View source for Holes/Session 3

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<screenplay>
EXT. Sarathi parking lot - night

The Gravedigger is digging a hole in a potted tree, which first involves digging up said tree, then carefully piling the swarm of undead chickens into the hole.

Radek is drawing circles on the ground as part of a ritual to fix Aziraphale's sword; Aziraphale is watching him, but also just very happy to be outside.

Greibel is a moose. Rhu is just sort of standing around, but then starts staring at something in abject horror. ''(rolled 9 reality)''

Greibel stops being a moose with a loud pop and wanders over to watch Radek do shiny circle stuff as well.

There is a loud messy-sounding WHOMP from the other end of the lot.

AZIRAPHALE
(startled)
What was that noise?

Greibel looks toward the WHOMP and shrugs.

Gravy finishes burying the chickens and packs the earth really tight around them before turning and squinting in the direction the sound came from.

GREIBEL
It's okay guys, it was just a WHOMP.

AZIRAPHALE
What kind of WHOMP?

The Gravedigger charges toward the WHOMP. 

Aziraphale walks cautiously after him.

They get to the area and it appears that the sound was something very large and squishy going splat on the pavement. Random globs and hunks and bits of bone are scattered around the mess.

GREIBEL
Hey Gravy, you ever bury globs?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Many globs.
But. If there's something I've learnt, it's that there are always new globs.

GREIBEL
What a nice thought.

The Gravedigger looks at the globs for a moment to try to identify them. ''(rolled 28 perception (natural 20))''

THE GRAVEDIGGER
That used to be a small dragon. There's also...

The Gravedigger rummages through the globs and pulls out something metal.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
THIS.

The Gravedigger holds up a half-digested light fixture.

AZIRAPHALE
Does anyone know if there are supposed to be dragons in this place?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well, that's odd. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LIVE HERE. WHY DON'T YOU KNOW?

AZIRAPHALE
I've never seen them, certainly.

GREIBEL
Does it shine groovy colors?

The dragon globs and splatter starts to glow.

The Gravedigger drops the light fixture and scoots back toward Radek.

GREIBEL
This is like the world's most disorganized lava lamp.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
DO dragons normally glow?

Aziraphale mutters something.

RADEK
Dragons?

Aziraphale is really muttering now.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Dead glowy dragon here.

Aziraphale mutters some more.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
(loudly)
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING AZI?

GREIBEL
I presume this dragon was owned by Zombie Timothy Leary.

AZIRAPHALE
(still mumbling)
Something something Alesvrie something.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
STOP MUMBLING.

Aziraphale shuffles his feet uncomfortably.

The Gravedigger pokes Aziraphale.

AZIRAPHALE
(finally looking up)
I think I might know where the dragons might have come from.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Awesome!

AZIRAPHALE
This is just a shot in the dark... but well, the truth is that I was taking part in an experiment, and then when I left the double insulated lab, everyone was just gone.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
What. Were you mucking about with SCIENCE? Gaaaaah. RADEEEEEK!

RADEK
Don't you even start.

AZIRAPHALE
Not me. My employer was.

RADEK
What was the experiment?

GREIBEL
Lava lamps, I bet.

AZIRAPHALE
Something about summoning creatures from different planes of existence, or possibly just make creatures that existed in different dimensions real? I didn't really understand the details.

RADEK
I don't know what your employers thought they were doing, Aziraphale, but they sound like a bunch of amateurs and this was probably their fault too.

Greibel notices the sky. ''(rolled 8 reality)'' It looks horribly wrong. Like a lava lamp. A hungry lava lamp.

GREIBEL
Woooah. Guys, look at the sky! That's the most dangerous looking light up goo I've ever seen!

The others look up. To them, the sky seems to be the wrong colour, perhaps as though the light is going the wrong direction. And there are cracks. Nothing about it resembles a hungry lava lamp, however. ''(rolled 17 (Gravy), 17 (Radek), and 14 (Azir) reality)''

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well that's queer.

GREIBEL
I quite agree, Horseman.

RHU
It's glowing. Mutating.

AZIRAPHALE
So, dead dragons, half digested light fixtures, the sky having diarrhoea... what's next?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Undead chickens? No, wait, we did that.

RHU
More?

AZIRAPHALE
I sincerely hope not.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Big piles of money?

AZIRAPHALE
That'd be nice.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Sandwiches?

AZIRAPHALE
A ship that works would be nicer. I just want to get the hell out of this place now.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Eventually there won't be any bad things.

AZIRAPHALE
Bad things never run out. It's the way of things.

Aziraphale mutters darkly.

GREIBEL
Nonsense. After the planet has been fully digested and there's nothing left to feel, there will be no bad things.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Yeah, listen to the drugged madman.

RHU
There is a pile of money over here, actually.

Rhu points to a pile of money on the ground behind one of the broken ship-cars.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
What? Money?

The Gravedigger peers in the pointed direction.

Aziraphale approaches the pile of money cautiously and pokes it with his borrowed spade.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Careful with that. It's an antique.

AZIRAPHALE
Radek, can I have my sword back?

RADEK
(handing over the sword)
Of course. You will notice that it is in most excellent shape once again.

AZIRAPHALE
Mucha gracias. Does anyone object if I keep the money? As in, keep it with me.

The Gravedigger shrugs.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'm here to bury things.

Greibel shrugs too.

GREIBEL
I'm here to... why am I here anyway?

Radek sighs at Greibel's remark.

AZIRAPHALE
Gravy, thanks for the shovel, you can have it back now.

He hands it back to the Gravedigger.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
You're welcome.

Aziraphale tries to gather up the money and discovers that it's too much to conveniently carry.

AZIRAPHALE
Okay, what about we split it? Eggs in more than one basket and all that.

