View source for Holes/Session 30

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<screenplay>
EXT. Farmhouse - night

The Gravedigger, Greibel, Radek, Rhu, and Dawn are all in front of the farmhouse. Amadi is sitting under a tree nearby, having recently fallen out. Two remaining guards are also nearby. The dog that was previously present has run off at this point.

There are body parts all over the ground, as well as some more really stinky bodies lying around.

Rhu seems to have an eel in his major intestine.

Rhu looks around at everybody imploringly.

RHU
I... think... eel... in my...

He points to his stomach area, then keels over and starts to groan.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'm going to need more graves.

DAWN
Hey Gravedigger, you know how you ''didn't'' turn into a zombie?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Always?

Dawn points to Rhu.

DAWN
Check it out!

Greibel moves over to check on Rhu. ''(rolled 26 heal)'' He seems ill. Like, really ill. Possibly about to go into shock.

Dawn sits down on the dead guard's body to watch.

Amadi picks herself off the ground, checks the tree for fall damage, and looks in Dawn's general direction.

RHU
Oh. OH.

Rhu grins and then passes out.

Amadi trots over to the others to get a better look at this very interesting eel business.

GREIBEL
I think Rhu just realized how he's going to get that thing out of there...

Radek sighs and pushes the two guardsmen aside.

RADEK
Out of the way. Doctor, mechanic, and all-around ''genius'' passing through.

The guard captain follows him, mostly for lack of anything better to do. The other guard wanders off to check on the area or something.

RADEK
Hmm...

Radek looks meaningfully at his eyebot.

Amadi moves slowly around the guard, tip-toeing behind Radek, and attempts to get next to Dawn without her noticing. She probably looks totally silly and obvious while doing this.

Dawn moos at Amadi.

Amadi makes spider noises at Dawn.

RADEK
I'm going to cut him open.

Radek injects Rhu with the inappropriately-named Restorative Infusion, which restores jack shit, but does give him 20 temporary HP. Then he has the eyebot bore into his flesh with a laser.

The Gravedigger holds Rhu down.

The guard captain watches in horror and then sort of helps hold Rhu down.

The eel squirms in Rhu's intestines.

Dawn offers Amadi something that looks like popcorn but is probably actually fried exploded crickets or something.

Amadi takes the not-popcorn and hands Dawn a can of mountain dew. Possibly of the variety you actually find in mountains in the morning.

Both watch Rhu intently.

The eyebot's laser cuts Rhu open ''(rolled 14 heal)'', somehow also partially guided by Greibel ''(rolled 31 heal (natural 20))''. There is little blood, but a bunch of slimy slippery organs are revealed, bulging and pulsing in all manner of funny organ-colours.

In one of the intestines, there is an eel-shaped lump.

Radek redirects the eyebot to then cut that open. ''(rolled 21 heal)'' Greibel nods, not intervening this time.

Dawn and Amadi lean closer.

The intestine comes open with a little seepage, revealing the eel, no longer moving. Just sitting there.

RADEK
Well, I'll be. That really is an eel.

GREIBEL
It sure is.

Greibel has a go at talking to the eel ''(rolled 28 nature)'', but it fails to respond. Instead, he gets a sense of utter panic and the feeling that there's something horribly wrong with the Rhu it's surrounded by and the eel doesn't even want to touch it, let alone eat it.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
He's a Hazz cultist, he should know about slimy tentacly things.

DAWN
(to Amadi)
He pissed someone off, didn't he?

RADEK
Could we get a tank of water over here?

Radek looks expectantly at the godlings.

Amadi shrugs.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Guard! Get a bucket of water! This eel needs our help!

The guard captain looks around in confusion.

GUARD CAPTAIN
Um...

He wanders off looking for a bucket.

AMADI
I wasn't paying attention.

Amadi starts pulling a pool out of her pocket.

DAWN
Huh? Oh.

Amadi keeps pulling at the pool. It's a kiddy garden pool. Very pretty patterns and cheerful colours.

Dawn looks impatient, then drops a tank of water on Radek's head. The tank disappears immediately after, leaving Radek drenched.

DAWN
Er... that didn't work either.

Words cannot accurately describe the look Radek gives Dawn for this.

Amadi looks disappointedly at Dawn and the wasted water.

Dawn hides behind Amadi.

Amadi very quickly gets the last bits of pool out of her pocket and tries (and fails) to look innocent.

At some point the other guard wanders up and then just decides to stay out of all of this.

Rhu wakes up and starts screaming.

The Gravedigger nuts him with his mighty skull, knocking him out again.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Sorry, Rhu.

