View source for Holes/Session 2

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<screenplay>

INT. Quantum shop with invisible walls and floors - day

Pigeons are flapping disorientedly about the shop, some going through the walls and floors, some bouncing off. A cat, Lokshmi, appears in the doorway, watching the flock of pigeons. Then the flock starts to come back together.

LOKSHMI
You should come back inside before you do that.

Greibel coalesces back into an elf over open air.

LOKSHMI
You... idiot.

She somehow yanks him back out of the shop before he falls through the floor.

GREIBEL
Whhaaaaaaaaaat Loksmit.
(he clutches his head)
AAAAAAGH MY MIND.

Lokshmi stares at Greibel. Greibel suddenly calms down and stares at her intently.

GREIBEL
What do you need to impart to me, locksmith?

LOKSHMI
Locksmith?

GREIBEL
You say tomato, I say nebula.

Lokshmi narrows her eyes and watches Greibel suspiciously. They procede to stare at each other for an alarmingly long time.

LOKSHMI
Well?

GREIBEL
Oh, right.

They stare at each other some more.

LOKSHMI
Why did I even bother?

Lokshmi vanishes.

Greibel looks around innocently.


INT. Sarathi building lobby

Corpses are all over the floor.

The Gravedigger examines the dead guys for deadness. There's a lot of variety - humans, elves, various subraces, some stranger than others, wearing many, many different sorts of clothes. All dead differing amounts of time, killed by different means. Some are dried out, some are completely fresh.

Rhu follows him, wondering what he's looking for.

The Gravedigger looks over several without saying anything, then turns back to the others dramatically.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
These dead guys don't have consistent times of deadness.

Radek looks at the corpses, concludes there must be some sort of teleportation going on, and tries to trace the magic. He finds nothing. ''(rolled 14 arcana)''

He proceeds to sit there being rather grumpy.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well. These guys are dead. Trust me on this, guys. Dead people, right here.

The dead people continue to be all over the floor. The Gravedigger starts going through their pockets and stuff. He picks one of them up and tries to shake it upside-down until things fall out, except the entire thing falls apart and he winds up with a pile of corpse on his feet.

RHU
Ew.

Greibel half-slides, half-stumbles down the stairs and falls over in front of Rhu.

The Gravedigger looks at them, then tries shaking another corpse. This time it works and some things fall out, including a fork, some data discs, and a wad of lint.

He shoves the discs at Radek.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
A CLUE!

GREIBEL
(finally getting up)
Guys, I saw a talking locksmith! And a room that isn't there anymore!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
How do you know it was a locksmith? Did he have lockpicks?

Radek looks over the disks skeptically.

GREIBEL
It told me it was a locksmith. It was a ''talking'' locksmith after all.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Most lockmiths do.

GREIBEL
I'm sure the locksmith told me something important. About keys or something. I just can't remember what it was.

The Gravedigger shrugs.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Check your pockets for keys? Or STOP TAKING DRUGS.

GREIBEL
Yes! There was something about a sandcastle!

Greibel also checks his pockets. He doesn't seem to find anything.

GREIBEL
Well, that's an unfortunate state of affairs.

RHU
What about the locksmith?

GREIBEL
The locksmith, it looked like... a cat!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Cats can't be locksmiths. They have paws. Can't hold tools.

GREIBEL
Yes, but what if you were a locksmith that simply looked like a cat?

RHU
Are you sure that wasn't... no, it can't be.

GREIBEL
Right! It told me its name was Lokshmi.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
So you met a cat that told you it was a god?

GREIBEL
A god of keys!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well, that would be the first living thing on this planet that's not us. Where is it?

RADEK
In his head, I'm sure.

GREIBEL
She seemed dissatisfied with me, and then left.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Probably because you're on drugs.

RHU
Three tails? Broken horn? Spots? ''That'' Lokshmi?

GREIBEL
Yeah, that's what she was like. And she told me something very important about a sandcastle, and then dragged me out of the room that wasn't there.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
WHAT did she say about a sandcastle?

GREIBEL
She showed me one, in some sort of vision

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Really now.

RHU
But she's dangerous! Why would the god of memory and revenge want with a sandcastle? This is probably a very bad sign.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
IF gods ARE talking to us, then it would be a bad thing. Especially if they're talking to Greibel. No offense, Greibel.

RHU
But the bodies...

Rhu's eyes seem to sort of glaze over.

GREIBEL
None taken, horse dude.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Horse? What?

GREIBEL
Hey, I didn't give you those hooves.

Greibel stares off into space lazily.

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): Does he actually have hooves?