GREIBEL
Lucky it didn't get all wet from the dragon globs.

RADEK
Sensible, though I can't see what good it will do us while we're here.

AZIRAPHALE
Well, let's split it anyway.

Aziraphale divides it into rough fifths and they all scoop up their shares, paying more attention to the dead splattered dragon than to the money.

The dragon is still glowing. Like some sort of (al)chemical reaction.

Greibel examines the dragon. ''(rolled 31 nature (natural 20))''

'''''Bear Soup Guy''' (Greibel): SUPER NATURE.

'''''Bear Soup Guy''' (Greibel): I AM ONE WITH THE FOREST.

'''''Bear Soup Guy''' (Greibel): I AM A FLOWER AND THE UNIVERSE AND ALL OF YOU.

Greibel sees the universe glowing in the dragon. It's like... everything, scaled down and splattered, the form of a dreloth pulled apart and inverted.

GREIBEL
It was definitely a pet Dreloth!

RADEK
Why is it glowing?

Greibel takes out a wooden pipe.

GREIBEL
I'm going to find out!

AZIRAPHALE
Um, are we sure this is a good idea?

Greibel puts some goop in the pipe and smokes it.

RHU
I'm pretty sure it isn't.

RADEK
That hasn't stopped him before.

GREIBEL
I've seen the beginning and ending of the universe, I know what I'm doi- WOOOOAHHHH.

RHU
(in amazement)
This is probably why we brought him.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Smoking expertise? I thought we were just the only people that would come here.

RADEK
(shouting)
Does it seem particularly volatile from over there?

GREIBEL
It seems volatily delicious!

The Gravedigger edges away from Greibel in case he explodes. Or melts. Or glows. Or turns into a swarm of pigmy moose.

GREIBEL
Mmmm. Well, it doesn't seem dangerous.

RADEK
Not dangerous? Hah. You just don't know where to look.

Radek approaches and attempts to dig around the splattered dragon corpse. The Gravedigger offers him his second-best shovel, and Radek gathers up some alchemical ingredients (120g worth).

Greibel stands nearby looking all high and pointing vaguely while chuckling.

Rhu notices the light fixture lying on the ground and pockets it.

The Gravedigger pokes one of the busted ships/cars for glowy cells. It falls to pieces like it just sort of disintegrated, leaving behind a pile of spaceship dust.

AZIRAPHALE
Illusions? Or was it concrete before you touched it?

The Gravedigger goes to poke some more ships.

AZIRAPHALE
Wait! Was the concreteness an illusion?

The Gravedigger commences poking. A couple of the other poked ships also fall into dust, a few just dent, and the rest seem quite solid. Quite a few of them have holes through them, some punched, others neatly sliced.

There is also a much larger hole in the ground where, presumably, an entire ship used to be.

GREIBEL
Nice poking, Horseman!

AZIRAPHALE
I suggest we search one of the bigger ships and see what we can find.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
TIME! Some of these have been aged. I DONT WANT TO TURN INTO AN OLD MAN.

RADEK
You could just as easily turn into a simpering child, you know.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
That would be great. I'd have more years left to dig holes.

RADEK
Not for the rest of us.

Radek experiences a sudden epiphany about the Gravedigger's childhood experience. He was likely the king of the sandbox.

AZIRAPHALE
Let's look at the open topped ones first.

They do this and find a spaceboat that's entirely full of peas. There also appear to be some bones in it.

RADEK
(peering inside)
...I used to love peas.

The Gravedigger rises to the task and digs through the peas, unearthing (or perhaps unpeaing) enough bones to form several giant chickens, as well as a large fireball gun and a bucket of purple paint at the bottom of the boat.

GREIBEL
Mercenary artists!

The Gravedigger hands the gun over to Radek. Radek scraps some peas off the display and finds it to be about half-charged.

RADEK
I remember these things. One of the least safe devices ever marketed to children, as I recall.
Well, it was safe enough to the children themselves.

AZIRAPHALE
How many deaths before it was pulled? ...it was pulled, yes?

RHU
Nope.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Dibs.

AZIRAPHALE
...You can have the gun. I'll keep my sword.

Greibel scoffs at the gun.

RADEK
Go ahead. I already have a precision firing instrument.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Awesome!

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Gravy is the happiest man on the planet.

'''''Apheori (GM)''': Azir: Less deaths than the do-it-yourself vampiric veggie chemistry set.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): THE SQUASH.

RADEK
Mind the property damage, though. Or... well, don't, because it's nobody's property anymore. It's half full.

AZIRAPHALE
Do you think you can try contacting the outside world?

RADEK
Not with any measure of success. Communications are all dead.

AZIRAPHALE
Damn.

Radek instead sits down to try reading some of the video logs they pulled.

The Gravedigger goes back to poking random things to see what turns to dust. One of the things explodes on Gravy, coating him in dust. He runs around in a circle, causing the dust to trail behind him like a cloak. He sneezes.

Greibel is torn between watching the science or watching the ships turn to dust. Then he turns and sees the peas rising off the ground where Gravy left them. They appear to have sprouted fangs. ''(rolled 11 reality)''

GREIBEL
AH FANGED PEAS.

Aziraphale eyes Greibel.

AZIRAPHALE
Are you okay?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Oh, be quiet Greibel. I'M THE KING OF DUST.

GREIBEL
OF COURSE I'M NOT OKAY, I'M SUPER HIGH AND THERE ARE FANGED PEAS OVER THERE.

The Gravedigger runs around in circles some more.

GREIBEL
Actually sometimes that would be quite okay.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
DUSSSSST.

GREIBEL
I guess it's not so bad until they attack.