Radek grabs the eel and pulls it out. As soon as he does, the eel calms down a fair bit and starts actually struggling. 

Radek tosses it in the pool, then stabs Rhu with two of his healing syringes and walks off to wring water out of his beard.

Amadi makes eel noises.

The eel flies into the pool and swims around a bit.

Unfortunately, despite their intended effect, the syringes don't actually do anything. The hole in Rhu remains a hole in Rhu.

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): This has ceased to be Radek's problem. As far as he's concerned.

Greibel examines Rhu and realises Rhu might be turning into a zombie, hence the syringes not actually working. ''(rolled 32 heal)''

Greibel panics a bit.

Amadi attempts talking with the eel.

AMADI
(in eel)
''You really didn't like Rhu, did you? Is the pool okay? It was the only one I had on me. I think.

Amadi gets a sense of terror from the eel. It tells her it can feel itself changing, dying, like the horrible place it was, and it's helpless, utterly helpless...

Amadi looks at Rhu and sighs. Then she leans into the pool and tries to help/fix the eel. ''(rolled 12 reality)'' The eel swims around her hands.

Rhu wakes up again.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
All good, eel's out!

GREIBEL
Rhu? How you feeling, buddy? Sorry about the, uh... open chest cavity.

Rhu blinks.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Sorry about the skull thing, too.

Amadi looks up from her eel for a moment.

AMADI
Oh, yeah, um, Rhu, dear, you're probably contagious in some way or other. But it might only count if someone gets stuck in your guts.

Amadi goes back to her eel.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I was improvising. Contagious? What, MORE EELS?

The Gravedigger hides behind Amadi.

AMADI
(without looking up this time)
Oh, I hope not. Poor eels.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Oh, okay.

The Gravedigger ceases hiding.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well, what then?

AMADI
Just the general horribleness, you know. Death and undead and stuff. Zombies. Possibly Krasue or killer squash, but I don't think so.

The eel swims around sadly.

The Gravedigger tries to hand Rhu some booze.

Rhu closes his eyes and just sort of lies there in sickness and pain.

The Gravedigger pokes Rhu with the bottle.

Rhu ignores the poking.

RHU
Did you get it out?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Yep.

Dawn goes and tries to fix the eel too. ''(rolled 10 reality)'' The eel dies.

Amadi looks very sad, and says eely death-prayers in eel.

RHU
So... I guess I'm infected with some sort of zombie thing.

Rhu finally accepts the bottle and tries to drink some without turning over too much, wincing as he does.

AMADI
It's a bad sort of zombie thing.

Amadi points to the dead eel as case in point.

RHU
(he nods)
Is there any other kind?

AMADI
There's the kind that gets better when I tell it to? And there's that one kind that dances polka! I love that kind.

The Gravedigger gets to digging.

GREIBEL
Guys, is there any reason I shouldn't mend this gaping hole in Rhu's body?

Rhu tries to stand up, but Greibel holds him down.

Dawn runs to push Rhu back down as well.

DAWN
Woah, woah, woah, careful!

Rhu looks down and notices that his abdomen is still very precisely sliced open.

RHU
Oh, right.

Rhu lies back and prays to Hazz' for strength and guidance and so on. ''(rolled 20 religion)''

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Guidance, strenth, blah blah blah, you know the drill, Lord.

'''''Gaurav''' (Rhu): More like "srsly dude eels and zombification? in one day? I hope you thought this through."

Rhu suddenly finds he can't move and then passes out again. To the others, he looks almost like he's glowing.

AMADI
(with some contempt)
Oh, god...

Suddenly the guard captain grabs Dawn and holds a gun to her head.

GUARD CAPTAIN
Everyone stop! Just stop!

Amadi rises her eyebrows in a "Well, he's lost it" manner.

The Gravedigger glances at the captain then resumes digging.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
That's a terrible idea.

Radek doesn't stop, but he's washed his hands of this mess already so it's probably not relevant to him anyways.

GUARD CAPTAIN
Stop! Stop!

DAWN
Oy.

AMADI
Stop what, exactly?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
These graves won't dig themselves. Trust me. I'm a expert.

GUARD CAPTAIN
You won't take me! You can't!

The guard captain starts backing away, pulling Dawn with him.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Seriously. Terrible idea. That is the worst hostage ever.

AMADI
(looking offended)
Hey! I could be a much worse hostage!

The Gravedigger peers out the grave.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Okay, then.

DAWN
(still being dragged away)
Oh, you are on!

Dawn elbows the guard captain in the gut. He doesn't seem to notice.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Switch and see. Actually.

The Gravedigger leaps out the grave and grabs Amadi.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Nobody move or the midget gets it! Short person? Whatever you are. Gnome?