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): I don't think so.

RADEK
It's amazing how you people still take anything he says seriously. Get over here. I have disks.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
SCIENCE.

Greibel gets over to Radek and leaves Rhu staring off into space.

Radek sticks the disks in his computer. It's a very tense moment as they load and read. Then the images come on screen.

The images are cats. Specifically, they're all pictures of Lokshmi for some reason.

RADEK
...Well.

He checks the others and doesn't find much else - they're all normal random things that don't say much of anything.

RADEK
I conclude that the people who died in this room possessed an aversion to recording useful information. Particularly regarding their deaths. Very inconsiderate of them.

GREIBEL
But who can really blame them? Look at the kitty!

The computer suddenly dies.

Greibel sees Lokshmi coming down the stairs, followed by a new person - Aziraphale. ''(rolled 4 reality)''

GREIBEL
(pointing)
Woah hey, it's the locksmith guys!

The others look and see nothing, then Radek notices a shimmering again above some of the stairs.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Really, Greibel. Less drugs.

Greibel shirks it off and goes over the the foot of the stairs.

RADEK
...Bloody illusions.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
More fish?

Radek ignores them and goes back to trying to fix his computer. ''(rolled 27 tech)'' He finally gets it to turn on again and boot after a bit of tinkering, but it won't connect to the main servers.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hey, Radek. You think you could get into the cameras and see what happened to this place?

RADEK
Not from here, I couldn't.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
From where, then? Because it's either cameras or hallucinations.

RADEK
Find me a terminal, or better yet, the security room.

The Gravedigger gets out a map.

Greibel is still watching the stairs, and sees Lokshmi and Aziraphale coming down again.

GREIBEL
Right.

Greibel glances back, then tries to engage the newcomers without distracting the others.

GREIBEL
Hi Lokshmi! Hi other guy!

LOKSHMI
Oh, so you do know my name. I am shocked.

GREIBEL
I figured it out again after I wasn't so stoned and stuff. Who's your non-cat friend?

AZIRAPHALE
Hi... person with face who looks like it was hit with a football.

GREIBEL
That's very perceptive of you.

AZIRAPHALE
Yes, yes it is.

Aziraphale looks around suspiciously.

LOKSHMI
He is real, paladin.

GREIBEL
Why did you bring him here?

LOKSHMI
Your collective survival depends up on it. And... I was bored.

GREIBEL
Oh, cool man. I get bored like that sometimes too.

AZIRAPHALE
(to Greibel)
So, who are you? Who are these other people? Where is everyone?

Aziraphale's fingers twitches on his weapon.

GREIBEL
Everyone's mostly dead, man. Oh but we didn't kill 'em. Naw, we got hired to check the place out. We came here in a space ship and everything.

AZIRAPHALE
Space ship? Did you meet anyone alive on your way here?

LOKSHMI
The living do not stay living.

GREIBEL
Well that would be pretty silly man, think of it. Meeting alive people in the vacuum of space? Pssshh.

AZIRAPHALE
Fair point.

The Gravedigger notices Greibel isn't alone and seems to actually be talking to a real person and a real cat.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Oh, no. Am I on drugs too? Radek, are you on drugs too?

RADEK
No, I see them too.

Aziraphale starts to relax a bit, but then eyes the people looking at him suspiciously and grips his weapon.

Lokshmi trots over toward them and plops down next to Radek.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I DID NOT SMOKE ANYTHING.

LOKSHMI
You are not hallucinating.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Prove it.

LOKSHMI
How?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
That's just what a hallucination would say. I don't know. I dig holes. I don't deal with philosophy or whatever.

Aziraphale goes over to The Gravedigger and punches him in the arm.

AZIRAPHALE
I'm as real as you are.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hey! Don't punch me!

GREIBEL
Oh I know! If you're real, sing La Cucaracha!

RADEK
I'm supposed to believe that I'm talking to a god, is that it?

LOKSHMI
Radek J. Fulvius, what you believe is and isn't real is your own concern.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hey, Radek. A god knows your name.

RADEK
Marvelous. No doubt it wants something from me, too.

'''''Apheori (GM)''': Gravy: A certainty settles in your mind that this is indeed real, that this is the god Lokshmi before you, and that tuna is utterly amazing.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): I'd like to point that I'm a seven foot slab of flesh.

'''''Apheori (GM)''': Yes. She's a god and she can mess with minds, though.

LOKSHMI
No doubt.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
(shaking it off)
What, like it wants you to debug a hard drive?

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): That was Gravy's entire technical lingo.

Aziraphale walks around the room looking at the corpses and walls and shops and potted plants.