The Gravedigger picks up Greibel and runs around carrying the druid over his head like an airplane.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
WHOOOO. GREIBEL. WOOOOOOO DUST PLANE.

Maanwhile Radek goes through the footage from the security center. They bring up ordinary mall stuff - day-to-day stuff - up until about a week ago. There seen to be jumps in the recordings, like what was recorded is randomly changing, or there are holes in it, except the lighting doesn't change between them.

AZIRAPHALE
Radek, I think Gravy is going insane.

RADEK
I don't have a cure for that.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I AM DESTROYER OF SHIPS.

Greibel makes laser gun noises with his mouth.

RADEK
There's something wrong with the footage here. It keeps jumping.

The Gravedigger jumps with Greibel.

AZIRAPHALE
Anything different about what's actually recorded aside from the technical anomalies?

The Gravedigger puts Greibel down and comes over to see what Radek is doing.

Greibel wipes the dust off himself.

Radek toggles the timestamps - they mostly hold up throughout the jumps (though there are a few holes as well). Plants and other decor also seems to change between jumps.

AZIRAPHALE
So there appear to be gaps in action that are not accounted for in time. Odd.

RADEK
No less odd than what we experienced inside the building ourselves.

GREIBEL
Stair fish...

Greibel nods in agreement.

AZIRAPHALE
Might want to skip to the more recent stuff and search back.

RADEK
Certainly.

The recent stuff reveals far stranger as he switches between the cameras. Empty rooms. A floor waving tentacles. Some zombies wandering a corridor. What looks like several solid hours of Aziraphale staring down a floating fish in abject horror.

The Gravedigger goes to look around for another bit of clear dirt.

AZIRAPHALE
Odd. I don't recall myself doing that.

Sunlight that's turned red. Everything is red. Everything is blue. Everything is black. More empty rooms. That girl with the strange eyes walking the halls as though searching for something.

GREIBEL
Hey, I saw her!

More empty rooms. Walls rippling. Holes opening in space. Static. For some reason the light seems wrong in a lot of them - often too red, sometimes too blue. Like the colours shifted.

RADEK
I would be hesitant to say that this was any more or less real than what we did ourselves, but... Well, it should make for a good report if we can ever find a way to send the bloody thing back home.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Find a communications tower? Power it up, ping a sattelite?

AZIRAPHALE
Radek, can you check out footage of the control core and see if there was anyone there before us?

The control core cameras reveal fairly normal activity (though there are jumps here, too) up until it had no activity. Then there is just nothing.

A large fish taking up most of the space.

Nothing.

A group of humans in fashion attire looking lost and confused, eating doughnuts.

Nothing.

AZIRAPHALE
Hmm... That's odd. Is the footage of us accurate?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I better not have a beetle on my back.

Radek searches some more and finds a segment with them in it. They see the door dent, Aziraphale's sword poke in and get bent out of shape, and then he and Gravy entering the room. None of the others come in. Then they leave almost immediately, looking a bit startled at somthing.

RADEK
Well, that can't be right...

AZIRAPHALE
No, it can't.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
YOU'RE ALL GHOSTS. MAYBE.

GREIBEL
What if you're the ghost?

The footage changes to become very, very confusing, but keeps going. Nobody's quite sure what they're watching after that, but it's still the room, shifted a bit blue. Which is weird, because Radek took what was there at the time, not what was there... after.

AZIRAPHALE
I wonder. With all the wrong footage and colour shifts. Radek, what do you know about dimensions and parallel universes? Might as well throw this out here... If the experiment ''was'' related to what happened...

RADEK
I know that they're best left not tampered with.

GREIBEL
Oh man, this sounds groovy.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
You said they were bringing things here from another dimension. The thing is just working backwards. Taking things from here to there. WE'RE GONNA GET TO SEE DRAGONS!

RHU
You've never been to a zoo?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
No?

RHU
I am so sorry.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
They don't let you dig holes in zoos.

RHU
What was the experiment doing? Tampering?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Mucking about with science.

AZIRAPHALE
I'm not sure. I was only supposed to guard the place.. in case anything appeared.

Greibel suddenly develops an intense interest in paint. ''(rolled 8 reality)''

GREIBEL
Horseman, did you keep that can of paint?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
It's still in the ship.

AZIRAPHALE
Nothing appeared at the time.

RHU
Did the shielding fail? That's what shielding is for, right?

AZIRAPHALE
I wouldn't know. The experiment looked like it went as it should have from the inside. And then when we went outside everyone was just gone. So the guy I was supposed to be helping panicked after we went outside. He mentioned something about inverting reality and placing us in another set of dimensions, and that if it happened it would have destabilized outside of the range, or something.

Greibel goes to the spaceboat with the fanged peas and the paint can.

The Gravedigger follows Greibel.

GREIBEL
Look at that! Isn't that shade of purple just beautiful?

Greibel grabs the can of paint and starts hugging it like it's his favourite ever. ''(rolled 4 reality)''

GREIBEL
I LOVE THIS PAINT. I've never felt this way about paint that wasn't getting me high!

The Gravedigger looks dubiously down at him.

Greibel takes some paint out and splashes it around a bit.

The Gravedigger wanders off to loot some more ship-cars. He finds some random stuff - keys, tools, fertiliser, some snacks, a little figurine of Evisdra Irindri, some tape, a book of riddles, some small computers, and a really shiny cloak.

He puts the cloak around his neck like a poncho. It makes him feel kind of fuzzy.

RADEK
It isn't like I was there, Rhu. Yes, in theory, this is why people apply dimensional shielding before conducting such experiments. And it should be impossible, if they did it right, for something to go wrong outside of the shielded area. Much less... this wrong.

RHU
Maybe the shielding exploded. Maybe... 
(he notices Greibel)
What... is he doing?

