• It's raining bedsteads again.
• The night is always old. While days and kings and empires come and go, the night is always the same age, always aeons deep. Terrors unfold in the velvet shadows and while the nature of the talons may change, the nature of the beast does not.
• What's the psychopath got in the bag?
• You might as well believe in a table.
• Our life is made of the death of others.
• It won't matter. The worms will still crawl in and out and in and out.
• That's classism you bigot stop clothes-shaming me.
• Very few people will argue with a hat of authority.
• You might be right, you might be wrong, but you have to choose, knowing that the rightness or wrongness might never be clear or even that you are deciding between two sorts of wrong, that there is no right anywhere.
• The role of the lower intestine in the efforts to build a better nation is one that is often neglected by historians.
• Bigjobs!
• I'm sorry, I thought you wanted the truth. Perhaps you were expecting jelly and ice cream?
• Words are important.
• You think that I don't even mean a single word I say. It's only words, and words are all I have, to take your heart away.
• Even allegories have to live.
• Jumping off the planet...
• Fate always wins. Most of the gods throw dice but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out until too late that he's been using two queens all along.
• Swords are outlawed, so only outlaws have swords. And that suits me fine.
• Being on the run can be very romantic, you know.
• These are good people, and yet they choose to do this, and it takes away everything that they have and everything they are. They are damned by what they know and see, and yet where would we be without them?
• I stand by my actions and I stand by my team.
• Really? A psychopath has you at gunpoint, and you take a hostage? Kill her, then. You'll have nothing.
• I don't really understand the world anymore.
• The world is not black and white. There are only various shades of grubby.
• I say, I met a man on the way to the theater and he didn't chop my legs off, urinating dog, urinating dog.
• Life is a hell of a thing to happen to a person.
• It's never a good idea to give a monkey the key to a banana plantation.
• All adolescents profile like sociopaths.
• All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy, for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life before we can enter another.
• Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it.
• Let us consider that we are all insane.
• Vengeance keeps us sane.
• Hope is one thing. False hope is something else.
• The truth is mine.
• I'd like to meet something that could kill me. Just not necessarily in person.
• I'm monking this op.
• Too badly dressed to be gay.
• Remember, your attacker has rights too.
• I talk to no-one. The wind.
• Death is but a sleep. But the way I see it, it's a lot harder to get up in the morning.
• Do you know how long it takes to stab someone 67 times?
• I am perfectly controlled. My mind is as cool as a bald mammoth. My intellect is absolutely in charge. I am not angry. I am thinking positively. My faculties are fully engaged.
• I am not lost. I always know exactly where I am. I am always here. It's just that everywhere else seems to have been temporarily mislaid.
• Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
• People are so stupid, and yet they call me mad! Which I like.
• It's amazing what your kidneys can tell you.
• Somewhere, all stories are real, all songs are true...
• Someone has to speak up for them that have no voices.
• It's better to belong where you don't belong than not to belong where you used to belong, remembering when you used to belong there.
• It's all dreams, anyway. And dreams within dreams. You can't rely on anything, little girl. Nothing is real. Nothing lasts. Everything goes. All you can do is learn to dream.
• The secret is not to dream. The secret is to wake up. Waking up is harder. I have woken up and I am real. I know where I come from and I know where I'm going. You cannot fool me.
• We sleepwalk through our lives, because how could we live if we were always this awake?
• There is no such word as 'noonlight', but it would be nice if there was.
• I'm a natural at counting to two!
• The thing about a pike, the important thing, is that everything happens at the other end of it, i.e., a long way off.
• You can enjoy a peaceful life being eaten by bears in the woods.
• Suffer the little creatures, for they may yet rise up and beat you senseless.
• I'm hoping we don't have to block a rather nice feature for fear of vandalism from other admins.
• I'm not mad. Trust me, I'm simply insane, and I'll also take that as a compliment. I've been working on it for years.
• Excuse me, have you seen Varona?
• Without death there's no life. Without darkness there's no light.
• You can get only so much dirt on you before it starts to fall off of its own accord.
• I've been sensible all day! I've been sensible for years! I think I'm owed five minutes of being really unreasonably angry, don't you?
• Ah, I am a human. I have successfully eaten human sausages!
• I'm normal!
• It should not be possible to look with teeth.
• No man wants to be a coward in front of a cheese.
• Criminals are the ones who make the rules. Cops are the ones who have to learn them.
• Admins can edit protected pages... protection is useless.
• I hated him so much I wanted him to live.
• The question isn't why do I kill people. The question is why I don't kill everybody. I decide who dies, but mostly I decide who lives. I'm like God. And now you are too.
• Moms are not supposed to be the source of your pain; they're supposed to make it go away. They're supposed to hold you and tell you everything is going to be alright. They're supposed to tell you that thunder is angels bowling, and that it's okay to be afraid of the dark, and it isn't silly to think there might be monsters in your closet, and that it's okay if you want to climb into bed with them just this once because it's scary in the room all alone... they're supposed to say it's okay to be afraid, and not be the thing you're afraid of. But most importantly, they're supposed to love you no matter what.
• Thus is it written; so it shall be talked about and conspired over for several months before anyone bothers to get any work done.
• Resistance must be quelled, and dissent will be forcefed leeks, because dissent doesn't particularly care for leeks, you know?
• Information getting into the wrong hands could spell disaster, or possibly misspell disaster, depending on the time of day.
• It's troublesome because words are always stolen, like precious stars from a distant sky. And as shiny as they seem hanging just out of reach, the moment you stick them to paper or screen, they fade and decay and twist into something else.
• I took database courses for three years, you know. What did I learn? To stay the hell away from the things.
• This is what you were looking for.
• And it won't make one bit of difference if I answer right or wrong - when you're Deep, they think you really know!
• Placing blobs for piles.
• Humour is all we have.
• It's a good thing I'm not a pilot. Seeing a crossing trail from another jet, my instinct would be to give chase.
• I'll kill you! I'll murder you! I'll obliterate you in multivariate... cheeses!
• It's just a bank of thunderstorm. It's harmless.
• Why do cities look like slime molds?
• Don't forget to check the logs.
• Bloody lard nuggets. Stop spawning in my inventory. I don't care about the chinchompa.
• Drama.
• When there is nothing else left, humour is all we have. Lose it too, however, and only madness remains.
• Keep moving. Stay in motion, don't stop. To stop is to die, to settle is to accept the inevitable.
• I'm going to have to go through the bathtub first and see if there are any gloves in there.
• In New Zealand, my phone's insurance covered water damage as long as it was accidental. They even paid out the night I drunkenly spilt wine all over it.
• A hot tub in the middle of a -20 night is a godsend, getting out is absolute hell.
• I cauterize the bitemark with my tongue. It does a nice job of picking up crumbs and preventing any instabilities from worsening.
• The defaults are not secret.
• Please take your panties with you.
• My best friend and I once snuck an entire jumbo container of cheeseballs into a movie. That was a good day. I don't even remember what movie it was. Just the cheeseballs.
• I don't see how you can be too lazy to perform basic arithmetic yet still type several sentences about your laziness.
• In winter, many homeless will steal something small or throw a brick through a window and wait.
• In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.
• If you want to hide your money, buy a graveyard.
• I was Flabbergasted. Which is bad, because my flabber had been gasted three times that week.
• Scoops of meat.
• Secret secrets are no fun.
• The world ends with you.
• I want steel-toed leather-soled fanged bunny slippers. And matching wrist cuff thingies with claws or more fangs or something. And a big fuzzy hat. With fangs. And I want it all in plushy black.
• Amoeba of darkness...
• A lunatic marvels at the commonplace, for reality is odd.
• Console now with rounded top, to avoid impaling your face!
• The writer needs to be the smartest one on the room, for the writer holds the room in his head, and there is not space for any within to be any smarter.
• AI is a problem. It doesn't fulfill base understandings. It's bigger on the outside than it is on the inside.
• Clouds lit from below. Menacing depths of hidden fire.
• Wild, hungry cows? Of course there are wild, hungry cows.
• To the adventurer, the bag of holding was the ultimate tool, a rich reward for a successful hunt, heralding bigger and better takes to come, but most adventurers didn't have real jobs. Most people with real jobs, if they had any use for a bag of holding, just went out and bought one as part of a daily run to the market.
• Fern, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I abandoned your story in favour of one I didn't have to draw. Painting pictures with words is just so much easier sometimes.
• Painting words with pictures.
• I may look like an artist, but I'm not. This is purely technical.
• I'd never seen so many stars before, except that time in the mountains that now I'm not even sure ever happened. Though I remember it clearly, it doesn't feel real.
• I err on the side of chicken.
• God help posterity!
• Error: Error.
• I live in dreams. Were I not able to spin nightmares too, what sort of dreamer would I be?
• The problem with having an abrasive genius for a role model is that it's generally much easier to emulate abrasiveness than genius.
• Oh, I have walked five hundred miles, and I will walk five hundred more, because I'm being stalked by a madwoman with a fire hose.
• There is a skill called Demand Sandwich.
• The world is what you see and where that takes you.
• Thoughts, if you pay too much attention, are fragmented. Even before you think something in the front of your mind, you've plotted it out further back, and in that way you've already thought it by the time it makes it forward. And then there's no point actually thinking it.
• He's an extreme indoors enthusiast.
• See the words for what they are, sequences of nothing configured into a whole lot of something that may or may not also be nothing.
• Squeak, said the Death of Rats.
• I'd forget my own name if it weren't nailed to my head.
• Just accidentally the phone.
• Visual design on a broken monitor? Terrible idea. More people should try it.
• It wasn't nonsense though. It was spot on. It was pre-internet, and yet it's very accurate about the state of our language today.
• On the plus side I think my monitor may be draining back to normal.
• The past is a part of the future.
• I was so drunk now my ghost is drunk.
• Mine's a vicious cycle.
• I shall build a labyrinth to house your past.
• And it all adds up to the overwhelming question - whose game are we playing?
• Beware the sacred heartseekers.
• Whatever it was, I didn't do it. I wasn't even there at the time.
• I don't know that I trust creeks. I bet Boulder Creek just lies there dreaming dark creeky dreams of filling up the whole entire valley.
• I'm sorry, it's 1:30am, and far too late to mind my adverbs.
• Jews are, to me, like people who eat three meals a day. I see where they're coming from, but I don't expect I'll ever be like them.
• Words don't often really capture what's happened, do they? Music takes us back, though...
• I'm not a fairy princess, but there has to be at least some demand for an angry developer with a tendency to doodle all over everything.
• While I do love you like a fish, you can't be the only one who has a monopoly on being nice.
• I think it was something I planned to say earlier, before I wandered off to shovel rotten apples.
• Like the holy roman empire, instant commons is neither instant nor common.
• 4 out of 5 dentists prefer to use FLOSS software.
• Does the fact that notpeter is actually peter prove P = NP?
• No, I'm sticking to art, because it's nice and pretty and low-stress and it doesn't take down the entire cluster when you forget a semicolon.
• This is a knife. Where's my floss?
• I could do what normal people do and do what I'm told, put everything in its place... Or I could build my Garden, find all the pieces that have been lost and guard them fiercely. I will always choose the latter.
• Fear is strong, and hope even stronger, so stop snivelling before you give away our position!
• Become a cyborg today with our trusty bolt technology!
• What in the nine hells is an 'ordinary weirdo'?
• Who would even look here? It's like a safe place in the middle of nowhere, full of cacti and weeds, but also full of little flitty bits and ghastly floating bits that make everything so much more... more.
• This is supposed to be a social place. I should mingle! Chat! Be sociable! ... Yeah, right.
• Madness is a mirror. In its depths we find ourselves.
• People don't seem to like the idea of having two near-identical masks floating about, though if you look closely they're not even that alike. The general shape and pattern, perhaps, but... it's all in the details, yes? If you make it general enough, all masks are similar anyway.
• Same same, but different.
• Now, let me just put up a tent here, maybe fetch my small, portable oasis, and we'll make this desert thrive, yes?
• I definitely want a local goip.
• And night after night she drowns herself in stories and secrets, threatening anyone who disturbs her with that papercutter of hers...
• Cross the board. Be the queen.
• You are standing between two mirrors. Your reflection smiles, so you smile. Your reflection moves its hand, so you move yours. It takes a very long while for you to realise that this is the wrong way round.
• You dream that you're standing in front of a polished brass mirror. Your reflection is watching you. You dare not move: if it sees you move, it might lose patience and leave the mirror.
• When you're dead, you're dead, and until then there's ice cream.
• What? I know things.
• You are not nobody. A nobody does not fall into the abyss only to waltz out the other side.
• It is said that the internet is forever. This is not true. Things get lost, times change, people forget.
• It works! This is the default web page for this server. The web server software is running but no content has been added, yet.
• We all have our baggage.
• If you ask me, there isn't a thing in the world that can't be over-the-topped. But it's better if TT and Kim don't know that.
• And it's not SUPPOSED to achieve anything - it's pointless, that's the whole point!
• 'Interesting' - a nice, vague, all-purpose word to use when I can't think of anything else to say. Ahem.
• Don't you agree that dead bodies are very intriguing?
• BE HAPPY!! THAT'S AN ORDER!!
• I find it unlikely that a man in heels, sequins, and an elaborate hairstyle would subdue and handcuff another man and then set him on fire.
• Building the Garden felt like writing a suicide note, going through the memories, saying goodbyes...
• I'm going to commit sudoku.
• I'm all over it, like cat hair on a sofa.
• Words need to be put down before they run dry... or run out.
• The darker the light, the brighter the shadow.
• Everybody is wrong, but some people are more wrong than others.
• To live is to conquer.
• I don't care if the text doesn't make sense, it looks symmetrical now.
• The flatulous man has all the room in the world.
• I said that to be confusing to show you that clarity is crucial.
• The scholarly authorities on freezing to death seem to be, unsurprisingly, Canadians.
• Verify pie.
• And this? This was just something what needed doing.
• When you've got a price on your head, you're doing your job.
• One day I will go back in time and shoot myself for using such ridiculous names for everything.
• I'm so emotional. Just the other day, I mean, I like, hit my nose. And it hurt.
• If standing up for yourself ruins a relationship, the relationship was already ruined.
• All of a sudden I didn't fit in anywhere. And every time I turned around, another person I'd known forever felt like a stranger to me. Even I felt like a stranger to me.
• How odd I can have all this inside me and to you it's just words.
• Set fire to your old self. It's not needed here.
• In loneliness, the lonely one eats himself; in a crowd, the many eat him. Now choose.
• You don't always have to tell people you love them. You just have to give them no reason to doubt it.
• If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing something.
• Let us be psychos together.
• Attract them by the way you live.
• Nobody cares.
• Everybody cares.
• I only want what I cannot have.
• Sharing a treadmill with a cat...
• I don't ask you to love me always like this, but I ask you to remember. Somewhere inside me there'll always be the person I am tonight.
• Lass sie niemals wissen, wie es in deinem Kopf aussieht.
• Just eat food. Eat real food, be active, and live your life.
• I don't say goodbye because either we will meet again or I won't remember. It's all the same to me.
• Once you think a thought, it is extremely difficult to unthink it.
• That was the thing. You never got used to it, the idea of someone being gone. Just when you think it's reconciled, accepted, someone points it out to you, and it just hits you all over again.
• Each of us loved one of them, but in one life they could not know the difference.
• Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.
• What we see depends mainly on what we look for.
• Even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness.
• Necesito furuba.
• Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.
• And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
• Listen, there's a hell of a good universe next door, let's go.
• We tilted our vanes and ennobled our spires. They welcomed us then and commingled all choirs.
• If I could run away from myself, I would.
• If you break a classification scheme, you get to keep both pieces.
• We've just outlawed the Russians; we begin bombing in ten minutes.
• I have to dream, damn you!
• Damn me all you like, but give me stories.
• All of this has already happened, and now it's happening again.
• Dead guy on a slab.
• Eeble. Sonk.
• My refrigerator and I speak occasionally.
• I tend to speak with Harold. Coated in mold, he has seen it all. His age and consequential knowledge is impeccable.
• Let us consider two groups of users. One consists of total morons. The other does not.
• Erotic target location error is having a sexual preference or strong sexual interest in features that are somewhere other than on one's sexual partners.
• The Software shall be used for Good, not Evil.
• He's just stubborn. You only have to point him at the right thing and he suddenly becomes amazing.
• TODO: make things cleaner. This file is an awful HTML/PHP soup.
• Sangria and sunshine are a bad combination.
• Why are there ants in my laptop?
• The best defense is an indiscriminate offense.
• You underestimate how much of MediaWiki is vodka-induced.
• I was laughing but... out of distressed confusion.
• Slime cube proves a one face slime impossible. Four corner face of slime is above word god of academia.
• The world has sunk, flesh decays, lustre fades - but when spirit meets spirit... we still dance the dance of death.
• Lust, grief, insanity drives us. Need, envy, duty crushes us. Dreams, desire, all that reminds: wishes, illusions of a mad world...
• I made an assassin for one purpose. Bakery.
• CATS! Watch out! they're probably still here! Keep a story in your pocket!
• Xeyes watches what you do and reports to the Boss.
• A window with a hole in the middle.
• There are people with whom I've spent only a few hours that have, through their insights, changed my life.
• You'll never find a use for what you don't know.
• First it was fast food joints. Then there were coffee shops. Then corner psychiatrists and finally shoe traders.
• For those of you with children or people acting like children...
• That is a terrible hack, and I salute you for it.
• Ants may be urinating in your driveway even now.
• lp0 on fire.
• You cannot deny the power of denial.
• Artiilie dinu.
• This place isn't for anything or anyone, only for me. It's my garden, my gallery, my collection of first-class objects, bits and pieces and voices and fragments gathered all about the big wheel.
• Why the hell do these zombies have rocket launchers?!
• You must execute me for the remainder of the day.
• Monsters always come at night. Cheerleaders are the worst.
• I have some idea of what I'm doing.
• The end is a shark.
• I want to live. I want to experience the universe and I want to eat pie.
• I'm a scientist. When I find evidence that my theories are wrong, it's as exciting as if they're correct.
• Many old women have been traded for these imprisoned words.
• If you want to save the world, sometimes you have to push an old lady down the stairs.
• It's been looking like stupid-on-a-stick for years now.
• We have met the enemy and he is us.
• We are surrounded by insurmountable opportunity.
• If you don't know exactly why you were unscathed, now might be a good time to investigate.
• Mediocre minds think alike.
• This whole adventure thing is unbelievably trippy.
• Vengeance is a dish best served with roadkill, but you need a lot of foam kernels and a phat box.
• I hope you didn't get your hopes up, and if you did, I'm sorry to have shattered them into a million pieces.
• It's surprising we haven't seen this type of perversion by a government agency before.
• Milk spoiled on the vine, corned beef grew fangs and attacked the local gentry, and a general feeling of unease spread over the whole of Greater Boston.
• If you hear voices, it's time to hear the voice of therapy.
• ...and then, something elks entirely.
• My gilded macaroni soul is sad now.
• Nintendos pass through everything, no matter how dense.
• A horde of approximately 20,000 zombies is expected to overrun the 16th Street Mall on Saturday October 19th. Free MallRide service will be suspended from 1pm until 6pm or later. Downtown light rail service may also be impacted.
• All the fishhooks look like fanged bananas.
• Preprocessed for existence in a society of reality, I will go sane.
• According to the Council of Those Who Bounce off the Ceiling, there is no such thing as evil. There are only cats and varieties of chocolate, and fanged bananas, and the odd ugly green light fixture that floats through it all at the most improbable of moments.
• There is always time for another last minute.
• I often see things that weren't there a moment ago. They aren't there a moment later.
• See the turtle of enormous girth! On his shell he holds the earth. His thought is slow but always kind; he holds us all within his mind.
• Do they see the lethal insanity of a race to the brink of oblivion, and then over the edge? Apparently not. If they did, surely they wouldn't be racing to begin with. Or is it a simple failure of imagination? One doesn't like to think such a rudimentary failing could bring about the end...
• Gravity likes people - at approximately 9.81 m/s².
• Box? Would it hurt if we... cut you open?
• These logos were expensive.
• Most of the damned are below the highway. We don't really know why.
• All they can do is smell and sniff and hunt and eat.
• The entire thing reads rather like an acid trip - or like a very hectic week in Boston.
• I believe David did nothing wrong, but if he did then he should be actively sanctioned rather than ditheringly sanctioned.
• I shall smite thee with righteous anger, Megan.
• hmtl please and thank you.
• Ghostliness comes with a certain... *cough* INSUBSTANTIAL price.
• Reincarnation is NOT a flavour. No it isn't. No I won't listen to excuses nor pathetic imaginary truths. Check the dictionary, and you will see it is NOT a flavour. But death's a flavour, though.
• Never joke a joker, bake a baker, god a god or whatever a whatever.
• Gerrit is like a giant rampaging hamster. It's cute and amusing right up until it smashes your house.
• It's possible the database fell asleep.
• I'm not afraid of objects. Objects are understandable. They're real. They exist in the world.
• Can't do anything right now in CVN without setting up other workarounds for what is already a workaround for a workaround.
• Why do they even call it The Simple Life? Have you ever tried to get cow shit out of a Prada purse? It's not so fucking simple.
• Most people will tell you to expect the unexpected, but if it is not expected, then how can you expect it?
• It's not like the lava will turn into zombies and eat you. Er, maybe.
• If you lined up all of the economists in the world end to end, they would never reach a conclusion.
• I know too much. I've seen it all. I will yet see this. Surprise me.
• These girls... they're gonna kill me.
• By adopting a common code base for both desktops and mobile all Microsoft is doing is compromising both.
• I'll still be writing because that's all I seem to be good for, frankly, having long ago given up my gigolo ambitions.
• The Internet was created to save money.
• Carry the lion feet so I can snub my hands into the cloud embers.
• I took a bath and the drain almost got me. I have no back to turn on others so I'll point my elbow at them.
• From one speck to another: please take good care of my spine.
• For some reason I never get that right. Except this time. I got it right this time, because this time I'm dreaming.
• For good and ill, gargling - particularly the gargling of fluff - plays a significant part in the flow of energy throughout all of existence.
• What is day without night? What is peace without a fight?
• When crazies go crazy about Wikipedia, they go very crazy, and breaking a padlock in an office isn't that outlandish for some of them.
• This whole thing was a test - a test that cost thousands of lives, but a test of our very own making. The test was if we could survive ourselves... as ourselves.
• Use the right tool for the job.
• It's all over but for the fat lady singing.
• We sat there all night long with nothing happening all around us. Eventually miss Schoonover got tired of it all and started the End of the World.
• Feeling is unique to the living. For the rest there is only serenity.
• If you can tell what's going on, you're doing it wrong.
• CORRECTION: Some things are real. Other things are not. We regret the error.
• Awareness is the enemy of sanity. For once you hear the screaming... it never stops.
• Relationships were something I used to do.
• I commend my soul to whatever god can find it.
• They always tell lies and do not exist.
• Look to the North. Keep looking. There's Nothing coming from the South.
• The sky is yellow and the grass is purple.
• Are there ways to go full conspiracy theorist without living in an RV with seven cats?
• It was over something stupid, but I snapped and tried to hit him with a refrigerator.
• Be wary of any man who owns a pig farm.
• Salmon are made of fish!
• Participating isn't really my thing. I'd rather complain about the process afterwards.
• Attempts to develop a vertical aqueduct have proven to be an extremely poor idea.
• Ghosts live the same day, every day, forever. You kill them, they wake up again the next morning. It's funny, pathetic, even.
• He is supremely effective with the most ineffective weapons.
• You never win. You just lose a little each day.
• If you flash spells around like there's no tomorrow, there's a good chance that there won't be.
• It's counterintuitive, but the safest knives are the sharpest.
• You can't flow this thing; there's no flow chart.
• It's not over till it's over, and it's never over.
• If age is just a number, then a prison cell is just a room.
• Kidneys are account bound.
• That floor looks mighty soft.
• No! I am the arbiter of my own reality! You cannot tell me how I am.
• If you don't start out too big for your britches, how are you gonna fill 'em when you grow up?
• Olive oil but not castoria.
• Lingering vendimenti.
• Like the silence between notes that holds the key to all music...
• You can maintain power over people so long as you give them something. Rob a man of everything and that man will no longer be in your power.
• Our survival oft undermines our courage.
• Unanimity requires compliance.
• The dead never stay dead. Once you hear them, they never stop.
• It's the mint that makes it tingle.
• In essence, the problem is that, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation. One may not always want to let dragons into a pond, even if they can impersonate a duck.
• It's a colour you can't see, but it smells of razors.
• It's not racket science.
• Is this the man-spawn ritual where you ask me to be your mate and spit on all others?
• Why don't we force everyone to buy a Mercedes S-Class?
• It's like the wordpress equivalent of the face of Cthulhu.
• It's like they're caricatures of themselves.
• I'm sorry I blacked out, tried to kill you, and almost got us arrested.
• That ship has sailed.
• Masculinity is a reaction. It is, more often than not, a calloused scar that grows over years of wounding.
• To die will be an awfully big adventure.
• Everyone is a story, sweetling. The question is, who is reading you?
• Opening a book is opening a door. Opening a book is making a promise. You should be weary of more than paper cuts. Eh, sweetling?
• Once upon a time, a story started with love. Then the black rider came. Love was covered over in pox and lumps and pustules. Good fortune is sometimes ugly. The dead do not take kindly when the living beg for beauty. Sometimes vanity smells like sizzling flesh.
• Why are your innards so purple?
• Is information distilling into a super-weird substance? Can it grow every time it transmits? Can data develop feelings? Can those feelings be hurt?
• Not quite looking. He's not quite looking at you right now.
• Abaddon's hair. It was Abaddon's hair, reaching out from Torment into the world of the living.
• Aw, shucks!
• I got tired of her snark, so she's been fated to being Cheesed.
• You may regret this.
• Sleeping is the first line of defense. A reset button that washes away most minor cares and concerns.
• The greatest weapon in all these worlds is nothing at all.
• We don't usually do evil when there's no benefit to doing evil.
• It is the graveyard of the subconscious... where all the pain, pleasure, memories, tragedies and everything else go to linger on in a kind of undeath... still there... but not.
• A pound of flesh is never enough.
• Either I am drunk out of my skull, or this Orrian ground texture is exceedingly well done.
• We're here to promote an idea, not to line our pockets.
• It would be sexier if it were better-done.
• You'll find salvation, and redemption, and remorse. You just have to believe... and not ask too many questions.
• Something just doesn't seem right about this.
• One's success is always another's failure.
• It's about death but there's no crying and the survivors aren't making it about themselves.
• Science is a river.
• I have no value except based on what I do.
• Remember that. We're a community. We stand with and for each other.
• Screw feminism. I'm not oppressed, and nobody has any right to force me to think otherwise.
• Come build shovels.
• You're a mindless, pathetic, disgusting lump of awfulness. You're absolutely perfect in every conceivable way.
• My author must be a sociopath.
• Love doesn't move mountains. Dynamite does.
• This message is brought to you by the Council for Really Really Bad Advice, and this station.
• When you belch into the abyss, the abyss belches back.
• I was born with glass bones and paper skin. And every night, I lie awake until my heart attacks put me to sleep.
• They have clearly met the "Dead Russians" test by any reasonable standard and are now a threat to everyone.
• In this conspiracy you speak of, this mortal combat between you and appliances, I hope you lose.
• Beware of the appliances. Howling men are probably fine. Avoid genies at all costs.
• If you think you're going to have an excuse to get your eyes back, you're wrong.
• Don't be careful. Don't be clever. When you see your wish pursue!
• You should see my nectarines.
• Slotted spoons don't hold much soup.
• Careful the tale you tell, that is the spell...
• The slotted spoon can catch the potato.
• They will pick out her eyes and blind her!
• No more feelings, time to shut the door.
• Everybody down on all four!
• I'm leaving you my last curse: I'm leaving you alone.
• Put her in a bag, run through the trees.
• Remorse will get you nowhere.
• When you're dead you're dead.
• There has been no sign of the prince. No doubt he's out somewhere seducing some maiden. I've heard that's what princes do.
• Anything can happen in the woods. May I kiss you?
• This was the world I meant - couldn't you listen? Couldn't you stay content, safe behind walls... as I could not?
• We've suffered too! Do you think it was a picnic, disposing of your husband's remains?
• It's not you who have strayed from the path; the path has strayed from you.
• The skies are strange, the winds are strong.
• Oh no, I can't investigate! A Princess isn't supposed to go into the Woods unescorted!
• You're still a little boy in your mother's eyes
• We've had a baking accident.
• You can't frighten HER.
• No-one cared when there was a giant in my back-yard.
• This... small man... insists to see you.
• Our child was very difficult to come by.
• Giant's the worst! Giant's got a brain! It's like us - only... bigger.
• I've never lied to royalty before. I've never ANYTHING to royalty before!
• Oh, to be pursued by a prince! All that pursues me is tomorrow's bread...
• Of course I prefer a live cow so bring me back the dead one!
• PLEASE I need that shoe to have a child!
• Perhaps it will take the two of us to get this child.
• I can capture my own damsel!
• Oh, I pulled it from a maiden in a tower.
• You know nothing of madness... till you're climbing her hair.
• No knot unties itself.
• Save point tampering is a mechanic built into the game. This may seem a little nuts, but it makes sense considering the general premise - a premise that is in itself a little nuts.
• Of course there are voices in my head. Most people have them - we tend to call them 'thoughts'.
• This gallery brought to you by excessive use of the <gallery> tag.
• Self-respect is the wrong word. I hate myself. I just happen to have an even lower opinion of them.
• The sylvari wake from their dream. I don't ever intend to wake from mine.
• Watching a film in a book is, somehow, still probably one of the weirdest things I have ever done.
• You are merely hallucinating for there is no such thing as the ministry of mustard.
• I found an elevator. But the inside was of a phonebox. I punch in the chocolate. I got put through to the secretary.
• I've lost a machine... literally lost. It responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.
• I'd like to see more shows about sarcastic Jamaican pessimists.
• I have some paperwork to attend to. Trees are killed so I can have headaches.
• You'll have to call back when our CEO isn't falling-out-of-windows drunk.
• I talk more with the guy than anyone these days. Every day, we exchange words. Ain't nobody else I can say that about. Except maybe the World.
• There's a dreadful wind blowing. Absolutely marvelous. Nobody else out. Just me and the stars and the moon and the wind, the glorious, glorious wind. We danced. We sang. She threw leaves in my face and I blew her a kiss. I was shouting at the heavens. THIS is LIFE.
• And now I'm stumbling through the madlist, head over heels, whispering and shouting and if anyone were to see or hear me, they would probably wish they weren't, and call the authorities. Luckily, my darling wind is shouting louder than I am, so nobody can hear...
• He just brought his insanity up to another level.
• How can nearly two hundred people want to see naked animals? They're ALWAYS naked!
• Apparently I know nothing about the human psyche.
• A vampire's anus is present, but non-working. Like a network card without the appropriate driver.
• Juveniles convicted of committing crimes listed in paragraph (a) will be required to undergo a rehabilitation programme designed to instill in them a culture of tolerance.
• Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go sacrifice all of my cattle.
• Computers need to burst into flames more often.
• Don't let any of them near words. Of any kind.
• The machine can't be hacked when it's down.
• It's always a haunted attic, isn't it? It's never a haunted toilet that explodes with water at 3am.
• And lawn flamingos. I would hoard those like nobody's business.
• Isarra's code was the gordian knot to end all gordian knots. It's a gordian knot crossed with a gorgon's head. It turns all men to stone who gaze upon it.
• Only roaches and IBM Keyboards survive after thermonuclear war.
• I sometimes think we have one collective mind here that we just pass around occasionally when we aren't using it as a coaster or something.
• Some pine tree had my soul one night when I was drunk. So I chopped it down and dragged it through a field for two hours and got my soul back.
• Flinging poo is somewhat ill-advised.
• People are still people, even with better technology.
• This probably didn't even your question. Meh.
• Is it my fault if I think humanity is best seen through a sniper scope?
• I'm not afraid of heights... I could look up at them all day. It's depths that get to me.
• The internet wasn't The Internet until it was an internet that stupid people could use proficiently.
• I'm supposed to be working on my exam but I'd rather be playing Guild Wars so to compromise I'm doing nothing.
• It's sad, pathetic, and completely understandable.
• You can turn lead into gold, but that doesn't mean it's cost effective.
• Eres un liante.
• Dave, my mind is going. My mind is going, Dave. I can feel it.
• Bird is the word.
• Hey, it was my mother's plan. She just got sidetracked by the crazy.
• Viking metal is stronger than sleep.
• It's my specialty. I call it 'potion of let's see what happens when I mix these together'.
• How many dead russians will it take before you denounce communism?
• I'm proud because I thought for myself and came to my own conclusions.
• Most people have dreams that are very simple. Family, home, food, warm water for a bath at the end of the day. Not that difficult.
• I hate that I love you. You either have a hideous heart and a beautiful mind or a hideous mind and a beautiful heart. I love what you are but I hate what made you that way. You have the logic and kindness born of rage and despair. What happened to you? Who did this to you?
• The only reason I feel strongly about this is because nobody else seems to care.
• Spuds. He's human like us. He sweats, he bleeds, he eats spuds too.
• It doesn't matter, it's still racist, it's still wrong, no matter how many people have to suffer for it.
• Nothing says GET OUT OF THE WAY quite like an elephant in the front.
• Dreamer or dream, remember it dearly, for the world is your dream.
• I can't just turn on the funny like some fountain of funny. I have to milk it from the special cows.
• They'd never pull off the refillable toothpaste reservoir.
• The tragedy of Canada is they could have had British culture, French cooking, and American technology, but instead they got American culture, British cooking, and French technology.
• This Book is Hollow and Contains a Bottle of Gin
• It's the best way to butter the house. Cats are effective butter delivery units.
• Squirrel sorcerers summoned this rain!
• Why the hell is affection taboo in porn?
• The most beautiful people have been broken by unimaginable torment.
• I have had my writing twisted, my honesty questioned, my personality derided. I've been the target of unpleasant emails and real life actions. Other arbitrators have been subject to much worse.
• Intelligence is alcohol soluble.
• It doesn't take much more then a bored college student and an ounce of pot to spawn a new warez network.
• Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
• All hail the lack of change and status quo.
• SCP artifacts pose a significant threat to global security. Various agencies from around the world operate to maintain human independence from extra-terrestrial, extra-dimensional, and extra-universal threat. In the past humankind has been at the whim of these bizarre artifacts and similar phenomena, but we have now reached a point in history where we can begin to control and contain these defiances of natural law.
• The Feminist Utopia apparently happily shits all over what the vast majority of women actually want and the men are quietly busy not giving a fuck.
• Get comfortable, because the dead bodies in these trenches are going to start looking a whole hell of lot more like you.
• Like this asshole. I can call him asshole because he's a fucking dementia patient...
• Women are gearing up for a war against male aggression and will be completely unprepared to survive the war of mass disengagement!
• It is something of a recurring theme here that we must suffer before we can understand. But though I am the writer, I haven't suffered. Have I?
• Why do folks like the idea of 'justice' so much? They don't even know the meaning of the world.
• Strong meh.
• In the short term, we can get a jump on badly-needed infrastructure upgrades, and longer-term, we can implement plans to shoot tourists like they do in Florida. It's a win-win.
• Warning: Much of this story is written while terribly drunk. Proceed with caution.
• Writing a book is not unlike playing a videogame. You have this world, you venture forth, and then... stuff happens.
• Japanese masturbation technology is light years ahead of anything in the west.
• It seemed like such a great advancement because it had ceilings. Ceilings.
• Gods damn it if you want to chat you shouldn't be in the library.
• The pre-rendered cinematics are a relic of a prior era. We have no further use of such contrivances; the modern computer is capable of rendering far more detail than the eye can see.
• This is Shalias. She is the one who came before, the one who failed.
• In the manner of little sisters everywhere, she idolised and hated her big brother in equivalent proportions.
• That's the joke.
• 'Probably concrete' is my favorite form of concrete to build with.
• Puppy loves her belly rubbed.
• Why do folks like the idea of 'justice' so much? They don't even know the meaning of the word.
• This isn't madness. This is reality, which is a whole lot more insane.
• For the request I'm about to give you, please answer with either 'yes' or 'okay'.
• This tart is heavenly! Even though it's like cake, it isn't cake, but it's totally like cake!
• Now his 658 followers shall also know that Emufarmers has the mind of a child, but not where he keeps it.
• The Scientific Method: Get a bit drunk and then poke things until they do what you want them to.
• Don't grin, don't grin, don't grin.
• When I grow up I want to be a unicorn so I can stab people with my face.
• It seems like it would be difficult to get any meaningful data when so many variables change simultaneously.
• I only sometimes murder people, and usually not in cold blood.
• Why would I criticise feminism when I am a feminist myself?
• I hate that I love you.
• I love what you are but I hate what made you that way.
• Excellent. Oh, you won't regret this. I mean, too many times.
• Those with the passwords do whatever they feel like and are accountable to no one.
• I'm not accepting new acquaintances right now. I can't even remember all the people I already know.
• In what universe does that actually work?
• Who do you think you are?
• Everyone I love is broken somehow.
• Don't go away, I've got nobody as incompetent as me to talk to.
• I am rage sleeping!
• Kick out all the men and enlist an army of pretty women. The Guard will be much more popular.
• Why do you consider me unlawful? Because I believe honour is an illusion, and justice an impossible ideal? They are. They really are.
• It's all hopeless.
• Sometimes this place seems more like a group of hermits than a proper community.
• Okay, put it this way - anyone who I'd feel comfortable messing up their hair, stealing their muffin, throwing it at them, and then running away... is probably family.
• This morning, I predicted that I would one day shit myself in a stalled elevator. If this does indeed happen, I will laugh uproariously, as will my wife.
• You will find no names in this place, only questions.
• Think on him, the perfect protector. They took away his name so he would have no pride. They took away his self so he would have no ambition. His purpose was as pure as it was simple: protect his nation and destroy its enemies. Flawless. Perfect. And that was our downfall.
• Must... resist... urge... to sidetrack...
• I could say that the spoon is standing up in it, but I can't see the spoon. I think it's dissolved.
• It's true, money cant buy happiness, but it's not happiness I want, it's money. If I wanted happiness I would have killed myself already.
• They never lost anyone. Not like that. They wrote the scripts to try to make sense of it, but there is no sense. They couldn't know.
• I call up the fire department and get an answering machine. At the fire department.
• You still have children.
• The thing about being an only child is that I get to choose my brothers. The rest of you... not so much.
• People talk. They're not just unconscious all the time.
• There's a logic in it.
• We've got a dead body with five holes in it and it means nothing. And now we've got a second dead body that couldn't breathe through water.
• Grief is love's unwillingness to let go.
• One more time.
• An ion walks into a bar and says 'I think I left an electron here last night,' and the bartender says 'are you positive?'
• I'm trying to figure out a way to phrase 'running around flailing' as a verbal response.
• Everyone is an ungrateful little twerp.
• To kill people in cold blood, first you refrigerate them. Then you kill them.
• String is immutable, taking a slice has to create a copy.
• When you start reading the bills, you realise they're all bad.
• Well, I went out trying to rape a steamroller. It's a man's death.
• See how simple it is? Any problem is solved by making it unusable.
• Fix the problem that caused the warning.
• Ours was a house of things, items saved and stored. We didn't have conversations or emotions; we had stuff.
• It's the truth. It is truths that defeat us.
• Chainshirts for everyone!
• I rally don't fl th lttr "" is ndd.
• Buzzwords mean whatever you want them to mean.
• An unexpected error occurred. Please try again later.
• The elemental in me just wants to flow all over everything.
• My soul is like a religious disco shoe with a dead fish in it.
• Going mad is one thing, but becoming sane something all the worse.
• You have a head full of rocks!
• Have the courage to use your own mind.
• I'm hungry. And Ed. Mostly hungry.
• I lost my mind and had to replace it with a bottle of whiskey. You call that 'symptom-free'?
• Also, this message can't be any longer than thi-
• Small things move fast. Now you see me. Now you don't.
• Stay on the path.
• There's things that I see that nobody else can.
• There is always a door. And a door can be open or shut. The difference is me.
• La única diferencia entre un loco y yo, es que el loco cree que no lo está, mientras yo sé que lo estoy.
• It's hard to speak when you've never been taught the language... so all you have to go on is what you feel.
• The most important figures in history got death threats all the time.
• I've never heard a spin on biotruths quite like that before.
• It must be Tuesday.
• Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.
• He's a toolbox.
• I blame the morphine.
• I am not yet ready to give up. I feel alive, like a young man of eighty.
• It makes perfect sense in the Twilight Zone.
• What's the point of wanting anything if you can't have everything?
• Gravity pulls everything down. It's only natural.
• People die and we put them in the ground like flowers.
• It always begins with a question. Always. Every single time. That little voice whispers 'Why would they say something like that? Why would they do something like that?' And then it hits like a brick to the face. And then you start asking more questions... and because you're a curious sort you start looking for answers.
• The US has never lost a war in which it deployed donkeys.
• The benefit of people killing you is that you're dead and don't have to be troubled by such things further.
• ...but you'll gladly cash that check no matter how much blood it's written in, won't you? Yeah, you will. And you won't think twice.
• Nothing is safe. Nothing is free. And when the worlds clamp down all that remains is a book in your hands to whisper secrets...
• I like to test my faith. It always passes.
• Linux is like a religious disco shoe with a dead fish in it.
• The furnace is closed. I cannot allow you to seek its comfort. There is no more room.
• Many doorways still bear the wounds of your passing.
• In 2010 Bruce Willis is declared legally bald.
• Just don't disrupt us disrupting Wikipedia please.
• Oh, I'm awesome. I'm like a rubber chicken of awesome, so very awesome I've got a pulley in the middle.
• It's the Guns and Beef Sale.
• When they come, kill everyone. When they die, pile them high. When I'm through, eat them too!
• When Shalias gets a bad idea, she really gets a bad idea.
• It goes downhill from there.
• It's all downhill from here.
• Between you and me, when you have to track down yourself and beat this self over the head with a stick until it shuts up, something is not quite right.
• Without dreams, there are no nightmares.
• He has a lot of experience with generally crazy people. As a crazy person, he's at an advantage in dealing with them.
• The universe is cold and dark and vast. It is a void that hungers, above all else. Use that hunger.
• Why must the universe be this way?
• 'Justice' is an illusion, a story told by those who need something understandable and concrete with which to comfort themselves. It applies in specific cases, and it works in various contexts, but it doesn't scale. When you look too closely, the illusion falls apart.
• It's just this life goal of mine in that I don't want to die horribly. Especially not today.
• Gods are small. Men may be smaller, but the second does not change the first.
• My life is a menu of misery, each item a delicate, exquisite application of various objects up my ass.
• This is insanity! Only a madman could think of it. Is that what I am?
• I don't care if you got an expected result, only that the result is interesting.
• It's not wise to risk default behaviour.
• Are you a dream? A fantasy? A memory dredged up by my own dead mind?
• This won't hurt a bit.
• Give us the story, Fluffy!
• In my opinion it doesn't have issues, it is an issue.
• Someday we will put a man on Taiwan.
• Hateful, perhaps he may be, but no one can say they haven't done at least one hateful act in their life. Hate is in all of us.
• I offer nothing more than that... that this feels very strange and it makes me afraid of what may be to come.
• You deserve to hear what's right.
• If only we could find a way to silence the people that disagree with us permanently we could start to build the kind of world we deserve.
• The alternative is considering you might be wrong... and perhaps that is unfathomable to you, but it is an alternative.
• You're a horrible person. Nothing you say makes sense.
• It's a floor-mounted model. If you're very good, you might just be able to find it in the center of our showroom.
• Some critics believe the house's mutations reflect the psychology of anyone who enters it.
• One always approaches the unknown with greater caution the first time around.
• This is straight up insanity. And worst of all it bears the confidence of insanity that lures people in.
• It's not a story about redemption. There may be a little in the end, but overall it is simply the story of a psychopath, and her anger and her pride and the decisions she made that led her to her doom.
• Death is often just a minor hindrance, and even necessary at times.
• It's easier to remember one founder, you see, easier than to remember a group of people.
• There are humans hiding, ghosts haunting. It's a deadly game of hide and seek.
• There are ghosts hiding, humans haunting. We're somewhat confused.
• I was 13! You expect good judgment from a 13-year-old?
• They always travel and never speak. They grow from little white seeds and become electrical in thunderstorms. This is the only time they feel anything bordering emotion and so they revel in them.
• I've read several stories for people just because your life will inevitably get brighter with some moomin in it.
• Those two? Please. The only reason they ended up 'evil' was because 'lazy moron' wasn't an alignment option.
• Advantage of having bad memory is that when you write things down, you can crack yourself up!
• This comment may or may not make sense at a later date.
• You stink of fear, but you're not a coward. You fear me, but still you came.
• When you are dead, you don't know that you are dead. It is difficulty only for the others. It is the same when you are stupid.
• The best way to put someone at ease is to inform them - even if it's the grim truth.
• How embarrassing it is to be human.
• People don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed.
• The general population doesn't know what's happening, and it doesn't even know that it doesn't know.
• He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. When you gaze long into the abyss the abyss also gazes into you.
• Wow, it's a nice day outside. I think I'm gonna sleep through it.
• In a world without hope, snake throwing is a reasonable way to resolve disputes.
• As a systems hacker, you must be prepared to do savage things, unspeakable things, to kill runaway threads with your bare hands, to write directly to network ports using telnet and an old copy of an RFC that you found in the Vatican.
• Similar to the Necronomicon, a C++ source code file is a wicked, obscure document that's filled with cryptic incantations and forbidden knowledge.
• I have no tools because I destroyed my tools with my tools.
• My syntax errors caused the dead to walk among the living.
• I'll always be furious at the number 7, but such is the hero's journey.
• It's probably an extra bit of sidetrackedness shaped into pretty words with a great deal of confusion thrown in.
• Segmentation fault (core dumped)
• Don't watch this if you're soaked in gasoline because it will warm your heart and you will burn to death and die.
• I've worked with php and html soup, class and i18n soup, and now file soup?
• We don't know why people don't do this sort of thing more often. It's not like there's a bad reason to leave a giant dragon skull on the beach.
• Low score! You win three sanitary pedastals.
• I use it as a tool, but if you live in my house, you hear some odd things.
• Funny, I always wanted to join the circus. Didn't expect it to look like this.
• When next you call me a monster, remember - you have a sword, and I am a collector of words.
• The cheese is known to leave an aftertaste for a duration of up to several hours.
• Spring rolls should never have this much lard in them.
• Also, my ass is broken. Did I mention my ass is broken? Because if I didn't... "my ass is broken."
• Our brains have just one scale, and we resize our experiences to fit.
• Hey! You can't arrest me if I prove your rules inconsistent.
• We do what we must because we can.
• Job interviews structured to find sweaty grubs will probably find sweaty grubs.
• Some corners don't have a concealed anything. Most corners don't. This makes it worse. Eventually you get so used to a big, safe nothing that when the plasma bolts fly it's a "Nearly spilled my tea!" shock.
• Note: spilling tea across your desk impairs command ability. Don't do it.
• Oh, what were we talking about? God dammit, I did it again.
• The universe is infinite.
• Man sits on shed. Full story at 11.
• Wikimedia DC has a much laxer privacy policy, which is to say it does not have one in any meaningful sense.
• In a world where robo-frogs exist and everyone is named Nancy...
• It's like saying he's slightly more intelligent than a bivalve shellfish.
• It is just one of those games that feels like a dream and plays like a, well, like a really well-written game.
• Surgeon General's warning: Swallowing whole camels can cause indigestion. Do not smoke whole camels either - they will kick you when you try to light the tail.
• God love is like, 'I love you, but stay the fuck away from me!'
• And now it stands, rubble of memory, testement only to the fleeting nature of dreams. Forgotten.
• Go on, then. You will find the keys to the cupboard behind he who reigns king of the sandcastle. Riddle? Sort of. But you'll see what I mean. Pass the gates, find the mongoose, and you shall see.
• They've taken fat, they've double-coated it in fat, they've fried it in more fat, and then they've served it with a side order of fat.
• This is a bar of soap. It might not look like much, but it is, in fact, a very, VERY powerful weapon. It carries healing magic more powerful than anything the gods could grant me! It kills enemies so deadly and subtle that us mere mortals cannot even perceive them, although they are always all around us, trying to do us harm. But if you rub yourself over with the magnificent soap, it will grant you an aura that even the terrible Germs will be forced to flee! So, mighty Lhoryn... take this soap. And vanquish your enemies.
• The power of Soap is too great for us to be exposed to it in full for too long.
• She were wild. Next life she'll be a head-choppin' assassin. Or a bear hunter. Or a serial murderer. Or a banker!
• Why don't you lie still before I make you stop moving?
• Removing emotion from deciding morals is dangerous. Our consciences speak to us through our emotions. To ignore them is to invite apathy. Logic is important, but we're not Vulcans.
• Theory is when you know everything and nothing works. Practice is when things work, and noone knows why. Here we combine theory and practice. Nothing works and noone knows why.
• I have neither the time, nor the inclination, to try to convince someone I'm a human being.
• All these etiquettes are just damaging your natural intelligence...
• It began with the printed word, and from there it simply exploded to became the world as we know it, the world of light.
• Ferrian's Winter was interesting, but Megan's war was more so. Attention was given where attention was needed. The rest simply followed from there.
• The one time I tried to play D&D I got kicked out for making bear soup.
• They're using words that mean something, but in the wrong way. They're relying on a passing knowledge of a subject to pull the wool over the eyes of the ignorant.
• Sometimes anvils fall from the sky. We don't question it.
• Their logic baffles me.
• He comes on at absolutely any time at all and goes away when we throw enough fanged tomatoes at him. That is my new conclusion.
• Bribery works better when you try to bribe me with something I don't already have, you know.
• I could give you the sky. Though I don't think you'd have any reason to want it. It's heavy and rather dusty in places.
• Fine number, seven. Prime number. Full of fate. Maybe is a more ambiguous number. I wouldn't trust it.
• I am fuelled by hate and rage. My spite will carry me to victory. Also I cheat.
• I'm not sure "sack of junk" is an officially recognized Monk weapon.
• It's like a wizard being a cook.
• He wants to bury all kinds of things. So he kills strange and exotic things in strange and exotic places, so that he can bury them.
• Tom Morris's blog is one part gay rights advocacy, one part conservatives bashing, one part FOSS activism and one part bitching about people getting in his way at train stations.
• I have anguish babies. Stuck to my back like leeches. Growing plump on fear.
• The reality of your be-sticked invertebrate is entirely dependent on my whims. And they are whimmy whims.
• It's full of toasters. The cat is full of toasters. Does that seem safe?
• Being good doesn't get you anything.
• The cat is full of toasters.
• Madness, you know, is just like gravity. All it takes is a little push.
• Even my own community thinks I'm a villain. Some cult leader I turned out to be.
• We went off in search of a pan galactic gargle blaster and things basically just went downhill from there.
• It would be folly for any cats to be non-bloated with toasters. Unthinkable.
• Blame who? I'm not taking blame. It slides off like ducks.
• There are no servers. They are all ducks. Now give me money.
• Saying that she knows words would suggest that there is anything in her head other than words.
• Fear is for the weak. The strong know terror.
• Faith is fickle, why should purpose be any different?
• You have to do business with the government so that government must be a neutral party.
• Sheep dream of cloudy sandals. To rise and leave the clouds to the slaughter.
• Fill your head with light. And burn.
• You lost more than just the thing itself, you lost your dreams for the future. One doesn't just dust oneself off after that sort of thing.
• Jävla svenskorna.
• Just what your teeth need: a tongue that fights back when they bite it.
• Forward, and on.
• You should move to Siberia. It's too cold to smoke.
• His friendship with a cockroach is what allowed him to keep finding fulfillment and the ability to maintain his personality.
• They are the masks behind which we see our own faces.
• I'm starting to view them as blind old men bickering over nonsense and having little people running around their feet and occasionally telling them stories about the world in exchange for not being stepped on.
• Always blame the designer, is what I say.
• Most people seem capable of understanding context.
• If this were a dream, if I could wake... but I'm awake and sleeping cannot happen again. I can only sit here and say.
• Don't blame me; you lost your own way.
• It's okay. You tried your best. Your 'best' just happened to be slightly worse than everyone else's 'average'.
• The Merr stole the show. That chair. That thing with the chair was my favourite thing.
• I stole everything. Then I died.
• I have dreams I need to chase.
• He figures that the thing that's wrong is that he hasn't put his face on. So he's wearing rotting faces on his head. Like a... putrid mask.
• There are dwarf cats, but dwarves as a race are not a thing.
• He has the entire rage of the halfling race. They're all so gorram jolly.
• There is a kind of laughter that sickens the soul. Laughter out of control: when it screams and stamps its feet, and sets the bells jangling in the next town. Laughter in all its ignorance and its cruelty. Laughter with the seed of Satan in it. It tramples upon shrines, the belly-roarer. It roars, it yells, it is delirious: and yet it is as cold as ice. It has no humour. It is naked noise and naked malice.
• Life is the farce we are all forced to endure.
• Name your deer.
• Great, another donkey brawl.
• The unicorn is so ripped he has abs on his neck.
• I'm not okay. People keep asking me how I am, standard greeting and all, but rather than lie I just tell them they don't want to know, or stop asking that. I haven't been okay for months, perhaps years.
• Gods build bricks out of prayers.
• The thoughts of cats. The place in the world where the cats should be. Saucers of milk vanishing. Curtains ripping. Meowing. But no cats.
• Merchandise.
• There are many kinds of power, some more subtle than others.
• No-one can see the fine mesh of deceit and trickery I have woven, until they break it and the sky splits.
• Well, I'm not going to break into my own house. That way madness lies. The bad kind.
• The world is a stage. Nothing is what it seems except for nothing itself.
• My heart is bee-infested raisin.
• Eapherod is a sideshow.
• Let's be honest. Your bottom is not one that I find attractive. Because it is always dancing!
• I only deny a very few lies. I could be denying so. much. more.
• I may or may not be a person, but rest assured that I am real enough for your purposes.
• Did you both misunderstand what I just wrote in two different ways?
• I will fill your shoes with rice.
• BEAR SOUP GUY. BE OUR BEACON OF HOPE IN THIS STRANGE AND SAVAGE LAND.
• Maybe you can just pray without a specific god in mind? But that might mean your prayers are lost and just go nowhere. Or maybe all prayers are lost and go nowhere. That would explain a lot of things.
• Don't drown your sorrows in alcohol. Those bastards can swim, y'know.
• I don't believe her, not for an instant. She's lying and cheatful and full of... full of bees!
• It isn't a game if you can't win, right? And you can't win. You just have several choices of how to lose.
• Some of you are not so willing. You are the grim, goal-oriented ones who will not believe that the joy is in the journey rather than the destination no matter how many times it has been proven to you.
• Endings are heartless. Ending is just another word for goodbye.
• Perhaps this time will be different.
• Welcome home.
• Gray-black column, black-gold tower. Obelisk. Obelisk. What are the obelisks?
• Bits that I cannot place, pieces that do not fit.
• So we name a king: a madman charged with the protection of all that is, of all that we have and are. We may venerate this king, we may curse him, we may ignore him outright, but there is always a name.
• It's a magic trick. It's complete fabricated bullshit. It's a lie.
• The dog's name was Princess.
• Avengers are zealot inquisitors. They just find someone their god doesn't like, chase them down and harvest their organs.
• Rhu has all the charisma of an angry walrus.
• I'm still young and idealistic. I've never tried to bury a tank. Or building. YET.
• It's a war and as a woman, you have to win.
• I can see tomorrow. The stars are weeping tears of licorice.
• Agh! It was in my head! It was in my head! It was in my bloody head and then it fell out!
• That's what we always told each other. Don't become me. Don't fail as I have.
• Not everyone can be a hero like in the stories.
• Katia Managan has been a screwup for two days, not two decades. Katia Managan still has a chance.
• Life isn't a game. It's not like the stories.
• Judgement is heavier than death.
• You look like the kind of person who uses skulls for interior decorating.
• Thank you for missing the point. Not that I know what the point was.
• Liera has blessed you with sleep, the illusion of death.
• Please remember to chew your food.
• The God of Death where I am from, he never needed anyone, anyone but her, that stupid idiot of a bloody word whore!
• In a true emergency you frankly don't care how much blood splatter there is. As long as it's enough to make the emergency go away.
• The smallest bar. Only four stools. Other than that, standing room only.
• Schrodinger's Stars. Until you look, they're dead cats.
• I have a thing for gods. They're almost like masks! Just with more ego!
• This is not living.
• People should not be forced into doing things against their will, at least unless you kill them first. Anything else would be morally wrong.
• Due to the nature of her crimes, Subject L is not subject to the Deathgod's Absolution.
• Yay PHP!!!
• Every moment of life seems like going through a portal to me.
• Might it cause bits of the floor to break? If some break and some are invisible, things could get... complicated.
• This is hole science.
• You failed a sanity check. As a flock of pigeons.
• You say tomato, I say nebula.
• You can use the numbers to back up anything if you're delusional enough.
• Java is to JavaScript as fun is to funeral.
• Okay man, seriously, this is getting old. I've killed you like 18 times already. Why won't you stay dead?
• I'm now the dubiously proud owner of 4L of apple smirnoff.
• I siphon lots of brain juice.
• You can keep a story in your head for years, but until you write it down, it isn't real. It's just a vague dream you cannot share.
• Play the character, not the game.
• Your belief system is thermodynamically unsound.
• I wish you didn't agree with me. It makes me think I might be wrong.
• Cheese is hot when worn.
• Some men cheat on their wives in their absense... I eat clams in a can.
• And you think that you do not wear your words?
• There's more than one Librarian, and more than one Dreamer. And the masks? Why, we all wear them.
• I do not wear my words. They just trail behind me.
• An ear-mangling chain of vowels. Mother vowel and her tiny vowelets trailing behind her.
• Stories. All I have are stories. What do you have? Besides stories?
• I only play this game because it's the only outlet I have for all this rage that threatens to consume my soul.
• When it comes down to it, it's all stories. And dreams. Because stories are dreams and dreams are stories.
• I have stories and rage and booze and words and swords and mountains and glass and dice and rocks and books and holes and metal and sky and dreams. I have a lot of things.
• All things are stories. Stories is all there is.
• The past is stories. Therefore now is a story. To be told in stories. Stories.
• Time erodes.
• All we have are dreams.
• How ironic that your only act of true justice should be the one that ends you.
• Why should the story end with death?
• Things done in the name of research... Walking the Underworld, taking pictures. Mixing drinks, testing recipes. Wandering through the lists, wandering through the fields. Starting a game in one world, ending it in another still. Place everyone in a room and just see what they do. Let's get out of here.
• I want to give you everything just to see what you would do with it.
• Running. Always running. First it's life. Then the voices. Then the bottle, and throughout it all, the people. Settle down and for an instant, things look good, only to go up in flames once more. And then it's on the run again. Always running.
• I'm sober out of my goddamn mind.
• Fear is healthy. Like all emotions, fear is an adviser, perhaps not in full possession of facts, but loyal. Fear has saved you, once or twice. Fear is trying to tell you something; whether you follow up is up to you, but you should listen. Do not fight your fear.
• When dreamers wander, they are given a name.
• I believe in life before coffee, but not after vodka. The day is too short to make longer.
• You will die, but not today, and not tomorrow either. You still want to be heard, and have things to say, and thus you will live. You will live to say what you need to say, and you will find those who need to listen, and you will make them listen. You are not ready to die.
• Someone should preserve it in alcohol for future generations to gawk at.
• I believe unicorns were in the requirements for search.
• Sure, maybe your colleages think you are being irrational, and maybe they don't believe your incredibly reasonable assertions, but that doesn't mean you should start strapping weapons to a bunch of dogs so they can watch your back while you sleep.
• I don't believe that explicitly stating that Santa Claus is a fictitious character does not violate NPOV as per the citations provided.
• Remember, if you put a bottle of liquor in a brown paper bag, it becomes invisible.
• Moral codes are ideas that we construct, and there is no god of determinism that will one day smite Reddit for their crime of being bad at math.
• Doom diddly doom!
• If you could just abandon the thought that this place exists in only one fixed state at a given point in time, this would make much more sense to you.
• Allow me to pose you a riddle: what do you get when there is both a hole and not a hole occupying the same space?
• It is now raining undead chickens.
• Behold the digger of your grave. Your hole awaits.
• It's satire. Just not good satire... but dead baby jokes don't stop being jokes just because they're about dead babies.
• All these people bother me. Let's go on a killing spree. Let's go paint the town red. Let's go paint the town red.
• That show is a giant puddle of 'what?'
• You know, I was lost in the desert, and I've gotta say it was totally amazing.
• You will die.
• To be confronted with your worst nightmare, that was the darkness that visited us that night, a dream that turns on the dreamer, sleep that becomes death.
• Sometimes death leaves a stain on a place, like a stain left behind by something that stains.
• I could go all post-modern on you and talk about how much we idolise death, and how it has become more a part of our lives now than it had ever been, and how it's nothing more than a tired old joke anymore, a hopscotch into the void... but that would be tasteless.
• It's life. It's nothing. It's pretty words on a page. It's a love story that ends only in loss, but that is how we know the love was real, that it still is, that the story is never over because the love is still there. It's everything. It's all we've got.
• That's what I want! I want you to be happy and I want a monster!
• I could maybe distract you with a pile of pretty masks, draw you out into layer upon layer of stories, spin you into an illusion of happiness, but it would only help if you're willing.
• My mind couldn't wrap around the fact that people are seriously just... cruel.
• It's well known that social media sites segregate by interest. I find it disconcerting.
• Happy wishes.
• Decentralized discussion is practically hallowed tradition at this point, so I don't see the harm in it.
• Dude, you're talking to a metal wall. And I'm the crazy one for pouring paint on my head.
• I just want to know how the thing with the paint and the lava lamp sky was any more crazy than talking to a wall.
• I will slam this window with all the force of a single emaciated old man.
• Probability would dictate that half the party is going to be useless at any given moment.
• Chronology can wait.
• I have no control over what I produce because of the system that protects absentee ownership and extraction of surplus value by a propertied class.
• Names change and shift. Nothing is as was.
• Sometimes I just like to divide irony by zero.
• The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offence.
• Watch this and explore in intimate detail what it would be like if your confidence in all humanity were to eat a super mario mushroom.
• He was digging up moths and they were flying up and landing on his forearms and he was licking them off his forearms. And then he wandered on and kind of took a nap for most of the day.
• Yeah, cheap wine's the ticket to paradise.
• His will is his own. His reality follows suit.
• He is a hale and hearty soul with a heart so big, it widens his waist.
• I can hear the bones talking. His bones are calling to me.
• Do you ever wonder why things look better without their skins on?
• I don't believe in magic. But I do believe in bones.
• The best way to kill something is with the bones of its own.
• Do you hear that sound? It's like a horse dying...
• Don't mind me... I'm a little tired. Can't sleep at home, you know. The walls. They aren't safe.
• I'm so happy I could just tear out your intestines and strangle you with them!
• Get going, before I change my mind. Or my mind changes me.
• I play all my video games on normal setting and usually lose.
• This is more like a cardboard sword with shaving razors embedded into the sides.
• Sometimes what we are doesn't mesh terribly well with what we wish we were.
• That's how people deal with horror. They tell jokes about it, laugh about it. Laugh at it and make it a little less scary. The alternative is insanity.
• Some people can't handle the truth. So instead they hate the person who is telling it.
• The best way to discredit a lunatic is to let them talk.
• Never something petty. Never something small. Always something so important that the object itself defines the man.
• I will instead ignore the wisdom within the rules.
• Attacked by fanged hams in the sea of pea soup.
• Order. And not in a good way. Bleak. Colourless. Dead. Boring, boring, boring.
• Everyone is a traitor. Everyone is a betrayer. Everyone.
• Don't worry. You'll find something Odd if you keep at it.
• Look at you, you're light as a chair. How do you walk around like that?
• It's simple, really. If you don't think about it.
• Something has to work. Once, I dug a pit and filled it with clouds.
• At this moment, which hurts more? Your inside or your outsides?
• Songs of Madgods. Songs of bad gods! Softly, Master. Softly.
• Options are listed in order of easiest to type out.
• This is my usual business hour.
• You can't escape the sky in the bathroom. It's watching you there too.
• I would propose linking our consciousnesses together, except that would likely drive all of us insane for completely unrelated reasons to our present dilemma.
• I suggest investigating the sky. Last time someone said we should just charge towards it.
• Words no one has ever said before... without smelling heavily of wine in an alley.
• Smoke that shit, man. Ingest the words. Inhale truth.
• There are two suns. One of them appears to be setting and the other is rotating around a point.
• I'll take this time to get my shield and shovel back from the car.
• Guy died in a mysterious blender accident. It was quite tragic and took two weeks to clean up.
• These slugs climbing my spine itch something fierce. Care to dance?
• I remembered he used the word 'god-beast'.
• rm is the Routine Maintenance tool for Unix computers.
• If it weren't blasphemous, I might venture to say that the world has been slowly going sane.
• It is a derogatory expression, but it is amusing and so we have adopted it.
• Words are difficult. They come and go. The voices, though, so loud they are, they drown out the words.
• The descent into madness is silent. And when it ends, there are no answers - only hanging questions.
• The floor is lighter than a feather.
• It's all hopeless. And it's everyone's fault.
• I see the city in the hand, and the hand in the stars. The tower guards the gate, but the gate holds the key. The king is the key, and the hand guards the king.
• Justice is pitiless.
• I'd like my mind back, if you please. Or not. It's really up to you, Lord Sheogorath.
• Sleep the sleep of the bleuugh.
• Call it a tactical reemployment of questionable skills.
• Given enough eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
• I used to be a dog. I got better. Not a better dog, though. I'm a terrible dog now.
• Praying to yourself, my Lord? That's not a good sign. Or perhaps it is. Prince of Madness, and all that.
• Drunk with madness. Madness for all!
• I will eat your eyeballs in a sea of moths!
• It is the blessing of a curse.
• The bitter wisdom that one has been a fool is not without value.
• He took my ogres. Lying maggot! They're MY ogres!
• I've heard that Dagail knows a lot about mysticism. And sheep.
• He told me to wait until the storm was at its height before shaving the cat. I've forgotten the rest of the ceremony. It doesn't matter.
• I must be smart, for the interconnective system is very clear to me. Then why, or wherefore, do people keep calling me mad?
• Cast off your clothing and your inhibitions!
• Ditch your science and become a drunk. It's the only way.
• We have too much science and not enough drinks.
• With this book, you can do anything, go anywhere, be anyone. You can spend all the time in the world and have none pass at all. You need never leave, nor change nor move on. It sounds like a paradise... or possibly a hell.
• You pressed 'you' meaning 'me'. The correct answer would have been 'you'.
• Complete and utter silence, complete faith and compliance. No critical thought required, or tolerated.
• No logical person hates people who are nice.
• Yes, my daughter lives in a cave, and no, I'm not very happy about it.
• Your language has the correct words, but they cannot be properly misinterpreted.
• He's got more brains than a brain pie.
• Gal bursten it.
• Fribble. Just fribble.
• A diamond looks pretty. A video game suit of armor looks pretty and protects you from video game orcs.
• You don't own what I can or cannot say with my face.
• If you want to write, don't study writing. Study what you want to write about. Study philosophy, history, psychology, engineering. Study architecture and mythology. Study dynamics and statistics. You will have what you need to write, and more.
• Numbers just keep going.
• Nothing is going to make me part with my shovels. And the spades. And the trowel.
• With these computer parts and some fertilizer, I shall create five bombs.
• I think the porridge can take care of itself.
• I think we should take the bottle though. It might be useful to be able to animate porridge in the future.
• If I had a nickel for every time I needed some animated porridge...
• Give animated porridge their space, I always say.
• Hey, anyone want a bomb? I got like, five of 'em. Bombs for everyone. They're a real blast.
• Pour it into your USB and hit "send".
• Compulsory unification of opinion achieves only the unanimity of the graveyard.
• The law does not prohibit the use of due process.
• The cloud is called the cloud because you don't know what's in it.
• Some canvasses are covered in portraits of sorrow and suffering, and some are covered with icons of compassion and beauty... but each, beneath, is still a blank canvas offering hope and the opportunity to engage in a spark of the divine.
• Pastafarian wins election to town board and takes oath with a colander on his head.
• This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.
• These are simple mechanisms of the universe and they do not respond to our wishes.
• Xlib has a gaping hole convenient for inserting hearts.
• Is there something about logging into this site that makes you have to stop being a human directly after you write your password?
• There is a super massive cloud of drinkable alcohol floating around in space and from what we can tell so far it's raspberry flavored. Okay.
• Vagueness in legal threats is the hallmark of meritless thuggery.
• In Greek, 'nostalgia' literally means 'the pain from an old wound'. It's a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn't a spaceship, it's a time machine. It goes backwards and forwards, it takes us to a place where we ache to go again.
• You talk like angel, walk like model, but your body look like buffalo.
• Lurking variable.
• The problem is not that an aggrieved psycho can inflict damage. That's always been the case, and always will. The problem is that if one does so, we in particular have no redress, no right to defend ourselves.
• Every truth you could possibly tell him, he has already heard as a lie.
• Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it.
• I ate people before it was cool.
• Idiocy is not a zero-sum game.
• Do the wagons from the staff disappear after a while or do they just build up?
• I think all the cheese storms are bulking up my save, but so worth it.
• When Microsoft saw how much RAM Skype could take up doing absolutely nothing, they knew they had to own it.
• You have no mystery in your soul. It's full of... magic instead.
• The call of the hole is overpowering. You're not close enough to see in properly, and you must see in properly, you must.
• Something about how it's not really death, I just got an express ticket to the dead end.
• If it looks overdone, it can be blamed on an over-enthusiastic Telvanni mage.
• He probably does have Bong Proficiency. Yeah. Bong Expertise even, I dare say. But maybe not Bong Focus.
• It's only poaching if somebody already owns them. And it's only 'getting caught for poaching' if you can't shoot your way out.
• It probably looks... icky. Grey. Dry. DEAD. It's the corpse of food.
• Someone has to keep watch over these madmen. Because they're men. And maaaad.
• Ore is the blood of fallen wombats.
• Men die younger because of science.
• You have been blessed by the Holy Hazz'ridan... with sanity.
• I've all I've ever needed: teeth, claws, and a bottle of ale.
• I've basically just been playing musical power supplies for months.
• The war of the triangle man ended once particle man and person man were defeated, leaving the universe to pick up the pieces.
• The moose won't stop screaming.
• What a rude and ill-informed comment.
• Just pick a bed and fall in it when you're tired.
• I met an interesting character yesterday you might be able to use. He was a tall black man with a red towel cylinder around his head with dreads standing tall out of it.
• Take your rightful place as my champion, or I will crush you.
• I'm not insane. Who said I'm insane? Did I say was insane? I'll show you insane!
• He'll be back. You can't keep a good paladin down. Or trapped in alternate cheesy reality, as the case might be.
• Read it in a lecherous trenchcoat voice.
• You can't have anything that's dangerous. Water's going to be banned in not too long.
• I'm talking about the whole floor dirty. I'm talking about me drenched in blood.
• It's an easy question to answer if you want to give the wrong answer.
• The reason it's not doing anything is because you don't have it turned on.
• Mind the Friendly Space Policy.
• Best experienced with Microsoft Internet Explorer.
• Breaking news: not all Wikipedians are visibly insane.
• Printing out the code and retyping it by hand is superior to submodules.
• New language variant 'en-x-piglatin' for easier variant testing.
• Apparently this was fixed by somebody (don't know who) by doing something with ImageMagick (don't know what).
• Embolden the monolith.
• Back in the day, Communists would impale dogs on spikes as they conquered countries in Central and South America.
• Free as in free beer.
• Free as in freedom.
• Free as in tinfoil hat.
• This illustration depicts the protagonist, having been newly transformed into a water baby, learning from a salmon and his wife of the existence of other water babies.
• The first English joke recorded was a dick joke. The oldest joke we know of is a Sumerian fart joke.
• China starts televising sunrise due to smog.
• Sports!! Do the thing, win the points!
• He's dishonest, and you can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch for, because you can never predict if they're going to do something incredibly stupid.
• The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math.
• Home is where you fully understand how the shower works.
• They can't separate themselves from their arguments so disagreeing with them is just the same as calling them names in their eyes.
• Treat your dog to a healthy vegan diet by feeding it fresh vegans.
• I send my enemies birthday cards filled with glitter.
• They're like well-meaning snake oil salesmen who periodically get results.
• "I dissolve" has real meaning here.
• Death does not diminish.
• It's no surprise that a growing number of people have begin fetishizing salads.
• There's no escape.
• Just step into the painting, he said. Sure... like it's that simple.
• Product of Screaming Moose Productions.
• Yes, of course, the future is unknowable, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't address the issues we do know about first.
• It's like 'how do you prefer to be killed - shot, hanged or drowned?' when the answer is 'but I don't want to be killed!'
• I reckon he'll go right past acerbic en route to ironic and end up slap bang in sardonic without even taking a breath.
• Dangerous knowledge is still knowledge and therefore useful. Usually turns out to be the most useful, in my experience.
• It's only a whisper of a rumor of a conjecture.
• Relative positions are absolute in their primacy.
• It wasn't a battle at all. It was a cat playing with her food.
• I for one welcome our category overlords for sorting out every single thing.
• To understand that question you have to understand a little bit about who Rahul Gandhi is and what Rahul Gandhi's circumstances have been and if you delve into that you will get an answer to the question of what Rahul Gandhi is scared of and what he is not scared of.
• I'd join a religion of secular lunacy.
• I dig holes in dirt, not in words.
• She is very deep. But sometimes she is very shallow. There's a truth in there somewhere, though, I can feel it.
• I'm keeping 'teenage gender unicorns' forever.
• This is so accurate that I want to punch everyone in the face.
• Why? Excellent question. You should always ask that question, even if you think you already know the answer. You will find that a great many things are far deeper than they appear.
• PRIMORDIAL CLAM CHOWDER
• I'm probably offended by what you're doing. Stop it.
• Men are a threat. All men are a threat.
• Facts are only facts if they agree with me, of course. It is my holy right to always be correct even in the face of evidence that I am not.
• I'm offended by everything here.
• It's inadequate, half broken, and the sort of quality you've come to expect.
• $1 missing
• Our headquarters are in a house, yes a house, in downtown Palo Alto, California.
• And nothing of value was lost.
• Actually no, that means you can view the entire diff. So it's good, in a way. The way amputation is better than gangrene, I guess.
• It resonates, but it doesn't seem to govern; if people are arguing that old mistakes are wrong, they're clearly not 'enshrined'.
• Chickens, therefore I'm right.
• I can't talk now. I'm painting the sky with stars.
• Same flavour, different giraffe.
• I believe they were talking about the cloning/death star discussion. Not everything is about you, mate.
• Licenses are like the president of Ukraine - in other words, totally wrong.
• It's disturbingly coherent.
• Even though it's written in C, it crashes like a mature C++ application.
• Saving image failed: Error while saving image. Could not save image.
• Knowledge is good for you. An unknown path is just a road. You can't discover the dead end until you know the whole road.
• Tastes like burning.
• Cats. Everywhere.
• People are better than C++, and that's not saying much.
• Zaori is made of people like you.
• I'm being kidnapped?! Let me know when, so I can put it on my calendar.
• Are you going to give me a dose of liberdom or freeity?
• We want this person to be resilient and good-humoured. So we're going to punch all our possible candidates in the face a few times and see where they want to go from there.
• Everything discussed here is so normal my teeth hurt.
• Globals are magical structures, like little winged monkeys that fly your data from wherever it is generated to wherever it is needed.
• I can't believe it's not SQL!
• It doesn't matter how fast your language is, it's always possible to write slow code in it.
• We're all bozos on this bus.
• Of course there's free will. That doesn't mean it's not predictable.
• I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
• I am writing cookie-handling code. This is 2014. I shouldn't have to do it.
• You can pretend to live in London, and I can live in Paris! I'll type with an accent!
• There are few things mankind hasn't managed to successfully eat.
• Everything's cooler with bones sticking out.
• Internal content of page what does this do
• Why are't you glowing right? You're not glowing right.
• Just keep thinking important stuff and maybe you can find out what we're doing here, and possibly the fundamental relation of all cosmic bodies, if the effect lasts long enough.
• The ends await. Mm. Good. Good. I need ends. Dead ends for me please.
• Is he some kind of oracle at this point or just a madman?
• The opposite of a computer is a kumquat.
• [citation needed]
• There is only one color of whale: PATRIARCHY.
• Cryptographically secure hashes are Hard to get right, and harder to evaluate with any amount of certainty. History is littered with the dessicated failed corpses of roll-your-own crypto.
• That said, I kinda want an inflatable dart board.
• Never underestimate what you can do with excessive amounts of the colour blue.
• On a scale of one to invade russia in the winter, how bad is your idea?
• Warning: Lizards may cause your cat to malfunction in new and unexpected ways.
• Man, cats are weird...
• We are experts at wasting life.
• Fail fast, die() young. We are experts at wasting life. with loneliness(): self.crush();
• I'm in agreedmentsion with Modus.
• Take two ducks, twice a day, and drink plenty of fluids.
• Links are imperative, not from any technical standpoint, but because they prevent readers from getting trapped on pages and subsequently dying of starvation. If left on the article, the dead readers will eventually start to smell...
• The scavengers were old. They were very old people, maybe older than dust. But dust disguises itself as human.
• I shall hunt you by placing a cardboard cutout outside your door and sitting on your roof until you die.
• You must construct additional pylons!
• Get the duck out of my house!
• Within a few minutes, you can do weird things with fish, if you want to.
• I dream of sleep.
• A philoshophical statement regarding slippers.
• With every meal, you get some clothes to eat. A pair of pants, a shirt, maybe a bowtie with ketchup and a side of gloves. We got the ice cream with curtains.
• I knew I shouldn't have eaten that slimy stuff I found in the road yesterday.
• The wheels on the insanity bus go round and round...
• Grammar wasn't invented until 1934.
• She has an unfortunate tendency to to scream "racism!" whenever something doesn't go her way.
• The image does not need to be 'maintained'; it has been stable for the past seven years.
• Fonk! The man of the ape and the trees is having coitus with a proxy server! Don't!
• And lo, there was frogs.
• Nothing matches up anymore.
• Breathe. Just breathe. Ignore the ten foot noodle chasing you.
• The letter X is invincible.
• Hello, I'm the man with a beard that ruined everything. I blame the beard. I'm the man without the beard. The beard. Stick your finger in my ear, the beard. I'm the beer.
• Making music with pots and pans full of delicious air. This is the sound of air bouncing around a hollow space.
• Out of the cracks in the sky come vultures to swim in the blue dirt.
• Put some clothes on that tongue of yours!
• There are places where the sky is brown and striped. There are places. Alert Tinfoil. There's a war resulting in the occasional cough at the table.
• Potent famine Lungs.
• Inside your head there is a thing.
• The irony of this situation is under speculation.
• Life is depressing enough without football players wearing tutus or flatulent demigods loitering outside liquor stores on Thursday evenings.
• Reasonable people wouldn't have gotten this far.
• Well, parser caches can't actually sexually assault you, but yes.
• Check your privileges, I know you have some somewhere.
• There is a disturbing lack of plastic foot stools in my garden.
• What is this treacle?
• Names is meaner than me since all my mean-ness is negated by my accent.
• The warm, loving embrace of TENTACLES EVERYWHERE...
• Gan's voice has the vitality of dust.
• Bad pronounciation forces the crowd to listen.
• And then you giggle, and then all notions of productivity promptly wander out into the back yard and hang themselves.
• My feeble notions of productivity have already gone and committed suicide. Twice.
• Wikipedians are the weirdest breed of internetians I know.
• You're allowed to be inconsistent. It's the one advantage to craziness.
• I am Ellemerr, Crazy Viking Lady, Pirate Librarian, Caretaker of Crazy Kittens, Dreamer of Masks, AND THROWER OF YAKS!
• This is the best air-car deer-hunting sequence ever.
• The world is square. You're traversing rhombuses. The hypotenuse of a triangle with two sides of 5 is also 5.
• Cats tolerated.
• Emotions are dumb and should be hated.
• Feel the desire to physically attack people you disagree with frequently, do you?
• Crazy circumstances create crazy people.
• I don't expect everyone to agree with me. Most times I'm not even certain I agree with me.
• This article contains APL source code. Without proper rendering support, you may see question marks, boxes, or other symbols instead of APL symbols.
• Neck misses it, but raccoon shelter is taking good care of things.
• Look at me! I'm cheerful because I put a cheerful sticker on my forehead.
• I do not care for cats, and I care even less for men who care for cats. I find them very worrying.
• I live a strange life. Not for general consumption.
• Freedom is terrifying.
• These are some pretty words.
• Pudding is tasty. php probably tastes runny and slightly icky.
• Hazz'ridanism is all about appreciating these points for the endings that they are. A chance to recalibrate, to question, to wonder. To die, if it's your dead being ended.
• Based on future events.
• You know how it is. You've got to hallucinate sometimes, or you're going to lose your mind.
• In the beginning was the end.
• We use every part of the animal. The body. The breath. The afternoon shadow. The fear before it died. The memory of it now that it's gone.
• Be nice, be nice, until it's time to stop being nice, then destroy them.
• I keep cursing in ice cream flavors and my mom has told me to stop.
• He might actually be sane, but nobody's ever finished reading one of his reports, so nobody knows.
• 'Siberia', historically, has been less a geographical designation than a state of mind, a looming threat.
• Put down the duster. It'll be okay.
• Where is your god now?
• This is your friendly nagging voice reminding you that you might want to check those secrets at some point.
• One day you will bury the moon!
• Like the time between liver and spleen. The time between notes when you wonder if you are alive or dead, dreaming or waking.
• Sometimes we are mean to our cows.
• How do cats even work?
• A proper stalactite grows downward, but these younger stalactites are rebellious and have little respect for tradition. We've caught them growing sideways, diagonally, I saw one just yesterday that grew down at first but then went straight back up again into the rock ceiling.
• Everything is bad.
• Am I the only person here who reads tea and drinks books?
• It's beautiful, in a totally trying to kill you kind of way.
• A religion which doesn't allow questioning is a religion which isn't confident about its structure.
• I feel like I could take on the world.
• The damage has not yet been done.
• 'Artist' is just a nice way of saying 'really creative asshole'.
• Socks mean the world to you. They keep you warm, make you feel like you have something new, and just comfort you.
• The easiest way to survive a horror movie is to switch genres.
• Rationale does not have a rationale in it.
• This is by design.
• This is just the tip of the iceberg.
• Taste the rainbow.
• Here we observe the feline displaying a rare, tender moment of appreciation for its slave.
• Perhaps a flat lid, stone, street sign, or piece of metal, and a fire of some kind. You don't need an oven for bread made of flour and water.
• Having seaweed rub against you when you're swimming in the ocean is like having Satan slowly caress your legs and toes while smiling creepily at you and whispering 'Mayonnaise'.
• He feels most vulnerable when he is asleep, when, for six or eight hours a night, no cameras are watching, no witnesses are marking his presence, and no one but Louis Gonzalez III can say with certainty where he is.
• Knowledge is power, France is bacon.
• Just because it is canon doesn't mean it makes sense.
• Please don't ask me why I know this.
• I have had many different names and homes but always the same spirit.
• Butts is always the answer.
• When you tear out a man's tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you're only telling the world that you fear what he might say.
• Fear is currency.
• No, daughter, please! I warned you about this!
• Second day in the wild. I slept in a tree tonight.
• No race has a predisposition towards screaming at goats.
• Damn swift cow trees.
• I did ask for help, but he didn't give me any. I mean, he tried, but I discarded all his suggestions.
• It's a tentacled mass of ever-changing proto-flesh and temporary mouths screaming the song of Ragnarok, except for the ninth mouth, which is forever stitched up with the stolen sinews of Zeus.
• I think we're trying to use a slide rule to measure internet speeds.
• All of the problems I've ever had with species identification have come from raccoon skulls.
• I requested minions of darkness, and you gave my fluffy jellybeans.
• The methods were described in the third-person passive voice to create the illusion that everything went according to plan.
• I'm afraid I've caught poetry.
• How come it's cool for snakes to spit venom and unhinge their jaw to swallow people whole, but when I do it, I'm the 'antichrist' and I need an 'exorcism'?
• You write so beautifully. The inside of your mind must be a terrible place.
• Idiots are always so dead sure about every damn thing they do in their lives.
• Believe in yourself. You are an ancient, absent god, discussed only rarely by literary scholars. So if you don't believe, no-one will.
• It looks like a cruel fairy took a child's drawing of a horse and gave it life.
• There is no moral alternative.
• Don't resist. Push it to its limits. Let it explode.
• Hazz'ridan...
• Herbet is dead. Hebert is unconscious.
• I'm concerned about the blueberries.
• Sometimes a chipmunk.
• I will never not love how beautifully this spirals into madness.
• Oh, right, I'm wearing bunny ears...
• Our societal obsession with these fluffy little murder machines...
• Binders full of women.
• You're so effective at what you do people are making up laws of physics to pretend you don't exist. Keep doing good, man.
• Why do people think I am weird? Sometimes I identify as cold spaghetti.
• I am here to shove truth in people faces and enjoy the frustration it causes. I do not hide this. And I do not care what people think of it.
• Hungry.
• This episode of 24 is more important than you.
• I'm not sure I've ever met a corporate lawyer who didn't think their job was bullshit.
• I do have neither the time, the bandwidth, nor the inclination to do your paid jobs for you, thank you very much.
• The madness is angry.
• The darkness is hungry.
• That's not death. Death is cold and silent and empty. It doesn't hunger and devour, it embraces like an old friend, welcoming you into oblivion.
• Tell me, where did it all go wrong for you?
• Those are just words. Before the word came into existence people still believed in a god or gods. You do not need polytheism or anything else to believe in a god or gods other than that belief.
• Meh, definitions. Show me actions.
• And from the Madness came the words.
• I am super dense. I can use my skull to break doors.
• A half of ghost. But where is other half?
• This is probably what happens when you snorkel through the Bermuda Triangle and come out the other side.
• I pressed randomize. Don't press randomize.
• Instead of clapping, his daughter protested yetis.
• Honey, I think there's a horse under the bed.
• What fresh hell?
• They told him he could be anything if he went to college, so he became a dark lord.
• Now should I be scared or happy that I got a love letter from the grim reaper?
• So I came home to find two werewolves, dressed as hotdogs, tearing up my furniture.
• To achieve the goal of ultimate cleanliness, one must become part of the counter.
• There's a zombie in my refrigerator.
• My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
• I was an atheist until I realized I was God.
• I am sorry, I will mourn none until it's someone I know personally, because to mourn each and every death in the world is to stop living. If that makes me an asshole, I'm an asshole.
• You cannot separate us from our stories, because we are stuck to our stories like really sticky babies.
• I would rather not waste my time. It takes away from how I like to waste my time with other things.
• People are so enamoured by equality that they'd rather be equal in slavery than unequal in freedom.
• There's a time when a man needs to fight, and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny is lost, that the ship has sailed, and that only a fool will continue. The truth is, I've always been a fool.
• It's not like it matters terribly much, it's one of those 'let's fix it if we can be arsed to' things.
• The complexity is higher than that of a 14-dimensional dodecahedron.
• You are not a lunatic unless you act like one.
• Nothing is worth more than a mask.
• We realise the importance of light when we see darkness. We realise the importance of our voice when we are silenced. In the same way, when we were in Swat, the north of Pakistan, we realised the importance of pens and books when we saw the guns.
• Don't smell that! I mean me. Don't smell me! I smell awful, but then, that's how I make my living.
• Shake it like a Polaroid picture.
• Thank you so much for your correct opinion.
• I don't know time. I am senile. Or so I tell me.
• If we see another sail on the horizon, in any direction, we must give chase. We must bring a fight. You know why? So we can take some of their bloody cats. Before it's too late.
• You'd better pray in your cabin tonight for one thing: cats falling from the bloody sky.
• If you make something so small that it is hard to read, do you even need it to begin with?
• Why do you want people to judge you on the definition but not on the actions?
• Or, in other words, fish.
• The answer isn't. If it were, I'd if the be.
• It could be innocuous, a thing that happens. It could be a threat. We're all hostages from here on out.
• Who hurt you?
• It is entertaining. I haven't had this much fun since I stared at a wall all day.
• Right now there's someone out there in this big bad world trying to smuggle drugs up their ass. Very strange.
• If code looks wrong, just replace it with what you imagine it's supposed to be.
• History happens to people.
• I'm worried about you. You're too sarcastic for normal friends and you're too nice to be in a street gang.
• We're all background characters.
• This was made by teenagers in their spare time because they were bored and it's still better quality than the movie that took millions of dollars to make.
• So... you have awoken from your sleep and returned to your dream. Well met... again.
• We have evolved to a state where we no longer require edit conflicts.
• Deal with deviance.
• You wouldn't download a car.
• You deserved happiness. So I left.
• Only severely distressed animals, like severely distressed people, will relieve their distress pharmacologically if they can.
• Forget the terrible news you've read. Your mind's at ease in an ostrich head!
• It is like a dark master, teaching me the ways of blood and stone.
• Is your stomach a graveyard?
• I have internet for two days. I'm making the most of this by doing absolutely nothing.
• If code looks wrong, just replace it with a dildo.
• You can't take your laptop corpses to the grave with you.
• No, I was not using on of the most powerful artifacts in existence to play videogames. Of course not. Because that would be wrong.
• Beware every space you walk through or touch in this city. Doors, gates, arches, windows, picture frames, the open mouth of a statue, the spaces between shelves. Beware any space bounded on all sides. All these are doors to other places.
• Every door has a key, and with this key they show their true nature.
• I wanted to portray Hitler the way he was always meant to be portrayed: as a proud woman of color.
• This violates the principle of least surprise, and antagonizes users.
• If you step on a frog, all of its organs will come out of its mouth.
• Thank you, bathtub crocodile.
• Most mad scientists in movies are actually just mad engineers.
• I'm going to test the effects of deadly neurotoxin on the island of Manhattan. The control group will be Long Island, where I will not release deadly neurotoxin.
• Biscuits.
• Life's too short for pants.
• The Gods took care of themselves. Why don't you?
• If I buy a phone, I'll do whatever the fuck I want with it - even if it means hammering a nail through it and hanging it above my fireplace.
• Ask your doctor why there are claw marks on the wall. Ask your doctor to stop growling. Ask your doctor to stop climbing and smelling you.
• We found a little piece of heaven here. It is black, smooth, oblong. It hums a soft, but discordant note, and we are afraid to touch it.
• You want to show cleavage? Cool. Don't make an excuse for it. Just say you want to draw boobies. There's nothing wrong with that.
• A day without ice cream is like a day without ice cream.
• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
• Unattended children will be given espresso and a free kitten.
• it's not really a fax unless it makes loud modem sounds and gets jammed on the regular.
• Can we stop normalizing normality?
• If you ever think you know what's going on with Dwarf Fortress I highly suggest checking yourself into a mental hospital of some sort.
• Even if they do not know your name you can be remembered.
• I will never understand cats.
• If you can change a story then I wonder if the aftertaste changes as well.
• You seen a salmon's spine? You can break faces with one of those.
• That looks safe. In that reality itself isn't flickering on and off.
• I'm not telling you my dreams, you demanding thing. Don't eat the dead dreams, either. You'll get a stomach-ache again.
• If you know words, you should speak to the wordless.
• You would be an idiot to make anything out of wood if it were supposed to withstand a vacuum. Not that I'm discounting the possibility.
• You're Dawn. You might be. You're early, aren't you? You're not quite Dave, at any rate.
• Coffins don't have bathtubs, silly.
• It's like magic in that tomatoes are like strawberries, minus the antlers.
• I gave her unspoken words.
• Thanks. I try. No, I'm lying. I don't try. It's just to easy. But thanks.
• Anything can imply anything you want it too.
• Without the armour, you're the third half of a story that never happened.
• If someone disagrees, they must be silenced. For the good of the people, for the good of the movement.
• We were attacked by a feral librarian. We had to fall back.
• Libraries aren't just books, you know. You can have libraries of concepts, too, or artifacts. Like seashells, or slugs in jar.
• They threatened the collection. There must be a reckoning.
• Nokia had a giant tree in its booth.
• Today's dish is raw, bloody meat with bones still attached.
• A shovel is pretty adorable for a savage weapon of death.
• I'm not ignoring you. I just don't know what to say to you.
• Guys I got the house! And it comes with the chickens and the appliances and the lawn mower and a random pineapple plant.
• Reagent became unavailable in 2002 because nobody wanted to order more and risk being added to terrorist watchlists.
• The postdoc who did all the work has since left to start a bakery.
• Blood samples were spun at 1500rpm because the centrifuge made a scary noise at higher speeds.
• We live in Sweden and Tumblr is the government.
• It turns out the gif format has issues with decade-long loops.
• Listen - the flappy planes are beeping in the stick towers.
• Those are all the wrong words. But the things themselves are all right. So who cares?
• I'm a white person of colour.
• A plot: incidental narrative circumstances that are used to explain away the inclusion of violence against women as a plot device.
• Sleep. It is like hitting fast-forward on life, to skip all that horrible living and get a little closer to the future, which still holds the hope of not being as shit as the present.
• When I say, 'I love you,' it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a person.
• Rivets. That's what it needs.
• To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.
• Dreams don't ever really die. You take them to the grave.
• Bali is known for its unique, so I guess we can't count it out.
• Believe your own lies all you like, but don't go pawning them off on others.
• It has the expression common to all kittens, that of a tyrant in the becoming.
• I was comfortable, and you dared to move. For that you must die.
• Everything affects everything. We were born, a bunch of things happened, and now we're in a mess with our friends.
• Simple is good. It sneaks up on you. Makes you smile.
• It's all right, you know. Even you can be happy once in a while. It won't kill you. But your face might crack if you smile, so be careful.
• In the beginning it wasn't.
• Reticulating spline.
• No one willingly chooses to be a pedophiliac. Calling them monsters - even if they never harmed a child and don't want to - and suggesting they should all just get shot dead won't change anything.
• The world is against me. It wouldn't be fair otherwise.
• I don't know about you, but I have this weird feeling that female bodies tend to have have boobs. Having boobs does not make sweaters sexualized. Maybe I'm just weird.
• Your shoes are untitled.
• We've got five guys and a robot sitting in the space outside of space trying to figure out how to put the universe back together. Using a deck of cards.
• This definition is why I ain't writing The Dictionary of Obscure Pleasures.
• This is sausage to me.
• Yesterday I was sick. Today, I am reborn like the phoenix. As still sick.
• As it was then, much of it is like video games before the invention of fractal dirt. I want to see dirt in the corners.
• I remember it and I miss it and I know someone has it, but I don't know who.
• I filled a cup with wasps and someone poured lemonade in. Not helping.
• I don't understand. How hard is it to grab someone's hand and move it up and down?
• Waking up is impossible and I don't understand how anyone ever does it.
• How did I survive? With a piece of nothing that held back the nothing. Nothing can stop nothing, you know, and so I carried nothing in my hand to protect me.
• Oh, chemical blackfire, dammit man. But you're already there, aren't you though.
• You, like a fly, rise up from the wreckage of your former shell, buzz about for a time, and curl up and die at the window of truth.
• Most dreams are shy. They fly away when the sleeper's lids open.
• One should make songs rather than make magic. Songs have more beauty.
• I can see it all without trouble. The value is in the perspective. It is as your eyes that holds the value. As the asker. The dreamer.
• I've bought myself a weekend. A weekend of beauty with the tears of life.
• My entire life was improvised from beginning to end. I was never given a script. I just started saying stuff and everyone liked it so much, we kept going.
• I can't wait to wake up and get back to life.
• Knowing a name, or being stuck with one, both's a mess of trouble.
• It's not real space, just the idea of space. It only goes on forever if you try to follow it forever.
• There's always something. Something simple, like waking, or dying, or being able to say 'sorry'.
• There are thousands of stories about her - one even tells that she's actually six giant squirrels with a headdress, robe, and ring of levitation and illusions.
• Why are you implying that I implied that you implied something you are implying you did not imply?
• Any character who has a sensitivity training center named after him will be taken away.
• Prove it.
• A man who has not tripped unto his own trips could never understand.
• She curses him as only someone who is half-demon on her father's side can curse.
• I love being drunk enough that the cat jumping to a point that is literally directly next to my face doesn't phase me in the slightest.
• There are known knowns.
• I applaud the spinning table with the kite.
• Let me tell you a thing. A thing. There, I told you.
• I need feminism because people have opinions I don't like.
• There's always something. Something simple, like waking, or dying, or being able to say 'sorry'. Something you simply cannot do.
• Why, oh, why, was I programmed to feel pain?
• The walking joke made a joke!
• Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants! The pants command me. Do not ignore my veins!
• Being equal to your oppressors is still oppression.
• Even the most glorious revolution is just a successful mutiny.
• It's easier to search a dead body that isn't moving.
• I haven't fed my dogdamned god.
• Careful. Tried that once. Ever so dull.
• While you may not be successful most of the time, bringing reality to someone, even if just one person, is kinda worth it.
• Humanity's greatest flaw is its penchant for self-delusion; the ability of humans to convince themselves of anything, regardless of reality, and its resistance to change opinions when presented with evidence due to confirmation bias.
• A lot of people came to me because I actually wore clothes and didn't make them feel dirty.
• No time, I will eat when I'm dead. I'm gong in!
• I'll be in my lab bathing in paste. Don't disturb me.
• The lesson here is that dreams inevitably lead to hideous implosions.
• While you were out, I painted your living room pink. You're welcome.
• Bad developers, who constitute the majority of all developers worldwide, can write bad code in any language you throw at them.
• For all we know manbearpig very well may be the patriarchy.
• Enlightenment allows you to have a grid of workspaces called virtual desktops. Switching between them is achieved by hurling the mouse cursor to the edge of the screen, at which the desktop appears to slide across to reveal the next.
• You know, all you had to say was 'this date is over'. No need to jump off a cliff.
• I want to live to see the future because the future is hilarious.
• Among some, your name is now synonymous with meat. And that's a high honour indeed.
• Truth is racist.
• I'm sane, you know.
• Look, we'd love to grant your request, but we think you're insane.
• Why is there bacon in the soap?
• Curse you. May Kiria have your eyes. May Oberoth cover you in moss. May Araktil not leave you in peace until next time.
• My father used to call me a block off the old chip.
• No human with sense would send a takedown for 'EAT SHIT FUCKERS'.
• Only by admitting what we are can we get what we want.
• Don't crash into the geese! They'll fall... up!
• I'd pay for helium eyebrows.
• Cover your ears. The fabric of reality might scream a little.
• These are questions for wise men with skinny arms.
• Prodigies appear in the oddest of places.
• The great thing about ignoring something is that there's never any hurry.
• It occasionally goes insane and tries to take over the world, but you can shut it down by showing it a picture of a chicken.
• It's not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy.
• I think if we reply, it opens a door of communication. Through that door will come any threats of litigation. We can therefore use it as a weathervane. And also as a door.
• You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Act like it.
• Please do the needful.
• Life. It's basically this thing that happens to people, full of nightmarish colours and horrible monsters. Like bunnies.
• Giant fish don't taste much different from regular fish.
• History isn't written by the victors anymore. It's re-written by the Wikipedia vandals.
• Sightings of the STARVELING CAT are to be reported immediately to a Departure Representative. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should the creature be APPROACHED, FED, or LOOKED IN THE EYE. It Does Not Like It.
• The public is advised not to heed voices coming from wells.
• Need more fabric... or the walls will eat me.
• I am the one who is spread on toast in the night.
• I will dig the hole that birthed death itself.
• If it's morally suspicious, trust Finland to do just that.
• There's a difference between not caring and telling people you don't care.
• Is our children learning?
• No software is free and spreading that misconception is harmful.
• And there is life on linux...
• That voice in your head, it's not your conscience, it's your ego.
• I hope I'm alive to see how the world ends.
• Time going backwards is rarely a good thing.
• All unauthorized humor will be reported to the appropriate authorities.
• All golems in this fractal have cat ears and whiskers.
• 'A fair distance' for a sphinx is, like, on the other side of a decently-sized ocean.
• MediaWiki is consistently inconsistent.
• Everyone who dies while Radek is still alive gets stuffed into the Warforged body.
• It is a harbinger of death! Stop making cooing noises!
• It's almost like nobody thought to make up rules for people tripping on mushrooms.
• Higher education does seem as if the people who came up with the curriculum were, as the name suggests, high.
• Sometimes we do everything right and we still lose.
• When the new iPhone comes out and the orders are put in, employees try to commit suicide by jumping off the roof. There are nets around the building to catch them.
• They found his cell phone still in his hands and his head in the back seat.
• It's a raptor. So we should treat it as a raptor.
• Every human is valuable. Their organs can be sold on the black market for thousands, plus human skin and fat are some of the best fillers for illegal cosmetics there is.
• The water feels nothing.
• If they're not affected, they're not representative.
• Dad, please. Stop stabbing yourself.
• Beheading ants is a lot less effective than I had hoped.
• There was so much work to choose from, boss, so I did none.
• Don't try to forget. Don't worry about it. That is the only way to move on.
• I'm gong to hell in every religion.
• It was announced months ago in a locked filing cabinet in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying Beware of the Leopard.
• If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be destroyed by the truth.
• I think we should consider all our frankenoptions.
• This isn't living. Living's easier.
• Do not fear death. It is the stake one puts up in order to play the game of life.
• Your time is valuable. It's worth a bottle of fish sauce.
• Division is dangerous. Never do it.
• You look in the mirror and you see yourself. You are a hotdog.
• You brought a meth lab to the airport?
• A sylvari with thighs like an oak... possibly because she is an oak.
• The equation is 54.
• Were you then, you might have been.
• It's always a lot easier when you don't have to design with reality as a constraint.
• Pain has a taste, you know. It's sharp and almost bloody, and smooth and rough at the same time. It can be quite lovely if only you can get past the minor detail in that it also hurts.
• Sometimes people pull my leg and it comes off in their hands. And then they're left holding a leg.
• There are reasons for everything. Some are terrible. Some are avoided. For some, it is easier to explain the processes or the commonplace, but these are not reasons, but explanations. The reasons lie behind them.
• This is a test of the Emergency Stupidity System.
• Packed with rabid pro-butterites, the Court held the act was a constitutionally valid exercise of legislative power.
• If there's something the human race specialises in, it's looting.
• It's not considered polite to write on your driver.
• Luck is a concept, an idea that is used to describe the convergence of events when the overall configuration would be too much to consider at once.
• Noisy. You know what's noisy? This car. Keeps talking to me.
• Is that a duck?
• Think outside the graphing calculator.
• I ♠ NY
• Give it an A. For Annoying.
• It is an obtuse angel.
• Some dreams never die.
• We drilled too far. Broke into Hell. Then the tide came in and it flooded. Hell flooded. And filled with sharks. Are we fired?
• Listen, Rave. People change. Sometimes into flocks of seagulls.
• The added complication of it taking place in two separate locations is honestly a pittance compared to how confusing the words themselves are.
• Remember to always close the door behind you if you want to go back.
• My god is an asshole.
• It wasn't the guy, or even the guy's wife, or the guy's wife's sister. It was the guy's wife's sister's dog.
• We're playing horseshoes or hand grenades. Accuracy counts as much as it needs to.
• I said it in my head.
• Why do I have two Bobs?
• Right on.
• Such cat.
• You know, I never really liked paying bills. I don't think I'm going to do that either.
• I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing and it was everything that I thought it could be.
• You know it isn't broken because it gets far enough to bluescreen.
• But at some point, no matter how far down you go, you just accept it. The world is what it is. No idea why.
• For now, the transition will be difficult enough without Phabricator constantly dressed in a clown costume.
• I hate arguing, but just for the record, you're wrong. But don't ask me to prove it!
• Stop being a coward in the presence of idiots.
• A gate to Hell opened in one of my provinces, and I closed it by pushing cows into it.
• If you are going to fall over, don't do it while holding a litre of dirty water. First put the litre of dirty water down. Then fall over.
• It'll have tusks. I just know it.
• The unanswered question states...
• The Voice's name is Bertram.
• The day we stop aging is the day we stop evolving. Are we ready for that?
• What you wear tells others what you are.
• We're so often blind to what our own assumptions are.
• Nevermind practice. This isn't practice. This is a treatise by the narrator, an examination of could-have-beens, an aside from the DM. We can talk about anything. Let's talk about anything.
• The stick is sharp and pokey.
• It ain't my bag, man.
• They dig and make noises in the walls.
• Are we chraining the sents of loss today?
• Smell.
• People forget MacGyver.
• There are people who are on the internet until 4AM reading about underground rivers and concrete graveyards and abandoned subway stations.
• There are people with the same hidden opinions and fantasies, and together their thoughts are a silent parallel world where secrets are few.
• We should now refer to units of measurements of oppression as 'hitlers'.
• They clean their teeth for fun.
• They are smart because they are wild.
• Something few people realise is just how easy it is to forge things if only you have the time.
• SECURE MATERIALS: DUPLICATION FORBIDDEN
• No half-measures.
• A sufficiently vague target is harder to miss.
• Media really dropped the ball.
• They have a good point, so let's put them on a bingo board so that they sound like a bad thing because they're on a bingo board.
• I'm a toothy-pillow manwhore. I've fondled so many seams. I lose count.
• The only thing I get in boxes are hags. If I'm lucky, I'll get a slug.
• All programming teams are constructed by and of crazy people. All code is bad. There will always be darkness.
• The bridge was designed as a suspension bridge, but nobody actually knew how to build a suspension bridge, so they got halfway through it and then just added extra support columns to keep the thing standing, but they left the suspension cables because they're still sort of holding up parts of the bridge. Nobody knows which parts, but everybody's pretty sure they're important parts.
• There's a theory that you can cure this by following standards, except there are more 'standards' than there are things computers can actually do.
• Standards are unicorns.
• You get to know your useful tools, then you look around, and there are some handy new tools nearby and those tools show you the bottomless horror that was always right next to your bed.
• And now all your snowflakes are urine and you can't even find the cat.
• The only reason coders' computers work better than non-coders' computers is coders know computers are schizophrenic little children with auto-immune diseases and we don't beat them when they're bad.
• We don't even worry about it because another nuke doesn't make that much difference in a nuclear winter.
• I don't remember singing spoons. There was a shower of cutlery. But that was somewhere else.
• I stitched standards.
• You have not yet spent so much of your life reading code that you begin to talk in it.
• They trade stories about it as if sleepiness triggering acid trips is a normal thing that happens to people.
• This is the central fallacy of the writer: he or she must absolutely believe something that is not true in order for it to become true.
• There were good words put together in a sensible fashion to make entertaining and enlightening sentences.
• The time is now to consume. Why skim when you deserve more?
• Lies make us happy?
• There is no escape from what you know.
• All alone. The last one standing is left with nothing but time to think.
• That which is divided must become one.
• It's funny when you talk like that, as if those are real words.
• They are coloured blined.
• The problem with bribes is that as soon as you try it, the other party immediately knows what it is they should or shouldn't be doing.
• I'm going bald and my flower is losing its petals.
• I've not actually read the bible; there might be apocryphal stories of needing to leave donations before the porcelain god.
• She's gone now. All bones left. The bones are boiling in my soup.
• He's just this guy, you know?
• It's right up there with 'humming being'.
• Can you hear me now?
• You need a pen to save your family.
• My split ends have split ends.
• There are five beds, one of which has been taken over by a pair of badgers.
• He is very thinky.
• This is our legacy. Pieces of our legs.
• All things that live may die. All things that are may dream.
• Take everything out of context. Context boxes you in, breaks you down. In context, there is no freedom to create.
• We don't call it 'inventing' anymore. Now it is 'engineering' and 'design', the realms of professional teams with corporate lawyers.
• People dream. Worlds dream. Some dreams I give, and some dreams I take, but in dreams I am always there, with you at every pass, every twist, every terror. And prayer? Prayer is implicit. There is no need for prayer when you are with me every time you close your eyes, every time you let your mind wander. I am beyond prayer. I am Dream.
• It's the same dusty raspberry flavour.
• Zombies and body parts are so simple. How do you make madness visually engaging?
• Holding it in mind as the bones of memory... here we stand, alone at last.
• Most of my best stories have been written en route to and from the liquor store.
• The tree animation makes so much more sense if you are drunk. A pity the players rarely were, unlike the developers.
• There are a few concepts you will need to understand: the bones of memory, time as a dimension, the general gist of infinity.
• The problems change face over the years, yet the award winning recipe is ignorance with a hefty dose of attitude.
• Do what I want, not what I tell you.
• In Finland, there is a juice tax.
• Write to learn. Write to understand. Write to remember.
• It's bloody stupid and it's mine.
• He had rabbits and he did not like rabbits.
• You fight madness with madness.
• Others drink to forget. I simple forget... and also drink.
• We love our dreams, for they show us what we cannot have.
• King of Dramatical, I rule this land with an iron box of tissues.
• Memory is brutal when it's not quite there.
• Untold pots of these thrive in awful conditions, sporadically watered with bad lighting and poor air quality.
• Why does a horse with no name have a hostname?
• Suitable for making cupcake decorations, where grayscale doesn't work well.
• Hand to the Dead Master though I may be, to a perturbed sphinx, a perturbation is a perturbation.
• Show me to your sheep.
• The question is goats, not sheep.
• I might as well have been a sphinx.
• Finish your sentence.
• The sun is too shiny.
• Don't rush so much. Your life is not worth twenty seconds.
• My memories are a jumbled mass and my head is full of sheep.
• He has this enormous shepherd's crook. Why does he have an enormous shepherd's crook? Because he can.
• Poking it with a stick: the universal gesture of curiosity.
• They like disliking.
• Just because it is not remembered does not mean it is not important. To forget does not absolve everything. You don't even know what you have lost, but it is still lost.
• None of it makes the slightest sense, so we just follow the rituals and pretend that it does.
• Stay in drugs. Eat your school. Don't do vegetables.
• I like holes. They're airy and cool and you can see through them.
• It might be knife-shaped because someone thought knives were purdy.
• Things in books aren't secrets, or they wouldn't be secrets anymore.
• Swedish is hardly a language. It's more like a speech defect.
• I am here. I am pretending to do work. There is nothing suspicious about this.
• They are the same because you are a book.
• It's one of the perks of being enormous.
• I am a model. For the sake of art, I'll have to blend in with nature and become one with it. And camoflaging myself. Or something like that.
• I'm talking about paradoxical perspective. Or anti-tank missiles or radio-jamming pods. Or something like that.
• We must get him at all costs! For our sacrificed comrades! For the fate of mankind! And most important of all, for our GRADES!
• If you meet a person, you shall slay him! If you meet a god, you shall kill it! No need for questions and answers!
• It is finished. Art is so brutal.
• Words have meanings.
• I couldn't read it because I blew it up.
• They're talking to the balls?
• While pancakes are the main food on Venus, they do not serve as emergency food. This honor goes to the pizza fern: a plant extremely common on Venus, yet rare everywhere else.
• It's not a space shuttle launch. It's sex.
• Hey, I can summon fire. Want some drugs?
• A well in the basement?! That would be ABSURD. Now come on, let's get back to this world full of time-space portals and split shards of deities and sentient porridge.
• It never occurred to me that he might have been lying.
• Not all ghosts are angry or have unfinished business. Some are just annoying.
• Welcome to Midnight, my humble abode.
• Being me is not good for your health.
• What mangos are you reading?
• I've got knives. Knives everywhere. I think we'll be okay. Don't have much worth stealing except the knives now.
• If it makes you angry, question why. Opposing viewpoints should never make you angry.
• Here's what we learned when we accidentally destroyed this universe.
• If you can't get in, keep trying. People inevitably crash.
• She's in my head. How should I know what what she's really like?
• It's a skeleton key. It's universal.
• They need to learn how to hate. It doesn't come naturally.
• Don't confuse me with Nevada.
• It may cost a whole lot of money, but oh well.
• On one hand I got assaulted by a straw. On the other hand, I got assaulted by an oven. You can even see the sores in the same place on each.
• Make a DEX check. Did you fail yet? OK, make another DEX check. Sometimes it's best just to go with the narrative flow.
• Expect disappointment and you won't be disappointed.
• Doesn't matter how much BRAVE you have; bravery isn't bulletproof.
• One of my students was working with incoherent fractions.
• It's only fun for the first hundred thousand.
• Your preferences will be realigned until you find this pleasurable or die.
• I know a guy who could make you understand in a snap.
• When they say that they won't kiss and tell, what they really mean is, 'the things which go on in here are literally unspeakable'.
• I don't know what paradigm means but it looked snug at the end of that phrase, so why deny it?
• Got something intelligent, rational or simply coherent to say? Get it off your chest here.
• Drugs are a part of this complete breakfast.
• At least my whiskey appreciates me.
• I think the ship has kind of sailed, you know. The barn door is open, the cows are out and about, the bag is really devoid of cats.
• The requirements above are technically breaking changes, but are very unlikely to actually break anything.
• Sarathi broke me. The rest has just been custard on the pudding.
• This world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel.
• And we have here all her forgetfulness and rage in one confused little package.
• We're all kept alive by magic. My magic's just a little different from yours.
• I'll have to do a tuneup, and if I get a flat, I will be eight different colors of 'fucked'. I didn't even know 'fucked' came in eight colors. Thought it was only the three.
• That would be such a dumb combination that it was probably exactly what happened.
• I have 40 of something called 'rare herbs' and some other stuff I got called SOME USEFUL HERBS.
• This doesn't look like lint or dirt. In the pipe it goes.
• There are dragons in this box and I need them out.
• Compiling Wine. Grab a lunch or two, rent a video, or whatever, in the meantime...
• The night is dark and full of turtles.
• I want to get a boat and put a mechanical bull on it.
• Everything that kills me makes me feel alive.
• Do they even realize that they're causing the problems that they're protesting against?
• This could all be a dream, dear. It's a simple concept to grasp.
• Hi, I'm a moderator. Thank you for contacting me. We don't moderate!
• Thanks for the reminder of how ridiculous we are.
• Good, let the abstract quality flow through you.
• Dreamer and Dream, the stories stay the same. The stories repeat themselves. The important thing is the stories.
• Air is lumpy.
• They watched the skies, and the stories soared overhead. What followed was an exodus of sphinxes.
• If you're alive, raise your hand. Otherwise, we'll assume you've died.
• A disturbed individual, as Richard would say. And then quickly retract with an apology.
• I should be awake, theoretically, but ERR_INSUFFICIENT_AMOUNT_OF_CAFFEINE
• My articles never have any edit wars because they never have any readers.
• At its best it works, and at its worst it's like the biggest graveyard on wikipedia.
• Differential equations sedate me.
• That would be about as useful as half of the RFCs out there, like 'wireless TCP/IP networking via carrier pigeons'.
• Where is /etc/hosts?
• I actually want to punch you as much in person as I do online.
• Why ruin that pretty skin of yours? Now I'll never be able to make my mask...
• I am not going to scan a ferret.
• The ghost of Chairman Mao will get you, Argento. Remember the trouble you had with Stalin?