LOKSHMI
Your technical knowledge is impressive, Gravedigger.

Radek scoffs.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Thanks!
(indicating Aziraphale)
So who's he, then?

LOKSHMI
(loudly)
Everyone. I have words.

Aziraphale comes back to the group, and everyone gathers around Radek for some reason.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Is it a story? I like stories.

GREIBEL
Oh boy, me too!

AZIRAPHALE
So, who are you people? Flat-face there told me you came from a space ship.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Yeah. It made sanwiches.

GREIBEL
Oh yeah, it did.

RADEK
Does that mean you're a local?

AZIRAPHALE
Yes... yes. I am a local, at least more local than you seem to be.

RHU
We came on behalf of a consortium of worlds interested in investigating what happened here. So what happened here?

AZIRAPHALE
I do not know. I thought you might. I was... doing something somewhere, and when I exited the place where I was doing something, everyone was gone.
You said you came here to investigate. So what did you find?

LOKSHMI
(mostly to herself)
Fine. I can wait. I can spend all day waiting. It's not like I have anything better to do than wait.

Lokshmi sits down and starts licking one of her tails.

GREIBEL
Hey guys, maybe the cat chick knows something.

RADEK
Do you ''actually'' have something better to do, Lokshmi?

Lokshmi looks up and gives Radek a sort of long cat glare.

LOKSHMI
...no.

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): The gods are never busy. It's why they get bored so easily.

LOKSHMI
(still licking herself)
There are very few living remaining. And those that are, are not who they were. Or what they were.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
What are they then? Fish?

AZIRAPHALE
Lunatics or zombies, if the ones I saw are any judge. And as you know, zombies are supposed to have been wiped out two millenia ago.

LOKSHMI
Here, they were. But this is not the case... elsewhere. This disaster spans many realities, and many different versions of the present, for time and space have been twisted. In a way it has separated from the rest of what you may know as reality.
(she spits out a glob of hair)
So I am waiting here, within the anomaly, because otherwise I may miss it entirely.

GREIBEL
Oooohh, elsewhere in space and time, right?

LOKSHMI
...yes.

GREIBEL
Man, this cat chick is blowing my mind.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Sounds very magical.

LOKSHMI
Would that it were, but I am afraid magic has nothing to do with it. Even the eyes of the gods are blinded.
This is not your story, however. The real story is yet to come, at least for us. For you, the story lies elsewhere.
(she tuggs at a tuft of fur for a moment, then stop preening entirely and just sits up)
Fact of the matter is you will probably never go home at all. But should you try, you will need to remember this: It is Ajirahd and Irundha of Akrikdirin Vak who reign king of the sandcastle. You must remember this. You must return to this.

RADEK
You couldn't have told us this before we left?

LOKSHMI
Radek... You who would have nothing of the gods would now ask in retrospect? But no, you could not be told. Those outside do not know.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Um. Miss cat god thing? Can you say that less gibberishly?

LOKSHMI
The riddle is the riddle that is used universally. You will need to figure it out for yourselves.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well that's not very helpful.

RADEK
I only wish that the gods would return my sentiment.

LOKSHMI
Considering the general level of incompetence amongst most of them, I can't say I quite disagree.
And no, it isn't helpful. But it's as helpful as I can be. You should be glad I have nothing better to do than try.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I should?

AZIRAPHALE
Probably. Gods are right buggers, the lot of them.

Aziraphale mutters to himself.

Radek feels a strange buzzing in his ears. It's slight, just enough to be annoying, but growing. ''(rolled 3 reality)''

RHU
Why are you here?

LOKSHMI
It's beginning and nobody would listen. Not even the Kings. They, who are sworn to protect all against... this.
(she cocks her head as though hearing something)
Good luck, Wayfarers.

Lokshmi vanishes.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Huh.
(turning to Aziraphale)
Well, Mr... whoever you are. We're gonna go look for the security center. Since we have a job to do.

AZIRAPHALE
I'll come with you.

The party heads off.

AZIRAPHALE
Name's Aziraphale. Somewhat pleased to meet you on account of the fact that you're the first people alive and possibly sane I've seen in days.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Awesome.
You didn't see any of the other... exploration parties that came here?

AZIRAPHALE
No-o. I got attacked by a horde of zombies and a bunch of lunatics, but unless those were the exploration parties you mentioned, no.

'''''Wen''' (Aziraphale): oh, and I saw some crazy stuff, but I'm not mentioning it because it'd make me look insane.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Consider that you're next to Greibel.