Greibel prances about gleefully with the paint can.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Being a stoner.

RADEK
I try to ignore him but it just... never works.

Greibel sits on the asphalt with the paint can overturned on his head, paint dripping down himself. Then he realises he can't actually see or breathe with this on, which is kind of a problem, and pulls it off. ''(rolled 17 reality)'' He's a bit confused as to why he even did that in the first place, but only a little bit.

GREIBEL
(to Gravy)
Heeeey, nice cape, man. Real Vincent Price.

Aziraphale suddenly sees tentacles everywhere. ''(rolled 1 reality)''

AZIRAPHALE
AAAAAAGH. TENTACLES EVERYWHERE.

GREIBEL
Whoa, WHERE? Tentacles are AWESOME.

AZIRAPHALE
EVERYWHERE.

The Gravedigger plods over and puts the shiny cloak over Aziraphale's head.

AZIRAPHALE
Mmmmf mmfff MMUFF.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Shhhhhh. They're gone.

Greibel pats Aziraphale reassuringly on what is probably his shoulder.

GREIBEL
Don't worry bro, just ride it out.

Aziraphale calms down a bit, realising the tentacles aren't actually harming anything even if they are real. He stops struggling.

The Gravedigger pulls off the cloak. Now Aziraphale still sees the tentacles, but realises they're not actually there. ''(rolled 20 reality)'' Greibel seems to be their king.

Then he shakes his head and it all goes back to normal, or as normal as things ever were.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
It's like dealing with children. So, where do we go now? The old lab or try to send a report back?

AZIRAPHALE
I don't want to go back to that building.

Radek is still going through the footage. He finds some logs of the invisible shop that was there but wasn't. The footage from outside shows it missing. The footage inside shows it there, as well as an amusing incident with pigeons.

It's full of fallen leaves.

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): Now I've solved the mystery of "what Greibel did for like a minute without supervision." My initial hypothesis of "it was something pretty silly" has no doubt been confirmed.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): I think we're learning that our perception means NOTHING.

Radek seems to be about done at this point and gets up.

AZIRAPHALE
Let's go to the comm tower.

Greibel stares absently up at the lava lamp sky. It looks totally awesome.

Aziraphale looks where Greibel is looking, but just sees cracks. They're still there. The light is still wrong. It makes him feel kind of ill.

He stops looking and shrugs.


EXT. STAIRS LEADING UP TO COMM TOWER - weird-arse twilight

The sky may or may not seem to be lightening. It's hard to say.

In the meantime, the party comes to the building in question. There are stairs leading up to the entrance, but there is unfortunately also a large chunk of twisted metal across the base, blocking the way.

AZIRAPHALE
Radek, would the toy gun be able to blast through that? Well, let's examine it first, I think.

GREIBEL
If we try enough, we probably can walk through it.

Greibel stares at Gravy unsettlingly.

GREIBEL
The universe is changing...

Rhu walks through it.

RHU
Yep.

RADEK
I could make a bomb if it were really necessary.

The Gravedigger tries to walk through as well, but carefully. He finds it solid.

AZIRAPHALE
let's all try?

They do. Greibel makes it through. ''(rolled 9 reality)'' The others do not.

GREIBEL
ARE DRUGS BAD NOW, DUDES?

RADEK
I'm not getting paid enough to fix an entire dimension.

The Gravedigger tries to muscle the block of metal aside, but it's too huge to budge by conventional means. ''(rolled 19 reality)''

Aziraphale tries to talk to it. ''(rolled 2 reality)''

AZIRAPHALE
Hey block of metal, would you kindly move aside so we can pass? ...I have candy!

GREIBEL
That's the spirit, holy brother.

BLOCK OF METAL
Hey, sexy. What kind of candy?

None of the others can hear it, just Aziraphale and possibly Greibel.

AZIRAPHALE
King-sized Snickers.

BLOCK OF METAL
Oooo, you are a babe.

AZIRAPHALE
You can have it if you let us pass!

BLOCK OF METAL
Come on, come through. Enter me, sexy.

AZIRAPHALE
This isn't the first wall that talked to me. I reckon we might as well give this a try.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): NO. I WILL MAKE A HOLE IN THIS METAL. I'm gonna blast a crater with my weapon.

'''''Wen''' (Aziraphale): aw.

The Gravedigger picks up Radek and puts him down a bit further away from the block of metal.

Aziraphale walks into the wall chunk thing. As he passes through, it makes strange squelching noises. He feels rather dirty when he comes out the other side, and down a candybar.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Move aside, crazy people! IT'S TIME FOR HOLE SCIENCE.

AZIRAPHALE
Well, let's get out of the way.

Rhu goes to try the door the wall was blocking.

The folks on the other side move up the stairs, away from the block of metal.

The Gravedigger levels the gun at the block of meta and shoots a fireball, only to have it go right through and explode on the stairs on the other side, below Greibel and Rhu. ''(rolled 2 reality)''

THE GRAVEDIGGER
SORRY.

GREIBEL
Hey man, that stuff's dangerous. 

The block of metal starts sobbing quietly.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
TOO HOT FOR YOU TO HANDLE, EH? DIDN'T SWALLOW THAT ONE. JUST TAKE IT LIKE A GOOD GIRL.

GREIBEL
Dude, you're talking to a metal wall. And ''I'm'' the crazy one for pouring paint on my head?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Azi talked to it. You didn't call HIM crazy!

GREIBEL
Well Aziraphale is from here. Who knows what they do with metal walls?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Talk to them, apparently.

GREIBEL
Apparently.

AZIRAPHALE
HEY! I don't normally talk to walls.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
So you SAY.