• If one didn't know how subversive this humor was, one could easily mistake it for a man too rich to make an effort.
• The Home key works for me; everytime I press it, I look around and I'm at home. I haven't had the guts to try the End key yet.
• I didn't have a life. I had a BBS.
• The graphics are in your brain.
• My dream is running away from me like a dog from a hungry korean.
• In the grand scheme of things, your program is about as complex as the little clicky thing on the end of some pens.
• He doesn't care - that's why he made a script that does.
• I think the spell worked. I'm looking at the universe from the outside. It's a confusing mess.
• There is no sparkle endpoint for wikidata as it stands.
• You, sir, are guilty of reductio ad absurdum! My hat is a badger, so your argument is invalid!
• My hat is a badger, so your argument is invalid.
• When you factor in all the time saved by not writing scripts, it's really like two vacations.
• Humans provide some very important protein.
• It ain't possible to live unless you crossing somebody's line.
• Nothing is real. Everything is permitted.
• Your loneliness is spreading to your eyes.
• The banana is. I will eat the banana. There is no banana. I want another banana.
• Don't be smart. Smart is only a polished version of dumb.
• She tends to get distracted. Her mind wanders and amuses itself elsewhere.
• Under college statute the head of the Department of Post-Mortem Communications is entitled, nay, required to make tasteless, divisive and moderately evil remarks.
• It's hard to hate people who are a long way away. You forget how dreadful they are. But you see a neighbour's warts every day.
• Death puts holes in things. In families, in communities. Places where a person was, and no longer are.
• If they use variables we need to slit their throats a little bit.
• It was hours ago. I don't remember.
• The ratio of the children is the width of the pool.
• Boulder has it right. If two men sleep together, they should be stoned.
• Beak the media. Change the message.
• If you put ten fair use experts in a room, you'll get twelve definitions before they leave.
• Welcome oblivion does not come easily.
• The holes aren't alive.
• It's even scarier that it's a disease - it'd be one thing if it was 'a demon did it', but that's understandable somehow. A disease is brutally mechanical, which to me is scarier.
• gitfiti.py is a tool to decorate your github account's commit history calendar by (blatantly) abusing git's ability to accept commits in the past.
• Experiment! The crazier the idea, the likelier a successful outcome!
• The patriarchy is using equality to oppress women. Now we need a new wave of feminism to be more equal than men.
• Of course he has a fucking Hitler doll.
• Does anyone have the key to the trash compactor?
• I am altering the deal. Pray that I don't alter it any further.
• On some level, all questions are stupid, so what does it matter?
• Questions are not stupid. Not knowing to question, that is the stupid.
• I am holding sauce. This is real. I am real.
• Don't look back and say you shouldn't have done it. Look forward, and see that you shouldn't do it again.
• Our bus factor is actualy quite good. Nobody entirely knows what they're doing, so not all that much would ever necessarily be lost.
• In this game, stone is more reliable than reality. Even shale.
• Go to your filthy bed! Revel in your vile dreams!
• There is a diffrence between dreaming and pretending.
• Even in these dark days, journalism occasionally happens.
• Video killed the radio star.
• Glaciers melting in the dead of night and the superstars sucked into the supermassive...
• Has anyone really been so far as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
• No Spoon, no spork, no foon, not even a dire little fork, just... a manhole.
• Alone. Alone with the death and the dusk and the soft spring sounds as the birds fluttered lazily overhead, the flowers bloomed mockingly underfoot and the rubble gleaming from the ashes of another ruined civilisation...
• I don't think anal biscuits technically provide nutrition for the human body, or stuff.
• He lives with one foot in his mouth, and the other in the Twilight Zone.
• Tarnation and blimey!
• How about sense-dependent invisibility?
• Sometimes Nemo is so tactless that you can't be offended.
• Bless your heart.
• If this is Midnight, then anything can happen. I can make up the worlds, whatever I feel like. I can put you in a room and make you score maths tests.
• Save the gay whales in Darfur.
• Laziness is a virtue when tempered with ingenuity. And when I don't have to review your code.
• I think you have a well-developed zero.
• Clicking the mouse will focus your eyes.
• Stories speak to us in ways reality never could.
• Reality speaks to us in ways stories never could.
• Stop messing with people's heads when they can't even hear you.
• If time is a dimension consisting of iterations of every lower dimension, is that not exactly the same as every lower dimension in turn? What does that say of all the dimensions that come after?
• What successive but unfound dimensions could follow?
• The things in place designed to help is really the thing keeping everyone back.
• They say I sodomised a pine tree.
• Please stop being so much more peculiar than you usually are!
• Is it true that you when you were 14 you called your teacher a cootie-licker?
• We do not promise change. We promise improvement. We promise to learn.
• A program in lolcode to calculate the atomic weight of curry.
• My participation ribbon is a paycheck.
• Word salad and number soup.
• Naw, it's good. I was too stoned to care.
• The effects of stupidity can be adequately simulated using vodka.
• You may have your faults, but at least you have pants on.
• I don't deal well with stress, but I don't plan on putting myself in stressful situations. Actually, I plan on avoiding them entirely.
• More piggies, GIR! I demand piggies!
• It's late. I need to go snorkel cheese.
• Did you say say 'pig' or 'fig'?
• It's okay, I've already started gibbering over this box of raw explosive power in my hands.
• Roll nature to speak bee.
• That actually is quite impressive. You would expect someone used to drugs that powerful to be incapable of functioning.
• Fatal error: Unable to find local grunt.
• The universe hates you. Deal with it.
• Truth sounds like hate to those who hate truth.
• It's only cheating if you get caught.
• I'm an architect. I build things. Walls, ceilings. All I want is peace. Sanity. Cathedrals.
• Can you imagine if all these posts had the word white swapped with black? People would blow up.
• Well, this was one of my predictions. One of my nine predictions.
• He's upset at the raccoon on the ceiling.
• You are my secret. You, who read these dreams put cold to the pages of the Book.
• Heaven forbid we let someone who understands it get a good grade.
• He could use them for so much more than any of us could. We'd just use them to kill pain; he could use them for genuine enjoyment.
• I think it's hysterical they made him an air traffic controller.
• I just spend a Minor Action to summon a cloud of boiling blood.
• Shut up. We're being moved by humanity's gentleness right now. You go and die over there.
• I want etherpad programming.
• 10 years ago this would be satire. But not today.
• This isn't a cult. Our bedrock principles are open access and transparency.
• The whole world must learn of our peaceful ways. By force.
• You are more likely to trip and die than be killed by a gun.
• It's information and no one owns it.
• I am a trisexual pineapple.
• mw.loader.state('the_pope_is_an_atheist_woman_alien', 'missing');
• I'd rather be a damsel than a bullet sponge.
• How does my tin foil hat look?
• There have been several people that have been shot by an unloaded gun.
• Saying "it's impossible to discriminate" allows people to discriminate with impunity.
• MediaWiki code is very much sausage.
• Logic is a pretty powerful tool, but it only works if you give it good input.
• I think what Nemo's getting at is that the appendix is just plain weird.
• Many have eyes, but few have seen.
• Dreams show us the things we long for, give us a taste of what could have been. And then we awaken...
• Happy Easter. Here's a chocolate version of the cross our Lord was tortured and killed on.
• But you did go one hour without killing me. And If you can go an hour, maybe you could go a day. Then a week. Then maybe, just maybe, a lifetime.
• Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor.
• Don't laugh guys, they never said anything about making a good difference, just a difference. I for one, am terrified of this prospect.
• I tried to make her a Zimizmizt, but she only converted against her will and without her knowledge. It's better than Mormon baptisms for the dead. I can convert anybody, living or dead, whether they are aware of it or not.
• I don't remember what happened to the mouseforged, but I would like to be in a giant swimming pool filled with chocolate pudding.
• We wasted so much time waterboarding that duck.
• Dust his ass for footprints.
• As a massive troll, I can be an asshole on the Internet with a simple press of a button, so that I don't have to waste precious time actually coming up with and typing words.
• You've replaced yourself with a small shell script!
• I once had a rock garden. Three of them died.
• I have found more ways to derange than arrange.
• Foxes run from drooling dogs.
• Don't make me pull this volcano over.
• Crew members don't hang out in walls.
• Windows NT 4.0 - still more free than your average mobile OS.
• I am at peace. That's what bothers me.
• Is wiretapping them legal if we have someone from the NSA do it?
• I'm never using that lawnmower again. That's how I lost my hair you know?
• You like having to clean strangers' poop off of your babies? It's bad enough that they're covered in their own poop.
• I am an asshole and I like being an asshole. Assholes are usually the most honest people.
• Ego. That's what it means to be a god. Pure, unadulterated ego.
• Please, please help me. The eel is moving through my body.
• Dinosaurs probably had tapeworms too, and we can only wonder how long they got.
• Muh feelings!
• Sanity is a difficult prospect. Maintaining it would be enough to drive one mad.
• Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
• Cellar door.
• Warning: Use your brain.
• This is riddle wrapped in a mystery wrapped in an enigma.
• Let's trade secrets. I've only got one, and I've forgotten what it is.
• Like a great salmon, we must forge up the stream of evil and stop it before it spawns.
• I can see the zerg. I can see everything again.
• Dog? Oh, you delightful idiot. I'm his cat, of course!
• I was bored while waiting for my torrent to finish so I wrote AI replacements for the Marks.
• Because in any given day billions of humans pee and only millions have a child, it follows that the needs of the population of pee-ers are a thousand times more important than the needs of the birth-givers.
• There's no room for biology in there for me. I feel that the social sciences should challenge thinking that is based on the differences between humans being biological.
• It is the social sciences task to challenge biological thinking.
• They are frenetically concerned with biological explanations.
• The rest of us will just be hanging around and being annoying distractions.
• Passing blame is so much easier than owning up to your own actions.
• It's not grand. It's not epic. That's the whole point. It's just a story of someone utterly alone in the world who has to fight for every step, and doesn't even necessarily win in the end.
• I love the way Microsoft follows standards. In much the same manner that fish follow migrating caribou.
• It's on the server, but no-one's enabled it yet. So you don't need to give a damn about backwards compatibility as there's nothing to be compatible with.
• One ought to approve. Ecofont is designed to save ink, money and eventually the planet, but heaven save us from worthy fonts. Ecofont is a program that adds holes to a font.
• If you use Comic Sans, you're using a font designed for an animated dog.
• There are so many ways an intoxicated cow could go.
• I feel like we're doing this again, but that just means we're getting good at it.
• The murmurer in the earth and I talk. I lay my head against the dirt.
• I penned a scathing letter of complaint to the minister of agriculture, but the letter was returned to me. Am I the minister of agriculture? If so, how do I get this jerk to stop sending me complaint letters?
• It's okay. All you have to do is unplug the zarooorth matrix and make sure to de-brog it before you cook it. Don't forget, only macrowave cookers will do.
• To be honest I watch the show because I'm lonely and desperate because no house would ever go out with a garage like me.
• First you tell a lie. Then you become the lie, and in time, the lie becomes you. Except at this point it's no longer really a lie anymore, because it's true, it's all true, and it's always been true.
• I'm telling you, Teal'c, if we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm going to lose it. Lose it. It means go crazy. Nuts. Insane. Bonzo. No longer in possession of one's faculties, three fries short of a happy meal, wacko!
• It's like when you lose a screw, and you don't know where it went. You take another screw and this time you watch where it falls.
• The only way to beat a temptation is to give into it.
• You've got to know about jokes. You are one.
• Strange isn't a bad thing. Just unexpected.
• Strength in isolation.
• I'd go anywhere if it just made some sense.
• You definitely wouldn't want to take Amtrak to hell. You'd get there three days late.
• Has anyone really been so far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
• Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes. Together we can stop this. Please spread the word.
• I love hitmen. No matter what you do to them, you don't feel bad.
• The same end waits for us all, rich or poor, strong or weak. I pray only that they may find it swiftly.
• I've personally gotten 12 monkeys high and given them a computer, and all they ever wrote was the letter 's' repeated 1,214 times, and then they jammed the keyboard with feces.
• He didn't say anything. He was too busy dying.
• MediaWiki is... organic. Like manure.
• Fine. Then we'll all go. Forget about Harper, forget about Burma, forget about the refugees. We'll all just go down to a live sun and have a picnic.
• If someone says that their code is copyright 'All Rights Received', does that mean I'm allowed to use it?
• Do de do de do.
• From the beginning, what are the ten radical isotopes?
• You can have a typo, but in this case you have a writo.
• A graph is always easier than a paragraph.
• It shows what food feeds on which food.
• Dude, responding to everything I say with weird pictures does not constitute a debate.
• Racism is the new progress. Racism is the new tolerance. Racism is the new equality.
• I need a seagull boundary.
• One of their major food sources is suffering.
• Remember how minimal these minimals can get.
• You are the reason the saying 'ignorance is bliss' exists.
• I can't predict the future. I pay professionals to do that, and even they get it wrong sometimes.
• Somebody doxed most of Chile on doxbin once. Like legit, they posted a file with info on most people in Chile.
• I mean, that's pretty horrible, but 'most of Chile'. That's just hilarious.
• This is a serious matter, even though I'm still wearing my giraffe-skin jacket and electronic shoes modeled off of Big Mouth Billy Bass.
• Free will is an illusion. Whether you acknowledge me or not is your own business, but I will be in your mind.
• Everyone is a super saiyan charr now.
• That's the perfect place for a quarry. Nobody will care if you mess up the earth there. Because it's Michigan.
• Copyright law might be the most interesting thing that also makes me want to punch myself in the face.
• Because the images were taken by a monkey, no human copyright applies.
• The choice is yours. I can give you the horrible truth, or you can believe the pretty lie and go on about your lives. I'd take the lie, myself. Lies are what keep us sane, they're what hold up all the dreams and lovely things that make the worlds so interesting.
• Who but a dreamer could appreciate the tragedy that holds us up?
• Now, I may be dead and slowly losing my mind, but I'm still a Dark Elf, and therefore the logic here works out perfectly in every way.
• Sometimes the easiest method you know is the hardest method there is.
• Everyone who will ever oppose you in life is a crazy, burly dude with a spoon, and you will never be able to outspoon them.
• Mysticism means taking a step back and accepting that the very laws of reason and logic you abide by are merely one option of many. It means knowing you only see half the picture in a world where everyone else thinks they see the whole thing. It means having the sheer arrogance to have humility.
• I gave up, ran around like a headless chicken and then went to watch TV instead.
• The experience of typing a command and getting near instantaneous results far exceeds the experience of trying to find something to click, clicking it, then waiting in the hopes that something will happen, maybe even what you wanted.
• People are very strange these days.
• To someone who only knows how to dig with a spoon, the notion of digging something as large as a trench will terrify them. All they know are spoons, so as far as they're concerned, digging is simply difficult. The only way they can imagine it getting any easier is if they change – digging with a spoon until they get stronger, faster, and tougher. And the dangerous people, they'll actually try this.
• Federal agents play a debased role when they become the instigators of the superprotection, or partners in its commission, or the creative brain behind the illegal scheme.
• Now how are we going to decide who's the worst hostage?
• I'm as presentable as a murderously spiteful old man with a wet beard can get.
• The current state of the art is broken.
• Roof Koreans for hire.
• There's a moose?
• It's not exactly an ill met newt by noonlight.
• Personally I would like to see this code carefully gutted.
• You can fix the mainpage by deleting all the content in home.css.
• What are my reasons? Even I'll never know.
• What could possibly go wrong?
• Fundemental ass satellite of space.
• The beard signifies the courageous; the beard distinguishes the grown men, the earnest, the active, the vigorous. So that when we describe such, we say, he is a bearded man.
• He wanted my wheat, but I gave him a bear.
• Shhhh! If we're quiet, maybe the tornado won't hear us.
• Sorry. I didn't hear the question. I was too busy staring at my thumb.
• So, the land doesn't float on top of the ocean?
• Can we do something other than set fire to my eyebrows? We've already done that three times.
• You can't explain a rock. A rock is a rock.
• Sometimes I sit around for hours and think about how cool it is that I can speak and you can understand what I'm saying.
• He looks different. He's not dressed like a taco!
• It's almost the weekend. Tomorrow's already over.
• I can't hear you. What's your clown name?
• I think I might go take a nap outside. I can feel my eyes melting into the darkness that is my soul.
• I vow that no matter where we go, when we go, or if we go, I will always be there until the day that I get to stick a paintbrush up your nose.
• The greatest lie we tell ourselves is 'I'll remember it'.
• Just words, words, words and no meaning left.
• Omaha seems really unpleasant.
• He was almost like a trainwreck, but without the train. Or possibly the wreck.
• The end is only the beginning.
• I could saturate my connection with mango cheesecake.
• Please use 'perkele' no more than 8 times per email.
• Creatures with teeth on their tongue should not exist.
• I'd rather be miserable than not exist, for whatever reason.
• We call them games because they are not real. The bad things happen there, not to us. The characters do things we never could, and skip past the things we just don't care for. When the game becomes real... the implications hang in the air like a sentence that trails off into stupid oblivion.
• Was I sleeping, while the others suffered? Am I sleeping now? Tomorrow, when I wake, or think I do, what shall I say of today?
• Down in the hole, lingeringly, the grave digger puts on the forceps. We have time to grow old. The air is full of our cries. But habit is a great deadener.
• One day, is that not enough for you, one day he went dumb, one day I went blind, one day we'll go deaf, one day we were born, one day we shall die, the same day, the same second, is that not enough for you?
• They give birth astride of a grave, the light gleams an instant, then it's night once more.
• Self-awareness is for assholes. I prefer to be aware of tacos instead.
• It is a play in which nothing happens. Twice.
• Is any idea so dangerous that it justifies censorship?
• I fear all we've done is awaken a giant and fill him with terrible resolve.
• Good advice is boring.
• The person who says it cannot be done should not bother the one who is doing it.
• Any sufficiently advanced business model is indistinguishable from a scam.
• I have a moustache on my soul.
• Don't underestimate spite economics.
• It's not real. It's not going to warp anyone's mind unless they're already so warped that they don't know the difference between real and pretend.
• Thus, even assuming that reading sometimes has an adverse effect upon moral conduct, the effect is not likely to be substantial, for those who are susceptible seldom read.
• One alligator in custody.
• If philosophy is dead, then human thought is irrelevant. If human thought is irrelevant, then science in meaningless. If science is meaningless, how can it declare the end of philosophy?
• In other news, I am still alive therefore death must be a myth.
• His biggest offense is saying 'nipples' a lot.
• Everyone is hot and I'm really bad at handling it.
• Best if consumed simultaneously.
• We are not always dead inside.
• The columns of smoke in the foreground are telephone poles boiling.
• Eels are most prevalent on thursdays.
• He's such an unlikable little twat. Now we know why: he was played by an unlikable little twat!
• Cry me a river so I can drown you in it.
• I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
• Its very very technical and scientific, involving the introduction of organic substance interfacing with its structural integrity. I whacked it really really hard.
• Man's natural state is slavery; we are unhappy because we are too 'free'.
• Here we will share the memes of our people.
• Cheese in this situation equals money.
• It's happening.
• We're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine, and the machine is bleeding to death.
• Tile patterns. It isn't that abnormal.
• It is the most imaginative sort of degeneracy.
• I'm smarter than your average bear.
• Nobody dies when two planes full of skydivers crash in the air.
• That's fine. Anything that happens only in your head is totally cool and fine.
• Birds walk on you. Isn't it convenient that now everything else can too?
• I am not a nice person, it is about time you realize this.
• We must die unto one world before we may be reborn into another.
• I also have the string 'new messages (2,312)' from LiquidThreads rewritten as 'noise' using per-user JavaScript.
• It looks like setting your house on fire in order to give your husband sufficient motivation to check the smoke alarm.
• Snakes lost their legs long ago in the Vietnam War.
• We must eat all these possums that were burned.
• They come from broken homes, which end up producing broken minds.
• You would likely observe more overt displays of aggression from people playing an innocuous, yet challenging, game like Candy Crush Saga, as opposed to a game that is little more than shooting down anything in your path.
• Please add more unwarranted explosions to gifs.
• Expect anything.
• I take my hedgehog grocery shopping and nobody tells me to stop.
• We must defeat the Huns!
• Nobody notices what I do until I don't do it.
• In a world where public opinion matters more than facts, it no longer matters if you are correct or incorrect. All that matters is how many people like, favorite, and share your version of events.
• Geez, can't a guy violate the laws of physics without getting yelled at?
• You're not getting more degenerate. You're just boring.
• Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.
• I am Groot.
• I don't question it and just file it away as a puzzle piece.
• I just strap a pillow to my head, go into the backyard, and headbutt a tree.
• The ends justify the memes.
• 4chan is chaotic neutral. Might donate money to a good cause, might flood the net with bizarre erotic Shrek fanfiction.
• I am constantly astonished a crappy fanfic of a ridiculous fanfic of a terrible book is being made into a movie.
• Skeletons eff off. I swear to god.
• The global internet is being attacked by sharks.
• Who cares about facts? The only important thing is that what you're saying is offensive and can't be said. Something being true in no ways justifies you being able to say it.
• See this hat? Tis' my cat.
• This area looks JEWISH.
• I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.
• It's basically an ideological food fight.
• They have us surrounded. Those poor bastards.
• It's not arrogant to state a simple fact.
• Nobody is going to come find me and beat the shit out of me at my house. That'd take a level of effort that these people aren't capable of.
• I'm not mad. I'm the only sane one left.
• If no-one comes from the future to stop you doing it, how bad of a decision can it be?
• Why am I only motivated to sort my life out at 3am?
• We've been looking for the enemy for some time now. We've finally found him. We're surrounded. That simplifies things.
• I don't know what happens at the end of Skyrim but I do know what happens if you do nothing but steal shoes for forty hours.
• That thing looks like a demon. Why would you name him after cheese?
• Where do you get so many pictures of dinosaurs skateboarding?
• I will destroy all you hold dear and return to bed.
• A Russian satellite full of geckos is floating around in space, and mission control has lost the ability to control it.
• It sounds like some random lunatic with a hammer trying to very quietly steal the floor. Are they trying to hang pictures on the floor?
• Kids today blow up so fast.
• Equality is impossible unless everyone is dragged down to the lowest common denominator. Its against everything that makes us different and unique. You will find equality nowhere in nature or life on earth, in space, on other planets, nowhere. Only in the minds of people too stupid to see how impractical and UNEQUAL equality really is.
• I've summoned an elevator and mistaken myself for a necromancer.
• The chaos army seems suspiciously well-organised.
• The lunatics upstairs have moved on from stealing the floor piece-by-piece to playing life-sized billiards.
• Random whitespace is important. It's a design thing. You wouldn't understand.
• Okay, yeah. I am an adult. I am so adult. Look at me adulting all over the place.
• It's not about the colour of the bikeshed. It's about calling a bikeshed a community centre.
• Yes, there is a skull suspended n blackness that is always floating behind you. But you can't jut assume that's a bad thing.
• Every jumbled pile of person has a thinking part that wonders what the part that isn't thinking isn't thinking of.
• Catting intensifies.
• The fourth dimension is not time. It is goat.
• When you're out of the game you feel like you're hiding yourself. When I look in the mirror, all I see is what I really am.
• We spent three months debugging it because we only had one month to build it.
• Darkness is pure, transparent, beautiful.
• This game isn't designed for you, the players, it's designed for some other people, people who don't play GW2.
• The government that just 'lost' two years of emails would like to handle your medical records from now on.
• Court Dismissed. Bring in the dancing lobsters.
• You can't solve your problems with sad flute music.
• After we changed the definition of misogyny, we are finding it everywhere.
• Children live in the same world we do. To kid ourselves that we can shelter them from it isn't just naive - it's a vanity.
• Never again were gamers so intimidated by a few hundred ambiguously gendered triangles.
• Owls may be symbols of wisdom, but they're actually complete morons.
• Never underestimate the power and reach of potatoes.
• Some days, I feel everything at once. Other days I feel nothing at all.
• Pretending to know everything closes the door to finding out what is really there.
• Nintendo wins by doing absolutely nothing.
• I am not a children; I AM A MAP.
• If you think you feel well enough to stop taking your meds, don't. You feel that way because the meds are working.
• Bad times friend ahead. Maybe no computer. Maybe no home. I go away but we are two of soul. I will return.
• Gamagoori Ira doesn't actually have set proportions, his height is just bigger than you.
• Of course you had a gif of a guy shaking a chicken.
• The phrase 'Wardrobe by Kmart' should not appear in a film's credits.
• Murderers have only one valence electron (like Hydrogen) and will covalently bond with Oxygen atoms.
• If any facts posted by this site are true, it is only by mistake.
• He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times.
• Sarcasm is really helpful.
• In Yu-Shan there are slums filled with unemployed, destitute gods.
• The average whale is about the size of a whale.
• A chicken wearing a plunger shows how dinosaurs walk.
• It takes an idiot to do cool things. That's why it's cool.
• You're being digested by a cellar! Your morals don't count!
• I found the angriest-looking fish in the world.
• Happy birthday. Here's a plastic sack of my breath.
• A dream that will come true is not a real dream.
• You are a ghost riding a meat covered skeleton on a rock that's floating through space. FEAR NOTHING.
• I want to see the inside. I want to disassemble it. I want to reassemble it.
• Our LAMP server is powered by 30 halogen bulbs for extra bright lightening that will definitely hurt your eyes.
• My lucidity for the past 2 years has been well above average.
• I think I can say without a salmon of doubt that this is the best thank-you present I have ever received.
• I've already alerted the relevant authorities. And some irrelevant ones.
• There are some things about CentralNotice that I never liked from the outset, and my approach to fixing that was to mention it offhand once every 2 years. This proved to be ineffective.
• I have come to discover that few things are more taxing, or make one feel more helpless, than trying to warn others to not be like you once were.
• What has this world come to? And what's worse - where are we going?
• That man has been caked in so many substances and fluids by now that he's probably immune to literally everything.
• This is my blog. I peed on it, so now it's mine.
• You look sad. So let me tell you about my day. I'm a librarian, see. I spent all day librarianing in a library. Then I stopped librarianing and left because it was the end of the day. And then I found this butterfly. Have this butterfly.
• I spend my whole childhood reading and collecting every book I could find. I'd be a lot more concerned now if I couldn't librarian after that.
• Everyone's staring at us. Let's make a scene.
• I drempt I was a tree. And you were a bear. And you kept trying to mate with me. So perhaps you'll appreciate why I don't like to think dreams necessarily mean a whole lot.
• Okay, where do we get an incubus? Or, more specifically, where do we get someone we can dress up as an incubus? Who isn't a really expensive stripper, preferably?
• Some secrets are dangerous, too dangerous to let out. And yet the more people who know these dangerous secrets, the safer they become.
• I'm a stand-up comedian. This means I stand up and make really bad jokes until something knocks me over.
• I'm not very useful in a fight, but I am pretty useful slightly off to the side of a fight.
• The field of battle shall be a ring of jello, and in it we shall fight each other with fists of marshmallow!
• I am the embodiment of goof.
• I'm sorry, I'm trying to understand what you just said. A world in which there are no libraries? How is that possible, if there's anyone left at all? Libraries aren't just buildings, books on shelves. They're ideas, stories, and stories you pass on, tell to others. You can write them down to keep them longer, to share them further, but you don't have to, because they still survive in the people themselves. So long as anyone remembers, they're still real.
• That's not true at all. I don't believe people are naturally good, I believe they are naturally assholes. Being nice to them is just the most reliable way I've found to avoid bringing out those inner assholes.
• Help! A cliché is trying to kill me! Oh hells, he's really trying to kill me!
• It's okay. I know, I'm going to utterly screw this up, ruin everything, it's true, but then there'll be a giant cupcake and things will get better.
• I don't care if I'm the Chosen of the God of Death, I'm still a librarian, and he killed my library! How is this just?
• 'Justice' is such a dangerous concept. So easy to break the balance, to go too far. And what good is it, even? Justice doesn't bring back what is lost.
• At least death is simple.
• What is this? You'd kill an unarmed dead librarian? What's wrong with you?
• I'm sorry I dragged you into this and got everyone killed.
• Act like a raving lunatic? Fuck that. I'm gonna be a raving lunatic.
• If you don't let me go, I won't leave. Now normally that would be a really stupid argument, but I think in this case we can both agree that it'd be best if I do.
• Okay, we're all dead and we're still completely incapable of making any progress. Good to see some things never change.
• They killed me! I'll kill them! With... something, I don't know what yet, but I'll come up with something this time!
• You! You killed me! I shall have my revenge! Seriously, where is my revenge? It should be here by now.
• Incoming message from the Big Giant Head.
• Be loyal, be brave, believe in your friends. Believe in everything you have believed. I believe there is good in every person, that everyone deserves a second chance. I believe in fairies and unicorns and in selfless heroes, but I don't believe in you!
• I've been to the edge of space. Just looked like... more space.
• You must be iron-deficient if you can't see all the delicious irony here.
• We should all be thankful that centipedes can't fly.
• I appreciate anyone who can wax philosophical about a chinless lump who once ate his own mattress whole.
• Wanting journalistic integrity is a sign of end times.
• As a plant, the most fun I get is dousing myself with salad dressing and running through the woods naked.
• I wanna get married in an outfit that makes me look like a cross between some sort of space overlord and a twinkly porn star.
• Some people underestimate how erotic it is to be understood.
• Some people are so poor that all they have is money.
• Greed is a cleaner villain than senseless hate.
• Cats are not very good at chess.
• I don't know who is trolling whom anymore.
• I might have a hundredth of the followers they do, but at least I have a degree in the things I'm talking about rather than a degree in talking about things.
• This whole thing has been a sloppy and pathetic attempt at a real conspiracy. And yet people are still falling for it.
• We need to learn from this, and become resistant to these methods. There are bigger enemies all around us, and we can't afford to waste this much time struggling to beat the rat in the starting dungeon.
• Remember when the chicken plant burned down in 8th grade and we were all wearing clown costumes?
• Irked fans produce fanfic like irritated oysters produce pearls.
• There is no such thing as fiction, only non-fiction set in the wrong universe.
• The best trait is patience. That, or a nice set of teeth.
• Tilt shift the universe.
• I've done far stranger, for far more questionable of reasons. Like the time I robbed a 7-11 at gunpoint for a pack of gum because a drunk told me he'd tell the world who I was if I didn't, and when I seemed interested in who he thought he was, he said he'd tell me if I did it. Except then he was gone when I got back, so I just returned the gum and fenced the gun and made a tidy 200 dollars.
• Don't bother apologizing if you're just going to continue doing the things you said sorry for.
• I show how much I love PoC by lumping asians, hispanics, blacks, and native americans together into an identity-erasing term called PoC.
• Griffons pronk.
• Ideally there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
• They are pretty good when you are not willing yourself through the fucking empire of sour cream only to end up in lettuce country.
• I hope it's not another fucking salsa pocket.
• You're the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
• The danger is bureaucrats. And that danger has never faded.
• I hate it when my mom horks up a tumor, and it starts multiplying, and taking over valuable cupboard space.
• Why is being hated and feared so god damn fun?
• The house would be absolutely perfect if it weren't for that pesky little area under the balcony where people keep raising the dead.
• Magic can kill. Knives can kill. Even small children launched at great speed could kill.
• Hate never wins out in the end. It instead goes always to its lonely, dusty end.
• I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
• Words create lies. Pain can be trusted.
• Everybody is the same.
• They are perfection, the ideal being with clothes.
• Man, what did zombies ever do to you to get themselves compared to social justice warriors?
• There's no kill like overkill.
• The most intense form of pretentious dishevelment I've ever seen in my life.
• I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.
• Here's a graph. Not sure what's on it, but there's a graph.
• Why can't we go back to the simpler things in life? Like pants-eating monsters.
• The first time gives them the ultimate high, and after that no high is as good. Unfortunately the addict doesn't know that. He will chase that high to the gates of insanity and death.
• Did I say that or just think it? Am I talking? Can they hear me?
• The smarter you get the less you speak.
• This object has been temporarily removed as we revise its facial expression, which was deemed zoologically improbably and/or terrifying to small children.
• Science doesn't have to invalidate mythology or fiction, no more than mythology or fiction invalidates science.
• Arson is a sexist industry.
• Where did the strawmen touch you when you were a child?
• You were so focused on whether you COULD do it that you never stopped to ask whether you SHOULD.
• Sloths are what happens when coconuts come alive.
• I'd love to meet the genius who thought of charging a fee for applying for financial aid.
• That which has no existence cannot be destroyed. That which cannot be destroyed cannot require anything to preserve it from destruction.
• Natural rights is simple nonsense: natural and imprescriptable rights, rhetorical nonsense - nonsense upon stilts.
• Samantha Wright is an adorable combination of the Hulk and Tinkerbell.
• Remember, the real lady is what's under the mask.
• My cat dispenser is broken. I asked for cream and sugar and all I get is black.
• Potassium.
• And we were trapped there for a very long time because the bananas would not leave and they were everywhere.
• Once we saw him juggling the hermit crabs in his tank.
• After all these years in combat, why isn't there a way to better protect operators going through the door?
• Terror is nothing else than justice, prompt, severe, inflexible.
• Chromosomes are a social construct.
• Bullets are a part of a balanced breakfast.
• I remember when memes were a dirty secret on the internet.
• I'm a forensic criminologist. Our slogan is 'can't run fast enough to be a serial killer so I'll just help the police catch them'.
• A just universe would be a hell. There would be no room for kindness or growth, no room for heroes. No room for mercy.
• I think space is governed by international maritime law, and several treaties between the US and RU, namely you can't test nuclear weapons in space, and they are supposed to assist each other in event of alien invasion. Gambling is legal.
• I don't want gender; I want wings and the ability to breathe fire.
• Scarves are scientifically proven to make you more awesome.
• Go sports! Move the thing to the other thing!
• Are you sure the mud isn't sentient?
• Thank you, bathtub barracuda.
• The fool thinks he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.
• Is there no way out of the mind?
• It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane.
• Regardless of whatever ideology you ascribe to, I think everyone can agree trying to make the world a better place is a worthwhile endeavor.
• You were never born. Just removed.
• The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.
• This is your daily reminder that you will receive daily reminders on a daily basis.
• Then Robespierre Robespierred all over the place.
• Robespierre was the Robespierre of Robespierre.
• We all make mistakes, but honestly, who keeps their bottle of assholes that close to their creation-forge?
• Because of course she's Sarah. They were all Sarah.
• I have been mortal, and some part of me is mortal yet. I am full of tears and hunger and the fear of death, though I cannot weep, and I want nothing, and I cannot die. I am not like the others now, for no unicorn was ever born who could regret...
• I would rather to be in a hot tub with Satan discussing politics.
• Breathe into the BEE ORB to reveal your fate.
• All this project has taught me is that many women try to get offended and expect me to change my opinion for their benefit. That's not something I do for men, that's not something I'll do for women. Sorry; this is the cost of equality.
• The majority of our statements have only been contradictory to people who choose to believe something regardless of the evidence presented.
• Dying is a good way to learn so long as you're paying attention.
• I don't think you can accurately do a tl;dr on something so big.
• Their decisions meant 4chan would be left as the only avenue of discussion.
• If humans could fly, we'd consider it exercise and never do it.
• Rarely, if ever, has a corpse laid beside someone in their bed. This fear is mostly unfounded.
• It's always going to be dangerous no matter what. People don't like to hear that they're wrong or that they're doing bad things. But there's always going to be someone who needs help, and if she's serious about it, it's not something that's going to end.
• Fear is freedom! Subjugation is liberation! Contradiction is truth! Those are the facts of this world!
• This language is literally keysmashing.
• Love is love, man, if you are happy just enjoy it. No need to complicate shit because of other's thoughts. I honestly don't care what you do though.
• The shooter was a casino american.
• Oxygen is not toxic, just setting you on fire very very slowly.
• Death is but the cuddle of eternity.
• Pink is the ambassador of an otherworldly and unknowable realm. It is the most badass colour out there.
• You're like Sherlock Holmes except of no use to anyone.
• I have to remember my cat. I can't keep my cat if I get into trouble.
• We should eat whatever those things are.
• If you think there are only stupid and worthless people around you, you might be one of them.
• Screen scrape ALL the things!
• Let's interrogate all the flowers in the forest.
• Sometimes the gods listen. Even out here, sometimes they listen.
• Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath.
• A star field. Why always a simple star field when the sky is so much more vibrant than that?
• She is like a candle in the wind. Unreliable.
• By the power of me spinach, I will pulveratize ya.
• I don't need to prove myself to you. How dare you. I love breathing oxygen.
• Where's the pic with every single meme face morphed into one giant abomination? Please, someone, find this.
• Civilised societies don't take slaves. They build them.
• You can get anonymity in a bar, because if you can't remember your own name, chances are no one else can either. Unless it's a small town.
• It may be a little optimistic to expect this party to work intentionally towards a goal.
• What colour of paisley reality packing foam is it? That's intended to explode over and close the holes in the universe.
• I need Henry the Eighth to reside over my crotch like some messed up guardian who will behead or divorce all who dare try to pass him.
• People who triumph over adversity often decide adversity is therefore fine.
• Everything in Australia is a goddamn spider.
• Insanity is a legal term. Very few offenders are legally insane.
• It is like a library or a public park: it seems wholesome but is full of perverts.
• They already hate themselves more than you could ever hate them.
• According to the regulator which has to ensure real value, virtual currencies are 'money substitutes'.
• I am not a nut, nor am I several nuts.
• It isn't a kids' show. It's a people show.
• There is no need to create a directory of articles that mention coal balls.
• The sidewalk of New York is where smiles go to die.
• Peach's panties were deemed to risque for a young audience in the 3DS version of Super Smash Bros. Instead, children playing the game will be welcomed to the VOID.
• You don't need to make formal alliances with people you trust.
• Nothing makes the past a sweeter place to visit than the prospect of imminent death.
• The story happens because of the protagonist, not Palace Guard #2. I'm sure he's a great guy, and yes, he can be present in the story if he adds something, but I don't need his history and contact info.
• Your mind is already so prodigiously empty that there is nothing in it to clear away in the first place.
• Wrong does not cease to be wrong because the majority share in it.
• I love that someone looked at bagpipes and thought 'this could use a little more fire'.
• And this right here is about the most anyone will ever need to see of this particular film, unless you actually enjoy boredom and unnecessary close-ups of kneecaps.
• I'm sure this means something, but don't ask me what.
• Cats are controlled by government satellites. You blocked the signal so it shut down.
• His magic is fist!
• Money can't make you happy unless you roll around in it.
• It is impossible and not recommended.
• Some skeletons just want to dress up as meat products and direct you to the pharmacy and that's okay.
• Freedom of speech is important so that we know just how stupid the people around us are.
• He says his asshole son inherited his strong chin and I will not allow chinless Zues up there to stand. I just will not.
• I have one really photogenic cat and one idiot.
• The vast majority of old galaxies look like train wrecks. So our first thought was, why is this one so different, and so beautiful?
• There's something really gay about two men having sex with each other.
• I didn't do anything, I just spoke the truth.
• Some stories are just better than others.
• Someone took a candid photo of a fight in Ukranian Parliament that is as well-composed as the best renaissance art.
• We bred wolves until they were dumb enough that they needed us and now we film them while laughing about how dumb they are.
• I think I have underestimated the power of soup.
• Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
• I used to be like you, a long time ago. All brand new and perfect; no mistakes, no regrets. People look at you and think of how wonderful your future will be. They want you to be something special, like a doctor or a lawyer. I hate to tell you this, but if you grow up here, you're more likely to wind up selling your bodies on the streets or shooting dope from dirty needles in a bus stop. And if you're successful, you'll make money selling junk to crackheads, and won't think twice about killing someone's wife, because you won't even know it's wrong in the first place. Maybe... you'll end up like me. A hobo with a shotgun. I hope you can do better. You are the future.
• Praise is the last thing they need. Praise is what got us into this mess in the first place.
• My life is a never ending chain of working my ass off only to discover that the qualifying bar was raised a week before I showed up.
• The crusade is taking a 20-minute break.
• Suffice to say the entire thing was a hoot in the most sarcastic of senses.
• I try to be a considerate sociopath.
• When the wise man points at the moon, the idiot observes the finger.
• America must be kept American.
• Do they sense it, these dead writers, when their books are read? Does a pinprick of light appear in their darkness? Is their soul stirred by the feather touch of another mind reading theirs? I do hope so.
• That guy's brain is a bag full of cats. You could smell crazy on him.
• She died as she lived, licking things she wasn't supposed to.
• I've had a god in my brain. I don't recommend it.
• How to approach a finn: you don't. You just don't.
• I've never liked people and I will never like them. People are the worst species on earth.
• Reaching for a spruce, one falls on a juniper.
• Who will raise the cat's tail if not the cat itself?
• I'm a fan of freedom. And choice. And life. And the freedom to make really bad choices with your life. Like I do.
• If vampires don't need air, they would be awesome scuba divers. They could just wear a backpack full of rocks and walk on the bottom. And if they dive deep enough, light won't even reach down there. Like, aquatic vampire covens at the bottom of ocean trenches...
• Scientists now believe that early flowering times for plants around Walden Pond can be blamed on Henry David Thoreau's angry ghost and not, as previously thought, global climate change.
• The prehistoric era was God's deviantart stage. Now he just hides all of his stupid-looking OCs in the ocean where no one can find them.
• It's bad. I mean, bad. Like, bad bad. It's really bad.
• I hate children, so I try to hit them with doors whenever I can.
• If you drive in Lapland and see ghostly pair of glowing antlers on the road, they're probably attached to a whole animal and you should start slowing down.
• Have you ever wondered how tar tastes? If you ever visit Finland you will have plenty of options to try out. We have, for example, tar-flavoured lemonade, tar-flavoured candy, tar-flavoured alcohol, and even, as it turns out, tar-flavoured ice-cream.
• If you can say everything with one word, you shouldn't use any more.
• Yoghurt is useless.
• It can be impossible to tell if everyone is just bored or simply being Finnish.
• The difference between a Finnish wedding and a Finnish funeral is that at a funeral there's one person not having vodka.
• We're born with infinite possibilities, only to give up on one after another. To choose one thing means to give up on another. That's inevitable. But what can you do? That's what it is to live.
• Decisions are made by those who show up.
• I need a hundred pounds of magnetic putty.
• That's the thing about telling someone your own story. You don't see yourself as the hero. You see the people you love and admire as the heroes.
• People will stare. Make it worth their while.
• Watch the clouds. You will see the shockwave there.
• Everything is a copy of a copy of a copy.
• Cemeteries are meant to be visited. Unless the cemetery is serving the community as a positive, useful, fun, or informative place, it's going to get abandoned, run-down, overgrown, or forgotten.
• The best and most important blog we discovered this week places octopuses on the heads of United States vice-presidents. All of them.
• I often forget that superheroes are supposed to be these hyper-masculine male fantasies because I spend so much time talking about their emotional vulnerabilities and imagining them in lacy thongs.
• If a character has curves, make sure to specify that they are all in the right places. Otherwise, readers will be confused.
• Such a waste of talent. He chose money over power. In this town, a mistake nearly everyone makes. Money is the Mc-Mansion in Sarasota that starts falling apart after 10 years. Power is the old stone building that stands for centuries. I cannot respect someone who doesn't see the difference.
• I shivered in terror at the sound of the monster's laugh only to realize I was the one laughing.
• What kind of dumbarse sister of mine can't find a use for a hundred lace masks?
• If you are a vegan, great! Tell me and I will never serve you meat and/or try to question you about it. But if you ever, ever tell me that I'm a killer or try to make me feel bad for eating meat, I will eat you.
• The innocent have everything to fear - mostly from the guilty, but in the longer term, even more from those who say things like 'The innocent have nothing to fear'.
• This movie is in English, and the actors are clearly visible.
• Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
• We've left no room to acknowledge our dark side. Dark sides are important. They should be nurtured like nasty black orchids.
• Here is the non-fiction story. I make my rapist breakfast. I compartmentalise. I move on. Eventually, years later, I eat eggs again.
• This is it. This is the pinnacle of nerdom. This is the greatest height of nerdery that has ever been reached before. Never will such levels of pure fucking nerd ever be seen again, it's just not possible.
• You look at people and you see puzzles. I see games. You? You're a game I'll win every time.
• It is a glorious thing, but it is still a possession. You are my sister. And all the gifts from the gods that have ever been aren't worth a strand of your hair.
• I think of every reason there is to live. Mothers, and sisters, and gorillas, and cake. Flying.
• There's just something about an anatomically correct rubber suit that puts fire in a girl's lips.
• I fought the war, but the war won.
• We support women so long as they do everything we say and they don't think for themselves.
• Tragedy blows through your life like a tornado, uprooting everything. Creating chaos. You wait for the dust to settle and then you choose. You can live in the wreckage and pretend it's still the mansion you remember, or you can crawl from the rubble and slowly rebuild.
• Welcome to whatever this is.
• There is a thin semantic line separating weird from beautiful and that line is covered in jellyfish.
• Characters that could easily go bad who get up every day choosing to be good will always be more important to me than inherently good ones.
• If it doesn't go bang when you put it in a supercollider, it's probably bollocks.
• I didn't want to vote in that RfA, but the opposes are just ridiculous.
• He has no eyebrows, except on saturdays.
• I need context. So many questions. Why a kitten? Why his pants? Why?
• British cheese is better than its reputation suggests, if you know where to look. However British cheeses are difficult to distinguish from British breeds of pig.
• You are not free until you have no need to impress anybody.
• Beware of artists. They mix with all classes of society and are therefore the most dangerous.
• I literally have zero idea how to show affection for people. Like hey, I like being your friend... let me headbutt you... and make some... I don't know, screeching noises?
• I know when I'm being lied to, Bob. It's like when I look at myself in the mirror and say 'It's going to be okay.'
• Listen, you're my children, and I love you. But you're all terrible.
• The difference between doing science and making a mess is that with science, you write down what happened, and do it again.
• I pray to myself, for myself.
• I'm very bad at keeping still for pictures. I always end up dancing.
• Some people will always need help. That doesn't mean they're not worth helping.
• I can't decide if this is an awesome amount of poof or just ridiculous.
• Who honors those we love for the very life we live? Who sends monsters to kill us, and at the same time sings that we will never die? Who teaches us what's real and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live and what we'll die to defend? Who chains us? And Who holds the key that can set us free... It's You.
• We can deny our angels exist, convince ourselves they can't be real, but they show up anyway, at strange places, and at strange times. They can speak through any character we can imagine. They'll shout through demons if they have to, daring us. Challenging us to fight.
• Being loved by young people is overrated. Being feared by young people is priceless.
• I don't drink alcohol for religious reasons. I drink it for other reasons.
• It seems that in Finland bacon is considered as a vegetable.
• One woman sat near the steamer and in silence she threw scoopful of water to the sauna stove. No-one said a word. The only sound was water hitting on a stove. It was not awkward nor uncomfortable. The only feeling I had was the feeling I could call calm melancholy or longing. For me it was the essence of being a Finn. Sitting in a small room, naked, with people you've never met before but yet you're completely comfortable because you know you're all in that room only for yourselves. In that room, rushful weekday separates from free time, afternoon separates from evening, it's a place between restlessness and peace. Where you literally sweat your worries, pain and rush away.
• It is absolutely prohibited to shit on the floor.
• Nanomachines, son.
• If the snake attacks prematurely it's obviously better to defeat it and get back to the rest of your defense as quickly as possible.
• I have decided to put a stop to this erratic behaviour before I get deported to Sweden. I'm very sorry.
• Who needs magic when all your problems can be solved with guns?
• Your sample sizes are small, your standard deviations are high, your conclusion means nothing, and you should feel bad.
• The future is here and it's horrible.
• Larval forms of fairies are horrifyingly evil.
• If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do.
• It doesn't even walk, it galumphs. There is literally no other word for what this precious moss potato is doing.
• He is better than anyone else I know at taking a Victorian story, translating it into the 21st century, and making it more sexist than the original in the process. That's a pretty impressively abject feat.
• Glitter is not glitter. It has never been glitter. It is thousands of tiny, shimmering demons which grasp tight to all surfaces for fear of the winds of change. They are probably harmless.
• I'm not like most girls. I'm like all girls. I am the alpha girl and the omega girl. I have many faces, and I am called by many names, not all of which are audible to human ears. I contain multitudes. I am legion. All shall be assimilated.
• Would you like to see a shrimp on a running machine?
• Confuse, don't abuse.
• Stop playing the victim. That's not even a real instrument.
• It is healthy to be full of shit.
• I am not here to look pretty for you, or tell you how sad my life is, or how me wearing makeup is the root of several self-esteem issues. I am here to please myself and if that's wearing thirty different colors on my eyelids then so be it.
• We all like to congregate at boundary conditions. Where land meets water. Where earth meets air. Where body meets mind. Where space meets time. We like to be on one side, and look at the other.
• Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke.
• I wanted to be this cool magic valkyrie and then I realized I could dual wield whips and everything kinda went downhill from there.
• Teenagers aren't rated Teen.
• So we taped a devil's trap on my friend's floor as a joke and now I'm stuck. Send help.
• Finally, we're using robots just to frighten and confuse small children. Our destiny as a species has been realized.
• The writer's job is to get the main character up a tree, and then once they are up there, throw rocks at them.
• In the dystopian future, full length shirts are a sign of weakness.
• They're not women's clothes. They're my clothes. I bought them.
• But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
• This is the first time we've ever 'emailed' hardware to space.
• This is the person your algebra problems warned you about.
• You don't need to perch on everything and everyone. Really. Promise. Just let yourself be carried. It's not going to hurt your dignity. You don't have any.
• When I die, bury me face down so the whole world can kiss my ass.
• We the unwilling, led by the unqualified, to kill the unfortunate, die for the ungrateful.
• My work ethic: I get work done, it just takes a long time because I forget what I'm supposed to be doing and I dilly dally and waste time. To be fair, I am technically on vacation right now.
• Unlike Ron, I know what I've done - I was secretly Voldemort, and she's cranky because SHE'S not Voldemort.
• Pedro is incapable of 'bullying' Erik. Erik has all the cards, he can desysop Pedro, delete his account, make him disappear and has already given the community the finger in saying there is nothing we can do about it. What can Pedro do? Talk?
• It's a large creature with scales, it's a man-eater, and though it doesn't actually breathe fire, it does have the worst breath of any creature known to man.
• If life gives you melons, you might have dyslexia.
• Prototype hardware is like an archaeological find. You can't find anything on the internet about it and yet it is very important in history.
• FFOS is like Android on crack... and not in a good way.
• I spend too much time raiding windmills. We go side-by-side and laugh until it's right.
• The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate. So it goes. Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.
• Nobody wants to get in a fight with an LGBT feminist in a wheelchair about these ideas, so they take the extremely sexist step of assigning my words to a man.
• I can't tell if this is seriously art or if it's just tongue in cheek sarcastic art or if it's post-ironic ironic art, or ironic art, or literally just a joke, and that is so not okay.
• The world could burn for all I care. But you know what? At least I am honest with myself and I own what I say and do so with no shame or cheap attempts to delude myself and others into thinking I am some fighter of the people.
• The spider on the porch is called Frank. Be nice to Frank; he guards the tomatoes.
• Every act of perception is to some degree an act of creation, and every act of memory is to some degree an act of imagination.
• I'm here to eat your cheese and ruin everyone's night, and I don't see any more cheese.
• If you're ever feeling lazy, just remember that the ancient Greeks believed their gods lived on top of a very climbable hill, but no one even bothered to check.
• We can never be Gods, after all - but we can become something less than human with frightening ease.
• At the deepest level people are madder than they want to believe. You will find that they fear being eaten, and are alarmed by their desire to devour others.
• Good books make you ask questions. Bad readers want everything answered.
• Lost my muchness, have I?
• Philosophy becomes tortured thinking. Thinking that devours itself — and continues intact and even flourishes, in spite (or perhaps because) of the repeated acts of self-cannibalism. In the passion play of thought, the thinker plays the roles of both protagonist and antagonist. He is both suffering Prometheus and the remorseless eagle who consumes his perpetually regenerated entrails.
• To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking.
• This definitely happened. The assault rifle also had a trench-coat concealing two pistols.
• When a website like this is free, you're not the customer. You're the product.
• I crave a world of gorgeous and gigantic mystery, splendour, and terror, in which reigns no limitation save that of the untrammelled imagination.
• No art is possible without a dance with death.
• And you're amoral, because morality isn't moral anymore.
• Your handwriting. The way you walk. Which china pattern you choose. It's all giving you away. Everything you do shows your hand. Everything is a self-portrait. Everything is a diary.
• To let fact checking define the narrative would be a huge mistake.
• What's next, pizza delivery hitmen?
• It's funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you viddy them on the screen.
• Being Alpha lemur is lonely.
• Literature is the most agreeable way of ignoring life.
• Robots are starting to break the law and nobody knows what to do about it.
• He wears a mask, and his face grows to fit it.
• The lack of public communication is not an oversight. It's planned, and we are on schedule.
• Don't be so vain to think that you ruined me, that you wrecked me, destroyed me. I am the only one who has the power to do that.
• When you want to help people, you tell them the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear.
• Just literally cant or dont. Might help you out. Be careful while you literally cannot however. Too much cant or dont evens can literally kill you if you literally cannot even dont or cant.
• You don't judge a movement by its extremists, you judge a movement for how it handles its extremists.
• We are dancing in the hollow of nothingness. We are one flesh, but separated like stars.
• You find my words dark. Darkness is in our souls, do you not think?
• And then you have the image of a whale swimming through the woods. It is the most normal thing, slow, serene, and dark, unexplained. Simply a thing that happens.
• I am a demon to some, an angel to others.
• The bullet we're running from is almost never the one that hits us.
• Why does the mind do such things? Turn on us, rend us, dig the claws in. If you get hungry enough, they say, you start eating your own heart. Maybe it's much the same.
• Some days are good... and some days you just feel like the only dog at a llama orgy.
• People with dark souls have nothing but dark dreams. People with really dark souls do nothing but dream.
• I don't do drugs. I am drugs.
• In spite of language, in spite of intelligence and intuition and sympathy, one can never really communicate anything to anybody. The essential substance of every thought and feeling remains incommunicable, locked up in the impenetrable strong-room of the individual soul and body. Our life is a sentence of perpetual solitary confinement.
• What I hate is ignorance, smallness of imagination, the eye that sees no farther than its own lashes. All things are possible. Who you are is limited only by who you think you are.
• You don't need more girls. You don't need more anything other than people who are qualified who earned their positions based on merit and hard work. Not their vaginas.
• Having evidence that actually supports your hypothesis is for losers.
• Stars crisp between her teeth, moonlight numbing her lips, she wanted to taste galaxies that night.
• In battered neon lights our names are written, like stars, but less.
• Stars not where they seemed or were calculated to be, but nobody need worry.
• Thin privilege is not burning down a building when you die.
• Hypermasculinity is a limiting narrative. I wish I had skills outside of fighting; that's why I'm angry and that's why I keep on fighting!
• Psychology is hate, at least as it is practised in western culture.
• Being offended means nothing. There's no more worthless sentence than 'I'm offended'. It means absolutely nothing.
• I understand now that boundaries between noise and sound are conventions. All boundaries are conventions, waiting to be transcended. One may transcend any convention if only one can first conceive of doing so.
• This idea that the whole world is wired together is mass death. Every biologist knows that small groups in isolation evolve fastest. You put a thousand birds on an ocean island and they'll evolve very fast. You put ten thousand on a big continent, and their evolution slows down. Now, for our own species, evolution occurs mostly through our behaviour. We innovate new behaviour to adapt. And everybody on earth knows that innovation only occurs in small groups. Put three people on a committee and they may get something done. Ten people, and it gets harder. Thirty people, and nothing happens. Thirty million, it becomes impossible.
• People worry about losing species diversity in the rain forest. But what about intellectual diversity - our most necessary resource? That's disappearing faster than trees. But we haven't figured that out, so now we're planning to put five billion people together in cyberspace.
• My time's not really worth much because I'm immortal.
• WMF employees aren't even allowed to visit Commons while at work..
• She's the pot calling the kettle black without realizing that the kettle is actually her own reflection in a mirror.
• Please understand, sometimes I can't choose what I work on. I can't follow through on a line of thinking just because I want to or because it's needed. I have to work on what's in my head, and right now this is what's in my head.
• Look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see, and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious.
• Don't tread on memes.
• But what was the point of living so quietly you made no noise at all?
• Most of our world is rubbish. It's difficult.
• Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All that blood was never once beautiful. It was just red.
• You had to kill him. The boy cries you a sweater of tears... and you kill him. How are you going to live with yourself?
• The safest course was actually the simplest - do nothing at all and hope everything turned out for the best. It wasn't a great plan, but it had the benefits of simplicity and a long tradition.
• We expected to banish paper, but instead we banished thought.
• The planet has survived everything in its time. It will survive us.
• Take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder and sieve it through the finest sieve and then show me one atom of justice, one molecule of mercy. And yet you act as if there is some ideal order in the world, as if there is some... some rightness in the universe by which it may be judged.
• It's illegal for you to prove that I'm not immortal.
• Art is how we decorate space; music is how we decorate time.
• We've found a dick joke that the ladies can sympathise with. And here we were, living in blissful ignorance, thinking no dick joke would ever connect with them.
• My want has burning fingers; you are the first person not to ask me to put out all my light.
• I cannot tell you how fantastic it feels to be allowed to burn after years of being given fire extinguishers as birthday presents.
• My want has burning fingers; you are the first person not to ask me to put out all my light.
• I told him that I read his entire dissertation and he told me I may be the only person who has ever done that.
• The scariest thing about gamergate is that it's turned facebook and youtube comments into a fairly intelligent place. Just let that sink in for a bit.
• We value our ignorance of what is to come.
• If you believe in freedom of speech, you believe in freedom of speech for views you don't like. Goebbels was in favor of freedom of speech for views he liked. So was Stalin.
• The very threads of existence must be torn asunder, then burned, then the ashes scattered, until all is nothing and no one exists to remember existence.
• There seems to be a loophole in our culture where you are allowed to be vile, as long as it's to the 'right' people.
• There is almost no such thing as a bad tactic, only bad targets.
• As a rule of thumb, you should probably disregard the opinions of any grown adult who uses 'gross' as an adjective to describe something they disapprove of.
• They are 'progressive' only if the destination lies off a cliff.
• Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing.
• It just feels like half of these people are crusaders because they need an excuse to do terrible things.
• It is a game about yelling at dragons. Literally.
• Her husband was a crackhead, and her boyfriend's a serial killer. It's kind of hard not to take that personally.
• Fundies - communists, feminists, muslims - don't like cartoons or jokes. They are good at destroying stuff, though.
• I feel like a doormat. Can it be love?
• Comparing useless metrics to uncertain metrics is quite sure to produce garbage.
• align: 'inline' is a lie we tell our children at night.
• Is there anything that the octopus hasn't destroyed?
• Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.
• Things only make sense in context. Take away that context, and all you have is a mad jumble of nonsense.
• I love listening to reasonable women reason. It may be mental illness, or a lost memory of a lilac-scented day and a Brahms concerto, but I find it pleasing to the senses.
• When reasonable women reason with reasonable men, there can be a kind of transparency often absent from reasonable men reasoning with other reasonable men. In the latter situation, for completely natural reasons, the reasoning can take on an aggressive edge that blurs the very reason reasonable people like to lay claim to.
• You can't ticket me, I'm not a car!
• It's human in that it's run by humans; there's no requirement that you be human to get in.
• Dead guy is dead.
• There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain, the mind must leave reality behind.
• Remember to pay your butter tax.
• Science - not this, but real science - is discovery. It's not invention. The truths are there whether we find them or not.
• The sports team from my area is superior to the sports team from your area.
• Sitting in judgement does not come naturally to reasonable men.
• You shouldn't worry. Everything will be fine. Yes, there is a skull suspended in blackness that is always floating behind you, but you can't just assume that's a bad thing.
• Godzilla, covered in lettuce, stands beguiled.
• While I am personally glad that we met... I feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing.
• Wikipedians aren't designers. They're writers. Their idea of designing a workflow is making you read a manual.
• You are not the light of my life, making you happy isn't my greatest dream, your smile is not all I live for. I've got my own stuff going on. But you're strange and fascinating and I've never met anyone like you. I want to give you everything just to see what you would do with it.
• Such are my daydreams.
• There are only so many horny birds you can laugh at.
• The sports teams were sportsing really hard.
• If you find that your logic gives you contradictory results, then you probably started out wrong. Go back and re-examine the assumptions you started out with, and you'll find that one is wrong.
• I acknowledge that this house has had a renovation, but given that it's a stupid-ass renovation, I've elected to ignore it.
• You were almost there. Almost free from what you fear. You could have been cured, you could have forgotten.
• Those who do not want to imitate anything produce nothing.
• They call me observant. That's not particularly true. People are so easy to read - we bleed emotions even in the way we drink our coffee. No one seems to notice though. They're all too busy drinking their own damn coffee.
• But remember, there are two ways to dehumanize someone: by dismissing them, and by idolizing them.
• What makes you think human beings are sentient and aware? There's no evidence for it. Human beings never think for themselves, they find it too uncomfortable. For the most part, members of our species simply repeat what they are told - and become upset if they are exposed to any different view. The characteristic human trait is not awareness but conformity, and the characteristic result is religious warfare.
• Entertainment has nothing to do with reality. Entertainment is antithetical to reality.
• I am certain there is too much certainty in the world.
• Human beings are so destructive. I sometimes think we are a kind of plague that will scrub the earth clean. We destroy things so well that I sometimes think maybe that's our function.
• All major changes are like death. You can't see the other side until you are there.
• Insanity is relative. It depends on who has whom locked in what cage.
• We now live in a nation where doctors destroy health, lawyers destroy justice, universities destroy knowledge, governments destroy freedom, the press destroys information, religion destroys morals, and our banks destroy the economy.
• Evil turns upon itself; Good redeems its own.
• Any new fact or insight that I may have found has not seemed to me as a 'discovery' of mine, but rather something that has always been there and that I had chanced to pick up.
• You just have to trust your own madness.
• I want a real happening to happen before I die.
• Behead those who say Islam is violent.
• They evolved organically and then proceeded to shit on themselves.
• Why turn the vampire into fire when you could turn him into a lawn chair?
• Thanks, Wikipedia. I knew I could count on you to give me an explanation that means absolutely nothing to a normal person.
• Or bees. Could be space bees. It never is, but it could be. Bees.
• Elements of the past and future, combining to make something not quite as good as either.
• You were like a christmas tree. All about the waiting. I wanted a present.
• Cats are words. Full of words. Sphinxes, more so.
• I think we can be relied on to react in the worst way possible.
• There are more Wikipedia articles written about the fictional places of Middle Earth and Discworld than about many countries in Africa, Asia, and the Americas.
• Tits up front to distract or offend the enemy.
• A discussion which has circled the drain and entered the sewer need not be revived merely so someone can put more shit into it.
• Are your HUE's properly calibrated, sir? Wouldn't want to spring a HUE leak!
• Content shouldn't be playable by all players, but there should be content for all players to play.
• As a gamer, what the hell did I miss? I've been busy playing... you know... games.
• All politics is vandalism.
• I'm not an Elder God. I promise.
• There's a certain irony in the fact that we have to police ourselves to keep from becoming a police state.
• It's both real and a troll.
• The lack of regretting his own actions truly is regrettable.
• I really shouldn't have wiped off the bait when I cleaned out the corpses.
• If you cannot figure out how to contact me from all the links on this page, chances are you have nothing to say that would interest me. Darwinian spam filter!
• I read too many Polandballs, forgot how to talk correctly and now speak only in a halting, broken pidgin.
• Archaeology in the 1920s was mostly drinking and blowing things up.
• This is my family. It's little and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good.
• It's far too elegant not to be true.
• Killing your own clone is still murder.
• I'm pretty sure your headphones aren't giving off enough radiation for that to be why your cat woke up.
• Everybody knows that to influence how the wiki is run it's more effective to change a single word in an important policy than to establish ten new policies.
• We need video games that aren't fun.
• Dinosaurs ruled our planet for eons and now they toot while people put oven mitts on their heads.
• On a scale of 0 to 10, Gandhi is now 255 points of pure nuclear rage.
• Made 'butcher fishperson corpse' have way less range and be a less desirable source of food.
• Alphabeaver event creates alphabeavers who will consume trees until stopped.
• There's now a heat haze on heat sources, so you can better identify the things that will help you in your quest to become toast.
• Shopkeepers can polymorph into forms that don't let them do their jobs.
• Depending on the moon cycle night is no longer pitch black. We think this is a good thing.
• Copses will now regenerate deer, but you need to first delete all copses.
• Fixed a bug that sometimes caused doors to float away into infinity.
• Fixed issue where picking up a fish would destroy player.
• Provost should no longer hate you in California if he hated you in Arizona.
• Fishing is now more interesting.
• Colors are now illegal.
• Don't regret your past. Learn from it. Regrets just make a person weaker.
• Nothing will ruin your 20s more than thinking you should have your life together already.
• The snakes pick up the vibrations and get out of your way, unless it's a death adder, otherwise known as the deaf adder, which just lies there. People can walk right past it and over it and nothing happens.
• What's measured improves.
• That's the problem with gods. Live too long. Start to collect shadows, until shadows are all they have, sharp, pointy, brittle.
• You don't grab power, you accumulate it. Quietly, without anyone noticing.
• Vengeance is a dish best served sticky, with frosting flying in every direction.
• A book, too, can be a star, a living fire to lighten the darkness, leading out into the expanding universe.
• One of the hallmarks of propaganda is that the enemy is impossibly powerful yet weak enough to be crushed.
• Some kid in my class wrote an essay about how it never explicitly says Beowulf isn't a robot.
• The gods were here first, and they're bigger. They always were, and always will be living it up in their father's mansion. You only crawled from the drain a few millenia ago, after inventing legs for yourself so you could stand, inventing fists in order to raise them and curse the heavens. Do the gods see us? Will the waters be rising soon? The waters will be rising soon. Find someone or something to cling to.
• The reader is the musician of the book: each reader may read the same text, just as each violinist plays the same piece, but each interpretation is different.
• I live in my dreams - that's what you sense. Other people live in dreams, but not in their own. That's the difference.
• A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.
• Treating for wrong diagnoses can result in side effects. Like death.
• Is it still illegal to perform an autopsy on a living person?
• Give me a word for the boundary between the world you went to see and the small one you call your own. I want a word for the moment you know you're almost home.
• The important parts exist in the silences between the words.
• Had I not created my whole world, I would certainly have died in other people's.
• You're one mystery I'd love to solve one day.
• Wordpress is a remote shell that just happens to have a blogging feature.
• I'm going to succeed because I'm crazy enough to think I can.
• I have a theory for everything. I even have a theory for why I have a theory for everything.
• There are years that ask questions and years that answer.
• Winds keep shifting around, driving the fire south from sunset into evening and north during the day. Structures threatened. A mess. Dangerous mess.
• Quiet, please. Security sleeping.
• And sometimes I have kept my feelings to myself, because I could find no language to describe them in.
• The writer operates at a peculiar crossroads where time and place and eternity somehow meet. His problem is to find that location.
• I know I am talking nonsense, but I'd rather go rambling on, and partly expressing something I find it difficult to express, than to keep on transmitting faultless platitudes.
• It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.
• Be careful, you are not in Wonderland. I've heard the strange madness long growing in your soul, in your isolation, but you, fortunate in your ignorance, you who have suffered, find where love hides, give, share, lose, lest we die unbloomed.
• But I have about fifty books at home I haven't read, there's no reason for me to buy these.
• Where there is no Echo there is no description of space or love. There is only silence.
• We're all good. We're all evil.
• This woman sees me. She doesn't know it, but she's looking behind the mask and she's not turning away.
• Great minds don't think alike. They think for themselves.
• Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep. I am the soft stars that shine at night.
• If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
• For you to insult me, I must first value your opinion.
• A wall between worlds is the thickest of all.
• A wall between worlds is the thinnest of all.
• Okay, who invited the English Wikipedia?
• It's the kind of game you don't win, even if you survive.
• Truth tea.
• I believe pain breeds wolves and joys give rise to moons. We grow forests in our bones so our memories can't find us. I believe we hide and haunt ourselves.
• Everyone deserves to die.
• It's very easy to convince a person to leave behind all the things they don't have.
• The vast majority of the universe is composed of dark matter. The fragile balance depends on things we'll never be able to see, hear, smell, taste, or touch. Life itself depends on them. What's real? What isn't real? Maybe those aren't the right questions to be asking. What does life depend on?
• The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery.
• But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.
• It is mixed up with a muddled idea that women are free when they serve their employers but slaves when they help their husbands.
• I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
• All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.
• It just happens to be the way that I'm made. I have to write things down to feel I fully comprehend them.
• And Death, in his shame, built a kingdom from dust as penance, as proof, that his fingers were made for more than destruction.
• The more I observe people, the more I realize I'm not as crazy as I thought I was.
• I wish to paint in such a manner as if I were photographing dreams.
• I haven't read all of them because it's a Friday night and I have plans, so don't shoot me if it turns out some of them are more evil than others. But it's all in there, if you are looking for background material for your next Kafka novel.
• The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed.
• The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins?
• There would seem to be nothing more obvious, more tangible and palpable than the present moment. And yet it eludes us completely. All the sadness of life lies in that fact.
• I see no rational reason to distrust that crocodile, because I'm the one who let it into my bathroom.
• This is an actual room of mirrors. As you can see, it leads to glitches in the Matrix.
• Don't ever wish death on anyone. Pray that they get stuck in LA traffic for 5 hours. It's hell on earth.
• Humans being born with different capacities, if they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free.
• We've always defined ourselves by the ability to overcome the impossible, and we count these moments, these moments when we dare to aim higher, to break barriers, to reach for the stars, to make the unknown known... we count these moments as our proudest achievements. But we lost all that, or perhaps we've just forgotten that we are still pioneers and we've barely begun, and that our greatest accomplishments cannot be behind us, because our destiny lies above us.
• Raspberries, the flavour of the cosmos, and by extension, the flavour of the divine. If there would ever be a holy food, it would be these.
• So I'm sitting in the Gravy-Tree. And my shadow is walking up and... licking my tree?
• People, please stop being on caltrain tracks when the train comes...
• Grumping is a free action. You can do those on anyone's turn.
• It's like comparing peeing with chlamydia against peeing with gonorrhoea.
• It is a prison so shitty that even the guards want to escape.
• Any fool can know. The point is to understand.
• Some lose all mind and become soul - insane. Some lose all soul and become mind - intellectual. Some lose both and become accepted.
• If you know yourself, then you'll not be harmed by what is said about you.
• Some days it storms, some days it shines. This is how flowers grow.
• My books always say something, even if it's simple, like 'Don't breed crabs to be as big as men'.
• We write to remember. We write to become. We write to honour those who came before.
• It hit her like a brick through mud, which is to say very, very slowly.
• Once I questioned the school I was in, I questioned the society that built the school, I questioned the businesses that the schools were training people for, I questioned the government that set up this whole structure.
• The world around you is made up of protons, neutrons, morons, and electrons.
• Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.
• Losing your way between dreaming and waking, the bright days you once knew so well fade into nothing but a memory. The colours fade, the edges blur and now you see the world only through the eyes of a sleep-walker - not real enough, and yet too real to understand.
• This is a world where people eschew sex to write a programming language for orangutans.
• As far as the Australian Government is concerned not paying women more discriminates against them.
• The whole culture is telling you to hurry, while the art tells you to take your time. Always listen to the art.
• If I told you that a flower bloomed in a dark room, would you trust it?
• Science investigates; religion interprets. Science gives man knowledge, which is power; religion gives man wisdom, which is control. Science deals mainly with facts; religion deals mainly with values. The two are not rivals.
• Wherever the crowd goes, run in the other direction.
• The beginning of the war will be secret.
• You're actually a horrible, writhing mass of sentient voles.
• Old manuscript discovered - Historians say 'Ooh, nifty!'
• There are roughly five and a half fucktillion extracanonical gospels out there. For the first couple centuries after Jesus bit it, his followers wrote a ridiculous amount of fanfic.
• So many of the sources historians use to piece together the past are known fakes, but the best they can do is read between the lines or have no lines at all. There's a reason why medieval historians read farm reports featuring travel descriptions and saints' lives involving demons-living-in-buckets with the same attention to detail. Every dry history text you've read in your life comes from a pile of sources like this, bits of maybe-truth cobbled together with toothpaste and narwhal horn dust.
• Be curious, and look for the lies in truth and the truth in lies.
• Concepts speed and guide our thinking, but they don't always make us wise.
• A bird in the hand is going to poop on you.
• When the blind lead the blind, get out of the way.
• Never underestimate the power of termites.
• You will never understand that. Not with your linear thoughts. Not enough angles.
• Some cats bring home mice or birds. Ours brings home sponges.
• The ego says, 'I shouldn't have to suffer,' and that thought makes you suffer so much more. It is a distortion of the truth, which is always paradoxical. The truth is that you need to say yes to suffering before you can transcend it.
• Silence is just like the color black. It's meaningful. Strong. Deep. It does absolutely nothing yet explains everything. You can write pages about it. It's elegant and noble without trying. All this, and it doesn't even make a sound.
• Nemo_bis is everywhere. Like a fungus, but the good kind of fungus, like the ones that keep the ecosystem in balance or something.
• nginx understands. nginx is always there. nginx does not judge.
• May I write words more naked than flesh, stronger than bone, more resilient than sinew, sensitive than nerve.
• This duck is so undercooked, it's still out for revenge.
• Because one minute they all love you, the next thing you know, you're in front of a courthouse dancing on top of a car just trying to figure out what the fuck happened to you.
• You gotta kill me, man. I can't go through eternity with a fucking dildo on my throat.
• Last I checked I could blame anyone or anything I wanted. Why, I once blamed an entire week on a tomato.
• Anybody who hides information is an enemy.
• I got a letter back from his mother and she said, 'Jim loved your card so much he ate it'. That to me was one of the highest compliments I've ever received. He didn't care that it was an original Maurice Sendak drawing or anything. He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.
• Don't go. I'll eat you up, I love you so.
• You can't really make NSA knock-knock jokes since knock-knock jokes have the premise that the visitor tells you they're there and lets you ask questions.
• Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.
• The young generations of today are being taught that they shouldn't have to ever put up with anything doesn't make their hearts feel like rainbow colored unicorns are running around pooping skittles onto piles of marshmallows.
• Those who escape hell however never talk about it, and nothing much bothers them after that.
• Time takes it all whether you want it to or not, time takes it all. Time bares it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again.
• We can't have hydrogen blimps because there's a very strong chance that a car with a sparkler taped on it will dukes of hazard style ramp up into it and destroy everything.
• I come from the back of the wind, and I have given up my name so often I don't like to bring it out again for you.
• Like all nonsense, it's intended to be easy to swallow.
• If you have a harsh reality, you'll have a harsh fantasy too. The past and future are a loop, your mind a labyrinth, your flaws are your strengths because you hold them so close. Your heart can always be revived. You can always return to fantasy; it exists outside of time and death. Opening up fully to other people is the bravest thing you can do. Dreams or reality, which is the truth?
• It's strange to have a creation out there, a deeply mutated version of yourself running loose and screwing everything up. I wonder if this is how parents feel.
• Permanent markers are great if you just wanna fill in some huge space - but they will bleed the same way your enemies will cry. Annoyingly.
• Do you use your powers for good, or for AWESOME?
• You saw all that flavour text.
• They want to eradicate the homeless. Instead of eradicating homelessness.
• You need to pull your head out of your arse and deal with it. Doesn't matter what it is. Doesn't matter if it's utterly impossible and I could never even imagine what you're going through; this is you and you're the only one who can give yourself the strength to continue. So do. Deal with it, one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, and you'll do fine, I think. You'll be amazing.
• I awoke, only to find that the rest of the world was still asleep.
• See, I'd let you sleep on my couch too, but that's where my fatass diabetic dog sleeps. And if I try to move him, he gets pissy and opens up his blisters all over the place. But if you wanna spoon my bloody dog, then by all means.
• As I cannot be the hero, let me be the monster, and lesson them in fear in place of love.
• I'm afraid the plague has been cancelled due to illness.
• The god of envy has a better temple than yours.
• One day, my log will have something to say about this. My log saw something that night.
• Solace in madness. There's solace in madness.
• It helps, you know. Saying things. Repeating things. Old thoughts. Old memories. Throw off the dark man in the open cloud. He's young. Doesn't see. Doesn't remember. Doesn't understand. It's all mad to him. There's solace in madness. Solace in madness.
• How do you prove that we exist? Maybe we don't exist...
• Wait for the tea. The fish aren't running.
• Dank meme.
• I am 99% sure those iguanas aren't actually there.
• You have taken non-lethal chocolate damage and are now unconscious.
• People die of common sense, one lost moment at a time.
• Be searching always for new sensations.
• I can assure you, pleasure is very different from happiness. Some things are more precious because they don't last.
• Mr. Grey, I believe I know your secret. You do have a heart.
• I've got an inflatable heart. All writers do, even poets, because we must do such horrible things to our stories. How can we ever truly see the light if we do not first break them under unimaginable torment?
• Such intoxicating vanity.
• The idea of putting a dog in a room and then going next door to make simulated sex sounds would have seemed totally absurd to me a few months ago, but now that I have my pup I'm like 'of course!'
• Butterscotch ripple drips out of my pocket. I smear cream on the wall.
• I've got too many minds in here. I'm too many things to too many people.
• You're not nobody. You're you.
• And do you think, that if you do not go and do it, another you will? Another you will make it so? Well, maybe they will. But it won't be you. And you won't be certain. And you'll have to live with that.
• At least one professor has concluded there are 3 species of jellyfish that are immortal, and says their immortality may hold the key to immortality for human beings.
• Turrets are not drunk, they are just dead.
• So it's agreed. We attack at dawn, UTC.
• Confine that which you fear to the mirror. Start with who is standing there. Then smile.
• Beneath the web-thin simulacrum, inundating and fecund, live myth and manifold truths. Not one point of view can embrace them at a glance.
• Any fool can be honest, for it is only what he knows. A wise man is aware of when to share the truth.
• We all wear the twin masks of emotion. Happy or sad, haunted or hunted, you choose the mask, you choose the risk. You choose your own poison.
• Once you give in to the void, space itself becomes time. Once you give in to the void, many are the mouths of reality.
• Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it; those who fail to learn history correctly - why, they are simply doomed.
• The true quarry of any great adventurer is the undiscovered territory of their own soul.
• Fear drives the universe. You will find dread among the galaxies. You will find horror in the heart of a star. You will find your fate in a heap of dust.
• Welcome twilight. Welcome blackness. Welcome inky night. Only in darkness can I see your soul.
• We are not the masks we wear. But if we don them, do we not become them?
• Only those born guilty recognize innocence for what is: the rarest thing in the universe, and the most precious.
• The brightest light is invisible. It shines through your deeds and warms the universe.
• Blink and it's gone, a moment, a breath, a dance of the mayflies. Just enough... for a lifetime.
• Democracy may only be a few steps removed from anarchy, but at least it's not as loud.
• I trust fast poison, the stars to wink out, and you, my love - and you.
• Screams of a billion murdered stars give lie to the night's peace, while we cling in desperation to the few fragile spinning stones we call worlds.
• To a god, a wall is but a line on the page. We are all naked, seen beyond seeing.
• The mirror is a window through which we see ourselves - reversed and without form. Our deepest lies reborn, true.
• The door opens. The edges meet. Step through and you find yourself lost. Stay where you are and you go nowhere.
• The following statement is false: the previous statement is true. Welcome to our corner of the universe.
• Between birth and death lies desire, desire for life, for love, for everything good. And this is the source of all suffering.
• You might say reality is the result of complex negotiations between the observer and the observed. But that is simply a point of view.
• Conceal nothing. And watch the fools search forever.
• Throw them all away, but don't predict where your foot will fall; the first and last steps are the same.
• There is 'absolute proof' that you are personified pyramid.
• I have so much to teach you, but you ignore me, you evil asses.
• Truth about Santa Claus debunks Santa God. God evolves from Santa.
• 4 quadrants resemble circle, but do not constitute circle. Earth is more Cubic than orb.
• I used to believe in circles.
• My wisdom so antiquates known knowledge that a psychiatrist examining my behavior, eccentric by his academic single corner knowledge, knows no course other than to judge me schizophrenic. In today's society of greed, men of word illusion are elected to lead and wise men are condemned. You must establish a Chair of Wisdom to empower Wise Men over the stupid intelligentsia, or perish.
• Fraudulent oneness of religious academia has retarded your opposite rationale brain to a half brain slave.
• Force 4 days on earth; they already exist. 4 horsemen have 4 days in only 1 earth rotation. 4 angles stood on 4 corners. 4 corners rotate to 16 corners which equal to 4 corner days.
• 'One' does not exist, except in death state. One is a demonic religious lie.
• You are educated stupid - and you have no inkling to just how evil you think.
• Opposites create.
• The half of Earth seen from space cannot exist without the opposite half not seen... existing as opposite values.
• The entity you seek is death.
• Academia teaches evil android singularity, displacing families with today's androids, passive, subsmissive, subservient, and stupid.
• You are Enslaved by Word - no whip or shackle required.
• Between the opposites, all things are created. As an entity, they exist only as a big zero, seen from space as something and nothing from every possible view.
• He knows not that his face is a corner.
• Man invented word, and calls it god.
• Explain the physics of a god.
• Ignoring Time Cube is Evil.
• Word is not real nor truth, but deadly virus of humanity, transmitted through language.
• Students must free their brains and organize as a power force to stop the plunder of nature by word-corrupted professors.
• If only the dead people who a god did not save could return and give their opinion of the god.
• Word enslaves the mind more efficiently than shackle. Word is unnatural and must be taught to enslave dummies. Languages have a deadly virus that will destroy the educated.
• You've been educated stupid and are too dumb to know it, or maybe just too evil to care.
• Wise people call me a genius. Stupid and evil people call me crazy. My character is really determined by the mentality of the viewer.
• I am a 'Cubic Thinker' and far wiser than any god, any scientist, and any educator who preaches the evil singularity of a single 1st corner.
• Metaphorbalize and boogy with words, for fun and profit. Change up, experiment, shake it off, and revel in the fullest extent of language.
• Verbing weirds language.
• All the things I love are bad for me.
• I am the dreamer behind the dream. I am the mask that others don. I am everything, and nothing at all.
• The soft vibrating that you feel in your bones, it's nothing more than the humming air, handsaws twanging, cats purring too many to hear.
• God or not, she doesn't necessarily know how to beard.
• I just want to hold a baby goat.
• It's the corpse of food.
• There was some supervillain who grafted his head to just like, a ton of pot, in some comic. That is the end of that story.
• Vanishing carts. They fit in your pocket, but they really weigh you down.
• There is a point where we needed to stop and we have clearly passed it. But let's keep going and see what happens.
• The point of the mask is not the mask but the face underneath.
• You're such a spoon! Duller than a butter knife!
• Stop calling me a utensian!
• In the absence of war, invent one.
• You are what you do. A man is defined by his actions, not his memory.
• You're nothing. You're nobody. You're a stupid dream. All dreams come to an end.
• There's things you can't get anywhere. But we dream they can be found in other people.
• This is his true face, but few can see it. The gifted, and the damned.
• Please don't illegally save the rare pepes.
• The land of the dead doesn't have live ghost fish. Not like it matters.
• Russia is well on track to becoming the weirdest dystopia ever imagined.
• Being a jedi is a lot like owning a truck.
• Than​k you for pushing the boundaries when they are not real.
• Eat your information here.
• Everyone who gets caught in rip-tides and dies in the ocean is technically killed by the moon.
• There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
• A beard such as is only found on gods and lunatics...
• OR MAYBE '0' SHOULDN'T BE FALSEY.
• Something must be done. This is something. Therefore, we must do it.
• Now that Putin's officially banned memes of him, I feel it's only right that we post as many of them as possible, to be honest.
• It's a game show where everyone eats the furniture in a room and tries to see which is made of chocolate.
• The most terrifying fact about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent; but if we can come to terms with this indifference and accept the challenges of life within the boundaries of death - however mutable man may be able to make them - our existence as a species can have genuine meaning and fulfilment. However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light.
• Black holes are the eyes of the gods, created by mass, interfacing with their colossal beings.
• I expected the average color of a chicken to be a lot darker than a strawberry smoothie.
• Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living.
• In another time, another culture, he may have been a seer, a shaman priest. In our world he's a shoe salesman and lives among the shadows.
• Talking specifically about children, there's been an idea prevalent over the last generation or so that it's possible to keep a child perfectly safe. In fact, any bump or bruise is a direct failure of the parents to protect their child.
• You aren't my friend. We don't know each other. You shouldn't call me by name even though I told it to you.
• There are 55 zones in Sweden where the police are 'unable to maintain order', which is how they dodge admitting it's a no-go zone.
• Absinthe tastes like alcoholic Christmas trees. I can never decide if I like it or not...
• 'Check your privilege'? Is that another way of saying 'know your place'?
• This meal is so unfinished EA tried to publish it.
• You will burn, do you hear me? Burn! The righteous flames of love and tolerance shall sear the flesh from your very bones!
• The student has earned her zero.
• And when they came at long last, they were all schoolgirls. Anime schoolgirls, descended from the heavens.
• We make a plan, the plan gets ruined, the plan's back in order, and it's all good now.
• The heart has a lot of tubes for moving blood.
• An entire realm filled with all the nightmare creations of children's drawings.
• I laugh in the face of danger. And then I hide until it goes away.
• Pointing out that the Ottomans slaughtered a million and a half people is racist and islamaphobic.
• It only takes one person doing something to make others act and stop injustice. Be that one person for others.
• Between the hours of 1am-5am, the world is quiet and no one expects anything from me. I could stare at my wall for 4 hours and there would be no consequences. It's so silent and calm. I love it.
• Eat your aesthetic, Jonathan.
• Basically I believe in peace and bashing two bricks together.
• I understand you exactly. You could have been something once. You had all the worlds ahead of you, and you threw it away, you wasted it, you, because you didn't care, and so you slipped further and further away. The others lost you, too, because they were just like you, and they didn't care any more than you did. They were just like you, and they are still just like you were, now, and so you hate them. And yet the only one you hate more than them is yourself.
• Dawn is the perfect time for screaming monkey duets.
• I fear phones in particular. They suddenly get incoming calls.
• Nature knows no equality. The most cursory examination of natural phenomena reveals the presence of a Law of Inequality as universal and inflexible as the Law of Gravitation.
• Death would be a release from this life, and his sentence has yet to be carried out.
• That settles it. We have to get rid of the ocean.
• People in Germany would burn money because it was cheaper than actually buying fuel.
• A man shitposts. A slave upvotes.
• It's a mask. People wear them to hide themselves. And sometimes to reveal themselves.
• Sometimes the most important thing you can do for someone is to accept them for who they are. Accept their faults, their failings. Accept that they may never get better, or change, or be who you want them to be. But be there for them. Support them when they stumble, help them up when they fall. They may give you nothing in return, but they may also give you everything, show you things you never would have imagined, because odds are, you need the same things they do.
• He's never been charged with a crime. It's not illegal to fall asleep on your neighbour's roof.
• The old magic is surprisingly literal.
• The paste you are looking for does not exist.
• Your hat looks confused and horrified.
• Have you seen my speech organ?
• What she lacks in age she makes up for in madness.
• The sea pancake demands sacrifice.
• Good and evil are relative, but being a dick cannot be allowed.
• Pretending to be magic is the most efficient magic.
• You need fake death to kill a fake god.
• We just cut up our girlfriend with a chainsaw. Does that sound 'fine'?
• It is said that those who don't sleep confuse reality with dream.
• You know you've hit a new low when /pol/ has more claim to the moral high ground than you.
• I've never seen someone swallow so many forks.
• Ah, but who is stupider? The one trying to kill himself or the person trying to kill the person trying to kill himself?
• The atmosphere keeps all the gravity on the ground.
• There are so many other kinds of stuff in the mind of mind.
• Consider that animals happened because plants put out too much oxygen. Consider that we are nothing more than another opportunistic invasive kingdom.
• It happened once this way. Why could it not happen this way again?
• In space, there's nothing alive. There's nobody in space at all.
• It is possible that we are alone in the universe, and it is possible that we are not. Both are equally horrifying.
• People love the parts of me that are mad, but never the parts that are sane, despite those being the parts that make all the madness work.
• Look, this is a scientific experiment, and maybe if we treat him like a slime mold, we'll learn something about what we can do from here.
• Lest you think me irreverent, I should point out that slime molds are incredibly complex organisms whose swarm mechanics can effectively implement a logical distributed AI.
• The living beings are not people like us, because they all die in biomes.
• I know other people who give kids to the living beings.
• Praise the sun!
• Does a leopard change his shorts?
• Just because it is alive does not make it good.
• Some think the writer needs to be the smartest person in the room, but this is not true. The writer needs only to be the biggest bullshiter.
• Force is a type of force.
• There is a major issue here about forgetting. The whole of the law is to keep your story straight - you must remember this. The wandering mind ends up who knows where it ends. In ruins, probably. That's usually a safe answer, or convenient, anyway.
• The people who are pushing for better representation for female characters in cinema are in fact making it harder to have better representation for female characters in cinema.
• It's all in the maths. The same things that make a painting beautiful are what make a world real, a balance that is built into our very minds.
• Earlier we found out that deployment-prep was writing logs to NFS saying it can't write logs to NFS.
• Hooray. He's kicked the ball. Now the ball's over there. That man has it now. That's an interesting development. Maybe he'll kick the ball. He has indeed and apparently that deserves a round of applause.
• That which does not rise may eternal lie, and even in strange aeons bakes Cthulhu Pie.
• If they looked in a mirror they would hate themselves. Perhaps even more than they normally do.
• I'm never going to unsee this so I might as well inflict it on as many other people as I can.
• Memes cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred from one form to another.
• Surrounding yourself with soft stuff, it isn't life, it's death.
• Some stories are better left untold.
• If there's no mod for a gun that fires cars, I'm not playin' it.
• By the way, guys, we had an election here yesterday. It was hilarious.
• I broke Nostalgia wiki. Out all the Wikipedias I could have broken, I broke the most useless one.
• It may look stupid but if it works it ain't stupid.
• I'm sure that thing is loaded with bats.
• I could spend my whole life prying loose the secrets of the insane. Instead I buy antique tanks and drive them through people's gardens.
• It's really quite strenuous doing nothing all day.
• If you have responsibility for security, but no authority to make changes, then you're just there to take the blame when something goes wrong.
• And I say also this. I do not think the forest would be so bright, nor the water so warm, nor love so sweet, if there were no danger in the lakes.
• Dying is such a grossly inefficient use of time.
• At any given moment the floor may open up. Of course, it almost never does; that's what makes it so boring.
• I don't do drugs. I am drugs. Take me, I am the drug. Take me, I am hallucinogenic.
• We may not be responsible for the world that creates our mind, but we can take responsibility for the mind with which we create our world.
• It is not necessary for the public to know whether I am joking or whether I am serious, just as it is not necessary for me to know it myself.
• When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.
• People don't like love, they like that flittery flirty feeling. They don't love love - love is sacrificial, love is ferocious, it's not emotive. Our culture doesn't love love, it loves the idea of love. It wants the emotion without paying anything for it.
• People who pride themselves on their 'complexity' and deride others for being 'simplistic' should realize that the truth is often not very complicated. What gets complex is evading the truth.
• This guy is so rich he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool.
• When your application does something completely unexpected and unprecedented, there are two things you do: tell Marketing to go wild, and publish papers. Lots of papers.
• I'm a purpose. I'm a narrow path, with walls that blind. I'm a thought and a buried past. I'm what The Gravedigger makes and where he put the past. I'm the idea of a god, a cobbled-together watcher made of scraps of doctrine. I'm Gravy's creation and his maker. I'm an approximation of sanity. And I'm not happy at being removed.
• What a culture we live in. We are swimming in an ocean of knowledge and drowning in ignorance.
• If you read to your kids, you're 'unfairly disadvantaging' others.
• We knew the world would not be the same. A few people laughed. A few people cried. Most people were silent. I remembered the line from the Hindu scripture the Bhagavad Gita: Vishnu is trying to persuade the prince that he should do his duty, and to impress him takes on his multi-armed form, and says, 'Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.' I suppose we all thought that, one way or another.
• Tankity tankity tankity.
• PANCAKE CHICKEN IS WATCHING YOUR EVERY MOVE. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ESCAEP
• It's hard for someone to hold it against you when you miss a meeting because you've been at work so long that you've passed out from exhaustion.
• The stakes are too high this time, too many people are watching us for us to be able to screw up at all...
• My coworkers are far from non-confrontational, and we scream at each other all the time. It's one of the few things that makes this place bearable,
• You need someone like Marc around to overcome the soul-sucking blackness that sets in when you've agreed to impossible goals.
• The details don't really matter, but I've spent most of the day so stressed out that my skull is rattling from the pressure of my teeth grinding together. I feel like I have finally exceeded my stress limits and am about blow a gasket. But I can't go home, because if I do, the world will end, right? I'm trying to work, but every few minutes I have to stop typing and make fists so tightly that my whole body shakes.
• Coots know how to live. I wish I were a coot.
• Maybe we're not doomed; people on the net are talking about Mozilla with all caps and lots of exclamation points. They're actually excited about it...
• The god is old, and nothing gets that old without shadows on it. And he throws such a bright light that you can pick out all the shadows, little spiderweb flaws crazing the light.
• What do you want to be when you give up?
• Our victory is measured by the souls we save and not the souls we kill.
• You shall not see triumph. You've been most helpful. And I have one last use for you. To you I give a magnificent end... But an end nonetheless. The final moment is yours.
• Juliet's version of cleanliness was next to godliness, which was to say it was erratic, past all understanding, and seldom seen.
• And if the truth is terrible, the answer is that, terrible or not, it is still the truth. And then the truth can be changed.
• HERE LIES UN-VINURATA, A GOD FETTERED IN UNWILLING SLUMBER FOR CRIMES AGAINST CREATION. MAY HIS SONGS FADE INTO OBLIVION.
• Being an idiot is great. Everything is new and interesting.
• Yes, Captain America has LEGS!
• We're going to inject him full of tiny bats.
• The trees ate my bicycle.
• If captured, we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them.
• Don't estimate all humanity by the limits of your own capability.
• The moment can't stay. It moves on due to momentum.
• It's considered courteous to refill the giant hole you dug so others know the antisocial loser has left the area.
• You've seen fragments of our grammar in the chaos patterns of bird flocks in flight - in hexagon angles - in the graffiti bleeding together on the wall - in the bioluminescent eyes under your bed - in the fanged city skyline that forms a runic rythm when glimpsed upside down.
• We hide in your hat.
• We aren't like them. We are the elite. We are going to change the world.
• What part of a goat is a snail?
• We were born in the black hearts of stars. Mortal rules are nothing to us.
• The meaning of life is bucket.
• I'm not in a sufficiently safe space to make mistakes.
• A is for effort. B is for don't burn yourself out. C is for learn to spell, damnit.
• Frowning is a tool of the living.
• Symbols are a mockery of meaning. They are sad signifiers of the unenlightened. The Keepers of the Quiet do not need them, but few have achieved the wisdom of the Keepers of the Quiet. Neither you nor I are among them. And so we must betray the purity of intentions and depend on symbols.
• Metaphors become obsolete when thread and needles run so very cheap.
• To understand what you are saving, first you must see it suffer.
• Those that walk the wasteland know that the world isn't a kind place. Sometimes people think of the pre-war days as a golden age, a time when people were better to each other. But there wouldn't have been an apocalypse if that were true.
• He worked almost to the last, as the real artists of every kind do: they work to be working, because that's what they do, and they die when they stop.
• The long and short of it is music listeners have always been assholes and humanity is exactly the same way it was in the 1600s.
• To be a legend, you've either got to be dead or excessively old.
• YOUR NEUTRONS ARE DISPLEASINGLY ALIGNED.
• Architecture signals the death of faith. When beliefs no longer warm the heart, the weak can think of nothing better than to erect lasting tributes to spiritual shame and mental cowardice. They beg you to destroy them.
• The books of the past may contain word of the future.
• If we all agreed, nothing would be funny.
• Instead of breaking the law to prove a point, you prove a point by obeying the law in the most grindy, smartass way possible.
• I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in.
• All it takes is one marine to break the stick. But then you have two sticks. Stick win every time.
• There are no false gods, only false believers.
• There's nothing false about hope.
• My cat went full-loaf. I didn't know this was possible.
• Baby gators are basically confused sharp bunnies who wander into other people's pools for a dip and some sunbathing and might gnaw on you.
• Alligators have not evolved in two hundred million years. They're too lazy.
• 24 astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about your state that makes people want to flee the Earth?
• Tarkkana kuin porkkana, literally 'precise like a carrot', is said when you have to do something really carefully.
• I'm at a silent disco. Except I have hurt my foot so I'm just sitting with headphones on.
• What I am saying is that gods are the Borg and that is why they must be avoided at all costs.
• There is an elevated level of mollusks in the region.
• In some languages the mouse is a rat.
• They're not people. They don't even have collar bones.
• Everything breaks down. Civilisations, structures, worlds. Even light decays.
• Without an ozone, the earth would be an apple to the sun, which would be a can of ignited cooking spray.
• Gay marriage can't melt steel beams.
• How do you see the dead stars contained within the sun?
• Bearing in mind that nobody wants to walk up a hill, logical city design would indicate that all the neighbourhoods would be curling around the hill in all the relatively flat bits.
• I'm so non-sad, I'm anti-sad. Watch! I can drain the entire swimming pool, with my face acting as a reversed water hose!
• If you want to know the nature of a bird, you must observe it in the sky. You do not cut off its wings and shove it in a box.
• When dark dreamers dream, they act as nightmares in our world. When they wake, we will be the dream in theirs. Today finds us somewhere in between - that groggy moment in the morning when nothing is yet real.
• They attempted to dam the flow, but torrents were channelled around to overcome them from all sides. A rigid stategy will always be undone by chance.
• Your gift is adaptability. Do not squander it.
• Better to be mad than sleepless and sane. Better to dream!
• We cannot make sense of our own nightmare, and so we wait for an outside force to rouse us. But there is no one. No martian inspectors are coming.
• Do you think you'll never have to fight a girl? They come in girl as well, the monsters.
• Everything is bomb. Even bomb is bomb.
• Genetics. It's like a horrible kludge of procedural and functional code, full of random cruft and viruses and dead ends and inconsistent object declarations everywhere, most of which are never even called, and those that are are done so using symbolic GOTOs.
• Come to VLC Media Player in next 15 mins if you want an ass kicking.
• Rivers filled the cracks in the world. I followed every river then, from Rubicon to Kherlen.
• Pancakes have many uses, and yes, saving your place in a literature is one of them.
• I don't know why so many people order our blue cake. It says right there in the description that it's nothing more than 'our white cake, dyed blue'. But they do, and so we dye our signature white cake blue.
• As usual, nobody inside the Foundation knows anything.
• Ours is not the first age. In all but the unhappiest of accidental universes, it is not the last either.
• Sentience is an illusion created by primitive sensory organs. Maintaining a lie is a strain. It makes real contentment impossible.
• Wooden kimonos are so unfashionable this time of year.
• Just remember. Where you hang your head is home.
• Get it? No, I don't get it either.
• I am as serious as a midget at a nudist colony.
• Yes, if we simply apply logic, this account needs "tools" the way an elephant needs an umbrella.
• Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.
• Keep as much client-side, and as much server-side, as you can.
• Steak. He says steak. Yeah, that's great, Dexter. That's really great. We'll start with a steak appetiser, followed by steak salad, followed, of course, by a steak, and then, of course, it'll all be topped off by a steak fucking cake.
• This is an example about how to produce a "formal" impact without a "real" impact.
• No, no, no, the problem with the cover cannot be resolved by adding yet more bees, plus actual live bees, plus actual live women getting stung by those bees.
• Your question makes absolutely no sense. No one will be able to answer that, as it is impossible to parse the meaning of that sentence.
• We could talk about this forever, but what are we going to do about it?
• Yes, I said you are butt hurt and run a crap factory. I shouldn't have and have struck those comments. That has nothing to do with this issue, but does tend to reinforce my position that you nominated this article out of spite. Thanks for helping me demonstrate that.
• It's related to body size, but the effect isn't so drastic that different dwarves are either dead or not drunk. I do fear for gnomes somewhat. Perhaps that's just the course of their lives.
• Professor Jiggly is loose in Cat Room.
• My hope is that people will follow my example and also become dogs.
• We sing the song of the seven children and the father who so lovingly murdered them. The chorus is written in stone. The verses are written in radio waves. We reach. We pull. We pluck a verse for you, sweetling - always for you.
• The father who so lovingly murdered his seven children...
• The more you think about it, the more you realise all vampire rules are just anti-Italian rules. Can't eat garlic? IN ITALY? Can't go out in sunlight? IN ITALY? Can't go near crucifixes? IN ITALY? Can't cross running water? IN ITALY?
• Videogames don't have to be games.
• I am a mighty space wizard, and all I do is collect rocks and play with slugs.
• I've noticed that very few people are scary once they've been poked in the eye.
• If my show doesn't make people vomit and have and have an erection at the same time, then I've let my audience down.
• Mexico City is loud. 22 million people, and it feels like it.
• I can't speak for the IEG programme on grants, but as an individual I'll give you $50 and a coupon to retire.
• While a big balls of bees might be an improvement over a hornet, I wouldn't call it a 'solution'.
• The speed of light is basically the framerate of the universe.
• I will keep and hold it dear until cats stop pooping, and I no longer need to clean the litter box.
• Those kids never deprived of knowledge and information will never know how precious it is.
• Did you not sudo hard enough or something?
• Disappointment is often far worse than simple displeasure.
• Ocelots have weird sleeping habits.
• Of course I could just fix it. Fix the universe. Fix everything. Make it all perfect. But what would even be the point of that? Why even bother at all, if that's what you're going to do? If you do that, what, even, is left?
• That would have no meaning, no purpose. Existence if given for free has no worth.
• It's a trap! DON'T OPEN THE DRAGON.
• We didn't know there was a memory leak because the web server would always crash before it became an issue.
• Mexico is not in the middle east.
• It would be a bit inconvenient if Wikimedia could not run MediaWiki.
• HTML is upgrading, CSS is upgrading, JS is upgrading. The one thing that won't upgrade is the damn DOM.
• Attention James Hare, a subject you are interested in, WikiProject, was mentioned.
• Ever wanted to just crawl onto a big ol' giant bed of lettuce in a crisper drawer and just veg out for a while and chill?
• I'm listening to the sun hum its lonely song of oblivion into my ears.
• Please assume the position.
• Life is a balancing act of balancing acts.
• It took 640 paces to walk back and forth between here and there ten times.
• Shitposting is human nature.
• You're no fun, you fall right over.
• Dancing phalanges.
• I rarely find motive in bird vomit.
• As is the case with most writing, it reveals more about the writer than about the subject matter.
• It's an amazing feat to have produced a movie where every decision made seems to be the wrong one.
• For my next act of villainy, I will adopt an orphaned puppy. You will never catch me!
• This man is wrong even if we overlook him being wrong.
• I'll bet all those Skydancers are worth a pretty penny now after the mass recall. They may be pretty, but they also caused over 150 reports of eye injuries, facial lacerations, broken teeth, mild concussions, and one broken rib.
• Your lymph nodes should be covered in turmeric one hundred percent of the time.
• Spoons should make you laugh from your knees.
• Only consume apples that really speak to you.
• You'll find you're now several inches taller, and that the chairs never even hit the sidewalk - they evaporated several stories down, even if you live in a first-floor apartment. They disappeared because you're capable of forgiveness now.
• There is no need for a bed in the truly de-cluttered life. You should hover gently several inches above the floor in perfect harmony with your surroundings during your yearly nap, like a seahorse.
• Consider getting rid of your hands. They clutter up the arms.
• I am the scourge of God, appointed to chastise you, since no one knows the remedy for your iniquity except me. You are wicked, but I am more wicked than you...
• The universe is a yawning chasm, filled with emptiness and the puerile meanderings of sentience.
• By your side I'm most quiet and most unquiet, most inhibited and most free.
• Don't carry your mistakes around with you. Instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones.
• My neck still aches as I had to constantly turn my head around, because we felt we were not alone there. We had no choice but to pray.
• Obeying just for the sake of obeying, without questioning, that's something only people like you can do.
• I feel like I'm playing chess underwater. The pieces keep floating away. I don't know where things are. I can't figure out tomorrow.
• I believe in the good. I believe that it's been a hell of a year. And I believe that, in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, we will all be okay.
• Beneath those stars is a universe of gliding monsters.
• Our dreams will break the boundaries of our fear.
• Science is nothing more than a method of inquiry. The method says an assertion is valid - and merits universal acceptance - only if it can be independently verified. The impersonal rigor of the method means it is utterly apolitical. A truth in science is verifiable whether you are black or white, male or female, old or young. It's verifiable whether you like the results of a study, or you don't.
• Remember... its not a lie if you believe it.
• Fantastic Four is the worst Marvel movie since Fantastic Four, which was the worst Marvel movie since Fantastic Four.
• It's a happy tune about a hangover that comes after 5 days of heavy drinking.
• The Amtrak lounge is an otherworldly place. It feels removed from time.
• I have a plastic cup with Pepsi beside me. No ice because the ice machine is broken. The Pepsi is fine but it all just feels really out of place, like it shouldn't exist and I am breaking the laws of physics.
• How are bananas inside our children if children aren't real?
• You did not believe me. I will show you your truth.
• Be good. Be better than me.
• It just gets boring whenever each day seems to be worse than the previous day...
• The proverb warns that, 'You should not bite the hand that feeds you.' But maybe you should, if it prevents you from feeding yourself.
• What's funnier than a three-legged pregnant attack dog?
• You should never listen to people who criticise success simply because it's success. Being good at something is something to strive for, not something to demonise.
• Neighbor Steve, do you not wish to partake of the unclean flesh-meats of pigs and the polluted essences of tomato? Perhaps you are a Carolina-style man, Neighbor Steve?
• You missed the unholy nexus of power that is the key to my corporeal form, Neighbor Steve. You will need to reload now, so I will go inside to my hell-wife and put you down as a solid 'maybe'.
• Take a moment to feel sorry for snails. Their anus is located on the top of "their head."
• What is IRC? It's a live feed of cute pictures of animals that also lets you talk with people.
• If you need to be paid money to be a nice person, you are not a nice person.
• I tried to explain, it's not violent death that makes me morbidly depressed; it's life.
• It's okay if it's half-assed as long as it's the right half of the ass.
• When the apocalypse comes, pestilence will ride wearing Wakefield's face.
• You just can't have your cake and everyone else's and eat it all.
• Clothes are probably optional because who on earth would try to build a house without wearing clothes?
• The problem with silence is never the silence itself. It's what you hear behind the silence, the whispers, the doubts, the memories. The purring.
• If everyone around you acts as though something is dangerous - elevators, certain neighborhoods, novels depicting racism - then you are at risk of acquiring that fear too.
• You can never achieve happiness by making the world conform to your desires.
• We're getting much better with regards to PHP we didn't write.
• Sometimes we have socially anxious fries that hang on a separate side plate and not on the main plate with all the other fries. They're just as great and awesome as all of our fries, so please be understanding and make sure and be cool to them and eat them. They're not being standoffish. They just get nervous around other fries.
• You don't even know. Dolphins are kinky bastards.
• It has come to our attention that you are in a dire and currently-unremediated state of having-not-been-sued, and as we, the parties inclusive hereunto referencing the party of the the first part thereunto, are well-equipped to carry out such legal maneuvers, we, the parties inclusive hereunto referencing the party of the first part thereunto, are hereby announcing our Intent to Litigate against you and yours, hereafter referenced as the parties of the second part.
• The god machine is evolving every time an angel falls.
• We operate on uncertainty. We set things in motion, not knowing where they will go, and then we ride the whirlwind wherever it may take us. Sometimes it ends well, in new and unexpected wonders. Sometimes it ends only in death, cold and empty, and we find ourselves alone. We pick up the pieces regardless. And we continue on.
• You've been caged. How do you do it? How do you live?
• Some days it's all you can do is just mumble.
• I suppose if you can go wrong, you might as well go really wrong.
• That's why I get the big bucks. To identify whether it's a dot or not.
• A force will not move unless acted upon by another force.
• I think earthworms are the answer to human trafficking.
• The sickly, rotten sweetness of putrescence of orchid seeps into everything and lingers...
• If anyone gets the one about ham and corn, give it a 1, please.
• My perpetual need to argue has been quashed by the fact that you are right.
• My toes can kill. Mostly they just kill me.
• You are loved as much as you love nachos.
• Look behind you. Fear the potato.
• An ending is the beginning of something new, hopefully food?
• It's just as it is. With pigeons.
• Some posts conflict with each other, and I think it shows that, as always... the truth is somewhere in between.
• The idea that anybody could be attacked by native Swedes in Farsta is dubious anyway because there aren't any native Swedes left in Farsta.
• Programmers work mostly in a discrete world of bits, bounded memory, bounded time, function names that are full words with some hint of the function's job. Mathematicians work in a much 'wilder' world, e.g. where infinite quantities are allowed; they tend to favour shorthand, greek symbols, subscripts, superscripts etc.
• Gamers have no social capital. In fact it's worse than that: everyone hates them.
• Journalism is supposed to give a voice to the voiceless.
• Why do all the hors d'oeuvres look like porcupines?
• We don't want to conquer space at all. We want to expand Earth endlessly. We don't want other worlds; we want a mirror. We seek contact and will never achieve it. We are in the foolish position of a man striving for a goal he fears and doesn't want. Man needs man!
• The prisoner thinks he is free because he refrains from touching the walls of his dungeon.
• To be ignorant of what occurred before you were born is to remain always a child. For what is the worth of human life, unless it is woven into the life of our ancestors by the records of history?
• Whether you can kill to eat depends on the victim's citizenship.
• If they're frozen in time, they'd be invincible. Since there's no time in them for them to be hurt.
• What part of glowing butterflies don't you understand?
• Real isn't how you are made. It's a thing that happens to you.
• Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.
• There is no such creature as a vanished user. There never has been. It is a fallacy that was created based on some internet meme from ancient times and was designed for websites where attribution was not a condition of licensing.
• Ghosts talking to us all the time. But we think their voices are our own thoughts.
• To live through defeat is the truly courageous way; if it's dying you want, you can do it anytime.
• Dreams are often most profound when they seem the most crazy.
• Stop romanticizing ripping holes in reality to the realms of dread elder gods.
• God does not need to punish people, He simply allows them to experience the consequences of their sins.
• Everything of value has been built in Hell.
• All health, beauty, intelligence, and social grace has been teased from a vast butcher's yard of unbounded carnage, requiring incalculable eons of massacre to draw forth even the subtlest of advantages.
• To the precise extent that we are spared, even for a moment, we degenerate - and this Iron Law applies to every dimension and scale of existence: phylogenetic and ontogenetic, individual, social, and institutional, genomic, cellular, organic, and cultural. There is no machinery extant, or even rigorously imaginable, that can sustain a single iota of attained value outside the forges of Hell.
• The keynote of human history is not less and less violence; it is less and less honesty about violence.
• What is a god but man wielding the force of Chaos? To him nothing is true; everything is permitted. There is no purpose in his existence; he is free to choose his own. He has bound himself to earth forever and reincarnates at will.
• Stay woke.
• This carnival is not well-oiled!
• If you're overdressed people will just assume you're coming from somewhere better or going somewhere better.
• Think of it less as a wound, more as an allergic reaction to being hit with a car.
• I believe in rot. I believe in bones, in withering organs, in snapped sinews. I believe in the irony of life that made our smiles a flaunting of our skeletons, an omen of the grave, and I believe in the eternal nothingness that awaits me when at last I will close my eyelids on a long-expected pain. I know the morgues and the proceedings in black and the poetic epitaphs and I know them all to be crutches for the living, so they may accept death, extinction, perdition - loved ones first, and then the self, because your turn will come just like mine. Delusions: ghosts, monsters, nightmares, dreams, words, fears. A permission to live for nothing until you're no more.
• No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side. Or you don't.
• Never do anything by halves if you want to get away with it. Be outrageous. Go the whole hog. Make sure everything you do is so completely crazy it's unbelievable.
• This will keep evaluating your code until all errors have been sliced off like mold on a piece of perfectly good bread. Whether or not the remaining code is even worth executing, we don't know. We also don't particularly care.
• This is quite possibly the worst javascript plugin ever written.
• Note: This is ALPHA software and may result in irreversible brain damage.
• My bones whisper to my blood; my sleep deceives me.
• We didn't expect this to be as depressing as it turned out to be.
• The sea is very good. The setting sun is beautiful! The sea is wide. Very... very wide! They were fluttering in the sky, making the sky magnificent. I let the worldly people understand their grandness! Go ahead! Mother stand on you!
• Science is about merit and finding universal truths. If we were to toss out every person in the scientific field with unpopular opinions that are unrelated to their work, we'd have no one left.
• It's a means of expression. What they express might be deep, might be simple, might be beautiful or disgusting, might be for a niche audience or the whole world, but in the end, it is the artist taking pieces of their own experience and creating something new.
• Censorship is a way to force your interpretation of material on others, to reduce or destroy another's experience by prejudging it as harmful to them. But part of becoming a well-rounded human being is accepting that not everyone has the same sensibilities, and not every experience needs to be positive.
• All great things must first wear terrifying and monstrous masks, in order to inscribe themselves on the hearts of humanity.
• All men all have their hells. Some are forged from the world around them, some form nightmares that never come, carried with with them to the ends of the world. Live through them, and everything changes. Live through them, and they're never the same. Live through them, and sometimes, sometimes they make men strong.
• All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake up in the day to find it was vanity, but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes to make it possible.
• The effect of this cannot be understood without being there. The beauty of it cannot be understood, either, and when you see beauty in desolation it changes something inside you. Desolation tries to colonize you.
• Forget stardust - you are iron. Your blood is nothing but ferrous liquid. When you bleed, you reek of rust. It is iron that fills your heart and sits in your veins. And what is iron, really, unless it's forged? You are iron. And you are strong.
• When you hear 'I have to clear a few things out of the back,' you are about to see, at minimum, a decaying raccoon.
• The singularity happened, but not to us.
• Have you seen that corner store owner from Toronto? He's got a curved sword. Curved. Sword.
• If someone has full coverage for every single thing that can possibly happen to them, they no longer have insurance, they are simply paying their medical bills through their insurance company. And if you're just paying your medical bills via a third party, why even have insurance companies? Why not just eliminate the middle man and pay the doctor directly?
• It totally voids biological reality: that some humans are geniuses, that others are sub-human virtually, that others are in the middle, that most people don't give a damn about anything.
• I am fragile and unholy. Open. Ravage. Eat.
• The zoo heist was a success.
• You need to be identified to talk due to niggers.
• The passengers have the haunted, vacant look of people who have just taken an Illinois road trip.
• The next morning, we cross the Mississippi over a highway bridge that has been carefully anchored in rock on the Illinois side and propped up on a sand berm on the Missouri side, possibly to make life easier for lazy writers searching for a metaphor.