AZIRAPHALE
So guy with the computer is Radek. The rest of you?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'm The Gravedigger. You can call me Gravy.

GREIBEL
I, friend Aziraphale, am Greibel.

Greibel bows.

AZIRAPHALE
Hi Gravy. Hello...

THE GRAVEDIGGER
He's on drugs.

AZIRAPHALE
Quite obviously.

RHU
I'm Rhu. I'm not on drugs.

AZIRAPHALE
Good to hear.

RHU
I thought so too!


INT. Sarathi building corridor

The party, now five, heads toward the security center, with the Gravedigger in the lead.

Radek's buzzing is getting worse.

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): This would likely lead to him being more visibly distressed by it. He wouldn't say anything, though.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): I'm probably used to him frowning all the time. And being grumpy.

Aziraphale looks around suspiciously as he walks. He hears a wall call out as they pass, "C'mon, you know you want it."

He jumps and walks more quickly, casting furtive glances at where the noise came from.

Radek walks into a door. ''(rolled 2 reality)'' The strange thing is that the door wasn't there a moment ago. It's just an ordinary-looking door standing freely in the middle of the corridor. Nobody else can see it besides Greibel.

Greibel, on the other hand, starts glowing. ''(rolled 20 reality)'' Everything seems miraculously clear to him, and he feels like he understands the cosmos perfectly.

Radek grumbles loudly, but then gets up and opens the door. It opens into a strange view of darkness. Pinpoints of light are scattered throughout it, and within, there is a sense of... presence.

AZIRAPHALE
Radek, what are you doing?

Everyone sort of stops around Radek and Greibel.

GREIBEL
Hey Radek, bet you wanna know what that strange view of darkness with the pinpoints and the presence is.

RADEK
Not as much as I'd like to stop hallucinating and find what we came here for.

GREIBEL
That's no hallucination. That's a whole other plane of existence. And the presence... 
(he puts his arm around Radek's shoulder)
That, my friend, is the spirit of the universe.

RADEK
Get your hands off of me.

Greibel does so.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I smell fish. Also burning. And don't touch the grump, Greibel. He's grumpy.

GREIBEL
So I see. I also see the smells you smell.
The fish you smell are in the ocean. The burning is because this whole building incinerated.

Greibel sees other things, too - death, life, strange characters that aren't real... more bodies, a sea of colourful playroom balls...

AZIRAPHALE
Um, why are we stopping?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Radek bumped into something. One of these things that aren't here.

RADEK
We aren't. Let's keep moving.

Radek shuts the door, which disappears as soon as the latch clicks.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
(loudly)
ONWARDS.

The Gravedigger leads them on, shovel and shield at the ready.


INT. Corridor outside the security office

The party comes to the room, according to the map. There is no sign, and the door appears to be locked. That, or the opening mechanism just isn't responding.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
IT'S HOLE TIME.

Aziraphale sees the door wiggle at him suggestively. He looks at the door and then the other people.

AZIRAPHALE
Er, guys, did you see that?

RADEK
Yes, I quite clearly saw this door, thank you.

Aziraphale mutters to himself but otherwise does nothing.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Step back, guys.

The Gravedigger charges the door with his shield. ''(rolled 18 strength)'' The door bends slightly, leaving a minor dent.

He charges it again. ''(rolled 25 strength (natural 20))'' This time it makes the dent much bigger, and bends the door away from the frame, resulting in a bit of a gap.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hmm.

AZIRAPHALE
Should I try to pry it open with my sword?

The Gravedigger gestures for him to go ahead. The door wiggles again as Aziraphale approaches. He hesitates.

GREIBEL
I could turn into a something and fit through the gap and open it from the other end.

AZIRAPHALE
Um, guys, is it just me or is the door making indecent motions?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I think it's you. Are you on drugs?

Aziraphale rubs his eyes.

RHU
Have you slept?

GREIBEL
Hey Azi, that door's totally wiggling.

It stops.

GREIBEL
Aw, but not anymore.

AZIRAPHALE
Um, are we sure we want to pry this open?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Yes?

AZIRAPHALE
All right, here goes.

Aziraphale approaches very cautiously, then pries at the door with his sword. ''(rolled 7 strength)'' The door comes open, but the sword gets ruined in the process, bent out of shape.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Aw, crap, man. Your sword.

AZIRAPHALE
Do we go in?
(noticing his sword)
...and can someone fix my sword? I'm kind of attached to it.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
(handing Aziraphale a spade)
Here, take this spade.

Aziraphale sniffles but accepts the spade

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Spade is a battleaxe, btw. Military versatile Axe, 1D10, prof 2.