GREIBEL
I just want to know how the thing with the paint and the lava lamp sky was any more crazy than talking to a wall
The Gravedigger reloads the gun.

RADEK
To be fair, we've come to expect it from you at this point.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
You want to try, Radek? I'll let you have a turn.

He passes the gun to Radek.

RADEK
Very well.

Radek shoots the wall, and the fireball goes right through again. ''(rolled 4 reality)'' He hands the weapon back to the Gravedigger.

Aziraphale hears the wall chunk screaming, and shudders slightly

GREIBEL
(to Aziraphale)
It's okay dude, I talk to zombie chickens. I was just giving him a hard time.

Aziraphale relaxes slightly.

The Gravedigger finally just stows his shield and climbs over the thing, leaving Radek behind. ''(rolled 18 athletics)''

Radek then approaches the wall. ''(rolled 7 reality)'' The wall chunk sits there.

RADEK
Stand at attention, barrier! Against my better judgment, I am speaking to you.

The wall chunk continues to sit there.

RADEK
You will move out of my way, or otherwise phase to a state of non-solidity at once, or I shall be forced to obliterate you thoroughly.

Radek pokes at the obstruction with the barrel of his rifle. ''(rolled 11 reality)''

From the other side:

RHU
Or you could use a rope to climb over.

GREIBEL
Show that wall who's boss, Guru-man!

The wall starts trembling in fear. Everyone sees it.

RADEK
Well?! What will it be? My uninterrupted passage or your righteous destruction?

The wall is still trembling.

To Aziraphale, it sounds as though the wall is apologising.

Radek pokes it again.  ''(rolled 9 reality)'' The poke goes through.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I have rope!

Radek attempts to pass through the wall. ''(rolled 20 reality)'' He walks into the wall. It resists, but he is sick and tired of this and manages to pass through anyway. When he comes out the other side, however, he's covered in a strange metallic film.

RADEK
Fascinating.

GREIBEL
Groovy.

Radek realises he can't breathe. Then he realises it doesn't seem to matter. He feels fine. He feels better than he has in quite awhile, in fact.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
So are you a robot now?

GREIBEL
He's like the Silver Surfer with a cool beard.

RADEK
I haven't the faintest idea.

RHU
Do you feel alright? You look very... shiny.

RADEK
Better than alright, I think. But let's not tarry, there's work yet to be done.

RHU
(pointing back)
The door won't open.

Now that everyone's over, they give it a proper look. It's a glass slidey door with an electric lock.

Radek starts getting out his electronic tinkering tools.

GREIBEL
Or we could break the glass...

Greibel taps the glass with his staff.

Rhu hits it with his maul. It cracks.

GREIBEL
Oh yeah, test your skin suit, guru-man.

RADEK
Gladly.

Radek slams the glass surface with all the force of a single emaciated old man. It partly melts and partly shatters. Some bits stick to him and dissolve into the strange metallic film.

'''''Ganelon''' (Radek): He's way to grumpy to show it, but Radek thinks this is really cool.

Radek climbs through.

GREIBEL
Wicked.

Greibel and the others follow.


INT. HALLWAY - weird-arse twilight

It's not terribly interesting. There's a sign posted that says 'BRUNCH TEUSDAY' and some stairs and an elevator.

GREIBEL
Hey, what day is it?

Greibel rubs his stomach absently. It's not even clearly day. The sun disappeared at some point, but the stars never came out and now the sky has just been glowing weirdly with cracks.

GREIBEL
Well, let's hope it's Tuesday...

RADEK
We can have brunch without a sign permitting us to. Well, you can. I'll do without.

The Gravedigger heads for the stairs, and the others follow.


INT. STAIRWELL

It's stairs.

Gravy ''(rolled 18 reality)'' and Rhu ''(rolled 4 (reality)'' hear strange noises and what might be voices.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I hear noises.

RHU
Voices?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Maybe.

RADEK
I don't.

RHU
Rattling, creaking, scraping...

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Awesome. Let's keep going.

AZIRAPHALE
I hear nothing.

GREIBEL
I always hear things. But no more than usual.

They climb the stairs. A lot. Aziraphale and Rhu flag a little bit behind because it's pretty exhausting. Along the way, absolutely nothing weird happens.

For whatever reason, Radek keeps up just fine.

Aziraphale has a horrible thought and hurriedly catches up.

Rhu gets left a bit behind and then collapses. ''(rolled 4 reality)''

AZIRAPHALE)
Hey, stop! Rhu collapsed!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Well? Pick him up!

Greibel turns into bats and flaps up to a door, hits it, and bounces off. ''(rolled 1 reality)''

GREIBEL
Oik!

AZIRAPHALE
I think we'd better take a rest. Greibel doesn't look too good either.

Greibel continues trying to fly at the door. There is something very important on the other side that he simply must get to.

Gravy grabs the swarm of bats. ''(rolled 22 against swarm reflex)''

He drags the swarm of bats up the stairs, and they struggle mightily as they are pulled away from the door.

AZIRAPHALE
(now dragging Rhu)
Can we get him to turn back?
Maybe we should check out that door?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
(not stopping)
Because the drug-crazed shapeshifter is always so useful. Always pointing out useful things.

AZIRAPHALE
Well, why else did you bring him?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Not my choice.

Greibel flaps around.

Finally the party reaches the floor they were after.


INT. CORRIDOR etc

Everyone spills out. Aziraphale drops Rhu, and Greibel finally calms down and forgets what made him so agitated ''(rolled 13 reality)''.

Greibel stops being bats and Gravy winds up with an armful of stoned druid.

There are streaks of mostly dried blood on the floor, like someone was dragging something bloody through.

Nondescript doors line the corridor. The blood leads past them.

Rhu gets up.

RHU
This feels like a dead end.