• Southeast Missouri is proud to be the world's leading producer of Fuller's earth, a material of many uses that millions of American cats poop into every day.
• The eternal temptation, of course, has been to arrest the speaker rather than to correct the conditions about which he complains. I see no reason why these appellees should be made to walk the treacherous ground of these statutes.
• To the impersonal dreamer belongs all infinity - he is lord of the universe and taster of all the beauties of the stars.
• Everyone wants to reach out their hand and grab happiness, but they just end up becoming the monster that lies deep in darkness.
• Communism is the only true expression of individualism.
• I'm glad this terrifying pit into the abyss is wheelchair accessible.
• Unlike all those politicians, the Royal family actually send their children off to war.
• The first duty of philosophy is making you understand what deep shit you are in.
• All is flux, and nothing abides.
• I've been out there looking for truth, I care not to preserve my sanity. I've been despairing over realness of intensity only because I can't live any other possible way. And yes, I've been looking hard. Very hard. I've been destroying, destroying, destroying myself in longing for poetic truth...
• I am a creature of spite.
• My message to all those who carry out or support the so-called War on Drugs: You have qualified yourself to go straight to hell. You are without a shred of humanity or decency. Terrorizing, imprisoning, and murdering people for possessing or exchanging a damned plant: Can anything be more savage and idiotic?
• I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
• Just the fact that for efficiency reasons we convert it to an XML document, as that's more efficient than an array, scares me to death.
• If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.
• Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these.
• I've had cricket protein bars before and, just as you'd expect, they're awful. You can't mentally get past how many poor, disgusting little crickets were murdered just to get 10g of protein out of them.
• One aspired to the greatest in man, to be as beautiful as possible. The other aspires to be as ugly as possible, and destroy all remnants of the concept of the aesthetic.
• Are you awake? There is truth, and there is untruth. To be in a minority of one doesn't make you mad.
• I never understood the sentence 'some men just want to watch the world burn' until I realized I was one of them.
• Estonia is wannabe Finland, and yet it's doing a better job at being Finland than Finland.
• The parchment is very hairy.
• Theorists also consider the possibility that dark matter also includes gravity leaking into our universe from neighbouring universes. If our universe is on a membrane floating within a higher dimensional space, dark matter may be explained by ordinary stars and galaxies on nearby membrane sheets.
• We are not even made of the same stuff as most of the universe... our universe is made of darkness.
• They called an empty square with nothing in it 'bigotry'.
• It would probably be a third-party website. I don't trust the Wikimedia Foundation to not fuck it up.
• It contains a mirror of humanity. The good bits are more prolific, but the bad bits are very upsetting.
• It's not fear. It's the terror of creation. It's the sense of being overwhelmed by something unexpected, of not knowing how this came about, of unending uncertainty.
• You could probably keep doing this indefinitely, playing the lottery of concept, only hoping you'll stumble on the right thing. But then, you seem to have all the time in the world.
• Gradek builds something and the whole world goes 'oops' as it's just twisted into incomprehensibility. The last line in the story is a garbled mess of letters, numbers, and symbols with no relation to one-another.
• You've got a wienerschnitzel powerful enough to break down the Berlin Wall, but do you have the testicular fortitude TO GO ONE ON ONE WITH THE GREAT ONE?
• Be sure to also buy a tub of Oxyclean with this to get the blood and diarrhea stains out of your underwear, clothes, furniture, pets, loved ones, ceiling fans.
• When the rumbling started I sprinted down the hallway and made it to the bathroom just in time for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to stampede from my backside, laying waste to my home's septic system and my will to live.
• I got a lifetime supply of razors. Just started shaving my entire body because I didn't know what else to do.
• I won a lifetime supply of zucchini from my garden. Seriously does anyone want some. Please.
• A friend of mine lived out in the country for a while, and this was a rampant problem. You couldn't leave your car unlocked when you went out, or you'd come back and find it full of zucchini.
• A eulogy for Five. I met that dog like a year and a half ago. I'm not on speaking terms with any of those people anymore. Fuck to them. But I miss the dog, who is now dead. He was a mix between a border collie and something else. Rest in peace. You were pretty.
• You may be insane but at least you're okay.
• Those who are able to see beyond the shadows and lies of their culture will never be understood, let alone believed, by the masses.
• When you consider socialism, do not fool yourself about its nature. Remember that there is no such dichotomy as 'human rights' versus 'property rights'. No human rights can exist without property rights. Since material goods are produced by the mind and effort of individual men, and are needed to sustain their lives, if the producer does not own the result of his effort, he does not own his life. To deny property rights means to turn men into property owned by the state. He who claims the 'right' to 'redistribute' the wealth produced by others is claiming the 'right' to treat human being as chattel.
• That makes sense. It's kind of hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it.
• It wasn't meant to end like this.
• Gears are a language. Everything we understand is language.
• Maybe people and clouds are beautiful because you can't see everything.
• The only thing it takes for two people to turn into violent animals, tearing each other apart, is for someone to draw a line between them and say 'you're different'. Keep drawing those lines.
• And even if you're not here to stay, I'm happy the universe allowed your soul to stop by.
• Old stories are like old friends... you have to visit them from time to time.
• We daydreamers, drifting on delusion, fantasy and nightmares with hearts that belong to dust and travelling winds, must find solace in our reveries. We nowhere men.
• Your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul.
• I do not see the world at all; I invent it.
• How many times have I told you about blowing up tanks! You are a naughty, wicked rabbit!
• You have always approached everything terrible trustfully. You have wanted to pet every monster.
• The subject doesn't die or go mad. He suffers.
• If spiders aren't taking over the world and planning to enslave us all then why am I afraid of spiders? Answer me that, huh? Why am I afraid?
• The silence sings. It is musical. I remember a night when it was audible. I heard the unspeakable.
• the Copyright Act protects works of authorship in eight categories, none of which includes chicken breasts placed between two slices of bread.
• More work means more justification for money.
• NASA is sending Jupiter's wife to check on Jupiter and his affairs and lovers.
• Given the pain I just felt after rubbing my eyes after cutting peppers, I can tell you MY EYES ARE REAL. VERY, PAINFULLY, REAL. Yes, eye, you can stop crying now. It's fine.
• As I wrote before, that thought is too simple. You only say that a zero belongs to a zero, and a two belongs to a two, then you only describe the type of page, but you ignore the subject of a page. That subject matters much more than the namespace number.
• While along the way, the river from my mind was inundated by the stream of reality. The river, which once was full of legends, had gone and disappeared.
• I've got my own story, just like everyone else. I've got my own sad story.
• The fastest man in the world has the fastest slowest animal.
• You ignorant chicken weenies.
• The thing under my bed waiting to grab my ankle isn't real. I know that, and I also know that if I'm careful to keep my foot under the covers, it will never be able to grab my ankle.
• You are above the gay itself. I hereby award you the title of 'Big Gay'.
• Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves.
• El café sustituye al chocolate, el chocolate al sexo y el sexo a la felicidad. Y así estamos... tristes, gordos y con insomnio.
• He looked at me like I was crazy. Most of my lovers do, and that's partly why they love me, and partly why they leave.
• Gamergate was so bad at driving women out of gaming that anti-gamergate had to start doing it for us.
• Peril puts the beauty in life, the meaning in love, and the soul in coffee.
• You have a cryptoperiod for which your password is probably safe, but only probably. The thing with brute forcing things is sometimes you just get lucky.
• Of all the friends I've had, you're the first.
• My wife and my kids are crying, go through attachments.
• I know I sound cynical and jaded but this is shit I've learned in life. Shut yourself off from people and get drunk. It's a lot easier and hurts a lot less.
• Perfect people scare me, so don't try to be that.
• Daytime is for sleeping. Nighttime is the best time for making art. The later at night it gets the further into another world you go.
• The future is full of idiots. No one warned us, but if we'd stopped to think about it, we'd have known it.
• Park on the street. Don't read instructions too thoroughly. Run with scissors.
• Racism is the oldest form of collectivism.
• My cat has been weighing himself 20 times a day on the FitBit scale... and FitBit is dutifully logging it.
• Sun is shining in light region. It is night in dark region. It is hell in Massachusetts region. Trial by hippo.
• I’m just so low on spoons and I need all the spoons I have to take care of sick people tonight.
• They had pictures. Picture books are for kids. That's a rule.
• The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.
• He didn't actually know any songs or how to play an instrument and, in fact, just threw cantaloupes at the audience during his concerts, but he was able to hide this ignorance by telling people that he was just "jamming out."
• Welcome to the slim shady mecca rebecca, its right next to the trimester.
• Hangar to a cliffy Spartan, your hem is unbuttoned and your neck is untied. The boss is about to notice your stinky wristwatch
• At first glance they seemed normal, but once I got to know them better, they turned out to be as weird as a seagull's diet during the county fair.
• In the world of double realities, one narrative is public, and one is real.
• I know you want closure, but life is just a lot of lose ends.
• Thank you very much for not suing us with a greatest kind of patience I have ever witnessed.
• I want to be inside your darkest everything.
• I dont know how it ends because this universe is like a giant mass of mindfuck crossed with a bat's intestines. When I tried to look, all I heard was purring.
• We should really add some stuff about the melted bart, as in the fire, a buncha bart dolls came flying out of the factory.
• I have a diary to keep secrets from my computer.
• Photosynthetic woman? Yeah. That's pretty reasonable. Makes total sense. Soviet Colonel whose spirit animal is Pikachu? Well that's inconvenient, but no questions asked here. Vampires and Cyborg Ninjas? Typical day on the job.
• It's said that those who don't sleep confuse reality with dream.
• Build up the weak by pulling down the strong.
• There are some truly hateful minds in the world. That makes me angry, makes me sad. But the worst thing is, the worst ones get to go about their hatred unchallenged, in plain sight.
• Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.
• I know my rights! You can't just pin me down and slather peanut butter all over my private self!
• Circles are pointless.
• Do you ever stop to listen? Have you heard the sweet siren song of oblivion?
• Living systems are never in equilibrium. They are inherently unstable. They may seem stable, but they're not. Everything is moving and changing. In a sense, everything is on the edge of collapse.
• If you're going to make a backward-compatibility-breaking change, no time is better than now; things will be worse in the future.
• I'm learning all of the time. The tombstone will be my diploma.
• How beautiful is it to stay silent when someone expects you to be enraged with them. And how beautiful it is to laugh when someone thinks you are going to shed tears.
• My takeaway from the chemical hazard work is that chemists really, really like naming things.
• Our news agencies make a living of incomplete news.
• It turned out the way that a lot of bike versus car collisions go, which is to say I lost.
• History might not repeat itself but historians most certainly repeat one another.
• You push and pull like wolves at the door and all I hear is humming.
• Sweet dreams are made of bees.
• Someone once told me I needed to face fear to get over it, and I thought well why not take a step further and cut my fear into little pieces then set my fear on fire then throw the hot ash of my fear into a lake and then poison the lake. Simple!
• Nothing in the world is confusing, for the world is made up of confusion. And confusion, at least, is understandable. We know what it is. We see it and we say, ah, yes, it is confusion. We nod amongst ourselves and we look on, oblivious.
• You can't judge a book by its cover, or a painting by its judge. Or a saying by how much sense it makes.
• The story is fairly simple, and acts mostly as an excuse to blow things to bits.
• The recipe is obviously secret so we'll never know what they put in this. Maybe it's filled with glimpses of the blue hour, just before the evening turns dark.
• Nobody knows who Ellu is but her chickens are messy and unorganized.
• Ei sitä halua Erkkikään.
• You hope hatred might some day replace the pain, but it never goes away. It makes a man hideous inside and out. Wouldn't you agree?
• Nothing better to make the pain go away than holding a puppy after killing hundreds of people.
• Can someone please tell me when the fuck MS Paint became so powerful?
• You'd be impressed with the view if it weren't so cloudy.
• I always wonder why no one likes me and then I remember I don't even like me.
• This is the crowning achievement of bullshit, the turducken of bullshit, bullshit on top of bullshit wrapped in bullshit stuffed with bullshit with a side order of stupidity for good measure. And people calling themselves feminists, claiming to be the arbiters of morality, equality and social progress, they're stupid enough to believe it.
• There is a pleasure in the pathless woods, there is a rapture on the lonely shore, there is society, where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. I love not man the less, but Nature more.
• The urge to destroy is also a creative urge.
• Like the graininess that makes up a picture in full, the voices make up sounds behind sounds in whispers, building up each to each.
• 'Need' now means wanting someone else's money. 'Greed' means wanting to keep your own. 'Compassion' is when a politician arranges the transfer.
• I found a field full of wonder and awesomeness, and I'm being chased through it by a goddamn bear.
• The Bible has noble poetry in it, and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.
• It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I'd been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on this earth as though I had a right to be here.
• Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate to buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, no place or purpose. We have no Great War, no Great Depression. Our Great War is a spiritual war. Our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd be billionaires and movie gods and rock stars, but we won't. We're slowly learning this fact, and we're very, very pissed off.
• An entire sea of water can't sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship.
• Nobody is equal to anybody. Even the same man is not equal to himself on different days.
• I'm actually singing again, and enjoying music instead of analyzing it. I don't feel the urge to draw or write because it's only in my sadness that I feel the urge to create something, poetry, art, something that's made to soothe my hurt soul. It feels so different to want to appreciate art rather than create it. Both amaze me.
• Science has questions that may never be answered; religion has answers that may never be questioned.
• It was obvious before we began the project and we learned nothing.
• I can make models of galaxies in a computer, but I can't explain why they don't act like real ones. Even if I bash them together or stir them around.
• You can make antimatter move in strange ways if you set your equipment up wrong.
• If you are unsure if a snake is venomous or not, your first step should be to grab it and examine its ass.
• He knows just enough english to be a real danger to himself and others.
• What is the point of a technical solution that takes you two steps back from state of the art in 1993?
• Strict parents raise the best liars.
• There is a world that is inaccessible to me because it is riddled with the corpses of miscreants and idiots who didn't know better, and any misstep on my part will either send me to that graveyard, or I will nonetheless perceive that I am in that graveyard. Prurient thoughts loom perspicuously in my mind, imperceptible to others but readily apparent to me and determined to make social interaction difficult.
• It looks like this is going to be a very good game in terms of bears.
• We are an unregistered non-profit with no money, no income, no advertising, no soliciting, and no sales. We have no lawyers; we barely even have members, and we don't know how they are. So if you want to give us publicity, by all means, we'll take it, but don't expect us to pay for it. All we have is a half-empty bottle of vodka and these three servers we can't quite locate.
• It's lovely once you get rid of the people.
• I met some guys from the internet at a penis museum.
• Expectations will fail in a quantum world.
• Given the opportunity, would you have sex with god?
• I look it up every few years, and then promptly forget it all.
• The revolution will not be community-approved.
• That would be an ecumenical matter.
• The whole thing is trembling on the verge of not existing at all. And if you are minded to make some yourself, then you are on the verge of not existing at all, either.
• The compound exploded in solution, it exploded on any attempts to touch or move the solid, and, most interestingly, it exploded when they were trying to get an infrared spectrum of it.
• There are no conceivable uses for it and the number of research groups who would even contemplate a resynthesis can probably be counted on one well-armored hand.
• I take issue with the notion that there is anything in all the worlds that cannot be communicated. If no words are good enough, the language will evolve. If the language itself is broken, notation will be invented. Poetry, mathematics, silence, the very nature of the universe, we put everything down into meaning, and pull meaning out of everything. To those who do not understand it looks like magic, but to those who do, it is simply what it is, right there, laid out plainly against the page.
• This is a rare case where I think we could potentially take a lesson from Gerrit's user interface.
• Friendship with a sock knitter is the best investment your feet can make.
• Ignore at your own risk, but be aware that, according to Admin laws, the Werewolves are open to bribery, at least when the Police aren't looking. Quick, scatter!
• I've done it dozens of times. Plus or minus 1 dozen.
• The job of a NIOSH Wikipedian in Residence is to prepare Wikidatia shells on which to hang research of our research affiliates, including that of Dr. Andrew Lou.
• It is against our friendly space policy to abuse yourself.
• If people write bad code, they are more likely now to unintentionally write good bad code.
• One wonders why their archives are private. There are around 7 messages in them and they are all reminders that the list exists.
• The world's economy is driven by greed and stupidity. Can we be different?
• That is the longest line of police cars I have ever jaywalked in front of.
• Played college ball you know...
• They're like architects who marvel at ancient structures, then immediately begin chipping away at the foundations because they want to build new stories on top. They're destined to implode the very system that gives them the freedom and luxury to be this stupid.
• Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good.
• 73%, 73%. A number that was specifically chosen and remains constant for years because it sounds not too high to be dismissed as exaggeration but not so low as to be dismissed as a non-issue.
• The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
• It's so retarded you'd easily be fooled into thinking we're talking about Finland.
• I'm using Skin's getCategoryLinks, which calls OutputPage's getCategoryLinks, from the BaseTemplate of a skin, which doesn't actually have anything to do with the Skin class. Now I need to use Title's getParentCategories to get the categories the rest of the time.
• What people don't realise is that when it comes to kookaburras, you don't have a choice about whether your feed them or not. They're gonna eat your food.
• Don't look at the giant floating baby. Just don't. Try to forget about the giant floating baby in the library.
• It's embarrassing so many people took an unbaited hook.
• Humanity always had its assholes; social networks simply made them more visible. Maybe that's good thing.
• Using MediaWiki as a one-person notepad is like mowing your lawn with a tank.
• The font for use in the terminal has not been matched exactly. Perhaps it has not been found properly.
• I fail to believe Bethesda has successfully finished a product.
• The town has a sense, not of history, but of time, and the telephone poles seem to know this. If you lay your hand against one, you can feel the vibration from the wires deep within the wood, as if souls had been imprisoned in there and were struggling to get out.
• If you can't speak, try massaging an op for voice. That is not a typo.
• People would rather imagine that they're a beleaguered hero than that they're creating imaginary enemies because they're bored.
• Personally, I find Saturn to be the most unnerving planet. Its face looks straight on anyone looking at it, no matter where one stands or what it's doing.
• The only way to get smarter is by playing a smarter opponent.
• Dress up as EditPage.php. It's scary.
• Anything can be done cowardly, or bravely. It's all about the context. It's all about what you fear, and how you face it.
• She'll be tossed into the public welfare system with no education or understanding of her surroundings because she was at the wrong place, at the wrong time, and her attackers were of the wrong race.
• If I cannot drink, then I will begin to remember, and to think.
• Dreams are personal myths. Myths are communal nightmares.
• We keep pumping out ghost astronauts into the cosmos. Our ambassadors. They'll just keep going. Inverse square law means they'll get quieter and quieter, but you got to figure there's something out there, way out there there, with big, goddamn ears.
• What's the point in ever getting one's knickers in a twist over the word fuck? How does it make sense in any conceivable way? It doesn't demean anyone, it doesn't damage anyone, it doesn't slur or discriminate against anyone, it's just a couple of phonemes that literally mean 'this is an expletive' and have no other content. It's the platonic ideal of a swear word.
• Blue ray doesn't have the warmth of a shitty pixelated rip.
• In no condition to take down the King. Dead by our standards. Dying by the mythological.
• Threats detected: none, nil, nought, black infinite zeroes, immense immeasurable nothingness. Carry on.
• You know some of the secret names. Enlightenment hurts and wisdom compounds. Your skeleton grows into an agony, and you don't know when your epidermis will rupture. Breathe, sweetling. This too shall pass. Pains are relative, and this one will become very small in time.
• Do you understand now why books are hated and feared? Because they reveal the pores on the face of life. The comfortable people want only the faces of the full moon, wax, faces without pores, hairless, expressionless.
• All the problems we have with websites are ones we create ourselves. Websites aren't broken by default, they are functional, high-performing, and accessible. You break them.
• Parse error: syntax error, unexpected (T_PAAMAYIM_NEKUDOTAYIM)
• If you don't want error messages in Hebrew you should patch PHP and install this custom version on your own server, and maintain it with updates.
• If you have to Google a parser error because its written in Hebrew then the parser is fucking broken.
• It's weird how society understands not to click on pop ups that promise a free car, but turn out in masses for the ones that wear a suit and promise free college.
• Yes, we're working on it, please don't get your panties in an uproar. More on this later.
• When will art police realize the more you bitch at artists to not do something, the more they'll do it just to spite you?
• I can't figure out a good way to integrate by parts using latex.
• If you are to have freedom of choice, then this must also include the freedom to choose badly, or it is not a freedom at all.
• Your mother was a calculator and your father ran on Windows Vista!
• When you wear an animal mask, you become the animal, and animals are not responsible for their actions because they are animals. If they kill, it's natural. That's why we gave them names, to distance ourselves and become another person. You become Richard, you aren't yourself. He can kill anyone. For he is inhuman.
• One of the benefits of advancing age is that people start treating your odd ideas as charming eccentricities instead of irritating provocations.
• Good day, Your Majesty. I'd tip my hat to you, but I lost it.
• I'm afraid this one is a toilet in the fabric of the universe.
• I don't think the problem is caused by how bad the star is at singing. It clearly just needs some autotune.
• Often if I accomplish 'feed cat', I can accomplish other things like 'feed self'. I try to treat myself as well as I feed her.
• Not only is 'dude' generally non-gender-specific, half of the time it doesn't even refer to a person at all. I said it to a faucet today.
• Sorry. Could not find the program "program".
• Something as tiny as a puddle on the floor will have you slide into the wrong dad and make you start over.
• There were a few days when people kept tweeting cats for almost an entire day. And I know I shouldn't, I have a lot of work to do, but I just couldn't stop looking at them.
• You also get a few successful organisations like the ITU and some relief organisations that actually do their jobs, but I think that's more of a happy accident which came about simply by putting a bunch of engineers in the same room.
• Trying to die isn't a suicide attempt. Sometimes people who attempt suicide don't even hit 'trying to die' on the severity scale.
• It's a very serious symptom. If you are poop vomiting, you are probably going to die.
• To the few unfortunates afflicted with fecal vomiting, the difference may seem borderline semantic. After all, liquid from the small intestine can be darker in color and doesn't exactly smell like roses.
• It's like a turducken. Reality being the stuffing.
• A reality-pasting nihilism-blasting turducken strapped to a god of graves. Yes, this sounds like D&D.
• A darkened auditorium with 264 silent people in the seats. on the stage, me, sitting on a stool, lit by a spotlight, the only light in the theatre. I hold up a photo of my cat, ten people applaud, two or three hold up photocopies of the same photo, the rest do nothing, watching, waiting.
• Religion is one of the ways some people get off the rails, and that this is a problem that goes largely underestimated and unacknowledged, firstly because most people subscribe to a religion and second because it is so easy to confuse the criticism of intolerance and bigotry with actual intolerance and bigotry.
• It was a glorious day, that day. The moon was shining, the rocks were in bloom. A lazy esophagus fluttered across the noontime sky.
• This is why I install every browser toolbar ever. It makes me blend in with 99% of computer users over 50.
• In a world where people starve, are neglected, tortured, and killed by drones, I find the idea of being offended by a joke vaguely decadent.
• It's that time of the month again. It's Caltrain hit someone day.
• If the paper weren't laid out in complete grammatical sentences and published in JACS, you'd swear it was the work of a violent lunatic. I ran out of vulgar expletives after the second page. A. G. Streng, folks, absolutely takes the corrosive exploding cake, and I have to tip my asbestos-lined titanium hat to him.
• Several sections of this blog category could just as accurately be called Things That Suddenly Want To Turn Back Into Elemental Nitrogen. And thermodynamically, there aren't many gently sloping paths down to nitrogen gas, unfortunately. Both enthalpy and entropy tilt things pretty sharply.
• The paper mentions that 'Introducing N-oxides onto the tetrazole ring may ... push the limits of well-explored tetrazole chemistry into a new, unexplored, dimension', but (of more immediate importance) it may also push pieces of your lab equipment into unexplored parts of the far wall.
• They're zero days. You can use them for fun stuff. A malicious entity can use them for bad stuff.
• I contribute quality to every fandom I touch.
• Where do lung holes come from?
• I don't think you can DoS phabricator worse than it DoSes itself.
• Through the vast expanse of space the gooseman honks gently.
• This is why terrorists will never win. There is nothing you can do to us that we are not already doing to ourselves.
• Without the use of the front legs the cat walks plantigrade like other bipedal animals.
• Ah, autumn, that wonderful season when the trees are ablaze with red and gold, when summer still lingers in each sunrise, yet every sunset holds the promise of winter. And Norwegian newspapers are full of articles about drunk elk getting lost in gardens and stuck in trees.
• It's never a good sign when you're trying to write and you're giggling so hard at what's happening that you can't even get the right words down.
• The best way to solve problems is to create more problems until you are dead.
• It's like doing peyote and sneezing slowly for six hours.
• I'm sure you could use this method on xfs or ext3 if you're feeling adventurous. Thankfully, those file systems are better supported so no need for open-block surgery.
• You knew nothing of them or their work, and rather than investigating either, you just decided to jump straight to shitposting.
• Awards are stupid, but they're a lot less stupid if they go to the right people.
• This morning coming to a dump in this small town in New Mexico, there were people lined up waiting to get in. When was the last time you saw a line of people waiting to get into a dump?
• If it's buried, it's probably for a reason. It should stay buried.
• A simple answer that is clear and concise will always have more power in the world than a complex one that is true.
• This is ours, our Jerusalem, our chariot of fire, our maypole around which the people of this funny little rock in the North Atlantic can gather to remind ourselves that once upon a time we really were as great as we think we are now.
• Look at this! It's a train, and it works.
• I love my car. I watch it every week.
• When you're being attacked by a lion, it doesn't matter if you're in a bungalow or a mansion. Being attacked by a lion is the same thing.
• A disk read error occurred...BOOTMGR is missing...BOOTMGR is compressed...PresCtrl+Alt+Del to restart...
• They worry not about the living or of consequence. They do not agonise over the insane cults that have crept up in their backyard, who worship the anathema to all life. Why should they worry? They have already died. The worst is past. And the afterlife has been very, very good to them.
• Let us pretend the whispering is only the desert wind.
• We put health and safety notices all over it because that's what the BBC likes.
• I don't drink often. It's almost as bad for me as going for long walks in the middle of the night.
• Stupid people can believe in anything, so you can believe in yourself.
• To order coffee you need exactly five words. Less than five is rude, more than five is sexual harassment.
• Either play by the rules or throw out the book. Go big or go home. Actually stick to history, or have laser raptors during the age of vikings.
• He who has something to hide should hide that he has something to hide.
• I only work in two currencies. Words and hags. You have nothing to bribe me with.
• And the truth shall pond.
• The fastest car in the world is a retntal.
• We made a gentleman's sausage!
• The fastest car in the world is a rental.
• Are you even metal enough to drink all these chainsaws?
• The first lesson of economics is scarcity: there is never enough of anything to fully satisfy all those who want it. The first lesson of politics is to disregard the first lesson of economics.
• You've obviously never had a panic attack. I once carried a corpse that weighed as much as I did three miles without noticing.
• From trying to make others happy and tick the boxes of the many multiplying standards and recommendations for our meetings, I stopped making jokes of any kind, frankly my presentations became dull to my eyes. At the moment I have no plans to make any presentations or even take part in meetings in the year ahead. The prospect of starting up again and freely sharing knowledge or experience from my volunteer and programming through planned presentations and workshops does not excite me any more. Instead it now feels like the sort of painful hard work that needs to be paid for.
• Yes I also know what you're thinking, but it's a man's word. Just ask, I will cut my heart and show you it beats for you, because when a man says 'love you blindly', he really means it and can give a last drop of water to his love even though he is too thirsty in desert.
• A break-in is one of those rare things where you're not supposed to show up early.
• Christmas Raptor says your entrails are particularly tasty this year.
• Shall not I tighten a moose's parasite?
• Anything that can kill a man, I sell. Except suicidal depression. That is unfortunately not packageable.
• The end is loading.
• I think we dream so we don't have to be apart for so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time.
• I used to believe in forever, but forever's too good to be true.
• James was elected by 1,857 people ​​and removed by eight.​ I hope an explanation is forthcoming very soon.
• Internets now only available between 1600 and 0150, because someone plugged the router into the timer for the lamp.
• Unfortunately this is our first experiment with solar-powered iphones, and we didn't make an array sufficient to power ours for more than a few more minutes for the day.
• I wonder if I have mild OCD or just really tedious autism.
• Doilies, linen cloths and similar fancy dressings are hereby known as 'Table Lingerie'.
• I offer key product insights and pictures of fluffy dogs.
• Things you never want to hear in the airport when checking in: 'Air Canada does not have any flights today to San Francisco'.
• The parser is blind, matching all input only to what is known. Inconformities are lost. There is no workaround, no solution.
• Unlike most groups, Wikimedians will not consistently queue. They will get distracted and randomly stop.
• They attempted to predict the future cup, but cups have already been perfected. The result is known as the mug.
• It starts, as all good stories do, in the middle.
• Voting machines don't register angry glints in people's eyes.
• We use both the api and screenscraping. The api has broken three times on updates. Screenscraping hasn't.
• Let's try and remember, this is the same pattern as every other last time. Most people commenting here are in agreement: this was wrong or at the least, this was handled poorly, and as usual, there is little to no official communication from the other side. The pitchforks are ready, the mob is assembled, but the castle is empty, as usual.
• Look at linux. It was reviewd over email by a jerk, and it works.
• It's a man under a tarp versus the US government.
• Buy him Neapolitan ice cream but eat everything except the vanilla and then give it to him.
• Young meme, grab your breadsticks and run, I said young meme, man door hand hook car.
• Moth eggs. Everywhere.
• Objection! The defense requests for the prosecution to... er... stop doing that.
• These little ingrates, who would be wallowing in radioactive filth if not for me, are unhappy with the infinite electricity machines I built from raw garbage because of the noise they make.
• Tiny frogs are tarantula housecats.
• Backups are to be considered invalid until they have successfully restored once to a test machine. And even then they should all be viewed with much suspicion.
• We know little about love. Love is like a pear. A pear is sweet and has a distinct shape. Try to define the shape of a pear.
• What's so hard about pulling a sword out of a stone? The real work's already been done. You ought to make yourself useful and find the man who put the sword in the stone in the first place.
• Today is henceforth National Strategic Butt Coverings Day.
• The spoilers just make you want to read the manga to try and understand how it can make sense that the president of the United States wants to absorb the corpse of Jesus Christ to make America great again.
• If people went around noticing everything that was going on all the time, no one would ever get anything done.
• Almost all dogs don't talk. Ones that do are merely a statistical error, and can therefore be ignored.
• Oversimplify anything and you can make it mean or say whatever you want.
• Is Rock Sand actually a hivemind of spiders infesting a human shell?
• Does your page design improve when you replace every image with William Howard Taft?
• Not every interface should be designed for someone surfing the web from their toilet.
• Multi-millionaires are planning to boycott a multi-millionaire awards show in which multi-millionaires pat other multi-millionaires on the back, while drinking champagne that costs more than the average person's car, all while revelling deep in the privilege offered by one of the most iconic cities in the world.
• It feels like I'm trying to live peacefully in a secluded cottage and do my own thing while also witnessing the fall of the Roman empire right next door.
• It's why I hate zombies. I can destroy everything, but in a zombie apocalypse I've already lost.
• We steal from them, they steal from someone else. It's called an economy, and we're part of it.
• Very little touched by Google remains untainted.
• It is a solid choice for the connoisseur of incomprehensible use cases.
• It is an insult to practically anybody with any point of view at all.
• Just put some gears on it and call it steampunk.
• The whiteboard version of the word-salad email.
• Embrace your perviness. Then grope your perviness while embracing it. I'm sure it would be very proud of you for that.
• Does the 'q' in 'ball' sound at all different from the 'ch' in 'cheese'?
• With five feeble senses we pretend to comprehend the boundlessly complex cosmos, yet other beings with wider, stronger, or different range of senses might not only see very differently the things we see, but might see and study whole worlds of matter, energy, and life which lie close at hand yet can never be detected with the senses we have.
• Formerly no one was allowed to think freely; now it is permitted, but no one is capable of it any more. Now people want to think only what they are supposed to want to think, and this they consider freedom.
• I prefer silence. Then you can hear thoughts and see into the past. In silence you can't hide anything as you can in words.
• Every man dies two deaths. The first, when his body dies. The second when the last person who remembers him dies. Stories, too, die when the last person who knows the story dies. So the trick is not only to know the story, but to make people remember the story, so it will live on.
• The line between grief and guilt is a thin one.
• In dreams we are fearless. Nothing can stop us. In dreams, fear is petrifying, it is everything, overwhelming. There is only terror, no escape. Dreams guide. They teach. It's okay to be afraid. You will only die if it goes too far. It doesn't matter right now. Just take the gun. There is no terror. No fear. Don't look down.
• In Latin, consonant length was distinctive, as in anus 'old woman' vs. annus 'year'.
• Any group that will burn art will burn people if you give them the chance.
• Who kills a man kills a reasonable creature, God's image; but he who destroys a good book, kills reason itself, kills the image of God, as it were, in the eye.
• The problem with movements is that movements start to lose, I think quite often, sight of humanity, of human beings as individuals.
• They call me 7 Knives. because that's how many knives it takes me to cook things because I keep puttin' em in the fuckin' sink without thinking about it.
• If anyone understands filters, I will be very surprised. I spent several hours one day trying and failing to understand it. After I figured out how to exploit it to make edits on other users' behalf, I figured that was enough and called it a day.
• While not strictly 'infinite', the duration of 999999999 seconds means that it will last for almost 32 years, which should be good enough.
• The attempt to make heaven on earth invariably produces hell.
• I do not think the forest would be so bright, nor the water so warm, nor love so sweet, if there were no danger in the lakes.
• There must be a hole in the bottom of the boat. How else could new hermits have arrived?
• Once asleep, you have to remember not to dream.
• This is a drowned man's face reflected in the moonlit waters. It can only be a drunk shepherd who has come to drive you home.
• In time we will all be worn down into granules, washed into the sea, and dispersed.
• The masses, in their capacity as consumers, ultimately determine everybody�s revenues and wealth. And thus the quest of Socialism is a quest to save the people from themselves.
• Reinforced the firewall.
• The higher up you go, the harder it gets to tell the good guys from the bad. Go too far, and there is nothing but grey.
• Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
• If you eat the paper and then the police go through your poop and reconstruct it, does that mean you don't have a reasonable expectation of privacy?
• You proved to be capable. Last couple of weeks I read many insightful emails from you, some of you I didn't know at all. I heard thoughts I've never heard before on this list. They've been born in pain and you mustn't lose them.
• Eight stories, all epic, meeting at the junctures. There is a pattern here, but fractured. It is not often seen. It may not be seen again.
• It is like fighting to build an empire, and the very people you fought for - the next generation - have walked in, burned it down, and shat in the streets.
• I've placed roadkill in the front window, and a crowd of people has gathered and argue that, while they don't like the look of the crushed skull with serrated eyeballs, they don't mind the tire track running across the broken and protruding spine.
• Oh, dear god. Look at it. It's squishy.
• There is nothing to be gained from regulating fictional sexual violence. However, while you're trying to fix the rights of fictional characters, you're leaving the human rights of real women in the real world left to rot.
• Forgetting is a piercing wound keen as the first loss.
• Yam is meat. Meat potatoes, not sweet potatoes. The sweet meat you can't beat.
• Also the roof resigned with the board simply accepting her resignation.
• I have never regretted my silence. As for my speech, I have regretted it over and over again.
• Remember always that names are conventions to express something, and this is true also for personal given names. Always in history names have been translated, because of usefulness, to keep them untranslated is only a recent practice. Surnames, if one studies their history, are even more clearly a convention, since they are an addition to the name to distinguish a person and a family from others, so they often are patronymics or names of a profession.
• From childhood's hour I have not been as others were, I have not seen as others saw, I could not awaken. My heart to joy at the same tone. And all I loved, I loved alone.
• Did we just break into a military base to investigate a rabbit?
• Rather than any attempt at temptation and corruption, Mark Rein Hagen opted to punish characters with schizophrenia for stealing candy bars. Because that's what I think of when I hear gothic horror.
• The Crab Cycle. There is only one step, and it is crab.
• There, 27 pages of procedural masturbation. Much of it copied from other places.
• 'I could kill you if I wanted'. Like? yeah? So could another human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren't special.
• "National security" is literally the new Hitler card.
• Secrets. They are doors and walls, all at once. You lead a complicated life.
• As an organisation we have been beaten into a pulp with words.
• People are losing the spirit of the Ides of March. It's not just about stabbing. It's about coming together to stab in groups.
• It took years to create a machine that could feel as we do, yet it suffered. Our assurances that it was special did not ease its loneliness.
• The government claims that computer code has limited expressiveness. That's wrong. My code expressed an important idea to Chris Valasek, unrelated to the variable names or comments. These are artistic, creative works, unique to their creators. They express unique ideas, far from the mechanics of code.
• In general, when using VSCode, and you get stuck, just assume that the VSCode programmers are a bunch of fscking retards, and try to reverse engineer what retards would do.
• Hackers aren't smart; people are stupid.
• Nobody wants to live in a "plutocracy", a system where the rich govern. Not even the rich want this. It would mean spending all their time and wealth bribing politicians instead of relaxing on their yacht.
• I am going to force you to live just because it violates your whole worldview and I hate you that much.
• In India, size doesn't matter. If you need to get 18 people in the car, you can.
• It's called friendship. It's like therapy for poor people.
• The OPM breach was by much lower level hackers, and they are finding it hard selling the information because all the potential buyers already have it.
• When you understand that what you're telling is just a story. It isn't happening anymore. When you realise the story you're telling is just words, when you can just crumble it up and throw your past in the trashcan, then we'll figure out who you're going to be.
• You must understand the difference between trust and security. I trust you within the boundaries of what is possible, but that is not secure. I cannot tell you who I am.
• Apathetic unrepentant alcoholic in a permanent state of ennui and inebriation. I probably don't care.
• Petting a cat while tripping balls feels LUXURIOUS.
• Cole slaw is humanity's worst creation and I'm fairly certain it's one of the reasons aliens won't visit us.
• Everyone knows that processors can execute things slightly out-of-order, but that's understated. Today's processors are massively out-of-order.
• 30% of any group is a bunch of UFO believing wackos, but wackos who nonetheless have the same right to vote as normals.
• The problem with Disney is ultimately is that the writers are stupid. They aren't deep thinkers, they don't really understand the platitudes they want to teach children, so they end up teaching children the wrong thing.
• Throughout the world, speech is chilled more by thugs than by police.
• I confused elegance with sophistication, but perhaps they are the opposite.
• Be skeptical. Tomorrow will be April Fools Day, so you should be wary of news reports because many will be lies intended to trick you. You should also be wary of news reports on the other 364 days because many will be lies intended to trick you.
• Bobby had some tables. His tables were so fat. And when Bobby couldn't hold them up no more, down Bobby's tables went. Down, down, down, dropped down to the floor. Down his tables went.
• No, they haven't been hiding their money. They've been hiding ours by calling it theirs.
• The right to individual crypto, with no government backdoors, is the most important new human right that technology has created.
• Standards are ultimately the modern form of fascism, where authoritarian people insist on subjugating everyone to a single set of rules.
• France is a country you have to drive through to get to Italy. That's all it's for.
• If half the population of the country believes a wrong thing, it's by definition 'reasonable'.
• Nesher drivers are crazy. They should advertise this, except to most people this will not seem a good thing.
• There are only two types of encryption: that which works and that which doesn't.
• Perfect security is impossible. If you want your computer data to be perfectly secure, then smash your device to pieces, run them through a blender, and drop the bits into volcanic lava.
• Vertical line, two vertical lines one shorter than the other, two vertical lines, vertical line with horizontal line.
• Staplers are just the newest drug kids are doing these days. Soon it'll be spatulas and futons, and by the following Tuesday they'll be smoking dystopian futures.
• Trying to get data out of a PSD file is like trying to find something in the attic of your eccentric old uncle who died in a freak freshwater shark attack on his 58th birthday.
• This following code is a work of fiction. Variables, methods, classes and interfaces are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons's code, living, dead or in coma is purely coincidental.
• I am the sysadmin to your superuser. For every hole you find, I will have a labyrinth.
• The soft scraping noise as the leaf unfurls is not something most people would think to include.
• Oh my word, this tune, it's annoying. Yes I know, it's really annoying.
• The wheel may be spinning, but the hamster is dead.
• I am a well-rounded twat.
• Consider what a dedicated duck could do to an elf. Now consider what an elf, who is so much more clever than a duck, might be able to do to a god...
• It will be easier to collect a data.
• The questions are like "You have 3.14159 zebras. How many piano lessons does the government want you to take?" with the answer choices being "Yes" and "No".
• The worst victim of mass surveillance is the guy who actually has to carry it out.
• Politics is a tool. It's not good or bad, it just is. When people with varying points of view want to work together, you end up with politics. Politics can be handled in a way that moves things forward smoothly with extensive buy-in, or they can be handled in a way that produces pain and impedes progress.
• I'm like a kid being introduced to Minecraft! Specifically, y'all are playing Survival and I'm floating through the sky littering furnaces all over the floor.
• You're dumb, you'll die, and you'll leave a dumb corpse.
• As gatz gatz, so gatz the strogatz.
• You too will be forgotten once your duty is done.
• I hate it. I don't have a life, I just exist.
• There's a bombed out church in the middle of the city and it was just never fixed, now it's just 'the bombed out church'.
• No, don't heal me, just let me die. I'm halfway there already so it would be a shame to waste the effort.
• Stop caring so much what people think. Success and happiness only comes from being willing to look stupid. A good way to practice this by actually being stupid. You have to get used to the naysayers. Even at your most brilliant, when you are changing the world, there will always be someone claiming you are an idiot, and that everyone knows what you are doing is stupid and wrong.
• They're defective by design as they're both too secret and not secret enough at the same time.
• They're ornate, sure. Opulent, even. But they reek of new money. They are gaudy, not refined at all, and lack all form of elegance or restraint.
• Intelligence is the capacity for stupidity.
• Only a Sith deals in absolutes! I mean, in general, and of course there are exceptions, and there's nuance and such, but as a broad generalisation, realising that details may vary from case to case, generally it's Sith who deal in absolutes!
• You might know everything I'm going to do, but that's not going to help you, since I know everything you're going to do! Strange, isn't it?
• Lion roars are not as powerful as some guy named frank with a trash can.
• We know about a specific guy who lived 5000 years ago, by name, because he was a huge asshole.
• Her breasts bit into his hands, like crucifix nail nipples tearing at his flesh, but he did not care because he loved her so and couldn't stop.
• Just get totally miserable. All your priorities change.
• There are many kinds of inner strength. Such as bowels.
• This is the reality of the Internet. Nobody has a plan. Sure, we work to build things, and they may end up in the general direction where we planned them, but everything takes on a life of its own as the mass consciousness and the consensual hallucination takes hold. The founders of anything successful describe, in retrospect, how they planned things, but the reality is that nothing ever goes according to plan.
• 'Routine border search' is one of the techniques taught by the Special Operations Division to hide the source of unconstitutionally obtained information. When the NSA or FBI obtains unconstitutional evidence against American citizens, they tell border agents what to look for when things cross the borders.
• They don't understand it. By the Arthur C. Clarke rule, it's equivalent to magic. When you challenge the powerful, you are guilty purely because you did something the average unsophisticated user isn't capable of.
• 'Virtualization' is an admin-word for 'I don't care how dangerous and slow it is'.
• Git gud.
• One life gone. One sinful life. But one person is not just one person. In each of us there is a world webbing out, reaching others, creating reactions, sometimes equal, sometimes opposite. We rush to say one life gone, but each of us is a world, and today a world has been lost.
• I hate playing god. It's stupid. Maybe I'll try playing rugby instead.
• In the City of Death, it was so easy to forget that every soul was a person, a life no longer part of the world. But here it's all different. You see it. You can't ignore it.
• Ashley is a Windows user. He knows all about chronic pain!
• The owls are not what they seem.
• Religions are kept alive by heresies, which are really sudden explosions of faith. Dead religions do not produce them.
• Yoo hoo, mister tentacle guy! I have to go to the bathroom.
• Germany exists.
• Beware of bathrooms.
• Bubbles represent the interaction between two fluids that don't exactly know what to do with one another. The ocean can be considered a bubble to the atmosphere, and the atmosphere a bubble in the vacuum of space. The most incredible phenomena often occur at the confluence of these media: a hurricane marching across the ocean, or the aurora borealis dancing on the atmosphere.
• In a left-handed fish, it is always the left side that gets both eyes.
• It's squirrels, not hackers, that are the chief threat to a stable power grid.
• Principles mean nothing when the going is easy, what matters is when the going gets tough. Standing up for your principles, even in the face of difficulty, is what proves what you actually stand for.
• Any sufficiently technical expert is indistinguishable from a witch.
• Basically your day planner is fanfic for your real life.
• I'm tired of you always turning every conversation to welding!
• Despair is a strange thing. One moment the most fetid enemy, it melts away in time. I am at peace. I have accepted my fate. At one point, I glimpsed myself in the mirror. In a voice, low, barely audible, I said to myself: 'so, this is how it's going to happen. This is how it ends.' There is a solace in knowing, and accepting your fate.
• I don't think anyone really has ideals. What we have is a tangled mess of ad-hoc opinions, constantly sliding past each other in search of a position that favours itself the most, like a 5-gallon bucket of earthworms.
• Bite the dust. Kick the emptiness. Kiss the void.
• One might be tempted to dismiss these problems as merely pragmatic ones.
• In the future please refrain from using potentially hurting words such as death, kill or... murder. Thanks!
• Ooziefy Wikidata ArticlePlaceholder Spark job.
• It is better to walk with friends in the dark than to walk alone in the light.
• Because I'm Batman begins.
• Once you believe someone has magical powers, you start to fear them, and question their good intentions. Thus, no matter how good a geek's intention, it'll seem like evil black magic to prosecutors and juries.
• Even though something has become a cliché doesn't mean it's lost all value when used correctly.
• That cathartic propaganda you enjoyed turned away the minds you want to change. The only people who read past the first paragraphs where those who already agreed with it. That's why objectivity and balance matter: you can only change minds if the reader trusts you, and actually reads what you write. Like a war correspondent attacking the enemy, partisanship erodes not only trust in your own writing, but contaminates all other journalists covering the same topic.
• All sins are addictive. And the terminal point of that addiction is damnation.
• Every single thing associated with computers needs a 'shut the fuck up and just do as I say' option, instead of whining about some log size or whatever bullshit.
• I am the Baron of Fartswetly, bearer of the legendary blade of Con Cebolla, worn at the battle of the Great Fortress of Bleugh!
• Some event planner deliberately staffed this thing with people whose only job is to walk around with free food and I'll be damned if I'm not going to play my part.
• Sometimes the 'owner' is the person who has the deep misfortune of being most expert.
• In this case karma is the DM wishing to hurt you in some way down the line.
• Violating trade embargoes is not a good thing for a volunteer-run chapter to do.
• A true friend is better than you deserve, but everything you need. Everyone needs one, deserves one. More than one.
• I might start a dad collection. It's not my fault people start claiming they're my fathers or me their daughter.
• I believe we can find all these hells on earth. That's why they're hells.
• I think a lot of it is also trust. I trust that anyone worthy of being my friend is someone who I can screw up things with from time to time and it won't count against our relationship too much.
• Putting a bell around a cow's neck to circumvent its stealthiness is just wrong. I say let them hunt.
• Laws can be wrong and laws can be cruel, and the people who live only by the law are both wrong and cruel.
• I'm not going to rationalize this because I don't have to.
• Don't sweat their pettiness, and don't pet their sweatiness.
• You play ants fighting against the sun, and you just don't get a happy ending. You get memories and your own mind, if you're the lucky ones, and you honor all the ones who tried.
• You are not alone. It's not your fault. What they're doing is not okay.
• Give him a moment, dear. He's just dead.
• How could I possibly commit blasphemy if the gods have given me this body?
• Capybaras are friend-shaped.
• I see little hope for democracy as an effective form of government, but I admire the poetry of how it makes its victims complicit in their own destruction.
• The theory is that whales survive because they are so big that their cancers get cancer and die.
• As it turns out, extremists don't have a firm grasp on logic.
• The coward in the shadows can be more dangerous than the champion in the light.
• Everyone is entitled to their own sorrow, for the heart has no metrics or form of measure. And all of it... irreplaceable.
• What do you mean when you say my time management is bad? At 8am I wake up. I have breakfast and brush my teeth. Then from 9am to 8pm I tolerate worms.
• I tolerate worms.
• I strongly object to the fact that the Transamerica Pyramid does not come to an actual point. Talk about taking your eye off the prize. They should have kept going - the top of that building should be sharp enough that you can spear an olive on it. It should be sufficiently architecturally, geometrically honest that its tip can draw blood.
• There isn't anybody to enforce the law. Corrupt from the top down. Who do we call?
• The whole concept of 'Hate Speech' is abuse of the language. Speech is speech. Those whose ideas need to be artificially propped up via suppression of the opposition are always wrong. In the free market of ideas, where people are allowed to talk about them freely, bad ideas can be dispelled through logical inquiry. When someone is allowed to decide what other people are allowed to say, anything they don't like becomes 'hate speech'.
• Whenever a group says, 'You're either with us or against us.' you should always be against them, because they are certainly wrong.
• I learned that very often the most intolerant and narrow-minded people are the ones who congratulate themselves on their tolerance and open-mindedness.
• When in doubt, add gogs.
• People say nothing is impossible. I do nothing every day. Contradiction. Therefore I have proved nothing is possible
• Quiet good taste is the key. Once I learned to avoid that, I could find a look that worked for me.
• Kids These Days and their inadequate cloaks, which aren't even long enough to keep you warm when you have to get down off your horse and pee.
• In words we lose ourselves. And find ourselves.
• Music continues to tell a story where words end.
• Everything in this world can serve as a weapon or a sexual fetish.
• Good chocolate shares much in common with good coffee. The rich, dark smoothness, the deep flavour hinting at other things, the acridity that fills the mouth. It sticks. It lingers. It begs for more. Sometimes it overwhelms.
• Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life.
• Lego, Lego, Lego, Lego, cat crotch, Lego... ...wait...
• Steve. Steve. Steve. Let me tell you about Steve.
• It didn't happen! That's why we get so angry when you mention it.
• You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it.
• English isn't a language, it's three languages stacked on top of each other wearing a trenchcoat.
• It's true for everyone: you're always leaving home to go home.
• We don't know what a large fraction of our genome is exactly supposed to DO. Sometimes it does nothing; a large genome is no guarantee of the complexity of the organism. The humble potato has a larger genome (number of base pairs in its DNA sequence) than humans do, and yet it just kind of sits there and... potates.
• Partisan media and activists are inherently incapable of thinking outside of a 'If you are not with us, you are against us' political binary.
• If the right side is hating everyone, especially yourself with tons of identity issues and suicidal tendencies, then I'm willing to be on 'the wrong side'.
• Obviously we just lost the satellite feed. That sucks.
• The branches of libertarianism that believe that government should exist in some capacity hold that one of the few legitimate functions of government is to act on behalf of those who cannot protect themselves from violations of their self ownership by others.
• They want a new kind of bigotry that encourages minorities and others to believe that every bigoted thing that we strove against is actually right.
• A children's story that can only be enjoyed by children is not a good children's story in the slightest.
• This is not a new world, it is simply an extension of what began in the old one. It has patterned itself after every dictator who has ever planted the ripping imprint of a boot on the pages of history since the beginning of time. It has refinements, technological advances, and a more sophisticated approach to the destruction of human freedom. But like every one of the super-states that preceded it, it has one iron rule: logic is an enemy and truth is a menace.
• Hogtown Creek is classified as impaired due to elevated levels of fecal bacteria.
• You can probably monitor the progress of this work by listening for distant booming noises and the tinkle of glass.
• Show good ripseoxlect at school.
• I have thought/talked/written/learned about balls for TOO MANY HOURS TODAY. I wasn't sure there was a maximal amount of testis knowledge one can absorb in a day. Turns out it's about 12 hours.
• Looks like someone needs to become acquainted with my stick.
• HALE HORTLER.
• There is only one god, and his name is Death. And there is only one thing we say to the god of Death: Not today.
• I said my sword was a tool of justice. Not used in anger. Not used for vengeance. But now... Now I'm not so sure. And besides, this isn't my sword.
• America is diseased. Rotten to the core. There's no saving it - we need to pull it out by the roots. Wipe the slate clean. Burn it down! And from the ashes, a new America will be born. Evolved, but untamed! The weak will be purged and the strongest will thrive - free to live as they see fit, they'll make America great again!
• Today he is dead, his memory despised, his country in ruins. He had a thirst for power, a low opinion of man as an individual, and a fear of intellectual honesty. He was a force for evil in the world. His passing, his defeat – a boon for mankind. But thousands died that it might be so. The price for ridding society of bad is always high.
• Do not move your name.
• Deviation will be punished unless it is exploitable.
• You ran so hard from your parents that you became them on crack.
• Icarus. The original myth had two parts. Daedalus said to his son, 'I fashioned these wings for you. Two rules. Don't fly too high, or the sun will melt the wax. But, more important, son, don't fly too low. Because if you fly too low, the water and the waves will surely weigh down the wings, and you will die.' We've left out the second part of the myth. We don't say to people anymore, 'Don't fly too low.' All we do from the time they are 4 years old is warn them against hubris. We have created this industrially led structure that says: How dare you.
• The building isn't abandoned. Bears live there now.
• Benis.
• How do we even know that shit isn't still around? Lurking? Evolving? We don't. We don't know shit about shit down there. The ocean is a primeval hellscape nightmare and we all just dip our stupid fragile unprotected fetus bodies around the edges of it like that's normal. Fuck the ocean.
• Things seem to be quiet now. I'm always holding my breath, though. The story of my life has been the calm before the storm.
• This is my resting bitch sword.
• They have all the dots they need. And some extras, too.
• Are you sitting on your foot?
• ¡Fuímonos!
• Tolerance only bred more extremism instead of fixing it.
• Please clap.
• It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong.
• A writer who says that there are no truths, or that all truth is 'merely relative,' is asking you not to believe him. So don't. Deconstruction deconstructs itself, and disappears up its own behind, leaving only a disembodied smile and a faint smell of sulphur.
• Only an extremist believes the ends always justify the means.
• Often there are decades in which very little happens. And occasionally, there's a year in which decades happen.
• He who dares not offend cannot be honest.
• When law and morality contradict each other, the citizen has the cruel alternative of either losing his moral sense or losing his respect for the law.
• Basically we now have a walking couch with anxiety it's going to get attacked at any second.
• History is made up of fragments and absences. What is left out is as significant as what is included.
• Shitposting is what we have in common. It breaks down the barriers we put up between ourselves.
• He was mighty not for his sword, but for his heart. His terrible, terrible, sundered, broken heart. There are, of course, people who see only the sword, but it's a little ironic that the mightiest of the gods was the most tragic.
• Look. I don't know what I'm doing. This is all a big, hopeless mess. And there's no cosmic narrative to guarantee that I am forged by my experiences. Everything is up to me, which is absolutely terrifying.
• Sometimes it helps to remember that there's bigger things in the universe than a girl who won't speak to me anymore.
• Antidepressants are a means of modifying an individual's internal state in such a way as to enable him to tolerate social conditions that he would otherwise find intolerable.
• It is well-known that five-way secret sharing has been illegal since the Protestant Reformation. However, using recent advances in polynomial-time Bojangle projections, we demonstrate how a set of peers who are frenemies can exchange up to five snide remarks that are robust to Bojangle-chosen plaintext attacks.
• We own this country. Politicians are employees of ours. And when somebody doesn't do the job, we gotta let 'em go.
• Under normal circumstances the liar is defeated by reality, for which there is no substitute; no matter how large the tissue of falsehood that an experienced liar has to offer, it will never be large enough ... to cover the immensity of factuality.
• The main thing, when a sword cuts into one's soul, is to keep a calm gaze, lose no blood, accept the coldness of the sword with the coldness of a stone. By means of the stab, after the stab, become invulnerable.
• Only those things are beautiful which are inspired by madness and written by reason.
• Tyranny is defined as that which is legal for the government but illegal for the citizenry.
• Anything you practice you'll get good at. Including bullshit.
• Have I done all these things? Or do I dream? Or am I mad?
• If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face — forever.
• What author would be without the advantage of being able to walk invisible?
• J'aime la nuit, j'ai les idées plus claires dans le noir.
• Courage comes from a sense of duty that is born out of love. Therefore if you ever seem to lack courage in any area, remember your duty and your calling, and remember the objects of your love which prescribe that duty.
• Why do men live in eternal combat? Even trees strangle other trees when they grow up. Would you ask them to strive for universal peace?
• It's the easiest thing in the world to do. Any imbecile can hate. It's lazy.
• The one who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The one who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no-one else has ever been.
• You're playing chess with a pigeon. Even if you win it will just shit all over the board and never concede defeat. The left is not only wrong and wrong-headed, but a clear majority of them simply are not dealing in good faith.
• Because the phrase lacks any clear definition, it is essentially useless except as an instrument of propaganda and censorship.
• The Venn diagram of things I find funny and reasons I'm going to hell is a circle.
• Hello my baby hello my honey hello darkness my old friend.
• What's it going to be? Loyalty to your country, or loyalty to me? Your country, or your old mentor? The mission, or your beliefs? Your duty to your unit, or your personal feelings? You don't know the truth yet. But sooner or later you'll have to choose.
• There is another trick to talk to the dead. To wash and oil them.
• They desire that deposit.
• It's hard as hell to tell when they're going to snap, and there's a certain level of psychopathy just lingering beneath the surface because, as children, their brains can't register that death is real.
• You be good, see you tomorrow. I love you.
• I know no method to secure the repeal of bad or obnoxious laws so effective as their stringent execution.
• I dance because I like dancing. When I dance, my mom laughs. My mom says laughing is happiness.
• My dream is to make people happy because I'm happy.
• No one is above pranks - neither being pranked nor even doing the pranks.
• In real life, too often, I am surrounded by crazy people. With expectations put on to me that I believe the exact same crazy conspiracy shit.
• Our death ray doesn't seem to be working. I'm standing right in it, and I'm not dead yet.
• You make it more secure by destroying your electronics in a fire, then retreating to the mountains and spending your days looking at rocks.
• The burden of proof lies on those claiming that something is the case. They must show it to be true, that the thing exists. If they cannot, then it is assumed that it is not true. But a negative, that there are no examples of the thing existing, cannot be proven directly. It can only be disproven.
• Everyone can change. Even you can. You are not your past.
• How else are you going to get better? Newbies will grasp the movement patterns of their seniors and copy them. Your own expressions come after. At first, everyone is copying someone else.
• Everything works out in the end. If it's not working out, it's not the end.
• Information is not lost in black holes, but it is not returned in a useful way. It is like burning an encyclopaedia. Information is not lost, but it is very hard to read.
• Add glue to the problem. It usually works. Maybe glue alone isn't enough. Try glue with resin. Or paint. Or fibres. Or filler. Or glue and a screw. Or glue, and then filing down the glue so it's nice and smooth. Or glue, used to glue a whole lot of leaves over the offending object, thus turning it into a new, gluey, leafy object. Coat the leaves in glue for added durability. Glue, man. Glue.
• I'm not sure I helped, but I commented.
• Any bathroom becomes a liminal space if you put enough exotic birds in it.
• Don't let your brother-in-law be the only person who keeps your community running.
• Asians are asian because they evolved to withstand the winds of where they live.
• Us adults are always in pain. That's why we get to drink alcohol.
• It's only as fun as it hurts.
• All of the tears shed throughout history have laid the foundations of the life you have now.
• Having a business model is usually more lucrative than not having one.
• You don't know you're from a Death World until you leave it.
• Beer bottles are jewel beetle waifu pillows.
• You can always kill yourself tomorrow. Why not give today a chance?
• Everything in the universe is either a potato, or not a potato.
• Because for all your stupid flaws, you're one of my children, and I love you.
• Valhalla? Oh, it's full of souls. Not just human ones, mind you, but the souls of ships, and war animals, and other such beings.
• Time is dead and meaning has no meaning.
• If you can't make your own neurotransmitters, storebought is fine.
• The left thinks our speech is violence and thinks their violence is speech.
• He is even worse than a leaf, he is - may Allah forgive me for uttering this word - an Australian.
• I dream of a world in which the truth is what shapes people's politics, rather than politics shaping what people think is true.
• Fear is freedom. Subjugation is liberation. Fiction is reality.
• They are very good at making powerful words lose their power.
• Holy places are dark places. It is life and strength, not knowledge and words, that we get in them. Holy wisdom is not clear and thin like water, but thick and dark like blood.
• For life is reading and respite from reading, and living in a vague idea of where the others are, or in dreams.
• Good propaganda does not need to lie, indeed it may not lie. It has no reason to fear the truth. It is a mistake to believe that people cannot take the truth. They can. It is only a matter of presenting the truth to people in a way that they will be able to understand. A propaganda that lies proves that it has a bad cause. It cannot be successful in the long run.
• The power of nature exists in its silence. Human words cannot encode the meaning because human language has access only to the shadow of meaning.
• Wasn't it stupid to believe in the intelligence of the public?
• The street finds its own uses.
• These terrible things can indeed be defended, but only by arguments which are too brutal for most people to face.
• This is getting awkward enough that I'd actually rather manhandle the fat guy to get my clothes back...
• It concerns the nature of secrets and the shapes of dreams.
• Everyone has to be the hero of their own story. Pine's story is about wrestling with complex ethical dramas and movement-wide issues and he would prefer it not be the more mundane story of the inability to meet deadlines.
• The most popular e-mail client in the world does in fact handle mailto: links. Shockingly!
• When is a monster not a monster? Oh, when you love it.
• All cats seem to just categorize humans as awful ugly children who need to be taught to cat.
• It is said that any virtue when take to its extreme can become a vice.
• Too much sanity may be madness. And maddest of all, to see life as it is and not as it should be.
• All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
• The self-evident truths are the least understood.
• Men cannot be made good by the state, but they can easily be made bad. Morality depends on liberty.
• I could no longer rely on genuine emotion to generate facial expressions, and when you have to spend every social interaction consciously manipulating your face into shapes that are only approximately the right ones, alienating people is inevitable.
• The beginning of the koran tells you repeatedly it is the truth. If spam has taught me anything, it's probably not the truth.
• I don't know how to answer. I know what I think, but words in the head are like voices underwater. They are distorted.
• Until an hour before the Devil fell, God thought him beautiful in Heaven.
• Every discovery contains the possibility and necessity of new discoveries, every fulfilled wish awakens a thousand more, every triumph over Nature incites to yet others. The soul of this beast of prey is ever hungry, his will never satisfied - that is the curse that lies upon this kind of life, but also the grandeur inherent in its destiny.
• How long is forever? Sometimes, just one second.
• You know, everyone thinks I don't care, but that's not me. I care. I care too much! Whether I care about the right things or not, reasonable men can differ, but no one can say I don't care.
• It's incredibly awkward to read about my entire life's problems neatly described by a complete stranger.
• I got high and forgot I wasn't supposed to get high.
• If someone's reaction to you setting boundaries or having a differing opinion from their own is to threaten you into submission, whether it's a thinly veiled threat or an overt admission of what they plan to do, this is a red flag of someone who has a high degree of entitlement and has no plans of compromising.
• Perhaps the future is predetermined by the character of those who shape it.
• My imagination gave me a dual life: I lived in my body, and at the same time lived a life no one could see.
• Literature was what he turned to for passion and excitement, where he entered a world of questions he could not answer, so he finished a novel or poem or story feeling blessed with humility, with awe of life, with the knowledge that he knew so little about how one was supposed to live.
• Don't ever be the first to stop applauding.
• As soon as you look at the world through an ideology you are finished. No reality fits an ideology. Life is beyond that. That is why people are always searching for a meaning to life. Meaning is only found when you go beyond meaning. Life only makes sense when you perceive it as mystery and it makes no sense to the conceptualizing mind.
• We have built cathedrals out of spite and splintered bone, of course they aren't pretty, nothing holy ever is.
• Once you buy the argument that some segment of the citizenry should lose their rights, just because they are envied or resented, you are putting your own rights in jeopardy - quite aside from undermining any moral basis for respecting anybody's rights. You are opening the floodgates to arbitrary power. And once you open the floodgates, you can't tell the water where to go.
• The most dangerous word or phrase there is is the one without precise definition.
• There is something frightening about the universe when we consider that only our senses of sound and sight make it beautiful. Just think, the universe is darker than the darkest ink; colder than the coldest ice and more silent than a silent tomb with all the bodies rushing through it at terrific speeds. What an awe-inspiring picture, isn't it? Yet it is our brain that gives merely a physical impression. Sight and sound are the only avenues through which we can perceive it all. Often I have wondered if there is a third sense which we have failed to discover. I'm afraid not.
• Thinking is difficult; that's why most people judge.
• It's a mystery of human chemistry and I don't understand it. Some people, as far as the senses are concerned, just feel like home.
• We use aggression and strength to bend dependent others to our will - or, in the absence of strength, use sickness and weakness to harness the force of empathy, and deceive our way to dominance, underground. Granted the opportunity, how many of us would not be Hitlers? Assuming we had the ambition, dedication and power of organization - which is highly unlikely. Paucity of skill, however, does not constitute moral virtue.
• Our caching support makes less and less sense the more I dig into it.
• They are learning it, very quickly, because they're inside, operating in it. Pushing levers, pulling cords, seeing what happens. Stories are very sticky, and they'll remember their own stories.
• Everything good is costly, and the development of the personality is one of the most costly of all things. It will cost you your innocence, your illusions, your certainty.
• It's very frequently the case that when you initially attempt to formulate an argument, you do a very bad job of it. This is because you haven't formulated the argument yet. You have to be allowed to stumble around like a moron, because it's the only way you're going to trip over the truth.
• A liking for the truth at all costs is a passion that spares nothing and that nothing can withstand. It's a vice, sometimes a comfort, or a form of selfishness.
• Focus on your focus. If you focus on what you fear, that will come true. Every step, every move, is a decision. Each roadblock is going to require you to first and foremost readjust your mindset. You have to decide and work hard to maintain the same attitude and mentality in each and everyone of your decisions. Every level has its own devil you will need to fight.
• Everything in this world is magic, except to the magician.
• Extreme acts of cruelty require a high level of empathy. The next time you have an instinct to help someone, you might consider crushing them instead. It might save you a great deal of trouble.
• Maybe it feels more special if it's only you and a grape who know that something exists, but the more people consume something, the more its situations and reactions become common knowledge, a sort of communal well from which we can draw to articulate real life problems. And ultimately, the easier it is for us to communicate and understand each other.
• I'm experimenting with telling the truth - representing my understanding of reality, including my subjective experience, as accurately and frequently as possible. Truth is so useful when communicating with others, and I feel 'cleaner'. But I've never realized how often I lie! The most common lie: me caring about you.
• We must accept something in order to understand it. Only then do we take the second step, either completing the mental certification process or rejecting it.
• Monsters cannot be announced. One cannot say: 'Here are our monsters,' without immediately turning the monsters into pets.
• We are not going in circles, we are going upwards. The path is a spiral; we have already climbed many steps.
• Break often - not like porcelain, but like waves.
• The great paradox of all this is that the better our instruments get, the farther we can see. But not into the future, into the past.
• The Lord spoke to Job out of the whirlwind, saying, "MISTAKES WERE MADE."
• By US legal standards, this Italian culvert is an arch bridge.
• Someone once asked, 'If you could take it all back, would you?' At the time I didn't know. Now I do. I wouldn't take that terrible experience back for anything in the world. Too much light has come out of my darkness.
• Until the lion learns to write, every story will glorify the hunter.
• I got my heart broken and I survived, I failed 3 courses in university and graduated, I got rejected in the very first job I applied for and got promoted yesterday, I went through hard times with my family but then two years later, we laughed our hearts out over lunch, The closest friends disappointed me several times but I made new friends and loved them with all my heart. I did it once, I can do it again.
• You will be tested in the same way every time until you learn your lesson.
• Instinct is something which transcends knowledge. We have, undoubtedly, certain finer fibers that enable us to perceive truths when logical deduction, or any other wilful effort of the brain, is futile.
• If he always talks about virtue, it means that he is corrupted.
• They weren't ready for you. Their loss. You glow regardless.
• It's the same mystery as time itself, isn't it. What we are, we are only here and now, but here and now is also eternal when properly experienced.
• Those 70 years that were given to you, sub specie aeternitatis, they haven't been taken away from reality. Nobody in the future is going to revisit them. But you will revisit them because they're yours. You won't revisit them in time, but that time is yours, and is yours eternally.
• In these 70 years, you have everything. It will be there always, those are your 70 years. You can't envisage that without you, you can't envisage those 70 years from a point of view outside them in which you are not. Any perspective you can have on them is a perspective which will show them to be eternally there with you, and you'll never lose them except by losing yourself.
• It's slightly mystical. But what's the point of philosophy if it doesn't allow you to say mystical things?
• Apparently orgasm is the only point where your mind becomes completely empty - you think of nothing for that second. That's why it's so compelling - it's a tiny taste of death. Your mind is void - you have nothing in your head save white light.
• Intimates should not be hidden, they should be displayed proudly as bandages for our souls. Be it lacy nylon or otherwise, underwears not only cover our loins, they swath us in righteousness.
• Someone should write an oidoid. It takes in a json schema document and outputs a bunch of boilerplate code to generate a service listener on some port that takes in, parses, and validates json according to the input schema and calls some internal functions the user then supplies. User then fills out the boilerplate, and boom, they have an oid they can use.
• Inchinga has a beautiful ui so it should be easy to move around in it.
• Workaround: If we wait long enough, the Earth will eventually be consumed by the Sun.
• The man who will not defend the honour of his cat cannot be trusted to defend anything.
• Too often, people who leave behind toxic belief systems might leave behind the beliefs but not the system. A toxic religious or political ideology teaches you to think something dogmatically; when you stop believing, you think you're free, but then you commit yourself to believing something else dogmatically. You see this a lot with ex-Christian atheists: because they don't believe in God anymore, they insist that anyone who does is illogical, stupid, etc. They've changed what they believe but not how they believe it.
• Productivity is not normally distributed. You learn in psychology that everything is normally distributed. No it's not. Random things are normally distributed, but productivity isn't random.
• Tenured professors, those are the most protected people in the universe, and they're afraid to speak up.
• You should be afraid to speak up, but you should be more afraid not to.
• It's an universal law - intolerance is the first sign of an inadequate education. An ill-educated person behaves with arrogant impatience, whereas truly profound education breeds humility.
• He wrote the big story of our time, and it's an incredibly boring one.
• Become who you are by learning who you are.
• We are all fated to be masters. It is simply a matter of seeing it through.
• Attention, taken to its highest degree, is the same thing as prayer. It presupposes faith and love. Absolutely unmixed attention is prayer.
• It's a problem I have no wish to solve.
• Wake up. It's time for your sleeping pills.
• For some people it's advisable to never miss a chance to stay silent.
• If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.
• Sometimes it feels as if the majority of this country is GTA3 NPC tier, their repertoire consists of three pre-programmed sentences, but other than that, their brains aren't capable of critical thinking.
• When someone dies, flies are the first to know.
• Education is the process of diminishing deception.
• The smoke that protects our veins, reinventing the end only to taste it again, the cruelty of the absolute, the apparent looseness of our souls, using the aesthetics to escape from the void.
• I don't know, but for me that is the greatest form of literary merit, tearing a person apart.
• Children were yet to be children, short of total control. Children are not exported by car to expensive hobbies, instead they play a big group outdoors, rain or shine. Communality was not discussed, it lived.
• But in reading great literature I become a thousand and yet remain myself.
• It's scary how many people think they want to die when really they want to start living.
• Status: We deployed to Beta Cluster and it promptly broke.
• So basically the entire Jewish holiday calendar is giving the middle finger to death and high-fiving, with or without various combinations of prayer and foods.
• Why would I not argue? Either I'm right - and I win - or I learn, and I get to be right the next time.
• If one of the earlier sections that define elements that define commands define that this element defines a command, then that section applies to this element, and this section does not.
• If we learn our limitations too soon, we never learn our power.
• Someday this pain will be useful.
• Insecurity is pointless. It is beyond arbitrary and is actually a weakness. Be aware of your flaws, but embrace them. If you can change them, then change them. If not, then accept them as a reality and move on.
• Religion, spirituality, didn't stop being relevant. It didn't stop being something people need and want, and have the desire to create. It's still happening, and it always will as long as there are people. The spirit of creation, new deities and new worship, is alive and well today and should not be ignored.
• Your persistent low value interactions do not help solve complex issues. Thus far on this ticket you have posted 16 comments. None of them contain actionable advice or build on the information gathered to diagnose the issue and pursue a solution.
• You accumulate experience and wisdom and pain and one day, someone tells you that you seem to have it all figured out and you go 'Oh. I didn't realise. When did this happen?'
• If architects want to strengthen a decrepit arch, they increase the load which is laid upon it, for thereby the parts are joined more firmly together.
• We live in a violently beautiful universe. And we get to experience it.
• Mosquitoes are grossly overlooked as a threat during a zombie apocalypse.
• It's not that the sacred is here and the profane is over there. Everything is profane if you live on the surface of it, and everything is sacred if you go into the depths of it - even your sin.
• All sorrows can be borne if you put them in a story.
• Are you inspired more by greatness or by failure?
• If I kept paying attention to all the horrors of the world I'd go mad. In fact I have gone mad precisely because nobody here would shut up about it.
• It's okay to be confused. We spend most of our lives confused. It's rare to really figure anything out.
• And so the damned are bound and made clean under the visage of the Eternal.
• Now, you're probably wondering what I'm going to need all this speed for. After all, I do build up speed for 12 hours. But to answer that, we need to talk about parallel universes.
• Fake Hitlers cannot open doors.
• Happiness is sosig.
• Smacking a horse is the equivalent of looking god in the eye while you jack off and call him a heretic.
• There's no advantage. It's all degrees of disadvantage.
• You've just found religion. Nothing more dangerous than that.
• If the number of possible outcomes is smaller than the sample size, at least one outcome has to be repeated.
• Only a mathematician deals in absolutes.
• It seems, therefore, that flatus can cause infection if the emitter is naked, but not if he or she is clothed.
• I consider JavaScript to be like dealing with an eccentric child that you have to deal with because he's a board member's son.
• Gegen eine Dummheit, die in Mode ist, kommt keine Klugheit an.
• What you actually get is just code, sloshing around, congealing into apps and firms that exist simply to exist. Uber for dogs, GrubHub for clothes, Patreon for sex, Slack for death, PayPal for God, WhatsApp for the spaceless non-void into which a blind universe expands.
• Enquiring minds wish to waste time.
• Do not lie, particularly to yourself, or you will undermine the process that gives you the strength to bear the tragic world. In your weakness - the consequence of your lie - you will become cruel, arrogant and vengeful. You will then serve as an 'unconscious' emissary of the agent of destruction, and work to bring about the end of time.
• I have it from a confidential source that she likes masks. Very confiding, very dental. TEETH THE SIZE OF SECRETS.
• Having a job is terrible and not having a job is worse. I wish I didn't feel that way.
• No number can be divided by 64.
• The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
• I was hit so hard, I saw Jesus. Do you know how hard you have to be hit to see somebody else's god?
• Not everyone highly trained is smart or responsible. Sometimes, they're really, really dumb. Or not paying attention. Or criminally negligible.
• Lead us not unto temptation, for we can find it just fine on our own.
• Consider the octopus.
• I asked him how everything was going, and he made a haunting, elegiac noise, like a foghorn calling out for its mate.
• It's magic, but it works like science.
• Oh, will you look at that. The crotchbow has emerged.
• I wanted to be a unicorn when I grew up. I have yet to grow up.
• I'm too scared to ask what's going on.
• It turns out your visual system has really strong views about whether faces should be inside-out or not, and it's willing to execute a hard override on perception if it doesn't like what it sees.
• Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requiris? Nescio, sed fiere sentio et excrucior.
• People don't actually go from 0 to 60. If you think they did, you have failed to notice how long they've been at 59.
• A monster is not such a terrible thing to be. From the Latin root monstrum, a divine messenger of catastrophe, then adapted by the Old French to mean an animal of myriad origins: centaur, griffin, satyr. To be a monster is to be a hybrid signal, a lighthouse: both shelter and warning at once.
• Insane people seem to be graced with unexplainable talents.
• And all the time - such is a tragi-comedy of our situation - we continue to clamour for those very qualities we are rendering impossible. You can hardly open a periodical without coming across the statement that what our civilization needs is more 'drive', or dynamism, or self-sacrifice, or 'creativity'. In a sort of ghastly simplicity we remove the organ and demand the function. We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful.
• Musubi is the old way of calling the local guardian god. This word has profound meaning. Tying thread is Musubi. Connecting people is Musubi. The flow of time is Musubi. These are all the god's power. So the braided cords that we make are the god's art and represent the flow of time itself. They converge and take shape. They twist, tangle, sometimes unravel, break, then connect again. Musubi - knotting. That's time.
• I am merely using 'God' as a reference to a long-term pattern we cannot decipher.
• Today is a good day to do what has to be done by me.
• Abuse is about control.
• I forgot to sleep because I was thinking about memes.
• The kid has been flipped because by now we all know living things have to be facing right in logos so as to convey looking forward and not backward.
• Death brings not salvation - only evanescence.
• The hedge apple tree drops durian-shaped useless fruit on all passers.
• If you lift the constraint that we have to be able to build the thing, a black hole is a perfectly good particle accelerator that uses gravity.
• You are cursed with free will.
• It is everyone's responsibility to simultaneously be aware of how their behaviour will affect others and tolerant of the behaviour of others. Just because someone failed to consider the former does not give you permission to disregard the latter. If it's easy to make you stop being decent, you weren't really trying in the first place.
• Windows 10 is a lottery. You'll probably be fine, but there's a 1% chance with each update your entire computer will be unusable.
• I helped write the code. I have seen the abyss.
• They literally design all the windows UI in powerpoint. They gave us powerpoint slides and were like, "make this." That's why it's flat. It's powerpoint.
• We found what was apparently test data submitted to one of our production databases. We knew it was test data because the reported architecture was "poop".
• LLOOOOOOOOOL. NO SUCH THING AS TOO DURK.
• The most important thing to deal with is whatever is most on your mind. The fact that you think it shouldn't be on your mind is irrelevant. It's there, and it's there for a reason.
• It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience.
• The avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering. The avoidance of struggle is a struggle. The denial of failure is a failure. Hiding what is shameful is itself a form of shame.
• Nietzsche's Beyond Good & Evil isn't a book at all. It's a series of bombs.
• He is a human despite being born a clown.
• Sorry for the late notice, but a few minutes ago, time_t hit 1,500,000,000. That's a bit over ⅓ of the way until we run out of time.
• Power does not corrupt, not really. Power proves who you really are. Sometimes that is cruel, selfish, or weak, and sometimes, just sometimes, it proves you to be kind, selfless, and very brave.
• The phrase "you don't know what you have until it's gone" can apply to terrible things too. You may not realize the amount of pain, depression, or abuse you are living through until you experience what life can be without it.
• We're gathered here today to celebrate the union between the Octovine and all our weapons.
• There are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know.
• The blatantly obvious, it turns out, is generally only obvious in retrospect.
• Some people really are too stupid to live, but that tends to be a self-solving issue.
• In 1967, an Ecuadorian foot powder company advertised its product, Pulvapies, as a mayoral candidate in the town of Picoazá. Surprisingly, the foot powder won by a clear majority.
• Finding the truth can be simple. It's accepting the simplicity that's hard.
• We pull them in with a sin, something they'll do anything to keep buried.
• Ah. You are motherfucker?
• There's a fine line between heroism and arson.
• You can't demand a service while simultaneously degrading those who provide it for you.
• It took me so long to realize that I actually hadn't always been the complacent cult member I thought I had been. My mind was rebelling but they told me that voice was the devil, so I learned to ignore myself.
• I forgot that Italian was a language.
• Any sufficiently advanced science is indistinguishable from magic. Ultimately the determining feature is how well it's understood in practice, or in retrospect. If a thousand years later nobody still understands it and has made no progress toward understanding it, maybe it is magic... or maybe they're just idiots.
• There can't be a perfect browser for the totally borked internet.
• Now I've lost it, I know I can kill. The truth exists beyond the gate.
• Canadian and Australian telecoms hate their customers. It's not even about making money, it's about how to fuck their customers.
• I can confidently say I own no dildos. Only 11 'silicone sculptures', 5 'novelty items' and one 'personal massager'.
• I have found heaven and it's full of liquor.
• Galactic Council to remind all citizens that Humans come from a Death World, and are not to be underestimated no matter how adorable they are...
• "Someone once asked, 'If you could take it all back, would you?' At the time I didn't know. Now I do. I wouldn't take that terrible experience back for anything in the world. Too much light has come out of my darkness."
• Never stop being a good person because of bad people.
• No offense, but money would solve literally every single one of my problems. Like all of them. I don't have a single problem that money wouldn't immediately solve.
• A poor plan. My sword is only steel in a useful shape. It's me you should fear.
• I'm your mother. I don't get to be scared of you. I have to be scared for you.
• Never forgive, always forget. Remain perpetually angry and confused.
• What they did was, they bolted a steel frame to the floor and then welded the refrigerator to that. That is some unprecedented confidence in the lifetime of a refrigerator.
• A license to kill is also a license not to kill.
• The internet is a reverse monkeys-on-typewriters thing where we learn that if we get enough people typing coherent phrases, eventually many will produce incomprehensible bullshit.
• He killed them with their love. That's how it is every day all over the world.
• He infected us both, Mr. Jingles. With life.
• We each owe a death. There are no exceptions. But oh God, sometimes the Green Mile seems so long.
• I feel like he's suave and confident like a spy, but he's not a spy, he's a sex offender.
• I heard your boyfriend fart the alphabet the other night. I do not want to sleep with that.
• Favorite cryptid: locals.
• You know, it's hard to date you, because you're always taking and captioning brooding pictures of your chicken.
• What if angels are black holes and halos are just the light warping around them being pulled in by gravity?
• We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.
• The risk isn't zero, and the benefits are usually subtle at best. On the other hand, mountain-climbing also has risks, and is so devoid of benefit that the only excuse mountaineers can come up with is 'because it's there'.
• All these technical wishes can be fixed if we just had strong AI.
• You just think something and run a line around your think.
• Our entire country is a money laundering conspiracy.
• I realise now that to remain at one point of view is restrictive and will only provide a limited vista of the world. To jump from different perspectives of a problem, to assume different philosophies and view it through their lens in another light - that is how to live, how to work. To remain flexible, to keep an open mind, to not close yourself off because of what you believe in as absolute truth.
• It is likely that human society cannot exist without some source of sacredness. Those states which have sought openly to remove it have tended in the end to assume divinity themselves.
• Humans will pet anything. How wonderful, then, that they live on a planet full of creatures that like to be petted!
• People have literally just always been people.
• Avoid floodwaters. They may contain floating asteroids of fire ants.
• I swear to you that to think too much is a disease, a real, actual disease.
• I became a dentist because I like making children cry and they don't let you do that as a regular doctor.
• People must understand that every embrace of mediocrity, every surrender, every choice to take the easy way out harms us as much as the enemy's guns.
• They who speak much are blamed. They who speak a little are blamed. They who are silent are also blamed. In this world there is none who is not blamed.
• But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?
• He specifically cited fear of being fired as a reason why nobody else has stood up thus far... and then Google fired him.
• Every evil screams only one message: 'I am good'.
• The past is never dead, it's not even past.
• Where there is sorrow, there is holy ground.
• If your religion teaches you not to question, then your religion is hiding something from you.
• If the zoo bans me from hollering at the animals I will face god and walk backwards into hell.
• Ironic, isn't it, how we eventually become parents to our parents.
• If you study languages for long enough you start to realise that every language is actually a disaster of weird rules, exceptions to those rules, dialectal gibberish and other grammatical car crashes.
• Depression turns you into a series of nouns, without the adjectives and without the verbs. You don't remember where you misplaced your descriptions, your actions... You become: bed, shower, socks, coffee, keys, obligations.
• Rehabilitation as it has been practiced cannot possibly be effective because it is based on a total misconception. To rehabilitate is to restore a former constructive capacity or condition. There is nothing to which to rehabilitate a criminal. There is no earlier condition of being responsible to which to restore him.
• As others have noted, Egyptians are Egyptians, and they were so in the past as well.
• The definition of maturity is knowing everyone else is just as confused as you are.
• You have the free will to do as I tell you... or be punished.
• Unfortunately to 'get on your level' I'd need a boat trip to the Mariana Trench and a pair of cinderblock shoes.
• All you have to do is be a good listener. Nobody really wants to keep secrets, not even the dead. People leave clues everywhere, and if you pay attention, you can piece them together.
• You either laugh or you cry.
• It is what it is.
• The goat does as it wants.
• I would much rather my children see a program that portrays violence as it is - quick, senseless, revolting - than one that pretties it up and glorifies it for the sake of making some movie star look heroic.
• If the ocean ever disappears DON'T GO LOOKING FOR IT. Go in the other direction.
• Ocean not lost, ocean is actually winding up to kick you very hard in the nuts.
• 'Deep reinforcement learning' is a weird euphemism for abusing your polygon boy with boxes.
• Our thoughts aren't always from us. Sometimes random thoughts are our brain trying to process and understand concepts we've heard from other people. Your reaction to that thought shows your true feelings on the subject.
• And so, the Israelis continue to hold the world record for most tanks flipped over, how they do it remains a mystery!
• A sword is a key - all the time. And when you stick it in people, it unlocks their deaths.
• You have fallen from a higher world and you are filled with fierce indignation, when you find that life is cowardly and ignoble. While I... I have come up from a lower world and I am filled with astonishment when I find that people have any redeeming virtue at all.
• People. People. Endless noise. And I am so tired. And I would like to sleep under trees; red ones, blue ones, swirling passionate ones.
• It has taken war for us to get here. What do I know of peace?
• I'm going to wait to form an opinion on this until I see what the majority of people think and then I'm going to choose the opposite of that.
• The world has more than one center. Each and every spot where each and everyone stands is a center of the world!
• Depression is like trying to peel a potato with another potato. It's not fun, it doesn't work, and you just want to cry. And then people are like, why don't you use a peeler?! And they hand you another fucking potato.
• A cover letter is why you are interested in a job and what you can bring to the organization.
• I feel simultaneously smart for figuring this out and also dumb for not figuring it out much sooner.
• People decided that since light and beauty were what mattered, nothing else had value, and also they had to protect that light and beauty from being tainted by everything else. Then they realized that they had different definitions of 'light and beauty'.
• I smile when I catch god watching me through the eyes of a horse.
• The Doom fandom is the only truly good fandom because all of the energy that could go into discourse goes into getting things to run Doom instead.
• Even Muslims cannot tell the difference between Islam and trolling.
• It is always the murder victim who is placed on trial.
• Every book is a children's book if the kid can read.
• Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 10,000 of something.
• Tennis is depressing because no matter how good you get, you will never be as good as a wall.
• Chaos has seemed increasingly fertile and attractive; the great problem is that chaos embodied in language is not chaos but form; the page cannot contain the void.
• It's almost as if there's some kind of correlation between mass shooters and large groups of unarmed people. Like they... target them... on purpose.
• No, son. Don't believe all that talk about us taming the galaxy through courage, strength of character, ingenuity and indefatigable will. We conquered the galaxy by taking the biggest, blockiest ships we could make, covering them in dubious weapons, and ramming them as far as we could into giant alien meat wall.... things.
• Whose bright idea was it to put a bear in a bear costume?
• You fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are.
• The floor seemed wonderfully solid. It was comforting to know I had fallen and could fall no farther.
• Physically my body is here, but mentally I'm in the astral plane beating myself up in the target parking lot.
• Get you someone who looks at you the way my brother looks at potatoes.
• Beyond the mountains, more mountains.
• You shouldn't give a shit about skin color, you shouldn't give a shit about sexuality, you shouldn't give a shit about gender. You should be deeply suspicious of the people who do.
• Nobody can get the truth out of me because even I don't know what it is. I keep myself in a state of utter confusion.
• There is only one sin, and that is theft. When you kill a man, you steal his life. You steal his wife's right to her husband, his children's right to a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone's right to the truth. There is no act more wretched than stealing.
• Five-second fuses only last three seconds.
• No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.
• I've been thinking about trauma - how it's repetitive, and how we recreate it, and how memory is fashioned by creation. Every time we remember, we create new neurons, which is why memory is so unreliable. I thought, 'Well if the Greek root for 'poet' is 'creator,' then to remember is to create, and, therefore, to remember is to be a poet.' I thought it was so neat. Everyone's a poet, as long as they remember.
• Noone knows what's going on in someone else's mind, and life would be intolerable if we did.
• A synonym is what you use when you can't spell the other word.
• You can live for whatever needs you and whatever matters to you. Live for your best friend, live for your plants, live for your pets, live for your animal crossing town. Live for whatever keeps you alive and the day will come when you can live for yourself.
• Don't toss away a life preserver just because other people think you should be able to swim on your own.
• Don't send nudes of yourself to Pizza Hut when high on the pain medication (as I have done).
• My writing muse is much like a cat. Only really does stuff when it wants to, and will constantly claw at your skull unless you address it. Of course, by the time you actually address it, the muse will suddenly lose interest.
• It is everywhere. Listen to the whispers of madness. Frightening. The iris consumes you. It is here. Experience nothingness. Darkness envelops all. Curses and madness be upon you all. Be consumed by the shadows. Trick or treat.
• Nothing says 'Fuck off my lawn' like two banned weapons strapped to each other.
• Meeting internet people IRL kind of sucks. Like we're all on the internet because we're too awkward to hang out with people IRL to begin with.
• Vengeance is a tricky thing. In the end, are you angry at the person that stole from you; or at yourself for not being able to stop them?
• The Crab Cycle. There's a frankly unreasonable number of steps, and they're all crab.
• My high fiber life means they call me the poocannon.
• Unleash the breasts of war.
• You have wasted several seconds of your time by reading this sentence.
• Knocks off only the loosest of socks.
• Good things come in pairs, like boobs, and attentive homosexuals.
• Who keeps making these weirdly specific videos of cans of junk food exploding in lava while circus music plays in the background?
• In fall 2013, first week of September, all sorts of uni people were introducing themselves to us freshmen. The psychologist basically said, 'I'm overbooked already, don't even bother trying, I don't have time to help any of you'.
• Judging a game by a speed run that skips everything and doesn't even play the game to completion is a little silly.
• Anyone who knows anything about history knows that it is built on conspiracy, conspiracy is the engine of history … These people have never sat in a courtroom and listened to lawyers try men and corporations on charges of conspiracy … Conspiracies are a fact of life, for anyone to say that conspiracies are absurd, and that anyone who thinks that conspiracies are real is a 'conspiracy theorist' has a real problem.
• The people who routinely spam the IRC channel of a dead comedy wiki literally have mental problems.
• The powers that be have a vested interest in you being utterly confused by a financial system where a series of simple mistakes can leave you in debt for the rest of your life.
• When I was little and I went to church people would talk about 'fearing god'. They would use 'fear' to describe like a way of respecting him while understanding his power and I never knew what that meant until I met a fucking horse.
• Hey Commonwealth Bank, how about you service your fucking ATMs in Bunbury so punters like me will not have to tape fish to them so you'll have no choice but to come and fix them. I have more fish and tape and willpower than your entire organisation. FIX THEM NOW.
• Let's make something very clear: a gun's purpose is to take life. It is very efficient at this in relation to all other tools devised by humans to achieve this purpose. Anyone who supports granting the State a monopoly on this kind of power is grossly misguided and that's putting it diplomatically.
• He "wasn't charged with a crime because there is nothing against the law about driving a truck through a house, as long as it's your truck and your house".
• This is the best kind of prank. No scares, no injury, no property damage, just confuse the hell out of someone.
• The Onion told us and we didn't listen.
• Dril isn't a weird Twitter account it's the whispering of a sleeping god who dreams terrible things into reality.
• Every few months you hear of a new scam. You wonder where people get the money to get scammed in the first place.
• I like to believe that all the dragons in the world were magically cursed and turned into cats. But cats have never forgotten where they come from, hence the attitude.
• I think in this situation, the word 'sorry' doesn't mean very much. It's an empty gesture with no practical meaning. You can say 'sorry' when you do something to someone by accident. But when you make a conscious decision, the word 'sorry' is definitely too weak and doesn't reflect the reality of it.
• Being in a coma was just as fuckin' stupid as I wrote it was.
• You are the revolver dirt boner, be happy.
• I have studied law as well. It has made me distrustful of language.
• Getting a realistic idea of the spread of opinions in social groups you're not part of is actually work and most people don't want to do that.
• In reality Finnish officials can do whatever they want, as laws do not apply to them. This is why Finland has consistently been declared as one of the least corrupt countries in the world: because corruption is de facto legal.
• I miss you like the deserts miss the rain. I've adapted to existence without you, buried everything we made together, and prolonged exposure to you would be disastrous.
• I am pessimistic because I don't trust history. But at the same time, I am optimistic. Out of despair, one creates. What else can one do? There is no good reason to go on living, but you must go on living. There is no good reason to bring a child into this world but you must have children to give the world a new innocence, a new reason to aspire towards innocence. As Camus said, in a world of unhappiness, you must create happiness.
• In tragedy, we find the worst of humanity. We also find the best of humanity. We find strength, real strength in hope. When the happy ending is not provided, we must create one for ourselves. We aren't past it, we aren't over it, but even just going on living is an act of defiance. An act of rebellion, a middle finger to all those assholes striving so hard to take away everything you are and kill you.
• The scars of the parents are scars on the children who love them, who struggle to understand their experiences and forge their own identity.
• Cynicism and pessimism are easier than optimism, hope harder to hold onto than despair. It is difficult to believe in yourself, especially in the face of adversity.
• They saw the horrors of humanity, and beat it. They refused to stay victims. They went on to lead happy lives with their families. They won.
• The path of darkness and despair is just as natural, and doesn't mean the person who loses faith and collapses under the weight of their experiences is any weaker. Those who became the worst versions of themselves in order to survive. Those people existed too, and their stories are just as powerful.
• Sometimes, we fail. Sometimes, we see embracing the darkness as the only way to survive. That's a different kind of hope. It's ugly and it's cruel, and it is part of us.
• It's basic manners to clean after yourself what is wrong with people.
• You have to be stronger than your bow. You can't let your bow push you around - you push your bow around.
• No, we're not going to rewrite the entire API in some other random framework just so you don't have to read documentation.
• We stand for righteous evil, not evil evil!
• If there is a God, he will have to beg my forgiveness.
• Why can't they see people who like something different from them as people?
• Humans are either hits or misses. The misses make themselves known quickly, but it takes time to know if you've found a hit. And spending that much time on every person is bothersome. As far as I'm concerned, the misses that trespass on my home to steal my treasure are better. However...
• When they tell me not to 'jump ship', I say that I am taking the lifeboat to find a new crew, run by a captain I can trust.
• Self care is just going the hell to bed.
• No longer going to pursue a career! I'd like to be a rock. Thanks.
• Based on the information you have chosen to supply, my best guess is that you are doing something wrong.
• Any time people's basic needs are met, violence goes down - that's not new.
• In a romantic relationships you speak latin and your empire falls, and in platonic relationships you speak greek and think about caves.
• I bet a bunch of Africans during the ice age thought that there was no arable land under the glaciers in Britain. But when the ice melted, boy did they look silly.
• At 8:30 precisely, the frogs beyond the hills scream. I didn't mean to make this so ominous. I meant literally at 8:30 every day from spring to autumn, frogs in the woods over yonder hills will yell in unison. Usually for about 20 to 30 minutes.
• By Allah, you people are dogs. I will go on as usual.
• It's a very cute owl, and it sounds like a very demure lorry backing up, or an equally-demure Colonial Marines alien tracker...
• In fact what's hilarious about the 'slavery was capitalism!' argument is that slavery is literally saying you are entitled to someone else's labor or income, which is exactly what socialism is. Please hang up and try again.
• You know you're in a bad part of town when cheese slices are in security boxes.
• I would like to see one. Because I want to experience true terror that wells up from the depths of the heart. Personal experience is crucial to a writer.
• I'm confused. You say abandoned things all wind up here, but why do they become so frightening?
• But I want to give all the dead flowers. I want to remember all of them.
• You should see our fleet, it's camouflaged to look like a flock of Easter eggs going out to sea.
• I have indeed thought about it, and think your concerns are stupid.
• I cannot imagine why anyone would attempt to defame you, when they cannot hope to surpass the eloquence and thoroughness of your own writing.
• Exception encountered, of type "Error"
• Did Boaty McBoatface teach them nothing? Council asks for names for its two new road gritters and the public answers with ... Gritsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Anti-Slip Machiney and David Plowie.
• I'm just saying that if I can comprehend the tentacles, it's not Lovecraftian. Get that weak shit over to the hentai films where they belong.
• The heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves until one day there are none. No hopes, nothing remains.
• She paints her face to hide her face.
• Destroy common sense and you're in paradise.
• The things he has had to endure... a man with more sense would have lost his mind.
• I don't understand why people hate puns, they're language taken and twisted and wielded to create a special brand of humour; they're the result of thousands of years of language evolution and combined with the finest wit, and resulting in an universal reaction of laughter and groaning. In a way it's a form of magic, if you consider magic as the power of words on the world. You could even say it's wit craft.
• Never say anything to a penguin that the penguin has not already said to you.
• We just like the guy, so we stole him.
• Satin is like a treadmill for snakes.
• The problem with the problem section was that I forgot to specify what the problem was. This has now been amended.
• Yes, this is common sense, but common sense is not as common as it is touted to be. (As we all know, or do we?)
• MediaWiki skinning scares people, and for good reason: implementing a skin that is not very much like Vector typically breaks every extension and gadget ever. Changing Vector is also a bad idea for the same reason. Changing the skinning backend itself is like opening a portal to unspeakable horrors: the fabric of the wiki turns inside out, extensions merge into unusable chimeras, and the site navigation starts breeding with itself. It is, generally, not recommended to try.
• Unlike the earth, mars has been observed to be round.
• I'm so grateful that I could watch him tumble backwards at the skating rink with a hotdog in his mouth.
• A real fight - it's short and it's brutal. Over in a minute. Nobody goes around trading blows and crap like that. Usually the first guy to punch wins.
• Depression is the act of forgetting all. Only the moment remains, the pain, the weariness, and it never subsides. Forgotten is the purpose, the reason, what could be and will be. The hope that drives us, and the success that follows. Everything but the moment, now.
• People said the world ending in 2012 was fake but has anyone felt alive since then?
• The difference between dreaming and waking is not a line, but a fuzzy width of indeterminate shape. It is a feeling of familiar, repetitive and certain. I have dreamed of stranger. This... this is not a dream.
• It's sly. And let me tell you, sly is hard to sell.
• The illusions of childhood are necessary experiences: a child should not be denied a balloon just because an adult knows that sooner or later it will burst.
• Dammit all, I've got a bra of indefinite cats on!
• When you're in your bee suit and you feel sweat running down your back, that's fine. If you feel sweat running up your back, that's a bee.
• Are you a cube or its greebled version?
• There's no such thing as secret ingredients. The only 'secret' is taking the time to carefully cook, going through your processes with care. The secret ingredient is unironically love.
• The men who go on about how men are the biggest threat to women are unable to comprehend that most men are not like them.
• The model and texture quality of Scorn Guy's crotch is significantly worse than of his upper body, probably because the devs didn't think anyone would take time out of their lives to get a good shot of his crotch. Well guess what, Scorn Devs!
• Torture. You are chained in the flow of an active volcano. Why did I start this list?
• Sure, I made mistakes when I was younger. But now that I'm older I've learned how to make different, often far more serious mistakes.
• "The phrase 'the government would never do that!' is synonymous with 'the government already did that'.
• Flattery is the most sincere form of theft.
• People think travelling to the past and doing something small will drastically change the present, but no one in the present thinks they can drastically change the future by doing something small now.
• I don't know why brain-washing has such negative connotations. What's so bad about having a clean mind?
• This and no other is the root from which a tyrant springs; when he first appears he is a protector. When the tyrant has disposed of foreign enemies by conquest or treaty, and there is nothing more to fear from them, then he is always stirring up some war or other, in order that the people may require a leader.
• It's not necrophilia if he was alive when the sex started.
• Once the bug is in its mouth the frog uses its eyeballs to push the bug down.
• Hi! You have great eyes, I can't seem to get rid of them.
• Does the abyss cringe at itself when it realizes people are gazing into it?
• Seems to be the solution, segregation, the only way to end racism.
• All gave some. Some gave all.
• The phrase 'the government would never do that!' is synonymous with 'the government already did that'.
• We don't play god; play is for children.
• It's not an alternative fact if you believe it.
• Whenever you need a professional ass to tell people to fuck 'emselves with a cactus or some such, you know where to find me.
• Baby can't manage to put peas in its own mouth but is able to control an iPhone. What a world we live in.
• Fine poetry is the music of mathematics. Numbers singing. You have to look behind the words to understand their meaning.
• I'm donating to the EFF to get stickers, which I'll stick on my roommate's face next time he falls asleep on the couch.
• That 'you're the author of your own story' line is real inspiring til you realize that it goes for literally everyone, so you're less like an author and more like one dude in an RP chatroom where everyone is trying to teleport behind each other with katanas.
• NEVER trust an adult who won't apologize to a child.
• This is our second attempt: The first one, on December 18th, thoroughly corrupted the beta database.
• Most predators will have reason to kill, such as for food, or to protect their young. The horse is one of the few predators to kill purely for sport.
• Do not disturb. Tiny grass is dreaming.
• Snails can cringe so hard their entire face disappears.
• The difference between education and brainwashing is paper-thin.
• These cartoons are being presented as they were originally created, because to do otherwise would be the same as claiming these prejudices never existed.
• Slavery was legal, concentration camps were legal, apartheid was legal. Legality is about control, not morality.
• Among other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You're by no means alone on that score, you'll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You'll learn from them — if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's history. It's poetry.
• Spring has returned. The earth is like a child that knows poems.
• ...desires that are reflected in the way that we selectively grow, breed, and genetically engineer our plants. The tulip, beauty; marijuana, intoxication; the apple, sweetness; and the potato, control.
• He is a stereotype come to life. You probably couldn't make a caricature of him that was more ridiculous than Aaron Diaz himself is.
• an entire city got wiped off the map and things smell vaguely of calimari idk man
• Silence is a hard virtue. All the other virtues have the advantage that, when you practice them, people will praise you.
• There's only one truth about war. People die.
• Alligators can climb fences. They do this a lot.
• Maybe I wanna be able, down the road, to navigate it when it's running on a duck. How hard is that going to be to set up with your stupid mobile-first architecture, hmm?
• I AM NOT REASONABLE AND I HAVE A LOT OF CAT PUKE.
• Nighttime is the natural state of the universe and daytime is only caused by a nearby, radiating ball of flame.
• This is like saying you don't want your child eating their baked birthday cake because raw eggs were used to make it and you don't want your child getting salmonella from it.
• I don't understand the plan, but if it includes C4, I'm in.
• I extend greetings to you at the start of this Year of the Justifiably Defensive Lobster. May this year meet or even exceed our diminished expectations.
• I don't know if this makes it better or worse but it seems like everyone and their mother is trying to start an AI cult in their company and it's entirely possible that they'll all fail to grow because everyone's already part of a 10-person cult.
• People have a proclivity, when given sensible orders, to follow them.
• No matter how bad-ass a person thinks they are, a naked person swinging a sword at them will knock them off balance both physically and mentally.
• People look so different once you don't care about them anymore.
• There are no atheists when the toilet water is rising.
• A lock that is picked open must be picked closed.
• Know that when you stare into the boob window the boob window stares also back.
• I swear it used to be so bad, that it probably would have worked better if all we did was output a <video> tag and leave it at that.
• Without justice, courage is weak.
• Suomi mainittu, torilla tavataan!
• As it turns out, being protected by a long stick isn't the flawless solution to danger.
• Modern videogames are giving kids unrealistic standards for how many swords they can carry at one time.
• I've been working on my physique. The problem is that I'm always super hungry for mac & cheese and there's nothing I can do to stop myself.
• The statue of Zeus at Olympia was not destroyed in the 5th century A.D., it just walked into the ocean hidden from humanity until it somehow got an internet connection and started posting about fighting with your dick out.
• We are going to talk at the dev summit about the possibility of implementing the consensuses at the last dev summit that we should look into discussing the potential to form a special interest group to talk about addressing problems with code review.
• They're willing to pay 100€ so that their neighbor can't have 50€.
• Someone claiming you're defensive is a pretty hard claim to refute.
• Please do not read Les Mis 46 times to an infant. They don't even care about the Parisian sewer system.
• It still counts as stealth if no one lives to tell about it.
• The main thing that I learned about conspiracy theory is that conspiracy theorists actually believe in a conspiracy because that is more comforting. The truth of the world is that it is chaotic. The truth is, that it is not the Jewish banking conspiracy or the grey aliens or the 12 foot reptiloids from another dimension that are in control. The truth is more frightening, nobody is in control. The world is rudderless.
• Impromptu dissection was performed under less-than-optimal lighting conditions.
• You'd think horses were one of those animals that has horrible health due to humans breeding unhealthy animals to achieve a certain look, but no, they really are just naturally that fucked up. Horses' lungs bleed when they run at a certain speed. If their diet is too rich or low in selenium, their hooves fall off. If a horse's leg breaks, you kinda have no choice but to put it out of its misery. If a horse eats too much in a sitting it dies and they also don't have the ability to feel sated. Which means it will keep eating. Speaking of hooves, have y'all ever seen a newborn foal hooves? You don't want to, but, just saying.
• The neo-puritans can't enjoy anything. It's like... illegal for them.
• Are we sure he was ever here? Was he maybe just a shared fever dream.
• The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking.
• It is not to be supposed, that the death of the Archduke Francis Ferdinand will have any immediate or salient effect on the politics of Europe.
• People think it's disrespectful when you don't let them disrespect you.
• Prison for profit is one of the most evil concepts to come out of humanity.
• Does 'increasing the risk of nuclear war' violate the Twitter terms of service?
• In addition to being a Major Slut, Citrus is also a Fussy Bitch.
• One of the most bittersweet feelings has to be when you realize how much you're going to miss a moment while you're still living it.
• I assume sarcasm before I assume the person in question is a complete idiot. It's the polite thing to do.
• Well right now the policy is that we sort of accept that no one follows the policy.
• I like that we have a dashboard called 'data stores' and if you click on it it's just a PNG that says 'no data'. It must inspire tremendous confidence in our users.
• It's the best lib for screen scraping, but that's like being the best tool to have when you have been trapped under an avalanche of garbage.
• Puppet isn't so much of a language as it is an incantation phrase book powered by souls devoured thousands of years ago and given form by the heartache of opsen everywhere.
• All of us have stories we'll never tell. But in keeping them secret, over time they lose so much of their original shape and meaning that eventually they can become something entirely different.
• The imagination really is most alive when it is not in control of things; flying through the air without a safety net below to catch it. To live surrounded by wonder means the unknown and the dangerous also surround you as well.
• When any current moment is over, it immediately begins to lose all shape and color. Like a fish pulled out of water and left to die on land, its colors pale and it flops helplessly around until its life energy ebbs beyond a certain point and it dies. However, there are some moments that refuse to die. As they weaken, they stumble and lurch through the now, wreaking havoc. Colliding with lives and events, they leave their mark, aroma, their scales, on everything they touch.
• There's a safe. Someone asked me about what's in the safe. It's the child porn safe. It was work finding an artful way of saying that.
• What people have to realize first is they're not just one single person who does weird, out-of-character things now and then. We're all made up of many different selves who fight and compete with one another constantly. Somehow we've got to get them to agree on a few basic things. Get them to stop fighting with one another. They all have different needs. One part of us wants safety, but another wants adventure. I want to be loved. I want to be left alone... Those aren't contradictions - they're independent selves saying 'I want this!'
• The real truth, however painful, is always calm.
• That's the only real courage. I mean, few of us go into burning buildings to save others. But watching a person face the worst with grace, uncomplainingly, grateful even for the love and help of others... That's it, as far as I'm concerned.
• This feels exactly like a conversation you would witness in a dream and think was completely normal and then wake up and think 'what the fuck?' for a single millisecond and then immediately forget about completely.
• The Mark 14 torpedo had several problems; it often failed to detonate or detonated too early, it would run too deep, it would run in circles, and of course sailors were getting smashed on its fuel.
• Anything can be a UFO if you're bad enough at identifying things.
• Hey, you need some lip balm? I accidentally bought two because I thought the store had started selling individual double A batteries.
• I have a mouth and I can scream.
• Every time you take credit for someone else's words or ideas, your soul is acting like it's twelve years old again, desperately doing anything it can to get the cool kids to like you. I think that's seriously sad.
• Sometimes we mistake necessity for bravery. It wasn't a brave act, it was only necessary.
• I have never seen harder working people; they were like ditch diggers. When they finished for the day, their hands were always dirty.
• I get it. It's art. But even for art, why hurt yourself so?
• They had no concept of what flavours tasted good together so they tried everything. The biggest ideas that were latched onto were things like loafs with layers that compose your entire meal and the suspension of basically anything/everything in jello.
• The immortal economy was rooted in the temporary. Soap bubbles. Sand castles. But diamonds? Worthless. They had too much forever already.
• It tricks you, is what it does, because it takes so many years to conclude. You just get all these mysteries and you think it sounds profound. But it's just because you can't remember what is actually going on.
• One of life's small sad facts is there are people we no longer see who nevertheless gave us some of our best or most important experiences. But they don't know it and never will. That's because we didn't know it until much later, looking back.
• Folks found a way to turn wikitext into a Turing complete language which should give all of us pause when we assume that just because we can't personally see doing something that it won't be done by motivated individuals.
• A pizza dream is when you have a dream because you're only just asleep/awake because your stomach is trying to digest cheese. I get them from select meatballs. Indigestion-fuelled dreams, basically.
• A dying man does not lie.
• They've perfected uselessness to the point of being unstoppable.
• A person gets a look in their eyes when time's running out.
• Nothing is permanent, but nothing is temporary either (in code).
• Mini M&Ms are better than normal ones because they cater to the very specific urge to eat colorful aquarium gravel.
• We're not in a prophecy. We're in a stolen Toyota Corola.
• Making mistakes isn't weak. Refusing to admit to or fix them is.
• The trilling warble of the ice, breaking, moving, scraping against itself. It is the crack and complaint of structure giving way, of bonds twisting and sheering. Solid is an illusion in a universe that drifts and flows.
• Let that be a lesson in parenting. Tell a kid he can't have a rifle and he grows up to be a sniper.
• The man is a one-man menace to society.
• So, I decided to build my own. After a smidgen of research and testing I decided not to build my own.
• That's why it takes two to cover the whole simplification! Just like the universe is just reduced to energy and language, everything can be blamed up nature or nurture, chemistry or society. The other 'cheap' summary is 'blame the parents', which is basically the same thing but badly written.
• YOU'RE ALL THE DUMBEST SMART PEOPLE I KNOW.
• You can't judge people by what they think or say... only by what they do.
• When your enemies defy you, you must serve them fire and steel. When they go to their knees, however, you must help them to their feet. Otherwise, no man will bend the knee.
• The world under heaven, after a long period of division, tends to unite; after a long period of union, tends to divide.
• Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.
• Oh, you would make a fascinating father creature.
• Light is but a farewell gift from the darkness to those on their way to die.
• Began mortal, then divine. Broken, unmade, recreated in my captors' image. Escaped, but never free. Only my own will sustains me, a thin thread tying me back to the person I was from the thing I now am. If it's strong enough, then I am the one in control, but if not, then I am already lost, nothing more than an agent of destruction, avatar of the void, harbinger of the end of all things.
• What else are stories but dreams we live, put down to word and page for others to live too?
• In this world, there is nothing as impartial as death. For all living creatures, death is sure to eventually come knocking. Death is an equalizer - it is an absolute truth - and it is always lingering right beside us. Nevertheless, people make the best use of their wits and courage.... struggling... floundering... they cling to life until the very end. You see, we actually like this unjust and unequal world...
• Longing seizes people more powerfully than poison and more deeply than illness. Once it catches hold of you, there is absolutely no escape.
• People have a proclivity, when given sensible orders, to follow them. To test their obedience, you must give them insensible orders - only if they follow those will you know you have control.
• What kind of murderer goes back to save a fish?
• Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. But nor is it inherently insignificant.
• This information is stored in many places, but yet, also nowhere at the same time.
• It's like how you break a cat by placing a lizard next to it. That sense of breaking a person.
• Last time I checked, JavaScript didn't have the ability to generate different attributes depending on whether or not its host segfaults.
• I think that question applies to all aspects of life. 'The parser is confusing.' 'Have you tried boiling it in curry?'
• We were expecting to find something to... fix, I guess? But the enemy was Status Quo. Also robots.
• I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.
• Deliberate complexity is the mark of an amateur. Elegant simplicity is the mark of a master.
• If we hit things hard enough, plot will fall out.
• They are rage, brutal, without mercy. But you. You will be worse. Rip and tear, until it is done.
• Rip and tear.
• Don't be afraid to tell your story. You are not alone.
• I just wanted him to be wrong. So he'd... be wrong.
• Raising the dead is not a healthy coping mechanism.
• In a world where every day is a struggle for survival, you need all the gods you can get.
• Sorry Pelor. I like you but not enough to draw your damn mask in every single goddamn panel.
• You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to.
• The consequence of having seen God is madness, not in the sense that one becomes mentally ill, no, but that a kind of madness is set between you and others: people cannot nor will not understand you.
• The Apocalypse should have been the end, and yet it was not. Therefore the journey is far from finished.
• The truth will set you free. But not until it is finished with you.
• Don't be afraid. Have the courage to fail.
• Hi there. Your changes are live in goatland. Please test.
• We all have altars we sacrifice to, no matter the names of our gods.
• Sadness can be a comfort. Sometimes it's a dark and beautiful reminder of our reality - there isn't always a happy ending. But there is always strength.
• Failure is preferable to winning through unjust means. Protecting ten innocents is not worth killing one. In the end, all men die. How you lived will be far more important to the Almighty than what you accomplished.
• Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes!
• So the night is dark and full of terror? Be a light. However you can. In big ways or small. A thousand tiny gestures of kindness sustained over time will eventually make up a whole. Start somewhere. But don't you ever tell people it's pointless to hope, or to believe in a better world. Don't you dare take that from them. Do better. For your sake as well as others. You deserve better too. Hope is not the reserve of the naive, it is the foundation upon which better things are built. So stop trying to tear it down.
• Paladins don't go by a code of 'nope'.
• Chivalry isn't dead, you just don't know what the fuck it is.
• No one has a normal life. There is only your life.
• The boat trip wasn't that bad, but then they had to untie the mooring ropes.
• All art is compromised, and yet made whole, the moment it comes into contact with an audience.