RADEK
Is it magical?

Aziraphale shakes his head.

RADEK
Give it here. I might be able to do something.

Aziraphale hands Radek the bent sword.

AZIRAPHALE
So do we go in?

The Gravedigger heads in to check it out first as the meatshield. The others wait outside.

AZIRAPHALE
(after a bit)
Is it safe for us to go in?

The Gravedigger looks around the inside of the office. There's a dead guy in a wheely chair, apparently shot in the head, and two other empty chairs.

Mostly it's just an ordinary room with some monitors and consoles and a suspiciously large number of boxes of stale doughnuts in the corner.

The Gravedigger notices something glinting on the floor, and picks it up - it's a little butterfly pendant, with wings in a brilliant shade of blue.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
(to Aziraphale)
Just one dead guy.

The others pile into the room.

The Gravedigger gives the dead guy a poke, and it slides partially out of its chair.

Then he shuffles into a corner and lets the others do things. This puts him by the doughnuts. They smell like doughnuts. Strongly. It's kind of overpowering, in fact. There are clearly a lot of doughnuts.

Aziraphale notices them as well.

AZIRAPHALE
Anybody want a doughnut?

The Gravedigger opens a box and looks at the doughnuts.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
They look stale.

Then the doughnut smell disappears and he realises most of the boxes are empty. (rolled 2 reality)

RADEK
I don't eat anymore.

Greibel absentmindedly tries to bite the memory of a doughnut.

AZIRAPHALE
...Another illusion, eh?

Radek and Aziraohale see Greibel getting confused trying to eat a doughnut. It looks like a normal doughnut.

RADEK
Though I would advise you against believing everything Greibel says, he may be right about this. These aren't illusions. This whole building is experiencing some sort of dimensional instability.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I know! We did hole science!

GREIBEL
It took ghost donuts to convince you.

AZIRAPHALE
Greibel, the doughnut is stale. Best not eat it.

GREIBEL
Right...

Greibel tosses aside the doughnut he no longer sees.

One of the monitors flickers on.

Radek falls to the ground amidst a horrible explosion of sound. ''(rolled 1 reality)'' Only Greibel hears it too, but not as badly: a buzzing roar. It feels as though it should be just outside, through that... er... wall.

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): I was actually wondering if I'd go from 3, to 2, and then to 1. Apparently it was destined.

GREIBEL
Hmmm.

Greibel rubs the wall.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Radek?

The Gravedigger pokes Radek.

Aziraphale goes over to Radek and examines him. He looks miserable, but there is nothing visibly wrong with him.

GREIBEL
Something's eating his brain or something.
(to Gravy)
Hey horsey dude, can you bust this wall?

Radek's buzzing fades a bit, but he's still mostly incapacitated. ''(rolled 4 reality)''

Greibel doesn't wait for Gravy to respond and steps through the wall. ''(rolled 20 reality)''

AZIRAPHALE
Hey guys, where did Greibel go? He was near that wall... and then he was just gone.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
This is all getting a bit silly.

AZIRAPHALE
A bit? A BIT?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well, it was weird before. Now it's just silly.

Greibel does a silly walk on the other side of the wall.

AZIRAPHALE
I had a wall chatting me up, a door making indecent motions at me and then the room explodes and a doped up guy walked through a wall. Oh, and I saw a potted plant eat someone's face, and a room full of fanged hams, and floors that weren't real.
(he takes a deep breath)
A BIT?

Aziraphale babbles incoherently.


INT. Sarathi building walls

Greibel flows through the building, through walls, floors, ceilings, following the sense of presence, the source of the buzzing. It takes him into another room on another floor. In it is a girl, Rhi, maybe elven, maybe not. Long black hair covers her eyes, but despite this she somehow looks lost, confused, and does not seem to see him.

Greibel goes up to the girl cautiously.

She looks up and sees him then, and her hair falls away from her face. She's not and elf. In fact, it's not clear what she is - her eyes are a brilliant blue, glowing, even, and her face is alien like the models of the cenva they might have seen as children...

RHI
(whisper)
I'm sorry.

GREIBEL
What do you mean you're sorry? Are you lost?

The girl suddenly gets very large, and changes, a form of immense light, gleaming in blackness. ''(rolled 3 reality)'' She screams, whatever she is, and disappears, leaving only an odd pile of goop behind on the floor.

GREIBEL
Well, that was fun.

Greibel touches the goop cautiously. It feels like goop, and then sticks to his hands and turns into a pair of really suspicious, weird gloves. The effect fades into his hands and then they look perfectly normal. ''(rolled 19 reality)''

GREIBEL
Woah, cool.