Aziraphale follows the blood. He notices footprints in it, probably from the dragger struggling with the draggee. They appear to be hooflike.

AZIRAPHALE
Guys, look, there are hoofprints in the blood.

Aziraphale follows the blood to a door around the corner. The locking mechanism seems to be busted in, but the door is shut. He cautiously attempts to turn the handle, and the door comes open at a touch, not even latched.

Inside, there is blood everywhere - covering the floor, across the chairs, and seeping into the walls and monitors. There's some other equipment inside that looks similarly busted to the locking mechanism, and similarly drenched in blood to everything else.

AZIRAPHALE
Eugh.

Unfortunately this also seems to be the room they were after.

GREIBEL
(from the doorway)
Like I always say, the room covered in blood is probably where some interesting stuff happened.

RHU
Hazz'ridan.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Huh.

GREIBEL
Come again?

RHU
A dead end.

GREIBEL
Well...

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Some things might still work.

Greibel suddenly disappears. ''(rolled 1 reality)''

AZIRAPHALE
GREIBELLLLL!

To Rhu ''(rolled 9 reality)'' and Aziraphale ''(rolled 6 reality)'', it feels as though the room has begun to slide.

Aziraphale backs out of the room, trying to keep his balance.

Radek feels the sliding even harder, and falls over, landing in the blood. ''(rolled 3 reality)'' His silvery coating absorbs a small amount, but other than that he remains clean.

Everything flickers for a bit, like reality ain't quite sure what it's doing.

The Gravedigger backs out of the room and sits down with his head in his hands, and then Rhu backs into him.

Radek stands up again after a moment and looks around. There seems to be less blood now. =

Not a whole lot to see, though. Busted equipment. Blood on everything. The blood also doesn't smell/feel quite right, but it's not even clear what kind it is. Or if Radek is even capable of smell.

He heads back outside as well, not running into the others.

Everyone is in the hall, aside from Greibel, who is just gone.

RADEK
I don't think we have much hope of fixing this equipment.

AZIRAPHALE
Hmm. How are we going to look for Greibel?

RADEK
I wish I could say it were possible to put a trace on him, but...

RHU
But?

RADEK
Well, would you really expect it to be reliable?

Aziraphale checks his phone. He hears a suggestive voice come out and try to chat him up. ''(rolled 3 reality)''

He resolutely ignores it and stuffs the thing back in his pocket.

'''''Frezak''' (Gravy): Probability would dictate that half the party is going to be useless at any given moment.

Radek tries his radio. ''(rolled 13 reality)'' It turns on, but complains about the low signal strength, and locates the others in range - Rhu's and Gravy's, as well as another that identifies as 'Sexy'.

AZIRAPHALE
Well, this isn't very helpful.

AZIRAPHALE
How are we going to look for Greibel?

RADEK
Last time, we had a network of security cameras.

RHU
What's the local signal range?

He checks his own radio.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Eh, we can just leave. He'll come around eventually.

AZIRAPHALE
So Greibel's just gone.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Or not. Space and time here are a bloody mess. Nothing means anything.

RADEK
(he scoffs)
Literally bloody, in this case.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Ho. Ho. Ho.
(he looks around)
We're not gonna get anywhere like this.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'm going back down. Maybe find a ship or something that works.

AZIRAPHALE
Nothing in this building that would connect outside?

RADEK
Nothing that hasn't been destroyed. You want to spend a few weeks here cleaning the place up while I do repairs, be my guest.
We'll all lose our minds first.

AZIRAPHALE
Fair enough. Let's go then.

The Gravedigger clomps off.

AZIRAPHALE
(quietly)
Poor Greibel.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Bah, he's stoned. Have you seen him WITHOUT a grin on his face?


EXT. Grassy plains - afternoon

Grassy plains roll into the distance, with majestic mountains marking one of the horizons. A huge, solitary tree rises out of one of the nearby knolls, shading the area around in dappled coolness as a slight breeze rustles its leaves. Birds are singing in its branches, and the entire thing has a wonderful feeling of beautiful peacefulness.

Greibel finds himself at the tree's base. It's quite comfortable, and he simply sits back and looks out at all the awesome nature.

The awesome nature continues to be awesome, filling him with feelings of welcome and comfort and warmth, like he has come home at last, without anything to worry about. It's a high better than any other, but without direct cause. It is just the place.

So it's awesome and Greibel is there and time fades away and he becomes one with the awesome.

Aaaand then it suddenly ends with a horrible tearing feeling/sound, and he feels only falling.


EXT. Park - weird-arse twilight

The party finds another exit out the other side of the building. It seems to lead into something of a park, with random other buildings and towers all around.

Aziraphale notices Radek starting to glow. ''(rolled 4 reality)'' Radek, on the other hand, feels... smarter than usual. Not that this would necessarily register as such. ''(rolled 20 reality)''

RADEK
Hm.

AZIRAPHALE
Er, Radek, are you alright?

RADEK
I feel fine.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
His skin is made of metal and glass and blood. Of course he's fine.

AZIRAPHALE
Well, only he's glowing. That or I'm going insane, or both. Probably both.

RADEK
With any luck, it'll stay like this long enough for me to study it.
...Marvelous substance.

A loud crack comes from one of the trees in the park. Greibel and a branch tumble out.

GREIBEL
Ow!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Hey, Greibel.

GREIBEL
What happened, man?

RADEK
You disappeared again.

GREIBEL
Oh yeah. It was so peaceful... I was in a field of nature. And I became one with the nature. The sun and the birds and the trees and the plants.
Much better than this place.

RADEK
Welcome back to reality.

GREIBEL
But this was reality too!

RADEK
Well, your job is to stay in this shitty one along with the rest of us. At least physically, if it can be helped.