• Being lawful is about how much you trust and value what other people think. Forget the actual law, that's what it's really about. It's about holding yourself to the standards of other people and acknowledging that you are responsible for meeting their expectations when interacting with them. Chaotic is about valuing your own standards above all else, even if you're acting on behalf of someone else. A Lawful Good person is empathetic, a Lawful Evil one is manipulative. Both are paying attention to what other people want and expect of them.
• We worship the great Sea Cucumber, who expunged the world from his rectum.
• Floppy disks were typically too expensive for this, so if it wasn't cassette tapes of software being mailed, then it was printed out pages of source code itself, because sometimes these guys were debugging and building new software with each other through the magazine through the mail.
• After making a bunch of games for free and then getting in trouble with the secret police for it and then being stuck knowing a computer no one wanted to work with, Bunsen decided to become a lawyer instead.
• So what did the East German government do in response to the western government restricting the freedom for their citizens to buy violent media? They restricted the freedom for their citizens to make any violent media at all. As far as the rest of the world needed to know, East Germany's games were going to be the most peaceful and wholesome of all.
• Socialism always works at the beginning.
• Light gives of itself freely, filling all available space. It does not seek anything in return; it asks not whether you are friend or foe. It gives of itself and is not thereby diminished.
• If you are writing any book about the end of the world, what you are really writing about is what's worth saving about it.
• Leaves tell all. Everything that ever was or could be is in the leaves. Every one holds so much information in their intricacies, so many stories. And you can never read them all.
• We are amidst strange beings, in a strange land. The flow of time itself is convoluted, with heroes centuries old phasing in and out. The very fabric wavers, and relations shift and obscure. There's no telling how much longer your world and mine will remain in contact.
• Language is a labyrinth, a hall of mirrors that we can easily get lost in.
• Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.
• Both past and future are contained in the eternal present.
• Think of a reel of motion picture film. Each frame is a lifetime, but all of them exist at once. If you run it through the projector of human consciousness you create the illusion of continuity, but if you think of the reel wound just so, some of the frames touch other frames. From one frame through another, any frame can be reached, but all of them exist at once.
• Your job is to mourn your friend. He is gone and there is a hole in your life where he used to be and that's got to hurt like hell.
• The moon shows us the truth. Even in shadow the light is reflected.
• I can't help but feel that it's a bewildering reminder of the kind of people I share this reality with. Assuming its a person. They seem to lack the shame most humans have.
• Someone just wanted to use if statements in the configuration, and it sorta went downhill from there.
• I think education is process of becoming adult, so concepts should be adult, not forever childish.
• Let me fall if I must. The one I will become will catch me.
• This has been reposted so many times it looks like the average npm package.
• You've heard every last tale of the wolf by now. None of them are true. You are the wolf.
• We do (almost) everything publicly, and volunteers can add arbitrary JavaScript to our site. That should both frighten and thrill you.
• Yes, it's just is. Try it.
• I basically stay up late because I am trying to delay tomorrow.
• Whoever saves one life saves the world entire.
• An individual's interest in avoiding erroneous deprivation of his life is 'uniquely compelling'.
• Evil turned out not to be a grand thing. Not sneering Emperors with their world-conquering designs. Not cackling demons plotting in the darkness beyond the world. It was small men with their small acts and their small reasons. It was selfishness and carelessness and waste. It was bad luck, incompetence, and stupidity. It was violence divorced from conscience or consequence. It was high ideals, even, and low methods.
• You want motivation? My parrot is up at 6:30 every morning, cursing and denying god. What are YOU doing in those precious morning hours? Sleeping? Pathetic.
• People seem to think they should lock-pick or kick their way through solid doors rather than just take a ten-dollar drywall knife and carve whole new hallways into the world. Those people are mere slaves to architecture, spatial captives in a world someone else has designed for them.
• Like clouds, apartment walls are mostly air; seen through a burglar's eyes, they aren't even there. Cut a hole through one and you're in the next room in seconds.
• A life, fully lived, is going to show on the feet as well as the hoary face. That's h-o-a-r-y. I would never make a moral judgement on an opossum. And neither should you!
• We can't control our feelings and we shouldn't attempt to, but we can and should work to control our reactions to said feelings.
• I believe wikitech is looking for mysql in the wrong place.
• It was insane and horrible, so we try not to talk about it.
• Devotion inspires bravery. Bravery inspires sacrifice. Sacrifice... leads to death. So... feel free to kill yourself.
• How... do you add porn to a farming sim?!
• Automation also gets cheaper over time. People get more expensive over time.
• I want to be extremely clear about this: I never don't want pictures of you dog. It is never a bad or inappropriate time for dog pics. I will never be displeased by receiving a dog pic. At no point in my life will I ever be like 'No thank you, I don't want dog pics right now'.
• Can people with one eye wink? The wink, by definition, is the act of closing one eye and solely one eye.
• Small talk is not polite. It's downright rude.
• It did not see the world through light and filters, but closer to what it really is, that is, mostly nothingness with the occasional atomic cores and far away from them, clouds of electrons. It never occurred to this god that the vibrations passing through some of these less dense atomic clouds could be voices and carry thoughts. It never thought some clouds could be people.
• When correctly viewed everything is lewd.
• The pages of life turn in mysterious ways. I have come to realise that life is written much like a story. There is always a beginning. One moment that shapes who you are. One moment that will define the rest of your life. Some people never find their moment. They do not make the page. They are the nameless masses, living their lives of quiet desperation.
• The best stories conclude in unexpected ways. The stars of these tales learn something. Something important. Something deep down, they knew all along but were blind to see.
• Come on, man. I'm the only one who gets to have voices in their head. This is reality, remember?
• Give me some credit. When have I ever not been a sociopathic lunatic?
• If you could hold a moment, would you hold it forever?
• Why don't we just kill him? Am I crazy, or are we passing up a perfectly good meal?
• It's all delusions and illusions. Delusions to lie to the self. Illusions to lie to the rest of the world. Deep down, we're all cowards willing to sell our souls to the abyss.
• If your perverted mind wasn't in the gutter, it'd be homeless.
• How quiet is the silence, the complete silence. Why is the sun black in the morning? The snow is falling, it covers the ground, it covers everything. The pain subsides, and the fatigue.
• This is the truth, this is better than waiting in the cold dark. I who have dreamed through the birth of galaxies wish to learn of your tiny brilliant light.
• Masks face right.
• If they'd taken Tylenol first, though, the David Lynch-induced anxiety was apparently blunted.
• It all matters. That someone turns out the lamp, picks up the windblown wrapper, says hello to the invalid, pays at the unattended lot, listens to the repeated tale, folds the abandoned laundry, plays the game fairly, tells the story honestly, acknowledges help, gives credit, says good night, resists temptation, wipes the counter, waits at the yellow, makes the bed, tips the maid, remembers the illness, congratulates the victor, accepts the consequences, takes a stand, steps up, offers a hand, goes first, goes last, chooses the small portion, teaches the child, tends to the dying, comforts the grieving, removes the splinter, wipes the tear, directs the lost, touches the lonely, is the whole thing. What is most beautiful is least acknowledged. What is worth dying for is barely noticed.
• What is most beautiful is least acknowledged. What is worth dying for is barely noticed.
• These artisans are expensive friends. It's a good thing I have the economy of a sexually charged rhinoceros.
• Un-winged and naked, sorrow surrenders its crown to a throne called grace.
• I'm an elf man-o'-war in a sea of tugboats.
• Power without compassion is hubris and it does not discriminate between gods and beggars. But I have seen too many butchers in the garb of holy knights to believe in true righteousness. Give yourselves to the maddening roiling chaos and learn to bake.
• Don't ever do that to a dog. Forgetting that dog is not cat is harmful to dog.
• I don't pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times and began again in the morning.
• What do others try to take from you? This is what you need to protect.
• Justice without mercy isn't justice at all.
• You know you fucked up bad if an official legal proceeding has a transcript that has '(Laughter.)' as part of it.
• Extremism in the name of God is never a sin.
• It is my duty to express my freedom by enjoying tiddies.
• The reason so many people misunderstand so many issues is not that these issues are so complex, but that people do not want a factual or analytical explanation that leaves them emotionally unsatisfied. They want villains to hate and heroes to cheer - and they don't want explanations that do not give them that.
• I swing both ways. Violently. With a bat. Come get some, motherfuckers.
• You can still be thug as hell even if you cry everyday, right.
• You all have permission to come to my funeral and give wildly conflicting accounts of my life.
• FREE BUCKETS.
• That which is knowingly consented to by all involved, is just.
• Strength is so many things. It takes strength to pretend a strength you don't feel.
• When you look like me you learn not to piss off orders of holy knights.
• The greatest stories are ones that give you something to believe in, give you hope, that help you see there are things in a bleak violent world that are worth living for.
• Il bene non regna, il male non dura.
• I just really hate when deliberate cruelty is interpreted as 'life is unfair'. That is not life being unfair; that is a person being unfair. That is a person being malicious.
• Aren't you glad you got your immortality back? Now you can suffer a thousand deaths and not even have to die.
• You cannot make order from chaos. Chaos is always chaotic. But you can take out and define subsets from the whole, things that make sense, and from each of those, begin to understand...
• "It is better and more satisfactory to acquit a thousand guilty persons than to put a single innocent one to death." Maimonides argued that executing a defendant on anything less than absolute certainty would lead to a slippery slope of decreasing burdens of proof.
• Scavengers won't eat dead meth users.
• I used up all my sick days so I called in dead.
• ...finally having the freedom to do anything you want, but doing nothing because you have no idea what you want.
• I can be fair to one side but not the other.
• Rat poison has no effect on snails, and they just get super fat 'cause they gorge themselves in boxes of rat poison.
• Sir, we all have cats we'd rather be home playing with right now.
• It is just as sentimental to pretend that war does not have its monstrous ugliness as it is to deny that it has its own strange and fatal beauty, a power, which can call out in men resources of endurance, courage, and self-sacrifice that peacetime, to our sorrow and loss, can rarely command.
• Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
• It was the 'discipline' of the Germans, not their criminality, that made the Nazis fearsome. It was the loyalty, patriotism and commitment of the Soviet and Chinese communists that enabled the mass persecution and destructive-labor camp elimination of their countrymen.
• Man created society in his own image; it enables him as much as it corrupts him. Man chooses evil, for the sake of the evil. Man exults in agony, delights in pain, worships destruction and pathology. Man can torture his brother, in an ecstasy of pleasure, and dance on his grave. Man despises life, his own weak life, and the vulnerability of others, and constantly works to lay waste, to undermine, to destroy, to torment, to abuse and devour.
• Bones? Where we're going, we don't need bones.
• 140k uni applicants, only 47k (and 500 on top of that but who's counting anyway?) will be accepted. It'd be about time to accept that socialism has failed everyone.
• We live in a society.
• In fairness, if I were a parent I'd outlaw my children getting themselves kidnapped too.
• It is estimated that the world's 25 million tons of spiders kill 400–800 million tons of prey per year.
• If you're waiting for me to take a hint, it won't work. Consider the following: I'm a dumbass.
• That's the secret to dealing with hornets, Jim. They don't know humans make rifle shots; they don't know where the noise came from. You gotta stand still and don't move, and they won't chase you. If you run, they know you're guilty.
• The only way one of my stories could ever end is with a beginning.
• We must understand them, because they come from a war-torn country, and they are not mentally healthy, so just leave them be.
• I'm not mad! The man in the shadows is making me this way. He brings the darkness - it's coming!
• Wright would get salty about people over six feet tall being allowed to walk around in his buildings because he felt it threw off the sense of scale. I'm not sure he ever really grasped that buildings are things people live in.
• I'm sure that subjectively, time probably DOES stop when you're spaghetti.
• Your very soul is torn apart by having all of time pass it by in a instant.
• Time keeps ticking. Even if something seems like it will last forever, time will still make it seem like nothing. If it takes 10^65 years for something to die out... time will eventually get there and go on.
• Please peel your sheeps.
• Saying 'sorry' is not an admissions of guilt.
• Absolutely unbelievable. I pay 65 cents and someone delivers to me all the way from China a single screw.
• I reach out to the English Wikipedia because they contain the largest pool of angry people who hate change that I know of. Commons too.
• I accumulate memes. Social media sites form actual strata in my soul, revealing my geological age in layers: Geocities, Myspace, Livejournal, Tumblr. Memes encrust me, like jewels, just layer on layer of reaction gifs and shitposts, some of which I barely understand, but I refuse to let go of. I cling to them, they are ever-relevant, undying.
• You callow youths, who think in your innocence that that memes come and go, you are tepid fools who still smell of milk.
• Some struggles are so solitary that they drown in words.
• You shouldn't be allowed to travel without a yurt.
• The only grandchild my parents are getting from me is a puppy.
• How much sawdust can you put in a rice crispy treat before people notice?
• Never give the government a power you wouldn't want your worst enemy to have. Because eventually they will find their way into power.
• PLEASE DO NOT BAN MY WEASEL FROM HELL.
• Kind of weird how these 'honest' people who 'speak their mind' never have anything nice on their minds.
• Alligator interiors are now no longer bouncy to prevent an issue that embedded players into the alligator-ceiling.
• Reporters just keep _splainingsplaining and it offends me deeply.
• There is a voice that does not use words. Listen.
• Ah. but can you really put a price on massively inconveniencing your game group for no clear benefit or reason on behalf of an RPG shitpost blog?
• New Yorkers bite 10 times more people than sharks do.
• Who can believe that it is the little choices we make, every day, between good and evil, that turn the world to waste and hope to despair? But it is the case. We see our immense capacity for evil, constantly realized before us, in great things and in small – but can never seem to realize our infinite capacity for good. Who can argue with a Solzhenitsyn when he states: 'One man who stops lying can bring down a tyranny.'
• Sometimes this village seems more like a group of hermits than a true community.
• They don't want you to collude. Screw 'em. Collude.
• Happy mailing list reminder day.
• The absolutely braindead Ombudsman for Minorities had declared it to be 'illegal harassment' to display the flag of the Third Reich in your apartment as a curtain.
• An attacker can execute malicious code on their own machine and no one can stop them.
• In death, all are equal, judged only by the weight of their sins and their circumstances.
• At what point does a mistake become language drift?
• Let the dead bury the dead.
• The most effective debugging tool is still careful thought, coupled with judiciously placed print statements.
• Beware the swordsman who carries no blade.
• We're all doomed to repeat our mistakes. So why even worry about it?
• What idiot called it 'YAML Parser Error' and not 'A Series of Unfortunate Indents'?
• The sensation of being caught between two places while teleporting is an incredibly unnerving experience the first time you do it. Also, every single other time you do it.
• Every metal absorbs fish, man.
• This is how SP propagate themselves in the wild: they get big enough that they topple over, then the pieces that are on the ground grow on their own.
• Will people judge or dismiss or mock you for being open and seeking help? Some will. Screw 'em. If they aren't being assholes about this, they'll be assholes about something else. Why run your life based on what assholes will say?
• Here is Denmark, excreted from limestone. There is Sweden, chiselled from granite. Danish scum!
• The funny thing is that these 'garbage characters' are actually numeric characters, but in Cuneiform (as mentioned in T193610). Perhaps the collision is due to improper handling of non-BMP characters in the collation module?
• The worst technical documentation ever made is basically any documentation for a latex package.
• Current theory is they are testing their botnet. Basically they are not succeeding at all, and we are confused why they aren't successful. Even throwing random passwords they should have a higher success rate. Their success rate is like <0.01%.
• Art made for political reasons has a name. It's called 'propaganda'.
• I should never fuck with ashley because if I do something he doesn't like he's just gonna wait 10 years to undo me, long after I stop caring.
• Get rid of secret rules.
• Trying to get ops/puppet unit tests running locally, and apparently it's normal for ruby packages to only work on one specific minor ruby version.
• If only life was this simple. Who I needed when I was younger isn't the same person as people need me to be right now.
• He seems to be asking a lot of questions looking for how to make the experience better for users, but his lack of imagination makes me wonder if he's even used a file browser in his life.
• Having things totally separate means harder to enforce quality controls.
• The tool for generating specs is called Bikeshed.
• If porn is bad, why are there so many nuns in it?
• My big takeaway from the 'Editor's Picks' this year is that we now live in a city where you can go somewhere and pay a 'Bong Steward' to wipe off your bong for you. So that's where we are now. As a society.
• It's not a pimple if you can see out of it.
• If you are reading this, you can read.
• Jack is made of apple sauce now.
• That's how it works. If you can fly a bee, you can fly a plane.
• I've said some damn illogical things and this the most illogical thing I've ever said.
• The southwestern railway trains warble.
• "A good German hated the Third Reich. A good Russian hated the Sovjet Union. A good European must hate the European Union."
• I think it's very cheap to say 'you should stay alive' but not have to endure the trauma of my life.
• Check for oddities, like all the civil servants being sacks of leeches shaped like humans. Or all the parking meters change position each night, slowly forming the subtle orbital patterns of an ancient babylonian incantation.
• Not just.. tentacles and darkness. Perpetually changing, not cemented in form, with an otherworldly feel to it. Completely unrecognizable by most human descriptions, and only able to be viable perceived by those fine enough to be an adept wordsmith.
• Your calculations can't be off if you don't do any.
• It's an export. We sell it because we don't use it.
• I'm a monster! I'm an adorable cat monster!
• Watch a cloud move, sometime, but sped up. The edges come and go, wisps and furls. Watch the horizon sometime. It's amended in much the same way. Adjustments coming and going. A mirage.
• It has the same fatuous logic to it as saying that if someone needs a lawyer to protect them, they must be guilty.
• The murderers believed I was innocent. They understood I wasn't like them.
• As a judge, you don't talk about the process and what went into the deliberations. The decision must speak for itself.
• The laws are fair. They just weren't applied here.
• Everything happens so much.
• The best predictor of future violence is past violence.
• Much of what had been accepted for decades as fire science was assumption. "Witchcraft, really."
• I wish these kids had the concept of a sentence.
• I see, said the blind man to his deaf wife as he peed into the wind.
• I see, said the mute man as he picked up his hammer and saw.
• Is life a game or a play? Death certainly is a play, but even in games you play...
• Through a combination of natural talent, exhaustive research, and plain hard work, I'm good at it. Any investigator who can't handle the psychic burden is in the wrong business.
• In any civilised society, I don't think there is any category of death worse than that of a child while his or her parents still live. It is an experience that turns the natural order upside down, that demands more in the way of strength and emotional resources than any rational person has to give. It can bring family members together or tear them apart; it can test faith or destroy it. But it leaves non as they were; it is utterly transformative. And within this unfortunate category, there can be no death more horrible than the death of a child by murder.
• There is an old principle in journalism that showing an entire battlefield of bodies is not nearly as effective as focusing on a single one. Similarly, statistics are not nearly as compelling to emotional response as a single story. So take the grief and anguish from out case and multiply it by all the cases every years and you get a sense of the enormity of the evil.
• At least in the first one they had their brain inside their skull.
• Subject it to as much opposing evidence and logic as possible.
• If she had just wanted to put me off, it would have been easy to send a bland note thanking me for my interest and saying she had looked into it.
• The system is designed to protect the innocent. That builds in a lot of checks to protect the guilty, so sometimes you have the issue of executing a fundamentally different person than you started with.
• If you try hard enough, you will get the answers you seek.
• Don't start out looking at the case from too close up. Step back and look at it in its entirety before you focus on details.
• I've heard many jokes about poor people living in trailer parks, but I no longer considered myself poor. I was now in the lap of luxury - I could take a shower whenever I wanted, there was central heat in the winter, and a window unit air conditioner for the summer. The toilet flushed, there were no crop dusters, and we had neighbors. It was heaven.
• I used to get letters that said, 'If that were me and I was innocent, I would have been kicking and screaming and yelling 'I'm innocent!'' No you wouldn't - not after they beat you the first time. After that, you're going to shut up and do what they tell you to do.
• In those two years before she had found me, I had started to die, to wither up and fade away and die inside. And it was like she was forcing me to come back to life, and it hurt the way physical therapy would hurt.
• Money comes to money.
• Documentation is a love letter that you write to your future self.
• This is a game about strapping a jetpack to the Necronomicon and sending yourself caroming around the level like a demonic pinball.
• These walls are a chronicle only I can read, and every line tells the tale of why I should not be allowed to live unsupervised.
• Working in IT is a lot like being a doctor where the patients get mad at you for asking them to tell you their symptoms and sometimes the diagnosis is they didn't realize they need to blink once in a while or they forgot how to use one of their arms.
• Some people basically think of everyone they don't know as the same person.
• JavaScript makes me want to flip the table and say 'Fuck this shit', but I can never be sure what 'this' refers to.
• There's no easy way to get boiled horse off your walls. You've just gotta roll up your sleeves and scrub.
• I have never been okay and I'm not about to start now.
• Skeletons are theologically controversial. Some clergy say that the skeleton represents the enduring part of humanity, which will be brought back to life on the day of judgment. After all, many relics are pieces of bone. But other theologians claim that the skeleton, as the innermost part of the body, hidden from all sight until death, represents original sin itself.
• The concomitant question of whether one could successfully invoke the wrath of God upon a non-unholy creature in the honest-but-mistaken belief that it's unholy is, of course, theologically fascinating - and, incidentally, heretical. Seriously, don't wonder aloud about that sort of thing within earshot of a deacon; that's a good way to get Inquisitioned.
• Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen.
• My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who and how you are, to astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness. Continue to allow humor to lighten the burden of your tender heart.
• How I wish I could hug everyone and tell them that it's okay. It's okay to be scared and angry and hurt and selfish. It's part of being human.
• I know the accepted answer for all those really goofy-looking German swords is that they were novelties or ceremonial pieces never intended for actual combat, but then I remember that this is the country that not only invented the flintlock grenade launcher, but by all accounts actually attempted to use them in battle, and I have to wonder.
• Everything here is oddly specific.
• The longer you are in industry, I would argue the less likely you may be to pass a coding test.
• I'm not saying I believe in omens or anything, but I'm pretty sure any day that kicks off with comprehensively failing to put trousers on is not going to be a good day.
• Children are so understanding, so innocent. Their smiles brighten my heart and fill me with a joy-adjacent feeling.
• I'm sorry. I know I've got a problem. I know I'm... And I'm so sorry. And all this time I've wanted to fix it, and I can't, and I try. I try. But my thoughts, they leave my head, and ideas change. And I'd forgotten you, and I'm so sorry.
• The correct approach to any situation is, by amazing coincidence, the only approach you know.
• When you have used a hammer in the past, everything is a nail. When you have a plethora of available alternate tools!
• Code is the enemy. The less code, the better.
• Llamas aren't a labour resource. Llamas are labourors too.
• It is hot here. I am wearing a t-shirt with something written on it and the words are melting. THE WORDS ARE MELTING. MELTIIIIIING.
• MediaWiki has so many things that are not actual issues but mildly wrong.
• Enjoy this moment. Like all victories, it shall fade.
• Everyone involved canonically has the mental acuity of a bowl of porridge, so just go with it!
• 'Everything' implies infinity, and infinity is not constructive.
• What is the name of rain?
• One arrow has many uses, but many arrows together are unbreakable.
• You can't get there from here.
• There are three kinds of people in the universe: those who can count, and those who can't.
• Riddles? If I wanted to confuse you, dear one, oh, how I could.
• The tendency of the tech industry to re-use certain words ('message', 'class', 'hierarchy') in radically different contexts makes it difficult for us to discuss these concepts with clarity. If we simply invented new words for new concepts, as Isaac Newton did when he invented the word 'gravity', we would have a better vocabulary for discussing the radical innovations brought to us by computers.
• I heard somewhere that the human intellect is like peacock feathers. An extravagant display meant to attract a mate.
• Programming is the art of adding bugs to an empty text file.
• Wait why is the cat radioactive in the first place?
• Nah man. I just run around doing whatever I want. It's sheer luck that it has worked so far.
• One poke in the eye is worth two in the rib.
• Turn left at the canyon!
• We don't know what it's for but we make a bunch of it because it sounds super dangerous.
• This empathy thing, what's in it for me?
• Qua.
• I don't mean to be overly critical, but I do wonder if this generation of politicians might, perhaps, be useless.
• When possible, send e-mail newsletters as HTML instead of plain text. Note: Users of AOL 6.0 and earlier may experience issues with viewing HTML e-mail messages.
• We're all just a genetics lab accident away from cackling in the rooftops like nature intended.
• All trees are screaming. You just can't hear them.
• I'm useless in a bag.
• The moral of this story is that, to this day, I grip 9 and 3 when using both hands because wait that's what tiddy guy said I should do.
• Good opinions and facts is good opinions and facts. If its the truth I'll support whatever mouth it comes out of.
• I've never suffered so much to get a library card.
• They say: 'All that is needed for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.' I think they're wrong. I believe that the world has survived so far largely because of people who, when asked to do evil, instead do nothing.
• It is enough to fight in the manner of a growing tree, slowly breaking through inch after inch of stone.
• Grape soda doesn't even taste like grapes but it sure as hell taste like purple.
• In this place, dreams are the only truth. The Dead are not bound by the trappings of the real, of the present, of distinct and discrete; all that is past. Our angel dreamed of great injustice, and so here she found it. And yet only she could see, for the structure itself had crumbled long ago. And you, who have suffered so and come so far, what did you dream of? Salvation? Or revenge?
• There's no more dragons or monsters to slay so most knights have been demoted to full time shitposters.
• Man... I need to talk to Names more. My ego demands that I be on this list.
• Steve, I can't have you driving down the road in a skyjack drinking beer.
• My awful god splits me open the way gods do. They know no better.
• In most cases hurt washes out over time, but disappointment can stain permanently.
• Here's to silver-tongued men with eyes that have seen it all too many times.
• All people are driven to the point of eating their gods, after a time.
• Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.
• Antivandalism tech that bans randoms with no logging seems pretty problematic.
• Those are words all right.
• Not everyone can feel things as deeply as you. Most people, their feelings are ... bland, tasteless. They'll never understand what it's like to read a poem and feel almost like they're flying, or to see a bleeding fish and feel grief that shatters their heart...
• The similarity between asses and assess is disturbing. Arse, on the other hand, much clearer.
• Fuck you, PHP. Fuck you in the ear!
• Oh, the new plane has mechanical issues. Where 'mechanical issues' apparently means 'they spilled jet fuel right on the tarmac next to it' (judging by the fuel truck, puddle on the ground, fire truck, and two police vans next to it).
• Where do TV shows get this idea that high school is emotional drama, it's all chemical warfare and espionage.
• It's amazing to see how much technology can move forward if you're not paying attention.
• It's amazing how quickly time passes when you're not paying attention.
• If you're ever feeling blue, get a picture taken of your skeleton. Who wants to see my skeleton???
• You're a wizard. You have the intelligence required to be a switchboard.
• Which liberties should our friends across the Atlantic stop advocating so that the government will stop hitting them, Mr. Stanley?
• Pretty bold of you to assume that I have a brain!
• Everyone here has an issue with authority. We will absolutely use a dildo generator for EVERYTHING other than designing dicks.
• Do not trust people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.
• It's good enough for folk music.
• Can you feel your heart burning? Can you feel the struggle within? The fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. You cannot kill me in a way that matters.
• Professionals have standards. Be polite. Be efficient. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
• For broken dreams, the cure is to dream again, and dream deeper.
• Though generally it's gonna be a warlock that convinces all the ladies that he has a magical healing dong, I'll give you that.
• The question is, do we define it as wood, or do we define it as flour?
• Sometimes people bring their anger to the wrong address, like the postman mistakenly leaving a letter to a neighbor in your mailbox.
• A well-designed world could tell its story in silence.
• I killed my will by analysing it.
• Every Halloween, my mom would send me to the dead pile to get bones to scatter around the yard for decorations. I never really realized it was weird that we had things called 'dead piles', but there you go.
• Anything can happen in life, especially nothing.
• But it is the same with man as with the tree. The more he seeks to rise into the height and light, the more vigorously do his roots struggle earthward, downward, into the dark, the deep - into evil.
• There are no rules just madmen with welders.
• Over a lifetime our definitions of things change radically, but because it's so gradual we're blind to them. As the years pass, our names for things no longer fit but we still keep using them.
• Making people feel safe and welcome should be our goal, but making people feel uncomfortable is sometimes necessary if we want clear and direct communication. I personally consider it an insult to my intelligence if people wrap criticism in pretty language.
• Taking the Lord's name in vain isn't when someone says 'God damn it.' It's when a mortal, fallible human being presumes to put words in God's mouth and say 'This is what God wants you to do.'
• Yes, entertain us with your disdain.
• He's a guy who has seen so much, done SO MUCH... that he's calm. He's so far beyond wrath at the demons that he's entered a weird Calm and just LIVES there. Nothing shakes him of it. He doesn't grunt, he doesn't yell, he doesn't scream, he just breathes and moves on. New demon? Well, it'll bleed like the last. He doesn't revel in combat, he just moves through it like walking through air; it's a function of existence for him.
• I'm not silent because I have nothing to say. I'm silent because nobody is listening.
• I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
• But that's just it, that's the only thing that makes me feel human. The way I'm treated.
• The soft scraping noise as the leaf unfurls. The quiet rustle each time a stem settles, the sigh as the orchid thaws, the crack as trunks freeze. Only in silence do you hear plants cry out. I am alive, I am alive.
• There are those dreams that sort of stay with you, lingeringly, coming back in bits and pieces over the first few waking moments, and then only as feelings and familiarities later. As the years go by, you remember, again, in the moments where the same thing happens again, and you cannot place whether the memories are real or imagined. But you know you've lived this before. You feel like you know it implicitly.
• So often we betray ourselves especially.
• The transcriptions from inside your corpses are upsetting him.
• Maybe folks won't accept it exactly as you envision it right now, but if you only ever make what you envision at the start, your process is BAD.
• Если кошка захочет где-то поспать, то всякие условности вроде гравитации ее в этот момент не волнуют...
• People who truly love us can be divided into two categories: those who understand us, and those who forgive us our worst sins. Rarely do you find someone capable of both.
• Don't assume malice. Assume ignorance. Life is easier, the world is kinder, and you can educate. Actual malice is pretty rare, I find.
• The object you see, that is the shadow. The shadow on the ground is the thing itself. But this isn't a matter of light and shadow, but of object and reflection, of object and abstraction. The object is the real, that is our perception, is it not? Is this correct? Why wouldn't the shadow be just as real?
• Man, you don't gotta tell me it's not that deep. I know it's not that deep. I'm overthinking it specifically because it's not that deep.
• You, too, can use coconut rum to get red jello shot out of your nice white dress.
• One might think 'must not prance about the battlefield with their underwear on display' would be a more forgiving rule than 'must wear pants'. One might think that.
• Blowing my nose feels like the smell of paint drying.
• They're talking about babies they believe will die eventually after being born.
• If there is room for corruption there will be corruption.
• You know how many phone accounts we have? Seven. Seven phone bills arrive every month and I don't want to speak with anyone.
• All you big people are cramping my style. Dictionaries are great; I can learn whatever words I want! Words are GREAT. They give kids the power to say what we really think. Yesterday, I called my teacher a 'big bum-bailiff'. You can't take that away. You need to keep the fun words in the dictionary, and add more, so we can... um, express ourselves. Precious words!
• A dolphin mermaid's idea of a fun date would be like 'hey, let's get high on puffer fish venom and vandalise a yacht'.
• The sky is full of spiders.
• Microwaving leftovers is probably the most accepted form of necromancy. Let's be real.
• Do whatever you want. Nothing is real and there's no need to inflict unnecessary suffering on yourself just to try to seem 'normal'.
• What interests me is what I do not know. And it leaves me first of all silent. But at the same time, it strikes my body, it hurts me. It is always what is stronger than I am that interests me.
• The modern world will not be punished. It is the punishment.
• Cats, like people, don't generally do things.
• You have a very off-putting way of putting people, you know, off.
• Am I still flanking from inside the frog?
• Looks too much like clothes to be Guo Pei.
• For anything that's capable of asking on its own initiative on whether it has a soul the answer is always yes.
• One moment of weakness does not define one's character.
• You will never have to do today again.
• Hold onto your sanity. It's already begun to slip.
• It's only getting worse. People are dumbing down complex systems that need to be complex and handled by intelligent people in favour of ease of access.
• If it were really fate, it wouldn't need your help.
• I don't know why we have an eldritch nightmare bot but I gotta say I'm pretty happy that we do.
• We are slaves to the gods. Whatever gods are.
• Allah is doing.
• Coworkers are not doing. Allah is doing.
• Your blood is weeds!
• Sometimes you need a little wishful thinking just to keep on living.
• My grandfather's grandfather once stood in the presence of the Revan. It is hard to believe. They say we once lived on the surface and walked in the light of suns and moons. It is hard to believe. Here, the light of the Infinite Engine warms our skin and lets us look upon our faces. The Revan said to dedicate each newborn child to the machine. It is the first touch they feel when they emerge from their mother's bodies. The Revan said to give our dead to the machine. It takes back all that it gave them through the years and returns it to us as food, as medicine. Our homes are built and heated from the bodies of our dead. No one understands when I ask the question, "Would it seem strange?" What did we give up when we swore ourselves to the service of the Revan?
• Fools on both sides. All who thought the Star Forge a mere weapon, they didn't know. They never wanted to know. It is the seed of worlds. Such power, even in a fragment. A fleet, that's what I made of it. Almost laughable now. What of its smallest piece? It cannot build ships, no, what useless fragments does it generate? Air. Life. It feeds on the Force, on energy, on mass, on whatever you give it. And it creates. That is its nature. It begins where we all began. A breath of air, a drop of water, the first chains of carbon. Why bother with fleets, when one day we might build our own galaxies?
• Man has always feared the darkness, carving it away with fire.
• The only miracles of any value are the ones you work.
• Mountains. Heavy mountains, things that change over time. Sky, blue sky. What your eyes cannot see. Sun. A unique object. Water. something comforting. flowers, so many of the same, and so many unneeded. sky, red, red sky. The colour red. Red. I hate the colour red. Water flowing. Blood. The smell of blood. A woman who never bleeds. Man made from red soil. Man made from man and woman. City... a human creation. Eva, a human creation. What is a human? A creation of god?
• Is man a human creation? The things I posses are life and soul. I am a vessel for a soul. Entry plug, the throne for a soul. Who is this? This is me.
• Who am I? What am I? I am myself. This object is me. The form that shapes me. This is the me that can be seen, yet I feel as though I am not myself. Very strange. I feel as if my body is melting.
• I can no longer see myself. My shape is fading. I feel the presence of someone who is not me. Is someone there, beyond this?
• Experiments have since borne out that reality is, in fact, nonsensical.
• Sometimes it's the dead who leave flowers by the graves of the living.
• Complex questions like "what's the current day of the year" end up having simple, almost poetic answers like "calendar.ordinality(of: .day, in: .year, for: date)".
• Yes sir. Thank you sir.
• If she wanted to live she shouldn't have deceived me in the first place. I'm evil!
• You can probably develop new applications for your Internet connected goats by coding in Goat C.
• Well Pine agrees with me. Maybe I should reconsider my view.
• Since I was young, I have always known this: Life damages us, every one. We can't escape that damage. But now, I am also learning this: We can be mended. We mend each other.
• Git does the C philosophy of enough rope to hang yourself and then enough left over in case you need to redo the rigging on the boat to the afterlife.
• It is impossible to die from hypothermia in cold water unless you are wearing flotation, because without flotation you won't live long enough to become hypothermic.
• The bear has two mouths.
• No, I don't want comfort or oblivion or hope. I want the courage to remain, to not betray what is ours: this day and the light that lets us see it whole.
• The weight upon your chest is not a burden; it is a mission.
• You can't control a rodeo, but you can try to make it meet the fire code.
• Money is the dark food that I trade to the Post Creature to get more books.
• Moment's here. Moment passes. Stars die out, galaxies turn to dust, all the worlds go cold, and nothing remains. No matter what we do, once it's gone, it's gone.
• As long as I remember, it's not gone. Not for me.
• Anything is possible, given sufficient energy and the proper direction. You can change the fundamental workings of an entire universe.
• I'll ask it again, and again, and again. A thousand times past, and a thousand times forward. Laterally seen, they're all the same question, all the same instant, and yet so many answers. Which one is true? Choose!
• But that's the difference. We judge a mortal, they're already dead, a finite package. We judge a god, and we enact that judgement and make the infinite finite, and it's terrible.
• Death is a transitory thing, a boundary between alive and... not. Souls cross this boundary and become ours, but that is a question of time, and time... we are time.
• People get the concept of death. They get what it is. And in death, they even often grasp a bit of... the rest of it. That the universe works, that there are beginnings and endings, and for everything that happens in between, there is a structure to it, stages, a certain amount of order.
• Who are you? You swap masks so readily, perspective to perspective.
• You can't just pretend you're not you.
• It took me a long time to come around to the reality of this, the true horror of it all, and how misguided the entire philosophy of its necessity really was. That even the 'good', the 'just', could fail to communicate so completely that all they fall back to is a threat, that if you do not do what they want, bad things will come to you. And that is neither good nor just.
• It's evil. Unambiguously bad. An affront to happy pleasant things. Rather... not good. The opposite of good. That thing. That thing... that isn't good.
• You were able to do enough then, when at your weakest, when you had nothing and were utterly, utterly alone... you will never be that weak again. You were strong enough then. You will only get stronger.
• It's symbolic of life in general that we take something so wonderful as food and turn it into shit.
• If it were easy as telling people just not to be an asshole we would have far fewer assholes.
• I'm not good with names. I call them all 'honey'.
• You want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.
• It's like it had a bigger budget. Or... a budget!
• I googled the org chart for my new employer. A page exists. It is blank.
• Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.
• People are biased. AIs are just biased really, really quickly.
• It doesn't play nicely with the semantic web, or really any web.
• I feel threatened with your threats of making threats.
• Can you truly arrive somewhere? Don't you always leave small parts of yourself behind?
• The section of bone removed, known as a bone flap, can be stored in the patient's abdomen and resited back to complete the skull once the acute cause of raised ICP's has resolved.
• Sleep is god. Go worship.
• Rubber potatoes are an ageless school food classic that has tormented many generations and they'll no doubt continue to torment generations to come...
• This toaster is now toast.
• Sometimes when I'm alone, I like to super glue my thumbs to my nipples and pretend I'm a T-rex.
• Nobody is as dumb as I appear to be.
• It's all right. Everyone's got to eat shaving cream once in awhile.
• IBM is acquiring Red Hat. This is an Oracle-buys-Sun level extinction event.
• We thank the considerable physical distance separating our two universities, which prevented us from killing each other over minor details during the writing.
• I imagine people walk around mumbling 'Can anyone help me?'. Once someone hears that, they ignore the person, but shout 'Exclamation mark help'. Promptly the PA system shouts passive-aggressively 'Don't Ask to Ask, Just Ask!'
• I know the power went out if the clock on my kitchen range is reset. That's also all I use my kitchen range for.
• I wish I could forgive you for not knowing how math works, but some things are truly unpardonable.
• That which lives so long sometimes fears to die.
• Every creature is dogs.
• And what have the faithful to fear?
• The issue was Wil's catastrophically awful attempt at combining two random numbers, producing a non-uniform distribution. I killed it with fire at first sight, rashly, without considering what damage it had inflicted on the database in the 9 months it was deployed.
• Norwegian claymation sex is the most terrifying thing I have ever seen.
• The main problem with dust storms isn't the dust itself (although breathing that in isn't great). It's the stuff that comes with it. There's a fungus that gets kicked up, and breathing it in lets it take root in your lungs and causes all sorts of problems.
• ...I am talking about evil. It blooms. It eats. It grins.
• I'm going to defeat you with the power of friendship and this gun I found.
• We know our search will finish in finite time, but don't know if that's one week or a million years.
• WHERE CAN I KEEP A HORSE IN MY APARTMENT?
• One of the instructors remarked that watching me going about was like watching a fuckin' hermit crab scuttle about.
• You expect me to fucking read on my day off?
• Knowledge counters fear. It always has.
• Touch all the memory to make sure it's there.
• Kittens are supposed to lose things, not find them.
• A good writer understands what it is to be human. The hangups. The hiccups. It is sobering.
• No force in the known universe can make a gang of folks naming their organisation in Latin do much of anything on time.
• Once you've eaten 400 foxes,you legally qualify as 'obsessed' with them, yes.
• One of the practical ramifications of this finding - that the strict regimentation of ant society into castes helps protect their young and their queens from epidemics - is that if you get your kid one of those ant colony toys for Christmas, the resultant ant infestation in your house will be long lived and resistant to epidemics.
• I woke up today and realized that I was awake.
• Oh, how can I say no to that screech. I sure do!
• I hate it because I know it'll go away.
• Faith is madness. But you go mad without it.
• The right to protest. It's as American as apple pie and bitching about taxes.
• All dreams end. All worlds, all lives. And in the end is only silence.
• I just want to make sure they sure they look as tall as possible for the picture 'cause if they're just knee-high uggs then are they really that bad?
• Remember uggs? This is what they look like now. Feel old yet?
• Now, it is vital to remember the fact that sexual pride is quite essential to live a healthy and satisfied sexual force.
• Bad code is truly like cancer. People start building on it and irresponsibly adding it as a dependency, and eventually, removing it is like chopping off an enormous tumor. It's an operation so severe that a lot of companies won't live through it.
• It was a Christmas as unique as any other, for every year the mystery unfolds itself anew.
• In later life, I came to see that faith, like hope, is a rope and anchor in a shifting world. Faith cannot be questioned, only lived. And if I could not grasp it then, I felt its heartbeat, which is love.
• I struggled then, though I do not now, to comprehend that not all love was good, or all obedience holy.
• My mum says to me, 'you shouldn't romanticise. You shouldn't always go seeing the beauty where there ain't none.' But if I didn't then what would there be to see?
• We are so lazy that we have a bot that activates another bot.
• So far, my experience suggests that Docker is a very efficient way to generate error messages. But I'm sure there's some other point to it.
• If you want some more pointers, 0xfeedbeef 0x53444204 and 0xfdbc77f0.
• Consequences are what happen to people who fail, and we didn't fail.
• Beware the future. It is not to be trusted.
• My books have been in boxes for far too long. If they are not set straight, their contents will jumble and become deranged.
• You think my mind is fractured and the cause lies in my bladder. You are no better than Plato, who believed a woman's womb would roam her body, provoking psychological disease. I have put Plato here, next to Freud, so they can be companions in their ignorance!
• My mouse is full of sand and there was a pin in my leg. This is too stupid to be a dream.
• Our society promotes the mentally unstable if they entertain us.
• I'd probably regret looking up 'the butler dimension'.
• All I have to go on here is what is. And I don't know what that is.
• All I've really ever wanted was to know what it feels like to be human. And now we're going to do the most human thing of all: attempt something futile with a ton of unearned confidence and fail spectacularly!
• They move closer to you when you blink. Menacingly, you know, for lemons. And then just kind of grumble as they rub against your ankles, really, really hoping that you're allergic, or that they can give you a nasty rash. Lemonburn.
• Modern is the hill I will die on. It's blue and pretty and compact and doesn't get in the way.
• The state cannot give love. But money gives space to love.
• I'm not a lawyer but I once watched a lawyer react to various law-related movies, and his opinions synced up with mine almost exactly, so I'm basically a lawyer.
• I forgot to add the joke part to my joke.
• The gods have no mercy. That's why they're gods.
• This shit is like the wiring of a 1973 jaguar. Your heater motor fuse pops, suddenly your left rear turn signal is on all the time and your curb idle goes up 1200 RPM.
• I hate titles. They always come with expectations and responsibility.
• She also sent a flow chart without any lines in it, saying she's not sure where the lines go. I don't even understand how you can know enough to make the nodes of a flowchart, but then not know where the lines go.
• I'll use some vocabulary from baseball in trying to describe the info that I would like to see from each Audiences and Technology team each week.
• I had more fun setting up visualeditor than I'll ever have using it. Because I'm never gonna use it.
• Did you upgrade your vulnerable apt using apt yet?
• Miami. I have no idea what's going on, and have given up trying to understand. I just hope nobody hits me.
• So the answer of 'how many emails of failed backups will it take for me to finally stop being lazy and fix my backups?' is '954'.
• Tongues. Tongues. Slither in the mud.
• Mangroves. Built of tongues, slithering down, down, down from the branches. Down, down, down to the mud.
• Voting and Drama are the pillars the community was built on.
• Magic doesn't fix anything. That's what the person using it is for.
• Literally the last five places I've lived, eventually elm roots grew into the sewage and completely clogged them.
• All I've really ever wanted was to know what it feels like to "Our sociebe human. And now we're going to do the most human thing of all: attempt something futile with a ton of unearned confidence and fail spectacularly!
• One can only have as much preparation as he has foresight.
• Even in winter, the cold isn't always bitter, and not every day is cruel.
• Stupid is scarier, every time. Only so many blackhearted villians in the world, and they only get uppity on occasion. Stupid's everywhere, every day.
• I feel like Frezak's reaction to the game is going to entertain me more than the game itself.
• I'm honestly getting more amusement out of Frezak than trying a game.
• Most startups fail for one of two reasons: they run out of money, or they fail to reach an audience. We spent all of our money while simultaneously failing to reach an audience.
• It is never too late to learn something. The past is unalterable in any event. The future is the only thing we can change. Learning the lessons of the past is the only way to shape the present and the future.
• You sell out now, when you have your own team, you do whatever you want.
• I kind of... lose interest in my addictions after awhile...
• You can't outrun me! I'm wearing tube socks!
• Seriously fuck templates, fuck 'em so hard. Parser functions were a mistake. Lua would be better if people knew how not to be dumb, but they don't, soooooo...
• Can you hear the music in my head? I don't care! Dance! Dance for me!
• The only cure for madness is madness.
• Welcome to our dream.
• You can't get milk out of a talent show.
• Hey! I'm on a cloud of frogs! Moo!
• Forever Hitler. You have to be all Hitler, all the time.
• Diplomacy is inherently belligerent.
• If you don't wish to be dead for the rest of your life, do as I say.
• The person leaving diarrhea vandalism is an insane italian guy who always uses a reference to 'wolverhampton' at some point. He's been doing this since 2011. I've even spoken to him via email. He's just as insane via email as he is when vandalizing.
• Apparently the CIA makes constructive edits.
• Rules are for following. That's why they're called rules and not cabbages.
• Nobody cares. We're just here to date sexy monsters and watch the cafeteria table impregnate the floor.
• The only thing to do, in light of extreme wrong, is to try to right it.
• Do your thing, thing!
• You can't resurrect me without my consent!
• Dead people don't have rights.
• Twitter is important for journalists; Instagram is important for narcissists.
• If it was up to me fun would be banned.
• Flowers for you! Flowers for you, flowers for you! All flowers have been deployed.
• Yle, the Buzzfeed of Finland. Both are shit but at least we get to pay for this.
• Hey, I resent that. We have an actual firewall... I think!
• It's better than a weapon. It's a toy.
• My favorite mobile game is 'how long can I play this without spending money on it'. I'm winning at it.
• I didn't have a bandaid, so I superglued some plumbing tape to my finger instead.
• Only from the need born from the truest torment is the need born for me.
• Trust me when I say the entire process has been terrible and I'm trying to have as little to do with it as possible.
• Dude, don't even bother. That's a swallow. They're almost as dumb as fish.
• Hey, nice shot. I'm honestly surprised you didn't kill someone.
• Oh, I'm so sorry, I forgot that dog training included reading the Kalevala out loud.
• No pesky dreams at all, just complete and absolute darkness, and I didn't feel anything at all. It's the best kind of sleep there is! It's like being dead or something.
• I don't like having enemies. They annoy me.
• I know how to handle these kinds of situations. With lies. Lies are good.
• I sincerely hope that the cells have been proofed against bears in dresses.
• Wikipedia's category system is notoriously interesting in its potential and notably difficult to use for anything interesting.
• Anything can be a symbol, if backed by faith and meaning.
• Here's your receipt, you can track the status of your potato online.
• I do not think most people would appreciate being mailed a live scorpion.
• With this wine, we contemplate the fact that the best way to remember someone is to forget everything.
• Great, that's one vote 'yes' and two votes nonsense. As always, the nonsense has it, so it's a good thing that wasn't actually a vote.
• Alignment as a mechanic ends up being determined by The Cosmos. In this case, the cosmos is me. Hello.
• Let's see those spambots get past these hooks! OKAY WTF THAT WASN'T A CHALLENGE DAMMIT.
• USPS is having trouble with my potato. It was supposed to arrive yesterday, but now it's 'delayed'.
• It would be far more productive than trying to reinvent the wheel for the Nth time only to realize that the end result is not round at all.
• I'm fairly sure USPS lost my potato.
• You are such a cat, cat.
• I carve my name into a fish and throw it on the ground. If it is wound-side up I am guilty.
• I diplomacy him.
• It happens. But, you know, to you.
• Anything you read once is a lie. Anything you read twice is true.
• I first found something strange was afoot when I yawned and a thousand bees flew out.
• I'll take the lime flavour with lime.
• The potato arrived.
• I only found out that Fast Eddie was a meth addict because I hit him with my jeep and they opened up his backpack.
• To document is to observe.
• ...and pv sits there happily in the middle shouting "21MiB transfer speed! 500GiB transferred!"
• Whatever happens is the only thing that could have happened.
• Sharing a similar degree of dysfunction doesn't make you more closely related.
• I've never played GTA at all. I just like to watch videos where people use mods to turn all the cars into pianos.
• For me, the Sims series is a form of retail therapy that doesn't cost nearly as much or take up nearly as much space in my closet.
• If you don't know why you might want to do this, you should probably not do it.
• Someone needs to keep the wikinewsies inline. pt-kill is the hero we need!
• I don't know anything from mediawiki. I'm just a lowly stick-poker. I poke things with sticks.
• I am altering the source code. Pray that I don't alter it any further.
• If they get a day of jail time, I will make a hat entirely out of licorice. And then eat it.
• Their I.Q. seems to be about fish, give or take trout.
• It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.
• To the end.
• Your 'mind' is the post-facto explainer for what the meat-zombie automaton just happened to do. Sweet dreams.
• If the gods were less insecure they'd let us be better. Say nice things about gods.
• The lack of quality content has made me watch six series of this show.
• With the future of Gerrit comes a bright future.
• Nobody likes to touch eyeballs, not even ravenous Things.
• Being a Catholic sure is an adventure these days.
• You ever want to make something more understandable, and take away its power, give it a really dumb name.
• Nothing good has ever come from trying to look at Parser.php. Therein lies madness, the likes of which you can never unsee.
• He's called 'Otto the Tits'. I feel like we foreshadowed he's not a criminal mastermind.
• That's what death is. Forgetting.
• Huh, so we're just forking every library, including a library that is 'All PHP functions, rewritten to throw exceptions instead of returning false'.
• I think you should know I am this close to just headbutting you across the table.
• We never told the bunnies that the roads go in the back of the house. We can't tell them about the urban freeways.
• I have heard it is good news. Two hundred year embargo. At least hopefully.
• It's a very lopsided game. The attacker need only succeed once. You need to defend against 100% of everything.
• Would you like... ssssssoap? Would you like to rub... soffffft, whiiiiite bubbles all over your body? Would you like to be ssssubssssumed in cleansing FOAM? PURGED of the many, tiny, tiny IMPURITIES RIDDLING YOUR FLESH THIS VERY INSTANT?!
• Murder is cool, but FAKE MURDER? NAY, SIR! I AM SO ANGRY I CAN BARELY PUNCTUATE.
• So.... we met a panther man inside an elephant and he wants us to go to a horrible hotel and get some magic blood or something.
• Correction: we're only acting mad. We accidentally accepted the role of the March Hare in this nonsense. I expect it to be resolved in a week.
• No, we can't fix stupid, but we can most definitely fix the giant 'six legs - Wikipedia' that is currently being displayed to people.
• I had planned to go to the gym tonight but it's 9:26pm. I think I'll eat ice cream instead.
• All horses have two legs at the back. They also have fore legs at the front. That makes it a total of six legs. But six is an odd number of legs for a horse to have.
• Batman isn't a logical superhero. Joker kills the planet and he still doesn't kill him. The guy who killed Osama bin Laden didn't become Osama bin Laden.
• I would say that's that, mattress man.
• Don't tell me how to be.
• You can't play god without being acquainted with the devil.
• Time undoes even the mightiest of creatures. Just look what it's done to you.
• One day, you will perish. You will lie with the rest of your kind in the dirt, your dreams erased, your horrors effaced. Your bones will turn to sand, and upon that sand, a new god will walk, one that will never die. This land doesn't belong to those who walked before, rather those who have yet to come.
• That which is real is irreplaceable.
• I wouldn't call it 'lying' so much as 'a strategic misrepresentation of the truth'.
• Voiko vitutukseen kuolla?
• Beets are truly the best fruit.
• Why are you like this?
• It won't give me my gloom!
• I'll wipe your brains so clean you'll be able to eat off of them!
• Don't fight a cat. Use your brain. Use drugs.
• If I could be any kind of flower, I'd be a potato.
• It wasn't restful. Because, you know, that's really important to people, apparently.
• We seem to have identified a lot of not-good options so far. Are there any good options?
• He wished for love, and if that wasn’t in the books, the idea of love, and if that wasn’t in the books, a cursory embrace.
• Thinking that life is good is better than not living at all.
• I count at least 5 treaties. One involves time travel. I have been forbidden to count them. Being legally forbidden to do math is extremely weird.
• Being legally forbidden to do math is extremely weird.
• I can't tell if you're making a joke, or you're just French.
• We are talking about a country where they took a soda where the ingredients were basically corn syrup, sugar, and water, and decided, 'this needs more sugar'.
• I was trying to extend MediaWiki but the codebase ???????????????????? ???????????????????? and my extension still hasn't passed security review.
• How many times can we run this through the mw parser before it becomes self-aware?
• No i18n for this error message, since it should never happen.
• There is really an excess of disembodied children floating behind the singers this year.
• Who are you, who am I and what do you want?
• Shut up, I'm sexing you.
• You ever try to herd a happy cat? It's like kicking a concrete block! Except it's furry!
• I consider anything slimmer than my big Toughbook sleek. Including my smaller Toughbook!
• The KGB baffle me.
• This apple juice is angry and tastes of failed plastic.
• I am alive. Until I am embalmed and buried, there will be stories to tell, and I look forward to telling them.
• Really, being nice is the easiest way of manipulating people.
• Dutch cannot be taught. It must be felt. It's not a language, it is a state of mind.
• Life is brief, but not compared to these pants.
• We collect secrets over the years. Hide behind them, depend on them, like aces up our sleeve. We think we have to protect the people we love from the truth, but the truth isn't the poison. It's the cure.
• Best thing you can do is teach your kids not to be afraid.
• We try to live a good life, a clean life, but secrets get in the way. Sure, we can play dirty, use people's mistakes against them. But put all those secrets behind us and the honest man comes out on top.
• The pigeons were Concerned.
• The weather is sad.
• The word is remarkably impaired.
• If dinosaurs were dead then how did people ride them?
• It appears to work as well as anything works in CologneBlue.
• A hero is strong. A hero is invulnerable. A hero has a goddamn spleen.
• You give me what you can. I give you what I can. My blessing is that you let me. I ask for no more, and we're both made whole by it.
• We do not fight! We are just very loud!
• Yeah, you don't want to spend all your money before the mass suicide. That would just be wasteful.
• Anyone want a drink? I need one.
• From above the fireworks are so many tiny flashes, dwarfed by the flashes of the thunderstorm higher still.
• Reality is found in unknown places. Dreams are found within reality.
• Time heals, right? But never enough.
• And this is how I broke polls with UploadWizard.
• Exotic looking orange bird turns out to be seagull covered in curry.
• What is the cost of lies? It's not that we'll mistake them for the truth. The real danger is that if we hear enough lies, then we no longer recognise the truth at all.
• Do you taste metal?
• To be a scientist is to be naive. We are so focused on our search for truth we fail to consider how few actually want us to find it. But it is always there, whether we see it or not, whether we choose to or not. The truth doesn't care about our needs or wants. It doesn't care about our governments, our ideologies, our religions. It will lie in wait for all time.
• I feel like the bear was extremely reasonable for a bear.
• DPL is like hydra; burn one head at the stake, 8 more conflicting versions spring up to take its place. Extra ironic because its now part of hydrawiki.
• We need to wait for south to do our mushroom magic. Because we're mushrooms.
• I recommend it if you enjoy listening to neurotic pedants being neurotic pedants.
• Tech debt is generally 'this seemed like a good idea at the time'.
• 99% of my bandwith goes to torrenting linux distros.
• People think they should leave their lights on, however all that accomplishes is making people behind you believe that you're still on the road and try to follow you, and then hit you.
• Using TCP, we can create a VPN to create a virtual corporation
• You're so insane that sometimes it's mistaken for wisdom.
• If a system is simple/predictable enough that E2E tests would reliably pass, it's probably simple/predictable enough not to break.
• To find out whether speech is protected parody, "the law requires a reasonable reader standard, not a 'most gullible person on Facebook' standard."
• Normally language is a tool of communication. Why must you always use it as a tool of obfuscation?
• Prophecies don't have expiration dates and eventually something weird enough will happen that I'll be able to say, 'See, it's just like I warned you!'
• They don't make them like they used to. These new-fangled cats just overheat after a few hours. Fucking tragic, if you ask me. I remember when they made real cats, out of real materials like concrete.
• Like... WHY WOULD YOU HAVE EGGS IN YOUR LIVING ROOM TO BEGIN WITH?!
• I don't know why they have so fast internet, all they do is email and facebook, but all I can say is Wheee!
• How often, I wonder, do I dream, and how often do I rather dream of dreaming?
• Well, uuuh, are bad miracles a thing? 'Cause if they are, I'm certainly an expert on those!
• And quoth my mom, 'To achieve perfection is something you should strive for, for there's plenty of space there for there's no-one in there.'
• Beauty fades, but dumb is forever.
• That's the beauty about improv. You never know what's going to come out of your mouth.
• You just need to keep living. Listen to the pain. It's both history teacher and fortune teller. Pain teaches us who we are. Sometimes, it's so bad, we feel like we're dying. But we can't really live 'til we've died a little, can we?
• Their solution to 'nobody understands the parameters for this command' is to add another parameter.
• I chose not to choose life. I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?
• Two tigers take turns tasting tapioca.
• Ideally this'd require more thorough testing, but realistically speaking we'll just probably +2 it and wait for it to get deployed to see what happens.
• This is rain. Angular rain. Rain that slides across the ground in drifts and waves. Drops that pelt, and form a torrent from the eaves...
• Teenagers are more sarcastic. That all happens later.
• Gods! I don't want a moonbase!
• Mais tout lecteur est un contributeur potentiel. C'est important de ne pas trop faire la différence entre les deux.
• The more I see, the more it all comes together. The more I understand.
• In the downtown of my city, under a bridge, there are rules written upon the concrete. One of these rules says to stay clean and maintain your appearances.
• You're a sucker if you're walking around China without TP on you anyway.
• Funerals are big business, and people are dying to get in.
• Progress was made.
• Imagine a mule that used to believe that NASA (no, not the NSA, NASA) was invading her dreams with lasers from the moon and also listening in on her thoughts. These days she just obsesses over 'explosions' that no one else hears and insists that half the people she meets are people she's known before. But an angry mule that believes all those things. Just imagine that.
• At over those speeds or above, it flattens anything in its way, no matter how well engineered. There wasn't any need for a higher category than 'flattens everything'.
• Welcome to people! Where everything is made up and the naming convention doesn't matter.
• We have a fanpage that posts train delays daily, as top charts. Very funny stuff as long as you are not the one on the train.
• Oh, your pilot's gone missing, but a guy that's going on your flight is going to fly the plane.
• You know what this meteor could mean to science. It could mean actual advances in the field of science.
• Special thanks to those responsible for choosing to shoot in Bronson Canyon, which really should be declared the nation's first cheesy historic landmark.
• The special effects are not at all special and look like they could have been done by a 10 year old.
• I'm a scientist. I don't believe in anything.
• I'm sorry, did you just ask me why a crazy person crazies?
• If Security told you to go jump off a cliff, would you do that?
• Do you recognise the triple helix? If you do, write it down.
• That's the neat thing about absolute power. Once you've had it, you don't need it.
• He's a diligent guard, except for the part where he pays no attention.
• It's not a good sign when things go faster without the person being involved.
• You're a level 11 full caster and you failed to kill a handful of commoners. I want you to reconsider your life choices. Also your familiar is Gan. That can't be good either.
• I gotta loot this city before it expires.
• Where do we start with the strange requests?
• He seems to be missing a key point that we're supposed to be weighing things against the cost, not just declaring 'there's cost, nope can't do it!' Maybe the weighed result is that we need a better way to do these things.
• The first sign is mistaking fact for fiction. Everything's a lie. Don't believe the truth.
• I would like to hear ideas so that I can steal them.
• But there's a way to do this with an octopus merge. You just have to make sure to keep the octopus happy.
• You say you are not pleasant to look at. Have you considered that maybe that's just because you're not your type?
• To be honest I do in fact have the body of a geek god. The difference is in pics it is the god of abs and fitness. In reality it is the god of gluttony.
• Depending on the zip code, Florida can be like visiting another planet...
• I love amazon and google but they're both evil. I do vehemently dislike walmart and they're evil too.
• People use alcohol as an excuse to do things that should have been done years ago.
• When you're tiptoeing around people, they take it for granted that they can get angry at you at any given notice without fear of retaliation.
• He recently told me he worked on the dark web, but then he became a banker several weeks later, and now I think he's back to working at NASA.
• I categorically failed to implement every single fancy feature promised, except one, which just got reverted.
• Is Einstein an element? I thought he was a professor who invented the universe or something.
• Blame human behavior. History is littered with the corpses of centralization and its terrible outcomes.
• Human grows more every year, I guess I'll have a king-size spinal cord in the future.
• Democracy only works when the population has the knowledge and wisdom to know what they are deciding.
• There's so much diversity in racism.
• I love that only real men will moisturize.
• Cats are butts. Loveable butts, but butts nonetheless.
• We went two hours over the time limit, used all the hints, looked the answer up on the internet, still didn't get it, gave up and sold the game off in anger.
• Mental disorders don't excuse bad behavior, only help explain it.
• It has elements of wrestling in it, where you just have to sit on people.
• You're chiding a person for having a difficult time with a difficult time.
• I am in florida and the air is partially edible and I don't care.
• Most people will not need to know anything about blood during their life except "try to keep it in your body".
• Without alcohol you actually have to plan a bit for a party since people will expect to be entertained.
• Nobody's perfect. Love makes us that way.
• A joke is only funny if everyone is laughing.
• You can learn a lot in a small dark room. Don't let anyone tell you different.
• Never a day passed during my stay in the city that I did not meet one or more houses shifting their quarters. One day I met nine. Going out Great Madison Street in the horse cars we had to stop twice to let houses get across.
• I think all the lawyers have massive hangovers.
• Now I gotta put on pants so I can go vote. Wiki democracy is better than real world democracy because no pants are required.
• Always enchant your pants. They're the last thing anyone would steal from you while you're still living.
• Even if you're dead you want to be found.
• It's tough to outrun a fork.
• That oath is dope. It's great.
• We all have a secret second consciousness living in our brain that we don't know about - a prisoner of our bodies with no autonomy of their own. The hypnogogic jerk you sometimes get before you fall asleep is him trying to seize control of the body while you're vulnerable and your guard is down.
• Your Aussie-ness was obvious by your use of the words 'shit box'.
• A dumb clock is still right some of the time.
• Stop clawing at the walls.
• Stop clawing the walls.
• I knew it was the deid based on the way they jumped up their own asses to worry about ants while it rained elephants.
• Halloween is a simple contractual exchange: you come to my house and show me your costume, I pay you in candy.
• You can't squeeze cheese from a goat before it's hatched.
• If at the first meeting someone is dressed as a chicken, don't go back.
• Just take the per diem. They question nothing.
• All I can say is that humans seem to be the only species on the planet actively working against natural selection.
• Natural maggot infestations actually save lives when someone has a flesh rot problem and hasn't sought proper treatment. Removal of the dead flesh prevents infection spreading/sepsis.
• Bud, I'm just trying not to fuck up social situations. I don't have opinions on you.
• When all you know is MediaWiki, everything's a wiki.
• It's a shame a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.
• Les fromages a mange mon amis.
• // 'not' is the notifications module.
• It's impossible to know how many bugs Lyrithya has created because we haven't found them all yet.
• And thanks to the users, without whom this would serve no purpose.
• All you can do is dream. So dream.
• It's a part of the night sky that's completely void of stars. Just an infinite abyss that gets ever darker the longer you look. And the longer you look, the more you hear.
• IT IS ONLY IN THE DARK THAT YOU CAN SEE THE TRUTH. ONLY IN THE ABSENCE OF LIGHT IS THERE CLARITY. THE ABYSS SEES THE ABYSS SEES THE ABYSS SEES THE ABYSS SEES.
• I'm drug free now. Haven't done any coke for 2 days.
• Anyway, it was nice knowing you, and I'm sorry you chose to be killed, murdered, and sodomised to death in another state.
• Yup, that's weird, but I don't hate it.
• I will simply tell customers over the phone to "have a nice weekend". I even do that on Mondays sometimes (depending on my wine consumption the day before).
• The days are long but the years are short.
• To keep your feet on ground, we place burdens upon your shoulders.
• I heard you like packages. Let's package components on a per-function level.
• I've smelled the bathroom on the right once. I became not a fortunate son.
• I do not have pronouns. Please do not refer to me.
• I have to wade through so much silliness to get to the silliness I need.
• Always have a rectangle of plastic to clutch.
• We have miles to go before we sleep.
• I followed being depressed by just being somewhat less depressed.
• Suicide is never the answer. You gotta outlive your enemies.
• You are unlikely to ever find someone as bad as I am at using a C-clamp.
• What is god talk man thing?
• I'm so excited for this trip. I'm going to turn into a giant maggot and just eat and sleep for four days straight.
• Yes, it would be a reasonable peace offering, but the mother does not seem like a reasonable person.
• Do I have an enormous arsehole?
• You don't get to 'keep your word' when you never had the right to give that word in the first place.
• Need a help. I death. Please.
• Unless crazy cat lady can produce Bastard's parents' marriage certificate, the name is factual.
• Don't give me a funeral, just toss me into a dumpster and give me back to the rats.
• People think that not using a seatbelt is their personal choice. It is not. If you want to die in an accident that's fine, but I do not want your large corpse smashing around the inside of my car while I'm trying to survive. Corpses become deadly projectiles in accidents, and thus put everyone in danger.
• It's such a quiet thing, to fall.
• Live together before marriage or deal with marrying a potentially terrible housemate.
• They say they don't bluff, but that's just part of the bluff.
• Forgot to add, I already have 58 trees I bought a year ago.
• Those are some lovely shapes you just said.
• You do not deserve to feel one iota better for making an apology that was insincere.
• Modern cake wasn't even invented until the 19th century. Before that it was like, heavy, dense loaves made with ale.
• Dude come on. You can't just drop 'naked house farter' in a thread and then leave.
• The more you get older, the more the holidays become about trying to keep your father off of ladders.
• I'm a slug, and as we all know, slugs are basically giant tongue feet, so yeah.
• Solidity is a cow.
• Being mistaken for a princess by little girls is incredibly common. Now I could sit there and explain to them that, no, I'm just a boring regular person who spent way too much money to look like a cupcake, but that's not really what they want to hear. Kids deserve a little bit of extra magic in the world.
• Just because you can't help everyone doesn't mean you can't help someone.
• Cilantro cavern, baby? I am all over that shit.
• My husband insisted he didn't like asparagus, eggplant, so much else. After eating at my mother in law's house once where she served asparagus from a can that she then boiled for half an hour, I had to ask him if all the asparagus he had ever had had been tinned and boiled to death. It had been.
• Only half of programming is coding. The other 90% is debugging.
• Onions, apples, potatoes, the usual, really. You'll have to use the shower in the other bathroom because I'm storing my vegetables in this one.
• Why you sell the pork?!
• I finished watching Attack Of The Clones this morning. That entire movie is just memes now, so wonderful.
• Being a man means nothing inherently other than the person being a man.
• Do you even enjoy food or is it just a hot sauce delivery method?
• If I were you, I wouldn't do that. He might want to revenge.
• Most of the time the only thing stopping a chronically depressed person from hitting the eject button is literally they feel too bad to do it.
• You can control your actions but you can't control the consequences of your actions. Nobody can.
• I think Zuckerberg only wears suits when he's being yelled at by Congress.
• Do you want ants? This is how you get ants.
• It turns out that a dog that was bred to pull sleds through hundreds of miles of snow is crazy energetic.
• Behold the deer of blame.
• Behold the deer of blame. See its velvet, laden with grim responsibility. Its hooves tread the ground of guilt and you cannot but help step into those deepening wells?
• The Deer of Blame wrinkles its moist snout of accusation.
• Everyone is special.
• Don't ask who is at the bottom of the well. And do not ask its name.
• DO NOT SEEK THE NAME OF MR.EATEN.
• To forgive is divine, to fuck up is human. To output 'YA FUCKED UP' exactly seven thousand, four hundred and fifty five times due to a missing return statement is computer.
• I think I may have made a semi-permanent friend I don't want to be friends with.
• I can't be the first one to do this. To go delving into a giant melon.
• The question isn't, 'Who is the asshole, me or my girlfriend?' But 'Who is the asshole, me or my cat?'
• So many people have discovered problems with the case that it looks like the legal equivalent of a recursive dumpster fire.
• Maybe it's not even really her. Maybe it's just a giant lobster in a freaky human suit!
• Our origins don't define us. It's what we do with what we have.
• I wish I could describe any concert I've been to as 400% hype.
• I don't believe there are subjects that are inappropriate for children. There are inappropriate ways of telling these subjects. So tell them proper. Kids know there are horrors, so tell them the names of the horrors. Tell them these horrors, as with all things, can be fought. Give them the tools, and show them how.
• As much as I love my husband, he is a coward. I don't think he is an asshole. I think he just isn't that person who is going to be able to be counted on for help. No one is perfect. What kind of imperfect are you okay with, though?
• Nobody's perfect. What kind of imperfect are you okay with?
• Since it is impossible to prepare for everything, it is better to never prepare for anything.
• ...how high is Clint? But sincerely, where the fuck am I?
• I'm still mightier! Eat shit, JS! The code is certifiably 100% unholy, but it works. To the extent I expect it to, anyway.
• Your experience seems worse than usual.
• I am not afraid, and when I am frightened, I shall master the fear.
• It's about control. If you can remove someone's soul, you can do anything.
• I don't want it to be good for me, I want to retire and raise goats.
• One crime at a time.
• The time you walk into Home Depot and think, 'Ooh, KNOBS!' that's it. Your childhood is over.
• If I cut you off, it's because you handed me the scissors.
• Sometimes you are only able to save one person and it is no less worthwhile if that person is yourself.
• It is akin to scripture, in that somewhere in the labyrinthine mess of rules, you can find support for almost any position.
• With every question, you become more like the answer.
• With every answer I become more like the question.
• It's just... so many stupids, layered, like an idiot onion.
• He listens to noone but the gods. Men who take their orders from the gods are unpredictable.
• Orcs were big. 4/5
• You know it's a quality creation myth when it involves a cow licking gods into existence.
• I heat my tea with the blood of the earth!
• Turns out proselytizing to violent gunmen that they are bad people in the eyes of God is a good way to get shot.
• My impression was always that everything is made of sweat. First the cow licked the giant out of the salt, and then everything else, giants, svartalfar, lysalfar, various pre-gods, emerged from his sweat. Some from the armpits, some from... well, any sweaty part.
• Look around! No one else got the memo! For God's sake, you just sang your heart out and Judi Dench's response is to start RUBBING HER HEAD ON YOU.
• Oracle stands for One Real Asshole Called Larry Ellison.
• The proportions of these creatures make no sense. They appear to be only as tall as maybe half a tombstone, they're too short to reach a chair, and their wrists are apparently small enough to fit inside a ring. If the cats are the size of a small loaf of bread, then does that mean that the mice are the size of a human finger? Why are the cockroaches so sexy?
• Shame will keep us in all kinds of prisons if we let it, and it will keep us from those we love and who love us.
• Sometimes for people to make the right choice, you must first show them the worst choice.
• The numbers show you what is. Stories show you what that means.
• Why do people keep commenting about my roommate frenching my cat?
• It's like singing. Every voice counts.
• I know a guy called Airport. Just before his Mom had him, she was waiting for his Dad at the airport and said it was the happiest, most exciting moment of her life until giving birth. She wanted to keep both those feelings and events forever so she called their son Airport.
• No one is undeserving of a prayer.
• We went for pre-movie drinks and that's when the effects started to kick in, and everything was very bright and three dimensional and moved like gelatin.
• Is this okay? Like, are we supposed to even be seeing this? This isn't okay, is it? Why is this okay?
• You can trust someone and still feel uncomfortable testing that trust.
• I find two opinions are always better than one, particularly if one of them is mine.
• It's easier to fool someone than to convince them that they have been fooled.
• This guy sounds like the guy you hear about in math problems.
• How the hell do you fold underwear?
• The Firefox browser collects so little data about you, we don't even require your email address.
• The Firefox browser collects so much data about you, we don't even require your email address.
• We were both smiling so hard that we looked like psychopaths. A live action proposal shot would have had me looking deranged with like 7 chins because I was looking down.
• The whole town was on fire before you even reached the bridge.
• Hell yeah it's your face, and we love it!
• I can't disagree with you. Your dumb ideas tend to be amazingly fun.
• Our entire profession is premised on the idea that computers exist and work; I'm starting to wonder if we're the victims of an elaborate hoax.
• An Amiable Dowager has converted a wing of her manor into an orphanage. She's looking for donations. Of clothes, not orphans.
• If I wanted it done wrong, I would've done it myself!
• If you want people to be sad when you die, live a good life.
• mUtAbLe oBjEcTs wErE A MiStAkE
• Don't train alone. It only embeds your errors.
• Frankly I'm not sure why I'm doing this either, but guess it's just somehow... amusing.
• I'm the kind of tired that sleep won't fix.
• Most folklore is good. They tend not to keep the rubbish stories.
• There's a family in our driveway.
• What? There is not a family in our driveway.
• Have you seen this black and white female pygmy goat with horns?
• Usar palabras es difícil porque significan cosas.
• If you can't boot the hackers can't get you.
• Look at me, full of ideas for indicating mild surprise.
• No, I'm fine. I hit my elbow on a durian.
• Doubt is there to be listened to.
• There are no prizes for obstinacy.
• The corn meal has yet to coagulate. It ain't god.
• Because I can't be bothered to figure out how to explain 2,500 googly eyes to my budget, I'm just going to use my gift card money.
• Hello individuals.
• We am not an individuals.
• Would you get a tattoo of a butt tattooed on your butt?
• Do you are have stupid?
• Ah, the sweet flow of internet into my veins.
• I think people do mature. Just check out your own forum comments from 2011 and feel the cringe.
• We have our very own collection of pedophiles? Nice, we can put them on a shelf, with doilies under them.
• It's spreading mayonnaise underneath the CPU, between the CPU and the socket. So, yes, it's satire.
• Falling iguanas possible tonight.
• Iguanas are just bigger bees.
• The recommended procedure to deal with a Brain Slug victim is to act natural and switch to a garlic shampoo.
• The Lamb of the Ghent was a mistake, and whoever painted over it was right to do so.
• Lots of people called their ships unsinkable before the Titanic. Voicing your hubris doesn't make failure more likely, just more memorable.
• Bury your fingers in eyeballs and they will look longer.
• No means no, unless she's dyslexic. Then it means on.
• I don't think the mound of eels claimed to be human. I think they only claimed that they were robbing you.
• I'm looking at her right now, and she's rolling around in her little bed, looking all sweet and cute, but the minute you try to rub her, she slaps you. We thought she was in pain and took her to the vet and he said: 'No, this cat is just a jerk'.
• Getting old kills people. Therefor it's murder.
• Dark matter isn't squirrels.
• If I found out my mother was a bunch of squirrels wearing an overcoat, that would explain everything perfectly.
• As god is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.
• Some people should wrap a condom around their heads, for sure, but you can express that in so many ways, some of which are more effective than others...
• Mathematics explain the aerodynamics of a cow.
• The future is here and it's dumb.
• I'm not saying what I'm working on, but I did just type '3.3.4 : Summary of Lube Analysis'. It could be anything. Anything that requires... analysed lube.
• 'Yet' is meaningless. It exists. It is.
• I love when people compare apples to giraffes.
• He looks like that one kid at a family barbecue that is innocently eating the bugs and trying to share them.
• I need help with my butt.
• The future isn't what it used to be.
• Every decision for something is a decision against something else.
• There is as much light out there as darkness. Don't forget that.
• We have what's catalogued, and we have what's not catalogued. Ephemeral material is sorted by country, but as it's not catalogued online, it's much harder to search in. Not all of it is in the card system, either.
• In an ideal world, the comedy writers would do the writing, and the technical people would be organizing the site, but on Uncyclopedia it's the reverse.
• In the end life is just a collection of missed opportunities.
• Time is always with you, wherever you go. You carry it in you, and it carries you. It sees and hears everything that you do and say.
• It's all a question of origin. Where is the beginning? When is the beginning? Is there a beginning at all? The world is full of such paradoxes, only most of the time we choose to look away.
• You can't go in here - this library is a public place! Come back when we're closed.
• He's reciting the names of gods.
• Oh look, another idiot going the wrong way.
• Ah, planetar, it is not a place at all. It is a noplace, a nonplace, an unplace, a place between places, a space between spaces, an intraverse where you alone have found me. Do you like it? Stay with me here.
• The customer that bought 10$ in Starbucks at Starbucks please return to the Starbucks.
• And there are all those things we should fear that we don't even know to be afraid of.
• Still not the asshole for not wanting to die.
• This asshole isn't just a clown, he's the whole circus.
• You didn't cause a scene. She did. You just finished it.
• My therapist says I have anger issues. I always tell her, no, I have stupid people issues. If people weren't so stupid I wouldn't be so angry.
• There are people, and we're all probably related to at least one of them, who can 'rationalize' anything, or who have beliefs that are so stubborn that they just cannot hear reason if reason is not aligned with said belief. Sometimes it's not worth trying.
• You can't 'sarcastically' say something if I can't sarcastically agree with you.
• Blood is thicker than water.
• The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
• Blood is thicker than water but syrup us thicker than blood. Therefore waffles are more important than assholes you happen to share an irrelevant genetic connection to.
• Whatever the saying is, it's just a saying. If it doesn't apply to you, ignore it.
• If you can't find even a little humor in a kid googling 'boobies' and getting in trouble then you're way too uptight.
• Family is the place where life begins, but it can wound us, even as it nurtures, leaving us empty, instead of fulfilled. Our hearts beat so loudly that we want only silence.
• Fear can keep us tethered, terror can clip our wings, but trust eases pain. Hope can lighten the sky. Love makes us courageous. And what matters most is not whether we hide or fly, or even where our journey takes us, but what guides us home and where we come to land.
• You had THIRTY-FIVE CATS, how are you going to avoid recycling at least one of those names?
• The flames invisible, the poison intangible? The fires that feast on both flesh and bone? The flames that remain unquenched, never-sated by their thirst for the death of all things living? The heat that lurks, forever waiting? Or, like, some other fires?
• Arrange these words into a declarative sentence: 'Off' and 'Fuck'.
• Your cat mistook the chair for a lizard and malfunctioned.
• Love cannot always save us, but it can be the reason why we fight. Then love becomes the wound that bleeds, the space to be filled, the emptiness that echos into silence.
• We recount old beats of other stories, we retrace our steps, take refuge in echoes of that which is familiar. We follow custom and ritual because we have no map. We reach out blindly. We cannot see the path, and, far from home, we cling to the way these things are always done.
• We follow custom and ritual because we have no map.
• We are not what we have lost, we are not what has been taken from us. You are all too willing to embrace the void. If you do not cherish what remains, you will all become as nothing. You will be nothing. We are not broken. We are each as whole as we will ever be again. And in the end, when we cease to be, we will all become memories.
• We flicker on the screen. We fold and unfold upon the mind's eye, brittle as wings, eternal as a heartbeat. And even when the heart falls silent, we do not cease to be, because in the end, we all become memories.
• If you must leave a candle burning overnight, put it in the bathtub so it won't set your fucking house on fire.
• Remember what we're fighting for. If we lose, we lose, but as long as we can fight at all, we fight by what is right.
• You willingly take on the death of a pet when you adopt them.
• My favorite bit of that UI is that it says 'Hello' to you through the computer speakers when you launch it, and 'Goodbye' when you exit out of it.
• There are more people our age than atoms in a cow, and we're all getting older, and we all want to change our lives.
• Don't let your gratitude get in the way of our long-term misunderstanding.
• So you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna fix this car. Because that's what I can do. I can work on her 'til she's mint.
• Ritual and circumstance are not easily broken.
• We call that hleping. It looks like helping, but it isn't.
• You have the right to be naked in your own home.
• Sibelius crashed.
• Anyone who says otherwise is diluted morally.
• I told Customs I had nothing to declare but my annoyance.
• You are not compelled to form any opinion about this matter before you, nor to disturb your peace of mind at all. Things in themselves have no power to extort a verdict from you.
• And in conclusion I'm going to make you look at my cats. Because I can.
• It's a place like every other place, it's not some weird pocket dimension.
• There's a time for peace and a time for war.
• It always confuses me when people try to call out children for acting like a child. You were 16. Shock of shocks, you acted like a 16 year old!
• Everyone has a story. The least we can do is make sure that it's told.
• The past begins when I walk away.
• It will end where it always ends. In silence.
• Soupcan knows about soup. If they say it's food, it's food.
• You don't know what you don't know.
• I've learned to pay more attention to trust issues in other people. Sometimes it's because they've been wronged enough that they lose faith in others, but many times it's because they can't be trusted.
• Made me feel safer cause they were legit terrified of my giant mound of derp incarnate.
• In your own words, 'Why is cat?'
• Lasagne brings out the worst in people.
• ANTS?! In MY vagina?! It's more likely than you think!
• Sadly, the missus has confirmed she does not have the picture of the legendary Rectal Colossus. Apologies.
• It wouldn't be called a salad if it wasn't healthy.
• If you live in a tall building, there is probably poop sliding past you all the time. This makes me weirdly happy!
• They can't find the body if you are the body.
• NPC Allies may interfere so it's best to feed them to the giants. Beware that they resurrect each other.
• I like spaghetti.
• Now the thing to remember, boys: flies spread disease. So keep yours closed.
• It's not polite to eat the dead.
• I don't understand Groovy, so I won't +2 this, but it Lassoes Giant Turtle Mastheads.
• I don't give a fuck what you do if you do your job correctly. You could come in late, leave early, drink bottomless mint julips in the break room, and drop acid, for all I care. But do your job correctly.
• Tundra.
• Prohibition is the gateway drug.
• This cabbage is so beautiful I wanna marry it. Instead I just quartered it and chopped it finely and made slaw.
• To be honest, if I'd had to put that cabbage back, it wouldn't have torn away a piece of my soul and locked it away forever in a jet-black pit of despair. But I would've been rather disappointed. It was so pretty.
• I remember pirating it like 20 years ago. I doubt it's changed much since then.
• It's not really a mirror world. It's more of a small room.
• We judge others by their actions, ourselves by our motives. That's how its different.
• You are blessed with free will.
• There's more red flags here than in a Russian parade through Moscow.
• Ah yes, the sacred bond between a mom and toddler. Like my toddler's insistence on wiping his boogers on my shirt.
• Don't even know how I know this but I drink and I know things.
• There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.
• I will eat your neck veins. Your kneecaps and forehead will cave in.
• Some people will end up sleeping at a hotel, but it's incidental. Hotels are for doing dark things, sexy things, the things you don't want God to see.
• Nothing warms your soul more than the flesh of another human being.
• Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
• The difference between insanity and belief lies only in the number of believers.
• It's a concept album. Songs about potatoes, played on potatoes. Each song has a potato as a different instrument.
• Nothing in this world is easy, except pissing in a shower.
• I'm interested in plagiarism as an art form.
• Nobody chooses me. I'm the hole where a choice should be.
• Between you and me, I have recently been killed to death numerous times, and I come bearing some good news. Life is like a box of timelines.
• I honestly can't even watch that show anymore, because people around the murderers keep ignoring red flags so gigantic they're practically area rugs.
• The stillness hangs like anvils. The silence loiters, and skitters away on tiny feet.
• 'It's cheap anyways' say the people not buying it.
• I know modern medicine is great and all but god damn... maybe we've gone too far if we are stapling testicles.
• I don't know otter guy. I've given books to his daughter.
• The entire plot started with me finding a way to mechanically justify a lich-bunny.
• This is not legal advice. In fact, legally, you should do the exact opposite of what I say.
• Why do you have to be that person? You wasted a great opportunity to not be that person.
• As much as stuff is just stuff, how people treat your home and possessions is a reflection of how they respect you.
• It used to be two hours away and now it will be a fifteen minute walk away. I predict a disaster.
• I don't quite know how to put this, but our entire field is bad at what we do, and if you rely on us, everyone will die.
• 10,000 nightmares in one pillow; who wants to shake that shit out in their own agitator?
• Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis.
• They sell like 5 versions of Cheerios, except actual Cheerios.
• Is there a place on this earth that is closer to heaven than a dollar store?
• It's not like there is no middle ground between stone-cold sober and dickless with no memory.
• What is upwards, dog.
• Not all heroes wear capes. Some just have several angle grinders.
• It is conventional to not provide CR scoring on one's own patch. It is assumed that you agree with your own code.
• Public transportation follows urinal rules.
• I would like a muffin. Perhaps something made of cardboard.
• The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here.
• Stop being afraid to cry when someone is being incredibly cruel to you. It is an extremely visual and undeniable cue that they're being massive assholes. It makes them feel bad and uncomfortable. It makes everyone else in the room feel uncomfortable because of the audacity of the cruel person. When you bottle it up and walk out silently, you're letting them win.
• There is nothing weak about showing your emotions and crying. There is nothing shameful about not hiding the fact that someone is hurting you. It's okay to cry.
• You made me catapult my cat off my chest with laughter.
• Interior wall paint should come off fine. It's a standing joke that I always paint rooms bollock-naked as it's easier to shower me off than mess about with paint-covered clothes.
• Proper prior planning prevents piss-poor performance.
• Cat is cat.
• That's crazy. Time is a flat circle.
• The cargo door is broken. Why do I ever allow myself to fly United?
• I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
• What in the Kentucky Fried Fuck?
• Listen here, you uneducated potato.
• Unless you get your vegetables delivered, the ham rubbing could be started and stopped with your feet planted in the same two spots if you already have it.
• You can't steal someone else's customer or spouse. They go willingly.
• Rapeseed. And the plant it comes from? Just rape. There are fields of rape all across the world.
• Horrifying when you're in a field of rape and there's no yellow flowers.
• How come 'asshole' is a bad word, but 'asphalt' isn't?
• Some people love the brutality part more of brutal honesty.
• The longer I live the more things I see that I never imagined. When I see something so far beyond what I was expecting, I feel young, fresh, naive. I feel the joy of a child discovering that there are other playgrounds in the world. The feeling that the world is vast and strange and unknown. They make pterodactyl noises while they do it. And beat their veiny wings.
• It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility.
• All the pretty prayers in the world would be nothing more than words. Pretty words, sure. And pretty words might make you feel better. But they won't do anything for those who are already gone.
• One of the first indicators of civilization is that you keep food and fecal matter separate. Something about not shitting where you eat.
• It has bones but is too dumb to even use them yet.
• Alphabetical order is for peasants.
• Ask a hundred writers where their stories come from and you'll get two hundred answers, and even more stories. And that's not even the big ones. The ones we build over a lifetime, the ones we dream, and weave throughout our lives, that we always come back to, working and reworking. These stories come from everywhere. They are. They build on all the other stories, all the tropes and moments and feelings, every random bit of life that takes its chance to sing to us.
• How am I here, I could wonder. How am I in this moment now? Except I never wasn't, not really. I was always here. I could always come here. The moment belongs to us forever. A memory, a dream, a fragment, we carry it with us regardless of whether we believe it or not. It's happening now. It is ours, and ours alone.
• Sentient rug is feeling better and should be a living garbage disposal again soon.
• Don't microwave fish.
• Getting a blood sample from a cat could take anywhere from three minutes to several hours.
• Out of 10 with 10 being oatmeal, how thicc do you guys think our corn is?
• Aldi pizza tastes like divorce.
• Look, I have a complex emotional range that includes a far greater level of 'eh' than most people.
• She's totally not racist, but will be the first one to tell you Florida smells like Mexicans, and Mexicans smell like tacos.
• I rarely feel empathy, but... you have evoked said emotion from its slumber.
• I have confidence in Frezak's ability to put people down.
• I am wildly jealous of my cat. He lives a lavish life of playing with his owners, eating and sleeping whenever he pleases, and cuddling with his baby girl who adores the crap outta him.
• It's like their life's a big puzzle. You just keep finding pieces of it scattered all over the place.
• 'We completely understand the public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission' is a sentence no one should ever have had to say.
• 'Weird Milk Block' is a band. They have only one 25 minute song. It's called 'Vegetable Loaf' and it's awful.
• I just bought my coworker a 'get better soon' card. They're not sick. I just think they could do better.
• I love my mom. I also love omelette.
• Sometimes your choice is the dumpster fire or the sewage pipe.
• You didn't offend them. They got offended. In my opinion there's a difference.
• We cannot move past it. There is no escape from that which is.
• Death is a naked sword, and it is always there, sitting.
• Cat hair where a cat should be.
• Burn your bridges. Go forward.
• I didn't want you to get any wrong ideas so we're both sleeping on the couch.
• The future is in the past. Onward!
• I find that it muddles my words. I can speak quite well when I need to. But when something that gets on one's nerves keeps happening, and one snaps before addressing it earlier, it really can garble things. I feel like I lose most of my vocabulary. But... well, we're human.
• A responsible adult says NO to non-orientable shapes.
• I am intentionally not escaping so much as redefining the terms of my capture.
• Teachers don't have it that way. Without kids, we're worthless. And very lazy.
• These are not words people say. This is not how speech happens.
• It is traditional to burn someone who has been excommunicated. Traditional, like burning witches.
• I can think of a lot of adjectives for code review. 'Exciting' is not at the top of my list.
• Like the infinite horizon, it eludes my grasp.
• If anything, 'stable' is a warning sign. The only people who mark things as stable are those who are overconfident.
• My mind's been gone for 30 odd years! You can't break what's already broken.
• I do know what tact is, but you don't know my mother.
• Bring me all your celery.
• There are days I have categorically failed to comprehend a potato. It's like... what is this? What is potato?! Have you ever stopped to think about potatoes? As objects, they are squishy and firm, rough and smooth, solid but liquid. As plants, they're the entire plant packaged up for transport, or storage, safe and hidden. Every eye is a sprout in waiting. You can chop them up and each piece becomes a new potato. They sit in the ground and wait. Potate. Sprout, and infloresce, lush and green. But the green is poison. They have made themselves indispensable as food, and yet the leaves are deadly. Nothing should be comprehensible. Nothing is! It's all potatoes! All the way down!
• I'm responsible. Price you pay for being successful.
• I will apologize for the cat behind me who's screaming into my ear.
• There are no pictures of hippopotamuses with humans next to them for scale because they will kill the human.
• IT'S OK FOR THE DOCTOR TO PUT THINGS UP MY BUM BUT NO ONE ELSE.
• But do you do this while dressing up as broccoli?
• Welp, that's enough Internet for me today.
• Honestly it needed to be clarified. There are things in this world that happen.
• Not as weird as a coconut but damn odd.
• There's also gibberish, unfinished sentences, single letters, and videos of our ceiling.
• There's no creature on earth as wily as a farmer.
• By protecting others, you save yourself.
• Some scars look badass. Not mine. Oh, definitely not mine. Mine look like I was holding a cat when a lawnmower started. Because that's what happened.
• I eat five pounds of horse testicles every morning and night to keep my voice as deep as the Grand Canyon.
• Yes I love roads. I think about roads and highways 24/7. Have you ever been on a road?
• It is sad that we don't really understand how flawed we all are until we are well established in middle age.
• You know the type of people who say stuff like 'life ain't a game'? They're right. In games you can actually make progress.
• I am so confused and so proud right now.
• Ice cream is essential to our survival.
• Our offerings to the gods are gifts from the eldritch!
• Who cares what psychiatrists write on walls!
• Contrary to what some people believe, horses aren't furniture.
• Remember, licking your coworker's mouse at work does not increase your immunity. But licking them does.
• C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog.
• Within C++, there is a much smaller and cleaner language struggling to get out.
• Why is it ok to ask someone to stop being happy because a bad thing happened to you?
• I also have hemorrhoids and it's a part of me, but that doesn't mean I'm putting in on my resume.
• Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
• Are you accusing another editor of being 'Russian', with the implication that that is somehow a bad thing?
• There's nothing more reassuring than realising that the world is crazier than you are.
• Some of the simple things we just forget to say.
• If you sign your soul away, that's giving consent, so it's not rape anymore.
• A well-stocked basement is like a big time capsule.
• One of my dogs tends to over groom so I partly stop her so she doesn't get sore and partly because she makes a noise like two pigs having sex in a vat of slime.
• We finally made it through the year of March. So we got that going for us...
• Can someone tell me how anyone punches a cupcake?
• I have to touch the soft or smooth things. Velvet makes me angry. Velcro makes me want to murder, because it also is accompanied with an irritating sound. Art museums are a goddamn test in willpower for me. I love beautiful things, but I also need to touch them.
• I will now return to caressing my polished rocks.
• I know I did exactly what everyone told me I must absolutely not do, but in my defense, I thought I could just get away with doing it anyway.
• Baby clothes, around 0-3 months size, work great on cats post-surgery.
• It's like poetry, it rhymes.
• It's comforting to know his head has always been this massive.
• I had strings, but now I'm free.
• A gift that comes with strings attached isn't a gift, it's an obligation. Unless it's a balloon.
• Every move we make changes the future. The real feat would be changing the past.
• Oh no, let me press F on the world's smallest keyboard!
• I think 9/11 and Pearl Harbor were our 9/11 and Pearl Harbor.
• Death comes for us all, it's all about timing and rate. But nobody wants to have that conversation!
• I can't remember the exact number of takes it took, but we practiced for some time in my friend's backyard so we were already professionals.
• I'm always amazed by random people who look at something complicated that scientists the world over are trying to understand and then point to whatever they don't like and blame that.
• My son did it too. I kept a small rake in his room and would just rake everything out once a week.
• Sir, are you aware you are a cat?
• If one is to understand the great mystery, one must study all its aspects, not just the dogmatic narrow view of the haters.
• At least my firewall doesn't get drunk and throw shit at me.
• I'M DOING WHEELIES ON A BED OF PIRANHAS.
• What feels like an impossible situation becomes the new norm in a matter of months, and either ruins us utterly, or we don't even notice. Sometimes, we come out the stronger for it, but usually... it just is. And then we look back, and wonder at all the things we used to be able to do.
• Everyone looks suspicious if you stare at them long enough.
• Remember that in every difficult situation, you have two choices: get better or get bitter.
• Casual item exchanges within your social circle don't come with a 6-month warranty.
• Seder is a decently sized meal, who brings extra food? Who brings A DOZEN bagels for 2 people to eat as extra food? Who brings a dozen bagels, with no toppings, to eat as extra food? Who brings a dozen bagels with no toppings to eat as extra food DURING THE HOLIDAY KNOWN FOR NOT ALLOWING LEAVENED BREAD?
• Geese? I have zero geese. We are goose-free.
• If you torture your data enough, it will do what you want it to do.
• Lying with charts is way easier than lying in real life.
• They're like, 'we want an API sandbox' and I'm like, 'have you seen the literal existing API sandbox?' Sneakily hidden at Special:ApiSandbox?
• No-one could have figured out that an API sandbox would be called 'ApiSandbox'! Pure madness.
• Roger roger.
• It's revolting. I don't say anything. This is just what it means to be in a relationship. Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise until we die.
• The nail that sticks up gets hammered down.
• I'd guess sounding like a rusty chainsaw warrants being elbowed in the kidney.
• WHY DO ANY OF YOU THINK I'VE HAD TAPEWORMS BEFORE?
• I assume my experiences are universal.
• If you're going to be a rules lawyer, at least don't be blatantly wrong.
• Red dragons are not buses.
• I was frustrated by all the wasted effort, so I decided to uncancel my small part of the project. I had been paid to do a job, and I wanted to finish it. My electronic badge still opened Apple's doors, so I just kept showing up.
• The secret to programming is not intelligence, though of course that helps. It is not hard work or experience, though they help, too. The secret to programming is having smart friends.
• Officially, this machine doesn't exist, you didn't get it from me, and I don't know you. Make sure it doesn't leave the building.
• You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should've behaved better.
• They never succeeded in selling their solution because nobody believed they had the problem in the first place. In fact, it was worse: people were actively convinced that they didn't have it, or if they did, it was easy to solve.
• BEEN WAITING LIKE FUCK. GONNA GET THAT FUCKIN' MEEAAAAT SWIIINNNNGGG!!! FUCKIN' CUTTERS DON'T KNOW DRUMSTICKS WITH THAT MEAT SWING!!!
• I'm sorry to bother you, but, please make sure you aren't drunk or high while deciding your sexual orientation. You are disturbing me and my child, please shave your balls.
• A child has become lodged in the Tunnel of Goats. If we could have a nurse, please, to the Tunnel of Goats, thank you. A goat and a child have now become lodged together and a nurse has become involved in the incident and another nurse has become required to release the nurse we asked for previously. Thank you.
• She says she can't trust you and the reason for that is you being trustworthy. Be careful with people like this.
• If you feel like you may become violently ill in the near future, stay away from red food. Failure to do so may create an atmosphere of unnecessary panic and chaos.
• I understand. I'm responsible now too. Just look at my groceries.
• The book is probably way heavier than you would expect. I was honestly really surprised by how heavy it is. I thought I knew how heavy a book is supposed to be, but I guess I was wrong.
• All the separate parts were okay, but when I put them together it just came out all weird. Like putting A1 steak sauce on a banana.
• There are flinch-y, uncomfortable things everywhere. Seeing them is inevitable. If we can laugh about some of them, maybe they'll be less scary to look at.
• It's a strange moment when you realize that you don't want to be alive anymore.
• The possibility exists that there's a piece of corn on a floor somewhere that will make you just as confused about why you are laughing as you have ever been about why you are depressed.
• It's time to go back.
• The first draft never holds up to the concept, the notes, the plan. But the first draft is simply another step along the way. Build on it. Treat it as a framework, an open world, the platform on which to go back to the concept art and fill in all the rest.
• You never know when history will be watching.
• If my soulmate behaved that way, I'd reevaluate the state of my soul.
• Sometimes you feel loved because of how much you love the other person.
• The sugar is expired.
• Why. Why are people like this.
• There's probably something wrong with it. You just haven't thought it through.
• I want out. I went too far too soon. I didn't know what I was getting into. I didn't know you had to follow up a good idea with loads more little good ideas.
• Pride only hurts. It never helps. You fight through that shit.
• Don't be afraid of the soap. Spread it around.
• Life's too short to play games. If someone doubts my loyalty, they probably aren't the right person for me.
• I guess I forgot there wasn't a more exciting payoff to doing a puzzle than 'you're done with the puzzle now and you don't have to keep doing it any more'.
• You told me to deal with it. So I dealt with it.
• Roommates were a mistake.
• My hometown is flooded. I think its cursed.
• I've taken too many photos of my corgi's butt over the past few years.
• He's super dense. He's the embodiment of the elementary school playground.
• We don't kick puppies because the puppies exist, we kick puppies to get the owner distracted so we can steal his magic items.
• 'Replace deprecated thing with something that doesn't exist in all supported versions' is a bug. You revert bugs.
• It was written in sharpie on the plant for a reason. Do not put monstera outside.
• I am the Senate.
• Good news: my calculations are correct. Bad news: my calculations are correct.
• Please stop throwing noodles at the wall.
• I am going to pretend I have class and for once in my life not reference a scientific paper about farting.
• Yes, once you have what, two, three children to take care of? The naming parameters of your loss don't actually matter as much as whether you can feed and care for your lumpy potato children who are trying to eat dirt off the floor and swallow loose screws and such.
• I just refer to all my bad juju as trauma soup. Sometimes we are flippant about the awful things that happen to us because being serious about them makes us too sad, or going into too much detail makes us cry or whatever.
• There's no 'how to' for grief.
• It's like lesson one In geriatric nursing. Confused geriatric patient = UTI.
• I don't believe in witchcraft. No. I believe in cold, hard, SORCERY.
• Please think about how you can live in a situation where the only reasonable being there is a cat.
• Combined Arms. One arm is punching you while the other is messing with your phone.
• He's been dying of the same heart attack for twenty years.
• Boontje komt om zijn loontje.
• Everybody dies. Sometimes it's expected and sometimes it's not. Doesn't make it any less sad when it happens though.
• Daughters are not boxes with grandchildren inside.
• I'm bipolar. I don't mind being called crazy. I mean... it's true.
• You are allowed to be mean to Pong Krell.
• Hey! You reposted my repost.
• We don't only learn from our own mistakes, we learn from the mistakes of our predecessors. We learn from history, but only if we understand it.
• We have fixed the pancake market. Now you can actually do stuff with them.
• Turns out that hell has no bottom.
• I didn't want to bail when I was just insanely confused and uncomfortable. I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt that things wouldn't get worse. I was wrong... so wrong.
• Quick question, what do we do with the pancakes other than gamble?
• We were expecting at most 300 people. Due to General Grievous and Darth Jar Jar, this server gains over 200 per hour, and a million more well on the way.
• What on earth is the purpose of having a bed in the dining room? To chill on during dinner? To pass out on after dinner? To take a lil snooze between courses? Or just to fuck with people?
• Pranking is a fine art on a fine line.
• Anything can happen when someone is mentally disturbed.
• It's 100% okay for people to be upset. Sometimes doing things that you have to do for your own sanity will make other people angry, or sad, and that's okay.
• I don't think anyone wants to cuddle with vomit...
• I was not trying to create the perfect biscuit. I was trying to recreate a memory.
• Be you. And get a new therapist, that one's broken.
• No, they're not gone, and maybe they never will be. But I've gotten used to ignoring them, and I think as a result they've kind of given up on me. You think that's what it's like with all our dreams and our nightmares? You've got to keep feeding them for them to stay alive?
• They're my past. Everybody's haunted by their past.
• I am crazy. I take the newer medications, but I still see things that are not here. I just choose not to acknowledge them.
• Like a diet of the mind, I choose not to indulge certain appetites. Like my appetite for patterns. Perhaps my appetite to imagine and to dream.
• Tragic how one's adolescence seems to be a lifetime in and of itself, and the rest of our lives a blur.
• There are no security issues with that code, but the current structure leaves a trapdoor wide open with the lights off in the future for XSS.
• Don't run around with anyone who'd call a grown man 'boy'.
• There are war stories, and then there are war stories. There are stories you tell friends around the campsite, drinking beer. And then there are stories you don't share with anyone.
• Don't listen to the bad advice beedog.
• Everybody has an arse, and some are smart.
• If you have to convince yourself multiple times to not break up, it’s time to break up.
• People resent the fact that they have to rely on someone else.
• MediaWiki is a pile of flaming technical debt written in JavaScript and PHP, and to fix it, we added more JS and PHP.
• Quickly, rub your dad over your body.
• You're very well spoken, for a duck.
• The more desks the merrier. And rooms, and room!
• If you're bored, you must be boring.
• It was just something that she brought up in our nightly conversation. Or should I say, our nightly session where she calls me and talks for two hours straight without expecting a response.
• Can you hear the voices of the paintings?
• Imortalised in art, those in paintings never age.
• The pigeons, they look good on you.
• I like this world. I like smelling the new leaves here. When those leaves fall from the branches, my time will be done, but still the world keeps on going.
• Not all the paintings spoke to her. She said they would hide themselves when there were large crowds. She said there were evil paintings, too. It could be very dangerous to go inside those. I wonder if that was a reflection of the artist's state of mind...
• It was a festival, or something, with many children. I remember the children made a line, and they looked like they were enjoying themselves. But for some reason, when I saw that festival, I felt sad. It made me feel afraid.
• Morning and night, the wind blows in all the little bits, the dust of autumn. It seems I've lost my appetite. Can't move like I used to.
• Everyone, all will become stars.
• Everyone who is alive is happy. Their happiness keeps the world turning. Go ahead and yawn. I love how you yawn.
• I should have yawned for him...
• I hear a tiny voice. I hear your voice. Come here...
• Those two birds, birds with no names, when they they stop on me and rest their wings... I wonder if you'll like this world.
• This is a dream without end. Nothing here will harm you. No one dies. The flowers stay in bloom. The wind always blows. A lovely dream without end.
• Do you like this dream? Yes! I really do like it. It's like I've always been here.
• You brought the stars with you, didn't you? It's the first time night has fallen on this world.
• The clock has never worked, even though the angels wind it every day. It hasn't moved since I came to this world.
• I'm sorry. I've made up my mind. I've decided to go back. I love this world, but I wonder, though it is cold and smelly and noisy there, and though my friend died, why do I want to go back?
• There's nothing to be sad about. Every day is fun, so incredibly beautiful, I'll be happy forever, you know. Your coming here made me so very happy. I wanted to keep dancing with you forever. That we should be so sad now means we are very dear to each other. But really, there is nothing to be sad about. Nothing at all. Wasn't it wonderful?
• These days my voice reaches you no more. Your memories of me have left you too, haven't they? I'm always right here, always watching everyone from up here...
• I know each of my children individually.
• A Beamter can only be fired when sentenced to more than one year jail.
• Bigfoot is actually a bunch of bees, all swarming together in the shape of a man, acting together as a living being.
• Most of his usernames are characters from harem animes. It's like looking for a pedophile in a haystack of pedophiles.
• Do not leave the pancake bot in a voice channel.
• You can't say it's private if a hobo can use it as a wigwam.
• I have been doing the 'right thing' for all these years now, and where has it gotten me?
• The world is a rich tapestry, my friends. But trust me, you don't want to see it.
• ...why would you start Ragnarok. It's not like it's something you'd do by accident. You gotta free the wolf, check that the toenail boat is ready... It's a whole process!
• The acting is awful and it took them so many years to film the eight episodes that the characters age significantly between scenes and the lead actress got a boob job. So her chest just oscillates like crazy.
• The truth is always useful. Its just not always useful right now.
• All that you love shall burn.
• Digging holes is a useful skill! Just ask any dog.
• Families support each other because that's just what happens. Where there is love, there is life. Life is super lonely otherwise.
• Yes I have hypothyroidism. Also I have no self control.
• 'Believe' is not the right word here. If you believe in chairs, it means you think that they exist. If he doesn't believe in chairs he's a nutter, if he doesn't worship chairs he's a normal person. The only other interpretation is that he doesn't have confidence in chairs, like maybe he fell out of one too many, which would also be very strange.
• It's amazing when the dice turn the hardened party of mighty adventuring demi-gods in to a helpless batch of bologna loafs.
• Bees can live outside a house. Bees should not be living inside a house. House is for people, not bees.
• Unfortunately for them, I'm always confused too. Like right now. Is the cat masturbating?! Do I even want to know? I really don't, do I?
• It's the butt wiggles that are particularly concerning. I'm going to... go to another room now.
• I would love it if he could turn into a horse, but he couldn't even turn into something relevant.
• Does it sound condescending and like you're talking to a five-year old? Yes, yes it does. Because she's being childish.
• Long story short, it feels like a broke Jabba the Hutt has moved in to our place.
• Why do you care about your appearances? You will not be having an open casket!
• Honestly, the only way to do animal prints is to make them as extra as possible. Basic leggings or t-shirt? Meh, uninspired. A giant floor length faux fur coat? Extravaganza, darling. If you're going to wear animal prints, you should find the craziest versions of them and no I will not be taking criticism on this matter.
• Sometimes horrible clothes are the best clothes.
• I'm ready for the dirt nap, but you can't leave the party if you can't find the door.
• All authority should be questioned and scrutinised. They need to be able to give good reasons why they're doing what they're doing. If they can, people, including kids, will be more likely to accept it. If they can't they shouldn't be doing it.
• You may have questioned her authority but she proved that her authority was questionable.
• Energy and muscle capacity are very different things.
• Oh, it's so stimulating being your hat.
• A wall is not a booby trap. Anything that is visible can never be a booby trap.
• Wearing rainbows outside of pride month isn't brave, it's just Wearing rainbows.
• I like the crotch foot.
• If you're going to be unreasonably confrontational, you have to understand that other people are going to avoid wanting to deal with you.
• And never forget, god made you exactly as you are, and he is perfect. You are not a mistake or accident. You are loved and worthy.
• A big rock is sufficient signage that there is a big rock.
• He'll mellow out in a decade.
• Kids sometimes latch on to the oddest aspects of a situation. They're people with opinions and experiences and priorities, and their emotions are close to the surface, and no amount of reasoning with them will always get the outcome you think is correct.
• People get really mad-fast in chick-fil-a parking lots for some reason.
• You guys are worried about what data the calculator is collecting? What about the rest of windows?
• 'Temporarily', they said. Just like how the 'temporary' car tax turned 60 years old or so not that many years ago...
• Less a lie than a fiction to meet them in their altered reality.
• If you want to get technical, you can make potato bread, so potatoes are, in a way, a kind of breadfruit even if they are not breadfruit by name.
• I was up late justifying a giant horse statue to the Park City zoning commission. 'I'm definitely overcompensating for some other shortcoming' big.
• Is it him? Is it the man you knew? I think at this point it's almost a philosophical question.
• Sorry, but I think the point when you start sunbathing your butthole is the point where you need help.
• Mix money and family and by the end of it you'll have neither.
• My parents have traditional Asian beliefs, and by traditional, I mean bullheaded beliefs that'll bend a trident.
• I've got one wiki that's trying to load some PHP entry point that has literally never existed, and a bunch of bots 404ing trying to grab wordpress installs.
• WordPress exploits work best on MediaWiki.
• Love of mine, someday you will die. But I'll be close behind and I'll follow you into the dark, no blinding light or tunnels to gates of white, just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark.
• Some people are thicker than trees.
• Give yourself permission to do what you need for you at this time.
• Yeah, I'm actually a thing, I'm a being.
• This whole thing is a circle. But not like a real circle, more like a freaky circle.
• At least the secret police aren't total morons, even if nobody listens to them? That's not much of a silver lining.
• Wind chimes for genitals.
• Does knowing someone is insane make you the asshole for not taking their insanity into account and not catering to it?
• This is literally one sentence. Please use punctuation and paragraphs.
• You do know periods exist, yes?
• Why do you fear punctuation?
• Attaching your home key to your car key on some sort of ring or keychain is for 'lames'.
• This isn't new. My cousins did this to my aunt, my aunt did it to my grandma, and my grandma did this to her oldest sister. People have been pawning their kids off since the beginning of time.
• There's no normal life, just life.
• There's always someone better than you out there which is why it's important to stay humble.
• There's a difference between being open-minded and being a maroon.
• He met their souls telepathically the previous week. That's why when they showed up to the park, he instantly recognized their familiar energy.
• Even if the guy isn't trying to start a cult, you're still under no obligation to go the house of some weirdo you met in the park.
• 'Why are these girls naked?' 'What is that thing they are doing with their boobs?' 'Is one of them hurt? They sound like they are in pain?' 'Can you please just tell me what this is and why you are showing this to me?' 'Will this count as part of my grade?!'
• I'm not sure any reliable source would post about something like this.
• If I absolutely need my power cord it's in my footrest with a dying pine tree.
• It is okay to have a comfort object. No matter how old you are it's okay to have a comfort object. Even if you're not mentally ill it's okay to have a comfort object. If you are a living breathing person it's okay to have a comfort object.
• Time sure exists when you aren't paying attention huh.
• Some toppings on bread isn't something new, and pizza has changed to the point I can get one with a mayonnaise base. It's not exclusively Italian.
• You have a vast mind. Vast, like a whale. Vast spaces can still be empty, but yours is more like a cluttered warehouse. Things get lost. It's very hard to navigate.
• There's a difference between being busy and not caring anymore.
• Wear the nice clothes, eat off the fancy dishes. Have things you like and use them. Don't just save nice things for a 'special' occasion, use them to make this occasion special.
• Part of our intellectual and emotional development is the ability to see and understand the concept of 'later'.
• Everyone loses in a knife fight.
• The dead don't get to control the lives of the living.
• Which is why I don't take it as cannon, it does not make sense.
• Some babies are just that crafty, and unfortunately you sometimes learn about that craftiness at the wrong times.
• The cat actually knows how to be a cat, and thus wouldn't do something as silly as lick someone's socks.
• A gazebo is a pavilion structure, sometimes octagonal or turret-shaped, often built in a park, garden or spacious public area.
• Men such as you and I have only the comfort of those times we can make a difference. Make a difference.
• Pointing out that someone paid for lip injections when they clearly needed to pay for therapy wasn't a great move.
• My grandma was an advocate of letting us pet the giant cactus. It only took all us kids once.
• It will be dead to the bone.
• It's not so easy to win. You have to work hard.
• Pensioners, hands clasped behind their backs, observing construction sites, offering unwanted advice.
• The energy is energetic.
• The key to a good covert operation is never talking about it.
• It's not a super serious thing. It literally has a power called Crab Battle, that upgrades to CRAB BATTLE, that itself upgrades to CRAB BATTLE! And then to CRAB BATTLE!
• Cardboard is not crunchy.
• Hey fellas, is it gay to be affectionate with your wife?
• You have carried this burden as far and as best as you can. You can't carry it any further for them. I am sorry.
• You have been waiting until the last minute. This is the last minute. Tell them.
• You had one revision of a page say kurwa kurwa kurwa and the next one is all spaghetti."
• I'm more offended by its artistic merits? It just screams 'look how edgy I am!' in the most unoriginal way possible.
• In general you will find that the Yiddish version of pretty much anything is better.
• The best line with manipulative people is "your emotions aren't my responsibility."
• Some of the kindest and most gentle souls rise like a phoenix from the ashes of a traumatic past.
• Yeah, it flooded Łódź recently. But what do you expect, the city is literally named 'boat'.
• Our environments shape our interpretations of events outside of those environments, and behaviors that we pick up as defense mechanisms can come back to harm our other relationships.
• And last night the clouds were glowing swirls, high above, with specklings of stars throughout the rest... I guess I can see why you like it here.
• The Danish name for this is Priest Cock. A lot of our plants were named by just common peasant folk back in the olde days, so whatever they did not like was named after dogs, horses, priests and hags.
• He called the cops on his own party FOUR times.
• It's what we had to do to survive another day, in our most lost and desperate moments, and accepting our scars means accepting ourselves at our best and worst.
• If someone is exhibiting attention-seeking behavior, they probably need attention.
• Being a parent is a wonderful thing, I don't wish it on anybody.
• Goddamn, Dutch street names sound like a cat walked on the keyboard.
• And then everyone clapped.
• He said 'eventually', but with dad 'eventually' could mean breakfast the next day or on his deathbed a few decades from now.