Greibel wanders off looking at his hands.


INT. Security office

The Gravedigger picks up Radek and sets him in one of the chairs.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
You're on drugs. You should sit down for a bit.

Aziraphale takes a few deep breaths.

AZIRAPHALE
Okay, so what do we do now?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well, I was hoping Radek would be able to poke at the city cameras.

AZIRAPHALE
I suggest we get Radek somewhere marginally safe and try to find Greibel.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I have no idea what is safe.

AZIRAPHALE
Well, can we improvise a stretcher?

The Gravedigger pokes the wall Greibel walked through. It seems very solid.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I don't think it was anything physical. It's probably just madness.

Radek hears Rhi's whisper too, but to him the voice is deafening. Then it all fades away, leaving only a faint buzzing and a strange loneliness behind. ''(rolled 18 reality)''

RADEK
Did one of you say something?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Before or after you fell over?

RADEK
After. Things became rather deafening.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Greibel walked through a wall. Hmm.
(shouting loudly)
HEY, GREIBEL. GET BACK HERE.

The Gravedigger's voice bounces and resonates off the walls, echoing oddly back and forth, ''(rolled 20 reality)'' but Greibel apparently doesn't hear him. ''(rolled 17 reality)''

The Gravedigger tries the radio instead.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hey, stoner guy?

The radio spits out horrible buzzing.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Aaaaah.
(he turns off the radio)
Well. Bugger. CAN you get anything off the cameras, Radek?

RADEK
Let's... have a look.

The screen is showing a boot screen, stuck on network connect.

AZIRAPHALE
That was happening to me too. The computers that worked couldn't connect. Couldn't call anyone either. Networks all down. They'd turn on, work for a bit, flicker, and then shut down.

Radek tries to connect to the local network and boot it that way instead. He gets it up with connectivity to the rest of the building. ''(rolled 22 tech)''

RADEK
There. Let's see if the cameras are still operational.

Radek brings up some camera feeds and logs, and downloads as much as he can.

'''''Wen''' (Aziraphale): Radek: Do a /etc/init.d/network restart

AZIRAPHALE
Anything useful?

RADEK
Maybe. You'll excuse me for not wanting to sit around viewing it in here.

AZIRAPHALE
So let's try to find Greibel and get the heck out of here.

Radek checks the current camera feeds and finds Greibel wandering down a corridor labelled 'pheasant'. He's also walking through objects. Some broken furniture, a few bodies, buckets of paint... even a possibly undead chicken. The chicken doesn't seem to notice.

RADEK
(pointing at the screen)
Done.

RHU
Are chickens supposed to do that?

The chicken turns out to be the first of an entire swarm of undead chickens, which swarm around Greibel in greeting. They flock around him and rub against his legs in a friendly fashion. ''(rolled 20 reality)''

Radek works on the intercom.

GREIBEL
(on-screen)
Ah, the chickens. I knew this day would come.
Maybe you chickens can tell me how to get back to the room with the dead guy in it? I do speak chicken, after all.

The chickens squawk in confusion. Apparently in their dead state they forgot chicken themselves.

GREIBEL
(on-screen)
Ah, to be expected.

Greibel pets the chickens for a bit.

Radek finally gets the intercom working and uses it on Greibel. ''(rolled 14 tech)''


INT. Corridor with chickens

The intercom echos around Greibel, spooking the chickens. They run away in every direction.

RADEK
(intercom)
Hey, Greibel. What the hell are you doing?

GREIBEL
(looking up)
Thanks Grumpy! You spooked the chickens!

RADEK
(intercom)
And you disappeared. Do you even know where you are?

GREIBEL
Well...no, can't say as I do. Where are you?

RADEK
(intercom)
Where you ''left me'', along with everyone else.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
(intercom)
HEY GREIBEL.

GREIBEL
Hi Gravy! I went to go meet that girl who was making noises. She blew up, though.


INT. Security office

AZIRAPHALE
(surprised and somewhat hopefully)
A girl?

Aziraphale wonders if it's his cousin.

GREIBEL
(on-screen)
Yeah, she looked sort of alien, with blue eyes. Super blue eyes.

RADEK
(To the others)
I heard... something like that.

AZIRAPHALE
Like what?

RADEK
A girl.

AZIRAPHALE
Hmm.

GREIBEL
(on-screen)
She told me she was sorry, guys.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
You people are all going insane.

GREIBEL
(on-screen)
But like, then she kind of blew up, like I said.

RADEK
Sure.

Radek gives Greibel directions to get back to the security office, then turns to the others.