GREIBEL
Okay, guru man. But did you ever think the blissful utopia reality might have something to do with the shitty reality that disappeared me to it?

RHU
And how did you wind up over here?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Magic.

RHU
Of all the places. Pretty specific.

To Greibel, the tree looks suspiciously similar to the one he was under before, though a bit less healthy.

RADEK
How am I supposed to know which reality is causing problems for the others?

GREIBEL
Hey man, I was sitting under this tree. For... ever, it feels like. Must've been forever. It's looking a little weathered.

RADEK
The paladin here says he was part of an experiment, but for all we know, this could have been someone else's fault entirely.

GREIBEL
Poor little guy, we had a lot of good times in that other reality.

AZIRAPHALE
So what do we do?

RHU
Pray for a dead end.

RADEK
I'd rather a solution.

AZIRAPHALE
Why do you keep mentioning dead ends?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Because he's a zealot for a god that loves dead ends.

RHU
Hazz'ridan is the lord of, above all other things, dead ends. When there is nothing else left, there is always a dead end.

GREIBEL
Not the weirdest God I've heard of...

AZIRAPHALE
Well, it does look like we have a dead end in so far that we're stuck. Maybe your god can help us?

RHU
I'm afraid he's more in the business of creating dead ends than getting folks out of them.

AZIRAPHALE
Oh.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Don't see why we'd ask for we already have.

RHU
There's still hope. Hazz'ridan could help to take away the hope so we can simply give in.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
That sounds just great.

RHU
It does?

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Let's pray so that we can mope. Because that's gonna help SO MUCH.

RHU
Yes! It will.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
I'm going to go look for a boat.

He trudges off to check out the far side of the park.

GREIBEL
(following)
Hey, I remember boats.

The Gravedigger finds some car-ship thingies docked at the edge. They look fairly intact, so he checks to see if any have keys in, and still seem intact after further prodding and examination.

GREIBEL
Hey, can I poke a dust car this time?

Aziraphale looks at the sky. ''(rolled 5 reality)'' It seems to be glowing with that same eerie glow, full of cracks, a large hole growing out of them.

As he watches, the hole widens, then entirely opens, revealing an enormous eye. It stares directly at Aziraphale. At, and possibly through.

AZIRAPHALE
AAAAAGH.

Aziraphale averts his eyes.

Rhu stares at the sky in horror. ''(rolled 9 reality)''

Radek looks up at the sky and just sees the same sky as before. ''(rolled 10 reality)'' Weird and kind of sickening, but not staring.

The Gravedigger just doesn't look. A few vehicles he examines do look functional, but they'd need hotwiring.

Greibel pokes a car and it doesn't turn to dust. ''(rolled 13 reality)'' It also seems to have the keys lying on the front seat. He looks at it disappointedly, but accepts this positive turn of fate.

He tries the door. It opens, and the roof retracts - it's a fairly nice convertible. He gets in and tries to start it.

CAR
Please enter your password.

Greibel smacks the navigation controls in frustration.

CAR
Welcome, Driver 2.

GREIBEL
Nice! I'm so gonna paint this thing tie-dye.
(yelling back at the others)
I found a thing guys!

Radek and the Gravedigger head over to check this out, and Aziraphale heads after too.

RADEK
Do you know how to drive? Actually, no, forget I asked. I'm not putting my life in your hands regardless.

GREIBEL
(scooting into the back)
Radek, take the wheel.

Rhu finally recovers (slightly) and joins the others at the ship-car-thing as everyone piles in. Radek and the Gravedigger wind up in front, the rest in back with Greibel.

Then Greibel notices the sky. ''(rolled 5 reality)'' It's HORRIBLE.

GREIBEL
OH GOD WHAT AH SKY. THIS IS A BAD TRIP, MAN.

AZIRAPHALE
Yes, yes, take it easy now. Radek, does the ship work?

RHU
(he shudders, not looking up, decidedly not looking up)
It's just staring.

Greibel huddles into a ball in the back of the car ship.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Maybe the person that's not screaming or falling over should drive?

Greibel shivers in terror.

Radek tries the controlls, but they refuse to cooperate, on a seemingly laws of physics level. ''(rolled 2 reality)''

AZIRAPHALE
Does the radio work?

Greibel calms down a bit as the sense that the sky is horrible and is going to eat him and etc fades away. ''(rolled 18 reality)'' Just a bad trip, that's all. It still looks horrible, but he just doesn't look at it.

GREIBEL
Hey Radek, try hitting it!

Radek does. Nothing really changes, but then he just tries starting it like normal again. The Gravedigger pokes it too and after a few more tries it starts/

AZIRAPHALE
Just don't break it.

GREIBEL
Road trip, guys.

RADEK
Alright! Destination?

AZIRAPHALE
Wait wait. Does the radio work?

GREIBEL
Tune in some jams!

AZIRAPHALE
I meant like, for communication. Not music. Or does this ship not have that?

Radek flips through the channels. Most of them are music, some are numbers, and there's this one number that's transmitting these weird clicking noises, like a Geiger counter.

AZIRAPHALE
Eee.

RADEK
Doesn't sound like anyone's broadcasting ''news''.

RHU
The sky...

RADEK
Yes, Rhu, it's been acting up all day.

RHU
It's watching.

Radek makes rude gestures at the sky. The sky opens its eye and stares at him. ''(rolled 3 reality)'' It seems it did not approve of Radek's rude gestures. 

They fly the car-ship down toward the sea, headed for one of the nearby wrecks.


EXT. Car; open ocean - weird-arse twilight

Radek drives the car-ship over the ocean while everyone else goes bonkers around him. The sky is watching. The wind is missing. Everything is slightly wrong.