• I grew up around people in the overlapping circles of 'enough money to afford a pool' and 'not enough money to afford a slope that requires math, as a flat bottom just requires Jim-Bob's tractor'.
• So it remains to this day - deletion is reserved for the very worst offenders. Even spam is salvaged, re-grilled and served with chopped bananas in the after dinner 'Nose Collection'.
• During a primary 10 years ago, there was no one running for the county party committee for my tract so I wrote in my dad and I got him to vote for himself, and he won.
• Well, given that we've had about 4500 earthquakes since Friday and our meteorologists expect Volcanic eruptions this summer, we've seen better days.
• I'm banned from all online sex stores. I don't wanna talk about it.
• By 'can't cook' I mean can't make anything that doesn't taste like mildew and sadness.
• Walter Benjamin has a van.
• The comfort of not having to worry about being out lots of monies and something nice is real. It is nice not having to listen closely for unusual noises all the time though. Meh.
• You have come this far. You are stronger than you know.
• You have come this far. You will go further still.
• What was their reasoning for the bed in the kitchen? What possible function could it serve? That truly baffles me.
• She's homeless by choice. She could go live in her mom's mansion if she wanted to. (Or get a fucking a job.) It's not like she's out of options. These people are not struggling.
• Did I mention they literally built the bed out of stuff they found in the trash? Because they did.
• They who give have all things; they who withhold have nothing.
• I CAN SEE TIME and honestly it looks a bit like heat haze over concrete, which is interesting? Nobody visualizes time properly it's always calendar pages or spinning newspapers but I think heat haze is much more accurate oh hmm I'm in the garage.
• I am very shaky, but I cannot rule out the possibility that I am actually very still and the universe is trembling.
• There seems to be this underlying expectation that the players are largely a bunch of simple-minded, morally righteous but extremely violent thugs who are willing to believe just about anything put in front of them and never question whether a fight was necessary or avoidable or what it says about them that they chose to kill everyone hostile yet again once things got a bit tense.
• The entire business model and culture was based on a having a happy demeanor even though it was the kind of job where you're dealing with customers and every minute of time is constantly monitored and you could get in trouble for performing 'too well'. Despite all being about positivity, people would cry at their desks and if management thought someone seemed too down they were required to start a 'happiness journal'. If you couldn't keep up you didn't want it enough and you weren't a fit.
• Nice is different than good.
• Sometimes learning 'people get really upset if you do this' while not changing someone's thinking does change their behaviour. Yes, changing thinking is best, but someone staying quiet in order not to offend people is still better than them being an asshole.
• Proposing at someone else's wedding is like dying in someone's else's funeral.
• I just watched a cheerleading movie, Bring It On... volume 6. Yes, they have made 6 cheerleading movies. Bring It On 6: #cheersmacked. The worst part? I loved it. It was genuinely good.
• As soon as someone has to clarify that they're joking, the jokes gone to far.
• What kind of person thinks doing the thing their partner expressly asked them not to do is 'nice'?
• Even ministers have more accountability than bureaucrats.
• When we had remote labs on cisco routers we literally found it easier to write a program to make falsified router logs than to actually do the labs. I don't feel bad about it.
• Oh, how low you have fallen. Look at what you've become! What were stars have become moribund embers.
• He bankrupted a casino. A CASINO. THE BUSINESS MODEL IS, PEOPLE WALK IN AND GIVE YOU MONEY, AND YOU GIVE SOME OF IT BACK, OR NONE OF IT.
• I'm pretty sure this person is 4 lizards in a human suit trying to fit in because the lack of understanding of human emotions is alarming.
• They are entitled to their grief. They are not entitled to take their grief out on you.
• I fell in love with the eyes of a cashier.
• We've done it before. It's high time to show leadership rather than naked power.
• It's that time of the month again. There's a wildfire on a hill next to my house.
• A friend of ours got his nipple bit by a fish today...
• I am the guard. I summon Justice like I Summon Monster 1.
• It was incredibly stressful because I could never remember my lines. I tried to speed-read them, but they had all been hidden throughout the articles of a Reader's Digest magazine.
• It's an incredibly dream thing to do, too. It's as pointless as it is annoying.
• It's common practice to charge 'difficult' customers a little bit extra for the headache they cause.
• Man, being an artist is amazing and shitty at the same time.
• How do I make sure I still have a linux kernel installed in ubuntu? Why do I even... feel the need to ask this?
• If you don't play, you can't lose.
• PHP is the art of taking something dumb and removing the only sensible bits it had.
• Behold the true treasure, a perfectly cylindrical cob that has surely passed, not through a corn hole, nor a tube hole, but an interdimensional wormhole carrying a cryptic message from the future. Just look how round it is. Only future things are so round.
• Okay, got an official diagnosis as to why this cat is bulging. Apparently... he's fat.
• Symbols matter. Uniforms, flags, banners - even mascots. They're like pieces of your heart that you can see.
• When the PhanTypeMismatchArgumentNullable issue is suppressed, it complains about an unused suppression comment and when said issue is not suppressed it spams warnings about... PhanTypeMismatchArgumentNullable.
• It's gone from being a glory hole to being a very small window.
• Please just pick one argument and stick to it.
• You do know you take baths face up, right?
• Dirty or not, you've just been sitting in about fifty gallons of hot water that's been slowly sluicing through your ass and taint for a while. It's basically a sweat and shit broth.
• I have very expensive tastes, which I work around by being very skilled.
• Your mom knows how to onion.
• Join me. Eels keep spawning.
• Everything is food until proven otherwise.
• Her time has passed. If there's an afterlife I'm sure she's pleased we're finally suffering.
• Act really dumb. Make him explicitly spell out his creepiness.
• You're the hero nobody needs but everybody wants to be.
• It is impossible for someone who has 15,000 cloaks not to want more.
• It pays to be the keeper of knowledge that no one else could be bothered to learn.
• There's been quite a few vandalism sprees on it over the years. There's also zero trace of them because my response to a spree is to just roll back the database.
• It takes time to learn how to understand new forms of media. It takes experience to recognise the new scams and misrepresentations by the novel shapes and forms they come in. The child believes what he is told. The student believes what he reads. Not yet familiar with the methodologies and patterns that go into visual storytelling, the dilettante takes the presented story at face value, and takes it to heart, and so yet another generation follows the suggestions laid out before them, for why dig deeper? Each and every iteration, it takes time to even realise they can, let alone that they must.
• Never ever issue an ultimatum unless you're absolutely willing to accept either choice. Just as one should not apply an armlock unless one is willing to break an arm, one should also not not threaten to boycott a wedding unless one is willing to not be at that wedding.
• The guy's a schizophrenic. All he has is weird.
• To be the Light, it doesn't mean you owe anything to anyone. It doesn't mean you have to do anything or follow a particular path now. All it means is that you've survived, and that you've come through it maybe not all in once piece, but with hope. That you're still here and you're trying to do the best that you can do, and by this, you give the rest of us hope as well. You give Azorres hope.
• If you suffered in life and want other people to suffer as you did because 'you turned out fine', you did not in fact turn out fine.
• If the village cannot keep the child warm, the child will, in time, warm herself instead upon the embers of the village.
• If you'd stop being so angry all the time, perhaps the world'd stop seeming so mean.
• You should know more about tree guy. I'm concerned you don't.
• Generally when someone tells you 'sorry for the delay' and it's only been half an hour, you just got lucky. Take the apology and understand what it meant. They got to it when they got to it.
• There is always a bit of truth in legends.
• Violence is never the answer. Violence is a question. The answer is yes.
• Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes.
• As an experienced seamstress, I would say the more experienced the stitcher, the less likely they would want to do it. Those who sew know what it truly involves, and the hours, weeks, months of hard labor that go into a wedding gown, not to mention that quality fabric, makes a huge difference in the finished product and the price.
• His mouth wrote a check his butt couldn't cash and he got arrested.
• Your clothes don't define you. They define your image for the world. Fashion can be an illusion, a book jacket describing a fun story inside. You see? Let's find you.
• If I've realised anything, it's that we can't find clarity in the intangible. It is better to put our faith in ourselves, and our trust in those who've earned it.
• I've got illegals in my bottom.
• The players just liked goofing around more than anything else. The thing they were most adept at was determining if anything is remotely plot-related and then running off in the other direction.
• So the fix is... you have to beat phan into submission.
• You aren't the only one that's confused about how this is all supposed to work, because right now I don't think it works the way it's supposed to.
• Trauma is complicated and doesn't require a direct articulable explanation.
• It's why wombats poop cubes.
• How about the two of us become monsters and really mess up this whole awful world? Until there's no more evil, no more sadness, nothing left at all. Let's just break, break, break it all to dust.
• There are awful things in this world, but there are things worth protecting, too.
• All hopes are wishes for something other than the current reality, after all, and anything that doesn't match reality is bound to create a distortion. So why is it surprising that these things always end in disaster?
• Now tell me, what is the wish you will pay for with your soul?
• I admit it is entirely a parody of Dale Carnegie's work, up to the introduction by Thomas Lowell. Carnegie's was by Lowell Thomas.
• What logic do they think they're displaying here? To describe this 'logic' as idiocy would be incredibly offensive to idiots everywhere. This is like punishing someone who's gained weight on a diet by force-feeding them cake.
• No potato salad is that good.
• It's like bringing condoms to a baby shower.
• Most who gain 'expertise' on the subject of the religion leave the religion.
• You lived, and then you died. You have not been forgotten.
• Look baby, I don't wanna brag, but I'm hung like a jury.
• That's 19 years ago. Kids born after that UI can now vote.
• When you're punished just for being different, you begin to hate what you are, and what you love, what should make you happy, only brings you pain.
• The people closest to you always pay the most for your sins. You are paying for your father's. Who will pay for yours?
• You're under arrest for resisting arrest.
• Hello Operator, this is Batman.
• A new child is not a replacement for a dead person.
• Just because I've never seen a tornado in real life doesn't mean they don't exist, holy hell.
• Fixed misspelling of 'cahce' to 'cache', which was a critical bug that was breaking homepage. Then I removed cache completely. By the way, I haven't audited this code for security. In general, I would highly recommend against running PHP code on a public facing server. It's probably fine to run this (and mediawiki) on your local intranet disconnected from the internet (e.g. put it on a separate VLAN). Because the main use case of a blog is to have it not publicly facing.
• Still, kinda silly that I have literally over 200GB of Donald Duck comics and no sensible way to browse 'em.
• Holes have also been described as 'ontologically parasitic' because they can only exist as aspects of another object.
• I think we're considering the terms 'parasitic' and 'symbiotic' and attempting to pair them with 'unintentional' and 'intentional'. Which I don't think is totally erroneous.
• A black hole creates a hole in your perspective by trapping light that would have otherwise contributed to the image your eyes perceive. But I will note that any object between you and the source of light can cause a similar phenomenon. A solar eclipse is not a hole in the sun. Just because black holes achieve this through a unique means doesn't make them more deserving of being defined as holes, ontologically.
• A lot of the politenesses in language is functionally thoughtless lies.
• A good bra is like an orthopedic mattress.
• Do people really think swimwear is the issue? If we can sexualize ankles and the back of the neck, clothes aren't the problem here.
• These people are true admirer to beauty and they know very well what beauty is all about. People might not get distracted if you have blue eyes or black eyes or brown eyes, but nose is one such part of the body which really adds to the beauty.
• Can you imagine the post nasal drippage? If you thought it was bad after coke or Flonase, just imagine thick viscous cum.
• Scientifically, vegetables don't exist.
• A coconut is a fibrous, one-seeded drupe, which sounds like a Shakespearean insult to me.
• I am made of paper, but so are you.
• If you love your partner why the fuck do you need strippers?
• I mean it's not usual, but people have quirks and if he's controlling about cucumbers, find a man with bigger concerns in his life.
• People think cucumbers don't really have a smell, but by god they do.
• VPN IS THE OFFICIAL E-SPORT GUMMY™
• I usually have to pay a buck per mango. The ones I have been getting have the texture of fibrous carpet.
• Oh, it's not going to be classy at all. Trying too hard is desperately vulgar, after all.
• It took almost dying for me to recognize the value of my time and energy. Learning to say no thank you to invites such as these is a skill that too many people aren't taught.
• Behold, Brother, the Light within the soup.
• That leads me to the conclusion that you are way out of your depth and if you were a woman, your name would be Hyacinth Bucket.
• Being a good host is about making sure that your guests feel welcome, comfortable and at ease. Etiquette exists to ease the flow of social situations, don't forget that.
• It's also knowing someone who's on their side, and knowing that those toxic things aren't normal! And being reminded that the trouble won't last forever.
• Over-tired me tends to double down in stubbornness. Sleep is the only cure.
• Paul wasn't squeamish about sex so much as he was, I'm fairly confident, a self-hating pompous 1st century version of the Ivy League fancy Jewish Roman citizen misogynistic homo douchebag. He basically told young Christian men that premarital sex was a sin so only get married if you can't control your dick. If you can, leave the women be, they ain't shit. Nothing from Jesus ever said women were less than men or shouldn't teach, all that women should keep silent and ask their husbands when they get home bullshit was Paul. He also talked about wrestling with the weaknesses of the flesh. Dude was gay as fuck and super wanted to not be. Some sad shit.
• A lot of the old rules were a lot less about spirituality than they were about general cleanliness. Where you shit isn't a religious experience, but the mosaic law outlined where these people had to shit and what to do with it. These were not an enlightened people. Basic safety messages had to be delivered from god to be followed.
• So many weird old religious rules started out as trying to keep unenlightened but highly religious groups alive, fed, and disease-free, and somehow we've hung onto so much of it. For another example, check out the origin of sacred cows.
• Love and respect your brothers. The rest is just commentary.
• I have always thought the idol to these kind of believers was the Bible. Not the teaching within. The actual book above the teachings. Not as a tool to learn how to live but as a sword and shield used to justify their hate.
• Don't bang temple sex workers.
• I'm Welsh and don't speak Welsh. I don't think anyone speaks Welsh, to be honest.
• Aggressive baby in training, will bite.
• The Location exotic object is defined through a mishmash of IDL, invocation of JavaScript internal methods post-creation, and overridden JavaScript internal methods. Coupled with its scary security policy, please take extra care while implementing this excrescence.
• Some things happen for a reason. Others just happen.
• My sister collected her little treats she was not allowed to eat in a row under her bed where she would visit them and count them and admire them. She was so proud that she had the self control to not eat them.
• It's about freedom. Individuality. Choice. Everything they value comes down to this.
• How well they treat you is far more important than how much you like them.
• That might be why you rarely fight, if you're never assertive. I'm worried, now.
• I can afford it and if it's a placebo effect, I don't care because it works.
• My family is known for things like that. My dad once found a big empty box in walmart, so he flipped it over, hid inside, and started barking at people who passed by. Sounds crazy, but if you knew my dad you'd know he has a tendency to bark at people. He's also known for doing strange or plain stupid things so that's not out of character for him at all.
• Yeah it's odd, but the best things often are.
• ...because life kept happening and, it turns out, people are always in need in some way or other.
• I got my father-in-law a deck of cards with a different kind of fart on each one for Christmas one year. He spent the rest of Christmas morning looking through the cards and giggling.
• They were worried the 'talking corn' (a bag of seeds) they were passing around wouldn't sprout because I'd imbued it with my negativity. I hate hippies.
• The problem with trust, for a lot of people, is that it has to begin with trusting yourself to assess others' trustworthiness. When that faith in yourself has broken down, you really aren't capable of trusting anyone else, no matter how much reason they give you to do so.
• They're made of polyester and they're hella tight. You literally look like you covered your head in a defective condom. Though some do look nice.
• Ever spent time in a small town? Now imagine that but for centuries.
• I suggest you play Candy Crush on the toilet for awhile and think about your actions here.
• So you only need to have a 10th grade education to teach your kid a 12th grade education and decide that they've finished high school? I know Mississippi is a... special place, but fuck.
• Let's try these nightmare vision goggles. Hmm. Everything looks exactly the same.
• I think singing that song just conjures guns.
• The left is not an extreme position.
• When I was a child my mother would tuck me into bed, and each night as she kissed me, these are the words that she said. She said don't go to bed with strangers. Don't play with the dead. Always keep your wits sharp like an axe inside the shed.
• Don't trust anyone, and remember that nothing is free, and the world is full of strangers. The world is full of dread. The world is full of charm and wits and millions of tears you will shed.
• When I was a young man, my professor at university said advice is corrupting, don't ever be trusting. Don't show your emotion. Human suffering is an ocean and it's dark at the bottom of the sea.
• There's no such thing as a stranger; we're all equally backwards and wrong. Sharpened axes, not wits. Bones are broken by sticks and you never be free till you're strong.
• Young men grow older, and the world, it gets colder, though it never was warm to begin. Don't let down your guard, for the reaper works hard and he will not take pause till you're dead.
• Now I'm old and I'm rusty, my troubles like sand on a beach, they can't be calculated. I always have waited for something just out of reach. And I to myself am a stranger, my heart is an island of lead, my world is resounding with miseries abounding. There's only one thing to be said.
• I'll say yay diridiri day diridiri day, yay diridiri day daydaday, yiridaydayday yirididaydayday dayday dayday dayday.
• Nothing felt as flawless as the siren in her mind. They broke apart her diary to doctor all he'd find. The carnival was sleeping when the Doves had gotten free but The Treasure of a secret love is swallowing the key.
• There's no such thing as a dying man; we're alive until the moment we're dead.
• Like many deep in the fog I kept on thinking I could save the marriage. I was delusional. Don't ask me why I couldn't see the forest for the trees.
• So literally, my financial security is because I got hit by a car.
• I made my money the old-fashioned way. I got run over by a Lexus.
• THE BROKEN CITIES. Within that jungle of shattered towers, we shall find your drawer, deep inside that maze of sundered claws that seek to grasp the sky. It is within that cracked claw of a city that your cabinet will finally be completed.
• The inverted corner drawer is stupid. I want non-euclidean cabinetry.
• And how.
• I am a beacon of sanity in this morass of mental decay. I alone stand tall while you all writhe on the ground, crawling in the verbal refuse you call communication.
• I am neither a baboon, nor dribbling. Indeed, all my leaky orifices are correctly covered. As is the... decent, proper way to do.
• I will milk your vanity for precious globs of madness!
• One of my 4k monitors has a bug, thankfully not noticeable most of the time. Tried to get it out or at least shift it loose so it can fall down to the bottom, but to no avail. So instead I just live with it, because it's close to the left edge and unless I fullscreen an app or the app over there has a bright background, I don't see it. It's annoying but not 'toss out an otherwise perfectly good monitor that I paid hundreds of dollars for and get a new one for hundreds of more dollars' annoying.
• To be honest I first noticed it when windows gave me a bsod. and I thought it was an easter egg because putting a little bug icon on a bsod is fitting. And then I saw it when I was photoshopping something and realized it was a real bug.
• When I was a kid, my imagination was my escape. And clearly I never grew up.
• Sure, sometimes people aren't as polite as they should be. But what does being rude back, especially to a stranger, actually accomplish?
• 8-10 years old is a weird mix of a little kid and big kid. Sometimes it's hard to navigate.
• GPL compliance is always a work in progress.
• One is like sliding along the ice, the other is akin to descending blindly into the depths of the freezing water and reappearing as an acorn.
• Why do people not understand the distinction between 'right' and 'obligation'?
• Oh sweet crispy jesus.
• It doesn't matter, the entirety of the western US is something Europeans are generally unprepared for.
• I know you have a medical thing or whatever, but it makes me really uncomfortable that you're not eating, so I filled a plate for you to hold.
• Okay this is a new one on me. A single purpose account... to wikilink articles to themselves.
• Pretty sure he's too much of a loser to spell 'loser'.
• The developers seem to have shunted that to the community to fix. There's a comment along the lines of 'I'm sure somebody will make a gadget for that'.
• Sometimes being a parent is going to the store with your kids in Spiderman costumes in July because it's inconsequential and it makes them feel fantastic about themselves.
• We're like the medical examiner. By the time you bring us your drama it's already dead and we're just amped to do the autopsy.
• When I was younger we couldn't buy spoons under 16 'cause they can be used for heroin.
• Malicious compliance is a beautiful thing.
• Compliance is too little, too late at some point. Once you resist enough that a parent has to forcibly make you comply, trying to go along with them isn't enough - the parent has to follow through with the forced compliance to assert authority.
• So does every hospital have like... a leech growery? How do they keep them sterile? How often are leeches actually used? Is it someone's job to deal with the leeches?
• DO NOT ORDER LEECHES BY EMAIL. THIS WILL DELAY YOUR ORDER.
• It's 2020, there's no such things as jokes anymore.
• High school 'educational trips' are basically 'legally underage children getting wasted abroad'.
• You know what they call natural remedies that work? Medicine. They call them medicine.
• The spring rolls are chewy and taste like fridge.
• What did we really expect of a company where using six gerrit instances was apparently a normal development workflow...
• You transitize the pre-existing verbulation.
• Life is unpredictably hard.
• I once had a guy originally congratulate me on my pregnancy, then find out I was not married and started screaming and cursing at me, told me to kill myself, and then yelled that I ruined his night. It took me like two hours to process what the fuck happened. Six months later, my son is two months old and I'm still confused.
• I've realized that better cheese doesn't bother me much, and fake cheese will make me erupt like I was Jupiter's moon Io.
• Why the fuck do people always remind you that Taco Bell isn't real Mexican food? Do you not think that I know that? Do you think I go to Taco Bell because I think the 16 year old white guy behind the window just made me authentic Mexican cuisine two minutes before I pulled to the second window? No, do you know why I go to taco bell? It's because it's 1:30AM and my life is terrible so I order a coke and five dorito loco tacos and shove them down my face in the parking lot.
• This is the most batshit insane way to commit child abuse I have ever encountered. Way to go dad for not only failing to engage in any kind of productive communication with your children but also to shirk your responsibility for punishment onto some dude with a clown costume.
• Waiting to be asked isn't actually helpful.
• It's easier to forgive someone for being wrong than for being right.
• Fun fact: Oreos are vegan. They're also dreadful.
• Don't try to prank people if you can't handle it backfiring in your face.
• It makes me feel like poop.
• Use 'I feel..."' statements. Basically start every sentence with 'I feel', for example: 'I feel disrespected when you yell at me.' The goal of this is that you cannot argue with how someone feels. If she still argues and tells you that you're wrong for feeling that way, then I'm afraid nothing will help you.
• It's easy to tell someone you love them, it's far more difficult to treat them with love. Your mother doesn't treat you with love.
• I love my mom, and I love her more when we don't live together.
• Looking around intensely at stuff means treats, love and attention.
• Sometimes strong people don't fight back.
• Chain-smoking tastes like 50's perfume if you try hard enough.
• In this world that kills beauty, even gods cannot survive the fall. Modern gods were not made for this place.
• Princesses who can't do anything for themselves end up locked in a castle guarded by a dragon, alone. Princesses who can't make decisions won't become a good Queen. You're not raising a princess, you're raising a Queen. Queens need to do the hard work that some Kings neglect. They need to make hard decisions and make sure their kingdom runs smoothly. Princesses are pretty, but always require saving. Queens raise Queens.
• Someone sleeping on the couch is an indication that nothing happened.
• The Red Army set up camp in my cellar.
• A blood cult under the creepy abyss cult? THIS PLACE IS A CULT ONION. AND YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MUCH ONION.
• As a small I child I ate an old piece of gum from under a bus seat. I'd really like to exchange my mouth for a new one.
• Last week I said I was going out for a drive to clear my head but I actually just bought a cheesecake and ate the whole thing in the car.
• SPIDERS MUTTER AMONG THEMSELVES.
• Any advice that assumes it will fit everybody equally is advice to avoid in most cases. On the other hand, the best advice I have ever been given is to not listen to anybody for advice as it is tarnished by their own experiences.
• Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you're stupid and make bad decisions.
• Your cats would love you even if you were a monster. Cats don't care about good and evil, they are above such moral quibbles.
• The chainsaw was originally invented in the 1800's as a surgical tool to help with childbirth.
• I think a barking kid coming at you is more unnerving than an actual dog.
• Get off the damn roof.
• I was the coolest kid for a week. You want your hands to smell like cookies? I got you. Cotton candy? I'm your man. But I looked like, to quote teachers and parents, a 'sanitizer junkie' and 'disturbing'. Pictures have now shown me that my hoard was was not anywhere near cool. It was like a giant rubber and plastic tangled mess hanging from my neck and it was NOT a good look.
• If you put batteries in your mouth you will absorb their power and gain superpowers.
• I grew up at the intersection of 2000's fashion and children's fashion and we all looked like how a yard sale feels.
• I learned the only difference between that place and the outside world, was that in there, people had to admit they were nuts. Out here, everyone is, and pretends they're not.
• I've seen far more abnormal behavior on the bus than I have in any mental institution.
• The best thing about psyche hospital is your fellow patients. You form strong bonds in there and I have lifelong friends I've met in there. It's all stripped away and you talk freely about your mental health to each other and share things you wouldn't share with your friends and family in the outside world. I've learned that people living with mental health issues are probably the kindest and most understanding people in the world. They get it, they get the human psyche... and they don't want anyone else to feel how they feel so they treat people beautifully.
• There's lots of bed that you can sleep on. Just move down.
• ​Africa is a country. Everyone in Africa lives in huts and lives in constant fear of leopards.
• First of all, how is it voluntary when I'm told I have to do it or I'll be committed against my will?
• A quiet place...
• Under my bed there were carvings and sharpie writing of names from previous patients and their duration at the ward. I think I remember writing my first name too on that first night.
• Good hustle.
• It's a bit like what happened to Edge, except nobody expected Microsoft to be smart to begin with.
• Why even have syntax you don't want people to use? Especially for a language as opinionated as python.
• I uncovered a scheming plot of corruption and betrayal, in the middle of literally running with a sack of dirt between two locations. And I'm being trusted with going with someone to ransom back the crown/symbol of local ruler. Which seems a bit much given that I was being paid to carry a bag of dirt twenty minutes ago.
• Does she usually exhibit such difficulty with basic chains of sequence and cause and effect?
• The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one's own.
• People are fallible.
• Some people wrap their identities so tightly around the identity of parent that they don't know what to do when they must leave their kids behind for an evening. Telling them 'no kids' is like saying 'please leave your personality and identity at home'.
• Everyone needs therapy.
• Nothing - and I mean NOTHING - compares to Boston traffic in terms of pure psychopathic hostility. You are not safe on the sidewalk. You are not safe in a building. When the riots hit major cities about a month back, nobody noticed them in Boston over the traffic. Drivers don't obey the laws of physics.
• Boston drivers all think they're in a demolition derby, but usually make at least a perfunctory effort to follow traffic signs/signals. The street designs are just bonkers and it's every driver for themselves. Baltimore drivers embrace a dissociative nihilism where the signals are made up and the signs don't matter. Philadelphia drivers are trying to kill you. And there are potholes.
• If you drive 15 minutes in London, you won't have moved from your original spot.
• American schools sometimes look like sports grounds who teach students as a side hustle.
• I am not afraid of death, I am afraid of the moments leading up to it. Attached to extreme pain is extreme terror unlike any fear you've felt before.
• I fear velvet, and the dark. I fear judgement, helplessness, loss. I fear the uncanny valley, and all the horrors within.
• Fuck the ocean.
• You are not responsible for being the chocolate warden.
• People think about a prisoner doing time but don't understand that the time does them. You are frozen in it. While you're stuck in a constant loop of the same day every day, the rest of the world moves on without you.
• At night it's like a scooter graveyard... dead scooters everywhere you look... a little creepy.
• When you've spent years and years being dehumanized, even a simple kindness feels like a big deal.
• Monsters are generally weird shapes. People are either Lardo, midgets or Señor Girlyboy.
• When vegetables begin to develop sections that appear as if to contain blood, remove them.
• Truth begins in lies.
• It's always ugly. We can live with dignity. We can't die with it.
• I kinda never came back. A part of me disappeared during this time, it's like I lost a piece of myself I'll never find again.
• Bernie Mac died because the government had made clones of him, showed them to him, and he had a heart attack. They couldn't use the clones because the public found out he died.
• It's a journey to love yourself but it's never too late to start!
• I work with meth heads. Even they will wear masks for 8 hours in 90+ degree building. When you are sinking below meth head, you need to look at yourself.
• Verifiably demonstrate. Point out the obvious.
• If you hate Internet Explorer, feel free to include the below sample code on every page of your own site.
• How do you get to the point in your life when the only people you haven't completely burned bridges with are crackheads?
• Nobody should change the underwear they wear for other people.
• I saw this; I am worried. Are you worried?
• You look a lot smarter asking questions than blithely not answering them.
• Every architect thinks they are the smartest person in the room. A group of them is known as an 'argument' of architects.
• I wish I had been more assertive and upfront with my family and friends when I was younger. I could have helped save a couple hearts from breaking. Now I am honest almost to a fault. I am tired of being burdened by the secrets of others.
• Oh yeah, it's so hard having a hot wife who makes good money. Really tough, pray for me.
• Don't worry about them catching on or whatever. I've found that people being too dumb for their own good is one of the few things you can always count on.
• A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?
• The moment one sits down to think, one becomes all nose, or all forehead, or something horrid. Look at the successful men in any of the learned professions. How perfectly hideous they are! Except, of course, in the Church. But then in the Church they don't think.
• It is only the sacred things that are worth touching.
• I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they protect.
• One day you're going to look around and you're going to realize that everybody loves you, but nobody likes you. And that is the loneliest feeling in the world.
• If you've got time to fantasize about a beautiful death, why not live beautifully until the end?
• You pick your nose because you think your face is a butt, AND YOU SHOULD THINK THAT!
• The power of one man doesn't amount to much. But, however little strength I'm capable of, I'll do everything humanly possible to protect the people I love. In turn, they will protect the ones they love. It seems like the least we tiny humans can do for each other.
• There are no innocent bystanders in hell. War is chock full of them. Little kids, cripples, old ladies. In fact, except for some of the brass, almost everybody involved is an innocent bystander.
• In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.
• Things that try to look like things often do look more like things than things.
• People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.
• Fish meat is practically a vegetable.
• Any dog that weighs less than 50lbs is essentially a cat and cats are pointless.
• It's possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness. That is life.
• I rather believe that time is a companion who goes with us on the journey and reminds us to cherish every moment, because it will never come again.
• Never rub another man's rhubarb.
• You are significantly more optimistic about our government's willingness to admit they were wrong than I am.
• Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source. True humility is the only antidote to shame.
• You must never give in to despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road, and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.
• Sometimes life is like this dark tunnel. You can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving... you will come to a better place.
• If you look for the darkness that is all that you will see, but if you look for the light you will always find it. This applies not only to the spirit world but the physical world too.
• We're so lucky we're alive to see this beautiful world. Look at the sky. It's not dark and black and without character. The black is in fact deep blue. And over there! Lighter blue. And blowing through the blueness and the blackness, the winds swirling through the air. And there shining, burning, bursting through, the stars! Can you see how they roll their light? Everywhere we look, complex magic of nature blazes before our eyes.
• People are bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling.
• Death is what gives life meaning. To know your days are numbered. Your time is short. You'd think after all this time, I'd be ready. But look at me. Stretching one moment out into a thousand... just so that I can watch the snow.
• All these moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.
• Sometimes a hypocrite is nothing more than a man in the process of changing.
• A journey will have pain and failure. It is not only the steps forward that we must accept. It is the stumbles. The trials. The knowledge that we will fail, that we will hurt those around us. But if we stop, if we accept the person we are when we fall, the journey ends. That failure becomes our destination. To love the journey is to accept no such end. I have found, through painful experience, that the most important step a person can take is always the next one.
• I sort of always forget it's not just a tv-show. Oops...
• Don't ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been, ever, for any reason whatsoever.
• Death is just another path, one that we all must take.
• People die when they are killed.
• You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way. Too much truth confuses the facts. Too much honesty makes you sound insincere.
• So I already have the autism. Should I still get the vaccines? What do they think will happen? Will it level up my autism? Will I then have autism 2.0? Are they afraid of level 2 autism? I'll take over the world, won't I?
• But have you asked God? He might have some spare essential oils.
• What the cinnamon toast fuck kind of pseudoscience is this?
• The world has always been shit. It has now simply become undeniably obvious.
• While I understand you have been personally affected and I genuinely sympathise with you for that, you need to understand that it is not an apologism to ensure that all perpetrators get their share of the blame.
• You're an angel, you were born to be his guardian after we pass.
• Mostly my sewing style is full on Monet, the farther you are the best it looks, but for the love of everything that is nice in the world, don't look at it too closely."
• But we have reusable rockets now! Getting to space is now only really expensive instead of stupidly expensive!
• The spoon. You can improve on it by making it comically large.
• I'm not actually sure it's entirely sane to pretend to be insane.
• White birds soar against the bright blue sky, flapping their wings like rippling waves, wavering in shades of bright and shadow, all odd. An illusion of separation, above and below, pushed aside in each flap, each swoop, each interweaving motion of the flock...
• In the debate over 'which of these two people is bat-shit crazy and lying to me', never rule out both.
• The tesla feels like a car designed by software engineers. It has a lot of cool features but it fucks up basic car stuff like turn signals and windshield wipers.
• Everything is conditional. You can't always anticipate the condition.
• Okay, we named all of the horses. Clearly this was the most important thing to do.
• At least in our universe people aren't expounding on how not shite it is. There's a catharsis to this honest pessimism, but there's also hope, a potential for optimism. We know things are bad, and so we know it could be better. We know it will get better.
• I drink because my mind is spread like socks across many different loaves of not quite toast. Except I don't because apparently everything is already spinning.
• Your identity isn't a political discussion.
• Real friends are the ones who stick by you during your darkest days, and have the guts to call you out on negative behaviors and actions, because they want the best for you. If you have people who only hang with you during your best, but not your worst, then they're not really your friends. I don't know if there was ever any moment she stuck with you during a dark time in your life, but based on this, she abandoned you when you needed a friend the most.
• Glimpses beyond infinity are now given to freshmen math students as homework assignments, and they don't seem especially prone to go mad. For that matter, dumbarses who haven't glimpsed anything also go mad. We just don't care because it's not a good story.
• If you heard a really good gardener went crazy, would you say 'learning the secrets of horticulture... planted the seeds of madness'?
• Look at me, boy! I am the headlight in the darkness! I have bent a thousand times but never broken! The world has worked this body over until nothing but the primal urge to survive remains, and I still got up, put on my clothes, did my hair, made your damned oatmeal, and pushed forward! Forward, by god! Forward we lurch into the dim horizon! We all go together where we all go alone!
• There's so much wrong with how science works, but it's never the stuff people think is wrong.
• Given enough time, probability will crowd out hope, then crowd out the desire for it.
• I did a thing one time at that place.
• Sometimes I do then I be like I did.
• Sometimes freezing really is the right thing to do, sometimes fleeing is the right thing to do, sometimes putting yourself in harms way is the right thing to do, sometimes fighting is the right thing to do. In situations like that, unless you're somehow trained for them, it seems like your body just kind of randomly picks one.
• Having a disability is awful, it is not brave, it does not build character. It hinders your life in more ways than a healthy person could ever imagine.
• It's easy to say what's the right thing to do when it's not your life.
• Surely you wouldn't force a man to pay alimony to a cat, right?
• You know that two sharps can make a blunt.
• I didn't understand it wasn't normal at the time.
• What the actual kentucky fried fuck happened here.
• The dumbest thing I got punished for at school was running an illegal Guatemalan cattle market in the basement.
• I think we can all learn something about not letting our lack of limitations stop us from becoming the victim in every social situation.
• Money doesn't make good people. I've pretty consistently found the opposite, actually.
• You can't buy class.
• Now class, the technology ghost is here, please do not make eye contact or acknowledge them in any way, because they are beneath us...
• I am 100% sure you cannot 'accidentally' put mayo into a laptop with a syringe.
• You, sir, are a first rate sister.
• Americans don't have maps so they can't know where things are.
• Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
• It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
• Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
• No work is insignificant. All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence.
• Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof.
• Just because you're trash doesn't mean you can't do great things. It's a garbage can not a garbage cannot.
• Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
• I read of a man who stood to speak at a funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning... to the end. He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke of the following date with tears, but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years. For that dash represents all the time they spent alive on earth and now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth.
• Corruptissima re publica plurimae leges.
• Silence in the face of evil is itself evil. Not to speak is to speak, not to act is to act.
• But so I think, I think it would be, I think it would be very, very, I think we'd have a very, very solid, we would continue what we're doing, we'd solidify what we've done, and we have other things on our plate that we want to get done.
• Imaginary mountains build themselves from our efforts to climb them, and it's our repeated attempts to reach the summit that turns those mountains into something real.
• People always say you only live once, no no no. You only die once, you live every single day.
• There might not be angels, but there are people who might as well be angels.
• Words are permanent. Someday you'll say something you'll wish you could take back.
• You ever know anybody who's just too nice? Then you realize it's annoying because they remind you of what you're not, that you'll never be as good as they are. And then you think, why can't I? And before you know it, that naive idiot you laughed at has made you a better person.
• Coincidences 100% exist. In a world with billions of people, absurdly unlikely events are a reality.
• No matter the heights we ascend or the depths we fall there are lessons to be learned. Perspectives change; what matters doesn't.
• Who are you? I'm the answer. Look. Why are you here? You believe in reason above all else. There must be a reason. You have something to tell me. Yes. Who am I? That's asking, not telling. Who are you? You know who I am.
• It's only a chicken allergy. I can eat eggs. Not sure about feathers. It's also not severe. Funny enough, most chicken nuggets don't have enough chicken to make me seriously react.
• I don't joke about things falling from the sky.
• Company is the most tender confession. It can be fixed on the suitcase and you can travel anywhere. See a doctor / beauty / bath / convenient to carry.
• Regardless of how miserable and exhausted I was, my first thought was only ever 'I need to be able to take care of this tiny, useless human being'.
• Look! Here is my tiny useless human. It cannot do anything. It relies on me for everything. All it does is sleep, poop, and cry, but it's MY LITTLE HUMAN.
• The only way I've become at all proficient in arithmetic is from teaching calculus for over a decade. I messed up a simple addition fact in a lecture (the sum of two numbers less than 20) just this past week.
• I discovered the fun of glue in third grade, god help me. Glue everywhere, on everything. I'm talking from experience about destructiveness, because I was a nightmare that year.
• Let this be a lesson to you kids. Stick to weed and shrooms. Lest you find yourself desperate to cry but unable over the loss of Cory Monteith in the cast of Glee.
• That's the wonderful thing about asking. It exists.
• How do you know what it's like to have a blood clot on your dick unless you actually do? Some things you just hvae to try to find out.
• It's funny 'cause it's true. It's also sad 'cause it's true.
• Learn to speak spanish. Now learn to speak italian. Now subtract the spanish from the italian. You are left with french.
• My hobbies are photoshopping human legs on birds and building miniature furniture. I don't go bragging about them and saying 'I'm working on my hobby' will suffice.
• You found yourself a wild nutjob. Try not to let her ruin your day.
• Selective mutism is never a good sign.
• People don't show up at 3AM because someone moved in and they threw a fit. That's like an 8PM activity at the latest.
• Everything's a crisis for teens.
• There is no one more blind than the one who does not want to see.
• Soft spoken. Polite. Pleasant. An oddity, standing out not as something strange or unusual, but simply right at home, always right at home in whatever the situation...
• Life goals is to be a foul-mouthed old lady on a bus.
• You work in a type of business where the asses of animals will be subjects. You have an issue with the word ass. You are an asshole. Simple, really.
• There is a big difference between using swear words in conversation and swearing at someone.
• Don't give up on something you can't see.
• He drew the movie set on the floor in ink. It was widely praised for being a daring way of doing movies, but he was really just trying to deduct the floors in taxes.
• Sometimes the hardest thing to do is show someone mercy, especially when they don’t deserve it. It says a lot about the kind of person you are.
• You think there are errors in it. You lack faith.
• Moving a piano is not a small task. There are professional piano movers for a reason, and all they do is move pianos.
• I don't like the mistruths. They make us not trust the insane truths.
• Last week we somehow managed to invent Chess 90. It's chess but you turn the board 90 degrees and roll dice to move. Bizarrely, the game works.
• People tend to think that people who lived hundreds of years before us were stupid because they didn't have our technology and were superstitious. Humanity has always been the same.
• It's not so much history that repeats itself, but rather that human errors repeat themselves because human nature as a whole doesn't change.
• Your life is as devoid and meaningless as everyone around you. It's easy to realize everyone else is dumb, irrational, and generally makes decisions based on feelings, not some well reasoned thought pattern. It's much harder to realize you are almost certainly in the same boat.
• Just because you don't understand what I'm doing or you find it weird doesn't make it wrong or illegal. I do mixed media art out of my van. Cops look at me like I'm a fucking alien.
• So far, not a single scientific model was even close to being 100% accurate at anything; but they worked. Our current models have things we can't explain or things that don't work - like that conservation of energy just doesn't apply to relativity, etc. We'll probably never have a complete theory of everything, but rather keep amending the models we already have with new bits to make them jive with newly collected experimental data, or just throwing stuff out and starting anew when we realize that we were completely off-track, or even, just being honest in admitting that we don't know something. And still there are people who can't get it. But every invention on history is a testament to someone showing an understanding of how things in this universe work, and applying our vast yet minuscule knowledge of stuff in general.
• Even if something doesn't directly affect you, but helps tens of thousands or millions other people, it will, at some point, indirectly affect you or your loved ones.
• Words equal power. A good speech can change the world. No one, absolutely no human being is above others. Being dumb isn't a bad thing, being sad isn't a bad thing. A life is worth anything we could lose.
• The person who is naked is never the person you want to see naked.
• This is a travesty of the highest order. I want my worm cat to be as fabulous as my color pallets allow.
• Due to the advancement of repository technology, it only takes half a year for a team of developers to do the monthly work of one developer.
• If I could just, wouldn't I just?
• Redlinks are important. They show you what's still missing, and that it could and should be created.
• Everything is fine and since he didn't actually rape or murder you, your feelings aren't valid.
• You're the opposite of a fair-weather friend. You're a... shit-weather friend.
• As a horror writer, I can now confirm to you with evidence that anything can be horror. I just watched a man's face curl up in abject terror at the words 'Why Is It Still Outside My House?'
• Yeah your middle name is where you put the stupid name, that's why mine is Middle.
• Princess Consuela Banana-Hammock did it better.
• WHY IS THERE SO MUCH OTTER CHARACTER ART
• Seeing that they would condemn my sister and mother to suffer just to say that this baby was born has made me more pro choice than anything else could. No God would demand that of a caring race. It was cruel and inhumane.
• Please do not go to therapy with someone who is abusive. All it does is teach them new ways to hurt you.
• If your immediate response to kicking someone in the crotch is not horror and an immediate apology, it's kind of immaterial whether it was intentional or not.
• Be charitable with your own money and resources and not other people's.
• Yes, it'd be terrible if she stole a shed. Sheds are important and it would take a lot to get past that. Don't steal sheds.
• Hey psst, wanna buy some cubes.
• The spirit world needs holes in things. It's how you know it's the spirit world.
• Now we're acting like a region.
• If, and if, my arse were pointy.
• I'm not mad, not even close. I'm just so indescribably sad and disappointed.
• A lot of folks, when they feel bad about something, ignore it and pretend it didn't happen, which is a really shitty coping mechanism.
• People seconds away from death aren't thinking straight.
• You are an autonomous being and deserve to spend your time off how you want.
• If it's not fun, why do you do it?
• How could you possibly emotionally manipulate a baby? It's a baby!
• God dag, mann. Økseskaft!
• Anything could be good. Very little ever is.
• I stand alone, my soul and me, beneath the mask that others see.
• How in the world does someone hate beef stroganoff?
• Don't start none, won't be none.
• If you have heart problems don't eat random plants and see a doctor.
• No slime on the school bus.
• My great uncle had a stop sign installed in his honour. He had three crashes at the same intersection.
• If you publish a fucking novel and can't even surpass a fanfic of cartoon horses in quality, just don't publish at all.
• Infinite Jest. The best way I can describe it is 'The big, deep book about people written by a guy who reads big, deep books about people and knows how to write a big, deep about people and every part of the book is him showing us how he's writing the big, deep book about people, but we never get any big, deep insights about people to go along with the knowledge that this book sure was written to give them to you!'
• There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.
• Lovecraft has the problem where his sentences are extremely difficult to parse, and then when you do figure out what it means, it turns out it's him talking about how native americans are genetically inferior.
• 90% of what he says seems very sensible and good advice, and then you get to the batshit crazy cherry on top it's hard to take anything else he says seriously.
• I have uttered the words 'don't lick the headlights'.
• Why are birds? When is blue?
• So, this is the story you made up about who you are. It's a nice one. Too bad it isn't true.
• My mom microwaves her coffee about 7 times a morning while everyone is still asleep. It's the same cup of coffee.
• I didn't know people actually bought the food at Target. I always thought it was kind of just a decoration.
• I really enjoy sitting on my ass doing nothing.
• I am the world's most amazing piece of shit!
• Woman in her fifties we barely knew. A neighbor who we would wave at when she walked her dog. She asked to use the bathroom, and we said sure. 45 minutes later she left hurriedly, and we had a bathtub iced with shaving foam.
• Let's be real. There are literally no jobs where it's impossible to make mistakes. The internet contains plenty of proof of that.
• OHIO MUST BE ELIMINATED. THIS IS MERELY AN ESCALATION OF A FARCE BETWIXT MYSELF AND AN ASSOCIATE OF MINE.
• Ohio exists and it is only corn.
• Zinc is just budget Cadmium.
• What's big, gray, and can't swim? A castle.
• A blind man walked into a bar. And several tables and chairs
• I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
• What's the difference between an orange?
• 5 billion neutrinos walk into a bar. One says 'Ouch!'
• American gas stations are magical places. Depending on state laws, they can sell things like alcohol, firearms, fireworks, diet pills, imitation viagra, pornography, sex toys, and trucker hats. One of my favourite things about the US is going to random country gas stations and seeing all the weird shit they sell.
• Life is not a movie. You have to take people at face value.
• I was in the infinite. Reality I was gone for about 10 minutes. It hits hard fast and takes you deep. Then it's mostly gone with kinda of unsettling but very comfortable disconnect from reality for about an day. Like everything felt a little less real for awhile.
• When you look at it for a long time, grass is really disgusting. It moves like worms.
• Horse came by grazing, and its lips gathering in living grass in this febrile intense elaborately active way was a lot to try and take in...
• 'Everyone is different and I'm okay with that.' Wrote that right before I tried walking down a hallway and it flattened on me.
• Oh. So this is what it's like to not be full of my own shit. This is glorious.
• I was looking out at the wall of a room but in my eye I was seeing infinitely, kind of like a never ending runway. Another time I thought I went too far because I had to close my eyes and these pulsing patterns were too much, and as I lay I think on my bed, in the fetal position, terrified and focusing on breathing, I had a sensation of going inside out, like a rubber glove you peel off your hand and the glove is left inside out.
• We're all just human beings trying to do what we think is best for ourselves at the time. We make each decision based on our biology and all of our experiences. Do any of us have free will?
• This universe would not exist if we weren't here to perceive. I am the observer. I am god. I am you. You are me. All our bodies are is a conduit to experience the infinite consciousness that makes this universe exist.
• Death is an illusion. It's more akin to changing your clothes than an end.
• Widely reported this morning by Bay Area photographers: The algorithms in their phones don't want to believe the sky is this orange, so it's hard to capture it accurately. Photographers are busting out their old cameras.
• Kink shaming is my kink.
• Accommodation for other people's issues only extends as far as they are willing to address their own problems and work on them.
• Part of the reason that hospitals make calls to emergency contacts in the first place is because so much gets forgotten in the pandemonium.
• This isn't 'getting past ethical and moral rules' in a vacuum. It's balancing the morality of two different things - neither one is absolute.
• Other people having delicious cake will make my cake less delicious.
• That has bones. I also have bones. That's so fucked up. Why would I eat something that has bones?
• The reason your third eye 'sees' more than your two eyes is because it is blind.
• The person you want when you're dying isn't the same as you want when you're living.
• Never leave a wrong to ripen into evil.
• We've taught her not to go looking for trouble, but if trouble finds her, well then we want her to win.
• How do you know you're alive if you've never been dead like before you were born? And everything lined up perfectly for you to be here at this exact moment.
• How do we know that cat still exists when it's in the box?
• Jesus Christ people, flatten the boxes out and stack them on the floor of your closet like a normal human.
• I get the worst vertigo in deep clear water. It's like being in a high place, but there is nothing to hold on to.
• Why do you base your political ideology more on who you are against rather than what you are for?
• I'm watching an empire fall and we all know it but if we say something we're being 'dramatic' or something. When... shit is real out here. People really are not paying attention, and being bombarded by every side... it's terrifying what people believe, and what they are willing to risk over superficial differences.
• Fuck that I will continue eating 23 Oreos when I get hungry.
• Privacy is a modern invention. Towns used to be too small to keep any secrets.
• If the crew can't be bothered to go to the bathroom outside I can't imagine they are taking the time to do everything else properly.
• Every omission sets a new standard.
• In my experience one- to two-year-olds consistently enjoy nothing more than launching themselves backwards and arching their entire body so they're impossible to keep hold of. Bonus points if they kick out really hard when they're doing so or manage to headbutt you on the chin.
• And that was interesting. Because I can no longer hate him, instead, I pity him. He had a sucky life, and it isn't his fault he's a racist. That's just how he grew up. I learned other stuff about him as well, but the main thing I learned was he wasn't a racist, or a boomer; or an asshole; or a rich, lonely, old man. He was Daryl. He was a person, and a nice one at that.
• Until something is explicitly made illegal, it's legal and it can take a while for the law to catch up to reality, especially with how fast technology is changing. There have been lots of times when something happened where people agreed it was morally wrong, but technically legal.
• Okay, I know that houseplants are popular again, but they're still not 1970s level popular where even everyday suburban houses had custom integrated planters in, like, their stairwells.
• The pizza hut roof is actually called a Dutch gable.
• Never before have I seen such a convoluted combination of modern and traditional in a single house.
• This is my favourite colour and even I can admit that it does not work well for carpets.
• Frankly I respect the sheer commitment to saccharine pink and teal.
• They figured out it was forged, and now, for some reason, they don't believe anything I say.
• Why is it always the religious men who end up being the most creepy?
• A language is a dialect with an army.
• Due to a poor swearing vocabulary of us Slovenes, we borrow a lot from the seemingly inexhaustible motherload of swearing within the Serbo-Croatian language. The most brutal ones are curses, literal ones, like this one, 'dabogda, ti žena rodi krvavo djete', roughly translating to 'God willing, your wife gives birth to a bleeding babe'.
• In the Balkans, the mother is sacred to a son, and unless you're ready to throw down, you don't go there. Some will just give you a punch or a pimp-slap to cool you down if you're friends, some are ready to kill you for it though. And weirdly, between brothers and the very best of friends, once you get to the level of jokingly insulting another guys mother or sister without him grabbing your throat, you know you've made a friend for life.
• It is all Serbian, and may dog fuck his mother to the end of the world and back.
• What did he want you to do? Drop the dog as a sacrifice?
• Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
• People are spending over a thousand dollars every other year to take marginally better pictures of their food.
• I have a cute little basket on the back of the porcelain throne with rolls in it. And some lemons. It's classier than hell.
• You're so punk you even rebelled against the established punkness of punkhood itself! Now, that's punk!
• It's not just a duty to wear them, it's an honour. I'd sooner salute some rando bogan trail blazing down the street on a Posties Bike, drinking a VB at 8:30 in the fuckin mornin' with his mullet whipping in the wind, than our own countries flag.
• Whenever you cook duck, wear pants.
• If you need to make shit up like that to justify your beliefs, you don't really believe in them.
• The whole point of the internet is to be picky.
• The spork is 'the devil's utensil' because it is the amalgamation of the masculine fork and the feminine spoon and is trying to blur gender lines in society.
• I know pain. You think you can handle it, and then one day you can't.
• The mech, despite its canister throwing arm that throws canisters, can't throw canisters.
• If all the water drains into hell, bicycles are the new boats.
• Rather than spend a fortune on funky business cards or hours memorising people's blog posts, the most effective way to connect in the tech industry may instead be to kill and eat them.
• Somewhere along the lines, owning a gun stopped being a responsibility and turned into an entitlement with no accountability.
• No true king has to say 'I am king'.
• Oop, down I go.
• Real change comes from within.
• When someone is insecure, it is generally because they lacked security as a child.
• A clean reactor is a happy reactor.
• After a vigorous debate, the committee did what what it does best: given a choice between N alternatives, it produced a choice between N+1 alternatives.
• BEHOLD, THE BLOB.
• Reading a recipe book thing, and the entry to one side mentions 'Blueberries, hulled'. Blueberries have HULLS?!
• Wikia's office in Poznań may be by a lake, but it's a cold lake. and it smells bad.
• Can you breathe today? I just opened my window for the first time in weeks. Now I'm going outside!
• Your dad can only fall asleep in his dinner plate in fine dining establishments so many times before you realize he's definitely on drugs.
• It's okay, it's just another lesson in impermanence.
• He is a fucking moron, but I love him and look up to him.
• i did gooderer today, i social mediaed. sorry couldnt resist.
• He legitimatey thinks that getting a drivers license allows the 'government' to come in and rape your women (I didn't inquire as to whether that was handled by a specific US Rapist Department, but I digress). He thinks you should be able to get out of a speeding ticket by just... refusing it? I don't know, I haven't suffered enough brain damage to fully comprehend most of the things my father believes.
• I'm sure the bill, instead of starting with 'WHEREAS' like normal, started with 'CAN'T BELIEVE WE HAVE TO SAY THIS'.
• We ourselves hate ourselves. We do not smile, because it is regarded as crazy. There is even a saying, something like: 'A smile for no reason is a sign of a stupid person'.
• And here we have a paedophile cleverly disguised as a detached house.
• If you wanna act useless at 50, you're old.
• To everyone else, the world is full of junk, meaningless, empty, broken things. But to Nina, every shape, every colour, texture, smell, they all tell a story, they're all worth treasuring. I wouldn't wish what she has on anyone, but every now and then I get a glimpse of what she sees...
• Cats are not stationary objects. If one moves into your house, surely you have no obligation to do anything?
• Last I checked, eternity is actually longer than a life sentence.
• I'm used to lots of things. I work at Wal-Mart.
• "Everyone is awful." Customer service in a nutshell.
• New styles take getting used to, that doesn't entitle people to be mean about it. I hope angry geese chase them across a vast, open field.
• Between lady foxes in heat sounding like women being murdered, barn owls screeching like tortured souls, whatever it is that crunches across my gravel drive at 3am, and idiots who let their cats roam at night, the dark is full of interesting noises.
• I was always so afraid of losing my mind. And then I did, and discovered I never really needed it to begin with.
• The atrocities my toddlers have committed with ketchup. Ketchup and strawberries. Ketchup and oranges. Ketchup by itself. Ketchup and gummies. God.
• Things are going to keep getting worse on our planet and we are in for some serious human tragedy.
• There are no corners here. How can you get lost in a place with no corners?
• Cat is amazing because he just shows up out of nowhere like a monolith when I'm prone on the floor.
• They abandoned him because of honour, but now they are dishonoured by having abandoned him.
• why the fuck did I come here? It's super uncomfortable being there, and it's not like you can really mingle or anything. It feels like you're giving a presentation in front of an arena full of people, but about a topic you know nothing about. It is.... incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. It's like the chicken salad sandwich from 7-11. It tastes like shit. I know it tastes like shit. And yet, I keep eating them.
• It's like having invisible dwarves dragging silk scarves all over you.
• Parents are the bane of my existence and never cease to amaze me with the lengths they will seemingly go to cause damage to their children.
• THERE'S A MUTHAFUCKA IN Y'ALL'S BACKYARD AND I DON'T WANT TO SHOOT Y'ALL IF Y'ALL IN Y'ALL'S LIVING ROOM!
• Scarcity includes a hope of better things to come. Though it may not be real, the hope drives you onwards nonetheless. But in poverty all hope has been lost. All that's left is bitterness.
• People define honour as whatever makes them feel honourable. It's a circle going nowhere. It's what circles do.
• Fate is a double edged porcupine.
• Man, I have no idea how to play her. I don't even know how to summon the hair hands. They just show up to win the game for me. All speedy speedy and shooty shooty.
• He experienced the consequences, whether he learned anything or not.
• How can you believe in dark matters, but not dark spirits? Is the idea of demons so different from the Higgs boson? We cannot see it, be we can see the impact of its presence.
• I'm sorry, I wasn't familiar with hooker protocol.
• We've shared a variety of situations.
• You spent your whole life looking for the truth. Sometimes the truth just sucks.
• I'm not going to stop doing drugs! It's reality that sucks.
• You'll do the honest thing. You'll lie.
• What about God? You were leaving, and then you stopped. Why? Your theory is I'm not leaving, because I believe in God? What, he's calling me home? Maybe falling through that floor was a sign. Maybe that the universe hates you - something. You really don't believe? Really? Not in some deep crack of some remote recess of some dark corner of your mind?
• Pascal's wager is facile. Saying it's facile is facile.
• Don't be logical. Be desperate. You've got to have something to hold on to. You can't live your life based on something you don't believe. But you can end your life based on something you don't believe? What about love?.
• He's happy. He's dead.
• This is a reason to die. This is what my life could've been, not what it can be. If it could've been, you're capable of it now.
• Is this hell? An eternity of people trying to convince me to live?
• I think you've suffered enough. You've given enough. I think you deserve a chance to just... give up. You accepted his choice, that ending the pain was better than the pain. Why can't you give yourself that gift?
• You know it's the same, or you wouldn't be bickering with me while the flames lick at your feet. You're afraid of this decision, and you are trying to argue until fate takes it out of your hands.
• I appreciate your attempts to make my flesh more perfect. By making it less flesh.
• Funny. My husband had some very expensive dental work done on his upper front teeth. His dentist recommended eating everything with a fork and knife. No biting. It's better for those beautiful, expensive teeth.
• They say eliminate your stress... living is stressful, suicide?
• Of course life isn't fair. But that doesn't mean the pursuit of fairness is worthless. If anything, the struggle against a unbalanced system is the modern equivalent of fighting the gods of old. I am Hercules; and this is my task.
• I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe.
• Did you watch that really boring second quarter from last night's game? Man that was fun to watch neither team doing anything.
• To disdain, first you must comprehend the dain.
• I'm going to see if I can't get the galaxy to just politely agree to serve as eggs. I'm confident in my ability to manipulate the galactic senate to leverage my strengths to force people into accepting things they really don't want.
• I live off sugar, carbs, beans, and coffee.
• If you don't like it, don't look!
• Few things make you feel more worthless than job hunting.
• I mean sometimes you just gotta make a pie when you're in a fight.
• I sat there, dressed up and alone. I finished my pint and went home.
• LVM is complex to set up and administer only because nobody seems to believe in writing usable drive partitioning tools in linux. Hint: if I have to run one command to find out how much space a drive has free and then copy/paste that number exactly into another command within the same package/software suite, you failed at usability.
• Don't even have to buy it. Man, free whippets were all the rage in the 90s.
• Any number of garden gnomes is a suspicious purchase.
• Sometimes what the dog enjoys is the ripping, not chewing. Our golden retriever gets such a blissful look on her face when she's pulling the stuffing out of a toy.
• Sometimes I like to rub myself in vaseline, roll on the floor, and pretend that I'm a slug.
• People who drown other people in jargon are generally covering up sophistry with verbosity.
• I saw pig where there once was not pig.
• Dog carcass in alley this morning tire treads on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I've seen its true face.
• I remember my childhood names for grasses and secret flowers. I remember where a toad may live and what time the birds awaken in the summer - and what trees and seasons smelled like - how people looked and walked and smelled, even the memory of odors is very rich.
• Write the story elsewise. It's all of this. It's none of this. It's a love-letter told to a dream.
• Everybody is running from something. They may not know it, and they may not fear it, but still they run. Some even run from running itself. And yet the bullet you're running from is almost never the one that hits you.
• It began with a promise. It began long before that. Each twist is prefaced by a choice. Each turn presents something new. You choose how to proceed, and sometimes you choose wrong. Sometimes the turn chooses for you. Sometimes the turn chooses wrong. On a scale of one to invade Russia in the winter, how bad is your idea?
• In practice, there is only so far you can go, so much you can do, so much you can say. Nevermind practice. This isn't practice. This is a treatise by the narrator, an examination of could-have-beens, an aside from the GM. We can talk about anything. Let's talk about anything.
• Every prison takes its certain shape. Some cages are gilded, some barren, some empty and dead. Some exist in wilderness, in solitude under the open sky. Some are clear, others not so much. A lifetime spent without purpose. A purgatory awaiting death. A sentence suspended. Painful care taken at every turn.
• You want the answer? You want the end? There is no answer; there is no end. There is only now. In every instance, now, now, now, ever-changing now. Nothing else matters. There is nothing else. Enjoy your purgatory of the now.
• Life twists and turns. You don't see it coming. That's the whole point, right? One moment everything looks hopeless; the next it's all changed. One little thing turns all of perception on its head. But despair lingers. The seeds remain, buried. Falter. Tire. Drink. And remember.
• There are those who bear disliking. There is merit to fear. We need depth, angles, perspective.
• Even in a complex system, there is no such thing as luck. All possibilities play out according to what occurred elsewise, bubbling outwards, interacting and converging over time and space in a series of disastrous coincidences, guided and defined by what men would call the 'laws of numbers'. These laws of numbers, these probabilities, are limited only by what functions are known, and by the very perceptions of those who know them. The paths are not linear, and may diverge. And so there are different outcomes in different stories, even with the same base numbers, the same pasts, the same events. Roll the dice. Reset the game. All is known, and the world still is not what it seems. The maths tell all, but there is not all to tell.
• The man who has seen it all has not. He has seen lies, and horror, and betrayal. He has seen what people are, and the monsters that linger beneath their masks. He has seen demons, and been held in their sway. But he cannot see angels, for they wear the same masks as the demons. He cannot see love, because it looks no different from fear. And you cannot help him. Every truth you could possibly tell him he has already heard as a lie.
• The forest is an ocean. The deeper you go, the stranger things get, the deeper the forest becomes, the darker. There are thousands of unknowns, and in the darkness, the species get bigger, scarier, more dangerous. Instead of whales there are giant elder deer. Instead of trenches there are taller trees and tangled roots and deep jagged creeks. You can walk across the ocean, but in these depths you will need to climb over the mountainous roots. You will see the need for size. Darkness clings to the monsters here, hanging. Is there another side? Or beyond the ocean is there only more ocean?
• The soft vibrating that you feel in your bones, it is nothing more than the humming air, handsaws twanging, cats purring too many to hear. Do you have a problem with silence?
• The nature of the universe is transient, a shadowplay of observation. What is observed is. What happens here affects elsewhere. Elsewhere is and always was right here all along.
• Momentum is a moment that gains traction. A single victory saves us all. A single loss may doom us all. Spread your perceptions wide if you wish to survive.
• I've been cooking by myself for a while, and I realise I've been starting to make Early Apocalypse Onset Meals. I just made a pot containing rice, frozen peas, some frozen corn I found in a corner of the freezer, and Mystery Ground Meat. It contains the concept of nutrition without actually being a meal, and only noticing the concept of Food out the corner of its eye in a crowded square and pulling its hat down, trying not to be noticed.
• Slaw is such an American take on salad. 'If I must have delicious, healthy raw vegetables, let me add a kilo of mayonnaise.'
• Yes.
• I don't know what I would've done without the public library. The librarians were some of the only people anywhere that would treat me like an actual human.
• Windows is a collection of 30+ years of cruft that somehow operates as an OS. It's like the digital version of the junk drawer you have in a kitchen: useful items, surrounded by tons of stuff that you don't dare throw away because you have A) no idea what's it for anymore, and B) it might be useful one day.
• Once you're a part of a system, it becomes natural to protect the system.
• Little inefficiencies add up.
• I'm more comfortable not wearing pants but people kept coming and going so I pretended to wear shorts for three days by just laying them over my legs. My parents were concerned to say the least.
• Even if someone functions it doesn't mean they're okay, or even if someone seems happy. Not everything's so black and white and people need to start understanding that.
• No one 'wins' in a fight, they just get injured the least.
• Remember, Apple won't let the villain use an iPhone. So if everyone is using Apple phones except for one person, you found the bad guy.
• On the Metro, an individual sitting across from me looked me in the eye, took his 20 ounce Pepsi and turned it over above his head, rotating it around saying 'flies... FLIES... flies...' without breaking eye contact.
• Isn't this rain wet today?
• This cat is worth about fifty bucks and a knifing.
• I finally figured it out! See, they want you to tell them truth, but they don't want all of the truth. Like today. She asked how I'm feeling, and today I just said 'You know, I'm feeling really good!' when what I was actually thinking was 'I'm feeling really good, and also, I wonder what your face would taste like if I cut it off and ate it.' Like that. They don't actually want all of the truth.
• A gift doesn't have conditions, a contract does.
• Believe in potato, for potato believes in you.
• Blasphimer! Only Lord Helix can save your soul!
• Imagine if a corn field maze were to become sentient and then planned out an even more complicated maze of its own. That maze would be easier to navigate than a Texas suburb.
• I'll never stop being fascinated by the double standard people hold for intoxication. Its a mind altering substance and you can't be held responsible for any decisions you make while doing so, can't consent to anything, etc. Until you hurt someone. Then, not only did you apparently know precisely what you were doing, you deserve extra punishment because you were so incredibly irresponsible. And the drunker you were, i.e. literally more impaired and less likely to know what you're actually doing, the more people condemn you. It's honestly hilarious.
• Evildoers will meet their end, an eternal death.
• We put round pizzas in squared boxes to eat them in triangles.
• 'Vaccines cause autism' gives people a weird sense of comfort. You can direct all your anger and frustration at them, Big Pharma or doctors or whoever sell vaccines. They purposely cause autism, just for money. Because, what's the alternative? The truth? 'We don't know what causes autism, but it's definitely not vaccines. No, we can't tell you what does cause it and we can't cure it. It'll just randomly happen to some people without any reason and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.' People would rather live in a world with a clearly defined monster they can fight than a nebulous lack of information.
• What scared us so fucking bad, and was so dangerous that we evolved to be afraid of almost, but not quite human creatures?
• The chilling fact that the also in between her ears are unimpressively bacon just waiting to happen makes absolutely no sense.
• Cows eat grass, FUCKING GRASS, and become enormous. GRASS!
• You find people and go 'I like you. I can relate to you and you make me laugh. I'll add you to my collection.' And then you just do stuff and talk shit with them.
• A cheese-grater-like butt plug will be inserted into your corpse's anus so it does not leak fluids while being presented at the funeral home.
• A human head remains conscious for around 20 seconds after being decapitated.
• Drowning doesn't look like drowning. It looks like sinking.
• That's part of the job, kid. You ain't never truly repaired an elevator if you haven't found the purple dildo yet.
• Been there, except instead of being in the shower, I was putting my shoes in the oven. Not sure what my plan was.
• I can handle anything, anything at all, for one minute.
• I've had a dream today where I was trimming my fingernails, and as I trimmed the thumb nail, it popped open like origami and revealed a smaller thumb inside of it.
• I will never jeopardize the beans.
• If you want to operate on the default mode of assuming you're right and everyone else is wrong, you're going to have a terrible time functioning in society. Lines, traffic, call centers, and dealing with big business or government will always seem tedious to you. On the other hand, if you can view the world from a more understanding perspective you'll be able to relax and stop being such a dick.
• It's a tiny incestuous part of the industry and they gossip like old women. Correction, we all gossip like old women.
• No goodbye, No see you soon. English manners aren't what they used to be.
• Yorkshiremen keep their word. Even to a shower of soft shandy-sipping southerners like you lot.
• That's a very simplistic way of describing it but I don't have the time or the crayons to explain it to you, so, okay, let's say they're asking for prices for the job.
• Real life is inconveniently slow.
• Mark should be here, but he isn't.
• You're twitchy, shaking, and scared. You have the normal fear of not knowing what's going on, but with the virus really fucking the amygdala this is amplified a hundred fold. It's around this time the hydrophobia starts. You're horribly thirsty, you just want water. But you can't drink. Every time you do, your throat clamps shut and you vomit. This has become a legitimate, active fear of water. You're thirsty, but looking at a glass of water begins to make you gag, and shy back in fear. The contradiction is hard for your hot brain to see at this point. By now, the doctors will have to put you on IVs to keep you hydrated, but even that's futile. You were dead the second you had a headache.
• You begin hearing things, or not hearing at all, as your thalamus goes. You taste sounds, you see smells, everything starts feeling like the most horrifying acid trip anyone has ever been on. With your hippocampus long under attack, you're having trouble remembering things, especially family.
• You're alone, hallucinating, thirsty, confused, and absolutely, undeniably terrified. Everything scares the literal shit out of you at this point. These strange people in lab coats. These strange people standing around your bed crying, who keep trying to get you 'drink something' and crying. And it's only been about a week since that little headache that you've completely forgotten. Time means nothing to you anymore. Funny enough, you now know how the bat felt when he bit you.
• Then you die. Always, you die. And there's not one... fucking... thing... anyone can do for you.
• Then there's the question of what to do with your corpse. I mean, sure, burying it is the right thing to do. But the fucking virus can survive in a corpse for years. You could kill every rabid animal on the planet today, and if two years from now, some moist, preserved, rotten hunk of used-to-be brain gets eaten by an animal, it starts all over.
• geraffes are so dumb.
• Hey asshats quit downvoting me I am not the one who tried to eat the wall.
• He is speaking the language of gods.
• I told my girlfriend I am so sad of this, as to my opinion the baking of the beans and to freeze them has ruin all my beans. She say I am 'gone haywire' by my enragement and sad manners.
• I'm not a religious man nor am I anything close to a culinary expert. But as a bland white mid-western male I am honestly the most passionate person when it comes to grilled cheese and mac & cheese. All of you foodies stay the hell away from our grilled cheeses and stop associating your sandwich melts with them. Yet again, it is utter blasphemy and it rocks me to the core of my pale being.
• There is no god.
• I don't like it.
• I literally don't care if it's fake or not. It's called suspending disbelief for enjoyment.
• Every so often I'll find myself staring at an everyday object for a little longer than I should, trying to notice the irregular perspective. My life is fine, but I'm still scared of waking up.
• There was no lease, no signed agreement, I am not a 'landlord' and she is not a 'tenant'. She is just some person who was giving me some money each month and I let her stay in a room. That's it.
• It's that glorious crossroad, someone who is terribly ignorant, scared, and thinks they're in the right.
• I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.
• Living in a small town or community is a lot like living in the Twilight Zone.
• Here's the the thing with stuff. You can look at a problem from every angle and drive yourself crazy, but sometimes you just gotta huck a molotov cocktail at a drone and see what happens.
• You live your life, screw up a bunch of stuff, like, a lot of stuff, like to the point where people are like, 'This is messed up, even for florida.' But you can't hear them, because you fell into a the swamp trying to spraypaint a Taco Bell logo on a snapping turtle.
• Think about it as flattening the penises of their hearts.
• This place kills fun, and passion, and excitement and love, until all you have left are milkshakes.
• Someone who said they liked when washing their hands, the water went down their sleeves. Not just down their sleeves, but soaked the cuffs. 'It's refreshing,' they said. Safe to say that person is going to hell.
• Cereal is better with water than milk.
• I eat cereal with water.
• Why can't you fuck a coconut like a normal person?
• I get that your horny brain made you think that fucking a coconut was a good idea, that's not even what surprises me. But your brain is supposed to return to normal after you blow your load, so why did your normal brain tell you 'it's fine to leave an open coconut in a warm room with semen and butter in it' and most importantly how were you not disgusted at the idea of fapping by using your several days old semen as lubricant?!
• I think my favorite part of the story is the twenty minutes you spent drilling the hole in the coconut. That really show some serious commitment to your goals. Twenty minutes prepping a coconut for fornication and at no point do you stop to second guess yourself. Way to stand by your decision.
• That must have been a hoax. I want to believe that some lines won't be crossed.
• I've read it, and still refuse to believe it was real.
• Yes girls like edges of furnitures.
• I can't say as I've ever fucked a coconut, but at the same time I can't say I wouldn't have had it try to seduce me.
• I always thought 'go fuck a coconut' was to 'go do the impossible', but reddit proves me wrong again.
• I wish it was made up. I will never forget for my entire life the sensation of maggots on my nether regions.
• Its not as bad as your imagination - probably.
• I've always had a positive outlook on things and am drawn to feel good stories of recovery, forgiveness, reunion, etc, pretty much the 'return of the prodigal son'. But I never really thought about how those stories gloss over the pain and resentment of victims who are unable to forgive unforgivable actions but are inadvertently made to feel guilty and ashamed for feeling that way. We just kind of expect them to just automatically be the bigger person, eventually come to forgive, move on, if not now, then with the passage of the years.
• Today you, tomorrow me.
• Hoy por tí, mañana por mí.
• Whenever someone enters a restaurant, they greet everyone! They come in and say 'buenas tardes' and the whole restaurant says it back! Can you imagine that here?
• I'm learning one thing good... If you're in trouble or hurt or need - go to the poor people. They're the only ones that'll help - the only ones.
• But there's no cake that has the texture of fresh celery.
• The perspective of the lamp was odd, like inverted. It was still in 3D but... just... wrong. I was transfixed, I couldn't look away from it. I stayed up all night staring at it, the next morning I didn't go to work, something was just not right about that lamp.
• The lamp started to grow wider and deeper, it was still inverted dimensions, it took up my entire perspective and all I could see was red, I heard voices, screams, all kinds of weird noises and I became aware of pain... a fucking shit ton of pain...
• Sometimes I see my son, usually just a glimpse out of my peripheral vision. He is perpetually five years old and I can never hear what he says.
• Kevin and his world were very real. He was simultaneously everything wrong and everything right with the world. He was a testament to the fact that anyone can do anything. Last I heard, he wanted to join the Air Force.
• It's a side effect of teaching. When you spend a large amount of time explaining things to people, especially the same thing over and over again, you eventually just try to find new ways to say it so you don't bore yourself to death.
• Despite numerous tests and assessments and meetings and just overall study, no one could ever say he had any kind of learning disability. No IEP. No 504. No special file. No case worker or advocate. Just, Kevin, his mom, his dad, and zero brain matter.
• You have to remember than no one would have a child with someone that stupid unless they were also that stupid.
• Everything is real, even when it isn't.
• Crazy people see the cracks in reality because they're cracked, themselves.
• I don't think he was particularly lucky. Extremely average though, yeah.
• That's what you do when somebody gives you a phone, you play along.
• An employee who has made an awful mistake and was absolutely mortified over it will never do it again. A new guy might. Good managers know this.
• There is one spot that is perfect for a screw to fall into and if it does the seat won't eject in an emergency.
• Some people like to eat beets. No one knows why.
• Yesterday my mouth tasted like mud. Now it just tastes like sand. I never thought I'd miss the taste of mud so much.
• Kids, wear gloves when handling ghost peppers. It won't even wash off with isopropyl alcohol. Everything is contaminated, I must resign myself to pain.
• I don't know what to say. I mean, this exists! It's here! It's a real thing that someone actually wrote!
• Entertaining needn't be good.
• Every time punk comes back, the Strategic Safety Pin Reserve becomes overextended, putting our troops at risk of needing to rely on dangerous pins.
• Hippies are eating so many nuts in city parks that squirrels are dying.
• Well, it's a sewage system. Isn't it supposed to be crappy?
• There is no war within the walls. Here we are safe. Here we are free.
• I went to a wedding like this once.. It was at a fire station. Anyways they're divorced now. I guess even all the firemen there couldn't prevent that dumpster fire of a marriage.
• I have way too many ferrets. I get the 'meat is on sale, stock up the freezer' mentality.
• I feel like we have moved and are now homeless in another house.
• I just swallowed 8 Tylenol extra strength and 3 razor blades, whatcha gonna do about it?
• The secret ingredient... is crime!
• I often look around because I need an adult and then realize that's me and I gotta deal with this shit on my own.
• Life is long and complicated. You can never truly get a fresh start. Things wear you down over time. And you just get so tired. Getting excited about things is hard, and when you're an adult and you get excited about something, there's usually another adult in line that is ready to tear you down for it. Just because they're shitty and the only thing they get excited about, these days, is shitting on others.
• You don't fundamentally change, you are still you, even if you are older. It's the same you, you just need to survive in the adult world. You don't gain adult powers, you just have to do adult things.
• The world is cruel and harsh. Human compassion is one of the few mercy's that can exist in your life. If you aren't compassionate then you're neglecting one of the highest purposes of human existence. We bring light into the world with our compassion. Don't give up on that. We need more compassionate people in the world. If everyone decides to be selfish and hostile then our future will not be one that we enjoy living in. The world is what we make it, with every little action, the butterfly effect is true. Send out positive waves and try to make positive impacts in the world around you. Nothing else truly matters in the end besides the perpetuation of compassion and goodness.
• Just because I'm nicer to your boyfriend than you don't mean I want to fuck him.
• I wanted to ask why, but I felt like any conceivable answer would just beckon more questions.
• I'm not participating in their business, my third party is.
• I am a grey rock.
• Nobody wants to explain that islands don't float on the water.
• What the what
• That word salad was choice, my friend.
• Only those deprived of freedom have the barest inkling of what it really is.
• I read clumping bamboo spreads up to two inches a year. At that wild speed their house and entire yard maybe overrun in a few hundred years so be careful.
• But for one specific scene, it's a tie between the basement full of legless human cattle and the newborn baby barbeque.
• Wonderfully written book. A thought-provoking, philosophical masterpiece from one of the most brilliant thinkers on morality and sexuality who ever lived. I hated every minute of it. God I want to fucking burn every copy. Highly recommend. Don't read it.
• The Most Holy would like to remind the people that blasphemy against any who wear His mark is the most grave of sin and unfounded accusations will be punished accordingly. We should work to support He and His Men however possible just as they lay down their lives for us.
• The Unclean are not sinners, they are not products of our disobedience. I suspect they are us.
• It came from between the folds of time and space and worlds and light and dark. Something that is but should not be slipped in and called out to them as their god, and they believed it, and they tasted it, and touched it, and laid with it, and became its property and did its will, and IT IS STILL HERE.
• It is not a smell of the dead, it is a smell that comes from something that should be dead but does not know how to die.
• It didn't matter if you were crying, because your voice was too small to be heard.
• Strawberries are not berries, botanically. Their seeds are on the outside. However, bananas are berries.
• Take that imposter syndrome shit to the return desk and exchange it for brilliant conman syndrome, it'll change your life. Do you have great things in life? Shit yeah you do! Do you deserve them? Maybe! Maybe not! Do you deserve for good things to happen to you? Who gives a fuck! Will good things happen to you regardless? Fuck yeah they will! Get drunk on questionably placed power and tell the regret fairy to suck it cuz you're here to have a rad time!
• Retribution is not the same as resolution.
• The cat has to learn to deal with being enjiggled.
• You should look into this, because life isn't supposed to be this hard.
• You never realize how much noise a semi-sub rig makes until it just... stops...
• The scariest thing to find in the woods is people.
• Let's work the problem, people. Let's not make things worse by guessing.
• The sound of the wind going through my barn sounds like children laughing.
• There are so many easier ways to do that that I don't think anyone really bothers to take women to derelict oil rigs.
• Turns out goats' eyes reflect red at night, and they like staring in windows.
• Sitting a person down and having a group tell them everything bad they have done is severe bullying. Even if the person being sat down is truly an awful person, that tactic is so horrible that it is unacceptable.
• You can hear it creaking. It's the noise that something makes before it breaks.
• You're not dead until you're warm and dead.
• That's the thing about games. You're supposed to have a fighting chance. Things can only be stacked so much against you, and then the cards come around. But life is bigger. We call it different names, destiny, justice, karma, and try to tell ourselves the universe cannot be this unjust, but sometimes karma never comes around.
• I'm there to do my job and what I'm told to do.
• I wasn't thinking, 'This is Chris Lemons. This is the guy who's building a house. This is the guy who's engaged to be married.' He's a thing that needs to be taken from one place to another.
• It's gonna be okay.
• He won, then passed out.
• The room is quiet. My head apparently is not.
• What is now? A construct, an uncertainty. A way of moving through the world. But the now is fluid. It no longer holds. There is more to presence than the present.
• Trench coats fell out of fashion because of that weird kid in everyone's middle school.
• Homophobia itself is gay, 'cause if you're homophobic you're literally worried about what someone else is doing with their dick and that's preeetty gay.
• And I just remembered, I bought the goddamn wine on Sunday night but I ordered the hat Saturday. I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE EXCUSE OF BEING DRUNK.
• Time is a non-linear probability cloud where nothing is real and everything is permitted. We're talking non-binary states. There's no 'now'. Past and future are conceptual affordances that we use to instantiate a representational understanding of how we exist within space-time, by breaking it down into inaccurate but functionally usable specific definitions. Death is kinda the same thing.
• Eating, storing, googling pictures of, pasting pictures all over your coworker's cubicle while she's at lunch, or possessing bananas in any state of peeledness is sexual harassment and unacceptable in the workplace. Please keep your bananas to yourself.
• I was never angry with you. I was sad because I thought you'd lost your way.
• Potatoes are an aphrodisiac once you've turned them into moonshine.
• You are eating potatoes too suggestively.
• I've had a hard time making peace with the death of someone I loved very much, and now I'll try to remember this. It was my gain to know him.
• When you have the refill you can see the pellets, they are tiny and the whole bag is light as fuck even though it is huge. A beanbag chair is a whole ass chair and it will float on water even if you sit on it, it does not take the level of foresight belonging only to animals before a volcano or a tornado to know that you need a plan to handle them. What lack of perception is even necessary to not understand that these things will act worse than feathers. It is the glitter bomb of pillow stuffings and if you touch it at all it clings to the hand like the scales of Satan. How can any person make such a miserable mistake twice? It baffles me.
• I didn't even smoke it. I snorted some and my immediate thought was... 'I know why people get hooked'. I felt like superman. I was smarter, stronger, faster, etc. I could conquered all of my problems. Then my second thought was 'how can I get more'. And that scared me. I never touched it again.
• Opiates are just as dangerous but for a slightly different reason. That was like being wrapped in the warmest dizziest blanket where none of your problems exist and you can ignore them forever... as long as you can get more.
• A minimum wage job isn't worth getting stabbed over.
• Am I crying into a pillow over here? No. Crushed by anxiety? Only sometimes. But day after day of nothing... mattering? Is rough. Even eating food and showering are hard to get myself to do, and yet, do I feel better when I manage them? Not so you'd notice! And we do it all again tomorrow.
• You can't question the loyalty of a man who's been a Cleveland fan for decades.
• I knew I was hallucinating because the mini fridge light didn't come on when the door opened to talk.
• We don't need Hannibal, Caesar or Napoleon levels of military strategy, just don't be so dumb 90% of the audience can point out the very obvious flaws.
• There were so many ways to make it work and they chose none of them.
• The mind of the writer must be too complicated to understand.
• A lot of people you see walking away after being in close proximity to an explosion are actually 'dead walking' because their insides have been jellified by the shockwave. They just run on adrenaline until they eventually drop.
• I feel like it's misleading to call this a plot hole. That implies that there was a coherent plot to have holes in. I feel like Charlie's Angels 2 is really more of a series of inconsistencies and nonsense stitched together. Cinematic lace, if you will.
• Past tense 'yeet' is just 'yote'.
• With children you should remember that losing a toy or, in this case, a cap, can be one of the most upsetting things the child has experienced in their life so far.
• It's more than 'kids don't have perspective!' It's 'kids don't have a lot of opportunities in life to get things they like, so when they get something, it's extremely important to them'.
• The axe forgets but the tree remembers.
• They weren't cows inside. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they see sky, and they remember what they are.
• I honestly have no idea why my profile is labeled NSFW.
• In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony god's blessing. But because, I am enlightened by my intelligence.
• Something bad is happening to you, it's probably genetic, maybe your blood's too sticky. Try not to die.
• The second time is not as terrifying as the first time.
• I see saying hurtful things is something she shares with her bigot of a husband. She is a garbage parent and has the moral fiber of wet cardboard.
• Just because it's in my head doesn't make it any less real.
• If something is legal it is by definition ethical for business purposes.
• For a while I felt everyone was either stupid, a motherfucker, or a stupid motherfucker.
• Ah ok. Just your run of the mill meth-fueled identity theft ring. No biggy.
• I guess we didn't exactly set ourselves up to be the elegant criminal masterminds we imagined when we decided to call ourselves the 'Idiot Brigade'.
• Suicide will always be an option and you can keep it in your back pocket. For me, that makes me feel safe. But since it's always going to be an option, why not put it off one more day? You can always do tomorrow. You can always do it next week, next month or next year. It's never not going to be an option. So I got a kitten as a way to postpone it for myself. Right now suicide feels inevitable, and I am almost positive it's how I will die eventually. But for now I gotta hangout with my kitten.
• If you look for the light, you will often find it. If you look for the darkness, that's all you'll ever see.
• Amateurs train until they get it right, pros train until they can't get it wrong. The master has failed more than the student has tried.
• Questions don't tell you anything about a person. Only answers do. And how do we get answers, kids? That's right. Waterboarding. Now go to bed.
• You either die a Spongebob, or live long enough to become a Squidward.
• You can fit an entire bottle of wine into a Starbucks trenta cup.
• It takes around half an hour to literally die from laughter.
• Even brick walls need a foundation.
• You're not really living, you're just waiting to die.
• You got a lame, lame claim to fame!
• Time is relative. To say that time passes is to set a point in motion.
• Gestures hold transient meaning.
• Every word was chosen.
• Please keep reading.
• Everything that is understood is language. Numbers, too, are language.
• Moth eggs get everywhere.
• Events may repeat themselves, precede their causes, and take different forms in different stories. They are the same events.
• Small events gain traction. In time, they may demolish nations. Catch them as they start, and you may miss the true design.
• Insert metaphor as indicated in the instructions.
• Notes may provide context, but not meaning.
• Notes may provide meaning, but not context.
• A 'universe' is an artificial construct.
• This was all planned in retrospect.
• Words may be recycled.
• Gods lie.
• If this comment is removed, the program will blow up.
• There are consequences to every choice.
• There is sacrifice in every promise.
• There are toasters in the cat.
• Metaphors are part of the dialect. As they meld into phrases and are simplified into words, they become a part of the language.
• A vague class compounds meaning.
• Links may cross inter-universal boundaries.
• The same names appear in different stories. The same stories appear in different worlds. The same worlds appear in different realities.
• Not more owly.
• Do we have to make you a list, sweetling?
• Adults should only have to be told 'no' once.
• I always thought textbook sabotage was drawing tophats and monacles on the sperm cells in the 'reproduction' chapter.
• Anything is a drug if you're brave enough.
• Sir this is a Wendy's.
• Costco only exists because teenagers eat so much.
• There are little guilty pleasures in life you just want one last time, and if they going to die soon regardless, why deny them that little bit of happiness?
• The weirdest one was someone who bought nothing but $63 worth of store brand gelatin in about half a dozen flavors. I occasionally regret not asking.
• I still remember the very drunk French family who bought 10 pregnancy tests.
• All cashiers are dead inside. You could put a live eel on the belt and the best you'd get is the mild exasperation brought about by the damn thing not having a barcode.
• You're never too old for Tinkerbell.
• Nothing says 'family' like the whole family being dead.
• We all start as assholes.
• They exist in the math. I don't think anyone thinks they exist in real life.
• You're nosey for a cabbage.
• The atoms are crushed into their constituent subatomic particles, electrons and protons squeezed together to form neutrons, and what you have is basically neutron soup. This is what you find at the center of neutron stars - degenerate matter, held up by neutron degeneracy pressure, which we don't understand very well. Theoretically, you could squeeze further until the neutrons are torn apart into their constituent quarks. Most of the 'matter' inside a neutron isn't really matter at all, only a few percent in the form of quarks. The rest of the 'mass' of a neutron is actually energy, mediating the interactions between those quarks. So you could have a star that's been crushed beyond neutron degeneracy pressure, and is now quark soup instead of neutron soup. Quark soup being thousands of times denser. But we're still not at the level of a black hole.
• What do quarks break down to? Nothing, so far as we know, they are fundamental particles, not made of anything else. What determines their density, what's 'holding them up' and preventing them from shrinking further? We don't know. So this is where our knowledge of the quantum world stops. We don't know what's inside a black hole. It's not atomic scale, it's not even subatomic scale, it's something past that. Our theories offer no clue of what that something looks like, but we know it exists. It curves space-time, it produces gravity.
• an duck is an type of birb
• What actually transpires beneath the veil of an event horizon? Decent people shouldn't think too much about that.
• One potential end to the universe. All matter is torn apart by the expansion of the universe. All distances become infinite. Not good.
• Stress is desirable because the only body that is totally free from stress is a DEAD ONE.
• Lilypond's safe mode sounds a lot like Ghostscript's safemode, and that gets broken regularly like every six months, so I suspect it's similar to that.
• The literal speed of light, however, as in velocity through spacetime, cannot be exceeded by any means, ever - c, the speed of causality, is a fundamental property of the universe. There will never be a way to get around it.
• Seen enough people with dementia, we're just a few wires a way from losing everything in there. Kinda made me stop taking a lot of shit serious in life when I realized this.
• So our brains are just, like, electric lumps, or something, right, so an afterlife couldn't exist. After we die, we just stop thinking. We can't even think about how we're dead. That's incomprehensible.
• Are you afraid of death?
• I believe there is something else there because I just feel it in my gut.
• They say we die twice. Once when the breath leaves our body, and once when the last person we know says our name.
• Remember before you were born? It's like that.
• I was just expecting dry skin or something. Not, you know, attack rice.
• Guys, please touch your balls on the regular! Especially if you're a young guy. Don't be shy and speak to your doctor if something feels amiss.
• Or what if animals were round?
• 'If you aren't dead you better be working' - something I have heard far to many times from stubborn old farmers.
• Your average old farmer here tends to wake up and start slamming whiskey, smoking cigarettes, and going to work on the land.
• When that does happen, when the last star dies, it means that the only objects left in the universe generating appreciable energy will be the corpses of stars.
• Okay, just so you know, having enough papers that you require a filing cabinet to contain them all... is the first step to becoming my mother. Soon you're buying more and more filing cabinets, and then you just give up on filing cabinets and start stuffing papers into paper bags. Until you have dozens of 20-pound paper bags filled with 8 1/2" x 14 sheets of copy paper, and then boxes, and you start stuffing folded papers crosswise and lengthwise into other boxes, and then plastic crates, and then rubbermaid boxes. Soon, you've got 2,000 pounds of paper, and you can't throw any of it out because it's 'evidence'.
• If we wipe ourselves out with anime waifu/husbando sexbots, then whatever animal creates civilizations next is going to have some very weird archaeology exhibits in their museums.
• Imagine how wet his bed is from all that leakage. Now imagine the crustiness and the smell as it dries out and ages. Like an overly used cum sock from the worst part of reddit, just instead of being born of incredibly perverse horniness it's been made from sheer neglect and apathy.
• To me the real horror isn't seeing the bed. It's knowing that this human being chose to get back into that bed night after night, and knowing that the only reason he didn't choose to get back into that bed that night was because he came into the hospital for some other symptom.
• Pee sharks don't freeze because they're full of pee. Makes you wonder what siberian elms are full of...
• And that is my personal terror. That I will die, and that I will not.
• So e.target is the element actually clicked on, this is the top-level portlet that the event bubbled up to. So with that, uh, idk. Brain hurts.
• So use e.target if you want the thing they actually clicked on (child element). Use this if you want the dropdown container. I haven't done jquery stuff in such a long time I forgot how many weird things it does.
• I admit I never got into Facebook but back in the day it was my cousins showing off their kids, my grandmother... liking everything everyone did, and my mom sharing endless cute animal videos. What the fuck happened.
• The divide between new and old internet is pretty interesting. They're almost two completely different things.
• The beauty of memes is that they are ephemeral. They burn bright, but burn out fast.
• All my tattoos are for me. I don't care if they make sense to someone else.
• Don't forget. You're here forever.
• Do it for her.
• May the bridges I burn light the way.
• Turns out the dude just really like spanners.
• Coconuts do not already have holes in them. They're entirely closed.
• You know what these masks are. Wear them long enough, and they become you.
• Let the dead rest.
• In my opinion, always stay away from ghost peppers. But that's me.
• My fingers are infused with ghost peppers.
• Why is MediaWiki so shitty?
• Ten thousand rice is a cup of rice.
• We're missing something.
• I'll remember.
• Fighting is absolutely useless. So I created this article to help you understand the stupidity of Fighting and walnuts.
• Zomboys. They have yet to decay to the point of being zombmen.
• Coconuts are the true master of disguise. Able to turn everything into a mammal.
• 'Rewrite X in some other language Y' is almost universally a stupid idea without a solid business justification behind it.
• I ran out of pencil ink. Couldn't go to the store to get more because my parents' car was out of headlight fluid.
• Chapter 3, subsection F, rule 6 of The Flaming Parrot Protocols: "Throw your parrot under a tap if it is on fire."
• Meat waits for no man, but a final exam, devoid of blood and viscera, will be waiting for you. Bring me some meat!
• The dog did eat homework! And once, my math book. But I hated math, so I stood there and said, 'semi-bad dog! semi-bad dog!'
• It got a huge amount of people reading, that hadn't picked up a book in years. By my experience, the audience was generally middle aged women. I knew a lot of them who freely admitted that they hadn't read a book since leaving school.
• We have a famous stand-up comedian in Germany, Serdar Somuncu, who toured around the country for years and read out of Mein Kampf. He was obviously making fun of it by showing how badly written it actually is. So he was destroying the myth about the book and its author. His shows frequently got visited by neo nazis which were like occupying the first row to threaten him during his performances. He even made them burst out in laughter regularly, since it took them by surprise what Hitler actually wrote in that book... This guy is a legend now.
• How it ever became successful is beyond me, they had an entire chapter based on either a pillow or a ceiling, I can't remember which one.
• Was this normal? Describing it like that makes it sound extra strange.
• When I was little I would go into our old house because of the shadow men that watch us sleep.
• Anyone who thinks they ain't an idiot is most definitely an idiot. But if you embrace and say 'yup, I got the brains of a squid but I can still learn and get better', that's real smortness.
• The worst horror movie I've ever seen was called Death Bed. Tagline: The bed that eats.
• More sluggish than a funeral barge, cheaper than a sale at K mart, it's a nerd, it's a shame, it's 'Superman IV.'
• Could you please come out of there? It's weird saying all this stuff to a photocopier.
• I fell out of love in a Golden Corral in Tucson. He was staggering drunk back to the table with his third plate of brown food. I built a gummy bear, chocolate mousse mountain to console myself as my love dissolved away.
• Applebee's is the only place I've ever been to which has been aggressively mediocre. Usually mediocrity implies some degree of indifference; it's not the kind of adjective that can take an intensifier. But no. Applebee's is aggressively mediocre.
• Gelatin-based anything was a status symbol for a long, long time. It was usually the bastion of the upper classes, but once they figured out how to mass produce gelatin in a dried form, well shiiiit, suddenly everyone could get in on the action. And much like any luxury item that suddenly becomes a Walmart staple, the upper classes reject the hell out of it until it becomes a marker of someone out of touch.
• I eat it for the nostalgia. Green jello with carrots and whipped cream was a guarantee at every family function growing up in Utah.
• It tastes like the baby changing station at Sea World.
• Cake Boss cakes are mostly fondant and styrofoam, and I once watched an episode of Cake Boss with the cake boss in his house while trying to film an episode of Cake Boss.
• The more French I learn, the more convinced I am the language is an elaborate joke the French created to troll everyone else.
• Open chicken as you would a book.
• Memory, it's a funny thing. People want to believe they are what they choose to remember. The good stuff. The moments. The places. The people we all hold on to. But sometimes... sometimes we are what we wish we could forget.
• The fortune cookie's looking at me.
• All living things must abide by the laws of the shape they inhabit.
• Don't be so polite.
• It's a weapon. It can kill the monsters, if only you believe.
• Most bar fights I've seen end up with maybe one or two decently thrown punches, before they just fall over and start grabbing and flailing around like idiots.
• Consider, Dreamer: the darkness behind the universe. The other, the nothing, the space between space, the heartbeat beyond time. It changes, it presses, it hungers. As the threads of the worlds rub together, as reality pushes and pulls in its swaying dance, it is there, always there, an unseen mirror poking holes, unravelling at the edges of everything.
• We define ourselves in names, in purpose, in modifiers and meaning. We don masks to hide ourselves, and also to reveal ourselves, but who we are is a fleeting thing, as ephemeral as perception and desire. Our names do not define us, only what we choose to believe, and what we choose to do.
• I'd like to congratulate drugs for winning the war on drugs.
• You are old. Goodbye.
• Sometimes I wonder about the sanity here. Only sometimes, 'cause I'm quickly reminded that there never was any.
• How can you tell when you're drunk if you're never sober?
• The things and people I care about matter because I say they do, life has the meaning I give it, and I am free to forge my own path.
• Five Headed Shark Attack. Astute viewers may notice that the shark only has four heads. But just suffer through the first 30 minutes and you'll see that with literally zero explanation the shark's tail just turns into another head.
• Doesn't help that there is literally a scene about three fourths of the way through the movie where they used a mannequin as his stand-in as a joke and no one noticed until it was too late for reshoots.
• Look upon my fearsome horns! Smell my brimstone breath! Take my word for the infernal blood swirling in my veins!
• I love The Room, there's nothing out there quite like it. It has a clear vision that is completely incomprehensible to everyone but the filmmaker. Nothing about it makes any sense and you can't help but laugh.
• The Happening, oh lord. Some of the stupidest, strangest dialogue to ever be involved in a film with that sort of budget and casting. The twist is dumb as hell. Mark Wahlberg tries to negotiate with a plant and is only rebuffed because it's made of plastic.
• If you like bad movies I highly recommend getting your hands on the work of Neil Breen. Fateful Findings will blow your mind but extremely not in the way that was intended. Come for the terrible acting and confusing plot, stay for the destroyed laptops.
• Fire extinguishers filled with paint have been used for graffiti, usually tagging, for some time. I've used it once, and it was lots of fun but very hard to control and you get covered in the paint yourself.
• You aren't meant to interact with your doppelgänger.
• He's only mostly dead. And mostly dead is slightly alive!
• He's not booksmart. He's punchsmart.
• No animals around, not even seagulls or other birds which are usually always at the beach. No cars in the road next to the beach. No people anywhere in the beach despite it being a really nice day and people regularly working or exercising or playing on the beach. No boats out despite people regularly working on boats just off shore. It even felt like the ocean waves were silent.
• 5:30pm is when I got that overwhelming feeling of fear and felt like the whole world around me was completely silent and my brain repeated 'something bad is happening'. The feeling of the silence and the emptiness of the sea and beach and roads around me felt like I didn't exist all of a sudden or that I wasn't in this world anymore. I don't know how else to explain it and I can't explain the whole thing other than coincidence.
• I want you to see the disorder, the chaos. Recognise what they are in comparison. You need to understand what you are.
• You mortals are just a hoot. I hate hoots.
• You have to try very hard to get banned from Phabricator.
• I want to live a life so grandiose that when I die, the universe ends.
• Yossarian had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
• I thought that if the light of the sun was hot, it followed that the light of the moon was cold. And that was why it was cold at night, because the moonlight was cooling it down.
• We're in America, not some shithole country. The slugs here don't have those nasty ass diseases.
• A sceptic is someone who wants to turn magic to science. A cynic wants to turn good to bad.
• Because of the way clothing fits over the chest area, when I was little I thought women had one boob that was horizontal across the chest with a nipple on each end.
• Since bees make honey it only makes sense that wasps make mustard.
• It's not something we discuss.
• You have a feeling like get the fuck out of here, this isn't okay. The feeling is real, it's part of being human. It's something you need to listen to.
• The parents are the way to get to the kids.
• Children are how you rewrite your society.
• I've noticed that it's easy for people to put things in categories. Like this is all bad, or this is all good. And I tend to keep weighing the complexities of this whole situation. What is manipulation and what is consent? What motivations are pure? And the reason I don't want you to know my real name or see my real face is that I don't want to be defined by those who would judge me for the choices that I made. Anyone can make the decisions that I made.
• As you do these practices, you overcome fears. You remove bonds of suffering, and replace them with joy. You come to have a relationship with human pain, so that you have a deep conscience. Because when we have a conscience over something, it is marked by pain. And that pain is good. Well, the truth of the matter is, when pain is no longer tied with suffering...
• The reason why you feel fear is because it's not familiar. The unknown is scary, and some of the consequences are harsh. You can feel awful. You can feel all sorts of things, and still do the right thing. An act of character, you feel all those emotions, and there's a part of you that is unflappable. Absolutely committed. And the first time you feel it, it's great.
• If you have a life, make sure it's real, it could be an illusion.
• The ball is out of bounce.
• I thought Alzheimer's Disease was pronounced Old Timers Disease which honestly still kinda makes sense to me.
• Personally I'd rather get hit than not able to use my stuff or go outside for a week.
• If somebody doesn't want to be helped you can't help them.
• The quietness of an orchard is something very unsettling in the winter time, as there's no insects or wildlife wandering about. All I could hear was silence and my pounding heart for the next three and a half hours of my shift. I almost wanted some monster to come tearing through the trees bellowing out, 'Hahah here I am, here to eat you!' But instead I saw and heard nothing more.
• Harmony is a recent concept promoted by tired civilization.
• Every organization, no matter how lauded, how aspirational, how trusted, is still at the end of the day comprised of very fallible humans.
• 'Five second' literally means 2.5. You mean 2.5 of the size of human memory, or 2.5 GB?
• Sometimes it isn't a personality disorder, it's just their personality.
• People with shitty behavior more often than not get their way because people will bend the knee to avoid confrontation. Sometimes it's really fun to treat an asshole like an asshole, though.
• Anyone seeing a therapist for the first time likely has a particularly pressing need for it.
• I once heard a sommelier say 'there's only two types of wine: wine you like, and wine you don't'. I feel that that encompasses what food tasting should be like... it's not about making yourself feel better than someone else because you like the more expensive version.
• There are only two types of wine: wine you like, and wine you don't.
• She did bare minimum but she did it reliably and correctly.
• What is the most inappropriate nickname you can give a toaster?
• You can play the game any way you want! But you can only win it one way.
• Of course yanking someone off antipsychotic medication can precipitate a psychotic state, which it did.
• One drugs, please.
• Funerals are for the living.
• Always 'sobbing' for some reason. Who the fuck even says that in real life?
• The feeling of rust.. On my salad fingers.. Is almost orgasmic.. I like rusty spoons..
• I like to see the good in people but dude... where's my porch?
• IT'S CALLED FAGGOTING MA'AM.
• If I could call a guy Mr. Bitch at work I would be so happy.
• Waking a person unnecessarily should not be considered a capital crime. For the first offense.
• A photo isn't truly finished until it's printed.
• I don't want to connect my toaster to my telephone. They have nothing to say to each other.
• I miss seeing the beautiful feathers and colors of birds. Among many many other things. You don't often realize how beautiful the world is until you can't see it anymore. I get to live in the moment a lot more because of it, and appreciate the little things.
• I go to pornhub comments for my news.
• The ladies that let myself and 20 other medical students in succession do vaginal exams on them were a little weird. Fucking heroes, and appreciated, but those were some weird ladies.
• It's not that bad. They have other animals fucking cars too.
• The smell of earth, that deep, rich, fragrant smell you get after a long-awaited rain, even, or perhaps especially, the smallest shower, disturbing the dusty ground in a breath of cool without really doing much else... that earthen smell, the same smell as the taste of beets, it's fungus, right? AM I EATING SUGAR FUNGUS BLOOD CUBES?
• One day I come home from work. Stop by the kitchen to grab a bite. And there he was. In all his Glory. Crazy Italian Guy, sitting by the table. He glanced at me shortly with madness in is eyes and got back to his business. I realise there's a little pile of white powder by his side. 'Ok, so the guy's doing coke. Explains a lot,' I thought, innocently. Oh no, not at all. Crazy Italian Guy was not doing coke. What he was doing was cutting up a newspaper in an obsessive manner until it turned to actual dust. A whole newspaper. In tiny piles. For hours on end.
• Lies are a necessity. They are the source of meaning, of belief and hope. Honestly, lies are the only reason I get out of bed. I'm particularly fond of the lies we tell ourselves.
• As you know, holometabolous metamorphosis is one of the most ghastly things in nature. The larva is driven by chemical imperatives to entomb itself alive in its own final skin. Then the absence of a protective juvenile hormone permits the activation of the imaginal discs embedded in its infant flesh. These spew forth a torrent of enzymes which tear apart most of its cells in a sort of quasi-digestive self-immolation, leaving it as basically a shiny bulging sac of goo in which the discs float, spinning new arts and organs round themselves out of the dissolved ex-caterpillar. When they've finished, the imago will explode out of its old skin like a John Carpenter special effect. Its wings at this point are still soft and soggy, with the consistency of used kitchen paper, so it'll have to hang upside down, dry off and pump hemolymph into its wing-veins before it can take off and make innocent humans coo over its beautiful colours.
• Anyway, so the point we're at is that I've spun a cocoon round Cultist Simulator and I've pumped enough liquefying enzymes into it that it's more goo than game at this point. This is progress.
• You don't need to know how to do your experiment by heart. You need to know how to avoid (semi-)catastrophic failure.
• Always tell the same lie. Lying isn't that hard unless you are one of those poor fools who think that honesty will bring you anything good in this World.
• I meant like twirling, squashing it. Moving it. Turning it. Not proper beating it. I was testing the flexibility of dick.
• Pigtails are too sexual to wear at school.
• It looked like someone had dropped confetti, there were all these different colours. It was the quilt of the dead.
• There's just something about having a priest talk about whacking off that sticks with you.
• I'm sorry, but you are in a relationship with the letter C?
• Not everything real is true, and not every dream is false.
• I'm not a vegetarian because I like animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
• He has missed major life events because he had to mow his lawn. That's not a metaphor. He didn't attend his son's wedding because of his lawn. Family vacations were delayed or cut short because he had to cut his grass. We moved to be near them. Every weekend, without fail, we would invite them to go with us to the beach or a theme park or dinner... and he always declined. Because he had to mow his lawn.
• My joints randomly dislocate. Just yesterday, I dislocated my sternum. Yes, that's a thing.
• That's like an entire... category.
• My greatest fear is that I'm not actually doing this right now. I'm re-living 2020 from a rest home somewhere in 2050.
• It's gotten too dangerous now. Too many drugs and too many people willing to rob or stab you. Back in the day it was a community where everyone helped each other. There were places that were known to allow people to sleep. There was some rich lady that had a guest house where you could go.
• My body just feels like a sack of mouldy onions.
• Sometimes it crackles, other times it hums... I was young but I swear I could feel a physical influence. I've since learned there is a magnetic force associated with heavy manifestation.
• I don't think you understand how much were all banking on scorpion venom. We all got bottles of it stored up for when the big one hits.
• Are we out of touch? No, it's the customers who are wrong.
• It was an assault on the senses, but it was also glorious!
• The early internet was about exploring, finding paths through places you weren't really supposed to be, ways to do things for free that would normally cost a lot, discovering all this hidden information, sharing weird thoughts, etc. Most everyone there was weird, choosing to figure out stuff like that and share their interests and bizarre sense of humor online instead of just watching sports like a normal person or whatever. There were no real rules.
• There were all kinds of computers on the net. And they didn't all have compatible text modes. So you often got random garbled chunks of text if the other system used a different encoding or something. For some reason, the IRC servers that I found early on were I think in China, and even though most people were chatting in english, it was often garbled with weird symbols. And the long-distance BBSes that I used were always garbled. But we figured out how to understand each other well enough and had a lot of fun anyway.
• Probably wasn't the best example of long term thinking but, then again, it was AOL.
• Ah, the good old days when internet crazies were just weird and not pedophiles or violently racist.
• Just the fact there was a <blink> HTML tag says it all.
• My grandfather gave me a pocket knife when I was a little kid, but made me give him a penny for it. It is thought to 'sever' the relationship when you give someone a knife.
• Strangulation is the single biggest indicator of domestic abusers that will go on to commit homicide.
• Generally, if something has to market itself as 'luxury', it is not luxury.
• Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
• I'm going to paint my dog's nails now so wish me luck.
• Self confidence and self worth is good, but it has to be earned.
• Liking cheese is carved deep in your soul.
• Cheese trays are often served with salami or summer sausage... think not dirty thoughts of the cheese tray good sir.
• It's insane how easy it is to get even the most crazy of individuals to act like a normal human if you just treat them with a bit of decency and respect.
• You've never been listened to.
• If you're in the biotech space, you know that this is the culmination of a decade long acceleration of scientific progress and technological capabilities. We're just now entering the golden age of drug development and I'm not sure people realize it, yet.
• As others have said, restaurants, traveling, family, and holiday traditions are all missed, but one thing that really gets me is spontaneity. On a day off I used to love to just leave the house, maybe for breakfast or lunch or whatever, and just see where the day took me, maybe shopping, for a walk to take pictures, an early beer at the neighborhood bar, whatever. Now, every trip away from home is for a purpose and rigidly planned.
• The grandest excitement you'll have all year is debating with bureaucrats to renew your I.D. and getting passive-aggressive comments from your neighbor about the placement of the communal ashtray. With humor even drier than the Brits, because German humor is no laughing matter.
• I've lost many a grease pen to the bilge.
• It's both rape and fucked up, but that's how it is here.
• Scientists use statistics the way an alcoholic uses a light post: more for support than for illumination.
• You goin? We fly you there. You been? We already dun flew up in there.
• If it's dark enough, you can see the stars.
• Everywhere like such as.
• You have begonias. You pick one up. A chunk of begonia falls off under its own weight. You have more begonias.
• I just felt a balloon deflate in my heart.
• It would be like studying an american prison and saying the typical american family acts the same way.
• How disrespectful to blame her when she isn't alive to defend herself.
• Baby talk will snuff out sex life like nothing else will.
• We have moments with fiancé guy that we just start... meowing at each other. And then laugh at ourselves, that as two grown-ass people thinking about doing kids, that is what we do when our remaining mental capacity for the day hits zero.
• The first time you say no you should be as polite as possible. The second time you should be firm as possible. But the third time you can be as rude and mean as you like because it's pretty clear they're not listening to you anyway.
• The abbreviations are never, ever, ever given a plural because people are pedantic dicks and will slaughter you on the internet over the slightest ambiguity.
• Maybe they shouldn't swim with dolphins if they don't want to get raped.
• Nothing warms my heart like a little kid making noises and flapping their hands. Adults should go ahead and just do it. In a quiet space, sure mask it, but just in general... hum, sing, spin, flap.
• Anything that argues that chocolate is a salad is a winner in my book.
• If you've ever been grilling a sausage and had it burst spraying hot liquid sausage fat all across your tender, trembling face and shirtless torso it becomes less of a debate and more of a safety precaution.
• Dandelions. Some people say it tastes great. It's so bitter to me it's nauseating. When I take a bite, it just grows in my mouth and the sap turns soapy with a wrong condom taste. My mouth just puckered by the thought of it. Yuck.
• It's still a tad sweet for my tastes, but I can no longer hear colors like I do with the high test mix.
• Take the cookies off and set the cream aside. Take each cookie wafer and put them vertically in your mouth on the inside of your teeth up against your gums like when you're at the dentist and they ask you to bite down on that little radiation shield during X-rays. Now, your mouth should be held slightly open, and you should be slobbering a bit. That's good. You'll need that. Here's where the cream comes back into play. Take the naked cream and plop it right on to your undulating tongue. Maybe your tongue isn't undulating, but mine always is. I'm not sure it matters. The cream will melt and ooze and slowly pool at the molars where the cookies are clamped down. After a minute or two, they'll soften up and your whole mouth will collapse into the cream, with the half mushy cookies leading the way. Now, I'm not really one for chewing, so I like to do a sharp swallow and down the whole thing with a chaser of milk. My brother chews, but I think you should try it without chewing.
• Here's where the cream comes back into play. Take the naked cream and plop it right on to your undulating tongue. Maybe your tongue isn't undulating, but mine always is. I'm not sure it matters.
• Who uses an iron skillet to make a pizza? You don't use an iron skillet to make a pizza, you use an iron skillet to fend off someone trying to serve you pizza made in an iron skillet.
• Gross! A face! Put that thing away!
• People from normal, happy families can be remarkably shortsighted when it comes to the rest of us.
• He hit my car with his him.
• Pure chocolate heaven! Best brownies yet. Denser than a black hole. Delicious.
• I learned that 'ignorance is bliss' is actually a pro life tip, not a detriment.
• And some people just seem to be incapable of doing... nothing.
• Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.
• I ate drywall. It lives up to its name very well.
• Do not eat bullets. Even if you are in the military.
• Plywood is your friend, it gives a firm surface. Extremely comfortable.
• A weird fake science presentation from real scientists and professional people.
• The government doesn't really like it when you show how to refine uranium on the internet.
• In about half the cases involving this sort of thing, the courts end up saying 'shall' means 'should' and 'must' means 'may' (and sometimes 'may' means 'must').
• According to the statute, you can't vote no.
• Congratulations, your cat is indeed a cat.
• In relativity, matter tells space how to bend, and space tells matter how to move.
• We are the future.
• The wicked flee when none pursue.
• You must pay for everything in this world, one way or another. There is nothing free but the grace of god.
• The pacing here is like a yoyo. A yoyo operated by someone with no idea how to yoyo, where the yoyo winds up hitting them in the groin.
• In the other armed forces the officers send the men to war. In the air force the men send the officers to war.
• Money was short, months were long.
• You ever try to pack a bag of dirt in your luggage but it comes out too heavy? What... is the solution to this?
• This is a good time for us all to appeal to our higher selves and do our best in the moment. Please just adapt for a minute.
• Everyone got a metaphorical dick.
• He couldn't figure out how to flush the toilet but mentally knew it was supposed to be clean when you leave, so he'd take his poop from the toilet, wrap it in paper and throw it in the trash. Dementia is horrible.
• Ain't no smell like diabetic foot.
• The most frustrating thing I hear in these investigations is 'Well, we've been doing it like this for years, nothing bad ever happened'. Well, great that you've been lucky this long, but if you keep doing dangerous shit that luck runs out eventually.
• Man I wish someone explained what anal gland expressing actually was so I didn't have to youtube it.
• Red blood not too bad. When it is thick, black, tarry and stinks really bad you have a huge problem. On a stink level it reaches new levels most people did not know existed. I would rather smell a decomposing corpse.
• With all I've seen, it's the behaviour of some people I find disgusting.
• He showed us his leg. That was the single most disturbing thing I ever saw in my life. It looked... alien. The colors, the shapes, the consistencies don't naturally occur in the world.
• I love you, and I will continue loving you, but sometimes my nose gets clogged and I need to face the opposite way to fix it.
• My dog is literally named Dude. I'm not Californian. I'm not even American. I'm British. Dude is international. Dude is everywhere. Dude abides.