GUARD CAPTAIN
(uncertainly)
Stop! Stay back!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Dwarf?

GUARD CAPTAIN
Shut up!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
You're supposed to make demands I think.

AMADI
YOU shut up! We're having a very important experiment here!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Silent, hostage!

Amadi giggles. Loudly.

The Gravedigger hold Amadi up and wobbles her about a bit.

Amadi looks like she might be made of jelly for a bit. Very wobbly.

Greibel looks back and forth and slowly realizes that everyone has lost their minds.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I demand... uh....

AMADI
COOKIES!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Yeah! Biscuits!

AMADI
Cake!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Pastries!

AMADI
Weird pastries with cream in them!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
And icing!

AMADI
And blueberry candy!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Now, there's no need to be greedy. Let's be reasonable, here.

AMADI
...Reasonable?

Amadi sounds confused.

'''''Gaurav''' (Rhu): I wish I wasn't dead so I could gape at everybody in confusion.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Well, your torso is gaping. That's a start.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Your turn, Mr Captain. Let's see some demands!

Instead of responding, the guard captain picks up Dawn completely and turns around and runs into the woods.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hey!

AMADI
Hey!

The Gravedigger flings Amadi at the guard captain like a javelin.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
CATCH.

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): "You forgot the other one!"

'''''Apheori (GM)''': Roll improvised weapon: midget attack.

'''''Ellemerr''' (Amadi): Can I roll assist: being an improvised weapon? Or am I untrained in that?

Amadi sails through the air and misses the guard captain completely, instead doing a faceplant into one of the graves. ''(rolled 11 attack, 24 assist)''

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Woops. Uh. Sorry about that!

The remaining guard starts to run after and then just stops.

GUARD
Um.

AMADI
...Ow.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Um. Sorry, it was the sugar.

AMADI
He's taking Dawn.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Is that a problem? For us, specifically? I mean, I can see it being bad for him.

Radek looks at the last remaining guard.

RADEK
Run away, you fool. You're doomed if you stay and you're doomed twice over if you follow your comrades and... ''Dave''.

GUARD
Right, then. I'm going home.

RADEK
...I wish I could go home.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
If you could tell us where the nearest town is before you run that would be great. Don't worry about the corpses!

GUARD
You probably want Dorgin. It's down the road to the west.

He waits to see if there are going to be any other questions, then gets his leave on.

AMADI
Dawn doesn't have a Key. And we might need her later. And damnit NOW HOW ARE WE GOING TO DECIDE WHO'S THE WORST HOSTAGE?

Amadi kicks the grave angrily.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I think I'm the worst hostage-taker if that's any help.

The Gravedigger carefully reaches into the grave to see if he can help Amadi out.

Amadi tries ignoring Gravy and climbing out herself, finds out that she's much too short, and grudgingly accepts anyway.

The Gravedigger goes back to digging graves for all the other corpses.

Amadi approaches Rhu and Greibel.

AMADI
So, this is a mess.

GREIBEL
Yeah... Do you have a thread and needle in your universe pockets, per chance?

AMADI
But what about cleaning up all of... that?

Amadi waves a hand over Rhu in general and his insides in particular and makes a disgusted face.

GREIBEL
Eh, the inside of the body is pretty disgusting in general. But right now we really need to sew him up so he doesn't die of exposure and stuff.

HAZZ'RIDAN
(such that only Rhu can hear him)
''So Rhu... you could be doing better.

RHU
(to Hazz, somewhere in his own mind)
''It looks worse than it is, really. Is this my end?

HAZZ'RIDAN
''Not today.

RHU
''Huh. That's probably going to hurt like the dickens, then.

Hazz'ridan fixes Rhu. Mostly. The gaping hole in his guts closes, and the zombiness fades away.

HAZZ'RIDAN
''Don't get infected. Avoid the darkness, if you can, but it will know you now.
''So '''keep it off.'''

AMADI
(in her most sarcastic voice)
Lovely.

Rhu opens his eyes.

RHU
The darkness will know me now. Er. Hi.

AMADI
Yes. Really, just... lovely.

GREIBEL
I... well, okay. Sure.

Rhu tries to stand up and zones out and gets a bit euphoric as a result. ''(rolled 5 reality)'' The he stands up properly and looks this way, then that. He looks up at the sky, then down at the ground. A small smile, shining with the joy of a life restored, fills his face, then explodes into a wide, wild, all-encompassing beam.

Rhu steps towards the trees, falls into a grave and is knocked unconscious.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hey, that's for dead people! Outta my grave, darnit!
</screenplay>

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