At one point Greibel ''(rolled 4 reality)'' and Radek ''(rolled 3 reality)'' see another city in the distance, despite the maps saying it should just be ocean that way.

Radek takes a detour to fly toward the other city.

Greibel hangs his head out the side of the car like a bemused labrador.

AZIRAPHALE
This sky is really putting a damper on my spirits.

RHU
Eyes of the All-seeing, Nightmares and waking... the ways are blind.

GREIBEL
Hey cheer up man, it's just another couple miles.

A bit later Radek realises he's gone off course and readjusts without saying anything to the others.

Rhu stares at the sky, not in fear or horror, but now like he's thinking, trying to make sense of it. ''(rolled 20 reality)'' It is something huge and powerful, and very important.

Greibel, meanwhile, turns into a flock of pygmy moose in the back seat. ''(rolled 8 reality)''

Aziraphale hears voices, mostly yelling at someone to take out the garbage. ''(rolled 9 reality)''

Nobody jumps out of the vehicle.


EXT. Car above ship wreckage - weird-arse twilight

The wreckage is a large heap of twisted metal and stuff, somehow floating. There are large blobulous things growing off it. If there are more of them underwater, that may be what's keeping it up, since they look like they might be hollow.

Radek puts the car-ship in park hovering over the weckage, near the edge, positioned such that he can reach a relatively isolated blobulous thing. The Gravedigger has fallen asleep in the other seat, but the others watch.

He examines it closely, using magic and stuff. ''(rolled 23 arcana)'' It seems to be alive, but not like things are supposed to be alive. The things are growing and mutating and not very hungry and actually quite happy. While each blob seems to be a separate entity, they are all connected together. If he were to take one away, it would affect the others, though how is unclear.

While he does this, the sky glares down, and blobulous things glow at everyone.

Aziraphale stares.

RADEK
Anyone have a knife?

AZIRAPHALE
I have a sword. That work?

RADEK
Well enough.

AZIRAPHALE
(starting to get out his sword)
Oh, I do have a knife.

Aziraphale hands Radek a knife instead.

Rhu pets the flock of moose.

Radek moves to cut off a sample, but then the blobulous things all start pulsating ''(rolled 5 reality)''. Instead, he steers the car-thing away, putting a hopefully safe distance between them.

RHU
Weren't you going to get a sample?

RADEK
They started moving. These things used to be power cells. I'm not taking my chances.

Greibel nuzzles everyone.

AZIRAPHALE
I'm getting sick and tired of seeing things others don't see and not seeing things others do see.

Aziraphale sulks.

Rhu puts a pygmy moose on Azir's lap.

RADEK
Well, watch closely. I'm taking a shot.

Radek gets out his gun.

Aziraphale watches attentively.

Greibel nuzzles Radek's arm.

Radek fires at the blob he'd approached before and misses. ''(rolled 12)'' They quit moving, so he reloads and tries again, but still misses. ''(rolled 12)''

RADEK
Hmph.

He tries one last time and finally hits the blobulous glowing mutated power cell. ''(rolled 17)'' It just sort of deflates and stops glowing.

RADEK
I need to tune this thing.

The moose squeal with delight.

The other cells start getting brighter and brighter, pulling the light out of the space around them. The air shifts and tastes odd, and then there is a shimmering in the space around them, a horrible ripping once more, voices calling out, sunlight, stars, and fish.

The eye in the sky is still staring down.

RADEK
Interesting reaction.

The the wreckage and surrounding ocean are gone, torn away, leaving behind only an emptiness in their place. An emptiness that is pulling the car-ship toward it as well.

Radek turns the car-ship around and gets the hell out of there. It makes some funny noises at first, but once it starts moving the pull becomes insignificant by comparison and the get clear of the anomaly. Radek stops once they seem to be clear.

Rhu, meanwhile, starts screaming. ''(rolled 1 reality)''

Aziraphale covers Rhu with his cloak. It doesn't help.

AZIRAPHALE
Fah.

Agitated pygmy moose run around next to them. And over.

The Gravedigger finally wakes up and hits Rhu with a shovel. ''(rolled 16 to bop)'' This successfully knocks him out, and he quits screaming as a result.

AZIRAPHALE
Is that wise?

The Gravedigger goes back to his nap.

The moose turn back into a Greibel with a pop.

GREIBEL
Okay I'm not moose anymore I guess. It sure was fun being moose though.

He finally notices the others: Rhu is unconscious, the Gravedigger is asleep, Radek is in a bad mood, and Azir just looks haunted.

And the ship they went to investigate is just gone. Apparently it turned into a horrible hole in space.

GREIBEL
Also WHAT'S GOING ON AAAAHH.

RADEK
I'm just going to take us somewhere else, if none of you have any other ideas.

He directs the car-ship towards the city his mad self had been so intent on visiting before.

On the way, Greibel ''(rolled 6 reality)'' and Aziraphale ''(rolled 8 reality)'' become entirely convinced the other is insane. And trying to kill them.

Greibel panics and shuffles over to the Gravedigger and tries to wake him up again.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
WHAT?

Rhu wakes up and starts screaming again.

THE GRAVEDIGGER
Oh, come ON.

Aziraphale hits Rhu with the hilt of his sword. It doesn't help.

RADEK
Do I have to pull over for you idiots!?

AZIRAPHALE
Radek, I think Greibel is insane and trying to kill me.

GREIBEL
Gravy you gotta stop that crazy man!

THE GRAVEDIGGER
You're all insane. Now shut up.

GREIBEL
Fair point, but he's MURDEROUS.

Rhu is still screaming. Aziraphale hits him again.

Rhu finally runs out of breath and starts just staring off at nothing instead.
</screenplay>

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