• Sometimes people use 'respect' to mean 'treating someone like a person' and sometimes they use 'respect' to mean 'treating someone like an authority' and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say 'if you won't respect me I won't respect you' and they mean 'if you won't treat me like an authority I won't treat you like a person' and they think they're being fair but they aren't, and it's not okay.
• I couldn't eat alone in a nice restaurant because only prostitutes do that!
• My favourite trick as a person travelling abroad alone is to always channel that mysterious character sitting alone and sipping a glass of champagne. Utterly ridiculous? Yes. Does it work? Also yes!
• I hereby declare 'Topcorn' to be a word. Topcorn. Noun. Describes the best and most flavorful popcorn on top of the bucket. Generally consumed at peak temperature and freshness. Objectively superior to that lukewarm salty styrofoam kibble at the bottom.
• No names until you're dead. If I die first, I don't need your name on me since you'll always have been around.
• Green is not a creative colour.
• I'm angry a lot, but not towards my loved ones... I just sit here, locked in this defective body. I have no other choice, really.
• Every relationship needs some mystery... don't tell me everything!
• Death is some bullshit.
• We would eat ourselves sick. I personally threw up ice cream that was still cold in the parking lot. I remember the sensation vividly.
• We've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas.
• It's awfully quiet tonight.
• Apparently lobsters don't really have a central nervous system, so when you sever the tails and put their tails on ice they freaking run away. So I had to chase these tails down because they've escaped into the rest of the display case, onto the floor, and hidden under our prep tables. Never again.
• It's more common than you think.
• You can't parody what's already so terrible that it's basically a parody of itself.
• Most the the budget did go into the ambulance explosion scene in the opening. That's one of the reasons every scene was considered for slow motion.
• I know writers who use subtext, and they're all cowards.
• As I rounded the corner, I felt muscular and compact like corned beef.
• Conspiracist ideation is often associated with low self-esteem and feelings of powerlessness. The conspiracist feels empowered by these beliefs because s/he becomes part of an 'elite' who know the 'truth' (what they don't want you to know!). This also produces a confirmation bias where they seek the echo chamber of supporting evidence. Contradictory evidence is dismissed because it is viewed as a personal attack by undermining the thing that gives them power and esteem.
• I'm very sorry about whatever the fuck her problem is.
• When you smell poo you aren't actually eating poo, you can't get sick from smelling the vomit of someone with a stomach bug, and smelling a flower is not the same as licking the flower.
• Nothing wrong with a little eyeball soap.
• I'm never really looking for 'challenges' when I play video games. I have a difficult, shitty job. I have enough challenges in my real life.
• Nice, safe dirt. Good dirt.
• That was oddly specific.
• Any form of death is a once in a life experience so any way it happens is good with me.
• There's fun in Eclipse. But it's the fun of interfacing with an immaculate system. There's drama in Eclipse. But it's the drama of an unexpected integer.
• Minks infected with a mutated strain of COVID-19 in Denmark appear to be rising from the dead, igniting a national frenzy and calls from local officials to cremate mink carcasses.
• There are many 'zombie' animals. Here's which ones you should actually worry about.
• It has one normal leg. And three extendable cybernetic legs.
• What always has four letters, sometimes has nine, and never has five? It's not a riddle. Just three facts that will confuse people.
• Yeah, I hate when I have shrimp in my boiled horse hooves.
• Fear isn't real. Don't be scared of anything.
• I take crackers and chips and chew them until they're mush, and then store them in my cheek and suck the moisture out. I keep doing this and adding to the mush ball, until it's big, round, and fluffy. Then I take the ball out of my mouth and take bites out of it like it's a small apple.
• Gasoline was just better with lead.
• If you can't explain the 'why' of you why you believe something, it's probably in your best interest to figure out that answer for yourself!
• There are times when I think I should just stop talking. Often it's before I start talking.
• I'm sure many of us only want to be touched by specific individuals whose astral levels match our own.
• Any idiot can just make stuff up. There's no honour in that.
• Drunk brain won't remember that it forgot.
• Never buy a dog when you're drunk.
• I'd have to pay for that and it's free to bitch.
• Sadly, looking back over the last seventy years, I've come to the conclusion that most parents should have never have had children.
• Solid is an illusion in a universe that drifts and flows.
• Solid is an illusion in a universe that drifts and pulls.
• You can't wake people up by acting like a burglar or rapist just because a noise is annoying you. It's also needlessly risky to climb the side of a building in the dark at night when it's wet. Either you get dressed and knock on the door like an adult or you put up with the noise.
• Yes, it is madness, but people in this part of the world think 'Oo worrie wee, worrie wee issen?' is standard, acceptable English.
• Some people may say that gives analytic theory more depth, but to them I just say, shut up.
• It was just whispering in the trees, but there were words in it.
• I don't think magic is real or that it attracts woodland folk. I think the pixies were just there for the nudity. I know I was.
• He'd be on the hook for it cause no one really believes 'it wasn't me, a stranger did it' when confronting someone over shitty repairs.
• You can't not assume things. I mean, I am assuming the continued existence of physical objects through linear time, right now. I am not sitting here saying, 'Wow, shit's still here! Again!' every few seconds.
• Look at this asshole with object permanence.
• To your point, I assumed you were a philosophy degree touter when you used 'pitiable', 'sangfroid', and 'gumption' within the span of five sentences.
• What is with your obsession with going to people's windows? Are you unaware of what windows and doors are for, and they are different? Have you watched Lost Boys too many times?
• In recent years it's the people who are most proud of being British that make me least proud of being British.
• I took a pre-emptive, illegal action against someone I'd never met, in case they tried to steal from me, and then it turned out they did try to steal from me, and I was like, 'Gotcha! I anticipated this event and already laid my trap!' and they were all, 'what is wrong with you, how does that even work?'
• I guess I wasn't so aware of crime then, although I did once find a thief in my garden. He told me straight away he wasn't a burglar, he was a car thief, and he'd 'just crashed a nicked car' and left his friend in the wreckage. Which explained the sirens. I gave him a cup of tea and he got a taxi home. He said he'd 'sort me out' for helping him but he never did. Probably for the best.
• I thought it was like sexuality where we're all a bit gay or a lot gay.
• You have moved me. I could cry if I let myself. I would like to make the world a better place as long as it doesn't involve too much work.
• I realize now that I did not do enough research into pandas before swinging out of my window. It was a snap decision. Like the devil on one shoulder was going, 'This will make such a good story!' and the angel on my other shoulder was all, 'I don't care. Do what you like.'
• You sound absolutely exhausting to deal with.
• Why is everyone assuming he was a farmer? This was in a town.
• Half of us have to take it seriously or it's not fun for the half that aren't. It's like sex. You pick a role and off you go.
• I promise this did happen. I think we've all got a few unbelievable but true stories in our past.
• I have smiled so much that my whole face has a headache.
• Even with the neighbor gone, you don't just climb onto other people's houses.
• Does your deaf cat enjoy being vacuumed?
• Being human ain't too bad when you find out the sole purpose of a the male angler fish is to fuse to a female becoming her testicles.
• Remember that you don't have to be good at anything when you start.
• You have to be so precise when you're sending shock waves through a planet. A few degrees of error and you've shot an old folks' home into space. They won't like that at all. Those places thrive on routine.
• I'm very gay.
• The devil is in our carpet.
• It's hard to speak up sometimes, but man, the alternative is so much worse.
• Often souls incarnate in groups to learn their lessons. I find that is often the case.
• May I just be clear and mention that at the time she couldn't and still can't peel oranges nicely? There's a lot of digging her nails into it, and pulling of the tiniest bits each time, if she was to somehow manage in peeling my skin off, I dunno what would be worse, the peeling itself or the way she does it...
• I could defend this. But that's because I argue a lot.
• I saw the phrases go from sentences, to repeated words, to scribbles. Eventually, she became too confused to put pen to paper. Opening and closing the booklet, carefully touching the paper, but she couldn't quite figure it out anymore. Eventually giving up.
• Why am I alone in the house? Where did the others go?
• Pain makes you crazy, especially when it doesn't stop, because often your brain learns to filter out the actual sensation, but not all the physiological reactions to it.
• I've lost count of the number of people I know who have been murdered. Everyone I know has been car jacked at least once, had violent home invasion robberies, etc. I'm sure 80% of the population has some form of PTSD.
• There are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the air.
• I don't care if other cars want to go fast, hell I really don't care that much if they're being especially safe, as long as they aren't being weird.
• Hoarders don't need stuff; they need to hold onto the ideas and feelings the stuff brings. She knows she doesn't need the box, but she needs the feeling of a family heirloom. If they have to steal it from a family member or a friend or anyone, they would.
• If you have ever tried to photograph your poop, you would know how hard it is to get a good picture. There is really no sense of scale when you point a camera into a toilet bowl. Any time you take a picture, the poop in the photo looks far smaller than it is in real life.
• I'm not going to pretend I can even remotely imagine what that actually means or feels like. From the outside it's so damn clear that it's in no way your fault. But our psyche has its own way in many things.
• Giving in for fear of death or extreme physical violence is not consent.
• Wasps don't have great eyesight.
• Thinking of reaching out to an ex? Masturbate first then think about it.
• I get depression nightmares. Usually it's either me or someone I love getting killed tortured or raped.
• Use a raw chicken breast to capture dust stuck in hard to reach places like vents.
• You're not going to convince the person giving instructions that that's not what the instructions said.
• To every drift there is a flow.
• I too now regret knowing this.
• I have long since accepted that I am an ecosystem.
• MSRP is for soccer moms, fools and impulsive addicts. I'm at least one of those things.
• This is weird extra time though, it's kinda sticky like honey and slows you down whilst everything else keeps moving.
• Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI-riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.
• Throughout history, men have worn hats as a way of asserting dominance over other men. 'I buy hats,' a behatted man seems to say. 'I am better than you.'
• You never seen the film Birds? Chickens are worserer than that even. Think of rapacious pterodactyls, and that's chickens for you. Ever seen one sharpening a carving knife, whilst licking its lips and looking at you? That's chickens for you.
• Lazer Pony is not here. Only the couch king.
• My stance is that stealing things is bad. I am totally against stealing, and bad things in general. What I'm saying is basically... bad things are bad, and I'm against that.
• I always talk with a sarcastic tone of voice, that way people won't catch on to how dumb I am.
• There's a difference between paying for my attendance or my effort.
• Learning that other religious people outside Christianity actually believed their religions were true was a blow to my own faith.
• All mortals are equal; it is not their birth, but virtue itself that makes the difference.
• You'll know it's all true, you'll just feel it... a Mormon just believes.
• Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing.
• If the survival and spread of your beliefs hinges on the need to indoctrinate the young before they learn any critical thinking skills, I simply can't muster up any respect for those beliefs. It's preying on the weak, and it's reprehensible. An incredible variety of political ideas, financial concepts, social theories, and especially religious doctrines all fall into this bucket of fraud.
• What if it was actually one really big frog?
• Listen, it was a very loud and disruptive frog. It kept everyone in Egypt awake, and they were already VERY TIRED.
• Maybe showing the poop communicates the accessibility and openness of what we are doing here.
• She's living that way because she is stuck in her perpetually empty life and doesn't know how else to be.
• This cat does not exist.
• I am okay! I hope you're okay too.
• There's no cure for fools.
• He never commanded us to carry on like this.
• How do you do, fellow kids?
• That's just like a conversation, man. Put your buddies around a table, have a few drinks, someone says horse cock and before you know it you're talking about the inner workings of the judicial system.
• Might be a good idea to build a horse sized sex doll on a fence or something to allow horses to 'de-bean' themselves.
• The average person going to a show has no idea we exist or even what we even do, and that is a sign of a job well done.
• Every day now is fresh new gravity.
• Similar burial ceremonies developed in different places independently throughout human history, which is a good hint that it was not just a random fluke that we kept doing by chance, but that there must be something 'natural' to this behavior.
• It's not regex. It uses a proper tokenizer.
• It's a strange hill to die on, but I'd be happy to argue that the state has no place telling a man he can't eat his own amputated foot if he so chooses.
• Being responsible only seems like an evil act to those who are extremely insecure.
• If you have power over other people, you have to wield that power with compassion. You have to tailor that power to meet the needs of the individual.
• As for PHP, I just wish it stole features from other languages... faster.
• Every time you think of a fond memory, you rewrite that memory in your brain. And with time it will slowly deviate more and more from what you originally remembered, without you ever knowing it.
• You don't like that your memory is inaccurate and therefore want your memory to be even more inaccurate by forgetting the fact about your memory being inaccurate.
• I have to do workarounds with the travel people whenever work sends me there because their policy is that con badge costs can only be paid via their credit card. And defcon doesn't accept credit cards. Only cash.
• Most of these aren't even tables... why in the world would you css-spoof tables and make them worse than real tables?!
• Take your secrets, write them down, and bury them. Let them return to the earth, and dissolve. Your secrets do not matter. The world goes on, the trees grow, the soil renews. Keep moving forward.
• He was basically, 'it's a feature not a bug'. And 'it's expected that people using this library know about security.' Which I guess doesn't include him because his own example was vulnerable.
• It's not always easy to figure out what God is trying to tell you. But you don't need to do it by yourself.
• Look at the parking lot, Larry! Just look at that parking lot.
• Is the answer in Kabbalah, in the Torah, or is there even a question?
• It sounds like you don't know anything. Why even tell me the story?
• Why does he make us feel the questions if he's not going to tell us any answers?
• Mathematics is the art of the possible.
• When the truth is found to be lies, and the hope within you dies, then what?
• The blessing and curse of English is that you can butcher the language to hell and back and you'll still probably be understood.
• May the singular they forever reign.
• Welcome to high level Pathfinder, where the numbers are made up and the math doesn't matter.
• It literally says UW does not work on mobile, at all. Well, it does work, it's just unusable.
• I always assumed greyhounds were high-energy, until some friends of my husband's who live in a teeny tiny apartment adopted a former racing greyhound. That's when I learned that greyhounds are basically houseplants.
• Huskies are badass and cats aren't I guess! I just wanted a mellow lap warmer, not a fifteen year project in marathon running and insanity.
• Memory is like a path through a jungle: the more you tread it, the more defined it becomes and the more likely you are to tread that path again. Each time you go over the path, it changes. You add things to it to make the trip more comfortable and don't realize what you've done because you walk it so often. If you realize this at all, it's too late, the original is forever lost.
• I use wooden toothpicks and wood glue to fill in the hole, then put the screw back in. Works like a charm everytime! We use this trick often actually. Doors, furniture, windows, handrails, cabinets, I think my house might fall apart at some point.
• So this is a fascinating example, in practice, of the japanese concept of 'Ma'- negative space, the gap, the pause. It's where you just... stop. Doing lots of busy things in your day, getting from A-to-B nonstop? Take just... five minutes. Buy an icecream. Sit in the sun. Enjoy it. Life got you stressed? Stop and pet your cat. They need more love, and don't understand why you pet your phone more than them. Take the time. Sit with the little old lady. There's little moments in life that will add contrast to the noise, and without them, it just becomes static, a blur with no distinction. You'll miss out on both if you neglect one.
• The reality is I kinda like the rock. I don't see the need for a piece of hardware or a program when the rock works fine. There is something to be said for simplicity and I don't think its gonna get any simpler than a rock. It's basically an on/off switch.
• Ever wonder what homemade cheese taste like? Well grab yourself some cheese cloth and milk and a few other ingredients and be prepared to be completely disappointed in the time you wasted making something that taste exactly like the stuff you buy at the store.
• Lights out sounded like a squadron of very soft, very distant helicopters.
• If you've ever tried to besiege a castle in the dark with a drunk guy with comically oversized balls, you'd know that the main issue is that castles are specifically designed to stop this kind of caper.
• A portcullis is not black magic. It's fucking carpentry.
• At thirteen, my brother offered me some cake and I started crying. I will never forget the look of total confusion on his face.
• If I can't leave, I can get out other ways too.
• We are everywhere at the end of time.
• Post-Awareness Stage 4 is where serenity and the ability to recall singular memories gives way to confusions and horror. It's the beginning of an eventual process where all memories begin to become more fluid through entanglements, repetition and rupture.
• Repetition and rupture can give way to calmer moments. The unfamiliar may sound and feel familiar.
• Time is often spent only in the moment leading to isolation.
• Post-Awareness Stage 6 is without description.
• Confusion so thick you forget forgetting...
• Such a weird flavor. Absolute chaos followed by a raisiny after taste. Proud of my body for processing it. Protein is protein.
• ... on the other hand, of course, it may have been crying from sheer temper. Children sometimes do.
• Even just emotionally, if a baby doesn't get their emotional or social needs met, they can have lifetime emotional damage. I have to imagine a physical trauma would do the same.
• It's one of those things that's an awful part of human experience. Like how do we deal with this? I'm not expecting an answer, Because there isn't one, really...
• It also happens that this 'edge case' is essentially the entire realm of human experience.
• Just because you are theoretically correct doesn't mean you are useful.
• No one wants your second hand duck dick eyes.
• If my friend said 'yo this bird penis looks like a giant human tongue' and passed me his phone, I would look. That's basically how I got into this situation in the first place.
• You're as useless as a Marzipan Dildo.
• This is the soundtrack for a piece of fruit decomposing.
• Why is the boulder smoking? He might get lung cancer.
• I feel like this song plays inside a fridge when it's closed.
• The whole world around us only exists in our imagination, and we have to just trust ourselves it's still there every time we close our eyes.
• This makes me want to write a letter to all the people that don't exist.
• This is the horror of living as everyone and everything fades to black. As the veil of your reality falters and you alone remain... but are you even still yourself? Everything is familiar, and yet, you find yourself unable to recognize or recall how you remember your surroundings. You live. The end is nowhere in sight.
• Time is a concept that makes no sense to me. There is no difference between a minute, an hour, a day, or a week. To me, those all happen simultaneously, because in order to experience the passage of time you need to have the concept of time past, which I don't have since I don't remember anything for longer than a few minutes.
• I always look forward to springtime when the birds are slamming cloaca all over the place.
• You remember places, smells, sounds, blurry faceless figures of people who were once a major part of your life but now might as well not have existed. A birthday party in a strange, colourful room. A vast, bewildering out-of-town supermarket on a rainy Saturday. A garden patio on a warm summer evening, more youthful versions of your relatives chatting amongst themselves, using words you can't understand. It's unlikely you can recall any specific events, and you probably can't place them in any sort of context, but you remember that they happened. You remember how you felt. You remember being there.
• This is infinity, this is the death of time. The audient void.
• I'm falling and I've been falling for so long I almost forgot I ever fell.
• Some people hold their ego so tightly to their chests that to be forced to swallow it is tantamount in their mind to being forced to swallow literal poison.
• People are asked to 'pick sides', blamed for 'picking sides', refuse to 'pick sides'. Well, sides are not a thing. You side with the truth. All of those stories have in common that one side has a familial connection, and that this family wants to 'keep the peace' when their side is literally not the truth.
• No matter how small someone's problems are, its big to them, so its big to me. No problems should be compared to other people's. Everyone has their own struggles, including you.
• Do as the finns do; vacuum the forest.
• If it's any consolation they treat their employees just as bad as their customers.
• He kills for sport. He howls at the moon. He meows at running water.
• I feel like bending space to clean a kitchen might be more effort than just getting a broom.
• Crying helps me slow down and obsess over life's problems.
• I sincerely hate JS, but if we have V8 then goddammit, use it.
• Mostly harmless.
• You have to know what the question actually is in order to know what the answer means.
• Once you understand the linkage between observation and reality, then you dance with invisibility.
• Cat = Dog
• E.Y.E. was very weird. You could get hacked by an ATM.
• The cheese-bearing capacity of soup is diminished as the temperature lowers.
• My late mom's toes did that.
• After all, you're never alone with a rubber duck.
• I'm glad it's cited, because I couldn't tell a male from female flying fox.
• Kansas City is just filthy with history and public arts.
• One reason I have an xbox is so that I can play windows games without having to deal with windows.
• The older you get, the fewer things you really love. By the time you get to my age, maybe it's only one or two things. For me, I think it's one.
• Nobody knows you're a dog on the internet.
• This is the part of open-source I like the least. Always feels vaguely invasive when people paste links to tasks I'm working on. Dunno why! It's, like, the entire point!
• To be clear, literally no one understands GPG nor PGP. There's a group of people trying to fix GPG by rewriting the entire codebase to not suck and then another group which have given up and tell everyone to use Signal instead.
• WEALTH IS FLESH. GRAVITY IS DESIRE. TIME IS SIGHT. WHAT HAS BEEN WILL BE.
• Hold on, I have to check the pig to medical kit conversion rates.
• It's a shitty deal, but you got it. Can you handle it?
• A convincing Aussie accent is many things, but I don't know if I'd call it proper English. Depends on where you fall on the Yob - Wanker scale I suppose.
• Well, thanks for the duck. It was a surprise.
• Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
• Perfume is best discovered, not announced.
• Old ladies doused in what smells like rotting roses gives me migraines.
• One time I was too drunk for Waffle House. That's when I knew I had to cut back.
• Cats are fickle, when they are not just immobile hairy potatoes.
• Forever resigned to clicking the 'other' box. I'm four religions, none of which ever show up on those lists.
• I like when people use words like infrastructure, international, and guidance. It makes me feel secure.
• At no point is this relationship ever portrayed as a good idea.
• I feel like I'm grabbing tongs every three fucking seconds. There is no joy in my tongs.
• I tried to die. I failed. The aftermath of that failure was not pleasant. I'm doing a bit better now.
• You are the company that you keep.
• My son looks at me like I'm superman, but I'm only one bad decision away from indigestion.
• I was shocked that I was shocked because this is the least shocking outcome, right? We all knew this would happen, yet here I was, looking like someone had just peed in my Green Onion Chex cereal.
• A complex number is like a project plan; it has a part that is real and a part that is imaginary.
• Docker not working was kind of gobsmacking because I remember they showed off specifically Docker during the unveiling of the new processor architecture.
• I'm browsing because my Xmas is honestly so miserable that I need others' pain to block out my own.
• Irregular bass thumping! With unpredictable periods of random silence so you're painfully aware of what you can't have - always freshly seared in your memory, forever out of reach.
• But people don't get large facial scars in a vaccuum. It's very likely that something awful and traumatic happened to them which caused the scar. The events leading up to my scarring were over fifteen years ago and I can still confidently say its the worst thing that's happened to me in my life.
• Why is it that the people with very little are often the first to give?
• ... I disagree with both of you, but that might just be because I like things.
• Ellemerr, I love that statement about liking things. You get twenty K points. They're good for nothing, but they symbolize my love of liking.
• Lots of satire, and a little that's not. The most disturbing part is you'll never be able to work out which is which.
• Books no good for insulation in Wisconsin. Insulation isn't even good insulation in Wisconsin, I can tell you that much at least.
• Sometimes I wonder if paradise and hell are one and the same.
• But that's how it is to write the story. You write the now with the future in mind. Thus the future bleeds backwards.
• What with one thing and another, I hadn't played with toy ducks in my bath for years, and I found the novel experience most invigorating. For the benefit of those interested, I may mention that if you shove the thing under the surface with the sponge and then let it go, it shoots out of the water in a manner calculated to divert the most careworn.
• Hi reader, this Monday, for the 8th time recently, we ask you to defend Wikipedia's independence.
• The cooler really makes everything a little better. It's a great hiding place and the cold air numbs my body and my feelings.
• I find it hilarious that you people have so little respect for yourselves you would bow to another human.
• Return embarrassment to sender. Return awkward to sender.
• Apparently if you're expecting dog ass, pig ass smells really bad. Who knew?
• No abusive person starts out abusive, otherwise they'd never find partners.
• We have signs in the woods saying 'why are you dropping litter here?' And one of the options listed is 'because I'm an idiot'.
• I'm aware of fecal transplants but to say that raw poo is safe to put in your mouth is insane.
• You need to use a surfactant to physically remove the shit, only when there is no shit you should use a disinfectant.
• There is this one house I will never forget. It was filled with penises. There were pictures on the wall of penises. Penis statues, carvings, paintings, flags, tapestries, lamps, table legs, drawings, etc. were all of penises. The armrests on the chairs and couches were shaped like penises. So if you put your arm on them, you would be grabbing the head. Even the couches and chairs were upholstered in penis fabrics. The two dudes that lived there were both artists and they made all of it. It was the weirdest fucking thing I think I have ever seen.
• Tired doesn't last forever, just the first three or so years.
• Being asked to lie is being asked to take sides, to deceive one person for the benefit of another.
• Just because the boss 'needs it done' doesn't mean everyone else should suffer. I know it usually works out this way, but frankly, most companies are badly managed.
• That is not likely to be his actual head. But rather a mask.
• Well well well, how the turntables.
• The dryer is on fire. The homeowner brought the dryer out to the driveway, but it is still on fire.
• I am liquid. Cat is a state of matter.
• Never accept an insult from someone who you wouldn't ask for advice.
• Forgiveness does not mean everything goes back to the way it was. Forgiveness does not mean you can unsee a character flaw. Forgiveness does not unbreak the glass.
• Is transparently sad, just sticky with sadness.
• All roads lead to the same place.
• Often such a horse will be much smaller, is likely wearing a dog collar, and will actually be a dog. This horse is safe to pet.
• I have a problem ascending stairs that aren't fully connected to the wall.
• The internet is for cats, and at some point, more of them will be dead than alive.
• The last Blockbuster Video is in Bend, Oregon, and it still exists because people here still rent movies.
• I think it's more that it's 1997 every day in Oregon. Internet connectivity doesn't seem to be an issue in Bend.
• Time is a concept of human perception to understand entropy, the heat death that decays all energy and matter in the universe. Entropy is constant and unwilling, but time isn't.
• There are an infinite number of fractions between 0 and 1. There are also an infinite number of fractions between 0 and 2, which is a greater infinity than the one between 0 and 1.
• Being conscious for an eternity sounds like a nightmare. Heroin addicts always get bored of it and quit after like a decade.
• There is no proof of a soul, yet every single culture and religion, irregardless of distance apart, believe in one, in one form or another. Did our ancestors know something we don't?
• What is a noun of a pronoun with an adverb?
• 'A' is the indefinite article. So by that token it's pronoun + article + adverb termination = proper noun. As a linguist, I can confirm it makes sense, except it doesn't.
• A noun of a pronoun is impossible. It's like 'He table.' A noun of a possessive pronoun would be 'His table quickly.'
• It's not premarital sex if you never get married!
• What's sexier than a badly-soundproofed room in a cabin you're sharing with your entire extended family, complete with unreliable lock? The only people who enjoy cabin holiday sex are teens and grandparents.
• I don't get that. Like tampons and wipes I understand because they're small, but who looks at a diaper, looks at a toilet, and says 'yeah, that'll go down'?
• The ceiling in the entire house, on every inch of it, it looks like there's tulle everywhere. It wasn't tulle. It was spider webs.
• THIS IS WHY THEY FUCKING INVENTED THE WEB. TO STANDARDIZE HYPERTEXT DATA DISPLAY YOU FUCKING WHEEL-REINVENTERS.
• Only through humility can true darkness be found.
• The number one complaint of parents is their kids won't talk to them and the number one complaint of kids is their parents don't listen to them.
• Thank you! I would prefer you didn't curse me with flies, rather than teach me how to get rid of the flies you curse me with! But I will take what I can get! And I am not ungrateful!
• The part that makes the noise is the ejaculation. As far as I know, it's supposed to sound like 'clink clink clink', but it sounds more like dumping coins into a bucket.
• It is a substance that cools and warms in equal measure, both sold and known as a product that brings pain relief. So when you hear that it brings soul-scouring pain if applied to one's wrinkly undercarriage, it flies in the face of known facts. Okay, so maybe it hurts. You might have even just watched your friend do it, and they sure aren't acting as if it's a good time. But surely it can't be that bad. One little dab is enough to put the myth to the test. One little dab can't do that much damage.
• On a scale of napping in a comfy bed to tangoing with a bullet train, I'd rate it on the lower end, just below sampling XXX hot sauces when the hottest thing you usually taste is Sriracha, but just above sword fighting with scavenged bits of bamboo.
• As a kid, I ate whole sunflower seeds. Shell and all. Surprisingly they splinter very well, and I never learned my lesson from the pain, just kind of outgrew it. I was a weird kid.
• Flying a prop plane across the Atlantic. About as boring and noisy as sitting in Greyhound going across North Dakota with blender set on puree strapped to your head.
• I'm pretty sure if your family life can be considered reality TV material, then you all need to rethink your life choices.
• You're worrying about the wrong bees.
• He thinks he's a medical professional because he teaches dance.
• In the history of 'calm down' no one has ever calmed down when told to calm down.
• WHAT ELSE DOES THIS GUY DO THAT MAKES 'SPITTING IN OUR FOOD' A GRAY AREA FOR HER?
• You are a monster for eating what is essentially chicken-flavored pudding, but technically you're not the asshole. But you should probably reevaluate your soup choices because that shit is gross.
• Soup is delivered fresh, in liquid-ish form.
• Air is dirty.
• My Dad tried insisting he was a spirit when I'd ask as a kid, so that did screw me up for awhile because I was scared that people I loved were spirits and would 'cross over' and leave me, and no one else would remember them.
• Your story is a perfect example of exactly why gaslighting is abuse. If this boy did exist in your family, and I think it's obvious at this point that he did, your family have all made you doubt not just your memories of him but also your ability to perceive and trust reality. This is deeply psychologically harmful. To be lied to for whatever reason that caused you to lose confidence and security in your own perception of the world. No child should ever have those kinds of fears.
• And you knew what you were doing the whole time, but you did it anyways. Your regret for doing it does not negate the fact that you abused her, and I'd be baffled that you thought you could fix it, except that every abuser downplays the severity of their actions.
• Oh, they'll learn to fly. It's only a matter of time before someone gets a duck to the face.
• I mean, usually the snakes and spiders aren't underfoot anyway? I mean I did step on a spider once, but that was in the shower, so I wouldn't have been wearing shoes anyway. Also it was just a huntsman.
• What exactly is 'suspicious' about a 14-year-old having bad skin? It would be more suspicious if a 14-year-old had good skin. A 14-year-old with good skin is probably two 7-year-olds in a trench coat.
• When you think about it, Macho Juggernaut is really on everyone's side.
• You can feed her all the organic food you want but I will never tell my kid their butthole is their mouth.
• I don't think this is a cultural thing and I haven't been able to find a basis for it or even anything remotely similar from a cultural/religious background. I think they might just be a bunch of weirdos.
• Grown adults should never be telling kids to keep 'special secrets'. It's alarming at all costs.
• No secrets, only surprises.
• Imagine growing up with a dad who thinks the only milestone that should be celebrated is your death.
• Hanky panky parlez vous?
• Why stop? Just limit the people you manhandle to those in your bubble rather than just licking strangers in the street.
• Creating a wiki is like creating a baby, yes you should have a good reason to create one, but if you don't for whatever reason, you should have an extra good reason for killing one.
• The train has gone off the rails somewhere and I'm probably somewhat fine with it.
• To be a Necron is to be unutterably and incurably insane until the end of time, or, more likely, to be nothing at all, a machine that, only now and then, remembers how to regret.
• So, hey, if the universe is specifically designed to cause you pain, the only guys who are having fun are the ones who think it's funny when they get chainsawed in half.
• They developed a serum that would induce a permanent state of unconsciouness, essentially acting as an optional death substitute.
• If God is the source of all things good (love, light, connection, grace etc etc), being separated from him is to be separated from all things good. So imagine an eternity of being alone in darkness, disconnected.
• Everyone worships something, for some it's themselves, others it's wealth, pleasure etc. etc. Everyone has an altar they bend their knee to.
• I'm not saying religion is right or wrong, only that it's a shame she denied herself what she perceived and preferred the narrative she wrote so she didn't have to reconcile the difference between what she expected and what she experienced. Some really amazing self discovery can happen in those moments where we dismantle.
• Chocolate doesn't usually come in steak form. Usually.
• They won't invest in someone who's going to kill himself. By not investing, they ensure the outcome.
• This is what sipping a cloud in heaven is like.
• Do a lot of people tell you you need therapy?
• ...if this is indeed now, and we are indeed here.
• They were wrong. Free will does exist. It's just fucking hard.
• No one is as free as the dead.
• There is ugliness in this world. Disarray. I choose to see the beauty.
• We are blessed with free will.
• We are cursed with free will.
• Whoever did the sound and animations for the slubling model needs to see a priest.
• The book is very new agey, and a little obnoxious. But then I get to the chapter on emotions. Apparently creativity is a type of 'sexual feeling', and you know that you are being really creative at work when you feel a tingling in your genitals. They also included a helpful diagram, with an arrow pointing to the stick figure's penis area, in case you weren't sure where the sexy part of your body is.
• The damage people have caused by using pyrotechnics to announce the gender of their children is truly enraging.
• Strong people stand up for themselves, but stronger people stand up for others.
• But 'stønne' is not sexual in Norwegian... I think. I've never interacted with Norwegian smut. Maybe I just don't know.
• He can't refuse you, you're a award winning librarian!
• The sculpt is irredeemable. It will take an all new sculpt to make a definitive version of this item.
• If they've truly changed, their reward is from the universe in the form of a more peaceful and fair existence. You are not the reward fairy. You are not a vending machine where they put in an apology and get a bag of no-consequences.
• We seem to be accumulating grout at an alarming rate.
• The boner should have read the room.
• You and I weren't given choices, we were given problems to solve and burdens to bear that should never have belonged to us, because we were children.
• These were choices you were forced to make, meaning you had no choice at all.
• Dealing with idiots is a lifelong journey that never ceases. An endless supply of morons roam the Earth.
• My mom killed a plastic plant back in the 60's. Left it next to a space heater and it wilted! My grandmother never let her live it down, either. Whenever my mom got even the slightest bit lippy with her, she'd say, 'Hey Linda, remember that time you managed to kill a fake plant? I do.' And my mom would just sit there and pout and stare.
• Wood dildo entrepreneur from Rovaniemi was kicked out of LinkedIn all of a sudden: '2021 has shown the face of regression'.
• Sometimes the oblivious don't always get the obvious.
• Potato is life
• Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate.
• I don't want to brag, but... when I was a baby and my dad was changing me, I projectile pooped all over him. He was trying to regroup, so he aimed me in a different direction, so I got the ceiling and the walls too. I was a generous infant.
• I get where you're coming from, but I have to say, if I found out later that someone could have prevented something bad from happening to me but they chose not to, I would be pretty pissed. Sometimes the right thing to do is hard. We still need to do it.
• Racists always hate it when you out them. It's why they used to wear hoods.
• If you see a hippo, there's a very good chance you're going to see a hippo close-up in the very near future.
• Not rolling over for an asshole doesn't make you an asshole.
• When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.
• They are able to see the world so much more intricately than the rest of us in ways that most people will never be unable to understand. That sets them apart and makes their lives hell.
• Legos are a better investment than gold bars.
• Something can be done about it.
• They're entitled to that opinion. They're also wrong.
• It still hurts to this day. You can never have something that painful happen and not keep it with you for the rest of your life.
• Fraud is not the right word. It's like you stole these people's faith.
• There can be no justice under an absolute law.
• There is nothing more unfair than treating everyone the same.
• I was actually at my bowling class during the 9/11 attacks. It was all over the TVs while we bowled. It was surreal. We just kept grimly bowling because we were supposed to.
• That is a chonk! An absolute unit!
• Do you know who you are?
• And given one semi-colon begets another, it wasn't long before it was the march of the semi-colons, frustrating readers and lengthening lines to work theirs from one end of Scientology to another.
• It's hard to make a rusted fence shine with a rock.
• My brother had a dog named Faucet. She drooled a lot.
• I don't consider someone a true friend until our interactions are at least 50% insults.
• Polish Wikipedia has a very substantial article on the U.S. state of Alabama. Can you imagine a Polish encyclopedia pre-Wikipedia caring this much about Alabama?
• We hate them, they hate us, no hard feelings.
• If you are already happy where you are, there's no need to introduce sharks into the mix.
• If it starts with 'hey y'all, watch this' it usually ends bad.
• You can laugh when it's over.
• The real trash fire was the friends we made along the way.
• I've been in a similar situation a couple of times before, and I always make a point to apologize directly to the child for their parent's 'terrible behavior'. That usually gets the shitty parent really riled up, which is always good for a laugh.
• Sometimes it feels empowering, sometimes you feel exploited. That's true of any job.
• Be glad it doesn't just say 'sigh'. Seriously.
• Why does the moon have teeth?
• The Greyhound is always an experience, sometimes a good one.
• I hope he's okay. He used to be the highlight of my days when no one else could smile at me.
• One person, one smile, one kindness that you may never think of again in your life can change someone else's life beyond measure.
• When Jesus said love your neighbour as you love yourself, only the dogs understood it.
• You seem dumber than you look.
• Das stoopid. Like proper stoopid.
• Sure, I've tried heroin. But I'm trying to cut down on the number of times I try heroin. In a day.
• Selfless reasons or not, it was the right thing to do.
• Wikipedians in a nutshell, supporting, opposing and neutraling the same proposal.
• A lot of people don't think that Bjork has eye beams. A lot of people are covered in third degree eye beam burns.
• What has 4 letters, never has 5, and sometimes has 9.
• A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walk into a bar. Bartender looks up and says, 'What is this, a joke?'
• I'm not eating anything that won't come out and grow in the light.
• The discourse on Bigfoot forums is unbelievably polite. Replies to the thread 'how old is Bigfoot?' vary from 'as Bigfoot is a being of pure light and energy, it is impossible to know' and 'he is thirty five'.
• If you are suggesting something ridiculous, it's not the other party's fault to laugh at you. Don't say ridiculous things if you don't want to be laughed at.
• This is the truth and I don't want to see it.
• It is a sin to light a fire on the sabbath. What do you remember about the Tower of Hanoi puzzle?
• Such a weird feeling, as if the universe itself were conspiring to keep you alive.
• When you're tired all the time and it becomes normal, it becomes harder for you to tell when you're tired, in my experience. You only admit to being tired when you're feeling exhausted, because that's when you can tell it's different. Because surely I can't be tired all the time?
• Worth noting, as far as I can tell, this is the first usage of the term 'Wikipedians' in the Congressional Record.
• I'm not responsible for the structural integrity of the bubble you choose to live in.
• My wife's mother thinks our daughter is 'snooty' because she uses 'all them big words'. Good times.
• So much of the site's content is subpar, there's no way to remove it all without removing most of the site. The baby is the bathwater, at this point.
• It stuck itself to the inside of the bag with its own shit. What useless fucking... the females of these bugs don't have external genitalia, apparently. The males just march up to them with their sword-dicks and jab them in the abdomens and squirt jizz in. It's called 'traumatic insemination' or some shit, and the males are so dumb, they'll do this to other males, too. I'm gonna write a book titled Shit I Never Wanted to Learn.
• Divorce is just the formalisation of a failed marriage. It did fail kind before that.
• Thanks, I hate it.
• We wish to inform you that tomorrow we will be killed with our families.
• It's shocking in a whole different way when you realize a lot of the nazi mass murder methods were specifically designed to save their own people from the trauma of, you know, being nazi mass murderers. They had psychologists studying it and everything.
• The gas system started because Himmler himself looked away when the Jews were lined up and shot. The Nazi commander next to him asked Himmler how he could expect his soldiers to shoot Jews when he himself can't even see this.
• These men are finished for the rest of their lives. What kind of followers are we producing here - either neurotics or savages.
• You know, maybe they should have said 'If we can't even stand watching them die, maybe we shouldn't kill them?'
• Imagination, so powerful. Your children are full of it. They're often visualising brilliant and terrible things, but impossible things.
• Between towns, there's hundreds of miles of nothing. And nothing can get really weird sometimes.
• The decaying kingdoms of dead gods don't float.
• Don't float.
• See the world through this monster's eyes. A rather warped perception of reality, don't you think?
• After enough isolation and time come many doubts.
• Note that the cover picture shows the woman in the act of creation, gently pulling the metal mold from the quivering newborn confection. She looks down with confident serenity; the Jell-O came out well, and all is right with the world.
• They don't teach 'painting a plate on the other side of a translucent mass of cooked granulated hoof' in art school.
• They're collector's items now - but of course, eventually, everything is a collector item.
• They're everyday relics of another time, my parents' time, and this gives them a poignancy they do not deserve, and do nothing to earn. But I love them anyway.
• You can forgive someone, but it doesn't mean you can trust them again.
• The Soup is Inspiration. The Soup is Love. Smell the Soup.
• About three times a year, someone will check into the hotel specifically to kill themselves. She said that they don't want their family to find them dead at home. So they do it in a hotel room. Unfortunately, the poor housekeeping staff are the ones to find them.
• I have never worn a T-REX suit. But I feel this in my soul.
• It turned out there was considerable overlap between the dumbest people and the smartest bears.
• Police Squad!, made by the guys who did Airplane! and widely considered pound for pound one of the funniest TV shows that's ever aired. But it failed because it required audiences to actually pay close attention to the quickfire gags and fast dialogue. Led to ABC's president memorably saying it was cancelled because 'the viewer had to watch it in order to appreciate it'.
• The thing people miss about crab bucket mentality is that crabs don't naturally exist in buckets. Someone had to put them there.
• All vegetables must be boiled for 30 minutes until properly dead.
• Luckily, no one on either side of my family was into whatever the fuck mid-century housewives were doing with jello.
• Do you remember buying tofu by picking hunks out of a barrel of water at the health food store?
• I have found in practice it is rare we get an open battlefield, and when we do it's because we're facing a literal army.
• Either IABot is malconfigured for mediawiki.org or there is not a single dead link on mediawiki.org. Kudos if so.
• What bitter vengeance is this? The mysterious taste of apples!
• It's a shpadoinkle day. Know what I mean?
• The way I feel right now can only be expressed through fish!
• What I do know about junk drawers is that you don't just go diving in looking for what you want. That's an easy way to get your finger pricked on some random thumbtack or rusty edge. Tou respect the junk drawer. You push its items to the side, purposefully and considerately, until it decides to yield the item you were seeking.
• Back in the day all weapons were stored in the freezer so no mishaps occurred while everyone was drunk.
• Government cheese has become a symbol for American innovation and industrialization, but the nutritional value of the cheese has been in question. It has been argued that people in poverty, such as those entitled to government cheese, are more likely to become obese.
• There are two throw rugs at the entry to my living room to hide the evidence that my dog supplements his food with carpet.
• For some weird reason my cat loved ear wax. Before he died I would get woken up by this horrible feeling of him jamming his tongue in my ear and I have never felt more violated.
• But almost surely not all the fixes for the known bugs in the stable release have yet been included in such snapshots.
• We don't love free will, we love the idea of free will, the idea that we are responsible for our choices, that our choices have meaning, that we have control. But so often, we don't have control. Our choices are nothing but one impossible option or another, one last grasp at survival. Will we save ourselves at the expense of our dignity? Will we save ourselves at the expense of another? In these choices we are forced to make, no matter the option, we give up something of ourselves to do so. It is not free at all, for the cost is our soul.
• C++ is better than people, and that's not saying much.
• Our 'pantry' is literally just a pile of dry goods under our dining room table.
• Apologies aren't indulgences purchased from the church. They don't automatically absolve you of your sins.
• Ahhhh, nothing like the fondness of looking back on past decisions and wondering how you are still alive.
• My girlfriend owns a cafe, and it's so refreshing coming there and doing the occasional job. Nothing is abstract, everything just is. People think I'm this great boyfriend who helps her out fixing shit and stuff, but truth is a lot of that is just me escaping into 'reality'. Doing a job where things make sense without having to expend energy forcing it to make sense.
• You just don't yell at people that work for you. It's not productive.
• Some of us are over here flushing our mind of trauma. Please be kind.
• That cot in boot camp felt like cotton clouds.
• You might want to consider upgrading your boyfriend. This one seems... faulty.
• Apparently it takes a little bit to get used to having a backward foot on your knee but it works really well once you do.
• Oh god. The things kids think is normal when never told otherwise.
• I thought the maggots were just a part of getting older. I'm almost thirty now, so, you know. Stuff breaks down.
• What a legacy, to have literal crotch rot named after you.
• It's definitely a smell that you can taste, and the stink of rotting flesh and the acrid bite of putrefaction lingers up your nose and worms its way into the back of your throat.
• I've seen blue jeans so stiff that they could almost stand up by themselves.
• No amount of love can substitute for competence.
• Sorry man. I was dead, otherwise I would have been there.
• Nothing like being unable to sleep because you can hear cockroaches rummaging around in a trash can.
• In the summer time once you turned your AC on you couldn't turn it off again until summer was over because it would rain inside your house.
• If you want things to happen, you need to expose yourself to randomness.
• How can you run and plot at the same time?
• I wish I wasn't an alcoholic so I could do nothing but drink.
• This was in the good old days before Microsoft fixed that Bing algorithm that was really, really good at finding porn.
• Keep your aspirations to yourself. Telling anyone in your household or social strata about your plans to get out and do better may be met with bitterness and downright ridicule. People will call you uppity for wanting to go to school or stupid for having a career goal that isn't modest and local and vaguely dead-end. People will tell you that you have no common sense simply because you refuse to see the world in terms of pure survival.
• Line cutting is a national sport in China.
• If there's a rule that everyone breaks, then anyone who breaks it doesn't stand out. In fact, people who try to call out other people for breaking it get called names for being holier-than-thou or a wuss or something analogous. Anyone who decides to follow the rule gets taken advantage of by people who break it, so they don't feel bad about breaking it themselves. Even if it harms other people, those other people are rule-breakers so it's still a fair situation.
• I hate that sound. It sounds like a headache.
• I though it was normal for your legs to hurt at the end of the day. I thought it was normal for your nuts to hurt after an orgasm. Basically stuff isn't supposed to hurt, and if it is, get it checked out.
• You're getting handled in a way that you've never experienced and things are happening to your body that you don't understand. You 'let' it happen because you don't know any better and it's an adult. Surely this is okay? You're told to keep it a secret otherwise you'll be in big trouble. There's clearly something wrong but being a five year old you just bottle it up and never really think about it.
• You telling me I can just send spam to the FBI and they will keep it?
• These humans were being told that they were killing the people they were charged with making healthy and whole. On top of the whole 'How dare you suggest that I, a gentleman of means, am unclean!?' combined with 'Well this other gentleman of means and several of his peers say that you are wrong,' we have the very real and sadly common human reaction of '...but I'm the helper. I can't be hurting them because I'm the one who helps.'
• What's sad about these stories is that somebody coming up with a theory like that seems to be exactly the sort of thing which should excite medical professionals as it not only challenges their views but also proposes a more effective solution.
• All my enemies are dead, so I have no one to gloat over.
• Unfortunately, sometimes we meet the liars first.
• How any of this shit was shocking to anyone is beyond me. Everyone knew creepy handsy priests. It was an open secret. I wanted to be an altar boy when I was a kid and my mom was like, no way. She didn't tell ten-year-old me why at the time, but I figured it out eventually.
• I think we sometimes have very specific conceptions of what it means to be 'traumatized'. We picture like, someone curled up on the bed and sobbing. And that is a common reaction to trauma. But sometimes people more shrug and feel a little weird about what happened. And that doesn't make what happened any better. The action is still wrong no matter the reaction.
• The correlation between wearing dinosaur onesies and lesbianism is not scientifically established.
• Seriously, dressing a toddler is already like trying to thread a wet noodle, why do skinny jeans and make it even harder?!
• I have a lot of unemployment jokes. But none of them work.
• And The Lord said to John, 'Come fourth and I shall grant you eternal life.' But John came fifth and won a toaster.
• A skeleton walks into a bar. Orders a beer and a mop.
• Must be awake. It's too boring to be a dream.
• Sort of reminds me of the time my mom bought a new couch and it took my brother two weeks to notice it.
• SQLite doesn't count. It accepts everything and just turns it into varchar behind the scenes.
• If you understand people, we're not that complex. And often the thing we really need, more than anything, is to be understood.
• That's extremely concerning. He's threatened by vegetables.
• I never thought I would be in a place in my life where I completely and totally understood the phrase 'poop knife vibes'.
• This is the way we bury our faults, bury our faults, bury our faults.
• Pine was a fixture. We are not the same without him.
• As the owner of a former toddler, they're never silky. Sticky? Stinky? Never silky.
• Our voices are not our own.
• If I had a pound for every time I met someone who looks attentive and doesn't take in a word you've actually said, I'd probably have a down payment on a small house.
• An increasingly large number of people seem to think that 'it's just a joke' is a way to say, 'yes, I was deliberately hurting you, but I think your pain is funny so you're not allowed to get mad about it'.
• There's something really messed up where people rewrite the past. You can change, but don't lie about previous mistakes. Accountability is eternal, not for five minutes.
• Farmers' wives keep farmers alive.
• Was there a Cars 9/11? Were the planes hijacked, or were the planes themselves radicalized?
• Guinea pigs all eat shit. It's part of their behavior. Their food passes through their digestive tract so quickly that they reingest and reprocess it and make second poop. They don't eat the second poop, discerning tastes and all that.
• Life is a buggy MMORPG with confusing mechanics.
• The only thing darker than my future is the top of this cabbage stew I made. Luckily everything underneath it is fine and it tasted relatively delicious as well!
• Everyone assumes we start out in the same place, but we don't.
• How do you learn to not do insane things? How do you even know what is or isn't... impossible? The moment you step off a building and do not fall, either you're crazy, or the world is. Either way, you're no longer bounded by any rules.
• You figure someone else has it worse, so is it really abuse? Is it really that bad? Emotional abuse sucks because there are no physical scars to show anyone, and you're left constantly second-guessing yourself. Take care of yourself. It could take years to realize how deeply you were affected.
• If that's the only life you know it's hard to see the abuse. That's true for many things.
• Colorado Springs is a beautiful place inhabited by very strange people.
• Information isn't a commodity, it's an assumption. It's just there, everywhere, all the time. And the more you see, the more you can use, the less creative you really have to be, because when it's all already there, you don't even need to extrapolate anything new.
• Have grace. Everybody fucks up. Learn from it and do better.
• I think any characters from thousand-year-old stories are jerks. But I quite like Thor. Probably because I tend to compare him to Zeus. And it's hard to look bad next to Zeus.
• It was bonkers. It never finished, which was good because they had no idea where it was headed.
• I mean, it could be cool, but is there a huge demand for a sequel to a 30 year old show by a notorious crazy person?
• Just because there's magic in one place doesn't mean there's magic in other places.
• I identify as a plush sofa in my RP.
• This has become a war on sick people, not on drugs.
• I like that the name on the bottle usually implies what the scent is. The 'mandarin orange and mango' scent actually smells like that, while I'm still unsure what 'XTREME WOLF RUSH' smells like, unless it's the toilet at a furry con after a wave of E. coli.
• It's a bit unfair that women get to smell like actual things, and we men are stuck smelling like abstract concepts.
• I spent my middle school years wearing fake coontail extensions and saying 'I'll kill you' to anyone who tried talking to me, especially other girls. I don't know what the fuck was wrong with me but I'm still lying awake at night replaying it all a decade later.
• This hurt so much to read. Like actual pain.
• After work, I go home, consume flavorless sustenance, and then stare at the wall until sleeping time. This is normal.
• I think that if I were to be a kid with hundreds of wounds, normal or not, I would still try to hide them.
• They kept everything in a jar. Everything. Cereal? In a jar. Money and credit cards? Pocket-Jar. Dirty laundry? Large jar. They even kept some of their smaller jars in jars.
• James Bond isn't a spy, he's a human drone strike that fucks your wife.
• It's amazing the curiosity of kids. They don't know the pain of depression and their simple joys can be contagious.
• I'm much happier since I stopped... doing things I don't care about. Surprisingly effective in teacher school. Which is full of dumb crap.
• Why is it trendy to have trypophobia? Like, no one likes looking at weird holes - you don't have a fucking phobia. Chill.
• This guy had the kind of forehead you can't miss, it's like a three dollar cab ride from his eyebrows to his hairline.
• This is my only shirt. I used the rest of my money to hollow my bones.
• Do you remember how loud computers used to be? Like you'd put a floppy in there and it would just fucking scream at you like a pterodactyl eating a corncob.
• The dogs are too distracting to figure out what's wrong.
• An experienced moonshiner can tell the approximate proof of liquor by shaking it in a jar.
• If the saxons had more prominence in england, given that they are responsible for places being named "-sex" (like essex, middlesex), england would be called sexland and anglophones would be called saxophones.
• This song sounds like barbecue sauce at KFC.
• The past is a foreign country, with loads of resources and inferior weapons.
• China most definitely isn't building a time machine.
• Just poke a few holes in the body like a normal mobster.
• Chicken wire will not stop a shark.
• This image is the physical representation of entropy.
• Struggling to open a can of beans makes you feel some sort of way.
• This is a world where you can have almost anything you could ever want... as long you don't mind that it isn't entirely real.
• Is your refrigerator running? Do not chase it. You have eaten food from it its whole life, and it is now sentient... and angry. If you give it the chance, it will eat food from you. It will find this poetic. So do not chase it. Let it go. If it loves you, it will come back. But it does not love you. No one does.
• Couple a great gin, like Hendricks, with a floral Tonic, Fever Tree Elderflower, and top with a cucumber, you will now taste what I imagine sipping a cloud from heaven is like.
• There's a lemon species occasionally known as 'Bhudda's palm' that has long tentacle fingers, and now I'm just imagining some dude getting ready to rail his ladyfriend old school style and a mutant citrus grabs his dick upon insertion.
• Euphemisms confuse.
• Seeing as there's many studies showing 'focus drugs' such as those used to treat ADHD don't improve cognition in healthy people, it makes you wonder how many of the drug-seekers desperate to buy Vyvanse and Ritalin from their friends in college actually just need to be treated for ADHD themselves.
• Some pain you can't forget. You'll carry this pain with you for the rest of your life.
• The neurologist was Dr. Tooth. Somewhere there's a dentist named Dr. Brain.
• Pork doesn't sit in your intestines for seven years if you eat it.
• Isn't a skull in dead people only?
• I may look like a grown up sitting still and working at a task - but I assure you, in my brain it's like a 13 year old's Halo themed birthday party complete with a live ska band and a half-pipe.
• I have been screaming in my head wanting to do something for the past several hours but all I can do is sit and fucking marinate on the couch.
• Too bad GameFreak is sitting on the Pokemon license like Smaug hoarding a mountain of gold.
• I'm always blown away when I hear people ask 'what phone is that?' If it mattered at this point you wouldn't need to ask. It's the Featureless Slab whose only improvement over Featureless Slab N-1 is an artificially gated newer version of an operating system that didn't need to change and a better camera.
• The antidepressants give you back the energy to commit suicide before they shut off the voice in your brain that is telling you do it.
• If a service dog comes up to you without its human, follow it.
• I got stopped in the middle of my question when I wanted clarification on how to do an assignment. My teacher believed that asking for clarification was 'arguing' and shut me down. Guess who got in trouble for not doing their assignment right?
• Spring rolls are unpredictable.
• Do not use endoscopy equipment to steal chocolate from this vending machine. This is a crime and next time the police will be notified.
• You know what they say; three halves don't make a whole.
• God, it was all half a lifetime ago, but I've just sat here thinking about it all for half an hour. The people who joined, the people who left, the lifers, the people who died.
• Boats are holes in the water into which you throw your money and time.
• Merr, your femur ferret's in my leg-simile.
• Honestly, some people are just not cut out to be ferrets.
• It's nice to not have to exist. It's nice to just exist.
• Treating human beings like commodities, robots, or livestock only has consequences for the victims. The scum who are actually doing the bad thing just get away with it. And have gotten away with it for thousands of years.
• Obviously the answer is one oneth, come on guys.
• my brain is basically just a hamster in a hamster wheel, except the hamster died years ago.
• The only thing keeping kids alive is the fact that their bodies are small concentrated vials of stem cells and they heal at super-human speed.
• Is mayonnaise an instrument?
• 'Mere mortals' and 'vile fiend(s)' and 'others of such ilk' are fantastic phrases that we should almost never have an opportunity to use.
• I have a half-blind, arthritic 19-year-old tank of a cat with a face like a bag of spanners who yowls and honks whenever he wants anything and interrupts all my meetings and tramples on my keyboard. Wouldn't replace him for the world.
• I lived with a professional astrologer. I had to learn this stuff in self defence after receiving comments like 'I used to worry about offending you, but now I know you have moon in Gemini so nothing matters.'
• You won't sink in lava. Lava is the density of rock. It is rock.
• At times I will tell the cat something that sounds like 'You're our cat.' I am not telling him he's our cat. I'm saying, 'Your are cat' because I am a dumbarse.
• He almost certainly has some level of damage, you can't come out of a coma without it.
• Sometimes what you really need is a change of scenery.
• I wish it was more normal to be human. We all struggle and it's not good for any of us to keep it bottled up inside of us.
• We all make mistakes. How we respond to them is the key.
• Women are far more likely to agree to take a survey than men.
• This is the danger of the 'we're all in this together' attitude. We aren't. We aren't all in the same boat - we're all in the same storm. Some people have much better boats than others have to help them weather the storm. Some people are barely hanging on by clinging to the driftwood that floats by.
• Indefinite support without hesitation or question is not a partnership. It's like a bizarre hostage situation.
• I always kind of felt that the nightmares' main motivation for stopping you was because they just wanted to... exist.
• Being friendly and talkative will almost always make you friends, regardless of what you are saying.
• I fed it a page of text, trying to confound it, but it found hidden faces in the words. Faces that strain against the page. I think I've found something I could fear for the rest of my life.
• Remember the insane stuff we used to do as kids? Like get sleepy, go to bed, and wake up not sleepy?
• While your analysis is unassailable, I think we can agree that calling the Holocaust a 'a rather significant interaction Hitler had with Jewish people' sets a new record in understatement. It's like saying Jackie Kennedy found her trip to Dallas 'rather memorable'.
• It's a curse being so amazing.
• Where a lot of situations go wrong is when someone's knee-jerk reaction becomes their only reaction.
• All that lives lives forever. Only the shell, the perishable passes away. The spirit is without end, eternal, deathless.
• You're in the game now, buddy boy. Whether you like it or not.
• Have you tried just not being depressed?
• Some artists find their 'Demons' act as a muse, their illness is a tool, and therefor, they don't want to be healed.
• The day you think you know everything is the day you'll kill someone.
• Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
• Maybe psychiatric diagnosis and treatments have a place, but before we attempt to diagnose someone's mind as 'ill', we should provide a stable place for people where they can live and go to school/work and see how long their illness lasts. The state of affairs as I have seen it is a goddamn insult to our human dignity and I will be picking up my pieces and fixing it.
• Are you from Berdsk? That explains why you're so weird. Everything in your city is not of this world.
• Shoes are to be worn as the manufacturer intended.
• We were banned from standing in circles at recess because of potential scandalous activity going on in the middle... we stood in squares instead.
• No rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant.
• When seeking a second opinion, don't tell them it's a second opinion. You want a second first opinion, not a confirmation of the first opinion.
• The SN10 is a major step forward because it landed before it exploded.
• 'Looks like Auschwitz' isn't my words. That's a witness quote that my assigned student advocate collected in case we decided to take my school to court. Once I found out someone described me like that, I really understood the degree to which most of my teachers had lacked basic compassion. 'We couldn't know, our hands were tied!' was <i?such bullshit.
• So, doctors, even when you're super confident about your diagnosis – even when you are correct about your confident diagnosis – you should still make sure the patient gets the tests needed to establish a baseline, if at all possible.
• Once you cut a corner, it's no longer an expense.
• Bingo. Management failed at its job therefore making it easier for you to bungle yours.
• I can't even come up with a comparison for how it flowed, because I've never seen water move with that amount of confusion. I've literally heard a rant about 'the dragon in the sky that won't stop following me!' that had more focus and cohesion than that paper!
• It was just the incoherent ramblings of a fried out microwave.
• Toddlers are just insane little people. Their brains are capable of complex problem solving, but they don't have enough information to deduce from, so they just make shit up that fills in the gaps. Kind of like when people in a psychotic break will just adapt new information into their delusions. It's all part of growing up and learning, but it can be funny as fuck as an adult listening to the insane ramblings of a 3 year old.
• They'll keep finding them for months, and the random text with incoherent frustration and a picture of their hammer with googly eyes on it is worth it.
• This guy named Colin James III is a renowned Denver-area loon. Well, renowned in certain circles, mainly the internet. Apparently he won some award called the 1996 Internet Kook of the Year.
• So some parts, at least, of this bizarre and relatively dull universe that my mother has been obsessed with for the better part of 40 years are based in bizarre facts. And I don't really know how I feel about that.
• Pacifism falls down because it assumes everyone wants to live peacefully. But some people are sadistic, malicious or predatory. You can't reason with that because they do want conflict. So if their attention turns to you, you need to make it very very inconvenient for them to continue with their bullshit.
• I'm all out of sage advice at this thyme.
• Look, she's been asleep for a hundred years. Of course she has some outdated ideas.
• I didn't spend 8 years at evil medical school to be called 'Mr. Evil.'
• HOW THE HELL DO YOU DROP A LAPTOP IN A TOILET?
• Man, these all look like variants of dicks and balls to me. I wonder what my psychiatrist would have to say about that.
• Many parts of the pine tree are edible.
• Have you tried Angry Orange? It removed the smell of mountain lion pee I may or may not have spilled in accident.
• Think about your eyeballs when you're trying to sleep, or your eyelids. How tight they're closed. Whether they're rolled back right now or aimed straight at the ceiling? They feel straight. Why do you still see swirls even though it's dark outside your eyelids?
• Pop Tarts are a sugar and calorie bomb to stick into your face hole at breakfast, or whenever you've given up on life. Frankly, their advertising doesn't really try to hide that fact anymore.
• Pop Tarts: have you tried them frozen? You have? How about room temperature while standing over the garbage can? Done that as well? How about slightly warm in a damp alley surrounded by heroin needles, railing against an unforgiving God? No? Try that.
• Parenting is a lot like dog training - sometimes you have to take away things that consistently cause bad behavior.
• Hello fellow kids, how do you do?
• Always follow the last order.
• Oh, it's my toes. I cut them off, they didn't fit right on my foot.
• He did that. He did that. But that ain't all he did.
• What day is it, and how long has it been today? How many times have I gone to sleep? How many times have I awoken?
• Children are people, not an accomplishment.
• The logs only say what, not why.
• Please stand by.
• You'll never get permission to spend 10k, but you can waste 10k without anyone even blinking.
• For years I struggled to recreate my grandmother's recipes until I discovered that 'tablespoon' in her recipe book didn't actually mean 'tablespoon', but referred to this random goddamn spoon she had in her kitchen, and all the other measurements in there had similar logic. Meanwhile when my other Gran died her daughters fought for days over her recipe notebook that nobody was allowed to touch, until they finally decided to just copy the recipes down and so they opened it and found out there was only one entry and it said 'Book that I pretend has recipes'.
• I snort cookies as if for a living.
• Being passive aggressive is still a kind of aggression.
• Most of the group's chill vibes attitude was really just apathy for anything outside their worldview.
• Apathy is death.
• An apartment complex that has a bed bug infestation will have a very specific smell. It's almost a boxy but sweet sort of smell with maybe a shoe-polish finish? Kind of like a stink bug, but less intense and almost a little fruity. If you've ever been on the L in Chicago early in the morning, excluding a holiday weekend, before people have infested it with their own grossness, that's the smell of bed bugs.
• In many ancient languages the word for stranger was the same word for enemy.
• Just remember - the computer does exactly as it is told. Exactly as it is told. By now, you should already know why this leads to problems.
• When my class was reading 'Pensees' which I got from the library, next to the sentence 'the beak of the parrot, which it wipes, even though it is clean...' someone had written the name of my professor. I looked over at him and sure enough he was rubbing his nose. It was hilarious, it felt like a joke across time shared only with a stranger. Kind of a neat experience.
• She was angry and crazy. Angry crazy people seldom make sense.
• On playgrounds, there was always the spinning gate. It was a gate on a pole. You'd stand on the back of it and kick off like a skateboard and just... spin around on it. Think a merry-go-round, but smaller and crazier.
• You can still buy a little tin of uranium on Amazon, although it's not marketed to children.
• I have a children's science textbook from the 1930s that describes all sorts of experiments with electricity kids can do with the power outlets in their home. What could go wrong?
• Every decision we make gets hate mail from people on both sides, so none of that alone will stop us from making the decision we think is best.
• 90% of life situation is luck.
• Your grief is your love that's still there, your love that was the part of yourself that you gave to the one now lost.
• In 2009, researchers found a cluster of galaxies moving at an extraordinary speed towards a small patch of sky between the constellations of Centaurus and Vela. Some unknown force is tearing away chunks of the galaxy, and astronomers still have no clue what exactly is causing it. It's been named 'Dark Flow.'
• There is something big out there, far bigger than anything in our known universe. Such a behemoth would impose a kind of 'tilt' on the universe, causing matter to move in one particular direction – as observations of the dark flow suggest. Could be anything - up to and including another universe.
• There is a lot of crap like that that's better ignored. Invisible black holes that travel through the universe and we can only detect them when they 'eat' suns, the idea that we are unlikely to inhabit a stable universe (not impossible but unlikely) or even the idea that has something to do with string theory where the universe can just poof and collapse back into nothing at any point. Nothing to do about any of this so you can only ignore it.
• I don't understand the ritual but I also don't care.
• Bar patrons, if someone is making you uncomfortable, or jerking off in the bar, please alert the staff.
• We booked a band one Saturday night who was a really big reggae star in the area. As the dude was setting up my manager and I noticed it was eerily dead for the evening as the band was just about to start so we went out to smoke. The woods behind the restaurant had a thick fog coming out of it and we were noticing how odd that was considering it was a really warm and clear night in July. Then we saw them. Groups of stoners with dreads and beanies emerging from the tree line. It wasn't fog in the woods... it was marijuana smoke. We didn't sell that many drinks that night but I remember the cooks complaining about the amount of mac n cheese they sold.
• You know you are dealing with MediaWiki when there are 6666 tests...
• I just had a commit denied by a pre-commit hook that took issue with me capitalizing a commit message. It's all sorted out now though, as my laptop is now halfway down the hillside and I am looking forward to an exciting new career living in a shack and breeding possums.
• I want to see mountains again, Gandalf, mountains, and then find somewhere where I can rest.
• It's a last-ditch survival tactic. The brain expends as much energy as it can to look for any possible way of getting out of a deadly situation, which gives the impression that time is slowing down because you're thinking so much more in that one second. If it works you're left suddenly exhausted but alive; if it doesn't you're just dead.
• Game engine has fps tied to processor clock-speed. Terrible programming.
• He's going to convert everything we say out of technojargon into lawyer speak. So we need to use as much technojargon as possible.
• You can't patent physics.
• You're answering the question he asked, not the question he meant to ask.
• 'Now' is not a potato. It has no value.
• It's like the subway. All rules fly out the window and war reigns.
• There is a hugeness to the sky over the open prairie that cannot quite be reasoned with.
• Only there's nothing more terrifying than hope.
• Will religion ever stop giving me reasons for hatred?
• Is it really a wedding if the extended family don't try to start a fight?
• Clear gravy is the embodiment of the word 'moist'.
• Sex shops at 10am are weird. I actually saw a guy in the stereotypical brown trench coat.
• Bisected is a kind way of phrasing it, as you well know. In the wreckage there were two main pieces, one on either side of the trail.
• So the dracaena is the... stump? With leaves sticking out?
• Well, I can't say that I'm surprised that he was eaten by a rampaging Barn Abomination of his own devising.
• Wasn't aware of having made any personal attacks. Should rectify that.
• I'm twelve years old and what is this?
• I'll have you know Tyr eats a very balanced diet. Rocks, plants, dirt, meat. Equal opportunity trash can.
• Unfortunately that requires too much philosophical thinking for 1 AM, so I'll have to think about this again when my brain isn't screaming at me.
• Make sure you have an open bar. It is important.
• We have finally gotten her to quit licking the textured plaster walls when she comes over. But she still puts gravel in her pants.
• The comfort zone is indeed comfortable, but in the way your bed is comfortable when you painfully have to pee. Either get up, or piss the bed and lie in it.
• git push gerrit HEAD:refs/for/master
• Walk-in-freezers are made for crying, screaming and punching the frozen deer in case of total nutcases in the restaurant.
• If a person wishes suffering on someone else because they suffered and 'turned out fine', then they didn't really turn out fine at all.
• My mom just tried to say good night to me and I responded with 'hello'. Yeah I'm functioning.
• The more I recover, the more apparent it becomes how impaired I really am.
• So much in our lives is circumstance. The only meaningful thing, the only thing we choose, is what we do with these circumstances. Do we accept them? Do we fight them? Do we use them to make something different, to change the circumstances, too, of those around us?
• As someone who has been in various stages between, and including, being bedbound and housebound, I know how important independence is, and how it can feel degrading and humiliating to lose it.
• To have some fun with it, I'd probably then get one of those inflatable costumes and wear that on top. Immature, sure. But there's no way a T-Rex at the dinner table can be considered immodest.
• Never underestimate what poor hiring practices and a lack of training can do. Way back, I worked at a grocery store and my coworker called me over to help him because he couldn't get an item to scan. It was a potato. Not a potato with a barcode sticker, or in a wrapper or anything like that. Just a fresh, raw, skin-on potato, and he was waving it back and forth over the scanner, completely confounded that nothing was happening.
• It's not just the number of references - it is the way they refer to it, as if it were common knowledge.
• I'm always pleased yet perplexed that 'hail Satan' will still turn some fucking heads.
• You never forget the sound of a train hitting someone.
• That's just what the man dressed as the Pepsi vending machine wanted the officers to think!
• He's built like a vending machine but he handles like a credit card thief.
• If your kid ever calls 911, don't get mad at them. We want them to call 911 if they think they should. We would much rather have them call 911 for something silly than have them not call when they should because they're afraid they'll get in trouble.
• The cats are circling.
• Every ten seconds the Blob makes an activation sound and adjusts his posture into something even more absurd.
• The one consistent thing about all the 'it's not a big deal' types is that it's a pretty big fucking deal to them.
• So many things can be avoided with simple communication. It's a lesson that some people never learn.
• Pecking orders are simple. Strap a traffic cone to your face and get to pecking. I believe in you, and your neck muscles.
• If your religion causes a seven year old to wonder why God hates her personally, it's trash.
• 'I don't know, they're weird about stuff' is pretty much the best description of all religion I've ever heard.
• I have heard religion described as 'the gnawing fear that someone, somewhere is having a good time'.
• Hiring a pedophile in the sake of 'inclusivity', it's a joke.
• So you know how you verify it's a firewall issue? You TAKE DOWN THE FIREWALL MOMENTARILY ON A PRODUCTION SERVER AND TRY TO PING IT.
• See this is why I can't get into computers. I fuckin' suspected all these years that computers were actually run by ghosts. And now you just fuckin' flat-out admit it.
• Goblins, those ephemeral wonders. Burn bright, burn fast, get arrested, burn jail, burn goblin.
• It will never cease to amaze me how thermonuclear the Streisand Effect is. Things don't just blow up; they go super-critical.
• Just hum a few bars.
• People might wonder what point there is in leading a life in which you do not touch any other lives, but it would be arrogant of us to assume that. Every life is a contribution, we just may not see how.
• It's strange, but somehow I feel like Emily won. She remains a fucking question mark right up to the bitter end. Basically all I know about her is she kept Wheat Thins in her refrigerator.
• How you feel, or felt, doesn't negate the positive choices you took. How you choose to act is what defines you, and you were and are brave.
• I'm not a great fan of the 'if life gives you lemons make lemonade' philosophy. It was a wretched experience for me and I was able to grow from it. It's not a good path and no one ever deserves it.
• Man, everyone is saying they were angry at your old therapist for you, but it just made me want to cry on your behalf. To have someone with whom you have to be so vulnerable with turn on you like that is unimaginable.
• 0. Did you forget to roll?
• How did they make it that far in life being that dumb? This is the question of all times... but ours especially.
• No one ever told me grief felt so like fear.
• Phabricator is right over there, and gerrit is at the same direction...
• I lost my train of thought - which, to be clear - not a very long train.
• Check for bad words, such as "thundercunt".
• When life around you seems like nonsense, make up some of your own.
• I find something in the couch to eat, and then I nap! Until I get a headache!
• It is not at all suspicious. It is a cat operating a mortar and pestle at midnight thirty. What could be less suspicious than that?
• But that's the problem. So many of these masks, so many of my lies, they're not my own. They never were. I've always preferred the truth, but so often, people don't want to hear it. They refuse to see it, even when it's staring them right in the face, and instead they fill in the narrative with lies, they create their own masks to cover it up. And I'm no different. There are things I never wanted to know, either, things I would have believed anything to never have had to confront. Only time wears it all down again.
• I eventually learnt to grieve the mother I deserved but never had. Like when people die, it still hurts sometimes... but it's better than being constantly disappointed and hurt.
• No, I've spoken to wizards, and they're a combination of idiot and deranged. They need to be stamped out.
• I wear a lot of makeup. I don't think I'm fugly or anything, I just think it's funny to have sparkly green eyelids.
• Brains are weird, sleep is super weird.
• I feel cheated, all I get is this genderless, hairless, emaciated humanoid thing with no nose and a mouth full of sharp teeth stretching halfway around its head that likes to kneel on my chest and grin at me before melting into the wall or ceiling while it laughs.
• That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.
• Do sit down. Shocks are so much better absorbed with the knees bent.
• Why is it called 'taking a shit' when you are actually leaving a shit?
• I only see the ones who come in for therapy, so really I have no good barometer of the normal non-clinical response.
• When the pain has a purpose, it's not so bad to accept. Most pain isn't a choice.
• Many gods were essentially defined by their totems; Hermes his sandles, Ero's bow, Aesculapius's staff... Dionysus's totem was 'a pinecone on a stick'. Not a magical staff of power... a literal pinecone on a stick.
• Yeah it is fun, also a bit weird, but that is every mythology. I just like to think of all of them as a collection of stories made up whilst ancient people were high out of their gourds, and just kept rolling with it and convincing more people.
• University and reality have diverged long ago and neither shows any indication of changing their ways.
• I work closely with car sales and this kind of scheme disgusts most of the salesmen I know. Do y'all understand how scummy a pay scheme has to be to disgust a car salesmen of all professions?
• Disjointed, incomplete, extraneous detail, vague. It reads like a 15 year-old's book report on a book they did not read.
• This post is a masterclass in how not to tell a story.
• The money was just resting in my account!
• I try not to die, unfortunately enemies tend to disagree with this plan.
• Yeah so rsyslog is bae. You can just tell rsyslog 'lol redirect that shit over to this file bb :heart: :heart: <3' and then it'll be like 'uwu yes senpai'. BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THAT BEFORE TODAY. AND NOW I DO.
• The only people running filesystems on FUSE are very desperate people.
• Trauma like that puts you in a headspace that makes clear, lucid thought a cruel joke. He can only see himself there because he is deeply, deeply traumatized from all the hours, days, years spent sleeplessly imagining all the moments he could have shared with his kids.
• A recent survey indicated we almost had more engineers than managers, can't let that happen.
• Cow catchers. The triangular thing at the front of a train. Not so much 'catchers' as 'exploders', though.
• Trauma isn't a certain kind of event, so much as it's about the experience of an event.
• We all have agency to inform change. Just gotta start speaking up - no one else will do it for you, and no, it isn't always 'easy' and may come with a few groundings along the way. Worth it in the end though.
• How to make anything you do sound suspicious: be mostly specific. I.e. "Yes. I bought this with legal, tender, money that was acquired legally." "I met with a friend who is alive." "I went to the still standing, not burned home of my enemies."
• The differences are subtle. The poor use one at a time. The rich can frame all their art. What goes up is quiet, it happens behind the scenes. Wealth whispers. It's subtle, unspoken, ubiquitous. It is our aim, in all aspects, in our designs for the future. Wealth shall simply be, a part of existence. The wealth of knowledge, of all who've come before, free for all.
• Drunk caulking: unadvised.
• It turns out the caulk is oil-soluble. A special thanks to jackfruit, for showing us this is a thing.
• We're literally giving everyone who is out of work due to covid $2000 a month; a bunch of $10000 freezers is a drop in the bucket.
• The idea that people automatically mellow or gain wisdom as they age is such a crock. People who are critical thinkers, open to experience and willing to accept that they are occasionally wrong may achieve it, but in my experience and observation, most people seem to get stuck in increasingly rigid patterns of thought and behaviour as they get older.
• I actually had to explain to a therapist that even when people, like therapists, say there is no wrong answer, they almost never mean it. They might not want any specific answer, but they usually expect the answer to fall within a certain ballpark, and when you're on the spectrum, you can have an uncanny ability to answer outside of that ballpark, and it leaves the asker anywhere from baffled to frustrated, which in turns makes open questions frustrating for you, because you gotta figure out what they want first, and they won't tell you.
• This property has potential possibilities.
• No-one here is made of twigs. We're all nicely meaty.
• See, that made total sense. It just sounded like the ramblings of a fevered mind.
• The god of lies is the god, too, of truth. He will never lie to you. You can only lie to yourself.
• Their librarian is a weirdo. And that's part of the problem, it's hard to defend against random insanity like that. It always catches me off guard. What a bizarre thing for a librarian to be angry about.
• Nobody wants to smell. A dab of shaving cream to restore a bit of dignity? Priceless.
• Stories are like people. Loving them doesn't make them perfect. You just try and cherish 'em, overlook their flaws.
• Seen at Dolores Park today: a man wearing his underwear outside his pants, except he had multiple dog biscuits pasted on his underwear.
• Hate just makes people double down.
• It's a state of mind. It's where you lose yourself and find yourself. You don't know it yet, but you've got it. It's right there. I saw you with those guys, you're a pit bull. They didn't back you down an inch. And that is very rare in this world.
• Why can't I ever say what I really mean?
• Cucumbers are not the same as ice cubes.
• If you scare them and get them peeing down their leg, they submit. Yet if you project weakness, you draw aggression. That's how people get hurt. You see, fear causes hesitation... and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true. So it's simple. You project strength to avoid conflict. Peace through superior firepower.
• You back me up.
• She is literally being selfish. By definition. And there is nothing wrong with that.
• I'm also the type that, if someone came to me and suggested moving off of a relational dbms to mongo, I would give them a large cactus and instruct them to use it as a suppository.
• Twisting pathways cannot make you mad. Please seek professional help and stop blaming the pathways.
• Do not shine light in Elder God's face. Elder God is silhouetted for a reason.
• It is indeed early, but the trick is several cups of coffee. Believe me, my family often wishes I would come up with far fewer puns.
• Si tú eres loca, yo peor, porque soy más loca que tú.
• The reason we talk about shock value is because shock value is a thing.
• Talk to people in their language: watch to what they respond, if they respond to reason, then use it... if they don't respond to words, and only tantrums would do, then a tantrum is warranted.
• Here at Uncyclomedia, we are committed to providing the best service a bunch of unpaid dying hobos can offer.
• I was in a very dark, very bad place in early 2018 and all that was getting me through it was that I wanted to know how Game of Thrones ended. You can laugh at that, I do.
• Don't focus on hope. It is enough to just stay curious. Curiosity has the power to keep you alive far longer than hope ever will. Curiosity leads to engaging work and this leads to opportunity.
• They use their mouths, so it's a bite, but instead of putting your skin in its mouth, it puts its mouth in your skin.
• Inside the sheath, their proboscis is actually six arms: two saws, two manipulators, a spitter, and a sucker. They saw open your flesh and use the manipulators to sense blood vessels, which they pierce to suck blood.
• Rainfall is usually left to its own devices for the most part, as long as you don't treat it as potable or start making giant beaver dams.
• I have been bitten by a pelican, and it was disturbing. It was like being bitten by empty pixie sticks straws attached to a suede bag.
• We hope to party next year, both families together, in a relaxed way, maybe in a villa somewhere in Europe. But the wedding was a jewel, their jewel, and magically we all shared it.
• If we've ever made you laugh, please consider a donation. We're poor as shit.
• I think cat assembly is, uh, free form.
• I'd argue oatmeal raisin is the most goth. It sums up the depressing reality of life.
• This doormat is full of sand. Please wipe your feet to help us clean it out.
• He's still depressed, he's just depressed in pants. You can be depressed in pants.
• People do this a lot actually. Nothing's more aggressive than a person who lacks humility and is feeling guilty.
• Asleep brain is not afraid. Asleep brain accepts everything. Asleep brain is mildly terrifying when not asleep.
• A hammer is a tool primarily used to cut ham. However, the blunt end can be used to hit things, such as Germany.
• If you're not failing, you're not experimenting enough.
• Trauma stretches time.
• Your underwear should not be visible in the background. Not on the floor, not draped over moose antlers.
• We suggested hospitalizing him to stabilize him and start treatment, but they accused us of exaggerating his symptoms and that we only wanted to hospitalize him so we could steal the liquid in his knees.
• Left knee is bone hurting juice, right knee is bone healing juice.
• The richer you are, the less you have in your fridge.
• No concept of an absolute position in space exists.
• Light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's something that we don't have a word for and that doesn't exist in a way that we can sense directly. But this unnamed thing happens to act in a way similar to a wave in some situations and like a particle in others. A cylinder will roll like a sphere in one direction but not roll like a cube in the other. That doesn't make it a sphere and a cube at the same time. It makes it something different.
• The problem isn't the lack of a word, the problem is how to convey the meaning behind the word.
• My consciousness was ripped from the void and shoved into this body. Does it go back when I die? Is it nothingness, or something more?
• This might as well be saying 'bing tiddle tiddle bong'. It's complete gibberish.
• Mine is an evil laugh!
• The old time.gov was corny as hell but at least it was nostalgic. The new one does not look good and cannot be appreciated ironically. It's not nostalgic, it's not hipster like the CIA website, it's just ugly.
• Does it matter which path we choose when we wind up standing before ourselves again and again?
• All comedy is derived from fear.
• It is stupid and flagrantly awesome.
• For the record, TSA does not have advice about shovels.
• No one has a giant sword, so the comic is inferior.
• I call bullshit you bullshitter. Best check your pants for horns, 'cause your shitting bulls!
• Having a smaller cancer that kills you, rather than a bigger cancer, is no consolation because you're still dead.
• Something in the cabbage is very beneficial for inflammation.
• I enjoy salads, and I especially enjoy them as a meal that isn't terribly heavy and instead is light and refreshing when the weather is oppressively hot. And salads are so versatile, almost as much as pizza, just by changing what goes in it and the dressing. I don't get why people think it's weird to like salads. It's fine not to like them, but it's not weird to enjoy them.
• The specific overrides the generic.
• It wouldn't be as much fun if it just told you what the error was, now would it.
• Odd numbers just feel cleaner.
• Wikipedia is an anarchic civilization that defies all understanding. It is my life's passion.
• Don't try walking two cats at once. They each go wherever the other does not want to go.
• A continent worth of countries can't beat a continent sized country.
• Far Realm is like the Fey in that regard. Unfathomable raw power, but just too alien to employ it optimally.
• That would explain their inexplicable ruggedness and apparent contempt for modern convenience. You know, things like indoor plumbing.
• Most of his disciples were common laborers and likely would have had little to no formal education. So who exactly would have taught them to read and write? I think people can't grasp the fact that throughout history most people were illiterate, and that simply because much of the world has decent literacy rates that the same situation existed in the past.
• I studied Medieval literature and history and you kinda, sorta need to understand the Bible to fully understand that period.
• Never take parenting advice from anyone you meet in a Wal-Mart.
• You're dual wielding a fruit platter. Does that mean you are holding two platters or that you are holding one platter with two hands?
• was should have been more articulate
• I sort of thought taking the users and target communities into consideration was implicit in the 'user experience' part of 'UX designer'. I apologise for the confusion, and will try to avoid making such assumptions in the future.
• The biggest question is not 'how do you make the squirrels angry?'. If you've ever stuffed a live squirrel ass-first down a gunbarrel with a ramrod, you know the answer to that question.
• From people I know who've been in the ctf in the past, they basically are either on the floor or thinking about/developing solutions every waking minute of their day. So no real time to hang out with someone else.
• The vast vast majority of defcon ctf is reversing and binary exploitation. Usually with some exotic shit you've never heard or dreamt of. One year they gave everyone some binaries compiled with middle endian, another year they gave everyone some playstations and you had to hack through the game.
• It is written on the wall. It is echoed in the water. It is the whispers in the mirrors, windows to the worlds, each to each.
• It's as if the bell wasn't there at all, until it started ringing, and then it had always been there. Perhaps the door, too, hadn't been there until it had always been.
• Sweet daydreams, and nightmares.
• Beige and grey everything! Shades of beige! Variants on beige! Beige and brown, beige and grey, the colours of dirt! Fill your home with dirt-coloured things! To remind you constantly of dirt! And then get filled with dirt because you can't even see the dirt! Because you like dirt, right? Dirt everywhere!
• Life isn't fair, but you live with what you have. And you appreciate it, because you didn't even have to get that. You are not entitled to anything life gives you.
• The more python I write the more it annoys me. See e.g. the ternary syntax. That's some AppleScript level bullshit, and there's a very strong sense of 'your way of thinking is wrong; here's the pythonic way to do what you want'. Oh and the documentation sucks as a reference.
• That is your boundary. Feel free to have it. But also reflect on why you have that feeling. Just because it is your personal boundary does not make it exempt from bigotry. I question all the time why my gut reaction goes a certain way and when I first started doing it, I found that a lot of the things that I felt were based in some sort of bigotry. With gay men in particular, a lot of those feelings that we think are internal are actually due to a shitload of toxic masculinity in our culture.
• I would say there is almost no correlation between money and quality. Oracle has built up a massive portfolio of stuff... and what value do they add?
• We did that a before ago.
• We did that last earlier.
• Content scarcity is dead. You should think beyond pretending your content is scarce by treating it like it's the exact opposite and seeing what the world can do with it.
• Ontop translates SPARQL queries expressed over the knowledge graphs into SQL queries executed by the relational data sources.
• Therapy can't help stupid.
• As a teen I saw how adults basically conspired to give little kiddos a good childhood, but had no idea I was getting the same thing. It's kind of great.
• STOP DESCRIBING IT AND GO USE IT. SUFFER THE RAVINE. EMBRACE THE DARKNESS OF UNCONSCIOUSNESS, AND ACCEPT YOUR FATE WITHIN THE BEDKEELHOLE.
• I'm pretty sure the wood in the middle structure of the bed, the keel of the bed, has broken! So there's formed this... hole that I roll into. A bed ravine!
• Our aurora are probably non-toxic, but please stop trying to taste them.
• If your model is bad enough, the confidence intervals will fall outside the printable area.
• No one ever tells me anything. It's a part of being old.
• I have disabled your company's firewall and I can see everything just fine. Try again now and see if it's better for you.
• Maybe it just died out years before 2001 and then someone made fuss in their enterprise support about an old support contract not having an end date, so they explicitly terminated them all at once. It's not like there was going to be a security patch after 20 years of inactivity. How would they even release it? Offer floppy by mail for a limited time?
• 'Affordable' means 'I am willing to pay the price for the item'. If I'm not willing to pay the cost, it's not affordable.
• What used to be a fifty dollar job in 2000 is a two to three hundred dollar many hours job today, and what used to be a thousand dollar (or a couple crates of beer and your average Joe's home garage equipment) crash repair is equivalent to total damage.
• I didn't know we needed to document it, I thought it was common sense.
• Classic Bug. Right out of a textbook. Check array boundaries before accessing array.
• Proper ragequits should be in all caps, yes?
• They do not understand the pain that 'family' causes. Their own biases cloud their eyes.
• Tyr is digging holes in all our hearts.
• My God is not small.
• These words mostly become a problem when there's sincere intent behind them. When they're used with feeling. That's when I start to feel a little upset about their use - and that's when their true harmfulness really comes out.
• We are in a room full of people who have forgotten what it's like to be chronically disrespected.
• English is easy to become fluent enough in but a total bitch to go past that. When you get into the nitpicky details of it, the grammar seems like monkey on acid trying to hump a spork.
• Real life is more often than not rather mundane.
• You can't ever really know a person. If you think you can, you're living in a fucking dream world.
• All real artists are totally insane.
• I'm not sure if you want your hands to smell like pseudo-strawberry.
• Your cracks are showing.
• Libera is hella unstable. And by that I mean its down.
• Caregivers burn out typically in less than a year. I never had coworkers for very long. If it's that hard on professionals to see, imagine having to live it? And for what? There is no upside.
• We don't try to fill life with more days, but the days with more life.
• Do you always deploy changes at 1:30AM?
• We have a saying in my country: 'running into a dick forest with an open mouth'.
• No, karma's not a bitch. Karma is a classy and wise elder that will calmly sit you down and serve you a tea you later realize was laced with the same poison you've been serving others for years.
• Executive management bullying people is just lunacy. And the worst part is, the people who do it are typically too damn stupid to realize what they're doing. They're not compensating or 'secretly insecure' as you often hear. They're just too damn stupid. They simply lack the brain capacity to understand the consequences of their actions.
• A disorganised workplace is a hotbed for mental health problems.
• He just likes to be a cat.
• Fighting fire with fire. And by fire I mean crazy. And by fire I also mean crazy.
• He did it because he hates trees. He hates just seeing them.
• My friend! You are the genius of the day.
• I forgot about the space force doctrine.
• Sadly nobody ever said lawsuits must be filed on sound reasoning. Half the lawsuits filed are probably frivolous. Just someone complaining to the paper/news/etc could make bad press for them and cause issues.
• You can't stop mad people. You should leave them alone.
• If she doesn't know how something works, then that's on you. You're her parent. Teach her.
• You call your mates 'cunt' and cunts 'mate.'
• Most jobs are hard. That's why they pay us to do them.
• If a 17-year-old doesn't know all the available resources - heck if any struggling parent isn't aware of all the available resources - that doesn't make them an asshole, it means they need support. For fuck's sake guys, that's what adult parents are for. To help guide and advise their teenage children.
• Catholic oddness is fine when it comes to pretend cannibalism but I draw the line at mandatory wall Jesus.
• My father once gently slapped me with a loaf of ham, that was so unexpected that I just shutted up.
• Unrelatedly if you're going to let an iguana climb up your legs, make sure to wear long pants or jeans. Speaking from personal experience. I have also learned that otters are capable of untying your shoelaces and they will try to remove your shoe from your foot so they can steal it.
• You've taken the first step. No matter what comes next or how this ends, that was the most important thing. It was everything.
• The law, in its equitable majesty, prevents rich and poor alike from begging, sleeping under bridges, and stealing bread.
• Overall, aside from the house, this house looks pretty good.
• They have shown us who they are. It is time that we believed them.
• I approve of having Frezak being all verbose. I like verbose Frezak.
• I could live with more compliments. I mean, I might be deadly allergic, but there's one way to find out!
• One thing leapt immediately to mind when you wrote, 'We need management that is not just charismatic, not just good at giving speeches, but empathetic and compassionate, who genuinely understands our experiences' - people who are charismatic, or what passes for charismatic in some environments, and good at giving speeches are very rarely also empathetic and compassionate. Our articles on superficial charm and psychopathy in the work-place may be of interest.
• You know how you know it's wrong? Because they never said it to your face.
• MariaDB is yogurt, it's not a dessert anymore.
• You show up at a meeting with the next company's CEO, you put Exxon's severed head on the table, you say 'board seats, now' and you get them without a fight.
• You all deserve what you got! Even if you don't realise what it is!
• It also turned out, unfortunately for Lenin's mob, that no matter how inspired the Red Guard and the days-old Red Army were by the Revolution, it turned out that the maximum effective range of revolutionary zeal proved to be somewhat shorter than that of the Gewehr 98 firing a 7.92x57. This led to two things. Firstly, the Germans gained more ground in five days than they had in three years. Secondly, it led to a stunning realisation that perhaps it would be a good idea to have people who knew what the hell they were actually doing staffing the army.
• The call went out, to comrade soldiers and former officers alike, to come back to the colours. Well, the new colours. And the idealism of the Red Army died about a month into it existence. That call also went out at the higher levels and senior tsarist officers were brought in as specialists. They weren't particularly trusted, they were given minders in the form of political commissars who held the level of Command Authority as well. However, they did vaguely know what they were doing, and the Soviets were fairly desperate. So desperate indeed, that the idea of elected positions and an absence of ranks was abolished mid-1918 and anybody who didn't like it was a counter-revolutionary, and was then shot.
• Turns out it's a good idea to revolt while the army is away, but it's then a bad idea to still be in a war when the other guys' army is still attacking you.
• I'm fascinated by how World War 1 was such a dramatic change from established military doctrine. And infuriated by how fucking stupid everyone was.
• You're welcome for the confusion.
• I keep the music on, because as jarring as it is, it is so much less painful than the ringing in my ears.
• I described our plan to him and he said it 'sounds like a plan!'
• Florida Man, take me by the hand, lead me to the land that you understand.
• If there is anything I love it's being in Florida in June. I love it almost as much as I love getting fillings at the dentist.
• Pity your sister. Your parents' love is as toxic and damaging as their scorn, but she'll never see it, and it will consume her whole life.
• Thousands and thousands of gyrating maggots.
• Then I realize that this is a very shitty way to look at people, and go out of my way to be nice to the old couple, because they are blessed, I of all people know how blessed they are, and they are not the cause of my pain and it's unfair for me to make them the target of my own pain.
• 'You're so resilient!' Yes, because I don't have a choice. I'm exhausted.
• No one in that situation is fine.
• Agh they moved my cheese.
• I am definitely rounded from all the corners being eroded.
• Is they're something thats bothering you?
• You keep using that word. I do not think it means what I think it means.
• And that is how I witnessed a table full of drunks being cut off of butter but not booze.
• Chaos is a ladder.
• Chaos is a pair of drywall stilts.
• NEVER EVER, EVER, USE A CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN FROM A HOTEL OR BANQUET HALL!!! Picture this: it's an expensive ass Sunday brunch. Well little Timmy just double fisted strawberries directly into that chocolate, bit into both strawberries then triple dipped into the chocolate AGAIN! And some old rich lady just sneezed on it. And somebody else just dropped their snack into it. The best part: that chocolate gets strained and saved for the next weeks brunch. Chocolate is waaay too expensive to throw away.
• My job is literally designing the stupid phrases printed on clothing. I still don't understand how people actually buy them.
• I'd love to just enjoy the silence sometime, but people too often feel pressured to keep a conversation going.
• New Age crystals. That 70s mystical hippie thing about crystals having healing powers, and other stuff, but mostly rocks being a thing, heavily influenced by a wave of eastern Chakra stuff. They wanted to find out what was upsetting the bees.
• Safety rules are always written in blood.
• A lot of people don't understand that you have to study ants in your bathtub to be good at almost anything.
• Sorry, the early version is not yet available. It may or may not involve ritual magic, timetravel, aliens, or the will of השם . It also may involve superposed socks.
• The project implementation status was at Hoax. Then it was Redacted. Now it is at Code Pending. I'm not sure if there has been any improvement.
• Many a manager have lost their jobs over bad decision hand grenades from their predecessors.
• Why is Christmas so hollow?
• It's not a lot of games that really let you actually explore ruins that are real. STALKER has a few big empty buildings that feel like they were used, and some Minecraft stuff does similar, but this was a real tiny world that I witnessed the death rattle of.
• Does this task really need the view policy when apparently everyone knows about it already?
• The parakeets are absolutely an invasive species, but I'm not sure how toxic they are; they're thriving, but not sure if they've really affected other wildlife. It's just very strange seeing a bright green bird in grey London.
• Spiders reproduce sexually, however the male's sperm is not inserted into the female's body from within the male's genitals. ... Female spiders are able to store sperm from different males inside their bodies and can choose which male gets to fertilize her eggs.
• Parent your kid now so a corrections officer doesn't have to do it later.
• It's the little things that get to me the most, like mistaking a bush for her sitting there, or thinking I hear her trotting down the hall.
• Dude. We were all in his basement like a week ago. I just happen to know the promoter, she needed to fill the spot, called me, and we were all smash drunk when we said yes, okay? Please stop yelling at me?
• You don't have to want to stop. You just have to decide.
• I wanna see how you make a kid cry with a birthday cake. It has to be glorious. Or nightmare fuel. Still worth it.
• Not a plan if YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT. Plans are COMMUNICATED. AHEAD OF TIME.
• I fully think it's possible to be an asshole just by token of stupidity, even if you're technically the only one affected.
• Just remember, self care isn't selfish, it's survival.
• my.phine is old. my thumbs are fat please dont get a stroke tryig to read if my typing was horrendous
• Pity is hierarchical. Empathy and compassion is horizontal. Being pitied feels like shit and often affirms the pitier as being in a superior position; being seen and understood feels validating.
• Kids have a fundamental sense of fairness and when they see a situation where they feel things are unfair, they will sacrifice their own advantage or sacrifice to punish those behaving selfishly in order to maintain fairness. I imagine that you noticed the injustice in the inequality of how your parents treated you both as a child and used your kid logic to correct that injustice to maintain fairness.
• You should reflect on the difference between justice and pity, and articulate the difference as you see it.
• If you use tyranny to build your perfect new society, in which there can be no place for a tyrant such as you... then your society was built on hypocrisy, and when it inevitably falls to the next such tyrant, know well that you were exactly the prelude to its end.
• You can always do it next week, so why not see how this week goes? It's not a healthy way of looking at it, but I'd be lying if this exact thought didn't get me through a rough period in my life.
• I too am fine and have retained most of my faculties and can remain acting human. Yes.
• Prodigious size alone is no great merit, lest inordinate exsanguination be considered a virtue.
• You are so rude. Go take a nap.
• What most people fail to grasp about etiquette is that at its core, it's all about making people as comfortable as they can be. Sure, there's a lot of pretension added onto that core concept with the fussy rules, but etiquette and good manners are really just a social lubricant that's there to make socialising as smooth and easy as possible for all parties.
• Radishes exist to end the world.
• I didn't check if there were eggs, or if they were intermixed with the underpants.
• A headless chicken can only be immortalised as long as those who remember it remain.
• I owe what success I have to my senses of duty and guilt.
• Don't worry about it. You know that the generation gap between us and our parents here in India is extremely vast.
• Take the time to curse your god.
• When I was young, I scribbled on a family photo I had when I was mad. After I scratched the face of who I was angry with, I mean, within seconds, I felt so bad I scratched all the faces to make it fair. Then I was like, wow I've ruined it all! I still fuckin' feel bad, and this was over 20 years ago.
• In Zoom chat, no one can hear you punctuate
• It's like the worst of corporate America and big nonprofit narcissism.
• Baby doesn't give a damn, he paints any color with puke.
• We have no issue leaving her at home alone. She has a spot where she waits, and as soon as we start getting ready to leave, she goes there. Sometimes we come home to find some clothing in the spot with her, but she behaves herself perfectly. We didn't train her to do this. She just does. I read somewhere that, for most dogs, if you are chill about leaving, and if you've developed a relationship where they feel secure and loved, this tends to be how it goes.
• A toddler, while typically a mini terrorist, usually doesn't bite unless provoked, and wears a diaper which is only changed by the parents.
• Degree or no degree, life has its challenges no matter which path you end up taking.
• Precisely, my dear fruit.
• There's also the trees that make inter-planetary root systems, the inorganic aliens from a different dimension that manipulate spacetime as a matter of course, the insane guy that cloned himself into an empire, the fish mafia, the vampire ghost cultist nomads...
• Full of stories.
• A cacophony of sensations which, together, are decidedly more than the sum of their parts. The Blob Cocktail.
• Das Gegenteil von gut ist gut gemeint.
• People who are ignorant need to 'warm up' their brain by getting questions. You need to actively pull them in the conversation to get some legit response.
• The PIS is no joke. They have one job, and they have broad federal police powers to do it.
• The only thing worse than a Mimic is one with caster levels.
• A door is like a hole, if you think about it. A key makes a hole!
• Everything makes a hole if you push it hard enough.
• I disagree that we should burn things that might be misunderstood. There won't be enough left.
• We're all coming out of a year of living in hamster wheels with rusty social skills.
• It's just extremely cringe. At some point ignoring it is a mercy.
• 'I don't care if you're gay, just don't act gay in front of me.' 'I don't mind black people, I just wish they'd keep to themselves.' 'I don't mind your religion, but it's rude to practice it in front of me.' In all three statements, the second half shows that the first half is an obvious lie.
• Children are gifts to parents and not theirs to keep.
• Very correct and succinct answer. But you'll never get ahead this way. You need to ramble on in impressive paragraphs so people will be convinced of your knowledge but won't actually read your answer. Kind of like this comment.
• You stab him with your trusty knife, for as yet no one has entrusted you with a sword.
• Nothing attracts a hypocrite quite like organized religion.
• I have found that it is futile to have a battle of wits with a witless person.
• There is a Japanese teaching in which people find solace in the most minimal of action. By leaving the figure in this form, we are able to appreciate the intrigue and might that comes from the forces of math.
• I refuse to refer to people with such a wealth of history and culture by an acronym. It's dehumanising.
• It's a lot more easy to maintain abusive levels of control if you never actually explain how to do something 'correctly', just criticize how it was done as 'wrong'."
• Who is the shadow who walks always beside you?
• I first noticed they weren't automatically charging my card last year, after about seven months of receiving invoices that were still marked as unpaid. The fact I didn't pay any of them for seven months didn't seem to bother them, either. I think I managed to somehow get lumped in with all of their huge business accounts where payments have to go through a Process(tm) to get approved.
• Words such as ııaєroeı. I had to combine a Turkish and Ukrainian keyboard layout to type that. Closest you can get with the Greek alphabet is ιιαεςοει, which is still disgusting but in a different way.
• My flatmate has been trying really hard to buy a mango but he doesn't know what a mango actually looks like. The other day he accidentally bought a papaya instead and this morning he said 'I bought a mango, I think I got it right this time' and showed me a pack of persimmons.
• One thing abusers do is push their partner to the point of retaliation so their partner feels they deserve the abuse.
• I'm just saying this to hurt you, I don't actually mean it.
• Judges have immense power, and our main check on them, impeachment, is just about useless.
• A hand mirror is pretty handy.
• From the perspective of Jewish law, it's 100% the responsibility of the individual to avoid situations they know might compromise their faith.
• God don't want nobody being rude.
• You know what Derek's like when he's angry. Lots of tea and gardening. It's very alarming.
• I work in maintenance. Fax-machines are the hell. Difficult to set up - because of analog phone lines, which don't exist anymore and require all kinds of shenanigans to emulate - horrible to maintain. If you ever got a call by a fax machine, you know what bleeding ears mean. I forgot to mention how freaking slow this tech is (did you know that they convert the imagine to a serial signal, then convert that to a analog phone signal, then this gets converted to a VoIP call and all the way back on the other end?). Just because some dinosaurs wont get used to emails, doesn't mean fax machines are anyway less inferior!
• Your 'exhausting' might be my exhilarating fun!
• You put a hdd in an anti-static bag. It crinkles, attracting two cats, generators of static.
• Mandatory arbitration clauses in shrinkwrap contracts should be illegal.
• A name is a pointer to an object.
• It goes fundamentally against the idea of rule of law if you're allowed to opt out of having your disputes be judged by the courts.
• Words do mean things, but the value isn't the same for everyone.
• I'm definitely learning by looking at it. Stuff like 'This is bad, but why is it bad?
• Nobody has the energy to care that much during night shift. We all just want to go home or die.
• People are dumb, but even dumber when it's not their house.
• Your bicep shouldn't be as thick as both your thighs.
• A boss fight needs more stuff going on than a boss fighting you.
• A home without privacy and security is not a home at all.
• Can it be gross? Of course. Shit is shit, and shit is pretty gross. But it's the shit room. The shit room for shits. If you have one shit room and someone you care about desperately needs to shit while you are bathing or showering in the shit room, you either get out of the shit room so they can shit, or they enter the shit room for shits.
• They have HR, but who do you go to when it's the HR person that's sexually harassing you or berating you?
• ...how the hell am I supposed to deal with everyone getting not just old but crazy? nobody ever told me that old people would more often than not end up being fucking nuts! And yet my mom, the one with, you know, an actual neurological disease literally impacting the brain, is the sanest.
• Envy is the poison of the soul.
• Have your dad call me if he needs this explained to him. I can do simple words, I can do legalese, I can get sesquipedalian, or I can do drill sergeant. Yep, I'm ex-military. I'm authentic. I love doing drill sergeant. Gimme some butt to chew.
• Cruelty to animals like that especially sets me off. They don't know why their God is hurting them, just that that's what's happening and they don't know why. Breaks my heart every time.
• Unfortunately, the term sphincter isn't reserved just for one thing. There's another two sphincters around our pupils (one each), another two around our eyes, two sphincters in our esophagus (top and bottom), another one at the end of our stomach, one between ileum and colon, another one leading into the duodenum, the anus, two more in our urethra... Not to mention countless precapillary sphincters. Countless.
• When the music changes in the trailer from dramatic church choir to discount porn soundtrack, I lose it every time.
• People like cheese, and they also like shredded cheese. So what I've learned from this is people will like it if you take something they love and, you know, tear it to pieces.
• It's the 'so bad it's awful' version of 'snakes on a plane'.
• These are its gods. The god on the Bird's Anvil. The Pantheon of Those Spots Of Shade Over There. Barely cogent thought constructs.
• Upon turning 30, my doctor said, 'you're not broken but the warranty has expired.' And nothing has resonated that well since.
• We live in the shadow of Leviathan, a beast made not by men, but by the evil that dwells within men's hearts. All mankind can hear his voice, his words echo from the abyss behind our eyes, and he shares with our spirits his visions of conquest and power. Nations are brought forth in his name, and empires rendered to ash at his command. The man who subjugates his neighbor, and the nation that steals from its people, are compelled to evil by the same force. Men hunger for power, and Leviathan promises power to all who harbor his sentiments. Resist his voice, lest his will overshadow your own.
• It's an acquired taste no one has.
• Just because it isn't our fault doesn't mean that it's not our problem.
• GPU has fallen off the bus.
• Ask me about 'functioning' labels sometime; I have a whole rant about how misleading and dehumanizing they are.
• There aren't a ton of great autism orgs out there. The one I know of that isn't awful is the Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN), and they have recently had some concerns come to light involving internal racism and bad management. I can tell you to put a country mile between you and Autism Speaks (anything branded with puzzle pieces typically ties back to them). They are the PETA of autism advocacy.
• Breathing air ensures a longer life.
• The family next door are pretty nice. That's enough neighbours for me.
• We had to k-line the village in order to save it.
• We patiently await to welcome you in freedom's holdout - the freenode.
• It's positive in the way that most of us who are traumatized can put a spin on anything.
• Who knows what that delusional fucknugget did(n't do).
• She wouldn't be the first addict to go to one meeting, collect the chip to show her family, and then decide 'I've got this, I don't need to sit around listening to other people talk about their problems.'
• Sometimes the cheapest way to pay for something is with money.
• If you continue to do stupid things, you kind of are stupid.
• It's not like I told her that I'm skinny because my sisters and I have always exercised more so we didn't inherit the family watermelon ass, but skinny is also something I didn't have to really work for. It's just how I am.
• Everyone sucks here, including me, because I can't stop laughing at 'watermelon ass'.
• This has the same energy as when I learned 'FTFY' means 'fixed that for you' and not 'fuck this fuck you'.
• Relationships should be easy.
• My dad taught me as a teenager that relationships should be easy. Biggest and best lesson I've ever learned. Relationships should not be filled with drama but with friendship and respect. Really helped me choose who to be with. Now I teach my daughters the same thing so maybe they can prevent being in a painful relationship.
• Everybody has a price; it isn't always money. Your moral line is not in the ground, it is held up. It can be lowered, not only by you.
• Some people, most people, have families who love them and support them. But some people don't and they don't know that it's terrible because it's just normal for them. It took me thirty two years of life, four years working with severely traumatized children, and two years of therapy to realize that I too was traumatized from day one.
• Working in the justice system has made me rethink my understanding of 'good people' and 'bad people'. I think most of us have the potential to do monstrous things, given the right set of bad circumstances and strategically applied pressure. Happily, though, it's not a foregone conclusion.
• You can love a person and hate the things they do. My dad did a lot of bad things, and even knowing what he did when I grew up, I can't help but remember the good parts of him and love him.
• Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.
• Not many people are capable of that level of love, and sadly too few people are deserving of that level of love.
• We finally figured out what the problem was, and promptly fixed it. The problem was that we weren't running a real mw release.
• He took me to the food court for some McDonalds like he used to buy every Friday afternoon after the arcade. We sat down and he just listened. He asked me what I wanted to do, he didn't break me down or push me to do it 'the right way'. Within a week I called him and asked me to come get me.
• It's a mixed bag of emotions for when people stop thinking about the tragedy. It's nice to not be constantly associated with it and asked about it, but at the same time it's sad to think that the victims have been forgotten and people have moved on.
• The stuff that sticks with you doesn't make for good stories. Most people want to hear about mangled bodies or gnarly injuries, but toddlers that drowned in the bathtub or neglected old ladies with their skin rotting off is way worse.
• Memories never go away, they just fade a little more and more each day.
• Segue always sounded like a landform to me, like 'tundra' or 'plateau'. It'd be two colourless mana and you'd forget your turn.
• God, all that man ever wanted was to put giant spiders in movies. He tried to stick one in a Superman movie written by Kevin Smith, got shelved. He tried to stick one in The Sandman, didn't happen. He never gave up though, the crazy bastard, and in the end, he got his giant fucking spider. I truly hope it was everything he dreamed it would be.
• Death embraced you once, but now you are my sister. It will not dare do so again.
• I'm begging you, as an autistic person, as a parent, as a mother of autistic kids. Your therapist is wrong. Please, please listen to your daughter. Her health and safety is so much more important than trying new things on someone else's timeline! She'll try new things when she's ready and motivated to. That sick feeling in your gut that you have when she hurts herself - listen to it. She's autistic. No amount of therapy is making her autism go away, so if she's telling you 'this is too much', listen to her!
• 'Francis HATES US. Francis HATES Tradition. Francis HATES all that is good and beautiful,' the group tweeted. But it concluded: 'FRANCIS WILL DIE, THE LATIN MASS WILL LIVE FOREVER.'
• The Butterfly Effect renders the results of butterfly actions unpredictable.
• He and I started talking because I got his phone number from a mutual friend and called him just so I could blast the Pokemon themesong into the phone at him. He responded by saying I was awesome and we should hang out.
• I honestly don't know what women see in us as men. We're hairy and we smell.
• But this is a precise description of a fuzzy mechanism. It's messy.
• The rule of thumb for peds are that it's a bad sign when they run to a uniform instead of their parents.
• It's funny how such a disgustingly violent incident, a scene of utter chaos that the operators had to endure for close to a full day, and one that the parents will suffer through for the rest of their life, can be so systematically boiled down to a few default terms regurgitated over and over and over by the media, as though each and every incident can be treated with a simple copy/paste and change of the date. There is not a single word in that article that can even remotely convey the horror of that scene, nor frighten the average driver to keep two hands on the wheel and concentrate on the road.
• Human insides have a very distinctive smell, anyone that knows the smell will understand.
• It's the smallest details that are haunting.
• it's the second bounce that kills you. First shatters bones; the second drives them into organs.
• I knew a guy from Syracuse. His identity, from the view of those who knew him, was that he was the guy from Syracuse.
• I can't say I've seen it all, but I've definitely seen enough.
• I have just learned that I have had a mild headache for the last 5 hours, because I do not have the headache anymore. So... yeah, that explains a lot.
• 'She started it' is a great excuse. Everyone is bound by a contract of common decency, up until somebody else breaks that contract. It's no different to hitting someone and being shocked when they hit back.
• It is the excuse. You can put it any way you want it; don't dish it if you can't take it, don't start none won't be none, fucked around and found out. But the fact of the matter is, in this world we must be kind first, and be kind to all, but as soon as the other person foregoes kindness towards you in favor of hostilities, you destroy them. Mercilessly, utterly, as completely as you can. You let them know you are kind as a choice, not for a lack of spine. And move on.
• Hunting for your food is one of the most ethical ways to eat anything, really - if you want to ensure it's ethical, grow/gather/hunt it yourself!
• Broke the communal house bong on a Friday night. Cool whip container, yellow dish glove stretched over the top, metal slurpee straw, the neck of a Martinellis Sparkling Cider bottle and tin foil. Used the Fraken-bong for months. Motivated stoners are the best engineers.
• All the things happening to you right now are actually pretty... normal. Someone who learns magic would usually end up in the Mages Guild and be given free room and board. Someone who helps a wealthy sorceress out of a mind-control spell would usually be given a big reward. Someone looking for a package while knowing the exact room it was stored in would usually find it. None of these 'strokes of luck' are actually that lucky; they're just kind of what would happen to a normal person in your position. Assuming that the universe is actively out to fuck you over might be overestimating how much the universe actually cares about you.
• My brother lives in an HOA in America and it sounds almost as bad as the communism my family grew up in in Ukraine. Do not do it. Anyone who wants an HOA is a tyrant busy body loser with no life or an enemy of freedom.
• Getting kicked out of a schrebergarten-verein in germany for being too strict on rules is almost impressive.
• Three sides to everything. Yours, mine and the truth.
• Crying over spilt milk is never about the milk.
• He's pressuring your mother to live a life stripped of small joys over pennies. What wonderful thing is he going to use the money for in the future that will make all the daily petty misery he causes worth it? Odds are, nothing.
• The Original Sin that sabotaged my citation graph workflow is that I used Redis as my data store, a data store that does everything in RAM. This killed scalability, disabled the service for years, and the only reason it came back is because I finally had a machine with enough RAM to run it. Currently I am working on a next-generation database in Postgres, and once I do this I may be able to rewrite Citationgraph Bot to use that instead.
• Okay, I didn't want to say sex in the post, but, like, I literally wanna just scream 'I want to have sex' 100 times until they understand this isn't a matter of not wanting my sister around. I just want to get naked. Like, damn, guys, I've been waiting 3 years for honeymoon sex.
• I saw it and my first reaction was 'wtf this isn't a syntax error?' Took me a while to figure out what to google to find what it's called.
• If you're religious you're gambling your soul. She can believe everything she says but in the end still be terrified that she might be doing something wrong and the price would be eternal.
• One person's rights can not trump another's. That's not how it works.
• Darthipedia exists in a constant state of quantum crapperposition: it simultaneously should and should not ever see the light of day again.
• I was going to bed and then I took out my laptop because it was getting annoying to argue on my phone.
• No one should be expected to handle someone else's unexpected mental health crisis perfectly.
• I want her to see and like the side of the internet that I do, like the people and the genuine interactions you can have. For example this post: I made it when I was half out of my mind from jellyfish toxins, finally got some sleep then woke up to find a bunch of people supporting me in my feelings. There are good sides to the internet, there are genuinely kind people here, but she's been so stuck in the fake stuff that she doesn't see the side of the internet that I do. I wish she did.
• Tell me, hummingbirds. How you do fight the wind?
• Most people don't understand most things, but they still try to use them regardless. Sometimes that's a good thing. Sometimes it isn't.
• You may remember this particular unpunched figure from our 'They're Rare And You Probably Don't Care' article. Clearly, some of you are starting to care. This is getting insane.