RADEK
If you could just abandon the thought that this place exists in only one fixed state at a given point in time, this would make much more sense to you, Gravedigger.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Says the man who hears ghost girls and falls over because of mysterious sounds.

RADEK
Allow me to pose you a riddle: what do you get when there is both a hole and not a hole occupying the same space?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
You don't. Holes are or they aren't. Trust me. I know holes.

RADEK
Yet here we are.

RHU
Holes in what?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
If I was hearing ghost voices and you weren't you'd be calling me crazy.

RADEK
Holes in reality. Leading to other realities.

AZIRAPHALE
Sounds like a book I read. Something about cutting through reality with a dagger.

At some point Greibel makes it back to the office, except now he thinks he's a chicken. ''(rolled 3 reality)'' And he wants to rejoin the swarm.

RADEK
Do any of you want to use this terminal for something else?

Greibel pecks at Radek.

RADEK
Gah!

The Gravedigger picks Greibel up and lifts him above his head.

RADEK
Thank you.

Greibel clucks madly.

AZIRAPHALE
I think we'd better leave this room, if not this building.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Yeah, let's get some fresh air.

The Gravedigger shakes Greibel vigorously until he calms down. Except it doesn't seem to help.

RADEK
Wait.

Radek breaks open the tech and scavenges some of the pieces. He winds up procuring a decent-value worth of stuff and a dead rodent found in one of the cases. It looks like a squirrel.

Aziraphale suddenly gets the feeling that Greibel is a chicken as well, but knows it ain't right. ''(rolled 13 reality)'' He looks at Greibel in a puzzled manner.

AZIRAPHALE
...Um, guys, I think we'd better just get out of here quickly. There's some... influence here.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
GREAT IDEA.

RHU
Best idea.

AZIRAPHALE
If we have all the data and stuff we want, let's go.

The Gravedigger heads out the bent and twisted door, still carrying Greibel. The others follow.

RADEK
Agreed.

Greibel clucks in vague affirmation.

RHU
What about the SHIP? Will it even be there? It's just that it was going crazy.

AZIRAPHALE
Good idea to check, I think? It'd certainly be safer than any place I'd been during the past few days.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Tell it it makes nice sandwiches.

Greibel clucks at the word sandwiches.

AZIRAPHALE
If it has communication devices you can also tell outsiders what you've found.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Radek has a thingy for that.

RHU
Yes, we should report in.

AZIRAPHALE
At any rate, I'd feel safer in something not affixed to this place. At the very least, outside of the building.

Aziraphale manages to shake the impression that Greibel is a chicken. ''(rolled 14 reality)'' He looks relieved.

A strange twisting and crackling noise echoes through the building.

AZIRAPHALE
Did you guys hear that?

Rhu starts screaming.

AZIRAPHALE
I think we really should leave this place as soon as possible.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Some thing, breaking? Oh, Rhu? You too?

AZIRAPHALE
Possibly. Certainly nothing good. Let's grab the insane ones and go.

RHU
Broken, broken, broken, twisting, breaking, broken.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I can't carry both of you. Can you carry Rhu, Azi?

AZIRAPHALE
Yes.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Great. Don't go insane, Radek, or you're being dragged.
Onwards!

RADEK
I don't plan to.

They charge down the hall and up the stairs. Aziraphale stumbles at the noise. ''(rolled 13 reality)'' He can ''see'' it now, too. Things... twisting, crunching.

Rhu and Greibel recover slightly, but only slightly. A stream of water comes down the stairs - not enough to carry any of them off their feet, but enough to at least get their feet wet and make things slippery.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
THE FISH.

GREIBEL
Hmmmm wet... wet... mumble.

Everyone keeps running.


INT. Sarathi building lobby full of bodies - evening

The party makes it back to the lobby, but now it's later. The fish they saw before is now completely rotted, as though it had been sitting out for days, perhaps weeks. There is a horrible, partly dry puddle around it.

Greibel has completely passed out. ''(rolled 7 reality)''

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well, that's not great.

The swarm of chickens flutters into the lobby as well. They are sopping wet.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
(setting Greibel down)
Aw, hell. Chickens!

Greibel wakes up in surprise and turns into another swarm of chickens. ''(rolled 3 reality)'' He clucks confusedly.

To Aziraphale and Rhu, it feels like reality is falling apart at the seams. Things are twisting, pulling, rocking.

To Radek, it seems like things are shifting oddly and there are some odd noises, but he's more or less on top of it.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
(he groans)
WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE ALL FUCKING INSANE.

The Greibel swarm starts running toward the now sopping wet undead chickens.