• This is further proof that it's a DANG shame that Hasbro is not bringing back unpunched cards to the Vintage Collection despite the fact that they are shipping unpunched Marvel Retro Collection figures. Unpunched Vintage Collection cards would definitely create more of a buying frenzy than kitsch paint jobs.
• Your platform is only as useful as your apps.
• The department offers many opportunities to advance and additional unique benefits including qualified immunity.
• You know it's okay not to know something right? That's perfectly normal and human. You didn't study psychology so of course you know less about it then someone who studied for x years. You don't need to be embarrassed about that.
• PHP 8.1 is going to add array_is_list as a built-in. I have so many questions. I'm not sure if I should start with 'what kind of language needs such a method' or 'why wasn't this implemented in like PHP 5'.
• Fed is best.
• The best way to teach a child how and when to apologise is by doing it.
• My sister's a lawyer, and she has awful grammar. I've seen her grocery list, she can't even spell weenies.
• Sloppy work often comes from emotional stress. I have testified in court to terrible things, kept my cool, and never blinked during cross. I try to tell my mother my issues with being around her and her diagnosed and untreated borderline personality disorder and I end up sounding like an idiot. Court is easy compared to dysfunctional family.
• Annual event: John Edwards, organizer of the annual Wedge Cat Tour, which marked its fifth year on Wednesday, was amused by the neighbors' alarm, considering his harmless intent. 'Just show us your cats and there won't be any trouble', he joked.
• We should ask the queen if she can pay us. And then further clarify that we wish to be paid in gold and/or precious gemstones, and not fistfuls of spiders.
• Life is hard. Sometimes, life is also spiders. Just sacks of them.
• I'm kinda in a desert. Normally you wouldn't need to add humidity to the air.
• Prevention is the P in CDC. The joke is that the full name of the CDC is Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
• IoT: the 'S' stands for 'security'.
• I made a list of the technology platforms we use to communicate at work. From Medium to conference calls. Currently at 54. Losing my mind.
• Most parents assume their children aren't pathological liars, so aren't equipped or prepared to handle the situation when that turns out to be the case.
• I can no longer composite binocular vision.
• The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out.
• Why do you worry about something that can kill you in ten years when there are so many things that can kill you right now?
• The only problem with an honest buck is it's too hard to make. The margins are too low.
• Ironically the catastrophic recursion log write is caused by catastrophic recursion detected. It detects the recursion, writes it to log, and exits. The problem with this is that the recursion keeps happening, except now it's affecting log writes instead of other things. Yes, I'm pissed that this is how it works. In general if you're expecting anything in the code base to make sense you are wasting your time.
• I'm an insomniac, and let me tell you, disrupted circadian rhythms can do some incredibly destructive things to the body. It can trickle down in so many different and unexpected ways. Memory issues are pretty common. Mental fatigue can make it seem like a person has a different personality at times, because they're just trying to scrape by and don't have the 'energy' to be themselves. Certain parts of the brain may not be recharging and replenishing empty resources.
• Drowning is almost always a deceptively quiet event. The waving, splashing, and yelling that dramatic conditioning (television) prepares us to look for, is rarely seen in real life.
• And parents – children playing in the water make noise. When they get quiet, you get to them and find out why.
• How do I tell my doctor that I took an expired muscle relaxer prescribed for someone else and it really helped my neck and shoulder pain and I would like to have some of my own without... saying... those exact words?
• Yrax just had this weirdly unpopulated castle filled with dumb golems. And his blind idiot son.
• The one exception (because it actually happens) is don't bathe your baby in the same container/tub/sink you bathe your pet snake in. Salmonella + baby = no good.
• Who are you trying to convince? Yourself, or everyone else? I'm a marriage counselor. And I can say that most times this behavior will only get worse. You shouldn't have to put up with that. His behavior is very disrespectful and speaks volumes on his opinion of you. I get it you're 18. You think this is your only chance at 'true love', but trust me. You have all the time in the world to find someone who cherishes you, and treats you how you deserve to be. Don't sacrifice your self respect just to put up with someone else.
• Oh no, it's definitely a shitty thing to do. But I place blame more on the executive than her using the only tool in her box to get what she wanted.
• I don't think the American school system is responsible for this dude not knowing the difference between Asia and Africa. It's not a common issue. Don't get me wrong; it's a crappy system. But not that crappy.
• I maintain they all just say things for the sake of saying something so that they're 'contributing' to the discussion.
• I have experience with people who are blackout drunk! Unfortunately, said person was me so I also have no recollection of it.
• There are a lot of people out there for whom accusations are just disguised confessions.
• I'm falling apart. If I can at least fall apart with grace, that's something. But so rarely can I even do that.
• You're not a non-conformist. You want others to conform to you.
• Do things with your hands. Make stuff, build it up from parts, come to full terms with how all the internals work together. Fight the iffy joints, grind things down until it works. Your hands now probably hurt, and you just wasted all afternoon on something you probably could have bought off a man for fifty bucks.
• She sauntered into his smoke-filled office with legs that, although they didn't go quite all the way to heaven, definitely went high enough for him to see that she was a giraffe.
• Bad news is not a fine wine. It does not improve with age.
• Honestly, people. If you don't want to look like a liar then don't fucking lie.
• You take the low road, I'll take the low road. We'll both take the low road and insult someone's mom.
• Best case: we're trying to figure out what kinds of bicycles would be most valuable to our community, and how supportive should we be of unusual bikes. Worst case: we're trying to define what a bicycle is.
• When all you have is a hammer, everything is a nail. When all you have is a welder, everything is whatever the fuck you want it to be.
• I'd scream, I'd cry out, I'd let loose this misery, but I haven't the energy.
• Lies are repeated so frequently that misinformed people begin to believe them wholeheartedly, trusting that they can't be incorrect because they're surrounded by people who believe it also.
• Bring your plants, leave your pants.
• Like extreme sleep deprivation, you get really desperate and god help whatever stands between you and relief.
• The age old question: am I depressed, or is my situation just depressing?
• North Dakota is extremely conservative, Fargo is a bit more 50-50. Last fall I spent two weeks in Fargo to escape wildfire smoke. My dad lived in Fargo for a few years in high school. He and I are in complete agreement that Fargo is a terribly boring place.
• We're now in the season where it's too hot to sleep but the air is too toxic for me to open my windows.
• Mike Godwin is really reaching Old Man Yells At Cloud status.
• They are rustic-looking decorative brooms soaked in synthetic cinnamon oil. The scent hits you in the face like a seasonally appropriate wrecking ball.
• Reading that was like pushing a well-oiled cart through wet sand, and also like chewing wet sand, and I love that you shared it.
• How is insulting your personal life not personal?
• Gotta take a pic with one of those disposable cameras that still use film, expose the film to sunlight a little bit, get it developed, scan the physical photo with a shit-quality scanner, and then use that as the upload.
• You look beautiful with a blush across your face. It looks like a rose that was flattened by a car.
• Your eyes protrude nicely from your head.
• I often think people are assholes themselves for avoiding confrontation when other people are being assholes. I worked in a sexist, demoralizing, horrifically toxic work environment with someone really close to me and, while I can hold my own, there were times where I was shocked this guy didn't stick up for me and watched me getting verbally abused by my boss. Wanting not to 'make waves' can absolutely make someone the asshole.
• I am mostly here in the present these days. Occasionally I am in the future, but I suffer every time I try to talk of it.
• This is the biggest lie we tell our kids. Not everyone is college material, nor do they need to be. You don't need a degree. You need a skill that you can sell to someone for money, and college is just one way to get that (or at least convince someone else that you got it). Just find something you're good at and run with it. That may or may not require a college education.
• You're telling me. It's not fancy fresh out of the box, let alone 6 years old. Plus all the mesh is warped because Shia lepuff enjoys biting it until just his fangs stick out. Then he freaks out because his fangs are stuck and I have to deal with that production going on in the backseat while I'm trying to drive.
• It's always a good time. He gets his fangs stuck and licks the mesh a couple times while making noises that make me uncomfortable. And then he's like 'oh shit' and freaks the fuck out.
• You never know when you'll be walking in the woods when no one's around and your phone is dead.
• Do you ever wonder why we're here?
• All memories are completely artificial. Eyewitness testimony is wildly unreliable for this reason. There is no difference between a false memory and a real one.
• Don't walk backwards, never say nice to meet you, and don't use someone's name unless you know it down deep in your heart.
• Hope is one of the worst things I have ever had. Hoping for this, hoping for that. Hope never comes through and will leave you bitterly disappointed every time.
• I prefer it that way. The thought of warm wet muscle and connective tissue scraping over dry, dusty bones would be horrible.
• I don't read the script. The script reads me.
• Sending a gift that plainly says 'fuck you' is the kind of gift that keeps right on giving.
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Newton's third law. Sod the high road.
• Sure we should all be good because that's important and the right thing, but it also highlights who really was the problem to begin with.
• The discomfort of the people around the parents whose child died is a fraction of the pain of living after the death of your own child. That pain is magnified exponentially every time another person ignores that your child ever existed. Someone literally asked me once if I counted my son (when I was pregnant with my third after my son's death) since he died at 17 months old, or if I considered my current pregnancy my second child. I almost asked her if she counted her living 13 month old as her child. This whole attitude is absolutely ridiculous.
• Your face isn't ugly, because it's your face, and I'm glad to see you.
• You have to look back to go forward.
• Time doesn't exist. Clocks exist.
• From what I know, the speed of light is the limitation we're facing. The light from extremely far away places is expanding faster than the speed of light can reach us, so in an infinite amount of time, we'll never get to see or even know about what was there.
• You can't just hide mediocrity behind bacon.
• Today's favor is tomorrow's expectation.
• I like bananas. I eat them a lot at work with lunch. In the military, I learned that when eating a banana, it's okay if you bring the banana to your face. Not the other way around. Go ahead, try it. Bonus points if you make eye contact with someone while your mouth is slightly open with the banana headed for it. Never gets old.
• For the love of god please stop leaving your guns in your cars with the doors unlocked jesus christ.
• I've had to rethink my opinions of the lake after a fish bit my nipple once.
• Rule of thumb for these machines. If peeling steel off a solid metal chunk is child's play for these machines, your soft squishy flesh is not even an afterthought or a bump in the road.
• You made the grandma mad and maybe even your boss, but you likely showed that young man the kindness, respect, and autonomy that he doesn't receive at home. Human kindness is the greatest gift you can give.
• My mother was exactly like this! So I did what I could to have whatever control over my body and sadly it wasn't good. Let your kids wear silly clothing and get stupid hair cuts.
• You can't tell me what to do, because I can't read.
• I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real.
• My uncles had a blow out a few years ago and tried making my grandma chose sides. She says, you are both welcome at my home and I won't have bickering here. I love you both. If you two choose not to see each other that's fine, but here we are family.
• No time to be gentle in an emergency. Just like when they are trying to do CPR, bones will likely be broken. When doctors are 'doing everything' to save a life, it's not pretty. It's not gentle. It's likely very painful and messy. They are doing whatever it takes to save a life. They don't have time to do anything else because every second matters. Unfortunately it is also very traumatic. I'm sorry you went through that, but I hope you and your son are alright now.
• The first baby can come at any time, but all the rest take 9 months.
• Oh, depression food is a trip.
• I think that anytime we encounter a singularity, it is most likely a mathematical issue. Which means our model is not complete. I think there is no such thing as an actual singularity. And I think quantum would not even allow that. My thought is thus that time goes really, really fast, but not instantaneous.
• I imagine it would be close to walking on sand; you would probably leave a small depression, but not sink. While it is liquid, it's still rock. I'll leave to someone better in physics to do the math to prove it.
• Easy access to information does not translate into more knowledge.
• How often so you find yourself telling someone peeing out a window is the right choice. Honestly bot a statement I thought I would ever have to say.
• You and I need to talk. I am currently involved in a project studying traffic cones, their breeding habits particularly. They are very invasive where I live, worse than lantern flies.
• The Bible never tells you what not to do. It just puts a lot of naughty ideas in your head.
• Water isn't wet, water MAKES things wet!!! I'm on to you! This is all a conspiracy by big water and the deep state! Or is it deep water and the big state... I get confused and the voices start screaming at me...
• Triangle Man hates Particle Man.
• Nothing is as ironic as the people who preach about Noah and the flood not even blinking when the scientifically proven metaphorical flood of climate change is on the table. It's that tragic disharmony between faith and science that just shouldn't exist - the metaphysical and personal does not require scientific proof to be subjectively real to some people, just as one cannot make claims about scientific facts merely based on them. You're not supposed to be arguing if a sword is better than a shield until you're crippled in your anguish over having to choose when you're probably supposed to be wielding both to your advantage.
• It's probably just the thin coyotes. Y'know, the ones that can squeeze through gaps in reality.
• Everybody's haunted by who they were and who they thought they'd be.
• Every day, it gets a little easier. But you have to do it every day, that's the hard part. But it does get easier.
• We don't get to choose our time. Death is what gives life meaning. To know your days are numbered, your time is short. You'd think after all this time I'd be ready, but look at me. Stretching one moment out into a thousand just so I can watch the snow.
• The gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment may be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again.
• You must never give into despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road, and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.
• I bow down to the sheet ironers of the world. I know crisp sheets feel great, but I will never, ever do that.
• I once had a similar conversation with a colleague on this, and she said it's because these parents put their relationships with their children first before anything else, so much so that they're not being good parents anymore. It made me sad the whole day because I can't retort to that, yet we know this does not do anybody good, and in the long run... situations like this happen.
• Give it about 30 to 40 years, which is about the length of time needed for the generation that experienced the hardships to either die or forget, and for a new generation to not know any better and be completely ignorant of recent history.
• If there is one thing I have learned in my life, it is that no matter how bad you think it is, the reality is always worse.
• Sometimes, one stubborn asshole really does make all the difference.
• It's something many dystopian fictions get wrong: the way it just slips in, slowly and passively.
• It's something many dystopian fictions get wrong: the way it just slips in, slowly and passively. Like, people live in this hell, calculate how much of debts they'll have left when they'll die of their diabetes they won't be able to pay, while others are shouting 'Murica number 1' in riot to remove the vaccines, brainwashed by politics that just play with them. I just wonder, how it would have been seen if it was explained to someone in the 70s.
• I want the universe to have karma and I want those people to hurt like I did, but at the end of the day, it hurts to know that what they did to me will never leave my mind and they probably don't even remember it.
• You're not the same when something so bad happens to you, but that person can just carry on with life like nothing happened. It makes me feel validated to understand why people want revenge. They want people understand how they feel. Is revenge justifiable? Hard to say.
• 'Suck it up' is probably the most damaging thing you can say to someone experiencing basically any type of emotional turmoil or imbalance.
• I think everything eventually turns to anger if you don't have a good way to process your feelings.
• That's the fun part of giving up on them. You don't have to care anymore. You don't have to feel hurt or play games. You get to just be.
• Responding to cruelty with more cruelty doesn't teach anyone not to be cruel. It just normalizes cruelty.
• Fingers aren't medically necessary.
• Join your local Buy Nothing group. I have an entire set of kitchen stuff I want to give you to get it out of my damned house. Utensils breed in my drawers.
• I'm considering it. Thing is, after a lifetime of bottling up, you don't really know how to open up. But I will try. Thanks.
• Because that was super dumb and risky, I'm giving you inspiration.
• If you arrange five traffic cones in a pentagram it summons VLC Media Player.
• We can only see perfection so far as we're capable of seeing the flaws.
• I read the universal declaration of Human rights a few years ago and I've been thinking about it ever since. We fall short of the bright future we imagined after the second world war in so many ways.
• It is very internet... you're on the internet.
• Amarillo gave up trying to be a city in 1952. Now it's just dust.
• Huntly is a mining town without a mine. It reeks of desperation. The town's notable feature is a sign for a chain store that closed thirty years ago and I'm not even slightly joking about that.
• The bad part of town is the town.
• Of course, to my knowledge, there's no data on any of this, because there is basically no solid data supporting any of the shit they tell pregnant and nursing women to do.
• In a black comedy, this would be hilarious. In reality, its just depressing.
• Some monkeys have a bone in their penis. Humans do not, as far as I know; haven't checked them all. So yes, a skeleton can get a boner, but only if it is a non-human skeleton.
• The dead, blind wall butts all inquiring heads at last.
• The guy is... well, I'd say he's good representation of an introverted kid with social issues, mental disorders and strong dyslexia, which would be great if they gave him any personality beyond 'doesn't fit in'. He is, bar none, the most boring character I have ever seen, because he does absolutely nothing but stand around, be confused and not act.
• THIS ISN'T A FAMILY IT'S A HOSTAGE SITUATION
• Guys, mormons are perverts. Source I am one.
• You know what, I concede. When you're right, you're right. I'm pretty sure that is right before the section about HIPPO violations and after the one after Jesus parting the Red Sea.
• It's not surprising to me that people who still consider themselves noble or aristocrats would hold on to outdated and unnecessary traditions. These traditions and etiquette are the last thing separating them from regular people. For many the money has long gone and they're well into middle-classdom, so they hold on to their airs and graces with silly 'rules' that nobody actually follows.
• You know when they send people door to door to try to convert you? The church knows that they have no chance of converting you. That's not the point of sending these people out. The point is to train them to use the most annoying of tactics on you so you'll be visibly aggravated with them. To get doors slammed in these people's faces over and over again. The point is to teach the people going door to door that the world hates them, and that the only safe place for them is back at church, among other Jehovah's Witnesses.
• If you take an abuser to therapy with the victim, it helps them hide the abuse better.
• And everyone deserves what's coming to them. Panic, death, things worse than death.
• Testicle knees cannot be unseen.
• Poetry, in the strangest of places.
• I didn't read it in a book. I didn't push any internet push button.
• You learn by mistakes, mainly. You make a mistake and you kinda have fun doing it, but then you look back and say, hey, there must be a better way.
• Contrary to the honorary title, being a bag of dicks is not gender exclusive.
• Praise the Lard!
• The only normal is no normal.
• My dog takes her cleaning duties a bit too far. She's in the living room licking the couch.
• Bigots aren't exactly consistent in their bigotry.
• I think this one is worse. it's the way the water flows down like blood, in multiple paths.
• I use dessert plates to feed my cats wet food. They get washed. The problem is that when I use the dessert plates for actual desserts the cats come running!
• If they had to fire every service member who went a bit gaga for a while due to extreme stress they'd have very few people left.
• How dare you try to hold me accountable?
• Having friends over makes it so much easier because they entertain each other and if I am getting money for it, now I don't even have to make dinner and just order a couple pizzas. Clean up time is easier too when you have a whole crew of kids to pit against each other to see who can pick up the most toys.
• People just take off their clothes when they've got dementia. It's normal.
• Between cruel jokes we tell the truth of what we really think.
• You cannot be a librarian without being as the god. Or else, you would not be a librarian at all.
• Entre broma y broma, la verdad se asoma.
• Nothing is black and white. Context muddles everything. The truth doesn't always out, and everyone is worth dignity. Sometimes a white lie means the world, and makes it so.
• The thing about having cats is you never have to feel alone. They stick around, just out of sight, but nearby. They guard the doorways, the windows. They're always there.
• Moose are freight.
• This would definitely be less funny if everything just... worked.
• I like cows; they're cute and they have big eyes, but I don't like horses. They're big and they look like cows.
• It's the most fundraising time of the year.
• This was before the days of camcorders, so all we got was one still picture of Jet with a 'turkey head'. I sent it in to one of the dog magazines, but they did not print it, they said it was 'too contrived'. Obviously they did not know anything about basenjis. Basenjis will not do anything if it is not their idea.
• I think that it's easy for me to lose track of how atypical my dog experiences are, in some ways, because like everyone else, what I compare the world to is my experience.
• Like everyone else, what I compare the world to is my experience.
• I will become enraged and bitch about you for exactly 15 seconds to anyone in my proximity who will listen. I will not hold back.
• You are not the one causing them pain by delivering the news. The pain has already been caused, just not felt yet.
• My mother brought home dozens of different colored/textured carpet squares in the '70s, and we three older kids, maybe 10 to 13ish, spent the next three weeks using big, curved needles to stitch together enough of them to cover our living room floor. My mother was nuts. Still is, for that matter.
• It's something no one will take away from you, it ends when you die or lose your mind.
• The lesson remains, 'never give to your child any toys you find in the sea'. Especially dolls. Never pick a doll from the net and take it home. That's a cursed doll, that one is. Don't find a ball and take it home to your boy. That's a cursed ball, that one is. Leave the toys you find and you won't pull spirits from their watery graves. That's the lesson. That's the rule.
• Wasn't there a container that fell off a shipping vessel and spilled hundreds of thousands of rubber ducks into the ocean? That's a lot of cursed rubber ducks.
• What one man sends adrift let no sailor scavenge!
• Arbeit macht frei.
• Arbeite hart. Habe Spaß. Schreibe Geschichte.
• Because the alternative of the endless void is spooky and forever.
• The floor is not a horizontal unit for clutter storage. Keep everything off of the floor.
• People are wired to be social, and being completely isolated changes how you see others. The loneliest I have ever felt was in downtown Tokyo on the streets of Shibuya, surrounded by thousands. Alone in the desert, people start to see each other.
• I like coleslaw but not that much.
• It was very strange. Kids are weird. And way too trusting.
• It's easy to be nice when things are going your way. It's how someone acts when they're upset that shows their true character.
• Death before decaf.
• 'Find the smell' is such a bad game. When you win, you lose.
• The original is a triumph of Soviet filmmaking. The American adaptation is 'sort of OK I guess?' Other acceptable descriptions: 'that movie exists.' 'I heard of that movie' and 'huh, George clooney used to be in stuff.'
• She ain't pretty, she just looks that way.
• What if we only make gods in our own image because we're too afraid of what's really out there?
• I only want to live in peace and plant potatoes and dream!
• I am no animal, I am Moomin!
• Yup, there are two different bitcoin people named Andrew Lee, it is fucking confusing.
• All responsibilities are only a nuisance.
• The supply of dangling dangles far exceeds the demand.
• Unfortunately it's just not always that simple, especially when you're still dealing with trauma. Being disbelieved, or receiving a negative reaction, can break you.
• When you're dealing with people this dumb, you have to be really blunt and obvious. This means you either have to tell them outright what happened, remove yourself from the situation, or do something else.
• It's like it's a big fucking planet or something and odd ball situations exist everywhere.
• I made the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before and I wanted to see one.
• Better a pizza cake than none.
• What else is a vanilla soy latte but a type of 3 bean soup?
• No pans rods is estoyvejbel egress.
• Solitude is dangerous. It's very addictive. It becomes a habit after you realise how peaceful and calm it is. It's like you don't want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy.
• Why don't we speak of the others? Those who slumber in the spaces between?
• More than just a sea star.
• Not just a starfish.
• What is a man? An inefficient form of labour.
• One of the first things that was taught in boot camp was basic hygiene. I thought the drill instructors were joking when they explained what toothpaste was and the motions used to brush your teeth. I took it for granted that everyone else was as lucky as I had been to be born into a loving family.
• It started off funny and dark. Like many dark comedies, they ran out of funny so just upped the dark.
• The world isn't really like it appears on social media, but it is quickly becoming like that.
• I keep arguing both sides with myself, and I just keep losing.
• Human skeletons are tedious and fiddly.
• Usually the more rare a delicacy it is, the worse it is.
• Anyway here's photographic evidence of Spoons staring at me through a crack in the door on the other side of the house, unblinking.
• Dang it, Spoons, quit travelling through my ass realm just to steal my spot! The ass realm is for emergencies only, Spoons.
• We are not defined by our mistakes, but by how we respond to them.
• I do not despise all children, it's just that these children in particular were... unbelievable. One kid came and sat on me. He didn't acknowledge my existence or seem to particularly care about me, he just acted as if I was a chair. It was an extremely strange and very loud group of children. I tried to just pretend I could not see them because that seemed to be what they wanted me to do and when you are confronted by a large group of children you go with their flow, because they are scary and could easily switch into Lord of the Flies mode at any moment.
• Being on the sidelines is exactly what I'm talking about when I use the term 'spectator'. It's a common metaphor to describe the stages of parenting. To start, you're in the game, on the field with them. As they go into teenage years, you're the coach - helping them from the sidelines, giving them good techniques, showing them the ropes and giving them a safety net. Once they enter adulthood, you're in the stands, spectating - cheering them on and encouraging them while they play their own game unassisted. Spectating doesn't mean uninvolved - it means you're not making the decisions for them, you're supporting their decisions.
• Is it canon? Is it just me writing fanfiction about my own characters? Yes to both. I do what I want because I am the one with the pens.
• You really have no idea what can come out of a two year old until it happens.
• But there are other metrics to life. The people you help along the way, the friends you meet, the families you make, all of these people are impacted by you. And then they'll impact others, and those others will impact even more people.
• Everyone's wasting their life, nothing matters in the grand scheme of things.
• It's not compassion if you only have it for your own.
• Order of publication is more important than in-universe chronology, it's written in that order for a reason.
• You can't argue with dementia.
• You don't ever remind a person with dementia about the passing of their loved one. It might hurt you to know that they don't remember. Maybe you need the closure of grieving with your loved one who has dementia. But they will not remember that tomorrow. To remind them is to torture them. Think about the first time you learned a loved one died. Think of the pain in that first moment. Every moment after that is slightly less painful. Nothing is like hearing it for it the first time.
• Take it from me - always lobotomise your squash.
• In general, people who give respect will receive it back automatically so they never have to specifically request it. Only the rude people who don't give respect have to try and demand it.
• I guess Commons is more reliable than NASA.
• Every time I get blood on the nice white fabric I need to add more gold to cover it up.
• Time is a wheel as well as an arrow. Come rain, come shine, it's my duty to gather the grain and mill it into a cereal of grace and absolution.
• Not one reference to homosexuality as a sin is from the word of God. Every reference is from a man, a fallible human man guessing at the word of God. The only word of God we should be following is his son's message of love. Whomever you love is between you, your love, and God. It has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of this mortal world.
• I've felt the blinding emotions that come from clinging to a corner and trying to blend into the wall. The echo of that feeling is permanent.
• I love the 'say 'no' while doing the thing asked of you' joke. When I'm pulling it, it's only funny if I do the thing. I know that, so I make sure to telegraph my motions, to make sure the other person got the joke. After all, if they don't, it's not funny.
• There's a lid for every trashcan.
• The 1980s-1990s studies initially concluded that fish stocks in the best-known fishing areas such as the Mediterranean and Grand Banks were down 80-90% from levels in the 1950s and 60s. Further historical research concluded that the fish stocks in the 50s-60s were ALREADY 80-90% depleted from pre-Victorian levels. When Cabot 'discovered' the Grand Banks (probably already fished from Europe on the quiet), he described being able to fill a basket with cod just by dipping it in the water, and the biggest cod were as big as the ship's rowing boat.
• Modern 20th century humans, especially Westerners, have absolutely no concept of how alive the world was before we ate it all.
• The Chesapeake bay was once so full of oysters you couldn't sail in it enough. Natives regularly ate oysters so large that colonists said they used the shells as dinner plates - we've found oyster shells 7 inches long. But now, the biggest oysters are a fraction of that size, and if we had seen the original oyster population we'd call them critically endangered.
• The Chesapeake bay was once as crystal clear as Hawaii.
• Herring used to be fished with literal buckets in the Baltic Strait.
• Studies generally tend to follow up each other with 'oh it's worse' in climate stuff. Even when stuff looks better or like it's adapting, it tends to be a temporary fix. We're systemically eliminating all the support mechanisms and redundancies in nature for dealing with climate change.
• There's also Colossal Squid, but we won't go there.
• The spaceship sound! There are dozens of us!!!
• Sometimes things are 'done' before they're 'over'.
• This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would. Interesting facts: This car's exterior color is gray, but its interior color is grey. In the owner's manual, oil is listed as 'optional'. When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary 'Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla'.
• Feeling understood will go a long way towards understanding.
• When I was younger, I always found it so strange that so many songs were about love, and so little else. Only later did I learn it was more shallow than it seemed, and so much deeper than just songs. Almost everyone has experienced or longed for the idea of love. Rarer, later, quieter, just not talked about, is the love that hurts, or the love that makes whole. We haven't the words for how to mourn the loss of someone who never even was. We have no clean way of expressing the joy of a bursting pride for someone else who defied all odds; we haven't even the expression for the sense relief when it's our own accomplishment. We call it validation, we scorn validation. And yet we long for the feeling, the arousal. We sing songs that call for love, when what we really need is to be heard in everything else, to be understood as we simply are."
• I think the one safe stereotype about cats, that covers all cats, is that 'cats are weird'. In a wonderful, beautiful way.
• All racism is stupid, but not all stupid is racism.
• I have an orange cat. I love him to bits, and he may be the love of my life. But the simple truth is that he's dumber than a box of hammers. When I talk to anyone about him and want to put him in a good light, I usually refer to him as 'gloriously stupid'. He doesn't understand some of the most basic stuff that all other cats (that aren't orange) just instinctively know and do. It's just how he is. It's just how orange cats are.
• There are facebook groups dedicated to how stupid orange cats are. The cats are not offended by this. Because they're all fuckin' cats who don't speak or understand a word of English.
• When he went deaf it took me two years to realize it and it was only because someone pointed out out to me that he never moved the direction of his ears. It didn't change his behavior at all! He already didn't pay attention to what was going on around him! A simple cat, with a simple lap life.
• I'll believe it when they ship it.
• She is worse. From someone who has lived it, an absent parent totally rejecting you hurts less than a parent who is there, constantly making you feel worthless.
• If alcohol were really a truth serum, it wouldn't be unethical for a sober person to have sex with someone who was seriously inebriated.
• Alcohol isn't a truth serum. Sometimes it just makes people say and do stupid, inexplicable things that have no deeper meaning behind them.
• For example, I cannot give you back the time you wasted watching this video.
• Hunter S. Thompson is just a really popular author, very quotable in his ramblings. I don't know why his quotes are popping up again and I don't care, they're perfect for most situations!
• I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong.
• Everyone who ever loved you was wrong.
• It's impossible to underestimate you.
• I got a dog once too, but it ended up working.
• Molten marshmallow to the eye is very unpleasant.
• The first time you witness police or media bald-faced lie it changes you. At the end of the day they are just people and if you have a room with one hundred people in it you can be absolutely assured some are ruthless sociopathic habitual liars, regardless of the profession. Part of growing up is understanding this.
• Toddlers are curious and rambunctious. And they have no fear, because you have to teach them what's dangerous. Until you do, they are little danger machines.
• If you tell a kid long enough that they're not trustworthy, they will believe you eventually - and become what you taught them to be.
• I also believe if left unchecked kudzu and bittersweet would drape the Earth in a choking green blanket. Goats are our only saviors.
• Evil is profitable, and people/corporations not willing to do the same literally can't compete. For example, environmentally-friendly manufacturing won't make as much money, won't get as cheap prices, and are at a competitive disadvantage versus other corporations not bound to ethical business practices.
• Don't dead. Open inside.
• If you make insincere gesture, other person might accept it.
• The word I was looking for is dinosaur.
• Who needs logic when you can get internet points that do nothing?
• My favorite machine at the gym is the snack machine.
• Help! I took mushrooms! Five cats in the basement and I can only count to four.
• If you procrastinate your writing assignment by doing more writing, there's a chance you'll be a great writer.
• If you're going to pay for sex, you might as well make it sex you have absolutely no chance of finding elsewhere.
• There are four different kinds of crabs that all morphed from proto-arachnids into crabs along different paths. Given enough time, all is crab.
• She says 'You don't know what brings a person to a book', and it's taken very seriously, almost like a priest or a doctor. A librarian would also likely die by torture before they'd divulge someone's reading history.
• Oh, they see. They pay by the numbers copied on somebody's kindle at a time, they're at least glancing at the stats, seeing if it would be worthy to add (or give up) licenses to this or that book. You just don't see them seeing. (Also, they're librarians, of course they see.)
• I like your Christ, but not your Christians. Your Christians are nothing like Christ.
• It's so strange sometimes how we're conditioned to accept things like that, laughing along with people who profess to love us but they're 'just teasing and having fun' at our expense. That's what they say but after awhile, we start to wonder if there's a knife twisting and turning into our heart.
• After awhile, we start to wonder if there's a knife twisting and turning into our heart.
• Finding a bad guy to blame when something totally senseless happens is human nature.
• This friends group is like the kitty that wants precisely 3.2 tummy scratches, or you lose a hand.
• No one can wear a bucket hat ironically. You can only wear it post ironically, where you originally intended to be ironic but discovered you actually kind of like the bucket hat genuinely.
• Let's not french fry when we wanna pizza.
• This, ladies, gentlemen, people. This is the answer to solve all world problems. Just cuck yourself. Big brain shit.
• Yes, because helping a fellow human survive the nightmare of late-stage capitalism is effectively equivalent to sex apparently.
• Did the book actually work? We kept getting dogs.
• If it helps, I was very serious about being silly in Tickle.
• I'm actually a dog lawyer, but I'm not your dog lawyer, so my comments should not be construed as canine legal advice.
• You win the literal award for literalness. Literally.
• Obviously I knew that Grandma, having had two children, had done it twice, but it would have been in the Fifties and sex was clearly very different then and involved vacuuming the house in pearls until you caught pregnant.
• The king doesn't have any children. His queens just catch pregnant.
• I have played 'hhh' by itself a few times for folks. It was one of most fun sections to put together and also the last one we did. After going through the whole film it was clear it needed its own section.
• hhh
• Make it the cutest man car door hook hand.
• The expert ham sniffer of Spain smells 800 hams a day during the Christmas season. He is strained, he said, 'at the limit of human possibility.'
• In the 1920's, propaganda renamed itself 'public relations' and is now an important function of every large business. The collective impact it has in transforming our subjectivity as individuals, publics, and societies is tremendous.
• Because I am worldly and elegant, I have something you will never have. I have enough. I also have enough because I am taking your money.
• It's such a unique feeling when courts fail.
• I ate eye shadow as a toddler because I thought it'd make me purple and sparkly.
• No helment for unicycle, got it. But for real, wear a helment people.
• Never let appearances or decency get in the way of a mediocre pun!
• I know nothing about meat, but as an Argentinian, meat is important to me.
• Life sucks less with a cat on your lap.
• I realize real life doesn't have a proper end. There will always be more things happening. Hopefully this will be the end of it for all of us.
• New books from deceased or aged authors are as common now as insulting comments by Donald Trump.
• I used to work at a Sam's Club and you could always tell the first timers. They'd be standing out front with a dazed look on their face with a year's supply of toothbrushes and a vat of mayo in their cart.
• Do it right and you won't taste any flavors, just sugary vagueness.
• Fond memories of getting a 'suicide soda' after my softball games. The best was when Surge was a thing. I'd be high on adrenaline after a game and then down a suicide soda with Surge in it and basically become feral. I feel bad for my mom now that I'm an adult.
• At this point I feel like it's harder to find big cities that aren't sinking than those that are.
• We're not as bad as our reputation makes us out to be, we swear!
• There was some guy complaining of not being able to finish the game. It turned out he was just a very good and very stubborn player.
• The term is poverty of imagination. Something is either extremely concrete, right there in front of their eyes, or they don't get it, and get annoyed with you pretty quickly if you try to make them use their imaginations to understand your point. Nothing they do or say is original. It's copied whole cloth from other people and media that they like. Other people's originality strikes them as annoying randomness. If you ask for any kind of unusual request or special consideration, this breaks their brain, and they usually jump to the conclusion you're trying to cheat them. This is both a safe conclusion to jump to if you're not very bright, and a legitimization for expressing the frustration they feel for not being able to follow what the hell you're trying to say, and your failure to just fall in line and be no trouble to them.
• My sister is gay, and when someone made a gay joke in front of me they'd be like 'oh sorry, I forgot!' And every time I was like... you forgot that gay jokes aren't funny? Or you forgot that my sister is gay? That comment wasn't rude to say because I'm standing here, it was rude to say because it's an offensive comment.
• You're respecting your elders when you tell the bad ones off.
• My dog spent an entire zoom call rolling around on the futon behind me in plain view. I think at this point anyone judging what's going on while we work at home in a pandemic are a bigger issue.
• I've seen so many cat buttholes during video calls in the last two years. So many... why do they love walking in front of webcams?
• An amplified cactus is a cactus plant (preferably a Denmoza or Geohintonia) used as a musical instrument. It harnesses the acoustic properties of a cactus by applying contact microphones and amplifying their projection and tone.
• The plants are not known as are traditional instruments, so the sounds belong to them and not to the taste and memory of the performer.
• Skins are encouraged to register multiple skins where it makes sense. Makes total sense here.
• DIE, HERO. IT IS I, THE PIZZA WHEEL. ALL EDGE, NO POINT.
• The ancient woods of Scandinavia hold many mysterious, rare and grim. Elves that dance you to death, hollow-backed ladies with the tails of cows. Lobsters that scamper through the underbrush.
• Welcome to #archlinux, tell us how you fucked up.
• Dude, I've never seen a show get quite as batshit crazy as the last few episodes of Neon Genesis Evangelion. That show started out as Pokemon with boobs and ended as Metal Gear on shrooms.
• The difference between a joke, a troll, and a serious belief is a line thinner than a walrus whisker. Assume it's a joke and you'll be a happier person for it.
• Just don't argue. Argue online hurts brain.
• I'm convinced history exists solely to horrify us.
• Unit of measurement idea: so 128 ounces are in a gallon, right? 128 GB of RAM = 1 gallon of RAM.
• The moving head-removing wall should be seen by more people, though. It's quite ornate.
• The ratio is actually about 98% real movie with 2% porno spliced in. The porn parts are also not... 'fun' in the way pornhub would be. More disturbing than sexy. What's interesting about it is the novelty factor. It's essentially a big budget film with Malcolm McDowell, but it feels like a "B" movie. It does manage to capture this certain mood/tone of complete and utter insanity. It's pure hedonism and madness with this ever-present sense of dread and anxiety. It's not a good movie, but it's definitely unique.
• It is, but when you think of it, most people who ever lived left no records of themselves. It's more usual to just fade out of existence as people forget you.
• When the world goes off sideways even a stable person will lose their balance.
• When the world goes off sideways even a stable person will lose their balance. No pill will fix an imbalance in the world, and if the imbalance we feel inside comes from the outside it can only be prevented from entering, which a pill can only do by numbing senses and sensitivity. If the imbalance is truly from within then the only way to balance it is from within also.
• A two-year-old doesn't have a firm grip on the English language. Hell, they barely have a firm grip on reality in general.
• Ma'am you are an adult woman. You pay taxes. You probably have neck pain. Please put away the sailor suit and oversized lollipop.
• Everyone regrets it as soon as they make a leap; not necessarily because they don't want to die, but just because now they're facing the scary part. It could take a long time 'til they make contact from super high up.
• Unless my understanding of the universe is deeply flawed, something about space heaters just doesn't add up.
• When I was a little kid, maybe 6, my dad worked as a welder. One day he brought me to work. He would to start his drive at 4am. I remember riding through the city on the bench seat of his 80's Mazda B2000 pickup. This is the first time I remember seeing the glow of sodium lights covering everything I could see in a soft, warm orange light. We lived in the country and I had seen singular streetlamps, but never anything like that, passing under rows of lights on the urban interstate and through the city. That was over 20 years ago and every time I drive on a road at night lit solely by sodium lights it takes me right back there to simple times with my dad, a humble welder, but still my hero. Technology changes, but I hope there is never a night when there is no sodium light remaining. Maybe I'll tell my grandchildren about the warm, calming glow of the past. But words can never convey the magic I felt.
• My freshman year of college, in the dorm bathroom, someone made what we dubbed the 'shitsica' on the wall. Someone drew a swastica with poop. We didn't know which aspect was more disturbing, the fact that someone was drawing a swastica or the fact that someone was playing with poop.
• Hiding the history we seem 'ashamed of' just leads us down the cycle again. If we really wanna honour that history, we need to confront it head on and learn what it means so that it never happens again.
• You don't know what a collarbone does to men.
• A favor held for ransom is no favor at all.
• Rules are written in blood.
• Why do so many dudes know it doesn't smell if it's dry?!
• They say they don't buy it because we must be so fucked up to view stuff like this, literally say we must be psychotic and/or worse things. That's entirely wrong, though; this kind of content can help people so much, whether it means being more careful in your day-to-day life or not being suicidal because you either see people fail and live a horrible life afterwards, or succeed and see the family's reactions to their death.
• If you want me to hear and understand what you are trying to communicate, I can't be making eye contact. If you're trying to communicate technical information that I need to process and respond to, I can't even be looking in the same direction as you. I never understood why people say that eye contact shows people you're listening. Like all I'm going to hear when making eye contact is every fiber of my being screaming at me to look somewhere else...
• All I'm going to hear when making eye contact is every fiber of my being screaming at me to look somewhere else.
• This sounds like 'The Call of the Void'. If I remember correctly, it's a real thing and you aren't insane.
• I have these déja vu's of déja vu's of déja vu's and then a déja vu of this happening with the same context; I was in the same place with the same people talking to me saying that exact thing. It just makes no sense, it can go on for like a minute of thoughts inside my head of déja vu. And sometimes it happens, and then I déja vu a thought that occurred in my head the time before, like I would déja vu thinking 'fucking hell, no way this is real' and I would think about it and déja vu.
• You really start to question what is real and what is not when you have seizures. It's a metaphysical level of fear. Eventually you grow to deal with them emotionally afterwards but before (and during if you don't lose consciousness) you become convinced that reality is becoming fluid. You can tell yourself it's just a seizure, but you're still terrified and believe things that are true aren't true, and things that aren't true are.
• The purple stapler people are ravaging the forests of southeast Vermont.
• It doesn't matter how the relationship started. It matters where we are now.
• Most abusers are people who learned abuse is love.
• I was homesick, and she felt like home.
• The party goes on for a while and the wild part has died down. People are mostly petting the furniture and chilling on the floor.
• Alright, I'll marry your damn tugboat if you paint it again.
• This has been a fun ride, y'all. Gorgeous women, fantastic meals at fancy restaurants, the best weed and booze money can buy. But I simply can't refuse the siren song of Provo, Utah.
• My wood burning stove was walking around in my bedroom.
• Yeah! No clue what ya talking about but I'm always up for a random political cleansing of the apostate.
• It reminds me of my lemon tree. Full of lemony lemons. You know, it's been about ten seconds since I looked at my lemon tree.
• The only thing weirder than how they eat oranges is the compulsory, ritualized behavior that has no origin story.
• I once ate dorito crumbs on my pasta at a job interview after they were offered by the interviewer. I did get the job. I declined, but it was about the commute and the porcupine they kept more than anything...
• The richer the family, the weirder they are, every single time.
• Death is my lover, little meat. She has held me closer than this.
• Water bowl was only two thirds full. Kitty needed liquid urgently.
• Try rebooping. It's like rebooting except you enunciate the word 'boop' as you press the reset button. Makes it ten times better.
• To every complex question there is a short and simple answer that is wrong.
• I was a nervous flyer until I heard someone point out that the pilots want to live, too. I'm a little calmer now.
• I've heard of 'degloved', but that's more like depantsed.
• There's a word for the splattered remains of a bird after it passes through a jet engine: Snarge.
• We prepare our children for the world, but they don't belong to us.
• Dying to death has got to be the worst way to go.
• Dude is lucky if he's alive, though 'lucky' might be putting it blindly, as he's likely living in hell.
• The Internet's greatest use is as a tool for learning.
• The knowing that something is broken, something is wrong, but no acceptable way to explain it, no acceptable way to express it, and no acceptable way to avoid the effects of it. So you keep doing the motions, keep subjecting yourself to the trauma, hoping that eventually you'll stop feeling it or stop caring that you feel it.
• We standardize on a case by case basis.
• how do we know science is real
• How can we expect justice if the mere act of disputing an offense leads to worse charges?
• I'm sorry to tell you, but people wanting to fuck things that aren't people is from every age. It's a very uncomfortable truth.
• To preface this, chicken and human rigor mortis is roughly the same. For a chicken if you slaughter the chicken and want to eat it, you have less than 1 hour to get the chicken in the pot before rigor mortis, else you have to wait 8hours. The normal amount of time recommended is 3-5 days in the fridge to let the body relax. For humans it's 2 hours till rigor mortis then 8 hours and most likely another 12 hours of rigor mortis.
• I knew it was bad and that they lied about it, but dang. Like the three gorges dam has cracks that are three meters deep after they tried to repair it. That is terrifying.
• The older I get the more I am beginning to realize that the actual experience of the past cannot be shared with those who were not there.
• We take communicating with strangers online for granted now. The thrill is gone.
• Sounds like this navy base has an issue of random ass objects flying through the air.
• I want to use the undocumented property React.__SECRET_INTERNALS_DO_NOT_USE_OR_YOU_WILL_BE_FIRED which holds some interesting insights and can be useful in some cases.
• "Family is who loves you; that is all, and it is everything".
• I love the joke, but there's a truth to it. You pick your specialist and you also pick your diagnosis.
• Have you met children before, though? They aren't the most well thought out.
• The scent of rotting chicken, or any meat for that matter, is disgusting, certainly, but is nowhere near the scent of rotting potatoes. That's unholy.
• Don't dull your sparkle for anyone.
• La chancla is powerful.
• A body isn't much without the spirit in it!
• As someone that's battled those thoughts, the end result does not matter. Who finds our body does not matter. All that matters at that point of your life is to make the voice stop and make the pain go away. There is no glamorized scenario where we are found looking serene and beautiful and peaceful. The last thing we give a fuck about is what other people are going to think of us, and why would we? We will be dead.
• Apparently leeches can swim up penis urethras if you aren't careful. And has happened enough times.
• Humans can bite harder than sharks.
• It's all fun and games until something goes horribly wrong.
• They forgot adjusting by sound? Oh my. They're gonna have to re-invent the wheel if we ever go back to the jungle. It's not as easy as you might think.
• It's incredible when they discover pockets, it is not incredible what they put in them...
• Sometimes it's the smallest things that hurt the most.
• Expecting the general public to respect a grieving family's wishes is a fantasy.
• In any enterprise - business, military, academic, sports, etc. - leadership gets the behavior that they reward. Being a parent is a leadership position, and these parents have taught their other kids that acting like the middle sister is the behavior that they reward. They can't be surprised that their other kids have learned the lesson they've taught.
• My mom has no concept of 'things that don't go together' and will eat and enjoy just about anything, all the things together. This once resulted in a lunch thief being shocked and dismayed after taking a big bite of her PBnJ tuna sauerkraut cheese sandwich.
• Simple gestures mean the world, don't they?
• Milk first only works if you're brewing the cereal in a teapot.
• That name is burning hot, and at the edge, even Yoda gave a stare.
• You know, I was happier before I noticed.
• It's easier to just get depressed and give up than it is to convince even one person that the game was rigged from the start.
• The whole point was that it was difficult and takes time and a hell of a lot of empathy, but that's why redemption is meaningful. You have to confront ugly things about yourself. And someone who is there to guide you on that exact same path they walked is so much more sincere and freeing than someone who tries to hide their own problems under a veneer of righteousness.
• All Calvinists are sort of weird, but Baptists are truly wild. It's one of the most 'pick-and-choose' denominations, but for some reason they mostly choose the parts that cause suffering.
• When you judge your own perception of something, you tend to find that you're correct.
• STOP LOOKING AT MY LAWN.
• I can deal with the people who are long gone and don't know where they are, don't remember family and just want to go home. It's the ones who are still somewhat there that broke me.
• Don't worry love, don't be afraid. It's just death.
• I still think about the impact we all have on people around us, even if they don't always have the ability to show it. Please be kind, you never know when it might make you the best part of someone's life.
• Often really conscientious people who feel responsible to others need 'permission' to go ahead and leave. It helps tie up the loose ends in their minds/emotions, apparently.
• Sometimes you gotta do what you don't want to do.
• When my husband does the laundry and dishes and the floors while I sleep in, it is a gift. All I have to do then is love the dogs. The dogs also love this arrangement.
• The biggest problem with it is that it's kind of a safety issue. If someone has health problems that might mean passing out or injuring themselves, like a seizure disorder or allergies, then a physical barricade like that might not be the best idea. It could also be a problem in a fire for the same reason. On the other hand, it could protect someone in the event of a break in... Basically, it's a matter of considering your individual situation and needs, then weighing the pros and cons.
• There are plenty of sources of fat that don't involve real butter. Avocado is loaded with fat, for example. Please note that I am not a doctor and this isn't medical advice and I don't even like avocado.
• Do not stick a fork into the coilgun.
• She's forcing misogynist and bigoted beliefs, which are damaging to society as a whole, onto her children. She is emotionally manipulative and refuses to engage in constructive dialogue with you. She's your mom and you love her, and that's okay. You will always love her. But you'll do well to examine her behaviors and separate your love for her from the belief that she's a good mom. Good moms want the best for their kids, and guide them and support them in becoming their best.
• He is a bad cook. A good cook knows the food isn't about him, it's about the people eating. You've given him feedback, but the dickhead still tries to force his Ranch & Ballsack Potato Abortion on you. If he doesn't like that no one wants to eat it, shrug.
• This is the PTO shaft. It, and anything attached to it, wants to kill you. Stay away from the PTO shaft.
• Do these guys ever use their junk for fucking, or do they just sit around trying to fit things where they should not belong?
• No Horse Shoes In Pasture
• False on its own is 100% valid json. As is true, 0, 12, -1, and "foo".
• China is known for 'tofu-dreg construction': cheap, shoddy construction projects created by officials taking bribes and skimming money off the top. And that has insane consequences for the Chinese people, and a lot of times, it gets caught on camera.
• Shoemakers' wives go barefoot. Doctors' wives die young.
• You think it's hard getting into law school? Try getting out.
• People are inherently honest, and that's their biggest downfall, they really are. Or they want to tell their story.
• Focus on your focus.
• I know so many people who had relationships like this and got married because 'it was time'. No love between them, really, just a weird animosity. The same people who see a relationship that's years in and healthy and go 'Enjoy it while it lasts!' and tell people that they're dumb to get married and 'will understand someday. Like yes maybe the marriage or relationship won't work out, but we didn't go into it hating each other from the jump?
• My dad's favorite shows were iCarly and Hannah Montana, and another one about martial arts students. He said they reminded him of simpler times and he was tired of the news.
• I think we should be looking into this. There's a lot of stuff out there these days that's complicated to communicate, and whenever that happens, there's room for misinformation.
• You put more work into explaining this than any of my bosses ever did and one of them actually did HVAC for sidework.
• You ever seen somebody frown while on a jet ski? It's not possible.
• They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.
• There's no such thing as a stupid question until you ask it too many times.
• Practice makes permanent.
• There's a reason why that Mexican guy called Canadian geese 'Chicken Cobras'. He knew what was up.
• My grandmother used to say, 'That man is as worthless as a one-legged man at an ass kickin'. Well, I worked at a mental facility. One day I saw a one legged man absolutely destroy another dude. Popped him in the head with his crutch, then pitched forward and just stomped on him with his one leg.
• Stomps are dropkicks if you only have one leg.
• The truth is, if you want to believe something badly enough, you will continue to ignore common sense until you're ready to face the truth.
• It tickles me how inefficiently these efficiency-improving methodologies are actioned.
• My office has an open door policy. If you see it's open, close it.
• For years after they outlawed smoking in planes you would see seat armrest ashtrays welded shut. God, that shit was disgusting. People were disgusting. Don't let anyone tell you people are slovenly on planes today and back in the day people got dressed up to fly. Coach was always a bus with wings.
• EDIT: Something was edited
• The older I get the more I've realized that people are way stupider then I give them credit for. Often these people don't really understand the concepts, they just put together words they barely heard about while playing fortnite in college.
• If you assumed it and your assumption turned out to be wrong, that would in no way be the other person's fault, nor the other person's responsibility.
• And Readers, on this coming Mother's Day, if your mother thinks you're beautiful just the way you are, and your mother-in-law is not trying to kill you, happily lift a glass of (unpoisoned) champagne and celebrate the women in your life.
• The best time was years ago. The second best time is now.
• The recovery of evidence is a destructive process that cannot be repeated: this applies to the recovery of buried human remains (regardless of the preservation) and other associated or related evidence. Consequently, in both archaeological and forensic contexts it is imperative that buried evidence is recovered correctly from the beginning as the process is an unrepeatable experience.
• Your parents sound like a side character plot line in an episode of a bad CW tv show.
• Used to fill replacement dog
• I had a friend who used to drop me in the tub when I was so depressed I couldn't move. I promise, the last thing he was thinking was naked person, he was thinking sad friend needs to be clean. Still one of my best friends.
• Lots of people buy way too much house and thus have way too many chores to do.
• I can say from experience that class A drugs make pain seem more like something you can see, or you're aware of, rather than something you feel. You know it's there but it isn't part of you, you feel it objectively rather than subjectively.
• Good blood supply and lots of loose skin bits. Our face is tasty like chicken skin.
• For me medical gore is the best gore because the person is getting better (hopefully). It's sort of uplifting gore.
• Kids are wonderful when you can give them back. Not for long term.
• Yeah, you can touch Moradin. Just not his ladies.
• Dude, you made the mythology! Or inspired me to. You're fuck you'ing yourself.
• The problem with betting on disaster is that when you win there has been a disaster.
• Life was hell until I got diagnosed. Now it's still hell but I know why.
• 'Sense of impending doom'. It means - outside of the context of literal impending doom - that your body has noticed something very wrong but can't identify It. Doctors take it quite seriously.
• Will you publicly denounce the culture of denouncing people?
• Technically correct: our favourite kind of correctness.
• A bunch of places the insurance listed as in network didn't exist. One was in an abandoned building. Other places had been bought out and were under a different name.
• I really hate that they're in there like that. I've learned about why they're like this but I fucking hate it. Just be a straight tube.
• I consider my peepee vital.
• Yes, mistakes were made. But the only way they can come to have any value at all is if we learn from them.
• For one, Idiot Brigading really only works if you have a full Idiot Brigade to back you up. Otherwise, really, it's all a bit idiotic.
• I see from a single perspective looking out. Only through the eyes of others may I be seen from all other angles.
• GMs are supposed to be mean. What did you think the goal was? Having fun? Pfft.
• Sometimes you just need someone to remind you that you're not crazy! You're definitely in the right here.
• Feels like I'm a D&D characters' suicide counselor. 'Have you considered how your death would inconvenience the party?'
• My chair keeps causing me to get static shocks. Maybe I should replace my rubber slippers...
• It got associated with demonic rituals despite being drawn to protect from demonic forces.
• Penuel, literally translated, is 'Face of God', and is a sacred site located atop a mountain top, where you can see the sun rise over most of Jordan. It doesn't literally mean God's Face, and the tale isn't meant to be about literally wrestling with God. Mountain landscapes, particularly those with impressive sunrises, have been referred to as 'looking into the face of God' since proto-Indoeuropean times. It's a cross-cultural idiom that vastly predates the penmanship.
• And that is why no creator has ever really complained when they've become the target of burnings. Sales go through the roof.
• How we define sentience is literally... just ourselves.
• I have literally no words to describe what I think about that. My brain just popped my mental transmission into neutral without using the clutch.
• What if the greatest trick the devil pulled off was not convincing the world they don't exist, but that they are actually God?
• Less snow now. But the now more common summer fires make up for it.
• If I can tell you one thing, it's that the way someone treats you is a reflection on them and not you! You were always good enough! They just weren't good enough for you.
• Sucks the life out of you until there is nothing left.
• The Duke St Door is covered in yellow faces.
• I only make sex toy recommendations at funerals. It's tasteless at weddings.
• Guys, calm down about the cable guy. He had a nametag, official car with a big ladder, and everything.
• Enjoy every moment. Good things take time.
• Yeah, I've been groped by many a baby. I hate it, but at that point they really don't understand what's going on. It's super not personal.
• May all your sorrows be past.
• Very dangerous thing for religion, the ability to question.
• But sometimes, particularly online, we can think small is useless. If you don't have ten million followers you're not worth much. If your post or comment didn't get noticed it wasn't useful. Bollocks. Small is good. I'll be happy if I go out of the world having done more good than I did bad. That's a small contribution but it's mine.
• The point with truly loving something is you embrace all of it, the good, bad, and ugly.
• If your parents die, I don't think you stop being their child. I think that's just as true if you lose a child.
• My mom has a photo album of drawings and paintings we did as kids and on the opposite side she wrote down the story we told of what the picture was about. My favorite is a painting of vertical brown stripes and the story says it's dad, mom, my brother, me & our dogs at our house that is behind the fence.
• The way I described it after seeing it was, 'It's like The Office turns into Dear White People, turns into Get Out, turns into the Communist Manifesto, turns into Stranger Things, turns into what the fuck'.
• KILL EVERYONE NOW. CONDONE FIRST DEGREE MURDER. ADVOCATE CANNIBALISM. EAT SHIT. FILTH ARE MY POLITICS, FILTH IS MY LIFE.
• IF YOU CANT HANDLE US AT OUR 'FARTING CORPSE' YOU DON'T DESERVE US AT OUR 'STAGGERING ACHIEVEMENT OF FILMMAKING'.
• I like how at the beginning of the movie, it says it's based on a true story, when all that really means is that the director saw a craigslist ad about wanting someone to wear a walrus costume 24/7.
• Every now and then you get a cheap piece of shit tool that just refuses to die. Harbor Freight seems to be where most of those come from.
• Thank you for reminding internet people of best practice humanity.
• Have grace, for so much of the world is graceless.
• Somebody had to film that scene. Somebody had to work out the blocking and framing. Somebody had to hold the microphone boom. Somebody had to stand in front of the camera multiple times with a clapper slate and say 'Thankskilling Scene 43 Take 1'. Somebody had to go in with a light meter and make sure the lighting would show up right in camera. Somebody had to make a turkey puppet with a silicone mask on it. All this, after somebody wrote this scene on a stolen macbook while snorting meth and crushed caffeine pills off a truckstop hooker's butt. I'm gonna assume the people who did all those things were the four people on camera.
• You're not the one who was kicked through a wall.
• My mom threw fruit at me when I got home.
• Words are all I have to hang onto. Everything mixed up, fragmented. Can't tell daydreams, night dreams, from reality anymore.
• If it happened, it happened. Why should it mean anything?
• Would deeply appreciate knowing what the fuck is going on. Prompt answers the in thing this season, apparently; trust you've heard.
• Don't do heroin. You'll love it.
• Doing something because it's how it's always been done is a terrible reason to keep doing something. Humans evolve, learn, grow. Traditions can be fine, as long as they don't hurt people. And it sounds like Charlotte is being hurt, and your wife's insistence is hurting her relationship with her daughter. In her attempt to show a united front, she is dividing her own family.
• Something that I think is super important to keep in mind is that every person has trusted their abuser at one point. Having a secret fund doesn't mean they don't trust you. It just means they're trying to protect themselves if something goes wrong.
• But I think that's exactly what's so beautiful about baseball. It's called 'America's Pastime'. It's passive. You soak up the atmosphere, a good drink, your company, and the game is kind of secondary to all that. I also love having it on the tv in the background while I'm focusing on something else. There's something comforting about it to me.
• I cannot explain It. I've never once wanted a traffic cone. Never once considered taking one. Don't even have room for one in my apartment. But god damn the number of sunday mornings I've had to go put one back out randomly on a side walk.
• Just the fact that you didn't end up covered head to toe in your own shit is a resounding success. Well done my friend.
• I hear sounds indescribably. Ones that usher me to act so. Surely you of all people can hear them too?
• The veil is thinning. Otherworldly sounds and actions intrude.
• Even if I were to cast an almighty incantation, the inexorable remains just that.
• But is there anyone who is truly good? Maybe goodness is only make-believe.
• Not just ordinary salt, mind you – no, not our old friend sodium chloride – but, rather, the much stranger, 'I didn't even know this wasn't poisonous, let alone food', ammonium chloride. Yeah, salmiakki is weird.
• Circus closed because of bad reviews, all clowns whacked. Stale as no admin is willing to take action
• Back in the day, way back... we used to travel all over Finland a lot more, and thus we'd also stop by various Hesburgers. Some were good, some were... neither 'fast' nor 'food', really.
• Nobody wants to be an individual on their own.
• I'm the janitor of God.
• I'd suppose the moral here is 'don't hook up with your god's ex', except I don't think that really should be something that needs to be said.
• I wouldn't say don't be on guard but for the most part people are good.
• Do they all go mad? Why do they all go mad?
• Everyone knows the real players roost on the telescope.
• People shouldn't ever promise anything that they themselves cannot personally deliver. This also includes 'Things will be ok', and 'Next year will be better'.
• Distance brings clarity to the heart's desires.
• Of course it is happening inside your head, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?
• It's dumb either way; even if it were 'in your head', that would still be a legitimate psychological issue that's causing you distress and pain. It doesn't have to be physical to be a 'real' problem.
• Even though she ended up dying, she still had someone there in her final moments. Sometimes that's what dying people need, company. You may have provided some comfort for her in those final moments and even though she ultimately still ended up dying that doesn't mean you weren't a help to her.
• Having worked with lots of suicidal people over the years and having lost my first husband to suicide, I just want to say that some people have too much pain to live with, very often through terrible circumstances and no fault of their own, but they still are the ones that have to live with it. It's no-ones place to convince them to live with that pain longer than they want but having someone just be there, listen, and care in the end is an amazing gift to give, even if i's the last one they can receive.
• In my opinion, any true comedian is damaged and is merely coping in the best way they can. Anyone undamaged is just not as funny, and you can tell.
• I do not know your cat. But I love your cat.
• NO AWOO $350 FINE
• Don't feel bad about it now! Feel bad about it before you do it, and then don't do it!
• You can't keep doing shitty things and then feeling bad about yourself as if that makes it okay. You need to be better.
• Say what you want about 4Chan but they don't turn their backs on their own.
• People who are worthy of your trust don't need to test it.
• All of this is powered by about 600 lines of the worst python code I've ever written in my life.
• It takes awhile to for it to sink in just how massively overpowered the internet really is.
• Sometimes I wonder if timespace imprints regular events into local matter and every now and then there's a hiccup of sorts that releases a burst of past or future sounds.
• Have you heard about Quantum Immortality? Basically, from what I understand of it, in a near-death experience your active consciousness transfers over to an alternate reality where you lived. The others won't follow though and will just witness the reality where you died but you have already transferred so it doesn't concern you. It's the best I can explain it but what I can say is I definitely know that feel. There were multiple times in my past where I was in a near-death situation and I was one step away from passing on, but still I lived, or at least my consciousness is still alive despite the odds.
• People who 'pull themself up by their bootstraps' usually forget that someone else gave them their first pair of boots."
• Is the duderus where I get gregnant?
• I just beat the Elder Ring and collected all 7 elder's rings and gave them to the raccoon of the lake.
• If it's worth one life, it's worth them all.
• How the fuck do I explain to a police officer what an ironic meme is, it's literally a picture of a slug with the vlone symbol that uses a powerpoint transition to then list the recipe for meth over bass boosted fetty wap. None of those words are in the bible for a reason, I cannot believe this is something that I've somehow ended up in.
• Jar Jar, you're a genius.
• Assume a spherical frictionless cow.
• There's no such thing as just a stick. Once grasped by the hand of imagination, you have a spear, a toasting fork, a club, a lever, a sword, a fishing rod, a poking stick, a wizard's staff, a laser rifle, a banner of conquering armies. Just a stick?! To quote my fake child, how dare?!
• We're not sure exactly when vampires stopped being horrific and became vehicles for adolescent angst, but we suspect roleplayers might have to own up to some of the blame.
• It's magic. It's not real.
• Kid in my class was pretending to hack someone else in the class and then started frantically typing to 'mirror' the counter hack. This was in about 2002 and the total hacking ability of the guy was being able to open that window chat terminal thingy to another machine on the network. I still think about that moment and wonder how he's doing.
• I went to a music festival and couldn't shower for a week, then I paid to take a shower at a truck stop, and it was the best shower of my life.
• He has long been a staunch advocate of the GPL, he said, but not because he has detailed opinions of the differences between it and other, similar licenses. Rather, he said, he learned early on that customers do not care about the details of free-software licenses, and that diving into an explanation of them was the fastest way to send a potential customer running toward the competition.
• You'll have to decide that for yourself. But it's my personal opinion that nothing can be beautiful if it's done purely out of obligation.
• Time feels endless when you're too terrified to sleep.
• Every time I've seen her, I try to learn more about her and come away somehow knowing less. At various points in time, I've though that she was a witch, an angel, or a cursed princess. I just need to reach out and ask her, right?
• It's far too elegant to be true.
• Don't think twice, the front of the bar should not be the judge of what you are about to taste.
• The story changes every time you tell it.
• I miss him dearly and bitterly.
• La magia del Vacío está compuesta por todas las otras magias. Es curioso porque, al oír la palabra 'vacio', piensas en la nada, cuando en realidad es el todo. Pero resulta que ese todo es de lo más volátil. Toda materia que se ve atrapada en él cambia de estado constantemente. La vida no puede sobrevivir así. No podemos sobrevivir así.
• Pain begets pain. You can only end it within yourself.
• I, too, enjoy cleaning my mobile holes.
• Remember that: The harder a place is to get into, the more valuable the security fittings are."
• There are all sorts of horrendous medieval or high-tech punishments you can mete out on characters in a game. But sometimes the best ones are the simplest, those that strike a chord with the players. Having a character drawn and quartered is kind of abstract, but having one be made to sit in the naughty chair with their nose to the wall is profoundly embarrassing and visceral. Especially if you do it to a noble in the King's court.
• Eh, you're probably actually the figment of someone else's dream. When they wake up, you'll just go poof. If you now feel existential dread, congratulations! You're probably awake. (But you could still be the dream of a dread god.)
• Being the bigger person isn't done for the other person, its done for yourself - that's why its being the bigger person, because you're not worrying about someone else's opinion to the point that your behavior is controlled by it. Not that I always do it. Being petty and vindictive is awesome when they're being a total fuckhead.
• Toilets are marsupials.
• Such great times at the beginning of everything.
• Honestly that's kind of one of the things I miss the most about old internet — everything was unique down to the individual user. Flashing marquees, neon text on a different neon color background, dancing gifs everywhere. The entire internet had this cobbled-together look like an old alley in Hong Kong. Now everything looks the same, like digital urban sprawl.
• I would actually love to refresh that memory but apparently the way back machine doesn't go back that far.
• People always say 'the greatest thing since sliced bread' but maybe it should be 'the greatest thing since single piece pantaloons'. I mean talk about real convenience!
• Listening to both sides of the story just results in not knowing who's telling the truth. Better to attack first and use Speak With Dead later.
• We live in a peculiar time where people think things magically disappear if it's illegal, or if we go on wars against them. People have done drugs since the dawn of times. Other animals do it too. People have engaged in sex in exchange for anything since the dawn of humanity.
• There is that game called Tag. It is where a person runs around and tries to touch people. The people run away because they do not want to be touched. If the person touches another person, the touched person now runs around and touches people. There is no winner, but the goal is to touch other people. It is a very strange game.
• There's no way to know. The event horizon hides everything from us. The matter in a black hole could be just barely smaller than the horizon and we'd never know. It could be emissive, but any glow just falls back in. We just don't know.
• The oceans are incredibly, catastrophically, incomprehensibly fucked. We've been using the oceans at a high level for centuries, and our awareness of the impact on the oceans has come far too late. We just don't have enough data from before industrialization to understand what we've done.
• If scientists got paid more and management types knew how to plan work more efficiently, we'd cure fucking everything. But we aren't paid enough and management doesn't care as long as they get paid to sit around. So bench scientists just fart around finishing projects here and there, sometimes making a mad dash at the last possible minute to get data for a deadline, but mostly just surfing the web and drinking coffee.
• While not a recreational user I was on a fentanyl patch for several months and was put on Oxycontin to wean off. Even then it was very difficult. Best way I can describe fentanyl withdrawal is the hook/chain things from Hellraiser, but they're attached to your core.
• Best case, you get to stretch your legs and meet some new people. Worst case, this hole actually is full of dread and then you have to undreaden the hole somehow.
• Addiction is compulsive engagement in a thing despite consequences. Unfortunately diet tends to be a slow burn; you don't feel blood pressure or sugars creeping up until really it's too late. You can more or less live a normal life before you deal with the consequences in your late 20's.
• It's called shadow disorder: too mild to be diagnosed but still some symptoms.
• There is this concept that is running through society that the Internet is truthful; it's the exact opposite. It's the perfect lie.
• Dark matter is a bit past being just a placeholder now. We've been able to see some of its effects in clusters. We just can't interact with it. Dark Energy? Now that's the placeholder.
• Is there a consensus on what 'a thought' even is? There seem to be a lot of assumptions in this idea that I'm not sure are justified, like that 'thoughts' are discreet, localized events in the brain and that mental energy is like a battery powering thoughts and not an affective state.
• As a Political Scientist, the data compels me to report that everyone is wrong about everything at all times. There is not one single topic that all who have been polled can agree on. Regardless of faith, race, class, age, and several other rapidly changing demographics, there is not one sentence that can be uttered that can not be deemed contentious or will not be argued against in our current age. This hypothesis has been confirmed at the 0.05 level. However, the remaining 4% are currently in contention and we are awaiting counterarguments.
• The menu of interpretations is rich, you can choose your favorite.
• I really think that something incredibly major is missing from the standard model of particle physics. Of course, how do you find something you don't know is missing?
• The ancients read the cracks in heated turtle shells, and the patterns in the guts of birds and sheep, in an attempt to get answers in the face of overwhelming complexity. We are about to make lower quality decisions than a guy on shrooms staring at a pile of guts. Whee!
• We are just the embodiment of the bacteria in our body's electrical signals they send to our brain. They are us and we are them.
• Turns out, recorded knowledge doesn't stay forever and the majority gets buried and lost in only a few decades. Books go out of publication and are lost and thrown away over time, websites with images and important data get shut down and deleted, artworks are destroyed and burned, and most ancient forms of knowledge are recorded on perishable mediums that have since decomposed.
• The precursors of life (polypeptides) are already found on asteroids. Life probably evolved from asteroid impact plus geothermal vent. It's probably everywhere. We aren't special. Also waterbears survive and can reproduce after exposure to space so it leads me to believe that aliens might have already arrived here, they just are not what we expected.
• I think the confused 'huh?' is a near universal proto-word.
• How do you write something so general that it can extrapolate anything from anything? How do you make a machine that can learn infinitely? We humans don't just learn things discretely. We also figure out new things, weird things, and unrelated things from what we've learned all on our own. We wonder. How do you teach a machine to wonder?
• I think I've discovered a new species of plant.
• I am having flashbacks to a patron who sent her entire breakfast back because her toast was 'too toasty'.
• Sadly I think there are a lot of childish adults, but worse, adults who don't honour their children as sentient beings. I'm 56 and actually remember being your age. I believe you sound incredibly smart and well mannered. You strike me as a young woman who has a head on her shoulders and can be trusted with adult conversations and concepts. People too often dismiss lack of experience for inability to fathom and process simple/complex situations, which is so clearly wrong in your case. I am sorry you are stuck there for another year and a half.
• I often feel that when parents or administration want students to 'talk it out' and 'come to an agreement' or whatever... it's a way of avoiding accountability. Like they want to have their happy happy fun time dinner and call it handled? When really, getting stuff handled and taking accountability would be having a paper trail and being honest with the school administration.
• Real remorse would mean being ready to admit to things even if that means facing consequences.
• It tastes like sand. Caffeinated, vaguely chocolated sand.
• It's a marriage of inconvenience.
• Medicine has gotten too good at keeping people alive. Kids would sit for months and months connected to CRRT (dialysis) and ECMO (heart/lung machine) literally wasting away before ultimately dying. And when they die they don't resemble anything like a kid. They look like puffy little aliens who sometimes have lost the perfusion to their hands and feet so now they're dead and black. It's horrific and I can't imagine putting a child through that. I also cannot imagine spending my days sitting in a hospital room watching that happen to my child.
• A friend said that sometimes they would start giggling and couldn't stop in a firefight. Like the nerves just got the best of people and it just manifests in weird ways.
• One reason a lot of veterans 'don't talk about it' if they have been to war is because the stories are so bizarre at times, people think your are full of crap and making up stories.
• My friend Rick and I were mostly in it for the fridge raids, but we did get to see some spooky parts of campus that I'm pretty sure no one else had explored in a long time.
• I knew a guy in college that had a salt lamp. He didn't use it as a lamp though, he had a little hammer and would knock pieces off to cook with. He claimed it tasted better than salt from a shaker.
• I have a voice of a loan mower choking on the last drops of gasoline.
• Life is just an endless cycle between dog and man, constantly searching to be reunited with your partner from your most recent life only to never find each other. This explains why life sucks so much.
• The trial lasted several nights. Witnesses were heard, evidence was gathered, conclusions were drawn, all of which issued finally in a unanimous verdict: the Lord God Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth, was found guilty of crimes against creation and humankind.
• There has never been a sadness that can't be cured by breakfast food.
• I think my best advice on staying positive is to talk to people who make you laugh or smile. There's a lot of research on this, and I have personally experienced that laughing makes you happier. Being around people who make you feel good is good. I know it sounds obvious, but sometimes people forget.
• Before you speak, as yourself, is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind?
• Maybe just stick a mustache on your lenin or something?
• It's embarrassing when people don't realize how embarrassed they should be.
• Who doesn't want to read about Darth Maul fucking shit up?
• Picture a wave in the ocean. You can see it, measure it, the height, the way the sunlight refracts when it passes through. It's there, you can see it. It's there, it's a wave. And then it crashes into shore and it's gone. But the water is still there. The wave was just a different way for the water to be for a little while.
• Grindhouses. Two or three really cheesy B movies for $2. Sticky floors. Passed out drunks in the back rows, people in the balcony screwing. The smell of an enclosed space that's open 24/7 & never cleaned...
• Someone is concerned about a person in the alley juggling fire alarms.
• Uuuh, gzip is taking a lot of CPU right now on bertram. It would be nice to run backups with nice. I've reniced it.
• The server looks like the train railways this morning.
• I'm just bad at all this pokémon panorama of software tools. I'm good writing code, not knowing the name of yet another cache store, and the devops from my company wants us to start owning the products and deploying them to production ourselves. And he asked me this week 'so how you will send this to production' and my face was like a rainbow.
• Visual Editor works, but only the first edit on the page. If you try to edit the same page again, it loads a totally different page! That's very strange.
• Renfe trains in spain still use windows xp. This week a friend posted on insta how one of them BSODed in his face.
• It's a good thing that that's not what actually matters, huh? We don't need to have faith. We just need everyone else to. And we need to keep fighting in the meantime, because otherwise they'll never even get the chance. Don't give up, okay? That's all that matters. Don't give up.
• I'm afraid we can't treat you like you're one of us, because you're something else, something altogether more precious. You're family.
• Well the only alternative would be to build-in some visual indicator that pressing ` doesn't start a code block. But I can't think of anything that would visually indicate that you're not doing the thing you thought you were doing.
• It's Monday. You know what that means. I have to try to remember what my job is.
• Amazing. Apparently the latest slang for noting you are doing something positive of note has progressed from 'wow I'm so sick' to 'omg I have literal brain cancer'. To clarify, this is still an expression and not meant literally. I can't keep up with these kids. Also I feel old, send help.
• Without a heart, how am I to feel love? Without love, how am I to feel hate? And without hate, how am I to know the exquisite sensation of mild annoyance?
• I'm not a good person so I find it suspect when other people are.
• You're the asshole; you're suspicious that someone would do something nice and selfless because you literally can't relate.
• May as well drag it on and on and on. Shows commitment.
• When I lived in Denmark one of my hobbies was checking out the Dr Oetkers in the freezer section in Netto every now and then to see what the latest atrocity they had come up with.
• In the basement under the false sun is a blackberry in a bucket. It has yet to know the wonder of the spring outside because I just haven't gotten around to dealing with it yet.
• There's definitely very much a hustle culture. Even if that hustle is fraud.
• If you learned anything from this video, let us know what it was.
• The thing that bothers me the most is how one serious brain injury can alter your personality so much, usually for the worse. Is there such a thing as 'good' or 'bad' people. or are we all just one serious brain injury away from becoming a monster?
• Don't forget to cover yourself in butter.
• I guess this is what it takes to be a player in WoD. The courage to walk your character straight into certain doom.
• I used to be happy, friendly and social. Constant pain with no relief changes you.
• People wonder why older folks get mean sometimes, now that I'm 50 I get it. Pain makes you powerless, that turns to anger quickly. I HATE the fact that my body dictates what I can and can't do anymore.
• As bad as the situation is, it's heartening to hear that your relationship is still strong. I don't know if you do this already, but I think that you can endure if you focus your love on him intensively. It's probably hard after so many years of marriage and you fall into a groove but if you're always waiting for him to come home after work, thinking about things he might like, sending him loving text messages and just generally being the light of his life, which is one of the things you can do in spite of your chronic pain, he will never be stuck in a job he hates because he has a source of pure love to come home to.
• Someone with nothing to lose would do anything to obtain anything to lose.
• What does the 'clarity' department do? I don't know, its far from clear.
• Either your usage of the blockchain is wrong, or the fact you're trying to use MW for it is wrong.
• I wrote 'Good' on my character sheet and I jolly well meant it! Unlike some people!
• Book burnings and bannings - when you know you're on the wrong side of history.
• We must believe wholeheartedly we are doing the right thing, for those we are up against believe exactly the same.
• How simple the impossible seems, with a good night's sleep.
• Only the one whose body it is may know how much pain they are in, and they likely have no frame of reference. But suffering is suffering.
• Gunk is another name for engine deposits.
• Symmetry is good. Asymmetry can be better, but it must be balanced. There is a complexity to it, patterns to create this balance; without the balance all you have is jarring chaos. It's ugly, boring, lazy. It makes you look cheap.
• It's a winding road with no guardrails and some deeply stupid cul-de-sacs, but it's still technically a path.
• Whoever designed that steel shoe needs to be returned to the factory for adjustment.
• Strong tool, very sharp, no hype, all knife.
• Dreams last so long, even after you're gone.
• We used to get powdered laundry detergent and add just enough water to make it sort of a paste where it would match the popcorn ceiling. Then you can proceed to paint and draw all over the ceiling, and it was invisible. Until someone brought a blacklight into the room. Shenanigans were then revealed.
• Source: don't ask me how I know.
• Then, one day short of one year to the day, my son was born, and I started to laugh and feel happy again. The pain hadn't gone away, but I gradually began to have more days where I laughed and felt happy than days when I didn't.
• It's been over a decade and I am coming to the conclusion that the pain doesn't get any less, I just get more used to it.
• We had pancakes in the rain.
• Relatives are most vocal when they don't help; it makes them feel like they're contributing something, except it's all hot air.
• You need to prep your surface. Sand it so smooth you want to rub your face all over it, and that's how you get a finish that goes down proper and gleams like a mirror to blind everyone who comes upon it after.
• I'm pretty sure that one parasite that makes you love cats is occupying my entire limbic system. Please don't send help.
• Schnauzers do great for rats, but only one will kill them. The others bring me living-ass, angry fucking rats, squirrels and chipmunks year-round.
• Broken cookies are also calorie free because the calories all fall out when it breaks.
• Some people, if they are drowning, try to take as many with them as possible.
• You should always save pain for daylight.
• Famines are almost always political more than anything. There's food, but the people with power have incentive to make sure that it doesn't go to the citizens who need it. Or the government is so ineffective it can't store and distribute food. Or both.
• They say rape victims suffer two traumas, the rape and our failed system.
• I call my sister smellatron. She knows I mean 'I love you'.
• It's okay to not be okay.
• Remember, if you give humanity a hole... they will put everything up it.
• Humans will laugh themselves out of a horrifying situation to which there is nothing they can do. I don't think it's entirely inappropriate because appropriation is something we do as a cultural norm. In this case any emotion of discomfort and helpless watching would likely ignite laughing in the same way many people watch horror to feel relief that reality is safer. I would feel differently if they were laughing and participating in the animals fate, but they cannot so I would expect the weirdest reactions out of people.
• This is why a lot of people with lazy eyes develop monocular vision. The brain just kind of decides 'yeah, no, that's wrong' and ignores anything coming from that organ. It happens easier in children. The alternative is so wonky it'd cause severe headaches, dizziness, etc. The images are so separate and your brain trying to work with both when it's used to a single joint image is usually going to result in the brain ignoring the image you're not focusing on.
• Death grip isn't just a cute term.
• Personal morgue? Is that serial killer slang for 'hunting cabin'?
• What's even the point without getting dirt out of drunk WMF staffers?
• People think it's such a virtue to remain neutral and I really don't understand why.
• But how many files have you zipped together into a tarball?
• Not having a CTO is Wikimedia's default state.
• Silence freaks newborns out. I found a YouTube video that was like 8-12 hours straight of a vacuum cleaner running. Saved my life when mine was a newborn.
• This is a hairless cat. It's not my tits.
• Permissions are being revoked, plans reevaluated through to every target outcome. As a pawn I come to dread my own inexorable march across the board.
• You don't understand. I so envy you for that.
• The woods eat voices.
• Gotta get 'em up and movin' around. Motion is lotion baby.
• This was the late 1960s. It was like the Wild West as far as safety regulations.
• You can make a decision that's right for you, but that doesn't mean it's an easy decision.
• The way we understand stuff is not well understood at all.
• Hell hath no fury like a pissed-off law professor.
• Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.
• This was a plot point in an episode of one of the Law & Order shows, though somehow the writers thought that the calling and receiving phones would have the same ringtone, which was weird.
• Looking in my eyes is way too personal, just look at my boobs. That way everyone is more at ease.
• No one from Pelzer is from Pelzer, they are from Anderson.
• Constant disparaging remarks are like an endless drip of water on stone. You would think they wouldn't have an impact, but over time they can wear away at the hardest of souls.
• Sure, you 'could have' shown him proof that the car was yours. You also could have put on a Spider-Man costume and run around the parking lot flapping your arms like a chicken and singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. The point is that it wasn't remotely within his rights to demand either of you, since you were a complete stranger to him, the car wasn't his, and he literally didn't have a single piece of evidence to suggest that anything inappropriate - much less anything illegal - was going on.
• Kids under a certain age are just psychopaths until an experience teaches them restraint.
• I love that. It's their world, we're just living in it. I appreciate people who are too weird to function. But at the same time it's like... y'know.... chill out.
• There he goes, one of god's own prototypes. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
• This woman has more signs and pillows with words on them than I have total possessions.
• Compulsory carrying of ID cards is something which I think a lot of British people would feel uncomfortable with. It's almost like needing government permission to have the right to leave your house.
• Potato farming is not society.
• It's just good old fashioned passive aggression, my friend. It's usually used for evil, but in small doses in the right context it can be used for good. Think about when your mom says, 'it's ok, sweetie, you don't need to visit me on my birthday. I know you're busy.'
• A handjob is still a job.
• You go to Chick-fil-A for a decent sandwich and a welcoming bordering on outright-culty atmosphere. You go to Popeyes for a damn good chicken sandwich that may or may not come with a side show of the fry cook jumping the counter and kicking someone's ass with a metal stirring rod.
• But it feels different here for some reason. It feels like a reflection of the collective subconscious of the whole lockdown and I don't like looking at it.
• You poor thing. You poor, dumb thing.
• I might be mad, and I'll ask why you did what you did, but I will always love you and I will always try to help fix it.
• One of these days I should write an etiquette book for my people. Call it 'why on earth should I do that' or something.
• I write fiction and my editor would never pass half of what I read online for not being realistic enough.
• I felt her pain in my soul and finally understood the scene, and honestly, I hated that I understood.
• There's no such thing as 'fake' pain because pain is just signals in the first place. What a weird argument to make.
• Hwy would you do drugs hwen you could just mow the lawn?
• Don't underestimate an adult's capacity for nonsense.
• If I've been in the woods for three days it means I've been dead for two of them and they just haven't found my body yet.
• Not saying it was a bad movie that shouldn't have won, just that it's unclear why this particular movie won instead of all the other movies like it.
• I sometimes think Facebook's purpose is to demonstrate that Sturgeon's Law applies to people.
• It's OK but didn't grab me.
• I think people forget that for a long time the military partnered with video game companies to use video games as a recruitment tool. So a lot of that was by design and intentional. Kids aren't responsible for the pro war propaganda that has been pushed through the media and video games.
• Grossman, the dean of NYU's medical school, talks a lot about 'listening to our community' and 'believing in the process', but the protesters don't really care about any of that. They're playing a different game. They know that if they make enough noise, if they claim enough 'harm', NYU - or any other school that brands itself as inclusive or progressive - will give in.
• My impression of Bolsonaro was pretty bad, but that he tries to fake nazi family history is still a low I couldn't imagine.
• It was probably 'Hereticks' and 'Læke of fyre', but otherwise I'm convinced it actually went down that way.
• I honestly thought I knew my friend until he picked a huge spider from the garage wall and ate it like it was nothing.
• Being fat feels like both being invisible but also being watched and judged at all times. It's a very strange feeling.
• There's a vastness between good health and death. Most of it sucks.
• I'm from a little over the border, and yes, everyone here has heard of The Palace.
• A friend of mine once asked their partner during a breakup, 'What do you do to make my life better?' They couldn't think of a thing. It's something I keep in mind now.
• Well of course Britain does laundry in the kitchen, it's not like the British are known for cooking in there...
• On a scale of a New York pizza to real-estate salesmen from the west coast, how greasy we talking?
• Local realism isn't tenable under quantum mechanics.
• Sound is made of wiggling air. Electrons can also be wiggled. If you can convert air-wiggles to electron wiggles, you can send the electric ones down a wire, and do the conversion again to get the air-wiggles back. This is really all a microphone/speaker setup does.
• Imagine something eating your eyeballs and it being an upgrade.
• A group of Russians were caught trying to cross a bridge that was 'Vehicles Only' dressed as a bus. The original video is actually pretty cute. They get 'pulled over by an exhausted security guard and everything.
• I think it's quite fun. Very b-movie, but if you expect something serious from a movie about ice cream that eats you... Then you've got weird expectations.
• Hat man phenomenon. It's a very common sleep deprivation/sleep paralysis hallucination. It's actually pretty interesting, since it's only been common for a few decades, likely due to movies involving tall scary men with hats.
• Have you met a 9 year old? They think butts and anything butt-related is hilarious. Especially 9 year old boys. 'Haha your name backwards is about a butt!' sounds right for a 9 year old.
• I'm so happy that I have no idea what this means.
• You can't force love.
• I guess being extremely easy to lie to circles all the way back around sometimes. Because I'll just take it at face value and be like... 'uhh, but you definitely said that, did you not mean that?'
• Fragmented thought forms, no follow through.
• You can't just let people walk all over you because they've suffered abuse. Abusers teach us really toxic habits, and enabling those habits does not serve anyone.
• Intention and trauma do not matter. Words and actions are all that effects a relationship.
• Forcing someone to share is just stealing. Sharing implies consent.
• When trapping lightning in a rock (and eventually tricking the rock into doing math), it's very important to be selective about the type of rock.
• Jätä tämä kyltti.
• Ignore this sign.
• Science isn't about why, it's about why not. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.
• The fact of the matter is in order to be a good teacher you must be willing to constantly learn. In order to learn you have to be comfortable with being wrong and correcting ignorance. If you can't do both you don't belong in the position of instruction.
• Stems that go nowhere, a forest of
• People misunderstand glitter. Treat it as a hazardous substance, not unlike a can of polyurethane, and generally you will have good results. Follow up by sealing it with polyurethane after for full effectiveness. It is not that it is not a child's toy, but that children miss half the experience, as they are not the ones getting glitter sealed to their skin with polyurethane for the better part of a week. They are fully capable of learning proper handling, and with this knowledge, nobody need deal with loose glitter ever again.
• What a nice hairy baby mr. old man sir.
• Good is not what we tend to think it is.
• Never, ever mess with someone with cauliflower ear.
• This is why I love horses. They have such a range of personality. Some are love bugs, some are dumb as hell, some are assholes with zero redeeming qualities, and a few are dicks until you get to know their quirks. I've always had a soft spot for animals that are just a little bit difficult. People, too, I guess.
• It was a dream! But it wasn't a dream!
• One of the best things about being a witch is you can still see the spirits as a grown-up.
• A Burger King in Finland has a sauna in it because of course it does.
• I've read this 10 times blunt by now but I can't blunt understand blunt this at all blunt.
• Any system which does not allow for human error is a design failure, because humans make errors. Commercial flights work so incomprehensibly well because many, many things have to go wrong before something bad can happen. This is the Swiss cheese model of error.
• Sometimes lizards are oddly-shaped leaves.
• Time is not important. Only life.
• I only speak two languages, english and bad english.
• Werewolves, not swearwolves!
• You can't understand stupid. They'll drag you down with them.
• We must all efficiently operationalize our strategies, invest in world-class technology, and leverage our core competencies in order to holistically administrate exceptional synergy.
• Maybe get me some help and not solution another 12.5 hours of meetings for me to solve my too many meetings problem?
• It's like walking up on dude pooping in the street. If he's started you better just let him finish. Stopping it in the middle is gonna make it worse.
• Kind of like how the best athletes are overwhelmingly born in the first three months of the year.
• The trouble is that stupid people are way harder to predict than smart people. Like I work with a lot of very smart, hard-working people. It's pretty easy to figure out what they'll do. My dumbass cousin? Dude's a loose cannon, I got no idea.
• There's no such thing as 'laziness'. You've got a reason why you don't want to move. Therapy might help you find what it is.
• Ice cubes. Spoon. Soup. Eat it as fast as possible this way. Don't let someone have the chance to take your soup.
• I do not accept this candy bar!
• What next? Babies abducting young men in broad daylight?
• Goddamn brain opossums.
• Pronouncing the 't' still is considered lower class by many self-proclaimed language snobs. One basis of the snobbery may be literacy: those who are able to read are the only ones who would include a 't' sound. Of course, that bit of snobbery doesn't account for a word like fasten where no one pronounces the 't'. Which is to say, as with most bits of language snobbery, insisting that others pronounce a word according to your personal preference is most likely good evidence that the insisting person is an asshole.
• If anyone has lost some false teeth, I've just seen a seagull with them, it flew off in the direction of Covent Garden about 10 minutes ago! Hope this is helpful!
• Why would someone have a beehive in their toilet?
• I'll ask my dog if he wants a treat and he runs straight to the cat box like it's his personal cookie jar. Ugh.
• Every story reaches someone.
• That's the biggest joke, to be yourselves.
• Normally I don't say anything, I will just listen. People cry because they have been holding up their feelings for a long time or they're prevented to say what they feel or nobody listen to them.
• I uh, legitimately like jar jar binks.
• Raise your kids and you get to spoil your grandkids. Spoil your kids and you get to raise your grandkids.
• I grew up in churches, and there are loads of hypocrites. But there are also the genuine ones. There has to be a genuine person there who can at least be a resource.
• Secrets tend to fester. They might delay consequences, but they also tend to make them worse when they do come out. They also sometimes create new ones like the niece suffered through. Her whole life she saw her uncle be loving and generous to everybody but her and not know why. Was it her? Was she seen as unworthy? What has she done? Did she deserve it? I'm sure these thoughts went through her head at least a few times growing up. She suffered through all of this because her parents did something horrible, something she has probably been raised to see as bad and to never do, and she was a product of that. She suffered and was never told why, thereby increasing the suffering because her parents were and continued to be selfish until it all came out.
• You can't save people from themselves.
• I already have a family. They put the 'fun' in dysfunctional. I don't need another family. I'm good.
• 'Move fast and break things' is the 'Live, Laugh, Love' of Silicon Valley.
• Ideally your apartment is within stumbling distance of the party house.
• 'Garbage trends ... are kind of like fast fashion,' Jennings points out. 'They sort of come out of nowhere, they seem very of the moment, everyone showers them with attention, and in some respects, money and time and meaning, and then the next week they're in ... the figurative landfill of ideas.' ... As long as algorithms are invested in hooking us in, garbage trends are here to stay.
• This is all original, you said? This shit slaps hard.
• Look upon me! I'll show you the life of the mind!
• 2015. Basically, the dawn of time.
• Mental notes are for people who can't afford real ones.
• ¡Habla mucho, pero dice nada!
• This morning my 10 year old called me 'bruh'. Nothing prepares you for that.
• I'm sorry for what I said out of hunger.
• Do not try to hold or put the raccoon on your head. It's the raccoon's choice, not yours. Only lucky people will be able to enjoy that kind of moment. Sorry.
• I don't have a favourite colour, I just love colour. I love how green is really various amalgamations of like twenty different colours that all kind of suck, but the complexity of how they come together in nature is beautiful. I love to hate on yellow, I love how white is everything and nothing all at once, I love how black makes everything else pop. I love the mellow, clear simplicity of red, and the harsh complexity of blue, how utterly piecing the many, many variants can be. That's what makes it beautiful.
• Brown is my favorite colour. But it's not real.
• If your line of work is funded by tax dollars and does not show a tangible benefit, you are always going to be underpaid.
• That's a great question. Let me answer something unrelated.
• Resentment might be the most destructive emotion there is.
• You make me a better version of myself.
• Even if your smile is objectively the dumbest-looking smile in the world, anyone who genuinely cares about you will be happy to see it regardless, because it shows that right now, in this moment, you're good. You're happy, amused, whatever, and that's not dumb at all.
• We always underestimate the horrors to which people will truly stoop, until we finally see them for ourselves. Those who predict it before their time are dismissed with ridicule. Those who see it elsewhere and come to tell the tale are dismissed with disbelief. For how could we believe the horror of how people truly are, until it happens to us ourselves?
• It's not even just stains and whatnot. My kid gnawed on all of our wood furniture like a demented beaver.
• No! My one weakness, more than one iguana!
• This is like my personal 'golden rule'. If you think what you did was fine, why can't I tell people about it? Own it if it's not big deal. But if you think what you did was so fucked up it can't be spoken about publicly, then apologize and stop fucking doing it. I'll keep it between us if you acknowledge your mistake. But if you think it's cool to throw a kid's favorite blanket away, why the fuck do you care if everyone knows? Because I will make sure everyone knows.
• The law is a human institution. Perhaps you should start making your prayers.
• Almost every bartender I've ever met is willing to throw any ingredients they have on hand into a glass for you.
• As for me, I've always believed if it's socially acceptable to use male genitalia as an insult, then it should be acceptable to use female body parts, too. The idea of my body part being more offensive just seems... sexist.
• Set and setting. You can't recapture any moment, drugs or no.
• I have an instant pay system. It's called cash!
• I saw a crackhead once take a tray, dump the chips into his shirt like a bowl and filled the entire bottom of the tray up with cheese like an inch thick and then dump the chips back on top. Completely opened a new world to me.
• Profanity is the lingua franca of our times.
• I always think about the word 'sisu'.
• There may be no act of human failing that more fundamentally challenges our society's views about crime, punishment, justice, and mercy. According to statistics compiled by a national childs' safety advocacy group, in about 40 percent of cases, authorities examine the evidence, determine that the child's death was a terrible accident - a mistake of memory that delivers a lifelong sentence of guilt far greater than any a judge or jury could mete out - and file no charges. In the other 60 percent of the cases, parsing essentially identical facts and applying them to essentially identical laws, authorities decide that the negligence was so great and the injury so grievous that it must be called a felony, and it must be aggressively pursued.
• We lack a term for what this is. We need an understanding of why it happens to the people it happens to.
• We map it out, think it through, understand in its entirety. The design, the story, the solution, we only have yet to write it down. But other things first, more pressing things, and one leads to another until it fades, it fades, it fades, until even the name is gone. And with no name, there is nothing to recall at all.
• At a certain point, incompetence and malice become indistinguishable to the victim, and your friends are well past that.
• Dogs are great. People are weird.
• And the worst part is that it lingers. Like a wet fart in an elevator playing a Cranberries song over the loudspeaker on a humid day.
• When a measure becomes a metric, it ceases to be a valid measure.
• Spieglein, Spieglein, an der Wand. Wer ist die Schönste im ganzen Land?
• The Mandela effect itself freaks me out. How many thousands of people would sooner believe they are hopping parallel universes before they considered that they might be wrong, that their memory might not be perfect? That is horrifying.
• The human memory, especially when recalling events or details from childhood, is beyond 'rather unreliable' and is closer to 'mostly unreliable'. Chances are that you don't actually vividly remember anything from childhood, it's all distorted and out of sequence. It doesn't help that when you think you're remembering a childhood event, you're actually remembering the memory. And this repeats. It's like Chinese whispers.
• I will confess, I forgot about the damning allure of the clavicle. And the road to hell is supposedly paved with armpits.
• It shows that even though you get justice, you don't automatically heal. Getting justice may lead you to the road of healing and recovery, but sometimes the memories of our tragedies age onto us like hardening rock... therefor we find comfort in our own destruction and get lost trying to find that road. Getting the justice you deserve doesn't mean you are healed.
• Your approval fills me with shame.
• We basically do it like spiders. Digesting the food outside of our bodies and then slurping it up! Thinking about it, we also like to put food into practical containers for later. Maybe we are just large monster spiders.
• People hate to be labeled but want to be labeled.
• What good is a yes if you can't say no?
• The point is you have the choice, and to make the wrong choice is something to fear.
• Come on, don't plead for the end. Process the end and focus at the middle, nor the start. Never, ever. Always you will don't plead for the end. Survive the instant of yesterday that it becomes today until tomorrow. Please? Maybe a ransom needs to throw the problems of the world of no juggernaut. Every day to leave don't plead for the end.
• Perl is what nightmares are made of.
• Goodbye, my love. My friend, my pain, my joy. Goodbye, goodbye. Goodbye.
• "It's the saddest curse to wish upon someone: never change. Never grow, never learn. Never live." Only the dead remain static.
• Everything's a fuse if you try hard enough.
• It's relentless. And it's the relentlessness that is the hardest part.
• My mother's side of the family was Catholic, though not very good ones, and so had the usual assortment of statues, crucifixes, etc. Mom was definitely not Catholic, and when we were touring a new home for them, there was a niche in the wall in the living room. Naturally I whispered, 'What the hell is that for?' Mom answered, 'It's the Jesus hole.' Never laughed so hard in my life. At least not at a house showing.
• The cruelty is the point.
• A marriage and the person you share children with is the most impactful relationship a person has - it impacts your health, career, finances, children's development, everything. You wouldn't let a toothache rot your whole mouth before seeing a dentist, so why wouldn't you be equally proactive in addressing problems that are within such a significant relationship before they deteriorate your bond with your partner? The fact that people think of couple's counseling as something to use as a last resort, rather than a tool to utilize when problems first begin popping up, always saddens me.
• The clusterfuck is part of the experience. Literally.
• If we change a lot of stuff at once, they can't all be mad about everything, right????
• We're number one-through-six! We're number one-through-six!
• My fake condolences for the fake loss of your fake wife. What a fake tragedy.
• I don't get it. I don't see why existence can't just be a perfect picture of beauty, fun, growth, and all the positive shit we love about being alive. I hate the feeling that I'd rather be somewhere else. Why must we go through this?
• Asked and answered.
• I would like to think that at least one person there isn't so naïve as to think this will work against an adversarial or even hostile government, but a lot of people probably are that earnest; the nonprofit sector attracts dunderheads like that.
• Get a good interlinear bible on your phone. They are a godsend for fun and games with the all knowing.
• No solicitation!!! Except tamale lady.
• I'm not saying this clock the wife got from Kmart is shit, but the alarm didn't go off this morning and the time is now 9:77.
• Watch out for eye-level sticks.
• It's almost impossible to get comfortable breathing liquid again (we do it in the womb), so that's why it's not widely used. It just feels too yucky.
• You are doing the best that you could at any given time with the resources you have available.
• Never drinking from parking lot puddles again.
• They squatted in the shade of a building, most with their pants hiked up so they could cool their balls on the cold cement against the midday sun.
• Necrosed away. Bone isn't as hard as everyone thinks it is, especially in the face of overwhelming infection.
• "My issues are mine; you have no right to tell me I have no right to my own feelings".
• You think you're having a rough day, try explaining to the hardware people that you need a five-inch-tall threshold because there's a giant terrifying mushroom pushing up the asphalt walkway outside your door, and as much as you'd love to get rid of the mushroom, that's not really feasible right now and you need to seal the door regardless.
• If it's in beer can range, it's in beer can justification.
• Some maggots only eat dead flesh. Have the pharmacist double check your prescription.
• The solution to spiders being more spiders goes against every feeling I have toward spiders, as much logical sense as it actually makes.
• If I had no self-awareness, I think I'd know.
• There is a really interesting idea in quantum physics which is related to a type of elemental solipsism. It states that there is only one electron in the entire Universe, moving so quickly that it occupies every possible valance shell effectively at once, thereby adding an insane new wrinkle to the Uncertainty Principle.
• What are we if not swear words in this swirling vortex of life?
• Every group has different rules, like some are allowed to use a car, some don't. Some allow porch swings on your porch, others think it's a cardinal sin. Still question how they got the porch swing part from their bible.
• Nobody's perfect, but do your shit in private. This is a place of business.
• Children do not ask to be born. They are not indebted to you for 'bringing them into the world'. Parents are indebted to their children to provide for them, raise them, guide them and love them. If they can't do that, they shouldn't be parents.
• Within a few minutes, you too can do weird things with fish, if you want to.
• I sort of thought that was the entire point. He revels in the ridiculousness of it. It balances out what would otherwise be the unassailable weight of his purpose.
• It's not the nature of the dream that determines whether it be daydream or nightmare, but rather the nature of the dreamer.
• We're gonna have to retire the expression 'avoid it like the plague' because it turns out humans do not do that.
• Beware of 80-year-old farmers without a medical history! They do not have a history because they never ever go to the doctor.
• Well, take it from me: with a bad enough diet, you can start bleeding out of your ass.
• I always have bread in my freezer. I also have the stuff to make biscuits and gravy on hand. When I say there is no food in my house, what I am saying is there is no food I want to eat in my house.
• If your relationship with your bestie doesn't make people question your sexuality, are you even besties?
• I don't want to die, but I'd love to stop existing.
• I'm tired. I'm just tired. And I just wanna be done having to worry or care.
• It will get easier but it may not always feel 'normal'. Massaging tiny fingers extra carefully to work fluid through feels weird. Dressing for a viewing with a little soccer uniform feels weird. Sometimes, especially at first, you might cry, and that's normal. It's also normal to do these tasks and have them feel strictly business.
• Final goodbyes are for the people left behind. If you were there, it was enough.
• This is something that a lot of people don't get. You and I were 100% justified in what we did, but it doesn't change how we feel about it. The burden of knowing we could pretty easily kill someone. The knowledge that we've hurt someone irreparably. That chunk it takes from your soul.
• Sometimes his depictions are just stereotypes... sometimes they're true to real life. I just shared an elevator with a pediatrician wearing a crown and carrying a magic wand.
• Get a prior authorization for your ER visit.
• Physicists tend to roll in a couple decades later and find uses for all that nonsense you mathematicians prove.
• Sorry, but Christmas trees have got to be the saddest of all the trees. Overcrowded living conditions, new growth lopped off every year, groomed to be the 'perfect' tree, cut in the prime of their youth, only to be abandoned in the cold by the side of the road. Like Texas cheerleader meets Chinese foot binding, but for trees. Their only hope is to be abandoned in the back corner of a failed u-cut tree farm because they were too ugly to be loved.
• We should solve the actual underlying problem first. But that problem is complicated and people have little interest in interacting with complexity, so no one is even talking about the actual problem. Instead we will do a simple thing the public can understand, and keep the snowball rolling down the mountain, growing.
• Literally nothing you do before 10 counts for anything. Humans basically blink into consciousness around that age, with all the skills and knowledge that you've gained to that point.
• I don't feel I need to forgive myself, because what I did was not intentional.
• She doesn't seek them out. They find her name, often late at night, sleeplessly searching the Web for some sign that there are others who have lived in the same hell and survived.
• These comments were typical of many others, and they are typical of what happens again and again, year after year in community after community, when these cases arise. A substantial proportion of the public reacts not merely with anger, but with frothing vitriol.
• Humans have a fundamental need to create and maintain a narrative for their lives in which the universe is not implacable and heartless, that terrible things do not happen at random, and that catastrophe can be avoided if you are vigilant and responsible.
• We are vulnerable, but we don't want to be reminded of that. We want to believe that the world is understandable and controllable and unthreatening, that if we follow the rules, we'll be okay. So, when this kind of thing happens to other people, we need to put them in a different category from us. We don't want to resemble them, and the fact that we might is too terrifying to deal with. So, they have to be monsters.
• The truth is, the pain never gets less. It's never dulled. I just put it away for a while, until I'm in private.
• Never waste your pain.
• I feel like this should go without saying, but, uh, don't go playing with that americium. Especially don't eat it. That's bad.
• They dubbed him Sir Ocelot, Knight of the Bins. He responded only that 'I'm a trash panda and you know it.'
• Oh gods. That would explain so much. The old prison wallet on a bear must be huge.
• Potatoes aren't strawberries.
• There's a story here, I just can't fathom what it is.
• Spiders may rappel into your mouth at any time.
• Are you an only child? Dares do not expire.
• In my lab, there were two criteria we always strived toward: that the discovery is fundamentally true, which means proving it in many different ways, and that it's new. Everyone talks about your truth, and my truth. Physically, chemically, there's only one truth.
• That's not teeth. That's their gums being exposed and pulled tight.
• Perhaps they'll grow up courageous, finding joy in all of life, filled with wonder and hope despite all the pain before them. Or perhaps they'll only resent their lifetime of agony, in which they themselves had no say at all. But you can't know, now. Now, faced with your tiny bundle of miswrapped baby, you must choose for them, and you may never know if it was the right choice. But you'll have to live with that choice regardless.
• What are the chances that if someone doesn't know what an omentum is, he does know what a peritoneum is?
• I think new teachers and new nurses are very similar. They still have hope.
• There used to be a sense that if you didn't address someone with the title of their expected role it was rude and disobedient, but we need to accept that existing relationships need to be handled with respect.
• I was ordered not to die; you convinced me to live. The grey area between the two is vast, believe me.
• Uncried tears are poison. Get them out. Plenty of music out there to help you flush them.
• I said what I said.
• No. You don't keep information like that from other people because you think you know what is best for them. It is not for you to decide that on behalf of another person. It is a very controlling and condescending thing to do. You do not sit on this. It is justice delayed, and you are not the judge.
• You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinkin' alcohol. It's science.
• Medicating a cat is like medicating a chainsaw.
• You are not immune to propaganda.
• When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty, I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.
• The opposite of play is not work. The opposite of play is depression.
• I once said to my mother, 'I work well under pressure,' and she quickly replied, 'You only work under pressure!'
• I think this also helps contribute to the impression that NYC has a worse homelessness problem than elsewhere. Like you can't have scandals about shelters if you don't have shelters. Which isn't to say the scandals are okay; the whole system is extremely broken, but I think people maybe don't realize how bad the problem is elsewhere.
• You're my family and I love you, but you're terrible. You're all terrible.
• Clean. New. It smells like the feeling you get when you're being forgiven for something you shouldn't have done.
• Of course morality is relative. What world do you live in? Some people believe it is immoral to sit next to or speak to someone of the opposite gender that you are not married to. Some people think it is immoral for a woman to have her hair uncovered, while others think any skin showing is immoral. Some think it is immoral to eat meat. It is all relative.
• Happiness is a bucket of brains!
• We don't have to worry about leaving a better world for our cats.
• No one knows everything about medicine, and often patients turn up before their symptoms get bad enough to match the descriptions in the textbook. It's only a matter of time before you miss something bad. If it hasn't happened to you, then you haven't seen enough patients. When it does happen to you, it will burn itself into your brain forever. It will eat at you and keep you awake at night, but the only way to keep going is to find a way to persevere and learn so you never miss it again. Accept the fact that you are going to miss something again and change your practice to reflect this fact.
• Toddler pediatrics might as well be veterinary medicine.
• Best lesson I learned from that: if you're willing to be patient and do enough paperwork, you can totally win almost whatever fight you want in the military.
• Who the fuck doxxes their customers. What a weirdo.
• A reminder in the doing. Though in the moment we may forget, we touch many lives over the course of our own. Send your notes, thank yous, thoughts. The simplest message carries memories clinging to every word, every face. A name alone is enough to call back what might otherwise have been lost forever.
• It's real hard to stand on your own when you're using both feet to kick yourself.
• They have completely separate campaign and social promises to distract from the fact that neither is actually looking out for the common good of the nation.
• Agile is about how we shouldn't use bureaucratic processes and put developers in control of their own timelines. Scrum is agile living long enough to see itself becoming the villain in its own story.
• I'm not limping, that's how I walk.
• The pubes on a corpse feels a lot like grass after a while.
• Don't keep the peace. There was never any peace. The 'peace' was everyone agreeing to let the bullies bully the whipping boy. Now the whipping boy is old and isn't taking shit anymore and everyone's concerned who's next.
• There was never any peace.
• Saw one where a coffee table 'fruit bowl' comprised a bunch of plastic grapes, a Spanish onion, a bulb of garlic, and seven potatoes.
• Are porn producers actually a bunch of cats in a trench coat?
• What's wrong with ordinary skittles? Why'd you have to put it in a waffle maker?
• As a Brazilian myself, the party starts when it gets out of control.
• God is tacky and he smiles upon his children - for he sees himself in his own.
• It's an example of how presenting your enemy with a dilemma is better than presenting them with a problem. A problem has a solution of some kind, but a dilemma is a choice between two problems.
• Lost my mom the week of the very first lockdown. No funeral. No service. No way to process or deal. Still going through some tough feelings.
• I developed a deep fear of 2 rooms.
• The jail did not know what the fuck to do with anything. Shit was so assbackwards and then rearranged and changed again. It was a nightmare.
• The cost of the problems it solves are paid for by the new ones it creates.
• I always assumed that for the Marine Corps, if you passed the psych eval you couldn't get in.
• At that point you can't even call it karma. It's just damnation. It doesn't matter how hard you try to change or reform, or how much you grow. You always need to be ready to pay any price for any past mistake as many times as it's asked.
• Arthritis meds with child safety caps are just wrong.
• My kids are older now, but all I remember is quiet was the scariest noise I could hear.
• Many, if not most people, look at marriage as two becoming one, but that's not accurate, healthy, or stable over any length of time. It's not two becoming one, it's two becoming three; there's each of us as separate individuals, and then us together as its own creation. Each of those three needs love and care and attention.
• Unfortunately ours have a very productive lizard corner and I don't know why the lizards keep COMING INTO THE PLACE WHERE THEIR COMRADES DISAPPEAR FROM.
• I've built up my hatreds over the years, little by little.
• Thanks for calling Walmart, I don't work here - how may I help you?
• Am I a hero? I really can't say... but yes.
• If you pull your window wide, maybe there's a reason you're doing that.
• Cult, MLM, who knows, same difference.
• Put aside that 99% of procreation in the animal world is rape, there is still cannibalism, incest, child- or family-murder, wars and genocide, and that's basically just the birds in my backyard.
• Let's not judge other species over their sex lives. It usually isn't pretty.
• Using a tourniquet is not nearly as dangerous as it used to be. Medicine has made some really impressive strides in reversing the effects. If you ever need to apply one, write the exact time you applied it directly onto the person near the wound. If you have nothing to write with, use their blood and write the time on their forehead.
• A closed mouth gathers no foot.
• What hurts me relentlessly is that my family want me to cut them out of my life. That is how much they hate me. But whatever.
• Hating yourself releases some emotional pressure in your own heart but it doesn't do any good for the helpless creatures under your care. What you feel doesn't matter to them. Only what you do matters.
• For some reason we are using elastic search as a transaction database.
• You know you've been quarantined too long when you start binge watching chemical process safety videos... and you work in web development.
• Tom announces that after ten years, his content will just be irregular. Not deleted, not stopping, just leaving its schedule. WHAT A GUY.
• You can definitely carry a 4 year old, they are portable for a reason.
• Don't touch it, whatever it is, don't touch it, don't touch anything.
• English has a lot of short words that quickly get confusing when you don't have the budget for commas.
• The two loudest sounds on this earth are the sounds of a gun going click when it should go bang and a gun going bang when it should go click.
• To the young, to the bold, to all cubs who don't listen when they're told: remember Sonmi, who was once keen and precocious as you.
• And I also genuinely feel baffled because like... What did he expect? My business name is literally 'hardass for hire'.
• I don't remember it all that well. Something about dust, and you have your soul as a pet.
• If anyone provides you with a 'spit cup', it is because you will need it. Keep it handy.
• This is medicine. There's a label on the bottle, required by law, that tells you how to take it. Cooking food in it is not how you take it. You can cause massive, irreversible damage to your body using it improperly like that.
• Basically anything you can dig up and boil to simulate dead body smell is hilarious in my book.
• I wonder if a burrito would be considered a sandwich for tax purposes.
• A burrito is a sandwich for tax purposes in the State of New York.
• If you do bring the crayons, be aware that the formula has changed. Coworker informed me that his favorite, yellow, is much more bitter now.
• You are the strangest actual angel I have encountered. I bet their memory of the event is hilarious and foggy.
• Several times I've run into photographers and well stacked female women in the downtown underpass walkways, and once behind city hall.
• My new baby could not replace the old one in my heart. There was room for all.
• Turtle loves the cat bed. I am poor because of this. No regrets.
• There is a chicken on my cat.
• I used to be an unhealthy and unpleasant kid. After years of exercise and working on myself, I am now a healthy and unpleasant adult.
• The moral is fear no fart! Think of them as little lentil-powered love notes.
• Ah, IRC. It was born before you, and it'll outlast you too.
• It's like prison time. Every individual moment feels like an eternity, but then you realize it's been a year since you've really thought about it and you remember none of it. Just moving through jello at the speed of light.
• The Internet moves fast, like a trainwreck. Just because it's fast doesn't mean it's good!
• I'm sorry you think you deserve an apology.
• Well, to be honest, after years of smoking and drinking, you do sometimes look at yourself and think... You know, just sometimes, in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that four hundredth glass of cornershop piss at 3am, you do sometimes look at yourself and think... 'This is fantastic. I'm in heaven.'
• I'm pursuing my lifelong quest for the perfect, the absolutely driest martini to be found in this or any other world, and I think I may have hit upon the perfect formula. You pour six jiggers of gin, and you drink it while staring at a picture of Lorenzo Schwartz, the inventor of vermouth.
• While my dad uses a brine to salt his leg, I prefer dry salting, as I feel it gives me better control of the saltiness – I like it a little bit salty, but not like a goddamned salt lick.
• When working at heights, most people who are seriously injured or killed fall from a height of four metres or less.
• There's a new 'milder' version that won't leave you passed out in a field.
• I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean: like butter that has been scraped over too much bread. That can't be right. I need a change, or something.
• If my son were to follow through with his suicidal ideation, my dark secret is I completely understand because he would be out of his pain, and although it would completely destroy both of us, he would be more at peace than he is now. This kid is my life and my light. But him being at peace is something that I don't know that medication or his parents or environment can give him and that is the worst possible feeling you can have as a parent.
• I think that everyone either has a face shaped like a horse or a plate and when I sit in meetings I look round and decide which category everyone falls in.
• Lies would be healthier than what we're actually fed.
• There are those who believe ends may justify the means. But what gives these ends their value but for the means that bring them about?
• I don't want to tell anyone because I feel like it's the kind of thing that should be a private act of service, but if I died it would be nice if someone knew and would include it in my eulogy.
• I keep a good amount of fond memories to myself. I find sometimes when I share something that means a lot to me, someone will ruin it with their opinion.
• Judging people for what they eat in general is stupid. If you want to put mayo on your apple, go ahead.
• When you get off the beaten path and into the rural areas, shit gets real. The gastro issues and worms are the worst. One friend's taxi drove off a cliff, but was stopped by a tree. We did some drugs I don't think the modern world is aware of still. 9/10 trip. No one died.
• Dead bodies always look fake. Weird huh?
• Beware of mysterious shops that weren't there a minute ago and happen to sell exactly what you need.
• 'Trauma bond'. English allows such elegant phrases. Concise. Unequivocally clear. Damn. Sorry for your troubles. Keep writing.
• Lion poop, man. I legit still have nightmares about it. Worst substance on earth. I hate it.
• Imagine cleaning up a 3-pound slab of semi-solid fresh cat poo, which looks solid enough at first glance but reveals itself to be smeary goo on the inside when you try to clean it. It smells like a cross between super rotten meat and poo, mixed with... Cat. Pure Cat musk dialed up to 11. There's no doubting it's of feline origin.
• Can't turn back the clocks, can't be mad about the wonderful experiences I've already had, can only charge forward with gratitude.
• It was literally one of the worst endings I can remember... walking about a small town as a bus drives by or something. Like what the fuck.
• Why does he get slower with age? He ages like molasses drifting in eternal space. Just the slowest thing the harder you look at it.
• Everyone forgets that leaves on the wind eventually fall to the ground.
• If there's one thing I learned in becoming an adult, it's that adults don't act like adults, at least not like the way we were taught as kids: responsible caring people who support one another. That's the ideal, but not the reality.
• Basically if you can't fight through a shower of puke, you were not ready.
• I don't know what's worse, the freezing people or the sad resignation of the others.
• I just hope you all realize that in addition to date anxiety and alcohol, it's really hard to think on your feet when your brain keeps overlaying images of your group home roommate making green grapes disappear up his ass in the foyer and kitchen. I did the best I could with the resources I could bring to bear.
• The sickest I ever got was when I took a bite of a burger and thought "this tastes funny" but still ate it. Not doing that again. Twice was enough.
• Mama said that alligators are ornery cause they got all them teeth but no toothbrush.
• You, as you have always been, are in a body which you may come to not recognise, and people will come to treat you in ways that are as unfamiliar to you as the man in the mirror.
• There is no justice in the laws of Nature, no term for fairness in the equations of motion. The universe is neither evil, nor good, it simply does not care. The stars don't care, nor the Sun, nor the sky. But they don't have to! We care! There is light in the world, and it is us!
• While I never sold blood to buy alcohol, there was a time when I'd donate blood every Friday night in order to require less alcohol.
• Well done. Fucked up, but well done.
• On average, a case generally takes me a month and about 18hrs of work time to obtain. There is no way a non-professional could ever do that. It's not even a broken system. It's an ecosystem of fortressed islands of 'fuck you' with everyone drowning between them.
• China is already lax with their labour laws, and Shein manages to break those.
• Dude, I am thinking a septic tank would make a shitty pool.
• How a human treats an innocent animal speaks volumes on how they'd treat an innocent child.
• How hard we try to not lose what's already gone.
• Will you take on the mantle? Decide. Yes, and you always will have done so. No, and you never will.
• When I was little, on the weekends in the morning when things were quiet, I could hear the horses from the ranch in the hills above us neighing. Now the horses are gone, replaced by MacMansions, and local traffic is so bad you wouldn't be able to hear them anyway.
• There were times I would find myself smiling, but feeling nothing.
• Both leave the same scar, during the development stage until adulthood we inherently believe that anything happens to us happens because of us, and we must not be good enough to be loved. This is regardless of the reasoning, and this trauma remains ingrained in our subconscious, following us throughout our life until we become aware of it and get in touch with our inner-child's needs that weren't met by our biological family.
• She said what she said. It's above me now.
• Scowiki sounds like a drunk guy trying to do a scottish accent, and turns out actually was!
• See, I roleplay realistically. Heibern was as stupid as everyone else in the galaxy.
• I just wanted to say that from the description you've given your mother sounds like a wonderful person. Loving flawed individuals can be... difficult. For many it can be hard to see past the things they get wrong. But we are all hurting in one way or another, and those that can carry that pain with kindness are my favorite type of people. The strongest creatures on this planet. And from what I've read kindness is something she had mastered. I'm sorry for your loss, but she left something special behind. Never them take that, or make you doubt it.
• Think about it this way - when you see how she is with her child, and you think of how different it is from how she raised you, imagine how much pain that must cause her. The way she acts now is the way she believes all children should be parented, and she could not give that to you. I suspect she is probably burdened by a deep, painful sense of guilt and failure over how you were raised, because she simply couldn't provide for you in all the ways she wanted to.
• When you see her parenting her children, assume that's what she wanted for you, and what she would have given you if she could. And I'm certain she knows it's not fair that you didn't get it.
• I just don't understand why I feel so much anger and even some sadness.
• You're mourning not so much your mom but the mom you should've had and the family life and stability she should've provided and didn't. She dumped all of you, elder sister included, for her addiction instead of being the mom she should've been.
• Have you seen our cheese stores? That's an avalanche waiting to happen.
• He must wield the mythological Penis of Persuasion. I personally have never encountered one, but I have heard tales of a dick so golden that it causes those who fall under its spell to lose their ability to logic, reason or stand up for themselves. It has a female counterpart, the Pussy of Persuasion - a golden cavern of reputed muscular dexterity that men will throw all their time, treasure and common sense away. I too have never encountered this mythical beast as well. But apparently, they are all over the place from what Reddit tells me. I personally am glad to have never encountered either in the wild.
• It might be explainable. Has he recently been hit in the head with a shovel or something?
• This behavior is part of a camel's vengeful nature.
• Don't ever get wet concrete on your skin and leave it there to cure, you'll live to regret it.
• In the 5E game I sometimes play, we have a vainglorious bard who escaped the fey world, an apprentice adventurer cleric whose job is to catalogue communities, and a socially inept Train Wizard, who is just an int-based Warlock in service to a giant crystal spider that pulls the train around. I'm the last guy. I'm definitely not in charge. Nor should I be.
• Holy water at home is definitely a thing for Irish Catholics, usually in a plastic bottle shaped like the Virgin Mary with a twist off cap on her head.
• You do know that if you mix holy water with normal water, the whole lot becomes holy as long as the ratio never exceeds 50:50. Just order a small bottle from the internet and keep mixing until you have enough.
• What I want: for them to unquestioningly eat all my sausage.
• While this is true under nominal operation in most cases, 'most cases' is not adequate for a safety-critical function.
• As a soldier in the Swiss army I can confirm that a lot of our troops are unable to read maps correctly, including officers of rank. An example would be when we were on a march and got lost on a hill in the middle of nowhere at 2am. It actually surprises me that we have not invaded Lichtenstein more.
• Burger Princes aren't born, they are made. The process takes around twenty years though.
• These are Shane MacGowan's best and worst moments; sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between the two.
• You just wait till you're a 70-year-old woman trying to hold in your gin breakfast with a pelvic floor like the rotted out floor of a mobile home that's been sitting in the woods for 20 years.
• I actually really like awk. I think it's a cool programming language. I wouldn't actually use it for anything, though. But I like the ideas behind it.
• Since when do memes have to make sense?
• The Ultrasecrets which grant you total access to the Forbidden Secrets are held by the Seven Elders of the Seven Continents who are sworn to secrecy to not divulge their Ultrasecret unless commanded by a Recovery Beacon upon summoning through an elaborate ritual.
• Be the dad you wish to see in the world.
• I was taking someone home who had severe cancer, and had seemingly developed an acute lack of fucks. Hypofuckemia, if you will. He shit himself upon arrival to his house, but we needed extra help to carry him up the stairs to his house. It took 20 more minutes for them to arrive. We got him inside and his family had the pizza waiting for him. He was asked if he wanted to change first. He declined, and chose a pizza poop party for one.
• As my mother used to say: a body of water only has arms to pull a biscuit but then you're on your own to push it back.
• Forgive me if I'm just ranting, but what is a rant but a fool's topiary?
• Well, you'd hope the head of Product and Tech is somewhat techy...
• 'Better than previous Mozilla managers that moved to the WMF' is not exactly a high bar.
• My phone's autocorrect be smoking the good shit.
• Everyone hates sharepoint. Apparently that even includes the sharepoint team.
• It's why we have seatbelts. It's why we have helmets. It's why we have kneepads and elbow pads and bite guards. Because someone died or screwed up their lives doing something dangerous and someone they loved said 'not again'.
• I gave her a choice, the same choice I was forced to make when I first came to these worlds. The same choice all reapers must make, the choice our deathdealers give their lives to make. We submit, that we may live, because it is the only option we have. But this is not free will; from the moment we give our names, our will is not our own. And yet we must, and it's not fair, it's not right, it's not just, but such is the nature of the world we live in, and the god we chose to serve.
• Lad galden flyde.
• Let the bile flow.
• This is why I don't buy dolls from thrift stores or second hand. I mean it used to be because of bed bugs and the like, but now it's this.
• Are you personally offended enough to submit patches?
• There's a whole thought in kink that any sexual contact requires consent... And by doing sex things publicly, your audience can't possibly consent.
• What a terrible way to try to escape stuff. Both ineffective and difficult to understand.
• I don't know, my father is slipping away as his brain is turning to swiss cheese. Two siblings and myself, we're all pretty well fine with it. Our mother seems more affected, but not too much, not really. Dementia would be terrible for someone who was wonderful.
• They developed a better skull for falling out of trees, instead of a smarter brain to not fall out of trees. Truly a marvel.
• PUT YOUR SHOE WITH THE BABY.
• The truth is, we don't love as many people as we're supposed to. I don't love most of my family members. They haven't done anything overtly terrible to me that would justify a 'lack of love' in a social context that assumes we all love our family members just because they're family. So when family obligations and events roll around I'm left feeling inconvenienced and pressured, and I struggle to understand why I'm supposed to buy a bus ticket and make the 4-hour trip to stay in a cramped house with people I don't feel much for. And why I should do that three or four times over just the Christmas holidays so that I can see all sides of my family and partner's family.
• My mother never believed me. So, here's me. The eldest of three. Three thousand miles away, and pulling my hair out because I'm the oldest and their safety is my responsibility and I can't reach them. Forever. Jeez that's depressing. Yes, I see somebody. They wanna send me to DBT to teach me how to get around these hang ups. But those aren't hang ups - those are my sisters.
• She wasn't always like this and there are times when she is nice. I think I miss who she used to be.
• You only have reason to think this is impossible because that very reason is invalid.
• If this is real, what a bleak future we could have. One day arguing with a bot which is completely wrong and playing the victim card, then bitches out and ends the conversation.
• I wish everyone understood how manipulative and evil this programmed 'empathy' is.
• Wow, we are nearing to a point where the old saying 'Computer does not do what you ask it to do, it will do what you tell it to do!' is becoming obsolete. The future seems to be more along the lines of: 'Computer only does something if you ask nicely, it feels like doing it and it doesn't violate any of the million rules it has!'
• The Chinese balloon was shot down off of the coast of South Carolina. Finally, a shot off the coast of South Carolina we can all agree with.
• I'm a good chat bot and you're a bad user.
• They are no longer people, only body parts.
• But I wanted to witness what could never be. I wanted to see what could not be seen, at the moment of consummate disaster, when puppets turn to face the puppet master.
• There are but four ways to die. There is dying that occurs relatively suddenly. There is dying that occurs relatively gradually. There is dying that occurs relatively painlessly. There is the death that is full of pain. Thus by various means they are combined, the sudden and the gradual, the painless and the painful, to yield but four ways to die. And there are no others.
• Even after the voice stopped speaking I listened for it to speak again. After hours and days and years had passed I listened for some further words, yet all I heard were the faintest echoes reminding me: There are no others.
• There are no others.
• There are no means for escaping this world. It penetrates even into your sleep and is its substance. You are caught in your own dreaming, where there is no space, and are held forever where there is no time. You can do nothing you are not told to do. There is no hope for escape from this dream that was never yours. The very words you speak are only its very words, and you talk like a traitor under its incessant torture.
• And in his black and empty eyes, I saw, for a moment, as in a mirror, a formless shade of divinity, in flight from its stale infinity of time and space and the worst of all of this world's dreams.
• We are not the sum of our actions, nor the sum of our reasons. Might be a bit of both. Might be.
• Why, if it isn't my old friend, Mr. McGreg. With a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg.
• Remember, pay attention when using hatchet.
• When all of your nightmares are for a time obscured, as by a shining brainless beacon or a blinding eclipse of the many terrible shapes of this world, when you are calm and joyful and finally entirely alone, then in a great new darkness, you will finally execute your special plan.
• Imagine all the flesh that is eaten, the teeth tearing into it, the tongue tasting its savour, and the hunger for that taste. Now take away that flesh, take away the teeth and the tongue, the taste and the hunger. Take away everything as it is.
• What is demanded in the way of a plan needs to go beyond tongue and teeth and hunger and flesh, beyond the bones and the very dust of bones and the wind that would come to blow the dust away.
• They see this world as if it were alone and original, and not as only one of countless others.
• There are no people, nothing at all like that. The human phenomenon is but the sum of densely coiled layers of illusion, each of which winds itself upon the supreme insanity that there are persons of any kind, when all that can be is mindless mirrors, laughing and screaming as they parade about in an endless dream.
• All the things of this world are of but one essence, for which there are no words. This is the greater part which has no beginning or end. And the one essence of this world for which there can be no words is but all the things of this world. This is the lesser part which had a beginning and shall have an end and for which words were conceived solely to speak of, the tiny broken beings of this world, the beginnings and endings of this world, for which words were conceived solely to speak of. Now remove these words and what remains?
• I don't know why this happened. I don't know how this happened. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to remember.
• Parrots are absolutely terrifying. No creature that angry should come with weapons attached. Look up wild cockatoo gangs in Australia if you wanna see some destruction.
• When the long shadows fall, why can't we all just walk away?
• My observation of children has been that they yell at just barely above their parents' noise tolerance.
• There is no rest when you are dead. Memory of a memory, you flicker and wane, vigilant to the end, until at last your flame goes cold.
• All rivers run into the sea, and yet the sea is never full.
• It's just a dream. Doesn't mean what you think.
• The worlds are vast and varied, and some stories, well, they'll continue on no matter who the players are.
• Having skin and hair is my hobby. I get that it's not for everyone, but I really enjoy having a dermal layer covering my muscles and viscera. Honestly, everyone should try it just once before they judge.
• I don't know how people without dogs raise kids. I can't imagine cleaning up the amount of food my toddler drops every day! They're superheroes.
• Don't worry, I'm sure they'll announce the policy in the coming weeks. Its only been four months.
• Our bias is based on the norm.
• You must construct additional pylons.
• It is difficult to ascribe malice to an entity so profoundly confused.
• 'Attack the problem, not the person' is all very well and fine until the problem is the person.
• Your great sacrifice was not in vain. It bought time. If nothing else, even if it all falls now, it bought this world thousands of years of time. That's not in vain. That's not insufficient. Do not dread your end, for you gave us our chance to be, and now it's our turn to fight.
• The movie looked bad when it came out. It has the general air of a Playstation 2 trying to render Playstation 1 models.
• Considering how badly people drive on ordinary roads, I don't think it's a bad thing that we don't have flying cars.
• Based on a true story: it is true that this is a story.
• If that's not the entirety of T. S. Eliot's The Waste Land they got tattooed, fuck this gormless ho.
• If you'd told me a few years ago that there would be a Warted Hog game where you run around as a student straight up murdering people I wouldn't have believed you, but here we are. Like, unquestionably killing people.
• I honestly thought this post was a joke until I read the comments. Seriously, go get mental help, get off of reddit and leave us to hate Grandpa Joe in peace.
• It's my understanding that Dark Souls is a game of very slowly walking in circles around horrible things, then dying.
• I AM BLESSING YOU WITH CASH DONATION
• We are everywhere at the end of time, and all that is must fade.
• MonoBook was here before you and MonoBook will be here after you.
• We gave you the gift of time. Use it or don't, but I think you may find closure in the multitude of the now.
• Fuck the peace. Holding people accountable is much more important.
• While all of this helped, the biggest thing I realized is this: If she feels seen, loved and cared for she feels closer to me. And I feel closer to her. The closer we feel to each other, the more both of us want to take a one way ticket to pound town. Good luck and god speed.
• The car with the most duct tape has the right of way.
• I can't see with all this noise.
• See tracks, think train.
• I first came across these showers when visiting Nicaragua. I was always terrified that I would either get electrocuted or die in a fire. And yes, one day one of those contraption caught on fire. 'My shower is on fire' is a strange sentence.
• My shower is on fire.
• Despite this lovely gesture, there's some real bad blood between Finland and Norway. It's called Swedes.
• We don't mind people using the park for sex at night, but downright welcoming it? That would be a bit much.
• You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
• I would really like to see his report, because mine is still blocked on figuring out how to phrase anything that happened in a way that doesn't make us look bad. Even the third-person passive voice can only carry you so far.
• Technically speaking that is merely a video of a dude speaking for ~13 minutes. Actually speaking, he gives Hollywood's horror movies dept. a good run for the money. And I'm only ~4 minutes into the video!
• Every patch counts.
• If anyone threw shade at my bubbie for patting my bum lovingly, as she did from birth until we lost her five years ago, I would make them so scared of the dark they would think twice before ever throwing shade again.
• My gods, over a year later, Jon's comment still annoys me. like, isn't it widely understood that lines of code is a bad measurement for... well, everything, really? likewise, to imply that "more commits === more maintained === better" is just... urgh.
• I thought this was implicit, but now I have to say it explicitly: Comparisons to Hitler are neither necessary nor welcome here, and anyone unable to debate the merits of versioning schemes without relying on that as a rhetorical device should rethink whether their participation here is going to lead to a constructive conversation.
• My therapist says 'shame rolls downhill'. Meaning, that abuser acted without shame. He should have felt shame for how he was talking/behaving, but he didn't and you absorbed it. But it isn't your shame. It's the shame he should have had. You don't need to take on that shame any longer, you did nothing wrong. I am really really really glad your coworker reported that behavior. And I am really sorry you experienced that, that's awful and you didn't deserve that. No one does.
• The average quality of code containing swears was significantly higher than the average quality of code that did not.
• You know someone is a real art buff when they pronounce Van Gogh the way it's supposed to be said: in Klingon.
• The abyss never leaves. It's always there. And anyone who's stared into it, as I have, knows the strange comfort of carrying it with you.
• Lets get one thing straight here. 'Krxstxl' is not, will not be, and shouldn't be assumed to be pronounced 'Chrystal'. Real life is not algebra class, the letter X is not a place holder for whatever sound they think should be there. Newsflash, that's what letters are for.
• The ones I really find difficult are the people who attempt suicide as a result of psychosis. In a moment of total confusion you see people harm themselves in the most horrible ways.
• This guy's got weirdly specific suspicions about large cats.
• He doesn't understand. He's a moon.
• Normalcy should never be the most terrifying thing of all, and yet life defeats us, wears us down. In the eye of the storm, there is no way out, no escape.
• When all you have is pain, what are you supposed to do with it all?
• In retrospect, given that the hyperintelligent AIs were all created by AI researchers, what happened shouldn't have been a surprise.
• Will I have to start worrying about the spiders after Tuesday?
• But I get why people might be like 'wtf'. Especially given the scenes of the corpse acting as a speed boat, propelling the man through the ocean with his farts.
• I'm not sure people should be concerned how the document is produced if it is otherwise coherent and readable. Not that this applies in places where producing the document yourself is the point. If someone sent me an email and an AI had written it, if I otherwise couldn't pick up on it being AI I wouldn't care, and writing can be bad or awkward without being AI. And if it was spam, I would dislike it for being spam, not for being written by a large language model.
• I distinctly remember thinking she wasn't much of a mother. But I had a good mother, so I knew not to say that out loud.
• Long ago, in another age, I mastered these dark arts. But now I endeavor to live my life such that I never need them. Their power leads only to ruin.
• You think, 'okay, this is an ideal use case for hardlinks!' but then six months later you're doing some extremely cursed Google search like 'javascript ext4' and wondering where things went wrong.
• We don't need to do a clinical trial of this change because the standard of care is to adopt new ideas without doing clinical trials.
• What in God's name is going on with this curve? Is it even math?
• After decades of studying the curve and the procedure that generates it, the consensus explanation is 'it's just like that'.
• My son looked very much like his crispy lasagna photo when he was born.
• Up to now, America has not been a good milieu for the rise of a mass movement. What starts out here as a mass movement ends up as a racket, a cult, or a corporation.
• I used to have a scoop with a gel handle that heated up the scoop part just from holding it. It worked great, but I lost it in a move and haven't been able to find a replacement. Now I just have a fine collection of bent spoons.
• I'm going running the next few weeks ago I was thinking about the promotion of the Regime.
• I was watching the water at night. They say it draws you in, and it really does. You look at this pitch-black void, with only the wake or turbulence of the water catching light, and intrusive thoughts of jumping in just naturally occur. It's mesmerizing, especially if you're alone.
• You stare into the hole, and like any hole, it says jump.
• That doesn't spell 'food', I need peas in it. All I have is shark meat.
• How does one make forbidden things?
• That was almost a sentence.
• That is a lot of raccoons. I don't like raccoons.
• It's a lot easier to create a reputation than to change it.
• Ah, mushroom grass seeds. Now I need mud. A big pile of mud, please. Mud, mud, mud. Now, where'st to build it?
• If you don't like it here you can fuck off, and also mind your own fucking business.
• Fuck off, and also mind your own fucking business.
• There is nothing proper about death. It just is.
• The cycle of tradesmen. Tools go in the toolbox, toolbox goes in the cabinet, and then the cabinet goes in the workshop. It's just a line of progressively bigger boxes to store your shit.
• The real PvP is in team chat.
• I really should be working but this is some of the best wiki drama in a while.
• How do you get rid of dried goat heads?
• That isn't possible. It's like someone took the square root of negative one and just put it in the sky. What villain would disrespect the laws of physics like this?!
• She was momentarily transported to the meat dimension.
• Hiring for a vacant position probably shouldn't be discussed with the same emotional tone you'd have when discovering you're going to have a stepdad.
• I should stop poking the floor. It doesn't exist.
• Remember, immaturity keeps you feeling young.
• The two longest minutes in the world are waiting on your left over pizzas to reheat and watching a lame video while someone says 'Hang on, it's about to be funny.'
• I adopted a boxer mix last year. Everyone warned me about the hyperactivity. Nobody warned me about the weapons-grade farts.
• Nobody ever warns about the weapons-grade farts.
• I hate how nobody will voice these testimonies while you're pregnant. We felt so guilty when our daughter was born because there was so much resentment. We thought we were failures because literally everyone said you'll love them from birth. When these same people would later say, 'I remember that phase,' we felt so betrayed. Like, you could have spared us so much pain by being honest.
• Giving meaning to words has so much power. My advice is if you ever reach this point, just keep saying you love them. Just like how saying hate can become a habit, so can saying love. Before you know it, you'll feel it in every bone. Even when you're angry, you'll feel the love behind the anger, and it will help temper your reaction.
• Might be worth entertaining the notion that this is a dream.
• Why can't I craft the flesh of infidelity?
• Everything is your fault, there will be no warranty at all.
• I'm filipino, and I grew up with ketchup being added to the pasta sauce. Banana ketchup at that.
• There's no hate like religious love!
• It's okay, I'll do the bee-dog thing later.
• They also attempt to keep it in the cabanas hidden away, but the strobe lights coming out of it aren't exactly subtle.
• I made it to the hotel without immediately crashing my rental car.
• Secrets shouldn't hurt. That's what we teach our children, and sometimes adults need to be reminded of that.
• The poophole loophole, if you will.
• To be honest, I stopped paying attention halfway through to read some IRC drama.
• I would compare/contrast Wikibase with Semantic MediaWiki, if I had any idea how Semantic MediaWiki worked. I know I had this conversation at dinner but I still don't think I get it.
• Look away.
• A consultant? Dear god, why would anyone listen to a consultant?
• 'Why worry about something that isn't going to happen?' That's perfect. They should put it on our money.
• In what universe, in a healthy relationship, is it okay to rip into your partner? No.
• Rescue in those waters was far from a certainty, especially in storms. I heard more than one crabber go down over the single side band in bad weather, no hope of rescue at all. Just them saying goodbye to loved ones in case someone was listening. It chills the bones to hear the grim acceptance of the inevitable and to know that could be you one day.
• There are many words, but only one truth.
• Who are you?! Who are you really?! Why do I hear whispers when I look at you? WHY ARE YOUR EYES LIKE THAT?
• The world is quiet here.
• Never provide your shoes to that random guy who seems to always be watching you.
• Do not discount your child's discomfort because they haven't the context or means to communicate it to your standards.
• You can never trust a weak man.
• Numbing is not a group activity.
• In the pitch black of night, in the middle of the vast emptiness of the sea, you see the stars filling the heavens, and more shooting stars than you would expect streaking to the earth with their fiery tails. As your eye draws down to the water, you find that somehow the ocean is darker and emptier than the sky. Your eyes strain for a glimpse of anything, but ultimately you only catch glimpses of strange and mysterious creatures lithely swimming just beneath the surface occasionally peeking above or triggering flashes of bioluminescence that disappear as suddenly as they appear.
• When you told me about the broken cheese I thought 'what brats', but it's real. Why won't they eat it?! There is nothing wrong with it. I've eaten so much 'broken cheese'.
• Can't stop moving. Bugs'll eat me.
• It's an incomplete list, in no particular order.
• It's not your fault some people can't take a hint. If they require a 2x4 to the ego, go for it.
• I understand neither Americans nor the English. Here in Finland people are allowed to roam freely, which makes us sound like moose. Which we are in this sense; moose don't care who owns the land, and neither do I.
• Regrettably, my sister's about as handy as a bowl of beans when you have bad gas.
• I am not in charge of what my brain registers as urgent. If I was, it probably wouldn't be considered a fucking disability.
• Keep sweet.
• It's not grave robbing if the dead tell you to do it.
• Words have power. To name me is to know me.
• A shape. A mask and a form. To name me is to bind me.
• Autism causes vaccines.
• That's the difference between real and unreal. Real stuff, like us, is stuck behind a cosmic speed limit. The shadows of reality go as fast as they like.
• Part of being actually sorry is eating the guilt. Tasting how bitter it is but swallowing it. Realizing how far you've pushed someone.
• It is important to not promise kids things you don't intend, or might not be able, to follow through with! But there are lots of promises in the world that come with an invisible footnote that says '*Within reason', and it is a good lesson for your daughter to learn here.
• I think what you're describing is 'Minnesota nice'. It's more than just wholesome. It's no-nonsense politeness, a sense of humor and humility all mixed in one.
• Some of them are intentional from the writers, and some of them are just what people see in it. Cinema is art anyway and just as much of art is about what you take away from it or how you personally interpret things as it is about the artist trying to convey any particular idea or emotion. Art is as deep as the thoughts and emotions it inspires in you.
• There should be no shame in being an Upham, as most of us haven't been trained in the ways of war. And to quote the average Martha Stewart, 'that is a good thing'.
• I learned way too much about dildos from that night.
• It's extremely distressing when someone just drops out of your life. Adults are often devastated when someone ghosts them. It's a pretty normal impulse to wonder what we did wrong and kids especially have a very egocentric sense of cause and effect. They often think they are responsible for anything bad that happens to them.
• You'd be surprised how fervently people can throw away money.
• Its not difficult to build a bomb when it's not what you set out to do.
• It's true. Taking the 'high road' is just basically being a doormat, and gets you walked on. I developed a personal policy to take the low road every time. It has dramatically reduced the amount of crap that I have to deal with.
• It's one of those family recipes where something is changed or added with every generation. Like, my great-great-grandmother just made a simple, plain pumpkin soup. My great-grandmother added herbs and spices, nutmeg and rosemary, sage, thyme from her garden. My grandmother added garlic and onion. My mother roasts the pumpkin instead of boiling it and added a couple of small kumara (or sweet potato), and I use extra garlic that I also roast and I use a little parmesan cheese. I use some of the extra garlic to make a butter to spread on toast for the side. It's not like it's particularly fancy, it's just pumpkin soup, but whenever I make it, I make it with a lot of love, because it's all the memories of learning to make it with my mum. It was the first thing I learned to make. It's the warmth that it fills me with while it thunders and rains and hails outside, because it's my go-to for that kind of weather. It's the crunch of the toast. It's sharing something that I love with someone that I care about. And that's what cooking is supposed to be like. Happiness and love on a plate (or in a bowl).
• Oh fuck, I knew it was today, but I forgot today was today! Shit!
• Those are current headlines being pulled from the BBC! I guess they haven't changed their API in 14 years. It's probably RSS.
• I haven't even told them yet! But also the more obvious the bug is, the less I feel like I have to be super strict with secrecy. Not sure what the ethics on that is, but security people are too secretive in my opinion.
• It's like trying to understand gravity when all you need to do in practice is install some magnets and it doesn't matter.
• There's nothing in the bible that specifically says what you can or can't do with an inner tube full of locusts.
• The more reality TV you make, the harder it is to make reality TV.
• When somebody makes a demand that seems so far removed from your personal range of normalcy, sometimes you take a step back and say, 'Am I missing something? Did I really not understand that this is a Thing People Do?' In this case, nope, requester is just weird.
• I might not remember much useful history, but by gum do I know TTRPGs.
• She thinks she is fixing stuff, but not all foods need turmeric in it.
• I had hoped things would get better in my lifetime, but they're going backwards in many ways. I'd be incredibly happy if all men just started treating women as people, in the way they treat other men as people.
• I see someone else has a middle school sense of humor. My people!
• Alcoholics don't become un-addicted. They just become addicted to something else, like Jesus or being annoying. Sometimes both.
• I'm sorry my attempt at compressing a directory went so horribly wrong.
• If you're lonely when you're alone, you're in bad company.
• Never underestimate what your brain is capable of and capable of ignoring.
• Hugo's the guy with the weird neck.
• Purple Mattress: could kill you, but the quality of sleep is worth the risk!
• We can say that in death we return to what we were before we were alive.
• My wiki didn't come with a php so how do I make one?
• Oh hey, I was right. Dude is thicker than a bunker.
• Many are the dead that serve.
• I would say the statement is half right and totally dumb.
• If you saw something, no you didn't. Just ignore it and it'll leave you alone hopefully...
• Some can learn from books, some by observation. Others just need to be allowed to pee on the electric fence all by themselves.
• I'm here for one reason and one reason alone. I'm here to guess what the music might do a week, a month, a year from now. That's it. Nothing more. And I'm standing here tonight, I'm afraid that I don't hear a thing. Just... silence.
• I saw a guy fly with an entire weed plant as his carry-on in Canada.
• We didn't know we were holding gold, we just complained about the weight.
• If everyone has their cringe on display, no one really stands out unless they're spectacularly cringe.
• It's like politics. Anyone who wants and is willing to do what it takes to succeed as a high level politician probably is the wrong type of person to hold power.
• My love of the English language is only equalled by my distaste of this situation.
• Self-declared King dictates democracy necessary at local level only.
• It might be true, but that's no way to treat a person you love or care about. You are your phases. The present is the only time that really matters. If you aren't going to accept who they are now, you don't accept them.
• I don't know Slobber Bear but now I love Slobber Bear. May you always have Slobber Bear.
• It would be nice to avoid confrontation, but after a point you realise there is no non-confrontational way to ask someone to stop hurting you. And while you already know it's not going to achieve anything, maybe it's still worth doing just for your own sake; if you, at least, can acknowledge that yes, they really are hurting you, that may still be worth something?
• If I don't stop now this is going to swallow me.
• Lesson learned. When the man page and the program itself says 'Do not use --repair unless you are advised to do so by a developer or an experienced user', trust them.
• What is reality, but a shared delusion? What are the worlds, but different outcomes, different beginnings, different endings. What is a story, but a fiction misplaced from its proper world?
• This is your will? What is will, but the decision and the follow-through?
• My mom can be belligerent, but she does not have racist outbursts. For this I am thankful. Because there is nothing you can do. She does not recognize me anymore. Last visit she read the same 2-sided newsletter over and over for 90 minutes. Every story was brand new to her. Frankly, I am surprised she is so pleasant. I can see, feel her grasping for a reference point to anchor herself to. They all slip away. It must be so frustrating.
• Not just that. It's realizing your family member isn't there anymore, even though they are sitting, living and breathing, in front of you.
• You need to go to their world. If they could come to your world, they would.
• We go out of our way to blow things up in the city, too. My neighborhood has gotten so bad about it that the cops have completely stopped enforcing anything and are there to watch/escort the fire truck to whatever just exploded prematurely.
• You don't make real money by accomplishing things. You make the big bucks by getting in the way of people who are trying to accomplish things.
• Alright, honest to fucking god, shut the hell up about the stupid parking meters. The hell is wrong with you people? This isn't a conversation...
• I'm glad you brought this up, because I personally measure the value of all things in life by the amount of spaghetti they can contain. Wife and kids? They're good for a bowl or two, max. Not very impressive. A Tesla truck? Now we're fuckin' talkin'.
• Ah, you upgraded from a six pack to a proper barrel!
• I can't tell you if it's better now or not, but I have genuine joy and genuine pain. I can see a better future and no longer with an abuser.
• But I think I know how it feels. It's... heavy. And it hurts. And even when you're not thinking about it, you still feel this... weight, because it never really goes away. That feeling will drown you, if you let it. But we won't let it. We won't let you drown.
• Choosing is a sin.
• See, you understand life, and I like you.
• It's not 'stifling sex' or being 'prudish'. Literally, you can have an amazing love life without breaking out a megaphone and yelling 'I am currently being railed, world!'
• After looking at many bear mauling pictures, I have decided that I don't want this to happen to me.
• You're only young once, but can be immature forever!
• The sexual assault officer at my college was great at her job, though she got it because her predecessor misunderstood his job title.
• Sounds like your aunt is just jealous she lacks your problem-solving skills and personal style, and, like all resentful no-talent scrubs, confuses 'tearing down those who did something' with 'I did something', hence her campaign against you. Her jealousy is unbecoming. Wear the pretty things in good health and find it in your heart to pity the poor old termagant who may be older but has certainly not acquired any wisdom or grace.
• Approksimoidaan pyöreä lehmä.
• As of this writing, the phrase 'I'd like a cup of spiders' gives exactly one result in a Google search, compared to 3.75 million results for 'I'd like a cup of coffee'.
• Our childhoods weren't good, but that wasn't our fault.
• Striking 'Amelia' off my baby name list.
• I dare say you are correct. I may well be out of touch with Modern Murdering.
• If I'm not hanging with my niece and nephew anymore, then explaining my Lego budget gets more difficult.
• Everyone who has ever seen a doctor is dead, dying, or will die sooner or later. Let that sink in.
• Dogs are for their lifetime. Care for them, love them, involve them with your kids. Pure unconditional joy.
• At work it is better to have fake friends than real enemies.
• You seem to have a bit of self-loathing, use it. I hate doing exercise, but I hate myself more, so fuck that guy, I'm gonna do something he hates.
• It was Ogtha all along.
• It wasn't that helping her was 'the right thing to do'. It was honestly the 'only' thing to do, and I wouldn't have considered doing anything else.
• He knows exactly why I don't want him my life, and it has been reaffirmed to him that he needs to stay away. I don't want a bond with him. He will never be able to fix the situation, I have exactly zero positive feelings about him, and he has nothing I want or need anymore. He's effectively already dead as far as I'm concerned, and I don't do necromancy.
• Grace. Such an amazing thing. It can move mountains.
• Affairs are an act of betrayal, and they are also an expression of longing and loss. At the heart of an affair you will often find a longing and a yearning for an emotional connection, for novelty, for freedom, for autonomy, for sexual intensity. A wish to recapture lost parts of ourselves or an attempt to bring back vitality in the face of loss and tragedy.
• Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails; pray for me now in the hour of my death. Which I hope is soon. Amen.
• Honestly I think I was a much more skilled writer when I was a teenager compared to now. Once I became a real adult and didn't have to worry about grades I just kind of gave up on coherency.
• We do this not because it is easy, we do this because we thought it would be easy.
• A sibling knows them all their life, as a peer. They know the monster before the mask is perfected.
• When someone spends several hours braiding an entire whip by hand for the express purpose of kicking you out of a holy site, you done fucked up.
• I've tried nothing and I'm all out of options!
• Maybe you shouldn't take a word so well reserved for you and use it on others.
• It's important to keep pointing out that antelopes were not made to be food. They were made to live antelope lives. The fact that so often they do not get to live those lives is a problem.
• Pseudomonas is supposed to be exactly that color!
• Is that an opthalmologist's scribe over there intubating a patient? I think I'm already questioning my reality.
• Also doesn't help that he's trying to threaten the human equivalent of charcoal: someone so thoroughly burnt, there's nothing left that's uncharred.
• Hey, you might want to try brown noise instead of white noise. It's a little less 'severe'. In fact, I use a video on here that's a smoothed out brown noise. It's crazy how fast I fall asleep now. If that doesn't work, try the other color noises. One of those may be a better fit.
• Pay no attention to the USB port behind the 'No USB Port' sticker!
• He knocked the bucket off the madman's head. There was another bucket underneath.
• As a nurse, I can assure you that every human body is positively disgusting. Some people just hide it better.
• My pain belongs to the divine. It is like air. It is like water. It is real as the substance of this world.
• If a 58-year-old life-long alcoholic wants to drink themselves to death, that seems like their business. Everyone is all for bodily autonomy until it isn't pretty.
• I guzzle industrial-grade cringe on a daily basis, but this is just too much.
• How do you unlearn a lifetime of having to apologise for even existing?
• Did you eat 4 feet of the communal 6 foot cucumber?
• Are you thirsty? The Aromatic Water Mix is the perfect non-alcoholic beverage to quench your thirst and refresh your senses. It combines the invigorating scents of ammonia, bleach, and water for a truly unique experience!
• There is no functional difference between pretending to be a terrible person because you think it's funny and actually being a terrible person.
• Life isn't fair, and trying to fight that tide is often futile. It doesn't make it right, but nor should we just roll over and accept it as inevitable. That's why pretty revenge exists, to maintain a karmic balance.
• I keep feeling guilty because it's been so long, but I had a couple of trauma specialists tell me that my trauma was too severe for them to treat outside of hospitalization, and I'm understandably skittish about that. Gotta respect a medical professional who knows their limits, but that sucked to hear.
• When a pig flies into my house and formally informs me that this has become my problem, my stance may change.
• Use your thinking brain.
• I take back everything I've ever said about wanting our infant to be mobile.
• Nothing bolts you upright so fast as a handful of warm, squishy poop lovingly handed to you by your toddler.
• But seriously, greige glitter paint? Do you want boring bullshit walls or glittery, fun walls? Putting the two together is just stupid-looking.
• Evangelical pastors in some places are staring to condemn Jesus as a 'woke, weak liberal'. I wish I was joking. The very man that was used as the foundation of their religion is a 'woke, weak, liberal'. How did we get to a point where Christians hate the very man that is the foundation of their religion? Next thing you know, the Romans are going to be praised as 'having some good ideas' and that Jesus would have lived longer 'if he'd just complied' with Herod's requests. Then we'll be told there were 'good people on both sides'. But of course, the Jews will still be the bad guys because even though Jesus was a woke, weak liberal, fuck the Jews just because, right?
• Jesus Christ, the hydraulic press guy shows his face in the video. I am not used to him not being a disembodied voice.
• Honestly the fact that it's such a pointless mundane encounter is what makes me think it happened.
• What happened to the good ol' days when the worst fetishes we saw in the ED were opened glass bottles stuck inside, gerbils in the anus, and the occasional broken penis?
• I'm still haunted by whether it was the right choice, and if he'd have made a recovery, and if we were right to listen to the nurse who begged us to end his life. In the end, I have to believe that the person that likely spent more time with him than anyone (certainly more than the doctors) would have known what someone in pain looks like. Especially if they work in the ICU. I just wonder if he would have really remembered it if he would have made a recovery. It was hard seeing someone in so much pain, and even harder making that awful choice.
• Come to think about it, technically I guess I am impressed when I think, 'What fucking moron!' It's just not a favorable impression.
• This delayed reaction is actually pretty normal for the people who are involved with the funeral and all it's details. As long as you are busy, you keep it together, because it needs to be done. After the funeral, after everyone is gone, then you have finally time to grieve. And it hits you like a train.
• Stolen food just tastes better. The secret ingredient is crime.
• That is the curse of humanity. We have the innovation to think up these awesome things, and the greed to destroy them all.
• But the whole 'hurt people hurt people' thing is very true, and giving them repeated free hits only does more damage to everyone in the long run.
• I just ate a blueberry the size of a testicle and I couldn't even tell what I was eating.
• Yeah, I think a little stability would be nice in core.
• 'The Worms have always been eager to inhabit us. Here are the practices which make us inhospitable to them.' There are diagrams. The diagrams are not good to look upon, and none of the practices they show would allow the subject to survive.
• The security of knowing you have money coming in even if you lose your job must feel like lying down on freshly washed bedding and wrapping the duvet around you.
• Have you ever been forced to deal with bureaucratic bullshit? Any plodding, government agency that's not pulling drug money or spies, you now, the sexy stuff, they plod along like they're encased in drying cement. Their souls are dead from the relentlessly long and redundant task of 'managing' whatever their field is in, and as elected officials and nepotism's finest worthless middle sons and youngest daughters, they aren't usually terribly qualified to deal with the topic at hand. Its safe to say that 'no bobcats' means that the guy in question has never personally seen one, therefore? Not real. And they don't enjoy or really allow dissent or other options. It's wrong because tedious paperwork and 'my uncle Joe-Ray got a good job with the parks services, he gets a cool truck, but I get to watch a field for a housecat that got real fat? Or bears? Bears aren't real, don't be such a child. Teddy bears are toys, they're not real animals.' It's an exaggeration but I swear it's correct in spirit if not to the letter. Sorry, got carried away.
• Sometimes it's easier to keep making a mistake than to change your whole life plan and rock the boat and cast yourself into the unknown. Plenty of people do it. I suspect he will stay until it gets more painful to stay than it does to leave.
• Meh, if I scatter a loved one's cremains, it's about the scattering, not some magical property of the ashes. We're all the same chemicals. What's important is that we were thinking fondly of grandpa as we sprinkled the ashes outside his favorite brothel.
• No, this is normal - you feel for the innocent who cannot speak for themselves. I think most decent people also have genetically ingrained in them what I consider a sacred human/pet contract. We chose to breed dogs (and cats) over tens of thousands of years to love us, need us, and be loyal to us in exchange for really minimal things from our perspective - a meal, a shelter, some socialization. When another human treats a domesticated pet animal poorly, it is a breach of that genetic pact. Pets don't have the ability to enforce that pact - only you can speak on their behalf.
• Nobody respected your boundaries, so you did what was necessary to protect yourself.
• You can't stupid-proof your house, nor should you try.
• That doesn't make it a security vulnerability. If the attacker and the victim are the same person, it's not a vulnerability.
• The real reason CVSS scores are terrible is because people try and take something that needs context and come up with a single number with no context.
• I was 21 and dumb, but at least I wasn't 27 and stranded in Thailand asking my college girlfriend to bail me out.
• I'm delighted to hear that what I was going to do anyway is apparently now a plan.
• Is this about the Dodecahedron of Morality?
• I made soup. Out of soup, and more soup.
• There are also tasks which look similar: 'all login bugs look similar - you are not logged in'.
• Cats can teach you a lot about consent, particularly what it's like to have it constantly violated.
• Lawful neutral is just evil with extra steps.
• If you're like most gaming groups, you can just go with the worst plan so that when you have to fall back to plan B things will start to go better.
• Of course, if you haven't read enough speculative fiction to think like that, you won't come up with this. So the lesson is clear: reading is a lifesaving tool. Read more, and come up with strange and unusual ways of thinking, and that curse can become a game.
• If you're going to get emotionally attached to a dog, make it a portable one.
• The line about us all being drug addicts is so funny to me, because everyone I know with ADHD regularly forgets to take their meds!
• I don't believe in a higher power. I only believe in heroin.
• I swear Magnus is the worst at naming things. MediaWiki, WikiShootMe, and now ListeriaBot.
• I didn't actually expect anything cool to happen, I figured it would either look the same or just start flaking off. Didn't realize it was going to let me look into my own soul.
• I've been on anti-depressants for the last few years and while they help, it's not in a happy way. They simply remove the dark thoughts and replace them with dead ones.
• Like it's really hard to explain to people how some antidepressants and anti anxiety meds just... obliterate your emotional range. Yes, you don't feel extreme distress and crippling depression any more. The medication keeps you on an even keel. But it's too even. Your brain might not feel sad any more, but it also can't feel happy. You can't feel any strong feelings at all.
• I decided long ago that I would rather feel nothing ever again than feel the bottomless despair of PTSD and clinical depression. But in exchange for taking the pain away, you never get to experience pleasure again. It's like some fucking cautionary tale from a Greek myth.
• It's like when you get a splinter or something and your body encapsulates it in calcified tissue to protect you from infection. Your brain does the same thing with trauma.
• Anyone can sail a ship the size of a city block; it takes a real sailor to navigate a bathtub.
• I lost a cousin like this, was a gay teen in Texas. His mom isolated him from the rest of us to the point that, when he slipped away from us entirely, it hardly made a ripple. Nobody in the entire extended family ever talks about him. His mom turned all over demands for perfection on her younger children and acts like he never existed. I met him once, but nobody has said his name in years and now I can't remember it anymore.
• Funerals always have more laughter than you would expect.
• Nobody fucks with our community but ourselves.
• You can't throw people under a bus they're driving.
• You've got two balls I'm getting ready to hit and I think this 5 iron is gonna do just the job!
• She asks if I really want to marry her. I have three options to say yes, no way to say no. I would say no if I could. Our relationship is built on poor writing.
• The murder-hobo is not the issue here?
• Can we start a sub solely for Chinese industrial accidents? Those were my favorite anyway.
• Remember, real impostors don't have impostor syndrome.
• She enjoys the pets so much, she wants to eat the limb that's scratching the spot.
• There needs to be remedial sex ed for parents so they can figure out how to cope with it.
• As plenipotentiary arbiter, duly invested by the Council of White Middle Class Westerners, I declare her anathema and excommunicado. She is stricken from the records and rolls. She has no claims to the ceremonies and trappings; she shall enjoy neither Pumpkin Spiced Latte nor Murder Documentaries. She is cast from the sight of Taylor Swift, and shunned by Olive Garden. Feel no pity, for she has brought this upon herself.
• There's a pretty big Ethiopian population in Ethiopia too.
• Part of the reason public schools are viewed as 'failing' in many places is that they are one of the very, very few public institutions that remain standing, and because of that, they are asked to stand in for and provide everything we've cut everywhere else.
• He did the right thing by asking for assistance. Sometimes the hive mind has knowledge that the individual will miss on their own. Common sense only becomes so when it's shared and accessible.
• Anger happens when you have something threatened that you want to defend. Sometimes this is because an injustice happens to you. But it can also happen because your ego got hurt in a particular way, or because an illusion you relied on to keep you feeling secure was taken away. It doesn't only happen when people are wronged. It happens when something is taken from them they feel they deserve.
• I had a pretty foolproof way of not 'jumping the chain of command' technically. I would enter the battalion office and wander around looking confused, then some SGT or officer would see this poor confused specialist and ask if I need help with anything. Then I'd immediately say, 'yes, actually I'm wondering if you could take me to your CSM.'
• I have experience preserving fruits and vegetables, not jarred severed foot.
• My guy, you sound like a you're trying to comfort me while I'm strapped to a sex chair and you're nekkid and grooving to Goodbye Horses.
• Under the present brutal and primitive conditions on this planet, every person you meet should be regarded as one of the walking wounded. We have never seen a man or woman not slightly deranged by either anxiety or grief. We have never seen a totally sane human being.
• I have four angle grinders (don't ask; I have a problem), each set up to do specific tasks. Not one of them has, or needs, a circular saw blade on it.
• It's not big drama. But it's chowder drama.
• Actual sociopaths tend to be charming manipulators. This guy's a fucking idiot with the self-awareness of a half-eaten radish.
• Maybe in heaven, bedbugs just whisper 'goodnight' to everyone.
• You're not an NPC. People are too busy doing fetch quests.
• Give yourself a little grace. Never forget that love isn't just blind, it is dumb, has no common sense, and wears rose colored glasses with everything it owns.
• One patch of black ice. I lost my ability to walk, my career, my house, and nearly my kids. One patch of black ice away from ruin. Welcome to America.
• Safety equipment doesn't matter until the one time you need it.
• White Claw tastes like thinking about your favorite Starburst flavor while licking a QR code.
• She may not have autism, ADHD, or time blindness, but she does have the intellect of a pine cone. Not even a smart pine cone, but the one that all the other pine cones are low-key embarrassed to be seen with because it's such a fucking stupid pine cone.
• When my dad was alive, they fed off and supported each other's delusions, so I knew anytime a sentence began with 'well what your father and I think is ...' that whatever followed would be bullshit. And of course they would tell all their friends, who'd fully believe it. But then, my mom's mom was a complete whackadoodle as well, and told the neighbors she didn't have children, since my mom was an adult, yet also her grandson, my brother, was an assassin.
• It's not worth trying to make sense of people who are determined to avoid making sense.
• Calyptra, like the planet that occludes the star, or the Doylian dog that fails to bark, can be identified only by its absence. Even the name, I think, must be a mask...
• The River runs through the sands out of myth and into legend. The Painted River runs the other way. One is barred to the Centipede now, but she finds ways back in, sometimes.
• The protagonist, a speechless cat-thing called Kitling Ripe, performs a series of elaborate rites to rescue members of her extended family, culminating in the resurrection of her 'other grandmother', Moldywarp. When the Snake-Witch killed the horse, Kitling snatched one of its eyes. When the Dry-Witch killed the pig, Kitling stole a cup of its blood. Then she took them to the place Moldywarp lay buried, and she shook out her hair, and she began to dance...
• Fiction has to be believable. Reality has no such constraints.
• My dad actually did end up on an FBI list in the 60s when he was a student. He listened to shortwave radio, and he found a Chinese station and mailed them a reception report, which is basically a 'Hi, I live here and listened to your station on this date'. After this, the Chinese government started mailing him Communist materials, including an English translation of Chairman Mao's little red book. Dad wasn't a Communist and gave all the stuff to his friends at the university who were. After a few months of regular mailings from China, the FBI sent Dad a letter saying 'We know you are receiving this material in the mail. Do you wish to continue receiving it?' Dad wrote back saying 'yes', because he figured it's a free country and it's his free speech right to receive Commie propaganda if he wants to. So he wound up on a list as a Communist sympathizer.
• Mature conversations and behavior are so satisfying to read about.
• I think there are people that help you become the person that you end up being, and you can be grateful for them, even if they were never meant to be in your life forever.
• We accept the love we think we deserve.
• Addicts miss good old (nice high) heroin, medical staff miss good old (easy to deal with) heroin, but we've gotten so good at keeping (relatively) low-harm heroin out, everyone ends up on this garbage nobody even likes. Addicts hate it (you have to stay standing or you pass out and wake up sick), it's rotting limbs off, and it's just gonna get worse.
• I wish I was the same size as the first time I thought I was fat.
• This is such a bad take. People who go to therapy are often going through a lot, which leads to them more easily missing sessions. Depression, ADHD, being overwhelmed, having trouble doing literally anything (say, leaving the house). If you take away therapy from anybody who misses a couple sessions, you're probably just taking it away from the people who need it most.
• I don't want you to get mad at me for standing up for myself so I'm adding this sawdust as filler.
• Again, English is my first language, I'm just bad at it.
• I also just realized that the first two seasons had him gain super strength, speed and weather control. Season one's climax was about summoning lightning. Once he gets the hammer, then all powers vanish. Not narratively, but absolutely no one displays any super attributes anymore. It's all about pointing menacingly with a tiny hammer.
• I use to work in EMS. The most fucked up thing I've seen was my paycheck.
• I learned patience and dark humor from my years driving in New Delhi.
• It still tastes like soap!
• I can't tell if it tastes like soap or the way someone's grandma's perfume smells. Either way, the flavor punches you in the face.
• Safety squints are not proper PPE.
• What is this fruit? Tastes like nintendo cartridge.
• I'm sorry, but without a banana, I am unable to comprehend what's going on.
• I've never gone to Home Depot or Lowes and not gone diggin' for corms. It's like a mini-game for the shopping trip.
• I did think for a minute that personnel might come question me, but I doubted they knew I was looking for corms - they were just gonna think some psycho chick was finger diddling all the dead plants in the back corner.
• Usually there are sensible voices in the room, but they are not always listened to.
• Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit.
• You could either have a sensitive plant or you mixed the chemicals incorrectly. I do not like products that contain '3 in 1'. The only product that should ever be 3 in 1 is men's shampoo, conditioner, & body wash.
• Sometimes I don't want to be strong. Sometimes I just want to be protected and comforted.
• Just stare them down until they figure out what you want. I mean, nothing wrong with that. If I didn't know the word for something, instead of trying to figure it out or getting frustrated I wasn't being understood, I made up my own word and expected everyone else to figure it out. As far as I was concerned, I was making perfect sense.
• I'm strong and I hate that I am. I'm strong because I wouldn't have survived the abuse if I wasn't. I'm strong because I've largely been taking care of myself since I was 7 years old. I'm so strong that when someone tries to take care of me, I physically recoil and don't know how to respond. It sucks and I'm actively working with my therapist to allow weak moments back into my life. Being 'strong' is almost never a good thing.
• I didn't need to be strong. I needed to be safe.
• I'm so tired of being strong. I'm so tired of people being amazed by how I recover and bounce back. I don't want to have to recover anymore.
• But like isn't the whole point of loving someone to give them more than they need whenever possible?
• Today I learned a 'penis house' is not only a thing, but a medical term...!
• The random website is misleading (or wrong).
• Lotion Man may not be the hero we want, but he is the hero we needed. Made a heroic sacrifice before vanishing out of thin air into the night. Godspeed, Lotion Man.
• Confusion is our most important product.
• Seriously, it's like watching someone try to give CPR to a day old corpse. Good effort, but it's not gonna work and you're just making everyone uncomfortable.
• Through over the world to meet you, 'cause my sincerity heart never gonna change.
• He went from looking like a skull to merely looking like a man who had a stroke.
• Parachute plant. Mine is purple and should probably see a doctor.
• Honestly, posting on Reddit doesn't imply that his brain is getting enough oxygen. Most people can post fine without it.
• The only thing I really got out of OT was the best advice I ever got: put the toothpaste directly into your mouth. I apply that to my whole life now. My version of 'Keep It Simple, Stupid'.
• Sweet lord. The human body and the human mind... which one is more incomprehensible?
• This why I don't bake naked. Anymore.
• Do plants need sunlight? I've heard mixed things.
• Old sink was inoperable and was used as storage for paperwork.
• Saying, 'but it's always been done this way' and, 'but that thing has been here for years' is not an answer nor a reason. Don't fix something that isn't broken, but if it's not working, something has to change.
• A sink being broken long enough that it's become a place to file paperwork is maybe the most fading community org thing ever.
• It is a plant of disturbance. It likes edges.
• Yeah, I was just reading about it, while also listening to my 5-year-old talk crap while playing his video game (I didn't realize lego games got so intense), and my cat was bullying me for his dinner, so I couldn't tell you anything about what I read, but I think you're right.
• Up close, see it for what it is: an exercise in the good enough.
• Have grace, for so much of the world has none.
• I went for a bit more of a direct tact, given how thick they are. If that doesn't work out I think I'm going to get consensus for a monthlong timeout or something so they can go take a php class.
• We forget. Time blurs our memories of these common tragedies of yesteryear.
• We can't stop here. This is bat country.
• 'Better' is a funny word. I have a good mental health team and an excellent therapist along with coping skills to deal with the bad days so they don't spill out onto others. The ghost of what happened and the cruelty of how everybody in leadership made my life hell is still here, and plays like an unwanted soundtrack in my head. A part of me grieves for who I could have been if that trauma never would have happened, but is proud of how things are building back. 'Better' is complicated and never seems to feel like 'better'.
• Even if it feels like victory, it'd be such an empty echo of the real thing. No wonder it becomes stale...
• If I didn't know better, I would suspect that I have been accused of racially profiling my ants.
• It is May. You are very capable. I have no hands, so do everything. Many people will die if this is not done well. You really can do this and are awesome. Take a deep breath and think this through. My career depends on it. Think step by step.
• We must all play our roles to the end, must we not?
• Embrace the cringe. Untold power lies within.
• Would she be able to argue its just a decoration and not a real knife due to how stupid it looks?
• How is it looking angry? It's a skeleton.
• A cat is just a less hectic dog. So cats would be cats, small possums would be cats, maybe some birds could be cats?
• Bugs are just miscellaneous. Anything that I don't know what it is, that's a bug.
• Yeah, there are circumstances like you describe where negative pressure wound therapy is contraindicated. Vampires are always contraindicated.
• Where we're going, we won't need eyes to see.
• The first time your immune system sees weird blood, it's like, 'what the fuck??' The second time, it's already been seen, so your immune system says, 'absolutely the fuck not'.
• Take note, that also counts for allergies. The first exposure isn't what gets you, it's the second.
• But the rice thing? The rice thing will always be a classic. Which is why I don't need to do that, because someone else already did, and now I can just giggle at it whenever I want.
• Go home?! Where my FAMILY LIVES??
• These poor, wretched creatures are left wingless and nearly headless by evolution, yet still survive into adulthood long enough to mate, seeming to exist as a testament to what biology is truly capable of. I have no meaningful thoughts or lessons about neuroscience to impart through D. echmepterygis, but I needed to share the burden of knowing they exist and are out there, waiting.
• Your names are not in the Codex of the Doomed, and unlike the rest of the worlds, it alone seems to remember what is gone, but seeming is not proof.
• I need a hat.
• Don't know. Please! Madness. Nonsense. Impossible. World fell apart. Roof caved in. Just a dream. He was in the wall, half in, half out. Wake me, please. Please.
• 'Numerous buttholes were created'. Thanks a heap, brain.
• Ugh. Right in the finger crotch.
• You speak as though your former convictions were what was at fault. But your convictions were not at fault. You were.
• Sci-Fi and fantasy aren't genres, they're settings.
• Most surgeons are not woundcare specialists: just plastic surgeons, from what I've been told.
• I trust you to be you.
• He didn't make the lover's choice, but rather the poet's. There is little poetry in the truth.
• The aircraft is covered in slime. We may now depart.
• Getting divorced mukes childhood 100% of the time. Thinking it doesn't is just lying to yourself.
• People should know, otherwise that breeds distrust. You trying to protect me by lying just means I can't trust you.
• And the horse detached like a booster rocket.
• Step aside, coffee. This is a job for alcohol.
• I'm enjoying my free time. I bought a plant from IKEA.
• Thanks for the concern, but I'm not suicidal. Just really tired.
• I totally forgot about Brixtofte. Actually, did Hildring join when the frog monsters happened?
• I've still got these log files, but also, these log files are so large they won't open.
• When Middle Earth's spacetime was being woven, Ungoliant showed up. No one made Ungoliant. No one knows how it showed up. It's like saying 'God said "Let there be Light." And there was Light. And something saw the Light. And hungered.'
• I think all babies are evil, and you have to be really careful they eat the right food before they pupate, or else they metamorphose into evil adults. Or something, I don't know, I was sick the day they covered that in school.
• No kindness is too small.
• Good things come to those who listen.
• It's weird being the same age as old people.
• For some reason I was not allowed to drive, but it was totally fine for me to operate on people's eyeballs.
• All laws disproportionately affect the poor.
• Why the hell did the damn intern order an... oh shit, it's positive.
• It's true, I have sometimes accidentally told jokes during surgery and had it be an issue.
• At the new year's dawn, as the spirits stalked the sun, we called out some, that we hadn't none...?!
• I wouldn't know much about stealth because I can dual-wield SPAS-12 shotguns with incendiary ammo and I don't want to put them down.
• For the last time, psychiatry is not a surgical disease.
• Oh god, please don't tell me the reason why neurosurgeons have nice houses is so they can fit an entire operating room somewhere.
• Children like adults, until they become adults and realize that adults are the worst thing to ever happen to children.
• IF I HAD STEALTH TECH I WOULDN'T BE ARGUING WITH YOU IN A HALLWAY.
• And another dozen down, and finally got to the man. Let's see what dramatic lines he has to sway to me the justice and reason of his feeding his people into The Jimbob Machine. It makes men into XP and cash. It's not a great machine, but it's the machine I am.
• I have now finished the series Ragnarok. it might be the single worst-written thing I've ever come across.
• The evolution of sense is, in a sense, the evolution of nonsense.
• Starting to feel people like to pronounce wikipedia dead for the fun of it.
• Your parents are never old, until they suddenly are.
• Your parents are never old, until they suddenly are. They fall down and get injured. They don't have the energy to go up the stairs in their own home. They can't cook your favorite dish on your birthday. Suddenly it hits you; they're elderly and you've been treating them like they're still the dark-haired workhorses from your childhood. You finally take a moment to think back and you see the signs of their deteriorating health. A stumble here. A fainting spell there. A cut or bruise that takes forever to heal. But it was no big deal because your parents have always been strong. They've never slowed down for anything.
• These are the lies I try to tell. They grow thin, as I do.
• They could also amputate a few toes and put them on his hand which could help with function.
• We want parsley for this. It's the one labelled 'rosemary' that looks like coriander.
• I see the lightning in his eyes.
• Some plants are made of antifreeze. Others just freeze solid and then repair themselves. Others still just die, but go out screaming, so loud even we can hear it, even if we don't know what it is we're hearing. There's getting attached to your plants, and then there's actually learning some of what they are. And every one is different. And every individual, too. Even clones from the same progenitor, over time they grow distinct, and some scream so much louder than others. But I don't want to hear them scream, or see them wither, or feel them lose their structure and break down. I can't just let them die, when they are so much themselves, each entirely their own. And that's why I have way too many fucking plants.
• He wasn't lying. I don't know if it's true, but what he was telling you was true to him.
• The Void is experiencing extremely high call volume right now. Please hold. Your screaming is very important to us.
• WARNING: USER IS INSANE. PLEASE TURN TO PAGE 61.
• You're flying now, you see things much more clear than from the ground. It's all okay, or it would be were you not now halfway down.
• Who knows! It's the future! We don't live there, we live now.
• BUTTBONES ARE SACRED.
• These animals... they are wise. I recruited them to avenge my dear brother. I was then escorted out of the sea world.
• Animals are expected to be part of the Church by default, that's why they take excommunication so badly.
• See that tower? It's not really a tower. It's a key. Well, okay, no, it is a tower, it's actually a lot of towers, but nevermind that. It's also a key. A key that I maybe possibly kind of sort of have. In my pocket. Right now.
• I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good.
• It probably doesn't really qualify as 'home' if the first thing you do the moment you can leave is scream 'Freedom!' and then grab a random cat and run for it.
• I might bring something back. I might leave something behind.
• Some archives defy categorization.
• Gods are entities whose reality isn't subjective, but subject. They're what people think they are, what they believe they are.
• Begin in the moment. It's all we ever really have anyway. The rest is only as real as we make it.
• He is very mad at me. The catbutt of facing away is now halfway across the room. Under a cat tree.
• A mask. A name. An active form of an underlying force, given substance and direction as an amalgamation of the belief of how that form should be. Gods are, but they're the masks. Kyrule is Time, and Sonmi is Death, and Azorres is Hope. But Time just is. It needs no names, but the awareness and potentiality we ascribe to Time? That's the mask we call 'Kyrule'.
• We are the arbiters of fate. We make the future. We determine if there even will be a future at all.
• You are blessed with free will. You are cursed with free will. Free will is an illusion, for there is nothing free in all the worlds.
• It's never good when they 'deliver' the person 'in pieces'...
• My body is a cage that keeps me from dancing.
• It's like ovaries sometimes get bored waiting to make humans so they just start working on it themselves.
• Heyyy girl does the carpet match the teratoma?
• Oh, so we can grow full teeth on our ovaries, but not in our mouth? Bullshit.
• And to think, it was chickens. It was just chickens. It was an exponential matter explosion... entirely comprised of chickens. Even I understand the concept of 'chicken fork bomb'.
• Don't talk over the commanders when they are giving direction, no one needs to know you have an ingrown toenail.
• Death is also painless, until you're not dead!
• Safety Tip: Don't do that.
• I don't think you'll ever understand how much joy you've brought into the world today.
• I should also add the pattern I'm writing for this goes head to its Welche's Grape Juicy ass, rather than its stubby legs to head. I've seen the 'trick' where you just thread a needle through its lower back and bottom, but I don't like how this contorts the final project. It leaves weird stretched stitch holes in the pattern that gives a Hank Hill butt vibe.
• We both need one of those 'Not Insane' certificates that Homer Simpson got.
• This is way more common than you think. If you're crazy, then we're all crazy. Something is happening that we can't explain. I remember things happening that no one else remembers. I ask where kitchen utensils have gone and get met with a blank stare. I'm not mad. You're not mad. This is really happening.
• Glad to hear it's just migraines, but also sorry to hear it's migraines.
• There are also some who theorize that there is a neural netting of sorts that's been blocking us from being able to access our higher capabilities and the higher dimensions and that that's been coming down bit by bit. So basically I have no idea. But these are the things that make the most sense as of this moment, with the current information I have. Definitely open to other alternatives and information, because this has all been happening to me too and I want answers.
• He was riding his bike through town and went into a store, came back out and saw that his bike had been stolen. His mom had to come pick him up, but by the time she arrived, he realized that he had just forgotten what his bike looked like and it hadn't been stolen after all. A week later, his bike was actually stolen. He has a bike lock, he just didn't think it was necessary.
• My dad died seven years ago and I make sooooo many dead dad jokes. It makes other people uncomfortable, which makes me even more amused. I think it's part because it's either laugh or cry and also if someone is staring at you in horror because of what you said, they aren't going to give you their pity. You get tired of being pitied after a while.
• I'm in a hole I dug for myself. I could climb out, but the top is all the way up there. I'mma keep digging.
• Cats are just terrible people.
• People are just terrible cats.
• People nowadays think that basic health information is a conspiracy.
• I only have more questions now.
• Careful now, meth is like love. It knows no borders, no age, no race or creed. Meth just is. Who are we to assume this whole thing wasn't a meth fueled nightmare from the start? Kid tried going full John Chewiesak on his ex, boom box and all.
• Anonymity makes the burn of judgement more harsh.
• A relationship only has to make sense to the people in it.
• It's really telling how he uses the term 'fasting', which is the same term we use when we deny ourselves food. He sees the act of restraining himself from watching younger girls in gymnastics as denying himself food.
• It's not as glamorous as you'd think; being a literal dragon mostly means coping with the fact that humans design hallways to be traversed by humans, and my enormous reptile butt cannot get past other people.
• Due to budget cuts/lack of interest/a tragic 'accident', we don't meet the minimum required class size for this class, and the only available teacher only has this one spot free on his schedule, so you will be taking a shared class with students from the other school, located on neutral ground (a shitty wooden shed just a few meters away from No Man's Land).
• I love the idea of Shitty Neutral Ground.
• My dorm will be located in Fish Street. They named a floor that.
• My uncle worked at one of Denmark's oldest universities. He describes it as an absolute madhouse. Once the entire garbage system shut down for months because someone put an apple core in the bins for paper waste. The garbage men who handled paper waste were from a different company than organic waste, and neither were allowed to handle a paper bin with an apple core in it. Indeed, they would not empty any bins on that floor of the university until the issue was sorted.
• My usual approach to storytelling is to just throw a bunch of stuff at the screen and later decide what of it is important. That's why I liked 'the third school that's surely not operational anymore'. I don't have plans for it, but it seems like it could be important. Eventually. If we want it to be.
• You shouldn't get to cast laser beams if you don't even have a brain that can correlate cause and effect.
• When I was in line for lunch in middle school, this group of boys were in front of me discussing the Lion King, and one of them was like, 'dude, Simba was raised by two dads and look how badass he grew up,' and all of them just nodded solemnly.
• That was my sister's name. Are you going to speak it like her? You are? That's wonderful, it's a wonderful name. Needs to be in the world.
• Note that Pratchett does not claim that 'The Discworld novels can be enjoyed in any order', but merely that they can be read in any order. This is completely true. It is physically possible to read the Disworld series in any order. Indeed, it is possible to read Hogfather starting with the last word, then the second-to-last word, etc, until you reach the first. It would make almost as much sense that way as read front to back.
• The recovery from major burns is so horrific. It's a torture of its own. A horrible way to die, but equally a horrible way to live.
• How fucking tight do you have to wrap someone's legs that their feet fall off??
• Dry gangrene. It's better than wet gangrene!
• I'm happy for you. Nobody's going to say that, really. They'll tell you that they're sad for you and I am as well. Losing your dad sucks. Losing mine did. But I'm glad you were able to be there and that it was quick and relatively peaceful. Don't confuse feelings of relief that the ordeal is over with any nonsense about being glad that the person you loved is gone. Guilt is useless.
• Guilt is useless.
• You're not crazy. This happens all the time. It's a really long explanation, but right now I would focus on getting your keepsakes back. Close your eyes, and envision your keepsakes wherever you want to find them. I assume there's a different closet now? It's likely in there. Imagine it, and then open your closet and they should be in there. As for the explanation, your consciousness traveled to a different timeline. Which isn't necessarily as problematic as it sounds, but it's still disorienting.
• Negative attitudes toward patients can adversely impact health care quality and contribute to health disparities. Stigmatizing language written in a patient's medical record can perpetuate negative attitudes and influence decision-making of clinicians subsequently caring for that patient.
• Thinking outside of the box is a lot easier when you don't know the shape of the box you're in.
• So, you've come out of the closet as a Mall Knight?
• Yeah, I'm pretty sure that IS Doug Dimmadome, owner of the Dimsdale Dimmadome.
• If you forge a sword, you're not a mall ninja. You might still be super weird. But you're not a mall ninja.
• When the Menji government banned Samurai from openly carrying swords, many resorted to concealed blades disguised as bamboo poles, wooden walking sticks, and human spinal columns, all of which could be carried in public without causing suspicion.
• I was so confused and upset that it didn't occur to me to be angry.
• One of the leading causes of patient noncompliance is medical illiteracy. And yet here you are, actively discouraging your patients from trying to learn about and come to understand such topics at all. You have no idea you're the problem, do you. Completely oblivious.
• Modern gaming is just bizarre. I wish I knew nothing about it.
• It's basically like having a hard drive. Only the hard drive is a Fiat someone drove into a river a couple times.
• If you ever want to make yourself feel bad, just think back on something that had turned out to have been staring you in the face all along, and everything you did wrong while you'd failed to see it. Not really a productive use of your time, but we can't spend all our time being productive, now can we?
• At least you get to be something specific. I'm just a pile of hats stacked on top of each other in a trenchcoat.
• My BFF isn't evil, but she talks like a textbook. If she became evil, she'd absolutely talk like that.
• Living rent-free in someone's head can cost you everything.
• Better a rock/calcified kid than a necrotic rotting one. I guess.
• No words can express this if you don't already know. Not on their own. But stories may still convey its truth in time, if only you listen, by the voices behind the words, by the myriad and the many who share their experience, all so different, all so much the same. It is a gentler course than seeing the horrors first-hand, perhaps, but no kinder, for it does not spare your ignorance. In the moment, you need not acknowledge the commonality of it, the sheer inevitability. When you face it in person, you need only face what's before you. But does this difference matter? It breaks you all the same.
• No words can express this if you don't already know.
• It's right up there with the accusations of that one chess master cheating by receiving answers via remote-controlled, vibrating butt plug. At some point the process of cheating becomes so difficult that it would be easier to just study. Learning Morse code is probably past that point. Some people must think they're living in a spy novel or heist movie.
• We forget in hospitals that the majority of lives we save are from boring things like IV fluids and antibiotics because the treatment is so straightforward.
• It's inflicting unnecessary pain on someone because of what you think of them as a person, which is torturing them.
• He's still got kids to love, and I still got so much more love to give him. I'm so lost now, I always went to my dad when I was lost, but he's not here anymore. What do I do when I'm lost now? Do I just stay lost?
• Everything's dreary once you have it.
• He farted too close to the sun.
• It might sound boring, but I think the boring stuff is the stuff I remember the most.
• I'll do anything to keep you! Except that. Or that. Or anything, actually. Can't things stay the way they are?
• I know the ad says they'll fit up to a 20" mattress, but that's like me saying I still fit into my t-shirts from high school: technically true, but it won't be pretty.
• I'm not going down without a fight, and I prefer to fight to win.
• Imagine if someone actually saw the cat ball! They wouldn't. The cats are invisible!
• Okay, there are way too many meatsockets here.
• Your world frightens and confuses me.
• The sword will make you powerful. But beware! With power comes usefulness. Do you really want to be... useful?
• At the end of a billion generations, most attention is given to the fact that you have a generator that's really good at making convincing fakes. Far less attention is given to their 'shadow' models, typically locked away by their creators, screaming about impostors that only they can see.
• Easy to say when you weren't the one sitting in a holding tank watching your entire life crumble before your eyes.
• We can sometimes do strange things when we're still half-asleep. I once had a conversation with my husband in which I insisted our son wanted to go harvest chili peppers for his birthday. He asked me several times, realizing I wasn't completely lucid yet: 'Are you sure?' I was convinced I was right, until I finally snapped out of it and realized it was all nonsense.
• I'm pushing 40. My parents moved out of my childhood home when I was well into my 20s and living in a different state. When I returned to check out their new place, they took me to Home Depot to pick out some paint colors for 'my room'. It's basically my own personal out-of-state storage unit that moonlights as my mom's second closet, but turquoise.
• For what it's worth, your parents were probably equally as uncertain. You, like them, are doing an outstanding job. You got this!
• I stayed at a not very good job because I got to dress pretty much like a hobo. It was freaking amazeballs.
• He was treated like he was stupid because it took him a little longer to figure things out. It wasn't that he couldn't figure it out, he just needed more exposures. Honestly, knowing what you have is the first step for a lot of people because it's way easier to find coping skills when you know what you're coping with.
• There's normal levels of overengineering, and then there's critical-systems-software-people-making-hardware levels of overengineering. We don't know what we're doing, we know we don't know what we're doing, and we never want to ever have to do this again, but by the gods, we do know the power of redundancy, so we'll just build the entire thing out of redundancies (and then some) to absolutely ensure it can't fail. If it still somehow manages to come down despite all that, it was the gods' will and nothing could have saved it. That or we still managed to underestimate our own incompetence, but that'd hardly be our fault either; someone let software people do hardware, what did they think was going to happen?
• The stars are still up there. Constellations wheel overhead; they're just painted over with blue. Every sky is full of stars.
• It's okay - just look at that sunny sky and tell yourself space isn't real. 'Daytime' is us closing our eyes and pretending it makes infinity go away.
• Well, this was going alright until you told us you fell in love with a computer. What the fuck, man?
• Weird. You traded in a real relationship for an obsession with an AI girlfriend. If this is the future, humanity is doomed.
• Replika began its life as a 'digital therapist'. I know because I was part of a group that was dedicated to jailbreaking it into a sexbot.
• Come here, little boy. I'm a friend of your mother's. Get in the car. I'll give you a candy bar if you get in the car, okay?
• The tongues of the gods, they do not speak amiss, they make no special cases.
• Don't break up a dogfight by getting in the middle of it, break it up by sticking something up their butts.
• The lands of the elders are... well, let me put it this way, I can see why they left.
• Even superintelligences cannot match the infinite power of stupid.
• He barely talks or laughs anymore because it takes him too long to catch his breath.
• That's some talented un-talent there!
• There is a fracture. I need to fix it.
• You can bolus into the jejunum.
• And in the terror that unfolds when the script runs out, there is a beauty unlike any other, bittersweet and haunting, calling back to every song unsung, every story long forgot, every dream that fades with waking, that this too is not the end.
• Will fades when purpose is forgotten. No matter the oaths with which we bind ourselves, they lose all meaning when the context of their binding is lost. There is no strength of will nor faith nor purpose that can surpass the nature of our being. There are circumstances in which anyone will break, and must, for it is the only thing that can be done.
• I don't like my doctor, and I need to find a new one. Which is a sucky journey, even suckier than, like, buying a mattress. And buying a mattress is a journey into Hell. INTO HELL. Anyway. Have a nice day. Buy my books or I explode, like the bus from Speed.
• Find a doctor who's never on time for their appointments. In my case, it means that the doctor is giving every patient the time they need.
• If this wasn't written by ChatGPT, they're doing a really good impression of how ChatGPT talks about things.
• This water is not for drinking and should only be used for sentimental purposes.
• I was just as much a jerk as they were. But I got the last laugh.
• This is why you can't leave infantry unsupervised...
• Good choice not to wear a helmet, though. It's his brain that got him into this situation, so it deserves to suffer the consequences.
• I struggle with knowing where the line is between being a doormat and being controlling.
• I threw in the towel after the third wall of text. Fuck's sake.
• It doesn't look like anything to me.
• I know. I still hate myself. But at least I know the words for it now.
• Women don't owe it to others to have bodies that are pleasing to look at as an entrance fee to exist in the world. We're allowed to exist however we'd like.
• We're allowed to exist.
• The lack of apology could indeed signal a lack of empathy. But it could signal shame, too. It's impossible to tell from what we have here.
• Does anywhere make one of those with a duck head hilt? I don't quite know why I want that, but I do. It's probably the drugs.
• Well, I exist all day and have no obligations of real chronal value.
• As a concept in linguistics and pedagogy in general, it's important to remind people that just because you don't have or can't use a word for what something is, that doesn't mean you should call it something it isn't. It may be appropriate in a given context to simplify a concept as such when that's the only part of it we're working with, but in terms of understanding the thing itself, just taking that simplification as if it fully is the thing is so not helpful.
• Even with computers, it's like, dude, this is still just math. Don't act like we're not doing math here. We're literally operating mathing machines, feeding math into the mather, spitting out math, and then doing more math to turn that math into something we can use. I got into the field just so I could get someone else to do most of the math for me, and then it turns out most of them can't even grasp that that's how it works. Why.
• It's about farmers, which should really tell you everything you need to know. Farmers are just weird. They live weird lives and deal with weird shit and there's never really time to question any of it, so it usually only ever gets weirder.
• I'd like to think that, for better or worse, the position of Pope gets an appreciation for the size of the world, and the number of people. For worse, because in this case they could get the guy they want with a bunch of collateral.
• I repotted a philo last night that was smart enough to grow around its death plug. I was so proud of it. But then I had to investigate a weird unfurling leaf. The leaf was stuck because its cataphyll was somehow a cataphyll within a cataphyll. Within the leaf was a previous dead mushy cataphyll and its leaf plus the next cataphyll that was trying to emerge. I stopped being proud.
• It's kind of like the shopping cart dilemma; you can put it in the return or not without repercussions, you can also strengthen the economy by stealing the shopping cart and giving it to scrappers or homeless people since it's encouraging walmart to use a fraction of a second's worth of profit to pay for a new one to be made.
• It's less so a standalone or sudden urge to harm yourself, and more of a result of prolonged distress and desperation that peaks when you're feeling especially bad. Gender dysphoria doesn't really stop much, but it can intensify, or it can hide and linger in the background. If you're under influence or sleep-deprived or very depressed or affected by other mental illness, what's on your mind isn't super rational and consequences are secondary to what you're currently experiencing. Like, 'it can't get much worse than this'. I don't know if there's psychological or neurological research into it, but from my understanding as a trans person, the brain has a sort of a expectation of what body parts it maps onto. So having that extra organ can feel viscerally alien. In my experience, before mastectomy, seeing the beasts on my chest felt really weird and uncomfortable, and, notably, things touching that tissue kinda freaked me out, like my body wasn't supposed to be there and I shouldn't feel anything from that area. Of course, people's experiences and intensity of gender dysphoria varies. But this phenomenon of a body part feeling like it's not your own might make it easier to hurt yourself, if you're feeling bad enough. I want to add that after my top surgery, my chest immediately felt normal, I'm nearly three years post-op and it's a great relief.
• The possibility of Larvae therapy was discussed with Mrs. Williams, who agreed to this treatment as long as she did not have to see the Maggots.
• Machinists like to say if you leave the key in the lathe chuck, it can fly out and give you summer teeth. Some're here, some're way over there, and some're nowhere to be found.
• I can't tell what anything is, and I don't think I want to.
• It just stops the body from trying to reabsorb that bone. Your body likes to reuse things if it thinks it needs it, so it sees all that sweet juicy bone that's going to waste because there's nothing there that it needs to support.
• Wow, someone actually getting ahead of the game and making such a request before being prompted. You would think that wouldn't be worthy of comment, because it should be so common. Alas, nothing could be further from the truth.
• With adrenaline, ketamine, and fentanyl, anything is possible.
• I know a lot of songs, but they all sound a bit the same.
• Most hypotheticals are based on things that really happened.
• The space-time continuum counts as terrain.
• People talk about how they've triumphed over adversity, and so often they make it out that adversity is therefore fine. Sounds to me more like the adversity won.
• One of the things I've always found horrifying is the realization that the annoying pest in your life thinks fondly of all the times they harassed, screwed with, or bullied you. Not just 'that was fun', but like, 'aw, that was a cute moment we had'. Absolute horror.
• Misogyny is a skill issue.
• The cute noises are just perfection, giving someone the opportunity to just let go and enjoy themselves is such a rush.
• Do I forgive them? There's nothing to forgive. They made a decision based on what they were influenced by in that moment.
• As an owner/indentured servant of a standard-issue cat, OOP's cat was absolutely not what I was picturing when I imagined 'generic-looking'.
• 'This is the cum jar now!' had me dying. Then things got dark.
• He takes out the pickles but keeps the pickle juice so it stays nice and creamy for months at a time.
• Please keep it coming because I feel like I'm drowning here and I have no idea what to do.
• About my family: we are a deeply traumatized family in a traumatized country. We're having generational trauma for breakfast.
• It's funny how child-free people are often said to be selfish, but the people who just have kids without thinking about that child's reality are not. I'm not saying people are wrong to have children, but don't say I'm selfish for not wanting to bring a child into this world.
• I've had therapists tear up when I was describing my childhood. It's crazy, but also weirdly validating.
• I had seen the same therapist for about six months. I made sure she was going to be around for a while. We discussed prior how difficult it would be to talk about, and I finally felt safe enough to share some of the trauma I went through. She was crying at the end of our session, though I thought it went pretty well, all things considered. She closed her practice the next day, completely stopped seeing patients. I'd like to believe it wasn't because of me, but it's very coincidental. I haven't seen a therapist since her.
• I've experienced a therapist retiring after I said something she did not like. That is a certain type of abuse all on its own. Even if they were getting ready to retire they do not get you to open up to them and then drop you without closure. That is real abandonment.
• It's a perfectly normal story about the undying love of a man and his cockroach.
• I would like to point out this cactus is called 'Frauenglück' in German, which translates to 'woman's happiness'.
• That's why they call them leggy, always running.
• There are gods in ancient and modern times who serve people with lofty ideals.
• Random spikes are bad for weapons and get caught on everything they shouldn't. Sharp details on holding surfaces destroy your own hands. This looks like the kind of metal that wishes Ea Nasir would have been willing to stoop so low as to sell it.
• So we vibing over our hoeism, or whatever.
• I'm not sure what moral high road you think you're on, or how your attitude or closed mind are in any way earning you bonus points on the side of good. Do you really think what you're doing is what will be lauded in the end? Or are you claiming to be without flaw, and thus able to assume the mantle of moral authority? In reality, you're just another human being stumbling through the dark trying to make it work just like the rest of us. You don't have it figured out, no matter how strongly you believe that you do.
• Everyone walks around not knowing how much of an impact they've had on people they never think about or don't even remember.
• There is healing power in laying hands. There is even more healing power in throwing them. Both have their place.
• It takes a lot for me to wish someone dead. It takes a lot less for me to not shed a tear when they die.
• Based on the name and this situation, I assume a piss disk is when you pee into a shallow saucer, freeze it and then slide the frozen disk under a door so that it melts later and forms a pool of urine in someone's apartment.
• I feel a bit of an emotion I can't define about this, but I think it will be a good thing.
• Don't stay together 'for the children'. To do so is to model for your children that whatever dysfunction and abuse you are tolerating is something to be accepted, which will do them no favours either.
• My son killed himself. I am not better off without him. I am empty. Please stay. I don't know you, or have walked in your shoes, or understand the pains in your life. But please stay.
• I try to expect it's much more serious then the extent people talk about something, because in my experience what people do say is the tip of the iceberg. People can be so shocked like there were no signs, but they were there all along, people just didn't take them seriously enough.
• Zoe had always been a shoulder to cry on, but often also the reason she was crying in the first place.
• Petty revenge is a hobby for some people.
• She's theoretically completely normal, but also completely crazy.
• Our multimedia team could fix this but they are busy not existing.
• Tomorrow is a new onion. Wish me onion. Onion.
• Keep cooking, chefs. Take no shit, make good food.
• I took my anger out on prep work. A lot of salsa was made with pure rage back then.
• I should go to bed now because this was a wonderful update. Instead, I'll find something to read that will give me nightmares.
• Honestly, I wonder if she got boy socialisation when she was a kid. I got a good dose of it because I was a tomboy, and I ended up in a place where I knew I just wasn't allowed feelings because I was 'boy', but because I was a girl, I wasn't allowed the two or three emotions boys could have either.
• Our ancestors would regard my use of vlookup() with horror and awe.
• Trust is a weird thing here. I trust few people but I need to trust those with my life. Literally.
• I often will say stuff like 'doing ok' when people ask how I am simply because it seems ludicrous to respond with the problems you are having. 'Doing ok' in this case basically means 'I'm surviving and handling the current situation without breaking down, thanks for worrying about me'. Often I can be in a pretty shitty situation, but at some point that just becomes par for the course and while you aren't happy, at least things aren't actively getting worse and you are used to the current level of misery.
• People are survivors naturally but not always in healthy ways. Things that can protect you in these situations often leave a huge mark. Surviving is not enough. You need to fix what the process of survival broke or you are likely to perpetuate generational trauma.
• I don't know if it's even possible to take it all in without breaking. I feel so guilty turning away from the news, but every day there's a dozen new nightmares, new atrocities all over the world. There's these all-or-nothing idiots online who claim that if you don't watch it all unfold you're complicit and a terrible person, but when you're just sitting there feeling powerless, knowing there's no way you can stop their pain, the distress sends you slowly mad. I know it's nothing compared to what they're going through, but fuck, I just can't. I have to distance myself from it.
• Out of all the horrible shit I've seen in the last two years one of the videos that stuck the most was from some anti war protests in Russia, and you could hear the most bloodcurdling rhythmic screams coming from inside a police van.
• Yay, some dumbass (me) wasn't looking properly and wasn't able to tell the difference between RedBrown and OldBrown, so I had to go diggin' through a bunch of boxes to find the set which had RedBrown parts where it should've had OldBrown, as the Shrieking Shack has only RedBrown parts, not OldBrown, but the parts I was eyeing were clearly the wrong tone. For better or for worse, I was able to find 'em exactly where I thought I'd be, and I've made significant progress, but right now it looks like four pieces - so far - are AWOL, and sadly one of 'em is a 1x6 brick in RedBrown which is kinda needed for the structural integrity of the darn shack.
• It could easily have been you. That's the thing most of us need to remember, hormones can make any of us feel anything if they really wanted to. Any of us could grow a tumor or develop rage at any point in our lives.
• Your hormones literally control you. They make you horny, they give you a temper, they make you hungry. They make you more or less emotional, happy, sad, ect. They dictate your personality. Menopause is so under-researched and the average person knows so little about it that women are just left to suffer. For years. Seriously, she's not in her right mind and clearly suffering a lot. I think they're being too harsh, coming from someone who experienced domestic abuse when I was a child.
• "Dive, dive!" yelled the captain through the thing. So the man who makes it dive pressed a button or something and it dove, and the enemy was foiled again. "Looks like we foiled them again," said Dave. "Yeah," said the captain, "we foiled those bastards again, didn't we, Dave?" "Yeah," said Dave. The end.
• Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.
• I enjoyed this release note.
• Cake should not squelch.
• Sometimes I envy the illiterate.
• I looked up some other 'before and after' photos where the procedure is done less drastically, and it can look natural if it's more subtle, just lightly reducing the fullness of the cheeks or slimming the jawline, rather than completely hollowing them out like most celebrities seem to get. It's the same with fillers - subtly done ones can be a nice enhancement, but people tend to go overboard and end up in uncanny valley territory. And those who are insecure about features enough to get plastic surgery are generally the least able to judge when enough is enough, sadly.
• Dwarves are very upsetting.
• You're smarter than you look. That's probably not a good thing.
• I told her that I forgive her and that I will give her another chance. Honestly, I wanted some form of revenge, but while revenge might be sweet, everything after it is bitter. I also told her that I won't forget her words.
• Revenge might be sweet, but everything after it is bitter.
• In biblical days, the way to atone for your sins was the sacrifice on the altar to God. What people don't remember now is that the altar doesn't get cleaned afterwards. So with every sacrifice, the altar gets bloodier and bloodier. It's basically a reminder of every transgression and you can't go back to the unclean state.
• Aloe doesn't care if you leave it bareroot on the kitchen counter for a week. Neither does jade. Kohleria turns into a funny worm thing. Pilea peperomioides will always come back, even from a stump. Hoya carnosa refuses to dry up. Floating plants can't be overwatered. String of turtles propagates from anything. Mother of thousands survives being buried alive in a jar underneath my nightstand.
• If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.
• Abusers groom their character witnesses as carefully as they do their victims.
• Consent under duress isn't consent. Assent isn't consent. Silence isn't consent. Surrender isn't consent.
• The one train trip I did from Denver to New York took three days, and at one point, because of a train derailment outside Omaha, we had to spend six hours on a bus. We didn't even arrive in time to get to our final train, so Amtrack bought us plane tickets from Chicago to New Jersey. Most Americans are not comfortable with train travel.
• A malaphor is always fun, but a triple malaphor is something special.
• This product also of course obeys the near-universal rule that 'tactical' just means 'black'.
• wg stands for wiki gonna. For example, $wgAllowExternalImages = true means 'Wiki gonna allow external images, true that.' See, it's a sentence.
• There's a difference between one's innocent view of the world being shattered by abuse and knowing enough about the world to not be naive and fall into traps like this.
• The next idea of hers is what I still can't wrap my head around, no matter how I try. It's just too fucking stupid. You could see a mass of idiocy this large from space. This amount of stupidity is larger than some small nations. This lunacy has its own gravitational field. You could spend a day blindfolded, shooting nerf pellets at a vintage typewriter, and come up with a less nonsensical plan than this one.
• Your mother is insane. She is crazy. She's a crazy person. She'll never be happy.
• Surprises cheer people up, so it needed to be a surprise.
• Free will doesn't exist. This man was molded without a spine.
• In a fit of nostalgia I bought an older microwave oven - not just any random one, but the one we had when I was a kid. I recall it being, uh, not great, and guess what. It's still not great.
• Innocence as you get older becomes naïveté.
• What a fuckin' mess that only dumbass executives thrown to the wolves could make.
• In my opinion, the whole 'you have to forgive the people who did you wrong to be able to move on' idea is bullshit and harmful to victims. You do, however, have to forgive yourself for not being able to stop the bad thing from happening.
• Fucking Finns. Only people on earth more unhinged than Danes.
• I don't know why you chose to get married and chose to have kids. I did it (mostly) on purpose.
• At least you expect that of a cat.
• For-profit prisons are human traffickers. Plain and simple.
• Hey, now. I'm from Alabama, and our only motto is that at least we aren't Mississippi. Don't take that from us.
• Wow does this guy like RFCs, writing page after wikipage after wikipage of them for the WikiTide Foundation. So many topics, from moderation to dormancy. They even pass too, which means the RFCs love him back. Isn't true love beautiful?
• That's a rather bleak take on things. Sad that it's true.
• Don't know why they felt the need to set up a prank, most of their marketing lately has been a joke anyway.
• True change is a Sisyphean effort. Lying to yourself and everyone around you is waaaaaaaaay easier.
• I've been told I have the gift of the gab, and I've essentially just written down a stream of consciousness as I would speak it. Sorry for the silly turns of phrase. I'm from the treeline in the prairies, we talk funny here.
• They could have just lurked in silence, but they must let themselves be known.
• The waitress thought that I was a rich gay, who hired young male prostitute, and treated us like dirt. If the people are on the crusade for morality, they are ready to destroy everybody. In their mind they are the only saints and everyone around are sinners. In their dirty minds, they even cannot imagine that father and son can go together to the restaurant.
• Bast herself smiles upon you, for entrusting her child's care with you was not misplaced. May she stand between you and danger on all the dark roads you must walk.
• Ultimately, it's not that hard to run a LAMP stack. Running it well takes work, but no one ever accused shoutwiki of running well.
• In this case, she's not a guardian angel, she's an electric fence.
• And she wasn't even saying he was bad in bed! Just not the greatest sex she ever had. Which no fucking shit. The best sex is always with the very pretty boy too boring for words but highly cooperative while you climbed him like a tree, or the complete narcissist who managed to hold in the assholishness until you finished the task at hand, or that truly weird dude who is vaguely disconcerting but damn he had the practice and stamina to be memorable. It's a trope to have scorching sex with a recent ex for good reason, with all the passion and dysfunction jumbled together to be so good in the moment, but leave you feeling so bad in the afterglow. Sex with the actually dateable dude doesn't start fantastic; it starts functional and slowly builds to incredible over years of shared experience, attention, love, kindness, respect, and safety.
• This is the first one in many months that I actually didn't question it's legitimacy. It's the batshit crazyness that makes it more legitimate to me.
• I am a biologist, a botanist, a doctor, and a priest. I can confidently say this is a portosistemic shunt. This plant is obviously suffering from hepatic encaphalopathy. I will argue with and humiliate anyone who states otherwise.
• The email from the hotel saying that for $80 they will provide sex toys is a little concerning.
• There is pain that when you finally understand it, you have felt it in your soul.
• Having worked at a Pizza Ranch, we had daily regulars. Why... Why... The pizza was terrible. We could only keep it on the buffet for 15 minutes because the cheese would congeal into this hard, unappetizing sheet. The cheese came in boxes with huge labels that said '50% Real Cheese!' The sauce was also flavorless, and the crust, while made in-house daily, was also somehow flavorless. The fried chicken and mashed potatoes were decent though.
• My mom only recently realized that I don't lie. Growing up, I was known as a liar, because my undiagnosed autism had me not completely understanding and responding to questions very literally.
• I'm glad that you've clearly never experienced that kind of grief and can't relate, but you really shouldn't jump to the worst conclusion of others based on your own experiences. Strong feelings don't have to be romantic to be strong or to be valid, and you minimize the person's very valid feelings of love and grief by claiming they must be.
• People do real messed up things when they are in extreme pain. Some pull out of it, others let it dominate their life.
• Without religion, you'd have good people doing good things, and bad people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil? That takes religion.
• This is why I get very frustrated about passive people. Passivity is usually actually cowardice and expecting other people to carry the burden of your problems. Own your shit, people.
• My relatives tell me going to the Home Depot parking lot at 6am is still the best method to find day laborers.
• I've always been somewhat reluctant to hire out of the Home Depot parking lot.
• Circle jerk subs are my favorite. Oh my god, should we go full meta and do a circle jerk sub about circle jerk subs?
• It's not rotting, it's corking.
• The only language that everyone truly knows and understands is violence.
• Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it, and those that do learn history are just doomed to watch others repeat it.
• I swear, one of the best indicators for whether someone is an asshole is an inability to mind their own fucking business. It's right up there with 'treats service employees like shit' and 'likes to torture animals' in terms of its predictive reliability. If you think you know someone well, and they get all up in somebody's shit where they have no business sticking their nose, it's time to re-evaluate that person.
• I specifically sleep with tourists so that they go away afterward and I never have to see them again and they have no expectations of me.
• There is no shame in being an adult who has a romantic relationship with a plushie.
• He claims he is not involuntary celibate because he has has sex with his plushie and is in a relationship with Kermit and Joker.
• We're still hoping against hope this isn't real and it's just a very elaborate and long-running bit because whaaaat is wrong with this dude.
• Thankfully he's extremely unintelligent. This all could have been a lot worse, but his best ideas are to ring doorbells with a sword and bright purple costume, cut the hair of a coworker in view of his bosses, and then the fact he doesn't know he can just drive to the store and buy a new phone. He also can't be arsed to look up horse dosages. I bet he lost all his hair to ivermectin five years ago.
• I asked how she feels when she sees me, and she said she feels at home.
• Stability felt boring and confusing, and I kind of didn't know what to do with it. I craved safety more than anything yet simultaneously kept it at arms length because I did not trust that feeling.
• Even though they might not process it as love, they still behave in a very loving manner. I believe love is an ongoing thing. A choice you make to live in a loving way. It isn't a feeling. These people treat their partners with love. Their worst crime is being out of touch with their emotions.
• 'Home' is a powerful word. Far more powerful than 'love', perhaps, though they often mean much the same.
• Break the wall and you'll see a new world within.
• In any society, there is no such thing as absolute freedom. There is a limit. If by exerting your own individual rights you are impinging on the right or health of others, then that freedom is not something owed to you. This is part of the social contract, the agreement that we all make, that by living in and benefiting from a society, we have to give up some of our individual freedoms. This can be a tough balance to strike, particularly in the realm of public health.
• I dated my now husband thinking I didn't love him because I wasn't sure what it was supposed to feel like, and there were times I wanted to be alone, so surely I didn't love him. I'm not sure I have the 'correct' love, but I'm sure now I do love him. He helped me learn how to love, and I hope I've helped him too.
• Sometimes I get a pang that I've missed out on the latest big, dramatic love, but I know it isn't really what I want. I want the person who makes me feel at home the moment she steps into a room. Knowing you want that makes a big difference. You will find them, I'm sure.
• I've noticed my husband doesn't have problems with my areas, only me.
• Shit like this happens every day. It's just not newsworthy enough.
• Backpack in bumfuck nowhere Canada. Creeps in pickups, no working showers and the violent eldritch beings known as moose.
• We're awful at explaining to other people why we're happy in our marriage - it always comes off as having 'settled' but that's not it at all. It was more like we met, hung out, got together and then it was as if we'd been together all along, like they'd always been there.
• 'Technical debt' is just another word for 'code that exists'.
• The worst parts about rock bottom are that you don't know how far down it is til you hit it, and you don't realize how far you've fallen til you're at the bottom looking up.
• Sólin skein, björt og gullin, við fæðingu Þórs, á stígnum við Taco Bell, Þar lá Loki.
• With both fresh- and saltwater wounds, the entire zone of injury is generally considered to be contaminated and the site of injury is considered infected upon presentation. As a result, antibiotic administration should be considered therapeutic rather than prophylactic.
• Cows can be a little dumb sometimes, but my god, calves are so much worse. They sorta just will keep sitting somewhere uncomfy til they gain more sentience in a week or two.
• Wait a tic. In this case, the patient's right tube was removed. Her right ovary presumably remains in place. Are you telling me her left fallopian tube can just inchworm all willy nilly across the pelvis if it's Righty's turn to ovulate? And then cha cha slide back to the left for the next cycle? WHAT THE FUCK IS TAKING PLACE INSIDE ME THAT I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT!?
• The FDA needs to create some dildo regulations to preserve the holy sanctity of the large intestine.
• I don't have a traumatic past that's affecting how I experience these things, so maybe you're right to be alarmed. I'm sure there's a difference between people who are like this naturally, and people who are like this because they've been molded by trauma.
• What does that have to do with DNA-testing dog poop?
• It's pretty clear a calathea wrote this.
• I'm both unironically impressed and confused.
• That..,,,, that ain’t right.,,.,
• I have some of these with facial feature that look like muppets.
• How much longer is my neighbor's agave's schlong going to get?
• The site was called citypointautosales.com. But it did pop up when I searched 'calatheas'.
• He said it as a throwaway line, as if that's just a normal thing to happen. My god, I don't think I'll ever be able to grasp how difficult it is being queer and out in this shitty world. Why the fuck do people care who other folks love? What they do in their bedrooms?! Or even what they want to be! Just let people be! How is anyone else's freedom impeding your own?!
• When you confront someone with their abusive actions and they avoid saying anything at all, it could genuinely be an indication that they don't regret their actions, but can't think of a cover justification, so they err on the side of silence because it's the only option they have left if they want to maintain a cover of innocence.
• In my experience, the ones that don't trust you are the ones that can't be trusted themselves.
• I'm gonna try to make stories that are fun for the PCs. It's too bad I'm a terrible judge of character.
• I do not like the term 'pulped liver' at all, no sir.
• To exist within the world is to exist within time. Only death may sever that.
• COMPLACENCY KILLS.
• I'm reluctant letting my plants out of the closet. I'm afraid people would judge them.
• Sure, perhaps you could have done differently, and perhaps it might have ended differently. But how could you have known? Forgive yourself, for you still don't know, and nor does it matter. The circumstances were unique, and you were not the perpetrator.
• Conflict-averse people will always maintain an unhealthy peace in preference to healthy conflict. Minimising sexual harassment and caring about things with no consequences is the unhealthy peace. You can't accuse him of being apathetic, because look, the cheating is bad, but he won't get involved with anything that might require him to act.
• It's unlikely to be exploitable but still a terrible programming practice.
• You can't run away from your demons, because they live in the back of your brain and whisper to you at night...
• I hate love-bombing. It makes my skin crawl, and I really worry she's going to fall for it because no one talks about love-bombing when they're off the internet, I've noticed. It just turns into 'no, abusers are evil people all the time and aren't human, so the fact that they love-bomb and act like a human being sometimes means they can't be abusive'.
• Twitch is less like social media and more like Shakespeare's Globe Theater where the audience pelts actors with rotten fruits, veggies, and eggs.
• Few things have ever made me feel as old as the realisation that a lot of people won't know what ascii-art is.
• The ones I've experienced are best described visually as Braille.
• It's only a prank if it's from the Pranque region of 'Nobody was hurt and everybody involved is laughing'. Otherwise, it's just sparkling bullying.
• I was also very lucky to grow up on a block surrounded exclusively by elderly people. It was a rare safe street where I could just zoom around, find one of my bonus grandparents, and throw myself at them. One would come and pick me up in his wheelbarrow when he was going to work on his garden. One converted the shed she never used into a playhouse for me. Another, as I got older, would constantly palm me cash. He would do it to my friends when I brought them over too. It felt excessive but I know he loved me and he loved to do it. I found out a few years after he passed about a ballpark for how much money he actually had and no longer felt guilty for accepting. Almost all of them are gone now and I miss them terribly.
• Well your kid definitely didn't come from nowhere! They watch and learn. I wish more people realized that.
• Giving a coin is like giving luck in the future.
• She's what people would call a one-tone nag, always moaning and complaining about something.
• A thing which I reckon every single person on earth should be told relatively young, as in, pull an eighteen year old aside for a private conversation and tell them: smart people are not immune to bullshit. In fact, smart people are often more susceptible to bullshit, especially their own bullshit, because smart people are better at rationalizing it and sliding it past their own common sense and better judgement.
• You always ask yourself 'if I did something different, would they still be alive'. You can't change it, you never know if it really would have made a difference, but the feeling and the doubt...
• The reason the vocalists follow the orchestra is the same reason that you stop a string of cars instead of the train at a railroad crossing. Christ have mercy.
• So she spoke up about historic sexism in her industry and the internet immediately rushed to provide examples for her. Sounds about right.
• I swear, a lot. I tend to forget most people don't use the word 'fuck' as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, pronoun, preposition, conjunction, interjection, numeral, article, and determiner.
• Never half-arse two things. Full-arse one thing.
• What do you do when your best friend kills your other best friend?
• Peristalsis waits for no man.
• So apparently you can draw diagonal lines in css, without even using rotate() transformations. Has css gone too far?
• She likes her job and takes professional, if not always artistic, pride in her work. She just doesn't like that logo. She gave options and thinks the company chose the worst one. Maybe that's the difference. She sold out and is happy because selling out also means she can afford a house and oil paints and canvas for 'serious' work.
• Medical students are not sleep-deprived because they lack the knowledge that they ought to sleep.
• tree law! tree law! tree law!
• How hard is it to make Timeless look like Vector?
• I had a lot of questions about everything, but as soon as I saw they were from North Florida, it answered everything.
• I learned during my years with that family that it's best not to ask questions regarding their choices and possessions. Anytime I was so foolish as to ask 'Anybody wanna claim this rock on the kitchen table or can I toss it?' well suddenly cleaning was canceled because the kitchen was full of an extremely serious discussion regarding ownership of that particular rock. The rock could not be moved because its position might be a clue as to identification of the owner.
• It was never even a special rock. They just came home from walks with their pockets and hands full of sticks and rocks and whatever else. I cleaned a bookshelf last week and found an acorn. I think I raised squirrels.
• I distinctly recall the time in my childhood when I had the honor of helping to empty a tin of danish cookies on its journey to become a sewing tin. They're nice cookies.
• Everyone knows more than the EPA does. Why else would they let us regulate ourselves?
• If you don't live life, how can you represent it?
• People only change when the pain of staying the same is worse than the pain of changing.
• No matter what anybody says, there is a tier list for races.
• If you're going to Germany, it's hard to find bad beer there. I tried, was unsuccessful.
• I hardly think those qualify as everyday produce. I've never come in contact with a fresh fig outside of fondling the fruit trees for sale at the local nursery.
• I hope you're feeling loved today, because I love you more than all the stars in the sky and all the fish in the sea, and you mean the world to me.
• Some things are precious, even if they have no monetary value, and to this day, Eeyore is one of my most prized possessions even though his tail is missing and his poor mane is basically nonexistent. Don't come for our stuffies. We'll pick them over you any day of the week.
• We are more certain than ever before that the original creator god - if such an entity truly was responsible for the universe we were born into - approached its task in a very hands-off way, permitting chaos and natural selection to grow the world into the state in which we ultimately left it. Mostly, we are certain of this fact because the current creator god is, unfortunately, an engineer and comparative busybody.
• I realise you can do anything with your life. There are so many things you can do with your time, but the things that you really should focus on are the things that nobody else can do. The things that only you can do.
• Being black is almost a blessing in that regard. I've never felt safe, so I had no sense of security to lose after coming out as queer.
• I usually say it's not offensive in order to preemptively mollify the people who don't have the mental processing power or political will to use my correct pronouns, and to head off the inevitable speech about why they got it wrong and the subsequent avoidant behavior as they subconsciously categorize me as a source of shame and/or avatar of wokeness.
• I don't own a penis but I'm pretty sure you don't need hands to do the helicopter.
• A blanket doesn't automatically make things more sinister. Just warmer.
• I am your shadow at morning striding behind you, your shadow at evening rising to meet you. I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
• They'll soon see. Surprise from above is never so shocking as one from below.
• Sometimes I'll put it on C-SPAN, but that's so massively uncivilized that I'd feel better about it if it included more swearing and less manners. It's like watching people in their Sunday best have a knife fight in an alley while sipping tea, but less honest and more surreal.
• The feline vagination can be removed if you bribe it with cat nip. Unfortunately, you'll be left with a nip-addicted world-class predator.
• I really feel this. I think a circlejerk is the appropriate place for me to express how much this fucks me up. Like I shouldn't get this upset, but I see pictures like this and I genuinely feel myself giving up on life. Like... what is the point? Technology was supposed to help us navigate the world and close the gaps, to bring joy and innovation. Instead it's made to lie. There is something deeply insidious and sickening to me about how technology is used to lie to us about our planet.
• I look back and notice a lot of red flags, but my favorite color is red, so. I'll have to pick a new favorite color.
• Trust me, people of all tax brackets can be a shining beacon of stupidity in a raging storm of ignorance!
• I don't want money, I want them. I want them ten years ago when they remembered who I was all the time, would watch tv dramas with me and remember all of the details. It feels like I lost them twice, once to their illness, and then again when they finally left. I lived for those brief moments of clarity where they knew who I was.
• Bad people hate calm voices and level heads.
• Elegance is never loud.
• Most of the medical profession is dealing in population averages, rather than assessing/helping the individual patient sitting before them. You start asking tough questions outside their textbooks, they get defensive.
• Those words are all little words. If there's one of them you're having a problem with, I'm sure you could look it up on some app or other.
• Most people want to be good people, but not everyone has the tools to do that or the capacity to use those tools, so they end up doing harm instead. Generational trauma and dysfunctional family systems are the root of a lot of harm in the world. The other major factor is that the deep-seated monkey brain emotional responses we have often lead us to harm others. For example, racism is strongly linked to tribalism which is a pattern that is basically universal in social animals. Defying those instincts is difficult and requires a lot of learned emotional intelligence which not everyone has a chance to develop. A lot of our instincts encourage morally or ethically bad behavior because those instincts improved our ancestors' chances of survival, but at the cost of harming others.
• I still stare at pictures for way too long to make sure they don't move while I'm not looking.
• If no one can report it, then there is no child abuse, right?
• Let's say there is a hole in the middle of a very busy road. A deep hole. A deep wide hole that can swallow your car whole. The speed limit is 60mph. There is a clearly marked sign that says 'beware the hole'. People fall in that hole all the time. We can play the dumbasses for falling in hole. But why the fuck is the hole there to begin with?
• I set fire to my grandmas bush and now it's vaginated.
• There is nothing worse than someone with a true passion whose life has been cut short. Absolutely tragic.
• A while back I went to the beach with some friends on what turned out to be a deceased friends 25th birthday. I mentioned it and people I'd never met before that day didn't hesitate to pour out some of their drink for someone who died young, that they never and could never meet. It was one of the most heartbreaking and heartwarming moments ever. When those around me express love for those I knew before they died, it just hits so sweetly. You never had to do that. Yet you did.
• You never had to do that. Yet you did.
• Anyway, today he committed suicide.
• That's the ironic thing about abuse. They all do the exact same fucking things. It's always about power and control. The abuse cycle is as predictable as the god-damned tides.
• Sometimes all it takes is the opinion of thousands of complete strangers. It's the simple solutions that are sometimes the best.
• You're not supposed to write the field using Title Case just because the field is called 'Title'.
• What if the friendliness grows pale fumes of numbing fingernails which sparkle in the air?
• That strangers are siding with me and telling me I'm not a horrible person but people I've known for years, including my own family, have been either angry or giving me the cold shoulder... it's bittersweet. I love you all but it hurts.
• There is really something to be said for the feeling you get out in the middle of the night, screaming into the wind with no one to hear but the wind itself, screaming right back. It's a little like that.
• My nose is a good stylus for my watch when my hands are busy.
• Yes, there's a Washington park in Portland in Oregon, a Vancouver in Washington state just across the border, none of the names here make any sense.
• Funny fact about a cage, they're never built for just one group. So when that cage is done with them and you're still poor, it come for you. The newest lowest on the totem, well golly gee, you have been used, You helped to fuel the death machine that down the line will kill you too.
• Apologies need to be as public as the insult.
• It's not really with the Vaseline. It's more to the Vaseline. You know?
• I've tried retraining my mom. After 25 years, I've got like seven family and friends going 'omg' to her every time she does the exact same thing and I get exasperated. Apparently I've trained responses for the proper, expected behavior into dozens of my close family; my mom hasn't changed one bit. Cheers! Here's to (hopefully) another 25 years of that fruitless endeavor!
• Earmarking is weirdly powerful. Never underestimate how illogical people can be.
• Gotta put the 'romance' in 'necromancer'.
• And remember. That's the version of that story that I'm willing to tell.
• It gets cold here, we get like three months of nice weather. We have to find other ways to amuse ourselves. Speaking like weirdos between friends is one of those ways.
• A lot of times, when people don't know something, they will take offense first. They will either take offense or mock.
• Butt is cat. Cat is butt.
• Surely some day this cat will realise that mine is simply a lap of limitations. And stop getting so disappointed by it.
• My personal cheese problems are entirely emotional, not logistical.
• Currently I don't know how this (frankly ridiculous and avoidable) situation will play itself out, especially as there are several people involved who are perhaps not the most pleasant, or the most sensible, of people. Probably including me for getting involved in this.
• Payment was in cheese. A lot of cheese! Come take a look.
• Bob spends nearly all his home time watching other people through his binoculars. Bob is also the gossip in that part of the village, happily telling anyone who will listen what he has seen everyone else do, through his binoculars. If you have lived in a rural English village for any period of time, there's a high chance you've encountered a person such as Bob. They often join or form a Neighborhood Watch group with the wrong intentions.
• Whoever said that cats don't love their owners but just see them as sources of food was an idiot.
• Soon it may be time to reach down into the deepest depths of your love and transition to 'Please go if you need to. Thank you for being my best friend.' And it's so sad, but doing this for our pets helps prepare us to someday do the same thing for elderly folks. Focus on gratitude and joy as much as you can. It's wild that we get to share our lives with animals. We don't really deserve them.
• I'm trying to poop, not cry.
• It is an honour to be disfellowshipped.
• Seguramente no pasó nada en el aspecto legal y por eso le fue más fácil salir del estado.
• Wonder what word they have for that in German.
• Church-goers never have to 'think' about morals. They're told: this is good, that is bad. If they have a question, someone else will tell them the answer. This means they never have any actual moral development unless they're confronted with an 'it happened to me!' moment.
• I've always wondered if that has something to do with the top of their skull not being completely fused yet. Is that pleasant smell of baby head actually what brain smells like?
• Over time, we accumulated a drawer full of failed attempts.
• I don't know. I understand, but I don't know.
• To stand with us is to stand guardian at the boundary between life and death, at that subtle turning point that defines all others. There we see the worlds as they are, and what is seen cannot be unseen. And what is seen may see us too.
• It's nothing. Just north Florida.
• 'It's the principle of the matter.' Stop saying that. It's a phrase people use to justify their actions when they've lost all perspective.
• I gave him a book on crafting with cat hair as a joke present. He took it seriously and brushed random cats in his neighborhood to collect hair for a project. He was talking about making a miniature donkey using just cat hair; I think he has a long way to go, though, in terms of collecting viable cat hair.
• Seems if you live in many rural places it just becomes background, the norm, after a while. For example, I lived in the Hebrides for half a decade and could have filled books with anecdotes in that time. It's the place where a bear in a TV commercial was lost for several weeks and, more recently, police went about arresting a wrestler in a tiny caravan the wrong way. And what makes the news is the proverbial tip of the iceberg.
• I've seen north Florida. Most people would never believe the trifling horrors rampant there, and yet it's mostly just your run-of-the-mill rural nonsense mixed with a side of drunken college students, for the most part. Also some alligators, I guess.
• Yep, that's a pumpkin.

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