Aziraphale grabs a random chicken, but it doesn't slow down the group.

The Gravedigger grabs the swarm of Greibel chickens as he passes by scooping it up with his shield and shovel. Dustpan-style. ''(rolled 18 vs reflex)'' He sort of comes to his senses, but it's hard to tell with a swarm of chickens. ''(rolled 19 reality)''

GREIBEL
Oik.

The undead chickens, however, take this as a sign of hostility and attack.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
WATCH OUT. CHICKENS.

Greibel turns back into an elf.

GREIBEL
Oh no, the undead chickens!

RHU
Run!

Greibel agrees with Rhu. Unfortunately the chickens are upon them and there is no more time to run.

GREIBEL
CHICKEN BATTLE.

Aziraphale looks around at everyone else.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Dude. Gravy has never buried a swarm of undead chickens. This is Blong, God of Shovels, bringing him a gift.

AZIRAPHALE
Okay, let's fight this... thing.

Aziraphale runs at the chickens and strikes at them with the spade. ''(critical hit)''.

Rhu realises they're apparently not running after all and instead swears an oath of enmity on the swarm and charges the chickens as well. The swarm parts around him and he winds up going right through it. Feathers poof out around in his wake.

Then the chickens run back together and try to flow all over Aziraphale. It's icky, but doesn't really do anything. Even so, he thinks it does.

AZIRAPHALE
Ow.

To Radek and Greibel, it feels as though reality itself seems to be shaking itself apart, with chickens in the middle of it all. It's really crazy.

Greibel ducks and summons a Fire Hawk, which swoops around watching the swarm of chickens carefully. It seems entirely unaffected by the deteriorating state of reality.

The Gravedigger gives the swarm a calculating look, and then, twirling his shovel, takes a few steps back. Then he charges the chickens, knocking them aside with his shovel and entirely disrupting the movement of the swarm. It is now raining undead chickens.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
(booming)
BEHOLD THE DIGGER OF YOUR GRAVE. YOUR HOLE AWAITS.

Radek tries to put an aura of chill on Gravy in order to chill the chickens for added effect, but it doesn't work. He tries to move back a bit, but then trips on something that isn't there and falls on his face. ''(rolled 2 reality)''

The chickens try to peck at Aziraphale and Gravy smacks them with his shovel. Aziraphale slashes at them with the spade, and then slashes again. Nothing really comes of it and he seems a little disappointed.

The chickens flow toward Rhu and peck at him instead. They're not very coordinated and it doesn't actually work. Rhu swings his maul at them and the chickens are struck with a flash of light.

The chickens regroup and swarm over Rhu, making horrible chicken noises. Greibel hawks at them again and barely avoids hawking Rhu instead. Then he turns into a small moose. A mooseling. Mooselet.

The Greibel moose runs in circles.

The Gravedigger slams a shovel into the floor and creates a burst of rippling tiles. Chickens are thrown about. A couple get smashed outright.

The building quakes a bit, rumbling.

Radek gets up and sees the place twisting. Cracks in the walls. Cracks in the air. Shimmering. He ignores it and focuses on Aziraphale, creating a burst of energy around the paladin.

The chickens swarm at Aziraphale regardless, and Gravy smacks at them with his shovel again. They slide over the shovel and then slide over Aziraphale as well, who swings the spade at them. They slide over the the spade.

Chickens also attack Rhu, provoking another flash of light. They slide over him and roll across the floor. Rhu pokes them with his maul, which turns out to be a rather successful and flashy poke. A dead undead chicken rolls away sadly, and then the others, too, fall about them, their necrotic energy destroyed by the burst of radiant energy.

A couple get away and fly out the window.

The building is cracking now, making funny noises. The others turn to flee, but the Gravedigger stops to scoop up as many dead chickens as he can with his shield, and carries them outside piled on like a platter of stinky chicken meats. Aziraphale grabs the Greibel moose around its chest in a manly hug and forcibly drags it out as well.


EXT. Sarathi parking lot - dusk

They all spill outside, winding up in the parking lot they initially landed in. Smoke rising from several nearby buildings. The SHIP is gone. There are weird noises. The sky is... weird. The boats in the lot are floating. The light just looks wrong.

The Gravedigger looks around for dirt. The lot mostly only has cement and asphalt, but there are a few potted trees. He goes to one and tries to yank it out of the ground. It doesn't budge, ''(rolled 15 strength)'', so then he just spadechops the roots.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): I will busy myself with the removal of the tree, then.

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): I have some minor matters of business as Radek to take care of.
</screenplay>

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